squirrellyshorrorreviews

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Apologies again for falling behind on reviews. Life’s been a roller coaster since April.

Positive news: I’m getting a new computer that isn’t second hand, refurbished, and/or a laptop. In the hopes that this will actually… y’know… increase my productivity literally any amount.

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Goodnight Mommy (2014) [Ich seh, Ich seh]

Young twin brothers vow to protect each other when their mother comes home with her face obscured by bandages, which make them question her identity.

(Spoken language: German)

Director/Writer: Veronika Franz (Director/Writer), Severin Fiala (Director/Writer)

Runtime: 1h 41m

Production houses: Ulrich Seidl Film

Where to watch: Tubi

Score: 5/10

Kids will never not be deeply, unsettlingly creepy.

It was a slow build but honestly it was pretty good. There was always a part of my brain that was like “there is an American version of this movie that’s a comedy played for laughs.”

I can’t say I loved it. It was lacking in a lot of ways. The dialogue was stilted at best and not in a super interesting way. It might have even been better served as a short film. It was due a lot of edits.

But the wide shots, the set design, all those things really served the feeling of isolation and madness. The whole movie was really good at making you always feel unsettled in an uncanny valley sort of way I can appreciate. Which is why it gets a 5 instead of a 4.

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Good chance my queue might run out of posts again. I went on a trip out of state and coming back home with a plane full of kids has gotten me HILARIOUSLY sick.

This is what I get for living in Orlando lol.

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Cadaver (2020) [Kadaver]

(Spoken language: Norwegian)

Director/Writer: Jarand Herdal (Director/writer)

Runtime: 1h 27m

Production house: Motion Blur, SF studios

Where to watch: Netflix

Score: 4/10

A very dream like take on the HH Holmes schtick.

I wasn’t mad at this one. It does a lot of fun things and the actors are wonderfully intense, especially Leo and Mathias in later portions of the movie. There are some very fun set pieces and the premise is decent. I love the use of color grading to depict objective reality vs play

But it was also just… mid. A bit repetitive at times and the core premise is good, but the impetus for the actual plot we follow is… bleh. Very rote.

It’s a good way to kill an afternoon (or in my case a morning) though.

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Stopmotion (2024)

Ella Blake is a stop-motion animator who is struggling to control her demons after the loss of her overbearing mother.

Director/Writer: Robert Morgan (Director/Writer), Robin King (writer)

Runtime: 1h 34m

Production House: BFI, bluelight

Where to watch: Shudder

Score: 7/10

Expertly straddles the line between mainstream and arthouse horror.

Okay but seriously holy fuck this was a good one. Like genuinely. It gives independent arthouse film. It gives mainstream descent into madness. It gives animation.

The use of sound and color to show different states of mind hit so good.

I don’t even really have any complaints about the child actor. The visuals were appropriately bizarre and horrifying.

It really resonated with that feeling of not knowing what to do with yourself after finally breaking free of a toxic relationship, especially with a parent. Trying to find a place now that you have the freedom to do so but not having any idea where to start, where to go, what to do, and just losing your shit about it. It gives resentment. It gives frustration. it gives fear.

It’s a very open sort of movie, and I suspect it won’t be for everyone between the violence and the visuals, but I personally enjoyed it immensely.

A feast for the eyes if you’re into the grotesque.

Or tool’s music videos.

Or both!

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Hold your breath (2024)

In 1930’s Oklahoma and the region’s horrific dust storms, a woman is convinced that a sinister presence is threatening her family.

Director/Writer: Karrie Crouse (Director/writer), Will Joines (Director)

Runtime: 1h 34m

Production house: mad dog films, secret engine

Where to watch: Hulu

Score: 3/10

Ngl Margaret’s dress being in backward for a section kinda threw me, even though it seemed intentional.

This one was kinda mid. The red herring was kind eh. It was one step shy of being a Christian movie, and the payoff lacked punch.

Like Act 3 was pretty solid, but the rest of it was “meh”. Not boring but not particularly challenging or risk-taking. It didn’t lean in far enough and the tragedy of it didn’t hit.

It has the bones of a good dust bowl movie. A good family annihilator movie. And a good suspense film. It just doesn’t put any meat on those bones or do anything fun with them.

Which I guess makes sense for the dustbowl.

Though if you want a good Sarah Paulson movie involving her playing an obsessively overprotective mother: watch Run instead.

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I am Not a Serial Killer (2016)

In a small Midwestern town, a troubled teen with homicidal tendencies must hunt down and destroy a supernatural killer while keeping his own inner demons at bay.

Director/writer: Billy O’Brien (Director/writer), Christopher Hyde (writer), Dan Wells (source novel)

Runtime: 1h 44m

Production house: Irish film board, Quickfire films, Fyzz Facility

Where to watch: Shudder

Score: 6/10

This one really managed to capture the sort of spacious, empty, liminal space style of midwestern gothic horror.

I watched this one a couple weeks back with a friend and I was 1) unfamiliar with the source material and 2) stoked to see Christopher Lloyd in a movie from 2016.

Honestly? I was surprised by this one. I didn’t have a lot of expectations going in but it did some very fun things. I’d wanted to hold off long enough to break down the midwestern gothic elements with my friend but that feels like it’s going to end up needing its own post.

It does cinematography so well, the use of color and no; the conveyance of time is great. The writing is solid and the acting is fun to watch.

I did often find myself going “THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE A BAD MOTHER” periodically but honestly I think it added to the film. But that might just be me.

It’s a good watch. I was never bored. And it fills a niche I don’t see all that often.

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The Invitation (2015)

When a man accepts an invitation to a dinner party hosted by his ex-wife, the unsettling past reopens old wounds and creates new tensions,

Director/Writer: Karyn Kusama (director), Phil Hay (writer), Matt Manfredi (writer)

Production House: Gamechanger Films, Lege Artis, XYZ films

Runtime: 1h 40 mins

Where to watch: Tubi, Peacock

Score: 6/10

Details fade but vibes are forever.

So I watched this one YEARS AND YEARS ago and have, much like other movies I'm reviewing for the queue/back catalogue, the details escape me now and I take that to mean I'm due for a rewatch.

What I do remember is that the vibes of this movie were incredible. It gave Modern Noir Clue meets Cult Indoctrination meets The worst People You Know Host A Bougie Dinner Party vibe. Logan Marshal Green is fantastic in it (but I love him in everything I see him in so I might be biased.)

It's this lovely warm suspenseful, tense, thing and while I lack the detail recall to praise specifics and writing it is definitely a movie I would be stoked to watch again, and I think that's a point in its favor.

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Human Centipede; First Sequence (2009)

A mad scientist kidnaps and mutilates a trio of tourists in order to reassemble them into a human centipede, created by stitching their mouths to each others' rectums.

Director/Writer: Tom Six

Production House: Six Entertainment.

Runtime: 1h 32m

Where to Watch: AMC+ apparently? (I watched this back in 2010. So.)

Score: 3/10

I've seen every movie in this madman's coked out fever dream of a series. I've seen this one twice. And I'll be real with y'all, I'm worse for it but I regret nothing.

This.

This is a movie.

I'm not going to sit here and pan it because of what it is. It's honest about what it is. "We're gonna sew three people ass to mouth. This is what you signed up for." And you get exactly that.

It is shock jock horror. It is a cocaine-addled fever dream. It takes itself just seriously enough that it feels earnest but not so seriously that it's constantly trying to justify itself or pretend to be something it isn't.

It is the truest example of "Dead Dove: Do not Eat" the movie.

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I want to go see it again before I write a full review so there’s going to be a delay. But y’all this movie’s pretty goddamn incredible

Just.

The sound design alone has me shook

Holy fuck y’all Sinners might be the first 10/10

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Holy fuck y’all Sinners might be the first 10/10

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Ex Machina (2014)

A young programmer is selected to participate in a ground-breaking experiment in synthetic intelligence by evaluating the human qualities of a highly advanced humanoid A.I.

Director/Writer: Alex Garland

Production House: A24

Runtime: 1h 48m

Where to watch: Prime ($3)

Score: 7.5/10

No joke, I have made most of the people in my life that I know like movies watch this with me. I really vibe with this movie.

I desperately need Oscar Isaac and Domhnall Gleeson to be in more movies together. Like for real. Especially with this dynamic. Also Alex Garland just knows how to write a movie I guess. His name keeps showing up in all the movies I like. lol.

Anyway.

I do really like this movie. I love its portrayal not just of its sentient AI in Ava, but in in Nathan. They made a tech developer so goddamn sinister and I love it. I love the presentation of the god complex. I love the manipulative belittling he delivers to everyone around him. I love his dynamic with Caleb. Just Prime fuckin' villain.

And Caleb is the perfect hapless-feeling foil. Ava is a fantastic character that reflects both her creator and the sort of selfish-gene-need-to-survive mentality. Its just such a great dynamic between these characters.

Also something-something metaphors for the advent of intelligent technology and its use to manipulate people by bad actors with god complexes being more prescient today than it was when the movie came out.

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I Am the Pretty Thing that Lives in the House (2016)

A nervous nurse who scares easily finds herself caring for an ailing horror novelist while living in a house with hidden secrets.

Director/Writer: Osgood Perkins

Production House: Netflix, Zed, Go Insane

Runtime: 1h 29m

Where to watch: Netflix

Score: 4/10

Honestly this one was kind of forgettable.

This is a very classic ghost story if I recall correctly. I watched this forever and a day ago so I don't remember it quite so vividly.

What I do remember about it is it had a very lovely use of narration and some charming setpieces and costuming. It was a lighter movie, not the gritty, grungy sort of haunting movie that usually saturate the subgenre (see: Conjuring and such). I remember being reminded of The Others in a way. Though the plots and periods are very different.

It's a popcorn/time filler movie. Low on stakes and action, but still charming. Not bad, but kind of forgettable.

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Incantation [Zhou] (2022)

Six years ago, Li Ronan was cursed after breaking a religious taboo. Now, she must protect her daughter from the consequences of her actions.

[Spoken Language: Mandarin]

Director/Writer: Kevin Ko (Director/writer), Che-Wei Chang (writer)

Runtime: 1h 50m

Where to watch: Netflix

Rating: 7/10

First Chinese movie on the list!

I had a weird response to this movie.

Which is more a condemnation of myself than the movie itself. I was caught, and called out for, being hypercritical of it too quickly, and upon reflection i see that that was right. Part of it I believe was because I’ve seen too many of these found footage deals before. Part of it I think is the core subject which hits some very personal trauma spaces in my brain. (I really struggle with that “mother’s love” nonsense in horror, lololol)

But that’s not what this is about. On to the movie:

This is a good one! It really is. The conceit of the movie is great. The writing is solid and makes you really like the characters very quickly, their motivations are believable. The child actor is very well directed and natural-feeling. The effects are dope.

This movie has some long shots that are -chef’s kiss-

There are a few things that break the found footage immersion; some dubiously-diegetic shots and music. The use of montages threw me a bit, but it’s not a bad thing.

If you like found footage, ghosts, and possession movies: you’re gonna like this one.

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Death Note (2017)

A high school student named Light Turner discovers a mysterious notebook that has the power to kill anyone whose name is written within its pages, and launches a secret crusade to rid the world of criminals.

Director/Writer: Adam Wingard (Director), Charley Parlapanides (writer), Vlas Parlapanides (writer), Jeremy Slater (writer).

Production House: Netflix, Vertigo

Runtime: 1h 41m

Where to Watch: Netflix

Score: 1/10

Shoutout to the guy that made me watch this with him: this is why I made you watch VelociPastor with me.

I do not have words to describe how absolutely fucking infuriated this movie made me. Mostly because like... half the actors understood the brief (regardless of their relationship to the source material). And it could have been even more actors, it's just almost impossible to tell because the script is HOT GARBAGE.

This is one of those GODDAMN American remake that tries so goddamn hard to Americanize the source material and in the process forgets WHAT MADE THE SOURCE GOOD. What gave it substance and power and influence. In fact, I could argue that this movie is a Masterclass in that.

You took a toothsome story about an egomaniac with a savior complex given fantastic god-like power and having it corrupt him so profoundly he destroys his own life and those of everyone around him twice over packaged in a crime thriller, and you gave me this High School whiny drama nerd bullshit. Get the fuck out of here with this.

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Get Out (2017)

A young African-American visits his white girlfriend's parents for the weekend, where his simmering uneasiness about their reception of him eventually reaches a boiling point.

Director/Writer: Jordan Peele

Production House: Blumhouse, Universal, QC

Runtime: 1h 44m

Where to Watch: Prime

Score: 7/10

Jordan Peele really came out the gate swinging didn't he?

When I first heard Jordan Peele was directing a horror movie I was genuinely worried that it would largely be a comedy with some jumpscares. But I was so impressed with this movie. Like. For real. Peele seamlessly blends horror with just an edge of comedic relief but never makes his plot or characters a joke.

The movie builds tension very well and relies heavily on the uncanny and the surreal for its horror, which is my jam. The hypnosis scene. The general feeling of Otherness and Unwelcome that he generates in his character dynamics. The way several characters portray a flat, distant affect is excellent. The dramatic visual change in the girlfriend too lives in my head rent free.

I'm behind on Peele's other horror movies, but I've heard they're as good as this one if not better. The man really is breathing a new sort of life into the black horror subgenre; and horror as a whole is reaping the benefits.

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We Have Always Lived in the Castle (2018)

Merricat, Constance and their Uncle Julian live in isolation after experiencing a family tragedy six years earlier. When cousin Charles arrives to steal the family fortune, he also threatens a dark secret they've been hiding.

Director/Writer: Stacie Passon (Director), Mark Kruger (Writer), Shirley Jackson (Novel)

Production House: Mighty Engine, Furthur, Albyn

Runtime: 1h 35m

Where to Watch: Hulu, Peacock

Score: 3.5/10

I'mma be real with you: I don't even think I finished this one.

Up top: this movie is gorgeous. It's genuinely beautiful to look at. I love the setting, the time period, the casting. I do really enjoy looking at it.

What kills this movie is its pacing. It is slow. Like it crawls at points. In a way it feels like it was trying to get too close to the novel it's based on. The sort of slow verbosity that lends itself to a novel with teeth but grinds a movie to a halt. And don't get me wrong, I love a movie with space to breathe, but this one's got asthma.

I think if I was more in the market for a slow burn movie I might have liked it more when I watched it. But I wasn't so here we are.

-shrug-