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you look great in that frog costume

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“I’d kill for you. Please ask me to kill for you.” “No.” Is a top tier ship dynamic no I do not take criticism

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Today I learnt of Goodhart's Law, which holds that once a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure.

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Know the camp rules!

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when I was younger I didn’t understand why “may you live in interesting times” was considered a curse in ancient greece.

I get it now.

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MOTHER: now eat your vegetables honey so you can grow up big and strong

WOKE SON: i dont WANT to grow up big and strong. i want to be a Twink

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"hows the job search going"

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The second failed Trump assassination is just another instance of a soulless cash-grab sequel with no new ideas

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the worst part about cardio is the laundry

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dissociating after a Hard(ing) day

(tweet)

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Two days ago my husband said "...and he was pissed" and I said "don't say that around the kids!" so he corrected himself to "and he was liquid angry" and I've been laughing since

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Your son did well in school congrats, he has been granted the following modifiers

- Anxiety

- fear of failure

- inability to work with others