squishsupportgroup

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do you ever just want to sit outside with someone and talk all night

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holy fuck platonic crushes go hard

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group living is beautiful and it’s about having a compost named marty and making dinner together and late night cups of tea on the couch with good books and sharing thrifted CDs or ones from the library and going to the park together in the morning before work and hugs when you get home and a household zine collection/obsession and sharing soaps and journals and making brownies together and dancing in the kitchen and planning a network of gardens between other people we know in the city and scrabble nights and teaching each other how to mend and cook and building each other nightstands and helping sew quilts and sliding books under bedroom doors and sticky notes with jokes and laughing in the sunshine outside of the laundry mat

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had friends over to bake together and it was wonderful and I am SO full of warmth and affection. joy is worth preserving!!!!

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Aro yearning culture is starting a yearning blog! :D

Yeah....lol.

yeah

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had a dream last night that my latest squish called me unprompted to tell me about a cool rock he found and then we sat in my house doing coloring pages. it was glorious

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the thing is, somebody cares. i know your best friend seems really busy all the time and is shit at texting but she still loves you and she talks to you more than she talks to anyone else and you’re the only breath of calm she has on this planet. the boy in your science class loves seeing what music you’re listening to on your headphones - he has the same taste and wishes he had the nerve to ask you about it. your english teacher loves the insight you have on your papers. somebody cares. the person who lives down the street from you notices when you are sick because they don’t see you stomping your way to the schoolbus - it’s how they know it’s time to get their breakfast ready. somebody is looking for you at the party, even if they don’t know they’re really looking for you - but when you don’t show up, some part of them is disappointed. somebody is looking for you in the library, in the spot where you eat lunch, in front of that one step you always seem to trip on. i know your parents are a complicated mess and there’s drama between your friends and your love life is sort of shaped like a constant question and everybody seems all caught up in their own lives and their own happiness and nobody really notices: but somebody always does. every face in your dreams is someone you have met, and that means that you are in a million’s stranger’s heads. they see you when they go to bed. and somebody cares. somebody still thinks about you even though you were just a person with a nice outfit or good eyeliner or a great smile or because you were having one of those moments that are so charmingly human in nature or because they regret not asking if you needed help when you fell or because they wonder what you were thinking about or drawing or writing or just because you’re alive, and that makes you fascinating. somebody cares. when you were on break from work and saw a dog hanging his head out of the car and suddenly broke into a smile: there was a girl in the back of that car, and I was her, and I still think about you, and i hope you get more chances to smile like that. and there is you, sitting here reading this, and by some small extension, meeting me, and i am telling you, I care. somebody always does. i promise. i promise. you are loved.

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why are we as a society not talking about platonic crushes (squishes) more? i got one after like 4 years and i'm so emotional and sad and confused and i also feel a lot of shame. i think we need to talk about this because i'm sure i'm not the only one who experiences it this strongly. it's as intense as a romantic crush for me. i feel like there must be something wrong with me. but there's nothing wrong about just loving someone, right?

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oh, i am finally old enough to know why my parents took so long to grab their coats. why they would ask us to get ready to go only to sit down for another round of coffee. what would i tell myself, at 10 years old? it’s okay. sit down with them too. take in the extra hour with your friend and her family. when you get home, write down every moment in your diary. one day you will be older and you will be waving goodbye to your best friend, and you will turn the key to start your beat up little car engine, and you will look back over your shoulder. her hair will be blowing in the wind and she will be beautiful and you will be, for a moment, struck by all of it. what you will feel is so wide and nameless that it will engulf you. and you will think of being 14 and kicking her under the table in math every time you wanted to whisper something behind the teacher’s back. you will think about how long the days felt, and how you could hold her hand whenever you wished, but you didn’t. and you will think about all of the people you could have lingered with. and you will wish, more than you have ever felt a wish, that the universe just gave you that - more time to linger. more time to say - i love you. i know i need to leave, but i don’t want to leave you. and when i go, i am leaving a piece of my heart that lingers too. 

one more round of coffee. the days are so short, and you are so lovely.

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do you ever just look at a person and go "you. i want to be friends with you. i want to sit by your side when the moon hides behind a wall of clouds and your room is too dark for you to fall asleep. i want to be the person you text when it rains and the drops roll down the window like empty thoughts. i want our hands to brush so that you know you're not alone. i want to know you. do you also want to know me?" but like, not in a romantic way

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saw someone I’ve met a couple times now when I was walking yesterday and smiled at her as we passed, and she didn’t seem to recognize me so I figured I’d mistaken someone else for her. but she went out of her way to get my number from a mutual friend to tell me she did recognize me she was just out of it, and my heart is so full rn

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we got to hang out with him yesterday and then stayed up til 2am being excited about it and debating plans to invite them over :))

my roommate and I both have a squish in our own ways on the same person, and it’s been actually spectacular to get excited with each other about how cool we think they are and how we want to get to know him better

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"someone who allows you to rest" is the relationship dynamic of all time

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i love my friend SO much. like. i adore her. i have a short conversation with this girl and suddenly i'm thrown back into being a middle school kid at summer camp, trailing behind her on a rocky sidewalk, eagerly absorbing the conversation.

does she know she's there in my happiest memory? with the summer breeze and the music, and the cluster of kids, laughing and dancing?

and maybe it's the nostalgia clouding my memory. homesick for a time that never existed, and all that.

but then i talk to her again. and i remember this is real. and she exists. and she is wonderful.

and we have changed, and we have grown, and maybe i will never dispel the ache in my chest that longs to be face to face with everyone i love.

but she has grown into someone amazing. the kind of person who makes me want to be something good. the kind of person who makes me feel like i already am something good.

and maybe we'll see each other soon. in the meantime, we have words.

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i love being in love platonically!!! i love loyalty and intimacy and comfortable silliness and having them by my side and being part of a family of friends I LOVE PLATONIC LOVE

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I love my friends so much it's like genuinely so crazy. I love hearing all their voices and especially their laughter, I love how they smile and walk uniquely, I love learning to recognize what kinds of characters they'll like and what jokes will make them laugh. I love spending time with them alone or in groups. I want to spend as much of my existence as I can in their presence.

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me and my undying urge to be someone’s favorite