starry-eve

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Mmmmmm

Roasted salmon, potatoes and zucchini with tomatoes

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❤️

Just in case you have forgotten today: You matter. You are loved. You are worthy. You are magical.

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I’m in the Mood to Broaden My Reading Horizons

I just finished reading an excellent literary gothic novel. That’s one of my favorite genres.

I’m just feeling like I need something different though…

I want to try literary fiction and science fiction and classics because I am getting a little bored with my favorite genres at the moment.

I am getting to the point where I read the back of the books in these genres and they are starting to be very derivative and repetitive in their tropes. They are all variations of Wuthering Heights, Jane Erye, Turn of the Screw, or Rebecca.

That’s fine…when I am in the mood for something familiar and comforting.

But I am bored at the moment.

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Note to Self

I just realized something…

Bad books (or books I don’t like) put me in a reading slump. Even when I only read a few pages/chapters and DNF them.

The experience leaves me with a really bad feeling about reading and that’s why I get in a slump.

Therefore, it’s very important that I unhaul as many “bad” books as possible.

When I’m left with the good ones and ones I enjoy…no more reading slumps.

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A New Phase in My Reading Journey

It took me a couple of years to acquire a huge personal library of over 2500 books.

At the time, I was beginning a brand new hobby—reading—and I didn’t have a lot of experience in it. So I simply gathered books in a fairly haphazard way at first. Eventually, I traded some poor early choices for things that I enjoyed more. My taste was in the very early developing stages and I was more of a “book omnivore”.

Eventually, I gravitated towards the horror and gothic and thriller genres.

Although I consider Tolkien among my favorite authors of all time, I am not especially drawn to the fantasy genre. Some fantasy books are enjoyable, but I am very selective about which ones.

I have not read enough science fiction or literary fiction to say how I feel about those genres.

In general, I have a strong aversion towards history and most historical fiction. I find it to be too violent. I am a very sensitive reader and it’s too disturbing and depressing to read in detail about the horrors of history.

(I have always avoided the Holocaust and US slavery in fiction and media for these reasons, since childhood.)

The only romance I enjoy is clean gothic romance and romantic suspense/mystery.

The point is…

I am at a point where I know my taste a lot better. And I’m a lot less of a “book omnivore” than I thought I was.

In fact…I’m actually quite picky!!

So I have recently begun the process of unhauling large quantities of books from my personal library.

I started with the obvious choices: typical romance novels and historical fiction.

This year I have also recently realized that I greatly dislike sexual content in my reading.

Unfortunately, it’s difficult to know which books have this content once you get past the obvious choices.

All of this is a very daunting process. I probably need to let go of at least half of my library.

I just hope I’m doing the right thing.

I think I would rather have a much smaller library and gradually build it up over time with more caution and more knowledge of my preferences this time around.

I think that’s a better goal for me.

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Buyer’s Remorse

I am having a bit of buyer’s remorse. I wanted so much to be able to enjoy at least some of the pretty romance books I found yesterday at the library sale.

But the reality is that I hate sex and romance, especially when it’s the main focus of a book.

Ugh. I knew when I bought them that I was probably going to just sell them and make a profit.

Today I read a few chapters of a Nora Roberts. The premise, writing, characters, and plot are good. I was enjoying the book. Then she has to start focusing on sex.

I just can’t with these books, and they are going to have to be sold.

That’s fine.

At least I know what I can do with them.

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Book Haul!

I just had to go to the library book sale down the street.

I got 80 paperback books for $10 (13 cents per book)

And 4 hardcovers for $1 each.

You just can’t pass up a deal like that.

Some of the books will probably get sold…eventually. Some right away possibly.

The vast majority are vintage regency romances which sell pretty well on eBay. They are really cute because they’re tiny and not trashy. They have adorable vintage covers.

I also got tons of books from Amanda Quick. I have never read her, but there’s a chance I might like her since a lot of her books are suspenseful.

I got a whole set of eight with gorgeous step back art.

I’m definitely selling any romance books/authors that I don’t like or won’t read.

But these were all so super cheap—and in excellent condition too. I just couldn’t pass them up.

Got a handful of other books/authors too besides romance.

I got a brand new pristine copy of Perdido Street Station by China Mieville (paperback).

And a brand new paperback copy of James Baldwin’s Go Tell it On the Mountain.

Some cute vintage hardcovers of Agatha Christie titles.

And other stuff…

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Reminder: Note to Self

I don’t know why I need to keep reminding myself that I have more than enough high quality books to read and enjoy…

I don’t NEED to keep digging through the dumpster to find hidden gems and offbeat treasures.

It’s a waste of my precious time.

I would rather read ten high quality books over and over…than 100 poor quality ones.

I consider a book high quality if I am finding it highly entertaining. Or interesting.

It doesn’t have to be a best seller or popular or a classic…but it has to hold my attention and be competently written.

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My First Week Off

The main project I worked on this week was clearing out a ton of books from my house.

The vast majority of these unhauled books have been listed on eBay and are sitting neatly in boxes at the moment.

Even after culling 8 boxes of books from my two giant shelves in the spare room…they are still surprisingly full!

Before this, they were obviously overstuffed. Now they’re just full.

I still have way more books to read than I probably can ever get to in my life, but I feel 100 percent better now that I’ve let go of more than half of my historical fiction and romance.

I left a few of each on my shelves…but compared to what I had, it’s more reasonable.

I’ve managed to sell quite a few books already and have made some decent money.

I’m pretty much done with this first phase of my library declutter.

This weekend I hope to read as much as possible…try some new authors etc.

I would like to try new authors because then I will know if their books are worth keeping or not.

I just have not been reading much this year.

Currently, I am enjoying the Odd Thomas series by Dean Koontz.

The first book in the series is excellent and I highly recommend it.

Books 2 and 3 are very episodic and are just okay.

So far, book 4 is the best of the sequels and I am hoping they continue to improve.

The series is very different from most of his other books. It’s not high suspense. It’s very slow paced. It’s also written in first person (not my favorite, as I enjoy third person omniscient narratives more). It’s really more of a character focused than plot focused series. You just get the perspective of this one single character.

He is a great character though and he’s beginning to appeal to me more as the series goes along.

And there’s always a random golden retriever or happy little bougainvilleas to entertain you along the way.

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😂

"After the ecstasy, the laundry." —Jack Kornfield

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Reading for Pleasure

I have a Bachelors degree in English.

That was many decades ago when life seemed like an eternity. I wanted to experience and study All the Literary Things.

I am now in my mid-fifties.

And the truth is…I am not sure if I want to spend my remaining time on earth reading difficult books.

Sometimes I feel inspired to do so. But my current life is just way too busy and unpredictable and I have very needy adult children and a very needy elderly mother to consider.

Not to mention full time work.

And health issues.

I’m quite certain that these factors are why I don’t feel like digging into ancient texts or pondering a book-length epic poem or reading an 800 page philosophical tome. No matter how rewarding those things might be…I just don’t think I am capable of using what little leisure time I have to “study” great literature without feeling like I’m missing out on something more engaging or entertaining.

That’s just the phase of life I am in right now. Maybe I’ll feel differently when I retire.

But for right now, I just NEED something I can just sit back with, relax, and enjoy.

There are definitely some classic novels (Victorian period and onward) that I think would fall into this category.

There may be a few works of contemporary literary fiction (not many because those books are often far too dense, abstract, experimental, political, and/or intellectually challenging).

But the vast majority of what I find interesting right now is in the category of genre fiction—horror, gothic, suspense, thrillers, mysteries, fantasy, and science fiction (and things adjacent to these genres).

The only two types of genre fiction that I can’t seem to enjoy are: historical fiction and romance.

I’m thinking of selling a bunch of stuff from my library on eBay. In part to make some money and in part to declutter my library.

This morning I am just doing some thinking about what I want to really focus on and what I want to let go.

I might make a list (either physical or just mental, I haven’t decided yet) of Books I Actually WANT to Read (as opposed to Books I Want to HAVE READ, or Books OTHER PEOPLE Have Said I SHOULD READ).

And I would also like to just read ONE book at a time for a change. 😑

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💯

I actually do feel like the "unemployed friend on a Tuesday" meme actually helps de-stigmatize unemployment because it frequently affirms that when you don't have a job you're more likely to be getting up to some weird shit rather than just lazing around. But I also feel like the unemployed friend is frequently up to some random shit because there's a whole pile of miscellaneous life tasks that full-time employment keeps people from. The unemployed friend is helping their cousin move, or babysitting, or checking in with a neighbor with mobility issues. The unemployed friend is a walking thesis on the inflexibility of our current labor landscape and just how much work exists outside of work.

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End Times!?

Idk. It sure feels like it to me.

Evil is very powerful in the world at this moment. More so than ever before.

Yes, Rome fell and the world kept on turning.

Yes, there was an evil holocaust, but evil was swiftly defeated and goodness prevailed.

America is in decline. There’s no doubt that we are being destroyed by evil and corruption. Trump has single-handedly created a destructive, evil movement that will continue to grow and grow.

They are the biggest cult ever in existence. A cult of narcissists. A money worshipping cult. A religious movement with a golden calf at the center.

The world is not what it was during WW2.

We are a global power.

If America falls, who knows what evil will rise from the rubble.

So yes, the end times could be near.

The Bible speaks of a great “falling away”.

That is “Christian” MAGA. They are leading the great apostasy.

I’ve been looking for a reason to have hope in these evil times.

I have this little quote-a-day calendar on my bureau. I have had it for decades.

I found it at a thrift store when I first got into Christianity.

Sadly, I hardly ever turn the pages. But… whenever I am feeling really really low…I go to it.

Like today. I have been feeling depressed and hopeless.

Here’s what it said for today:

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Despair and Hopelessness

Feeling hopeless.

In Christianity, the worst sin is the sin of despair.

According to AI:

In theological discussions, despair is often considered a serious sin, particularly in some interpretations of Christian theology. It's viewed as a rejection of God's love and a belief that one's own sin is greater than God's grace, essentially a lack of faith in God's ability to forgive. Thomas Aquinas, for example, identified despair as one of the sins against the Holy Spirit.

But I am not talking about feeling despair because of my sins. Or despair of being forgiven or beyond God’s grace.

I’m despairing in the meaning and joy of life itself.

I’m losing hope that evil will not prevail.

Is that a sin?

Another source describes despair as:

The refusal to persevere.

That sounds more like what I’m experiencing.

I don’t see the point of anything.

I don’t see the good anymore. I only see evil.

Everywhere. I feel like I’m surrounded by darkness.

The source goes on to say:

Temptation isn’t a sin. The saints have been tempted with desolation and discouragement – but they didn’t despair because they didn’t give in.

Feeling down isn’t a mark of despair anymore than feeling upbeat is a sign of hope.

Unfortunately, the source goes on to talk about personal sins.

I’m not despairing of those.

I’m despairing because it seems like evil just keeps winning and winning and there’s no hope for people who are oppressed by it.

So maybe this isn’t about despair. Maybe it’s about oppression.

Maybe I feel oppressed.

To be continued…

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My Biggest Challenge

The biggest challenge in my life so far is eating healthy.

If I’m not working it’s not too bad. I can cook to order.

But once I start working full time, I am not sure how to do it.

The only way I can see…is to batch cook almost everything.

I don’t know how people cook every day and work.

This morning I had some Greek yogurt when I first woke up (8am)

Around 10:30 I started getting hungry again. I made some eggs, vegetables, and cheese with sourdough bread.

The sourdough bread from Aldi is delicious. Super yummy!

I made a sandwich of sorts.

I’ll have my leftover Mexican Bowl for lunch.

I am thinking of cooking fish for dinner with asparagus and sweet potato.

I am also thinking of making some kind of soup (batch cooking).

I don’t know if this sort of thing is sustainable when I work, but for now, I am just trying to reset my body so I can feel healthier and maybe start exercising again.

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Egg, Cheese, and Vegetable Wrap

Ingredients:

2 eggs, lightly salted

1/4 onion diced small

5 cherry tomatoes, cut into quarters

1/2 cup zucchini, diced or chopped

a handful of spinach

1/4 cup cheese of your choice

1 wrap (any flavor, I used tomato basil)

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Attempting to Juggle!

Ball Number One is Healthy Eating Habits

So far, this is my strategy:

• Shop regularly and only buy healthy foods.

• Make batches of easy meals whenever possible (evenings, weekends…) and put them in fridge. Freeze at least one portion too.

• Keep the meals simple, but aim for variety.

• Clean up after cooking.

• Enjoy healthy meals.

• Repeat.

This afternoon’s batch is called Mexican Bowl. 🇲🇽 It’s got some ground turkey, black beans, bell peppers, and tomatoes (or salsa if you have it).

It can be topped with cheese, avocado, plain Greek yogurt, or fresh cilantro. (Choose one or more, depending on what is on hand).

Serve with rice, over a baked white or sweet potato, as a burrito, or with salad.