strawberrydollparts - Tumblr blog

[strawberrydollparts]

not mine!! but saw on a blog and fell in love how is her body so perfect🥺🥺🥺

[strawberrydollparts]

i think i have to decide to just stop because when i start now i just can't... my body can't deal with hunger anymore. i fucked it up. i've beaten my cravings all day and i'll just make sure to punish myself harshly every time i don't. sadly i won't be ae to fast tonight but starting tomorrow i'll skip breakfast and lunch like i used to. i'll keep you updated. might post food logs again to hold myself accountable but i also feel bad about them for how triggering they are to others

[strawberrydollparts]

idk if you relate but my meds are starting to work and i feel guilty for not being as anxious anymore? like i deserve the dread and now it isn't there as much and i feel like i was never sick enough in any way

[strawberrydollparts]

[strawberrydollparts]

[strawberrydollparts]

i’m so empty i can’t breathe

[strawberrydollparts]

i’m always self destructing. if i’m not cutting, i’m starving myself, or overeating, or triggering myself, self sabotaging, self medicating. i feel like someone is angry at me?? time to punish myself. i said something stupid 5 hours earlier? time to fucking punish myself because it’s my fault i’m never getting better 

[strawberrydollparts]

If my hips where smaller my life would be 100 percent better

[strawberrydollparts]

rexie gc gang are y'all alive i wanna be in some again

[strawberrydollparts]

i'm in a really bad mental state so i feel motivated though

[strawberrydollparts]

i need serious help getting back into this. like, when you've tried recovery and your eating habits are all off, like binge-restrict cycles, what do you do to get back? like this sounds wrong but i used to be "good" at this and now i'm just not in control of my hunger anymore. but as i'm so used to this behaviour i tend to go to extremes instead of eating a little less each day, like it was before. how can i have forgotten everything? i wanna be 15 kg lighter again 😕

[strawberrydollparts]

RB IF YOU AGREE

[strawberrydollparts]

so i've gained back like 10 kg from my lw and i'm so close to being in the overweight category again... so disappointed in myself like for real?

[strawberrydollparts]

this has been me recently which makes me so frustrated because a few months ago everything was going so fast

You know what sucks

Having an eating disorder and failing at having said disorder. Having the same cycle every few weeks. Not losing weight, but still obsessing over eating less and constantly counting calories. Losing a little bit of weight, then realising you can’t do this for the rest of your life because you feel like absolute shit, mentally and physically, and you realise you have a healthy weight. Then deciding to pig out and hate yourself for it. Then eating normal again. Aaaand a few weeks later you start over..

You will never meet your goal, but you can’t let it go. Everyday is a disappointment. Everyday you feel like a failure. Stuck. Endlessly.

[strawberrydollparts]

haiii i'm seriously back now cus i live alone so i can finally stop faking recovery lols

[strawberrydollparts]

do any of you just feel terrible about ruining your muscles so much you can't exercise anymore. i feel lazy and fat because i can't move without feeling dizzy. my legs won't stay up. i'm not even that skinny yet.

[strawberrydollparts]

why can’t i just be special? and interesting? i just want to be worthy of love and different so that someone will want to just smother me in love and care about me and tell me i’m special and that i’m beautiful and thin and being regular skinny is so mainstream i just want to be dainty

i am begging someone to love me please i’m begging i don’t know what i’ll do if i’m still not worthy of love in a year i just want to be good enough for everyone

god i hate myself

and now i want chips but what kind of pretty girl who wants to be cool and special and stuff stuffs their face with chips. this is why i haven’t been under 100 pounds in like three months. i just wanna be 89 already. i want to be dainty.