stuffeddeer

[stuffeddeer]

ik u like smaus so wld u ever write one cuz ik u wld eat

loll yes i don't see why not!! i'm not sure what people use to make them but i could lock in one day perchance..

[stuffeddeer]

i accidentally hit post on that last fic AAHHHH 😭 if i missed anything SHHHHH i didn't.

[stuffeddeer]

hi hi not sure if you're taking request right now but if you are could you make an emperor x reader fic he doesn't get enough love (The Apothecary Diaries)

Antisocial Socialite | The Apothecary Diaries | The Emperor x reader

hi anon!!! not sure if this is what you wanted haha tbh i didn't know the emperor had fans like that LOL - hope you enjoy!

Being a concubine had its perks, ones you cherished dearly. You were able to do as you pleased — granted permission to read freely, access to paper and charcoal, everything you had required to be happy was at your fingertips. The loneliness didn't feel like a drawback either.

The eunuchs that were around the most were instructed merely to keep an eye on the inner workings, ensuring safety and compliance - they wouldn't mess with you as long as you left them alone. Various laundry maids and other inner court ladies kept their heads down around concubines, bowing without a word when passing by or shielded to their corner of the Inner Palace away from those there for the Emperor. Other concubines kept their distance from each other, all technically rivals in the race for the Emperor's heart (and heir).

The only people you would have consistent contact with were ladies-in-waiting, however, being such a low ranking concubine you were barely permitted to have any - there just wasn't the room. That didn't bother you as much as other concubines, always having preferred solitude. It's why the loneliness that came with this position wasn't a problem- wasn't a con against the list of pros.

Pro: - Everyone leaves you alone.

That may not be worthy enough to be at the very top of the list (and you're sure other concubines wouldn't have it under the same category at all) but it was truly your favorite part of this role. Many concubines come from royal or royal-adjacent backgrounds - the more royal, the higher one's rank. These concubines tended to have sour attitudes at the loneliness of the Inner Palace.

It made sense, of course. These ladies were going from likely their family's precious jewel, the center of attention, to just another flower in the garden, never to be picked. You were no exception, hailing from a similar background, doted on previously and given to the Emperor as a sign of goodwill and standing within the court. And, just like the rest of the flowers, you'd slipped by unnoticed - lower ranking royal to lower ranking concubine.

Settling in such a position came so, so easily to you in comparison.

The life you lead before was one you detested, grueling every waking moment as you were pampered and prodded (the pampering wasn't too bad, you suppose) and pushed to and fro. Always on your best behavior, always surrounded by servants or staff, always obligated to smile and do as you're told. Putting on a performance everywhere you went at every hour was exhausting.

Coming to the Rear Palace was nerve-racking at first, assuming that not only would you live the same life shackled to your draining routines but that it would have higher stakes, since the Emperor would be watching your every move. Looking back, you honestly felt a little embarrassed at said assumption. Of course the Emperor wouldn't look your way, he had much more important matters and much more important concubines to tend to.

And very quickly after arrival you were happy. Being the Emperor's concubine granted you the pleasure to call for what you pleased, spending your waking hours with your nose buried in whatever book eunuchs deemed apt and strolling the emptiest parts of the grounds on your own.

Enjoying your time came so easily, you hardly noticed the others in the palace anymore, no longer bothered by maids gossiping with each other about some supposed new eunuch or which concubine the Emperor is taken with most. You were so good at ignoring the presence of others, you seemed to have done just that to perhaps the only person you shouldn't.

The Emperor finally had a few moments to spare. On this particular day, his workload had slowed, allowing for time to visit his concubines. However, the weather was so nice out, he found himself stopping at a garden in the Rear Palace on his way to visit his flowers. It was rather vast and as colorful as late spring could be, the flowers being only the most vibrant of beauties - just like the Emperor's concubines.

And there one sat, a concubine he couldn't quite place. He must've not called on this particular one, surely a lower rank than he tended to visit. Face buried in a book, the Emperor found himself intrigued at the one before him, deciding to take a seat on the opposite end of the bench.

It was such a nice day out, nary a cloud in the sky but still a small breeze to keep temperatures bearable. You'd decided the current book entrapping you in its words should be enjoyed outside on a fine day such as this, combining your two favorite pastimes of reading and strolling the grounds into one. Could you truly be faulted for falling steadily into the words of an author so charming?

The smile on your face was one you were unaware of, showing itself without your knowledge at the exciting contents of the story. You were flying through this book a little too quickly, almost upset by how the remaining pages seemed to dwindle. To try and combat reaching the ending so soon, you sigh and close the cover, a fingertip slid between the pages to keep your place.

Eyes closed, you let the wind brush past your face, enjoying the serene moment just a second longer. A silent sigh passes your lips when you open your eyes once again, taken for a moment by the beauty of the flowers - before seeing something in your peripheral vision.

Startled, you turn to see the Emperor himself to your side. Feeling your heart stop momentarily is scary, though even that can't hold a candle to realizing you'd ignored your sudden very important visitor. This causes you to quickly stand, bowing with your sleeves pulled to cover the bottom half of your face. Neither of you say anything for a moment so you decide to take your leave.

Three days later is when you're called on by the Emperor. Part of you thought he must not have realized who you were that day, having gone so long without greeting him. Hearing from Rear Palace Manager Jinshi while walking about the grounds that the Emperor was waiting for you was startling. You had quickly returned to your chambers, speed walking through the Rear Palace to land at your smaller housing, one befitting a lower rank such as yourself.

Truthfully, you were annoyed when the shiny eunuch had spoken to you. It was invigorating being in your position, finally able to do as you pleased without the drawbacks of constant moderation. You hadn't done anything technically wrong so there was no fear of chastising when you entered your quarters. The worst that would happen is... well, is that he'd gift you away to a foreign envoy, a high ranking noble or a medaled military official. That was a bit scary to think of but you'd come to terms with the reality long ago.

Bowing, your hands clasp in front of your face. "My Lord," comes quietly, a polite greeting as you bow nearly onto one knee. Just because you technically haven't done anything wrong doesn't mean you intent to poke the bear.

The Emperor waves his hand before gesturing to the chair across from him at your small dining table. "Please, sit."

You do just that.

"I thank you for visiting me," you begin, sliding into the seat across from him and pushing down on your skirt with your hands, ensuring the fabric doesn't retain any creases. "Though, if I may ask, to what do I owe the pleasure?" It's the polite version of the why are you here, please get out that thankfully dies on your tongue before it's too late.

"Am I not allowed to visit my concubines?" He smiles almost teasingly.

A half laugh of "Aha," passes your lips. Honestly, after such a long time isolating yourself and only keeping books for company, you seem to have lost your ability to hold proper conversations. This antisocial behavior may have caused you to shoot yourself in the foot. "My apologies, my Lord. I hadn't mean to imply that." Though in your defense, you weren't anticipating an audience with the Emperor.

"Of course not," the Emperor easily brushes past it, causing you to feel much more at ease. "I came to see you. I was intrigued by your, well, avoidance of me."

"That wasn't on purpose, I swear," you bow your head slightly, not able to fully while seated. "I had been engrossed in the book I was reading at that time. I'm sorry to have offended you." Did that come out right? you find yourself wondering.

The Emperor stares for a moment before tapping the wood top of the table pensively. "Must have been an interesting book."

A curt nod is the best you can give for a reply, feeling a little sheepish as you overthink your apology. The last thing you want is to disgrace your family and leave them with nothing more than your head.

At said nod, the Emperor stands up. "Tomorrow. We'll have tea together to discuss it. Are you free?"

Quickly, you stand up as well, hands clasped in front of you as you bow. "Of course," you're quick to confirm. Even if you weren't free (which you always are), you'd move whatever else was in the way - everyone would. He's the Emperor.

"Then I'll see you again tomorrow," the Emperor smiles, his words kind as he stands as tall as always. He seems almost excited. It's hard to be sure, his standard content face and proud gait not giving anything away, but something about the gleam in his eyes and his head tilted slightly back as he leaves makes you sure of it.

Once again, a single nod had been given in response to him, covering the bottom half of your face as he leaves. The pinch you suddenly tug from your skin doesn't wake you up - there's no way this is a dream. You suppose it's time to finally finish that book.

[stuffeddeer]

The Emperor masterlist tad masterlist main masterlist

Antisocial Socialite

[stuffeddeer]

This blog is a little oasis. I get to enjoy so much BSD content and you're working on apothicary diary request. I'm glad I've found it

omg tysm!!! i'm dropping that apothecary diaries rq in like 5 mins

[stuffeddeer]

working on an apothecary diaries request chat gimme till this weekend and it should be good to go

[stuffeddeer]

I'm not too sure if you write for fem! Characters or not, and I figured I'd ask since I didn't see any boundaries pinned. I saw you still write for the apothecary diaries, so do you think you could write for Suirei? Specifically an X reader. I see NOTHING about her. I miss my wife. I MISS HER SO MUCH.

Suirei's admirer | The Apothecary Diaries | Suirei x reader

not too sure if this is what you’re looking for goat but i hope it’ll suffice!!! i wrote like 3 other suirei drafts w a different plot so i might drop another suirei fic in the future if i can make any of those coherent

should i be making a boundaries post? idk what my boundaries are 😭 i'm cool w people just hitting my inbox and asking tbh! like let's find out together haha

Meeting up with the elusive court lady was your favorite part of your day. Even though you laughed, your heart fluttered just at the sight of her. The scene was out of the ordinary, a pretty girl in a pretty dress down on her knees with dirt everywhere. Not even looking back, Suirei immediately knew who was behind her.

"I don't see what's so funny about this," she speaks first, her words a response to your laughter. "You are aware I cultivate this field myself."

Unbothered by the fact that Suirei can't see it, you nod. She finally looks your direction once you kneel down beside her. It's just a quick glance; eyes flickering oh so briefly to the side before focusing back on the dirt beneath her.

Tilling the soil, it's obvious to anyone in the Outer Court that the court lady is preparing for a new crop. "What'll it be this time?"

She doesn't say anything for a moment, the soothing calm that has always existed between you two persisting once again. A second passes. "Morning glories."

"Mm," you hum. Pretty flower, if you're recalling correctly. "I'm not sure I'd call this a field. It's a hill, if anything."

"The term field is not defined by specific size requirements," Suirei sets her short hand plow down, swiping her hands quickly against each other to rid them of the dirt. “This can be both a hill and a field.”

For the first time since you’ve arrived, the court lady’s blue eyes meet yours head on. A brief glance in your direction earlier gave you a glimpse yet nothing compared to the real thing. Silently, you curse yourself for reacting, feeling your heart stutter and cheeks turn warm. “Fine. A hilled field, then,” you force out, needing a moment to remember what the two of you had even been discussing.

Suirei grabs seeds from the parchment beside her, sprinkling them into the dirt below. “I suppose I can fit more than morning glories.” The break in eye contact allows you to relax, taking a breath as you watch the seeds land.

You nod.

The court lady doesn’t look in your direction. “If you’d like,” she adds on. The addition confuses you. Like what? Is she offering to let you plant? Or— no, she’s asking you what you’d want her to plant.

Instead of just a stutter, your heart is thrumming against your chest. What do you ask for? You toy with the idea of turning her down - there's a chance the girl is asking merely out of politeness. However, Suirei was rarely someone to mince her words, every sound intentional.

“I’ve always been partial to peonies," you choose to answer. "I like that they come back every year." The court lady doesn't respond as the last of the seeds and dropped into the ground, the two of you silent as it happens.

Crumpling up the parchment that once held seeds, Suirei stands up and you quickly follow. "Peonies have such a short bloom," she seemingly chastises, as though that's the wrong choice. Something you can't enjoy for long isn't worth the hard work to maintain it.

"...You get to live with the memories as you wait for the next bloom."

It's small, barely noticeable, but there's a change in Suirei at your rebuttal. It feels as though the cool headed court lady is opening up to you for the first time, just through body language. You take the hand plow she'd been using from her grasp and follow beside her.

[stuffeddeer]

Suirei masterlist tad masterlist main masterlist

Suirei's admirer

[stuffeddeer]

WHOEVER JUST REQUESTED SUIREI. i dropped everything for this. i am working on it now.

[stuffeddeer]

The sun won’t rise any sooner | The Apothecary Diaries | Jinshi x reader

Not to say that Jinshi is a night owl — he's in bed every night at the same time and falls asleep with relative ease — but he is not at all a morning person.

In his position, Jinshi isn't awarded the luxury of a late morning, ushered out of bed every day to get ready for what's ahead. Suiren has chastised him time and time again for being slower to get out of bed, for being sluggish going through the morning motions, for being less responsive all together when she or Gaoshun try and make conversation.

He listens, barely, as his plans for the day are read aloud. That's about all he can muster each morning, eyes still closed and head bobbing as he struggles to even do that.

All this to say, he is not a morning person. Waking up Jinshi is something only Suiren is able to muster, this being why the older woman quickly grew nervous upon finding his bed empty one early morning.

Like every other day, Jinshi hadn't responded to her polite knocks nor her warning that she was entering that came shortly after. Suiren had assumed like every other day, the purple haired boy would be sprawled out on his bed, blankets kicked haphazardly in his sleep, unresponsive to the world.

Some days she found herself not wanting to wake him up, knowing his day prior had been long and today was slated to be the same. Jinshi had lots of work all the time and, while staring at such a vulnerable and exhausted Jinshi, Suiren wondered when he'd truly get a day off.

Not that she'd let him sleep it away, anyway.

This morning could've been like that, with Suiren taking her time to rouse Jinshi from his slumber, yet the only thing roused in that moment is her poor heart. The bed was empty, her master nowhere to be found. The windows were shut, the bed was unmade, the doors had been closed when she arrived. Did someone sneak in and take him? Had word gotten out that the young man was not actually a eunuch but secretly— ?!

Gaoshun needed to be informed. Then, guards - Suiren would need palace guards to survey the area, quickly. She'd lose her life for allowing someone of his stature to go missing, though all that crossed her mind was whether or not the poor boy had been harmed.

Gaoshun was just as frantic learning the news, making his way to Jinshi's chambers as though he'd be able to find him any more than Suiren could. And you— 

Suiren should notify you.

Like Jinshi, one might not define you as a morning person, though you've never had trouble getting out of bed once awake. Your job requires you to be up and ready at the time your master begins to start his day and Suiren has never seen you late in doing so. This particular morning, however, you weren't found in the kitchen where Suiren could usually find you. Surely you too weren't...

After receiving no response to her knocks at the door to your chambers, Suiren announces herself before opening the door. Two kidnappings in one night - she and Gaoshun would surely lose their heads. Yet, upon opening the door, all worry left Suiren's body. She doesn't even have time to be mad, flittering away to let Gaoshun know not to contact the palace guards.

You, however, couldn't share her relieved sentiment, trapped on your bed due to a heavy Jinshi collapsed on top.

Once again, you never usually had trouble getting out of bed in the mornings. A glimmer of the sunrise would shine through your windows, a natural alarm reminding you of your duties that lie ahead. Yet this morning was different, your bed feeling warmer and your body feeling heavier; Staying in bed was undeniably the best course of action. The peek of sunshine that you adored so had been seemingly gone, covered by a presence you hadn't welcomed in yourself.

Quite a while passed before you realized it was your employer - and that you were disastrously late to your morning duties. Who are you, however, to try and awaken someone of his prestige? (Plus, you tried to say his name but the man only grumbled and held you tighter.) Today will just have to have a slow morning.

It's true that when Suiren knocked, you didn't reply. Suiren angry was undoubtedly scary but Jinshi was the one who dictated whether or not you kept your job and stayed in his home, so maybe not yelling right by his ear to announce you're awake would be the better option of the two.

Of course, you're beginning to question that as she appears at the door once again, ignoring you entirely as she makes her way to wake up Jinshi. You'll be getting an earful later, that's for sure.

Jinshi is not a morning person. He's never been good at just rolling out of bed and starting the day, no — wake-ups take a little bit longer.

Mornings, especially early ones, always left him longing for a little self indulgence, to curl up for a mere 5 minutes more and shirk his duties for a little longer. Suiren has never allowed him that, of course, and it's been a long, long while since he has asked.

Falling asleep comes rather easily. He works hard in the day and finds himself exhausted come time for sleep, out like a candle shortly after his pretty head touches the soft pillow. Sleeping through the night isn't exactly an issue either; Maybe once every month, likely closer to every other month Jinshi would find himself waking up part way through.

Nothing a breath of fresh air wouldn't solve, lulling him right back to his bed. A glass of water usually did the trick but he'd awoken that night with a seemingly different thirst. Same feeling yet water was the furthest thing on his mind as he languidly slumped his way through the halls.

Thirst for comfort, warmth, companionship? Jinshi forgot what it even was he did the night before until Suiren and you woke him up, needing the power of a crowbar to try and pry the man's strong grip from his warmth-emitting pillow.

Unfamiliar sheets, no soft feather-stuffed pillow under his head and... something soft in his arms. He'd woken up in a bed that isn't his own. This might cause one to stir, worried for their safety and urgently trying to puzzle out where they've woken up, yet Jinshi only tightened his hold and grumbled. Suiren was saying something beside him so he could confidently say he was still in his home.

Eyes cracked open at her nagging attempts to wake him up only to find you on the receiving end of his grip. You..? Wait.

Now is when Jinshi starts to stir, sitting up suddenly and the most awake he's ever been in a morning. This is where he finds you, in a scandalous state of undress, glued to his chest from where his coverings had opened up in his sleep. His face becomes a deep red, voice caught in his throat as his head snaps away, hoping to spare you his gaze in your current state as though that'll make you think him a gentleman.

It's then that Suiren is finally able to coax Jinshi out of your bed, ushering him out so you can properly prepare for the day and make yourself decent.

The sun was gone and the streets were vacant, any lantern lit in the outer palace walls extinguished. Jinshi found himself sitting up in bed, tossing and turning having not worked to bring him back to the peace of slumber he’d been in mere moments before. A small walk to clear his head, surely that’ll be all he needs.

It’s cool, a slight breeze passing by that brushes the purple hair further toward his face. Jinshi’s tired, heavy eyes shut at the feeling, taking it in for a moment. Two moments. If he would fall asleep standing up, surely this would be the time. Alas, he continues his short walk.

In the distance, the sound of boots against the pathway outside faintly registers in the tall man’s brain - a guard following his late night routine. There’s a sense of ease to knowing that nothing could happen without a guard’s knowledge, is that what Jinshi needs to fall back asleep? Maybe he’ll finish his stroll quickly and return to his chambers.

Of course, he’d halted when passing by yours.

Jinshi wasn’t entirely of sound mind. Does that count as an excuse? The man was exhausted, stumbling about in his robes as he walked up to your door. There was no reason for anyone to think you'd be awake for a chat, yet Jinshi peeked in anyway to see you slumbering away on a bed much tinier than his.

Still, the man had walked through the door, silently shutting it behind him. It looked comfy, right? Maybe the smaller size allowed for a cozier sleep. Jinshi barely remembers even thinking this, the next thing he can properly recall is waking up beside you and Suiren dragging him out.

To say Jinshi is mortified would be an understatement. Memories start to flood back, the foggy image of his sleep deprived stupor leading him out of his room and toward the chambers of his favorite employee. He... agh.

At the same time as Gaoshun face palmed, Jinshi's face dropped into his hands with a smack. He'd never live this down.

[stuffeddeer]

does "yandere themes" need a tag? or can yall just fw a little bit of obsession tacked on to the end of my fics . poll

[stuffeddeer]

Nobody's hiring these days | Bungo Stray Dogs | Dazai x reader

"Honestly at this point I'd take a rejection. I'm begging for a rejection," you groan.

Dazai chuckles, hand moving up to push yours away, the phone that was covering his view of your face toppling to the side. "You wanna be rejected?"

You huff. Of course not. Glancing down, all your irritation melts away as you see your boyfriend's pretty face gazing up at you from your lap. He'd perched up here not long ago, having just gotten home from the agency and quickly raced over to sit beside you on the couch. Which, of course, quickly became lying on the couch and pleading with you to lie down alongside him.

"I just," you sigh, "it's weird to get no responses. I've started applying to part time work as well, places that are seeking help "desperately," and no one will email me back. Is my resume that shitty?" The last question comes out despondently, causing Dazai to frown. He never wants to see you sad.

"Your resume is perfect. It's all about you, after all," he grins.

Not responding to his lip service, your hand that had been holding your phone (and checking your email) just moments ago now runs through his hair. It's serene, being able to just enjoy a moment of peace and quiet with your boyfriend.

The two of you had such hectic jobs before you'd gotten fired from yours, meaning you usually spent time at home preparing for tomorrow. Being able to sit with him, fingers carding through his hair as he purrs like a cat... it's a dream come true.

Dazai's eyes flutter shut. Basking in the warmth of the setting sun's shine through the living room window onto him and your soothing fingers just oozes all the stress of today out of his system. This is all Dazai wanted for today - to spend time with his favorite person. Or maybe one of two, since Kunikida covered his lunch today.

The way things are now... Dazai would hate for them to change. "You could stop applying," he carefully speaks. It's sudden, breaking through the silence and serenity, but quiet and soft as well. "Just stay home. I can pamper you."

Stay home..? "No, that doesn't make sense. I should be out there in the world, making bread and grinding or whatever people say these days— "

"I can help with the grinding— "

"And when I head back out into the work force, they'll wonder why there's such a huge gap in my resume. I need to find work now." You don't even dignify Dazai's interruption with a response.

I mean, yeah, you're right - if you want to be technical with it... The job market is only getting harder to breach everyday and the longer you wait to get back out there, the harder it'll be. But Dazai didn't work his ass off to get you fired from one place just for you to crawl back to another.

"But what if you just didn't go back to work?" Dazai broaches. "Ever, I mean. I can take care of us, be the breadwinner. You used to be so stressed... it's nice seeing you make time for the things you've forgotten." 

Sitting up, Dazai maneuvers himself to face you on the couch, resting his knees into the cushions and placing his hands on top of them. "And I like coming home to see you, looking all cute and relaxed, smiling and waiting just for me. It was so sad when I'd come home to nothingness because you were working late."

The brunette is laying it on thick, for sure. But you've never expressed interest in being his cute stay-at-home partner, always emphasizing your want for "financial independence" or whatever. Dazai does look so cute, eyes wide and glistening, lips pouty. "Please consider it. I much prefer this for you," his calloused hands grasp at yours, sincerity in his expression.

Clicking your tongue in faux annoyance, you tug your hand from his. "Fine, for now. Just because no one has been responding to my applications."

Crumbling easily is one reaction to have. Dazai would rather you have remained steadfast, because he knows exactly what to say in response to skew this in his favor. Your quick agreement as you stood to vanish into the kitchen means that this is far from over. In a few days, you'll be back to sending out applications - and Dazai will have to be ready to continue blocking them.

Ugh, how tedious. But it's worth it to keep you at his side.

[stuffeddeer]

You're oblivious and Jinshi's an idiot | The Apothecary Diaries | Jinshi x reader

cw - gn but you're in the rear palace and maidservant is used a few times in reference to you and your job, brief mention of nail picking

You calmly sit beside the purple haired eunuch, feeling a little anxious at placing yourself in such a position. Sitting beside someone of higher rank is criminal, so nonchalantly taking up the same space as they are. Anxiously tapping your fingers against your thighs, hands resting politely in your lap and head turned down, you await his next words.

"You won't turn to me?" He seems slightly teasing, but you're too nervous to check.

Jinshi rests his elbow on top of the no doubt expensive wooden table, chin pillowed by his palm and keeping his head up. His second arm moves forward, hand lifting close to you. With careful movements, Jinshi's pointer finger brushes back a strand of loose hair, finger pad trailing down your jaw until it stops on your chin.

Still, you say nothing, body still and turned down. His pointer finger curls as it slides below your chin, pulling you to the side to look at him. An amused smile is on his lips - he was definitely teasing a moment ago - and a glimmer of affection softens his eyes. "You agreed to dinner, did you not?" He leans toward you ever so slightly, a barely imperceptible change.

"Yes, Master Jinshi," you reply obediently. Perhaps Maomao was busy with lady-in-waiting duties, you had originally thought, assuming that you were called in as a poison taster.

The lean toward you is much more apparent this time, Jinshi letting out a sigh just before doing it. He's a mere few inches from your shoulder, hand dropping from your face to grip the edge of your chair closest to him. "Then I don't understand why you seem so reserved. You're usually much more open and energetic with me."

Your lips part, about to reply with the first thought on your mind, before quickly closing your mouth. One, two, three seconds pass as you think of how to traverse the situation you've found yourself in.

"My apologies, sir,” you choose to reply, “I shouldn't have behaved so inappropriately before.” Each word is chosen with intention as you reply steadily. Is that why you've been called here? For your lax behavior around the rear palace manager?

Yes, you weren't great at maintaining a professional facade while with Jinshi. He could be childish and annoying, that's true, but more than anything you just enjoyed playing with his self-assured and flirtatious persona whenever possible. Light teasing tended to leave him speechless and you adored watching the gears turn in his brain. With certainty, you can say you’re the only maidservant to ever give back the same energy he put out.

Jinshi pulls back, staring at you with a frown as he sits properly in his seat. "That's not what you were going to say."

"No," you agree.

The frown turns to a more pronounced pout, bottom lip jutting out and eyes narrowing. He's acting childish again, something that usually makes you smile (knowing you’ve successfully pushed his buttons) but only serves to make you more nervous as you anxiously pinch the fabric of your attire between your fingers. It's a nervous habit you picked up after trying to stop yourself from picking at your fingernails, each of which are low and choppy even if you've been quite a few months free of the practice.

"What had you wanted to say?" He implores. It's cute, honestly - watching Jinshi stare at you so pleadingly as he tries to keep his voice steady. You glance around, wondering where Gaoshun has been this whole time.

"I want for nothing, Master," you reply uncharacteristically of yourself, the words sounding rehearsed even though you hadn't been expecting this exchange at all.

Join me for dinner, he'd ordered curtly. No other information, merely requesting your presence for the night before leaving. He'd seemed to be in a rush, slightly flustered as he disappeared - likely late for some work he was most assuredly pushing off at the time. You barely finished nodding before he fled the parlor you'd met him in.

"What if I ordered you to tell me?"

"Will you?"

Of course not, Jinshi wants to say, the thought manifesting as a solemn sigh as he looks away. His eyes focus on the large wooden doors ahead, hands tugging at the ends of his hair as he tries to understand where he went wrong. There was no bad blood between you two he had believed - no arguments or chastising or even the slightest criticism or critique.

“Do you even have to ask?" He ends up murmuring lowly. The purple haired man blinks slowly a few times before hearing you sigh to his right. Creaks fill the room as you undoubtedly reposition yourself on the chair he'd pulled over for you to sit in, the sound followed by you clearing your throat.

"What was it you had said? I'm normally more open with you? I was merely going to point out that I'm not normally sitting or standing so closely,” you decide to answer. "I'm never right beside you like this. Our current position only serves to remind me of my rank and where I stand in comparison. I have no right to be here; It's not right for me to be at the same side of the table as you. To be called here for business and then disrespect— "

"Business?" Jinshi cuts you off, eyebrows furrowing as he turns to you with a sincere frown. "Is that why you think I called you here?"

Nervousness shoots up your spine and crawls around your skin as you suddenly feel ruffled. Being made to look a fool isn't something you're unacquainted with being a maidservant, but for some reason, being doled out the same treatment by Jinshi specifically left you feeling embarrassed and flustered. You try to wrack your brain for not only a proper response, but a smart or witty one - yet nothing comes to mind. Without thinking, your fingers come together as you begin picking at the edges of your fingernails. Your sharp tongue has turned limp, feeling heavy in your mouth as you struggle to reply.

It seemed like all Jinshi could do now was frown, the slight flicker of his lips further down causing your breath to hitch. "I'm sorry. It seems I hadn't made my intentions clear," Jinshi pinches the bridge of his nose, feeling annoyed with himself more than anything.

Your sandbag tongue pushes your jaw down, mouth parting as you're about to tell him it's fine - even though you still aren't sure what's happening. Before you can, Jinshi continues: "How would you suggest I ask for someone's hand? I had thought my courting was obvious prior, but now I'm not so sure..."

Courting? In what world had the beautiful eunuch, heartthrob of the rear palace, been courting anyone let alone you? Dozens of admirers, even ones sworn to the emperor, had been clawing each other left and right for a sprinkle of his attention. You'd been able to cozy up to his side as a friend and useful asset inside the rear palace walls, but you never expressed the same adoration and devotion that other palace residents have.

At risk of sounding a little self-centered, you just need to clarify, "You don't mean my hand, surely..?"

Jinshi looks appalled, mouth agape and eyes wide. "Have I been that inconspicuous with my courting? I could've sworn the whole inner court could tell!" He lets out a groan, face falling onto the table in front of him. A loud bang sounds as his forehead lands on the wood harshly.

Have you been that obtuse? Combing through your mind, you recall each time you'd seen Jinshi while out and about, trying to discern if he'd honestly been too discreet or if you'd just managed to write it off. And... nothing comes to mind. Gaoshun had shown more interest in you than Jinshi had, the former always checking up on you and making sure you were alright. His presence held that of a father figure.

Speaking of, where had he run off to? It's rare for you to be completely alone with Jinshi, today marking the first of this occasion. And based on how this is turning out, likely the last as well.

Jinshi flops his head to the side, gazing up at you from the table. "Gaoshun said you took to the gifts I had him deliver," he says childishly, voice soft through his pursed lips as he pouts. "I tried not to express favoritism, as I know you don't enjoy attention from the other maidservants and the court ladies with their needless prying, so I had him drop off small snacks in my stead."

A glimmer shines in your eyes as it finally clicks together. Gaoshun had always been so discreet passing you small snacks every few days. You honestly hadn't thought too much of it outside of thanking him gently, having assumed the older man merely feared for your health on hotter days. It's likely he mentioned at some point that they're from Jinshi and you had simply missed it. Or maybe you were expected to just know..?

Jinshi grumbles, a low hum sounding more like a whine than a groan, before he sits upright in his chair once again. "So, do you not like me?" He asks timidly.

"No," you reply easily. His face falls at this, causing you to backtrack. "I-I mean no I do not not like you. I'm- I'm saying I like you!.. I mean, we're friends, right?"

He pouts childishly, turning away from you with a hmph! "You know that's not what I mean!" The purple haired man's arms are crossed and nose stuck up, body language as dramatic as can be.

Of course you know what he means, yet you can't help but feel unsure anyway. There's no way the Jinshi likes you - a simple laundry attendant who picks on him sometimes. Many girls throw themselves at his feet, so why would he settle for you?

"I think I'm just a little confused," you carefully pick your words. Besides, he's your employer; Is it wise for you to encourage his delusions? There's no way the two of you could have an actual relationship. "You seem to be implying you like me, and I'm unsure if that's your intention." Once more, you shift anxiously in your seat.

The eunuch groans loudly, clearly frustrated with your incessant dismissal of his feelings. "That is my intention, yes. You're welcome to say you don't feel the same, if that's how you feel. However, I'd still like the chance to court you and try to change your mind, if you're comfortable with it."

Flustered and overwhelmed, you shake your head. "Is this appropriate? Can someone in your position court a person so drastically beneath them? What if I fall out of line, wouldn't you still have to correct me?"

A smile tugs at Jinshi's lips for a mere moment before he turns away. "I'm not courting you as the manager of the rear palace. I'd like to court you as a friend, someone you've spent time with absent of titles. I'm not your immediate superior, anyway - those directly above you can issue orders as they see fit, though you've never been the type to step out of line. And, we both know you have only a few months left on your contract. I'm hoping to pin you down before you leave the palace and another man gets to you first."

Now it's your turn to pout, your own lips pursed and eyes narrow as you stare at him. "You enjoy making things difficult," you start. “I can't believe you're doing all this to me. On top of that, you of all people know I do enjoy testing these metaphorical lines,” the last sentence punctuated with a huff.

It's true; that's how Jinshi grew to enjoy your presence. During his time knowing you, you had never been afraid to give back the same energy you received, playing along with Jinshi regardless of positions. However, you've always had a keen sense for what is or isn't allowed around whom - knowing to act like the perfect maidservant around the eunuchs directly responsible for your field of servitude, but understanding even without much prior knowledge that Jinshi is the type to let you get away with a little more.

"Then let's test this one. Let's see if we can push the 'metaphorical line' of our relationship, from professional to romantic," Jinshi's eyes glimmer with hope, a confident grin on his face at what he deemed a perfect segue.

After an annoyed grumble full of incoherent words under your breath, you turn to him with an exasperated sigh. "Fine. I'll allow you to court me - or continue to, rather - during these few months. And once I've fulfilled my contract and am able to return home, we can discuss the idea of potentially changing the status of our relationship."

As you spoke, Jinshi couldn't stop himself from bouncing ever so slightly up and down on his seat, excited beyond all measure. His hand reaches out to you and you flinch, pulling back before he can.

"And only then, Master Jinshi," you add.

He can't even find it in him to be sad, too excited that you've promised him a chance. “Yes, perfect, it’s a deal. Easiest deal I've made in my life. Could I get it in writing?" He begins to ramble on, allowing you to zone out and watch for a moment.

In an attempt to shut him up, you hold out your hand and place it over his mouth. Jinshi has never portrayed himself as someone who detests his own voice, but this was more than you'd ever heard from the man. With a gentle grip, he peels your hand from his mouth via your wrist, holding it tenderly for a moment before placing the tiniest kiss to the skin. Feeling flushed and mind short circuiting, you find yourself frozen in your seat once again. Did he just..?

The large wooden doors suddenly open, Gaoshun finally appearing. He's standing behind Suiren, the two both holding trays containing food. You can barely think, lips parting as you try to come up with a response. Right, you need to—

With Jinshi's hold on your hand, you can't quite hide your face with your sleeves as is custom, instead forced to sit awkwardly with your head bowed as he holds your palm near his face. Does this man know no shame? Your one sleeve is nervously covering the bottom half of your face, hoping for a shred of decency, while Jinshi casually chats with the two as though nothing had happened, is happening. Of course, Suiren and Gaoshun know better than to ask why.

Without a word from you, the two slip out of the office once again, leaving you alone with Jinshi. Your head finally lifts up, noticing the dish in front of the two of you as Jinshi gently drops your hand.

"Like it? Gaoshun had mentioned you'd been particularly happy when he dropped this off to you. I figured that must make it your favorite."

And he's right. You stare down at your favorite meal; The last time you'd gotten a taste was when Gaoshun had secretly passed you a few bites what was now a few weeks ago.

With a small smile, you turn to look at Jinshi. "It is. Thank you."

[stuffeddeer]

miss you mom

MOM????????

[stuffeddeer]

do u take apothecary diaries rqs

heh 😏 i can 😏

[stuffeddeer]

It's late.

Dazai feels a little ashamed, if he were to be honest. How pathetic is it that he's unable to sleep unless in the arms of his coworker? A little pathetic. His eyebrows furrow as he begins to pick the lock to your apartment.

It's late. You're probably asleep.

He's jealous. Yeah; the clenching feeling in his chest is jealousy from your ability to sleep through the nights (a feeling of his that isn't shared towards his well-rested coworkers). You're asleep, and he should be. He will be.

The door clicks quietly, and Dazai doesn't react. How many times has he broken into your apartment? The question is left unanswered as he saunters into the place, making sure to close and lock it behind him.

You're asleep. It's late.

He makes a pit stop by your kitchen, staring blankly into your fridge like he'd do if he lived here. He counts the number of half finished water bottles littering the shelves, dispersed in between random ingredients you don't open and snacks that are dwindling in number.

If Dazai lived here, maybe he could make you dinner sometime. Gather the ingredients to fill your fridge, put a pan on the stove — however people cook, he can't remember. The fridge closes quietly; It's late. You're asleep.

With a final glance towards the sink, taking note of the dirty cutlery delicately balanced around the edges, he makes his way into the hall. Three steps and he'd be outside your door, your bedroom door, where you're asleep.

Dazai pushes away the same thought that keeps appearing in his mind. Of course you're asleep, it's late.

He turns away from your bedroom and finds himself standing in your living room. It's happily lived in - cushions that have lost their fluff, a blanket strewed across the couch haphazardly. His hand runs over it; always the same blanket. Dazai can imagine sitting under this blanket on the couch with you, the couch you two would share, watching some movie on your small tv just across the small room.

If he lived here, he'd make sure to tidy up the living room before you two went to bed. You kept a basket of blankets just next to the tv, and Dazai could easily drape the blanket back into it before following you off to bed. For now, he leaves it; There'd be no trace he was here come morning.

Once again, he finds himself mere steps away from your bedroom door. You live alone, for now, and yet keep the door closed every night. Is it habit? Are you worried some barbarian will break in just to watch you sleep? (Dazai isn't here to watch you, of course; He's here to sleep as well.) If that is what you're worried about, he could always spend the night with you, just to make sure you're safe. Well, spend the whole night with you, rather than breaking in late and sneaking out early.

Dazai turns into the bathroom.

You have the cutest rug next to your shower, one that always makes Dazai smile. A tough persona is applied at the agency, so only he is privy to your cute pink Sanrio bathmat. It's not what he would have expected for you, and that's what makes him smile. Your counter holds an electric toothbrush and has a lot of clutter Dazai wants to sort through. If he lived with you, he could place his toothbrush next to yours and keep your hair care stuff in the cabinet below. Maybe one day you'd let Dazai comb your hair, with a brush or just his fingers.

It's late. You're asleep. The same thought Dazai has been pushing down since he began the walk to your apartment fills his head once more. He's not delusional, no, but what if you weren't asleep? What if you were waiting up, just for him?

His hand touches the doorknob. It's late. You have no reason to think he's coming. The door opens slowly and quietly as he peers in.

You're asleep.

Dazai's chest constricts and he can't help the frown pulling at his lips. Of course you're asleep; He's stupid to get his hopes up. If you were awake anyway, you'd kick him out and probably call the cops. He is trespassing right now, at a time when you're most vulnerable.

Still, Dazai slips into your warm, cream-colored sheets, his hands clasped together under his cheek as he lies on his side. You're so calm, so serene under the dull light of a street lamp just outside the bedroom window. Hesitantly, Dazai's hand moves to brush a strand of hair from your face, the tips of his fingers experimentally tracing your skin.

His eyes flutter shut when you move closer. Were you used to his presence? Dazai likes to think you need him to sleep as much as he needs you. Sure, you could fall asleep without him curled up beside you, but maybe he was soothing nightmares. The thought made him frown. He shouldn't care, he shouldn't be here. His eyebrows furrowed like they had when he first broke in — this is weird. This is illegal, too.

A frustrated puff of air leaves his mouth, his eyes shutting more firmly. Tighter, tighter — why isn't he asleep yet?

He curls more into himself, feeling ashamed and embarrassed and anxious and annoyed and-

Your hand moves from your chest to his, softly resting over his heart. The small smile resides back on Dazai's face as he relaxes, slowly drifting to sleep in your bed.

Light filters in through your sheer curtains, the sun kissing your face as you quickly wake up. The blaring of your alarm was the first thing you'd noticed, rubbing your eyes with one hand as you turned to shut it off. Just a few moments of peace, and then you'd get up....

Those few moments didn't come to pass before you were hit with a boost of energy, sitting up in your empty bed. Of course your bed was empty, no need to emphasize it. You live alone, did you expect someone to be there when you woke up?

[stuffeddeer]

yall want some stats?

i have well over 100 drafts in my notesapp of just dazai fics

just over 160 drafts in total