suicidal-obsession

[suicidal-obsession]

My blog is for:

Coping with my mental stuff

Getting my disordered thoughts out of me and not letting them eat me up inside

Seeing other ppl with similar issues to not feel so alone, possibly making friends with them so they don’t feel so alone

Making me not feel so crappy

My blog isn’t for:

× For promoting mental disorders

× Promoting self harm

× Putting others down

× Telling others to do what I do

[suicidal-obsession]

I wish you didn't have shitty grades. I wish I didn't have a shitty job. I wish we could afford to live where you want and I wish we could just see each other everyday. I hate it. I hate it so much.

[suicidal-obsession]

fake conversations in your head of you venting to someone

[suicidal-obsession]

I found someone who makes me feel sea sick. What skill to have, oh what a skill to have, so many skills that make him distinctive, but he's not mine to have, he's not mine.

[suicidal-obsession]

Kissing the back of someone’s hand? Hot. Calling someone “love” or “darling”? Hot. Saying you “fancy” someone? Hot. Tucking the other person’s hair behind their ear? Hot. Grabbing someone by the collar or tie to kiss them? Hot. Spinning someone back around into an embrace and/or kiss? Hot.

[suicidal-obsession]

[suicidal-obsession]

Getting better?

[suicidal-obsession]

[suicidal-obsession]

Ohgggod- ohhh fuuck.

[suicidal-obsession]

I just want people to stay with me. Stop abandoning me. Stop it. StOP IT. DONT LEAVE ME. DONT FUCKJNG LEAVE ME.

[suicidal-obsession]

Oh god oh fuck they're gorgeous.

[suicidal-obsession]

FUCKING GREAT. LOOK AT WHAT HE TURNED INTO. HE HAS FUCKING PANIC ATTACKS AND ANXIETY AND PTSD BECAUSE OF YOU. YOU'RE A TERRIBLE FUCKING FATHER. OH GOD OH GOD HE WEONT STOP SCRATCHING WHAT TO I DO WHAT DO I DO FJCK FUCK FUCKK FUCK OSIRIS IM SORRY OH GOD

[suicidal-obsession]

oh god oh fuck just let me FEEL something. Anything. I'll take anything. Iswear.

[suicidal-obsession]

EVERYONE IS LEAVING ME AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM AND KILL MYSELF. EVERYTHING IS FALLING APART AND I CAN'T STOP IT. CHANGE. I HATE IT. I HATE CHANGE. STAY, PLEASE. PLEASE. OLEASE.OLEASEOKEAASEPLEASEE. PLEASE OLDONT LEAVE ME ILL FUCKING FALLL APPART.

[suicidal-obsession]

I don't want to be alone. I don't want to leave them behind. But since everything that's happened, I have to leave EVERYTHING behind. Become a new person. Hell, the person I was isn't the person I am. I'm living a lie. A lie, a huge lie.

[suicidal-obsession]

Ohgodohgodohgodohgodimgoingtofuckingdieohgod

[suicidal-obsession]

Your daily reminder that traumatised brains are literally physically different to a normal brain. Repeated trauma and abuse has a severe, long-term effect.

If you have difficulty maintaining social bonds, concentrating, sleeping, focusing, or regulating your emotions, it’s because you’re traumatised. If you’re not happy with yourself, if you worry you’re a burden, you’re toxic, that you don’t matter, it’s because you’re traumatised. If you struggle to make it out of bed, think straight, get motivated or distracted, it’s because you’re traumatised.

Have you ever been told you’re too dramatic, or emotional? Has anyone wondered why you trust no one? Why you analyse every person’s smallest behaviour? Why you’re paranoid of the most minor signs of history repeating itself? It’s because you’re traumatised.

And it is NOT your fault.