sujeongiam

[sujeongiam]

Retro ride 레트로 라이드

Browsed and spotted two new songs with a similar theme in their MVs: Eddy Kim – Bet On Me and SOLE (쏠) – RIDE in which both feature singers taking their friends out for a ride in retro cars from my dad’s era, complete with cassette tapes, disco lights and pretty people. 

[MV] 에디킴 Eddy Kim - Bet on me

[MV] SOLE(쏠) - RIDE (feat. THAMA)

I personally dig SOLE’s song much more because I’m into the slow jams and chill tunes lately. And her voice is gem! Also, I dunno what’s more awesome than going on a wanderlust road trip your girlfriends and a car boot loaded with candy galore. Come and ride, come and ride, come and ride~

[sujeongiam]

Lee Hi killin’ it again with her voice and this groove is lit af. (via https://open.spotify.com/track/3Wx1JC1jlRPfZHlFMbewuJ)

[sujeongiam]

EPIK HIGH - '빈차(HOME IS FAR AWAY) + 연애소설(LOVE STORY)' M/V

감성폭발 ㅠㅠ 오혁의 목소리 나올 때마다~  Wonderful, as always, Epik High. Definitely did something wonderful with this album.

[sujeongiam]

(via https://open.spotify.com/track/1TRarO1whDosZ0QyHrT9fs)

I love Primary and OHHYUK, they’re talented musicians. But this song got me confused because its verses sounded like one of OHHYUK’s own song – Bawling – and the chorus, oh boy, I keep hearing similar melody lines from INFINITE’s Chaser :/ It’s so obvious, sighs. 

[sujeongiam]

Revolutionary Love (K-Drama): Breaking the 4th wall

So I dived into this for Choi Si-won’s comedic charm and found the main characters lovable & funny, even though I couldn’t care less about the chaebol issues. I was alright with the first episode having plenty of CG effects but the intentionally shaky camerawork for some scenes got onto my nerves a little. Still, I thought the chemistry between Byun Hyuk and Baek Jun, as well as Si-won’s interpretation of Hyuk were enough to pull me through 2nd episode.

And then, this happened.

Hyuk suddenly talking to us caught me off guard and at first I was felt rather uncomfortable, but now I’m just puzzled. Maybe it’s because the only drama that I could remember watching and had its 4th wall broken was Producers. But I was fully aware that it will be shot as a documentary/variety show format.

Revolutionary Love, I did not expect this at all.

Well, thinking carefully, there were a few other scenes where he deliberately looks into the camera, so I should have gotten the hints long before. I dunno, I feel unnerved when Hyuk turned and exclaimed to us “What is this?!” I’m not sure how often will he interact with the viewers in this show, but maybe when the second time comes, I’ll be ready and not feel so vulnerable. 

[sujeongiam]

Sorry for that Happy Birthday wish. It was my mistake, taking it for granted that you are fine being friends. It’s true that I have have never really bothered remembering people’s birthday, let alone wishing them (save my own family and my extremely close friends), so it might seem that I have ulterior motives behind my Facebook message. 

No, I don’t. Your birthday was easy to remember, 10th of October. Ten-ten. It popped into my mind some time before October came, one of those rare days where I was just wondering how you are doing. But I told myself not to bother with remembering it. You never remembered mine. We have not spoken to each other since the last conversation in June, which was fairly cordial. And since you’ve deleted photos of me from your Instagram, I get the cue that maybe it’s better if we don’t speak at all.

It really didn’t occur to me that the souvenirs that I have sent to your parents would arrive on the eve of your birthday, which led to a open thank-you post on Facebook and a brief meet-up the next day. It would be a lovely thing to see them and catch up, I thought. Needless to say, since it was your birthday, your name popped up every now and then, but I didn’t have the heart to tell them that I’ve only spoken to you twice this whole year and the last time was four months ago. Even though I was assured that breaking up with you doesn’t affect the relationship between me and them, again I felt it was a mistake that I didn’t ask of your opinion first before continuing a friendship with them because now I all feel is guilt that being friends with your parents has made it hard to let bygones be bygones. 

I thought it would be rude of me not to send you a wish, knowing well that your parents would probably talk about our meet-up on your birthday. But seeing that you chose to not read my message, let alone replying to it, I realised that I was being selfish and I truly am sorry for not considering your feelings with that birthday wish. 

[sujeongiam]

Don’t walk so far ahead. Walk with me. 같이 걸음이 맞추고 걷자.

[sujeongiam]

몇일 전에 햇살이 좋은 날에 거리 걷다가 바람에 흔들리는 나무소리에 취한 느낌이 또 다시 와다가지고... 그순간의 행복... 

[sujeongiam]

Been feeling super down today. Just got in touch with an old friend to ask for monetary help. I feel so ashamed that I’ve achieve nothing stable in my life and having to ask for others for help. Today I watched Show Me The Money 6 and some life stories told through their had got me into bouts of bawling out loud alone in this empty apartment. Got me thinking about my life, why am I so depressed about my situation, even though I have nothing that could compare to the hardships that those people have lived. All I know is that I’m crying and pouring out so much today. 30 seconds of tears, regrets and inferiority complex. 5 minutes of recovery. And then back to that same 30 seconds. Repeat. I don’t know if I can do it.

[sujeongiam]

One day you are amazed by how small things can lift up your spirits and make you feel grateful to be alive. The next day you are thinking how you end up living the way you do and struggle to find that balance between filial piety and wanting to live your own life.

[sujeongiam]

One month to go. 6000 euros that will guarantee an extended stay here in Finland. Yet I don’t have that.

Have to let down my pride and admit to my parents that I have not been able to be the person that they hope their daughter to be: the self-reliant, independent one that can deal with her own life abroad.

This doesn’t feel right to me. But I have to find a way. One month to go.

[sujeongiam]

Accidentally sliced into my finger tip while trying to peel sweet potato with peeler knife two days ago. The wound is healing nicely and I can’t help but to stare at the sleek black line on my skin. Perhaps it would be nice to think of something poetic, but it’s just a cut. A wound that has eventually closed up and the line that will soon no longer be there.

All wounds heal.

I hope this other one would too.

[sujeongiam]

Dreamt that I put onions into a tank of goldfishes and they ended up dead. Never had premonitions before, but this dead goldfish dream preceded the news that I was not successful with my cultural grant application for an art project. TT____TT

[sujeongiam]

MAKES GOOGLY EYES, GRINS, SQUEALS, ROLLOVER AND DIES... AND REPEATS*. *especially that gesture at 0:59!!! (KYAAAAAAAAAA~ <3)

[sujeongiam]

This is me again after a small emotional downtime. That joke about “long-distance relationship” and that “He is in the future.” managed to draw out a good amount of tears. “It could have been.” ran through my mind a thousand times. 

Today I felt stuck. Unable to progress with my paintings, having no idea what I can do to make money, getting anxious about depleting numbers in my bank account, feeling guilty that I should have spent more time completing my tasks and thesis or send out more job applications instead of watching Korean shows. And the worst is that I am too proud to ask for help from my family and close friends.

Time is running out. 2 more months before I have to move out from this apartment, I still have not found the next place to live in. 10 more months before my student residence permit expires, I still have not found a job nor have enough funds to apply for a permit extension. 

This is not the lowest point yet. But I don’t want to end up there. I’m not a mess. I can make it better. 

Stop throwing cold water at yourself, girl. You’re alright. You don’t have to thin, pretty and successful. You just have to be happy. Happy with yourself. You’ve gone pretty far. You’re alive. You have your family and good friends who cares about you. You’ll be alright.

[sujeongiam]

DRAMA, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KEEP TORTURING OUR POOR YEONG!!!

.

.

.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, SHOW?! 

BYEONG YEON AHHHHH~

[sujeongiam]

4th year away from home.

Just came back from a quick grocery shopping. Had a difficult time choosing between the healthy and unhealthy, cheap but without compromising the nutrients, eco-friendly or not. First world problems indeed. Said “kiitti” to the cashier but I guess she couldn’t hear me. The short walk out in the chilly autumn evening seemed to have revived a bit of my dormant cells after cooping up at home since Saturday. On a bigger picture, I have spent almost a month and half bound to my little apartment, closed up from the world. Only my online presence can be felt, but not all the time.

Just before this, I read Leo Babuta’s article about “How to Write Every Day” and I figured that I needed to feel the words flowing again. So there. Something written. But nothing deep. Reflection comes later.