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Day 22: My lowest weight was 130 lbs. I played hockey and danced growing up so i always had a lot of muscle and I hated it. I gained because my depression got really bad and somehow eating was how i coped. 

Day 23: Of course it did. Magazines, actresses i wanted to be like, etc. It was really unhealthy for me in high school. 

Day 24: I’m conflicted about them. I understand that they are very toxic and can be really bad for those recovering, but I also understand not wanting someone else to deal with being ana or bulimic and still being okay with having an ed yourself. 

Day 25: I haven’t purged, but only because of being a singer. It’s really bad for my throat and I still wanna be able to sing well after i get skinny so i stay away from it as much as I am able to. 

Day 26: Finally being happy and not hating myself 

Day 27: Depends on the day. Sometimes I feel like being around food and resisting it makes me feel more powerful over myself and more in control. Other days I binge, wether it’s because i get depressed or if I’m trying to cover up my ed around my family and my best friend. 

Day 28: I would kill for that gap between my legs. Girls with a gap are so small and dainty and I would do anything to be like that. 

Day 29: For me personally, I know I cant be beautiful as long as I’m fat. So skinny is beauty. 

Day 30: my 10 facts:

1. I played hockey for 5 years 

2. I’m a dancer 

3. I love the beach and being outside

4. I’m a massive stoner 

5. I think people who chew loudly are the spawn of satan

6. I’m bi 

7. Harry styles is the love of my life. Also Adam Driver. And Tom Hiddleston. 

8. I have 1 friend and 1 friend only. 

9. I live in North Carolina

10. I’m a taurus

My stats: 

Height: 5′4 

Weight: 204.6

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Day 11: I don’t really have a favorite thinspo blog cuz i like to look at them all. I don’t have a preference. 

Day 12: Before I started restricting again, I was eating really terribly bc eating is how I learned to cope with depression so I would have sugar and junk all the time.

Day 13: I mean I’m still consuming calories so I don’t think it’s unhealthy. I’m just a really good faster. 

Day 14: My UGW is 120 for right now but I still wanna be lighter than that. I hope to reach it by September. 

Day 15: I’m neither, but I would like to be. I just can’t do it until I move out.

Day 16: I decided to start losing in the summer of 2019 but I starting restricting again in March, so it’s been a journey. 

Day 17: I don’t know. I don’t think so. I just like to restrict and count calories and that’s not a bad thing. 

Day 18: Chewy candy 

Day 19: I don’t even remember the last time.

Day 20: Military diet. It was basically nothing but protein and crackers and it worked so well for me when I was in high school.

Day 21: What are your clothing sizes? I’m usually an XL but XXL when I want something to be extra big. It’s disgusting. 

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-Day 10-

What was the hardest thing you gave up during this weight loss?-

I have such a sweet tooth so giving up chocolate was the worst

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I just want to be skinny. I want people to worry. To beg me to eat because all these years they told me to stop.

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-Day 9- 

-Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?-

Being an actor, your ‘look’ matters a whole lot so when I was in college for musical theatre, my voice teacher (who is like a second mother to me) would constantly tell me that I’m incredibly talented but I would never work in the industry if I continued to be chubby. Her phrase that she would always say to me was “Lose the weight.” and sometimes that’s how she would end my voice lessons. Countless other people have made fun of me for it, especially my family, but that story is the one that has stood out to me for all my college years.

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-Day 8- 

-Your workout routine-

I do a 1,000 calorie workout everyday which consists of 150 jumping jacks, 115 crunches, 150 squats, 20 pushups, a minute-long wall sit, and a 45-second plank. I do that once a day on good days and twice a day if I binge. 

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-Day 7-

-Do your parents know you are trying to lose weight? Do they care?-

My parents are always commenting about my weight. Ever since high school they’ve always made comments about me being fat even when I was at a healthy weight for my age. I played sports growing up so most of my weight consisted of muscle, but that didn’t matter to them. So to make a long story short, they know I’m trying to lose, but they don’t know how I’m doing it. I make an effort to eat fruit and salad in front of them but they don’t pay enough attention to even recognize what i’m doing. I’ve lost 3 lbs in two days and they’re happy about it, so I guess they care. 

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Hi I just wanted to share that I’m so proud of myself cuz I’m down two lbs in three days and I’m down another .6 lbs from THIS MORNING WHO AM I

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Some laying down exercises I do in bed. I try my best to be on the floor though, because you sink into beds so your muscles use less force.

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I hate myself for not being the type of person who works out until I can’t move. Who wakes up early or goes out late (or both) for a run. Who easily refuses food. Who thrives on being hungry. Who sees the number on the scale go down and doesn’t give herself a “reward” for losing a couple of lbs.

I hate myself for giving in and giving up. For letting myself eat a little more so people wouldn’t be suspicious. For letting myself even think about foods I know will start a binge or foods that I will binge on.

It’s been two years. I could be at my ugw RIGHT NOW. But I wasn’t motivated enough. I didn’t try hard enough. I have to do better.

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I ended up binging on the day I started but I didnt eat a lot and I didnt give up, as of now Im officially on my 24hour mark!! I slept for about 13 hours so that helps lol

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-Day 6-

-Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.-

I always binge when I feel discouraged after not losing a lot of weight. I think my brain gives into the hunger because fasting and restricting obviously didn’t do anything so I can treat myself. Then I get big sad and start restricting again.

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-Day 5-

-Why do you really want to lose weight? Are you doing it for you?-

It’s the one thing I’ve always hated about myself. Even when I was at my smallest, I still felt like the biggest thing in the room. I went through a bad break up a few years ago and got really depressed and coped with food, and I don’t want my relationship weight gain to hang over my head. 

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I just binged 300 cals and I want to die 🙃

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Day 4

-Your greatest fears about weight loss-

I don’t think I’m afraid of or have any fears about weight loss, but more-so I have fears about my family noticing and making me stop.