symbol-of-fear

[symbol-of-fear]

IMPORTANT!!!

I've moved everything over to my main blog, which is now @absolute-decay. That is now where I'll post stuff that would be on this blog, along with everything else. So, if you still wanna interact with me, go follow that!

[symbol-of-fear]

hihi again, same himiko who asked how you were doing yesterday!!! i hope figuring out the fictionkin stuff has left you feeling alright, i know differentiating between stuff can be bleghhh sometimes. im doing well myself, revamping my own kin blog rn actually since you inspired me to do so!! ive seen a couple LOV canoncalls lately so I figured i might get some use out of it :D if you wanna talk further I could always send my blog now instead of sending you asks! (but no pressure obviously!!)

hope today's been okay for you :] (and sorry ab getting rambly again!!)

Hey again, Himiko! Sorry for the late answer, my sleep schedule is absolutely horrible and I fell asleep ust before you sent this, it seems.

It has! It is a bit hard to sort through all my thoughts and feelings, but, figuring things out is always worth it in the end. I'm doing well, and I'm glad you are too.

I'd love for you to send your blog, and it's fine, I don't mind you being rambly at all.

[symbol-of-fear]

It's a bad feeling, when I stoop down to thier level. When I play by their rules, try to work my way through their emotions and ways of thinking. Someone like me, and worthless, thoughtless scum like them, we'll just never see eye to eye.

And coming to peace with that... it's really freeing. I don't have to care about them, any of them. I'm going to abandon them as soon as I can, anyway, and they'll be nothing but specks of dust in the wind.

Why spend so many resources trying to beat low level enemies when there are more areas to explore? It's rare for me to feel so powerful, so gratified. I'm definitely going to savor it.

[symbol-of-fear]

Ok, so, after some research, and generally letting myself become more emotionally and mentally stable then I was when I first started this blog, I have come to the conclusion I am Copinglink, not a Spiritual Fictionkin. I hope no one who follows me feels decieved, as it was not a term or concept I understood well before now. Still, I do hope we can be friends and interact on here.

[symbol-of-fear]

...I should re-learn making card towers.

[symbol-of-fear]

I wasn't much of a screamer in my past life. I was emotionally unstable, sure. Had plenty of tantrums, but, I didn't express it through yelling and screaming. I never really had the chance, and if I did, I had Decay on my side. I had power, hell, eventually, I was feared.

Now, I'm helpless, weak, a damn child. No Decay, no power, forced to play by the rules... It's damn annoying. I have more of a moral compass this life, sure, but not by much. I hate being helpless, so much.

[symbol-of-fear]

Why, why why why why... No Mon-Chan, no Hana, no mom, no grandma, no grandpa... I don't even have a Kurogiri. After everything I go through, I get a second chance at life, and this is the family I'm stuck with? It's unfair, unfair, totally unfair.

[symbol-of-fear]

Lucky... This "family" is damn lucky I don't have Decay. If anyone talked to me like they do, treated me like they do, while I was helping them, for Christ's sake... They'd be Dust and gore on the floor in a matter of seconds.

[symbol-of-fear]

hihihi!!! himiko spiritualkin here, I saw one of your canoncalls and got soso excited!! im a bit anxious ab dming first haha but wanted to at least send an ask bc oh my gosh its so good to see you!!! i am sending you a hug right now tomura (of you want one obvs!!) you deserve it :> how are you doing? very sorry if this is a bit rambly i just got very excited 🥲

Hi, Himiko! I'm very glad to see you, too. And of course I want a hug, don't worry.

Right now, I am in a bennadryle induced state of extreme tiredness. I use it to force myself to sleep at normal hours sometimes, but, it has it's drawbacks (Especially when I take 10). But, overall, I'm doing fine. What about you?

[symbol-of-fear]

I don't think we ever celebrated my birthday when I was with Sensei. I don't think I even remembered when my birthday was, and there was no reason for Kurogiri to know, or Sensei to tell me.

It's a small thing, but, looking back, I think it's a part of why I felt so seperate from everything and everyone else. I didn't have anything that grounded me as a human being. I didn't feel human, or alive. I was just an entity drifting through the days, for the longest time.

[symbol-of-fear]

My Kurogiri was an amazing cook, even if he didn't look like it. Cullinary skills aren't exactly something you'd think of giving a Nomu, but, I guess Sensei thought of everything when making a caregiver. When I got older, I just ordered take out and bought cheap microwave meals, but even then, there were days he would insist on making a meal for me.

He wasn't a really good with meat, he always made stuff revolving around vegetables, and he also really liked making soups and stuff. I can't exactly remember any of his meals, especially since I grew up in this life basically not even knowing what they would be, but, I definitely remember loving all of it, feeling that warm and fuzzy feeling they talk about when people talk about "made with love".

[symbol-of-fear]

So my side blog is @burnt-crispy-bacon. I just thought it was a silly name but I’m super glad I get to meet you even if I’m another life!

I'm glad too, Dabi. Thanks for reaching out.

[symbol-of-fear]

Hi… so I’ve been lurking but not in a weird way just in a too scared to say hi way but I’m a Dabi/Touya kin and I just wanted to say hi! You were in a big part of my memories and if you are interested I could either send an ask or DM you my blog name because Tumblr doesn’t let side blogs send asks much to my dismay. Anyway, I hope you get everything figured out soon!

Oh, Hi Dabi. I'm more than happy for you to send an ask with it, and yeah, since this is a side blog too, I definitely understand how much that sucks.

And thanks, I hope so too. I know memories being foggy at first is normal, but still, I wish there was a more active way to remember things.

[symbol-of-fear]

We saw your source call and so I wanted to say hi, I don’t know if you knew me at all in your memories but in my memories we knew each other (much to Touya’s dismay)

- a Natsuo fictive

(Also our Kurogiri and Toga say hi, they’re both busy right now)

A Natsuo... No, I really don't think I ever met you in my memoires, but, like I said, they're really foggy and unclear, so, it's not impossible.

And, tell them I say hi back, and that I miss them both very much. I hope they're leading the lifes they deserve.

[symbol-of-fear]

Part of me misses my League so, so much, but, the other part knows that this tye of life, a normal, free life, is what they all would want me to have, and I shouldn't waste it or want to give it up... Still, I just wish I could meet them, any of them, in this life, maybe even the next.

[symbol-of-fear]

It's funny... Some years ago, before I even really knew anything about my source, I had a moment that definitely had to do with my past life. I was terrifed of touching things, because I believed that if I did, they would get "infected", or "defiled", that my mere touch was enough to ruin something, and I was desperate for gloves. It was a sort of phase, and passed after a few days, but, it's just so interesting to look back on with hindsight.

I also had lots of fantasies and plans involving murdering my entire family, and still do, so, take that as you will.

[symbol-of-fear]

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts so damn much, I wanna itch, it feels like I have to itch, I keep thinking there's an itch, but it's not there. It's all in my head but I feel the need to itch all the same, and it fucking hurts.