systemofcryptids

[systemofcryptids]

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

[systemofcryptids]

questions for my fellow systems with CDDs;

(under cut because oof)

how do you... do system accountability/responsibility? when in extremely early recovery/discovery. for context I have no communication, zero control over who's fronting, nothing. I'm trying to set rules and boundaries but out of the 4 of us 2 are persecutors, and it's just not working, especially with how communication is... not a thing right now. it's frustrating and scary and upsetting that I can't get them to stop.

-

how do you start communication when in really early recovery/discovery? I've known for half a year or so, and communication was actually better for the first two months, but now it's nothing. nada. and dissociative barriers are going up about me even *having* DID.

my therapist pointed out that I might have an alter I don't know about actively suppressing communication and putting up those barriers.

-

I wanna get opinions from fellow systems that've probly been through the same stuff I have. so. hi, lol

[systemofcryptids]

Changing mindsets, from a Real Anti Endo™️

The Release of the (Pro/Endo) Golden Goose

I hope everyone from all sides will give this important, heartfelt post a read.

It's likely something you'll want to be aware of if you have a vested interest in syscourse and the validity of endogenic systems. Please give this a chance.

It's been almost three years since I started my blogs. Wow. I've been on tumblr a hell of a lot longer, but I really wasn't involved in the system community. I started out firm and loud. I probably inadvertently fakeclaimed (I went into this with the rule that I would NOT directly tell anyone they were faking, it was a boundary that I knew would ruin me socially if I crossed it, but I'm sure I probably did without meaning to), I name called and made fun of people and things. I was disrespectful to people. I invaded tags to get my message out there, though I was quick to stop once I realized I was making the tags unusable for the community I claimed to want to protect.

I learned very quickly what was appropriate and what wasn't, what I could get away with and what I couldn't. It started to become a numbers game, influenced by the risk of the post.

I made a lot of friends and a lot of enemies, and I amassed a following of over 2k. More people have come and gone from my little community than I ever thought possible. People made fanart of me, and I cherish those so deeply. I have over 300 asks because I struggle to delete the ones thanking me.

And the more I was thanked, the nicer I got, the more thanks, the nicer I got, rinse and repeat until I had trouble NOT empathizing with pro/endos. The more I was willing to listen, the more legitimate sources I came across that disproved my original ideas about consciousness. The people sharing the sources were more respectful than I thought they'd be. Things were starting to look a bit cloudy.

I talked to my colleagues about how they, as therapists, would handle some of these endos in their practice, and while their belief in the concept varied, kindness and attempts to understand was the consistent answer. When had I lost that kindness and understanding that had driven me to that field to begin with?

Colleagues, yes. For those who don't know, I have a degree in social services and counselling (plus three other degrees). It's why the current situation with the antis turning on me is so funny. I still can't get into the mindset of some of these new anti endos, I just can't imagine justifying that level of cruelty. I had lines that I wouldn't cross, and I didn't think people could be worse than me.

... That might have been a trauma thing, looking back on it.

So I got desperate.

I spoke to the actual doctors who wrote some of these papers all of us are quoting. Everyone was arguing the meaning of the words, so I went directly to the source.

Dr Colin Ross, who wrote about endogenous multiplicity in the 80s. I told him everything-- about plurals, non-traumagenic systems, syscourse, what was being debated, how I and others interpreted his words, and what I wanted to learn.

Was plurality only trauma based?

And back and forth and back and forth we went, with me asking over and over again in different ways, NEEDING to hear that it was.

But I never got that answer. He meant what he meant. He said what he said and he meant it.

That plurality was not only found in the aftermath of trauma.

And I said nothing to anyone because I couldn't reconcile it.

Don't try to read between the lines, I assure you, there isn't some hidden meaning to be found there. I can't share all of the messages because some contained personal information, but my final response will tell you all you need to know.

(It did NOT, in fact, make sense, and it took me three years to "rethink my paper" that endogenic plurality wasn't possible, I did not win that conversation, it was a dying stance that was not supported)

I've been accused of paying too much attention to my follower count, but I can't really help it. It's really scary when you make a post and see a sizeable drop. It means a lot of different things. My posts have less reach and support. I've upset people. I've done something wrong. My community is leaving me.

I'm in a weird spot, where I'm blocked by so much of the pro/endo community that I have nothing to join, and the anti endo community, who I still wholeheartedly support, continues to leave me for -checks smudged writing on hand- being too nice??

Misinformation about DID is a massive problem, and it's why I still consider myself anti endo and support that community. I relate to them in such a way that I'll always gravitate to and empathize with them.

Or at least, that's what I thought.

At this point, though, how can I not be pro/endo when Colin fucking Ross says it's possible?

I've already written about how I'm really struggling with these labels, and I love the people that have stuck around while I struggle to figure this out.

I hurt when I see the people that once supported me leave.

My (online) world is shrinking. Literally.

That's scary.

When you've watched so many turn away, you start to wonder, with every post, where is the line where the rest are going to leave? Is it this post?

I just want be me, us, we want to laugh at the stupid crap people say, system or not, I want to talk about my disorder, I want to combat misinformation, I want to have productive, fun conversations about ideas and concepts with people who disagree and have different interpretations. I want to play devil's advocate and get people thinking. I want to be able to comment positivity and kindness on any post I see, I want to feel comfortable talking to more people about their ideas. I sympathize with anti endos, I relate to CDD systems, I still firmly believe that CDDs and plurality are different, unrelated concepts.

My priority will always and forever be the CDD community first and foremost.

However, I am a hypocrite. I have gone straight to the horse's mouth and failed. I've seen so much research that I finally get it. I'm grappling with holding on to this conversation with Dr Ross, wondering what harm I could have prevented if I'd gone public with these emails earlier.

Since when has being open to change been a bad thing?

Since when has showing respect to lived experiences been a bad thing?

What am I? What label describes this?

How do I go forward from here?

What are you going to do with this information?

I promise you, hate isn't the way forward.

[systemofcryptids]

yeah you claim to be normal about introjects but what about introjects who have exomemories different to canon? introjects who are in relationships with other introjects thatd be deemed problematic in canon? source compliant introjects? source divergent introjects? those who refer to source as themself? those who seperate themself from source? those who are transgender in a way thats different to their canon identity? those who have different sexualities than canon? those who are a completely different age than in canon?

are you really normal about introjects?

[systemofcryptids]

this has actually happened to me before on a different website with a final exam :)

(pain)

Touch grass? No. Everyone in syscourse write me a 5-page essay examining To Kill A Mockingbird through a Marxist lens.

[systemofcryptids]

Touch grass? No. Everyone in syscourse write me a 5-page essay examining To Kill A Mockingbird through a Marxist lens.

[systemofcryptids]

oop.

[systemofcryptids]

can we not make fun of other systems? please?

please.

got called delusional for an opinion I don't have. for trauma I *do* have. screenshotted something I had said on reddit without censoring the username or anything and used the opportunity to bash on reddit in general. implied every single person who uses reddit thinks they're better than everyone else. then blocked me when I replied with their post to clarify and apologize.

i was already overwhelmed by just... existing, earlier. now it's worse.

for the record:

- i do not think systems with insys dating are doing anything wrong, nor is it incestuous. I'm happy for y'all, I genuinely think that's wonderful and I'm glad you're happy /gen

- i personally do not have any in my system, and have trauma responses to the idea of that happening *in our system*. not in other systems.

- selfcest trauma is real, even if selfcest isn't. being shown explicit selfcest material as a child when two of you are fictives of the same character *that that material is of* fucks you up.

- you can use reddit and be normal. I use it every once in a while to see different experiences people have with DID, or to vent. or to post about games i like. I do think most of reddit is pretty bad, I agree with the gist of that sentiment. but not every single person who uses reddit or goes on r/DID thinks they're superior and better than everyone else. somebody had asked a question about little to none insys dating, I answered with my unique experience, read through other answers i thought were interesting. normal stuff.

i am a pretty abnormal system myself. part of the charm is seeing how varied we all are as a community.

can we not like... do. this. please. thanks. I know (again) that the person this post is about won't see it since they blocked me and that's fine. but it's nice to have a reminder that life is weird and systems are weird and not everyone conforms to what you think is normal or a normal trauma response, and sometimes you only think someone has an opinion because........ you assume they have that opinion. even if they don't.

I ended up deleting my original comment on reddit because the reply saying they were ethically against insys dating "as well" rubbed me the wrong way and made me feel gross. so thanks for letting me see that comment I guess. not so much thanks for assuming I agreed with them.

I feel gross.

[systemofcryptids]

I figured that! I was just confused because the person had made it seem like it was like, official, and that everyone uses prosecutor - the point had been made about TikTok users using persecutor when they thought they should use prosecutor (?) and using persecutor was incorrect since they "don't" lash out at outsiders.

I use some custom roles for the ones that want it, but generally stick to medical terms for the ones who fit, then leave others unlabeled entirely. I have 2 persecutors in my system - and they both lash out at outsiders, so seeing that be described as what persecutors distinctly *dont* do was really confusing. people need to get more normal about realizing not everyone does or wants to use their super special niche roles where you have to memorize dozens and all their little differences. I'm happy for whoever does those things (I know I do) but its weird to just. act like that's the end all be all. because What.

also hi I'm a fan of your blog lol

hey. hey.

when someone asks you for a source on something, can you please actually link a source? not a page with two sentences linked to no external documents and no actual evidence besides it being a page on an online wiki.

pluralpedia with no supplemental sources for a claim is not evidence.

i was genuinely curious about something and i got blocked for asking for a medical or theraupedic source. can we not do that, please? i know this person won't see it, given they have me blocked, but oh my god, for future reference, can people not do that to me? i wasn't being hostile, i just wanted actual... evidence.

claim i was curious about was essentially this:

persecutors only cause internal harm (impacting self) to the system. the term for alters who cause external harm (impacting others) are prosecutors.

i wanted to see if that was a genuine term that was more correct than simply using persecutor for both, since that was what i had been doing and saw nothing otherwise, and wanted to see if there really was a distinct difference between the two. pluralpedia didn't scratch that itch for me - that tells me nothing about the term itself, not its history or detailed usage. the page has about two sentences. it has no sources linked inside, just to other related pluralpedia articles that didn't explain it either.

i am still open to the idea of this being the case! that might be correct! i'm just miffed that someone was so childish as to block me for asking for a better source than an online wiki that cites zero sources, who then later makes a post whose only source is that same page, acting like its the end all be all of that statement, case closed.

pluralpedia isn't bad from what i've seen, either. it just won't utterly shake my idea of what the term "persecutor" fundamentally is on its own, not without something else to back it up with.

this feels like spiteful misinformation, almost??? am i going crazy for being bothered by this. one of the persecutors in my system is fighting for front with me and its hard to tell if im being reasonable or if he's emotionally lashing out through me.

did i make an entire sideblog just for this? maybe.

[systemofcryptids]

quick about for a pinned post I suppose.

collective he/it, 19. known alter count: 5(?). we often do not sign off. we do not have a hard and fast system name. diagnosed DID. made this sideblog to keep system shit off my main.

none of us are human, just FYI. various flavors of xenogender and nonhuman.

quick n fast syscourse stances (though I'm not sure what is or isn't syscourse):

- endo neutral (they probly exist? i have no say in what you are experiencing. not my place. I know good endos and bad endos, just like any other group. not really my business. I don't care. I agree with some pro *and* anti endo points, depending on who's fronting and what the topic is. if my stance seems to move, that's why - I'm not firmly on either side)

- pro psych (in most cases! in some cases it's shit. I had a really traumatizing experience with a therapist that put up really bad dissociative barriers around therapy. I'm becoming a therapist to help the people I can, because I have benefitted as well)

my stances will shift if I'm given evidence that's compelling, because I do my best every day to be as rational as I can be. my core belief is that everyone is doing their best to just... be, and to judge people too harshly for that is a fallacy - i won't hold any opinions of yours i disagree with against you as a person. even harmful beliefs need to be understood to be tamed.

- pro self dx (with the proper time and research, though I don't do it myself; all of mine are professionally diagnosed if I don't say otherwise)

- on alter race: complex. (I am white, don't feel like it's my place to decide, but generally i think claiming to have experiences you don't is a bad idea. could be some exceptions maybe??? but not my place)

- on alter age: doesn't exist. (we all feel ageless, or in a vague maturity range. mental age as a concept has a tendency to be ableist. body age matters most, but how you feel personally is also very important, though that's more maturity than age. either way not really my business.)

- ask me abt more cuz I can't think of any rn

unless we're talking about, say, death threats. yeah, I'm not gonna defend you for those. get your shit in order if you're doing that. my ideal internet is civil - you can be at each other's throats metaphorically, but if anyone on either side of any issue is getting into doxxing and threats, no matter how noble the cause, you need to take a breather. i won't do it to you - don't do it to me, or anyone else. we are all people behind the screen with our own concerns.

(the above includes general harassment as well. do not harass people. I will bite you. you can be mean, sure, nobody is gonna shoot you, but if you harass someone I will bite you.)

I'll probly do some syscourse. I'll probly talk about general system stuff. I'm making an 18+ DIDOSDD server that may or may not have a section for endos, I'm still deciding that one (and I'm open to arguments from either side on why I should or shouldn't).

have a good timezone.

- this was mostly written by neo, current host, he/it - an example of a sign off we probly won't do all too often, lol, because sometimes we get real blurry and confused. this one has elements of c and s in it, for example - I didn't write it alone.

[systemofcryptids]

hey. hey.

when someone asks you for a source on something, can you please actually link a source? not a page with two sentences linked to no external documents and no actual evidence besides it being a page on an online wiki.

pluralpedia with no supplemental sources for a claim is not evidence.

i was genuinely curious about something and i got blocked for asking for a medical or theraupedic source. can we not do that, please? i know this person won't see it, given they have me blocked, but oh my god, for future reference, can people not do that to me? i wasn't being hostile, i just wanted actual... evidence.

claim i was curious about was essentially this:

persecutors only cause internal harm (impacting self) to the system. the term for alters who cause external harm (impacting others) are prosecutors.

i wanted to see if that was a genuine term that was more correct than simply using persecutor for both, since that was what i had been doing and saw nothing otherwise, and wanted to see if there really was a distinct difference between the two. pluralpedia didn't scratch that itch for me - that tells me nothing about the term itself, not its history or detailed usage. the page has about two sentences. it has no sources linked inside, just to other related pluralpedia articles that didn't explain it either.

i am still open to the idea of this being the case! that might be correct! i'm just miffed that someone was so childish as to block me for asking for a better source than an online wiki that cites zero sources, who then later makes a post whose only source is that same page, acting like its the end all be all of that statement, case closed.

pluralpedia isn't bad from what i've seen, either. it just won't utterly shake my idea of what the term "persecutor" fundamentally is on its own, not without something else to back it up with.

this feels like spiteful misinformation, almost??? am i going crazy for being bothered by this. one of the persecutors in my system is fighting for front with me and its hard to tell if im being reasonable or if he's emotionally lashing out through me.

did i make an entire sideblog just for this? maybe.