tactlesstuesdays - Tumblr blog

[tactlesstuesdays]

now that i posted 'i love you, it's ruining my life' i want to write more ttpd inspired chiles fics

[tactlesstuesdays]

i wrote something :)

ik the fandoms dead but im not so enjoy 5000 words of chiles

[tactlesstuesdays]

here's an excerpt from a chiles fic that if things go according to a non existent plan will be posted on ao3 in a few hours

Chapa wasn't sure how any of this had happened.

Chapa is restless, harsh and despairing. She's been described as being too abrasive and difficult to love, mainly by her parents. She can recall their pejorative jibes verbatim. She exuded an air of power that demanded respect; she wounded others just because she could. Cruelty seemed to be her default mode and she sought pleasure by inflicting pain on others.

But she isn't, truly. She might be described as a botched creature, her skin stitched back together with thread combining the worst qualities with the pleasant ones. Chapa grew up as a girl with pigtails that allowed adults sick with cynicism and despair to mistreat her for a decade, to abuse her forgiving nature. It's not a surprise that when she found her escape, her anger turned incoherent, unidentifiable and inconsolable. She was damaged, malformed, and still possessed the dependency of a child because that's all she was. She was a child that had to beg to be loved.

There's a lump in her throat the size of a cherry pit and Chapa hasn't been able to swallow it since she was eight. But Chapa could love, she did love. She did have love inside of her, it often tore at her skin like barbed wire. She just never knew how to use it because no one had ever taken the time to show her how to love. She understood how easy it was to inherently love but not to purposefully love something. All Chapa would've ever wanted was a love that didn't remind her of pain.

So, truly, Chapa wasn't sure how any of this had happened. Chapa remembers meeting him. How his brown eyes, dribbled hazel in the golden sunlight, and warm hands warmed her frozen, frostbitten hands and her dull heart. And if she was being honest, Miles reminded her of all the gentle things in life like tea when it's cold and oversized sweaters to sleep in. He reminded Chapa of all the reasons to take a chance even if a place seems so far away and out of reach. Miles was like when the sun diffuses rays of yellow, orange, and pink across the skyline as it sinks and the way anyone's face lights up as they smile; Miles was the embodiment of all of the beautiful things in life.

It really shouldn't have been such a shock that butterflies began to roil in Chapa's stomach, furious at being trapped inside of her, fighting and demanding to be freed. It would almost be nauseating, if it hadn't left a pleasant tingle in her, starting from the scarce hairs on the back of her neck before trailing down to the tips of her toes.

She'd started to fall in love with Miles and it frightened her. In a fraction of a moment, she fell in love with him; and tumbled down a rabbit hole that she didn't believe a thousand lifetimes would free her from. It was frightening. He's the centre of her universe in a split second. Miles brought her flowers and now Chapa makes a point of not gawking at the bouquet every time she passes them.

[tactlesstuesdays]

ignore my last post, im using feels like for my bomika acting au

that's right! im finally finishing that and publishing it, and ik we're dead but you best be excited for it

[tactlesstuesdays]

i'm obsessed with feels like by gracie abrams rn and i'm trying to think of a bomika or chiles fic inspired by it and i've come to you lovely lot (a dead fandom) for ideas. please and thank you, this might be my writing comeback

[tactlesstuesdays]

i find it incredibly unfair that i have such motivation now that's the shows ended but whatever. i get bored at school with so many free periods so before everyone leaves what fanfics do you want finished?

[tactlesstuesdays]

i just posted chapter 7 :))

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one final chiles fic, what do you say?

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i posted the rest of what ive written of i almost do for anyone who's been reading that, there's a lil surprise in it (i hate myself but also yay me)

[tactlesstuesdays]

i released more

yay, im proud of me

[tactlesstuesdays]

my favourite thing to imagine is miles not being able to raise his hand in class so instead he just goofs around with chapa and ignores the knowing glances from mika

[tactlesstuesdays]

i present to you all, my shitty writing about a chiles moment for around 600 words (i also have not partaken in any spoilers, just saw that chapa is a fangirl and sissy ruined everything and ran with it)

"What's it about AWOL then?"

It's cruel the way Miles says it. It's as if he's in disbelief. Disbelief that anyone could ever find him romantically interesting. Chapa would be lying if it wasn't another dagger in her heart. Miles is priceless, even if he isn't fully aware of it. He's her main resolution for staying part of Danger Force. He's compassionate and kind and with or with no one else's acknowledgement, he's enough.

She could hug him for hours; he'd protect her, Chapa knows he would (Miles is good like that). She's homesick for arms that don't want to hold her. She's grateful they even get to bask in the same light of the same moon; she's granted that small of a luxury. It's taking every ounce of her strength not to gush about him to his face. Chapa feels like she's done something terrible (something that amounts to worse than her petty crimes) like she's robbed a liquor store, swallowed more than a handful of pills or even buried herself in an open grave. All just because she's sat by a pretty boy who's prodding her about how she feels. And maybe it's because no one's ever really been invested in how she works, but she'd prefer it to be because Miles is pretty.

She tries to choke down the feeling, but his eyes glance over her again and she just melts. He's like a poem that no poet has ever been brave enough to tackle. He's a gilded bird in a cage, clawing for freedom. He's like a prayer for when no words exist; his heart has taken root in hers and she'll be damned if she lets it go.

"Why are you asking? Is Sissy not working out already?" Chapa croaks out. She winces at the hoarse ricochet of her voice. If Miles notices it, he's generous enough to ridicule her for it.

"Curiosity kills the cat, Chapa. Just call it a vested interest. What's so great about me?" Miles pushes, gently. She hates it. He can invade her fortified mind and have her crumble with the illusion that he'll catch her, but he's not hers. She's reminded of that every glance he takes at Sissy. But there's nowhere else to put the love. It's not hers, and it's so heavy because it's all his if only he'd accept it. "I just want to know what you're thinking completely, at least once."

It was a great question, and it made her question everything.

"Every day that we didn't talk, it felt like I was involved in a battle that I didn't want to be in. I just wanted you," Chapa confesses. Her mouth moves faster than her brain can compute and he's watching her with that warm smile. "You're just the person I want to share everything with, I guess. My happiness, sadness, frustration. All of it. You deserve so much more than we've got, Miles. And if I know it, then you know it too. You're just being stubborn about it."

"Yeah," Miles responds. And for several daunting moments, Chapa believes that's where he'll leave it. Unsaid and hanging over her. "I missed you too."

He doesn't explicitly confess it; he doesn't vow that he's grateful to share the same sky as her, but he implies he realises his luck to have crossed paths with her in this lifetime. For now, she can fool herself into believing that's enough.

They can always begin again. They will not always be this young and this vulnerable in this shitty town. They can always begin again.

[tactlesstuesdays]

i should've specified with my last post that that's if a random spark of motivation doesn't hit, my pessimism is saying it won't but maybe the new episodes will be the greatest ever seen and i'll never want to stop writing but everything's blurred and my mind isn't entirely settled

[tactlesstuesdays]

real talk time

i don't know where i want my df accs to go from here, i find writing for other fandoms much more exciting now and ive been contemplating deleting all my fics for a long time and i just wanted you all to know that this is probably going to happen after the new episodes come out, hell maybe even sooner

[tactlesstuesdays]

can u please delete ur paragraph on the havan fan account. I think they’re like 12 and they owned up and apologized for bothering her. I think we can forgive them.

first of, i haven't written any paragraphs; only written my opinion of the situation in snippets and even then it was a pretty ambiguous opinion, all i mainly said was that privacy should be respected, nothing was aimed. the type of message i was trying to portray needs to be kept in people's minds to avoid worse situations happening

[tactlesstuesdays]

😬

i personally wouldn't like to receive this paragraph from someone that's got the same username as my kid and for that person to be using my first name to address me. please don't do this, it's only going to make this situation worse

[tactlesstuesdays]

PLEASE, IF ANY OF YOU HAVAN STANS SEE THIS. DO NOT. I REPEAT DO NOT DO THIS YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT WORSE BY MASS SPAMING THEM AND CREATING EVEN MORE STRESS. JUST LET IT GO AND LEARN FROM THIS. THIS IS THE EXACT BEHAVIOR. THEY WERE TELLING YOU TO STOP.