#& like! tbh! i dont even have energy to fully spiral anymore!

[ozlices]

our friend gifted us balder's gate, but we can't play it bc our computer can't handle it why is our suffering sincerely never fucking ending bruh

[curvedbutslim]

i feel like nowadays im too tired to be on my computer for long periods of time.. and im to tired to stay on my bed for long periods of time. no i like that. but my phone doesnt last v long and then i end up having to lean over my bed and that hurtsmy back and i jus hermit myself in my room and do nothing for the rest of the day bc i dont have enough energy to do anything else. video games require too much concentration and they make me tired. idk but watching tv shows is nice. my attention span has kind of spiralled a long time ago so i cant spend too much time on that anymore. idk if my depressions bad or just idk anymore im kind of confused at myself and what im doing and if therapy is even helping bc i dont feel like its going anywhere since i barely talk abt my trauma. wait i do but like idk 

i know i should though.. bc my therapist is trauma based and like i feel like she doesnt rly know how to respond when i talk abt stuff that isnt trauma related like school stuff? or self harm? or like fuck idk my dEPRESSION my CRIPPLING depression but tbh like i kind of should

i made like a list of things i wanna do in 2021 w my therapist and like one of them was talking abt my trauma more bc it is LITERALLY the root of EVERYTHING LOL... my self harm my self esteem my view of myself and how i see myself as a body not a person just a thing? lol cant get too detailed or ill fuck up my self worth and image and ill be not having a good day today basically ill be triggered lel but ive noticed ive been dissociating a lot recently and as of like fuck i dont even know? see this is the thing i dont even know whats been going on for the last fuck idk 6 months? with myself, i just kind of be here and dissociate sometimes and idk anyways therapy should be helping me but i dont think it is and i want a new therapist and i want an adult autism test. and an assessment of if i have a tic. for my self harm or whatever i do. the scratching thing. been avoiding talking abt it for so long and fully facing it. i need my own medicare card too. please. trying REALLY Hard not to scratch myself. i need myself some fidget thingos.