#i am trying as hard as i fucking can but jfc. literally every fucking corner something fucks with me.

[ozlices]

our friend gifted us balder's gate, but we can't play it bc our computer can't handle it why is our suffering sincerely never fucking ending bruh

[queerofthedagger]

World Enough and Time by alicephantomwise

Pairing: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon

Rating: Explicit || Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings || Word count: 18,918

Tags: violence, bondage, references to past minor character death, angst, brief mention of bloodplay (from the author’s note.)

Summary: Arthur had had it all figured out. And then Merlin shot him in Beijing.

Why I rec this: Okay. Okay. This fic, I swear, it’s - it’s maybe my absolute favourite fic of all times and I feel like no matter what I say, I’ll never do it justice but here we go. So. If you like murder husbands, gritty angst with a happy ending, prose that’ll leave you wanting to read every sentence thrice, pining (so much pining) and slow burn and absolutely badass Arthur and Merlin? This is your fic.

I’m serious. When I read it, I had to literally keep myself from posting every bloody paragraph into the fic-quote channel of the server I have with two friends, and I begged them to read this. It’s beautiful in that fucked up, leaves-you-breathless kind of way, Arthur’s point of view is an absolute masterpiece, and the happy ending fits the tone perfectly. I sound like I’m trying to sell it really hard but honestly, I nearly gave it a miss, but reading it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I’m going to stop rambling here and leave you with some of the quotes I saved (and jfc I saved too many.)

Favourite quotes:

“Go ahead, then,” Arthur says, low, tempting. “Shoot me.”

He doesn’t think Merlin will. Merlin is twenty-two and when you’re that young, death is so far away. When you’re that young, you’re careless with life, spinning in circles that bring you closer and closer to the edge and thinking that you’ll never fall. Merlin can wave that gun around, fingers light and intimate like it’s a part of him, a phantom limb, but when it comes down to it, Merlin loves life and doesn’t want to take it away from anyone. Not like this.

Except. Merlin shoots.

The bullet grazes Arthur’s side. He feels the pain burn through him, electric.

Merlin catches him as he falls, gentle as he helps Arthur to the ground.

“You missed,” Arthur says, hoarse, even though it doesn’t feel like it.

Merlin kisses the corner of Arthur’s mouth. He looks manic and beautiful and Arthur’s got his hand clasped around the nape of Merlin’s neck, and when Merlin kisses him, bending over him, hand lightly pressing against Arthur’s chest, it’s the easiest thing in the world, even as Arthur’s blood glosses the tile red.

“I never miss,” Merlin says, and then he’s taking Arthur’s gun and he’s gone.

Arthur watches the ceiling spin, watches the world go kaleidoscopic. He says: “Fuck.”

--

It’s just that Merlin is pressed up against Arthur in a long lovely line of bare skin, all pointy angles where other people would have curves, and Arthur is left gasping into his mouth, utterly helpless, as if Merlin is air and food and water, everything, as if he could just live off this – as if this is Arthur’s entire world: the close confines of these walls, the stark white lights, the mirror greedily taking in the sight of them (tangled in each other, absolutely wrecked, perfect), and Merlin, Merlin who Arthur doesn’t know, not really, but who Arthur needs. Merlin, who makes Arthur feel like maybe he’s falling in love, because it’s either that or just falling into pieces.

--

Merlin slants a smile at him, just a crooked lift to his mouth. “I am sure,” he says. “I left you handcuffed in a bathroom in Buenos Aires and you still came after me. I tried to dump you in Nairobi and you still came to Seoul. How can you not be sure?”

 Arthur can’t help his smile, can’t help how ridiculous he must look. He can’t help but smooth Merlin’s hair back, careful, can’t help but slide his teeth around Merlin’s ear as he leans in to whisper, “We’ll fuck it up again, somehow. We always do.”

 “Then I’ll shoot you again,” Merlin says, easy, hand catching Arthur’s, their fingers threading together.

[stonerbughead]

Maria watches friday night lights (#35)

5x12 baby, helpppp how are we already at the penultimate episode (already, i say, after dragging this first-ever watch out basically as long as humanly possible L O L why am i like this)

my reactions / recap / flailing under the cut

I see that Tyra is literally the preview photo so I’m already like OH SHITTTT

Tami coming home from the airport with potentially life-altering news...and Eric is asleep in front of the TV on the couch, clearly trying to wait up for her, my heart.

AHHH Julie’s home??? A surprise? This is so fucking cute! The ending vibes are definitely here.

Omg Tim are you good, baby? Is he throwing his bed out of the trailer? Damn he clearly has so much trauma from prison.

Damn NBC 8 is pulling up, that’s how you know it’s State. “It’s State, Levi, get used to it.” “No, I’ll NEVER get used to it!” Lmao i love Levi.

WOW look at Luke trying to set up childcare so moms can participate in a hearing about school funding! GO OFF KING

Omg i almost forgot Mindy was pregnant again. Billy’s so excited...oh fuck, TWINS? They’re gonna be so broke forever. Mindy is as horrified as I would be lmao

Oh shit, here we go...Tami’s finally telling Eric about the job offer...and admitting she wants it!!! AHH

“We’d have to move to Philadelphia.” “We live in Texas. Honey, Texas...is where our friends and family are. Texas is where I work, Texas is where I have my job.” Weren’t y’all just thinking about moving to Florida like two episodes ago? I smell a double standard, sir!

Ugh Eric is shutting down. “I can’t talk about this right now.” BISH

“How many times have we moved before for your job?” MMHMM that’s right, Eric! You look shell-shocked but you need to take that in, sit with it!

Tim Riggins behind the bar is hot. Just an observation.

Ugh, the tension between poor Tim and Billy. Tim’s gonna go to Alaska?! WOW did not see that plan coming!

“What the hell are you gonna do, sleep with a bunch of woodchucks?” BILLY WHAT LMAO

“You’re gonna leave Texas?” “YES.” I love the drama in both these back to back conversations about the thought of Leaving Texas.

Broken dryer, Jess, I’ve been there. Like right now, we have a broken dryer in our apartment. Ooh, Vince coming and finding her and being gentle!

Aw poor Jess. “I finally found a coach who was open-minded enough to let me in and not laugh at me. He lets me shadow him and teach me how to be a coach, and now they’re gonna take it all away.” These poor kids.

VINCE: “We won’t let that happen.” MY HEART. I love them.

Wow, Luke’s being sold a low-tier football program, isn’t he? “We just got a Costco, and a brand new movie theater in the town.” yikes.

How is a reporter asking Eric “are you worried he’s taking on too much?” about a teenage boy. Like, how do they know this much about Vince’s life? Texas football culture will forever amaze me, even after watching almost the entire series.

“We haven’t even scratched the surface of what Vince Howard can do.” AWWW my heart! Eric is such a good coach.

Oh wow, the East Dillon Lions vs. Dillon Panthers funding debate!!! Did they send a Booster Club representative here to Buddy’s door to shake him down? “There’s gonna be a lot of changes.” Like what IS THIS?

“Vince Howard is gonna be a Panther.” This is... A Lot. “That chair at the head of the table is waiting on you.”

Oh nooooo Tim getting physical with a customer.

“I’ve been waiting five minutes for my drink.” FAMILIAR VOICE IN THE CORNER??? “Hey there, jailbird.” It’s Tyra, and she has long brown hair! I dig it! I dig this reunion!

Aw, Eric coming home and immediately apologizing to Tami for earlier.

Tami’s being realistic that if the Lions lose, their economic situation is in jeopardy—so a good job offer on the table is something to consider!

“So you’re routing against us?” OMG and there’s a moment when Tami thinks he’s referring to them but then realizes he’s referring to “oh, the team?” jfc “You and I, or us the Lions. Of course.”

“You know what, I’ve been a coach’s wife for 18 years. Every decision we’ve made has been based on your coaching career.” LIFE BEYOND FOOTBALL OH SHIT

Oh God Eric’s getting up with the keys???? Come on, dude! This is not cool! There are so many colleges and high schools in Pennsylvania! I promise they play football there!

Omg did Tyra just tell Tim about the twins since he refused to really talk to Billy?

Aw Tyra wrote to him in prison? That’s sweet.

Awww Mindy’s literally having a breakdown about not having enough space, and not being able to handle three kids. These poor babes. And the football team’s fate hinges on this because of the assistant coach’s salary...fucking crazy

Ooh now Buddy’s trying to hype Eric up on the Panther-Lions Superteam they’re gonna create.

Aw the whole fam at Billy and Mindy’s—Tyra, Becky, even Mama Collette.

“He’s got some stupid idea he’s gonna go to Alaska and work on a pipeline.” Well, when someone comes to prison and tells you they’ll actually let someone who has to check the felony box work a job with decent wages, yeah. God, the prison industrial complex sucks. Feeds the most vulnerable people into the shittiest jobs.

Julie outside of the Saracen home? Awww. Has she seen him since that romantic Chicago good-bye?

Luke, listen to Becky!! “I’d really appreciate if you put down the wrench and listen to me.” YES GURL

“That’s not real. You are! And I just think there’s been a lot of misunderstandings.” “Well, that’s really pretty you should put it in a love poem.” “Are you kidding me? Go to hell!” yeah, correct answer, Becky! These teens are under so much STRESS! The DRAMA!

Omg all these grown men screaming at the town hall meeting about football i cannot

Ewww these classist fucks. “Some of us on this side of town happen to own our houses.” Eat the rich.

Why the fuck is Billy writing a fucking speech while driving? And he’s surprised he swerved? Sir…

Aw poor Eric with pain in his eyes telling Billy he can’t be definitive about his job security...I mean, yeah.

Aw, Luke coming into the bar while Tim is working after...that talk with Becky…

“You and Becky...are you in love with her?” Tim looks so amused. “Are you serious?” “...Yeah. “No, I’m not in love with Becky. I care about her.” THANK YOU BOYS AND GIRLS CAN BE FRIENDS. Is this not what Becky tried to tell you last night? “I’ve been there a few times when nobody else was, but that’s about it.”

Aw Luke is so similar to Tim rn! Not “feeling it” from the school that wants him, even tho he loves football!

“You’re going to state, yeah? Nothing’s gonna beat that.” “Play it that way. Play it like it’s the last time you’re ever gonna lace up.” Some iconic Tim Riggins lines here!

“We were at the meeting last night, but we don’t want to argue or yell, we just want to give you our thoughts.” MY HEART i love Vince and Jess. “Well, that’ll be refreshing.” LOL after all these grown ass men were screaming over each other

“Was it really that bad?” “If you’re asking if I was raped in prison, Tyra, the answer’s no.” LOSING IT at this exchange lmao

“Tim Riggins, what the hell is going on with you?” that’s the question!

Oh shit is Tyra just finding out that Tim took the fall for Billy now...fuck

“He had a wife, a family. I had the chance to give him something, to give Stevie something we never had. To give him his father.” Damn, the look on Tyra’s face. She knows all too well why he did what he did even tho it fucked him up :( THE EMOTION. THE PAIN!

Damn they’re announcing the decision on the Dillon teams *before* state?

“What are you hoping for?” loaded question, Julie! “I hope that the Lions get to stay put, and I hope that I get to be Dean of Admissions at Braemore College.” awww yeah you do deserve it all, Tami.

Oh wow all these people from both teams standing in the street, drinking and talking and waiting for the decision with “i was living in a devil’s town” playing??? THIS SHOW.

I feel for the dude who has to address this town about this decision.

Anddd there it is, they eliminated the East Dillon program. The rich kids cheering for their victory in front of the poor kids mourning the end of the program they fought to make better is so fucking tacky.

And omg now they have to play state?

“Let me tell you something, you’re gonna be the star quarterback of the Dillon panthers next year, and you’re gonna shine.” OH this hug between Eric and Vince! “See you at practice tomorrow.” Again, the reminder that these people gotta play a *state championship*! wild

“We need to talk.” BUDDY WHAT?

Aw Julie and Tyra hanging out and there are Panthers screaming out of cars. “Welcome back to Dillon.” “No place like it.” Oh, this warms my heart.

I love this exchange: “You know, it’s kind of like this drug. When you get outside of it, you see it for what it really is. But when you’re in it, it seems like there’s no other possible reality.” “It’s a hard place to shake.” “Yeah...I didn’t see that one coming.”

“Whatever happened with you and Matty?” SAME, TYRA, SAME. “We’re good. I mean, we still talk every now and then. He went to Chicago. I went to visit him awhile back, and...I don’t really know what we are or aren’t or…” INTRIGUE. “I kind of just really miss him.” “Life’s harder when you really love someone.” Awwww. I loved that scene so much.

Wow, Buddy and Eric are talking at the Panthers field?

Oh, Buddy’s trying to sell him on winning the championship and then going to the Panthers to coach along with Vince….

“I can never come back to this school and coach. Never.” I mean, FAIR.

“Three rings in six years. That’s history. No one’s ever done that. You’ve got everything you want.” Yeah, Buddy, but does Tami get what she wants in that scenario?

Lol i love all the East Dillon Lions drunk on the field, like seasons’ past with teams past…

“Alright I’m taking a piece of grass home.” LOL TINK

To State and to Coach Taylor, huh? Sounds familiar. And Buddy Jr. is puking. Lmao.

“Just make sure you’re really okay with losing him.” YES Tyra! As much as Billy has majorly fucked up, i agree with her that the idea of the Riggins brothers losing each other when they ONLY had each other for so long...it makes my heart sad.

Oh shit are Tim and Tyra about to kiss? I almost forgot they were together back when this whole show started! “Please don’t go.” DAMNNN

Wow what a scene. Eric comes home with his news that he could have “everything” and Tami replies, “I’ll say to you what you haven’t had the grace to say to me: congratulations, Eric.

“I want you to take me someplace.” “Where?” “I’ll tell you when we’re on the way.” This is really cute! Also Tyra is so hot damn gurl i see you!

Aw Vince shooting his shot, yes! “What about you and me?” “I was really proud of how hard you tried. Thank you.”

“You already have two strikes against you.” “Jess, I was born with two strikes against me.” LOL SO TRUE. and aw what a hug!

Tyra took him to his land, didn’t she??? “Alaska, Tim?” He’s SMILING. Is that Texas Forever vibes i’m seeing here?

AH, Matt is home with a Christmas tree to see his grandma!!! She’s so excited!!

Aw she forgot his dad’s dead? “Did you say it was Christmas?” Oh this is so sad.

Why are Buddy and the Panthers coach standing at the Taylors’ front door like fucking cops late at night? This football program is sinister at times.

“Eighteen years.” Yeah, Tami. And then she turns it back on: “Can I get you two anything? Iced tea, water?” and FADE TO BLACK.

Damn!! What an amazing set-up for a series finale I’ve heard only good things about!!! AHHHH

[aquarianlights]

Depending on how tomorrow goes, I may or may not go MIA from every single social media site and texting app that everyone knows me on without any notice but this. I’m not really telling anyone. Posting a mass update here and maybe fb later. But even if tomorrow goes “well” or anywhere in the “good” category...I may be too overwhelmed to be talking to anyone or on any kind of social media for a while. Hours, days, weeks. If it goes poorly, expect me gone for at least a month. If I’m still alive by the end of that---which I should be, coz I will have Echo right by my side and he will never leave my side again and I will do everything in my power to push through and be positive and be a good dad for him---then I will eventually crawl back onto social media. But my queue may run out for the second time in my entire time since I made this blog like 6-7+ years ago. It’s only run out once so far and that’s because it wasn’t maxed out and slowed down before I got institutionalized once and that was a longer stay than normal. Normally I manage to get out before my queue runs out and then ...”treat myself” with a queue filling binge of positive stuff and foxes and glittery things and nerdy things and all things christmas and cold weather. Just general stuff I like...packing it full, coz it’ll usually be on the very last few posts by the time I get out, but no one will have noticed my absence coz it won’t have run out.

But the personal space I will need from how intense this could potentially be...is terrifying for me. I usually go to social media to cope. Somehow, this is so terrifying, that stepping away from social media, stepping away from my friends, and venturing out on my own and putting myself in rather dangerous situations would be my best way to cope. Other than pouring my hours into research and schoolwork... I do have plenty of medical texts to read that I haven’t had the time to do more than skim over [stares longingly at them all].

The amount of overwhelming this is ....is just... it would break a neurotypical person and shred them to pieces. For me? I’m not sure what it will do. The good thing about my particular neurodivergency is that I don’t have much of a conscience to work with (I thought the auditory hallucinations were what everyone was referring to as a conscience until professionals finally told me that’s not what a conscience is and upon further research found I didn’t have one which is great for this situation but damn). I

This could potentially be the hardest moment of my entire life, but I won’t know that until I’m lying on my death bed. This could potentially be the biggest mistake I ever make, but I won’t know that until I’m lying on my death bed. This could potentially be the best thing that ever happens to me, but again... I won’t know that until I’m lying on my death bed. As of right now...at the age of 26...on the date of February 24th, 2018. . .this WILL be the hardest day of my entire life to date. This will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my life, no matter the outcome. I’m not scared; I’m sick. I feel like it’d be a better idea to kill myself than go through with this. I’d get to avoid the whole thing.

I hate how logical that is.

And I hate how there’s literally not a single counter argument to it and not even one downside. There WAS one downside and that was that my friends would grieve and/or care but the two people who I was worried about caring/grieving and it affecting their lives have thoroughly proven it won’t and that they do not. That’s not pessimism or anything. That’s just cold, hard fact. Yeah, it’s a sad fact. But. . .it’s fact nonetheless. And I gotta look at the truth one way or another. Facts don’t change just because they’re not in my favour.

I really do hate how logical suicide is right now.

And I really do hate how there isn’t a single counter-argument to it. And how I have absolutely no one in my corner right now and how I have to support every single one of my friends despite the fact I have told them over and over again that I can’t be there for them and to stop and to back the fuck off with their damn problems, because I’m going through too much of my own stuff to help them with theirs. There’s only two people I will put aside my ridiculous mountain of issues that could possibly lead to my death and hopefully will to help...One has proven she is and always has been in my corner no matter what she’s going through. And the other has proven that she is definitely unreliable and won’t be there for me no matter how hard I try for her. The first one... She is the strongest person ever and she will get through my death. She will. She’s been through worse. The second one won’t care even in the slightest or even notice. I’m pretty sure she’d be relieved and happy, tbh. Lol. She’d be out there thinkin’ “FINALLY, DAMN” lolololol. I know I would be. Like, I know I WILL be when I finally do it and get to move on to the next plane of existence and get those brief moments as an infant where you’re not able to speak or communicate in any way because you have all your memories from your past life? Yeah. I’m gonna be fucking throwing a party in whatever form of a crib or bed type thing my new planet and new species has. I hope to fuck my new species is a lot more peaceful than this one. And I hope they’re more advanced and more intelligent. I guess that depends on my karma and I have no clue where my karma is at right now tbh coz I’ve done so many EXTREMELY horrible things in my life, but I’ve also done almost the exact same amount of EXTREMELY amazingly genuinely GOOD things in my life at this point that it practically balances it out to 0 so I’m just all [shruggy emoji] on whether the omnipotent fate aliens would demote or promote me during reincarnation. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Man. Tomorrow may just kill me. Hell, if I don’t kill myself before I start the drive tomorrow, I have 2 1/2 hours of driving to think about killing myself every single goddamn second during the drive there...and if, for some weird reason, I don’t have my dog on the way home...... I will have another 2 1/2 hours to think every single second about killing myself. And how the fuck easy would it be to do on Blood Mountain? I’m p sure my car takes via the route that goes over Blood Mountain. People die on Blood Mountain just driving normally.... All I gotta do is push the limits a little. Not hard to die on Blood Mountain...lmao. Not hard AT ALL. I hope my GPS takes me that way coz that’s when I start recognizing where I am and know I’m getting SORT OF close-ish I guess??? and then that idea of suicide just sounds WAY better so...not a bad idea to take a BUNCH of pills in the town right BEFORE blood mountain and then speed through it when I can’t feel my fucking feet on the pedals and am nodding off at the wheel so that I drive my car right through a guard rail or over the side of the cliff OR right into the rock wall. Yep. That sounds p fucking fantastic. Ugh. I have the worst ideas regarding car deaths and I can never do it coz I don’t wanna total my car.... Lmao. The only thing that stops me from doing it is coz I don’t wanna total my car and being a med student, my mind goes through the entire list of “what COULD happen” and how slow of a death if no one finds me and this and that and calculations and blah blah blah and palatalization and amputations and blah blah BLAH and ruining dreams for if I am FORCED into living and BLAH BLAH BLAH and car suicide is the absolute WORST idea for someone who NEEDS a bright, fast, chaotic, able-bodied future if they are forced to live omg lmao BUT....I mean, I have so many other methods in my head that I know practically all the things and I’ve tried so many ways now that I just know what I can and can’t handle and I think tomorrow is gonna be the make or break. But having Echo in the car with me after being broken..........will force me to stay alive. Which will suck so badly. But I will have to also compartmentalize all my pain and my negativity so that he’s not even MORE stressed out than by all the commotion of the situation and then by this crazy car ride and by most likely throwing up in the car.

ERGH.

I need to stop thinking about this and distract myself but I also need to rest my joints so I guess I’m gonna watch a documentary.... something nice and calming but also stimulating... I just wish people didn’t talk so monotone when narrating documentaries. Especially when it’s about the supernatural and extraterrestrials and government experiments and stuff. Like COME ON, NARRATORS. GET EXCITED. GET INTO IT! FOR FUCKS SAKE, THERE’S A REASON PEOPLE GET PUT TO SLEEP BY DOCUMENTARIES AND IT’S NOT THE DOCUMENTARY....IT’S YOU! THE NARRATOR! YOU’RE THE ISSUE. GET INVOLVED. GET HYPED ABOUT THE INFORMATION! GET PASSIONATE. FOR FUCKS SAKE, IT’S COOL STUFF. FUCKING ACT LIKE IT, YA DAMN MONOTONE, ROBOTIC NIMROD. Ergh. Someone needs to sign me up to narrate a documentary. I used to speak at public rallies about puppy mills all over my county to educate the masses during high school because I was enraged about it and TRUST ME when YOU’RE having FUN WITH IT or ENRAGED BY IT or THINK THE INFORMATION IS COOL and REALLY GET INTO IT...........SO WILL YOUR AUDIENCE. It’s not the information that’s boring. It’s not the documentary that’s boring. It’s not the subject material. IT’S THE NARRATOR. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO PAY ME JUST LET ME DO THEIR DAMN JOB CORRECTLY SO I CAN SHOW THEM HOW TO DO THEIR DAMN JOBS SO THEY CAN LEARN. FUCK.

dfkhdglskagjdshlkg Omg.

No okay now I’m gonna get angry at a documentary narrator for not doing their job correctly. Lmao. Gotta watch something uh.... Passionate. I guess. But that doesn’t require too much focus. But doesn’t numb my mind. Star Trek. I always default to Star Trek. Jfc. I guess I’mma pop on some Weyoun heavy episodes while I wait for the “all clear” on my joint timer thing so I can get up and exercise and do some fucking research and maybe pleasure-read for a bit before more joint resting because long drives and lots of heavy lifting is a big no-no and I’m not supposed to but things aren’t gonna pack themselves. Things aren’t gonna sort themselves?? LIKE??? Fuck it’s gonna be SO hard leaving majority of my material possessions that have so much personal value to me. :/ Argh. I don’t even have the ability to take them in order to sell them. I don’t even have that kind of strength or time. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

EDS is a fucking bitch, man. Fucking BITCH. T-Therapy better fucking cure EDS. Like. They’re all on board with it. 4 of my specialists are. And I’m meeting with my HRT doc next week. This coming week. So.... we’ll see. She cordoned off 2 appointments for me for all the things. Sigh. 

Oh right. Yes. Joint rest.

I’m bad at this. I hate resting. I really do. I hate being stationary. I hate not being able to do stuff. I HATE THIS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH EDS is a fucking killer for people with former suicidal depression who had had it all their life and it had apparently been fixed by meds and now suddenly it’s back like WOW fuck EDS. Ugh. And I’m getting all these phone calls from my docs as my tests come back telling me I need to change my diet to avoid this and that and change this and that like whole HUGE lifestyle changes but adding “We’ll go over the full thing at our next appointment, but I STRONGLY ADVISE...” I’m like, “Well bitch as long as you tell me it’s just advise and not a MUST, I want a damn biscuit okay. Fuck your no gluten.” But then again, I have a stomach ulcer so I can’t really eat ANYTHING right now so wah. [whines]

FUCK. KILLIAN. LIE DOWN. STOP TYPING. I NEED SOMEONE TO FUCKING WHACK ME WITH A FUCKING RULER OR SOMETHING LIKE THE NUNS USED TO DO IN MY PRIVATE, CATHOLIC SCHOOL. LMAO.

[stops now...for real this time...but reluctantly and rather bitterly]

[bambi-simmons]

NaNoWriMo: The Ghost of Stadleter Hall (Preview)

Here’s a short-story preview I wrote when I was conceptualizing my novel for this year! It’s about two of my main characters meeting for the first time, and gave me a feel for writing in Adrián’s voice (spoiler alert: he’s obnoxious.)

Have you ever walked into a room and immediately, completely regretted it?

Like when you walk in to your first class of the semester and understand literally nothing on the syllabus, then remember you decided to take Intro to Ancient Latin because you thought it would be a smart way to cover both your writing and history reqs.

Or, like when Adrián Benitez walked into his first frat party and suddenly remembered why he had never accepted an invitation to a frat party before.

"I count three, no, five people in togas. This isn't even a toga party. What the fuck," he hollered into his phone, "get over here, dude, I'm too skinny and nerdy to make it through this on my own."

Liam, his roommate on the other end of the line, just laughed at him. Adrián rolled his eyes at Liam, both because he was being an asshole and because Liam could never understand the concept of being too skinny and nerdy for anything; he was like a half-Korean version of Thor. "I'm on my way. I can see the house down the road," he said.

"Well, hurry your ass up! Someone's going to try to haze me!" he yelled, and got an unconvinced, "okay, goodbye, Di," for his troubles before Liam hung up on him.

Adrián shoved his phone back in his pocket and surveyed the room again. There were Greek letters painted on pretty much every available surface, including some dudes' torsos. While it looked like they had a healthy amount of alcohol available, Adrián didn't trust these people not to spike something, so he was stuck waiting on Liam, who, as the only one of his friend who was 21, had stopped by the skeevy liquor store on the corner of Main Street and University Court to buy something drinkable.

The house was one of those grand old frat houses that looked like it deserved more than dirty boxers being dropped on the floor and freshmen losing their virginities in the bedrooms. Curved staircases arched up either side of the living room, leading to a railed-off hallway overlooking the crowd, and Adrián immediately worried that someone was going to fall over the railing at some point tonight. The bedrooms must've been upstairs, because he saw more than one eager-looking couple racing up them, trying to work out how to get handsy and not trip up the stairs at the same time.

Adrián was both disgusted and a little jealous, because no girl here would look twice at you unless you had a toga, at least three greek letters somewhere on your person, or a tattoo that said something untranslatable in Chinese. Perks of being a douchebag.

He leaned against the wall and lit his face up with his phone screen, rapidly texting his second roommate, whose main volley of skills included judging basic people and lamenting Adrián's decisions.

Cameron, it seemed, either wasn't awake or (more likely) was killing it in his new favorite MMO, so he didn't respond to Adrián's series of texts, which read, "I am full of regrets," "just saw a dude take a shot out of a girl's cleavage—impressed, but wouldn't that be sweaty?" and, "jfc man they have a hot tub. What percentage of it do you think is semen."

Oh, well. Cameron would think he was funny later.

Adrián supposed he should've maybe started talking to people, but he knew exactly nobody, and felt a little out of his depth even among the groups of new pledges, who all had this year's generic Greek Life shirts on and looked like they were trying way too hard to have fun.

The fifteen minutes until Liam opened the door and dropped a plastic bag with a bottle of rum and a two-liter of Coke into Adrián's hands felt like hours. But there he was, smiling that convincingly sure smile, warm hand patting Adrián on the back. "You're still alive," Liam said, like he was trying to sound surprised.

"Barely, dude. I think that last body shot nearly killed me."

"You were doing body shots?"

"Observing. And it was close to deadly," he said, clearing space on an end table so that he could set down the rum and coke and dig the way-too-fucking-many-pack of Solo cups out of the bag. "How do you want your rum-to-coke ratio?" he asked, "because I'm going to need mine about one-to-one to make it through this."

Liam laughed, warm and loud enough that Adrián heard it easily over the music. "It's not that bad, Di. It's just a party. They've got a dance floor out back, I think." He beckoned for the bottle when Adrián was done filling half his glass with Captain Morgan's. Good rum may have been out there somewhere, but Liam was smart enough not to waste time tracking it down for something as stupid as this.

"Okay, cool, dancing, I can do," Adrián said, handing it over obligingly so Liam could make his own drink. "We gotta hide this somewhere so nobody steals it."

"I'll just ask Micah to put it in his room."

Oh, that's right. Adrián kept forgetting that Liam's younger brother was in this frat, even though that was kind of the whole reason they were at this party. He watched Liam stuff everything back in the bag, glance around the room, and then head in the direction of a huge group of people, one of which must've been his brother. Adrián hadn't met Micah, but he pictured him as a smaller version of Liam, maybe with slightly shorter hair.

He had enough time while Liam was talking his brother into housing their booze to finish his drink, not because he chugged it, but because Liam took for-fucking-ever. Adrián kind of wished that by the time Liam wandered back over to him, the whole thing would be winding down and they could chalk it up to another night of bad decisions and go to IHOP.

Not quite long enough. Liam walked back over, tipping his half-finished cup to his lips. "Micah put our stuff in his room. You wanna check out the dance floor?"

"Dude, yes. Finally, a use for my talents." Adrián tossed his empty cup into a trash bag that had been hooked over one of the door handles, and started for the glass patio door, Liam still laughing and following behind him.

"You know you could've met me out here," he said, but Adrián shook his head.

"No way, I needed at least one drink before this happens," he said. "It's for the social anxiety, not my dancing skills."

"Thanks for the clarification."

"Shut up, I'm trying." He pulled on the door handle and, when it didn't budge, realized he had to push it.

Outside was infinitely better than inside, because it was cooler and less humid, and there was more open air for everyone's sweat-smell to dissippate into. Adrián and Liam steered clear of the pool and extra-clear of the hot tub, because they weren't fond of soggy boxers and possibly-inseminated water. There were tiki torches set up around the perimeter of the fenced-in yard, and the combination of drunk people and fire seemed like a generally bad idea. But hey, people had been serving those shots on fire in bars for years, now, and nobody usually got injured.

Maybe it was the rum kicking in, but Adrián felt a lot calmer about the possibility of someone's hair being set on fire than he normally would've.

He dragged Liam over to a group of girls who looked like they'd already been approached by a bunch of the fraternity brothers, and weren't having it. Probably had something to do with either the painfully obvious spray-tans or the lame white-people attempts at dancing. Liam bent close enough that Adrián could hear him talking over the music in the background. "Put on some Shakira and you'd smoke those sons of bitches."

"I'm also fond of Rhianna's early stuff and the Backstreet Boys."

"Good to know your music tastes haven't changed since the sixth grade."

He shouldered Liam away a few steps. "You don't know me," he said, walking backwards into the crowd, ready to get down to—Ariana Grande? He thought? God, it was hard to hear the lyrics over the bass and the screaming.

This was the part where things were on the upswing for a bit. Adrián found himself a little more in his element, and sure, these weren't the kind of people he normally partied with—there was a distinct lack of weed-smell and nobody had their faces pierced up—but drunk people were all pretty much the same. And when he ended up lip-synching Don't Stop Believing with a group of wasted sorority girls and Liam Song, he was pretty sure he could easily have been at a party some guy in his Brit Lit class threw.

Except, if he was at one of those artsy kid parties, there'd probably be someone criticizing Journey and someone else trying to convince people this song was totally by the Eagles.

There was one girl who was totally into it, who let Adrián twirl her like she was an extra in Grease, not missing a lyric the whole time. It was kind of adorable—she was kind of adorable. Not the usual sorority girl type, either, she had gradiated brown-to-blonde twists pulled up into a pair of buns on either side of her head, standing out brightly against her dark skin. She was wearing a black T-shirt with her sorority's letters in bright pink, but she'd gone at it with a pair of scissors and turned the back into a pattern of artistic knots. She danced like she knew what she was doing, and it was probably made easier by the sneakers she was wearing in lieu of heels.

The song changed, and in the moment of silence between, Adrián stuck out a hand like he was trying to greet her at New Student Orientation, not a crowded frat party. "Hey! Adrián Benitez, nice to meet you."

"Beverly Houston," she replied, responding with a surprisingly firm handshake. "Beta Kappa Tau."

"Does everyone around here introduce themselves in Greek?" he asked, but the start of another pop song—Katy Perry this time—cut off the end of his quip. Wittiness wasted. Damn. He was only good for about one of those a week. Beverly laughed, but it was more at him than at his joke, and she grabbed his hand, pulling him back into the circle, and performing a surprisingly on-beat Charleston.

"Di!" And there was an arm around his shoulder and hey, who—? Oh.

Adrián glanced up to see a familiar face, but not one he'd expect to meet at a place like this. Isaac Washington was his favorite barista-slash-bartender at his favorite coffeeshop-slash-hipster bar, and he'd graduated last Spring, so Adrián had no idea what he was doing at any college party, much less an Omega-something-bullshit-Greek-party.

"Dude, what're you doing? Isn't this like, the most homophobic frat in the row?"

"They asked me to bartend for this thing," Isaac said, "and I had a night off and I like getting paid to do things, so."

"Then why aren't you, uh, bartending?"

He shrugged. "Some dude wearing their letters said he could do better, kicked me out from behind the bar, and started making up drinks that taste nasty, but they're wicked strong."

He gestured behind himself at the "bar," which was just a plastic patio table crowded with liquor bottles and plastic cups, with a cooler full of ice and a second cooler half-full of ice and half-full of beer underneath it. There was a guy behind it who was trying to flip two bottles of beer like a juggler, and who ended up dropping them both. They landed on the grass intact, and he moved on to pouring a drink from a height that mostly served to spill it everywhere.

Adrián shook his head. "Shit, man, I hope they paid you beforehand."

"Uh, hell yeah they did." He high-fived Adrián, then looked to his right at Liam, who was hugging Beverly? Did they know each other? Or was this just yet another benefit of looking like the lost fourth Hemsworth brother? Liam always did get all the girls, which was fine, he was a good wingman anwyways. He had this way of making Adrián sound really cool because he wrote poetry and spoke fluent Spanish. Never mind that he had only taken one poetry class, and had focused his portfolio mainly around themes of death, decay, and that one time he saw a rat living inside a dead raccoon like Luke Skywalker inside of that alien on Hoth.

"Who's your friend?" Isaac asked, and Adrián was forced to stop thinking about Hoth and dead raccoons.

"Oh. Yo, Liam. Liam!" When he finally got Liam's attention, he continued. "Isaac, this is Liam, my roommate. Liam, this is Isaac, he works at the Red Windrose."

"Isn't that the coffeeshop you keep trying to convince me to go to?" Liam asked.

"If you'd go with me, you would know that the answer is yes."

Isaac leaned over and said something to Liam that Adrián couldn't hear, but it, like most things, just made Liam laugh and smile wide enough to show his dimples.

The song changed again, and somehow, the three of them ended up in a crowd of sorority girls. Liam couldn't dance for shit, but he was cute about it, mostly sticking to cheesily exaggerated versions of the very few dance moves he knew. Isaac joined right in with him, but it was clear that his sense of rhythm was superior and his sense of humor was not.

Beverly bounced between the three of them, spitting out the lyrics to every song like she was the human version of Shazam. She clearly knew the other three girls they were dancing with, because she kept trying to drag them into her karaoke performance, but one of them was barely sober enough to remain upright, much less to remember all the words to Crank Dat. Adrián, however, knew his Soulja Boy, and although he didn't have it quite as perfected as Beverly, he could, at the very least, do the accompanying dance without even thinking about it.

The DJ continued to be eclectic in the weirdest ways, vascillating wildly between stuff from 2006 and 2016. But finally, he found a Walk the Moon song that wasn't Shut up and Dance, then Beverly pulled him in by both hands, and yes, this was starting to spell awesome night. She pulled him in close and somehow led him into twirling her into a pretzel twist, and the incongruity between her dance moves and the music blaring was charming.

Adrián had been roped into swing dancing enough times to know how to respond, and he was about to switch poses to the one—shit, he couldn't remember the name—where he'd have her back againt his chest and his arms around her, when something wet and, ew, warm? spilled onto his back.

It took him a minute to figure it out, but yep. Someone had just puked on him.

About par for this particular course. He swore at length in Spanish, most of it impossible to translate.

"Dear god, shit, that's disgusting," Beverly said, "ugh. C'mere, dude." She was giving the girl who was apparently the culprit (and who was now crying) a look that was equal parts grossed out and disappointed. "Come on, upstairs. We'll get  you cleaned up—and get her home, okay?" She addressed the last part to the girl's friends, who were standing on either side of her and patting her hair and holding her shoulders gently. Kind of like what Beverly was doing to him.

"Where the hell are we going to go?" he asked, plucking at the hem of his shirt and trying desperately not to think about what was on him. "I feel like all the bedrooms are, uh. Occupied."

"Nah," she shook her head. "My boyfriend lives up here, and I've got his spare key."

She led him to the last door on the left, and as soon as she unlocked it, he tore his shirt off and held it as far away from himself as physically possible. "Oh, god," he said, frowning at the smell. Like vodka and death. "I'm. This thing's tanked."

Beverly chuckled awkwardly from the bathroom and reached underneath the sink, tugging out a plastic bag and a washcloth. She tossed the bag to him and he deposited his shirt into it and tied it as tight as it could go. Thank god he hadn't decided to change out of the three-dollar thrift store Avengers shirt he'd been wearing. Beverly ran the washcloth under the sink and handed it to him. "Gimme that, I'll throw it in the dumpster out back. It won't be the only puked-on thing in there," she said, "clean yourself off real quick, I'll be back."

Adrián scrubbed at his back until his skin went red, borrowing some of what must've been the boyfriend's soap. When he was convinced he smelled more like Old Spice than puke, he rinsed the washcloth clean and draped it over the basin of the sink. He could hear the door opening again and he stuck his head out the bathroom door. "Bev?"

"That's my name," she said, handing him one of a pair of Coronas she'd grabbed from downstairs. "Nothing got on your jeans?"

"Nah, it was a controlled incident," he replied, taking a swallow of the beer. "Thanks for everything."

"Eh, that's what I do. I keep controlled incidents, well, controlled, for the BKT's." She toasted him before tipping back her bottle and draining almost half of it.

"Oh, so you're like, their damage control, or whatever."

"E-yup." She set the half-empty bottle on one of the two desks in the room. It had a picture of her pinned on the corkboard above it. "Listen, not sure if you feel like wandering around all shirtless, but you can totally borrow one of Micah's shirts."

"God, yeah, I'm way too hairy to be walking around half-naked like some kind of Sasquatch—wait, Micah?" he asked, as she started digging through the drawers. "Like, Micah Song? Is that how you know Liam?"

She came back with a plain black T-shirt and held it out toward him. "Yeah, Liam's his brother. This is gonna be a little big, but hey, it's better than nudity." He pulled it on and took a seat at the desk chair, while Beverly sat cross-legged on the bed, pulling her phone out of her back pocket. "Melissa says she's super sorry, by the way."

He shrugged, because, again, he'd kind of expected tonight to be a trainwreck. "Don't you kind of have to, like, go down there and continue controlling damage?"

Beverly shook her head. "Those three were the only Betas here. I technically didn't even have to come to this, since less than ten of our girls were here. I just came because I wanted to hang out with Micah, which, well. I decided not to watch him lose at pool." She leaned back on the bed, readjusting the pillows like she lived there. She was probably there often enough to do that.

Adrián finally got a chance to look around the room, and found that it was basically an explosion of fraternity letters and Burning Lake University memorobilia. Pennants on the walls, throw blankets in BLU red and black, and at least eight BLU lacrosse team photos. "Oh god, your boyfriend plays lacrosse?" Adrián groused, because every LAX guy he'd ever known wore polo shirts every day and didn't even need the athletics scholarship to pay tuition.

"Nah, his roommate does. Bit of a douche."

"Probably because he fuckin' plays lacrosse."

That made Beverly laugh, and Adrián officially decided he was going to be friends with her, because she was a good dancer and she had a poor opinion of lacrosse. "So, how do you know Liam?" she asked. She kicked her shoes off, and Adrián noticed she was wearing mismatched socks.

"He's my roommate," Adrián said, "has been since way back when we were baby freshmen and lived in the dorms still." Granted, that had been like two years ago.

Beverly leaned over to grab her beer off the desk. "Hah, well, my boyfriend's still a baby freshman. I've survived to junior year, though."

"And may we make it through to senior year. And graduation."

She toasted that, and downed the rest of her beer. "So, what dorm were you guys in?"

"Martin Hall," he said, "me and my best friend almost ended up in Greenwood, but thank <i>god,</i> we got offered an option to switch to a triple in Martin." Greenwood Hall, and its sister dorm, Stadleter Hall, were known for thin walls, mouse problems, and the constant and pervasive smell of feet. Adrián took another drink of his Corona, glanced down at the bottle, and realized he still had way more left in it than Beverly did in hers. Probably because he didn't really like Corona.

"Oh, come on," Beverly said, "I was in Stadleter Hall, it wasn't that bad. Just a little haunted."

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

what the... fuck?

yet again we start off with a cutscene that looks like its from a completely different game... or low quality anime

-

...why are we starting off in court

-

“who brings a defendant to his own trial late”

why... is this sentence not processing 

for the life of me i have no idea what that means;

-

simon: you can just SCARE the judge into not giving a fuck about shit like being late, or threatening people under the guise of clever psychological manipulation!

also hi again simon

are you ready to be fun and likeable and not awful ?? I'm excited!

-

“i wish he'd stop treating me like a child all the time”

hey, old habits die hard.

-

simons already doing well by being an overprotective dork... so far so good. dont disappoint me, samurai.

-

our defendant is drunk

we’re off to an excellent start!

-

what... accent is this...

oh its drunkinese ok 

-

“three sheets to the wind”

ive never heard that one

maybe they can get away with having a drunk guy but they cant actually say drunk?

-

somebody get this guy some raw eggs and hotsauce??

wow hes drunk enough to be close to vomiting? he’s not acting hungover so I'm assuming that he’s been drinking up till now. and simon was last with him, so...

yeah I'm blaming simon for this

-

“ive known athena longer than ive known bucky”

“ive frequented his soba restaurant”

contradiction! simon was in jail up until very recently, and knew Athena for a very short period of time during her childhood. unless he met Bucky right after taking care of athena, it’s not possible that he’s known her longer. that or i guess he could just walk right out of jail to get noodles.

-

“meat slapped between slabs of bread...”

oh no ya dont, translation team. you made your burger bed, now you have to lie in it. no mocking the joke now.

-

quit being so tsundere simon. and yes I'm giving you the luxury of being tsundere and not just an asshole who’d prefer the company of men he once tried to cut to ribbons just because Athena’s a girl. because I'm in a good mood today!

-

a) scariest ringtone to date

b) he runs that place alone?? sucks to be buck

-

please stop doing the vomit animation its making me uncomfortable 

-

“this is no time for idle chatter”

oh simon, you obviously dont know what a chekov’s... um, conversation is.

-

wow so not only are we starting in the court room, but Sadmad said his prayers already. This is shaping up to be a rushed case.

...because obviously this is just filler before we get back to the Oh-So Delightful Adventures in Lawyer Land

-

edgeworth called him back for this case?? ...why???

-

Sadmad: I could be less horrible now that I owe the WAA a favourOR I could threaten to send a young lady to hell for just doing her job!!!! GO SADMAD, GO SADMAD

-

...dont call her a spring chick.

-

wait wait MAY 12TH?!

They just finished Maya’s trial and Edgeworth hauls Sadmad back to America over night?? How the fuck does Sadmad think he’s more prepared than us?? He had about the same amount of time to prepare!

-

I’ve got a good feeling about this case

-

Sadmad just let that poor butterfly rest jfc the aesthetic isn't that important 

-

“this guy stole the deed to this other guys shop, so other guy KILLED HIM to get it back”

yes, brilliant deduction, not an overreaction at all

-

Sadmad, you literally got back here at like 1 am last night. Go fuck yourself and leave Athena alone.

-

So Apollo’s a  red pepper, Athena’s an egg yolk... But there aren’t any blue foods, so Phoenix is just stuck being called ‘putrid’ in general.

Anyway cut Athena some slack. She’s already progressed far beyond having a breakdown in court because someone talked over her. 

-

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR SIMON BLACKQUILL,

-

“Simon!! You didnt tell me you were taking the stand!!!”

“There wasn’t time...”

no time at all during that 5 minutes you spent in the lobby. But I'm laughin’ so I’m not judging. Also I missed that theme...

-

AW  YIS

THROW DOWN SIMON

he’s the lesser of two evils this time; I'm ready to back him up! Simon in the blue corner, ding ding!!!!

-

half-awake sadmad looks up “rakugo” on wikipedia at 3 am

“yeah that should do it”

...and memorizes the whole article apparently

(coughmartystucough)

-

Sadmad: No wasting time!! This soul must get to the afterlife post-haste! You’re all putrid lumps of fecal matter for putting off the last ri–– wait, an opportunity to gloat?! Hold onto your hats, baby! The next twenty minutes are mine!!!

-

(weeps) thank you Athena

-

simon will remember this (you blackguard)

-

sexy pan up shot for–– oh, it really is a “sexy” pan up shot this time

except for those... soulless eyes...

-

aw nuts she has that drone-y X people theme. 

-

OH GOD 

OH GOD YOUR BOOBS

THAT WOULD HURT SO FUCKING MUCH

IM CLUTCHING MY CHEST JUST THINKING ABOUT IT

but I'm also chortling at the booby jokes teehee

-

“Never show sadness! Smile, smile, smile! With a twisty-twist-twist!”

Hey, it’s the new motto of ace attorney! Your self worth is based solely on how well you can cover up your less palatable feelings! Yaaaay!!

...also I’m calling it now, she did it.

-

i think her balloons are pretty impressive, athena

-

420 WE GOT ONE FOLKS

-

“Sad Monk Sadmahdi”

simon, youre gaining brownie points fast

-

Lang Zi says... Oh, uh I mean, the Kooraheenist Bible says......

-

“I’m checking in with the big tough old man prosecutor because i underestimate this small, young, female defence attorney”

I'm getting flashbacks to Turnabout Beginnings. and not good ones. 

You kick it, girl. tell them off.

-

nice! the judge is on our side!

-

why did she mention the dog barking a lot if it was only because he was hungry?

-

that is one hongry dog

something about the dog just burying the rest of the food is making me laugh

-

oh so that was important eh

hmm

-

has athena always done this double-slam thing, or is this new?

-

Athena: Witness, I think you might’ve been lying a little bit 

Sadmad: Vile hitler-satan, I cast you down to hell for your debauchery, how dare you insinuate that this case has more to it than what is readily viewable on the surface? Tsk tsk, so inexperienced, so putrid, 

-

“What? The gallery doesn’t get a say in this!”

They’re not a jury, you know!!!

-

“Why is the whole gallery siding with prosecutor sadmadhi?”

it’s because he’s hot, athena. thats the only reason anybody likes him.

-

tbh I'm actually pretty proud of Athena

same time last year Sadmad would have put her in a panic-stupor. but not today. Kudos on working that out, kiddo. You’re moving up!

-

...wait a minute

“with a little push, you could succumb to despair”

>despair

does Sadmad know? Does he know about her PTSD? If so... He’s deliberately TRYING TO TRIGGER HER SO THAT HE CAN WIN THE CASE?!

WHAT THE FUCK

-

oh boy!! OH BOY!! a dying message!!! THOSE ARE FOOL PROOF, AS PROVED BY EVERY SINGLE CASE IN THIS SERIES TO CONTAIN ONE!!

-

“That makes perfect sense, doesn't it!”

Yes... the man who suffocated to death somehow had time to leave a clue to his killer...

...you do realize that to be suffocated, the killer has to be there the whole time, right? if there’s nothing in his lungs and no trace of poison in his stomach, then it has to have been manual suffocation, either by strangulation (though we have yet to hear about any marks on his neck) or by covering his mouth and nose. 

so youre implying that rather than fighting back, the old coot rearranged a bunch of playing cards... in plain view of his aggressor

yet again, Sadmad makes a brilliant fool proof deduction.

-

ohhh my god he’s still trying to do it. HE’S STILL TRYING TO TRIGGER HER. I SWEAR TO FUCK, he’s been tolerable–– very thinly tolerable up until now. But this is just disgusting. This is brazen, malicious cheating. I don’t care if he turns out to be jesus himself when the inevitable “urhurhur he was good all along!!” twist shows up; I’m not forgetting this.

-

Damnit , Athena, don’t fucking listen to him. Don’t listen to a word he fuckin says.

Man I’ve never been so happy to see Simon. Little bit of the pot-calling-the-kettle-black here since Simon’s MO is to threaten and manipulate–– err, ah, use psychology!! to influence people, but I hate Sadmad so much that I don’t care.

-

“To think, you were so easily manipulated by his parlour tricks...”

Watch it, Simon. You’re the lesser of two evils this time, but that doesn’t exempt you from criticism. As a psychologist, you should know WHY it worked so well on Athena and you should be SENSITIVE about it. 

You’re cleared of all charges, remember?? You don’t have to pretend to be a douchebag to keep up your ill-thought-out plan anymore.

-

“I’m not girding up anything in this skirt!”

well i just don't know what to say to that

-

Oh boy here comes Uendo.

Everyone seems to love him so I’m hoping he’ll be a reprieve from Sadmad’s......... everything 

-

Sexy pan up shot of... a guy on a bunch of flower bags. With his own theme song!

-

so far I'm loving his animations and I'm always a slut for shitty puns!!

let’s see... blush stickers for the goofy one, hair forwards and eyeshadow for the lady. Clever little things that make each one of his characters different. He's definitely a fun character so far!

-

ah I'm really enjoying his dialogue 

ill bet the translators had a ball with this

-

won't you PLEASE laugh at my PUN!!!

its ok uendy, i thought it was good.

-

“Silence is more precious than diamonds”, eh?

I can definitely see which Sadmad values more...

-

ooh a spit take! not since godot have we been blessed... also i notice they've dialled up the rock guitar in Athena’s theme. Personally don’t see it as an improvement but eh

-

“yes, making it look like the man drowned was obviously because the culprit hated him and wanted to desecrate his corpse instead of getting the fuck out of there quicker like any killer would”

not to make it look like 

he’d drowned in the bowl

to throw off the police.

of course not; that’d be too obvious.

another win for the great Sadlock Madholmes.

-

wait did Sadmad just say Objection?? I thought he didnt do that

also; duel of the growly voices

-

prosecutor sad monk. simon’s still a dick but at least his dickishness spreads to  people i dont like :3

-

ooh i love it when i can rearrange physical pictures

-

“you can put the cards back in their right place but if you cant explain them then youre fucked”

ever thought that maybe theyre irrelevant to the case and theyre just... cards?? sadmad??

i mean i know theyre not but they could easily have just been on the table when the murder happened. they could stand for absolutely nothing.

-

ahh... the sweet refreshing scent of common sense. you redeem yourself step by step, simon. i mean, when youre not being a dick about it.

-

“don’t testify.”

franziska tried this once. it was for an evil scheme. i dont want to have to threaten another witness with revealing a dark secret; that was depressing.

but at least we know meanwhile that Sadmad isn’t above dirty shit like shutting up a witness. .......not that we didnt know that before.......

-

“Are you trying to taunt him into talking? Such a petty trick will never work”

POT.

CALLING.

THE KETTLE.

JET BLACK, SADFUCK.

-

simon’s lucky he’s surrounded by idiots and people with poor impulse control, otherwise his “mind tricks” wouldn’t do shit

“to be turned by such an obvious ploy... what a man of weak spirit.”

for once, Sadmad, I gotta agree.

-

its time for 

Artistic!

License!

Psychologyyyyyyyyy!!!!

-

sadmad doesn't get his way: my god will smite you later :(((((

-

now that we’ve worn this non-joke out...

-

“seeing my master asleep just made me so fuckin sad...”

-

i love that anger has such a distinctive ping sound

-

please do not call your toe that

-

“You gotta fuss over every tiny detail like this?” yes, Uendo. That’s why I’m writing these !!

-

that box of buns keeps drawing my attention. i love buns

-

Simon, you could try using some positive reinforcement. Mia wasn’t soft on Phoenix, but she encouraged him to think and puzzle things out for himself; she didn’t just call him an idiot. All the time.

-

“as sharp as a trout”

what the fuck

-

“so thats how it works ! fascinating!”

its not like i spent a lot of time working under the woman who invented said matrix!

-

its kinda sad that Athena’s never seen multiple emotions in high dudgeon 

she must hang out with a lot of mild mannered people 

-

athena: ive just proved these words mean something detrimental to the witness

sadmad: erm but they mean nothing to me therefor they warrant no further investigation.

???

i stg most of Nahyuta’s “”””counter argumnets”””” are legitimately just him trying to disparage the obvious contradiction away.

-

again athena seems unable to believe that people can only feel one intense emotion at a time

should i be worried

-

silly AA, that’s not how DID works!

oh well, at least Uendo is the fun kind of DID, unlike other... side-splittingly shameful characters I could mention...

-

Pohlfuckya indeed sadmad

-

ROLE CALL

-

“You seem proud of yourself, but all youve done is infringe on the privacy of the witness”

(sweats) i hate it when Sadmad makes good points

-

its not really dissociative if you dont... um... dissociate.

-

Sadmad: let it go and––

Athena: Shut up!!

Sadmad: Let it g––

Athena: Sssh!!!

Sadmad: le––

Athena: SJSJSJSJ

-

“if words will not sway you, perhaps pain will”

eject

him

-

i dont... like that... the beads are around her torso.......

-

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HE FUCKIN CUT THEM IN MID AIR

that deserves a fucking cutscene all on its own. its like the time Lang caught Franziska’s whip only cool and not bulshitty

...also you coulda maybe done that a lil earlier simon lol

-

“I dont give two flips”

all his flips have flown the coop

-

“but if Cykes dono were to submit to you here...”

DO NOT 

USE THE WORD SUBMIT

WHEN PRAYER BEAD BONDAGE IS INVOLVED

-

fuck you sadmad, not everyone has magic gary-stu powers that let them memorize everything about a single subject in one night.

-

once again sadmad wastes precious time and diamonds showing off

-

after this lengthy, lengthy, leeeeeengthy detour............ wouldyouliketoaddthisstatementtothetestimony?

-

“you look like a hen with a dozen eggs to say”

you can just say “constipated” and it'll be less creepy, simon

-

how could they... not tell... oh who cares

-

“we’ve got you by the stones now, Uendo!”

DAMN the TESTICLE references in this game!!!

-

“heres a big plot twist that i just convenientlyforgottomention urhurhurhr..”

spoken like a true prosecutor 

-

there was such a long pause there i thought he was building up to a pun

but of course he wasnt. sadmad isn't cool at all

-

heheh i just noticed that Bucky has hair noodles, just like Mr. Eldoon (tho Bucky’s dont appear to be a wig)

also its... very distressing to have a drunk client.

-

y’know i just realized

Sadmad is always talking about sending souls to the twilight realm in the proper way. but he's an international prosecutor. he’s probably prosecuted victims of all religious alignments.

isn't it kind of disrespectful to perform your religion’s funeral rites on someone who doesn’t practice it???

-

again, BK is only successful because Uendo is a moron

to be fair though, that was one of his better ones.

-

“You were leading the witness!”

I...

Just, fuckin’. Please stop making good points, sadmad. I don’t want to be enraged with you, I want to be enraged AT You!!

...well i mean I don’t want to but i hate it when you bring up excellent points.

-

anyway why doesn't sadmad want them to find Owen anyway. if it comes to nothing, who cares? can you just not stand having people who aren’t you waste time??

-

again... DID doesn’t work like that........

-

macbeth, starring athena cykes and simon blackquill

-

hey i jusT REALIZED WHERE’S TAKA

-

thats,,, reallllllyy not how DID works,,,,,,,,,,,,,

-

highfalutin’

-

“if you see one, there are likely thirty in your home’

thirty what

WTHIRTY WHAT

-

look if you knew how DID is supposed to work you'd probably have a good hypothesis by now. not an... ethical one to implement, but a working one.

-

i guess Uendo just never sleeps then, because apparently falling unconscious calls out another personality.

...brilliant.

-

Simon: STOP BEING SO NERVOUS. IS MY NAGGING AND DISAPPOINTMENT SOOTHING YOU???? IS IT?????!!!!

-

the time honoured tradition of turning a slip of paper over... truly, this is an Ace Attorney game 

-

dude.... if you conk out from the trace amounts of alcohol in a bun, you should maybe visit a doctor possibly 

-

“hmm, yes, i will allow you to render this man unconscious from alcohol.”

classic judge!!

-

au where blackqyil is a very angsty delivery boy

-

BABY

THERE HE IS

MY PRECIOUS BIRD

I WAS SO SCARED SOEMTHING HAD HAPPENED TO YOU

-

...that bird is going to fly into a shop, terrorize the workers, steal bean buns and (hopefully) drop a twenty on the counter as he flies the coop

awesome 

-

phew that was a long court... but wait if this is a half-episode (which it probably is) and it started on a court day...

no investigation?! RIP OFF

-

gonna cut this one off here. till next time...

[mrsamazingdreamer]

Just Roommates: Part 2

YAAAAAS.

HEY GUYS! A big hug and a bigger thanks to everyone who liked my story.

Check out part 1.

Here is part 2! 

Plot- Jungkook as your roommate + College adventures lol. 

Characters- Reader, Jungkook. 

Word count- 1.5k+ 

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3  Part 4  

casual texting shit- part 1, part 2  

-

JUNGKOOK’s POV

Anything in the world would have been fine, but living in the same apartment as a GIRL was just a no for me. The reason why I had moved into an apartment was so that I could avoid being around the campus girls. But look at me now, I’m crying into a pillow, seeing a girl almost naked in my house. I’m so mad at everyone. They said that they will send in a ‘nice roommate’ who is perfect for my lifestyle and comfort… but no one told me that when I meet that person first will be like this. I want to die.

“I’m sorry are you okay?” a surprisingly soft noise and a warm hand lands on my shoulder. I got startled at the touch and quickly sat up straight.

“Uh I think so- never mind- I-I-I f-freaked out.” I stammered hard. From the corner of my eye I saw her, she was still in her towel, I noticed her eyes… they were very deep and from candle light reflection made them even more deep. I could feel her empathising with my situation from the look on her face.

“So, did I… I mean I should have waited and had a talk with you- “I cut her off and gave her my jacket looking away. “You will catch a cold.” I went into my bedroom without any delay or talks. I couldn’t have her sat there like that, talking to me. It was just really weird. I open my windows to just see how dark it was outside. This ‘Girl-Phobia’ of mine was really getting me to the edge. 

After all, I am a 19-year-old with raging testosterone.

I was blanked out at the thought of living with the opposite gender. Things could be just fine or maybe just so much worse. Either way, I was going to suffer.

It was 10pm and I was hungry fuck. I exit the room to see that girl was sat by the window in our living room, looking a bit sad. Now obviously, I had to do something about the person living with me being sad. Not going to lie, she was kind of cute.

ASDFGHJKL WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?????????? PLEASE sEND Help. TT

“Um, so, hi.” I awkwardly went up to her and just spat the most awkward greeting of my life.

“Oh, hey.” She looks up at me, fixing her hair and face and gave me a cute smile.

Aiggoo. Wae?!

“Earlier was really awkward and bad, so sorry about that.” I tried to makeup and apologise.

“That is fine I guess. I’m Y/N, by the way.” She told.

“I’m Jungkook. You’re new, here right?” I asked her trying to keep it chic.

“Oh, yeah I am. I think you helped me earlier today?” she said.

“Did I? I don’t know, I think I did, but, I don’t know, well, I must have, I’m too nice you know.” WTF JEON JUNGKOOK DA FUQ YOU SAYING?

“Haha, oh god, I think it was you so thanks!” she gave me shy look.

“You’re welcome, y/n.” I went to shake hands with her.

As I was proceeding towards her, I tripped onto the cushion and fell all over her.

WOW JEON FUCKING IDIOT. YOU TRIED. *SLOW CLAPS *

I was on top of a girl, ashamed and feeling awful af. She smells amazing though. OKAY WHAT-

“I’m so sorry! Oh, my god!” I locked my eyes with her as I apologise. I could almost feel her boobs which wasn’t helping at all. But I had to compose myself up. It was 10 seconds later, before I could get up off her and leave back to Korea. I felt my stomach rumble. She covers her face up and giggles in second-hand embarrassment.

SHE WILL DEFINITLY THINK IM A CREEPY DESPERATE PERVERT. FML

Y/N’s POV

“Jungkook” he is. And he is literally on top of my soul right now. Jesus fucking Christ, I could see his muscular arms and those clavicles and that slaying jaw line and that fucking face of his-

DID HE FALL ON ME, OR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, BUT NOT GONNA LIE, I WAS LOVING EVERY BIT OF IT. JESUS, Y/N STOP IT ALREADY. HE IS YOUR ROOMMATE AND GET USED TO HIS PRESENCE NOW. ALTHOUGH ITS JUST BEEN LIKE 2 HOURS OF YOUR MEETING.

I had my eyes locked with his but my eyes were silently scanning him through, in those 10 best seconds of my life so far. I was surly heated up a little, but god, HIS STOMACH WAS HUNGRY, SO WAS MINE!

FML.

“Ahem, Jungkook.” I awkwardly spoke.

“Aish.” Typical Korean boy; He gets up off me and fixes his grey t-shirt.

We didn’t speak for like, 5 minutes. We were just sat there, in a dark room with candles and silence.

“Excuse me.” he barely heard him as he quickly left the apartment.

I just laid down on the mattress and had a mild thought on how cute this boy was. He didn’t seem like Jimin at all assuming how they could even be friends at all. I lay on cold mattress contemplating on what had just happened. I turned on some music for distraction and soon after went to pee.

It was 12 am almost and as I got out of the washroom, I noticed a pizza box. As I went near, I saw a little letter kept underneath. I was blank for a moment. I opened the letter and read it,

 ~~~~“Hi. So, I’m sorry about everything. I never planned on getting things so awkward on meeting my roomie for the first time. I hope I didn’t freak you out too much TT TT. 

Since you are my roommate now, have my contact- 0xxx0x00x0. And remind me to give you the keys later :).

p.s. this is my little apology delivery. Please eat well and dress warm for the night, y/n. 

-𝓳𝓾𝓷𝓰𝓴𝓸𝓸𝓴”~~~   

I clutched my heart and almost stabbed myself with those words in the heart.

CAN THIS MAN BE ANYMORE SEXY?! WELL, I MEAN NICE?! I was just worried for nothing. I was pretty sure he got uncomfortable too. This gesture of his made me feel all warm inside and things were no longer feeling strange from what happened earlier. I hope everything goes well.

“I wonder if he has eaten or not?” I say to myself as I stuff my mouth with the as delicious pizza as himself. Jesus Christ.

I read that letter about 15 times before saving his number in my phone. I kept the letter safe inside my diary and recalled the whole day in words. Soon after I went to sleep peacefully.

*buzzbuzzzbuzzbuzz*

MY FUCKING ALARM WAS BUZZING THE HECK OUT OF MY BRAIN.

-6am-

I saw the balcony glass door was ajar. I rubbed my eyes before focusing on what was going outside.

*SHOOK AF*

IT WAS HIM WORKING OUT.

“Oh mah gerd.” I screamed internally on seeing him wearing a vest, bandana and shorts and flexing those arms as he did the shoulder press exercise.

I went closer to see the proper image and only saw something inevitably hot. How his sweat was dripping down his neck to his chest and god had given me the chance of seeing his dark eyes being really charismatic. asdfghfjgkhlj. If this is what I was going to wake up to every morning, then I ain’t even complaining no more. 

I’M BLESSED.

Without making a sound, I moved away, not letting him know that I was lurking on him. I quickly freshened up and took a shower. I straight up went to the kitchen and thought of returning the favor, I guess. I made us both, toast, omelettes, some pancakes and orange juice. What a typical breakfast though.

“Woah, Y/N!” Jungkook exclaimed from behind me.

“You scared me!” I was trying to stay calm there.

He just giggles at the little table all full with food.

“Care to have some?” I offered him a seat which he gladly took.

“Yah, this is great!” his face had the sexiest look besides looking like a child in that moment.

“Thanks. And, thanks also for yesterday.” I told him.

“I think we’re good now?” He asked as he offered me a bite of his pancake. I just nodded and took the bite.

Y/N, THIS IS GOING SMOOTHHHH GIRL.

“Ah~ I’m so full. Thanks again, Y/N! I will go wash up now.” He says before walking towards the washroom. 

After a few seconds of him leaving, I widen my eyes in realization.

“OH FUCK NO.” 

JUNGKOOK’S POV-

This girl is really sweet! She made me breakfast. I think I will survive living with her. It doesn’t seem too bad. But I can’t let her know that I am actually uncomfortable and really intimidated by her presence. And I have major issues with her being a girl JFC. The letter really helped me when I utterly had words to say. No need to worry JK, let’s go and have a shower. Chill man.

OH MAN, HOLY SHIT.

As I entered the bathroom and was about to turn the water on, the sight I got greeted with was Y/N’s “woman stuff” and by that, I mean, serious woman stuff.

Please kill me.

Did I just see a fancy black lacy bra and its matching underwear, owned by my roommate of 12 hours?

Living with a girl was going to get a bit untamed.

-

Thanks, y’all for reading. <3 xD PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU LIKED IT OR NAH. TX.

(Part 3: coming soon!)

[wily-one24]

A (for Paint it Black), F, R, S, T

How did you come up with the title to [Paint It Black]?

I don’t think it was a very big process. I had written, probably, about one or two chapters of it before it was named. By the time I realised it was going to be bigger than I had first imagined, the theme had set in. And... after that... I couldn’t really get the song out of my head. 

I mean, that whole “I have suffered a great loss and my despair is so big that I am literally offended by everyone else’s happiness and I don’t know what to do other than try to turn everything else black” is pretty much the beginning of Regina’s entire story line, no?

Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Oh, wow, ok, that’s hard to do off the top of my head. There are so MANY different dialogues, do I go for the funny or the angsty or the hot? Which ones? *the stress*  

Ok, you know what, let’s make it a theme, let’s just go PIB with this one, too. Which, oh, so many to choose from... but... let’s go this snippet off the top of my head. I’m proud of it because... I don’t know, sometimes I like to really push the characters into a corner and see the truths they have desperately scrambled come flying out against their wills, and jfc, sometimes Snow can be so blind and I think maybe doesn’t want to see the truth and needs a bit of it slapped into her, but also... this is a conversation that desperately needed to happen on the show, perhaps not quite as angsty and hate fuelled as this one, but there you go:

Standing above her, Regina is monstrous. She’s always been tall, always been bigger, more times than not she’s been threatening. But like this, Snow wonders if she’s played the wrong hand, if Regina really might kill her.

“I never cared for you, either of you.” Regina hisses the words, pushed past the point of pretense. “The sniveling little brat and her bastard father.”

“No.” The end of magic leaves no reprieve as Snow is hit with words instead. “My father was a good man!”

She does not have time to stand.

“To you!” Regina screams it, more unbalanced than Snow has ever seen her and so she stays on the ground. “To you and to your poor dead mother, the perfect wife. Was he a good man to the frightened girl whose hand he forced against her will? Was he a good man when he took everything else against her will? And then punished her for it? Was he?”

Snow shakes her head, she can’t hear this.

“Yes, I killed him.” Regina seethes. “He deserved it. And you deserve to be punished, so does your daughter and everyone else tainted by his blood.”

Dizzy, scared, panic overriding the common sense she thought would save her, Snow gasps as she crawls backwards crablike on her hands.

“Even Henry?”

This stops Regina cold.

Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

I knew someone was going to ask this. This is a difficult question for me to answer. And not because I’m deliberately being difficult, but because I subsume a LOT of different works. And yeah, I am absolutely sure some of them (all of them) have influenced my writing over time. I cannot point to one exact place and say... hey, that’s it, that’s where I got it. L.M. Montgomery, Enid Blyton, Ann M Martin, Anne Rice, G.R.R. Martin, Stephen King, James Patterson, James Clavell, Dan Brown... these are all writers I have gone through phases of just consuming everything they’ve written. And that’s not even mentioning the tomes and tomes of fanfic I have read in the last decade or two. So much fanfic. 

Maybe one writer here or there gave me the courage to experiment, because I saw it in their book/fic, but I cannot for the life of me remember each and every name and I wish I could, but I cannot. I have experimented with second person, past tense, present tense, etc... and I have found a groove that works for me. A bit of this and a bit of that.

Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

In terms of reading? I guess I am a sucker for the angsty slow burn, the fake relationship. Gimme, gimme, gimme. 

For writing? I think my readers would probably be able to pick up my tropes better than I can, but... definitely angst. No matter what else, there’s always angst. 

Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

There are probably things I generally don’t write... I tend to just write the ideas that come into my head. But I don’t think there’s anything I have specifically banned myself from writing. There are several pieces out there that I, myself, would never have thought to write, but wrote on a challenge or dare from someone else and are actually quite good. Like... I once wrote a (canon, NOT AU, think about that) tentacle porn fic for VM. That’s a challenge as a writer, right there. Also, there may be one or two weird little anon pieces in the OUAT anon fic kink meme that belong to me that I WILL NEVER ADMIT TO. But I like. Also not what I would have written, but there you go. 

As for reading? I generally stay far away from ABO type things, I don’t like cross overs, Teen/high school/college AU. In terms of fandoms, things like “modern AU” piss me off. I watch the show for a reason, gimme those characters in THAT SETTING or go away. I also steer clear of a lot of “cheating” fics, that’s a person thing, and I try not to get too invested in kid/baby fics, but that’s just me nit picking, because I have rarely read anyone who writes children well. Some that are catastrophic, like having a NEWBORN FUCKING BABY reaching out and grasping hold of things or eating food. Like, no, people, no. If you don’t know kids, just don’t write them. Just... don’t.