#// al: ew an impersonator

[radioconstructed]

⌖ TODAY I LEARNED that there's a GUY who does a VERY GOOD IMPERSONATION OF ME on VOMEGLE and INSULTS EVERYONE HE COMES ACROSS! HAHA!

⌖ HE'S VERY FUNNY! HE CAN STAY! I LIKE HIM VERY MUCH!

⌖ Simply be aware that HE'S NOT ME!

[ewingstan]

If you had a chance to recommend (real-world) superhero comics to the Undersiders, which comics would you recommend and why?

Oh, good question. Its been a minute since I was really into comics (I gotta figure out how to reactivate my Marvel Unlimited account), but I think I have enough background to come up with some good picks.

Lotta good options for Taylor. My first thought is to give her Ewing's X-Men Red (aka "the main reason I need to catch up on Marvel comics"), since a superhero story that focuses a lot on gaining and maintaining societal power and the work of governing as a leader in a super-community seems like it would appeal to the Warlord of the Boardwalk. Plus a lot of it is "kill the previous leader in a way that ensures you have a popular mandate," which I'm sure she'd be a fan of.

If we're talking Taylor at the start of the story or younger—well, I don't know if it makes sense to give her runs of the character she's most a pastiche of, but maybe something that fits the Spider-Man niche could still be appealing for a young down-on-her-luck aspiring hero? I could see her getting something out of the Simone or Ahmed Ms. Marvel runs, for instance.

(While Watchmen might seem like the natural pick, I'm pretty sure she'd lose a lot of enjoyment just from picking out all the ways Veidt's plan was obviously gonna fail for x y z reasons. Also dark deconstructions of superhero worlds would probably seem too familiar to her world for her to enjoy it.)

If Taylor would be interested in comics statecraft, Lisa would probably be more interested in comics spycraft and intrigue. Ewing's S.W.O.R.D. would probably scratch the same itch for her that X-Men Red would for Taylor (and Storm dramatically blowing off Doom would probably satisfy her after all the ulcer-inducing negotiations with Accord.) I might also give her Ewings New Avengers and USAvengers runs (look this is gonna include a lot of Al Ewing recs, get used to it early) if only because I feel like she'd enjoy how Roberto gets characterized in those comics. Magnificent bastard solidarity.

If we're giving comics to Brian, we already need to work past his defensive avoidance of anything that seems too childish, so I don't think we're getting anything pre-dark ages. That said, he famously thinks "looking mature" means "sick-ass skulls and leather jackets," so his idea of maturity might skew a bit into McFarlane territory. Ultimately though I think he'd be most comfortable with something where he could plausibly say "this isn't just a comic, it's actually a well-respected piece of literature." I'd want that to mean Moore's Saga of the Swamp Thing, but it'd probably actually mean The Dark Knight Returns.

As a dark horse pick, I'd give Brian some early New Warriors or Ewing's Contest of Champions, if only because Night Thrasher feels so close to what he wants his vibe to be (dramatic black leather ensemble with a very 90's idea of cool, unflappable expert strategist who pulls his weight despite a powerset with limited applicability, died horribly and came back much later for weirdly impersonal reasons) while also being just ridiculous enough to make me want to see his reaction.

Given Iota's commentary on Alec's pizza habits, I'd think Alec would most be a fan of something intense and bombastic and not mind if its often repetitive. I'd almost say Berserk would be a good match for him, but parts of that that might actually be triggering for him. Maybe some other ultra-violent longrunning work; I haven't read Fist of the North Star but it seems like a safe recommendation; various X-Force runs could work if we're sticking with Western comics.

Rachel really doesn't seem like someone who'd have much appreciation for any aspect of comics. The best bet would be something visually spectacular in a way that could be appreciated on its own, and a plot that's interesting taking issues on their own and not just as part of ongoing runs. I could see Ewing's Immortal Hulk as fitting those criteria; her power gives her an artist's appreciation for Bennett's horrific depictions of the Hulk's transformations (even if praising Bennett for anything feels in poor taste).

Ewing's scripts for each issue of Hulk are clever in a way that I feel Rachel could find entertaining; they don't require an attention she couldn't keep up, but also aren't simple to the point of being condescending. Plus, the thematic focus on "what can and can't be solved through unspeakable acts of destruction" would feel familiar in a way that's less frustrating than normal comic tut-tutting about how obviously we can't attack these guys (plus the greater willingness to say "oh yeah unspeakable destruction definitely is the best way forwards here" would be pretty satisfying).

I feel like Aisha would have more patience for comic tropes than a lot of the other undersiders, (I could see her enjoying the original Fantastic Four run), but at the same time she'd probably enjoy something a bit more complicated and out-there. Ewing's Rocket might be appealing as heist-focused mini, and I feel like the mix of melancholy and absurdity would appeal to her. Rosenberg's Hawkeye: Freefall would work for similar reasons, though replace "melancholy" with "simmering rage."

Morrison's Doom Patrol and The Invisibles both have characters Aisha might relate to for the whole "society largely ignoring or wanting to go away" thing. Plus they both have big weird ideas she'd appreciate, Richard Case's art works well with her aesthetics, and they're both seen as "respectable" series to the point that she might like peppering in references to them in alongside Jules Verne jokes.

Huh, I just realized that Aisha and Brian both ended up chasing an appearance of being mature and somewhat surface-level and off-putting ways. Brian "trust me I'm a normal adult man" and Aisha "I've compiled spider-man quips for every work in the Western Canon and will get frustrated when you don't get them" Laborn, the "something ain't right about that kid" siblings.

(I will say that Morrison's Doom Patrol has some weird black stereotypes so if anyone wants to pitch me on a similar work without Morrison's occasional racism I'd be curious).

I'd give Rowell's run on Runaways to Sabah, if only because "somewhat antivillanous found family group of teens that mostly don't have to worry about anything besides relationship drama" sounds like a nice escape for her. Closer to what she wants the Undersiders to be like. Also, I feel she'd enjoy Kris Anka's focus on fashion in his art.

I don't have a lot to go off for Lily. I could see some of the more recent Captain Marvel runs appealing to her sense of true-blue militant heroism. Ayala's New Mutants or Ahmed's Black Bolt might help combat her whole "villains are ontologically evil" thing, at least to a certain extent.

[maxwell-grant]

In light of your latest post - if you had to pick quotations to ascribe to the Shadow the way Al Ewing did for The Immortal Hulk, which do you think would be the most fitting?

Not something I'd given much thought prior, and really I think the quotes depend more on the story proper than the character on their own. But I did some digging around my files, and I think I ended up finding a couple that are not about The Shadow per se, but that I find at least somewhat appropriate to the character or a particular story with him. I’d probably do some more digging to find more varied sources for quotes, but these are the ones that stuck out the most to me as of writing this:

I have seen what no human being has the power of knowing, although they would all be very glad to know—the evil conduct of their neighbors. Had I written a newspaper, how eagerly it would have been read! Instead of which, I wrote directly to the persons themselves, and great alarm arose in all the town I visited. They had so much fear of me, and yet how dearly they loved me - Hans Christian Andersen's "The Shadow"

I want to suppose a certain Shadow, which may go into any place, by sunlight, moonlight, starlight, firelight, candlelight, and be in all homes, and all nooks and corners, and be cognizant of everything, and go everywhere, without the least difficulty… - Charles Dickens' letter to a friend, 1848

Always after a defeat and a respite, the shadow takes another shape and grows again... - J.R.R Tolkien

It was written I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice - Heart of Darkness

Death isn't cruel – merely terribly, terribly good at his job - Terry Pratchett

I sometimes feel that I'm impersonating the dark unconscious of the whole human race. I know this sounds sick, but I love it - Vincent Price

My brain is the key that sets me free - Harry Houdini

Tales and adventures are the shadow truths that will endure when mere facts are dust and ashes and forgotten - Neil Gaiman

Sometimes when I started writing, characters and things came so fast. I didn't understand where they came from or why. It was so fast, it was hard to get them down. It is almost as though time stands still. - Walter Gibson

I live in positives. Time does not mean anything to me. I can be awake and still think I am talking with Houdini. It is all so real to me. - Walter Gibson

She went straight from fast asleep to instant operation on all six cylinders. She never needed to find herself because she always knew who was doing the looking - Terry Pratchett

I have pasts inside me I did not bury properly - Ijeoma Umebinyuo

We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone. - Orson Welles

I think the world is like a great mirror, and reflects our lives just as we ourselves look upon it. - L.Frank Baum

Seven years ago we all went through the flames; and the happiness of some of us since then is, we think, well worth the pain we endured - Dracula

The panther's eyes flicked away from his, and the panther prowled once more around its cage and turned back and met his eyes again. The panther's eyes were huge and inhumanly yellow, filled with their urgent question, which might have been: Who are you?, or What are you going to do? Who he was and what he was going to do were the same thing, Tom realized - Peter Straub’s Mystery

My impression was that of an immense and overwhelming Power opposed to my volition,—that sense of utter inadequacy to cope with a force beyond man's, which one may feel physically in a storm at sea, in a conflagration, or when confronting some terrible wild beast, or rather, perhaps, the shark of the ocean. Opposed to my will was another will, as far superior to its strength as storm, fire, and shark are superior in material force to the force of man - Edward Bulwer-Lytton's "The House and The Brain"

Nothing now was left but the Shadow, and on that my eyes were intently fixed, till again eyes grew out of the Shadow,—malignant, serpent eyes. If you could fancy some mighty serpent transformed into man, preserving in the human lineaments the old serpent type, you would have a better idea of that countenance than long descriptions can convey — and withal a certain ruthless calm, as if from the consciousness of an immense power - Edward Bulwer-Lytton's "The House and The Brain"

If thine is the glory then Mine must be the shame You want it darker We kill the flame -Leonard Cohen's "You Want It Darker"

I am the rain Falling down to cover you Wish me away But I'm here for your own good I am the storm Sent to wake you from your dream Show me your scorn But you'll thank me in the end - Assemblage 23's "I Am The Rain"

Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light - Dylan Thomas

There is no magic. People can't see me, they simply won't allow themselves to do it. Until it's time, of course. - Terry Pratchett

[enn-tea]

When I was younger, I used to play otome games, which were and continue to be hilarious for their absurdity e.g. getting transported back to the Warring States period and romancing Oda Nobunaga et al. I’d play these with my friends because of the bad storylines, and frankly questionable love interests and we’d spend all our time literally breaking down how bad these stories were, like jfc please actually do something, protagonist. Also in no way feel obligated to read this because this is just...word vomit for my own personal reference haha. Honestly don’t read this. Maybe one day I’ll turn this into some kind of actual essay about the impact on these games on wider culture or something (after I write about why romance in AOT is fine and everyone’s just reading it wrong and actually Isayama is peak romance writer and should write a massive Mills & Boon franchise around uh...some characters). But anyway. 

However, amongst all of these was probably the game with the most generic concept was Wizardess Heart, which was this magic school which the protagonist attended. Over the course of two weeks, she would have to be partnered up with a “buddy” and they would help each other with their magic (they also fell in love over these two weeks LOL and quite honestly her best romantic choice was her roommate, which was never an option :( She was, for a while also the only other female character in the school who actually had a personality).

Anyway, the point is - the setting was clearly a riff on certain franchises, the whole system was super basic...but. These stories had no right to be as good as they were. Or perhaps they had every right. Because from the ones I played, they were...genuinely really interesting. Each storyline was a season, and there were three romanceable characters, who all had their own individual plotlines but...tied into one coherent plot, as either a protagonist or an antagonist, which I still find - kind of revolutionary for an otome game haha (I’m not counting Mystic Messenger bc I actually enjoyed getting to set up a bakery and cult investigation).

But honestly? These were within the universe, believable but also super crazy stories. I only ever played two “seasons” fully, because of the ticket mechanic, but the second one has literally stayed with me in terms of really interesting perspective, and the characters themselves because if the first season was mildly crazy, season two was insane and focused on these three characters: Klaus Goldstein (...no comment lmao, I do hate how he’s the figurehead of the game), Serge Durandal (the best character tbh) and Azusa Kuze (a piece of shit and not in a good way, what are the messages this game is telling us). Each season had a mystery as a premise, and the second one was about mysterious animal deaths occurring around the school.

I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to explain Wizardess Heart comprehensively, but the personal lives of these characters? Was crazy. I loved they all had cameos in each other’s storylines and were so tightly linked. Like you have Klaus who does actually have the least interesting plotline, but a shared tragic backstory with Serge (more on that later, because this is literally peak melodrama lmao). You have Azusa who comes from fantasy Japan in that universe, which has been overrun by nature spirits who are taking over because they think humans are overstepping their boundaries, and Azusa has signed a deal with one of them to bring back his dead brother, and in fact is being manipulated by visions of said brother (and even with that in context, he’s still actual trash for other reasons, and I can’t believe the happy end for his route is to get married and have kids with him EW). 

My favourite character in this however was Serge Durandal who is also a premium shit-stirrer but never super maliciously haha (apparently I have a favourite character archetype I’m a fan of). Even now he’s literally the best character because he’s such a passive aggressive individual to Klaus (who deserves it).  But their shared backstory cracks me up, is kind of sad and ridiculously absurd because they’re both so fixated on the past. I also personally find his storyline interesting from a character progression viewpoint, because he’s the main character’s idol when she starts at the school, but has mysteriously disappeared.

So basically in Klaus’ storyline, he always references this dead friend he’s hung up over (although the “friend” part is debatable maybe haha) and you help him investigate the dead pigeons. Ofc you then find out that polite, charming Azusa is the antagonist of the season and you have to play through the next routes in order to get a better picture of this. But throughout Klaus’ route, this character called Randy March (unfortunate name lmao)  keeps on popping up. He’s funny, doesn’t treat the main character as inconvenience (best friend goals right there) but what’s more interesting is how he’s never in the same room as Klaus; as soon as he hears that he’s approaching, he just...disappears. And this continues for the whole of the story until the end, when they finally meet each other face to face, and Klaus reacts badly. Not quite in an upset way, more shocked - but it’s clear that they have a History. 

So - cue “Randy’s” route. He is the same as he is in Klaus’ route, and still dodges bumping into Klaus, but then - then, they bump into each other far earlier in his route (one thing I do like about these stories is how the main character does actually have some impact on the plot. It all follows the same storyline, with the same conclusion, but they do diverge because the character happens to interact with different characters and some things can’t happen if she isn’t there for it). Leading up to this, Randy has been very cagey about being the main character’s “buddy” and insists he already has one, and he really, really gets awkward when the main character states that she really idolises Serge Durandal (who in this is like, IDK good at animal magic like the main character). 

And then, my god, the reveal. The fact that Randy March is not, in fact, Randy March, but Serge Durandal (which honestly is such a cool name comparatively lol, I named all my other otome protagonists Serge Durandal). And that Randy March, is in fact, the dead friend of Klaus who Serge has been impersonating for literal years. On top of this? Serge was also a best friend of Randy, who was his “buddy” and leading up to Randy’s death, he and Klaus were involved in a rivalry over his friendship (and I’m not joking I do actually think this was some kind of unvoiced love triangle, because both Serge and Klaus genuinely say that they’re attracted to the main character because she reminds them of Randy, they need to get over this before they can actually engage in a romantic relationship with anyone else kthx. Also at some point, Serge actually says he loved Randy in a way that really can’t be construed as entirely platonic, and the main character says it as well, and considering her personality and the way she interprets things, when she says love - she definitely means romantically). 

Klaus holds Serge responsible for Randy’s death, as the two were working on a project together which led directly to it. His first reaction on ever hearing Serge’s name is “the murderer” which continues all the way up until the end of the story when they resolve their character arcs (also incredibly satisfying). 

Apparently the reason behind Serge impersonating his dead friend is because he felt so guilty and so ashamed and willingly accepted the blame that Klaus placed on him, he felt that if he became Randy, it would basically be like letting his friend experience the life he didn’t get to have, and he’s spent years searching for a cure to revive him. This has taken him to Hinomoto, where he’s become friends with Azusa (drawing him into the storyline) and back to the main setting of Gedonelune. Side note, Azusa, I’m not going to even go into your character because you’re such a piece of shit and I only played through your storyline because I felt compelled to get the full picture. 

Ofc, this all links to the main plot - because at this time of year, there’s a whole thing related to a unicorn appearing in the nearby forest. This is a unicorn who has struck a deal with Serge years prior to the main storyline who is Serge’s last hope of reviving Randy, and Azusa finds out about this and wants to bring his brother back etc. and this all culminates in a massive showdown. 

Intense.

Anyway, at the end of this, peace returns etc. and there’s a sequel I haven’t actually played but you know what’s perfect about the ending? Serge ends up staying on as a prefect - the same role as Klaus and they have to share a room. I cannot describe how funny their interactions are for the rest of the story and the other storylines they have to live together.

I’m not entirely sure what the point of this was, apart from an exercise in pinning down precisely what I liked about this story but - it’s certainly one that’s stuck with me through a LOT of otome haha. 

[dorkforty]

So it’s time to get back to the funnybooks. After two weeks of talking movies, I’ve got a nice little backlog piling up, including the conclusion of Heroes in Crisis, the beginning of the end for Ed Piskor’s X-Men: Grand Design, and new issues of Stray Bullets and Criminal. But first, the comic I enjoyed most from the last two weeks…

The Green Lantern 8 by Grant Morrison and Liam Sharp

Y’know, just about any issue of this book is likely to be filled with ridiculous fun. But this one… Holy crap.

From the cover alone, you know you’re in for a wild ride. This issue is an homage to the classic Denny O’Neil / Neal Adams run of Green Lantern / Green Arrow, complete with Liam Sharp doing his best Adams impersonation throughout. But once you start reading the actual story, you swiftly realize it’s WAY crazier than that.

First, we’re introduced to Hadea Maxima, a (possibly other-dimensional?) hell-planet inhabited by a race of space demons for whom murder is not a crime, but an accepted cultural norm. One of the leaders (I guess?) of this place is a demon space-mobster named Lord Brotorr (!), who’s very very angry that rival demon space-mobster Glorigold DeGrand (!) is cutting in on his profits with a new drug that’s connected in some way to Earth. So Brotorr orders the murder of not just his rival, but also of THE ENTIRE PLANET.

Cut to Earth, where Green Arrow’s dealing with a deadly new street drug that leaves its users in a blank, zombie-like state. Green Lantern shows up to help, and we’re off to the races. Before it’s all done (without getting into too many spoilers), we’ve had twists, turns, psychedelic trips, drug dealers in pointy black hoods, and what may be only the second-ever appearance of Jack Kirby’s Xeen Arrow (the Green Arrow of Dimension Zero, which is of course an other-dimensional world inhabited by telepathic super-giants).

It is complete insanity, a frothy mixture of Silver Age goofiness and 2000 AD attitude that somehow manages to maintain the heroes’ dramatic dignity while still playing things for laughs. It’s a tightrope walk of an approach, and it’s not easy to pull off. Too far one way, and it all gets too cute for its own good. Too far the other way, and you’ve got the idiocy of a Rob Liefeld comic. But when you hit that sweet spot in the middle, you’ve got a potential classic.

And though it’s not perfect… Though sometimes Morrison’s scripts lean so far into dream logic that they don’t quite make sense even as comedy… I’m leaning toward this being a classic.

Immortal Hulk 18 by Al Ewing and Joe Bennett

Another classic in the making is Al Ewing and Joe Bennett’s Immortal Hulk. This one’s been gathering quite a buzz, picking up readers as it goes along, to the point that the early issues (which had low-expectation print runs) are now going for a pretty penny on the collector’s market. I’m sure the prices will eventually level out, but it’s nice to see a comic going for big bucks on the basis of actual reader demand, instead of the usual “it’s worth this because we say it is” reasons for that sort of thing.

The buzz it’s getting is deserved, too. Al Ewing’s horror take on the character has been quite a bit of fun. It dragged a bit during the Hell storyline a few issues back, but otherwise this has been great stuff. Joe Fixit (aka the gray Hulk) recently reappeared, and this issue we discover that he’s been in control of Banner’s body for quite some time. It’s not entirely clear how long, or what he’s been up to, but he’s definitely had time to amass a little money. And grow a mustache.

As the story moves on, we also get a crazy new version of the Abomination WHO HAS A FIST FOR A FACE.

So, yeah. This one’s a lot of fun, too. Not as good. But a lot of fun.

X-Men: Grand Design: X-Tinction 1 by Ed Piskor

My favorite X-Men book since Grant Morrison left in a huff has begun its final chapter here. If you’re not familiar, Grand Design is Ed Piskor’s attempt to cover the history of the X-Men as if it was all one long story that was planned out from the beginning. The first volume covered the original series, and the second covered the first 100 issues or so of Chris Claremont’s long run.

This time around, he’s really got his work cut out for him, because he’s covering what might be the absolute nadir of the Claremont run: the Trial of Magneto through Inferno. This was the period when I started losing interest in the book, and finally stopped reading it entirely. These stories left a bad taste in my mouth that’s still lingering 30 years later, and I found that I didn’t enjoy revisiting them any more than I enjoyed reading them the first time through.

Piskor does his best with them, though, condensing and conflating events in a way that streamlines some of Claremont’s more over-extended plotlines, and completely skips the more forgettable stories in favor of the stuff that continued to have repercussions down the line. His one misstep in that regard, I think, is the short shrift he gives to the Trial of Magneto, which I’ve always though of as the real climax of the first half of Claremont’s run. But I suppose that ultimately had more of an impact on the New Mutants book than it did X-Men proper, so maybe he was right to only mention it in passing. This is really Storm’s issue, and he rightly focuses things on her character arc (which might be the one really interesting thing from this period of the book).

Still. Holy crap. The latter two-thirds of this issue is concerned entirely with demons and Mr. Sinister. And just when you think you’re done with the demons, MORE demons show up. It’s interminable. And there’s only so much even Ed Piskor can do to save it.

Still, though, I have high hopes for the next issue. Because I have no idea whatsoever where X-Men goes next, and I can only think it would have to be better…

Ed Piskor’s Grade for Trying Hard:

Chris Claremont’s Grade for Writing Such Execrable Source Material:

Heroes in Crisis 9 by Tom King and Clay Mann

On the one hand, it’s comforting that this book died the way it lived: telling a story that I liked in some very important ways, but hated in others.

On the other hand… DAMMIT, Tom King! Why do you have to be so good and so bad at the same time?!

I don’t care enough to go into great detail on what I liked and didn’t like in this final issue. So I’ll just hit the highlights. On the down side, King engaged in some time travel shenanigans to change the solution we already saw to his locked-room mystery, and that feels like a cheat.

But on the up side, that cheat gives us an ending that’s messy but life-affirming, rather than neat but tragic. And that ending, unsatisfying as it is from a narrative perspective, feels very real. Because life is often messy and unsatisfying. “Nothing ever ends,” as Alan Moore once told us. But this ending also fits the book better than the neat ending would have. Because the ending we got (Wally West lives) offers a chance at healing and a hope for redemption. Which is what Heroes in Crisis has been about from the outset.

So I suppose I shouldn’t complain.

But I do.

Because, dammit.

Stray Bullets: Sunshine and Roses 41 by David Lapham

With the Lodger side project over, David Lapham gets back to his (or maybe my) first love, Stray Bullets. And, holy crap, things are really getting out of control.

click to embiggen

It would take far more time than I have tonight to explain the vast web of plots that are coming together here. So suffice it to say that the entire huge ensemble cast, which Lapham has spent the last 40 issues meticulously establishing, is finally converging, and I have no idea how any of them are going to survive.

Except that I know most of them do.

Because this entire series essentially takes place between issues seven and eight of the original Stray Bullets series, published more than 20 years ago. And I know what happens afterwards. In most cases, that would take some of the… excitement, I suppose… out of seeing how it’s all going to end. But not here, really. Lapham’s done a sufficiently good job putting this story together that, even though I know that Beth, Orson, Nina, Spanish Scott, and so many other characters will be surviving this bloodbath, I want to know how they’re gonna do it. And then there’s a handful of other characters who seem conspicuously absent from future events, and I’m dreadfully worried about all of them.

Or, if not worried, per se, at least really curious.

Because honestly… Annie probably deserves whatever she’s got coming. Unless, of course, Lapham finds a way to make her fate even worse than I can imagine. He’s good at that…

Criminal 5 by Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips

This fifth issue begins what Ed Brubaker has said will probably be the longest Criminal story arc to date. Which is a little weird for a series that he’s also said would feature more short pieces. But Brubaker’s a criminal at heart, as we’ve already learned, so you kind of have to take his proclamations about this book with a grain of salt.

Anyway. This new arc’s called “Cruel Summer.” It’s set in the summer of 1988, and it involves a private detective being hired to find a woman, but getting in a little too deep. Pretty standard noir premise there, and though the story’s well-told, I won’t tell you that Brubaker and Phillips really offer that much in the way of new twists on it. Where things get interesting is at the end, when Our Hero gets whacked on the head with a wrench by none other than Teeg Lawless.

That’s the same Teeg Lawless around whom every story in this current volume of Criminal has in some way revolved. Or if not revolved, INvolved. Even if it’s only in a spectral, influential sort of way. And next issue, we’re told, is all about Teeg. And, I would presume, this mysterious woman we meet this time around.

Which is just a really long-winded way of telling you that this story’s much like all the others in this series: clever, well-constructed, and more complicated than it looks on the surface.

A Walk Through Hell 10 by Garth Ennis and Goran Sudzuka

Garth Ennis’ searing look at the horrors of the Trump era continues, with an issue that calls into question the value of empathy when you’re dealing with people who have none themselves. It is not a cheerful or especially pleasant read. But it is a compelling one. It questions liberal values even as it presents the rich and powerful in a very ugly light. While it’s clear who the biggest monsters are, it doesn’t let anybody off the hook. Which is horribly unfair, but there’s also a grain of truth in it. Maybe more than a grain. Maybe. Probably. Maybe.

It’s into that opening of doubt that Ennis shoves his pry bar, and starts applying pressure. And that’s where the real horror comes from. This is a story about evil men taking advantage of people’s doubts. But they have those doubts for a reason, and sometimes that’s enough to break them.

And that is Hell.

Or at least, that’s my reading of the book at this point. I withhold the right to change my mind in light of future evidence.

And on that cheery note, it is time to bid you adieu.

Xeens and Things: FUNNYBOOKSINREVIEWAREGO!! So it's time to get back to the funnybooks. After two weeks of talking movies, I've got a nice little backlog piling up, including the conclusion of Heroes in Crisis, the beginning of the end for Ed Piskor's X-Men: Grand Design, and new issues of Stray Bullets and Criminal.

[wiersema1]

Chicago Bulls NBA Draft Recap

Let me be clear. I am NOT happy with the Bulls 1st selection in this year’s 2018 NBA Draft. With the 7th overall pick, Chicago selected Duke’s PF/C Wendell Carter, Jr.

Oh no. Ugh. Weird. Pictures are truly worth a thousand words….or at least 4.

Wendell Carter is 6’10” 259. He played one average year at Duke for Coach K. But what is Carter? Is he a center? A stretch four? A regular power forward in the Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, Al Horford, or Elton Brand mold? An undersized center? Underperforming shooter, scorer, and student? Yes. A kid with helicopter parents that seem to be leaning toward becoming the next Mr. and Mrs. LaVar Ball? Yes, unfortunately.

Wendell Carter, Jr. with his goofy parents, who claimed Duke and Coach K did nothing for them. Let’s hope Wendell is more mature than mom and dad.

  The Bulls could’ve had Villanova’s SF 6’7″ Mikal Bridges, who was selected at #10 by Philadelphia but was then traded to Phoenix. Ugh sauce! Mark it down: The Bulls will painfully regret taking Carter over Bridges. The 6’7″ Mikal Bridges is a lanky, athletic shooter with good 3-point range and the ability to drive to the hoop and slam dunk the ball dramatically. He is an excellent defender with long arms. Does this sound familiar to Bulls fans? Yes it does. You know what I’m thinking. Bridges is a Doberman. Bridges is the next Scottie Pippen, who was also 6’7″.

Scottie with a lanky dribble.

Mikal with a lanky dribble.

And we could have had him. Instead, we took the next Elton Brand, at best. I am furious about this pick!

On the other hand, I’m intrigued by the 22nd pick, 6’7″ Chandler Hutchison from Boise St. I’ve never watched Hutchison play. I’ve only seen his highlight package and he does look impressive. He’s very similar to Mikal Bridges, to be quite honest. He’s lanky. He’s a slasher. He worked hard on his game and improved a ton throughout college. So I can see what the Bulls were thinking here. They were probably against taking Bridges at #7 because they felt like they could take Hutchison at #22 and he’d be just as good.

Chandler Hutchison at #22 overall might be good. He looks like Scottie too.

Well, maybe the Bulls brass is right. Over the years, both John Paxson and Gar Forman have had their ups and downs. Drafting Jimmy Butler? Genius. Drafting Marquis Teague? Unacceptable. But that’s sports. You win some, you lose some.

As a 12-year-old, I remember being very upset when the Bulls drafted 7’0″ C Olden Polynice from Virginia (whom I knew from watching college basketball) and trading him for a no-name from Central Arkansas (whom I knew absolutely zilch about). That dude was…… Scottie Pippen. Polynice ended up with an undistinguished journeyman career for 10 teams, averaging 7.8 ppg and 6.7 rpg.

Mikal Bridges with a nice left-handed dunk. Looks like Scottie here.

On the other hand, Pippen ended up in the Hall of Fame after winning 6 rings! He averaged 16.1 ppg, 6.4 rpg, 5.2 apg, and 2.0 spg. He set many NBA records including career playoff steals. In general, Scottie simply dominated his opponents as Michael Jordan’s sidekick. He became an icon and one of the NBA’s 50 Greatest Players of All-Time. Most experts put Scottie in their top 25 players ever.

So what’s my point? My point is I’ve been wrong before and I’ll be wrong again. I hope I’m wrong about Wendell Carter but I have a bad, bad feeling that we just let the next Scottie Pippen slip through our hands.

The famous Pippen over Ewing dunk!

Mikal Bridges doing his best Scottie impersonation.

If I were the Bulls brass, I obviously would’ve taken Mikal Bridges at #7 to build around young stars Lauri Markkanen, Zach LaVine, and Kris Dunn. At #22, I would’ve drafted another Villanova player, legacy and phenom PG Jalen Brunson. Brunson ended up going to the Dallas Mavericks at #33 overall, the 3rd pick in the 2nd round. Mark it down: Jalen will have a solid if not spectacular career. He’s a smart point guard who led his team to the state or national titles in three of his last four seasons. Think about that.

Jalen in his early high school days

He’s a winner. He’s a leader. He’s a smart kid, trust me. Most of all, Jalen is a good person. Self disclosure is I am biased since I have known Jalen since his early days at Stevenson High School in Lincolnshire, IL. From the minute we saw him in high school, we all knew he was going to the NBA.

How does the Naismith College Player of the Year and the John R. Wooden Award Winner (along with many other outstanding NCAA awards) not get taken until the 33rd pick? Only one reason….. his height. Jalen is somewhere between 6’1″ and 6’3″. I’ve said before and I’ll say it again. JB is the best player I’ve ever seen at his height. He’s the best high schooler I’ve ever seen in my 43 years. Period. The best word to describe Jalen is “poise”. His maturity was there from the very beginning. He knows how to control tempo, give his team confidence and energy, and of course, he knows how to score and pass. JB averaged 26.1 ppg his Junior year in high school but he’s the kind of young man who could have scored way more, probably 35 ppg if he wanted to be selfish. We knew he could. He once scored 57 against Lake Forest HS (underrated team, maybe the 2nd best in Illinois in ’14 and ’15) and an IHSA state playoff record 56 points against Jahlil Okafor and Whitney Young in the IHSA state semifinals. So he’s proven he can be like James Harden. But that’s not Jalen. He’s a team guy. A winner. Overall, Jalen is one of the greatest young athletes I’ve ever known. Classy, unselfish, smart, and talented. What a kid!

Dunk you very much!

Jalen’s father Rick played for 9 years in the NBA. Trust me when I say that Jalen is way better than his dad. He’ll have a long and prosperous career. Will he be a great player? I don’t know. But what I do know is I wouldn’t doubt him. What I know for sure is that he’ll be a solid NBA player for a long, long time. The Bulls could’ve used him as a backup to Kris Dunn, at worst. Knowing Jalen, he would probably beat out Dunn as the starter before too long.

One word: Poise.

Overall, the Bulls could have had Mikal Bridges and Jalen Brunson, two superstars from the college ranks that know how to win. That’s all they did at Villanova under head coach Jay Wright. They won two National Championships in three years.

CHICAGO, UNITED STATES: Michael Jordan (L) and Scottie Pippen (R) of the Chicago Bulls talk during the final minutes of their game 22 May in the NBA Eastern Conference finals aainst the Miami Heat at the United Center in Chicago, Illinois. The Bulls won the game 75-68 to lead the series 2-0. AFP PHOTO/VINCENT LAFORET (Photo credit should read VINCENT LAFORET/AFP/Getty Images)

Instead, Pax and Forman took an unathletic 6’10” power forward with some red flags and a project from Boise St. Maybe the Bulls will prove me wrong, but in this case I feel very strongly that Bridges and Brunson would’ve been the better choices.

Who would you rather have? Bridges and Brunson, or Carter and Hutchison?

Chicago Bulls NBA Draft Recap Chicago Bulls NBA Draft Recap Let me be clear. I am NOT happy with the Bulls 1st selection in this year's 2018 NBA Draft.