#// what's the closure on this one. idk I love you guys goodnight to me

[m0e-ru]

[yelenasdog]

the pillowtalk of a pessimist (spencer reid x fem reader)

genre: fluff with a millisecond of angst

summary: pillowtalk takes an interesting turn for spencer at the mention of the harsh realities of his work.

words: 1.3k, she’s a shorty.

warnings: nsfw themes (nothing smutty, it’s just implied and also directly stated that they slept together), typical criminal minds violence + death, and maybe cursing? idk. 

a/n: btw this isn’t the fic i was ranting on about that i’m writing, she’s still in the works. also! this could be an x oc or anybody bc i didn’t use y/n if you would prefer to read it as such.

🂦∙🂦∙🂦

A pale stream of moonlight shone through the open window of apartment 23, the home of Doctor Spencer Reid. It illuminated a small section of his bedroom, specifically on one of his many floor to ceiling bookshelves, a beacon of knowledge that was there 24/7 for the taking.

The gold engravings on the spines of his many reads shimmered, a beautiful contrast to the dark mahogany the shelf was made out of.

The room smelled like a mixture of his cologne, her perfume (Chanel no. 5, specifically), and the results of their previous affairs that lingered in the crisp air of the night.

She took a deep breath, settling down further into the white duvet, pulling it over her bosom in response to the chilly temperature. The dark green walls of the room welcomed and calmed her, overwhelming the girl with a wave of serenity that could only be brought to her by him.

He quickly took note of her unsteady breathing and shift in position, immediately jumping to action. He pulled her closer by her shoulders with his strong arms, eliciting a squeal from her and a chuckle from him, more so at her reaction than the move itself.

Her head laid on his bare chest, her hair splayed out with half of it residing on his pillow, the other half on his bicep. She could have appeared to be an angel, although in his eyes, she truly was.

She rested her hand on the left side of his chest over his heart, her fingernail ghosting shapes on his tanned skin. Circles, squiggly lines, even abstract faces.

“How do you do it?”

Her voice was quiet, barely above a whisper. If his hearing wasn’t so acute, he was sure he would have missed it. This would have saddened the genius greatly, as he valued everything she had to say with a burning ferocity, and even one word lost would be a shame.

“What?”

He was confused by the nature of the question, attempting to search every corner of his brilliant brain for what she might have been referencing. Was it an equation? No, she hated math. Perhaps the way he so effortlessly could play any instrument because yet again, math. He decided that couldn’t be the subject at question either, she played better than he did, glorious melodies flowed from her fingertips. So the doctor was truly stumped.

The answer was simpler than he had imagined.

“Your job.”

With those doe eyes he was so fond of, she looked up, meeting his own glance.

If the term “heart eyes” was able to be personified, Spencer would be the guy to personify it whenever his eyes landed on the one in front of him.

“What do you mean? I get up in the morning, drink some coffee, and get to it.”

She giggled, but the sound he loved so much ceased with her pout.

“That’s not what I mean, Spence. How do you go on everyday, seeing body after body,” she trailed off, obviously distraught. Spencer wrapped his large hand tighter around her, placing his chin on her hairline.

“How do you consistently manage to look at these victims, these people, with lives that they never got to finish living-“ A tear slipped down her cheek, she bit her bottom lip, tasting her own salty droplets on her tongue. She sniffled, burying her head further in his neck with what he presumed was shame.

“And not break down when you do.” Her voice was muffled, but the emotions she felt were evident nonetheless.

He took a moment to carefully articulate an appropriate response. The gears in his mind turned ever so diligently, finding a solution to dry her tears.

“It’s not much different than what I initially said. I get up in the morning, drink some coffee.”

He pushed a hair away from her face, admiring her distinct features as he often did. She looked up, moving her left hand to trace his sharp jaw as he sat in thought.

“And I realize that these people that are now dead, are a part of the hundreds, of throusands, of millions of people that die every year. It’s a part of life, what gives it meaning.”

She gave a dry, humourless laugh.

“What, you don’t have a specific statistic for that?”

“Oh, I do, but I don’t think you want to hear it.” He tilted his head, weighing the option of disclosing the information but deciding against it.

“But the bottom line is, they have families. Families that are grieving, and hurting, and needing answers and justice. I cannot do my job and give them the closure they deserve if I’m staying focused on my own emotions and delving deep into who the victims were, rather than how to catch those responsible for hurting them.”

She moved on to her back, stilling managing to keep her eye contact with Spencer.

“But you’re a profiler! That’s what you do! You’re supposed to, what did you call it, ‘delve deep’ into who they are.”

“Pretty girl, are you trying to tell the one with 3 doctorates how to do his job?”

She rolled her eyes, lazily throwing a hand on his neck, right behind his ear. She ran it back and forth, savoring the intimate moment.

“Yeah, yeah. Shut up, Agent.” She taunted, poorly trying (and failing) to agitate Spencer. She had a hunch (that was more true than either of them would let on) that it wasn’t possible for her to do so, and he found himself proving it to be correct.

“I just had to learn to let the family do what they had to do so that I could do the same.”

The girl’s tone softened as she spoke, staring at the popcorn ceiling.

“I guess so. I’m just too empathetic, my heart is too pure.” She joked, a feathery laugh falling past both of their lips.

“Of course. I would expect nothing less.” He teased back, enjoying the dynamic they both held in the tender moment.

“You amaze me.” She muttered, leaning in, analyzing him and his ruffled post-sex hair, his gorgeously long lashes, and his light 5 o’clock shadow that donned his chin.

He huffed quietly, doing the exact same thing, minus the scruff of course.

“I could say the same to you, pretty girl.”

Their lips connected once again, in a different manner than the feverish and needy kiss from before.

This time, it was a union of two individuals, allowing themselves to mould together in a way only the two of them could. It was slower and sweeter, with more feeling poured into their lips while they moved in sync.

“M’ tired.”

“Yeah? You wanna go to sleep, bubs?”

She grinned as she snuggled into his arms, her exhausted eyes fluttering to a close.

“Bubs, huh? That’s new.”

A worried frown made its way onto his face as he rushed to cover up his previous words.

“D-do you not like it? I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable-“

“Spence.”

He stopped, looking over her for any microexpressions, only seeing positive signs. That wasn’t technically profiling, right? He hoped he would be in the clear if she ever was to find out.

“I love it, baby. Say it again.”

“Bubs?”

“Mhm. Say it again.” She sounded with content. He smirked, a proud feeling infiltrating his body, causing him to puff up his chest in the slightest way.

“Goodnight, bubs.”

He reached up, his paranoia forcing him to close the window above him, despite being a more than qualified FBI agent with a revolver safely tucked away in the top drawer of his night stand that never quite was shut all the way.

It was just the pessimist in him.

She wrapped around his figure, intertwining his form with her own.

“Sleep well, Spence.”

He felt happy with her, happier than he had been in a long time. He relished in that, allowing it to lull him to a well needed rest.

But what could he say, she just brought out the optimist in him.

🂦∙🂦∙🂦

hj posting at a time that isn’t 3 am?????? unheard of. also i may or may not have pulled an all nighter to write whatever tf this is bc my ex posted something with his new gf and i felt pathetic LMAO. anyway, i hope your day is fabulous, go drink some water and remember things are what you make of them and it’s all about intent! love you, xx hj.

[encxuraged]

The One That Got Away || D.S.

This isn’t your typical ‘TOTGA Imagine”

I’ve never done one of these before but I had the sudden urge to write one and then it all flowed out so here it is, also idk if he actually smells minty?? it just my favorite smell. also katie and nick are random names. Sorry it’s long one.

-

knock knock knock

You stood up from your living room couch, your nerves getting the best of you making you walk extremely slow towards the entrance of your apartment. You stared at the door contemplating whether or not to open it.

knock knock knock

You took a deep breath and decided it was now or never. You opened the door and smiled at the boy who still made your heart race at a million miles an hour.

“Hey! Sorry, I was in the bathroom and didn’t hear you were at the door!” You lied with a smile.

Daniel embraced you in a hug, he knew you were lying. You were always an awful liar especially towards Daniel.

“It’s okay Y/N” he said smiling into the hug.

You both stood there hugging in the doorway. Neither of you wanting to let go of eachother. You smiled as you smelled his all too familiar minty scent. You were the first to pull away realizing that this was both of you avoiding the inevitable. Daniel’s smile slightly faultered as the embrace ended. Even after one year of not being together, the smell of your strawberry shampoo was still his favorite scent.

“The rest of your stuff is in my room.” You said walking towards your bedroom. “How have you been Y/N?” Daniel asked trying to make this less awkward. “I’ve been good, college is same old same old. I see you’ve been touring all around the world” You responded as you opened your door. Daniel smiled seeing that your room still hasn’t changed. He still remembered every inch of your apartment. He could find your bathroom, bedroom, and make a bowl of cereal blindfolded. “I see your room hasn’t changed at all, it’s just like I remember it.”

“Haven’t had the time to change any of it even in the past year, I’ve just always been-“

“Busy. I know the feeling I haven’t even stepped into my own room this past year” Daniel responded. His band Why Don’t We had blown up since the first time you met him. The past year they had been on a World Tour so Daniel wasn’t able to collect his things from your apartment until today. He looked in the box seeing a mix of things that mostly compiled clothes and pictures. He saw at the top of the pile was a plain black hoodie. It was just a bland old hoodie to anyone else but he knew it was your favorite. You saved that piece of clothing for last not wanting to give it back. “You can keep this if you want, I know it was your favorite thing ever to wear” he said with a smile. You grinned grabbing the hoodie and bringing it close to you. After all this time it still smells like him. You thought to yourself.

You both stood there in silence for a bit until he walked over to your photo wall still seeing pictures of the both of you up there. You followed him over and sadly smiled looking at the pictures of you two, “I couldn’t take these down, some of these... all of these pictures are some of the best and happiest memories of my life.” You said honestly to the blue eyed boy.

Daniel eyed every photo still able to remember every single day. His eyes continued to wander your wall and stopped as he saw a photo of you and Nick. His smiled dropped the second he was reminded that you weren’t his anymore. “How are you and Nick” Daniel said filling up the silence in the room.

“We’re alright, How are you and Katie” You asked remembering that there are rumors floating around about Daniel’s new girl. You remembered stalking his instagram and seeing a picture of them two. Your heart dropped the second you clicked on her profile seeing how beautiful she was. “We’re good” He responded shortly. But she’s not you. No one’s ever going to be like you.

“How are the boys?” You asked wanting to change the subject from both of your new relationships. Daniel chuckled, “They’re good. They miss you and your cooking.”

“They miss my cooking? But my cooking mainly contained Hamburger Helper” You started to laugh along with him. Causing Daniel to laugh more. Even now your laugh was still contagious, “I missed your laugh” Daniel blurted out before he could stop himself. “I-It’s still one of my favorite things to hear” He decided to tell you not holding back what was on his mind this time. You smiled sadly at the boy your heart skipping a beat. He looked at you and took in your features while he could. She’s still so beautiful.

The both of you stood there in silence unsure of what to do or say next. You looked around your room trying to find something to talk about, and Daniel just watched you in awe because you just standing there was so captivating. He watched as you moved your hair behind your ear. One of his favorite little things about you because every time you did that he would smile and remind himself that he was okay, because you were right there next to him. “You’re so beautiful Y/N” he uttered not caring what would happen next.

His random comment quickly caught your attention, “What?” you said completely speechless.

“I said you’re beautiful” Daniel took a deep breathe deciding that he had to tell you this one more time, just in case this was the last time he could. “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. I’ve been around the world and seen millions but you’re still the most beautiful girl to capture my eye.” He said taking steps closer to you so he could see your eyes. “Dani-“

He interrupted you before you could try and change the subject wanting to get his closure, “What happened to us. We had it all Y/N and nothing could stop us. It used to be you and me against the world, but then all of the sudden towards the end it ended up being you and me against eachother. I just don’t understand we were so happy, we were so in love. I just don’t get it.”

You thought carefully of what to say next; you didn’t want your response to cause him to leave your life entirely. You gulped and spoke quietly, “We were just both busy Daniel, I had college and you were on tour. We tried Daniel we really did and we gave it our best shot, but our times never collided right. I think towards the end we just both got frusterated that it wasn’t working out and that was our first time being away from eachother for so long. We both had no idea what we were doing. But that’s okay Daniel at least we’re still in each other’s life” You wanted to remind him that no matter how hard you both tried it wasn’t working, but you also wanted him to keep in mind that at least you both are still in each other’s life.

“Who’s to say we won’t work now? We lived a whole different life during a time I know we both believed we couldn’t live with our eachother, but we survived. Why don’t we give it another shot Y/N. Why don’t we give us another shot” Daniel didn’t wanna let go of you, he didn’t wanna stop fighting for you guys.

“Daniel were both in new relationships we ca-“

“Katie is great and she’s sweet and kind but she’s not you. No one will ever be like you. Don’t you get it Y/N. I still love you!”

You looked at Daniel just now realizing how close you two had become. “I love you too. I’m always gonna love you” You said softly looking into his blue eyes.

“Then why don’t we get back together” he whispered

You put your hand on his cheek causing him to lean into your hand making him realize he missed the warmth of your skin on his. You held back your tears and looked him in the eye. “Because Daniel you deserve someone who can love you all the time. I’m not saying that I only loved you sometimes because trust me Daniel I loved you all the time and I still do. I’m saying you deserve someone who can talk to you about your day, about how a concert went. You deserve someone who can tell you goodnight and goodmorning. You deserve someone that could give you the attention that I couldn’t have. We tried Daniel we did. We tried hard but the cards weren’t in our favor” You whispered to him letting a tear fall from your eyes as you caressed his cheek.

Daniel rested his forehead on top of yours “I don’t want you to be the one that got away Y/N” he said as he closed his eyes.

You watched him open his eyes realizing the tears that were falling. “I don’t want you to be the one that got away either” You gulped down knowing that this is what is best for the both of you right now. “I’m sure in a parallel universe we’re together and happy, but right now this is for the best Daniel. You deserve the world.”

“Don’t you get it Y/N you are my world”

You both stood there in silence, just holding eachother. And neither of you wanted it to end. In those moments a piece of you almost gave in. You were about to just say fuck it but the moment quickly ended by the sound of Daniel’s phone ringing bringing you back to reality. You both let go, and you read the caller I.D. and saw Jack’s name.

“Duty calls” You said trying to lighten the mood and began to walk towards the front door to see him out. You opened the door and Daniel looked at you one last time before he left. He put his box of things down and softly walked up to you lightly grabbing your face between his hands and wiped away your left over tears. “Is this really the end of us Y/N?” You smiled at boy sadly. “It has to be for now, we just don’t have time for eachother anymore” Daniel kissed your forehead before he spoke“I’m always gonna love you Y/N” You slowly and softly kissed his cheek telling him you still love him.

Daniel stared at you a little longer than normal just in case this was the last time he would before he slowly walked out the door.

I’m always gonna love you. Always and forever.

[wishhbones]

Wednesday, November 1st, 2017 -- 1:11 am

I type this as she is asleep beside me. 

I believe I met her at a swim meet during junior year of high school. I was a 15 year old boy. Hungry for attention and eager to please for it. This is our love story.

It doesn’t matter who I was around or which other girl I was attempting to flirt. I knew I wanted Valerie the most. Fuck, I think everyone knew that. The night of the swim meet we skyped for 7-8 hours into the night about Metallica and my bucket list. She has strict parents so this fact means a lot to me. I texted her everyday and like a fuckboy would say my “goodnight sweetdreams” and “good morning <3″. I wanted to get in her pants and thought I was being sly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But the more I talked to her I realize I had finally met my match. She’s funnier than me, smart; and not to mention, stunning. I’m sure of I’ve been caught a numerous amount of times staring. Just. Staring. The best part was, she would just.. stare back. I could feel the energy oscillate between us telling me that she wanted what I wanted. 

But what do I want now.......

.

I want her to be mine. 

I can’t let any other person take away this opportunity.

But

She wasn’t ready. 

.

.

And I lost it. I wanted beg... and I probably did ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

She wanted to stay as friends. That’s not what I wanted to hear. I assumed I’d be kept on a leash and be forced to watch her kiss another man.

So I left.. And she resented me, but at the time I don’t think she understood why. Through rumours I know she called me a bitch and such. okay :/

Time passed and when I would hear her name my heart would skip a beat. An equivalent to when its about to be your turn to present your project to the class. I swear I had arrhythmia too (I actually went to see a doctor about this, anyway I want to believe but I cant prove that she is the cause. o well)

She ended up dating a teammate from my swim team. Fucking hell. Of course it’s the fastest guy on the team. Of course she doesn’t want a mediocre fuck like me. This is what she wanted the whole time I thought. I hate her.

I think there was a time here where we felt interest for each other again, but she was still with him. It wasn’t right for me to take a woman away from her man. She knew it was immoral to keep flirting with me. 

It’s time for me to move on. I hated myself for hating myself. I stopped talking to Valerie. I found a girl who went on to became my lover and prom queen. And on Prom day, guess who came crying. Not my girl lol. I did feel bad. No one deserves to cry after this much preparation and in front of this many people, but I don’t think she would have let me approach her (I asked her recently, she said I should have lol).

There’s something I want to confess. Even though my prom queen was lovely. I had Valerie on my mind. All the time. I left her for the purpose of wanting a new opportunity, and guess who I went to right away. You guessed it. Val. She had newly become single and I wanted her like always.

Valerie wasn’t ready. Again...... And again she went off with someone else.......... I should have learned the first time :c

The summer after that year, I was able to witness her on the day she left that man. I’d pay good money to see that shit, but I saw it for free instead. I made her laugh that day with my awful singing. That’s a (+1) for my ego.

I want her. I crave her. I am desperately curious to know what she tastes like.

One time she actually let me come over to catch up on life. It was around the time where she had recently let go of her best friend (and mine at the time). I truly remember this distinct moment where we walked through her kitchen and I wanted to kiss her by her fridge. I didn’t. Also when she invited me to her room and I sat on her bed. God, I wanted to grab her and kiss her passionately like in the Notebook. I didn’t.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

After leaving, I texted her about how I felt a connection again and that I wanted more. I think she went along the lines of, “we’ll see how life turns out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”. Yeah, I asked her out like 3 times in a 6 month span after that. All “No”s.

But, why did she still talk to me... Does she only like the attention give to her. Thats probably it. When she’s lonely she comes to me for attention, gets high from it until she finds someone else. (This is actually what I assumed at the time).

Well, during May 2016, we clicked again. It felt real. She even said over the phone that she missed being friends with me. (idk how to insert a crying emoji here. i dont use a macintosh). We were due for a Blink 182 concert in a few months, except I had to buy my ticket separately from her and her friends. I was pumped, were finally taking off.

Well, hold your fucking horses because I was supposed to see her one weekend back from Ottawa and she stopped me. In fact, she didn’t want to continue what we had going on because she wanted to work on herself. She said she couldn’t produce her own happiness and I while I do agree that this is a very valid reason, I was fucking disappointed again.

A month goes by and I send her a regretful essay over text pouring my heart out and saying something along the lines of, “dont even msg me on my birthday, youre gonna ruin it :’(”

Another month goes by and I learn that she invited my best friend, Jeremy to go to the Blink 182 concert. She had an extra ticket. Another month goes by and I learn that she has a new boyfriend..................... 

just fucking kill me now.

It is September 2016, I fall into a deep depression. Stay high in my room. Skip class and eventually drop out of school like a fucking miscarriage. December rolls in and I find myself at home. A disappointed family surrounds me at the Christmas lit dinner table. Everyone is quiet and afraid to ask me how things are going. No one asked me actually.

My aunt gave me a self help book as my Christmas gift and I learned a very simple and great lesson. “Awareness is the first step towards Change”

I wanted to get better. I wanted to change from what I had become.

I applied to work at the pool.... which happened to be the same pool Valerie would supervise at... I carefully picked hours when she was not there. I dreaded that I would see her... but I was also sad that I didn’t see her. Strange. Anyway, I needed to reset my work ethic and picked all early bird shifts Monday to Friday. I invested over a thousand dollars into recording equipment to jump start my life as a musician. I rehearsed songs to play at open mic events. I flirted with girls again. I got back in shape doing cross fit. Soon after that, I got my first step into a job related to my field of study. I began working for Hibar Systems, an engineering firm dedicated to building high quality pneumatic pumps and assembly lines, as a Jr. Project Manager.

My life began to pick up again. Things were going great and I felt like I was finally moving on from Valerie....

One day, I decided to text her over Instagram probably about how dumb she looked in her profile pic. Apparently, it was great timing. I soon learned that she had gone through a life changing event just recently and wanted to break up with her boyfriend. I tried hard to act as a neutral body and give support.

On July 16th, Jeremy had tickets to go see Metallica. This was my first ever show and was ready to shit my pants. He had extra tickets though. So who did I hit up? ... Valerie.

And she said “yes” !

That night she told me that she only listened to Metallica because of me.. and that she thought at some point in the night that she was in love with me. Ain’t no drug can me higher than that. We had some great closure that evening. I learned that she was afraid to date me in case of the consequence that our breakup would mean the end of seeing me. That at least when were not together, I come around periodically (when im not ghosting on her) and thats better than never seeing me again.

A few days later on the 18th, I drove her back to her apartment from a get together with her friends. 

That night she broke up with her boyfriend. 

That night I kissed her. 

That night she told me, “Thanks for never giving up on me.”

It has been 6 years since I first met her. Now, I type this on her laptop as she is asleep beside me. I love her.

-Kevin ‘Konkon’ Chung

[lachalaine]

d r a b b l e

because i procrastinate on drafts nowadays apparently asdfghjkl. so i just had an idea for this that basically took shape because i guess i needed her to have proper closure or something?? idk?? idk if this is headcannon yet. it probably is. not sure yet, must decide. it’s only part one though so I’ll finish the rest - uh… someday. eventually. idk, tell me whatchu think if u read it please, thank u. 

has ex boyfriend in it and a jackie with a gun.

aka please tell me if it makes sense or if its too much or something idk??? 

“Why are you here?” Again. Again, again, again, again, again, again, a – ah.

Why did this have to happen to her all over again? Why did he have to come back into her life once more?

Why couldn’t he just leave?

Leave. Stay out. Get out of my life and NEVER COME BACK, DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE —

Grayish, blue orbs blinked calmly back at her question. Iridescent. Pretty. Unfamiliar. It was hard to believe that she’d once spent her days swooning over him, looking into those very same eyes and wishing blindly for a happy ending – thinking that following every little whim and order he’d given her would make her easier to love. As though that was the criteria she needed to surpass in order to be worthy of his affections. Oh god.

Disgusting.

That’d been her past. A year that she’d never thought would end and one she hoped to never revisit again. Things had been so different back then.

Now, however? Now, she wanted to scratch his eyes out. God knows her nails were sharp enough for it. It was the least she could do if the gun she had pointed at his head wasn’t good enough for him.

All he had to do was give her a reason.

And bless his soul, but he’d never seemed to figure out how to control his smart mouth apparently. “Came to see a familiar face. Also I needed a place to stay. Figured you might have some extra space in your bed?”

‘You dick.’

That cocky smirk he flashes does it for her.

Before she can even think to restrain herself, the butt of the gun in her hands has smashed against the side of his head with the echo of a resounding thud – too fast for him to react, and certainly strong enough to knock him out. She’d always managed to hit a little stronger than one might expect from a girl her size – or so she’s been told.

He’s collapsed onto her hard wood floor within seconds, the beginnings of what she’s certain would be a killer headache already building up in his skull.

Ah, but that’d actually felt good.

“Fuck.” The angry curse leaves her lips despite her sense of gratification at the sight, shifting to transfer the firearm to her other hand as she attempts to wring out the tension that he’d set within her just by his mere presence alone. The last thing she wanted – as much as possible – was to accidentally pull the trigger and get the cops called on her because she couldn’t control that mindless urge she had to shoot him.

Now though, as satisfying as she could admit that was – now, she had an unconscious ex-boyfriend lying down flat out on her kitchen floor.

Who was apparently – judging by the spot of red she’d uncovered when she’d poked his frame with her boot –

Bleeding.

Badly.

Well, that explained why he hadn’t reacted to her attack much.

“Ah, Garrison – you piece of shit.”

Ah, this was going to be a long night.

—– One hour earlier ——

“What do you mean he’s in Japan?” The lilt to her voice is more than enough of an indication for her companion to hear the slight tinge of panic that rests in it. To the person in front of her, he can understand. Unfortunately, he can’t do much to ease her fears.

Not this time.

He takes a long drag of his cigarette as he slides over a small brown envelope into her grasp, his weathered gaze skimming across the room – doing his part to make sure that no one seemed to be paying any extra attention to their conversation. “As I said. Sailed into Yokohama harbor yesterday. Damn ex of yours could never seem to handle plane rides, if I remember correctly.”

The topic of conversation makes her cringe, the honest to god feel of utter revulsion she has to even be discussing this is enough to make her hair stand on end. “Don’t remind me.” She whispers as she opens the small sachet, overtly wary of what exactly it is that she might find within its depths. “The man couldn’t even handle rooftops, much less a plane. But – oh god.” No. No, no, no, no, no —

Oh fuck, yep. He was here.

Mahogany hues gaze over the photographs she has in hand, flipping through them as her fingers shook minutely at the knowledge that the man was now even in the vicinity. She could recognize the port, could recognize his somewhat familiar visage; despite the jacket he’d used to cover his features.

He was thinner now, it seemed. A surprise, considering he’d already been so lean in the first place.

What the fuck was he doing here?

“Oh god.” Jackie repeats the words, unable to process the very real possibility that she’d accidentally stumble across this man on one of her jaunts around town.

She couldn’t handle it. Honest to god, she doesn’t think she can.

“Why is he here?” Her voice is but a mere mumble as she shakes her head, sliding the photos into a neat stack and slipping them back into the sachet, turning wide eyes back up towards the bartender – hoping to god he wouldn’t impart on her more bad news that she knew would haunt her for the rest of the night. “And how long is he staying?”

The man, for his part – can only shrug at her in response, tapping his cig against the ash tray on the counter next to him, finding it hard to even look at her.

Even amidst the darkened club lights, she now seemed to be far too pale for her own good.

“I don’t know for sure. Word is that he took on a job for some guy back in Seoul, paying some big money to take out a target. Target came out here – guess your boy followed.”

He finds he regrets that last part of his sentence as soon as it leaves his lips.

“He is not – my boy.” Oh, the utter disdain that reeks from those five words – he should have expected it. He definitely hit a nerve with her – if it wasn’t evident by her words, than maybe it was by that hand of hers she’d clenched into a fist.

Taki seems, for all the world – remarkably unperturbed by it, raising a brow at her even as he takes yet another long drag from his cigarette. The man blows it out slowly, knowing he was only further serving to test her at times – remarkably thin patience. “You’re going to break the skin on your palm if you keep digging your nails in that deep, you know?”

Ah, but she knew. She knew better than anyone - in fact, she could feel the sting now.

Whatever, it didn’t matter. In all honesty, the pain of it was the only thing keeping her volatile temper in check. “I already did.” She hisses instead, getting to her feet as she slides the photos back towards him – grabbing her jacket from the bar stool and shrugging it on, movements harsh and angry and – and –

Ugh. Why, why, why did she feel like she had such a bad feeling about this?

“What, you’re not going to keep it?” He asks instead, waving the envelope in the air – his attempt to grab her attention even as she made to leave, shrugging her laptop bag on her shoulder as she shook her head in frustration. “Not even as a keepsake?”

If looks could kill, the man would have been dead within a heartbeat. “Don’t even fucking joke. Just burn it. Or give it to a bounty hunter or something. I don’t want anything to do with him. Not now, not ever.”

“Not what I heard you say a year ago.” He sounds almost like he’s teasing her. In reality, he knows she’s literally just about ready to slug him.

It’s really only her respect for him that reigns in that violent thought.

Just. Barely.

“Taki. With all due respect – “ God, she sounds so tired. “Fuck off.”

The wave he graces her with is enough to make her groan. “Will do my best, Chatelaine.”

She really couldn’t have rolled her eyes any harder at that. Good lord, the man was insufferable. “Yeah, whatever. Goodnight.”

She doesn’t even bother to give him a second glance.

Maybe – they both should have kept a better eye on their surroundings.

Then she’d have had fair warning that she now had an – unwanted companion on her way home.

———-

She leaves the club with but a wave towards the bouncers, hitching her bag higher on her shoulder as she makes her way down the street – not even bothering to think of taking a cab ride home tonight.

Sure, the walk was a little longer from this far downtown but – honestly, she needed the fresh air anyway.

Her mind was a mess, and she had little clue on what she could do to calm it.

‘Goddamn him. Why is he here?’

Oh, but the question is one she hates to have herself even ask.

To be fair, it wasn’t like she’d – well. It wasn’t like she’d had full reign of Japan or anything. Yes, he’d agreed to stay away from her. Yes, he’d agreed to leave – to do his best to keep his infamous brand of trouble far, far away from her new life.

He’d agreed to leave her alone.

Now, not that she was stupid enough to put her trust in him again but – but she could only hope he’d actually keep to his word this time. That he wouldn’t come barging in and once more ruining what broken pieces of her life she’d worked so hard to recreate.

It’d been a while since she’d last seen him, and though Yokohama wasn’t too far away – well, the city was pretty damn big. Maybe she wouldn’t even come into contact with him at all.

She was almost too content with that possibility. Almost too pleased with letting herself believe that. Ignorance was bliss, after all – and maybe she would have been happier to not even know that he’d even made it back into the city.

Almost. That had lasted for maybe – five minutes, before she’d abruptly realized that she could hear the faint sound of shuffling behind her, and the ever distinct feeling of being watched.

Someone was following her.

“Oh.” An audible gasp leaves her lips as she stumbles against an upturned portion of the ground, coming to a pause as she makes to check for a scuff in her boots. It’s in that moment that she stops – that she makes of the fact that the sound of shuffling freezes just as quickly, and suddenly – it’s all just far too quiet for comfort.

A quick glance back down the way she’d come, and she sees absolutely no one.

There’s a sense of foreboding in the air tonight, so much so that she can almost taste it on her tongue.

She hates it.

There’s the quick sound of shuffling again, and it just about makes her jump. It sounded closer, more pronounced – she almost wants to run back down the way, in fear that she’d come across a ghost instead of an actual human being.

But ah, she figures she might as well nip it in the bud now, while she still could. Regret had always been a difficult pill for her to swallow.

‘Here goes nothing.’

“Hello?” She calls out, making no further attempt to hide the fact that she could hear someone there – that she knew she wasn’t alone anymore. Worse comes to worse, if it was an actual person – at least she could say she knew how to fight. “Is anyone there?”

The silence that follows is – damning. And yet, she can still hear the shuffling. And… breathing even. Quiet breathing, but –

Okaaaay, this was freaking her out. In all honesty, maybe she really should just turn tail and run. Besides, did she really have the luxury to care about her dignity at this point in time anymore?

Ah – not really. But, she had to at least try.

“Is – there anyone there that I should be worried about?” She calls out again, as though making light of the situation would actually calm down the tension that she could feel running straight through her veins.

No response.

“Oh god, okay. You know what? Fine, keep hiding. I’m just gonna go run and – eek!” That shriek felt like it’d been torn out of her.

Holy shit, but three am was not the best time for her to be screaming like this.

“Fuck, you piece of – “ A wild litany of curses leaves her lips as she gazes down at the stray cat staring innocently up at her right by her feet – her annoyance only mounting at the sight. “Goddamn it, you seriously have shitty stalking skills, cat!”

Frustrated. Hissing. Yes - that was her.

…someone please tell her that she really shouldn’t be screaming at a cat this early in the morning, honestly.

“Shut it!”

The girl rolls her eyes, for the moment chastised at the yell that erupts from one of the houses down the street. If she knows that voice, it’s the old grandma that seems to have an issue with just about anything that crosses her path. The same one that would call the cops on her if she so much as made another angry peep at the feline.

There’s the sound of audible growling beneath her breath as she glares down instead, narrowing her eyes and skirting around the cat as she points an angry finger at it – mouthing inaudible words that she knows for certain only reinforces the fact that she probably looks like a crazy person at the moment.

She really, really had to haul her ass home. Now.

Before things got any worse, good lord. Why was she like this?

And she scoots herself the rest of the way home, running down the street in a fervent effort to get herself back to a safe zone.

She pulls her keys out just as she hops up to the doorstep, sliding them in and looking for all appearances as though she was now completely flippant over her run in with her little stalker. The female makes sure to turn on only the barest minimum of the lights in her home, greeting her own house cat with a rather loud interpretation of her run in with the other feline – making it seem as though she now had legitimately no concern over her well-being any further. Like it was all just a fluke. Just a bad night where she’d been too on edge for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

Maybe that façade is what makes it easy for him to decide to slip in after her.

He waits for her to head into what he assumes would be her room, waits for the house to settle – for the lamps in the window to dim before he jumps over the fence, heading towards the back garden so he can head in from whatever entrance is furthest from the street lights.

He finds the kitchen door easily. Lock picking it takes some time, but he finds he manages to get that one open without too much trouble himself.

And he’s sneaked his way inside with but the barest of noise, closing the door gently behind him as he almost seems to relax into the shadows of darkness that now permeates her home.

It helps take the edge off. In fact – the house…

It smells like her.

The click of a gun behind his skull brings that stray thought to a grandstanding halt.

That explains it.

“That comment about shitty stalking skills applies to you too, Garry. I’m almost disappointed. I expected better from you.” Her tone is utterly monotonous when she speaks – but even he can hear the subtle edge that lines her words. It sounds almost as dangerous as the loaded gun he now knows is poised to drive a bullet through his skull.

She’s utterly affected by his presence, and not necessarily in the friendliest of ways.

Not quite the best way to make an entrance, really.

“To be fair, I’m not exactly in peak condition to be skulking around town at the moment. So you’ll have to forgive my lapses. I’ll try to be better next time, so that you don’t have to get all hissy over an innocent cat.”

The press of cold metal digs further into the back of his skull – and in all honesty, the trickling’s of fear begin to creep in.

She really wasn’t playing.

——–

Which now brought her to this point in time. Cursing the high heavens and hoping to hell that this was all – legitimately a very bad dream she’d wake up from. 

Sometime soon.

Right now.

Please.

…pretty please?

The fact that when she opens her eyes and sees he was still there – bleeding out onto her tiles, his form lit only by the stray strands of light filtering in from the foyer…

She was pretty sure that that was realities version of telling her she was shit out of luck with this one.

“…what do I have to do to get some good karma around here, Jesus Christ.” She mumbled, dropping the gun on the counter in preparation for her to do some heavy lifting.

Three minutes back in her life and she already wanted to shoot him dead.

This was going to be so much fun.

part 1 x

[ravennotthebird-blog]

Hopefully last emotional/IWantYouBack Post

Hopefully this provides me some closure. Basically my freshman year I moved to this shitty ass town (the high desert) away from all my friends. I was "talking" to a girl who was in the 8th grade(she was an acquaintances ex gf who lived in Long Beach I lived about an hour and a half away). Basically that girl wouldn't post about me in social media, didn't text me when she was around her friends, talked about guys to me and even though we called each other babe and said I love you and would talk on the phone and meet at Knotts Berry Farm to hang out (shout out to my mom for driving me there just to see a girl) it didn't feel too real. My freshman year there was this girl in my 4th period french class who sat across the room from me. She wore brown checkered vans with no laces, faded blue jeans, and a zip up hoodie with light-Ish brown hair in a pony tail and she had bangs and headphones in( i assumed she was a shuffler). Little did I know that would Be the love of my life (I think.. I'm only 19 but I like to think I know what love is). We didn't really talk till she got moved into my English class second semester. She even sat by me ! We were in a group for "To Kill a Mockingbird" and she was in charge of drawing and color and I went over one day to help her color and dude.. this girl was so cool ! She liked DBZ &Pokemon & is by far the best drawer I've ever seen & liked skyrim & had the coolest little brother ever ! We got like a B+ on that assignment OH she had a boyfriend who she was dating for almost a year but lived across the city and went to another school .. fast forward to sophomore year i had a crush on this girl ! We talked so much and she was just so interesting. She was skinny and only 5ft tall and people would tell me she was cute but not "sexy" or "beautiful" or "hot" but fuck that she was so attractive to me in all sorts of way ! Essentially she dumped her boyfriend and I dropped that girl I was talked to and we kissed lol. She was sick when we kissed so i tasted Ricola but I didn't care I was hyped ! People kept telling me ask her out but I wanted to take my time and chill cause growing up I was chubby and angry and didn't really get much attention from any girls. February 13th I asked her out silly me though February 11th I had asked her to be my valentine with a flower. February 14th was valentines day and I got her a card I felt so lame but yeah February 13th after 1st period I asked her out. Throughout this relationship she got me a tortuous cake for my birthday, was there for me when I was cutting weight (went from 186-170 and senior year 190-170) bought me a Supermán onsie, would draw for me, wrote about me in a notebook(she let me read one but not the other..wonder if she still writes about me). I guess I did little things for her like emotional support and what not. Now the shitty part: when we first started dating I wasn't so sure she liked me so I would talk to other girls "they would compliment me and I'd take it, they'd say they like me and I'd ask why" that's basically all it was.. girls would call me cute or handsome and send me hearts and I'd tell them goodnight and send hearts back. I never told my girlfriend because idk.. for a while she was as lovey dovey as I had liked. When she was I stopped. It wasn't consistently either. I'd was be like one girl for a few days then I'd stop and yeah.. I think that's cheating.. people say it's cheating. Then at a party a girl sucked my pipi while I was drunk and that was a complete accident and yes that was cheating and no I didn't tell my girlfriend. I never liked or had feelings for any girl the way I did for my girlfriend. My girlfriend met my family, knew practically all my secrets, she even witnessed me and my mom argue. Then senior year.. my mom was acting weird, her boyfriend was acting weirder, I was cutting tons of weight, she was busy with a drama production(she likes drama haha nerd). And while away at a tournament I hit up a girl who had a boyfriend just to talk to and pass time.. eventually she dumped her boyfriend and we exchanged nudes and one day at school she gave me a hand job. One day while asleep I get a call in the middle of the night from my girlfriend crying cussing me out going off on me.. she saw the pictures(we exchanged them on Facebook and she had my password) .. she dumped me.. the next day I had a wrestling tournament ( I won it). The following months were weird. One day she hates me the next she wants to be with me. One day I'm fingering her in my room the next she's telling me she doesn't care do what I want.. my team won league, CIF Duals, and Individuals! Masters(the tournament before state) she didn't really text me and all I could think about was her.. I didn't go to state. I went 2-2 and that's it. EVENTUALLY me and her got together. She had all my passwords(even my social) deleted whoever she wanted and was free to go on my social media accounts but it's okay. We went to prom and graduation together and after high school I moved to Redlands for college. Over the summer I worked 2 jobs and she worked and went to school (she went to community college). August 29th 2016 she dumped me cause I liked some girls tweet that she claims she blocked. The 2nd week of September we got back together. I'd drive 42-ish miles to go see her and bring her down to my house and drop her back off. We'd occasionally argue cause her family wouldn't really take her to see me or wouldn't pick her up. I'd go to school 5days a work and work anywhere from 2-5 days a week so I'd be stressed. November 27th 2016 I get a call at 4in the morning about how she had a nightmare so I talked to her till she k.o'd. I wake up around 8 and see a text from her saying "you're cheating on me. If you haven't then you're gonna or thought about it" Assholes in high school would randomly message her saying "Ravens cheating on you" so I log into her IG and she messaged one of my female coworkers saying "I heard you're a hoe did you fuck my boyfriend..." I was shocked so I called her saying wtf ! Like that's my coworker ! She apologizes and we are all good and I'm in my Tia's room(I moved outta my moms house) talking to her about my girlfriend. I get one text "I love you so much baby" then a minute later "you sicken me" BAM dude I get a call getting cussed out ! " you're manipulative" "you're not a man" "how could you" "you liar" and I'm just like wow.. she dumps me and I'm crying freaking out and my Tia told me to chill so I take a nap and wake up and see all of our pictures deleted, my name out of her bio. I'm crushed like dude wtf ! My coworker told her I was trying to fuck her.. when me and my girlfriend broke up I got a job at a restaurant I would tell my friend S dude that girl is cute. That girl just so happened to be his friend. One day S tell me that she wants me to talk to her . I say no cause that's weird and I'm not looking to date. He said who cares she just wants to Fuck but since I was knew to that job I thought it was a prank so I didn't go through with anything. One day after work she asks me to go to her car to grab a jacket. She asked me to smoke and I said no so we hung out in her car. She showed me Travis Scotts album because I hadn't heard it all(this time me and my Girlfriend were back together". She told me she wanted me to dump my girlfriend so could hook up cause she just got out of a relationship and wanted to have fun. I said no I'm not prepared to dump my girlfriend. She said even for a day as long as we weren't dating she would be down. I told her that I don't wanna dump my girlfriend. I tell her if it's just something physical I could maybe consider it but I don't think I'd dump her. After a few more mins of talked I go to my car and while driving home I get a sick feeling to my stomach.. I almost cheated on my girlfriend.. shit... so I blocked that girl and deleted her from social media and kept it as that. That was back in September while me and my girlfriend were broken up. Here I am now.. January 29th 2017.. single.. sprung... in Iowa.. I miss this girl. A week before I came we were hanging out. It was emotional.. she doesn't wanna talk to me, she blocked me on twitter, snapchat. She said I could talk to her as long as It was an emergency so I would send her random cute posts and she got mad one day I called her perfect.. telling me to forget about her that I ruin her mood when I pour my feelings out to her... that hurt dude.. a lot... so now here I am. Sad.. heartbroken.. and I'm puzzled. I know i hurt her.. but she was the one saying she'd be mine forever and loved me and only me and only wants to be with me and that in 5 (4 now) years we'd get married.. are we done forever? Is she just hurt? Does she not care anymore ? Little does she know I message 3-4 girls and feel nothing. I stop replying.. I feel lonely. I only wanna talk to her. I see on her Instagram guys comment and her comment back.. is she talking to them? I get sick to my stomach thinking about it.. I feel I got cheated out of this.. I love this girl dude. December 19th we were gonna go to Monterey and I was gonna talk to her about moving into my Tia's house with me over the summer. I was gonna get something to remember her tattooed on my back or side.. it's just not fair dude. I made my mistakes and I own up to them but why is she so mean.. how can she act like she doesn't care? She only brings up my mistakes but not our good times. She doesn't talk about the times after sex we'd lay and listened to music, the time we went to the farmers market, the time she would quote the Great Gatsby, the times I would ask her to draw for me, the times we'd talk while I'd drive her home, the times we'd wrestle, the times I'd pick her up in my room so she would touch the ceiling with both hands cause she has a weird tick like that. She doesn't know.. she doesn't know how heavy my heart is thinking of her with someone else. How I think about her as I warm up for my wrestling match, how when I'd cut weight I'd visualize laying with her.. and the thought that she might be sharing the secrets and doing things with others she did with me. Not just the sexual stuff but like introducing then to her cool family or the smothering of vegan/vegetarian facts.. ahh okay.. I blocked you on Instagram.. hopefully I can get over this.. hopefully you come back to me.. I'm in Iowa.. I'd be in California if you'd of asked me to stay.. but it's okay.. I love you Ms Lechuga and I always will. Even if you find someone else I will always care.. my friends call me a bitch for crying and sobbing over you but.. imagine having the most precious special thing in the world. No one else could see it but you.. then you lose it.. you mis place it and pick it up and it somehow falls out again.. and as you try to pick it up it stings you.. and the more you try to pick it up the harder it stings you .. and as you try to leave it and let it be you are haunted of the thought of someone else finding it.. that's me.. it sucks.. but I know I can get through this. I have good friends, family that loves me, I'm doing my passion and wrestling In college.. I'll be okay.. it's just a matter of when.. puzzle pieces.. 2 odd shapes that look out of place to others but fit perfectly together.. can't wait till we fit again.. I love you -Raven A Rodriguez

[helenhuntingdon]

endgame thoughts & feels !!!

Im first thoughts so anyone who EVEN accidentally clicks on read more and doesn’t want to see spoilers even v accidentally so first they will actually read about my bladder rather than see spoilers

I STFG IRL I CAN GO MORE THAN 3 HOURS W/O NEEDING TO PEE, LIKE THIS HAPPENS REGULARLY??

BUT AS SOON AS I SIT DOWN IN THE CINEMA I NEED TO PEE!! I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO NOT PEE FOR 3 HOURS EVER IN A CINEMA, I CAN JUST ABOUT MAKE IT TO THE END OF A 2 HOUR FILM

AND THEN EVERY SINGLE FILM I’VE WATCHED IN THE CINEMA, KNOW THAT I NEEDED TO PEE FOR HALF OF IT AT LEAST

(LBR WE ALL KNOW I BOUGHT DIET COKE BC I’M A FUCKING IDIOT NEVER AGAIN WILL DIET COKE AND ITS LAXATIVE CAFFEINE TOUCH THESE LIPS)

so anyway

I did not have a gr9 cinema experience bc of fucking english children behind me (I had 3 hours also to decide that english children are particularly the worst, their parents will never just tell them to shush)

3D glasses wearing also is just distracting, maybe bc I don’t wear glasses, or bc they’re just dark? but lbr they put it out 3d first so anyone who wants to watch it w/o getting spoiled will HAVE to watch it in 3d and spend more money UGH

saw aladdin trailer though and tbh I can’t believe ppl’s outrage was over will smith when that was the least bad thing about it come on??? not bc it’s bad otherwise but it looks dull, like all these remakes are uninteresting af

*takes a pee break now*

okay actual film!!!:

- even though he’s really not my fave and Idc like most the time I’m glad there was a clint barton arc bc otherwise it’s just ridic he’s been one of the avengers for yearssssss but hardly had a sl except for us finding out he’s married to linda cardellini lucky bastard

- carol’s haircut made me gayer   so gay

- (was natasha’s red and blonde hair supposed to be like a mess or was it supposed to be like ~style in 5 years?)

- and yeah one of the only things I knew about the film was there would be some gay   and I am glad of that

- but as soon as I saw the hulk in knitwear in my heart I knew the hulk should absolutely 100% be the most gay!!! especially as they drew a line under him and natasha thank god (mark ruffalo would love to be a gay hulk the woke bastard we all know it)

- so anyway headcanon hulk is dating that gay guy

- it’s practically canon to me tbqh they just couldn’t fit it in (or I’d have peed myself)

- Thor was me in a half-apocalypse - kill someone, get drunk, grow a beard

- Tilda Swinton was there being embarrassing... obvs I didn’t see the Doctor Strange film (did anyone???) so I didn’t have to SEE that but then they were like eh no one cares about the thing everyone was calling racist then right? and put that racism in an avengers film THANKS (and then a japanese man got randomly brutally killed NICE)

- I also haven’t seen GotG or Antman films or that Spiderman film lol so there’s so much to do w/ GotG scenes I don’t understand (my pee break was in their stuff) but I’m glad Nebula and Gamora were in this the most though the Gamora stuff was still a mess and the time travel stuff w/ that??? fucking confused by it BUT I liked the Antman stuff and the trailer for the new Spiderman film looks good so maybe I’ll watch those!

- is Gamora back to dead now what happened to Nebula should I have paid more attention or were these genuinely confusing things? Im it was 3 hours I can’t remember what happened to ppl I’m least interested in

- RIGHT the scene then I loved the most perhaps was Thor and his mother??? I wouldn’t have expected this Idk but when Frigga called him a failure... and it was like harsh lol but mother b like that - but then she was like bc we’re all failures ;; and Idk I find that a lot more comforting than someone telling me I’m not a failure... rather than the truth of ofc I’m a failure but we all are and always will fail at things in life! that was fucking philosophical

- cap said ass lol

- the bucky mentions being like shook were like aw wow

- but then also peggy I love her so much seeing her even was ;;

- but actually then did make me mad but not for everyone else’s reasons but bc I loved agent carter ffs!!! and seeing peggy and jarvis then was like   but we don’t know what happened between agent carter and those scenes ffs??? and how did howard go from being dominic cooper to john slattery in that time like wow disappointing lmfao

- benny cumbers had like one line and all I could think @ it was his american accent is shit

- and then the srs stuff~~~

- the natasha and clint scene was then the most emosh thing about the film for me then like a seriously underdeveloped rship but you knew they were gonna fight over which one of them got o do that and I think, as the character who had the least left to give, it was the right one

- and of course it was the other character’s time to go as well like I expected it earlier even I would’ve been annoyed if he didn’t die lol sorry not bc I h888 so much bc it’d be the right time?? you can’t just keep milking a character until he’s a useless caricature he needs to have an ending

- thor’s ending was vaguey I thought he might go after jane I guess natalie weren’t interested though

- but valkyrie god!!! king she is the future

- hulk had like no end so will he still be in it

- the closure for hulk should’ve been he’s gay okay hear me out he’s always had the inner turmoil he’s always had two sides at war w/ himself then he accepted both and is both okay actually that sounds bi hulk is bi

- so yeah then steve also had to have an ending and lbr I was expecting him to die so even if I shipped steve and bucky 5ever I never thought that’d happen even though that’s bc I thought he’d die lmfao (I guess he will now~ at some pojnt~) but the ending was nice, Im it ended on a nice music and it was a happy ending???

- (I’m still mad tbh at not enough fucking peggy and Im sharon carter just ceased to exist I guess)

- other than a couple of sad bits it was predictable and a happy ending and that’s exactly what I want ffs except w/ some unpredictableness obvs!!!

- sam!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will love captain america 5ever whomever he be!!!!

- so then my biggest issue was actually where was more captain marvel??? thank god they didn’t make carol str8 I guess at least she looked gayer, fucking baby steps????????

- and wakandas ffs duh where were they all sobs Im the wakandas and carol are THE most badass lmfao but okay

- like bless the carol seen like peter like but how will you get over there carol lol um she can literally just fly over there easily come the fuck on but then all these women had to help her and carol just looked all ok awk I could just fly over there but this is nice Im I won’t ruin the movie’s girl power scene thx yall

- but anyway they are all the fucking future ;; I wish there was more of that and more hints of what to come but it was an end to old heroes obviously

- the new heroes gotta be gay though and bi all over the place

- hulk is an lgbt icon, to me and me only, thank you and goodnight

[fr33domwithin]

Mix feelings. Tonight I feel emotions for 3 different people. 2 I cross my life w and 1 I did not but at one point, she was nearly the cause of my death too. Let's say, the first. The guy I loved the most in my life. I believed, in my whole life, I will only love him as hard as I love any guy. He will be the only one, because I myself didn't knew what was love until we ended. Tonight? Ofc, I'm still healing from him. Rafael once said, my pain doubled because I didn't even stop loving him and I just dived myself into the arms of another. I guess his right. Shld I say that I'm happy? That I found out things that I wished to knew. And that these things aren't in favour of him? I once said his happiness is most important to me. But thing is, once someone have shredded every living cell out of you, could you still possibly be happy for them if they ever get the happiness that they wanted? Maybe others could, but me? I Guess you could say I'm bipolar. At some point, some moments, I could say I'm happy for him that his happiness remains priority to me. But times like now? I wish he could rip, I wish he could die and destroy himself, I wish he be in my shoes, experience the death of emotions, the collapsing of your whole world, your lack of pride, your dignity, everything gone to the drain. I wish he experience my 10months and counting of fking pain. But tonight? There's this tad bit of satisfaction after what I heard. It might Not matter to him anymore but this bit of satisfaction? I'm still Glad of it. Prolly now he can play all he wants, and keep trying for others. It still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth but it's ok. Nobody will be at their highest forever and nobody will stay Low all their life. I wash my hands off since a Long time ago and I leave it to god. I leave it to the heavens to do what they deem fit. 2nd. The girl. You were the cause of the worst day of my life, the day my heart almost stopped. The day I locked myself out at the balcony, locking my dog out, locking every sane thing out of sight. You must have been a really happy girl, a truly lucky one. To be sighted by him after we broke. To have him commenting nice, sweet nothings on your social media. You were the first that left me this taste of death, jealousy and envy. You gave me hell unknowingly. That day, all I took into the balcony, was the window grills keys and a penknife. I remember taking every kitchen knife, I was berserk, practically nuts. I took it and tried to cut myself, slit my wrists. But.. my hse is infamous for knives being so blunt so.. I ended up taking the pen knife which I didn't want to because I wanted a quick death and i knew I needed to use strength to push the blade down my skin. But, I did it still. The first cut, i saw my skin scraped off and it was all. The second push, I saw blood. It was the first time I saw blood. Know that it took me enough pain, to want to see blood because my fear of blood? It's hella big. But that day? I have already decided to say goodbye. As always, I have friends which always picked me up whenever I felt death presence. They took it as their problem and made sure I didn't carry it alone. I couldn't understand, I never did at that time why bother saving me. I couldn't listen, I couldn't do anything. After that was a series of hell again, since it was the first time I saw blood out of my wrist? My guts grew, I wasn't afraid. I did it whenever I felt I wanted to. Slowly, I killed myself in different ways. Increasing my anxiety, drinking shots after shots of coffee when I know it gives me the palpitations. Shots of alcohol and hooking up and loud music. Carving my fingernail prints into my skin, bathing w Hot water to kill the skin..etc etc. But tonight? Girl, i Guess you weren't what I thought you were. You're a nice girl, and you're attached to someone so much better than him. You didn't choose him for the sake of it and thank you. Believe me, the guy that you're w rn? His a thousand times better than that guy that ripped apart my whole. I'm sorry if I ever told un nice people stuffs about you and him and having them asking their friends around if they know you. Either way, that choice was everything I needed and still need. 3rd. You healed me. But at the same time, you hurt me. I would say I wouldn't hate you and everything. But at times? I hate you. For I trusted you. But who could I blame other than me again for putting my heart into someone else's hand? I'm sour, I'm bitter as fk about it and I miss you like a hella load. Maybe what I miss isn't you, but just a constant like you. Knowing I'm loved, knowing someone's always there. Maybe I'm just in love w all these feelings. But still? Wtv. At least you handled it properly and the closure was fine and we are still on friendly terms. But you know what? It sucks ok. It sucks so bad. That I still miss. What affected me the most? The last time. The last. Those lies. Tho you told me at the end when we ended that day, but still? It still stings. You still lied. So I'm done and I'm really done. I know you are too. That's why I'm not hearing from you anymore. And I gotta learn to be ok w it and I'm proud that I'm healing so much faster and easier. Though the feelings still come, I'm glad I'm making progress. So thank you. You healed and hurt me. And idk which to feel more to. . Mix of emotions. Confused and confused. Prolly done and done. Goodnight.

[yelenasdog]

bonnie and clyde (billy/4 x fem reader)

genre: angst

summary: there were five people at the funeral of billy jones. why did two, more specifically one, of them leave?

words: 1.3k

warnings: just vv sad my guy. literally no fluff i hate it here </3 mentions of death, billy’s funeral, and crying.

a/n: yo so idk if billy’s last name is jones but i saw someone on here refer to him as billy jones and i think it’s just bc of ben’s last name but anyway LMFAO. i for some reason couldn’t stop thinking abt this and so i wrote it (as one does fkefnkerjn). also y/n was not used so if u wanted to read this as an x another character or x an oc it would work as well. enjoy :)

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There were five people at the funeral of Billy Jones.

This was common knowledge who would listen long enough to hear the vigilante talk about the experience he had only seen from afar, his own heart growing tender during, or at any mention of, the moment.

But Billy always failed to explain the situation with a full grip, to its entire truth. As to why, most anyone could figure out.

He was afraid.

Afraid of getting her hurt, afraid of thinking of her for just a moment too long, afraid of his impulse driving him to get his ass right back up and go say he still loved her.

Four was afraid of a plethora of horrible scenarios that could occur if he let the truth about his funeral slide to anyone except One (which was bad enough that he had to know by default as it was).

And the irony of it all, was how miniscule and ineffective something like who had left his funeral early and as to why, would be to anyone else on the team.

Sure they all had their secrets that would seep into the pool that was their little family, Three’s mother, One’s lover, Two and Three’s infatuation with each other (though, that one wasn’t really a secret).

Not to mention, Four despised painting her in a bad light, allowing others to think for a fraction of a second that she didn’t leave because her already frail heart couldn’t handle to see her beloved’s name etched onto a gray stone in a patchy field of a horrible green, couldn’t handle the idea that their Bonnie and Clyde reminiscent days (minus the killing of 13 people, that is) had come to an end.

There were two people at the funeral of Billy Jones who left early.

The first? An old friend from his hometown.

He was a wealthy businessman now, having abandoned the life of pretty crime and rush of his youth. He showed up to Four’s not-so-celebration of life in an ashen tux with an obsidian tie and shiny oxfords, and barely a minute into the service he had begun checking his shiny Rolex, probably counting down the seconds until he would be considered late to some important meeting for whatever corporate hoax he was a part of to be able to stay afloat. How ironic.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

The sound was like nails on a chalkboard to her, while the action itself felt like somewhat of a betrayal, even though Billy and the businessman hadn’t talked in years. It was a kind enough gesture that he had even come to begin with.

But she didn’t care.

Because before the service had even started, salty droplets were rolling down her reddened cheeks, dampening her hoodie, his hoodie, that she had coiled so tightly around herself and her limbs, almost like a corset.

So when the businessman turned to go after what could maybe have been a measly few minutes, she could barely control her anger.

But she did, for Billy. She sucked it up and stayed put, keeping her eyes trained to his mother who was now speaking, her striking emerald eyes also obviously wet. But in reality, Billy had wanted his former lover to turn around and smack that prick square in the face.

But then 4 took some time and realized that if it were the other way around and she had been dead, he could conjure in his mind how distressed he would be to where he would prefer to focus on wallowing in his sadness for her and her only, not be consumed by anger for some random fellow.

Billy truly wanted to leave One where he stood, wanted to run to where her shaking was escalating from ever so slightly to violently as could be, wrapping her in his strong arms she already missed. The strong arms that she believed should have kept him safe when he was dangling from that damned building with that damned necklace in his mouth.

The image could have been some renaissance painting with how beautiful he looked, even then, on the brink of what the world would know as the death of Billy Jones.

In fact, most of Billy’s and the girl’s adventures could be different renaissance paintings. Alive and free, bursting with vibrant colors and emotions that weren’t able to be captured with words, so rather, they were thrown on a canvas in what was somehow a meticulously put together flurry.

On that rainy day, the weather so fitting to what she had been feeling, she wished for nothing more than to somehow place herself back into those non-existent paintings, to even for a fraction of a second bask in his never ending love like some sort of oasis.

She wanted to run her fingers through his golden curls one last time, kiss his forehead goodnight one last time, to tell him she loved him more than anything in this universe, one last time.

But she didn’t, and she wouldn’t ever get to.

And her one final chance to say what she wanted him to hear, she had missed out on, as that’s when she had left.

It was long after the uptight man in the fitted suit, long after his crying mother had gone from where she was speaking up front, back to the shadows of her baby’s grim event that she should never have had been alive to see.

She had managed to drag herself halfway up to where his casket was sitting just above the ground, trying to not look at the box a second too long.

Rather, she pretended there was a pair of rose colored glasses sitting on the bridge of her nose, helping her pretend that this was all some big misunderstanding, that Billy was just pulling one of his infamous pranks.

He would pop out from behind the tent covering the few who stood with their feet shifting on the damp soil, or perhaps from the headstone of his very own grave. She would gasp or shriek and then smack his arm, lecturing him as he grabbed his chest, doubling over in laughter, the sound like music to her ears.

God, what she would do to hear that sound one more time.

Nevertheless, in the end he would stand up, and wipe her tears from her sweet face, pressing gentle kisses on either of her cheeks to rid her of that pout he hated to admit he loved. She would crack a small smile and he would punch a celebratory fist in the air at the gesture, leaving her to only shake her head at his antics. He would sling an arm around her shoulders, nustling close to her as they would exit the graveyard, never coming back until the inevitable day they both had lived their happiest and fullest lives together.

He would say “You know you love me.” And without a doubt, every time, she would say “Yeah, I do.”

But not this time.

This time, she would let her eyes wander to a tall tree just over the hill, slimming her puffy eyes. She rubbed them and did a double take, and swore that for a moment she had seen what looked like his figure next to one of someone she had never seen before.

And that’s when she left.

She let out an ugly sob, running as fast as her feet could take her to wherever that wasn’t there, the sound of her shoes against the cold ground muted, but the sound of her uneven breathing was anything but.

As for all she knew, it was her mind playing a cruel, cruel, trick on her. Or even her mind trying to give her some sort of closure to move on.

Whatever it was, though, was simply too much for her to process, too much to handle. So she had left, given up on what she didn’t know was her only chance to give a proper goodbye.

“You think she saw you?”

“I hope so.”

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we vibing w this?? i hope so hehe. WAIT PUN NOT INTENDED LMFAO I DID THAT PERIODT! anyway, have a wonderful day/night, and go drink water and eat protein, it’s all abt intention!! i love u! also if u have any questions abt this fic pls do lmk bc ik some of it was kinda weird! 

p.s., pls pls pls reblog this! this is my first ben related fic and ik when it’s ur first fic for a fandom they can flop so it would be very cool if y’all could help me out a lil bit :) either way ily, thank u! kk bye

xx hj