#//He’s so v particular abt his presentation; he will NOT want them to see him (&his wings) anything but perfect

[dutybcrne]

No thoughts, only Klee and Nahida making lil flower crowns for their favorite ppl

[intcrastra]

Love the idea of the little wings at Robin’s waist and head fluttering whenever she’s flustered.

[icycoldninja]

Can you write the DMC men with a reader who really likes gift like necklaces, dresses, jackets, trinkets, etc physical stuff like those but is uncomfortable when they gift her gifts ?

It’s quite complicated but imagine a scenario when the boys notice the reader has been eyeing a particular item, for example a really charming necklace she regular sees through multiple times window shopping at the local antique store or a lolita dress she’s been fawning over in a cute store. So they thought why wouldn’t they buy it for her since she seemed to like it so much, like yeah it would put quite a dent on their wallet but if it means putting a smile on their sweet girl's face, it would be worth it. However, it really is a shock, when they gift the reader her desired gift, but instead of seeing joy bursting out of her face and eyes lighting up in delight, she seems…very confused and anxious for some reason. Either way, she gingerly thank them but mainly wonders and ask them why’d they do this for her and they explained why

One thing to say tho, her behaviors are off because after that…she treats them much much nicer, like borderline babying them so when they ask her whether gift giving made her uncomfortable, she reluctantly said yes after they slowly coerced her to confess her feelings

It made her uncomfortable because of multiple reasons rooted in her childhood:

- Being the center of attention equals being in big trouble when she was younger

- Asking her parents to but things for her either meets with them complaining abt how inconsiderate she is for not caring abt her parent’s financial status or downright punishing her for even asking for it

- When she received what she asked for, it was possibly in response to being punished or as a way for her parents to apologize to her ( not verbally, like how Asian parents will admit they do no wrong after beating the shit out of you then gift you a bowl of fruits for amendment)

So therefore, she internalized that gifts come with conditions, and she thought that the boys wanted something from her so that’s why she panicked at the first place

Ah yes, as the child of an Asian who frequently recieved apologies with desserts and snacks, I can confirm this is accurate. I got the plastic ruler, what'd y'all parents beat you with?

Sparda boys + V x Reader with gift related trauma headcannons

¤ Dante ¤

-Dante saw you fawning over this pretty necklace in the window of a store and decided he would surprise you with it.

-He bought the necklace, not caring about the price, and headed over to your house to surprise you with it, already imagining the giant smile he was sure you would have break out across your face.

-He did not expect to see you look so confused and anxious, though, like he'd given you a tarantula instead of jewelry.

-He immediately started asking questions, worried he'd done something to upset you without realizing. When you told him it was because of how you were given gifts as apologies, which made you wonder if they were trying to make it up to you for something you weren't aware of.

-Dante quickly assured you that this simply wasn't the case. He was giving you a gift because he loved you and wanted to make you happy, not as an apology, and assured you that he apologizes through words, not gifts, so you shouldn't expect that from him.

■ Vergil ■

-Vergil saw you admiring some jewelry, and like any loving boyfriend, decided to buy it for you.

-He was so sure you would be ecstatic; he even let himself smile a little as he walked out of the store.

-When he arrived at your house to present you with his little gift, he was shocked to find you were the complete opposite of ecstatic, you looked absolutely terrified.

-What happened, he wondered. Did he do something to make you upset?! Did you not like the gift? Was it the wrong one? Vergil's mind was reeling with all these different theories, getting more and more complicated by the second.

-Not wanting to hurt his feelings, you explained it wasn't because of anything he'd done, but rather your own dark experiences. Your whole life, people had given you gifts to apologize for something, making them lose their meaning in your eyes.

-Vergil understood, and told you not to worry anymore. Anything he gives you, he gives you because he thinks you'll be happy to have. No other reason.

□ Nero □

-Nero wants nothing more than to make you happy, so if he has to empty his wallet to do so, so be it.

-He walked out of that jewelry shop feeling lighter both literally and figuratively.

-He did NOT expect to see your eyes fill with fear as soon as he presented you the little trinket he'd bought, but he tried not to take it personally.

-You accepted his gift gratefully and left everything at that, but Nero's curiosity was now piqued. He began to question you, lightly, of course. He didn't want to make you cry or anything.

-Somewhat reluctantly, you explained how gift giving seems to have conditions when it comes to your past, so you thought Nero was trying to bribe you or something.

-In response, Nero hugged you until your back cracked, mumbling something about how he'd never take advantage of you as he did so.

● V ●

-V wants nothing more than to see your gorgeous smile. He'd pillage and plunder whatever towns he could, if that made you happy.

-So when he caught sight of you eyeing a necklace through the window of a jewelry store like it was the prettiest thing in the world,(besides him, of course) V decided he would buy it for you.

-How he acquired the funds to do so is not important, though Griffon's little jokes and witty remarks hint at robbery.

-Once again, that is not important. What matters is V was grinning ear to ear when he gave it to you, only to have you look shocked in a way that does not convey joy, however, you quickly recovered yourself and smiled before thanking him and taking the jewelry.

-A little while later, V questions you about this odd behavior, and it is with great reluctance that you tell him why you are wary of gifts. Throughout your life, people have given you gifts as apologies or because they wanted something; naturally, these thoughts carry on to your adult life.

-V swiftly assures you that you have nothing to worry about. He doesn't want anything from you except to see your pretty smile and indulge in your happiness, nothing more.

[dastardlydandelion]

I wish you would write a fic where Susan got to keep her baby for once.

well. hm. what would this look like in my hands. okay, okay, so in this particular scenario, i actually imagine neil was putting 2 + 2 together and finding out susan's preggo right after the move. like, even before susan does. and she's all kinds of alarmed but neil is?? oddly excited?

he's all like, "isn't this great? we get to have a new baby in this new town. what a perfect way to cement our brand new life, huh?"

and susan doesn't want to be hopeful but with neil's positive reaction, she tentatively feels hope anyway. maybe things rly will be different, right?

continues under the cut bc this got fucking long.

yeah, well, neil's good mood lasts until it's actually born and responsibilities ensue. he never had to deal with billy as a baby rly, bc billy's mom took care of that part and also, like. in this 'verse at least, billy was a low-maintenance baby. didn't cry much. maybe he did at first but like, after being dropped on the head a couple times, he just went quiet and didn't rly bother anybody after that. wouldn't get loud again until elementary age. and max didn't come into neil's life until she was even elementary age, so defo past all the baby stuff.

the new infant tho screams like a mofo. everybody in the house is on edge. sleep is hard to come by for the whole household. the care and keeping responsibilities mostly fall on susan but neil holds it against her every. single. time. he has to change a diaper or hold a bottle, as if it's some major failing on susan's part that he should ever have to do anything like this at all.

max tries to help but she can't even hold the baby tbh. it makes her v uncomfortable, she never gets it right and doesn't know what to do when it squirms!! what if she drops it!? plus she thinks baby smells weird even when it's got a clean diaper, an unappealing mashed food and powder combo with a lingering whiff of wet rubber. and billy. is billy. he has to watch it sometimes, naturally. if it's just him and baby at home, he'll blast his stereo to cover up the crying, as long as he knows its other needs have been tended to. like, yk, the "it'll cry itself to sleep eventually," approach. which works actually. metallica becomes the go-to baby lullaby.

but lo and behold, when it's like, let's say 6 months or smth, baby gets an ear infection. like babies do. won't stop wailing. just. will NOT stop. v much in pain and has no other means of communication. neil and max are home. billy is on a date. susan's stuck in a long line at the grocery store. neil had a shitty day at work and he's already aggravated. pacifier isn't working, lil thing just keeps hollering, so. in a burst of frustration, he starts throttling baby. max is in her own room but hears it the second the noises change and hurries to help, blood ice cold.

she stops neil from killing baby sibling but gets a black eye and a bloody nose for her troubles. this is what susan comes home to. i've written a lot of susan kills neil scenarios but i think this is the first one that comes to mind where in this round, it really is out of anger and not fear. both are present, ofc. but the actual act on her part is one of anger. bc she feels stupid that he ever had her the slightest bit convinced a new baby would make anything better. that neil ever made her feel like he'd be better and instead, he chose to be even worse. susan ties him to the bedposts under the guise of a sex thing, convincing neil she wants to treat him to smth special bc he's been oh so stressed out lately. bashes his brains in with a hammer at least 20 times, a la sally challen style.

alas, reality commences and susan goes to prison. ig a long time ago there was this made for tv movie abt this lady killing her abusive husband by setting the bed aflame that gave the public the misconception that women who kill their abusers are typically acquitted, but uh, that's not true. yeah, it was true for the lady whom the movie was based off of, but usually they're convicted and serve unduly harsh sentences for their "crimes." but if i get on that soap box, we gonna be here the whole fucking day, so, moving on now. susan's off to the big house. albeit both baby and max's injuries are documented and considered mitigating circumstances so her charges are reduced from first degree murder to voluntary manslaughter with the potential for early release.

billy's close to 19 so he's an adult, if only technically speaking. has custody of baby and max. i've decided baby in this 'verse is amab but will eventually come out as trans when she's abt ten yrs old. billy tries his best. max tries her best too. baby's nickname is ducky bc the rubber duck?? by far the favorite toy!! baby p much lives in the bathtub, playing with the rubber duck. billy, who would move them back to cali in a heartbeat if it wasn't so far from susan's prison, defo relates. he's also aquatic by nature.

okay, so the move back to cali does happen. over the months of her kids coming to visit her in prison susan can see how exhausted the teenagers are and she's p much just like, 'u guys gotta go. get outta this rural heckhole u hate, stop bringing urselves n my bby to this dismal place.' and they don't think she's serious but the next time they come to visit, she doesn't meet them, so. yup. serious it is. billy, max, n baby take neil's life insurance money and head off to cali.

this is a modern au, okay, inmates sneaking smartphones into the prison n all that. so susan makes deals and friends and does favors, and gets some help from the ones who are good at bitcoin and scams and counterfeiting and what have you. this enables her to do discreet online "shopping." so she gets ducky all kinds of rubber ducks, at least a handful of times a year. the ducks get more unique and less childish as ducky grows. susan apologizes almost every time she talks to the older kids on the phone for like, five yrs. max isn't rly angry with how things ended with neil tho, more so has that residual anger that susan ever got together with neil in the first place. billy doesn't rly know what to feel tbh, accepts the apologies p numbly bc he's too damn exhausted with being the primary caregiver in over his head to even think abt how he feels at the end of the day.

susan gets released on good behavior around the same time ducky comes out, announcing she's a girl. it's an adjustment for billy and max to get used to bc they never rly suspected, but they're 100% supportive. susan is...oddly excited? not for selfless reasons (tho she is earnestly supportive) but bc it's like. not only does that mean trashing the masculine deadname neil had adamantly declared for ducky, but it means all in all, she got out at the perfect time bc she gets to be introduced to the authentic version of her child along w errbody else. makes her feel less left behind, like she didn't miss out on errything despite being put away for a decade. susan moves in with all of them, obvi, in a small house by the seaside filled to the brim with rubber ducks (billy and max also contributed to ducky's collection on birthdays and holidays, the first duck billy ever got has skulls, and the first max ever got is a frankenstein monster duck). home is cluttered, awkward, and tentative but free of fear and ripe with *genuine* new beginnings.

believe me, anonymoose, i am just as surprised as u are at how fuckin long this got.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Fun fact: I googled Winston’s famous “you’re on a revenge jag” quote including the part about digging two graves (neither of which needed to be his). Apparently that was a reference to a Chinese proverb (often attributed to Confucius but not really) that states “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves,” meaning that seeking revenge will probably lead to destroying yourself as well as whoever you’re trying to destroy. In this case, Taylor was screwing over all of Mase (1/2)

(2/2) Cap in their quest to get back at Axe and Winston was understandably pissed at how they were paying for something they didn’t ask to be caught up in. When he said “neither [grave] needs to be mine” he meant that he didn’t have to stay and end up in a grave, which of course led to Mafee attacking him for being “disloyal” for not wanting to be in the crossfire of a revenge plot that he never asked to be a part of. But yeah, make of that what you will. Just something interesting I found.

oh yeah after reading this i also tried to look up if we know the source of the Dig Two Graves saying and apparently we really do not (i.e. yeah frequently attributed to confucius but there’s no actual record of that, been attributed to Ancient Greece or smthing just as baselessly, there’s apparently an idea it could be a rough translation of a japanese aphorism but it’s just an idea)

really winston is laying out his whole Argument v well and i suppose that’s why taylor had No immediate response for him, b/c surely if he Was just gonna complain abt it like “this sucks >:/” and leave it at that, they’d be prepared to maybe handle that level of disgruntlement and have some methods in mind to shut it down, but winston is just Right and is being thorough about why he’s right and like. i don’t think they Can really argue with it, much less were prepared to do so in that moment, and sure seems like they did ultimately agree with him / listen to him seeing as they turn around (in 4x12, not 4x11, rip) to say they Had gotten off-course and weren’t interested in taking the revenge jag route, actually

like, he’s walking through why the Revenge Jag is the only reason they’re not getting bonuses, vs mafee just ascribing it to a general strategy to Save Resources in year 1 of the fund.......pointing out that if taylor Wanted to pay *anyone* full bonuses, they Could prioritize their top employees which does included winston even though he gets no backup on that outside of 3x11 and certainly not now when he’s Cringe N Fail cuz he said Moi while insisting on his value (and when the general audience of the show seems to have decided he’s out-of-line Egotistical for taking pride in his ability and never downplaying it / the value of it) as well as the fact that this isn’t about “oh i Would pay you if i Could” b/c he knows they’re not just waiting for some influx of funds, they’re Only holding back on paying people because they’re Anticipating the [dig two graves] situation, i.e. it’s Because they’re now planning to reorient their strategy around Actively Battling Axe Cap (in that they’re now intending to go on the offensive rather than just reacting defensively to axe’s attacks) that they foresee a need to Conserve Resources b/c they know this course of action could be “damaging” to mase cap by costing them money. and that taylor is putting that Anticipated Burden of an unnecessary plan that they personally chose......like, taylor’s employees don’t really get a say in this shift where the overall direction of the fund is now: Revenge Jag, but they’re pretty literally paying for it, aka having that [dig two graves] Cost put on them, aka neither grave has to be winston’s......

plus winston has Especial reason to be upset with this shift towards revenge jag, b/c he’s the quantitative guy, and this isn’t a Quantitatively Driven approach, as evident by him in 4x08 talking abt how the numbers don’t back up this particular strategy and in 4x12 when taylor’s talking about returning to their mathematical model and then winston says Q is for Quantitative Babey which isn’t just a total nonsequitur......Revenge Jag Tmc would be less focused on the quant-driven approach and thus winston’s work would be less relevant and he wouldn’t be able to just do his best shit for them if it kept being the case like “yeah we’re pursuing this strategy b/c first and foremost it’d suck for axe” so he’d have reason to feel like not only is he being Devalued right now in not being worth like, basically investing in as a Resource (like, speaking of conserving them, Not driving off your head quant would = conserving a resource) but in the future his contributions and ideas might continue to be pushed aside b/c like, again with the Dig Two Graves, the revenge jag probably isn’t gonna be quantitatively-friendly and he’d have to keep writing off his own potential input / have his own strategies be valued less b/c they’re deprioritized in favor of “what might be damaging for axe cap”

and then from a more Meta perspective, there’s the fact that mase cap only has four named non-taylor people, and mafee’s feeling Especially obligated to provide taylor with immediate and unconditional support thanks to his whole “oops i spilled some intel” thing, and sara really wouldn’t criticize this move even if she didn’t 100% individually love it either, b/c it Would conserve resources for tmc and she’s more about telling taylor what they need to do from the “you gotta do this thing you might not personally wanna do to make / avoid losing money” and this is like, the opposite of that, and sara would also probably save such input for a one-on-one meeting lol, and lauren’s not gonna say anything, so really only winston is Available to speak up lol

and that transitions right into how winston’s also immediately proven correct in criticizing the whole structure of this “choice” they’re getting, in that they’re all pressured to take the [defer bonus for a year] route and this is happening not through Direct pressure from taylor, but the expectation that the Social Dynamics among coworkers will push everyone to defer. like, clearly the thing is that everyone’s going to be worried that if anyone’s deferring, that’ll make those employees Look Good b/c they’re proving their Loyalty and “taking one for the team,” and a reasonable worry that those employees will thus be Preferred going forward. and in this moment that winston’s bringing it up, he’s also, you know, arguing with his boss and gets no support / backup on it not only b/c none of the other people present wanna actually make these Complaints themselves / back them up even if, like mafee, they’re evidently not personally thrilled about it, but also b/c winston really doesn’t seem to have much support in s4 beyond taylor’s indirect and implicit validation, which he of course isn’t gonna get here, and if people were willing to ignore / dismiss winston’s input and/or dunk on him about it over basically Nothing before, here’s a chance to choose between “hmm Winston Vs Taylor” like. nobody’s gonna side with winston, maybe not even if he Was popular and beloved, but he’s apparently the guy nobody has much respect / appreciation for and broadly dislikes, so it’s just like. he has Points, and mafee doesn’t even argue against those, just argues against winston daring to bring them up at all, because a) mafee is looking to continue Proving his support of taylor anyways and here’s an obvious avenue to do so by just shoving winston into a locker b/c you easily Can and b) he’s attacking winston not for being Wrong but for being Disloyal for not just Supporting taylor here and being whiny rather than taking one for the team and whatever nonsense about “if you don’t like it, become ceo of your own fund” like, the lesson here is to unionize......but really winston is just proven Right by mafee, a coworker, immediately making this an issue of Loyalty and by winston only caving not b/c he accepts that he’s Wrong on any of his points but b/c he’s being Social Pressured here in the form of “being yelled at / insulted and when he’s yelled at / insulted winston seems to just want it to Be Over, reasonably,” and taylor doesn’t Have to pressure him themself if their employees will pressure each other For them

god i’m still mad about 4x11 lmfao. bitter 5ever like how can you not be. he was Right but it didn’t matter b/c nobody was gonna stick up for him in the face of a) backign Taylor instead or b) in the face of anything, tbh. that shit didn’t kick in until s5, finally, and still only Partially.....peak standing up for winston in the form of rian in 5x05 going “yeah i’ll casually argue for why you shouldn’t fire him" and “oh you’re saying winston should have a drink? i’m saying he should do whatever he wants b/c what are you, shit at math?” thank you rian. probably totally unnecessary and that’s what winston deserves for once, like, go Beyond “someone intervening only if the most belligerent and bullying axe capper comes storming over to yell at winston, but if bill uses his inside voice it’s okay to just monitor the situation even if it involves threats and getting all up in winston’s space like a creep” i don’t think rian would be a silent observer to that

tl;dr Yeah Agree lmao sorry it took me ages to answer this....i was like “oh god i gotta be semi-Coherent for this one and say smthing beyond ‘yeah agree’” and i procrastinated that for this whole time b/c it’s intimidating to think of trying to accomplish that. thank u for the ask lol

[kuroopaisen]

HEY it’s me the anon from a few days ago that told you they’d panhandle for the in between crumbs 👨🏻‍🦽 i read pt 1 again while i ate lunch after work and omgncnsms i forgot how much i loved them lowering their walls (and the hesitation that comes w sharing something personal,, tbh not me i just be sayin shit sometimes yk MFNSNSN) but i rlly wanted to ask how long the writing process took you (in general and for this fic), what order you wrote all the scenes in (1/2)

and your favorite scenes from the fic 🥺 or rlly anything you want i love hearing ppl talk abt their writing 🥺🥺 i might send more asks as i inevitably reread the series tho LMAO i woke up today and told my best friend (who’s been lobbying for me to watch more than half of season one,,,, My Bad) that i was rereading this fic for The Serotonin 🤝🤝 also to avoid confusion i’ll call myself pan anon for now!! (2/2)

PAN ANON that’s so cute!! real talk, thank you for showing so much interesting in this fic? it’s my lil baby, and honestly hearing that you’re literally re-reading it is so wild to me,,, i have trouble conceptualising it? but thank you so so much you’re so sweet :( i’m so glad i could provide you with that precious Serotonin, that’s all i want to do,,,

you’ve given me the space to ramble so ramble i did,,, and therefore it’s under a cut fklfds i’m so sorry but also thank you so much (if you do want to ask more questions, don’t be afraid to! although this is,,, v long so i completely understand flkjsklfj)

how long the writing process took

in general: depends on a lot of factors, to be honest! how inspired i am, how long it’s going to be, how developed the idea is,,, generally, I tend to work on fics when I’m inspired to do them, or i won’t touch them for a long period of time. so, it’s hard to give an exact timeframe.

for example, iwaizumi’s birthday fic (ataraxia) was banged out in about a day? concept, writing, everything – mainly because i was on a timeframe, but also because it’s a relatively simple fic. simple premise, gentle but simple emotions, simple outcome. and, because i was inspired (see: under pressure), it was easy to get it all out. albeit ataraxia wasn’t beta’d, which is a bit of a problem for it as a representative of my writing ssjfdklj

something like brat, a more thought-out piece, it might take a week depending on inspiration? brat particularly inspired me (and i wish i’d turned it into a multi-parter now, tbh), so it was easy to get into.

for something like this or little changes, it takes a bit longer? little changes took about three weeks from conception to end product! which leads to…

for this fic: this fic was a bit weird in that i had the idea in my head for a few months? sort of,,, little scenes, and the desire to write something about kuroo and nekoma’s manager, incorporating the theme of ‘an in-between kind of love.’ the actual writing process, however, probably took two weeks?

the first week was pretty lax, and then the second was a whirlwind. It’s honestly sort of a haze because I would write for hours straight? i don’t know what happened, and a lot of the first draft was not good by any means, but yeah. that was one wild week.

poor ren (@/w-yuren – if you haven’t checked her out, please do! she’s the auntie of the fic tbh) proofread all of it over the course of a week because i wanted to get it out by a certain date (i didn’t end up meeting this deadline but Oh Well).

what order you wrote all the scenes in

i didn’t have a particular order!! i would just go for the scenes that i felt most inspired to write. for this fic, it was the scenes that took place more around the middle that i tended to gravitate towards? i found it surprisingly difficult to write the beginning (probably because by the time i got there, i had their dynamic established in my head – meaning that them being strangers was difficult to parse), and i put off the ending because i didn’t quite know how i wanted it to end (the original plan had them going to university – the slowest of all burns).

favourite scenes

so one of my favourite scenes was the one where the reader is having a breakdown in the gym; i didn’t end up doing it as well as i would’ve liked, but it gave me a space to explore some emotions i haven’t really had the chance to in my fics yet. it’s a mini-example, for me, of how cathartic writing can be – before this i’d only written a short daichi fic featuring a reader who had anxiety.

being able to tease out those emotions, but having them received willingly by kuroo, was soothing? and i also enjoyed that it gave me some space to give kuroo his own development, too; we don’t know where his mother is canonically, so divorce is certainly possible. and, speaking as a child of divorced parents, that sort of thing really affects you – often more than you realise. getting to explore that concept without making it the main point of the fic was enjoyable, in some way? it feels like the wrong word, but i can’t think of a better one.

i also enjoyed the scene where kuroo’s feeling down, and both kenma and the reader notice. bc this is a fic and not a full-blown novel, the relationships both kuroo and the reader have with other characters inevitably fall to the wayside, so i enjoyed every opportunity i had to explore the dynamics with other members of the nekoma team. and because kuroo and kenma are so important to each other, it was a joy working out how that’d factor into moments like this (especially since we don’t tend to see kuroo be down, you know?).

I also enjoyed the “ethically sourced” scene just because they’re being such Dumb Teens and i thought the dialogue was naturalish?

i also like the scene at the end of part 2, because i like exploring how we conceptualise love versus how we experience it. kuroo’s very much trapped between the two in that scene, and i think it’s very much something a teenage boy would contend with. especially because the way he conceptualises romantic love makes it something scary, something that could threaten the relationship they currently have.

and finally, i really like the final scene for two main reasons. one, because they don’t need to say “i love you”; they both know. and they know, because they exchange the “i wouldn’t be who i am today without you,” which speaks to their friendship and how they’ve affected one another. it’s also the culmination of both of them realising that it’s okay for them to feel multiple kinds of love for one another, and one doesn’t transcend or smother the other.

two, because it’s a moment of genuine, comfortable vulnerability; something that they’ve always offered each other in one way or another, but it’s usually been one of them comforting and supporting the other. but in this scene, the vulnerability is shouldered by both of them (the reader betrays her vulnerability by giving him a thoughtful present, and kuroo betrays his vulnerability by tearing up and making his confession).  

honestly i had some lofty ideas that i don’t think i totally made good on, but i like these scenes because they gave me the opportunity to explore emotions that i find very interesting, or that relate to my own experiences with love; it’s always been a very strange grey area for me, and since i like to write for catharsis, the in-between was an opportunity to reflect on that! 

i love the friends-to-lovers trope because it focuses on that interplay between different ideas of love, but in a mundane context, what does that mean? how do you draw the line between the two? should you draw that line? 

so i’ve rambled a lot (looking at this wall of text,,, i’m so sorry) but thank for you for letting me indulge myself aslkjd my vocabulary is very limited and i hope i don’t seem like a Tool. 

[translightyagami]

Lawlight (duh) for the ship thing Also, if you're into any of these - Drarry, Malec, Ichiruki, Sakunaru

uhhhh i only know drarry tbh but not well enough for a ship meme dlfajsda sorry. anyway here’s lawlight. 

who is more likely to hurt the other?

they both hurt each other on some level just bc they hv v combative personalities and also they r WATER SIGNS which means they r constantly in a fight over who is more valid. jokes on them tho: they r both unvalid as hell. light will center an entire week around getting back at L for something he did bc he’s basically amy dunne playing the long con all the time. L will hurt light in ways that last. he’ll just come out of nowhere with something like, “maybe it would be better if we hadn’t met” and light will just go quiet. that’s like, a sore spot L will push on if they argue bc he knows light is incredibly insecure abt his standing in L’s life. idk man. they love each other but there’s a lot of stuff they’re working thru and they’re leaving some scars along the way.

who is emotionally stronger?

hm. i think L is. he’s toughened up from all his experiences as the world’s greatest detective and had to deal w a lot more emotional crises than light. when it comes to big setbacks, he’s more likely to take them in stride whereas light is like that post that’s like “i’ll deal with it but you gotta let me be dramatic first.” before anything, he’s gotta scream in his scream jar then he can put those anxieties into the fridge and go back to figuring out his life.

who is physically stronger?

they hv abt the same physical strength. that’s less of a contest between them, altho light does sort of like it when L can lift him up. he’s done the same for L a couple times but its more fun to b carried than to b the carrier. anyway. if ur asking who wins more fights? then i would say that light wins a lot of their brawls bc he’s not afraid to play dirty. he has a sibling, he’s fought these battles many times before. its no rules just right in this house.

who is more likely to break a bone?

light has a lot of sports related injuries but not a lot of broken bones. meanwhile, mr. stays inside all day on my laptop has had three broken bones all from falling down the stairs or slipping on shit. just, like, hold on bc i’m picturing light and L sitting in the urgent care waiting room, both with broken arms bc of a roller skating accident. i don’t know how ppl break bones.

who knows best what to say to upset the other?

see this question and the first question r so close and so the answer is like both of them know each other well enough to hv their fingers poised over a particular emotionally destructive button at all times. i only say L is better at upsetting light bc he’s more willing to go the extra inch of underhandedness. of course, light nvr shows that he’s upset on the outside. no, he remains cool and calm, laughs it off probably, and then goes into the bathroom to hv a full scale meltdown in the dry bathtub. to b fair, that doesn’t happen often. its only during big, BIG arguments.

who is most likely to apologize first after an argument?

oh i don’t think either of them hv apologized once in their whole lives so it was a big step for them to apologize to each other. light caves first, trudging into L’s office with the most pathetic look on his face and being like “i’m sorry i called you a trash bag with arms.” and then L sort of sits there and has an inner conflict for a second before saying, “i’m sorry i told you looked like a kohl’s mannequin but not hot.”

who treats who’s wounds more often?

if their fights ever get too intense and someone gets hurt, its usually L knocking his head against something sharp and light has to like sit him on the toliet so he can fix him up. when he’s administering first aid, light starts to fuss over L and makes a lot of concerned noises.

“that hurts.” L squirms as light gives him stitches. “don’t pull too hard.”

“relax.” light says. “i’m actually quite good at this.”

(will i ever stop quoting that one line? no, i won’t.)

who is in constant need of comfort?

i don’t know abt comfort but light needs a lot of reassurance, both verbal and physical, that L does care abt him. he needs to b assured of his place in the world and in their relationship which L isn’t super great abt doing. but light is usually vocal abt when he needs comfort around L, whomst he rarely hides much of himself from, so its nvr a problem of L just not knowing. he just has no clue how to react.

there’s been a scarce few times when L has needed comfort after a taxing case but light is right there to just sort of, uhhh, hold him. let him make some horrible noises and talk. they try to b there for each other. its something they’re working on.

who gets more jealous?

oh for sure light. he gets flushed w jealousy anytime L shows a little more attention to someone else who could possibly usurp light’s romantic position in L’s life. its not fair. those ppl nvr worked as hard as he did to get L’s attention, to get his love. L thinks its kind of funny and will do shit to make light go green eyed. but that shit stops after they work with a french officer who gets a little too flirty w light and L just like, shuts that down. not so fun to b on the receiving end of that kind of jealousy.

who’s most likely to walk out on the other?

light. he’ll fucking do it at the drop of a hat too, just fucking walk out and not come back for three days. of course, they both think they can handle being separated so neither of them calls the other. but on the third day light’s trying to eat mcdonalds in his car and put a sausage mcmuffin in the hole L’s absence made so he goes to call him but his phone rings and it’s L on the other line like “please come back i forgot how quiet things r when ur not around also if ur at mcdonalds can u get me an apple pie okay thanks i love you.”

who will propose?

dklfsadlsfkj neither of them. they don’t want to get married tbh. i just literally can’t see them ever wanting to get married. if ur gonna put a gun to my head abt it tho, i would probably say light does but its only bc his mom started a campaign to get him to make an honest man out of L.

who has the most difficult parents?

um. i mean i guess light’s parents r more difficult. its not that they’re difficult tbh its more like they’re still adjusting to the life their son decided to lead bc its waaayyy different than what they thought was gonna happen. like first he’s gay (which isn’t a huge surprise to them like they’ve seen queer eye for the straight guy. they know things.) and then he’s dating some 24 yr old reclusive detective that happens to hv been soichiro’s boss for like a couple months and now light just sort of solves crimes w his boyfriend. so they’re being supportive but they’re also a little bit confused so sometimes it ends up in awkward situations where everyone’s at the dinner table and sachiko is like “so. what do your parents do, L?” and L is like “i don’t know who my parents were. i think they’re dead.” and she’s like, “oh. hm. well. that must b rlly rough for you.” meanwhile light is p much eating his napkin so he doesn’t start screaming at how little control he has over this shitty conversation.

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public?

they r rarely in public but uh. light does. he’s getting used to being out and part of him just rlly enjoys the physical evidence of their relationship that hand holding provides. that closet was so suffocating. it’s time to let those hands breath a little.

who comes up for the other all the time?

i still don’t entirely understand what this means entirely but i’ll take my best stab at it. i think L comes up for light a lot, esp if he’s talking to like the wammies or literally anyone who isn’t light himself or his family. like, p much everyone is like “but.....he’s kira???” and L is like “look. listen. i don’t know why but he’s. he’s rlly important to me. so its maybe better if we don’t shit talk the guy who sucks my dick? at least not rn.” he doesn’t do it v often bc usually the insults thrown toward light r well deserved but sometimes he does. light doesn’t come up for L like ever. he nvr talks to anyone abt L. whomst would he tell? yamamoto? secretly he goes on a couple message boards tho and send mean anon messages to ppl talking shit abt L but that’s as close as he gets.

who hogs the blankets?

L will b wrapped in a big old blanket bundle like that picture of homer simpson where he’s like “ah. i’m just a big cozy cinnamon bun.” light’s like curled up on his side of the bed w just the sheet but then L reaches over and drags him into the blanket bundle so they r both toasty cinnamon buns together.

who gets more sad?

L is more prone to bouts of depression and can get lethargic if something hits him the wrong way. the first few times it happened, light tried to shake it out of him but he’s learned since then that he’s just gotta ride this shit out. so for a few days or weeks, he’s just got a sad boyfriend so they watch a lot of netflix and don’t get a ton of work done.

light v rarely gets sad. he’s got a v positive outlook on life and doesn’t let a lot of stuff ruin his mood. but when he is sad, its like a big event and he’s crying in the dry tub in just his briefs and a sweatshirt while listening to sufjan on repeat. look. he’s just gotta get it out of his system and then he’ll b fine!

who is better at cheering the other up?

light is better at finding stuff to cheer L up. if L is in a funk, he’ll go search for a good case or an interesting lead so he can present it to him like a cat dropping a mouse in front of him. L is.....not so good at cheering light up. all he knows is how to piss him off. but after a while he starts to puzzle out that light flourishes under praise so he’ll try to keep telling him what a good job he’s doing.

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

i said this in my mikami/light post but uh, light laughing is so uproarious that he just. whacks the person making him laugh on the back super hard. L doesn’t do anything the first time but the second time he grabs light by the wrist and is like “don’t. control ur self, u loud scream laughing monster.” light keeps his hands to himself when he laughs after that. he’s actually quite embarrassed of his natural laugh bc it is so obnoxious so he often tones it down but sometimes!!! shit’s just too funny!!!

who is more streetwise?

neither of these two know a god damn thing abt the streets. ok, L knows a little bit but he forgot it after building a giant fucking building for one investigation team of like six ppl.

who is more wise?

L knows more abt the world and has more experience than light does. he’s not quite wise?? but he’s definitely more knowledgeable and it smacks him in the face a lot how super young light is. how much he just doesn’t know. but L’s only in his mid twenties. what the fuck does he rlly know?

who’s the shyest?

mmm. they aren’t shy ppl by nature so i’d say neither of them. esp when they’re together. combining their levels of pure confidence is like putting a fire in a room with more fire; it just increases the amount of fire. as their relationship progresses, they get more assertive w each other and idk man. they just don’t do that shy shit.

who boasts about the other more? 

mmmm. i don’t think they brag abt each other a lot but i think light kind of wants to brag abt being w L. i mean, he didn’t think it would happen but then L did come and want to start something with him and its like?? wrow. but he doesn’t rlly hv anyone to brag to so he just sort of lets it sit like a smoldering piece of coal in his stomach, keeping him warm. L exculsively brags abt light during video conferences w the wammies like “MY PARTNER, WHO IS A GENIUS AND V ATTRACTIVE, AND I, WHO IS DATING THIS ATTRACTIVE GENIUS, HV FOUND A CLUE” and like everyone rolls their eyes like “dude u told us the same shit last week like please please please stop telling us abt ur hot boyfriend.”

who sits on who’s lap?

light!!! sits!!! on L’s lap!!!! all the time!!! he curls up in there like a cat and plays w L’s hair.

“am i making it hard to do ur work?” he asks, fingers scratching on L’s scalp.

“yes. but that’s okay. light shouldn’t move.”

so he doesn’t and just falls asleep there, hand on the back of L’s neck and drooling on his shoulder. its cute in like an ugly way.

[ludowoods]

advice that really mattered to me for games/cg

hello! i said i'd write up a quick thing on my experience going to school for games/art and a little bit abt how u can potentially increase ur chances of landing a job. i’m really excited to have started working on spiderm@n ps4 at insomni@c games this week, and i kind of wanted to pass on some useful general advice that a lot of people have shared with me in case u might also find it helpful!

general advice!?

if you're interested in it, make games! make games outside of school. portfolios with really solid projects (especially personal projects) stand out.

if you are interested in one part of games find resources or assets showing off that one part of games you're really good at. you don't need to have a whole game to show off your sick rigs

the most important portfolio advice i've ever received: the weakest work in your portfolio is what directors judge you by. it's showing not only your skill but your taste. when you put work in your portfolio, you're saying, "hey this is good!" if the work is actually weak then art directors are like "oh, you must think that's really good." your personal standard matters. (related story: an art director confessed he's hired people with 2 pieces of work in their portfolio before.)

if you're interested in applying for a certain position, make sure everything in your portfolio is saying you're very good at that certain thing. trim the fat unless you're a generalist. if you did rigging once and aren't interested in doing that there's no reason that should be in your portfolio. your portfolio is your personal voice and should tell a viewer what you want to do. if you have 5 scattered things and not a lot of effort into one in particular, directors will wonder if you really know what you want to do. figure that out first (really! take your time with it) and make sure your portfolio says that.

on that note: try different roles. try scripting, vfx, rigging, lighting, drawing, etc. you might learn the one thing you thought you wanted to do might not be as cool and fit for you as the thing you haven't tried yet. there's a lot of things in games/film that aren't super accessible, so if you have the resources give different things a whirl.

show people your games/art and implement their feedback. be gracious. an important part of this industry is being able to understand and sort through feedback that's useful and will help you toward your goal. it's also important to understand when you might have to implement feedback (of... clients...) against what you might believe is best for the project

for games going to industry conferences is really one of the best shots you have at getting relevant feedback on your work, and it is definitely how i landed my current gig. there are lots of scholarships + opportunities for attending GDC and my best advice is take advantage of them if you can. go to talks + meetups for the things you’re interested in, introduce yourself to strangers (if it’s acceptable in the current situation), ask hiring companies for feedback on your portfolio (get a cheap tablet and load all ur images or gifs on it), and collect business cards from everyone you talk to. this is just common sense stuff but i think it’s the best way to get a foothold in this industry.

someone asked what majors + subjects are most important/fundamental to creating good art. i think honestly one of the most important things to me is being both familiar with the work standards of the industry you're in (looking at lots of art + games daily, understanding why this art or game is good or not good, understanding industry expectations for the roles you're interested working in) and also really being into something outside of that industry. i think the most incredible work i see in games are by creators who have an incredible curiosity or invested passion abt something that isn't games. (honestly........ i'm rly bored of games made by ppl who only ever think abt games. YOU CAN TELL...) i think games as an expression of that fascination with a non-games thing is rly refreshing...... ok now this is just a personal take but that's my opinion.

on that note! a couple people asked how to get your work noticed. i don't know honestly? i think to me a personal voice is very important. think about the thing you really want to do, the content you're really interested in, the visual aesthetics you're inspired by... i think ""style"" is an overused term at this point but i think having a personal understanding of these things and being honest about it really shows in your work and gives it voice. like the above point too you should really think about things outside of your field. like it's totally cool to be REALLY INTO GAMES and all your work is sotc homages or something. but even looking at the influences of sotc like mayan architecture and researching latin american art i think will enrich your work.

also on being noticed: present your work well and post consistently. if you're working on a game, you should be keeping a devlog and documenting what you've worked on and what you'll be doing next. i don't think i have to say much on art for this bc other ppl have said it better than me but yeah.

i wanted to write a bit abt my experience with RIT's 3D program— it could change in a few years or ppl around me might've felt v differently. i'm v privileged to have had this opportunity, and i was able to take advantage of a lot of resources but sometimes i kind of wish i could've gotten a little more.

school: what went well

i experimented and learned things outside what i thought i wanted to go into. it gave me the chance to put aside my previous goals (visdev) and try something i couldn't have pictured myself doing (technical art).

i was able to seek help from departments outside of my art program and learn deeper technical skills. i'm really grateful to a lot of professors in the interactive/games/media department bc they had lot of industry experience to share as well.

i had meaningful mentorship from multiple professors who could offer not only technical pointers but also an experienced perspective on career and life.

my professors have been great references in my getting a job and have also referred me to colleagues for positions.

art foundations classes kicked my ass and in a good way. i think people around me learned crit skills also.

school: definitely a personal beef here but what i hoped would be better...

i didn't always feel challenged by my peers. for school, i think having support and being challenged by your peers is an important part of the experience. i kind of wish someone else did similar work to me in my program or work i would aspire be as good as. however, a lot of the work from my graduating class doesn't rly impress me. i don't feel like i got great crit from the majority of my peers after my junior year.

my program didn't have any game industry experienced professionals. while i could go to the games school for answers, i didn't have any concept of this field until i started my minor my junior year. i kind of feel like i got a late start on the education that really mattered to me.

the job/coop office for my department is Terrible. the white guy working there has no concept of how our field works and once held a seminar to complain to everyone in our major that it was our fault he didn't know how to do his job. when we made suggestions and told him what we needed, he refused to listen and even yelled at us that it didn't work like that. i was on my own for finding my current job— and it doesn't mean i hated it or didn't try, but my cat helped me more than the job office in landing a job. none of the job fairs at this school are game (especially art LOL... ur prob fine if youre dev) related, and some of the professional opportunities (free professional conference admission) for the field offered by the games school aren't open to the 3D major. i was very lucky that i won a GDC scholarship my senior year because i planned to pay that out of pocket (and for remaining expenses i still did).

[borgevino]

aforementioned processing post. extremely long

this is an attempt to make sense of the timing of the alfred series of events. since it’s been so unremittingly awful and i’d really like to track it from the beginning.

dramatis personae (names changed)

my team: samuel (lead, great, v similar to me), irina (instructional associate (IA) like me, love her), dave (another IA, isn’t quite on the same wavelength as the rest of us bc he doesn’t know us like we knew each other already but a good guy nonetheless)

other team: alfred (lead, already doesn’t get along with samuel, they try to get along but it doesn’t work), matthew (also a full instructor, tries very hard but in the wrong direction, a cat who needs herding), zachary (an IA, one of my former classmates)

calvin & lev: TAs, former classmates

chris & betsy: managers

Mar 8

alfred wants to know if I’ll be his IA

Mar 14-15

I spend some time going back & forth about the IA position

Initial interview

convo with samuel about TA vs IA. samuel “if you want my advice, TA, this would give you the chance to debug and always be coding while you have the daytime to work on applications etc”

talked to irina about what the team would look like

Mar 16

interview with chris

talked with samuel about lectures & so on. he wasn’t sure if id be on his team but chris was pretty sure

alfred forwards me a job posting that one of his recruiters sent him, I have to let him know that I’m taking the IA job with GA

Mar 20 - 26 – planning week

starts off well

couple of times throughout the week there are some warning signs, most notably alfred asking me to come and teach responsive design

in fact alfred asked a couple of times for us to go in and teach some lectures in their class without offering to come in and teach with us at all

another iffy moment was that alfred was out both thurs and fri

zachary started stressing out around this time also

my team was all set with planning and so on but theirs was much less settled in any kind of real way

we planned our schedule, we sent it to zachary, zachary passed it on to alfred

overheard alfred say on a remote call with zachary and matthew that they had to “be careful” copying what ada cohort was doing

alfred still seemed obsessed with the idea of collaboration

samuel gets stuck on installfest concept for a couple days

i get stuck on assessment concept for a couple days

Mar 27 - Apr 2 – week 1

student from alfred’s class asked on the first day to be switched to our class, which sort of immediately set the tone for the rest of the course. said she liked our vibe better and liked samuel’s teaching style.

samuel & i discussed it some on tues

samuel: But, it was very validating in a way to see that our fears that we share were picked up on after we literally just said a 5 minute hello. We have an awesome team and it just sucks that I think we all basically refuse to work with the other side.

me: & i have some thoughts abt the other thing as well (we can discuss) but i think it boils down to, our definition of working together & theirs are pretty different (wrt the time involvement required, the purpose behind collaboration, etc.). i’d be fine to work with them if it was on our terms but idt it would be

alfred mentions on tues that he’d like to meet more frequently, sets up a meeting for wed. samuel is not into the idea as one of the things samuel was hoping for from the course was less time in meetings

samuel very stressed wed for no particular reason

“is it ok if i add alfred to our gh.” on thurs

strong talk with samuel on tues or wed about him not taking on too much. eventually did have an effect

Wed meeting with other team to discuss possibility of collaboration. consensus seemed to be one lecture from us over to them and a couple of morning exercises.

thurs morning, alfred says ‘that’s not what i agreed to’ when it clearly was what he had agreed to

alfred: Hey samuel, we’ll get back to you. I want to see how we can all contribute to this for both cohorts. In the meantime can you guys send us the timeslots that we can key into our course tracker for the guest lectures. I need this asap, as I will have to share this with various parties.

samuel: alfred, this is not what we discussed yesterday. I thought we were going to let unit one take it’s course and have j do the planning lesson. And then we’d take a look at unit 2 soon.

matthew: I know we discussed both options and i think the agreement was that for Unit 1 we would begin to cross pollinate with morning exercises for now and for Unit 2 we would discuss where instructors could find opportunities to reteach topics as that approach worked really well last time around

alfred: That’s not what I agreed to. The expectation is to share on all units. For example, if the wire framing is happening In unit 1, I want it to be done in unit 1 and any other lessons that we can all benefit from.

samuel: Yes I agree with matthew, morning exercises and he wireframing.

i taught thurs all day, then went out for drinks with the team, then met with matthew to discuss how i’d done the css lecture, then hung out with friend for a couple of hours

thurs during lunch had walk in the park with samuel where he talked a lot about the situation with alfred. notable: “I have to not lose my cool. …. how do i do that????”

thurs night samuel has the realization that he’s trying to do too much & needs to delegate more, irina & i rejoice. it’s a momentous and great occasion.

during friday internal meeting samuel metnions that he thinks what alfred is doing to him is gaslighting. irina and i sit in the back of the classroom after lunch and nod with strong emphasis along to a psychology today article on gaslighting.

we all four go out for drinks and talk some shit and it’s good.

brief HM reunion; samuel gets to meet ryn; ryn, mimi, jen, & i go out for drinks

Apr 3 - 9 – week 2

talked with calvin & lev for about half an hour after the building closed. theyve noticed that alfred is never around and doesn’t help his students, and that zachary looks totally miserable a lot of the time

zachary is miserable for most of the week, we get lunch on monday and discuss. alfred is reading over his shoulder with messages and shit, sees him trying to send a message to chris about the situation, tells zachary that he should go to him (alfred) first with those types of concerns

i find out that alfred & matthew aren’t grading any homeworks, theyre letting zachary do all of it. and having calvin & lev help out. since they have two instructors compared to one IA this really is not how the work load should balance out

i gave a strong talk about not copying about homework

one of the higher-ups asks me to mentor one of the students in alfred’s class. “maybe she’ll lighten up on matthew and alfred if she gets to talk to J more often” is what i gather the reasoning is.

somewhere in here i have a weird meeting with alfred and zachary for a couple hours to discuss the saturn homework. originally it was meant to be just zachary & i but alfred decided he wanted to sit in and follow along.

becoming clearer and clearer that alfred’s goal is not “help out the students” but “do as little work as possible”.

at some point in this week also i say something along the lines of “we would be happy to collaborate if it were on our terms but it won’t be on our terms so we can’t.” samuel thinks this is extremely correct and mentions the term “rules of engagement”

Apr 10 - 16 – week 3

Tues drama: irina teaches in other classroom, is left on her own to handle unfamiliar students. samuel righteously furious

samuel: Hey fellow instructors/IAs. One of my class’s IAs gave a lecture in your class today. Excellent. While I’m fully confident that she was able to handle it on her own 100%, without a doubt, I’m also very annoyed that she was left completely alone during that lecture. As in, she didn’t even have an IA there in case she needed help during a lab. Moving forward I want to be 100% clear. Under no circumstances will that happen again. I really want everyone’s lives to be less stressful during units 2, 3, and 4, but I’ve made it a point that in my class, I, as an IL, am present for every moment of every lecture. Which is to say, if my amazing colleagues are not afforded the same consideration in your class, they will no longer be guest lecturing there. And this is not because they are IAs. When I, as an IL, am lecturing, I have back-up. So they, deserve it. that scenario honestly boggles my damn mind… as if we didnt insist that IAs were present during our lectures….

matthew: we only meant to step out for few minutes to finalize the project prompt which we needed to deliver immediately after the afternoon lectures and it took a bit longer than expected. That being said I do agree that IA’s should have support at this stage during their lectures and we will make sure that one of our team remains behind to support them…

alfred: Also, a couple of house rules: Lets make sure proper communication and behavior is practiced on this channel. Be respectful and treat individuals the way you would want to be treated. If there are any concerns/confusion, feel free to reach out, but use your judgement on best course of action and tone. Let’s make this pleasant..

samuel & i discussion about it wednesday night

samuel: Was my.message about the not support for irina too abrasive. I think the “damn mind” part went too far. But otherwise did I cross a line in your opinion. I ha EA to work on that and honestly I sent all that when I was wasted lol

me: i genuinely don’t think so, it was strongly worded but you made yourself very clear. and considering the fact that it REALLY shouldn’t have happened i thought the tone was appropriate. might have gone over better in person? is the only thing

matthew seems on verge of quitting

we plan unit 2 and send it to alfred & co. alfred & co intentionally arrange their next unit so that there’s no chance we can collaborate

this is a direct about-face from their previous attitude for no reason??

i help a couple students from their cohort and then tell samuel about it

me: i helped a couple hypatia students

samuel: oooh. you have to be careful about that. if alfred sees you he will be pissed

samuel is not wrong because i did actually check out the floor before i went and helped the students to check and make sure alfred wasn’t going to find me talking to his students but also i hate this concept so much

this is the point whereupon i decide i really cant deal with it