#//we can always add in that she maybe recognised the name of the captive from setauket as well if you'd like

[vocesincaput]

OPEN STARTER: Genevieve Hawkins

With Edmund deep in a discussion with 2 other Colonels about what to do after the events the previous day, Genevieve had snuck downstairs from where her husband always kept her out of the way from company.

She had heard that there was a captive from the enemy (not that she really thought of them as such herself) being held in one of the cells in the basement and, knowing how they were sometimes treated as well as not having had any contact with anyone outside of those she encountered at the balls and events she was allowed to attend as well as the servants of the house, Genevieve wanted to at least get to meet them.

And so, when she saw that one of the servants had been tasked with taking a tray of food and water down to the captive, Genevieve offered to take it for them. Saying that Edmund and the other Colonels should have the full attention of the entire staff. The servant hesitated for a moment before relenting and letting her carry the tray before heading back to their station.

Breathing in deeply and readying herself, Genevieve made her way down to the basement where she knew the cells were. A mixture of excitement and nervousness swirling around inside her as she carefully descended the steps. Wondering just what the person was going to be like.

Slowly walking over towards the cell with the only light being from the small barred window like holes on the base of the street level above, Genevieve swallowed and tilted her head to try and see the captive. Crouching down as she reached the bars of the cell and placing the tray upon the floor.

"I wanted to bring you your food..."

[ladyherenya]

Books read in July

After I read How to Find Love in a Bookshop, I searched the library’s catalogue for other titles containing “bookshop” or “bookstore”. I was curled up in bed with a bad cold at the time, which meant I ended up choosing a bunch of books whose covers or synopses would have, on a different day, put me off. And that worked out rather well!

But afterwards I felt like I didn’t get the right balance between contemporary fiction and fantasy this month.

Favourite cover: Minor Mage by T. Kingfisher.

Still reading: The Hazel Wood by Melissa Albert.

Next up: Mort by Terry Pratchett. Maybe The Queens of Innis Lear by Tessa Gratton.

(Longer reviews and ratings are on LibraryThing. And also Dreamwidth.)

– (they’ve taken away page breaks) –

Things a Map Won’t Show You: stories from Australia & Beyond, edited by Susan La Marca and Pam Macintyre: I borrowed this because I recognised some of the names involved. I liked bits and pieces of it but nothing really stood out. Maybe Peta Freestone’s “Milford Sound”, for the setting. According to the introduction, the stories and poems were chosen “with the curriculum in mind and for their appeal to Year Seven and Eight readers”. That’s a valid reason but I suspect that approach is unlikely to result in a collection that would really appeal to me, not me now and not even when I was a young teenager.

A Thousand Sisters: The Heroic Airwomen of the Soviet Union in World War II by Elizabeth Wein: This is AMAZING. It is aimed at young people, and I wondered if I’d find the writing style too simplistic, but it was just remarkably accessible. I knew bits about Russia’s history but this gave me a much more comprehensive understanding of the culture and politics these women grew up with, and how Russia came to have three regiments of airwomen at a point in time when other countries wouldn’t let women fly into war. The rest of the book is just as fascinating and surprising. Wein knows how to tell a story.

How to Find Love in a Bookshop by Veronica Henry: This is about Emilia, who inherits her father’s bookshop in a picturesque Cotswold village, and the bookshop’s customers. It doesn’t shy away from Emilia’s grief but otherwise is very much a cosy, optimistic story in which friends are made, relationships are mended, mistakes are overcome and everything turns out all right. Which definitely has its appeal. I wanted just a few more sharp edges -- or else slightly more uncertainty -- so that everyone’s happy endings felt more realistic. (I keep brainstorming ways that could have been managed.) Although I didn’t love this book, there was a lot I liked about it. 

The Masquaraders by Georgette Heyer (narrated by Ruth Sillers): This is ridiculous but still quite entertaining. Either I missed something or Heyer doesn’t really do a great job of explaining why Prudence and her brother Robin need to be in disguise, nor why they’ve decided the best way to do this is by crossdressing. The key to enjoying this book was to just roll with it. Also Prue’s romantic interest is a type Heyer writes so well: perceptive, unflappable, competent, with a sense of humour and an appreciation for level-headedness in others. Sensible people pushed into madcap adventures is something Heyer has a flair for.

The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle: It’s much more dreamlike than I was expecting, in a similar vein to Patricia A. McKillip’s fantasy. I was emotionally invested only in flickers and bursts, but I appreciated the way it plays with, and comments on, fairytales. Quests may not simply be abandoned; prophecies may not be left to rot like unpicked fruit; unicorns may go unrescued for a very long time, but not forever. The happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story.

The Bookstore by Deborah Meyler: Esme, a British scholarship student studying art history at Columbia, discovers she’s pregnant and gets a job at a quirky secondhand bookshop. I would have found some of her choices -- and the book itself -- terribly frustrating, except I really liked the bookshop and Esme’s narration. I liked her quotes and references and her enthusiasm and her observations, especially those about living in New York and about the shop -- this is a story with a vivid sense of place. Esme’s naivety and optimism is both understandable and believable, and I wanted to see her finally, properly, free of her awful boyfriend. 

The “Happy Ever After Bookshop” books by Annie Darling:

The Little Bookshop of Lonely Hearts: If I hadn’t already read the second book about the Happy Ever After bookshop and liked it a lot, I probably wouldn’t have bothered reading this. The romantic interest annoyed me -- he’s not a bad match for Posy, but I’d find him infuriating in person and I didn’t want to read about him. Fortunately the book is just from Posy’s POV. I enjoyed the Britishness, and the bits about running a bookshop. I particularly liked Posy’s relationship with her younger teenaged brother, whom she has responsibility for. And I was pleased the romance bookshop stocks appropriate YA and mystery titles.

True Love at the Lonely Hearts Bookshop: I was expecting it to turn into the sort of romance which annoys me. To my delight, it did not! Verity loves her noisy family, her nosy friends, her job in a bookshop and reading romances but she believes she isn’t suited to being in a romantic relationship. She reluctantly agrees to a fake-dating situation to avoid friends trying to set her up. I loved the way this story shows Verity being an introvert, and her obvious love for Pride and Prejudice. And this has all the things I like about fake-dating without too much cringe-worthy deception.

Crazy in Love at the Lonely Hearts Bookshop: I have less in common with Nina than I do with her colleagues: she’s into make-up, tattoos and Wuthering Heights. But it was interesting seeing why she’s embraced both Wuthering Heights and her own particular style so fiercely -- she’s finding her own path, one that differs from what her conservative working class family expected. Some of the resolutions came about a bit too easily. However, I liked getting a different perspective on the bookshop, I enjoyed bits of her romance with Noah, and I share some of Nina’s fascination with the Bronte sisters.

A Winter Kiss on Rochester Mews:  Mattie runs the tearooms attached to the Happy Ever After bookshop. She is delighted about living above the bookshop, but not so impressed about her new flatmate. I’m not a fan of the crazy commercialism of Christmas, but really enjoyed reading about it here -- probably because the story recognises that not everybody loves it. And, given the weather, I was in the mood for something wintry. Other things I liked: the vivid portrayal of the challenges of working “in a customer-facing environment over Christmas”; the details about Mattie’s baking; and the intelligent commentary about romance novels and romantic relationships.

Allegra in Three Parts by Suzanne Daniel: Eleven year old Allegra lives with one grandmother, next door to the other, while her father lives in above the garage. Allegra knows her grandmothers love her, but they are very different. “Sometimes I wish they could just love me less and take what's left over and put it into liking each other a little bit more.” The initial mystery and conflict were slightly stronger than the answers and aftermath. But it’s an interesting portrayal of growing up in Sydney in the 70s, the women’s liberation movement, and of a family dealing with grief. I read it in practically one sitting.

We Rule the Night by Claire Eliza Bartlett (narrated by Chloe  Cannon): Revna’s father is a traitor. Linné’s father is a general. Revna is discovered protecting herself with illegal magic during an air-raid. Linné is discovered after three years fighting at the front disguised as a boy. They’re both sent to a new women’s Night Raiders regiment, where, if they are to survive this war, they have to learn to fly together. This is tense and captivating -- and nuanced. Magic is wondrous but also confronting, the Union is unjust but contains things worth defending, loyalties are not always predictable, difficult people can become valued friends, and not everything is neatly resolved.

The Way Past Winter by Kiran Millwood Hargrave: In the fifth year of winter, Mila and her sisters wake to find their brother has left. Sanna believes Oskar left them willingly, like their father once did, but Mila is convinced that Oskar was taken by last night’s unsettling visitors -- and is determined to rescue him. I didn’t find this as emotional and compelling as Hargrave’s previous books. I don’t know if that’s because this is a simpler narrative or because I didn’t listen to the audio book -- a good narrator adds liveliness and emotion. But Hargrave’s prose is lovely and I liked the fairytale quality this story has.

Grace After Henry by Eithne Shortall: I really enjoyed Love in Row 27, so I borrowed Shortall’s other novel. After her boyfriend dies, Grace keeps seeing him everywhere. Then she meets a man who looks unnervingly like Henry -- a long-lost relative of Henry’s she did not know about. This story is funny and touching. I didn’t expect it to be so compelling, nor make me so invested in Grace’s relationship with Henry. There’s a strong sense of history and of place -- it was interesting to read about contemporary Dublin. There are unexpected and hopeful developments in Grace’s life. But mostly, it’s just very sad.

Famous in a Small Town by Emma Mills: Sophie loves her friends, her high school’s marching band and her small town. She has an idea for how the band could raise money -- enlisting the help of a famous country singer. I liked Sophie’s deep sense of belonging and how much she cares about things. She’s very kind in a way that is realistic and realistically complicated. Her friends are very supportive, but believably so. They all have flaws and make mistakes and have their secrets. I really enjoyed this story about friendship and summer (and it was a good choice after reading something sad).

Can’t Escape Love by Alyssa Cole: I’ve tried a couple of Cole’s novels and they didn’t appeal to me -- I wouldn’t have considered this novella if I hadn't seen a positive review. It’s fun and fandom-y and diverse. Reggie contacts an old internet acquaintance after she discovers his puzzle livestreams are no longer online. I liked how it’s very clear that Reggie’s disability has a significant impact on her daily life, but has nothing to do with her current problems. And, for Gus, being autistic isn’t ever an obstacle to a relationship with Reggie. I would have liked to read more but this still satisfying.

The Orphans of Raspay, a novella in the World of the Five Gods by Lois McMaster Bujold: Penric’s ship is captured by pirates and he is thrown in a hold with a couple of young girls from Raspay. As always, I enjoyed Pen’s interactions with Desdemona. I would have enjoyed the story even more had there been more significant character interactions -- the girls aren’t quite old enough to play a very active role in escape plans but are old enough that, in terms of emotional support, they’re not very demanding. I’d like to see Pen challenged more. But this is still a solid adventure. I’m very glad that Bujold hasn’t finished telling stories about Pen and Des.

Minor Mage by T. Kingfisher (Ursula Vernon): Oliver, a twelve year old minor mage with an armadillo familiar, is sent by his village on a perilous journey to the mountains to bring back rain. There’s some dispute over whether this is a children’s book -- Vernon thought it was, her editor was adamant it wasn’t. It feelslike a children’s book to me, even when Oliver has to deal with ghuls, bandits and murderers. (There have always been children’s books which have been too dark and scary for some kids.) The tone is dryly humorous, the armadillo is a delight and I never doubted that Oliver would succeed.

[a5-theglue]

Who We Once Were

Summary: After the war against WCKD is over, Sonya approaches Thomas and Minho with a surprising revelation.

Note: I tweaked Sonya’s role in the last movie a little. Imagine that when Minho got taken off the train, Sonya did too! So she wasn’t rescued until the end by Gally + co.

Fair warning, this one shot isn’t like... nice.. So yeah.. Be prepared. Trigger warnings of blood, wounds, death.. There is some emotionally traumatic stuff in here so look after yourself! x

Word Count: 4977

๑ ๑ ๑

Sonya’s eyes open and immediately she’s hit with a throbbing ache in her skull. Sonya groans quietly in pain and instinctively she lifts her hand to the aching spot and gently cups at it. 

“She’s awake!” Sonya recognises the voice as her closest friend Harriet’s. Seconds after the excited declaration, Sonya is looking at Harriet and Aris hover over her with wide smiles. The blonde tries to push herself into a sitting position but Aris gently stops her with a hand to the shoulder. 

“You shouldn’t get up.” Aris says calmly, genuine compassion present in his voice.

“He’s right, you’ve been out for nearly two days.” Harriet adds. 

“What?” Sonya is groggy, her mind feels fuzzy and she’s quickly overwhelmed. 

“Vince says you got knocked out by an explosion out front of the berg.” Harriet explains. 

Suddenly the memory comes rushing back to her. She got knocked unconscious because she heard Minho screaming for help. Minho! Sonya thinks and frantically she asks for him. “Minho? Where’s Minho?”

“I think he’s waiting with Thomas.” Aris is confused by her outburst. 

“I need to find them!” Sonya throws back the blanket that covered her. 

“Sonya!” Harriet tries to stop her but the blonde shrugs her off. 

“I’ll explain later.” Sonya says as she rushes for the door. She only makes it halfway there before she wobbles from dizziness after standing up too quickly. Both Harriet and Aris rush to her aid. 

“You need to rest, Son’.” Harriet says with an arm around the younger girls waist. 

“No, I need to find the boys.” Sonya insists. 

“Why?” Aris asks, 

Sonya didn’t want to waste time answering questions so she tries to break free from their grip and edge for the door. 

“Okay, okay.” Harriet says holding on tighter to her friend. “Just let us help you.” 

Harriet and Aris help support Sonya as they leave the small cabin she was resting in. 

“Are we on a ship?” Sonya questions, it was dark and smelt damp and stale. 

“We’re on our way to the real safe haven Vince always talked about.” Harriet says with a soft smile. Could it be? Could they really be safe? Sonya is too fixated on finding the boys to ponder the thought for too long.

They make their way down the tight corridor and around a corner, it’s then that Sonya finds two familiar faces, she let’s out a breath of relief once she spots Gally and Minho. “Minho!” She says excitedly and she quickens her pace to reach him sooner, breaking away from her two friends in the process. 

Minho turns around with a confused look on his face. He knew this girl, he’d only said a few words to her but she she was looking at him so intently it struck Minho as bizarre. She pulled him into a hug as if they were old friends. Gally raises an eyebrow at Minho but he was too confused by the blonde girl to notice. 

“Gally.” She gives him a nod and a small smile. 

“Are you the unconscious girl from the berg?” Gally gives her a quizzical look. 

“I suppose you wouldn’t remember me from before.” She shakes her head with a soft and nervous giggle. "I’m so glad you’re both alright.” Sonya smiles genuinely. 

“Sonya?” Clearly confused, Aris questions from behind her but she was too consumed with Minho to answer him. 

“Are the others here?” Sonya questions, her breathing was fast from all the excitement.

Still dubious about her strange surge of affection, Minho answers, “Thomas is in there with Vince and Brenda, he’s- I don’t know.” Minho shakes his head, his confusion about Sonya was quickly replaced by worry for Thomas. 

“What happened?” Sonya asks, her face falls into a worried expression. 

Part of Minho wanted to tell Sonya to go away, she didn’t know Thomas, not well enough to be involved in this at least but instead he just gives her a strange look because the genuine concern she seemed to be showing baffled him. 

“He was shot.” Gally says and Minho realises he’s just continued to stare at Sonya rather than answer. 

“Is he alright?” Sonya questions in a panic. 

“Vince has removed the bullet but it’s still too early to say.” Gally answers carefully as he knew he could set off Minho’s temper. “He’ll be unconscious for a long while we imagine...”

“And Newt?” Sonya holds her breath. “Is he here, is he okay?” 

Minho completely tenses up at the mention of Newt’s name. His heart literally picked up its pace as an anger pulsated through him. Gally could sense Minho’s rage so he tries to calm him with a firm grip on his shoulder. 

“He didn’t make it.” Gally says solemnly. 

A tear rolls down Sonya’s cheek. A tear that seemed to anger the Asian boy further. Who the hell was this girl? She probably said five words to Newt before he died. Luckily, before Minho could say anything he'd later regret, Sonya softly says, "He was my brother."

Any anger Minho had quickly fades, his perplexed expression returns. With a trembling voice he asks, “What?” If this was some kind of joke, Minho wasn’t laughing. Gasps and confused expression also became of Harriet, Aris and Gally. 

“Didn’t they give you your memories back?” Sonya knits her brows and the fallen tear still lingers on her cheek. 

“What are you talking about?” Minho snaps at her but she doesn’t even flinch. 

“After they moved us on the train and we came back to WCKD, they took the thing out of my brain that blocked all my memories from before the maze.” Sonya explains. “I woke up in a white room with a massive headache and this confusing blur of memories. Isn’t that what happened to you?” 

All Minho can do is shake his head. Minho had gone through unspeakable torture. Literally unmentionable as Minho wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to talk about the things he went through during his captivity, not even with Thomas when he wakes up, if he wakes up. 

“When you showed up with Thomas I remembered you both from before.” Sonya looks to Gally for a moment. “That’s how it happens, things, faces, they trigger memories. I didn’t see Newt until he was leaving with Thomas to find you, Minho.”  Sonya’s voice cracks on Newt’s name. “When I saw Newt, I remembered. I remembered everything about him. I remembered he was my big brother. I called out to him but it was too late.” 

“You’re being serious?” Minho drops his guard a little after somewhat believing her story. 

Sonya nods sadly. “How?” Her voice was a whisper. “Was it the flare? Didn’t he get some of the serum?” Subconsciously Sonya rubs at her head because that was the last thing she remembers before the explosion that knocked her out. “I heard you come for the serum and I tried to follow but there was a blast and- I only just woke up.” Sonya says trying to settle her still cloudy mind. “Please Minho, how did it happen?”

“I didn’t get to him in time.” Minho cleared his throat as he fought off the lump that was forming.

“Minho, it wasn’t your fault-” Gally tries to pat Minho’s shoulder but he shrugs him off angrily.

More tears roll down Sonya’s cheeks but they’re quiet and without actual sobs of despair, despite her heart feeling empty. 

“He was really your brother?” This comes from Harriet whom had been quiet other than her gasp of surprise earlier. 

“Yeah.” Sonya turns to her with a heartbreaking expression. “My big brother.”

“Did you want to see him?” Gally asks her with such a gentleness in his voice. 

Minho snaps his head towards Gally with a mean glare. 

“He’s here?” Sonya’s voice is shaky. 

“Minho made sure of that.” Gally wears a small smile. He admired Minho’s persistence to bring Newt’s body back with them even though Gally thought it might slow them down. “Why don’t you take her, Min?” Gally gives him an encouraging look. “I’ll wait here and come get you the second I hear something about Thomas.”

Reluctantly Minho leads the way. Aris and Harriet give Sonya encouraging yet sympathetic smiles to see her off. Minho is silent as they walk, Sonya stays quiet too as she processes her grief beside him. She only just remembered how much she loved her big brother and now all she’ll know is what it’s like to miss him. They didn’t walk very far at all before Minho stopped and motioned to the door with a shaky hand. “He’s in there.” 

“Are you going to come in?” Sonya asks, her voice was only a whisper. 

Minho takes a moment to think deeply about the situation at hand. Still unsure if he fully trusts Sonya’s story - not that he could understand why she’d lie - Minho decides to go in too. Newt was his best friend and he felt a responsibility to make sure Newt was handled with the care and respect he deserved. 

They enter the room, it’s tiny like a storage closet or a little wash room. On a table there was a person covered by a sheet. Newt. Sonya unknowingly holds her breath as she tries to keep it together. One, two, three small steps and she’s right by the white sheet covering him. With a trembling hand Sonya reaches for the edge of the sheet. Minho’s hand shoots forward and he grabs Sonya’s arm before she can pull it back. He wasn’t aggressive or rough with her, Minho just gives her a sad look, “Are you sure you want to see him like this?” Minho asks, “Maybe you should hold onto the way he was before...” Minho thinks of the painful sight of Newt looking so crank like when he came to the rescue and the sight of him lying on the ground lifeless was one he’d never be able to forget. 

“I’m sure.” Sonya says softly and she holds his gaze so he knew she really was. 

Minho gives a single nod and takes a few steps back. With his back pressed to the furthest corner of the room he tries to subtly advert his gaze. He couldn’t bear to look at Newt for too long.

Sonya takes a deep breath and finally pulls back the sheet revealing only Newt’s face from the neck up. The blonde girl sucks back a breath as the sight of her much loved brother was very confronting with dark veins that stretched up his neck and spilled into his cheeks, the stain of the black saliva that lingered around his mouth. This wasn’t Newt. That wasn’t her brother. Her brother wasn’t so... broken.

A few seconds of silence pass and Minho was still adverting his gaze, the quiet sniffles that escaped Sonya made the Asian boy regret his choice to come in there. This felt very personal but he couldn’t just leave now, that would be even more awkward for him so he stays. Another few quiet moments pass before Minho’s attention is brought to the sound of running water. He looks up to find Sonya at the small sink in the corner of the room opposite to him. 

“What are you doing?” Minho questions. 

Sonya turns around with a damp cloth in hand, her shoulders back and a strange determination on her face, “I’m taking care of my big brother.” She makes her way back to Newt’s side. “He might have been sick but that’s not who he was.” 

Minho watches for a second as Sonya gently begins to clean Newt’s face and then it was too much for him, he had to look away again. 

“He knew he wasn’t immune- before the memory wipe I mean.” Sonya says as she washes the black goo from Newt’s lips. “He did such a good job at acting like it didn’t bother him but I could always see deep behind his eyes that it did... Or maybe what bothered him was how much it upset me to think of him being vulnerable to the flare...” Sonya is speaking to Minho but it was more so like she was thinking out loud. “I guess in the end he didn’t even remember me..” This notion upsets Sonya. Newt was always the one who assured her that he’d never forget her no matter what WCKD did to keep them apart. 

Minho’s gaze wanders towards Sonya after she fell silent. The blonde girl was frozen with the damp cloth to Newt’s cheek, tears soaking her own. If there was a part of Minho that still thought Sonya might be playing some cruel joke, her genuine sadness scrubbed those thoughts from his mind. Minho could tell Sonya really loved Newt. The look on her face mirrored what Minho was feeling inside, she - much like him - was heartbroken. Minho finds himself taking a single step closer to her but that’s all he can manage, Sonya doesn’t react to this. Minho looks at her again and he felt a pang in his chest seeing her like this, a feeling that confused him. 

“We didn’t really sit around and talk about our feelings too often.” Minho says and this snapped Sonya from her trance and she continues to gently wipe her brothers face. “But one day after he tried to-” Minho stoped for a second, “After he tried some of Gally’s lethal drink he got really chatty.” Minho lied. He thought he’d spare Sonya the heartache of knowing her brother tried to end his life at one point in the maze and their heart to heart was an explanation Minho forced out of a broken boy. “He talked about missing someone and he couldn’t explain it but he just felt this absence. I think that might have been him trying to remember you.” Minho says and he was unsure why he was trying to make her feel better. Was it for Newt? Was it because he didn’t particularly like seeing her upset? Did he feel guilty over Newt’s death and want to make some sort of good come from it? All of the above, probably. 

“I felt it too.” Sonya looks up and finds Minho’s gaze for a moment. A small smile rests on her face, it was neither happy nor sad. “I knew everyone felt like they were missing something, I mean of course we were. Surely we had parents and lives before the memories were wiped but there was a very specific hole missing from my memory. When I got it back I knew it was Newt.” 

Sonya pulls the sheet back further before Minho could stop her. She sucks back a breath and lets out a loud cry at the sight of her brothers bloodied shirt. This sight triggered a more manic handling of things. The WCKD logo on the shirt infuriated her, not that you could decipher her anger from her audible sobs. Sonya rips at the logo patch on the sleeve of the shirt. When it doesn’t come off she grunts and with trembling hands she fiddles with the buttons. 

“Sonya...” Minho says taking another step closer to her.

“I have to get this off him!” Sonya cries but her hands were too shaky to undo the buttons. Sonya couldn’t stand the sight of her brother in the WCKD uniform, he deserved more than that. In a huff she rips the shirt open, the buttons pop off in the process. Sonya chokes on another cry at the blackened veins all down Newt’s chest and torso but more troubling was the dried blood that had seeped from the wound on his chest. 

“How did it happen?” She asks and her voice cracks. Minho just looked at her with a sad expression. Truthfully he didn’t exactly know what happened he just knew that he wasn’t fast enough to save Newt so he blamed himself. “It doesn’t matter,” Sonya shakes her head before Minho could say anything, “WCKD did this, all of this. It’s their fault.”

“Sonya.” Minho tries again and he hadn’t realised tears had rolled down his own cheeks. 

“No, it’s okay.” Sonya nods a little menacingly as she sobs. “I’m going to take care of him.” She picks up the damp cloth and begins wiping away the deep red marks, gently around the wound at first, but her grief was finally taking away from her rational thinking and then Sonya began to scrub harder, as if the extra effort would wash away the black veins, rid her brother of the virus. 

“Sonya.” Minho says firmly as he grabs at the cloth in her hand and forces her gaze. “I can do it.” 

“No, he’s my brother, I have to do it.” Sonya tries to fight Minho. “He always took care of me, I have to take care of him.” 

Minho holds onto her hands a little firmer. “Sonya, let me do it.” Minho tries to steady his voice but also throw a kindness into it. “I got him, okay?” 

Sonya blinks more tears from her eyes and gives Minho a weak nod. She drops the cloth and falls to her knees with heart wrenching sobs. Minho looks at Newt for a moment and takes a deep breath before kneeling beside Sonya on the ground. He rests his shaky hand on her shoulder and goes on to stoke her arm soothingly. “You should go find Harriet and Aris.” 

“I have to stay.” Sonya cries with her eyes all red and puffy. 

“I promise I’ll take care of Newt.” Minho says softly and it was the first time he had said his friends name out loud since before it happened. “He was like a brother to me too, Sonya so I promise you I will take the absolute best care of him, okay?” 

Sonya takes a deep breath, there were still tears in her eyes and a lump in her throat but she holds Minho's gaze the best she could and nods. “Okay.” She whispers.

๑ ๑

Later, the dust settles over their new home, it had been nearly two weeks since they had arrived at the safe haven Vince had promised. Camp was set up and things started to run smoothly. Sonya could see herself living a comfortable life there, she just wished Newt was around to be apart of it. 

Sonya often visited Newt’s grave for a moment alone with her brother. She was there one warm afternoon when she’s surprised by a familiar face. 

“Thomas?” Sonya looks up at him and he seemed healthy as ever, Minho just a step behind him. You honestly wouldn’t have known the brunette was shot just a few weeks prior. Thomas had been in a medically induced coma since Vince operated on him. Sonya jumps to her feet and wraps her arms around Thomas in a big embrace, her outburst of affection surprises Thomas and he laughs nervously. 

“This is who I wanted you to meet.” Minho says to Thomas as he gives Sonya a kind smile as she releases Thomas from her grip. 

“We’ve met before.” Thomas says with another nervous chuckle and the fact that Newt’s grave was right by them didn’t make him feel overly terrific.

“When we were being held at WCKD,” Minho winces as he says this, a subconscious tick at the very recent and painful memories of his time there, “Sonya got given her memories back.” 

“You did?” Thomas turns to her with furrowed brows. 

She nods lightly. “I remembered you from before the maze...” 

“I don’t want to talk about that.” Thomas fumbles over his words as he shakes his head. 

“Thomas, just hear her out for a second.” Minho squeezes his friends arm. They share a look that managed to communicate something between them silently because Thomas agrees to listen and Minho walks away to give them space. 

Sonya and Thomas sit at the edge of the hill Newt was buried on. His graze was close enough for Thomas to touch but he doesn't. Instead he keeps his back to it and he waits for Sonya to speak. 

“Newt was my brother.” Sonya says with a quick breath, she didn’t know how to lightly lead into the conversation so she came right out with it. 

“What?” Thomas furrows his brows. 

“I promise I’m not being cruel.” Sonya says. 

Thomas can only stare at her with a blank expression as he tries to process this information. “What?” He repeats. 

“WCKD came for me because I’m immune, they only brought Newt because he was fighting so hard to keep us together.” Sonya explains and the memory hurt to recall. 

“You really remember?” Thomas questions. 

“I do.” Sonya says and Thomas believes her to be sincere. “The memories, they come back all at once, it's overwhelming, like your brain is throbbing but they aren't clear thoughts, not at first. They're fuzzy and then certain things trigger the memory afterwards, like a smell or a sound.. and faces.... I saw Newt leaving with you to rescue Minho, I was hit will this flood of memories, it was intense and it made me feel dizzy, once I found my balance I called out to him but it was too late...”

That whole night was a very fresh emotional scar for Thomas so he remains silent and Sonya continues, “A lot more has come back to me over the past few weeks. I remembered it snowed the day WCKD took us from our home. I remembered how Newt always used to tug on my braids...” She lets out a soft laugh and it fades to quiet, she then lets out a sigh, “I remember that WCKD forced us apart. They made me and Newt pretend like we didn’t even know each other...” 

“I’m sorry.” Was all Thomas could say with a frown. 

“It’s okay.” Sonya shrugs. “Newt always found a way to let me know he remembered.” 

“Yeah?” Thomas has a faint smile. “How?” 

“He used to hide secret letters for me to find.” Sonya says with a smile as she fondly looks back on the memories. “He’d put them in books and then mention loudly at dinner what he was reading so I knew which one to look at.. Sometimes he’d leave a letter on his lunch tray and cough obnoxiously before he went to the rubbish bin so I knew to go after him...”

Thomas lets out a quiet chuckle and Sonya continued, “He’d tell me all about his friends, all about you.” 

“Me?” Thomas stammers. 

She nods lightly. “I don’t want to upset you or force you into learning about your past...” Sonya lowers her gaze, “Minho’s been kind to me but I know he doesn’t really want to talk about things.” 

Thomas nods in understanding. The simple fact was that Minho blamed himself and reminiscing about the good old days just acted as a painful reminder that he killed Newt - an idea that was ridiculous to Thomas because he blamed himself for Newt’s death. 

“So I knew Newt from before?” Thomas asks quietly. 

“Yeah. You would all sneak out at night to hang out.” Sonya smiles as she thinks back to Newt’s letters. 

“All?” Thomas questions. 

“There was an older boy I think his name was Albert?” Sonya narrows her brows as some memories were still hazy.  

“Alby?” Thomas’s mouth hangs open slightly. 

“Yeah that’s it.” Sonya smiles, “There was also Minho, it was just the three of them for a while and then eventually you and Teresa started meeting up with them too.” 

Thomas’s heart hurt at the mention of Teresa.  

“Oh,” Sonya says and a look of realisation crosses her face, “Eventually there was a young boy too. He had rosy cheeks and talked a lot in the cafeteria.” 

“Chuck?” Another huge ache in Thomas’s heart. “We brought Chuck along?”

“Yes, Newt said you were very protective over him.” Sonya smiles sweetly. “I think I recall a letter mentioning that he fell asleep most nights...” 

Thomas looks away, this was quickly becoming too much for him and he could understand why Minho might have steered clear of trips down memory lane with Sonya. 

“I was always really jealous of your secret meetings because Newt would never let me come.” Sonya says to fill the silence. 

“He was probably just trying to protect you.” Thomas half smiles and even though he can’t remember them as siblings it wasn’t hard to imagine Newt as a protective older brother. 

“One night before the maze trials began you helped Newt sneak into the Group B barracks...” Sonya says with tears welling up in her eyes. “It was the first time we had hugged in years. I don't think I ever thanked you for that, Thomas.” 

“It’s alright.” Thomas shrugs awkwardly. “I don’t even remember doing it...” 

“I’ll always remember and I’ll forever be thankful.” Sonya smiles. “I know Newt was too.” 

“This is crazy..” Thomas says his thought out loud.

Sonya’s mouth curls into a soft smile as she can see Thomas’s mind is working overtime to process this all. She felt a little guilty for bombarding him with this right after he wakes up. 

"He loved you, Tommy.” Sonya says softly. “I hope you know that.”

Thomas tenses up at the name. It made his heart ache to hear it used by someone else. 

"Sorry. Thomas." Sonya frowns.

"It's alright, it's just no one really called me that but him." Thomas says sheepishly and his reaction knocked a memory loose in her mind but she pushed that thought to the side for a moment. 

“He used to call you that before the maze too.” Sonya says.

“He did?” Thomas asks. 

“I don't think he ever called you anything else.” Sonya curls one corner of her mouth into a smile. “I know it’s hard and if you don’t want to talk about him it’s fine but if you did one day... Maybe I could tell you about him before the maze, stories of who we once were and you could tell me about him after?”

Thomas nods with the slightest hint of a smile, “Yeah I think I’d like that.” 

“I guess I should give you a moment alone.” Sonya clears her throat after realising she had a shed a single tear. “Here I am annoying you the second you wake up.” 

“I’m not sure I can turn around.” Thomas says quietly. “I just can’t look at his grave, that can't be Newt.” 

Sonya’s face curls into the sweetest expression Thomas has ever seen, “You don't have to come here to be with Newt. I know I’ve been coming here but it’s not because I think that’s Newt.” Sonya lets her hand rub the dirt.

“No?” Thomas says looking back at the grave marker. It was left blank to pay tribute to all the people that had fallen and were left behind.

“I come here because the wind sings as it blows through the hills and the sun rays dance through the trees.” Sonya says with her sweet expression unwavering. “Newt is here in the breeze, the sunset, the ocean,” She motions around them at the beautiful scenery, “Newt is present in all the good things left in the world. Newt is here,” Sonya reaches forward and gently places her palm flat on Thomas’ chest - and unbeknown to her - over the scar above his heart, the scar he got during his struggle for the knife with Newt.

Thomas places his own hand over Sonya’s for a moment and he looks at her smile that reached her eyes, Thomas looks at her with bewilderment, he already believed Sonya to be genuine but the look on her face, the smile, the eyes, it was just so much like him. Thomas really could see Newt in Sonya and right there in that moment Thomas vowed to himself that he’d look out for Sonya for the rest of his life. For Newt. 

“What?” Sonya says, her smile remains but it’s more confused as Thomas was just staring at her. 

“Nothing.” Thomas laughs and drops his hand from hers. “I just wanted to say thank you, Sonya.” 

"Actually it's-" The blonde girl stops, her smile wavers as she shakes her head. "Never mind." Lizzy she thought. It's Lizzy, but only Newt calls me that...

Later that night Sonya’s at the remembrance rock that has just been marked by the fellow survivors, her fingers trace over Newt's name. In some of the spare space below her brothers carving she begins chisling letters.

Harriet unintentionally sneaks up behind Sonya and it makes her jump. "Who's that?" Harriet asks gently. She didn't recognise the name and for the most part she knew most of Sonya’s losses.

"Someone who was loved." Is all the blonde says with a smile, "Truly loved."

Harriet gives her friend a warm smile and doesn't press any further. "A few of us are going for a night swim, did you want to come?"

"Sure." Sonya smiles softly. "I'll meet you in a second."

Harriet gives Sonya an understanding nod and leaves her friend be. Sonya turns back to the rock, she looks at her brothers name and the one she just carved, 'Lizzy'. She rests her pale hand to the cool stone, her fingers spread out and touch both Newt's name and her own. She was Sonya now. She would live out her days as Sonya, a Group B survivor. She certainly wasn't going to forget her big brother, she'd share the stories she remembered of Newt and she hoped those who knew him when she didn't would share more. Sonya would always be Newt’s little sister, she would forever own that title like a badge of honour, but the name Lizzy died along with him and she was okay with that. Lizzy would always be just theirs.

๑ ๑

A/N: No one asked me to write this but like??? I wanted to!! In the book Sonya got her memory back like most of the maze trial survivors so I’ve always wondered did something get knocked loose later? Did she decide to keep that information to herself?? IDK here’s my take on it in the movie verse!! X

[time-to-go-97-blog]

Eva x Chris. Attention.

Dedicated to the wonderful @joyfullyqualitydaze because she leaves awesome messages on my fics which make me want to write more (go follow, guys). Also, she sent this amazing idea as a prompt; inspired by Charlie Puth’s Attention. Seriously, thank you so much!!! ❤️❤️❤️

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Although neither would dare to say it, they both attended these parties in the hopes of catching a glimpse of one another. Chris knew he shouldn’t be participating in such self-destructive behaviour, but when it came to Eva, all his self-control seems to vanish. He keeps telling himself that he needs to get over Eva, but she’s been plagueing his thoughts since the first time he saw her. Even when he was with Emma, all he thought of was Eva; what is she doing right now, is she alone, is she thinking of me? Although his brief stint with Emma didn’t last long, they’d lasted longer that Eva and Jonas who called things off a couple of days after the Eid party (Chris and Emma lasted a whole week longer, before he too broke up with her). It wasn’t Emma that was the problem, he realised, it was him and the fact that he was still hung up on Eva which just wasn’t fair on Emma.

Soon after his breakup, the games began. He’d overheard from a friend that she’d been talking about him to her own friends. They weren’t bad things; Eva wasn’t like that. It was mostly whisperings that she wanted to get back together with him. He had long since ruled that out, yet the words had made him dangerously hopeful at first, what are you doing to me, he thinks, it’s like you don’t want me to get over you. Eventually, he ruled it out as just being gossip. He didn’t want to get his hopes up just to have them crushed again.

Chris put it down to chance at first, but soon enough he realised that Eva happened to be at every party he attended, she knew that he had to be at at least one. Deep down though he didn’t mind, a part of him still loved seeing her. He loved seeing her dancing drunk and without a care in the world, it reminded him of when they were together and alone, dancing around her living room. It reminded him of the parties they used to attend together which always resulted in them hooking up. Now it was different. Sure, they were at the same party but they didn’t hook up with each other, not anymore. He’d seen the hurt in her eyes the first time he started kissing another girl across the room from her, but he refused to go and comfort her. She left the party shortly after, but returned with a vengeance. Each party was like an unspoken competition; they’d hook up with other people but always kept an eye out to see what the other person was doing. Chris could always feel her watching him as he walked around greeting friends and eventually finding a willing girl to hook up with. As much as Chris didn’t want to, he would always watch her too, his attention captured as soon as she arrived; she had a way of being the focus of a room lately.

He’d let his guard slip once. It was a month after the Eid party, and as usual she had been trying to catch his attention at a party. Chris should have been listening to the blonde-haired girl he was sat next to but Eva had just walked in slightly late as she always did. Maybe it was because Chris felt particularly lonely that evening and wanted something familiar or the fact that she looked so beautiful but his resolve weakened momentarily. She had made a beeline for the drinks, another trait of hers he had noticed over the weeks of watching her. After downing a few drinks and talking to several people, her smile bright, she made her way to the makeshift dance floor. It was like she knew he was watching her, as she started dancing seductively. It was like it was just a show for him, no one else and that hit him in his chest, he wanted that familiarity again. Her eyes were closed, her hair wild, her smile wide and she just looked so breathtakingly beautiful. Despite every nerve telling him not to, he leaves the girl he was sat next to without a word and slowly makes his way to Eva.

“Hi,” he whispers by her ear, she knows its Chris’ instantly and she swears her heart just skipped a beat. She hadn’t been so close to him in a month and they were both craving each other’s touch. They began to dance, fitting into each other with ease; they knew each other’s likes and dislikes all too well. Chris had missed her, just feeling her bare skin sent his heart to his stomach. Dancing led to the two hooking up, her pushed up against a dimly-lit wall near the back of the house, away from prying eyes. He wanted to pull away, he did, but he missed the feel of Eva in his arm, the feel of her hands exploring every inch of him. It was like she was his drug, he just needed to feel her once more and then he could quit her for good. But, a small yet prominent voice in his head kept speaking out. Chris kept telling himself that she just wants his attention, that she’ll just leave him again, that she doesn’t want a relationship with him at all. After all, she had shot down the idea of the two as couple before. He clenches his hand into a tight fist, the rational side in his head fighting with his physical urges. Here Eva was right in front of him, yet it wouldn’t last, she’d just leave him again in the morning. She flips him so that his back hits the wall and he can feel the rational side of him slipping away slowly as she continues; she knows all his soft spots and isn’t afraid to target them with her skilled tongue. He’s breathing heavily, his determination fading. Still, that small voice keeps telling him she only wants him to notice her again, his reluctance to be with her is still present and it pains him. She doesn’t want you to get over her, she doesn’t like seeing you with other people, he keeps telling himself chanting it in his head like a mantra. So, reluctantly pulling away, he looks Eva directly in the eye so she understands the finality of his words and says, “you just want attention.” He walks away before she has a chance to register his words and come up with another excuse. Oddly enough, he doesn’t regret kissing Eva that night, even though a small part of him thought he would. Maybe it’s the closure I need, he thinks. It’s not.

A week later, Chris is at another party, he doesn’t know whose, they were all starting to blur together; apart from last weeks, Eva’s dancing and kisses were permanently singed into his brain. Whatever her plan was, it had worked she had been in his thoughts all week. He was sat next to a red-head nursing a lukewarm beer; he couldn’t bring himself to get a new cup. The red-head had been talking non-stop for the last 15 minutes not caring about Chris’ non-committal shrugs. His mind was focused on other things and he just can’t bring himself to pay attention to what the girl next to him was saying. These random hook ups don’t bring him joy like they did before he was with Eva. He’d been checking his watch for the last ten minutes worried that she might not be coming today, she was more late than she usually was. The mere thought of not seeing her tonight saddens him and he’s scared to admit it for fear of what it means. But then she walks in, and he sits up straighter, eyes focused on her and her alone, the air in his lungs being sucked out at the sight of her sheer beauty. She’s confident and free with a wild glint in her eye that adds a sense of danger to her. She’s captured the attention of everyone in the room, including his. It was the dress. Red, and clinging to every curve with a plunging neckline that accentuated every asset. Her arms were bare and the dress swished enticingly around her legs mid-thigh. It was daring yet classy and Eva suited red. Hell, Eva suits everything, he thinks. Her legs looked much longer paired with the heels she’d worn. She was addictive and Chris couldn’t help the bubbles of jealousy rising in his chest at the thought of other men looking at her with prying eyes, just like he was. She just wants attention; he thinks repeatedly. But then she’s walking past him and her perfume attacks all his sense at once causing him to forget everything momentarily. He recognises it immediately, it’s the one she wore when they first met, it was worn when they used to go out for fancy meals, when he first realised he wanted to be with her, and Eva knew that he loved it; he had told her so many times. Eva had purposely worn it to get a reaction out of him; but to Chris, that evening, she was captivating.

The next hour was spent casting furtive glances at Eva. She was either talking to random people – Chris can’t help but notice they’re mostly guys – or she’s looking directly at him, shamelessly thanks to her confidence. At times, it was like she was contemplating something; other times, it was like he didn’t exist as she laughed whole-heartedly at whatever the people around her were saying. He’s jealous and he just wants to hold her close but he focuses on pushing those feelings aside. For a moment, all he feels is regret, for leaving her, for choosing Emma, for ignoring her recently but it’s all too late. Eventually, he suggests to the red-head that they leave.

They’re climbing into a taxi when Eva shouts at him to wait. She walks over to them and climbs in too leaving Chris and the red-head dumbfounded.

Eva turns to the driver, “hey, could you wait two minutes, another friend is coming, she’s just finding her jacket.” Her voice is friendly and causes Chris’ chest to hurt as memories flood back to him. Nights where she would assure him of his fears, days spent talking to him about her own fears.

She turns to face him, “Chris,” she says quietly, peering at him from her lashes. The sound of his name leaving her lips causes his heart to swell, her voice is soothing and he just wants her to whisper words in his ear. She places a hand on his leg, “why can’t we just talk? Clear the air, and stop whatever this is.”

The red-head pipes up trying to get his attention, “Chris, are we going to your place or mine?” but Chris’ eyes stay on Eva, a million thoughts flying around his head.

Eva fights the urge to roll her eyes, “you can leave,” she states bluntly her eyes leaving Chris’ for a second. She looks at him once again, “just please talk to me, give me a chance to explain.”

The red-head looks at Eva, “look, he clearly doesn’t know who you are-”

“Stay out of this,” Eva says sharply, cutting her off; Red was beginning to annoy her. “Leave,” Eva says venomously. She closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths, “Chris,” she tries reasoning again, “just come-”

“Get out,” Chris hisses quietly, cutting Eva off this time. Neither girl moves, both unsure who the request was directed at. Several heartbeats later, Chris still hasn’t made it clear who he wanted to leave. Eva was getting restless and nervous, she had decided she would try to talk to him today and if she failed or he shot her down, she would stop pursuing him, it was only fair for the two of them; no matter how heartbroken she’d be, she would have to let him go. Still hesitant, Eva takes his instruction personally, she turns to open the door when he grips onto her wrist. He turns to the red-head and mutters out a simple, “go.” As she climbs out, Eva gives her address to the taxi driver and expresses her gratitude that he waited. The taxi takes off and neither person speaks. It’s quiet and stiflingly uncomfortable, unspoken words hanging in the air. They’re both deep in thought, wanting to sift through their words and express them carefully rather than in a fit of anger. She speaks first.

“I want to give us a go, properly this time.”

“Why’s it taken you this long to tell me,” he blurts out.

“I’ve wanted to, I wanted to call but it seemed better to do this in person. Then I tried speaking to you at parties, then I stupidly tried getting your attention by hooking up with random people. Nothing worked,” she says, trying to get him to understand her despair.

“Why,” he questions again.

“I want us to give this a go,” she gestures to the space in between them, a desperate tone in her voice.  

He lets out a deep sigh, “you just hate the thought of me with someone new,” he tries to reason, more so with himself. “Like I said, you just want my attention, then you’ll leave, again,” the last part is spat out angrily.

“That’s not true,” she says defensively. “Besides, you didn’t seem to care about me when you left with Emma. This is both of our fault. Maybe I was too scared, maybe you weren’t ready, whatever the reason, we are both at fault. All I know is that no one else compares to what I feel when I’m with you.” She squeezes her eyes shut, blinking back tears and telling herself to be stronger.

“What are you doing to me,” he whispers.

“I promise, I’ll leave you alone if you say no, but just answer me this,” Eva takes a deep breath, “do you want to give us another go, a clean slate, properly this time?”

Yes, is the first thought to cross his mind. But he hesitates to answer, he needs to protect himself. Several minutes’ pass and he’s still lost in thought, biting into his lower lip. Memories of Eva and himself play on a continuous loop in his mind, they’re lying in bed facing each other and pouring their hearts out, he’s teaching her how to make the fluffiest pancakes and she’s singing at the top of her lungs sat in the passenger seat of his car, hair flying around almost like a halo.

He turns to Eva, meeting her eye, “please, don’t leave me again.”

“Never,” she whispers instantly. He pulls her into his side where she fits comfortably, they’ve long since memorised each other. As the taxi rolls to a stop outside her house, for Chris and Eva, everything feels right again.