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ibijau · 4 years

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Burn it down AU // on AO3

Lan Wangji, to his great displeasure, accompanies his husband to Qinghe

Nie Mingjue’s health did not improve in the weeks that followed. If anything, it appeared to worsen after Xue Yang, who had been caught and brought to justice by a rogue cultivator, was freed when his only surviving victim recanted his testimony and withdrew all accusations. Lanling Jin announced that they would punish Xue Yang themselves, proceeded to take him back in, claimed he was imprisoned for life, and did nothing more about it.

This, in turn, led to a new dispute between Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao, and to the latter being kicked down a set of stairs at Carp tower in a moment of rage. In the end Lan Xichen managed to calm the situation, but only barely, and it was clear to all who knew him that he was worried for both his sworn brothers.

Lan Wangji had to accept the unavoidable truth; he agreed to go with his brother and husband to a conference held in Qinghe.

It was hard to explain to A-Yuan that he could not come with them. It had been two years since the child had arrived in Cloud Recesses, and he did not appear to remember his life before that, but he had never forgotten being abandoned. A-Yuan, always so good and obedient, cried and threw several tantrums as his father and Nie Huaisang packed for his stay with Hou Tianjian and Lan Jingyi as well as their own trip. More than once, Lan Wangji felt tempted to call off the one thing, just so his son wouldn’t have to be left behind.

“We can stay,” Nie Huaisang offered the night before they were set to depart. “I didn’t think it would impact him so much… he’s been through a lot already, I feel bad adding to that.”

It was, at that point, well past curfew, and A-Yuan had only just fallen asleep out of exhaustion after hours of crying. Even in sleep, the little boy looked restless, and held on tight to his father’s hand, as if afraid Lan Wangji might leave otherwise. In fact, he had slept uneasily ever since being told that they would have to go somewhere without him. Lan Wangji suspected that Wei Wuxian and the Wens had hidden him away from the upcoming siege while he had been asleep, and that A-Yuan hadn’t forgotten that betrayal.

“You can go alone,” Lan Wangji countered, already knowing the answer.

“It’s both of us or neither of us,” Nie Huaisang sighed, kneeling next to the bed and carefully tucking a wild strand of hair behind A-Yuan’s ear. “And it’s… fine. Your brother said A-Yao understands that Da-Ge isn’t in his normal state, that he’s still willing to help. Da-Ge doesn’t need me.”

Lan Wangji looked down at his son, desperately wishing that they never had to be parted. It would have been easy to take Nie Huaisang’s offer and stay together in Cloud Recesses, but it would have hurt the other man to be kept away from his brother.

“Gusu Lan and Qinghe Nie must show they stand together,” Lan Wangji said at last. “It is why we are married.”

There was no mistaking the gratefulness in Nie Huaisang’s eyes.

“A-Yuan will be well taken care of,” he told Lan Wangji with a weak smile. “Hou Tianjian is a good person, and I’ve told her that he’ll be a little… that separation isn’t easy for him. She promised she’d be patient. And she’s like us, she doesn’t like physical punishments, so it’ll be fine. He’ll have great fun being with Jingyi all day!”

“Hm.”

The perspective of so much time with his best friend was the only thing that had sometimes gotten A-Yuan to stop crying. Lan Wangji was glad that his son had a friend, and that this friend was… perhaps not the most Lan of children.

“He’s not going to be alone is my point,” Nie Huaisang insisted. “This isn’t… this isn’t whatever happened to him before you adopted him. He won’t be alone, he won’t be abandoned. We’re leaving him with a good person, someone I know can be trusted, and we’re coming back for him as soon as the conference is over.”

“Hm.”

They had still never discussed where A-Yuan came from. Lan Wangji had tried, once, but Nie Huaisang had quickly changed the subject. Still, Lan Wangji was certain his husband knew that A-Yuan was, to some degree, tied to Wei Wuxian.

“It’ll be fine,” Nie Huaisang promised. “And I know a few good shops in Qinghe. We can bring him some toys! I wonder if that old man who made those beautiful wooden animals is still around… A-Yuan would love them, he made them articulated, and… oh, I hope he has bunnies!”

“Hm. That would be nice.”

Nie Huaisang stayed a little longer kneeling by the bed, listing all the things he wanted to bring back from Qinghe to amuse A-Yuan, from toys to local specialities so he’d get used to something other than Cloud Recesses’s bland food. He only stopped blabbering when both he and Lan Wangji became too tired to keep their eyes open. Once left alone, Lan Wangji quickly fell asleep, holding his son against his heart.

Nie Huaisang launched himself at his brother the instant they stepped into the Unclean Realm, and refused to let go of him for the rest of the day. Nie Mingjue complained about it the whole time but made no particular effort to push away his brother, and even smiled here and there. Although the guilt of leaving A-Yuan behind was still eating at Lan Wangji, he felt a little better about that decision when Lan Xichen whispered to him that this was the most relaxed he’d seen Nie Mingjue in weeks. At least, A-Yuan’s pain would not have been in vain.

That first day was not unpleasant. They settled in Nie Mingjue’s own home and chatted the hours away. Nie Mingjue, when not leading armies against innocent peasants hiding from the world, was a man of good company. He sounded genuinely concerned when he asked after Lan Wangji’s injuries, and mentioned that he hoped to come to Cloud Recesses in the near future to see how the reconstruction was going. Lan Wangji was starting to relax, when his brother-in-law announced that he had bought some presents for A-Yuan, since Nie Huaisang spoke of little else in his letters.

“Shouldn’t you worry instead about having your own children?” Nie Huaisang quickly teased, to distract everyone from the way Lan Wangji had tensed. “I want nephews and nieces! Why aren’t you getting married already, Da-Ge? Get yourself a wife! Isn't that your duty?”

“Now isn’t the right time,” Nie Mingjue retorted. “I’m not marrying until I have a clear view of my allies and enemies.”

“Boring. Where’s your sense of romance? Er-Ge, we need to find him a wife. Even A-Yao and I are married, how can the two of you still be single? It makes no sense. You two are the most handsome bachelors of our generation, surely there must be people throwing themselves at you!”

Nie Mingjue rolled his eyes at that chatter, while Lan Xichen looked uncomfortable.

“Marriage is more difficult for a sect leader,” Lan Xichen noted. “Romance is the last thing either of us can think of. Da-Ge is right to consider this carefully and not rush into anything.”

“Of course Er-Ge would be very reasonable about something like this,” Nie Huaisang retorted playfully. “Still, I want nephews. Da-Ge, please get married already. If you don’t get to it, I’ll start looking for a bride on your behalf. We can find you someone you’ll get along with. If we try hard, we might even find you someone pretty. What’s your type, Da-Ge?”

Nie Mingjue tried to change the subject, but his brother would not drop the matter and continued pestering him until dinner. In the end he was forced to give a short list of preferences just to finally get some peace. By then, Nie Mingjue was so tired of the topic that he did not speak again of his brother’s family, sparing Lan Wangji from having to say anything about his son to the man who had massacred A-Yuan’s family.

The second day of their stay in Qinghe was, unfortunately, rather less pleasant. Just as the three of them had arrived a few days earlier than the actual beginning of the martial art conference, Jin Guangyao had come ahead of the Jin delegation to spend time with his sworn brothers.

Only when he saw Nie Mingjue in the presence of Jin Guangyao did Lan Wangji understand why his husband and his brother were so worried. The instant Jin Guangyao greeted him, Nie Mingjue started radiating burning anger, his complexion darkening with each new word his sworn brother said until his patience snapped and he asked when, exactly, Jin Guangyao intended to have Xue Yang executed as he had apparently promised.

“The time you allowed me isn’t over yet,” Jin Guangyao politely pointed out. “Please understand this does not depend on me alone. I am working on it of course, but certain people are reluctant. No matter what he has done, Xue Yang has made many allies in his time with us that would rather he be kept alive.”

“So did those he slaughtered.”

At this, Jin Guangyao smiled uncomfortably. “This is why I am working so hard to get what Da-Ge wants. Justice must be served, even if it can be inconvenient to some people. But for now, let us push aside those matters. Da-Ge, I came early so I could play Cleansing for you, in case Er-Ge was not able to arrive in time. Will you allow me to do so, or will I be denied this chance to help?”

“If Er-Ge is here, I don’t see why I’d need you,” Nie Mingjue retorted. “Nobody wants an amateur when they can have a master.”

Jin Guangyao flinched, but lowered his head in acceptance. Nie Huaisang, apparently unsatisfied with that turn of events, sprung forth.

“Da-Ge is so mean!” he complained. “I was so excited to maybe hear A-Yao play, and now this happens. Da-Ge, please reconsider. I’ve heard Er-Ge compliment A-Yao’s skill so often, I want to hear it for myself! But if Da-Ge doesn’t want… San-Ge, would you play for me alone? I’ll drop my husband with these two old men, and we can chat and have a nice time together.”

That offer was met with a tentative smile from Jin Guangyao. “I would be happy to, but if Er-Ge plays for your brother, then he will need the guqin we left here, and so I cannot play at the same time.”

Nie Huaisang pouted at the news, and threw his brother an aggravated look.

“Da-Ge, please let San-Ge play for you,” he demanded. “There won’t be time for it later when everyone is there for the conference. Please? I miss being able to spend time with you and A-Yao. Weren’t things so nice before we all went our separate ways? I miss that a lot.”

Nie Mingjue rolled his eyes, and made the mistake of looking at Lan Xichen who appeared rather amused by the situation.

“Just let A-Yao play for you this time,” Lan Xichen encouraged him. “You know how Huaisang gets when he’s decided something.”

Under this triple attack, Nie Mingjue begrudgingly gave in. He looked absolutely betrayed when Lan Xichen declined to be present for that music session, but before he could protest, Nie Huaisang had grabbed both Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao and started pulling them away from the courtyard, determined to have what he had demanded.

“Is this wise?” Lan Wangji asked, watching them go toward Nie Mingjue’s house.

“A-Yao really is extremely skilled,” Lan Xichen replied. “I would not have allowed him to use Cleansing otherwise.”

“Hm. Huaisang worries about the situation.”

A little surprised by that comment, Lan Xichen hesitated only a brief moment before gesturing toward the gardens in a silent invitation. Lan Wangji followed his brother, and neither spoke until they were away from the courtyard and perfectly isolated among trees and bushes.

“So your husband is getting you to care about politics?” Lan Xichen noted, pretending to inspect the flowers of a mulberry bush. “That is surprising, you have always been reticent to that.”

“It matters to him,” Lan Wangji replied, thinking on the flood of explanations he’d gotten from Nie Huaisang the instant he’d agreed to listen. “Huaisang believes his Excellency has designs.”

“It is not an easy political situation,” Lan Xichen admitted, looking rather more concerned than Lan Wangji would have preferred. “His Excellency is perhaps not as honest in dealing with the rest of us as we might wish him to be. This situation with Xue Yang causes me concern, as much as it does to Da-Ge. But Gusu Lan’s position is not as strong as Qinghe Nie’s, and I do not think direct confrontation will bring anything good. I would rather avoid anything that might lead to a new war.”

“Who would Gusu Lan side with?”

Looking away from the flowers, Lan Xichen stared at him with an unreadable expression.

“Is that your question, or your husband’s?”

“He has his opinion on the matter. I want to hear brother’s.”

“I can guess his thoughts on the matter and his opinion of me,” Lan Xichen noted with a hint of wistfulness. “Nie Huaisang is one to hold a grudge, and I… But it does not matter. To answer your question, I sincerely hope it will not come to a war. Of course, I would want to side with Nie Mingjue, because I believe he is right to treat his Excellency with some suspicion.”

Lan Xichen sighed, and returned his attention to the mulberry flowers.

“At the same time, I cannot base my choice on my feelings and preferences. Jin Guangshan has not yet committed any crimes, and he has offered help to many sects in the aftermath of the war, including our own. If I turn against him too easily after all he did for us, Gusu Lan’s reputation will suffer, which will impact the lives of all our disciples. Besides, our strength has simply not recovered yet from the Sunshot Campaign and the events in Nightless City, open conflict could destroy us. I hope you understand that regardless of what I want as a person, I often must make different choices as a sect leader.”

That last comment felt to Lan Wangji as if it might be about more than just the current political situation. There had been many instances where his brother had chosen to compromise rather than consider what would be truly just. Lan Xichen had turned a blind eye to what Lanling Jin did to its Wen prisoners, he had allowed and participated in the massacre in the Burial Mounds, and even now he was ready to let Jin Guangshan try to claim more power than he deserved.

But Lan Xichen had also fought to ensure his brother was not punished by death for betraying their sect and standing with Wei Wuxian. He had organised this marriage that ensure Jin Guangshan could not force him to side against Qinghe Nie, and used it also to ensure that Lan Wangji would keep A-Yuan, that Wei Wuxian's son was protected.

"Brother does what he feels to be necessary," Lan Wangji conceded.

"And doing so, I please no one," Lan Xichen commented. "Huaisang and you would rather I openly side with Mingjue, while uncle and the elders keep telling me I should be more mindful of our relationship with Lanling Jin."

It sounded like a complex balancing act, and one Lan Wangji he was glad he did not have to participate in. It was hard enough to determine right from wrong once outside the shelter of Cloud Recesses, but having to do it while also needing to spare the feelings of greedy old men…

"I wonder if we are too late to see the peonies in bloom," Lan Xichen suddenly remarked. "Actually, I wonder if anyone takes care of them now that Huaisang has left. Would you mind if we checked on them?"

Lan Wangji nodded, accepting that his brother no longer wished to dwell on that unhappy topic.

"Thank you. Poor Huaisang will be disappointed if his brother allowed his flowers to die, he was so proud of them. It already pained him so much when he had to leave his birds here, he'll be heartbroken if the flowers are lost as well."

They walked together a little while, only to discover that indeed, the patch of land that Nie Huaisang had once claimed as his own had not been tended. As they returned toward the buildings, Lan Xichen mentioned that they should see about getting Nie Huaisang involved with the keeping of their gardens in Cloud Recesses, to make him feel more at home.

The conference itself went well. Lan Wangji had never particularly enjoyed such events, but once or twice some demonstrations of new techniques caught his interest.

Everything that surrounded the conference was far less pleasant. However happy he had initially been to see his brother, Nie Huaisang quickly fell into an argument with Nie Mingjue when he discovered that not only had his garden been left without care, but his birds had all been released and probably died. In return, his brother had been furious to hear that Nie Huaisang had entirely dropped his practice of the sabre, and barely bothered with any sort of cultivation since his wedding. Nie Mingjue, in spite of Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen taking turn to play Cleansing for him, had turned a little more short tempered with each passing day.

The visit intended to help his mood ended up having the opposite effect, until Nie Mingjue ended up snapping at Jin Guangyao the last evening, calling him a prostitute's son before all his guests. Jin Guangyao swallowed the infamy with a forced smile, but Nie Huaisang rose to his defence until Nie Mingjue was forced to drag him outside so they could continue that argument away from everyone.

When Lan Wangji went to bed, his husband had not yet returned. In the morning Nie Huaisang was back, but hiding under a blanket as he announced that he refused to appear before his brother until he obtained excuses. Knowing how unlikely that was, Lan Wangji left the room they shared and headed out of the Unclean Realm, toward Qinghe.

With both Nie Huaisang and Nie Mingjue so cross at one another, it was unlikely that they would be staying the few extra days they had initially planned, so if he wanted to return with presents for A-Yuan, he had to buy them that day. He had considered asking Nie Huaisang to come with him, but quickly decided against it. He did not want to deal with his husband's complaining.

After several days of being surrounded with tension, that morning in Qinghe was a blessing. Lan Wangji enjoyed being away from all that anger, and mildly regretted not taking Nie Huaisang with him after all. It might have distracted him from that argument, and they could have looked together for that toy maker Nie Huaisang had mentioned.

In the early afternoon, Lan Wangji returned to the Unclean Realm, satisfied with his visit of Qinghe. He had found some sweet looking pastries that should survive the return trip to Gusu, as well as a beautiful little porcelain rabbit. He had also, on an impulse, bought a porcelain bird for Nie Huaisang. It would not compensate for the pets he had lost, but hopefully the gesture would still be appreciated.

The first sign that something was wrong was the absence of anyone guarding the door to the Unclean Realm when Lan Wangji arrived.

The second was the agitation as he stepped into the courtyard, servants running around with buckets of water, desperately trying to wash the floor, a few of them crying.

The third was the stink of blood, several red stains on grey stone, as if multiple people had been attacked and wounded.

The fourth and final sign of a problem was the sight of Jin Guangyao giving orders to the servant, pale as a sheet, his hands trembling, no smile on his face.

Jin Guangyao who cried in relief when he spotted Lan Wangji, and all but ran to him, his usually calm face distorted in anguish.

“Second Master Lan, at last! There’s been… you must go to the sect leader’s house. There has been an incident and your husband is wounded. Your brother is with him, but you would do well to quickly join them.”

“What happened?”

Jin Guangyao hesitated, his eyes darting anxiously toward the blood stained stones. He was shaking so badly that Lan Wangji wondered if he too had been wounded in that incident.

“Sect Leader Nie had a Qi deviation earlier,” Jin Guangyao whispered, leaning toward him. “He did not survive it. I fear Huaisang will need your support.”

#xisang #nie huaisang #lan wangji #lan xichen #jin guangyao #burn it down au #anyway this is a fun chapter for everyone involved lol #nobody comes out unhurt it's always nice #jau writes

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a-very-fond-farewell · 4 years

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The forbidden crack! Untamed prompts: 25/?

Gaming Chat AU [xuexiao + songxiao = ?]: “Lie to Me”

[tw cyber bullying; tw use of slurs; tw fake suicide mention; there’s a redemption arc, but it starts with 15yo Xue Yang being... well, himself I guess. so be warned.]

[attn!: I don’t know shit about playing games and going to quests with strangers on the internet so bear with me. if you feel inspired by this please, by all means, feel free to use this prompt and write something and then tag me so I can read it and reblog it!]

[enjoy!]

It’s been 15 years since that idiotic intern at the school counseling center suggested him to... what did he say? “Channel his anger in something productive”. And then tried to talk Meng Shi into purchasing a fucking computer to let him “get off some steam” by killing fictional people instead of smashing actual valuable objects like, say, the principal’s Mercedes with a stolen golf club, or, the nurse’s desk with a fire extinguisher back in middle school.

Good thing Su She had disappeared under mysterious circumstances after Xue Yang had surreptitiously let the intern’s uni professor know in a detailed email how the aspiring counselor had suggested him (a sweet innocent 15 year old) to use his new computer to watch porn instead of focusing on his studies. Song Lan was much better than him, and bitchier too, which was fine by Xue Yang anyway. Not that he cared.

What good had that stupid glorified television brought him in the end? Most of the computers at school had become intimately familiar with many a malware and virus already with how frequently he used to browse through the deep web. The ones at the local library had let him in on the secrets of 4ch*n since the tender age of 8. Hell, even his pediatrician had made the glorious mistake to leave him alone in her office one merry day of winter when he discovered the wonders of x-rated videos.

But Meng Shi had tried to cheer him up anyway, buying him that stupid thing. Working her ass off at the bar trying to make social services forget she used to be a stripper back in the days. All to provide a place for children in foster care to feel safe, the stupid hag. Xue Yang wasn’t fucking stupid, he knew she was collecting money for every kid ever stepping inside her ratty flat. He knew that she would have never adopted anyone for real because she already had a son and she was working to send him to university anyway.

Yet, she had come home one day with a big smile on her youngish and bland face, hoisting up the heavy computer in a box, and told Xue Yang to share it with his siblings. Yeah, fuck that. That little bitch A-Qing was even worse than him, and she probably used to sell feet-pictures recycled from the internet to disgusting men online. To this day Xue Yang is none the wiser and he doesn’t need to know what that fucking witch had been up to at 14. XuanYu would have used the computer to stream and torrent shit nonstop to sell at school even if he was only, like, 12. Qin Su was 15 like him and she would have been tempted to set up a fucking YT channel and subject him and XuanYu to whatever scientific experiment she would have come up with. And Meng Yao had too much embarrassing blackmail material on Xue Yang already, he didn’t need to have access on his erased search history after digging gods-knows for how long.

Ahah no. No thanks.

But detention got him occupied for so long by cutting library books pages down to papermen without getting bored out of his mind. And he did have his fun that one time when he caught a pervert with a hand down his pants when they chatted on Om*gle after Xue Yang had catfished him good by pretending to be a girl. Got everything on tape and published the whole interaction on the school website for everyone to see. Which had been appropriate at the time, given that the man had been part of the board of directors. Fittingly hilarious too.

Still, boredom loomed over him like a quilt of sadness on summer break and he had been tempted to log in and play games in the end. Nobody wanted him in their stupid ass teams anyway, with him having higher kill counts than them and all, not following tactics and so on. Whatever.

Until one day user shuan_ghua naively trusted Xue Yang when the other assured him that “teabagging“ was just a fancy slang for ordering a cup of jasmine tea. The 17 year old boy named Xiao XingChen had thanked him for teaching something new to him and then proceeded to ask him to join his one-man-party out of fucking nowhere.

Everything changed after that.

[more under the cut. it’s long long tho]

XXC family!:

XXC is 17 at the beginning of the story and he used to live with his mother Baoshan [i know that “Sanren” and “Daoren” are titles, but in absence of a real surname I will use them as such for this prompt. feel free to change that if you take inspiration from this post to write your take on the story] and the rest of their family on a mountain before they moved back to the city in Gusu.

XXC’s mother was barely 20 when she got married the first time and her first son Daoren YanLing was born. two years later her husband died and she travelled a lot afterwards, adopting 4yo CanSe when she was 25. then she married again at 41, had XXC at 44, and then divorced at 48.

CanSe eloped with ChangZe when she was 18 and got WWX at 20, the same year her own mother got married again (at 41).

BaoShan got XXC three years later (at 44).

hence, WWX is 3 whole ass years older than XXC despite being his nephew. both boys find the thing absolutely hilarious.

YanLing and CanSe are only 1 year apart and they still bicker nonstop. both of them went to school with Lan QiRen and his older brother and frequently got in fights back in the days at Gusu.

(if YanLing had a thing for Lan QiRen, well, nobody has to know)

XXC, being the baby of his family, is doted on by YanLing and brought to mischief by CanSe until XXC’s father divorces their mother and they move on the mountain along with ChangZe and 7yo WWX.

up on the mountain BaoShan works as a tour guide and she takes baby XXC and WWX on hikes along with tourists to admire the beauty of the scenery.

XXC’s sight starts deteriorating when he is 12 and WWX is 15. they have been homeschooled until then, so when it gets clear XXC will not improve much so far away from proper healthcare, the whole family moves back to the city in Gusu.

XXC is not comfortable leaving his new home, not with all those new noises and flashing lights. WWX is drawn to them instead, more than happy to enroll in school, where he meets JC and he realizes the boy is the son of CanSe’s middle school boyfriend. WWX declares them to be almost-brothers and is perfectly fine with adopting even JC’s older sister in the family and CanSe can only laugh at that. JC and YanLi visit XXC often as a result and they help him make sense of the new environment without stressing him too much.

YanLing finds a job as a cook in WWX’s school and he is back to making Lan QiRen’s life impossible after learning the man is a teacher there.

LWJ and LXC’s mother is a music teacher there as well and YanLing bonds with her to make Lan QiRen life’s an absolute nightmare.

LWJ and LXC make friends with the mountain gremlins and they are initially horrified by their manners: XXC would pick food from the ground and eat it, it doesn’t have to be his for that to happen to begin with; WWX doesn’t realize he should cut his nails (both for his feet and hands) until he is forced to wear shoes outside and not climb up trees, for he assumed nails simply never grew bc he used them constantly, wearing them down; etc.

LWJ hates himself for falling for WWX but he cannot care less.

LXC notices how lonely XXC feels when wangxian becomes a thing, so he buys him a computer to better gather more information about the world and adjust the settings to maximum accessibility whenever XXC wants to read something.

by the age of 17 XXC is mostly left alone in the house: WWX goes to uni; his mother BaoShan works at a local museum; his brother YanLing is trying to not get fired at his job; and his sister CanSe has started to travel with her husband selling the delicate dizi flutes ChangZe makes as an artisan.

XXC is also on the waiting list for an important eye surgery and he figures he has a couple of years to go before he will either lose his sight or be granted a second chance at life altogether.

XY’s family!:

Meng Shi had Meng Yao at 19 and started stripping the following year in Yunmeng.

her friend SiSi helped her both financially and emotionally, spending time with A-Yao while she worked at night. after four years she can move out of her flat and finds a job as a bartender downtown. she would have kept her old job, if SiSi hadn’t convinced her to think of A-Yao first, who was painfully shy and didn’t know how to socialize with other kids his age.

at 24 she starts the paperwork to become a foster parent and has to child-proof her entire apartment before the first kid arrives. at 25 she welcomes Qin Su, who is only 5, and initially A-Yao doesn’t want to share his mother with anyone. the situation gets bad to the point social services have to take Qin Su away one year later, because she tried to set A-Yao’s hair on fire in retaliation once, but two years later Meng Shi gets her back.

A-Yao, now 9 years old, has thought about it and reasoned that having a sister wasn’t so bad after all. Qin Su is only one year younger than him and she will not take up much space, right? wrong. but they bond over their shared nerdiness and while A-Su likes to blow things up, A-Yao helps his mother with taxes every year.

at 29 Meng Shi takes in XuanYu, who is not an orphan like A-Su, and still misses his birth mother fiercely. she had to give him up for adoption when he was 3, because she had been only 15 when XuanYu was born and her family threatened to disown her.

being profoundly deaf on top of that, no foster home wanted to have him and he was kept in the system for three years after his mother had to let him go. the woman had tried to be present for him while he waited for a family to pick him, teaching him sign language and reading lips, but she had been forced to eventually let go.

XuanYu arrives at Meng Shi’s when he’s 6. A-Yao (10yo) and A-Su (9yo) try their best to involve their new brother, but they don’t know how to communicate with him. SiSi takes the children to sign language classes at the community center after school and XuanYu warms up to them. he teaches Meng Shi what they learned the previous day every morning, before going to school. teachers don’t really pay attention to him, but he manages by reading lips when people face him properly, which is a rare occurrence, but he tries his best.

when A-Yao and A-Su realizes A-Yu is being bullied, they start to get nasty, setting backpacks on fire and terrorizing the other children at school. even when they move to middle school one after the other nobody picks on A-Yu, fearing what his siblings could do.

XY arrives at Meng Shi’s when she is 32 (A-Yu is 9, A-Su is 12, A-Yao is 13) and XY is 12. A-Su initially gets jealous bc they are the same age, but XY doesn’t talk to anyone for a year and ignores her attempts to rile him up. Meng Shi had been warned about him: his father had killed his mother and then failed to kill himself afterwards... and XY still believed the man was out there, looking for him to finish the job. XY had lived on the street for years before social services could find him, but he had felt trapped like a dog, not wanting to be touched, frequently running away.

XY doesn’t remember much of his life before entering foster care. he only knows everything is a bother, that his nightmares give him constant migraines, and that he doesn’t care how he lost one of his fingers. but anyone who makes fun of him for that gets kicked, that’s for sure.

it’s only when A-Qing (12) comes one year after XY’s arrival that things get a bit better... so to speak.

she is even less well behaved than him, thrashing around at night, screaming at the top of her lungs, saying that she doesn’t want to be there. that she’s better than the rest of them combined.

her anger issues trigger something in XY and the two of them get into fights with each other constantly.

A-Yao (14) and A-Su (13), reminiscing of the 2 years they spent apart because they couldn’t stop hitting each other up, take the issue seriously and convince Meng Shi to ask for help. SiSi is the one taking A-Qing and XY to therapy two times a week and they are followed through by professionals who know how to tackle their issues, an elderly woman who goes by the name of Lan Yi (LWJ and LXC’s paternal grandma) and her assistant Wen Qing, an intern working there for uni credits.

one year later XY is 14 and A-Qing is 13 and they... don’t really love each other, but at least they can talk to one another without trying to kill anyone in the process. they spend a lot of time with A-Yu (11) and learn sign language to keep him entertained.

by the age of 35, Meng Shi has 5 kids and can barely afford food for herself but she is happy like never before. A-Yao (16) is already considered smart enough to attend advanced math classes in high school. A-Su (15) has won a science competition sponsored by city hall. A-Yang (15) is trying to work on his anger issues with video games, making friends online. A-Qing (14) doesn’t let anyone make fun of her for her dyslexia, asking adults and classmates to take her issue seriously for once. And A-Yu (12) wants to learn how to sign in different languages to maybe travel the world one day.

Meng Shi is very happy indeed.

now, the plot: (tw fake suicide mention; tw use of homophobic slurs)

XY (15) and XXC (17) meet online every night before bed, playing video games together. XY made a mistake first time they chatted, saying he was 17 instead of 15 bc he didn’t want the other to look down on him.

XXC trusts him a little too much and doesn’t question if his new friend is lying to him or not. he’s the funnies person he has ever met, after all.

WWX (20) notices something is wrong by the way XXC starts speaking around others, using inappropriate language when he has never been anything but polite and gentle. even if, technically, XXC is WWX’s uncle, the latter sees the other more like a cousin than anything else given that he’s older. so he takes the matter in his own hands and one day asks him to let him play games with him.

XY doesn’t like his only friend not telling him someone else would have joined their party, and initially he covers XXC in insults and threatens to leave. but then WWX is really good at killing fictional people and XY reconsiders. he makes fun of WWX for being the older one AND the other’s nephew at the same time, but aside from that he doesn’t try to run away like a caged animal anymore.

WWX trust XXC when the younger says XY is 17 like him, but he still supervisions most of their sessions just to be sure XY cannot teach too many horrible things to XXC. WWX wants XXC to make more friends and maybe one day leave the house to attend university if the other will feel inclined to do so, but he doesn’t pressure him.

in the meantime, XY changes counselor at school and it is Song Lan (23) who tries to make a better human out of him. SL is deaf and occasionally uses cochlear implants to hear, but only because his family made the choice for him to have surgery when he was only a child. he can speak if he feels like it at times (not frequently, he’s very adamant about reminding others he doesn’t owe them anything. he’s also trying to make a change at the school where he works by organizing classes on Deaf culture and sign language for the students to take as an elective)

XY already knew of SL thanks to XuanYu, bc A-Yu had seen the counselor at the community center where SiSi usually takes the kids to for sign language classes. counseling at school doesn’t really happen one-on-one, detention kids being too many to follow one at a time and all, but when SL comes by to chat with them he’s always funny as fuck and XY (who will never admit it) feels good about being the only one in class able to understand SL only through sign language.

SL forces himself to talk to the kids and read their lips only bc... well, they’re young and did nothing wrong to him. he occasionally asks XY to help him translate, but aside from that there are really too many kids to look after and he doesn’t treat XY differently from the others, nor he notices him much.

two years pass and XXC (19) announces to XY (17) that wangxian (22) is having their wedding. since XY has learned all about their family, he asks XXC if it’s a common thing to get married super young in their household and XXC laughs... but it’s a sad and brittle thing and XY gets a bit worried.

XXC reveals then that soon after the wedding he will have a surgery to (hopefully) fix his sight and he’s very anxious. he timidly asks XY if he wants to go to the wedding with him, because he would like to see his face at least once before the surgery.

XY panics: he knew XXC’s eyesight was bad, but he never knew to what extent exactly; he’s not really of age yet, so he cannot move on the other side of the country just to attend a wedding; he has never talked specifically about XXC with his family and Meng Shi is working a lot and A-Yu should get his hearing aids soon and A-Qing needs help for her finals and... and...

...and he’s not ready to meet XXC.

XY lied to him and told him they’re the same age. he had never told XXC his name, even if the other had revealed his own, always going by his username jiang_zai. he called him and chatted with him and made fun of his own family and the other had been nothing but kind and amazing and... and... and XY realizes he’s been in love for a while and he abhors the idea to the point where he openly laughs at XXC and calls him a sap.

XXC notices the change in his tone immediately and wonders if he’s overstepped, if he’s asked too much by inviting the other over to celebrate with the rest of the family. XXC apologizes to XY and begs him to not step away like he usually does when he feels cornered.

XY feels absolutely cornered and attacks XXC by asking him why he’s so keen on asking him out (“are you a f*g or something?” etc.). the other doesn’t even know what that means but hearing XY so scared hurts, bc he doesn’t want to make the other uncomfortable in any way.

XXC does like XY romantically, but would never dream to say anything and hinder their friendship. yet, it hurts more to hear his only friend so afraid and angry. he apologizes profusely and promises him not to bring the subject back.

after that, XY doesn’t log in much, avoiding XXC. A-Yao (18) notices he’s sullen and tries to spend more time with him, but the younger doesn’t budge and talks less and less. even SL (25) sees XY less and less, but he doesn’t thinks the younger one is actually skipping classes or anything.

but XY is, in fact, skipping school and Meng Shi covers for him saying he doesn’t feel well enough to go to class. she knows something’s up and she also understands the need to have days off in order to take care of yourself when everything goes to shit.

wangxian wedding happens and XXC is both happy and sad. they made him the official photographer of the day, which is both sweet and incredibly hurtful, because he’s the one taking all those beautiful pictures... and maybe he will never be able to look at them ever again after the surgery. WWX and LWJ already had to organize the wedding earlier than what they originally planned to accommodate XXC and the date of the surgery. XXC feels bad but he’s very happy for them.

YanLing and CanSe worry about him and they ask their mother to help them figure out what’s going on. BaoShan agrees with WWX that XXC had a fight with a friend, alright, but that cannot be all, surely...

it’s the week before XXC’s hospitalization and WWX takes the issue in his hands. logs in pretending to be XXC and plays until he takes XY’s place in the rankings of his and XXC’s favorite game.

XY receives notifications about it and initially fumes at the idea of being outranked, but then he understands what XXC is trying to do and doesn’t know how to react.

he does something horrible instead.

WWX waits to be contacted by this jiang_zai boy who broke XXC’s heart, but when it finally happens... it’s not the familiar, high-pitched voice he expects to hear in the chat. it’s a girl (A-Qing), who tells him her brother had died and that he won’t be playing games anymore. she sounds too serious to be joking and WWX tries to ask more about it... but she just tells him her brother killed himself before ending the call.

WWX doesn’t have the heart to tell this to XXC, not before the surgery and not until he has properly recovered (one year later).

XXC had wondered about XY in silence, not trusting himself to reveal all about his crush to his family, worrying about making the other boy uncomfortable.

XXC misses XY, but he is patient. he can wait.

A-Qing had agreed to lie for XY only because he lied to her first: he told her a creep on the internet had tried to meet with him and he needed a way out; outraged, A-Qing had helped him without a second thought and answered the chat in his place.

this spurs her to take more seriously what she and her siblings had been doing on the Internet and reconsiders some of the things she herself posted in the past. she will take this topic so much at heart that she will pursue an academic career to become a social worker.

XXC’s surgery goes well, but he still loses his sight after a while. WWX ends up telling him what happened to his online friend and XXC is so heartbroken he doesn’t even blame WWX for keeping the secret from him for so long.

after some time BaoShan makes sure he goes to therapy and takes better care of him, helping him figure out what to do. she fears people will look down on XXC and, as a blind person, he will probably be hindered by the system to pursue a career, so she retires from her job at the museum and focuses all of her attention on him.

XXC feels guilty for XY’s passing, but he doesn’t think the other had been triggered to commit suicide bc of him: XXC simply fears XY had hid a different type of sorrow from him; a pain so deep that XXC had failed to see while they were playing silly games. so, three years after the surgery, when he’s 21, he enrolls in uni to study psychology to help kids who are struggling to ask for help.

15 years after XXC and XY had met online:

XY is 30 and a professional carer. he studied to become a nurse, of all things, after what happened. he got a lot of time to think about the horrible thing he had done to XXC and considered helpings others to atone for that.

he is the first to say such a choice was very out of character for him, and even if he has to bite his tongues at times he doesn’t mind his job: it keeps him occupied and exhausts him well enough... but after working in the hospital for 5 or so years he decides to become a carer and trains to help disabled people in particular in his late twenties.

A-Su (30) has become a chemical engineer and married a man working as a lawyer (who happens to be LXC), while A-Yao (31) ends up moving in with his best friend (NMJ). A-Qin (29) doesn’t find romance interesting enough to give up on her career as a social worker, so she doesn’t really move out of Meng Shi’s old flat and everyone is fine with that. A-Yu (27) has graduated from uni and travels the world as an interpreter. Meng Shi and SiSi have lived together since the first has adopted all the kids and they opened a B&B near the seaside. they are wives and very in love.

XY lives with A-Qing in Yunmeng until his late 20s and they fight a lot for stupid things (like when A-Qing makes fun of the boring people her brother hooks up with on the regular, or when XY tries to coerce her to do the fucking laundry by tickling her into a pulp of pain and tears), but otherwise they work well together.

A-Qing is working at the community center as a social worker to help the kids find purpose in life and use the internet safely. she still believes a creep had tried to mess with her brother and doesn’t want anything to happen to the kids under her care. XY knows this, but never got around to tell her the truth, believing it would have been pointless to reveal her how everything she knew had been a lie. even her own purpose on top of that.

A-Su’s husband (LXC) rarely got to speak with XY in person, the latter busy with his job as a nurse most of the time, but during a dinner party LXC has to suddenly leave because of an emergency: his brother-in-law had been brought to the hospital after a car crash and lost the use for both of his legs.

one year later, XY (29) coincidentally becomes WWX’s personal carer and decides to move closer to the man’s house in Yiling since it would be troublesome to help him as efficiently otherwise. XY does not recognize WWX (34) from his voice or name (he did play games with him in the past, sure, but he knew him as XXC’s nephew by the name of Wei WuXian, not Wei Ying, which is the name LWJ uses around him) and helps him around the house and out of it.

WWX’s husband (LWJ) is frequently out of the house to work as a lawyer like his older brother and entrusts WWX to XY, even if begrudgingly so.

WWX pretends to be fine, but he has a tendency to try to sneak out and walk on crutches without anyone noticing, so LWJ has asked for a carer to come to their house every day. XY doesn’t have to bite his tongue as much around WWX, their interactions easy enough for the both of them to work together despite bickering about the stupidest things.

XY discovers WWX is friends with Wen Qing (37) (the same intern who helped the psychologist take care of XY and A-Qing while they sorted their shit out in the past).

he meets her and learns from her how WWX’s family had moved in Yiling to help him recover after the crash. her brother Wen Ning is the physiotherapist helping WWX regain control of his legs, but there are basically no chances for him to go back to be a professional athlete even if he were to walk once more.

this new information spurs XY to force WWX to rest more and take his situation more seriously. they work together to find possible solutions and WWX decides that he would much rather have his legs cut off from the knee down that suffer through the pain of having multiple fractures splitting him apart day after day. the surgeons had done their best to save his legs, but the fractures had compromised his nerves maybe forever and the pain is now unbearable.

LWJ trusts his husband but he’s weary at the idea of having him evaluated for amputation. XY refuses to feel responsible for the tension in the house, since this is clearly what WWX wants. XY knows WWX is secretly considering running again on prosthetic legs in the future, but he doesn’t want to anger LWJ more by mentioning it. it’s too soon to know anyway, and who is he to tamper down what little hope WWX has managed to harbor for himself after an entire year drowning in grief?

one year later WWX (35) gets permission from his physician to get prosthetic legs fitted for his needs and he couldn’t be happier. his family visit him more frequently now to congratulate him, even his grandmother who has descended from the mountain where she retired to in order to celebrate him.

XY (30) has already met WWX’s parents and his oldest uncle, but he never suspected them to be related to XXC, because he had never knew them by name.

yet, one day Song Lan (38) comes in with a huge backpack on his shoulders and recognizes XY immediately. XY doesn’t know why his old counselor is there: he knew WWX’s other uncle was coming over, but he never imagined it was SL they were talking about.

SL is beaming at him, signing he met XY’s bother A-Yu during one of his travels as a tour guide and that they kept in touch. SL has come to know XY is the reason behind WWX’s recovery and he tells the younger man that everyone in their family is happy XY has appeared in their life.

XY doesn’t have time to answer, overwhelmed with this sense of belonging, this sense of being finally, finally accepted somewhere outside of his own family... that someone else enters the house with a backpack on his shoulders.

XY doesn’t know the man and SL enthusiastically guides him over to meet the newcomer. XY is surprised to hear SL speak out instead of using sign language as the older man asks “A-Chen” to come meet “his nephew’s savior”. based on the pronouns SL has just used, XY recognizes the newcomer to be WWX’s actual uncle and he smiles at the beautiful man in front of him...

...only to be filled with horror the minute the other speaks.

XXC (32) greets XY without knowing who he really is, smiling at him without even recognizing the younger man’s voice. the two of them had never seen each other, playing games only through chats and calls... but XY recognizes XXC immediately, aware that his own voice has changed drastically over the years.

XY is still transfixed and petrified when XXC asks him if it would be okay for him to touch his face to have a better idea of who he’s interacting with. XY doesn’t even register himself voicing his consent when he feels XXC’s hands on his face. only then he understands the infamous surgery had failed and that XXC did not regain his sight after his nephew’s wedding.

overwhelmed with grief, guilt and longing for what never was and never could be, XY is unaware of the tears rolling down his cheeks as XXC gently trails his features. XXC apologizes when he feels his palms dampening and he asks XY if he overstepped. next to them SL is distressed, not understanding what’s happening in front of him.

XY shakes his head and simply says... that he lost someone and that XXC reminded him of that person. then he excuses himself looking for WWX, to ask him to give him something... anything to do. he gets himself a task to accomplish and leaves the house brimming with relatives that he will never be able to call his own.

1 year later:

XXC and SL do not leave the city as they originally planned. they have travelled long enough for the time being and they decide to get a house close to WWX and his husband. they spend the following year after their return looking for stability and peace.

XY (31) didn’t stop working for WWX (36) and doesn’t plan to. not now that he got his new legs finally fitted. the recovery takes long, but it’s already been two years since the amputation now and WWX tries his best every day. he believes to be a handful and doesn’t dare ask for things he needs after receiving the prosthetics. XY is there to loudly remind him to stop being an idiot and that he is paying XY to boss him around however the fuck he wants. LWJ is very grateful to hear WWX laugh more and more these days thanks to XY.

XXC (33), however, is frequently around his nephew’s house, keeping him company. before his three-or-so years of traveling with his boyfriend SL, XXC has briefly worked as a psychologist with Wen Qing, of all people and the two of them have applied for a position at the community center in Yunmeng at the same time. there isn’t one available in Yiling and the commute shouldn’t be too bad. during that first year after his return, XXC has met A-Qing multiple times to inquire for a place at the center in Yunmeng and they are quickly becoming more involved with each other because of their shared passion for the job.

XY feels the end nearing, time ticking away. it had been an agonizing, brilliant, terrible year the one he had spent so close to XXC... and it is now coming to an end. knowing that A-Qing will eventually tell XXC how and why she became a social worker, spilling everything about how “her pitiful bastard of a brother had been molested by a pervert online” and so on. he only hopes A-Qing will never get to meet WWX... she would absolutely recognize the other man’s voice and accuse him of being the pervert in question and XY... XY will die.

XY feels trapped and he will most certainly have a stroke the moment XXC will realize that he lied to him, that he is still alive, that his reason to become a psychologist to help troubled kids was not a real thing... XY will die and Meng Shi will cry.

only because he lied about being 17 when he was 15 one day of 16 years ago.

XY disappears the same night XXC tells him he invited A-Qing over. SL (39) is overjoyed at the idea of meeting the girl once more after the time she and her step-siblings used to go to sign language classes at the community center in Yunmeng. WWX is interested as well, having heard all about A-Qing from XY along the years.

but XY disappears anyway.

2 years later:

it’s XuanYu (30) who finds him, but doesn’t ask him to go back home. A-Yu takes XY (33) with him in his travels for some months to hide him. he doesn’t ask him what he did in those two years, but he does force him to call Meng Shi and SiSi at least.

XY complies but still feels empty inside. the single year he had spent with XXC while the other visited WWX will be permanently engraved in his memories and he cannot stop thinking about it. about how gentle XXC had always been with him, how sad he had looked and sounded reminiscing an “old online friend who had died many years back”, how generous he had always been towards him and everyone and... and XY cannot do this anymore.

A-Yu may be younger than him, but he protects him well for those months... waiting for XY to tell him the truth. so one winters night finally XY does, starting from the beginning.

the following week, close to New Years, XY realizes A-Yu had betrayed him.

someone rings the bell of their shared apartment and A-Yu asks him to go open the door. XY does and it’s A-Qing (32) and WWX (38) who greet him with tears in their eyes. A-Qing tackles him on the ground and tries to hit him they way they used to do as kids, fists getting the point across faster than any word ever could, but WWX pries them apart and hugs them instead.

somehow, XY had not been notified of having acquired a new sibling, but WWX clearly considers him a brother of sorts and he had missed him greatly. A-Qing explains that A-Yu had sent her an email with XY’s version of the truth, sure... but she also tells him that she and WWX had solved the mystery soon after XY’s disappearance already, after talking extensively on the matter.

A-Qing had recognized WWX as the person she had talked to in chat all those years ago, that is true, but she also realized WWX was not, in fact, a bad person and that something didn’t add. when she understood who XY’s online friend actually was... she had felt sick to her stomach for having let someone as kind as XXC presume XY had killed himself bc of him.

hurt and confused, XXC’s family and even A-Qing’s one had initially blamed XY for the pain he had caused, the lot of them filled with anger and grief. especially BaoShan, who had felt guilty for not supervising and protecting her younger son better when he was still too naive to understand the ways of the world.

but then, seeing XY was not coming back, Meng Shi and SiSi insisted for XXC’s family to help them with the search instead. after two years the lot of them missed him. yes, even those who still berated him for his poor choices in life.

XXC now knows the truth and only wants XY to come back home.

some days later:

XXC opens the door after hearing the bell and he knows, he knows who the person in front of him is. he already had his suspicions back when he used to visit WWX every day two years back. WWX’s carer reminded him so much of his friend that... that he may have hoped.

but now XY is back and he has a name and a face and is alive and XXC greets him with a smile as the other hugs him and never lets go.

XY has never been happier in his entire, miserable life.

and XXC will never lose sight of him ever again.

the end.

[now imma go weep for fucking ages. also fuck typos.]

#mdzs #cql #songxiao #xuexiao #wangxian #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #(possible songxuexiao ?)#mdzs/au: modern #mdzs/au: gaming chat #tw suicide mention #tw homophobic slurs #the forbidden crack! untamed prompts #sorry for the horrible pun at the end

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yubinwrld · 4 years

Text

i’d do it over and over again if i had to

words: 9500

summary:

eventually a rhythm formed, wen ning staying at the jingshi three or four nights a week so wei ying could run tests on him. he would "sleep" in the next room over and lan wangji would sound proof his and wei ying's room so they wouldn't bother the other, but more and more often he found himself forgetting to place the silencing talisman on their shared door. wei ying knew that the hanguang-jun never truly forgot anything. or, wei ying is experimenting with talisman (with lan zhan's permission — or as much permission as he'll give — of course) to try and bring back at least some feeling for wen ning. but when it unexpectedly works and wen ning is overwhelmed, he needs both lan zhan and wei ying there to help him through it.

pairings: lan wangji/wen ning/wei wuxian

warnings: wen ning that can feel, consensual smut bc consent is sexy, porn with feelings/porn with plot, mutual pinning, overstimulation, self-hatred, lapslock, not beta read

AO3 Link

it took time to adjust. he was used to feeling so much, everything. he was too sensitive, wen qing would always say. he let everything get to him. everything bad, but more specifically everything good. that's how he got sucked into the spiderweb that was wei wuxian, sticky and overbearing and snug. but, if he was a bug, he would've been strong enough to get away. even as a human, he was strong enough to slip out of his grasp and continue on the path that he knew so well. on the path that he had traveled since he could remember. the path with wen qing, his path.

yet he didn't. he abandoned what he knew, he left his people for a second of comfort. a second of comfort that could be compared to stockholm syndrome, but not stockholm syndrome caused by wei wuxian. stockholm syndrome caused by years of being trapped, of being held down by people that he couldn't even recall the names of. people that would twist their faces in disgust every time they thought he wasn't looking, people who would talk behind his back because they didn't even have the courtesy to whisper. so say what you will, but he found a split second of comfort that wasn't his sister and he was determined to never let go.

who knew never would turn into forever.

it would've taken anyone time to adjust, especially someone as sensitive as him. in the beginning it wasn't so bad, he had wen qing to soothe what he couldn't, to create a ghost of sensation that young master wei could not. and he tried, he really did. no one truly knows how hard he tried besides wen ning. he wouldn't even bother wen qing with it, he was always so stubborn. he tried for years, for as long as he could. though a normal person would, wen ning never blamed wei wuxian. never once did he catch even a sliver of malice, not a hint of hostility towards the man slip through his mind. no part of him could ever hate wei wuxian. not when he had tried so hard.

when he lost wen qing it was harder. but the harder melted into a numbness, like feeling a palm on his skin that he had so many times after his young master had gotten done poking and prodding, trying to fix him. but he was still so thankful that he felt numb, for it was better than feeling nothing. and with the numbness he fell into a routine.

he'd get up, check himself for any injuries that he may have missed at one point, greet jin guangshan at around noon, then wait for the guards to tell him to sleep. then he'd lay on his back for the remainder of the night, until the sun began to paint the sky in shades of pink and gold. then it would begin again.

and it stayed like that until jin guangshan stopped coming, soon replaced by the late jin guangyao and behind him a young xue yang. sometimes they would poke and prod in a way that reminded him of his wei wuxian, without the warmth behind their touches that he couldn't feel but rather see in the pools of his master's eyes. other times they would just talk to him. asking him endless questions about everything: his sister, his clan, the amulet, wei wuxian, even young master lan wangji. and he would indulge them; not because he was afraid of anything they could do to him, even they knew he couldn't feel it if they were to sear his chest with a million brands. but because he had nothing else. he thinks they knew that. sometimes they would just sit until xue yang would break the silence with a joke that jin guangyao would double over laughing at. and wen ning would attempt a smile, he imagined himself sighing in relief if he could because even though these were the people that would hold him locked up for thirteen years, they were all he knew anymore. and he appreciated them, somewhere inside of him. they filled the hole that was waiting for wei wuxian to return home.

and return home he did. and just like that wen ning was standing in front of his young master for the first time in over a decade, waiting for anything. a command, a comment, even simply a breath. he would take it, regardless.

they fell into step with each other as if they hadn't ever been apart. wen ning felt the pull to defend, to protect, in his chest that he hadn't felt in so long and it felt as right as right could feel for him. and they were back, the infamous yiling patriarch and his ghost general. twirling around each other and bathing in grotesque raindrops of blood. and oh how he had missed this, missed the feeling of his arms reaching to catch swords spinning just a bit too close to young master wei, the feeling of young master lan wangji's eyes on the back of his head, the grin of wei wuxian after they got done working so well together that many would consider them one. that was how they were known for so long, after all. if there was one, the other was lingering close behind; a two in one package unless wen qing or young master lan joined.

and he was content with that. even if it wasn't just them, a cross young master lan or nagging wen qing coming along, he was content. he was content being able to just be in wei wuxian's presence, after all. he didn't need anything more. even as young master lan's distaste continued to grow and he wasn't allowed to see his young master as often as before, he was still content because wei wuxian had someone that loved him in a way that no one else could.

no, he never hated his wei wuxian. he hated himself for not being able to love him like lan wangji could. the lan wangji that wasn't there, the lan wangji that was absent when his young master needed him the most. that lan wangji could love wei wuxian infinitely more than wen ning could ever love him. he hated himself for that. for being too weak to live, for being too weak to protect wen qing and wei wuxian, for being too weak to admit what he felt for wei wuxian before he couldn't feel it anymore.

but he hated himself the most for not hating lan wangji. he hated himself the most for looking up to lan wangji, for being jealous of lan wangji, for being sorry towards lan wangji. he hated himself the most for not taking care of lan wangji for the thirteen years that wei wuxian didn't exist in this life, for letting lan wangji wait and wait for the man he loved more than anything else.

but what was his hate worth anymore?

𑁍

"lan zhan?" wei wuxian murmured, not looking up from the book settled out in front of him. he didn't wait for his husband to answer, instead waving his hand and saying "go get wen ning, i want to try something."

"mn," came from behind him and he let a light smile play on his lips, mentally making note to thank the man later. lan wangji let himself out quietly, sliding the door to the jingshi shut behind him without as much as a creek. wei wuxian could never get the door to shut without making a terrible noise that made the hairs on his arms rise, one time he had even mentioned it to lan zhan in a passing complaint that he wasn't too adamant about until hearing lan zhan's response. "it is just you that cannot close the gusu doors quietly."

"what do you mean 'just me?' lan zhan, don't look away from me, what do you mean just me?" so wei wuxian had spent an extra amount of time trying to learn how to close the lan's doors correctly after noticing that he was in fact the only one that couldn't do it properly. to no avail, though, even after an exceeding amount of embarrassment upon finding out that wen ning, too, could shut them without much disturbance.

lan wangji strolled respectfully out the home, making his way through rows of blooming flowers and bright green grass. there was a small building a few li away from the jingshi that wen ning inhabited while staying in gusulan, though normally he would stay close by lan sizhui's side and lan wangji would act as if he didn't know. other times wei ying would insist on him staying inside the jingshi with them. in the beginning it was a rare request because lan wangji was so reluctant to fulfill it, though he always did regardless because he would do anything for wei ying (but not without a few objections of "only spouses are allowed in the jingshi"). yet, eventually, wen ning became the expectation. there was even one time where lan wangji had directly asked wen ning if he was staying with them without wei ying having to prompt him. when wen ning had replied that he needed to stay with sizhui that night, wei ying rewarded lan wangji with a long night without sleep.

on nights that wen ning wasn't at the jingshi he was either with sizhui or at the small home lan wangji had requested be made for him. that had taken a lot of coaxing from wei ying for wen ning to accept the gesture, even if he wasn't there most of the time. a majority of wen ning's (few) belongings were scattered around his bedroom in the jingshi so really all that was at the "pingjing*," as lan wangji had told wen ning it was named, were necessities such as an outhouse, a furnace and the-like. there was also a small box that wen ning kept locked at all times. lan wangji had never asked him about it and didn't intend to, wei ying didn't know about it and he wasn't sure wen ning wanted him to anyway. so they didn't talk about it.

*pingjing translates to "calm" and "tranquil"

the previous night was one of the few that wen ning had actually spent at the pingjing, bowing in leave with a heightened sense of nervousness that even wei ying could catch. but lan wangji stopped his husband before he could ask, shaking his head and mumbling to respect wen ning wanting to have time to himself. so they went their separate ways, knowing they would see each other the next day.

lan wangji rose up onto the cobblestone step that was placed before the threshold of the pingjing and knocked lightly as not to disturb the man inside. silence blanketed his surroundings in a way that lan wangji was used to, but not with wen ning. it was similar to when he had stood in front of wei ying before his uncle, an unspoken vow of loyalty tethered to wei ying. without hesitance, lan wangji opened the pingjing's door and stepped inside, the smell of sandalwood rushing into his senses. he eyed a small table by an open window, the only cause of light inside the room, and noted a stick of incense burning in an incense burner. it had a lilac ash tray while the body was a deeper purple, mimicking the yunmengjiang robes that lan wangji had seen wei ying sport more than once.

wen ning was sitting on the bed, his legs drawn to his chest and his forehead tucked into his knees. his head shot up at the sound of the door opening, not expecting hanguang-jun to walk in without permission. his legs fell to the ground and he was standing before he could process it, already making his way into a bow. slender fingers wrapped around his left shoulder and halted the act of respect, pushing him back up tenderly. "you do not have to do this," lan wangji said, eyes locked with wen ning's.

wen ning searched for a sense of understanding in young master lan's eyes, golden molting into hues of jade and creating a ripple of color. more and more often wen ning had felt his own eyes linger on young master lan for longer than would be deemed acceptable, and when the other noticed he did not mention it. instead he allowed himself to do the same, catching wen ning's gaze during conversations with wei ying or when they were out night hunting in a way that he hadn't done before.

"yes, young master lan," wen ning nodded back, straightening out his back once more and slipping on the shoes master lan had insisted wen ning begin wearing. they made their way back to the jingshi in silence, lan wangji not mentioning what he had walked in on (though he didn't quite know what that was himself) and wen ning not attempting to explain. before they walked into the jingshi's doors, wen ning stopped and picked one of the blue flowers trailing the jingshi's walkway. the shadow of a smile drifted on his face as he turned towards lan wangji, lifting the flower up as if to place it behind the other man's ear before realizing who exactly he was about to touch.

he cringed back as if he had been burned, letting his eyes drop to the cobblestone stepping stones marking the way up to the threshold. they stood for a moment, lan wangji eventually becoming fed up. he carefully took the flower from wen ning's hand and tucked it behind his own ear, "it is okay." wen ning's grey eyes shot up similar to how they had done in the pingjing, dancing over the way young master lan's hair was delicately flowing in the wind and the way the tip of his ear was red as it held the blue blossom in place. his forehead ribbon drifted in the same direction his hair flowed, wen ning absentmindedly thought it would tickle where it lightly touched his hand.

without thinking, he let two of his fingers trap the frolicking ribbon and watched young master lan's eyes widen by a minuscule and wen ning let himself bathe in the moment. he was the one who made lan wangji react like so, he was the one who made lan wangji's ears turn red in a blush, he was the one who got lan wangji to place a small, blue flower behind his ear and he was the one who was getting to see lan wangji look too open for the first time that wen ning could truly recall. or at least look open when looking at him. he let the ribbon slip through his fingers and continue prancing through the wind as if it was proud of itself, "it reminded me of you." without waiting for a reaction, wen ning spun on his heel and finished the walk into the jingshi. lan wangji heard wei wuxian's delighted shout at his arrival.

lan wangji let his face relax and felt heat creep up the nape of his neck and cheeks. slender fingers reached up and wrapped around a petal, tucking it under his forehead ribbon. he stood for a moment, thinking and watching wei ying smother wen ning in a hug through the open doors. he felt his eyes soften as wen ning tried to pry wei ying off without any actual force, pushing on the side of his face and being wrapped in the warmth of wei ying's laughter. suddenly realizing his expression, lan wangji straightened himself and coughed, covering his face with the long, white sleeve of his robe. so maybe wei ying was right last night when he mentioned lan zhan's increasing care for the third man. and maybe he was also right about lan zhan liking wen ning just a little bit. maybe a lot a bit. okay, he'd figure it out. they'd figure it out.

𑁍

the two men settled across from wen ning, who was seated on their bed, their legs tangled together by wei ying's absentminded nervousness. a plethora of talisman decorated wen ning's shirt like women's makeup during festivals, colorful but overwhelming to look at. wen ning's expression was pulled taunt in concentration, eyes squished shut in a way that caused his eyelids to wrinkle with age he'll never get the chance to experience. wei ying's blood dripped down wen ning's neck, pooling into the collar of his dark robe. swishes of wind and the rustle of leaves could be heard over the two men's breathing, almost replicating a third inhale and exhale.

wei ying groaned in frustration and stood, reaching for wen ning blindly and tugging him over to his desk, "how long is this supposed to take? why isn't there a rule book on 'how to make your ferocious corpse feel'?" lan wangji placed his palms on both of his knees and situated himself into a meditative pose, letting his eyes drift closed and allowing wei ying and wen ning's voices to mix into a comfortable hum. the draft of wind drifted through his finger tips and his senses seemed to open up, everything becoming louder but more muffled at the same time. the world moved under his calves but remained still, his mouth opened just a hair to feel air brush against the inside of his lips.

he remained like that until startled out of meditation by a shrieking wei ying and a crying wen ning. crying wen ning? lan wangji shifted to look at the two men; wei ying jumped up and down in ecstasy and large droplets of water cascaded down wen ning's face as he let out a monstrous sob. wei ying continued to grin and dance abstractly, flopping his limbs around and pushing his hands against wen ning's cheeks. eventually he turned towards lan zhan, beckoning him to come closer as a response to his questioning gaze. the other pushed himself to his feet and padded over to the two blubbering boys before him. "lan zhan! lan zhan, feel his face. here, feel it," wei ying shoved lan wangji's hand against wen ning's soaked cheeks and watched his eyes widen. he was warm. "my fucking god it only took sixteen years! but i did it, lan zhan i did it!" he grabbed lan wangji's hands back and began to dance around him, letting wen ning continue to cry.

after managing to slip away from wei ying's ecstatic limbs, lan wangji placed a hand on wen ning's shoulder, mirroring their position from earlier that morning. he crouched down in front of the shaking figure, bringing his other hand to wen ning's chin and lifting his head. for the first time, lan wangji let his guard down in front of someone that wasn't wei ying. apparently seeing the change in expression, wen ning's face stilled in shock before crumpling completely, surging forward and into lan wangji's arms. the two fell backwards, wen ning's head stuffed in lan zhan's neck and lan zhan's arms wrapped around wen ning's waist. he rested his head on the floor and glanced over at his now motionless husband, a smile playing on his lips in between a smug smirk and a smile of relief. "wen ning?"

no response came for a while, air continuing to whistle through an open window above their bed. after calming himself down as much as he could, wen ning lifted his head a fraction to look up at lan wangji's welcoming face. the tears began to flow once more and wei ying chuckled, sitting down next to the conjoined men. "i-i'm s-sorry, it's jus-just a lot," he managed to choke out, and lan wangji had never felt so relieved to hear a stutter. lan wangji hummed in understanding, watching wei ying's hand thread through wen ning's hair. it wasn't matted and knotted like it had been when he returned to them. with a bucket full of embarrassment and soapy water, wei ying had requested wen ning start taking baths again. that had been a whole can of warms to unload, wen ning didn't feel that he was worthy of a bath, much less one in the gusulan residence so he insisted on leaving and finding a pond to bathe in. this had upset wei ying and a present lan sizhui who made it very clear that if wen ning wasn't worthy then he wasn't either.

this had prompted a frustrated wei ying to turn towards the only person he knew could talk the two men out of leaving and bathing in an algae filled lake, lan wangji. that had been the first time lan wangji caught an unusual glint in wen ning's eyes, though that should've been expected after he said "both of you. stay. wen ning, come with me." but it wasn't a look of confusion or exasperation, instead his expression held trust. anything else would've been easy for lan wangji to brush off, but trust from the person he had eagerly pushed out of wei ying's life was just enough to make him question everything he knew about the man. and then the tiny exchanges began. minor things, really, that no one would normally catch. but the lans were experts on small expressions and encounters, especially those closest to hanguang-jun.

maybe zewu-jun noticed first, or perhaps even lan sizhui. but he felt the amount of eyes on him increase every time he was around the new addition to the lan clan (upon both wei ying and lan wangji's requests, of course). he payed them no mind and awaited the day wei ying would ask him about it, and alas it came. fingers strummed a qin and lips wrapped around a flute, a melancholic harmony floating through the jingshi, brushing against their napes and flowing through their hair. and then the sound from the flute stopped, and the fingers ceased to strum. contentment filled the space between them until a hushed wei ying whispered, "when were you going to tell me?"

"i wasn't." and honestly, he didn't plan on it. nothing would come of it, anyway. even if lan wangji long ago caught the way wei ying would look at wen ning, would hold wen ning against him after another failed attempt at bringing back whatever it was humans sought after so much. and it would remind him that wei ying and wen ning shared something that he never would, a bond much stronger than anything he knew. he was content letting them have that, because after so much they deserved it. he had wei ying and wei ying had him, so what if wei ying also had wen ning? he needed them both and lan wangji knew that better than anyone. so he pushed it down and decided that it didn't need to be talked about, his own feelings for wen ning would be too overwhelming for either of them. he was okay like that, too, until a broken wen ning sat in his arms and a too-caring wei ying carded his hand through his hair.

then it wasn't okay anymore. when wen ning was right there and open and raw and lan wangji just wanted to take, take, take. as if knowing lan zhan was drowning in his thoughts, wei ying spoke up from beside him. "if everything is right, and it better be after so long, then your body should replicate a living one. the only thing you won't have is a beating heart. do you feel okay?" he spoke the last part in a hushed voice, leaning more towards his ear. wen ning squeaked in reply and stuffed his head back into lan wangji's neck, nodding erratically in response. wei ying huffed out a laugh and pushed back on his haunches, followed by a set of golden eyes. "okay, come here. i need to check everything."

lan wangji felt wen ning's body go rigid in a way he previously wasn't able to, small movements such as temporarily freezing being too difficult for him. a copious amount of black hair lifted itself up slowly and wen ning peered at his young master from under his eyelashes, a fiery blush blotched over his cheekbones. he picked himself up at a crawl, trembling when he stood like a newborn fawn. a pair of toes pinched lan wangji's calf in nervousness and he looked down to see a foot still in between his legs, the other stepped forward as if to make his way towards wei ying. shaking his head in faux annoyance, wei ying went to wen ning instead and started feeling and pressing and pulling on whatever piece of skin he could get his hands on. little whimpers escaped wen ning's lips here and there, not used to the feeling of warmth against his skin. he had eventually stopped crying, tear tracks glistening on his cheeks. wei ying lifted a hand and brushed at them, letting the pads of his fingertips dance over wen ning's collarbone and chin and lips. they paused then, as if in hesitation, before pressing forward and drawing shapes on his lips. not enough pressure to hurt but enough that wen ning could now feel it, and a spark went up his spine before he was opening his mouth and taking in one the fingers.

he didn't know what exactly caused the spark of confidence. it could've been as simple as the flow of adrenaline and finally feeling another person actually touch him again after so long of acute numbness. or it could've been as complex as the rush of emotions swim back into his veins, the bloom of love and lust and want dragging him towards wei wuxian in a way he had missed so much. he felt seventeen again, like the first time he met wei wuxian and knew he was fucked beyond belief. he felt his world stop, the warmth of the sun on his skin and the rush of wind through his hair that he had only been able to see for sixteen years. he felt the pad of fingertips and the squish of thighs through his toes, the smell of sandalwood that he had tried to replicate just earlier that day and exhausted himself from anger when he couldn't. whatever caused it, though, he thanked earnestly. he thanked it earnestly because it allowed wei wuxian's eyes to widen in disbelief and lan wangji's breath to audibly catch.

eyelashes flickered as wen ning looked down at lan wangji, reaching towards him in desperation. a new feeling for young master lan bounced around in his skull but he didn't give it much thought, tucking it into a far away box for a rainy day. without the hesitation that wei ying previously displayed, lan wangji gripped wen ning's hand and pulled himself up, instantly shoving his way into his unspoken bubble. but he knew it wasn't his bubble anymore, it wasn't his barrier. it was theirs. velvet caressed wei ying's finger and circled around it, sucking lightly and pulling out a barely audible moan from the finger's owner. wen ning smirked and let the finger fall from his lips, a string of saliva dripping down his chin.

restraint was tossed out the window as lan wangji dipped down to press against wen ning's lips, almost feeling sorry towards wei ying for a split moment until wen ning's hand curled in the hair at the back of his neck. he was so warm, so alive. wen ning's lack of experience was made up for by enthusiasm, pushing his tongue into lan wangji's mouth before he could comprehend what he was doing. but he didn't push the other away, instead grabbing his waist and pulling him closer, letting his bottom lip be rolled between wen ning's teeth. hands roamed and gripped from themselves and the ever impatient wei ying, teeth clashing and clinking in desperation. wen ning allowed himself to be picked up into sturdy arms, instinctively wrapping his legs around lan wangji's waist, when a shaky voice told them to go to the bed.

wen ning had always wondered what their bed felt like, he questioned if it would feel like his own or better. the answer was better, though he didn't know if that was because he could suddenly feel every fiber in their silk bed sheets or because he had lan wangji pressed between his legs and biting at his collar. wei ying's blood had been wiped off by him during inspection but the soaked robe still remained on his body, red staining the beautiful white fabric. lan wangji didn't seem to care for the article of clothing, untying wen ning's outer robes and pulling him out of them swiftly. wei ying watched from the side, trailing absentminded kisses down lan wangji's arm. when lan wangji dove towards wen ning's inner robes, a hand shot out and held his wrist back. lan wangji looked up into wen ning's uneasy gaze, a new blush spreading up the part of his chest that the other two men could see. "young master lan..."

lan wangji growled deep in his chest, pulling his wrist out of wen ning's grip and settling close to his ear. "lan zhan." that's all it took to get the three of them moving as quickly as possible, lan zhan focusing on his own outer and then inner robes with wei ying's already gone. wen ning clumsily ripped away his remaining white layer, sitting up on his knees and connecting his lips with wei ying's. the other groaned, pushing wen ning back and gripping onto the inside of his thighs, squishing the skin under his fingers hard enough to leave bruises. constant noises fell out of wen ning's mouth at the new sensations, overly sensitive to everything around him. the feeling of lan zhan's breath against his neck, the bite of wei ying's finger nails into his thighs, and press of lan zhan's hand against his erection.

pulling back, wei ying grinned at the withering man underneath his touches. "be as loud as you want, no one dares to come in here." bending down, he trailed one of his hands up wen ning's chest and caught an earlobe between his teeth. "lan-er gege loves when i'm vocal." that was all it took for wen ning to spill over the edge, back arching against the bed spread and hand gripping someone's arm. a long moan ripped from the back of his throat as he came so hard he felt he'd been hit by a boulder. "you're so sensitive, we should've known you'd come fast." wei ying laughed, loud and beautifully, as he wrapped long, slender fingers around wen ning's softening member and began to tug playfully. wen ning's eyes rolled into the back of his head and another moan escaped from his throat, bringing a mesmerized lan zhan to wrap puckered lips around one of his nipples.

wei ying smirked and continued to move his wrist in a steady rhythm, watching wen ning's facial expressions attentively. "y-young master wei" wen ning choked out, his head pressed against the bed spread and his neck open access. wei ying tutted and gripped wen ning's dick tighter, speeding up his ministrations and causing the man to squirm. lan zhan moved from his place on wen ning's right nipple up to his neck, making himself occupied while wei ying got his way. "w-wei," wen ning began in a stutter, still not completely wanting to give in. after all, wen ning had been called him 'young master' since they met 16 years ago.

dropping down in front of wen ning's now semi-hard cock, he let his tongue trace the underside of the head. wen ning gasped, beginning to thrash when wei ying dipped into his slit, rubbing circles of saliva into his head. "wei ying!" wen ning sobbed, making a low groan come from lan zhan's direction. wei ying grinned, taking the head of wen ning's cock into his mouth and sucked eagerly. a sigh was released through his nose as a hand found its place on the back of his head, threading through his hair. feeling spurred on, wei ying took the rest of wen ning into his mouth, trailing his tongue up the vein that didn't pump any blood. he made sure his teeth weren't scraping, knowing wen ning was way too sensitive for that yet. even so, he let his tongue lightly catch on the underside of wen ning's head, groaning in pleasure when wen ning tugged on his hair and cried out. lan zhan took this as an invitation, pushing their lips to slot together in messy arousal.

watching them through hazy eyes and heavy eyelids, wei ying left wen ning's dick with a pop and a sly smile. wen ning looked down at wei ying with a mixture of disappointment and confusion, part of him feeling as if he'd done something wrong. wei ying was quick to soothe his fears, a simple "didn't want you to come again" squashing his previous anxieties. "lan zhan, do you want to prep him or shall i?" he asked playfully, dipping a finger into wen ning's bellybutton and kissing down one of his thighs.

without hesitation, lan zhan lifted his head from wen ning, moving towards wei ying as if to push him out of the way. wen ning watched the exchange carefully, lan zhan shoving wei ying's shoulder to get him to move from between wen ning's legs. wei ying smiling brightly, as if lan zhan shoving him made his world go round. that same feeling from before bubbled in wen ning's stomach and he let his back fall to the bed in thought. before, he definitely would've felt jealous of lan zhan's ability to make wei ying smile like that, so why wasn't he jealous now? had so many years of repression made him loose his sense of jealousy? but he was able to feel happy so he felt like his emotions were okay. if he could feel jealousy and he just wasn't, maybe it had to do with lan zhan? but what about lan zhan? wen ning looked down towards his feet to see both of the other men staring at him, as if waiting for something. "sorry?"

"are you okay with this?" lan zhan asked in that same monotone voice that he always sported, the one that was monotone until you truly knew him. once you broke through the wall that lan zhan had so statistically set up, there was layer after layer to his voice, as if it was encoded with emotions. he sounded eager but caring, like he'd do anything wen ning asked him to. wen ning's eyes widened at the realization that lan zhan actually cared about him, panic and confusion and vulnerability rising in his chest. "i won't if you're not–" lan zhan started when seeing wen ning's panicked expression but was interrupted by the man throwing himself into his arms.

"oh, lan zhan!" wen ning blubbered, rubbing his face all over lan zhan's neck and falling into his lap. "lan zhan i'm so sorry, i never meant to hurt you. i'm sorry for leaving you in pain for so long, i should've come when wei ying wasn't able to." lan zhan froze at the mention of all the years spent without wei ying, the person who was meant to be by his side, but melted when wen ning continued. "i'm sorry i let you suffer alone, it wasn't fair. i care about wei ying so much and by extension i must care about you. in the beginning it felt like a burden, an obligation that i had no choice but to indulge in. but lan zhan, i know better now! i never want to leave your side again, please don't make me leave." wen ning rambled on before finally breaking down into a weeping mess, collapsing against lan zhan's chest. he wasn't honestly sure what all he had said but he knew that whatever it was, it was the truth. he wanted to hold lan zhan close and never let go, exactly like he wanted to do to wei ying.

a calm hand combed through wen ning's hair in comfort, another scratching softly up and down his back. "care about wen ning too. can't leave," lan zhan finally said, more a statement than a request. but that's all wen ning wanted, needed. he needed lan zhan to tell him to stay, to make him stay. wei ying hummed in agreement from behind wen ning's collapsed build, trailing finger nails over wen ning's sensitive skin. "would you like to stop?" he asked lightly, massaging wen ning's scalp. after a sniffle and a shift, wen ning was sitting back on lan zhan's thighs and glancing at him from under wet eyelashes. he shook his head viciously, shyly taking lan zhan's unoccupied hand and leading it toward his entrance.

carefully pulling him back, wei ying helped get the trembling man situated on the bed for lan zhan, a pillow tucked underneath his hips and another behind his neck so it wouldn't become sore from looking up at them. after close consideration, wei ying decided to help coax and explain wen ning through the whole thing instead of directly taking part, something which wen ning was rather thankful for. his body felt like it was humming with a high, everything becoming almost microscopic and macroscopic at the same time. he felt every twitch, every breath, every dust particle to a magnified level, but he wondered if it just felt so magnified because he spent years unable to even feel his own hand against wei ying's heart.

though the humming continued, the nerves stopped as lan zhan looked down at wen ning with a gentle expression and a light smile on his lips. suddenly wen ning felt invincible. he nodded enthusiastically as lan zhan dipped a lubricant coated finger into him, resting his head against one of wei ying's thighs from where he was placed behind him. at some point lan zhan had obtained a small vile of clear lubricant, wanting to be as careful with wen ning as possible. his face screwed up at the unfamiliar sensation, though it wasn't painful. lan zhan pumped his finger in and out of his hole, creating a steady rhythm that wei ying caught himself tapping onto wen ning's skin. an almost inaudible gasp left wen ning's mouth when lan zhan hooked a second fingertip along his rim, slowly pushing in beside the first digit as to not cause wen ning any unnecessary pain. wen ning found himself wondering for a moment how this would've felt if they'd done it when he was still completely a corpse. would he have been able to feel that slight intrusion, the slight burn when lan zhan sunk two fingers inside of him? would he feel the catch of lan zhan's second knuckle as it breached his entrance, the scratch of calloused but smooth hands on his walls? or would it just feel numb like everything else? maybe it would've been different since it was lan zhan, who always had a way of making him feel things even if he wasn't supposed to. he wasn't exactly sure what things he had been feeling, anyway, but he knew that this was so much better.

slender fingers pushed into wen ning, spreading slightly to create space between them. a hand came to fall on his stomach, tracing nothings on his abdomen just a fraction too close to his dick. after his momentary meltdown his hardness had disappeared, but the way lan zhan looked so concentrated on what he was doing, the way his brows furrowed and his lips quivered and his fingers worked was enough to make wen ning release a breathy moan and cause his dick to stir. lan zhan looked up because he hadn't exactly done anything moan worthy, but wen ning had one of his lips between his teeth and his head thrown back into wei ying's lap (who looked pleased enough as it was) and lan zhan felt as if all the air was forced from his lungs like a person stepping on a balloon. he twisted his two fingers together and pushed a third one in beside them, pulling a string of moans from wen ning's throat.

peppering kisses up his neck and shoulders, wei ying whispered encouragements and reached down to toy with one of wen ning's nipples, attempting to drag his mind away from the unfamiliar sting. he caught lan zhan's gaze from where he leaned over wen ning and let out a soft moan, lan zhan's eyes burning into him with lust. if his blood could freeze over right then, it would've. wen ning reached a hand up and threaded it through the hair close to wei ying's scalp, gripping the silky white sheets with his other. instinctively he wrapped a leg around lan zhan's waist, pulling him closer and forcing his fingers deeper. when lan zhan fucked his fingers up at just the right angle, wen ning felt his throat constrict and his back arch, letting out a strangled scream as his eyes rolled back into his head and stars decorated his vision.

all at once, lan zhan pulled out of him and wen ning whined at the loss. his hole gaped and clenched at nothing, searching for something to replace the digits. lan zhan climbed fully onto the bed from his previous position, spreading wen ning's legs and situating himself flesh against wen ning's hips. he could feel lan zhan's erection brushing against his entrance and he sighed in exasperation and need, glancing down at the man between his thighs. he was expecting a heavy, dark gaze but was caught shockingly off guard by a caring one instead (of course in addition to the arousal that he couldn't completely wipe away). lan zhan reached forward to fix the pillow under wen ning's hips, trying to make him as comfortable as possible.

though wen ning had spent the last 16 years as an emotionless, painless corpse, lan zhan had caught himself being more watchful of wen ning recently. it probably started when the prolonged stares did, whispers from his juniors arising when he spent just a millisecond too long gazing at the other. he would always have to punish them for it, even if he felt no actual offense. it's not as if some of them weren't right, anyway. nonetheless, it was still against the lan clan's rules to gossip behind one's back, especially hanguang-jun, so he did what he had to. one of the boys, zizhen, had directly asked him if wen ning could feel some things now because of second young master lan's sudden attentiveness. this had given the other juniors a fright, they never expected zizhen to actually go up to hanguang-jun and say something. lan wangji simply shook his head in response and departed from the group of adolescent, though he thought about that conversation frequently.

now that wen ning could feel some things, lan zhan found himself even more mindful than before. he didn't want wen ning hurt or uncomfortable or unsure. "okay?" he asked, placing an open palm on wen ning's thigh and tracing circles into it. wen ning nodded, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. wei ying took the opportunity to connect their lips, letting wen ning's tongue trail into his mouth and sucking on it eagerly. lan zhan watched with fascination before remembering what he was supposed to be doing. he spread wen ning's ass open and lined his head up to wen ning's entrance, ever so slowly sinking himself in. wen ning involuntarily clenched, making lan zhan hiss at the pressure around his dick. untangling their lips, wei ying lowered his head to whisper in wen ning's ear, "you've got to relax, my love." the last two words caused wen ning's eyes to shoot open, connecting with a fixated lan zhan. he felt his body flush at the realization that lan zhan's heavy gaze was trained so intensely on his entrance, eagerly sucking in his cock. heat spread up his chest and color his neck in pretty blotches that wei ying kissed endearingly.

"you're so beautiful, you're doing amazing. just try to relax, a-ning, lan-er gege's going to make you feel so good." wei ying rambled between kisses, sometimes taking a moment to roll a piece of wen ning's skin between his teeth and create a deep purple blossom. wen ning let wei ying's voice settle over him in a blanket of comfort, allowing his eyes to grow hazy and the push of lan zhan becoming a dull ache. once flesh against wen ning, lan zhan splayed his fingers in an open arrangement and squished the skin of wen ning's thigh in his hand, satisfied as a red hand print began to form. he dipped a hand under wen ning's ass and drew him closer, wen ning circling lan zhan's hips with his legs in response. a hum left lan zhan's throat and he drew back to the point of barely having his head inside wen ning's rim before sinking back inside, quicker than before. wen ning pushed back against wei ying's chest, the top of his head brushing against the other. he could see out of his peripheral vision that wei ying had a hand wrapped around his dick, lazily stroking himself while planting kisses on wen ning's collarbone.

at the sight of lan zhan's furrowed brow and wei ying's swollen, leaking cock, wen ning let out a breathy moan and shuttered, tightening his grip around lan zhan. lan zhan complied to wen ning's coaxing, leaning down over his body completely and placing his hands beside either side of wen ning's head. his hair fell eloquently in cascading waterfalls, tickling wen ning's cheeks. the new position caused lan zhan to sink deeper as he snapped his hips up, finally giving into his arousal. steadily he created a rhythm, wen ning's body bouncing up and hitting wei ying's chest with every one of lan zhan's thrusts. the headboard slammed against the wall and wen ning withered on lan zhan's cock, rolling his hips up on instinct to meet lan zhan. his legs continued to tighten around lan zhan's waist in a bruising grip, but it just spurred lan zhan on more, making his hips roll faster and snap rougher. wen ning's own dick slid between them, a new layer of precum and wei ying's left over saliva causing a wet squelch every time he was rocked into come from between his stomach and his ass.

after a moment of searching, lan zhan guided his hips up in the angle that had previously made wen ning react so violently. lan zhan simply brushed the bundle of nerves at first, making wen ning's mouth fall slack and hands shoot up to tangle in lan zhan's hair. confirming the spot, lan zhan pulled all the way out before bottoming into wen ning's trembling sensitivity. long overdue, wen ning let out a heartfelt scream and scrambled to find purchase, clawing at lan zhan's back. this eyes rolled and a gurgle bubbled from his throat when lan zhan wrapped his arms around his back and lifted them into a sitting position, wei ying's chest now flush with wen ning's back.

the new position allowed lan zhan to set a bruising pace directly into wen ning's prostate, a low groan surfacing when wen ning scratched up his nape. wen ning bounced with lan zhan's hands on his thighs, pulling him up and letting him drop back down with the slap of skin on skin. tears brimmed wen ning's eyes as he ground onto lan zhan's cock, incoherent sentences falling from his lips. "lan zhan, fuck lan zhan, there. yes, lan zhan you're fucking me so well. you're so perfect, wei ying's so perfect. you're both so perfect," he babbled in time with lan zhan's thrusts, moans and whimpers crying out between words. wen ning could feel wei ying's hand speed up against his back, the quick rhythm identical to the excruciating pace lan zhan was slamming into him at.

all at once the feeling building up inside his core started to hit him, causing his back to arch and his head to fall back. lan zhan took the opportunity to push forward and connect his lips to wen ning's neck, teeth sinking into his warm skin in a place that wei ying's purple decor didn't occupy. wen ning sank one of his hands into lan zhan's shoulder and another into wei ying's hair, grinding down on lan zhan's cock for all that he was worth before finally letting himself spill over the edge. the corners of his vision went black as spots lit up the world, the sound of static taking over his head. the only other thing audible was wei ying's voice, far away and ineligible, but he let it soothe him. his body gave out and he collapsed completely against wei ying, letting everything go slack. a pressure against his lower back area continued for a moment before stilling, a warmth spreading up into him and pulsing out between his thighs after lan zhan pulled out. wei ying finished right before wen ning, milking himself through it as he bit down on wen ning's shoulder. then wen ning was crumpling in his arms and lan zhan was carefully exiting him.

silence blossomed between them and wei ying watched wen ning closely, his features unburdened and peaceful. he seemed asleep at first, but cracked open his eyes to greet the staring man above him with a blissed out smile. "a-ning, are you okay?" wei ying could hear himself ask, still not completely down from his high. lan zhan had gotten up to go find them something to clean up with, pride swelling in the pit of wei ying's stomach at how caring his husband was. wen ning nodded lazily, a genuine smile painting his features. for years wen ning had been left unable to smile, his limited muscle control being unallowing of such a small movement. now, though, wei ying couldn't even remember what wen ning was like for all those years. he felt like this wen ning, this smiling, ball of sunshine was all he had ever known. like the first time they met 16 years ago and wei ying knew he was beyond fucked.

lan zhan slipped back into the room, clicking the door shut behind him. wen ning stretched his body out, his torso laying on wei ying's thighs. wei ying scoffed but absentmindedly traced pictures on his skin, drawing transparent bunnies and flowers and ribbons. settling down beside the two, lan zhan cleaned up the starfish-positioned man, letting the damp cloth rub over wen ning's exposed inner thighs. he shivered at the sensation, the fabric's grooves sending chills up his spine. wen ning took a moment to bask in afterglow, lan zhan's steady hands pulling against his skin and wei ying's finger tips skimming ever so lightly across his chest. he realized that for the first time in 16 years: he was drowsy. the thought made a smile tighten his cheeks and he reached up to touch wei ying's face, just barely letting his fingers brush the man's cheekbones. when wei ying down at wen ning's face, wen ning felt his heart strings pull taunt, like the strings of lan zhan's qin. "thank you," he whispered, finally laying his hand completely on wei ying's cheek. "thank you," he repeated, his voice cracking this time. tears pooled in his eyes and blurred his vision but his smile never faltered.

wei ying's own eyes widened and he looked up at lan zhan, watching as his face contorted and pinched, almost as if he himself was trying to hold back tears. meeting wen ning's gaze once again, wei ying bent down and molded their lips together in an unspoken 'you're welcome.' wen ning's whole body seemed to relax then, years of tenseness slipping away. wei ying would gladly consume all of wen ning's worries and anxieties and tense muscles if he could, take away all the negativity from his life. he pulled his head back slightly, their lips still grazing over each other. "i'd do it over and over again if i had to." that short sentence was enough to make wen ning's face crumple in defeat, a sob escaping his throat once again. an arm wrapped around wei ying's neck and wen ning pulled him down on top of him, grasping for lan zhan with his free hand. without hesitating, lan zhan dipped down and let himself be held by the trembling man below him.

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eventually wen ning's breath evened out and his eyes drifted shut. they stayed like that for a while, lan zhan and wei ying squished together on top of wen ning's sleeping form. neither of them minded much, wen ning seemed content and that's all that mattered. the light outside faded and hues of purple mingled in the sky, a gentle breeze flowing in from the open window above their bed. none of them moved to close it, the faint voices from juniors at dinner floating through and mixing together in ineligible sentences.

a hand suddenly reached up and started stroking lan zhan's back, inwardly startling him but his expression remaining the same. wei ying's eyes were shut as well, but his breathing wasn't as deep as it would've been if he was asleep. not wanting to disturb wen ning, lan zhan made no effort to look up at his face to see if he was awake, but he supposed he didn't have to because of the unidentified hand. his fingers seemed to gravitate towards the scratch marks he had created during sex, following each of the lines until he found another one. then lan zhan felt a shift in the air and wen ning began to trace his scars from so long ago, the ones that never truly would go away. the ones etched into his skin as a constant reminder that he had put the man he loved before the people that loved him, and that would never be forgivable. wen ning felt lan zhan stiffen and stopped his wondering fingers, instead bringing his hand up to tangle in lan zhan's elegant flow of hair. wen ning thought he was the most beautiful like this, hair undone and loosely falling down his shoulders in pools of black silk, a constant pink tint dusting his cheeks, his eyes soft and delicate, his skin golden in the descending sun. wen ning could've spent forever like that, with them. everything felt right, like that was the conclusion his life was leading up to. "i love you," he felt himself saying.

the words swam between them, the air morphing and changing them to mean so many things when they met lan zhan's ears. this had been building up for so long, this unspoken phrase between them. it had felt forbidden in the beginning, an intangible feeling. they were just floating and existing around each other. lan zhan would breathe him in and wen ning would accept everything he could, at that time. but soon enough, gazes began to wonder and words became more careful. not even just for others, but for lan zhan and wen ning themselves. it felt right, too right, and they were set on not allowing themselves to have it. maybe out of guilt or obligation, they ignored everything they knew was there. unspoken, waiting to be acknowledged. and here it was. finally wedging itself so far into their minds that there was no where else for it to go besides out. "i love you too,"

"i love you too," lan zhan and wei ying said in unison, both looking up at wen ning. this, this was right, wen ning told himself. these two beautiful men looking up at him like he had hung the stars, constellations gleaming in their eyes. wen ning couldn't do anything but draw them close, as close as they could get, and hope with everything he had that this never disappeared. and somewhere inside of him, he thanked wen qing for giving him wei wuxian and lan wangji.

end notes: if you enjoyed this please go to the AO3 link and leave kudos and leave a like on this post! if you enjoyed my writing and have any questions/requests, dont be afraid to leave something either anonymously or not! thank you for reading <3

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