#<333 much love angel this was so fun 4 me 2 think abt

[jwowwsboobs]

max is soooo fucking real for the nasty adidas hightops i have a pair like that too and they r the best shoes in the world..

anyways wanted to ask abt jack. why do u think she was the way she was? like what drove her, etc etc

i love this question and im SOOOOO sorry it took me for fucking EVER to spit this shit out but I had to think abt it. no read more scroll fast idgaf

jacks personality is full of contradictions. she was both impossibly overconfident and self-assured and cripplingly insecure; frighteningly unpredictable while simultaneously seeking stability and working to sabotage it; paranoid of betrayal and abandonment while treating her friends like shit...and all of these things are compounded by her intense and long-lasting (well. comparative long lasting its not like it was a 20, 30, 40+ year...) struggle with substance abuse and unknown, untreated, unacknowledged, whatever, mental illness(es?). I think the simple answer is that she wanted to feel complete and accepted. which she never did! but the long answer...is not quite that simple

jack's parents divorced when she was about 3...growing up she n her mother moved around a lot. i think the longest she n her mother stayed in one city/town was like. 10 months. she was a total tomboy! hated hated hated skirts n dresses. she was always a troublemaker, always very aggressive. she never had many friends growing up cuz she would just suddenly have to leave them, and she eventually figured out that it was easier to just. not make friends with people. had difficulty getting along with peers n got into fights a lot (which continued into her adult life), probably because of that. she never did well in school, likely thanks to her frequent moves and energy/aggression. she never learned to read very well (she was likely more functionally illiterate than truly illiterate but still stands. she cannot read or write very well.)

as she got older, and her peers began expressing interest in "romance" and "boys" and she had no interest in men or whatever (look, I think that any way of trying to put it will sound stupid as shit so bear with me here) it became even more difficult for her to relate to her peers. was she teased for it? probably. did she beat people up over romantic slights? absolutely. but her interest at the time was the emerging heavy metal and (punk) rock and tht took precedence over literally everything else. she got into black sabbath when she was 12/13 n punk thanks to the sex pistols when she was abt 13/14 n motorhead around the same time. motorhead really sparked her love for heavy metal, but venom was her favortie! she started playing guitar after hearing sabbath. with motorhead and punk she found something close the speed and aggression shed been .. not struggling with but feeling I guess, her whole life but it wasn't enough. when she found venom, it was much closer to what she...felt like. but that was 81, 2 months after moving to southern california! in 78 when she found punk and motorhead, she started going to seedy sketchy bars and clubs and parties, joined and quit bands, and started drinking, a habit she was never able to quit. her mom kicked jack out when she was about 15/16 and had dropped out of high school to literally do nothing but practice guitar, and she basically couch surfed on bandmates' couches and at groupies' houses, until eventually moving to southern california and eventually meeting gale. she moved in with gale after joining artery the sumer of '82. and I guess the rest is...not history but covered pretty well elsewhere on this blog! 

but why would she play guitar? why not just do all the drugs available to her and fucking die at 17?

the only reason I can come up with is that she didnt feel like the music was extreme enough to really convey how she felt. she didnt feel that it was fast enough or aggressive enough or frightening enough and decided that she would be the one to bring the speed and extremity to metal! and in doing so that would legitimize her place as a women, and a "closeted" lesbian dyke in metal and she wouldn't feel so...unhappy. so I think thats what drove her. I think eventually she hit a wall and playing guitar just wasn't enough anymore and thats wht killed her. so i would say thats what drove her.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii Omg i havee SOOO much to tell and ask you its both sad and fun stuff, First off i wanna tell you that you are such an amazing person like seriously omggg how do u even exist like you must not be allowed away from heaven. Btw random: i heard u mention abt u in university so hows that going and whats ur majorr???? :)) And now the very very bad stuff: i messed up. not very uncommon you see, but very bad. my cousin whom i rllyyy love shes amazing shes like the andromeda to my sirius. nd my dad's side is very cruel to my mom before i ws born and they also shamed her for having a kid (my sis) that has problems (they refuse to tell me what it is but she has 2 problems idk the first one she has since birth and the second is that she had um.. men parts but when she was around 4/5 we founf out shes.. female? im a minor i rlly dont undersrand how ths works so..yeah. shes 8 now btw this year shes gonna be 9 y/o) basically very cruel people very very bad and so my cousin, whos from my dad's side, she came for like a sleepover thingy and my father commented on my mom's side and how they arent close to me even though they are my basucaly everything.. and in reply, i said how i like them and they are good and i said "my mums side is great... better than father side atlst" and she said "i can hear u yk" and i said that shes a excpetiion but when she wnt home she really felt upset and she had an exam but she stll didnt come to my house (my house is closer to her school so she stays here in exam time so it takes less tme in travelling) so my father cmpletly blamed me and now im so upset idek what to do i dont wanna apologize to her cz she doesnt know that i know that she said shes upset. my father confronted me about it and he got to jknow from my cousins mom so there was no direct contact but basically yeah thats it. i need help in what i should do to fix things again :( but this is the reason that simply talking wouldnt work and its rlly hard :( btw random: how do i start my microfic thing like do i just upoad a micfic or do i post smgthn else first if ykwim? another thing:

yeah idk but i think m bisexual and i have a bestfriend shes straight and supports lgbtq+ community but i rlly like her and cz were besties i dont wnanna ruin anything at all and im cool with how we r rn but at the same time i want more ykwim? and.. were like the touchy-feely kinda bestfriends so we hold hands n stuff as a joke nd people ship us and its so asdxdfgkhljhxx idek if i rlly like her as a frnd or i like her as in like like her.. but i also have a crush on a boy but it only lasts for 2 secs but when i see him again i start to thibk i like him again but my other rlly gud friend likes him so is it that i like hm and ignore my feelings js cs my frnd liks him or do i just like him as frnds,, idek were close we play games togheter n stuff but thtas about it..

also have i mentioned how much of an angel you are??? i literally scream and jump off a cliff casually when u reply to my texts <333 ilysm ur such a great person <333

xoxo, sweet potato <33

hi!

Aww you're so sweet! I'm not in university anymore, at least not in the traditional sense: I'm working on my master's degree. It's going.....not terrible lol. I'm majoring in ESL Education (English as a Second Language).

For your first question: I think this is a really good example of how talking through other people isn't the best solution. Do you have any way of getting in contact with your cousin directly? Because things are definitely going to be changed and exaggerated if you are talking through your aunt and dad. Once you talk to her, be truthful. Be sincere and tell her how important she is to you. I'm betting she'll come around.

For microfics: Nope, just go for it! You don't have to do anything beforehand, just start! I can't wait to see what you write!

For the last part: First, are you sure you friend is straight? If she definitely is, then yeah, it might not be worth it to say anything? But I mean, you could always try bringing it up casually. Like "Oh, I think you're really pretty!" and see what happens?

With the guy- I know it sounds cliche, but if your friend likes him, stay away. I've been there. I've seen friendships fall apart. It's not worth it, especially since you're not even sure of your feelings. I know I probably sound like a parent, here, but there was a full-on FEUD I experienced in eighth grade because two people were fighting over a guy and....yeah.

Thank you so much for the compliments, you're so nice!! <3 I hope you have a great day!

[woozi]

yza 🥺🤍

i die a little everytime you say ma cherie 😭. also felt. jeonghan 🧍🏾‍♀️ he's getting too prettier fr

me @ anything which tries to bring you discomfort 🤺🤺🤺, glad lil angel (correction: devil) hannie helped <3

how have i been? hshsjdjdkdkdjjd IVE BEEN UNWELL EVER SINCE CHEOL CONFIRMED HIS TATTOOS PLS 😭😭🤕 all this time only joshua was my '🤕' and cheol my comfort but these days it's been reversed 😭😭 AND THE RECENT LIVE- DHJDHDJDNDKDKDKDJD HE'S SO EVIL YZA i've been unwell bc of him but otherwise i'm doing fine :'3

icb i'm saying this but i've become a ghibli lover ( only seen 4 movies hdejsk ), i can now understand what the hype is about but before indulging into them, it did overwhelm me a little 😭 it's like how if someone were to ask me for svt recs and how i would sit down with my list of songs, going seventeen eps, pictures separated by units, favorites, covers etc dhdjkdkd. im not into animes that much but ghiblis are slowly becoming my comfort movies 🥺 ( LMAOOO WAIT- JUST LIKE HOW WOOZI DID THAT 6 HOUR LIVE EXPLAINING/RANKING FAVORITE ANIMES 😭😭 too much recs or hype about something doesn't end well for me hdjddk thankfully it didn't happen this time ) which ones are your favorite ghibli movies?

ive also been consumed by the bets concert moments, it's so heartwarming to see the boys having fun. my favorite ones have got to be carats cosplaying as carrots or dressing up like svt's alter egos from caratland 😭 it's so cute to see them reacting to them. no.1 spot is locked with seungkwan watching a carat twerk 😭 that was so funny 😭 which ones have been your favorites? feel free rant hehe <3

what have you been upto? 🥺 i hope you're doing well i missed you so much <3 everytime i see chan being cute or loser (affectionate) i'm always like yza probably enjoyed and laughed bc of it dhjdkdkd also his arms.

sending only the best day vibes towards you <3 - 🪂

WHAT CAN I DO U REALLY ARE MY DEARESTTTTTT <333

what better than a little devil also fighting the other demons in my life <3 esp need it rn it's my final week before a bit of break (a week to be exact) from uni and my schedule is sOOO LOADED 😭

"my '🤕'" MADE ME LAUGH SMMMMMMMMMM U COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER WITH SO LITTLE WORDS!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO SAME?????????????????????????????????? think i abt had a stroke fr when he revealed that it was real oh my god yOURE SOOOOO VALID!!!! sumn abt him these days fr, i think the asia leg of the tour esp did something to him lmfao

ALSO THE WAY WE ARE BECOMING THE SAME PERSON FDKJDFJDF I'VE ALSO BEEN GOING ON GHIBLI MARATHONS 😭😭😭 there's a bunch of em so i can definitely get how it can seem to be intimidating to get into but i'M GLAD U LIKED IT <3333 which ones are ur favorites? so far mine are (kinda expected) spirited away and arriety <3

AND BETS MY BELOVED </3333 ure so right it really is so heartwarming to see em very happy to see carats after 2 long years!! AND NOT THE TWERKING FDKJFDKJFDJKDFJK one of my favorite ones is dk dropping to the floor bc of a girlie almost popping a titty (only for the shock factor 😭). also not to be me but the one i always look forward to is the lil jihoon chan moment in _world </3

i'm so so glad u've been well <33 i've been p much the same, but my sched's just a bit more hectic bc it's my last year in uni <33 AND NAURRRRRRRR THE WAY HE WOULD EVEN REMIND U OF ME </33 IM DEVASTATED!!!!!!!!!! ALSO,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, youre so real for that something really shifted in the dinonara community since he sprouted Arms lmfao 😭

sending u strength, a big hug, and many flowers 🌸🌹🌼🥀💐🌻💮 <33333 LOVE U!!!