#[-*anyway I'm awake and alive and it's y'all's problem*-]

[jaennwrites]

Stain Them. I Don't Care.

Hi guys it been a long time and although this isn't my comeback I just felt in the writing spirit. I will try my best to write stuff but the truth is y'all my attention span has been gone since TLOU (HBO) ended. However, I'm trading in fortnite videos (jonesyXreader coming soon ofc) for Peaky Blinders. I'm on S2 E2 so this little blurb doesn't have much show lore but I love Tommy, I'm a Cillian Murphy fangirl and I love a good dangerous man who gets soft and obsessed for their women. Anyways let me actually shut up.

Word Count: 1,410 Pairings: Tommy Shelby x Fem Reader (fairly gender neutral but reader is referred to as a wife), Established Relationship (married :3). Warnings: Blood, Mentions of Gun and shooting, Character (you) death. Completely SFW.

All interactions greatly appreciated, hope I can find the motivation to write more, thx guyzers <3

Tommy Shelby was an interesting man, it was even more interesting that he devoted himself to someone like you. It wasn’t an insulting thing, it’s just that many people didn’t understand Tommy’s obsession with this ordinary woman. The circumstances of your meeting was a kept secret of course but as everyone knew, you weren’t a whore, or spy, or other gang’s  daughter or wife, you were just you.

So when Tommy got off of his stressful often bloody days just to see you either sitting peacefully or cooking something, it made him happy. When people had the stupidity to question why Tommy was with you, he’d simply respond with his usual menacing stare. Sure, he didn’t run around town boasting about his wife but you knew he felt prideful when he was with you. Especially when he could bring you around people he considered enemies, you were his walking proof that he could attain and be acquainted with good people. 

The true ‘fuck you’ to those who didn’t know peace for Tommy Shelby had the embodiment of it right by his side always. 

Your head perked up at the sound of the front door smiling as you saw Tommy tiredly walk through the door. You often spent chunks of time waiting for him, more recently than ever before. Thomas Shelby by no means was an open man, but he always allowed himself to be vulnerable with you, he could never not when it came to you. 

Being around you felt like an adrenaline rush that never ended; from the day he first saw you to the day he asked you to marry him. Everything about you made him nervous and scared; he somehow couldn’t rest peacefully with you in his life yet his time with you was more peaceful than he had ever known. 

“You look wide awake” You joked resting your head on the back of the couch.

“Funny” He smiled, a smile that couldn’t fade as long as you were there smiling back at him. 

You rested your head on his shoulder and looked at his bruised hands before squeezing them tightly with a smile. Tommy no doubt carried a lot of baggage into the relationship. On an almost agonizing constant loop you could still vividly picture the first death at the hands of Tommy that you had witnessed. Although he’d never tell you, he remembered it too, the guilt ate him alive everyday. The way you looked at him that day made him physically sick. When you agreed to see him again after that, the look was gone but he’d never forget it. 

“How has everything been?” “Business wise” You asked. 

“It’s getting better” He reassured.

“So can I come with you tomorrow? To the Garrison”

“Would you not prefer to sit here? Safely” Tommy teased.

You rolled your eyes unseriously knowing that simple gesture alone would be enough to convince him. Tommy often had a problem saying no to you, it was chronic at this point. There were times he was a little more resistant but eventually he’d break, just for you. Partly because he trusted your judgment, and you never asked for anything insane. You two were in many ways polar opposites but the borderline paranoid danger/bullshit meter you shared were identical, he trusted you.

“Fine” “Didn’t know you loved my boring meetings” He joked

Your nights consisted of you two sitting sometimes doing some light drinking but for the most part you just enjoyed each other’s company. No matter what Tommy went through during his day, to be able to come home to you or come home with you was his cure all. It scared him to death how much he loved you, some nights it was all he could think of, the fear and happiness you produced. 

Then the morning would come and that feeling would be a distant memory because you’d still always be there. This morning was no different, he woke up right next to you, your sleeping face somehow even more beautiful than when you both fell asleep. Tommy was not a man who was very vocal about his affections but his eyes never lied. You could melt into a puddle whenever he looked at you, when he looked at you it was as if someone had captured love, melted it and injected it into your veins. 

That morning Tommy fulfilled his promise and you happily came along with him to his meeting, you didn’t want to admit that it was indeed boring but god you were bored. These weren’t his sly threat here, sly threat there meetings, just simple boring money managing. 

“This is boring” You whispered, eliciting a smile from your husband before excusing yourself into the main portion of the bar.

However the bar also bore you, a bunch of men drinking all of them too afraid to even glance in your direction. Tommy had planned to be done with this meeting by now but unfortunately it seemed to be taking longer and longer. He sat letting his mind wander a little as the time felt slower and slower while your eyes searched for something to keep you busy. 

Tommy had a big dislike for you walking alone and you understood dislike, however simply standing outside of the bar surely was a loophole. The smell of alcohol was weirdly insufferable today so without a second thought you headed for the front door, opening the one and then the second. 

You hadn’t noticed for the first few seconds, but the wet feeling rapidly spreading from your chest pulled you into the dark reality. You looked up at the gunman to see a face full of regret, from that look alone clearly you weren’t the target

Your husband was. 

The gunman had been young, clearly trigger happy but nevertheless a wonderful shot because by the time your body fell back you were gone. Tommy practically had leaped over the table at the sound. As he opened the door to his private room his eyes scanned the bar full of equally worried faces but had yet to see yours. 

The commotion coming from the front door prompted him to quickly check and confirm the nightmare he had been dreading since the day he first met you. The guttural shout he let out quieted the entire street, anyone moving stopped, anyone working stopped, the entire world seemed to stop. 

Tommy couldn’t remember the last time his hands shook at the sight of a dead body. His shaky hand intertwined with your lifeless one and his arm wrapped securely around your neck. He pulled your body close to his chest, the still fresh blood now soaking into his suit. Nobody around dared to move, hell not even breathe for it would only be a reminder that you couldn’t.

Thomas Shelby sat in that doorway for hours, whispering various pleas and prayers to Gods he didn’t even believe in. Soon enough his family convinced him to allow your body to be taken and for everything to be cleaned up. 

The wedding ring that was removed from your finger felt like it weighed pounds as it moved in his pocket. All that movement just to bring him to an even harsher reality as he stood in front of your shared home. He sat on the front steps for a while, it rained, drunk men passed, various things passed and he sat not daring to move a muscle. 

When Tommy finally made it into the house his heart felt as if it was attempting to break out of his chest. His eyes watered as he slowly shuffled over to your side of the bed falling to his knees beside it. Slowly his head descended before resting into blankets that filled his senses of nothing but you. The sheets smelled of you, the feeling of the blankets brought back every lovely memory of you. 

Thomas Shelby couldn’t remember the last time he cried, like really truly cried. Quite frankly he couldn’t remember anything in this state. A place that once was home to your laughter and voice was now full of the muffled sobs of your husband. 

Tommy’s hands held his blood soaked chest wishing that he had covered himself in your blood. He prayed it would stain every item of clothing he owned, stain his hands, his face so that he could never be without you. 

"I fear to stain your clothes with blood" "Stain them, I don't care"

[just-1other-nerd]

Good Omens live blog ep. 12

Once again, did not totally forget this one in my drafts, I don't know why you're saying that...

He doesn't have real candles anymore, after the incident

How did he know from which class Muriel was?

I like the way he contrasts heaven so much, it just looks so weirdly pretty. Also, he's just got the gayest walk

Oh no, not the angel outfit

Maggie, love, now is the wrong time to awake your inner badass. Aaand just minutes later we've got an I told you so situation

The circle is such a nice callback and clever as well

The Muriel Crowley combo is one of the best things in this season

Crowley was high up in the heavenly ranking? I just know that there will be so many fan theories

Gabriel, or shall I say Jim, is just enjoying the chaos

Did Gabriel just say "Nah", like for real? He's such a bitch

Why is Saraqael so chill right now?

I'll do myself one better: Why was Gabriel so chill about going to hell? Very sus

So that was the institutional problem, a bit unspectacular if you ask me

Not the BOOKS!!! As a fellow bookseller, this season really hurts me as much as the last one. Why do they keep doing this?

So halos are weapons? Cool. Idk how to explain it, but he throws it in such a gay way. Are they dead? Discorporated? Unconscious?

Love how Crowley just keeps giving orders, and they just follow them like he isn't a demon

So we got the high-ranking angels there, Lord Beelzebub and this seemingly high-ranking demon, but wtf is Furfur doing there?

Crowley just keeps insisting that there is no war and weirdly everyone listens?!

Saraqael has got the sass

I knew something was up with the fly! But I thought it was a false lead or to spy on them, not a container of Gabriel's memories!

Beelzebub is strangely nice and gentle

INEFFABLE BUREAUCRACY IS CANON?! I thought of this more as a fun crackship, and I thought it was so silly that this would never become canon, so I didn't expect the fly to be connected to Beelzebub in a good way.

When he shows them the statue, they just make an "okay weird" face and move on, I think that's hilarious

How his love for Beelzebub not only makes him do a miracle but also appreciate earthly things

But that montage convinced me that they deserve a happy ending somewhere where they can't hurt anyone. The way they look at each other. Damn Beelzebub has a pretty smile

Today everyone seems to forget Saraqael's name

Crowley's got such a fun dynamic with so many people

Oh, that one guy is still alive

Maggie makes some moves, you go girl!

The way Crowley proudly watches when Aziraphale becomes bossy

Alpha Centauri is back, I can't cope!!!

They're singing their song, that's so cute

Shax and Furfur being besties, like slay

Is that the Metatron? What is he doing here? I sense something bad coming

The way Crowley recognises him before everyone else is so funny

The Ritz, oh my God, the Ritz! And alone time?! Like a date?!

Crowley is putting everything back to where it was, that's husband behaviour

Nina and Maggie speaking the truth! And Nina called her angel! Best advice, 10/10. Is this really happening? Will the ineffable husbands really become canon? So excited!

The romantic music from the Blitz!

No, Aziraphale, don't interrupt him now!

Please, don't let that go to where I think it's going!

FUCK IT IS!!!

Aziraphale, I know you really believe what you're saying, but I'm with Crowley on this one!

We get a love confession anyways? I think I might be dying. The way he looks up trying not to cry, like same.

So many daggers are being put directly into my heart right now!

The sunglasses, NOOOOOO!

He really does understand it better than you, but he needs to explain it! There is so much more to say!

No nightingales. Really?! Neil knows the fandom to well, he knows exactly where to hit us, so that it really hurts. I love and despise him for this

Oh my God, it's happening, everybody stay calm, stay fucking calm! They really just kissed! It's canon y'all! But also: not like this! NOT THIS DESPERATELY AND NOT THIS DEVASTATINGLY! I'M IN AGONY!

Not the "I forgive you"! Aziraphale, you idiot, I can't even express why that line and Crowley's answer are so damn emotional and full of meaning. The parallels! I can't cope! I literally rolled off the couch, and now I'm lying on the carpet crying!

Not the lip touch!

I don't think Muriel will do any harm to the shop, but they'll probably make lots of mistakes...

He doesn't take anything with him because Crowley was the only thing that really mattered!

Crowley judgingly and sadly looking at Aziraphale and the Metatron makes the pieces of my heart break again! And the dramatic strings in the background aren't helping!

The second coming?! We're in for a wild ride in season 3, not only emotionally and characterwise but also plotwise! I literally can't wait!

I can't help but hope that he won't step into this elevator until the last second, but somewhere inside me, I know that he just isn't there yet in his character development

Crowley looks so heartbroken, he finally sees their relationship for what it is and now he's lost it! He's shutting down the nightinggales song and drives away expressionless

WHAT KIND OF AN ENDING IS THIS?! WHAT THE FUCK, NEIL, WHAT THE FUCK! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO US! ONLY SEASON 3 MIGHT BE ABLE TO HEAL US, BUT IT'LL TAKE FOREVER TIL IT'S OUT!

Loved this season, but damn do I feel an emotional overload and I have a love/hate relationship with that ending because as an aspiring writer, I would have done the same, it's brilliant, but it hurts so much!

[euclydya]

@white-boy-bracket hai. This is the thing we spent all fuckin day writing. Not posting to A03 bc A03 scares us [lighthearted]

Anyways chapters 1 & 2 under the cut of Harry's POV from whatever the fuck is going on, vaguely set after he got Revived™:

YOU – … What the fuck.

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN – Welcome back to self awareness, fucko! How'd you sleep? Like shit, I bet?

YOU – Yeah, whatever just happened didn't feel good. Am I dead finally?

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN – I'm afraid not, Harry boy. Though you *did* die, recently. Happened rather quickly, too. But that's neither here nor there.

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN – What's important is that The Infernal Engine is once again up and running. And once it's up and running, *oh boy*, is it unstoppable! You are nigh impossible to defeat, Harry, and you are going to make it *everybody else's problem.*

YOU – What if I… Wanted it all to stop though? What if I'm tired?

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN – Too bad! You had your chance when you actually died the first time, but some higher power still wants you around. Probably for the best. I bet whatever's going to happen next will be really...

Really...

… Funny.

YOU – … Okay. Sure. Can I go back to sleep, though? I'd like to pretend none of this is happening right now.

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN – Nope! You're gonna open your eyes and participate in this death match again whether you'd like to or not!

YOU – Wait, *death match*??

3…

YOU – Hey.

2…

YOU – *Hey.*

1…

YOU – Hey!! I don't want to do this!! Please let me sleep!! What the fuck!!!

Wake up.

////

VOLITION – Oh, no. Oh this fucking *sucks*, guys.

PERCEPTION [Trivial: Failure] – The hell do you mean. Is he not asleep?

HALF LIGHT – Nah. We're dead. This is hell. This is hell we're in. Awesome! Love that for us.

VOLITION – Can you like actually shut your mouth for 5 seconds for once in your goddamn life. Please. I am *begging*,

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Heyy. Hey guys. Uh. He's like, waking up. Like, right now. Like. Right this second? What uh. Should we do. Help.

Open your eyes.

PERCEPTION [SIGHT] – Ow. Fuck.

-1 health.

Everything is bright and your head hurts and it sucks here. Wherever *here* is, anyway.

Close your eyes and go back to sleep. It's fine. This is all a dream, probably.

Get up and look around the area.

Die for realsies.

VOLITION [Challenging: Success] – What? Fuck you you're not dying. Bitch. You're awake now, go… I don't know. Look around and see what's what here.

YOU – "What if I don't wanna :("

VOLITION – That isn't my problem shut up. Go. Go, go, go. Right now. Right. Fucking now.

YOU – "🥺"

VOLITION – Don't you "🥺" me, oh my God!!

Close your eyes and go back to sleep. It's fine. This is all a dream, probably.

Get up and look around the area.

Die for realsies.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Hey actually now that he's up and awake, we can… Go find *substances*. Anddd… Similar Things. Perhaps. Maybe. Just an idea. So he doesn't, uh… Actually for realsies die. :)

VOLITION – ... Y'know what. Sure. Fuck it all.

NEW TASK: FIND DRUGS

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Okay cool so while we're getting that sorted, uh, have y'all three seen Anyone Else up here. Like, *any* of the other Skills. Hello.

HALF LIGHT – What if, and hear me out… What if they are Dead, For Realsies, No Joke. Huh. What then.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – What if maybe you chilled the fuck out, bud? What then? Hmm?

HALF LIGHT – Canadian-ass.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – What on God is a Canadian.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Easy: Failure] – Some person from Canada. Probably.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – OHH SHIT!! COOLCOOLCOOL THE OTHERS ARE ALIVE PROBABLY IT'S NOT JUST US FOUR HERE! LET'S FUCKIN' GO!

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – … Wait. We still have to… Oh God we still have to *Do Shit*. Hey. Guys, where are we, actually?

PERCEPTION [Trivial: success] – Cabin.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Ok besides that though.

PERCEPTION [Trivial: failure] – I dunno. I don't control the legs.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – You are so useless actually. Love that for you, to be honest.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Anyways can somebody please make him walk, I dunno what I'm doin' here. God bless. <3

VOLITION – Yeah, okay. Lemme… Try that. Uh…

Perish immediately.

Cry and shit yourself and scream.

Walk out of the cabin.

VOLITION [Challenging: Success] - I'm not letting you do that.

Perish immediately.

Cry and shit yourself and scream.

Walk out of the cabin.

VOLITION – Okay cool.

PERCEPTION – Oh!! I see now! We are in An Arena. Which probably means that we're—

HALF LIGHT – —Going to die!

PERCEPTION – We are going to die! 😃👍

VOLITION – How about we don't die though.

NEW TASK: Try not to die (again?)

VOLITION – Okay so, he's in… An arena. And probably in a death match of some sort. Cool. Noted. And we'll probably die but not *yet*, dammit, so let's at least try to stay alive for a bit longer. Do we have his gun still, or…?

Check pockets for your gun.

Your pockets are empty. No weapons to be found.

VOLITION – Fuuuuuucking hell. Again? Seriously?

PERCEPTION [Trivial: success] – There's knives in that body over there though! :)

VOLITION – Wonderful! And totally not at all a coincidence! A knife will have to do for now.

+1 weapon [knife] added to inventory.

VOLITION – Okay I think he's ready to not get killed. Yeehaw.

NEW TASK: Win the fuckin white boy bracket 👌

[eclipsed-celestials]

Headcanons - Literacy - All

Gotta love the fact that Macaque’s the only one of the trio who isn’t illiterate in my universe. Monkey King straight up never bothered learning to read the modern language/variant thereof (he was alone so long he figured it was useless to do so), and Hamini can only read English (which isn’t the native language for Megapolis).

So these three would go out on the town and Monkey King and Hamini would be at the mercy of whatever-the-fuck Macaque wanted to read, tricking them into going into certain stores because he can, telling them about things that aren’t on the menu at restaurants, refusing to read something that got him excited solely to piss them off-

Dude would absolutely abuse this power. 500%.

I can see this absolute shit sending the two love letters and when he’s asked what they say, he absolutely bullshits a death threat or something. MK has to tell Monkey King and Hamini what the letters actually say, the two are fucking livid--

[izzy-b-hands]

Woke up and realized I'm in the start of a depressive pit, so I wrote a fic in which Calico Jack dies (sorry y'all, but he reminds me of the worst people in my life and I did try to keep him alive in this! And then the easier route was death, so. Yeah), Izzy has a romantic awakening of sorts, and Roach and Oluwande really aren't paid enough to deal with half the shit that happens on this ship.

Will this help said depressive pit? Not sure. But I had fun anyway.

Oh, also Calico Jack throws all their fucking food away, because of course he did.

Ed/Stede but this is mostly from Izzy's POV so we get the beginnings of some Ed/Stede/Izzy as well.

TW for emetophobia, violence (stabbings and descriptions of as well as a fatal beating), and drinking.

---

"Izzy?"

"Mhm?" He wasn't half awake, curled up on the cot he'd dragged into the previously empty closet that he'd claimed as his quarters.

"We're out of food," Roach winced. "Like. Completely. But we weren't last night, so..."

"Wasn't me," Izzy said dryly as he sat up, cracking an aching back and stretching out his limbs.

"I know," Roach smiled, but it dropped fast. "Don't really care who it was. Just want to know what our game plan is to fix this."

"Are you not our chef?"

"I am, but I cannot chef what food isn't here."

A valid point, and it was Roach's job to cook for them, not to source all the food. That was supposed to be-

"Bonnet!"

Roach was a foot behind him, looking as if he was considering jumping overboard. "They didn't wake up when I tried them, that's why I went to you. Otherwise I wouldn't have."

"I'm well aware even now most of you would rather die than ask me for help," Izzy grumbled. "And yet, somehow, I'm pulled to solve the ship's problems constantly. Well, a lot."

He had to admit his new co-first mate, Oluwande, had stepped up to the plate. Now and again he would take over when people came to him, and offer a solution instead. It was an unspoken balancing act for them both, and he appreciated it.

But for now, he didn't want to starve. "I know you two are in there, come on!"

He frowned, then sighed. "We're out of that fucking marmalade you both love!"

A bleary-eyed Ed finally opened the door. "Breakfast?"

"No, because we don't have any. Because per our chef, the food is all gone."

Ed was clearly not fully awake and comprehending, but the wheels were turning. "Wait, what? We had food last night."

"We did," Izzy agreed. "And yet, here we are. Where shall we set course to pick up more?"

Stede stumbled up beside Ed, yawning. "What's this?"

Izzy fought the urge to scream. It was five in the fucking morning, and today was their usual designated day to sleep in. He couldn't name any time he'd actually been able to successfully do that though, and this day was no different. "We. Have. No. Food."

Stede's eyes went wide. "We just picked up more."

Izzy restrained himself. He wanted to go back to bed, that was it. He wasn't even fully dressed, stood there in nothing but the open black silk robe Stede had insisted he take from the auxiliary wardrobe after the last early morning emergency, in which he'd simply given up, and wandered naked to their quarters to make a plan.

"We did," he sighed. "But something has happened to it apparently. Roach, would you like to give them your account?"

Roach nodded and stepped closer. "Full larders last night, meat safe in the salt and all that. Then I go to make myself some breakfast and..."

He held his hands up. "Poof. Nothing."

He listened to Stede and Ed and Roach start to plan and panic all at once, then looked down to his bare foot.

A rum bottle. Not one of the make they kept on board, and the crew was picky about that.

"I think I know where the food went," Izzy said, picking up the bottle and holding it out like it was diseased. "I bet if we search we'll find the fucking bilge rat."

Ed's eyes went over the bottle, and he sighed. "Fuck."

"Fucking Calico Jack," Izzy muttered. "He should have been dead trying to find you, and I'll make sure he's dead now."

"Hang on," Stede interjected. "I thought you sent him before to break us up?"

Izzy nodded. "But he's a fucking thorn in my side as well, and I figured if he didn't make it here, his dinghy might at least capsize."

"That's cold, Iz," Ed said.

Stede just nodded back. He got it.

He tied his robe up, and started his search, leaving the three of them there. For this, he didn't really need their help. They could plan which port to stop at for food, and he could kill the rat in the larder (which frankly was an insult to rats.)

His target was in the jam room, vomiting in a turned over drum.

"Fucking-" Izzy threw up his hands. "Seriously? Now we'll have to buy another of those to keep Bonnet happy. Why the fuck are you even here?"

Calico Jack turned, and promptly fell over to lay on the floor.

"If you pass out to get out of helping fix this, then I swear I'll fucking kill you here and now," Izzy stomped over and yanked him up by the front of his shirt.

"Oh no," Jack grinned. "I'm here for a duel, actually. With you."

He pulled up his shirt, and while Izzy didn't consider his stomach sensitive, it was still a rough view.

A sewn circle in one side, where a cannonball had clearly gone through him. It looked a bit swollen and infected, and Izzy wondered if he was drinking to get drunk, or also to try and kill said infection from the inside out.

"I didn't shoot you with that," Izzy said. "Might have wanted to, but I didn't."

"No, but your orders," Jack hiccuped as Izzy helped pull him to standing. "Are what got me this way. So I want a fucking duel, and I'm gonna kill you for this."

Izzy nodded. "Can you stand if I let go of your shirt?"

Jack shook his head, and Izzy let go.

He ignored the thud and the sound of the breaking drum. This was utter bullshit, and he wasn't going to entertain it when they had a bigger problem to fix. Let him sleep off the drink here, and then he'd come back to him.

Or he would have, but there was a sensation in his back.

He peered down, to the sharp end of a sword coming out of his torso.

"That's new," he chuckled softly. "I've always fucking hated you, Jack. Not just for whatever you did to the food, or this. But for that and so much more."

"You're not the first for that," Jack laughed, barely able to remain upright. Most of his ability to do so had to have been used up during the stab. "Y'all had too much food anyway, no room for booze! I threw that shit off the side of the ship for the fish."

"You are the fucking worst," Izzy said through gritted teeth. "Do I get to keep this then?"

He winced as Jack tried and failed to retrieve his blade. "That's a yes then. Thanks, haven't had anything new in awhile. Though I'd imagine this is as cheap as you are, but beggars can't be choosers."

He turned around to an incensed Jack, who strode past him in a huff.

Following him quickly wasn't an option; if he didn't try to hold one end of the sword it would wiggle as he walked, and he hated that feeling.

So when he got back to the captain's quarters, Jack was already there, screaming in Ed's face. Roach was nowhere to be seen, and that was fair. He'd done his job of alerting them to the problem, and he certainly wasn't paid enough to deal with a drunken and angry Jack. No one could be paid enough for that.

"I deserve to kill him for what he put me through!" Jack shrieked. "What you put me through! You know how much I've had to drink to deal with the pain from this?"

He lifted his shirt, and Stede gagged.

"So it did hit you," Ed remarked as he took in the poorly healing attempt at surgery. "I had hoped it would kill you."

"Can't kill me," Jack said proudly. "I'm a fucking legend!"

"That's the issue, man," Ed sighed. He took a step closer to Jack. A hand slipped towards the back of his robe.

An old sign, but he knew it well. Izzy pulled the door shut, giving Stede a knowing look. He'd expected Stede to pass out or vomit, but instead he grabbed a golden whale figure off the nearest table and held it at the ready.

"See, the thing with pirate legends, is that people don't like it when the legend isn't them," Ed continued. "People want the fame and acclaim and what they think it brings."

A flash of a blade, pulled from what Izzy presumed and hoped was the usual bedtime sheath worn on his bare thigh. An old birthday gift from him to Ed, as it happened.

"So they kill legends," Ed said with a heavy sigh, and stabbed Jack dead in the center of his chest. "Because one less living legend means more room for a new one. Besides man, what does it really get you?"

Jack was breathing hard, laughing at the dagger sticking out of him. "Jizzy! We match!"

"Oh god," Stede had finally really looked at him, and apparently noticed the sword still running him through. "Izzy, we'll get you to Roach. Don't take it out."

"Not the first time I've been stabbed," Izzy tried to say it to comfort him, but Stede didn't seem comforted at all. "Won't be the last either."

"You could just avoid getting stabbed," Stede noted. "I mean, good to learn how to take a stabbing, but at the same time-"

"I should kill all of you," Jack cackled. "Wasn't really just Jizzy Izzy here that kept nearly getting me killed, or tried to. You all did!"

"Well yeah," Ed said. "I just stabbed you."

"Shut up," Jack spat, suddenly deadly serious.

"Excuse me?" Ed replied.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up," Jack growled until he was close to Ed again, close enough to have Ed's chest bump the handle of the dagger, pushing it a little more into him.

Before Ed or Izzy could act, Stede walloped Jack over the head with the golden whale.

Any attempt to help was thwarted by the sheer fact that Stede had this. To Izzy, it was a beautiful act of pirate violence. He really had learned something from them as he pushed Jack to the floor, beating him with the whale as if he was hoping to break the gold open and look inside.

Something else broke instead.

"I'm sorry, Ed," Stede had tears running down his face. "He was your friend and I-"

"Hey," Ed gently pulled him up away from Jack and held him close. "I was literally trying to kill him myself a minute ago. You just finished it, and that's okay. Real pirate shit, is what it is!"

"But-"

"If he was a friend," Izzy interrupted. "Then it was years ago. When we were all wanting to be legends who drank and fought more than we ate or slept. Now..."

"Things are a little different now," Ed finished the thought. "Let's get you a bath, eh? You've got brain in your hair."

Izzy opened the door, and left them to it. Still trying to hold one end of the sword so it didn't jiggle, but that was impossible while dragging Jack's corpse out of their quarters.

"Fucking hell," Oluwande rushed up to him. "Roach wasn't lying."

"Nope," Izzy winced as he stood, the blade wiggling about in his midsection. "Could I trouble you to toss this overboard? I don't think I can manage it presently."

"Let's get you to the infirmary first," Oluwande said.

"I was planning to go back to bed and sleep in," Izzy sighed. He was over the whole being stabbed thing. After the adrenaline of the very first time, it was just irritating.

"I get it," Oluwande nodded. "But what if I told you that if I take you to Roach, we can get that sword out and you could go back to sleep?"

"By sleep, you don't mean death, right?"

"No, I mean we'll get you drunk enough to pass out while Roach fixes you up," Oluwande said. "He doesn't have the most gentle hand when it comes to stabbings. Wait, did you think we'd use this as a chance to kill you?"

Izzy laughed, though it hurt. "It's what, six in the morning maybe? And I've already been run through. Yeah, I figured you all might kill the nag that's been bothering you for months."

"In previous days, I admit we might have taken that opportunity," Oluwande said. "But now, you're stuck with us. Ed loves you both-"

"What?" Izzy interrupted, but Oluwande was gently pulling him towards the infirmary.

"And since he loves you and Stede like that, we are gonna do all we can to keep you both alive. Gotta be honest, neither of you make that easy."

Izzy was silent, and Oluwande dropped into silence too for the rest of the walk to the infirmary.

There he was surrounded by a clutter of people and noise as Roach pulled people to help with the impromptu sort of surgery required, and others rushed for handles of rum to give him.

He hated drinking on an empty stomach, but the idea of being conscious for it was a worse option. As it was, it would already be uncomfortable, laying on his side so Roach had full access to both ends of the sword.

As he drank, he thought on it. Ed loved him. Like Stede. In that way. Years of pining, and this was how he found out. On accident, from his co-first mate.

The thought of a bath before his wound would need redressing came to mind. Maybe Stede would let him do so in his tub, with that stupid lovely fancy silk black robe laid out for him. Ed and Stede both there, and maybe he could let Stede wash his hair. Let Ed run a warm soapy cloth over the wound Jack had left. Maybe it would be sort of nice, actually.

"Smiling a lot for a nearly passed out stabbed man," Roach gestured to Izzy as he worked.

"Been a rough morning," Oluwande sighed. "Said he wanted to sleep in. Bet he's just happy to be laying down again. Well, that and getting the sword removed."

He could hear them, but it was hazy. He wanted to tell Roach to save the blade if he could, in one piece. He was gonna get it shined up and pretty, then give it to Ed and Stede as a souvenir.

It could sit on the mantle near Stede's bed, where he could admit, under cover of shock and alcohol and pain, he hoped they might let him join.