#[banging on brain like it's a car dashboard when the check engine light is on] piece of SHIT

[woebegonesharks]

brain am become stupid, destroyer of my life

[tyrannysaurusfloof]

Bitter Taste | Shyan

Pairing: Shane/Ryan Tags: First Kiss, Developing Relationship, Fluff.  Word Count: 2324 Series: Barren Landscapes - Odd stories of Shane and Ryan on road trips. Summary: It had been an odd summer. Filming Unsolved was always odd. Be it constant travelling for Supernatural, or depressing and gritty details for True Crime, Shane had found both seasons leaving an odd and unappealing taste in his mouth after filming. He had said nothing to Ryan because he still truly enjoyed their work together, and enjoyed spending time with Ryan, but things felt different. Off kilter almost, like there was a tension beneath the surface that needed to be spoken about and yet hadn’t been identified. As Shane’s hands began to change to a dusty black from prodding about in the engine, he decided to think about Ryan instead. Those thoughts always brought him happiness, a quiet comfort in the lackluster process that his brain had become. Things were sluggish around him, unless it was about Ryan. A/N: Listening to Jet Pack Blues by FOB and sitting in a hot car with the window rolled down made me think of these boys on a road trip and it spiralled into this. It’s the beginning of a series of the boys on a road trip to somewhere I think.

-- Read on AO3 --

“Pull over.”

Ryan spoke the command in a relatively calm voice considering the situation they were in. They were driving down a thin barren road, barely big enough for one car, in the middle of nowhere, and several warnings, including the ‘check engine’ light, were flashing on the dashboard and their rented car was not doing so well. It made a grinding noise as they moved and Shane felt the steering heavy under his hands as he maneuvered the vehicle onto a rocky patch off the side of the road, the passenger’s side brushing against the pussy willows and weeds of the fields around them. He honestly couldn’t recall where they were going to, which episode of Unsolved they were travelling to film, or why they had taken a car for themselves instead of going with the crew, and it didn’t matter right now.

All that mattered right now was fixing the car.

Or hoping that one of them had cell service to call for assistance.

It was hotter in the car than the temperature outside, Shane noted as he climbed from the vehicle, not bothering to check the road before he did. They had not seen another car in around three hours, and considering the landscape was simply barren, cracked earth spotted with grass, weeds, pussy willows and tree stumps, Shane didn’t expect them to see any cars or other people for another couple at least.

He moved to the boot of the car and shimmied their bags aside to find the tool kit that he had thrown in. Shane didn’t pretend to have a mastery of mechanics, but there was always a niggling part of him that said he should be prepared for long journeys in the wilderness, probably instilled from trips with his dad. Or his boy scout days. And so there was a tool kit for basic mechanics in the boot, hidden by Shane’s bags, and he grabbed it now to check under the hood, pausing only to pop it open with a lever inside the car and grab the manual itself for the vehicle.

Ryan was staring out into the wilderness when Shane rounded the front of the car. He had an eye for aesthetics and places that would make beautiful pictures, and true to form his phone was in his hands, tilted landscape but the camera wasn’t open. No, instead Ryan seemed lost in thought, so Shane left him to it, finding he easily lost himself in his thoughts too as he propped up the hood of the car and looked inside.

It had been an odd summer.

Filming Unsolved was always odd. Be it constant travelling for Supernatural, or depressing and gritty details for True Crime, Shane had found both seasons leaving an odd and unappealing taste in his mouth after filming. He had said nothing to Ryan because he still truly enjoyed their work together, and enjoyed spending time with Ryan, but things felt different. Off kilter almost, like there was a tension beneath the surface that needed to be spoken about and yet hadn’t been identified.

As Shane’s hands began to change to a dusty black from prodding about in the engine, he decided to think about Ryan instead. Those thoughts always brought him happiness, a quiet comfort in the lackluster process that his brain had become. Things were sluggish around him, unless it was about Ryan. Honestly, Shane was no fool to what they meant, to what these thoughts meant in terms of his heart, but he had yet to speak that realisation aloud. And he probably never would. The friendship he shared with Ryan was too important to mess it up with complicated feelings, and there was always the anxious part of his brain that told him it was better to have the close friendship they had now rather than the awkward one that would develop if Ryan rejected him.

Shane always thought in ifs. It wasn’t a case of “when” Ryan rejected him, because Shane wasn’t sure if the man would. They shared such intimate moments that Shane could believe that Ryan would reciprocate those feelings, but it changed nothing.

Bugs chirped around them as Shane wiped his forehead and pulled back from being bent over the engine.

“I didn’t know you were so good with cars.”

Ryan’s voice came out of nowhere and it actually succeeded in making Shane jump, resulting in him banging his head hard on the raised hood of the car.

“Holy shi-, are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

They stared at each other for a moment before they both started laughing, the sound drowning out the bugs and slight breeze and echoing around them.

“So, care to share where you got so good with cars?” Ryan asked and Shane smiled, his eyes creasing as he did.

Ryan liked it when Shane smiled like that.

“I’m not that great,” Shane replied honestly, “But I think I can get us at least to civilisation before we die.”

“Can’t say it wouldn’t be nice to haunt this place.” Ryan joked, “It’s beautiful.”

“It is.”

They both fell silent, Ryan crossing the road to take more pictures and Shane bending back into the car again. He couldn’t really tell what was wrong, but he fiddled and he hummed to himself, and twenty minutes later when he turned the ignition, the car came on with only one warning light. It was the ‘check engine’ light, but it was better than before.

Shane climbed back out to call to Ryan and found he couldn’t see him. In any other place he might not have been that concerned, but this place had nowhere to hide, even for the little guy, and there was no denying the thrill of fear that shot down Shane’s spine.

“Ryan?!” He called, voice steady, “Did you fall asleep in the grass?”

Silence greeted him.

Slamming the hood of the car down, switching it off and grabbing his backpack from the boot, Shane locked the car and began to follow the crushed grass and bent fronds that showed where Ryan had walked. Internally he was cursing Ryan for wandering off. It was bad enough the car had all but broken down in the middle of nowhere, but they really didn’t need to be dealing with a potential injury, or even Ryan disappearing for a few hours.

It was getting dark already.

“Ryan!”

He kept calling Ryan’s name, hoping the desperation stayed out of it as he turned and saw the car was a speck in the distance.

How had he walked so far?

Why had he walked so far?

It didn’t make sense, Shane didn’t see any shots out here that would be aesthetically pleasing than those near the car, but he also didn’t have Ryan’s eyes or vision for things like this.

Damn, it was getting dark fast.

“Ryan! Answer me!” He called out, not caring this time if the desperation crept into his tone, and though he expected silence, his heart hammered when he heard a faint response.

“Shane!”

The echo of Ryan’s voice sounded like it was coming from below him, which was odd. Scanning the ground, Shane spotted Ryan’s phone almost immediately, scooping it up and noticing the screen was a little scratched. Looking a little further on, Shane finally saw where Ryan most likely had gone - a hole in the cracked earth.

Sure enough, when he looked down into the darkness, using his phone as a torch, Ryan’s terrified eyes shone back.

This would have been an amusing bit had they been filming Unsolved. Shane would make jokes about Ryan being down a hole, most likely distracting him as the crew fashioned a way to get him out. If it was a ghost infested place, Shane would have definitely been singing to Ryan to keep him calm, probably Mama Mia like he always did, and maybe that was what Ryan was expecting right now as he stared up at Shane from the bottom of a hole, but this wasn’t a bit. They weren’t filming Unsolved and they didn’t have a crew behind them. It was just Ryan and Shane and fading light and the heat was still high and who knew what animals would be out here when the sun fully went down.

Everyone said Shane didn’t scare easily, and that was true. But right now, he was scared.

“Are you okay?” He called down, testing the ground around the top of the hole to make sure he wouldn’t go in after Ryan. “D’you hurt anything?”

“My ankle a bit, and my wrist.” Ryan replied, voice still echoey. “But I don’t think it’s bad. Can you reach to get me out?”

“Maybe.”

No matter what, Shane had to get Ryan up and out of the hole. Leaving him was not an option because he knew he probably wouldn’t find him again, not in this landscape with this panic running through his head. Ryan seemed to be able to tell Shane was scared, because his own expression changed from the familiar scared one, to a familiar smile.

“You got this Shane, you’re eighty percent leg so you’ve got a lot of you to dangle in.”

The words made Shane laugh and he felt better, but something else was pressing against his tongue. He had just been telling himself he didn’t want to ruin this friendship, and yet now he was in this situation, Shane felt he needed to say something. The odd tension between them, the bitter taste on Shane’s tongue when they filmed, the ache he was left with when they went home for the day, or they worked on different things and didn’t spend as much time together, he needed to tell Ryan what that was.

What it all was.

They would be forever changed when Shane got Ryan free, but he was willing to take that risk.

“I have to tell you something.” Shane began as he lay on the ground and reached into the hole, as bent as he dared be to make sure he had enough strength to pull them both up.

“Can it wait?” Ryan asked, clambouring to his feet with a hiss of pain and reaching for Shane’s. Their fingertips were a hair's breadth from brushing against each other and Ryan cursed. “I wanna get out of here.”

“I can speak and help.”

Shane sat up and stripped off the jacket and backpack he was wearing, already formulating an idea. He tied the sleeve of the jacket to the backpack handle, and held the other, before lowering it into the hole.

“Ryan-.”

“Look Shane...I know. I know what you’re going to say.” Ryan interrupted, grabbing the bag and testing it. “I know you need to say it but...but I don’t know if now is the time!”

“You’re probably right.” Shane laughed mirthlessly, “Yeah, it probably isn’t.” He felt Ryan’s weight on the bag and began to pull, straining with all he had to lift Ryan up and out of the hole.

“But-.”

“You need to get it out.” Ryan completed, “Despite being afraid it’ll ruin things?”

“How do you know?” Shane grunted, feeling a small sense of relief as he saw the top of the backpack appear. “How?”

“Because I-.”

Ryan’s words were interrupted by a small tearing sound and Shane moving fast. His jacket sleeve was ripping, not strong enough to hold Ryan’s weight hanging freely as he was and Shane needed to do something. He reached blindly into the hole and managed to grab the backpack, Ryan shouting out a line of expletives as the jacket fully tore and fell down into the dusty darkness. The hold Shane had on the bag was cutting off circulation in his fingers, he was pretty sure he had cut himself in his desperation, but he still had hold of Ryan, and with his remaining strength coupled with adrenaline, he hauled Ryan up so he could grab the side of the hole and help get onto solid ground.

They lay there side by side panting for a while, listening to the bugs and the howls and the breeze of nature around them, fingers brushing, chests heaving.

“You don’t...have to say it.” Ryan wheezed after what felt like an eternity lay in breathy silence.

“It’ll ruin everything.” Shane muttered, “But I have to.”

“Won’t ruin anything.” Ryan said, sitting up and examining his ankle with another hiss of pain. “Shane...I know how it feels. I wanna tell you stuff too but I’m also afraid of how things will change. So...why say anything?”

Ryan’s lips were chapped as they pressed against Shane’s, and for a moment Shane forgot how to both breath and kiss. He could feel Ryan’s chest vibrate with laughter before he was kissing back, hand finding Ryan’s where it rested on the ground and curling his fingers around it. Ryan was trembling, from excitement or fear or cold Shane couldn’t tell because he was trembling too.

“Change isn’t always bad.” Ryan whispered as they broke apart, gasping again in the cool air, “It’s also really good.”

Shane nodded, heart thumping. “We should...go back to the car.”

“You’ll have to help me.”

His arm slid easily under Ryan’s shoulders despite their heat difference, and as they hobbled back to the car, Shane found himself thinking of the beginning of their day. When the car had broken down he had been unsure, tense, and happy to sit on his secret for as long as necessary to keep this relationship at its peak. And even in the part of his mind where he had imagined Ryan would like him back, he had never anticipated or entertained the actuality of it.

But when Ryan kissed him again as Shane lent him against the door to open it for him, he wished he had said something sooner and taken that leap to clear the tension, because that bitter taste was gone.

Notes:

[projectsolis]

Chapter 7: Towers And Shadows

– Day 7 of The Wildfire; Year 252 ATP

The Feronix came to a rolling stop at the welcome sign. Barrett had made it to the city of Starlight. And Clyde with him. He was lying unconscious in the back, secure in the floorboard. The ride had been uneventful, but Barrett figured that would be the case. Golden plains, hills, and deserted roads were the only thing between here and his complex.

Starlight had evacuated almost four years ago. But if Barrett hadn’t known any better, he would have thought twenty. The city was in so much disarray that it was hard to believe anyone had ever lived here. Derelict buildings. Crumbling infrastructure. Holes in the edifices. And even though it was early in the evening, the road ahead disappeared into darkness.

There was no traveling the back ways either. Someone had blocked those he could see with old road signs and cheap wooden boards. Barrett would just assume they were all like that. Funnels to the main roads. It made going deeper into the city a dangerous decision.

Brigands and stragglers were waiting.

But going into Starlight had been his plan from the get go. It shaved time off the trip, time that his passenger didn’t have to spare. And since Barrett had decided to bring him, there was no point in letting him die.

That meant taking his foot off the brake. The Feronix’s headlights flashed on as they pressed forward. While Barrett made sure to keep an eye on the road, he was more concerned with what was above them. Anything could be hiding in the upper stories or the roofs. So many vantage points. Snipers. Rockets. Nothing could be discounted.  

To his left the buildings were shorter, industrial-like. To the right they were much taller, though not quite skyscrapers. Those were on the horizon ahead. The planetarium for which the city had been named was to the north on the other side of them. They would pass it on their way out.  

After a small dip, the road wound to the right. Barrett noticed the buildings were more damaged the further they went in, especially along the streets. Entire walls were defaced or gone. Rooms that were once offices were now just ledges with thresholds. Still, he hadn’t seen a damn thing since entering the city. But he knew something was out there. Unlike him, Nicole chose to avoid Starlight altogether.

The Solian government had the power to reclaim it if they wanted. But they didn’t. They had no intention of wasting resources for something already doomed to die beyond the Tether. So until an Archangel got bored and cleared it out, Starlight would remain a dangerous path. Though even then, this city’s fate wasn’t going to change.

The south was lost. Best to move on and focus on real problems. Like the Queen-Divine’s death.

In the distance, Barrett was able to make out a pedestrian bridge overhead. A chain-link fence spanned its length. Sheets of cardboard were zip-tied to the wires. And while there were a lot of scattered cutouts, he couldn’t see through them. On the road underneath, makeshift barricades of scrap metal forced everything into a narrow gap.

Barrett slowed the Feronix and passed through, leaving the sun behind. Now he only had the headlights to help illuminate the way. Not that they were much help. The darkness swallowed their blue light.

When they were halfway to the other side, a masked figure walked out from behind a concrete column. Then a second. They put themselves in between the Feronix and the exit. Barrett glanced around. Through the windows, he could see there was a barely visible third figure still standing behind a column. And while he couldn’t see behind him, he guessed there were more there too. He and Clyde were completely surrounded.

“Well fuck,” Barrett muttered.

The first figure pounded on the hood. “Fancy car you got,” they said.

Another tapped on the passenger-side window. “Everything’s alright. We just wanna talk.”

Right. Did they really believe someone with this kind of vehicle was going to believe their shit? Or were they just stalling? Honestly, he needed to stall as well. He had to find a way out of this. The Feronix could withstand a lot, but it wasn’t invincible. And something told him running over them wasn’t an option, no matter how satisfying it would feel. They would have a countermeasure in place for it.

Maybe he could use the railgun. Aim it at the -

Something banged against the back of the Feronix, making him jump and tense. He looked behind him. Clyde was fine. His vehicle was fine. For now. Time was running out though.

“Roll the windows down,” he heard.

“Do it before we blow your fucking brains out.”

Fuck it. No time to think. Just go. Figure it out afterwards. He punched the trigger on the dashboard console and the weapon fired. The whole vehicle shook. Barrett threw the Feronix into reverse, slamming on the acceleration. Except it didn’t go anywhere. Something was blocking it. Was that what he had felt earlier? Shit. Dust fell around them. He couldn’t see anything. Wouldn’t be long before his ambushers recovered either.

Only way was forward now. The tires squealed as he floored it. The Feronix didn’t want to move, but he kept the wheel steady anyway. After a moment of full throttle, it vaulted forward. They crashed through one of the barricades and made it out the other side.

Things started pelting the Feronix. Things he could only guess were bullets. He looked in the side-mirror and watched part of the bridge collapse. If they weren’t injured, they’d be on his tail. And even if they were injured, anyone in this ghost-city who had heard the commotion would be coming to look.

There was no way he was making it to the other side of Starlight now without attracting more attention. He just needed to drive as fast as possible and leave the stealthy approach for another time.

Barrett took the nearest left, only slowing down to make the turn.

He heard a warning beep from the console. Checking it, he frowned when he saw the flashing, red light. Really was not the time for this shit. Debris must have clipped the Feronix in the blast. He wasn’t going to be able to get to the other side at all. He wasn’t even going to be able to get downtown. In a few moments, he and Clyde were going to be in the middle of a death trap with nowhere to go.

“For fuck’s sake,” he said.

A new plan. Find an empty space and hold up there for as long as possible. He had supplies. He had weapons. Clyde’s health would suffer for it though. Maybe he could get a signal to Nicole somehow. Get her to send help. That was his only chance at this point. Solis, he shouldn’t have come through Starlight. How stupid did he have to be?

Ahead, he could see the medical symbol atop a building. A blue circle with four legs bent into right angles at the base. It was the nation’s symbol for hospitals and the like. And after clearing the next block, he could see Starlight Regional Hospital above the entrance.

There. That’s where he would have to make his stand.

Barrett pulled the Feronix into the hospital’s carport and shut it down. He didn’t want anyone coming after him to use it. He had other things to worry about. Plus, a building was a poor defense against the railgun.

He grabbed his rucksack from the passenger seat and hopped out. Going into an abandoned building was incredibly risky. Anything could be waiting for him inside. But what alternatives were there? He got himself into this mess, he had to get himself out. Somehow. The sounds of engines roaming nearby streets pushed Barrett to move faster. It wouldn’t be much longer before the denizens of Starlight fell on them. Opening the back, he slung Clyde over his shoulder.

The front doors weren’t locked, which was a good sign. Realizing the lobby had been completely looted was an ever better sign. Chairs. Paperweights. Account readers. All of it gone. Good. He could set up then. Make preparations for what was to come.

Barrett ripped a fire-escape map off the wall and took a look. He had some ideas.