#[really hitting me in these feels today lala. *sobs*]

[misfitsandmusings]

“Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?” (Law)

Random Lines From My Notebook, Pt. 7 // accepting

He's halfway to the door when Cora-san's voice rings out behind him, the words leaving him rooted to the spot in his reluctant retreat to bed for the evening. No matter how abysmal his sleeping patterns had become or how many years had passed since they'd last seen each other, that was one thing that still hadn't seemed to change: Law never could best his savior in a game of "who can stay awake the latest."

For a moment, Law thinks he must have heard him wrong. There's no way the man should have any reason to ask him what he thinks he's just heard, and yet... Rosinante hadn't stuttered. His words were straightforward and unwavering as they'd always been when he'd talked to his young companion.

It's only the slightest hint of uncertainty he picks up in the man's soft tone that makes Law realize, yes, he'd really just asked him what he thought he'd heard.

A frown mars the pirate's features as he turns back to face the man who saved his life. The stranger whose unexpected compassion had healed a boy who thought himself too broken to be fixed again - the father-figure who'd endeavored to pick what was left of him up off of the ground when he'd lost his first family and the only life he'd ever known. The friend who had given him both the means and the will to keep on living when all he wanted to do was curl up and slip away.

"There's not a single damn thing I can think I'd ever need to forgive you for, Cora-san," Law answers earnestly, grateful for the shadows his hat casts over his face as he takes a mental tally of everything Rosinante is directly responsible for giving him. His fingers curl into a fist at his side, digits flexing to distract himself from the sudden tightness he feels in his throat. "You gave me my life back when I didn't think there was anything left to live for. You saved me," he points out, feeling uncomfortably vulnerable giving voice to a thought that's driven him for thirteen long years. Twice as many as he'd ever expected to see.

And here's the man he owes it all to, asking Law if he can forgive him.

"I didn't think I'd ever get the chance to say thank you for that."

[therucrap]

Holler at me I know you know me, holler at me I know you know me! This week’s gathering of the Tamisha Iman fan club will now commence! Enjoy this week’s RuCrap and please subscribe and share!

Our exhausted divas return to the Werk Room after Joey’s shocking elimination (i.e. the judges told Lala that she had the worst look in Drag Race history for a look challenge and she lipsync’d herself safe) and an eventful untucked in which Kandy and Tamisha’s bubbling tit-for-tat escalated into a wild shouting match. Tamisha goaded the defensive Kandy by reiterating that she doesn’t like “certain people” in the competition while staring Kandy directly in the eyes, dinging the time-to-make-good-TV bell in Kandy’s head that led to a full arm-waving, storming-back-and-forth, separate-the-groups screaming match. Tempers are still hot with our WWE superstars and Tamisha has established that her catchphrase is “I said what I said” so they decide to call it a night and head back to their hotel rooms to take their heels off, relax, and simmer in their swirling unresolved emotions like normal people.

Our queens return to the Werk Room with giant nervous smiles (read: everyone’s exhausted and would rather address that later) and Jer-Ru Springer enters and tells her trusty ratings grabbers to split into pairs. The gals find their BFF’s except for Tamisha and Elliott who wind up alone then lock eyes and awkwardly shuffle towards each other. Her holiness Tamisha immediately consoles her accidental teammate who is visibly dejected after another week of floating amongst the established cliques and I get the feeling that Tamisha, haus mother and unshakable rumbler, honestly doesn’t care that no one picked her because she isn’t of this world and shouldn’t be judged by mere mortals anyway. For the mini challenge they’ll be creating a dress using Spoonflower Wallpaper - a company that we learn exists - and it’s surprisingly our odd couple of last picked queens who rally and snatch the win with a leopard look and a bunch of Carol Baskin jokes that remind us this was filmed last year in the brief period of time that Tiger King was all we talked about as a society until it abruptly wasn’t.

For the maxi challenge our groups will be performing a disco-mentary and during dance rehearsal we learn that recent cancer survivor Tamisha is still wearing an ostomy bag but hasn’t told anyone in fear of sympathy, a reality that sinks in once she finds out that her choreo involves a hula hoop which would strike fear in most people above the age of 14 much less an American icon with a tube taped to an open wound in her stomach. The queens hustle getting ready for the disco-mentary and when the subject turns to growing pains we learn that Olivia was diagnosed obese in high school and lost weight once she joined theater, came out, found her confidence, and became the glowing cherub we see today. Tamisha, whose childhood nickname was iconically “Booty,” found respite in cheerleading despite her grandmother discouraging something so feminine but was encouraged by a community leader who wanted her to follow her dreams of making it in Hollywood, which she will do if I have anything to say about it. Ryan Murphy do your thing! Kandy opens up about her mother who was in and out of jail when she was younger which led to Kandy’s hard exterior and general defensiveness considering the fact that she had to fend for herself.

It’s showtime and we head to the runway where the judge of The Real - Loni Love, joins the singer of The Realness - RuPaul, for a musical history lesson on disco and a deceptively difficult Little Black Dress runway. The disco-mentary goes off without a hitch and and the judges critique Tamisha for being too timid, Kandy for staying in her comfort zone and not embodying disco, and Utica for relying on wackiness once again. If these critiques sound vague it’s because this is one of those weeks towards the middle of the season where everyone did well enough so eliminations have more to do with production deciding whose story is getting tied up than anything else. They give kudos to Tina and Elliott who danced their asses off but critique their safe runway looks and it’s Olivia who snatches the win with great hair all around and a particularly infectious performance. Also, if you’re wondering how Tina shoehorned orange, red, and yellow into a Little Black Dress runway well it was tastefully of course... by walking out in a painters coverall that unzipped to reveal a black velour dress with orange and yellow hand prints on the boobs!

Kandy and Tamisha are determined to be the bottom two and face off to the seminal disco classic... “Hit ‘Em Up Style (Oops)” by Blu Cantrell? You can’t tell me there wasn’t a single goddamn Donna Summers song available at a similar rate. One could say they really dropped the disco ball on that one. In the end Tamisha is sent home after an emotional lip sync and immediately hugs the sobbing Kandy which immediately squashes the beef. We hate to see this icon fall but safe to say she has a spot on All-stars. Actually screw All-Stars. Stephen Spielberg! Tyler Perry! I wanna see scripts on this woman’s desk by Monday!

Thanks for reading and please share and subscribe! See you next week!

[agoodthang]

A Good Thang

                                               Chapter Six                                                    Brandi

I hear someone dragging their feet up the stairs and look out of my bedroom door to see that it’s Ciara.  What the hell is she doing up this late?  I walk out of my bedroom and into hers.  When I walk in, I see her laying on her bed, sobbing lightly.  I close her bedroom door and sit down on her bed.  She looks up from her face being faced down on the pillow and then back down again. “Go away.” She says, trying to kick me off of her bed with her feet.  Grabbing her by her arm to turn her around, she glares at me.  “I gave you your space earlier so give me mine.”   “Ciara, stop it.  Now tell me what’s wrong before I tell mom and dad that you snuck out of the house.”  She smacks her lips before sitting up in her bed and holding on to her pillow. “Promise you won’t tell?”  She says and I hold up my pinky finger to solidify the promise.  We make the pinky promise and I wait for her to explain to me what’s going on.  Ciara takes a deep breath before telling me what happened between her and Nayvadius. “He’s such a dog.”  I say to her in disbelief. “How old were you when you lost your virginity?”  she asks with all seriousness. “To be honest, the same age as you, but I regret it.  It’s not worth it so don’t do it.  Sex can lead to all types of problems.  Problems that you can’t easily get rid of.  Do it when you are ready and not because someone pressures you into doing it.”  I say to her and she nods her head.   “But I do love him.”  A tear rolls down her cheek and I wipe it from her face. “Forget him.  That’s not the type of guy that you want to trust with your body like that.  No telling what type of diseases he’s carrying.”  She listens, but I’m not sure if she’s really hearing what I’m saying to her.  “Promise me that you won’t lose your virginity to him.”  Ciara looks at me funny before laughing a little bit. “Are you serious?”   “Dead serious! I don’t want you to end up like me.”  I say before I could take my words back. “What do you mean like you?”  She looks at me suspiciously. “Regretting it.  That’s what I mean.” “How will I know I’m ready?”  She asks me with all seriousness. “When you no longer have to question if you’re ready.”  I give her hug and head back into my room.

                                                      Ciara

I haven’t heard or seen Nayvadius all day and I can’t help, but to feel some type of way.  So many things are going through my mind and I’m so confused.  I want to be with Nayvadius, but I also want to remain true to myself.   “Ciara, can you tell us the answer?”  Mrs.Watts says, snapping me out of my thoughts.  I don’t even know what she was talking about and I’m sitting in the front row of the classroom.  Next to me, I hear a cough making me turn to see who it was.  It was Russell and he secretly points to the answer on a sheet of paper. “Um…14?”  I say and Mrs. Watts smirks at me. “That’s correct.”  She turns back around and continues on with the lesson.  I look back at Russell and he smiles at me.  I smile back and decide to pay attention in class.   Once the bell rings, everyone packs up and head out of the classroom.  Ironically, me and Russell were the last two left, still trying to gather our belongings. “Um…thanks for um…helping me out.”  I say once I have my things ready. “No problem.”  He says showing off that nice smile.  I blush and head out of the classroom.  I meet up with Kelly and Lala as we head towards our next class that we have together.  We’re busy talking and laughing as we head to class.  I see Nayvadius and he looks me dead in the face before completely ignoring me as if I never existed to him.  Is it really this serious?

                                                   Russell

I finally had a chance to say something to Ciara today and that was the highlight of my day.  I went to practice after school and everything seemed to be going good.  I’m sweating bullets and I have no doubt in my mind that we are going to win this game on Saturday.  Everyone was on point and we never missed a beat.   As we are back into the locker room, I quickly take a shower and head back outside to get to my car to go home.  I say “goodbye” to everyone, feeling really good.  As I’m heading towards the parking lot, I see Ciara and Nayvadius arguing.  I just don’t understand why a beautiful girl like her would bother messing around with a guy like that.  Then again, I’m on the outside looking in.  There’s no telling what type of guy he could actually be.  I watch as she walks away, crying.  He doesn’t chase after her and heads the opposite direction of where she is headed.  I chase after her, just so I can make sure that she’s okay.   “Ciara!”  I yell after her and she turns around.  She has mascara running down her checks and I instantly feel bad for her. “Yeah?”  She says while trying to wipe away her tears. “Are you okay?  You seem pretty upset.”  I say to her.  She takes a deep breath and hesitates a little bit. “I’m fine.  I’ll be okay.  Just….nothing.  I’m fine.  Thanks for asking. ”  She tries to smile a little. “No problem.  Hopefully the next time I see you again, you’ll be showing off that beautiful smile.  See you later.”  I say before walking way.  She blushes a little and walks away as well.                                                          Calvin

“You look nice today.  Not that you don’t look nice any other day.”  I say, nervous as hell.   “Uh….thanks.”  Kelly says, nonchalant.  We’re sitting by my car, waiting for Ciara so that we can all leave together.  There’s an awkward silence between us as I’m trying to think of something else to say to her. “So…um…do you have a date for the homecoming dance?”  Kelly looks at me as if she’s terrified. “Wait…..are you asking me to….hold up wait.”  Kelly starts laughing and I’m grateful as hell to see Ciara coming from around the corner.   “Just forget I said anything.”  I say while getting in the car and starting it up. “Yeah, I agree.”  Kelly starts talking with Ciara for a little bit and I start getting irritated.  When I finally get the courage to say anything to Kelly, she completely blows me off.  I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life.  We’ve known each other since we were in the 5th grade and I’ve have a crush on her for all these years.   “Ci, let’s go.”  I say, with my foot ready to hit the gas pedal.  She says her goodbyes to Kelly and hops in the car. “What’s your problem?”  She asks and I just shake my head, not really in the mood to be talking about what just happened between me and Kelly.