#{Roman Beckett;; my peanut butter chocolate cake with Kool-Aid}

[prettyvenom-musings]

@krismusings

[malakhai-ozera]

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@khai0zera: Our tree is the most badass tree on the east side of Kingsboro. All thanks to @romanbeckett 🎄🙌🏽


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[malakhai-ozera]

Insatiable Collision   || Khoman 💔

Discord thread featuring: Khai and Roman @romanbeckett

When:  December 28th 2020

Mentions: Quentin & Aaron @aaronhart93

Description: Khai and Roman talk about about whats been going on between them. Khai finally admits he needs help and Roman confesses he has fallen in love with someone else. 😭

Trigger Warnings: Major whacks with the pain stick!!

Khai. Things between Roman and Khai  had been so tense lately. Ever since their little lovers quarrel and finding out they had to move away from each other. Things just seemed to be so awkward for them. Of course they both still loved one another, and they feared loosing what they had between them. But with Khai’s current drug addiction, and Roman’s constant state of worrying about him. It was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Khai never wanted this for Roman. It was never his intention to put such a heavy weight on his boyfriends shoulders. He knew he was the cause of all this tension and he so desperately wanted to fix it. He couldn’t bare knowing that he was the reason Roman was falling into a deep depression. All he ever wanted for his best friend was to make him happy and give him the love that he deserves. Now, sitting across from him at the dinning room table. He could feel the intensity of all his mistakes. He had to do this, he had to make this right. Not only for his sake but for Roman’s as well. It was time to let go, and even though just the thought of doing that hurt so damn bad. He knew it was the best thing for the both of them. He needed to get help, and admitting that he couldn’t do that on his own was eating him up inside. “So... I know things have been kinda tense between us... Awkward even. But...” he reached across the table to take his boyfriends hand in his own as he nervously licked his lips. “I know it’s my fault. I take full responsibility. I think we’ve been needing to talk about this for a while now, and I’m so sorry I’ve been pushing it off. I’m just... I never wanted to hurt you Roman. This is just really hard for me. I think I need help” he finally admitted out loud. His eyes glossing over as he gazed across his home cooked meal into his boyfriends eyes. “I can’t keep doing this to you. You deserve so much better.”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Had Roman known that things between him and Khai were changing? He’d be stupid not to. It was something obvious that hung in the air like a dark cloud, a pending heartbreak that neither one of them wanted to admit out loud. So, when Khai reached for him across the table, Roman knew exactly what was going to say. Still, being prepared didn’t make it sting any less, loving someone else didn’t either. Regardless of what they were both going through, at the end of the day, this was his best friend, and the first person he’d ever loved. He’d be dead inside not to feel something. His gaze shifted from Khai’s intense hazel eyes when he admitted that Ro deserved better, something he wasn’t sure he believed, but it wasn’t going to change the outcome of this conversation. “Are you breaking up with me then?” He asked, staring down at his food that now just made his stomach turn.

Khai. The pain on Roman’s face was clear as day. He would have to be blind not to see it, and right now he kinda wished he was. Not that being blind would actually make this any easier. Roman was displaying a sheer reflection of exactly how he was feeling inside as well. He hated this so much, and he wished he could just simply erase everything bad that had happened and start over. “I...” he chocked out and then got up from his seat. Placing his napkin onto the table before making his way over to his boyfriend and kneeling down beside him. “Listen. This isn’t what I really want, okay?” He tried to keep his voice from shaking. But the lack of drugs in his system and the overwhelming emotions were truly making that hard. “I just don’t want to hurt you anymore, Roman. I fucked up, and I hate admitting that.  But I really hate hurting you even more. It’s like... I made one stupid decision after another and I really don’t know how to fix it.” He looked down at their still joined hands and felt a single tear stream down his cheek. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this” his voice shook. “I don’t know why I thought I could handle this and still... “ he stopped talking and brought his free hand up to wipe the tears from his cheeks. Clearing his throat and trying to get a grasp on himself before speaking again. “You mean the world to me, Roman. You deserve someone who can put you before everything else, and love you despite their own addictions. I’m not saying I don’t love you, or that I’m not in love with you. I’m just trying to say, I love you enough to know I’m hurting you and to let go. I need help, and I don’t expect you to sit here and be miserable while I do that. We don’t need to be boyfriends to know how much we love each other. I’m always going to love you no matter what. You’re my best friend. My soul mate.” It took everything in him to get those words out and by the end he was practically sobbing. This hurt so much and he so badly wanted to change his mind. But he knew he couldn’t do that. Not if he wanted to salvage anything they had left.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman was finding it hard to keep his emotions in check as Khai got up, and crouched down at his side. This beautiful man, so beautiful inside out, even despite his flaws, could make Roman feel so many things at once, all the fucking time. Their relationship had been nothing but a rollercoaster during its short span, but all the actor could really see now was his best friend who was hurting. He was being honest, something Roman had been struggling so hard to be. He had to respect that. “Khai.” The taller lifted a hand to cup his lover’s cheek, thumb running along the soft skin just below his eye as he too felt his eyes begin to water. “I’m glad you’re getting help. My main concern this whole time has been you, and your health. As long as you’re focusing on that, I’m okay.” Both of his hands were now at Khai’s jaw, thumbs trying to catch his tears as they fell. “I love you. I’m always gonna love you, and be here for you. I understand...and I’m not upset with you. Okay?” His breath shuttered as his watery green eyes were darting over Khai’s face. “I’m proud of you actually. Really fucking proud.”

Khai. Somehow even in the midst of all this, Roman was still able to carry him. He knew he was breaking his best friends heart, but here he was trying to comfort him. He leaned his head into Roman’s touch and closed his eyes as his tears continued to flow. His hands moving to hold desperately onto his friends wrists as he took a deep shaky breath. Opening  his eyes once again as he looked deep into Roman’s teary orbs. “I know” he nodded. “...and I hate that I put you through any of this. I never meant to” he choked out. His thumbs rubbing the back of Romans hands as he tried to keep himself from crying any more. “I love you too. I love you so fucking much... and I’m so sorry. So so sorry.” He moved closer to his best friend and wrapped his arms around him. Holding onto him like it was the last chance he would ever get as he nuzzled his face into his chest to breath him in. “I don’t deserve you. But thank you” he whispered. Turning his head look up at his friend once more before forcing a soft smile. “I promise. I’m gonna get better and I’m still gonna marry you one day.”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman hated seeing Khai cry. It was probably the worst feeling he’d ever experienced. That sounded dramatic, but like...Roman Beckett was really damn dramatic. There was no shock there. However, when Khai mentioned that he was still going to marry him one day, Roman pulled his hands back just for a moment. Guilt. That was what he felt more than anything else, because he didn’t know if he’d be able to give that wish to Khai. He was in love with Quentin, and on top of that, he also had feelings for Aaron. He’d really gotten himself in a huge cluster fuck. “You don’t wanna marry me.” The actor heard himself say, as if he was hovering above his own body in the moment, watching this whole thing go down without any control over what happened.

Khai. The smile Khai felt becoming more real than forced was quickly wiped away when Roman pulled back. A state of confusion falling over him as he looked up at his best friend. “What? Of course I do” he said a blindsided. Why would Roman say that? Did he really think he didn’t want to? “I love you, Roman. Why wouldn’t I wanna marry you?” He wasn’t sure what was happening right now. But the look on Roman’s face was making him feel like maybe he fucked up more than he thought.

Roman. Roman shook his head, feeling the bile come up the back of his throat as his stomach seemed to be doing fucking acrobats. Why couldn’t this just be easy? Why couldn’t he let Khai break up with him without making it five times more complicated. Roman usually was so much better at conversing than this, seriously, he was disappointed in himself. “Khai I’m not as perfect and innocent here as you think. This isn’t all your fault.” Roman sucked in a deep breath before shaking his head, and closing his eyes. “Listen jus’ — focus on getting better, and I’ll be here every step of the way. Promise me you won’t give up on getting help, no matter how hard it gets. Okay? That’s all I want.”

Khai. These two definitely never made anything easy. Maybe that’s why they hit it off so well in the first place. They brought out a side of each other that no one else ever could.  It was because of that deep connection that Khai knew Roman was holding something back. “Roman... I never said you were innocent. But you are perfect to me. Even with your flaws. They don’t matter. We all fuck up.” He pulled back himself and got to his feet as he stood beside his now ex boyfriend. Just looking down at him for a moment as his mind ran through all the possibilities of what could be going on here. “I won’t give up. I promise. I don’t even know who I am anymore and I really do wanna be better. Not just for you but for me too” he assured. His hand reaching out to caress Roman’s cheek as he continued to just kinda stare at him. “You fell in love with someone else didn’t you?” he asked calmly. It wasn’t even like he could really be mad about it. He was doing god knows what with god knows who while completely oblivious. Could he really expect Roman not to turn to someone else?

Roman. Roman kept his eyes closed while Khai stood and questioned him, ultimately letting a few more tears roll down his cheeks, and onto his lap. That loaded question, one that was weighing on him heavy enough to feel like it was crushing his chest, making it impossible to breathe. It was a lot, and something he didn’t honestly want to answer. His heart was racing, mind going numb from all of the overwhelmingly fast thoughts now forming in his mind. He didn’t want to hurt Khai. Ever. But, he’d been so honest with Roman, the least he could do is be transparent with him in return. “Yes. I fell in love with someone else.” The barista confirmed, choosing to look down at his lap as soon as his eyes opened, instead of face whatever expression was currently flashing across Khai’s face. “I didn’t mean to, I jus’...it happened, and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” The man put his head in his hands, crying now more freely as everything hit him. He’d been trying to run from reality for so long, he was bound to take a long fall.

Khai. When Roman finally answered him, it did hurt. He could feel the knife being pushed into his heart and turning slowly. Roman couldn’t even look at him. He couldn’t blame him. That took a lot for him to admit, even Khai knew that. Roman wasn’t the type of person who would just run around purposely hurting people. So he knew his best friend really meant it when he said he didn’t mean to. “Babe...” he breathed out softly. Grabbing the back of Roman’s chair and pulling him back a bit from the table. He straddled himself over his lap and placed his hands over top of his to pull them from his face. “It’s okay. It sucks, yeah. But it’s okay. We both... we fucked up. Maybe we rushed into this. I don’t know. But what I do know, is I still love you. I’m always gonna love you. I just want you to happy. I wish so much it could have been me. But you always have me. Don’t cry. I promise it’s okay. I’m not mad.” He pulled Roman into his arms and just held him against his chest. Raking his fingers softly through his hair as he tried to comfort him. “Remember what I said? We don’t have to be boyfriends to know we love each other.. and you never know what the future might hold. Either way. You’re stuck with me for life.”

Roman. Roman didn’t expect Khai to be so understanding, to try and comfort him in a way he knew he didn’t deserve. Maybe he was right, they probably did rush into this, but he didn’t change how he felt about the smaller male. This was his first love, the first person to ever have his heart, and to bring him out of his shell enough to even attempt a relationship. He trusted Khai so fucking much, and that’s why it was so hard to let him go. “Trust me. I’m not complaining.” Roman managed to respond as he wrapped his arms around his friend, and pressed a cheek to his chest. “I love you, Khai. Always.” He whispered, voice hoarse from emotion as he squeezed his eyes shut once again to let out the last of his tears.

[malakhai-ozera]

Discord Thread || Khoman ♥

Discord thread featuring: Khai and Roman

When: December 20th

Description: Khai asks Roman to be his boyfriend over text message. But they make it official as soon as Roman gets home from his snowboarding trip with Quentin.

Trigger Warnings: FLUFFY FEELS 🥺 (short and sweet ♥ )

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman was laying there completely naked, shifting only to pull the sheets up around him when he felt a chill across his sweat slicked skin. He wasn’t kidding about attacking Khai as soon as he got through the door, they’d been steadily having sex now for a good couple of hours, which was a brand new record for them. But, now it was time to actually use their words, so Ro rolled over onto his side facing Khai, his cheek against his palm as he looked over his roommate with a smirk. “So. Have anythin’ you wanna ask me?”

Khai. Having to go the entire night without seeing Roman after their text massages was torture. It took him forever to fall asleep, but the second his roommate came through the door it was like he had a miraculous amount of energy. God! The sex that they had too was some of the most amazing sex ever! He rolled onto his side when Roman did and reached his hand out to rake his fingers through his lovers sweaty hair. The smile on his face illuminating all the emotions he had been feeling for what seemed like months now. “Yeah... actually I do” he replied with a soft chuckle. His timing of the question last night was definitely not the best. But that didn’t really matter now. He was gazing into his lovers eyes and feeling more confident and complete than he ever had before. “But, I wanna do it better this time. Not just demand it” he added with another soft chuckle. “So.. Roman Atticus Beckett, you know that Im so hopelessly, deeply, and completely in love with you. I have been for quite a while now, and all I wanna do is take care of you, and love you. So... with that being said. Will you make me the happiest man alive and be my boyfriend?” Sure his way of asking this time around sounded a bit like a proposal, and his cheeks were flushing pink. But this was Roman’s first time ever to be someone’s boyfriend, and he wanted to make it as special as he could for the man that he loved.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman wasn’t expecting Khai to get all mushy on him, the way he was asking the big question was like THE big question. He knew how much Ro loved romance though, so it was genuinely adorable that he seemed to be trying to give him that for his first time. His stomach swooped in the best way, like a fucking amazing roller coaster, which is what it should feel like when someone asks you to be theirs. “Yes. Of course I’ll be your boyfriend.” The actor leaned in to press his lips softly against his roommate’s for a moment, and then popped a kiss to his cheek. “You might have to walk me through how it works. I know absolutely nothing about relationships.” Roman joked while pulling Khai closer under the covers.

Khai. The look on Roman’s face as he looked back at him was one to be etched into his memory forever. His eyes displaying all the same emotions Khai was vocalizing as he answered his question. He leaned in to kiss his boyfriend back languidly as his heart melted into a pool of mush. Smiling like an idiot as Roman pecked a kiss to his cheek. “Don’t worry baby. I don’t think you really need to know much. Just be you.” He snuggled in closer to his new boyfriend and wrapped his arms around him in a loving embrace. “I know we talked about being open before, and we can still do that if you want. I think maybe that would be an easier transition for us. Just don’t go falling in love with some other bloke and we’ll be perfect fine” he teased. Looking up at Roman with a mischievous grin before biting gently at his chin. “And I want in on these hot threesomes you’ve been having” he winked.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman pulled back to scrunch his nose at Khai when he told him he wanted in on the threesomes he’d been having, and the decided to be feisty and grab his boyfriend’s face to bite his bottom lip. He truly was a biter, he couldn’t help himself. It was an impulsive need. “It’s a deal.” He muttered, and then kissed Khai again....and again. The actor moved his hand to the back of his roommate’s head, keeping him in place as he drew out that last kiss, and then decided to be overly soft, and rub their noses together.

Khai. Dammit! How was Roman always so damn cute? Even when they were being feisty and dirty, he was still the cutest fucking thing. Khai couldn’t help but laugh at the little nose scrunch. But that didn’t last long before they he was grunting from the pleasurable pain of his nibble. “Mmm, God” he hissed. Their lips pressing together for multiple fervent kisses before Roman was rubbing their noses together. Damn, that was soft and Khai couldn’t help but turn his head to bury his face into the pillow. His smile so stupid it could make angels cry. “Don’t go making me have to make love to you right now” he teased. His cheeks heating into the brightest shade of pink ever as he moved again to nuzzle his nose into the crook of Romans neck.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman smirked when Khai turned to smile against his pillow, the kind of smile that made his heart feel completely full. He loved when the other male smiled anyway — it was just a vision, anyone would agree, but it was definitely a sight to see. “Would that be such a bad thing?” He asked with a softer gaze before he was reaching out to run his fingers down the side of his man’s chiseled face. “Not in the mood for some hot...intense sex?” He asked with a raised brow. “Boyfriend.”

Khai. It was impossible for Khai to even try to wipe this smile off his face. He was in love, and there was no reason for him to try and hide it. He placed a soft kiss to the side of Roman’s neck as his boyfriends fingers trailed his face and he pulled back to look into his eyes. “No.. it wouldn’t be a bad thing. I’m always in the mood for hot intense sex with you.” That wasn’t a lie either. These two could barely keep their hands off of each other. He was just about to say that too when Roman called him his boyfriend for the first time. His heart instantly skipping a beat as his smile spread even wider. “Say that again..” he challenged. His hand moving to react against Roman’s cheek as his thumb traced his lips.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman was looking at Khai with dark eyes now, lips swollen and pink as he parted them against Khai’s touch. There was something really fucking hot about being told to say that again, though it’s not like he didn’t love when the other man told him what to do regardless. “Boyfriend.” The actor repeated, his hand now grabbing his friend’s wrist before he was rubbing his fingers up and down Khai’s arm gently. He couldn’t help but touch him, wanting to have as much contact as possible at the moment.

Khai. His eyes were scanning every feature of Roman’s face. Taking in the darkness of his eyes and the way his plush lips moved as he said the word boyfriend again. It was like time stood still for a moment. The feeling of his boyfriends touch being the only thing reminding him that this was all real. “I love the way that sounds coming from your lips” he breathed out in an almost whisper. His hand gripping at Roman’s face before falling down to his neck and kissing him breathlessly.

[malakhai-ozera]

Oh, Christmas Tree 🎄 || Khoman

Discord text thread featuring: Khai Ozera and Roman Beckett​

When: December 8th 2020

Mentions: ​Landon Davies

Description: Khai and Roman get drunk and put up their Christmas tree.

Trigger Warnings: - Feels 🥺

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ “Oh Christmas Treeee, Oh Christmas Treeee!!! I really don’t knoooooww the words to thee!” Roman sang out as he pulled the cookies from the oven, far from burnt since Khai had been the one closely watching the time. “These smell fabulous.” Of course Ro had on a nice green Christmas sweater, only underwear paired with it, and Santa sock booties. It was definitely a fashion statement, but at least this time he didn’t feel like he had to wear an apron. “Baaaaaabe!” He called out while reaching for his wine glass, and stumbling with it over to the counter so he could get yet another refill. They were both already buzzed, and enjoying some Christmas music while putting up their first tree together. Exciting. Ornaments were next after they tried some cookies.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Khai could hear Roman singing from the living room and he laughed to himself. God, how was this man this adorable all the time? His smile was stretched from ear to ear as he placed their box of ornaments onto the couch and headed to the kitchen. His Santa hat sliding down on his head practically covering his eyes as he pushed up the sleeves on his red candy cane sweater. God, they were so gross, but they just had to be festive. “Yes, love?” he grinned as he saw Roman practically gliding across the kitchen into the counter for more wine. “Those smell delicious” he chuckled. Making his way over to his roommate and booping his nose before leaning against the counter to keep himself sturdy. “Should we cheers to our first tree together?” he asked. Looking around for a moment to try and find his glass. “Ah, shit. I forgot my glass” he laughed. Pushing off the counter and stumbling to the living room to grab his glass before coming back and crashing into Roman with a giggle. “Okay. I’m ready” he laughed again.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman sat his wine back down while Khai ran to get his own glass, using the opportunity to start waving a place mat over the tray of cookies in and attempt to cool them off. He then took a spatula, and moved them one by one to a plate so they could firm up. “Okay, okay — I’m ready as well.” Roman nodded, and then grabbed his glass to hold it up in Khai’s direction. “To us, our amazing apartment, our friendship, and our first tree.” Roman toasted with a wide smile, looking into the other male’s eyes while he clinked their glasses together, and then took another sip of the dark liquid. “Okay. Wanna try a cookie??” The taller asked, full of excitement.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ There was no way he was ever gonna be able to stop smiling, not tonight. He had been so excited for this all day, and now that they were finally doing it. He was just so ecstatic. Lifting his glass he clinked it to Roman’s with a nod. “I couldn’t have said it better myself, babe” he beamed. Sipping from his glass before nodding his head again. “Mmm, yes. They look so good.. and look at you getting them all set up.” His cheeks were actually starting to hurt from how much he was smiling, but luckily the wine kept him from caring. His hand moving to rub the center of Roman’s back as the other sat down his glass and reached for a cookie. “You want the first bite?” he asked. Holding the cookie out toward Roman’s lips before licking his own as he watched him.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman let out a low moan of satisfaction when he felt Khai start to rub his lower back. God, that felt nice, and the smaller knew it too. After all, he had to live with Ro complaining about his back pretty consistently anyway. The actor smirked when he was offered the first bite of cookie, eyes darting from Khai’s caramel colored eyes, down to the baked good by his lips. These were pretty strong in THC, they really only needed half per person, but Roman leaned in to take a giant bite anyway, throwing a tight lipped grin as he chewed away with a happy hum.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Listen. Khai absolutely loved making Roman feel good. In fact, he got highly jealous when he wasn’t the one doing so. Which only made him want to pamper and take care of his roommate even more. His fingers rubbing small tender circles along Roman’s spine as he watched him take a bite of the cookie. “Is it good?” he asked, lifting his brow curiously as he licked his lips. Just hearing the way Roman hummed was enough incentive for him to pop the remainder of the cookie straight into his mouth though. Damn, that was good! His whole body felt so giddy, but maybe that was just because he was with Roman. How could he not be giddy in his presence? He leaned forward and pressed a soft peck to Roman’s lips and then picked up his glass of wine again. “Come on, baby. Let’s go decorate the tree” he smiled. Lacing their hands together and leading him into the living room.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ "So good." Roman admitted while chewing slowly, giving Khai a tight lipped grin as he swallowed his bite, and watched his roommate eat the rest of it. That really shouldn't be something that was attractive...watching someone eat, but alas, Ro felt extremely hot just from observing things entering Khai's mouth. God, that was weird to say out loud, wasn't it? The taller smiled when he was given a quick kiss, and then followed his lover back to the Christmas tree, ready now to finish decorating with both of the combined ornaments they'd managed to find tucked away in their storage boxes in the hall closet. "God, I haven't seen so many of these in so long. I've moved around so much, I haven't really been able to do a tree." He admitted while opening his box of old ornaments, and pulled out one Landon had made him in grade school. It actually made him tear up a bit, remembering that this had been his first gift from a friend, one he had desperately tried so hard to take good care of.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ This was such a coupley thing for them to be doing. Decorating a Christmas tree together and sharing their old memories. It warmed Khai’s heart to say the least. It was like he couldn’t even take his eyes off his roommate as he watched him pull out the first ornament. “I know, it’s been so long for me too. I mean, my dad always put one up for my sisters. But he never let me help” he shrugged. Then after getting kicked out at sixteen everything just seemed to go downhill from there. His eyes lit up as he watched Roman though, and he offered him a genuine smile. “What’s the story with that one?” he asked, pointing to the ornament in his lovers hands. Resting his chin on Roman’s shoulder as he stood behind him and took in all the detail and love that was put into making it.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman smiled when Khai walked up behind him, and asked about his ornament. He smelled so good, like aftershave, wine, and weed. What was better than that combination? There was a also a scent that was just purely Khai, one that made him genuinely want to melt into the ground like butter. That was cheesy, but oh so true. They’d both been through so much, and still managed to bump into each other, like a missing puzzle piece. “This one was made by Landon actually.” He informed the smaller, holding it up so that they could both see it better. “As you know, he was my first ever friend, and this was the first ever present someone gave me outside of my parents. I’d never known what it was like to really have a friend before.” He admitted before turning to smirk, and press a kiss to Khai’s cheek.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Sharing moments like these with Roman  were rare and far between lately. So it was easy to say Khai was melting right into the tone of his roommates voice as he explained the ornament. A soft smile outlining his features as he felt the kiss being pressed to his cheek. “This one should definitely go up first” he nodded. Reaching for the ornament and taking it from Roman’s hands. “To lasting friendships that turn into family” he said softly as he turned to hang the bulb on the tree. Smiling widely as he found the perfect spot and then turned  his head back to Roman for his opinion. “It’s perfect right?” he asked. Opening his arms out wide as if to praise the tree having its first ever ornament on it. “I love it” he beamed proudly, before accidentally knocking the ornament off the tree when he brought his arms back down. “Oh fuck!” he gasped. Dropping to his knees in hopes of finding it still in one piece. No such luck though. The bulb had shattered and so did Khai’s heart as he stood back up to see the expression on Roman’s face. “I’m so sorry.”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman smirked as he watched Khai put up the ornament after saying it should be first, nodding with the other male said it was perfect. “Yea-“ Ro began to respond, his mouth dropping as soon as the ornament did, watching as the blessed keepsake shattered on the floor. His chest started to rise and fall, feeling like it was becoming harder to breathe, even after Khai apologized. It was just an ornament, he knew that deep down, but it didn’t make the fact that it wasn’t replaceable any easier. “Fuck, Khai...” Roman ran a hand over his face, trying not to get irrationally mad despite all the liquor he’d drank.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ To be honest, it quite literally felt like someone had punched right through his chest, and was now squeezing the life out of his heart as he watched Roman’s reaction. He knew he had just broken his heart into a million pieces, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. “Babe... I’m so sorry. Fuck, I’m such an idiot” he shook his head. Leaning back down to pick up the pieces and trying to piece them back together in his hands. “Look, I can fix it” he tried to encourage him. But it was obvious there was no way of fixing it back to the way it was. “See, I can fix it” he repeated as he moved closer to Roman. Reaching out with one of his hands to squeeze his lovers shoulder reassuringly. “Okay? It’s gonna be okay. I’ll make it better.”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman sniffed as he felt tears start to prick at his eyes, something that made him almost angrier than the broken ornament. He hated crying in front of anyone, and now it was about so much more than Khai breaking something he loved. He was being vulnerable, somehow a level of transparent that he’d yet to be with Khai. He didn’t like showing signs of weakness, and the way the smaller was trying to make him feel better about this was even more overwhelming. Anyone could have made this mistake, especially Roman, who was the world’s biggest klutz, but he wasn’t thinking clearly. “Don’t.” His voice broke, lightly pushing the other male away, because he could feel his anxiety rising to all new levels. He was drunk, now also high, and he probably looked like a giant baby.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ The last thing Khai had expected was for Roman to push him away. He stood there kind of dumbfounded as he just looked at his best friend for a moment. “Roman, it’s okay. I promise, I’m gonna fix it” he tried to reason with him again. His own eyes glossing over now as he could see the hurt all over Roman’s face. Honestly, he didn’t know what to do. He had never seen Roman cry before, and this whole situation was just breaking his heart. All he wanted to do was hold Roman in his arms and make it better. But he couldn’t do that, and now Roman didn’t even want him touching him. “I...” he went to speak again but just shook his head instead. “I promise I’ll fix it” he kept repeating. Pulling his bottom lip between his teeth to keep himself from crying as well. This was supposed to be a happy night together and here he was ruining it. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me” his voice trembled. Trying once again to pull Roman into his arms.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Genuinely, Roman could feel his heart breaking even more at the way Khai was completely breaking down in front of him. It was enough to snap him out of whatever little meltdown he was having to reach out, and cup the other’s face in his massive hands. Why had he been so fucking mean over an ornament? Clearly there was a lot there he needed to unpack, that he’d yet to really discover about himself, because he refused to look at it. Khai was the closest person to Roman right now, so of course the actor was going to take everything out on him. “No. Don’t be sorry, I’m sorry.” He said firmly, and then dropped his hands to Khai’s shoulders. “It’s not even about the ornament, I jus’...I guess I’m a little more fucked up than i thought i was...” he looked into the smaller’s eyes with an apologetic expression. “I was being an asshole, and you don’t deserve that.”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ When Roman reached up to cup his face, Khai instinctively flinched. He didn’t mean to, because he knew Roman would never hit him. But his emotions were raw, and he knew he fucked up. He wouldn’t blame his best friend one bit for hitting him. He broke something very dear to him, and his heart right along with it. Once he realized Roman was apologizing though, he shook his head. “No, it’s okay. This meant a lot to you” he replied. His eyes shifting up to meet Roman’s as he continued to speak. “Then what’s it about?” he asked a bit confused. Setting the pieces of the ornament down onto the coffee table before placing both his hands around Roman’s cheeks. “You know you can always talk to me babe. I’m here for you” he assured. Pulling Roman closer and wrapping his arms around him in a loving embrace. “...and I promise I’ll be more careful” he added as he stroked Roman’s hair.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman wrapped his arms around Khai, and buried his face against the side of his neck when he was pulled into an embrace. He was so embarrassed, and wished desperately that he could just rewind a bit, and pretend like everything was okay. He was so good at doing that on the daily anyway, so why was he struggling so bad now? All he knew for sure, was he really didn’t want to talk about all the reasons he was fucked up right now, not when tonight was supposed to be special. “I dunno, I’m jus’ — I know you know how I feel.” The taller’s pulled back just enough to look into those intensely warm eyes he loved so much. “We’ve both been through a lot. It’s bound to catch up sometimes, right?”

[malakhai-ozera]

@romanbeckett

[malakhai-ozera]

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@khai0zera: The best thing since sliced bread @romanbeckett​ (˘ڡ˘)  🍆👅 
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[malakhai-ozera]

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@khai0zera: There aren’t too many things in this world that I can say I’m truly grateful for. But @romanbeckett is definitely at the top of that list. He’s not only my best friend and confidant. But he is also the only person who has ever made me feel truly comfortable just being me. He is the most caring, accepting, loving, inspiring person I have ever met. He is my person and I know my life would be completely different if he weren’t in it. I thank God every single day for bringing him into the world and for putting him in my life. I’m so lucky to have been given the gift of loving you and being loved by you. I can only hope you find that same love and happiness you have shown so many other in your life. Happy birthday, babe.


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[malakhai-ozera]

 Discord Text Thread || Khoman  ♥  

Discord thread featuring: Khai and Roman @romanbeckett

When:  December 24th (day & night)

Mentions: Landon Davies @davieslandon

Description: Roman texts Khai to forgive him after his voicemail. They start texting again later in the day and Khai is beyond fucked up and Roman once again expresses his concerns for him.

Trigger Warnings: HARD drug use, drug mentions, light sexting and dirty talk.(sorry this one is kinda looooong)

Roman. babe. You’re forgiven. Shit happens. I just worry...which is one of my issues. I worry constantly about everything. Always afraid something will happen to you.

Khai. I know, and I’ve been real careless. I didn’t mean to be a shit I was just... being stupid and fucked up I hope you know I really don’t have a problem with you staying with Landon. Idek what my deal was

Roman. are you sure it doesn’t bother you?

Khai. I’m sure baby. I just want you two to have fun

Roman. I’ll still see you there tomorrow right?

Khai. of course you will. Fancy pjs and all lol

Roman. oh my god I can’t wait lol

Khai. me either. It’s gonna be an amazing day for sure

Roman. I’ll be off work soon and I’ll bring us dinner

Khai. I look forward to it! I’m starving plus I really wanna kiss you

Roman. I reallllly wanna kiss you too. Maybe we can sneak in a quickie

Khai. maybe huh?

Roman. okay definitely, because I want lol

Khai.

hahaha well I’m always down baby. You know I can’t keep my hands off of you.

- Later that same day -

Roman. I miss you already

Khai. Miss you too

Roman. dinner and messing around was fun though. Best Christmas gift ever.

Khai. it was fun indeed! I couldn’t agree more

Roman. are you okay?

Khai. yeah I’m okay why?

Roman. idk just checking. I feel guilty now that I’m not there

Khai. don’t feel guilty. I have my drugs and hot chocolate to keep me warm haha

Roman. ooo what drugs lolll

Khai. Just the usual. I also have my tequila so I’m set lol

Roman. damn. I do wish I was there

Khai. I always wish you were here. But it’s okay. We will make out all day tomorrow

Roman. yesss. Can we cook a late night breakfast for dinner together and watch Christmas movies

Khai. absolutely! We can do whatever you want baby

Roman. I'm having wiiiine

Khai. mmm what kind?

Roman. it's a good ass Pinot

Khai. oooo im jelly I’m half way through my tequila advent calendar haha I got behind

Roman. Lmao omg babe!!! How much have you has?? lol

Khai. like 6 so farv ? Lol

Roman. FARV 😂

Khai. oops haha

Roman. I am laughing. I love you lol if I was there, I’d be in your lap right now.

Khai. I love you mooooore yeah you would

Roman. thighs on either side of you, straddling you with my forehead against yours, running my fingers through your hair...

Khai. damn baby... don’t make me come there and crash your party

Roman. SHSUSJEJEJEJENEJDJJE why is my boyfriend so HOT

Khai. because you were a good boy this year? haha

Roman. well we both know THAT isn’t true lol

Khai. hahahaha well then idk. But my boyfriend is pretty fucking sexy too though and lord knows I’ve been baaaaad

Roman. we got lucky  now if we could just keep our damn apartment

Khai. I know... that would be nice wouldn’t it? can’t have it all though I guess lol

Roman. I still haven’t found a place and I’m stressed

Khai. yeah, idk where I’m going either. Maybe we can go look together after Christmas

Roman. yeah, let’s do that. Bleh. Anyway, don’t wanna bring down the mood!! How ya feelin?

Khai. I’m feeling goodz how you feeling?

Roman. goodz too  I feel all warm and buzzy

Khai. hahaha dammit I’m glad baby. I want you to have fun just not to mush fun haha

Roman. I won’t have too much fun. Not without youuuu

Khai. good. Cause J like the sound o g that

Roman. babe you’re wasted aren’t you

Khai. yes I am ll I misssh you

Roman. omg mish. That’s so cute omg. I wanna hear you say it

Khai. nooo hahaha

Roman. mish mish mishhhh

Khai. you’re so mean lol but I love youuu

Roman. noooo I just think it’s adorable lol I love your typos. They make my life better.

Khai. Mhm you mage my life begetter. I should prolly stip drinking now hahaha

Roman. You probably should babe

Khai. that tot out of hand fasty lol oops

Roman. fasty omg you’re SO cute

Khai. lmao wow I gives up

Roman. I’m just imagining you saying all of this outloud, and it’s like making my night

Khai. hahaha I’m glad. I’m imagning you laughing and it’s making my nifht too

Roman. my squawking laugh  god

Khai. nooooo it’s the bstes laugh wver and beast smile too

Roman. I would argue that YOU have the best smile my love.

Khai. Nope nope

Roman. UM *picture of Khai’s smile*

Khai. I look liek a weirro

Roman. WHAT you’re crazy lol

Khai. I’m crazy anout youuuuuu I wanna snugs you

Roman. me too. I love snuggling with you every night and it’s so weird when we don’t like !!! I’m so used to going to bed with you.

Khai. it is weird. Indint like it but Im gonna sleept in y it bed

Roman. sleep in my bed any time you want love. You’ll like the new book I have

Khai. ooooo I wish you erre here

Roman. I know. I do too. I miss those eyes. I also miss your scruff. That sounds so dumb, but I love the way it feelssss

Khai. I love yyou I’m gonna scrufff you up when I se you

Roman. scruff up the inside of my thighs PLEASE AND THANKS

Khai. you know j will

Roman. god I love when you give me beard burn

Khai. I thinks that the hottest thing yku ever said to me I want you sinebws

Roman. what can I say? I just love your head between my legs

Khai. I love it too baby. I luv makings you deel good

Roman. ugh I’m starting to get buzzed now lol

Khai. hahaha dinally this whol room is so pinky spiking lol yup nvm haha

Roman. it’s so what?? Hahaha spinning? Lol

Khai. yessum Jm good

Roman. bleh I worry about you.

Khai. I’m oka I promisee I hust miss you

Roman. I miss you too. So much baby. Keep talking to me so I don’t have to miss you even more.

Khai. what ya wanna talks about? Tell me ykyr favorite chrismas present

Roman. you won’t believe me if I tell you lol

Khai. yesss I whll

Roman. everything you got me. You know me so well. I’m obsessed with all of it. Ugh. The jacket, the shoes?! The freaking clock. You really did so good.

Khai. really? I’m so hapy you love it. I just wanted you to gave the best. You lok so good in those shows too

Roman. you know exactly what I like and feel good in.

Khai. cause I lover you

Roman. I love you too. How are you feeling?

Khai. sleepyyy but good gaga

Roman. baby I’m worried about you.

Khai. why? I’m fdine im jus laying in bed

Roman. i don’t like that you’re doing heroin

Khai. romsn it’s ojay

Roman. but you’re not even making sense

Khai. I ehould jus got to bed

Roman. maybe but bleh idk I’m worried and I should be there

Khai. no no, eont worry. I wsnt you to have fun.

Roman. I know but ugh. I love you.

Khai. I lowe you too idknt wanna hpset you

Roman. will you promise me you’ll try to stop?

Khai. fan we talked about tbis latr?

Roman. yeah of course

Khai. I jus imn so tucked up byt I wanba talk

Roman. I know

Khai. I love yky so mhch

Roman. I love you too.

Khai. I relly sm sorry. Ilm do better. Pleas have fhn tonight okay

Roman. I’m worried to death about you

Khai. I orimse Jm ok. I just nee to skep it off

Roman. okay

Khai. Smile is chrismaaaas

Roman. lol okay, I smiled

Khai. good boyyy

Roman. lol hate you!!

Khai. I knoooow but you lve me

Roman. I definitely love you

Khai. you’re my everything

Roman. Khaiiiii. You’re making me smile so much it fucking hurts lol

Khai. I mean itttt you’re all I ever need

Roman. god I think my heart is gonna explode lol you constantly wanna kill me

Khai. nooo baby. I just want you tk know how mych I love you and I am feelig better so thahs good well jot better but less high lol

Roman. lol!! Well. Bleh. Scared me there, not gonna lie.

Khai. I’m sorry baby I know I newd to stop it’s jus hard

Roman. i know.

Khai.

We can talk about this after the holiday tho. I don’t wanna ruin it for anyone

Roman. you’re not ruining anything for me. I promise.

Khai. I hope not cause I’d never forgive myself

Roman. babe. Don’t be silly. Everything’s okay *heart emoji*

Khai. you’re the best do you know that?

Roman. I’m not. But I’m glad you think so

Khai. I know so.

[malakhai-ozera]

Their First Fight - Text Thread || Khoman  ♥  

Discord thread featuring: Khai and Roman @romanbeckett

When:  December 23rd 

Mentions: Landon Davies @davieslandon

Description: Khai texts Roman at Landon’s party to ask if he can leave on a drug run with his sugar mama. Roman expresses his concerns. Khai gets jealous. They get into a pretty heated conversation about issues that have been stirring between them. They end on a semi good note and Khai ends up leaving Roman a vm to apologize.

Trigger Warnings: Drug mentions.Major Feels.

Khai. Idk where you disappeared to. But Meredith is here and she wants me to go with her to pick up some stuff. You cool with that?

Roman. oh. I had to use the loo. Will you be back?

Khai. idk I don’t have to go

Roman. do you not want to be here?

Khai. I wanna be with you. Especially if I’m not gonna see you tomorrow

Roman. I’ll still come see you before I go to Landon’s. I promise. Then I’ll see you all day Christmas Day. But yeah, I’d prefer if you’d stay with me tonight.

Khai. okay I’ll stay then

Roman. thank you. I just. Yeah. I don’t have a good feeling about her.

Khai. yeah, well.. I don’t really have a good feeling about my boyfriend staying with his friend on Christmas Eve either

Roman. why?? It’s his birthday

Khai. yeah I know it is ask me if I care?

Roman. ouch. okay well. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say to that.

Khai. it’s fine. You can do whatever you wanna do I’m just saying

Roman. clearly that’s not the case. But instead of being honest with me, you just let it build until you’re pissed enough to hurt me and I’m too high to really know how to react to this. Fuck

Khai. what do you want me to say Roman? No don’t go stay with your friend on his birthday? I just think it’s a little weird for you to be snuggling your best friend instead of your boyfriend on Christmas morning don’t you? like I said though. I don’t care, I’ll find somewhere else to be.

Roman. who said I was snuggling??? I’m not there to snuggle with him Khai

Khai. okay if you say so.

Roman. you know what? Fine. Go with your friend. Forget it.

Khai. fine I will

Roman. have fun

Khai. you too

Roman. read

Khai. I’m just going home. Have a good night

Roman. okay

Khai. should I expect you?

Roman. yeah I’ll be home.

Khai. k

Roman. unless you don’t want me there

Khai. why the fuck wouldn’t I want you here?

Roman. I don’t know. Sorry.

Khai. I love you dumbass

Roman. I love you too

Khai. yeah. Goodnight.

Roman. okay fine. I don’t even know what I did wrong but. I’m sorry. Goodnight.

Khai. you didn’t do anything I just don’t know why you wanna be shitty about someone you don’t even know. But your fine ditching me

Roman. I don’t see how I’m ditching you. But okay. I stay with Landon on his birthday every year. We all have plans to be together Christmas Day. That’s been the plan. Also, I wasn’t being shitty, I was telling you how I feel and I’m sorry you didn’t like it.

Khai. that’s fine. I just wanted to wake up with you on Christmas morning but it’s fine. It’s all fine. I just don’t get why you feel that way.

Roman. it’s not fine though apparently. You’re mad at me. And I have my concerns about the way she’s treated you, and I’m just scared something bad will happen and it’s just a feeling I have. I wasn’t trying to be shitty. I just care about you.

Khai. yeah, I’m not happy that Landon gets to have my perfect boyfriend moment. But it’s whatever, I’ll get over it. What do you mean how she treated me? She does nothing but take care of me

Roman. Khai she left you cuffed to a bed and was so out of it you couldn’t even wake her up. And he’s not having any moment with me. We’re not even sleeping in the same room.

Khai. yeah, well. I don’t even know what to say to that... and I really don’t believe that. He eye fucks you all the time

Roman. stop it. There’s nothing going on between me and Landon. Seriously. can we please not fight

Khai. fine I don’t wanna fight either

Roman. 😞

Khai. I’m sorry. Have fun and if it makes you feel any better I pissed her off too. So you don’t have to worry about her anymore

Roman. Khai my main concern is always you. I just want you to be okay

Khai. I just wanted to have a good night with you. I’m sorry I fucked it up

Roman. that’s all I wanted too.

Khai. I’m just gonna phaze out and go to bed

Roman. I’ll come home soon

Khai. no rush Roman.. I really am sorry.

Roman. it’s fine, I just, yeah. Took me off guard

Khai. it’s my fault. I know it is and I.. I’m sorry

Roman. it’s okay. I love you and I’m sorry if I did anything to upset you.

Khai. it wasn’t you. It’s all me I love you

Roman. I love you too. So much.

Khai. is it okay if I lay in your bed?

Roman. well of course it is. I’ll crawl in with you as soon as I get home

Khai. okay baby. Be careful and have fun.

Khai. voice mail: “hey baby, I just wanted to apologize again. I’ve been laying here thinking about you and hating myself for leaving like I did. I don’t know why I was such a shit, but I really do love you so much, and I want you to have a good night. And I’m sorry for being a jealous twit about Landon too. I know better and I know you love him. I’ve just... I... I’ve been struggling. But we can talk about that later. I love you. I really really love you. See you when you get home, love. Be safe tonight.”

[malakhai-ozera]

@romanbeckett

[malakhai-ozera]

Discord Text Thread || Roman & Khai

Discord thread featuring: Khai Ozera and Roman Beckett

When: October 25th, 2020

Mentions: Landon Davies, Aaron Hart, and Jaycee Lynd

Description: Roman texts Khai after the festival just to check in and he tells him he’s thinking about going to therapy.

Trigger Warnings: None.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Hope you’re doing okay.

Khai. I’m good. How are you doing?

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ I’m okay. Just miss you and wanted to check in.

 𝕂HAI I miss you too. I’ve just been working and keeping busy. But I’m good, can’t really complain. How are you feeling?

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Still sore, but much better than I was.

 𝕂HAI That’s good. I’m glad you’re feeling better

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Sorry though, I’ll leave you alone. Just wanted to make sure you’re okay.

 𝕂HAI I am. You don’t have to leave me alone.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ You doing okay though?

Khai. Yeah, I’m great! Sleepy but great

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Are you not getting enough sleep babe?

Khai. you know me, I hardly ever sleep. But I’m good, can’t really complain. Did you have fun at the festival?

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Honestly think I might have overdone it a bit with the festivities, but eh lol I’ll live  did you have fun?

Khai. I’m sorry babe. I did have some fun, yeah. I was pretty wasted though lol

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ I could tell lol you all seemed pretty out of it.

Khai. Yeah, we were. I haven’t drank like that in weeks. I probably should have paced myself.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Khai lol

Khai. How are things with Aaron?

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Things are good. I think I am going to start seeing someone for therapy. I might have told you that, but idk. I think I need to try something.

Khai. No, you didn’t tell me. That’s good babe, I’m proud of you. I really hope it helps.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ I’m still worried about you.

Khai. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine I promise.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Sorry, I know I can be annoying. I just wanted to check on you though and make sure everything was okay.

Khai. You are not annoying. Stop that!

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Khai, I’m actually really proud of you. You’ve accomplished so much in such a short amount of time. Your music, your restaurant! And it’s all amazing. Idk I’m just. You amaze me.

Khai. Don’t go making me cry now

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ lol I’m serious!!!!

Khai. Well, thank you. I really appreciate it and I’m so happy that you love it. The music thing has been kinda on the back burner with the restaurant and Rent. But, it’s nice to know I’ve made you proud.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ You’re doing so much though. I just don’t want you to stretch yourself too thin.

Khai. I know, I’m doing okay though. I got a new head chef and one waiting to interview so all is good.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ That’s awesome. You’re on the ball

Khai. haha I’m trying to be. I already set the kitchen on fire twice though, so we shall see how it goes

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Lmao Khai. I shouldn’t laugh at that, but I did.

Khai. Lmaooo it’s funny. you can totally laugh. it just gets so busy and I’m so easily distracted. Shit happens, but it wasn’t too serious so it really is funny af

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Just be careful, my god lol

Khai. haha I will. The first time was definitely Landons fault though. He showed up with Elle and I completely forgot what I was doing and poof there it went lol Elle thought it was hilarious so that was a plus

Roman. lol I love her.

Khai. Yeah, she’s the best.

Roman. thanks for talking with me. You should get some sleep

Khai. You don’t need to thank me. I love talking to you babe. I missed it, a lot.

Roman. I did too. I feel like you’re one of the only people I can really be completely open with.

Khai. Always babe. You’re my best friend and I’m always here for you no matter what.

Roman. I’m always here for you too.

[malakhai-ozera]

Discord Thread || Khai & Roman

Discord thread featuring: Malakhai Ozera & Roman Beckett @romanbeckett

When: August 3rd

Mentions: @dammitdorian @aaronhart93 @warmvlbes

Description: Roman brings food over for Khai and they have a deep emotional talk

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Roman stumbled up the front steps to Khai’s apartment, trying to carry the 28738383 bags of food he’d felt the need to order them. Why?? He didn’t know. But, alas. He was feeding an entire village. Ro sat down some of the bags to ring Khai’s doorbell while also carrying the male’s hoodie over his arm, and weed stash in his pocket.

 𝕂HAI Khai made his way to the door once he heard the doorbell. Pulling it open and smiling widely at Roman. “Jesus.. you weren’t kidding” he laughed. Grabbing some of the bags to help him as he invited him in. “You smell great” he commented as he pushed the door shut.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ “Oh, it must be the Chinese.” He joked while making his way inside, taking a moment to get his shoes off at the door. He was always polite like that. “Just kidding, I got new Saint Laurent cologne, and decided to bathe in it.” Roman giggled. “Where you wanna eat?”

 𝕂HAI “Must be” he snickered. “It really does smell amazing” he complimented again. “Couch?” he suggested. Bringing the bags to the coffee table before setting them down.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman squeaked at the slap to his ass, and then sat everything down on the coffee table before pulling the bag of weed out of his pocket. “Wanna...?” He asked with a smirk while wiggling the bag in front of the smaller’s face.

 𝕂HAI Khai laughed at the sound Roman made and then took a seat on the couch. “Of course I wanna. But not too much” he chuckled. Pulling his bottom lip between his teeth as he watched the taller

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ “Well, nothing is gonna be much after what you did last night.” He turned to eye his ex, and then got out Khai’s grinder to get started on a joint. “So...tell me more about you and Dorian.” Did he really wanna know? No. Not really, but at the same time, he did. He wanted Khai to be happy, and Dorian was a good guy. He didn’t want Khai to feel like he couldn’t talk about it with him.

 𝕂HAI “That would be a hella shame if I couldn’t get high anymore. I’d probably cry” he fake pouted. He watched his ex and his brow quirked slightly. “You wanna know about me and Dorian?” he asked a bit taken back. “What do you wanna know?”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman lifted a brow, and began stuffing a joint for Khai, handing it over with a lighter when he was done. “I mean. I dunno.” He shrugged a shoulder, and then starting making himself a blunt, because he needed it. Ro could feel his heart rate start to pick up, but the second he got in the first inhale of THC, he could feel himself start to soften as he blew the smoke out. “I dunno what I’m asking.” He chuckled.

 𝕂HAI He kept his eyes on Roman, trying to read him. But he was being so stoic. He took the joint and placed it between his lips before taking the lighter and lighting up. Inhaling deeply and exhaling slow as he kept his eyes locked on his ex. “We aren’t together... officially? We’ve hooked up a couple of times. Talked about going on a date. He’s a really grounded guy.” He just started talking not really sure what to say. “If you wanna know something specific though. Just ask. How are things going with Aaron?” he tried to show the same respect for his ex’s lover as he was showing for him.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman just nodded, taking another pull off his joint before he was ashing it, and going for some cashew chicken. “Good. I really can’t complain. I’m having so much fun with Des, Khai, I dunno. It just feels like...yeah. I’m like another dad for her, and I love putting that little smile on her face. She loves music, and wrote us a duet.” He giggled, and then turned to glance at Khai. “I kept getting the lyrics wrong, and she put me in timeout.” Roman laughed.

𝕂HAI He kept pulling at his joint as he listened to Roman talk. His words definitely making his heart ache but he couldn’t help but smile. He truly was so happy that Roman was happy. But it still hurt a bit that it wasn’t with him. That would probably never go away. But it was okay because he still had him in his life. Which was what mattered most to him. “I can tell your really happy” he chuckled softly. “...and I would have put you in time out too. Your a Broadway star” he snickered shaking his head

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman gave a small smirk when Khai said he could tell he was happy, snorting at his comment about putting him in time out too. “Yeah, yeah I know. And...I am happy, but...” Ro shook his head, and then took in a deep breath. “It doesn’t stop me from loving, or thinking about you. I don’t want you to forget that bit. I jus’ - you have a part of me as well.”

𝕂HAI He moved closer to Roman and placed his hand on the side of his neck. His thumb brushing over his ex’s lips as he looked into his eyes. “I know babe. I still think about you all the time too, and I love you so much. It’s just like you said... it’s not our time. I want you to really be happy though. Don’t hold back because of me okay? You deserve so much love and you will always have a part of me too”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Ro managed a small smirk when Khai cupped his face, parting his lips under his touch in the process. He felt like they were finally on the same page, though that meant they understood each other’s pain. And, there was a lot of it. “Ditto, babe.”

𝕂HAI Khai smiled as Roman kissed his palm and he leaned in closer to press his lips to his ex’s cheek. Just a short sweet peck to let him know he was still there and not going anywhere. “I love you” he whispered. “Now I’m gonna eat some chicken because I have the munchies” he chuckled

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ “I love you, too.” Ro watched as Khai pulled away, and then turned his attention to the food, smirking as he replaced his chicken with his blunt once again. He needed to be a lot more high than he already was, “Well please eat. There’s enough here for your entire apartment building.”

 𝕂HAI He ate a few pieces of chicken and then some broccoli. Taking another hit before going for some noodles. “It’s so good” he covered his full mouth with his hand as he spoke. “You okay?” He asked looking over at Roman who was watching him

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman wasn’t great at hiding his emotions, and Khai unfortunately was intuitive to that. He just knew Ro too well, maybe even better than he knew himself, because even he didn’t know what was wrong. “Yeah. I am. I feel a little off, but I don’t know why. I’ve felt weird all day.”

𝕂HAI He put down his food and turned to face Roman directly. “Talk to me babe. I wanna help.” He placed his hand on Romans cheek again and caressed it softly. “Please talk to me”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Ro shook his head when Khai practically begged him to talk, as if it would be that easy. He wished it was. “I’m not good at articulating how I feel. Never have been.” Ro looked at Khai apologetically, leaning into his touch at the same time. “It’s like I have these underlying emotions that I can’t even explain, I have no idea what they are.”

𝕂HAI “Is it me? Did I do something?” he asked. He knew how it felt to be off and have no idea why. But he couldn’t help but ask the question. His eyes searching Romans as he tried to connect with him.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ “No! No, you didn’t do anythin’.” He assured the smaller. Ro sighed, and then scooted over to lean against Khai, his head resting on the other’s shoulder as he closed his eyes. “I’m fine. Life is weird, and confusing sometimes, but it’s okay.”

𝕂HAI He placed his hand on Romans head as he rested against his shoulder. Stroking his hair softly as he sighed. “Yeah, it is. I’m sorry you’re feeling off. I wish I could help make you feel better.”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman smirked when he felt the other’s fingers in his hair, choosing to wrap an arm across his middle. “You already are. I won’t stay much longer, I know you probably have plans.” He rasped, and squeezed his arm around Khai’s waist.

𝕂HAI He hummed as Roman hugged onto him and he leaned his head against his ex’s. His eyes closing as he breathed him in. “You don’t have to go”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Ro smiled to himself, knowing Khai was smelling his hair - he’d used the shampoo that Khai used to love for him to use when they were together. Not on purpose, he just happened to grab that one in the shower, but it made him smell like strawberries and cream. It was nice. “You don’t have plans with Dorian? If not, you should go painting with all of us. Brandon’s doing a class.”

𝕂HAI He definitely was smelling his hair and his mind was reminiscing. At least until Ro mentioned Dorian again. “Yeah, I do have plans with him later. But, I don’t think I should go to that class anyway. I really don’t want to run into Emily” he said honestly

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman just nodded when Khai said he had plans with Dorian, figuring that was the case. He’d forgotten that Emily was going to the painting class, but he didn’t know why he hadn’t thought of that. “Right. Yeah. Not a good idea.” Ro pulled back to look into Khai’s eyes with a heavy sigh. “I’m leaving all this Chinese with you.” He said with a cheeky smirk.

 𝕂HAI “Definitely not a good idea. She hates me” he shrugged. Almost whining out loud as Roman pulled away from him. He looked back into his eyes and then smiled at his words. “That’s probably a good thing. I won’t have to travel anywhere inebriated for food” he mused

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ “She doesn’t hate you. She loves you. That’s the problem.” Roman reached out to playfully grab, and shake Khai’s chin. “Will you promise me you’ll try and cut down on the drinking?” He changed the subject, since Khai decided fo bring up being inebriated. “I’m worried to death. As usual.”

 𝕂HAI “She doesn’t love me. She loves the idea of me” he countered but not in a rude or hateful way at all. He honestly felt that way. He smiled at his ex when he shook his chin and he nodded his head. “Yeah, I promise. I haven’t really been drinking much anyway since your birthday.” He didn’t wanna mention that it was because of Dorian. But he figured Roman would know that anyway. “I really am trying to do better. I promise.”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ “Good.” Ro nodded, and continued to look into his ex boyfriend’s golden hued eyes. He loved those eyes. He couldn’t help it. They made him soft. Khai would always be his weakness. “I believe in you. You’ve already made so much progress. You quitting coke? I’m just so fucking proud of you, Khai. You’re doing so good.”

𝕂HAI Khai was getting lost in his ex boyfriends eyes. The soft but deep greens hypnotizing him as they always did. The added praising making his heart melt. “I’m really trying. I just wanna be the best version of myself. Even if I do wanna cave in sometimes. It’s all because of you that I’m here now”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ “Khai, it’s not me. It’s you.” He assured the other, a hint of a smirk on his pink, full lips. He wanted to stay here longer - he always did when he was with Khai. It didn’t help that the other male looked so happy to have the praise. Roman was well aware that Khai was used to having his faults pointed out more than the good. He hated that, and wanted to be a more positive light for the male. “You’re the one actually making these decisions. That’s what matters.”

𝕂HAI “I know it’s me too. It’s just, you were the one who gave me that initial push. The only one who really cared enough to” he said honestly. His eyes glossing over as Roman kept praising him. He definitely wasn’t used to it at all.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman just smiled, because this was why he’d never given up on Khai. He had so much potential, and who didn’t have issues in their past? It wasn’t about what you did before, it was how you handle it, and grow. He could see that in Khai, and he loved that he could help continue bringing that out.

[malakhai-ozera]

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[malakhai-ozera]

Discord Text || Khai & Roman

Discord thread featuring: Khai & Roman ( @romanbeckett)

When: August 19th

Mentions: Dorian @dammitdorian

Description:Khai texts Roman drunk and tells him he wants to get help.

Trigger Warnings: Alcohol Abuse

ღ 𝕂HAI Wellll Dorian thinks I’m an alcoholic. That’s  nice

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Well babe...I'm worried about you too

ღ 𝕂HAI I haven’t even drank in days. And I’m not that drunk

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ You're drinking right now...early lol

ღ 𝕂HAI Yeah...

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ but do what you want. I'm kind of worried too but at this point, what can I say

ღ 𝕂HAI Roman, I’m not an alcoholic. I was just having fun

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Okay

ღ 𝕂HAI I can stop whenever I want. In fact I have.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ I get wanting to escape though I want to so bad

ღ 𝕂HAI I’m sorry okay. I didn’t mean to upset you. I swear I didn’t

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ i know you didn't  i'm not mad. just have a lot on my mind

ღ 𝕂HAI Promise?

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ yes

ღ 𝕂HAI I tripped over a glass coffee table. Cut my hand and hurt my wrist. But it’s really fine. I was just being an asshole, I deserved it.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ ... What were you doing

ღ 𝕂HAI I was just trying to leave

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Leave?

ღ 𝕂HAI Yeah, I just wanted to go home

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ How was that you being an asshole

ღ 𝕂HAI Because I told him I wasn’t good for him and he deserved better and I just wanted to leave

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ And he wouldn't let you?

ღ 𝕂HAI No, idk. He didn’t get a chance. I just made a complete ass of myself as usual

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Okay.

ღ 𝕂HAI read I’m sorry

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ I know. I’m just at my limits as well and don’t know what to say to that.

ღ 𝕂HAI I know. I didn’t mean to make things harder for you. I just wanted to help and I just  keep fucking up.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Just focus on you. You have enough going on

ღ 𝕂HAI Please stop saying shit like that to me. I give a shit about you and I don’t want you to push me away

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ I’m not pushing you away.

ღ 𝕂HAI It feels like you are

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ I’m not. But I am concerned about you. Really concerned.

ღ 𝕂HAI Why? I’m fine.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ It doesn’t seem like it

ღ 𝕂HAI What do you mean?

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ With dorian and everything, drinking, falling while trying to get away, staying up all night, you’re not fine.

ღ 𝕂HAI I wasn’t trying to “get away” I don’t even know what I was doing.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ And that’s concerning

ღ 𝕂HAI I guess I was trying to break up with him because I don’t think I’m good for him. I’m not good for anyone. Anyway, I should just sleep because my mouth just makes things worse.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ I think you, like me, need some time to yourself to figure things out

ღ 𝕂HA Yeah, probably. But I just don’t like being alone. I’m always alone.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ You're not. If anything, you have too many people.

ღ 𝕂HAI That’s also probably true.  But I could be surrounded by a million people and still feel completely alone

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ I know.

ღ 𝕂HAI It doesn’t matter though. It’s just something I have to get used to. And something I need to learn to handle without drinking so much

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ well you have a lot of people who love and care about you

ღ 𝕂HAI Yeah, life was definitely a lot easier as a single addict though. Ngl.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ yeah. Maybe you're right

ღ 𝕂HAI Probably not lol. I hardly ever am. God my arm is really gonna hurt later.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Yeah it is

ღ 𝕂HAI God I’m such a shit. I’m so sorry Roman. I know you really didn’t need to deal with me.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ It's okay. I don't expect you to be perfect

ღ 𝕂HAI I could at least be better. I’m gonna be better. I promise. This is the end for me.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ I just want you to be okay

ღ 𝕂HAI I know you do. I will be, I promise.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Okay

ღ 𝕂HAI I know I’ve said that before, but I really mean it this time. I can’t keep doing this to myself.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ I know. I don’t want you to

ღ 𝕂HAI I’m gonna get help.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Good. I think that'll be good

ღ  𝕂HAI I hope so.

[malakhai-ozera]

Discord Thread|| Khai & Roman

Discord thread featuring: Malakhai Ozera & Emily Davis ( @romanbeckett )

Mentions: Emily @warmvlbes

When: July 17th

Description: Roman comes to visit Khai in the hospital.

Trigger Warnings: Hospital, Drug use, intense feelings

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Ro really didn’t know what to think as he drove along, trying to focus on the road, and other drivers around him instead of the fact that Khai was in the hospital, and very well could have died. Again. He rubbed his forehead, and then his tired eyes with his right hand prior to placing it back on the wheel as he turned into the hospital parking lot. He’d brought a change of clothes for Emily, and Khai’s favorite fast food meal, because hospital food was shitty, and he wanted to feel helpful.

“Hey. I brought you some stuff.” Roman rasped as soon as he was alone with his ex boyfriend, placing the food, and drink on his side table before slumping down into a chair beside his bed. He couldn’t help but feel reminiscent on when he’d been by the man’s bedside before, same amount of stress, worry, and fear. This was only fuel for his nightmares, and he wasn’t sure how to turn that off. July 18, 2020

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ Seeing Roman made Khai light up. He was still weak and pretty tired looking, but he was definitely smiling. Even with puffy eyes, and a raspy voice, Roman was like a vision from the gods. “Hey.. what did you bring?” He asked, his voice almost sounding like he had laryngitis. He sat up in the bed and patted he spot beside him for his ex to move closer. He knew this was hard for him, seeing him like this. But, it was a complete accident. His body had just had enough, and he was so tired. Not that mixing his medications or doubling them up helped in any way. “I missed you” he spoke again. Reaching for Romans hand to take into his own.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman clenched his jaw in reaction to how weak Khai seemed, looking away only for a split second because he needed a moment. “Taco Bell. Your order.” He answered the smaller like it was a no brainer, his hand easily turning to weave his fingers with the other’s. “I missed you, too. I figured you’d prefer this as opposed to cafeteria food. You have to be starved.”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ “I am... starved” he tried to laugh but coughed. “Thank you.. for bringing this, and for coming” he said softly. Laying back into the bed because it was too much work to hold himself up. “Are you okay?” He breathed out. His hand tightening as much as it could around his ex’s hand as he gazed over at him. Sure Khai was the one in the hospital. But that didn’t stop him from caring about Romans well being as well.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman looked away again, because this was just...hard. He didn’t need anything else to add to his horror show of images in his brain, the countless dreams he had about something happening to Khai. It made him sick to his stomach. “I’m okay.” He turned to lock his gaze with the smaller, obvious that he wasn’t really okay, but it was only because he was so fucking worried that his nerves were shot. “Jus’ get better.” He squeezed Khai’s hand in return, and then let go so he could play Mum and start getting out the food so that he could get Khai eating.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ It wasn’t hard for Khai to see that his ex wasn’t really okay. They were to open and honest with each other for it to even be a secret. It was hard for Khai too. He never wanted to be in this position, and hurting the people he loved hurt him. “Roman” he rasped. “It’s okay, I’m okay. I promise” he said once their eyes met. He broke his heart how Roman tried to bottle everything in, but he couldn’t really fix it. He just nodded his head once he was told to her better and watched as his ex got the food placed out on the tray. Forcing himself upright again with a soft grunt he grabbed Romans arm. “Please stop” he barely got out. “Can you just... hold me?”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman paused what he was doing when Khai grabbed his arm, begging him to stop and hold him. He was nervous, because Emily wasn’t far away, though she might have fallen asleep in her car or something. He wouldn’t be surprised. She’d barely slept last night either. “I’m sorry, I jus’ — you need to eat.” Roman didn’t press further though, instead just pushed the tray aside, and got into bed with the smaller as best he could without making it too uncomfortable. He wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and pulled him close with a kiss to his head.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ The way Roman was always so quick to take care of him melted his heart. It was one of the many reasons why he fell in love with the man in the first place. He only wished he could be that strong for him as well. He hated being broken, and he hated that what happened broke Roman. “It’s okay” he choked out. Wrapping his arms around the taller once he was in the bed beside him. He closed his eyes as felt his ex’s lips against his head and he relaxed into him. “I’m so sorry. I promise I’m gonna do better” he pushed out in a whisper. His hand moving to cup Romans chin before lifting his face to look at him. “I promise okay?” He said again. His eyes tearing up as he looked down at the eyes who would now only see him as this. Without a second thought he leaned down and pressed his lips to Romans in a soft peck. “Now if you don’t want me to cut my hair you better pull it back. Or it’s gone” he tried to smile.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman didn’t say anything when Khai apologized, he just didn’t know what to say. Did he want it to be true? Yes. God, of course he did. If Khai could be careful, and take care of himself the way he should, Roman would definitely sleep better at night. Still, he didn’t need the smaller to worry about that right now. He looked in his eyes, feeling that all too familiar tingle in his lower stomach. The kiss only added to it, but then he was being taken off guard by the hair comment. “Are you asking me to put your hair up?” He asked with a small chuckle.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ He really did want to do better, and for anyone who truly knew Khai. He had been. Aside from occasionally drinking too much for doubling his meds for sleep or course. He really wanted to be the man that Roman and so many other people saw him as. It was just hard. Especially with the reoccurring nightmares of his past, or the constant voice in the back of his head that his father inbeded telling him he wasn’t good enough. Looking into Romans eyes though, he always felt a sense of belonging. A sense that he really could be better. It made him all warm and tingly inside and god knew that if he didn’t pull back. He wouldn’t have been able to let him go. “Yeah, I am” he smiled with a short nod. “Please?”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman was glad of course to help the smaller, glad that he had a hair tie around his wrist already so that he could just adjust himself in a position to gather Khai’s hair. He tied it up on top of his head, and then smirked at how cute he looked with his little top knot. If only he wasn’t looking cute in a hospital bed. “There. now will you eat? You know how nasty taco bell gets once it’s been sitting out. Don’t want it to get soggy.” He insisted sigh a boop to the smaller’s nose.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ He scrunched his nose up a bit as Roman pulled his hair back and he nodded his head. “Yeah, I’ll eat. But only because it gets soggy” he mused.     Laughing once his ex booped his nose.  “You gonna feed me too?” He asked totally joking. Reaching for the crunch wrap before pulling off the wrapper. He took one bite and set it back down before turning his head opposite of Roman. It took so much energy to even chew and he didn’t want Roman to see him struggle. “It’s so good” he finally pushed out with a whisper. Licking his lips as he looked down at his ex again with a smile.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Khai wasn’t slick. He knew he was trying to act normal, and he couldn’t. Ro felt his eyes watering after the smaller said it was good in a whisper, and he sighed. Ro wanted to act like it was okay, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t okay, and there was nothing he could do about it at the moment. “I’m sorry you feel so bad. I should go...you need to rest.”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ “I don’t want you to leave” he choked out. Noticing Romans eyes glossing over as he looked down at him. “I’m gonna be okay. I’m just so tired” he said honestly. It wasn’t that he was sleepy tired he was just physically exhausted. “Please stay, just a little longer” he practically begged in his broken voice. “Or at least kiss me proper first.”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman was taken aback when Khai reacted that way, feeling his heart break even more than it already was when he begged him to stay. He couldn’t leave, not now. “Okay.” Ro nodded, reaching out to cup his hand on Khai’s cheek, guitar calloused thumb brushing against the high point of his cheekbone. He looked at the other male for a beat longer before leaning in to kiss him softly, lips moving lazily until he decided to lick into Khai’s mouth, and tilt his head.

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ It was easy to say Roman was Khai’s life line. Whenever he was around, Khai felt the most himself. Now laying here struggling to act as if he were fine, it was difficult for them both. He leaned into his ex’s hand once it was placed on his cheek and he smiled softly. His eyes falling into the green orbs starring back at him until their lips were finally pressed together. He brought his own hand up to hold onto Romans wrist as they kissed slowly and unhurried. Parting his lips as his ex’s tongue leisurely pushed past his lips. God, if this kiss didn’t leave him breathless he’d be truly shocked. Khai let his hand slide down Romans arm before moving his hand to cup his face. Humming softly against his permissive lips.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ This wasn’t their usual desperate, rushed, rough sessions together. This was soft, and meaningful. It wasn’t about getting off, obviously. It was about how much love there still was between them that they felt the need to show it in some way. Sometimes it was so pent up, neither one of them could get a proper footing. Right now though, this seemed like the perfect solution. Eventually though, Ro had to pull away, and he did, reluctantly. But, at least he was smiling now. “Better?”

ღ 𝕂HAI ღ The room seemed to fall silent as their  tongues delicately caressed one another’s. The soft breaths that passed upon each other’s lips giving him the only air he needed until Roman was pulling away. It caused a soft ache in his heart, but a smile spread across his lips anyway. His head falling back on the pillow as he slowly opened his eyes. “Much better” he replied breathlessly. His hand still cupped around Romans cheek. There was still so much love between the two of them it was evident in their eyes. But the trials made it so hard to grasp and really hold onto. That didn’t matter though, because Khai was determined to hold onto it for as long as he could in this moment. He had to. Because once he walked out that door things would probably be different. After starring into his ex’s eyes for what seemed like eternity. He finally breathed out another word. “Always” and Roman knew exactly what he meant.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ Roman just nodded when Khai said always, knowing what he meant, and trying not to cry in response. There were just so many emotions here that he didn’t know what to do with, and it was messing with his head. “Please.” Ro gestured to the discarded food that Khai only nibbled on. “Eat. I’m not leaving until you eat at least half of that.” He didn’t think about the fact that that wasn’t really a threat, but still.