#{crying b/c axel is the only one out of the other two in their own trio who didn't fall to darkness}

[citruscisco2]

You. Are. A. Man!

Five Hargreevs x Trans!Male Reader

Plot: The reader is a transgender male who is struggling with body dysphoria and tries to deal with being reminded that he was once a female. Five is there to support him and remind him that the reader is indeed a man.

Author’s Note: To be honest, it felt weird writing this. I’m a female and I don’t feel like I should be writing this. I feel like someone with these actual experiences should write this. This is also why I’m turning to my friend Axel, who is transgender and having him help me write this. I would love to write more stuff like this in the future, so please send in more requests! Also, if you’re struggling with body dysphoria, please feel free to talk to me about what’s going on. I love you guys and I wanna help ya’ll! I love you guys and remember that you’re all special in your own way! Also go check out my Wattpad!

Warnings: BODY DYSPHORIA! Basically, if you’re sensitive to any content regarding transphobia I guess.

Requested: Yes by @rainbow-depresso-expresso​

Key: E/C = Eye color; B/T = Body type; S/C = Skin color

                                                         ⁂

     My chest ached at the feeling of my binder crushing the two lumps of fat that remained hanging on my body. Then again, it’s my fault for making it so tight, but I’ve been wearing it all day. I just wanted to look completely flat; is that too much to ask for? To be born with the correct body and to have people accept you for who you are? I just want to look how I was meant to be born; I wanted to be born a man. Is that too hard? Is it too hard to be accepted for who I want to be, who I was meant to be? I’m not harming anyone, yet only a handful of people in my life support me rather than everyone. These people are the only reason why I stay sane. They’re the only reason I haven’t given up my dream of having top surgery. Though, the topic of transitioning from female to male didn’t settle well with my parents.

   Here I am, standing in front of my body mirror with tears brimming my (E/C) eyes which were glaring at my (B/T) (S/C) body. I hate it. I hate my body. I hate every damn thing about it! I couldn’t even look at myself without feeling the dysphoria creeping up my back like it’s a damn spider. I can’t even look down without seeing the two lumps of fat on my chest and what lies between my legs, I can’t even tell my parents about what I’m feeling because I know what their views on transgender people, and they’re not positive.

     It hurts to know that you can’t become who you want to be; who you are meant to be. It fucking hurts to hear people call you something that you’re not and to be constantly reminded that you’re different, and when people think of different, they think, “Oh, that’s weird.” Weird eventually leads to people thinking the people or things that are weird as inferior to them. It’s beneath them. Do you know how much it hurts to hear your loved ones bash the people in your community just because they’re different and think that they’re weird? They say those things then turn right to you and tell you that they love you for who you are. No, they don’t, but then again, they don’t know I’m the very thing they despise.

     It’s scary to know they if they found out your secret, you’ll change right before their eyes into a hideous, mutated monster. They’ll kick you out, act like they don’t know you, humiliate you and force you to wear the clothes they want you to wear, and they’ll do whatever they can do to convince you it’s a phase and you aren’t who you think you are. I’m terrified of the day they remind me constantly of the things that make me what they want me to be.

     I’m so fucking insecure about how my shirt hugs my body, and how I can’t wear underwear without wanting to bawl my eyes out because they’re not boxers. Sure, I have other insecurities that everyone else has, such as how some people don’t like the size of their nose, the color of their eyes, or even the amount of fat they have on their bodies. I can’t change myself though without anyone really noticing what I’m trying to achieve. I had to convince my parents I was just going through a phase just so I could get my hair cut short enough to where it chopped off some of the dysphoria I carried around.

     You wanna know what hurts the most, though? Fearing that the love of your life is going to leave you for who you are. You fear that soon he’ll realize the mistake he’s made and walk right out the door. He’ll lose feelings and start to distance himself, whether he realizes it or not. He said he loved you, but he can’t just be with you. Maybe somewhere he still loves you, right? He loved you, did he though? If he really loved you, he would’ve stayed and worked shit out, but instead, he became disgusted with who he associated himself with.

     It first starts with him not wanting to kiss you in public. You think that he just hasn’t been comfortable with PDA lately and wants to limit it, so you brush it off. You don’t even point it out to him when you’re alone and continue to tolerate it. Soon enough it escalates into not wanting to hold your hand in public. It hurts, but you don’t bother him. It’s not until he stops doing these things even when you’re alone that it starts to bother you. It hurts, but you’re too scared to bring it up and accidentally start a fight. This isn’t the first time something like this happened to you, so you didn’t push him. You’ve learned from your mistakes, haven’t you? Your world comes crashing down and the nightmares you’ve been having for the past week finally come true. He doesn’t bother saying that he’s sorry, or that he wishes you two could just stay friends. No, he just walks right out the door without even looking back at you to see if you’re okay because he knows you’re not. He knows he broke your already cracked heart into dust, and he couldn’t give two shits.

     Why would he though? Why would he want a monster like you? An abomination, that’s what you are. He couldn’t stand the thought of associating himself with you. He couldn’t handle the stares the two of you received in public. At first, you both just assumed it was because you were both men, but now he realizes it’s more than that. It’s because you’re trying to change yourself into someone you’re not. He was ashamed to be seen with you; to love you. He had to leave, he needed to. It was for the sake of his reputation he had said. He couldn’t stand to be with you because of the fact of who you are; of what you are. It’s all because you’re transgender.

     As these thoughts ran through my head, my eyes grew increasingly more blurry due to salty tears blocking my vision. I felt both my bottom lip and knees tremble as my breathing grew more ragged, and it suddenly felt as if all air was cut off from my lung. My eyes screwed shut and my lips tightened shut, forcing myself to conceal my sobs. My legs gave out from underneath me, causing me to collapse to the carpeted ground of my bedroom floor and lower my head. I couldn’t look in that damned mirror anymore. A heart-wrenching wail forced itself from my body, and the sobs just came pouring out. My hands found themselves buried in my short (H/C) hair, tugging so hard at the strands that I thought I was going to rip them from my own scalp. Sob after sob, I continued to cry for what seemed like forever. Both my head and heart pounded in agony. My hands trembled and my chest heaved up and down at an increasingly fast pace as I tried to gasp for a single breath between my cries.

     Fear shot up my spine as my chest ached for a different reason. I couldn’t breathe. I tugged harder at my hair and clawed at the back of my neck, hoping more pain would force my body to fight for its life and help me regain my breath. It felt like a lump of some wort was lodged in my throat, causing my body to heave forward as if I were gagging. Not to mention my nose was clogged up with snot. My vision grew foggy and my face grew hot. Would this be how I die? A pathetic mess?

     I felt two arms quickly wrap around my waist and pull me into their chest. I could feel the rough texture of their jacket, but their shirt under the jacket felt smooth and soft. I could faintly hear their voice, shushing me and telling me something. They sounded calm, not panicked at all. Their touch was gentle as they brought my head to their chest, gently stroking my back with one hand and using the other to pull me close. It was still loose enough to where it didn’t feel as if I was suffocating.

     I saw the familiar umbrella tattoo on the person’s wrist and the logo I had seen so many times on the person’s jacket. Only one Umbrella Academy member still wore their jacket, mostly because they were stuck in a teenager’s body and those were the only clothes that fit him. Not to mention he was too stubborn to go out and by clothes for boys his age. Physically his age, that is. I never pushed Five too many times to buy the clothes I’d die to see him wear because I just wanted him comfortable and happy. Plus, who am I to hell him what he can and cannot wear?

     I was able to faintly smell the cologne he wore daily, calming me down just a tad. My throat finally ceased and allowed me to gasp for a small bit of air, but it didn’t stop me from hyperventilating. Five gently rocked me back and forth as best as he could, continuing to softly shush me and rub small circles on my back. I could finally make out what he was saying.

     “It’s gonna be okay,” he mumbled, humming a soft tune that always seemed to calm me down. “I’m gonna need you to do something for me, dear, can you do that?” I whimpered pathetically and managed to nod in affirmation. He nods and continues. “I want you to breathe with me, okay?” I nod once more, desperate to come down from my panic. He starts his breathing off at a moderately fast pace, almost matching with my own. I was able to match my breathing with his own as I gripped his dark blazer. His breathing gradually slowed down, and as did mine. This wasn’t the first time Five’s had to help me, so I knew what to expect.  Once my breathing was stable enough, he spoke again. “Do you need anything?” he softly asked, reaching over and grabbing a soft blanket that laid upon my bed.

     “You,” I managed to choke out. My eyes burned from the salty tears, and my head ached from crying. He nods and drapes the blanket around my body and tilts my head up so he can see my face. His eyes are glazed over with empathy and care. He gently strokes my cheek with his thumb and gently presses his lips against my forehead.

     “I’m not going anywhere my dear,” he assures me, tightening his embrace just a tad bit. “Do you want to talk about what happened?” I shake my head no at his question. “Do you want to talk about something good that happened today?” I’m silent at his question. Taking a deep breath, fluttering my eyes shut and trying to focus on speaking properly.

     “I-I was able to put to...together an outfit that-that made me feel really masculine today,” I start off, pausing as I felt my voice grow shaky as I spoke. I breathed slowly through my nose and continued. “It-It was a pair of khakis that stopped at my knees, and-and the polo Klaus had given me for my birthday.”

     “The light green one with the lemons on it?” I nod in affirmation. My heart swoons at the fact he remembers something as little as that.

     “Yeah, I-I was also able to finish the load of homework that the school gave us,” I added. He smiles softly and kisses the top of my head.

     “See, I told you you could get it done! I’m so proud of you,” he praises softly, keeping his voice low. He continues to ask me questions about my day, focusing on the positive aspects of it.

     With a clear and calm mindset, I know none of that would happen with Five. Sure, it’s happened in the past, but Five’s different - very different considering he can teleport and he’s mentally an old man. I know I can always rely on him when it comes to shit like this. He knows I can be a bit much during times like these, and he knows that I’ll end up looking pretty fucking gross. He doesn’t care though. He’s seen a lot of shit in his life, so a red face covered in tears and snot isn’t gonna bother him. He loves me, and he’s told me this an abundance amount of times.

     After helping me clean up, we both lay down on my bed with my back against his chest. He wraps one arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. His chin rest on the top of my head, humming the same soft melody he sang earlier. I felt my eyes droop as a wave of exhaustion came crashing over me. My eyes would fall shut and snap back open as I would realize I was slowly falling asleep, but falling asleep meant I wouldn’t be able to hear his voice anymore.

     “Get some sleep, my dear, I’ll be here when you wake,” he mumbled softly. That was the last thing I heard before falling asleep peacefully in his arms with a small smile on my face and a heart full of love.

[emmyrosee]

part 2 for the axel angst please!!🥺💓💙

The searing sun peeking in through the windows was the first thing to rouse you awake, and maybe that was for the best. Last night lingered on your tongue like a bad hangover, going stale as it mixes with the acidity of the new day.

The house was almost unrecognizable; Axel’s belongings tossed without care and broken everywhere. Clothes, photos, jewelry, some of his scholarship memorabilia and alumni shit, it didn’t feel the same. It felt more like a horror film set than a home.

You gently sat up off the hard, cold floor, back nerves scolding you wildly as your head spun around, refusing to settle on one thing. Trying to focus only increased the nausea cemented in your stomach. Every fiber of your soul hurt, every part of you was drained with exhaustion.

You reach down to push yourself off of the hardwood, and you flinch when your hand lands on a mop of sorts. When you retract your palm and look down, Axel lay sleeping next to you, ever the loyal mutt. It brought you a twisted sense of comfort to see the exhaustion and sickness ectched on his once beautiful features, and if it were any other case, you’d want nothing more than to bring him to bed and nurse him back to himself.

You hated that you still wanted to do only that. You reach down to caress his cheek, and a sudden memory wracks through you-

It’s her. From last night. Axel’s hand caressing her flawless cheek.

You once thought Axel flawless, too.

As if burned, you yank your hand away from him and place it to your chest, the sting of tears prickling your eyes. With a deep, settling sigh, you push yourself up from the hardwood, letting yourself finally rise from the floor. You shook from lack of energy and shambled like a zombie to the bathroom. You look at yourself in the mirror and get lost in your own eyes, the hollowed pools dulled with dustiness. You wondered how you let a man get such a reaction out of you, you’d never let it happen before.

But this wasn’t just any man. This was Axel Cluney, the one man who your heart refused to let go. The man who was saving paycheck after paycheck to buy you a diamond ring before riding off in the sunset with you in his Mustang.

His two babies.

It didn’t matter how bad you hated him and wanted to watch him burn and collapse, go mad without your love.

It just didn’t.

The cold water you splashed on your face does nothing to spark the stale feeling in your body, if anything it makes you realize how numb you are.

A broken, scratchy call of your name snaps you out of your thoughts as you stare at yourself. It’s desperate, needy, like a sick baby who needs it’s mother to calm the illness that wracks through their body.

“Please… where are you? Let’s talk about this, please.”

You chuckle to yourself at his words. What’s there to talk about? What else could either of you begin to say? You lick the corner of your lips and dry your hands and face on a dirtied towel, tossing it randomly back onto the floor. You exit the safer confines of the bathroom before passing Axel; he looked even worse awake than he did asleep:

Tousled wildly was his chocolate brown hair, eyes sunken in like a corpse. His once lively pools of green were glazed from expired tears and swollen from already fighting new ones.

“Hi-“

“What do you want for breakfast?” You say flatly, pushing past him and making your way to the kitchen. He follows, ever the loyal pup, only stopping on one side of the island to face you.

Silence seems to be law as it lingers between you both, his constant gnawing at his bottom lip increasingly making you concerned for canker sores to form on them. It was a nervous habit of his, and you hate how much you care about it. 

“Stop eating your lip and eat your breakfast,” you mutter in annoyance, sliding the plate of buttered toast his way. You fix your own mediocre breakfast, feeling too sick to eat as you pick at your cereal. Looking up from your bowl and through your lashes, you see him toying with the warm bread, eyes darting from his plate to the clock on the stove.

“It’s 7:15,” he says aloud to seemingly no one. You wonder if it’s secretly to you, a silent hope that you didn’t mean it when you told him he had to be put by seven.

You shrug, “so finish eating and leave.”

“I don’t want to leave,” he says, almost a snap. “I want to talk to you like a fucking adult.”

“And I want to know why you need to lie to me,” you yell, tossing the bowl in the sink. It shatters with a spine tingling clink, but you can’t find it in yourself to care.. “Like, I know the truth, I saw you with this little brat, you were touching her and smirking that stupid smirk, I literally just need to hear you say it.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say!” Axel yells back. “Nothing happened! She came to the garage, Harrison was still working on her car, I took her to dinner-“

“WHY DID YOU TAKE HER TO DINNER!” You screamed, tearing at your hair. The room falls silent as you continue to stare at him, chest rising and falling with each deep gasp you took. “Why-why-why the mustang, why the sudden change of your appearance, why!”

“Is it so weird to believe that I can form relationships with a customer to increase my business?” Axel snaps.

“No, it’s not! You should! But never has anyone ever changed everything about them for a client!”

“I didn’t change everything!”

“You’re right,” you say, chest rising and falling against your pained heart. “Your bullshit attitude and lack of respect will never leave you, no matter what shitbox you drive to seduce women.” You cross your arms tightly over your chest as you pace the floor. Then, you snicker despite yourself, “sorry. Your clients.” With a final glare, you sink back to the floor, knees folded tightly to your chest. Loud pads of footsteps approach you, and out of the corner of your broken eyes, you see legs fold down as Axel sits next to you. He leans his head on your shoulder, sniffling softly.

“What do you want me to do… what can I say to fix this?” 

“What’s your story, Axel?” You mumble. “I just want the truth… was there nothing, was it playful flirting, is it a, b, or c, like… what is the fucking truth, Axel?”

The lump in your throat burns like acid as he says nothing, shoulders stalled as if he forgot how to breathe. Your hand comes up to card his hair softly, his tears sticking to your chest. “I think you need to go,” you mumble sadly. He chokes on a sob and shakes his head, his grip around you tightening. Your nods are numb to counteract his shivering no’s, it makes you sick to have to see him like this, let alone be the one to send him away.

“I wanna fix this,” he whimpers. “Please… I want to fix this.”

“How?” You ask. “How in the name of fuck are you going to fix this? Because please, if you could, do it, Axe!” 

Once again, nothing. You’re not fully sure what you’d expected, but it certainly wasn’t silence. Some dramatic reveals, or a word of assurance that you’re absolutely insane for even thinking he could want to be with anyone else.

And that’s true. You know it is.

But there’s a stranger before you, and until words of charm and poetic justice slip out at an unforgiving pace, you wouldn’t know how you’ve known him.

“This won’t work…” you mumble to the air. “Not like this… there is no way we can come back from this. Not like this.”

“Then we will just have to fix it,” Axel says, words shaky. “We always fix it. Always. There’s never been anything we can’t-“

“Alexander,” you interrupt, effectively silencing him. His eyes are sleepy and wet with his sobs, making your heart physically ache. Your lungs squeeze, and you will yourself to speak. “No. Not now.”

“Is this the end?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you still love me?”

Yes. With every fiber of your soul and being, yes.

“I think so,” you murmur.

“Can you please think about this?” He practically begs. “Please?”

Yeah. You can give him that. You close your eyes and nod, letting the feeling of exhaustion weigh you down.

Broken, almost robotic, Axel slowly stands and shambles towards the door. He numbly, with minimal movement, opens the large entrance, and the light cutting around him makes him look different than you’d seen him these past few hours.

Better. Cleaner. Refound.

One foot crosses the threshold, and he pauses, quickly spinning on his heel to look at you.

“I’ll go, but you need to listen to me.”

“Axel,”

“No.” He says sternly. Your stomach hurts at the gruff, no-negotiate tone of his voice, but you say nothing as you eye him. “You’re going to listen to me, and you’re going to listen good because if this is the last time I’m going to see you, I’m not hiding shit.”

With a thick beat of silence, you swallow the lump in your throat and watch him, nodding slowly. He inhales sharply; “for two years, I gave you the best of me. There is no ‘better’ part of me that I’m saving for someone else, you’ve got him. You’re always going to have him.” He blinks rapidly, and though his voice barely cracks, a new wave of tears flow down his flushed cheeks, splattering on the expensive leather of his jacket.

“And I’ve done everything I fucking can to keep you away from the asshole I once was, and I thought I did a pretty good job. Apparently, not, because here I am making you cry and feel less than like the queen you are. You fuckin’ know that I’d rather have needles shoved in my fucking eyes and razors slicing under my nails than see you cry, and to know that I’m the cause of that is sickening to me.

“I can’t give you the truth you want because I don’t know the truth. I don’t know what I did last night. I don’t think what I did was cheating, but I’m not going to sit here and argue with you about it, because you’re the smartest person I know, and if you’re hurt from something I was too dense and downright stupid to not know would hurt you, then I need to accept that yeah, I guess I cheated like the fuckhead I am, and I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see me again. And you have the right to sit here and hate me and despise me all you want, but you’ve got my heart, and I’ll be damned if you don’t get to keep it.

“You need to take time to heal. I got that. And I respect that. I’m going to be at the garage; and when you decide what you want to do, where you want to go, I’ll be there. You are the-“ he cuts himself off with a deep crack of his voice, and upon coughing in his fist to compose himself, you’re left absolutely speechless as to what to say.

“You are.. the single, only thing I want in this fucking life. And I had you and I might’ve lost you. And If I didn’t lose you, I absolutely don’t deserve you. I never did. And if you’re done playing this charade where you think I’m better than I actually am, just leave my stuff in front of the garage. If you never want to see me again, I’m not going to force you to have to look at me.”

There was the poetic explanation you’d wanted.

“When you do to clean up later, the bowl in the sink is broken. Don’t hurt yourself on it.”

With that warning and a quick spin on his heel, Axel slams the door shut behind him, hard enough to shake the good plates his mother bought you both, and leaves you to yourself and your thoughts, your mind a mush as you try to process every word that he said effortlessly. It was like it was rehearsed, and you wonder what bounces around his own mind now, as his truck starts and peels out of your driveway, leaving the rest of fate in your clammy, tear soaked hands.

——

Tagging; @gothguitargal @babyboy-cody @madamaholmes @walkxthexmoon @yesloverboy @billofourtime @kathryn-jane @jadelynlace @multi-fan-lover @shenevertricks1831

I tagged people who originally asked for part two way back, as well as new people who enjoyed it, if you read it and made it this far, I can’t thank you enough for your continued support🥺❤️

[nobodies-png]

I see some poor anon lost their best friend and I lost my mother just recently. May I request some hc's of how the organization members would (at least try to) comfort someone who has lost someone dear? It's okay tho if you don't want to ^^ - M

 awe, sorry to hear that, nonnie ! and sorry for replying to this one so late too, hope 2020 brings you a lotta joy and happiness ! 

Xemnas : 

A part of him can relate to that feeling, even if he doesn’t understand exactly why or how. Nonetheless, Xemnas would simply listen to every word you had to get out of your chest - but if none come out, he’ll gladly stay by your side in absolute comforting silence. Sometimes, peace and quiet to calm the mind can do more than endless words of encouragement. And he’d be too awkward to just go and give you a hug, so the only thing he can do is offer you his company, along with time and a safe space to get your thoughts and feelings in order.

Xigbar :

One would expect Xigbar to take you to some whacky adventures so you can distract yourself from those negative thoughts and feelings - but he’s also dealt with his fair share of loss and he’s found that facing the facts and coming to terms with them helps more than idle and mindless fun. Of course, it takes time to gather the courage and stability to do so - but if you ever need a reality check and some down to earth advice for something this serious, Xigbar’s your guy. Honor the past and cherish the good memories, but dont dwell so much on them. Don’t let them hold you back !

Xaldin : 

Hands down, Xaldin s u c k s at comforting people, specially as a Nobody and his complex relationship with f e e l i n g s. What is he supposed to say in these situations ? Hell, even giving you a pat on the back is hard for him. Like, is it okay for him to do so ? What if you start crying ? ? Because of this, he can only say he’s a good listener, maybe give you some general words of advice here and there. However, he wouldn’t be against cooking something for you - a nice warm meal followed by a good rest is usually what he does whenever he has a bad day. You’re even welcome to steal from the cookie jar and brag about it to Demyx and Axel.

Vexen :

As a scientist, it’s very easy for Vexen to detach himself from emotional situations and come up with a straightforward and cold reply to your loss. It’s the way he deals with things that require a heart, after all. Brain = good. Heart = confusing. Easy peasy. Of course, when he realizes that this method clearly doesn’t work and that you’re about to smack him, Vexen would feel a b i t guilty and offer to help in a different way. It’s very easy to let yourself go after losing someone and accidentally adapt some unhealthy habits - this is where he comes in, helping you make a schedule so you don’t end up oversleeping, skipping meals or avoid being active.

Lexaeus : 

Lexaeus is also a silent listener, it’s just kinda how he rolls. But unlike Xaldin who struggles with it, Lexaeus is good at comforting others without the need of words. Definitely one of the very few people in the organization that would hug and hold you for as long as you need, not caring if you stain his coat with tears. His aura and willingness to protect others can make anyone feel safe with him, so you’re in good hands. Lexaeus would even give you one of his little puzzle toys, in case he can’t be around. They might be small, but they sure help a lot to distract you for a while and remember that he’s got your back. 

Zexion :

Zexion might be emotionally constipated due to his status as a Nobody, but he’s no stranger to the negative emotions of the human psyche. If you reach out to him, he’d be willing to help - but you gotta keep in mind that he’s still a kid at heart and hasn’t found the proper way to cope and deal with his own feelings. Still, Zexion makes up for his lack of knowledge when it comes to comforting with his extense collection of books ! He’d recommend you things to read, both literature you two could discuss as a past time and articles about dealing with loss and grief. He’d also make use of his powers to create illusions you might enjoy if you’ve had a particulary rough day.

Saix : 

Saix doesn’t comfort, at least not so openly like other members. His approach is pretty much the aftermath of Vexen’s idea to give you a schedule - so long story short, Saix is the one who’d enforce and make sure you follow it. Which means he’s gonna be on your ass most of the time and as annoying as that might sound (Demyx feels so bad for you because of this) if you squint really really hard, you’ll notice that he does care about your wellbeing. “You have to keep on moving” he’d say, while sending you into your 6th mission of the day, which simply consists on taking care of a few heartless and some general recon. You’ll also find that most of your reports have been already filled out, but hey, don’t ask him.

Axel : 

Another awkward guy - Axel has trouble comforting friends, but damn if he’s not going to try. The way he speaks is more than enough to cheer you up, or at the very least give you back that passion you had prior your loss, it’s like he sparks a fire in you ! You just gotta go all out, ride all of this out and. Cry, scream, feel everything you gotta feel and then kick back with people you can trust, eat some ice cream with them. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and held. Axel would totally invite you to join him, Xion and Roxas to their whacky adventures around Twilight Town.

Demyx : 

Very obvious, but Demyx would encourage you write a song about it. It’s what he does to sort his feelings out, figure out what feels right in the end. And besides, learning how to play an instrument is always fun - you also got the best (and only) music teacher in the organization ! If that’s not your cup of tea, then you can try any other artistic outlet. Dancing, writing, etc etc. Demyx is fully aware that fortnite dancing at 3 am is not going to fix his problems, but it sure helps him stay grounded and remember that life is not as serious as we make it out to be.

Luxord : 

Luxord is very polite, so he won’t pry into your business - but the second he notices little changes in you like that permanent tired expression or the way you sigh a little too much on a daily basis, he’d invite you over for tea, subtly give you an excuse to talk to him and vent should you need it without being too invasive or forward. If you still can’t or refuse to open up, Luxord would take you for a walk around Wonderland or another colorful and fun world, giving you some advice in the form of his cryptid ramblings. When a door closes, another opens - and if there aren’t any, then you just have to open a window, get some fresh air and a new perspective.

Marluxia :

Marluxia can also relate to that. Surprisingly, he’d be very gentle, asking if you’d like to share some happy memories you have with that someone. Maybe even set up a small makeshift “shrine” in their honour, of course covered with their favorite flowers. He’s just happy to help you, listening to you reminisce and remember them with a smile on your face. It’s very shocking to see this side of him, given how flamboyant and eccentric he can be - but those passing encouraging smiles Marluxia gives you whenever he sees you are a great comfort.

Larxene :

Larxene is… Not the best choice if you want to be comforted. Her method is an extreme version of Xigbar’s, she’ll simply offer a quick “deal with it” and a hard “grow up and accept it”. While she might be impulsive and very emotional Larxene is actually a very logical person with a good understanding of her own feelings. What you can learn from her is that everyone needs to ultimately find their own way of coping and dealing with grief, no one else can tell you how or when to feel a certain way no matter how good their intentions might be. Take the good advice, but don’t depend on others for everything. Your way might be unconventional, but as long as it’s not hamrful for yourself and you’re aware of your limits, it’s good enough.

Roxas :

Roxas doesn’t know what to do, at all. So he’d simply ask about what YOU want to do now. How would you like to deal with these feelings and such. He’ll be there right next to you, even if you just wanna cry and sleep it off or if you want to distract yourself and never speak about it. Roxas is there, holding your hand all the way and making sure you know you’re not alone. Like Marluxia, he might also ask about the person you lost, just out of curiosity. And then maybe internally facepalm because oh shit, what if you don’t want to talk about it. The way Roxas worries about you, stuttering apologies and awkwardly explaining that he simply wants to make you feel better is so endearing that you can’t help but feel safe and sound.

Xion :

Xion would simply take you to Destiny Islands, to watch the waves, feel the sand and the sun on your skin. She wouldn’t ask at all, instead explaining that this is the place she goes to whenever she’s feeling confused, lost or just a little under the weather - and now, she wants to share this with you. You don’t have to say a thing, Xion doesn’t need to know your pain to realize that you just need a friend and a shoulder to cry on. Someone to rely on. The two of you would just spend the afternoon picking up seashells, exploring the island and relaxing. She’ll gladly listen if you have anything to say, but it’s okay, you’ve done enough. Let her take care of you now.

[nobodies-png]

what do the organisation do in their free time- fornite dances

.Okay listen this ask has been sitting here catching dust cause I had an existential crisis trying to think of what the fuck Xigbar would do in his free time. sO AFTER READING THE ENTIRETY OF THE 358/2 MANGA, I THINK I CAN ANSWER THIS PROMPT NOW 

Xemnas : 

I can only see this guy planning world domination in his free time and nothing else. Like sometimes he just sits down and thinks about weird cryptic and vague stuff to say during meetings.

Okay maybe he also just goes down into the basement to rant and complain about the other members to Aqua’s armor. And play chess a lot, but only by himself cause everyone’s too much of a pussy to play against their superior.

Xigbar : 

Sleep and spy on others. That’s it. That’s all I got. The whole fandom just sees him as a smooth dude, pranking and going out his way to annoy the rest of the organization and honestly ? y e a h I can see him doing that, but then he’d totally just sleep for the rest of the day and complain about “being too old for this shit”.

All of my friends say he’d be the type to just kick babies around for funsies so there. I added it here, are you happy ?

Xaldin : 

Okay, hear me out. We all know “Feelings are for the weak” Big Bad Xaldin - but the 2008 memes were right, guys. He’s into cooking. He’d probably a shitty excuse like “we need a nutritious diet and stay in good shape to complete our mission” but everyone knows better than that. The life of a Nobody is b o r i n g and there’s no harm in taking a few hobbies here and there, no one’s judging you buddy.

I can also see him being into psychology, just hoarding all these books about the human psyche and emotions.

Vexen : 

Free time ? W h a t free time ? This guy spends his entire non-existence researching and working on his experiments. Need more powerful potions? Upgrade your weapon in the most efficient way ? Any type of information about a certain type of heartless or world ? M O R E REPLICAS ? ? ? Say no more, he’s waaaaay ahead of you. 

If he’s not working his ass off, then he either passed out or he’s just chewing someone out, scolding them and letting the entire castle know that they should respect him.

Lexaeus : 

Puzzles, riddles, reading… All the common things a normal person would do if they didn’t had internet. Lexaeus is such a chill dude, I bet he’d be the perfect game partner if you ever wanted to play something like, I dunno, j e n g a. 

You’d expect a calm guy like him to be extremely good at those games, but he actually fucking s u c k s. He might also be into writing haikus. Or bird watching ! Okay this is too wholesome, imagine this big guy having that one Beauty and the Beast moment with the birds. Yeah, you’re welcome.

Zexion :

Reading. Yeaaaaahh, this one was pretty obvious. Zexion’s natural habitat is the library - if he’s not out doing missions, he’s definitely holed up in there just reading and reading, losing track of time. Everyone has been tasked to drag him out the library at least once because he’s often late to meetings.

Probably tried to start a literature club to discuss books and shit, but only a few Dusks, Lexaeus and Demyx joined. Lexaeus because he’s a Good Friend and Demyx because he could use the club as an excuse to avoid work - which caused Zexion to kick him out. 

Saix : 

Because of his “No Fun Allowed” policy, he probably just does extra work during his free time. As the second in command, he has to be on top of his shit or else there would’t be any progress. Like Roxas, he probably has a diary - but it’s less of a personal thing and more of a fucking log because you know how Saix is.

I think he unconsciously likes to stargaze. Like he’d just be filing reports and shit, only to space out and look at the moon and the stars for hours. For the love of god, if you value your life, don’t ever call him out on that.

Axel : 

Axel is such a good big bro and friend that he literally spends all of his free time with Roxas and Xion. He takes them to interesting places he finds while he’s out on missions and just loves seeing their reactions to any new thing he shows them.

Like before Roxas and Xion joined, all he did was just hang out with Saix (who just kept telling him to get back to work) or sleep and rest. Now he has these two friends that make him feel like a kid during summer vacation again. I’m not crying, you are -

Demyx : 

Slack off and play his sitar. Demyx probably tried to start a fucking one man band, only to realize that maybe it’s not the best idea - so he probably dragged in a bunch of Dancer Nobodies to tag along. Hell, he probably even taught them how to properly dance.

Because he’s still attached to whatever life he had as a Somebody, he daydreams and reminisces a lot, thinking and repeating old memories over and over. Demyx wouldn’t know what to do if he were to forget his past life, which is why he pities Roxas and Xion.

Luxord : 

You bet this guy likes making bets behind everyone’s backs (ha H, gET IT. P U N S). He preaches a lot about taking risks when gambling, but Luxord is one sly fox - only betting when he knows he’s gonna win or cheat his way to victory. This might also be the reason almost no one wants to play cards with him.

He only has two moods : drinking tea peacefully while reading a good book or spending all of his time in Port Royal, meddling with p i r a t e s and whatnot.

Marluxia : 

The idea of Marluxia just having a little (or not so little, considering how extra he can be) zone in the castle dedicated just to g a r d e n i n g is adorable. “Yeah, i’m planning to overthrow the organization and kill whoever gets in my way. But first I need to water my begonias.”

It seems u n l i k e l y but hey, these are my headcanons and I would kill for them. Like Xemnas, he would spend his free time planning his e v i l schemes or evil speeches for the occasion.

Larxene : 

When she’s not lashing out at whoever dared to piss her off, she probably does her nails. Like they’re so on point she could use them to replace her weapons. And speaking of weapons, she totally practices her aim with the poor Dusks that just roam around the castle.

Despite her coquettish and vain exterior, Larxene is actually rather smart. She could probably hold a conversation with Vexen if the two didn’t hate each other. In her free time, she also reads ! But it’s either horror manga or heavy physlosophical literature, there’s no inbetween.

Roxas & Xion :

I put them together cause they’re literally glued by the hip. If you see one of them around, there’s no doubt that the other is also close. Their favorite thing to do in their free time is hang out with Axel and just plan about their future adventures together - yes, you’re crying again, not me.

Whenever Axel’s not around, they like to explore other worlds on their own and bring back little trinkets for the other members. They can all speak about being emotionless, but no one has the heart to actually throw away said little gifts.