#‘’part 30/? posted ten years ago’’ top ten things that make you break down exploding sobbing crying vomiting sharting

[scatterbugged]

day 6000 of hoping that Keep Looking for Water by anonymous from an SPN kink meme on live journal that started in 2012 will be completed.

[bbugyu]

if you wanted to go to the moon, he would take you there.

plot twist | crash zoom | happy ending

16.1k (lol) | joshua x afab enby!reader, fluff, humor, suggestive, reader is ace lol, youtuber au, chef au, swearing, drinking, detailed descriptions of meals, mentions of past trauma including sexual assault, i swear it's not that deep, lots of implied sex but none on screen (yet), watching movies and playing video games, yes i am trying to set up all my friends, would anyone get it if i said r&r

welcome to part two of classic!! please enjoy this tooth rotting relationship garbo in which i basically announce to the world that i have a disgusting crush on joshua. posting this later than intended but i started working five tens so i'm 😅 a little tired lol. but joshua makes it ok <3

when you mentioned offhandedly that you had never had bibimbap in jeonju, joshua practically dropped the groceries he was helping you bring up the elevator.

"how long have you been in korea?" he asked.

you looked at him, wide eyed. "four years?"

he squinted at you, jutting his jaw out. "and you've never gone to jeonju? it's, like, the food hub of korea. how the hell?"

"i…" you laughed, exiting the elevator when the doors opened. "i don't know? it's never been top priority, i guess?"

"okay, well it is now," he stated plainly, following you to your door while you adjusted your bags in your hands to punch in the code. as soon as the groceries were safely on your counter, he pulled out his phone. "friday to sunday?"

you looked up from the vegetables in your hands. "what?"

he looked at you. "we're going. this weekend? i need to reserve the ktx tickets."

you laughed. "this weekend? joshua, it's wednesday."

"okay, next weekend?"

you stared at him a second, purely because you were in disbelief. "no, i have a demonstration next saturday."

he exhaled, looking at the calendar on his phone. "okay, and jamie's birthday party is the weekend after, so," he paused, looking at you through his lashes. "this weekend?"

you pushed your hands onto the counter and sighed heavily. "when would we leave?"

he grinned, knowing that meant he had won you over. "after i get off work? i can be here by 3:30."

"how long is the train?"

"uhh," he quickly searched for the tickets. "two hours. less than. we can buy snacks for the ride and have dinner when we get there."

you chewed your lip. "i have to edit on sunday, so we can't stay all day."

he nodded, inspecting the time table for tickets. "stay two nights, leave after breakfast?"

you considered that for a second. "i could bring my laptop and export footage on the train."

a smile crept across his face when you puffed out your cheeks in thought. "is that a yes?"

your cheeks deflated as you exhaled. "fine."

"yeah?" joshua grinned at you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and tugging you into his chest. "jeonju this weekend?"

you exhaled again, your arms reluctantly winding around his torso. "yeah. jeonju this weekend."

"you're gonna love it," he said, pressing his lips against your temple. "i helped on an article about hole in the wall finds there years ago, so i know all the good spots."

you giggled, pulling away to look at him with a quirked eyebrow. "you used to write for the magazine?"

he shook his head at you. "when i was interning."

"aw," you poked at his cheek. "intern joshie?"

he rolled his eyes, separating himself from you as you giggled, and he looked at you slyly from the corner of his eye. "joshie?"

you grinned, reaching out to pinch his cheeks. "joshie!"

he laughed and batted away your hands. "joshie?"

you: i think i'm finally packed

joshie: i don't understand why it was so difficult when we're going for Two Days.

you: 😡

joshie: 😘

as promised, he arrived at your apartment in a cab and stubbornly took your roller suitcase despite your insistence that you could handle it. joshua was always doing things like this - for you, you imagined, he would probably even lay down his jacket in a puddle so you wouldn't have to walk through it. but at the same time, he wouldn't fault you for kicking his jacket aside and purposefully jumping in it instead. he would probably join you, even.

he had joked with you that this would be like a work trip for you, but only because he was the one that suggested you film - plus, he reminded you, filming a full video this weekend meant that you didn't have to film next week. and to be perfectly frank, you wanted the break. if you could have a weekend getaway with joshua and then a week long break to have a normal routine without a camera, it was a win-win.

equipped with coffee and cafe sandwiches, you casually kicked your feet and happily sipped at your americano as you edited a picture of it for your instagram story. joshua sat beside you, also doing something on his phone, and you watched him with no intention as he pulled his airpods out of his coat jacket and offered one to you. you looked at him, smiling when he gestured with the open case again.

"i made a playlist," he said quietly as you put the airpod into your ear. he took the one you left and did the same, tapping on his phone.

the thought of joshua hearing a song and thinking of you making your chest flutter to life, the heat rising through you until you were left in a comfortable glow, smiling softly at him as a melody started in your ear. he looked back at you, double taking slightly when he realized you were looking at him.

"what's that look for?" he asked, a sideways grin breaking his face in half.

you shook your head, unable to change your face. "that's, just... really nice."

"making a playlist?" he hummed, settling back in his seat as you stuck your straw between your lips. "i didn't consciously do it. i just started a list of songs to show you because i thought you would like them, and this ended up being a good time to share it."

you sighed dramatically, falling back against the window of the train. "that's even nicer, you dickhead!" he laughed, shushing you and looking around, worried someone might have understood your slightly-above-inside-voice exclamation. "i know for a fact i didn't do anything to deserve the sweetest, handsomest, loveliest boyfriend on the planet, so what's the catch, mr. hong?"

his eyes went to the ceiling as he thought, kneading his lips once before saying, "i think you forgot funniest, too."

"ah," you said, a dry chuckle following the realization. "that's the catch."

"hey!" he laughed, eyes big as he pretended to be offended. "i know i'm funny!"

you giggled with him, mentally noting that you liked the song that he was playing. that he must have somehow picked up on why you liked the music you did. you thought about how you had the same thought, sometimes, when you were listening to music alone in your room and a song popped up on your discovery that sounded like something he would listen to. how you would immediately text them to him, knowing you would forget if you didn't send it right away, and he would react with some assortment of positive emojis. how he must have been doing the same thing, but wanted to be there when you heard them, and didn't have the same flighty memory as you. you brought your straw to your lips again, staring after him as he adjusted something in his bag, taking too long to refocus your attention to story you had been trying to post.

he later nudged you, getting your attention as you responded to an email on your phone, gesturing his finger with the melody, and you gave him a childlike look of awe, as if to tell him that yes, you agreed, this was exactly the kind of run you really enjoyed. he pounded a fist against his knee at the beats, pointing up at the key change, and you exploded into a stifled laugh, your palm covering your mouth. he laughed with you before he showed you the now playing page on his phone, holding it open dutifully as you quickly searched for it to add to your own library.

as promised, joshua provided great insight for the food tour the two of you set out on. travel day, he had told you, meant that you would have something easy - bibimbap and makgeolli at two of the best places he knew, apparently. by the time you made it back to the hotel room you had checked into before headed to the bar, you just about collapsed onto the queen bed.

"i'm so full," you exhaled, eyes dancing across the ceiling. "i'm never gonna move again."

joshua just laughed at you, toeing both of your shoes aside at the door before shuffling into slippers. "we have a full day of eating tomorrow, so you better move."

you let our a breathy laugh, rolling your head to watch as he flopped onto the bed beside you. "i'm glad you also plan trips around the meals."

he gave you a puzzled look. "is there another way to plan a trip?"

you rolled onto your side, tucking your arm under your head to look at him. "some people like sightseeing. or activities."

his brows were still ruffled in confusion as he looked away from you. "i like looking at food. and the activity of eating food."

you giggled, and his face finally broke to reveal the bewilderment had been a bit all along, his smiling laugh meeting yours.

you walked a lot the next day, and you were grateful for the light exercise to help your digestion a bit between meals. the local famous kalguksu for breakfast, a visit to a cafe for coffee before walking down a historical street together. you filmed with a smile on your face, shaking your americano for camera with a colorful background, just for you to pull down the drink and let the beautiful buildings and trees take the focus.

joshua could watch you forever, he was pretty sure. watching you conceptualise what you wanted this out of the ordinary video to look like, seeing the way you managed to be present with him, joking and giggling on your scenic walk, but squeezed his hand in warning before letting go, telling him quietly you wanted to get a shot. he had seen the way you filmed food, and how you filmed your kitchen, which was incredible in its own right, but this was the first time he got to see your process on the fly. when you went to work, as it were, taking in your scenery and deciding the way you wanted to portray it - more thought went into this than filming at the same barbeque restaurant for the fifth time, but joshua saw the similarities in the way your eyes twinkled when you saw something through your camera lens for the first time, even if only the first time that day. the way you would review the footage quickly, smiling at the way it turned out, but announcing that you were taking a second shot for safety.

then, he took you to another restaurant.

you barely noticed the passage of time, but when he conveniently "happened" upon the next stop on your food tour, you were pretty sure your stomach growled at the thought of eating an insane amount of dumplings, and you smiled at him in a way that made him want to cause it constantly.

if having your pick at dumplings was enough to make you giddy like a child, the night market was life altering. the food stalls were set up like they always were friday and saturday nights, joshua told you, and that meant you got to experience korean street food in a way you hadn't yet. you found the best pad thai you had ever eaten, succumbed to the tempting smell of grilled squid when passing a busy stall, and you even got served alcohol practically in passing, the specialty liquor being offered in a way that was hard for either of you to say no to. after a few too many, you had to stop joshua before he dragged you to a choco pie stall.

"we should eat more first," you said, gesturing to a woman making hashbrowns on a griddle. "while we have free hands. loop back around for dessert and buy some for the road."

joshua tapped his nose, then wagged his finger at you. "smart and hot."

you laughed, pulling him towards the hashbrown stall.

that night, you laid in bed beside each other, talking like you hadn't just spent literally the entire day together. recalling highlights of the day, sharing related anecdotes with assorted friends and family. you didn't even want to sleep - your body did, sure, clearly, by the way it kept interrupting your conversation with yawns. joshua would laugh, then yawn in response, and tell you that you should sleep. you would shake your head, a pout on your lips, and he would just smile and keep talking about whatever the yawn had interrupted.

being in bed with joshua wasn't demanding, nor was it uncomfortable, and you were pretty sure that meant something good.

you were making curry. he had mentioned that it looked good while you were watching some show the week prior and you couldn't get it out of your head. so, even though it was midsummer and far too warm for something as hearty as japanese curry, you decided you needed to make it anyway, if only for your own peace of mind. you invited joshua over to cook dinner for him, and he asked where your camera was when he arrived with your requested potatoes (you had some, except they were older than you thought and started sprouting), but you told him you weren't filming tonight.

"this ones for us," you said matter of factly, giggling when he looked shocked. "i don't film every meal, y'know. sometimes i cook things just for me."

he watched you dump the potatoes into the sink to wash. "what if it ends up being really pretty?"

"josh," you said, looking at him. "i don't make things that aren't pretty."

he asked if you needed help with anything, but you just shook your head and told him to relax. that you had made this a million times, and that you could do it with your eyes closed. he asked again if you were sure, and you laughed, scrubbing potatoes and using your shoulder to get your hair out of your face.

"actually," you said, raising the wrist on which you kept a hair tie. "do you know how? my hands are wet."

joshua smiled and nodded, coming over and pulling the tie off your wrist, careful to not get it too wet on your hand. "how high?"

"ariana," you said, making him laugh as you giggled. "as high as you can manage, but i don't really care."

he just smiled, taking your hair in his hands as you washed the potatoes one by one, and you tried to ignore the way you heart skipped a beat when you felt his touch drift across the back of your neck. he gently gathered it all in one palm at the crown of your skull, brushing through it with his fingers. "here?"

"perfect," you said, chewing your cheek and smiling. he pulled the band over your hair, tying it off tightly and pulled at the hair gently to keep it in place.

his hands glided over your waist, leading his arms to wrap around you as his chin landed on your shoulder. "not too tight?"

you shook your head, smiling. "you're multi talented."

"i have a sister," he reminded you, then put a kiss on your cheek.

you managed to convince him to sit at the counter, and he smiled and laughed with you as you conversed about anything that came to mind. he talked about his latest work antics, and you told him about a café you found the day before that you really enjoyed. he watched you skillfully chop vegetables and prepare chicken, flitting around your kitchen with a familiarity that could only be fostered by time. he glanced at the time on his phone, then looked at the door behind him that led to a bedroom.

"is karol here?" he asked. she normally would have emerged to say hi by now.

you looked at him before going back to pan frying the chicken. "no, she's in busan this weekend with some friends. she'll be back sunday night."

an alarm went off in joshua's head, and he tried not to think too deeply about the fact that you had invited him over while your roommate was away. sex hadn't even been a discussion on the table yet, but not because joshua didn't want it - because, frankly, he wanted it - he was just more concerned about you and your wants. for most things, he felt as though he had learned your thoughts and opinions naturally over the last few months, but outside of a few passing jokes, you hadn't ever mentioned how you felt about sex in general, much less sex with him.

so he stared at you, suddenly unable to ignore the fact that you were wearing shorts because of the weather, but they were hidden under the hem of the neutral toned apron he saw in your videos every week. or the way you smiled at him as you talked, your eyes glinting with mischief when you made a joke at his expense, but only made him laugh and want you more. he stood and came around the island, standing with his hip against the counter as the two of you continued conversing and you added the roux cubes to the pot.

his eyes never left you or your actions, and you noticed the way he inched towards you as your cooking became less involved and began to wrap up. you didn't argue when he put his arms around you again, watching you stir the curry with his cheek against your ear. he wasn't in your way, not even when you reached over to pull a spoon out of a drawer to give it a taste and make sure the seasonings were right, so you instead just enjoyed his presence.

you hummed, licking your lips briefly as you appraised the flavor. "not bad," you said, using the ladle you had been cooking with to pour more into the spoon you had just used to taste. you blew on it, then displayed it for joshua, who looked at you in his peripherals before accepting the bite.

"oh, wow," he said, making you giggle as you put the spoon aside. "that's better than a restaurant."

"thanks," you said, tapping the ladle on the side of pot to get the excess back in the pot, a spot of sauce landing on the back of your hand. you put it on the spoon rest next to your stovetop and replaced the lid on the pot of curry, quickly turning the burner to low. "now we just wait for the rice to pop," you said, spinning in his grip and licking the spot off the back of your hand.

joshua stared at you, desperately wishing in that moment that he wasn't such a damn man, because it was clear in your eyes that it was a completely innocent action. you got some of the delicious sauce on your hand, so why would you wipe it off when a towel wouldn't appreciate it like your tongue would? you wouldn't, obviously. he wouldn't have, either, if it had been his hand. but here he was, gaze fixed on your mouth as you pulled your hand away from it, and one of your eyebrows raised when you noticed.

"can i help you?" you asked, glancing down at his lips when he involuntarily leaned into you.

"i-" he swallowed. "sorry, i'm just-"

in that moment, you registered what his gaze meant. and while you were fairly oblivious to most things, you were far from innocent, so you put your arms over his shoulders and knit your fingers in his hair. "you're just?" you prompted.

there was a chuckle on his lips as he backed you against the counter, and he shook his head lightly. "i just think it's insane how into you i am."

joshua had this way of kissing you that made you think his life depended on it. he kissed you like you were in the final scene of an apocalyptic movie and he had come to terms with the fact that this was the end. like he knew that if your lips left his, he would magically disappear before he could tell you how much you meant to him. like he could stop time as long as he had you pressed against him with his hand on your jaw, but the sun was setting and he wasn’t ready to say good night.

when he finally pulled away from you, you were trying to catch your breath as his hands ran down your waist, and you stared into his eyes. his lips were parted, and his fingers gripped at your hips in a way that you knew meant he wished there were less layers between your skin.

your mind raced, thinking quickly back to how long the two of you had been seeing each other. how long you had known that you were interested in keeping joshua around for the long term. you wracked your brain, thinking about when people normally took the next step at your age, finding a discrepancy in the timing. you had made him wait for so long, but this was the first time you had noticed him trying to bed you - though, this was hardly subtle, so perhaps you had missed signs earlier? hell, the two of you had even shared a bed at this point, but you were pretty sure he hadn't tried anything then, either. you considered the fact that this relationship had gone for over two months without so much as a hint to take the next logical step, and you decided that joshua was definitely the only guy you had met in years that you would be willing to allow under your covers.

"the curry can sit for," you started, blinking rapidly as your mouth caught up to your mind. you swallowed once. "well, until tomorrow, technically, but-"

joshua's lip quirked upward. "did you invite me over to have me stay the night?"

"not-" you exhaled. his tone was slightly accusatory, but only playfully, and you found yourself more flustered by the question than you would have liked. "not consciously, but…" your eyes studied his face. "do you want to?"

"are you kidding?" he asked, making you breathe out a laugh, his forehead landing on yours. "did you not hear me when i said i was insanely into you?"

the rice cooker beeped, drawing both of your attention as it sang out a small tune to alert you it was finished. you looked at joshua. "are you hungry?"

he looked back at you, a smile sneaking on his lips. "i mean, working up an appetite wouldn't hurt, right?"

he let you lead him to your bedroom, which he had only been in once, briefly, when he had helped you put some lights away. the two of you admittedly spent most of your time in kitchens or restaurants, the remainder of your alone time being split between joshua's car and a couch to watch a movie, but joshua thought your taste suited his as he glanced around again, and that he would happily lose time in bedrooms with you. you kissed him again, and he was quick to pull you against his body, leaning into you, making you giggle as you bent backwards at the hips. "josh."

"what?" he asked, giving you a half lidded smile as his hand found your jaw, pulling you back into him. "stop leaning back and i'll stop chasing you."

"i'm-" you giggled into the kiss he interrupted you with. "i'm not leaning back, you're pushing me."

joshua made you feel like you were out of your depth, but in a way that was more exciting than scary. it had been ages since someone had been able to surprise you, or had helped you surprise yourself, but today he was doing both. the last time you had let a man into your heart, it had been less than perfect, especially towards the end, but joshua felt like home. cozy. he made you feel safe. like he wouldn't let you fall backwards unless your mattress was waiting for you.

and when you fell, he crawled over you, connecting your lips again with a hand against your jaw, the other holding himself above you, and you tried to restrain a whine.

"josh," you said suddenly, pushing on his chest lightly, processing fully what was about to happen and a shot of anxiety running through your chest. "c-can i tell you something first?"

joshua paused his motions, studying your eyes, his expression skewing scared. "oh, shit, are you a virgin?"

"what?" your eyebrows creased, a laugh on your lips. "no, what the fuck, josh? i'm in my mid-twenties."

he blinked at you. "there would be nothing wrong with you if you were a virgin in your mid-twenties."

"i'm not a virgin, joshua."

"right," he shook his head slightly. "sorry, i don't know. what were you saying?"

you chewed at your cheek nervously. "i just. i haven't… been with a guy in a really long time."

his eyes examined your face, looking for a hint at what you meant, because if it was only what you were saying, he didn't understand why you were so worried. "okay?"

"like, really long," you reiterated.

"baby, i promise," he said, forehead against yours. "i promise you, i don't care."

you exhaled sharply, wishing you could just enjoy things normal people did. that you knew what people wanted out of these encounters innately, instead of having to overthink them. "like, i don't want to… i don't know. disappoint you."

"disappoint me?" his head bobbed backwards in shock. "how the hell could i ever be disappointed when you're you?"

your eyes shut, grateful that he could still make you smile when you felt so out of your league. "i just mean that i-" you paused, trying to figure out how much you were willing to say, and how much you could without ruining whatever mood had been fostered here. "i just don't really do this. like, i feel like i don't know how."

"baby," he said, pressing his lips to yours briefly. "honey, sweetie, darling," he continued, punctuating each name with quick pecks. "you could starfish and i would have the time of my life."

you laughed, a hand landing on his shoulder sharply as he smiled at you. "okay, i'm not that bad, jesus."

"i'm telling you," he assured. "i don't care. i don't care if it's been months or years or forever, i don't care." he paused, appraising your expression. "we don't have to do anything. i'd be happy to just kiss you for an hour and a half if you're not ready."

"no," you whined, crinkling your nose. "it's not that, i just…" you took a breath. "i might just need you to take it a little slow."

"well, baby, you're in luck," he said, giving you a teasing smirk as his lips closed in on yours again. "slow and steady is exactly how i want you."

karol had said you hated men. she hadn't been wrong. you hated a lot of men, and how they made you feel like a prisoner in your own body. you hated the men you had encountered in your past, who made you feel small and weak. ugly and only wanted for one purpose, disrespecting your boundaries, your presentation, and your being. you hated those men, and nothing would ever redeem them for you.

joshua was different, though. he wasn't like them, because even though you didn't say explicitly why you needed a little extra care, he was more than prepared to give it to you. without even needing specific direction, he paid special attention to your reactions. to your body. he waited until you were ready, and asking him for more. and even when he sheepishly admitted that he'd started carrying a condom in his wallet the month prior, you could only giggle and silently be overwhelmingly thankful that he was truly nothing like any man you had ever been with before.

you swore you had made the same recipe you always did, but your curry tasted sweeter than you remembered. maybe it was just that you were eating it in your underwear with a man that made you feel comfortable in your skin for the first time in forever, a home improvement show remaining unwatched on your tv as the two of you joked together.

joshua woke the next morning in your empty bed, and was only confused for a second as he looked around your white walls. he stretched once, then sat up, eyes meandering over your orange patterned rug (one he remembered describing as "groovy" when he had first seen it, which had made you laugh in that way he adored), then noticed your laptop had been turned on. it was saturday, he realized, and you were likely going to edit today so you wouldn't have to tomorrow. he decidedly did not peek, though he wanted to, and peeked out your bedroom door instead.

you were easy to find, standing in your kitchen with an oversized shirt on and your hair pulled out of your face as you formed rice balls. you looked up from your work, smiling when you saw him, placing the triangle of rice you had just made on the cutting board. "good morning!"

it was, he thought. it was a really good morning.

you teased him for hugging you in your kitchen while he was only wearing underwear, saying that he seemed to have made himself comfortable quickly. he just playfully ran his hands under your shirt, saying, well, what about you, then? making breakfast with no pants on?

"i live here," you said, giggling and using your hip to bump him away. "i pay rent. what do you do?"

his eyes darted away from yours as he thought. "sit still, look pretty?"

that made you laugh. "you are very pretty."

he grinned, taking the opportunity to pull you into his chest again. "you, too."

he looked at what you had made, noticing the pot on the stove for the first time.

"soybean paste soup," you said, reacting to his gaze, then pointed at the neat triangles of brown tinted rice in front of you. "mushroom riceballs, and i'm making tamagoyaki next."

joshua blinked at you after processing everything. "do you do this every morning?"

"not every morning," you giggled. "but i wanted to today."

weeks later, you were biting your pinky nail to oblivion as you scrolled through comments on the video you had posted earlier that morning. you were sitting on the couch in joshua's living room, your laptop perched on the arm and your boyfriend fixing something to eat before the two of you sat to watch a movie. you had made a risky move in your video - one you thought would have been fine, but clearly people read more into it than you expected. joshua came over for dinner earlier in the week, when you had made pasta with all the delicious fresh seafood the two of you had found at a market the day before, accompanied by a simple salad and white wine. karol was working late, so you had set some aside for her, but that meant it was just you and joshua in frame when you filmed your usual table setting shot.

people were speculating.

you knew it was inevitable, and a few comments had pointed out the man that had eaten sushi with you in the vlog that included your first date, but at this point, the comments were flooded with questions and hypotheses on who the mystery man could be. most assumed boyfriend - which, while true, made you feel slightly annoyed - and a few wondered if he was your brother, or close friend, but they all noticed that his hands and voice had become regular guest stars on your channel. that, while you still got meals with krys and karol, this nameless, faceless man sat opposite you more often than anyone else.

the jeonju vlog is what sparked the most comments. people suspected some amount of intimacy when they realized this guy was travelling with you, too, and you probably would have thought the same if it had been someone you watched regularly. you had been careful with the editing, only including clips with food and the scenery shots that didn't star him (while you had filmed a lot that did, those were just for your own personal record), but you supposed it was in peoples' nature to try and find a romantic plotline in your slice of life.

"josh?" you said suddenly, pulling your pinky from between your teeth. you heard his vague noise of acknowledgment and spun around on the couch to watch as he cocked his head at you from the kitchen. "should we go public?"

"uh," he paused, looking at the scallion pancake he was cooking, quickly grabbing the panhandle to flip it. "give me, like, two minutes and we can discuss? i'm almost done in here."

you puffed your cheeks out and nodded, turning back towards your computer. "okay, baby."

when joshua came into the living room, the spread he had quickly put together across a tray you had bought for him (because you wanted it, mostly, but karol would kill you if you brought more home), he put it on the coffee table and sat next to you, quickly addressing the subject again.

"people keep," you paused. his eyebrows raised, prompting you, but he only chewed on his bottom lip to let you take your time as you hugged your knees to your chest. "people keep assuming you're my boyfriend anyways, so i'm just thinking-" you exhaled sharply. "should we just say fuck it? just confirm that we're a couple?"

joshua studied you. "you've always been pretty private."

you chewed your cheek, putting your lips against your knees. "that's on purpose."

"you don't have to say anything you don't want to," he reminded you, rubbing a hand against your back. you put your chin on your knees and gave him your biggest doe eyes, making him smile. "they can speculate all they want, but you don't owe them an explanation."

you nodded lightly as you hugged your legs and looked around, briefly studying the tray joshua had brought over. he had quickly stirfried some vegetables, grilled the frozen pork belly slices he always kept on hand, and even cooked your favorite premade scallion pancakes, the spread complete with several side dishes you had made together earlier in the week and two bowls of rice. your brows knit together, fingers itching to film how neatly he had put together a light meal for the two of you because you had said you wanted to show him your favorite movie without interruption, and he knew you would be hungry soon.

"would you-" you cleared your throat, looking up from the food and finding his eyes. "what do you think i should do?"

he let out a breathy laugh. "does it matter? you'll do what you want anyways."

you whined, pushing his shoulder as your feet dropped from the couch. "i'm serious, your opinion matters here. would you be okay with being public?"

"you're joking, right?" he laughed, adjusting his posture, and grabbing your hand to folding it between his. "baby, you know i care about you, right?"

your lips pursed as you nodded, looking between his eyes shyly.

"and you know i would never try to say that i, like, own you, right? like, i don't claim ownership over you as a person."

you let out a short laugh. "right."

he held your hand tighter. "i want to tell every viewer of every single one of your videos that you are mine."

your cheek puffed out as you smiled. "really?"

"especially the reply guys, oh my gosh," he rolled his eyes, making you laugh. "there's a place i think you'd like! i could take you, smiley face. yeah, get lost, creep. move along."

your palm landed on your cheek as you laughed. "shut up, are you serious?"

"you don't see those?" his eyes wide when you shook your head. "baby, there's so many people trying to take you out in the comments. so many."

you giggled, pressing your lips together. "well, there's only one guy that gets to."

"that's right," joshua said, a proud look on his face. "the ultimate reply guy fanboy."

you pushed his chest, laughing again. "shut up."

you decided an faq would do, but in the style of your regular videos. you definitely didn't want to just sit down in front of your camera and talk through questions and answers - that wasn't your style, and would feel wrong uploading. so instead, you spent a few hours compiling questions you had been asked often and organized them in a way that made sense, planning on showing your daily life. questions like what camera you used, what your go-to quick breakfast is, where you bought the clothes you liked - it was easy to plan them out to create a vague storyline of your standard day. you woke up on a wednesday (a day you went to the studio, because many of your questions were about what goes on there), excited to film but slightly nervous. as you set up your camera for breakfast, your phone buzzed on the counter.

joshie: good morning, baby! you got this! can't wait to see you tonight 🥰

you: 🥺🥺🥺 thank you!

the day went well, filming your planned clips on the subway and at the studio, and when your coworker asked what all the questions you were filming for were, you sighed.

"normal stuff," you said quickly, taking off your apron after several hours of cooking and shooting. "favorite recipes, what equipment i use… y'know."

yunhyeong nodded at you, his eyes squinting slightly. "is that all?"

he knew you. he knew how you reacted when you were nervous. how you could practically hide it from anyone, but that certain subjects would always make your eyes look slightly panicked and your speech speed up. the worst part is that you knew he knew, and your facade was almost immediately broken.

"and if i have a boyfriend."

he stared at you for a second before he laughed in disbelief. it took him over a week of bugging you about the guy in your videos before you admitted you were seeing someone, and even then, you only did because joshua had started picking you up from the studio and - against your wishes - introduced himself to your coworkers. yunhyeong thought about how protective you were of your privacy, and how you had never revealed something as personal as a relationship online before - partly because none of the people you had gone on two or three dates with had been serious enough to reveal, but he mostly thought about how you barely even showed your own face. that you stayed mostly silent when you filmed, and if you had to speak, it was a voice that was only adjacent to your usual cadence, as if you were trying to create another barrier between you and your online persona. how you had mourned your grandfather's passing and uploaded your vlog like normal two days later, but called out of work for the week following.

"and you're telling the truth?"

you exhaled, wiping down the stove top now that it had cooled. "yeah, shua and i discussed it. people are speculating, anyways, and it's not like he's going anywhere any time soon."

yunhyeong nodded again, organizing the spices as he put them away. "i'm happy for you."

you looked at him. "what do you mean?"

"it's a big step," he said, purposefully keeping his eyes from you so you didn't get self conscious. "you haven't been this serious about someone the entire time i've known you. i think it's really great that you found someone you care about."

you watched him spin bottles to be label out as you considered his words. "thanks."

he peeked at you, smiling. "of course."

yunhyeong's words rattled in your mind as you walked to the restaurant joshua had agreed to meet you at, filming your feet as you went with the intention of answering a few random questions with on-screen text in the edit. someone you care about.

you thought about how joshua had said the same thing about you when you had asked if going public was something he would be comfortable with. the way it has made your heart flutter. you wondered, briefly, if perhaps this was something more than just caring.

when you were editing the video that saturday, you procrastinated on the last question as long as you could, and when it was the only thing left to do, you escaped to the kitchen to make lunch in favor of finishing the part that was haunting you. your bagel sandwich was delicious, but you could barely enjoy it, mind clouded by the task that made your anxiety peak for seemingly no good reason.

it took you too long to finish it.

when you showed it to joshua, wanting his blessing before you uploaded, he couldn't hide his giddy reaction.

"it's okay?" you confirmed, studying his face.

he nodded at you, lips pushed together into a lopsided smile. "it's really cute."

"cute?" you asked, clicking through the video. "that's good, right?"

"yes," he laughed, squeezing your shoulder to put a kiss on your head. "it's great. post it."

so you did. and while you had gotten a tiny bump when krys excitedly dragged the two of you onto her stream that afternoon, you had no way of predicting the way the rest of the internet picked it up a few weeks later.

"r/relationshipgoals," jeonghan read off his phone, leaning against your kitchen island along with several of your friends that had come over when they saw the two of you on their newsfeeds unprompted. "'cross post from r/cutecouples, the most heartwarming boyfriend reveal you'll see this year.'"

"twitter, too," karol announced looking up from her own phone, seated in a barstool beside him. "you're a twitter moment. people found the clip from krys' stream, even."

you were on the counter opposite them, kicking your feet nervously to the beat in your head as you chewed your lip. you sighed and covered your face. "how long is this gonna last?"

"a while, hopefully," krys said, turning your laptop screen towards you. "your subcounts are insane right now."

you whined into your hands, making joshua appear at your side to put a hand on your spine. you took a breath at the touch, relaxing your tensed thighs on the counter. "it's okay to be nervous," he muttered at you. "but it's also kinda exciting, right?"

you exhaled deeply, letting your hands fall and your eyes trail to his before a smile broke on your face. "kinda."

so after you calmed yourself down, you managed to go through some of the posts about you, and you surprised yourself by letting them put a smile on your face. even the idea of having a public relationship had scared you shitless less than a month prior, but this… this wasn't so bad. seeing twitter repost the same video of you filming your feet as you walked into a restaurant, panning the camera up to reveal joshua sitting at a table and waving excitedly at you. the cuts you made to show clips that had landed on the cutting room floor of past videos - the footage you had taken of him pointing out the new wok you had started using a few weeks prior in a kitchen specialty store, and the goofy face he revealed after holding it in front of himself as he brought it back to you. the video of joshua grasping your hand, panning up to his playfully serious face as he dragged you down a boardwalk in jeonju, gesturing to the sunset. the unedited audio from your first date, when you had said something about it looking really good, and he had said something along the lines of how it would have been a waste if you hadn't recorded, and the two of you giggled together in a way that nervous new couples did. short bits of you swinging your camera around to reveal a laughing joshua as you tried to film quiet shots. a clip of him wearing a triangular menu on his head like a hat, acting as though it was completely normal.

you had a hard time believing anything you ever did would be viral-worthy, but even you had to admit, this was a pretty understandable thing for you to go viral for.

besides, it felt like it made sense for this to be the one thing about your personal life that ended up getting attention. it felt like he was an innate part of you at this point, and that you wouldn't be honest if you hid him.

it was august when he broke your heart.

"how could you?" you asked him, staring in disbelief. "you haven't seen lord of the rings?"

"okay, i lied," joshua said, still washing the dishes. "i saw them when i was a kid, but i don't remember them really."

"well, we're fixing that."

he looked at where you were sitting on his kitchen island - a well known habit of yours at this point. "today?"

"not today," you said, poking your toe at his hip. "this weekend, maybe? if we start now, we'll be watching til you go to work tomorrow morning."

he shut off the faucet and gingerly placed the pan he had just washed on the drying rack. "how many movies is it? i thought it was just three."

"it is," you said, laughing at his shocked look. "the extended editions are around four hours each."

joshua exhaled, leaning against the counter as he used a cloth to dry his hands. "you're lucky i like wasting hours with you."

you grinned, hopping down from your seat. "you're lucky i let you."

and that weekend, the two of you did just that - waste time, ordering delivery food for two meals as you camped out on the couch in various positions as the two of you got comfortable repeatedly. you couldn't help but recite specific lines, mouthing along with every word gandalf said like you had thought of the words yourself. you pointed out behind the scenes facts along the way, even, excitedly saying viggo broke two toes when he kicked that helmet, or how faramir's flames were a mirror trick. joshua watched you, because while he knew it was your favorite movie and he really should pay attention, he couldn't help but get distracted by his own favorite movie, and it starred you getting excited about something you loved.

you slept later than joshua that sunday, and when you emerged from the bedroom, you spotted krys sitting at the island with a plate of waffles in front of her, then found joshua leaned against the counter with a cup of coffee. he smiled when he saw you.

"i made breakfast," he said, gesturing to the counter.

you looked around at the spread as you walked over to him. waffles, fruit, bacon, and the promise of a fried egg upon request - a spread worthy of your own brunching standards. "what about second breakfast?" you asked quietly, in accented english.

joshua laughed, his arm wrapping around your midsection as you came over to kiss him good morning. "elevensies?" he shot back, in the same vague accent.

you broke your serious face to giggle. "luncheon?"

"alright," krys said, voice raised in annoyance when the two of you looked over at her. "i get it, y'all are in love or whatever, but can you have some respect for those of us who are lonely?"

you rolled your eyes, laughing at the fact that she had absolutely brought this upon herself by forcing the two of you together every chance she got, but joshua went cold when he heard her say the thing he had been thinking for a while, but was too scared to say out loud. the thing he felt when you grabbed his arm and told him that if he wouldn't let you carry the ring, then you could at least carry him with all the same dramatics as one samwise gamgee did. when you cried as frodo and bilbo sailed into the sunset for good, even though you had seen it a million times over. the sneaking thought that he was in love with you, but didn't know how to say so. he swallowed down the thought, shaking his head when you raised a questioning brow at him as you dished up a plate of waffles and fruit.

it didn't take you long to trust joshua enough to give him your door code so he could let himself in, but it took him a while to actually use it. he said something about not wanting to intrude, but you told him it was more intrusive to make you come to the door when you could possibly be doing important things and he was completely capable of getting in on his own.

"babe?"

you hissed. you had the thought right before you started this boss battle, that he would arrive before you finished and you would be trapped at your computer. you were right. "in here! gimme like two minutes!"

you heard him enter your room, and his bubbly laugh when he spotted your back at your desk desperately clicking your mouse and striking your keyboard. "wow, is this what you meant by important things?"

"please, please, please," you whined, intermittently squealing as you reacted to the enemy attacks. "i'll get off in a second i just need one more cleansing heart to ascend xin- fuck! not the stupid birds!"

he laughed again, his hand finding the back of your shoulder, thumbs pressing into the constantly sore flesh. you winced as he kneaded his fingers into your shoulder but exhaled, making him laugh lightly when you got knocked over by a boar. "hey, there's a boar there."

"yes, thank you, joshua." you quickly cracked a knuckle as soon as you had down time, sticking your neck out as he continued to massage your shoulders. "i think i have two more waves."

"waves? because it's a water level?"

you groaned into a reluctant laugh. "no shitty jokes right now, i'm trying to focus. normally krys and i co-op this one but she was busy."

he hummed, moving to stand next to you with his hand resting at the base of your neck. "wonder what she was doing."

"don't you live with her?" you teasingly asked, glancing up at him for the first time while sprinting across the platform, your game camera spinning uncontrollably when you suddenly pulled both hands to your mouth and gasped. "what the fuck, joshua?"

he stifled a grin, but it was completely obvious in his eyes as you stared up at him, blonde hair curled lightly to stay out of his face. "what's up?"

you stood from your chair, inspecting his head. "what the fuck?"

he laughed, wrapping his arms around you when you ran your fingers through his bleached locks hesitantly. "do you hate it?"

"i-" you blinked at him repeatedly. "what? no, i don't hate- what the fuck, joshua?"

"what?" he whined, eyebrows tenting at you even though his lips were still smiling. "does it not suit me?"

you held his head and squinted at him. "josh, you're hot. you look hot. but what the fuck?"

he laughed, finally planting his hello kiss on your lips. he watched the gears turn behind your eyes, puckered lips becoming a pout.

"did you go to a salon?"

he grinned. "krys did it."

you made a fist at him, scrunching your face for a second as you exhaled, looking down at the screen right as your last team member died, respawning at a statue. "that's why she used so many smiley faces when she said she was busy."

he put his lips to your cheek, smiling into your skin. "not bad though, right? you got a pretty handsome boyfriend."

and while you would have loved to roll your eyes and tease him, you were overtaken by a giggle as you turned your head towards him again, the tip of his nose gliding across your cheek. "yeah, i do."

his eyebrows went up. "wow, wasn't expecting you to admit it so readily."

you laughed, a light, carefree laugh, your palms on his jaw as you kissed him. "i have eyes, joshua." he just smiled against your lips, lacing his fingers together behind your tailbone, and you pulled away slightly to look up at his hair again. your hands went to his nape, fingertips against his scalp. "how long did it take? you have thick hair."

"we did three sessions," he said. "enjoy it while you can, it might fall out."

you laughed with him, brushing your fingers gently in his bangs again. "it feels fine, though?"

"yeah, i made this incredible discovery that i'm almost positive i'm the first to hear about it. it's called a hair treatment."

you batted at his chest, giggling. "shut up."

"make me," he said, the sweet smile on his lips making the phrase more playful than suggestive.

"i can't believe you surprised me with bleached hair," you said, plopping into your seat and exiting the game. "you know i hate surprises, right?"

"that's too bad," he said, his hand returning to rub against your neck. "i like surprises a lot. get used to them."

you puffed out your cheeks, sighing slowly. "usually people compromise."

"not on this," he stated. "i'm a gift giver."

"yeah, i figured that out when you got flowers sent to the studio on our one month anniversary, then again on our second, then here on our third…"

he was just smiling smugly at you when you stood again, maneuvering around him. "and you love getting them?"

you rolled your eyes, not even commenting when he playfully patted your butt as you went by. "they're always tasteful and it's nice to have some seasonal flowers for the counter."

"so you love them," he repeated. "because it sounds to me like you love them."

you laughed, reaching out to catch his hand in yours and pull him along with you as you exited to the main living area. "and what if i do? so what, joshua hong, if it makes my heart beat a little fast when we suddenly get flowers delivered and i realize it's the fourteenth? are you gonna call me a hypocrite because i vocally advocate that traditional chivalry is bullshit?"

he just listened to your playful accusation, more proving that you were self aware rather than egging him on. "no way," he said plainly. "you can still think traditional chivalry is bullshit, it won't stop me from trying to make you smile."

you felt your face heating up, your jaw dropping slightly to let out an annoyed huff. "cheesy, joshua. i'm offended."

"want me to make it worse?" he asked, wrapping his arms around your waist.

your hands landed on his chest as you squinted at his grin. "i'm scared."

he gave you a crooked grin. "happy one hundred days. i brought sushi."

your head whipped over to the counter, spotting the paper bag with a familiar logo. "from nori table?"

"of course, from nori table."

joshua had promised jeonghan that you would make an appearance as a couple at a party he was throwing the next day, and you found yourself almost nervous. you got on with jeonghan famously - almost enough to drive joshua insane - and you even warmed up to seokmin pretty quickly, but from what you had been told, jeonghan enjoyed partying, and you didn't really like getting drunk.

"you made it!" seokmin grinned big, spreading his arms to signal for you to let him wrap you in a hug. you laughed and greeted him, enjoying the friendly comfort, then watching him hug joshua after he let you go. "and you're blonde! life's good?"

"yeah," joshua said, making eye contact with you briefly as his fingers tangled with yours. "life's good. you?"

seokmin blinked before he said "yeah, good!" and your brow knit slightly before you consciously adjusted your face to hide the analysis of his hesitation happening behind your eyes. "this is your first time here, right?"

you nodded, smiling and following him as he led you into the crowded apartment. "yeah, it's been busy lately. but i finally made it to one!"

"well, you need to meet my friends," he said, continuously looking back at you even as he walked ahead, towards a corner of the living room. "you're gonna love them."

"aye, josh!"

you looked to the source of the call, spotting the guy pulling himself to his feet from his seat on the couch, arms wide in greeting to your boyfriend.

"hey, hosh," joshua said, a sideways grin on and his brows tented as he gave him a quick handshake into a hug. quickly, he put a hand on your opposite shoulder, pulling you towards him and quickly introducing you.

soonyoung initially went in for a hug after your introduction, but immediately noticed the way your eyes widened slightly and instantly pulled his arms down, leaving a hand extended for you to shake. you laughed, taking it, and apologized for not being a hugger.

"no worries," soonyoung laughed, and you wondered if he was always this pink in the face or if he had already started drinking. "seokmin will hug me, right?"

"everyone!" seokmin ignored him, pulling you towards the people gathered on and around the couch. he announced you to his friends then quickly went down the line - soonyoung, seungkwan, jihoon, dongmin, yugyeom - you repeated the names back to him like you would remember all of them, even though you knew you wouldn't unless they became regulars in your life, too.

jeonghan flitted by and expressed his greetings to you both some time later, intending to abscond with joshua for drinks and conversation elsewhere, but he stopped jeonghan from pulling him away before he put a hand on your elbow, looking at you meaningfully.

"i'll be okay," you told him, smiling. "go ahead."

he squinted at you. "you sure?"

"seokmin's here," you reminded him, nodding your head at the boy you had practically adopted as your own brother. "real quick, about soonyoung-"

he quirked an eyebrow at you. "what about him?"

you chewed your lip, smiling. "karol's been a little too focused on work lately, right?"

his eyes widened, thinking about your roommate. his eyes went to the man you had referenced, who was currently chanting something into seungkwan's face as he rolled his eyes. "karol?"

"what do you think?" you asked, looking back at soonyoung.

he blinked. "i think he'll drive her insane."

your eyes shone at him. "i think she'll love it."

he laughed incredulously, registering that you had asked his opinion instead of just doing whatever pleased you, and he wondered if that meant you trusted him. "you're right," he said finally. "try it."

"of course i'm right," you said, giggling against the quick peck he put on your lips. "remove him, jeonghan."

"finally," an impatient host shot back, rolling his eyes in a way that landed in a sly smile at you. "for what it's worth, i think your plan will work."

"didn't need your approval, but i'll take it," you said, smiling smugly at him. "i'll update you later."

the update you gave the next time you saw him, weeks later, was that karol had left the apartment every week since to go be with soonyoung somewhere fun and exciting, and you waved her off with a shiteating grin every week, culminating in the two of them arriving to krys' birthday party hand in hand.

jeonghan laughed, stealing a carrot stick from your cutting board as you arranged them into a rainbow themed charcuterie platter. "knew it. soonyoung loves women stronger than him."

you looked at him as he took a bite. "and karol loves someone she can take care of."

"look at us," he said, waving the half eaten carrot between the two of you with a lopsided grin on his face. "what a duo. we should hang out more. fuck joshua."

you laughed at him, then at the offended look on your boyfriend's face as he walked past. "now?" you asked eyebrows raised as you looked at him expectantly, and he laughed when he realized what the last words out of jeonghan's mouth were seconds before.

"please, this is a child's birthday party," he reminded you, and you laughed at the overexaggerated look he gave you to sell the joke.

you looked over to where krys was laughing with seokmin, soonyoung, and karol, then back down to your work as you nudged around quartered figs with a vague smile on. "seems like the kids are having a nice time."

jeonghan sighed, falling dramatically against the counter. "oh, to be young and in love."

joshua laughed. "karol's our age."

his cheek was planted in his palm, elbow on the counter as he gazed after the group. "i'm talking about seokmin and krys."

"what?" joshua asked, voice nearly cracking, and you let out an explosive laugh. "seokmin and who?"

"stop acting stupid," jeonghan waved ahand at him, then popping his eyes up to catch your look of solidarity. he pointed at you. "see? we're on the same page, which means we're right."

joshua looked at you and you raised your hands in surrender. "are you serious?" he asked. "my sister and-"

you landed a hand on his face, effectively shutting him up as you giggled. "shush, josh. just leave it, okay?"

"good idea," jeonghan sighed, straightening and picking up the platter you had finished. "dining table?"

"please," you responded, looking back and giggling when joshua looked just as dumbfounded as he had before you looked away. "she's an adult. seokmin's a good guy. let it happen."

he closed his mouth, stealing a glance at his sister. "he is a kindergarten teacher."

"and both your best friend and your partner love him," you reminded him. "she could do worse."

he gave you a look. "she has done worse."

"shut up," you said, pushing his shoulder in your friend's defense. "you've done pretty bad, too."

his eyes went to the ceiling, remembering the accidental altercation you had been forced to have with one of his more regrettable exes. "how many times do i have to apologize-"

"you don't," you laughed, putting your hands on his cheeks and focusing his eyes on yours. "but krys is an adult. she's allowed to judge her own partners, and even if she ends up being wrong, she's old enough to make her own mistakes."

joshua huffed, knowing you were right but not wanting to admit it. "sorry i'm trying to protect my one and only baby sister."

"yes, and you're adorable," you assured him. "best big brother ever. but it's her birthday, and if you don't start getting drunk soon, she'll be very upset."

drinking with joshua was fun. because he wasn't much different than yourself - he didn't get crazy, he didn't get loud. he just got loose. he let stupider jokes out, and he was more willing to join in on krys' performative comedy bits throughout the night. you found yourself falling onto a couch with him, giggling as he caught his breath after a particularly involved musical number.

the most fun you had drinking with joshua was in itaewon, long past midnight but still what you considered halloween. you had been dragging karol with you for years, but now you had a boyfriend, and she had a boyfriend, and you both had a new joint best friend, so it only made sense for you to get them all take the train ride out to your favorite part of seoul.

ratatouille. that was the only way you could get joshua to go with you. he wanted a couples costume and he wanted you to be the rat.

"this feels backhanded," you told him.

"do you want to be linguine?" he asked. "i can be sexy remy. i can find grey hot pants, but you have to be the one to attach the the tail because i have no idea what my butt looks like."

you laughed, resigning to your fate and buying the outfit online, then looked at him suddenly. "liar. i know you check yourself out at the gym."

"okay," he said, eyes on the ceiling as he herded a giggling you into his arms. "then… i want it to be accurate, so you need to attach it directly at my tailbone." he cocked his head at you after you settled into the hug. "i have to be wearing them, obviously."

"obviously," you said. "but unfortunately, i already ordered the body suit."

josh pressed his lips together and made a quick fist in victory. "awesome. i-i mean! aww, well, that's fine, i suppose." he sighed dramatically, convincing absolutely no one that he hadn't wanted this outcome all along. "i'll be linguine."

"i don't feel like fighting a bunch of gays in itaewon for your affection anyways," you said, making him laugh and kiss your cheek quickly before pulling away.

"grilled cheese?"

"is that even a question?"

it wasn't a question when you were weaving through throngs of bunnies and angels, either, holding hands with both him and his sister to not lose them in the crowd, karol and soonyoung trailing behind krys, all five of you on a mission to get carbs in you after starting the night off nearly too strong.

halloween in itaewon was different. it was special, you thought. you usually didn't like crowds, but this one felt good. halloween wasn't a celebrated holiday in korea, but with internet, influencers, and immigrants, the culture found its way into the new age scene. you loved an excuse to celebrate your favorite characters by paying them homage, and joshua had thought that was a noble enough reason for him to justify staying up too late and drinking too much.

you had just left the diner themed bar that you devoured griddle top sandwiches from, as well as another drink, and you spotted a familiar angel making a beeline for you.

well, not you.

"how many times have i tried to get you to come to itaewon with me?" jeonghan asked, pushing joshua's shoulder as soon as he could reach it.

joshua laughed, looking shocked by the sudden appearance of his friend. "you never agreed to be remy!"

jeonghan looked at you, and burst into laughter, making your jaw drop in indignance and whacking your fist against both their arms. "at least we're original. way to put in the effort, han."

he shrugged bringing a straw to his mouth, and you eyed the pink liquid that had clearly been funnelled into a water bottle. "i look better than all these clowns and you know it."

"there you are!"

jeonghan spun, the straw still in his mouth. "shit, i haven't lost you?"

seokmin gave him a sarcastic laugh, adjusting the shoulder of his soccer jersey as he walked up behind him, quickly adding to your small circle as he greeted you and joshua. you stepped aside suddenly, revealing the members of your party that had been lagging behind. "o-oh! it's all of you!"

you made brief eye contact with joshua, who was trying to not laugh at your less than subtle attempt. "you match!" you said quickly, pointing out that krys was dressed as a baseball player. "baseball, soccer," you trailed off, looking around for help.

"sports couple," jeonghan said loudly, slipping you a quick look. "cute."

soonyoung had to put his entire palm over his mouth to stop himself from exploding into giggles when seokmin went red in the ears and krys tried to change the subject as kindly as she could manage.

when you finally made it back into joshua's room, it was far too late (early? you could think about it more, but you preferred resigning to the fact that the passage of time was beyond you and moving on), the sun already starting to light the sky as it prepared to break the horizon. when you stole his toque of his head, he put his hand on your waist, backing you up against the closet door and gently working his lips onto yours.

you giggled, your arms landing on his shoulders. "aren't you tired?

"yeah, but," his eyes fluttering over your face. "i just really like you."

you were smiling when he pressed his lips to yours again. "i really like you, too, but we've been at a sweaty block party all night and we need to shower."

"together?" he asked, a spot of childish hope in his voice. "singular shower?"

you sighed on his lips, playfully threading your fingers against his nape. "if you want?"

the hot water felt especially good after trekking home in the cold without a jacket. and even though it was just meant to be a shower, he kept kissing you like it was something more, pressing you against the tiled wall and running his hands all over your shape. you couldn't stop giggling. pushing his hands away, saying you need to wash up, but giving him looks like you wanted him to keep going. you were running your hands over his chest, rinsing away suds, when joshua couldn't help but put a hand at the base of your neck, tipping your head slightly to deepen an already heated kiss.

"cut it out," you muttered against his lips, feeling them curve despite your eyes staying shut.

"cut what out?"

you looked at him, barely processing anything other than how incredibly handsome he was, even with his lashes stuck together with moisture and his hair slicked back against his head. "trying to fuck me in a shower stall."

he laughed teasingly, leaning into you again. "then why'd you agree to come in here with me?"

your back hit the tile again, and you giggled. "to save water."

and then he's kissing you again, a hand steady on your nape as he worked you open, tongue lapping against yours with a desperation that could only mean one thing. you whimpered dumbly, the squeaky whine escaping you with no difficulty as your hands ran up his chest, your grip longing for any amount of him you could get.

his lips leave you abruptly, asking if this was too much. if you wanted to stop. but you shook your head at him, hands eager to feel more of his shoulders, his neck, his scalp, despite your legs starting to give out. steam drifted between you when you told him your legs felt like jello from your full shift of partying, and if he didn't want to hold you up, you should probably take this to bed.

you were giggling as you frantically dried each other off, stealing kisses that were far too deep to be so short and longing touches that could have been interpreted as purposeful drying if you squinted hard enough, but felt much more like careful teasing. his hands felt right running up your body, and your hair was still damp, but that didn't bother either of you when you fell into bed together.

"i cant believe you want to fuck me when i was dressed like a literal rat," you teased.

he laughed, tugging your thigh up on his hip as his nose nuzzled against yours. "a sexy rat."

you giggled, lips parting when he kissed you. "a rat from a pixar movie."

he didn't miss a beat. "a sexy rat from a pixar movie."

you roll your damn eyes at him, and he just laughs, knowing that it mattered very little what you were wearing before, because now you were bare, clean, and safe in his bed, which was exactly where he wanted you for the rest of forever.

the sun was past its peak when you woke, stretching your sore spine and legs with joshua's arm draped over you. his hand seemed to wake before he did, finding your hip and squeezing gently as he took in his signature first breath of the day.

"g'morning." you smiled at his soft voice as he squinted at you, and you rolled into him to plant a kiss on his lips.

"it's almost two," you said finally.

he groaned, burying his face in the pillow. "too early." his grip around you tightened, making you giggle. "nap time."

you whined. "i wanna make coffee before it gets too late."

"i said nap time," he muttered, face still against the pillow.

"baby, i have a headache."

his head popped up, squinting at the bedside. "there's water."

you laughed incredulously. "i need caffeine."

he just pulled you tighter. "i need you here."

"wow," you said, wrapping your arms around him as he snuggled into your chest. "would rather i suffer from a caffeine headache for your own selfish need to cuddle than let me escape for two minutes to make a coffee and come back?"

he smiled, rubbing his cheek against your sternum. "mhmm."

you giggled, carding your fingers through his hair and resigning to a few more precious moments of uninterrupted snuggling before you could relieve the vague aching in your temples.

he did eventually let you slip out of his grasp, and you asked if he wanted a coffee, too, to which he just blearily blinked at you and nodded once. you laughed, finding a shirt in a drawer and pulling it over your head before exiting to the kitchen.

you hit the kettle first, having a craving for a hot cup of coffee rather than the usual iced, grabbing a mug and glass from a cabinet. the espresso machine sat on the long counter against the windowed outer wall, and your eyes danced across the outside world as you made the two coffees. when you returned to the bedroom, joshua was on his phone, and when you cleared your throat, he dropped his phone on the pillow and pretended to be asleep, complete with a loud snore.

you giggled, sitting on the edge of the bed and nudging him carefully. "get up or i'll put the glass on your neck."

he winced at the idea. "evil," he stated plainly, flopping around to comfortably sit up and taking the iced coffee from you.

you sipped your coffee and put it on the bedside table to swing your feet back under the covers. you shoved at the pillows to support your back as you sat, grabbing your coffee and phone to begin your weekend morning routine of checking the news as you sipped at an americano. "i brought you coffee in bed at two pm. i think i'm pretty saintly."

he gave you a fake laugh, making you giggle and push your foot against his leg under the covers in a half hearted kick. "is that why you said 'oh, god' so much last night?"

you groaned. "gross, joshua. and for the record," you said, eyeing him slyly as a smile broke out on your lips. "that was this morning."

"time is an illusion," he declared, taking a gulp from his coffee and setting it down to get more comfortable beside you as you began to read an article. "are we doing anything today?"

you shook your head, eyes still focused on your screen. "nada."

"nothin'?" joshua fished.

"zilch," you concluded.

"rad," he decided, a light tone in his voice as he grabbed his phone to resume whatever he had been doing before you returned. "do you wanna order breakfast?"

you let out a breath, your head falling back as you looked at him. "yes, oh my god."

he laughed, and his eyes ran over your face in a way you recognized well at this point. to you, it was him just smiling back at you, and you liked that it reached his eyes. but to him, it was the way he looked at you when he was memorizing all the little reasons he adored you, and it was getting harder for him to pretend it wasn't more than just simple adoration.

"question," he started, eyes darting away from yours as he licked his suddenly dry lips and swallowed quickly.

"pasta," you said immediately, pulling your phone to your chest as you gave him your biggest, most convincing eyes before a finger came up to demonstrate a point. "and before you say that's not a breakfast food, i would like to remind you that it is 2pm and i had to sit through a hundred of your italian food puns yesterday despite ratatouille being set in france."

he laughed, and you gave him a confused look. "we can get pasta, but that wasn't the question."

your eyebrow quirked. "what other question could you possibly ask me right now?"

unknowingly, joshua let his face settle into the same look he was giving you less than a minute earlier. "would you want to move in?"

your eyes ran over his face repeatedly, trying to register how serious he was as you considered the idea of staying in this comforting bed and presence for the indefinite future, and even you couldn't hide how nice that sounded. the only thing stopping you was that you couldn't bear to leave karol alone. you had been living together for over four years now, she had been your first roommate in korea, your best friend for years, and an inexplicable source of quiet but understanding comfort for you.

"i understand," joshua assured you, placing his hand over yours after you expressed your hesitation. "i don't know what i'll do with myself when krys decides to move out."

you nodded, studying his face but mind wandering to other things. "krys," you hummed, and he eyed you.

"what genius plan is that brain brewing?"

you shook your head, brushing the thought out of your mind - the thought that krys had said something about needing to find a new place soon. the thought that she had said she was never gonna properly grow up when josh was taking care of her, whether she wanted him to or not. "nothing."

but it wasn't nothing. it was a compromise - you and krys would swap leases.

"are you sure?" you asked her, elbows on the island as krys ate the donuts you had anxiously made that morning. you had brought up the idea to her days before, and she excitedly agreed, but something about it felt too easy to you.

"yes," she assured you, wiping her bottom lip clear of powdered sugar. "i swear, i'm sure. how many times do i have to say it?"

you chewed your cheek. "i don't want you to feel like i'm kicking you out."

"you're not kicking me out," she said matter of factly. "i'm moving out. it just happens to be the same day as you're moving in."

you pouted. "and you're moving into my apartment."

"yeah," she said, nodding. "i get to pay lower rent and have south facing windows in my room. i should feel bad about kicking you out."

it took almost a month to organize everything, but by early december you were just waiting for the date. you purposefully scheduled for a weekend, in order to not disrupt krys' streaming schedule and your video uploads, since you had planned to do a separate moving vlog about safely packing tableware. the weekend before, krys came over to her soon-to-be home for your usual monthly brunch.

flipping pancakes that day felt a little somber, knowing it was the last time you'd be cooking brunch while living with karol. you had been with her for four years, and it felt surreal that you were finally parting ways like this. not only that, but you were moving in with a guy. the idea itself scared the shit out of you - cohabitating with someone other than karol. you'd be sharing a room. sharing a kitchen. sharing all of your space - normally, that would scare you away from agreeing, but something about joshua made you feel safe. he made you feel like you would never try to get back the distance you generally held so dear.

months ago, the idea of sharing space like that while trying to decompress would be unimaginable, but recently, you found alone time with joshua just as healing as alone time with yourself, so the idea of being able to snuggle into his side every night actually put a warm feeling in your stomach. you looked at your friends, who were laughing and drinking bloody marys as you tried to keep up with their conversation. your brain swirled, and you looked back down at the strawberries you were cutting, suddenly realizing you had never felt that way about a boy before.

"woah, you okay, babe?" krys bobbed her head downwards to check your face. "are you crying? i thought only onions did that to you."

you threw your head back, sniffling noisily trying to force the tears back under your ducts. karol stood. "oh, my god, what's wrong?" she frantically put down her drink and rushed around the counter to your side.

"wait, yeah-" krys shook her head rapidly, then reached over to take the knife out of your hand, her face creasing into a worried pout. "what's going on?"

you gathered yourself, embarrassed at how quickly you had cried so hard over such a stupid realization. you almost laughed, realizing what a scene you were making. you never cried. you weren't even sure either of them had seen it before now, yet you were ugly sobbing over something that they all probably already knew.

you swallowed harshly, clearing your throat. "i think i'm in love with josh."

krys and karol always knew you didn't truly care about the gender of your hypothetical partner, but that you had avoided men for a reason other than your attraction to them. they knew you gravitated towards women for practically your entire friendships with either of them, they knew that you never liked to get genuinely drunk and instead took care of the rest of them, and they knew you had never been very interested in sex. these were all known facts about you, and your friends understood that you kept the reasons for these facts close to your chest. they respected that.

but you finally wanted to share why. and the why was your ex.

when you had imagined telling your closest friends about your trauma, this certainly wasn't the situation you expected - crowded around the kitchen counter as your pancakes went cold, and only because you had burst into tears. it wasn't the right place, you thought, for you to talk about how he got you drunk. how you were practically asleep. how you tried to push him away but your body was weak with intoxication and you were powerless against him. someone you trusted. someone you loved.

you had always been the type to fight your own battles. you could stand up for yourself without difficulty, yet he made you scared of men. of what they could do to you. he reminded you that despite your effort to air on the androgynous, you had a body that some people might enjoy against your will. he made you want to hide everything about you and your body, wearing baggy shirts and oversized hoodies every chance you got, avoiding the unwanted gaze of men.

but recently, you've been wearing shorts more. you cropped some old shirts you never got use out of anymore to wear to your weekly yoga class. you had even bought a schoolgirl outfit for exactly one purpose, which had been entirely out of your comfort zone until roughly two months prior, but you had happily worn to please a man.

but in your defense, joshua hong was not like most men.

his appreciation of your body never felt predatory, and it always felt like it was bested by his appreciation of your mind. he didn't treat you like a prize, or like you were his for the taking. he appreciated your body as yours. while you may have found yourself the subject of his desire, you were never an object, and it had been a long time since you had felt comfortable wearing the clothes you liked in favor of opting for whatever would hide the most skin.

krys was crying. karol was too, but she was more focused on hugging you tight as you wiped off the tears that had trailed down your face. krys rounded the counter, loudly vocalising how much she loved you and everything about you, and you laughed out loud as she let out an exaggerated wail.

"actually, though," she said, pulling away slightly and sniffling. "drop the address. we're rolling up on this guy tomorrow."

you laughed again, wiping at your face when your arms were free. "wouldn't even know where to find him now."

"good!" karol declared. "fuck that guy! cut him out! you're a bad bitch!"

krys pouted. "i'm really happy josh helped you heal."

you stared at her for a second, registering that she must have been right. you eyes swam over the counter, thinking about all the times he had helped you feel more comfortable with yourself. with everything. enough to let someone in. enough to love. "i guess that's what this is, huh?"

karol cleared her throat. "so, you love him."

a grin broke out on krys' face, and your eyes immediately rolled. "you love him."

"you love him so bad."

"you wanna marry him and make adorable little hong babies."

"oh my god," you said, pressing the backs of your hands into your eye sockets, annoyed laughter on your lips as they bounced off each other. "you guys suck."

joshua started acting… odd. that was the only way you could describe it. there was nothing specific you could name - maybe the way his eyes were moving slightly too quickly from side to side? or maybe it was the way he inhaled a little extra when you asked him what was up, only for him to push his lips into an exaggerated pout and insist that nothing was. whatever it was, it made you watch him a little bit longer, your eyes squinting slightly more than usual.

you called him the day before, asking if you could bring some stuff over in hopes of making the next day as easy as possible, but his response was quick and surprising.

"what do you mean, no?" you laughed, putting down the wooden tray you were deciding the fate of. "do you have a girl over?"

you could hear him faltering on the other end. "and what if i did?"

"good luck getting her to make you breakfast."

he laughed. "i'm kidding. i have a guy over."

"oh?" you asked. "jeonghan?"

"shut up," he chuckled out. "i'm having something installed, but it was supposed to be a surprise."

"joshua," you reminded him, thinking of what the hell he could have meant by something. "i don't do surprises."

"you do now."

you groaned, a palm landing on your counter. "what is it?"

"a sex swing," he said plainly, as though that were the most obvious fact that you could have questioned, and you practically choked on your laughter, not even letting him confirm that he was joking before you were folded over your counter. and quite frankly, you could not wait another day to let him make you laugh like that as a routine.

you finally seceded, but you were glad when joshua arrived - the suv he rented loaded with krys' things - because it was a signifier that the distance between you and said surprise was shrinking quickly. soonyoung had become a surprisingly helpful voice of reason as you went through your piles of tablewares, telling you which ones to leave behind and which ones to take with you. seokmin had even arrived not long after the suv in his own car, a few brightly colored belongings in his backseat. you and karol exchanged a look when you realized he had volunteered to help krys move, but said nothing out loud, knowing she would do nothing but deny the obvious.

after yours and krys' affects were swapped in the car, you looked around one last time before telling josh you thought that was it.

"wait!" krys faltered, realizing she didn't have a good reason to stop you. "i- uh,"

"they know there's a surprise waiting for them," he said, digging the rental keys out of his jacket pocket.

karol looked to you. "do you know what it is?"

"of course not," joshua stated proudly before you could respond. "i'm like a steel trap."

you laughed. "that's definitely not how that phrase is meant to be used."

he raised a brow at you. "that doesn't change the fact that you could never get that info out of me."

"they absolutely could," karol said.

"for sure," krys agreed.

"i just wanted to let you have this," you admitted.

joshua looked between the three of you with his jaw slightly dropped, and seokmin put a hand over his mouth while crossing his arms to disguise the almost laugh on his lips.

"well, i want to see your reaction," krys decided. "so i'm coming."

"wait," soonyoung asked, putting down the retro boombox he had been investigating, among the other things that had been brought from the loft. "like, the surprise?"

"does everyone know about this but me?" you asked, hands hitting your sides in exasperation.

seokmin looked at you with wide, confused eyes. "i don't."

you lifted your hands in a vague prayer towards him. "thank you for your solidarity."

"i wanna see your face, too!" soonyoung said, ignoring you both. "you're gonna freak."

"joshua," you started, turning to him with a look of dread on your face. "what the fuck did you get?"

"i told you!" he exclaimed. "a sex swing!"

there was an excruciatingly long second of silence, making your palm land directly on your face - just above your eye - before seokmin let out a surprised, "a what?"

"he's kidding," you announced, much to the teacher's relief. "and if he's not we're breaking up."

it was decided that the entire party would move to the loft for the surprise reveal, and you watched your friends pile into seokmin's car with your palms sweating slightly and your molars gently gnawing at the fleshy party of your cheek. because, truly, you didn't handle receiving gifts well when you knew what they were, but you didn't have a single clue as to what could be waiting for you in your new home, and that made you a little nervous to have an audience for your possibly piss poor reaction.

joshua's hand found yours on the drive to the apartment. "you okay?"

you blinked and looked over at him, his eyes catching yours between glances at the road. "i don't do surprises."

"so you've said," he nodded. his fingers squeezed at yours lightly and you exhaled. "do you want to know before we go in? you can just act surprised."

your felt your face soften, registering what he was offering you. "joshua, you don't have to do that-"

"i know," he said. "but if it makes you more comfortable, then…"

"no way," you said. "i'll just stop being a baby. you set up a surprise, the least i can do is participate the way you want me to."

he eyed you, then the way you laced your fingers with his. "but you are a baby."

you rolled your eyes. "shut up, no i'm not."

"my baby," he clarified, and you let out an involuntary giggle.

he was guiding you into the kitchen, his large hands placed over your eyes and covering most of your face by proxy, and you didn't quit your playful complaints for the crowd of your closest friends that had gathered around, their presence obvious despite your vision being impaired.

"ready?" joshua asked.

"josh, i literally hate surprises, do we have to do all this?"

"yes," he said frankly. "because i'm doing something nice for us and you're going to love it so can you shut up and let me do this the way i want to like you told me you wanted me to?"

you paused, hearing the way your friends stifled their laughter as you took in a deep breath.

"ready?" he repeated.

"yeah, i guess," you sighed.

the light was harsh when his hands left your face, and you blinked repeatedly at the kitchen that you spent countless hours in, registering what was different. then, it suddenly clicked, the stovetop joshua had always had was replaced by the blue vintage styled range of your dreams.

"joshua!" you gasped, hands going to your face as you spun to look at him, then back at the range. "you bought me a lacanche?!"

he grinned, hands snaking around your waist from behind as you stood frozen in place. "i bought us a lacanche."

seokmin leaned over to krys. "what's a le conch?"

she reached up and put a finger over his mouth, eyes fixed on you. "shh, they're communicating."

you rushed over to the range, joshua following behind you as you ran your hands over the polished chrome handles that you had stared at on the website for years. "and it's all hooked up?"

he nodded, eyes on you with a smile on his face. "tested it last night."

"without me?" you asked, incredulous.

he laughed. "i didn't want to ruin the surprise by burning the loft down directly after."

your finger fidgeted on the handle, looking over to joshua. he gestured for you to go ahead, and you pushed and spun the knob, lighting a burner and squealing. you shut it off again before launching yourself into a hug.

"joshua!" you wailed, arms wrapped around his neck as he laughed, putting his around your waist. "i love it so much ican'tbelieveyouboughtusafucking lacanche range in portuguese blue for no goddamn reason!"

"there was a reason!" he laughed, letting you pull away slightly to study his face. "it's a housewarming gift. i want you to know this place is yours, too, now."

you did your best to suck the tears back into the ducts they belonged in, trying to not show just how much the gesture meant to you in that way, but you were sure one escaped down your cheek when your hands went to the base of his skull, pulling him into a kiss. you forgot the context of the move. you forgot about your friends that had been excitedly crowded in your new kitchen, anticipating your over the top reaction to what they saw as just a new stove. you, however, were overwhelmed by the specifics - the fact that he had picked the color you chose most often when building your hypothetical dream stove on the website you frequented more often than you would ever admit. the fact that it matched the details on the tile of his kitchen backsplash, a detail you hadn't even noticed when you were looking at them online. the chrome vintage knobs, the layout of the burners - everything was exact to what he had seen you dream about, and you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the love and care that expressed, hoping you could tell him just how much it meant by working your lips against his.

"ok, gross," krys announced, looking away when the two of you didn't pull apart. "i'm saying goodbye to my wallpaper and we're leaving. would anyone else like to pay their respects?"

seokmin raised his hand, his eyes on the ceiling, and krys grabbed his arm and retreated towards the hall, karol telling them to hurry as soonyoung put up a hand to obstruct his view of you and joshua. when you finally pulled away, it wasn't for their reprieve, though they reacted as though it was. it was so you could look into joshua's eyes, creased with the grin on his face as you gave him a similar one, and you couldn't wait to cook with him, on your, plural, portuguese blue lacanche range, with chrome classique handles, four gas burners, a griddle, and a warming drawer. and it would be your best brunch yet.

[uzumaki-rebellion]

“Wet Sugar” [Part 15 of 30]

"We at the family reunion Tellin' jokes and playin' spades Uncle Dave is on the barbecue grill Grandma braggin 'bout the blanket she made For the new baby on her way Even though the daddy ain't really ready This child is coming, anyway, yeah

Neicey made her famous potato salad, somehow it turns out green Maybe it's all the scallions, could be the celery But oh, Uncle Jerome loves it Hey baby baby, here comes my favorite, my favorite cousin He says he doing fine, takin' it one step a day but in my heart I know it ain't that way…"

Jill Scott – "Family Reunion"

The fifty-pound block of solid cement exploded in a flash of smoke and blue pulsing rays of vibranium firepower.

"Whoo, shit!" Erik yelled feeling the vibratory power of Klaue's new and improved arm.

He turned off the remote-control unit in his hand and ran his fingers along the closed seam of the pale arm.

"Fuck yeah," Erik mumbled to himself as his fingers felt the slow whirring of the device powering down. The arm itself was just faintly warm. He was confident he had solved Klaue's problem. He opened and closed the arm numerous times for a full hour to see if there were any glitches in sealing up properly but there was none. He decided to do pulse glass breaking tests for the next day.

Feeling good, Erik took out a Glock from the gun rack and fired off some shots against a few targets.

"Killmonger, everything okay down there?"

Yani's voice on the intercom was always a treat.

"All good, baby. I'm done."

"You want something to drink?"

"Bring me a beer, please."

Within ten minutes Yani was strolling up to him holding a cold bottle of Carib Lager. He chugged it down and he wasn't surprised when she handed him another.

He kissed her on the lips and she wiped a bit of beer liquid from her mouth. He put the second bottle down.

"You ever shot a gun before?" he asked.

"No."

"Want to?"

Her eyes took in the clean-looking Glock in his hand.

"Guns scare me."

"They should, but you should know how to handle one around here."

She nodded. He walked back up to the gun wall and grabbed earplugs and small safety glasses for her.

"Put these on," he said handing her the protective items.

She stuffed the plugs in her ear and adjusted the yellow high-def glasses over her eyes.

"Watch me," he said.

He chose an easy target for her, a wide metal post. Holding the gun properly, he exaggerated his technique so she would clearly see what he needed her to do to stay safe and talked her through his actions.

He let off a few rounds, then walked over to fix a new target for her. Returning to her side, Erik took the magazine out of the gun, made sure the chamber was clear and allowed her to handle the weapon safely so she could get used to the weight of it in her hand. She was an apt pupil.

"Put the webbing of your hand as high on the backstrap of the pistol as you can…yeah…just like that. Now make sure the knuckle of your middle finger goes under the trigger guard here…yeah…good. That's the point of contact I was telling you about. You sure you haven't handled a gun before?"

"Nope. Not a real one."

"You lookin' real comfortable with that piece in your hand, girl. Make sure that slide is in line with your…yeah…your forearm. Good. That'll help you control your recoil. Now get your weak hand in place."

She moved her left hand in a forty-five-degree angle and placed it in position. Her left pointer finger went under the trigger guard too and he saw her breathing speed up.

"You're doing fine. No bullets in there. This is just you getting to know the gun like a new friend. Okay?"

She nodded, her eyes very serious, and her lips pressed tight with focus.

"Roll your thumb down target…"

She did as she was told and he saw her relax once the gun felt more secure in her hands.

"Get your stance correct, strong side and support side."

Yani adjusted her legs accordingly.

"Bend those knees…"

Her chunky knees looked cute in her cutoffs as they bent to give her flexibility in movement. She was sweating in her tank top, more so from nerves than the sun he was guessing.

"Doing good, Ma. Aim for your target…don't lock your elbows all the way out, Yani. That recoil will start pushing you back if you do that. You're going to let off multiple shots—"

Yani stood straight and pointed the gun down and out toward him.

"I don't want to do this," she said.

"What's wrong? You're being safe—"

"I just…I just thought about when Chez had that guy put a gun on you…"

"I'm ex-military. Had a lot of guns on me. I'm still here. You can do this. I won't push you if you really don't want to try it."

He reached out for the gun and took it from her. Her hands went to her hips and she stared at the target.

"We can do it another time," he said.

Her right sneaker tapped on the ground and her eyes leveled back on his.

"Can we just practice this part and not shoot yet?"

"Whatever you want."

He watched her work the gun with practice grip and stance moves and after some time she seemed to ease into more comfort.

"I do the video shooting with Kendall, but it feels different when the real thing is in my hand," she said.

"I hear ya," he said.

Her eyes sought his again.

"I think I want to shoot it now."

"Okay. I'll put the magazine back in and you can fire some rounds. Stop any time you want, just make sure the aim is downrange at all times. Understand?"

"Yeah."

He armed the gun and handed it back to her. Her hands were steady.

She smiled at him.

Standing behind her, he watched her get her grip and stance correct.

"Nervous?" he asked.

"I don't want to drop it and have it bounce and kill us," she said.

"I'm right here with you. You already have a nice grip on it. Plant your stance…"

Yani aimed for her target.

"Whenever—"

She squeezed off rounds that swiss-cheesed the target very close to the center. He stared at her for a long time, even after she aimed the gun down the way he showed her.

"Good?" she asked.

"Guess that video playing helped," he said.

"It wasn't as hard as I thought. I could feel my arms straightening and I felt that push back. I want to try again."

The hard plink sound of metal striking metal echoed with muffled sound from the earplugs.

Yani seemed pleased with herself.

Erik taught her how to load the Glock and how to check the chamber. She shot more rounds and tried to improve her accuracy. By the time they were done, his second beer was hot from the sun.

"Can you show me how to use one of those big guns? The AK's?" she said.

Well damn.

He brought down two different assault weapons and showed her how they worked and let her practice her grip and stance again. Before he let her try firing them, he had to let her know about his trip.

"I'm going to leave next Sunday."

Her eyes seemed to dim. A crease marred her forehead.

"How long?"

So quiet. Her voice and her whole demeanor reminded him of his mother whenever his father left them for thirty days once a year until his death. At the time, his parents fed him the lie that his father was going to work in Atlanta for a month. N'Jobu Udaku pretended to be Joseph Stevens, a popular Oakland barber. So popular that his teaching services were needed at a barber college down south. It was just the way it was. Until Erik learned the truth in his father's journals that his play Uncle gave him before he made the decision to go to the Naval Academy. Truth, always stranger than fiction, was encased in the ruse of his Baba being in Georgia. As a boy, Erik had no clue of what his mother went through every time his father left. Her anxiety over his father leaving didn't make sense, but looking at Yani, he saw his mother again. The worry of would he return safe and sound. Would something or someone keep him from coming back to her?

"A week at the most. I have to return something to Klaue in person—"

"Whatever it is that you have been blowing up down here?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"You won't be in danger again, will you? Not like last time…"

"Any work with him is dangerous. You know that."

"Will I be able to talk to you while you are gone?"

" I can't risk—"

She held up her hands.

"The less I know, the better…right?"

"Yeah."

"What if something happens to you…would anyone tell me?"

"No."

Yani shoved the AK-47 back into his hand, picked up the empty and half-full beer bottles and headed back up toward the house they shared.

"Yani!"

He put all the weapons away and secured them before he went after her.

###

Erik found Yani checking on Sydette who was still fast asleep for her afternoon nap in her room. The shades were drawn to block out the bright sun, and the baby was on her back with her thumb stuck in her mouth and her fingers curled around a soft pale green baby blanket.

"You know my life. You know there are risks for me," he said.

Yani walked away from the bed and out of the bedroom. He followed her into the living room and out onto the porch. She sat on their favorite lounge seat and he perched up next to her.

"Mi know what you tell," she said.

"It's just a delivery."

"What if he won't let you come back?"

"He don't control me like that."

"But you're loyal to him. He said that all the time. You always do what him wants. If him tell you stay wherever he is, would you do it?"

Purpose. The long game. Righting a wrong. Justice.

"I would."

"Then none of this is real. My love doesn't mean anything to you."

"Love is everything. It's why I do what I do. I know that doesn't make sense to you, but I have to do what I do to finish something that was started a long time ago. I can't stop…this work…I can't…I have this contract that I have to finish. Until I do that, nothing can stand in my way—"

"So we are in your way?"

"You know that's not what I mean. I finish my contract and then…I can do what I want."

"Does that mean me and Sydette?"

"If it's meant to be."

"Are we meant to be, Killmonger?"

"I dunno. Nothing is guaranteed in this life. But I'm trying to hold onto you and that little girl sleeping in this house as long as I can."

"Can you even tell me where you are going?"

"Far from here. Don't ask me anything more about it."

"Mi no like this."

"I know."

He pulled her onto his lap.

"You just study and take care of Sydette. The compound is yours. I need you to stay in the middle house while I'm gone. If I can contact you, I will. It'll be seven to ten days max."

She shook her head.

"Don't talk about it. Just go and come back."

She threw her arms around his neck and he kissed her throat and let his lips drop down to her shoulder. She straddled him and accepted the wet touches of his lips on her skin.

"I'm coming back to you."

"I won't believe it until it's true," she said lifting her neck to accommodate his mouth on her warm skin.

He ran his lips down her side and lifted up her tank top and gave soft teasing kisses down her side. He nipped at the side of her right breast and pulled her top off all the way. She lifted up and eased her shorts and panties off and kicked away her trainers.

Her eyes avoided his face as she pulled off his shirt and then licked his lips with her eager tongue. He opened his mouth and let his tongue slide against hers. Her nails drew soft lines in his scalp.

"All this new growth. I need to palm roll alla this for you," she whispered in his ear.

"I should cut it off. Start fresh."

"I can cut it if you want," she said.

His mouth suckled the side of her waist as she raised up and leaned over his right side, her head resting on the lounge seat headrest.

He lifted her up and unfastened his pants, slipping them off and pulling her back down on his lap.

There were so many positions they had done together, but his favorite with her was this, relaxing outside with a view of the ocean and her body writhing on his lap, his lips pressed into her side, licking her there, tasting her skin there, feeling her weight holding him down.

He felt himself stiffen with slow ease and he took his time touching her all over. She kept her head resting near his neck and just circled her waist. He reached down and adjusted his erection between her legs. His fingers traced up her back, one hand cradling her neck, the other resting on her backside. Everything he needed in life at that moment was right there on his lap. He let his head fall back and turned his face to look at hers and then he was looking down at her plush rump.

She lined her face up with his and finally looked at him.

"I love you," she said.

"Love you," he said and sank his tongue deep in her mouth.

They couldn't part their lips from one another. Erik listened to the crashing of the surf down below, could smell the lush bloom of island flowers around the house, tasted the saliva exchanged between them flavored with beer. His fingers pinched the tips of her breasts and her nipples pebbled like ornamental jewels. A shivery breath left her mouth and he eyed her breasts as they jiggled slightly. Her body was fuller since they had been living together, their rich meals and unrushed life adding pounds to her frame. It became evident when her bikini tops couldn't fully hold her breasts and her shorts couldn't fasten around her belly like before. When she walked around the house, her thighs always touched, and Lord have mercy when she swam naked and he caught sight of her walking into the surf, her rump bouncing, he could just die right there a happy man.

He went for her lips again. When he couldn't handle kissing her anymore and she had her mouth sucking on his neck, he lifted her up by her waist.

"Lemme cum in your pussy," he sighed.

She reached between their legs and held his manhood. Sitting down on him, letting his inches split her folds, her heat engulfing him with tight squeezes until she rested on his balls, Erik held his breath. Yani's face returned to the headrest, and his eyes watched the sea once more.

"I can hear that pussy, baby," he groaned.

She shifted her weight and gripped the back of the lounger dropping her ass on him hard. His heels pressed into the floor and his legs shook.

"Ooh, pound that pussy on me, girl…."

His hands gripped each ass cheek and he held on for dear life. She leaned back and the sweet look on her face forced him to unravel under her.

Gasping for breath he stared up at her and saw the worry was back in her face again. He flipped her over and pressed his face into her soft folds. His tongue and fingers had her lustful cries tingling his ears, but even as he brought her to completion, a lingering sadness enveloped her and he couldn't shake it away from her.

"Stop worrying," he whispered in her ear.

She could only throw her arms around his neck and he held her for a long time.

###

Yani had some of the cheating-est cousins on that side of the world.

Erik was paired up with her cousin Kendall for a game of Spades, but two of Yani's other male cousins, Dex and Boogie took every opportunity to subtract points, make up points and deny reneging on various hands.

"I'm done!" Erik shouted.

Dex and Boogie laughed as he jumped up from a folding chair and grabbed a cold ginger beer from a cooler next to Twyla who was waiting to play with Cee Cee. Erik's eye's darted to find Yani making the rounds with her family on the beach.

Their arrival had felt a little awkward when they met up with her parents and a few Aunties and Uncles. Erik carried a twelve-pack of beer and two family-size bags of potato chips. The stares they gave him made Yani nervous until Twyla rescued them by pulling them away and taking Sydette from Yani's hands.

He felt eyes on him everywhere he walked, and for a time, her male relatives were cool to him until Kendall arrived. He got along well with Kendall, and once the others saw Kendall and Twyla treating him like family, the tension eased. Mainly from the younger family members. The elders sucked their teeth and whispered.

"Your cousins are shady at the table," he said.

Yani sipped on a coke and kept her eyes on Sydette who played in the sand with some younger children.

"Told you not to play with them. Go play dominoes with Dulan and them. You want anything more to eat?"

"Nah. I'm good for now. Full."

Yani walked to a grouping of folding tables filled with food. Yani's Uncle Monty grilled some chicken and the enticing aroma of BBQ sauce and charred meat swirled around them. He watched her fix herself a new plate.

"Gyal, look at you…all big and fat and happy looking. Yuh wit pickney again?"

Erik saw Yani's face freeze with embarrassment. She stopped in front of two women seated on a picnic bench across from where Erik was seated. Yani's eyes caught his and he could only stare helpless.

Yani's mother's head swiveled their way, her eyes tight. The gathering seemed to come to a halt until a familiar voice cut through the discomfort.

"Auntie!' Yani called out moving quickly to Leona who swept onto the beach with more people. Leona gave a shout to folks and hugged Yani before her eyes rested on his face.

"Mr. Killmomnger!" Leona shouted giving him a big hug.

"Hey you two, why the looks?" Leona said to the two women on the bench. Yani's mother walked over handing Leona a cool bottle of water.

"Your niece, she nuh look big? New baby?"

Leona stared at Erik first and then her eyes slyly took in Yani's figure. Yani sucked her teeth.

"I'm not getting big like that," Yani squeaked.

The women made chiding sounds and looked away. Paula put her hands on her hips.

"Yani is going to school in the fall. She nuh going down that road…tuh."

"Stop trying to shame mi niece," Leona said, "you look good, Yani. How's the compound?"

"Good. Excuse me."

Yani walked over to Erik and sat down. She ate her food and made no eye contact with her Aunts.

"They always have something to say," Yani said stuffing curried chicken roti in her mouth. Erik threw his arm around her chair.

"You look good to me, baby," he said kissing her cheek.

"Mi look fat to you?"

"I said you look good—"

"But, I have put on a lot of weight—"

"Good weight, trust."

"They will tell everyone I'm pregnant by you."

"Don't trip."

"I knew this was a bad idea. I should've told Mommy I was sick or something."

She finished her plate as Sydette came waddling over and reaching for any leftovers. Yani let her chew on a tiny piece of her eaten roti.

Erik took her plate and threw it away and grabbed another soda for her. He handed it to her as Twyla sauntered over.

"Fitting in?" Twyla said grinning.

"I'm cool," he said.

"They do every new person like that. You are a real treat for the gossip," she said.

"Them so rude," Yani said scooping Sydette onto her lap. She drank from her soda and let the baby have some.

"Oh, shit," Yani said.

Her eyes looked past her parents and toward the boardwalk. Erik looked to see what caught her attention and he felt his jaw get tight.

Chez.

He was alone and dressed nicely in board shorts and a snazzy designer t-shirt. He walked up to Yani's parents and greeted them. They didn't seem happy to see him, but they allowed him to linger. Yani's mother pointed toward Yani and Chez walked over. Erik stood up glaring at him.

"What are you doing here?" Yani said.

She held Sydette tight. Chez reached down and touched one of his daughter's twists.

"Hey Detty! Daddy's here."

Chez gave a cautious glance at Erik.

"Can I hold mi pickney?" he asked.

"Thought I told you not to be around her—"

"Chill, nigga. It's Sunday. Been taking her money to Twyla—"

"I told you to bring it to the house later when I got home," Twyla said, just as agitated as Erik was feeling.

"I have a show tonight, won't be able to come later. I know y'all come here so I'm just dropping it off."

Chez reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope. Twyla snatched it.

"Time to leave," Erik said.

"Can I hold mi pickney for a minute?"

Chez looked at Yani.

"I said leave—"

"Killmonger…please. I don't want a scene."

She stood up and handed Sydette to Chez.

Erik stepped away from them and Leona sidled up to him.

"He won't act up here," she said to him.

"I know he won't—"

"Calm yourself and talk to me."

Erik kept his eyes on Chez. Yani stood near him with Twyla right next to her.

"Killmonger…"

Leona's voice was soothing and his frayed nerves simmered down.

"She looks happy, my niece. Treatin' her well?"

"Yeah."

"All three of you getting along?"

Erik smiled.

Leona regarded their surroundings.

"Family hot and cold?"

"Yeah."

Erik could see some strain on Yani's face. Sydette's face was calm and focused on Yani's. Chez rocked her in his arms.

"Baba," Sydette said when Erik stepped next to Yani again. The baby raised her hands up to Erik.

"Baba?" Chez said. His eyes turned cold quickly.

Yani took Sydette from his arms and stepped back from him. Erik did his best to remain passive, but he could feel his blood pressure rising.

"Mi have her money. You held her. We done," Yani said.

Eyes watched them all.

Chez turned to Erik.

"This is my daughter. Not yours. You playin' house wit mi Fam—"

"Nah, you were playing house. I suggest—"

"Not here, not here…" Twyla hissed, her eyes taking in the stares.

"You wrong for this, Yani. Hear?" Chez said.

Yani broke eye contact with him and her eyes found Erik's.

"I want to see my daughter more than once a week. I have a right to have her with me in mi own house. I'll take you to court—"

"Didn't you hear me say not here?" Twyla said stepping closer to Chez.

"Take me to court then—"

"I've been keeping up with my payments—"

"Yo, let's go talk over here…" Kendall said.

Kendall threw an arm around Chez and guided him away from Yani. Twyla followed behind them.

"You okay?" Erik asked.

"Yeah. He'll take me to court."

"I don't trust him."

"I don't either."

"Don't worry about court."

"He did that to shame me. Just like them…trying to say I'm pregnant."

"He's gone don't think about him."

"Yani. Is everything okay?"

Paula watched her daughter and held her hands out for Sydette. Yani handed her over.

"Everything's fine Mommy."

Paula cut her eyes at Erik and walked away with the baby. Yani stuck Chez's envelope in her purse and sat back down. He sat down next to her and held her hand. His eyes scanned the boardwalk. Chez was gone. Twyla and Kendall spoke to one another near the grill.

"Those two always have your back," Erik said.

"My faves. They do look out for me. Shit. I wish Chez would just go away. He does this right when you are leaving."

"You are safe at the compound. You can have Leona come stay with you if you want."

"Can we just go home now?"

Erik stood up and held her hand.

###

Joburg was cold.

The driver Klaue sent to pick Erik up at the airport was tight-lipped with pale leathery skin. After a forty-minute drive, Erik switched cars with another driver who dropped him off at a busy bar in the main part of the city. He waited thirty minutes and much to his displeasure, Huntsman arrived and led him to another non-descript car where they drove to a private ranch surrounded by intense security.

Huntsman dropped him off with his large duffle bag and drove off. Erik was frisked and his duffle scanned before he was escorted inside on an electric golf cart. Left in front of the main door, Erik waited for entrance.

"Killmonger!"

Klaue hugged him and grabbed his duffle bag.

"Let's not waste time. Give it to me!" The man said.

Klaue's breath was foul with liquor and his eyes were bloodshot.

"Maybe you should wait until you are sober," Erik suggested.

"I'm fine, mate."

Erik dug inside his bag and pulled out a large figurine. He broke it on the floor and pulled out Klaue's prosthetic. Klaue yanked it out of his hand and admired it.

"Nice," he said.

Pulling off the arm he was using, Klaue put on the new one. Erik showed him how to activate it. Klaue stepped in front of a large round mirror that hung above the roaring fireplace he had going. A flash of blue shot out and the large mirror shattered and fell in pieces in front of the fire.

"Excellent! I feel like blowing more shit up! Let's go outside!" Klaue shouted.

"What the hell is going on? Killmonger!"

Erik turned toward the stairs.

Linda walked down and when she saw his face, a huge smile came across hers.

"Hello stranger," she said.

Klaue ran out of the front door.

"What happened to the mirror?"

Erik pointed to the front door.

Sultry in her sweater and tight pants, Linda sauntered over to him.

"How long are you here for?"

"Not long."

Her eyes were coy.

"Just enough time to catch up," she said.

###

Chap 16 Here.

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[themoneybuff-blog]

Questions About Tax Brackets, Compound Interest, Warehouse Clubs, Stamps, and More!

Whats inside? Here are the questions answered in todays reader mailbag, boiled down to summaries of five or fewer words. Click on the number to jump straight down to the question. 1. Losing faith 2. Thoughts on simple investment strategy 3. Tax bracket question 4. Compound interest question 5. Costco versus Sams Club 6. Question about forever stamps 7. Investing for near term 8. VA disability and property taxes 9. KitchenAid 10. Where should I retire? 11. Credit cards for specific purposes 12. Saving old journals On the wall in my office are three framed pictures that my children drew for me when they were younger using finger paints. In the corner of each, my wife typed out a brief description of what the painting was supposed to be, transcribing what the children told her about them. They are among my favorite possessions. I look at them at least a few times a day and they provide a constant reminder to me about what Im doing, what Ive done right, and what I might do better. Theyre older now. My daughter is a fantastic artist at this point, drawing still life far better than I ever dreamed of being able to do. My oldest son is developing into a skilled problem solver and is likely headed for some sort of engineering career. My youngest has a superb wit and the most insatiably curious mind Ive ever come across. Those pictures captured them at a moment in their lives thats already past, yet when I look at the pictures, I dont think of my children as they were, but as they are. Its pretty impressive what three pieces of paper and a few cents worth of finger paint can do. Q1: Losing faith I have worked for the DoE for 18 years and been through a few shutdowns, but this is the first time Ive simply not received my paycheck. Part of the reason I have chosen to work for the government rather than an energy company is due to the stability of the job and now that feels like it is eroding. I dont know when Im getting paid next which is the very type of thing I wanted to avoid in private industry and took a somewhat lower paying job. I am losing faith in the government as reliable. Not sure what to do. Dan After last weeks mailbag focused so heavily on the shutdown, I wanted to dial it back a little this week, so this is the only shutdown-related question. Again, Im not interested in the politics of the situation, just how it affects the daily life of those affected by it. In your shoes, Dan, I would probably start polishing up the resume. I get the impression that your finances are generally pretty stable and you can handle a short period without pay. I would also use this as inspiration to remind yourself that the best kind of financial reliability is when youre relying solely on your own savings, not the reliability of an employer. When things do return to normal, kick up your retirement savings a bit and get yourself into a place of financial independence just a little faster. Q2: Thoughts on simple investment strategy I wanted to get your thoughts on the investment strategy my great uncle told me about. Hes in his mid 60s and has been basically retired for about a decade. He ran a bakery but sold it to the manager about a decade ago and sometimes consults with them but thats about it. He said that what he did was starting in the early 1980s when he was just starting out, he put a minimum of $100 a month into a savings account and then put in any windfalls he got. The minimum grew as his income did. Whenever the stock market dropped 10% from its peak, he would take half of his savings and put it in the stock market and then not watch again for another six months. He said he blew away the market doing this and its why he retired so early. I am skeptical because he sometimes tells tall tales and I think he is mostly retired on bakery money. Your thoughts? Alex So, lets break this down. He puts $100 a month into savings and then puts half of his savings into stocks every time the stock market is 10% or more lower than its peak, but he only does this every six months at most. I tried my best to match this strategy in a spreadsheet to figure out whether this would actually beat the market. As best as I can figure, over the period of January 1, 1982 to January 1, 2019, this strategy would beat the market but not overwhelmingly, and it didnt beat the market for long stretches in there. I assumed a 3% return over that entire period on money in the savings account, and I only checked the stock market on the 1st of every month. I used the S&P 500 as the number for the stock market and assumed he was investing in the Vanguard 500, which basically matches the S&P 500. Now, having said that, its worth noting that sitting on stocks over that period is simply a great investment. On January 1, 1982, the S&P 500 was at 117.30. On January 1, 2019, its at 2,584.62. That money he invested back in the early eighties utterly exploded in value. Heck, even as late as January 1, 2009, it was at 865.58 it has basically tripled since then. If your great uncle sold his bakery ten years ago and put a lot of that money into stocks, and hed been doing this investment strategy as you described all along, he probably is sitting on a pretty penny right now. As for whether you should do it, I dont think its strictly better or worse than just investing that $100 directly every month. It really depends on how the market fluctuates, as all of these strategies do. Your great uncle got rich because he made a 40 year investment in stocks, not because he had a great timing strategy. Anyone with just about any strategy starting in the early 1980s would be doing very good today if they just left the money in the market. In other words, I think youd be in great shape if you used your uncles strategy. I also think youd be in great shape if you just put $100 or $200 a month into a broad based index fund and sat on it for the next 40 years. The thing those two strategies have in common is that theyre both riding the long term stock market growth, and thats where the real money is over the long term. Q3: Tax bracket question You wrote: Lets say youre a single taxpayer who earns $35,000 per year. The first $9,275 of your income is taxed at 10%, and the remaining $25,725 is taxed at 15%. What? While $35,000 falls into the 15% tax bracket, your effective tax rate is actually 13.7%. The higher your income, the more tax brackets you pass through to arrive at your effective tax rate. There is no listed 15% tax bracket for single taxpayers.. That sentence is thoroughly confusing! Please explain where you came up with that! Tammy The article in question was written by Simple Dollar contributor Frank Addessi, not by me. Ill do my best to explain this specific point more clearly. First of all, Frank seems to have been using the 2017 tax brackets rather than the 2018 ones to explain the principle. His numbers perfectly line up with the 2017 tax brackets, which did include a 15% rate. The current 2018 tax brackets for single filers look like this: 10% Up to $9,525 12% $9,526 to $38,700 22% $38,701 to $82,500 24% $82,501 to $157,500 32% $157,501 to $200,000 35% $200,001 to $500,000 37% over $500,000 The easiest way to think of tax brackets is to imagine a big water fountain, one that has a bunch of progressively larger pools. When the little pool at the top overflows, the overflow runs down into the next pool which is a little bigger, and when that one overflows, that overflow runs down into the next pool, and so on. Heres a picture if you want a visual aid. So, in Franks example, hes looking at someone who made $35,000 in taxable income this year. You start dumping that income into the 10% bracket until it fills up at $9,525. At that point, you still have $25,475 to put into the fountain, so we move down to the next bracket. It can hold all remaining income up to $38,700, and so it holds the remainder. So, that first $9,525 is taxed at 10%, which means $952.50 in taxes, and the remaining $25,475 is taxed at 12%, which means $3,057 in taxes. Your total tax bill is $4,009.50, which is 11.5% of your income. This person is in the 12% tax bracket and their effective tax rate is 11.5%. Remember, because some of your income always ends up in those smaller bowls with a lower rate, your overall effective tax rate is always lower than your tax bracket. Hopefully this clears things up! Q4: Compound interest question I recently read a blog post about compound interest, which Ive primarily associated with bank accounts. But the article also seems to associate compound interest with retirement accounts and I was wondering if you could provide some clarity. One example early on says Lets say you have $5,000 in a retirement account, earning 7% interest each year. The first year you earn $350 in interest, which brings your total to $5,350. The following year, interest is calculated based on that $5,350 total Even if you never deposit anything but the original $5,000, youll have $38,061.28 in 30 years. I know the average stock market return is 7%, but is it accurate to call that interest? If not, is there some other type of retirement account that genuinely offers 7% interest on your principle every year (as this article seems to suggest)? Another example: toward the end it says If youre saving for retirement, invest in low-fee index funds. Fees of 1% or more will drag down your profit and cut into your compound interest. Index funds will follow the markets course and provide a solid rate of return. Avoid picking individual stocks, as their volatility can be problematic. Im on board with the ideas of low-fee index funds, but not for fear of high fees cut[ting] into your compound interest. Index funds are liable to lose value some years too, arent they? I wouldnt be giving this as much thought if it came from a smaller blog but this is Mint. It makes me wonder if I fully understand how my retirement accounts are working, or if Im missing an opportunity elsewhere. Is the article conflating two topics that dont really connect to one another? Or is there a way to leverage compound interest to this big of a degree for retirement? Max Mint is using the terms investment returns and interest interchangeably here in order to reduce the number of different terms being thrown at the reader. I do this myself its a way of making similar concepts seem familiar and not overwhelm people with new terms, especially when theyre asking an introductory question. They are distinct ideas, but they both have the same effect if you let them sit for a long time, the growth they provide is powerful. Your retirement account, assuming its invested mostly in stocks, doesnt return interest. Rather, what happens is that you usually own shares in a mutual fund. Each time you put money into your retirement account, its used to buy more shares. Over time, those shares grow in value maybe not each and every year, but most years. They also regularly produce dividends, which are small cash payments for each of those shares, issued to you. Almost always, dividends are just used to buy more shares of that same investment. So, shares grow in value over time and youre also rolling dividends in to buy even more shares. The end effect of that is much like compound interest in a savings account it builds and builds. Although theyre not the same thing, the exponential growth curve of interest in a savings account and investments in a retirement account are similar. The growth curve of the savings account isnt as steep, but its very steady and always upwards. The growth curve of the stock market investment is really bumpy, but overall trends upward much more strongly than the growth curve of the savings account. Q5: Costco versus Sams Club I dont know anything about sams club because we joined it when it first came to town years ago and hated it. When Costco came to town, we heard such positive things we decided to give it a chance and have liked it much better. Reasons are several, including those you wrote about esp. the gas prices as we pass the store every day. Further, they treat their employees really well. most importantly, they guarantee that if the credit card rewards (on their visa card) do not equal the membership fee, they will refund the membership fee. We have only one visa card and its theirs as we get a great deal of rewards based on gas alone. Jaden My experience has been that different chain stores have different degrees of quality in different areas of the country. Where I live, the two closest warehouse clubs to my door are both Sams Club and theyre both clean and well stocked and well staffed, and both feature gas prices that are consistently about $0.07 per gallon cheaper than any of the stations near them. There is a Costco in Des Moines (the closest Costco to me) and I found the experience there to be very similar when Ive visited with friends with Costco memberships. However, having said that, I didnt see anything that made it worth the substantial additional drive for me. My experience is that theyre both fine, at least at the locations Ive visited, and you should check out both in your area if theyre both available (along with BJs, another warehouse club chain popular in some regions of the United States). Q6: Question about forever stamps As you likely know, the largest increase in the cost of a stamp will occur on Sunday, January 27, 2019, as the price of a first class Forever Stamp goes from $0.50 to $0.55 (a 10% increase). While the best way to save money on stamps is to call/TXT/email rather than mail a letter, sometimes mailing a letter presents a very good value (sending someone a note of appreciation, etc.). Due to how significant this increase is, I would recommended that anyone with no high interest debt who already has an emergency fund try to purchase 2-4 years worth of stamps, while anyone else try to acquire at least a 1-year supply of stamps (as long as they can do so without paying interest on the purchase). Im curious how much of a supply of stamps you would recommend people acquire prior to this price increase? Stephen Personally, we estimated how many stamps well likely use over the course of 2019 (mostly personal letters and holiday cards) and bought them all already. This added up to 200 stamps, so the cost was $100, as compared to the $110 we would have spent had we bought those stamps at the end of January or later. With a longer timeframe than that, the cost benefit of buying those stamps really starts to shrink. Your annual return starts to sag and you have the stamps for longer, which means theres a greater risk of some sort of damage to the stamps (the longer you have them, the more likely they are to be lost, burnt, misused, and so on). This is basically what weve done each time theres been a bump in the cost of forever stamps. Weve bought an entire years worth just before the bump in price. Its not a big savings, but it saves us $5-$10 over the course of a year. Q7: Investing for near term You recommend fully investing in the Roth/529 even though they are less than 10 years out from likely needing the capital? I was thinking of them putting 10 or 20% aside for long term, although they are a bit depressed by the .1% interest our local bank returns to them. Any back of the envelope math as to what $2,000, invested at age 16, is worth at age 70? Annie Yes, I recommend putting money into tax-advantaged education and retirement accounts, even if youre less than ten years from your expected use. The difference is that when youre looking at that short of a timeframe, you choose investments that are intended for short and medium term investments, like safe bonds or money markets. They have a smaller average annual return than stocks, but they certainly beat savings accounts and have very little risk of losing money and youre still able to pull out the gains tax free. As for your other question, if you put in $2,000 into, say, a Roth IRA at age 16, put it aggressively into stocks, and let it ride until age 70, you should see an average annual return of 7% on that money. So, 54 years of a 7% average annual return on $2,000 gives you are you ready for this $77,224.30. Now, its worth noting that $77K wont go as far in 54 years as it goes now, but itll still be a very healthy chunk of money. If you withdraw 3% of it annually (which is a safe bet), thats $2,317 a year. Yep, if he puts that $2,000 away now and starts withdrawing it every year at age 70, hell be able to pull out more than $2,000 a year basically forever and still hand down a big chunk of it to his kids/grandkids. Q8: VA disability and property taxes Can a veteran who is on total VA disability with no other income receive a tax refund on his home owners taxes? Jim Property taxes are a deduction from ones income tax bill. Since, as a person on total disability from the VA, youre already paying no income taxes, you have nothing from which to deduct. I dont know the specifics of your financial state, but if you were to earn a small income, its likely that the deduction from the property taxes would take care of the income taxes on that small income. However, if your income is solely from the VA due to total disability, property tax payments wont help your income tax bill since you dont have an income tax bill. Q9: KitchenAid it is my understanding that [KitchenAid] was bought out by a foreign company some time ago surely since 50 years ago and that the new company has been making them with some parts being plastic that were metal originally. I have seen reviewers saying that the old ones really do last forever if one takes good care of them, whereas some of the newer models plastic parts tend to wear out. I dont remember seeing any mention of whether those plastic parts can be replaced. I think I found this information on consumer information web sites. Annie Whirlpool purchased KitchenAid in 1986. At some point in the late 1990s, it seems that KitchenAid replaced the gearbox in some of their stand mixers with one made of nylon rather than the original one made of metal. The issue isnt that the nylon ones wear out under normal use, but that people tend to stress them. For example, the instructions for the manual state to only use the dough hook attachment on speed setting 1 or 2, but people often turn it to 3 or higher. This causes the gearbox to get overworked and cause breakdown issues. Today, KitchenAid makes two lines of stand mixers the Artisan and the Pro line. The Artisan has a nylon gear box where the Pro line seems to have the old-style metal gear box but the Pro line is substantially more expensive. One note: the reason many people believe that old things are more reliable is due to selective bias. People remember the things that worked well in the past and forget the things that do not, and then they compare those things that worked well to everything now, where some things work well and some things do not. Thats always been true. Q10: Where should I retire? My husband I are targeting early retirement within 10 years but well be figuring out a location in 3-5 years. We want to spend the next few years visiting a variety of possible locations, narrow it down to a shorter list and then try out a few, staying 6 months to a year. Where would you start? What criteria would you consider? What resources are available, particularly those geared towards retirees (we dont really care about the quality of local schools these days). Thanks for any suggestions. Margaret If I were you, Id start by figuring out what you want to do in retirement. What do you want your typical day to look like? Does it involve regular time with family? With friends? Does it involve a lot of time outside in warm weather? Do you guys like cold weather? How do you want to spend your time? Questions like that should narrow down your target locations pretty quickly. Once youve addressed those kinds of quality of life issues, I would focus on cost of living and aim for areas that have a low cost of living while still meeting your other quality of life goals. I like using this cost of living calculator. Since youre retiring early, I wouldnt prioritize access to services too much at this point. Instead, focus on what will give you the aspects of life you want with a low cost of living. Q11: Credit cards for specific purposes I have not used credit cards until a few years ago and wondering if the following expenses qualify as recurring payment for which the card gives a cash-back: 1. Monthly rent paid to the apartment landlord (not sure if the landlord would accept credit card though but rent is the single largest toll on my modest purse); 2. Life insurance premiums. These do accept credit card payments and I am about to apply for two. Sasha I think that using credit cards for very tight specific purposes like this is a good choice, as it raises your credit score and likely provides some sort of reward bonus or cash back bonus for the card. The key, of course, is paying off the balance in full each month. Youll have to check with the credit card in terms of whether or not such payments qualify for the cash back reward. It depends on the specific offer and probably on how you go about the payment. If I were you, the next step Id take is talking to my landlord about credit card payments. My guess is that a small business might not accept credit cards, but a large one will. You may want to consider other strict uses for it as well, such as gas purchases or other regular bills. Q12: Saving old journals I loved to learn that you also use the three morning pages idea! I have been doing this for years and years, since 2000 at least. Question: what do you do with the old journals? I have a box of them in the garage. I realize I dont really look at them but it feels wrong to just burn them or throw them away but I also dont really want my kids to read them because theyre really personal and I sometimes work through hard feelings about motherhood. Jenny Personally, I digitize all of my old journal entries and then destroy the originals. (The exception is journals that Im hand-writing for each of my kids to give to them when theyre adults that contains a summary of the life advice I have for them along with things like family histories and recollections.) My process is that when I finish a journal, I put it aside for a while until I realize Im no longer looking back on it (usually six months or so), then I cut all of the pages out of the binding and scan them all (I use Scanner Pro). Then, I burn the original pages. That way, I can easily browse through them when I want, search through them using text searching, and theyll basically go away when I die (I suppose one of my kids might find them if they trawl through lots of my digital detritus, but most likely theyll just toss out old computer equipment without a second thought). Most of the stuff Ive written is simply me working through personal problems, and I really have no interest in rereading that stuff. The valuable stuff, for me, is when Im working through an intellectual idea, because I often want to revisit the earlier thoughts. Got any questions? The best way to ask is to follow me on Facebook and ask questions directly there. Ill attempt to answer them in a future mailbag (which, by way of full disclosure, may also get re-posted on other websites that pick up my blog). However, I do receive many, many questions per week, so I may not necessarily be able to answer yours. https://www.thesimpledollar.com/questions-about-tax-brackets-compound-interest-warehouse-clubs-stamps-and-more/