#‘tis the damn seblaine

[bripops]

heads up seven up

@jtownnn tagged me in another writing meme, we stan. sharing seven lines!

also from my seblaine 'tis the damn season AU because I'm buckling down on it so I can publish at a seasonally appropriate time lol. I have two chunks of exactly seven lines that I could not choose between, so the second one is under the cut

-

Blaine was wearing a lobster-patterned polo shirt when he emerged, and it was so mind-numbingly stupid that Sebastian’s shocked silence must’ve come across as residual pity. 

“Not you too,” Blaine said miserably. He was already out of steam, never able to stay mad for long even when it was justified. Sebastian wondered, not for the first time, if Blaine and Kurt would have lasted as long as they did if Blaine was the type to fight back when he was being treated like shit.

“Not me,” Sebastian said. “Literally never. Like I told Trent when he made the rules, that’s fucking stupid and I’m not doing it. You got dumped, it’s not like you have cancer.”

-

“Not a Face ID kind of guy, huh?” Nick said as he unlocked Sebastian’s phone. “Not like you to turn down a chance to look at yourself.”

“What are you, a cop?” Sebastian asked, t-boning a police cruiser in-game. “They need a warrant to get your code but can make you use your face whenever they want.”

Nick raised his eyebrows as he sent himself Trent’s contact info. “Learn something new every day,” he mused. “Hey, you know you have like ten unread texts from Blaine, right?”

[imogenlefay]

Chapters: 12/25 Fandom: Glee Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe Characters: Blaine Anderson, Sebastian Smythe Additional Tags: Christmas Compilation, The Great Seblaine Christmas Extravaganza, Fluff and Sweetness, Occasional hurt/comfort, probably, But mostly fluff Summary:

A collection of Christmas-themed oneshots about Seblaine.

[oneprotagonistshort]

it's WIP whenever so here's some of my current WIP~~~

“What did you do?”

Nick’s voice was almost shrill. Sebastian was going to throw his phone into a snowbank if he didn’t learn to stop answering it. There was no way it was a coincidence that Nick was calling less than half an hour after Sebastian had woken up to the sound of his front door closing behind Blaine as he left without a word. They’d taken Sebastian’s car last night, so it made sense that Blaine had needed a getaway driver, and Nick was just enough of a pushover to do it.

“Why does everyone immediately assume I did something?” Sebastian groaned. He wasn’t completely hungover, but had just enough of a headache to be a bitch about it. “I’ll have you know that stealing your vodka was Blaine’s idea, and so was drinking all of it.”

“That’s where it went?” Nick asked, before recalibrating. “Actually, no, that’s not what’s important here. I just picked Blaine up at your house and drove him home like that’s a totally normal thing to be doing with my morning. What the hell happened?”

“If Blaine didn’t tell you, why should I?”

“Because I’m currently driving back to your house with Denny’s, asshole.”

“You can choke on it.”

“I got you a Grand Slam.”

Jesus fuck, Sebastian was getting predictable.

“Fine,” he relented, “it’s not like Blaine locked the door behind him, but if you didn’t get a milkshake too I’m calling the cops and having you escorted off my property.”

[love-that-we-were-in]

Build Callouses

Not quite a comeback fic, not quite a drabble but a secret third option (wordvomit)!! If you've ever read my Seblaine stuff before you'll know I love soulmate aus so i really had to take this chance to return. But I hope you at least enjoy it for what is is!!

@seblaineworld

Freckles. That’s what they are. This tiny, sparkling smattering of multicolour freckles across the bridge of his nose. They’re not the most noticeable, nothing like the thick scar that splits Jeff’s left eyebrow into two (a childhood incident of Nick’s that landed him in the emergency room), but it’s something. Some characteristic that ties him to his future. A characteristic that damn near everyone apparently seems to have if he’s being honest. 

Even Kurt, who Blaine tried his best with, has freckles. Granted, they reside more on his cheekbones, and they only come out when the sun is blinding, but they’re still freckles that other people can see. They’re just not super distinguishable is what he’s trying to say. In a world where One Thing is supposed to help you find your soulmate, they’re actually kind of shit. Almost enough to give up searching altogether. 

However, even in the face of unlikeliness, of the improbable (veering on impossible if he’s being truly honest) it’s not quite enough to stop Blaine being hopeful that one day it’ll happen. Someone with freckles is going to walk through the door and he’s going to recognise the pattern in the shades of brown that normal people have like they’re his own. 

(He knows he might recognise his soulmark on them. It’s this long, thin scar stretching from the crease of his elbow to an inch above his wrist - a play fight with Cooper turned rough when the dog got involved - and it’s a whole lot easier to spot in vivid multicolour, he assumes.)

He’s got years ahead of him though, teenage angst and a college degree to power through. There’s heaps of time, is what his mother tells him when he rings her at 8pm wondering why he got so unlucky. Not everyone meets their soulmate in high school, or college, or even the first few years of being a real adult. It happens when the universe is ready, is what his therapist tells him when he gets pensive over the topic. 

So he holds onto that. Forever is relative, no matter what way society wants to spin it. Regardless of everything, forever is a really long time, and he’ll get to experience Their forever. Sharing forever is what counts, is what he tells himself as he counts the freckles in his reflection every night while brushing his teeth.

*

Long sleeves are what Sebastian favours. He always has, since turning 7, when he woke up to a scar on his right arm. It takes up too much space. It’s too bright. He doesn’t like to look at it. There’s no guessing what it is, not when there’s information leaflets on soulmarks on every college campus within a 50 mile radius, but he can ignore it. Hide it away. Dark clothes with long sleeves are where he’s most comfortable. 

Inherently, he has no personal issue with the idea of soulmates. In some ways, it might be nice - the belief that destiny has something incredible in store for you. To him, and his mother, they’re restrictive. Sebastian is young, at the point in his life where figuring out who he is should be prioritised over who he’s meant to be with. And his mother is jaded, sick of life of being told what to do by archaic ideas of romance. She’s a free spirit and he’s happy to walk at a leisurely pace behind her. 

Once, during a vacation, he’d considered the moment it happens. What it would be like. How he would react. Under the stars in Greece, shoes dusted with sand, he’d rolled the sleeve of his top to his elbow, twisted it so the moonlight bounced off the colours and made them glow. Asked himself what he’d even see if he met his soulmate, since he was lacking in scars and has no birthmark that he can find. 

Maybe, he’d though as he climbed the stairs to his hotel room, it would be so unnoticeable that he’d miss it completely. Bypass his soulmate and never know what forever could be. It was gone in the morning, back to pretending he was ignorant to fate, but it lingered in the Grecian air when he went back years later. 

[jammie3132]

Fandom: Glee Pairing: Blaine Anderson & Sebastian Smythe Rating: General Audience Story Summary: Sam's Goddaughter is upset and finally admits it's because she heard her fathers yelling at each other. He suggests they become detectives (like Batman) and go undercover to find out why. NOTES: Seblaine but primarily told through Sam's POV. There's a small section of just Sebastian and his daughter. 10 Days of Seblaine Day 2: Spies/Undercover Part 2 of Poppy's Little Angel This series is dedicated to @seblaineaddict

Maybe everyone was right. He shouldn’t have run off to Hawaii and married another model. Three months into their marriage, she was cast in a movie filming in some country Sebastian had to point out on a map of Europe. A week later he received the annulment paperwork.

Since he’d moved into her place, and they never put his name on the lease, he was now living with Blaine and Sebastian. Best BFFs ever for never once saying I told you so, unlike Santana who said it every chance she got.

It wound up his moving in worked out for all of them. Sebastian was filling in as choreographer on a friend’s directorial debut. It was only supposed to be a week. He was about to begin his second month. The show was having issues finding a new one after word got out why the last one quit.

This happened at the same time Blaine agreed to go back to his show before it closed and went on the road. Machiavelli the Musical really was Blaine’s show. He and a couple friends at NYU wrote it for one of their classes. It made it into the hands of the right people and *poof* sold out theaters and three Tonys for Blaine, including Best Actor for Machiavelli. All the fangirls (and boys) went nuts when they heard Blaine was returning for the final shows.

While people were sad to see Machiavelli the Musical close on Broadway, they understood Blaine and his partners were ready to move on to other projects. Not to mention, the three of them made a boat load of money selling the movie rights.

That’s why he (Sam Evans, male supermodel…well, in demand male model) agreed to become the babysitter (but he preferred Manny) for his favorite person in the world (his family and Blaine tied at a close second).

But something was wrong with his Goddaughter. She was never this quiet.

“Jellybean, what’s wrong?”

“Nuthin”

“Angelica Penelope Anderson-Smythe…”

“Unc Sammy, I said nuthin!”

Ok, something was definitely wrong. Angelica was the easiest going 4-year old you’d ever meet, which no one expected considering Blaine and Sebastian adopted her from a member of Sebastian’s family. Although, she did have her moments…like now.

“Uh-uh, you know the rule about yelling at people.”

The little girl rolled her eyes (there’s the Smythe gene) and flippantly grumbled “Don’t yell. Use your words to say why you’re mad.”

“Correct.”

“How come I got to do the rules but Poppy and Daddy don’t?”

“Because they’re adults and you’re 4.” Wait a minute…“What do you mean your Poppy and Daddy didn’t follow the rule?”

“I heard Poppy and Daddy yellin. Tommy says his mommy and daddy started yellin and now his daddy don’t live there anymore.”

Damn that Tommy kid. He might be Angelica’s preschool bestie, but he was also a total brat.

Thankfully, his brilliant Goddaughter was beginning Kindergarten at a school for musical prodigies in a few weeks. Blaine gave her a violin when she was 2 ½ and now she plays Beethoven. The school was so excited to get the daughter of two Tony winners, especially Blaine Broadway’s Golden Touch Anderson, they found a way around the 5 year-old requirement.

“Jellybean, I promise your Daddy and Poppy aren’t going anywhere.”

“Then why was they yellin?”

“I don’t know.” Then Sam had what he believed was best idea ever (unlike getting married). “Why don’t we become detectives and go undercover to find out?”

His idea brought out a 180 degree change in Angelica’s attitude. “Like superheroes?”

Maybe not that great of an idea. “No, detectives…kind of like spies. You can’t become a superhero until you turn 10. Remember?”

“Poppy says it’s cuz when Daddy was little, Unc Coop said NightBird could fly if he jumped off the roof of Grammy and Grampy’s house.”

Sebastian didn’t have a superhero problem. He had a Cooper goes overboard trying to be the fun uncle problem. And while 99% of the time it wasn’t an issue, Blaine’s brother had the habit of showing up unannounced whenever he booked a job in NYC.

“Yes, your Daddy was lucky he only broke his leg.”

“And his flying bone. It’s why NightBird can’t fly.”

Yes! She didn't fight the superhero rule. Sebastian wasn't going to kill him...or kick him out. He really enjoyed living there. “You know, Batman is a detective. I can find a (appropriate for 4-year old) movie (cartoon) so we can take notes on how he solves mysteries.”

“And have ice cream?”

“Duh. I’m pretty sure I saw a new carton of Chunky Monkey in the freezer.”

Angelica moved over on the couch until she could give him a hug. “I love you Unc Sammy.”

“I love you too, Jellybean.”

The next morning Sebastian entered his daughter’s bedroom to find her sitting in the rocking chair. “Why aren’t you still in bed, Angel?” he asked as he picked her up and joined her in the chair.

“I wanted to rock cuz you and Daddy has to go to his Not gonna do his show anymore party tonight and won’t be here.”

Sebastian sighed as he pulled her closer. When they adopted their daughter, Blaine was busy getting his musical into production. This meant he’d been her primary caregiver since they brought her home from Paris. He loved everything about being a full-time parent. He still questioned why he said Yes to helping his friend. However, today was (finally!) his last day. He hadn’t told anyone because it was Blaine’s big night, and he didn’t want to take away focus. “But you're coming to Daddy’s show before we go to the party, so you’ll see us then. And I can’t wait because you’re going to look just like a real angel in the new dress Auntie Tana and Auntie Britt bought you.”

“I am a for reals angel cuz I’m your Angel.”

He loved this little girl more than anything (Blaine was 1C. His ass was 1B) and thanked her every day for choosing him to be her Poppy. “That’s right and you have been since the first moment I saw you.”

“Do you miss Daddy?”

That was a strange question. “When I’m not home? Of course, I do. Did you think I wouldn���t? Or that Daddy wouldn’t miss me?”

“Maybe…I dunno.”

“Then why did you ask?”

“When people miss people they gets mad. When people gets mad they yell. I don’t like yellin. I guess it’s ok Joshy yells cuz he’s a baby.”

Brittany and Santana’s kid did have a set of lungs on him, that’s for sure.

“Well, don’t worry about me and Daddy yelling. Are we tired from work and sad because we don’t get to spend more time with our Angel? Yes. But for your information, Daddy and I had a date night after he came home from his show a couple nights ago.”

“A date night?”

“That’s right. You probably don’t remember because it’s been a while, but Daddy and I used to go out on a date once a week. Lately we’ve had to have them here. We don’t mind though because it’s not about where we would go, it’s about making the time special.”

“Like what?”

“Well, last time we cuddled in bed (had mind blowing sex), watched a movie and ate pizza.”

Everything Angelica remembered about being a detective disappeared. “Daddy let you eat in bed!? That’s not a me rule. That’s a everybody rule! Unc Sammy has to do the rule cuz he lives here!”

While father and daughter continued to rock and talk, Sam walked by the open door and smiled because he was aware of what was actually happening. Angelica asked a lot of questions during their (air quotes) detective training (watched a Batman cartoon). This was really bothering her. While he believed there wasn’t a problem, it wouldn’t hurt to see if he could get some clues from suspect #2.

He found Blaine in the kitchen, setting up to make waffles. In other words, a typical morning at the Anderson-Smythe’s. “Morning Sammy. Santana called. Josh had a fever during the night, and even though he’s doing better, she and Britt won’t be coming tonight.”

“So, no Munchkin slumber party with Uncle Sammy…got it. We'll have one some other night so his mommies can go out” Sam replied as he went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of green juice. “I’m heading out to the gym.

Blaine put his hand on his chest and (overdramatically)pretended to be surprised.

This guy had two Tonys for acting?

“You’re going to the gym? Did you finally remember you have a bathing suit photo shoot in a couple weeks? Or did you have problems buttoning your jeans due to the My wife ran off to Bulgaria for a part in a movie she slept with the director to get pity party?”

Wow! When you put it like that…“I thought we agreed this was a no I told you so zone?”

“Yeah, for Santana. And I’m not saying I told you so. I was beginning to worry.”

“I haven’t been that bad.”

Blaine stopped mixing his batter and gave his best friend what Sam called his I would never call you dumb, but what you said was stupid stare. “I love you, but I’ve watched you eat more junk food in the last 10 days than in the previous 10 years. You also ate not one, but two cartons of Bas’ Chunky Monkey ice cream. I can only stop him from reverting back into Dalton Sebastian for so long.”

Oh, not good. “Jellybean ate some too.”

“Don’t make things worse.”

Blaine started to gather what else he needed. According to Batman, a good time to collect information was when the suspect was distracted. “I let her have some because she was upset.”

“Oh God, what did Tommy say this time?”

Told you the kid was a brat.

“How his parents used to yell at each other and how his father doesn’t live with them anymore.” Another Batman tip…when interrogating a suspect, always tell the truth, but give as little information as possible. That way you don’t have to remember lies you told and who you told them to.

“Good thing Ang doesn’t have to worry about me and Bas.”

That didn’t help. Hopefully Detective Jellybean was getting more out of suspect #1. “That’s what I told her. I’m out of here but don’t fret jet, I’ll still be able to get Jellybean after preschool.”

“Thanks again. But Sam, if I was you, I’d stop at the grocery on the way home and pick up some Chunky Monkey.”

Unfortunately, Blaine was right about the photo shoot. He had forgotten. And yes, he’d been off his game since she did what she did. And double yes, it was a mistake to skip the gym for 2 weeks. But, for the record, his jeans still fit…even if they were tight.

He had no idea how Blaine wore those pants back in high school.

Sam was 60% through his usual workout (oh, was he going to pay for that decision later) when his alarm to get Angelica went off. Today, of all days, it was important to be on time. Their afternoon had been meticulously scheduled by Sebastian to prevent a 4-year old I’m tired meltdown at Blaine’s show. It didn’t finish until an hour after her bedtime and who knows how long it would take to get home.

The most important part of Sebastian’s schedule was the block of time right before naptime, but it was also the most difficult to accomplish. Fridays were always eventful at preschool. The walk from there to Blaine and Sebastian’s wasn’t far. If Angelica didn’t finish her review of the entire day before they walked through the front door, he could kiss any chance of a nap goodbye.

By the time they were halfway home Sam learned how the teacher thought the new class hamster was a boy but it was a girl and now they’re going to have lots of baby hamsters. Since the babies would come after school got out, she couldn’t see them be born. That made her sad. The other big news was Emily lost two teeth the night before and found $20 under her pillow this morning from the Tooth Fairy.

$20? Talk about inflation!

But, once she finished with the Tooth Fairy atrocity, Angelica announced she was done. Sam knew better. “What happened during Share Time?” Share Time was her favorite time of the whole week. It always took the most time.

Did that brat say something else to upset her?

“I couldn’t share.”

Her answer concerned him enough to cross the street to a park and find a bench. It couldn't wait until they got home. Naptime was going to be a disaster. “Why couldn’t you share?”

“Teacher said to share what we’re goin do when we had no more school. All my friends are goin to lots of totally awesome places like to see Micky Mouse and the Princesses. Jordan is goin see Harry Potter. I don’t have someplace totally awesome cuz Poppy and Daddy works all the time.”

“Hey, I know for a fact they want to take you somewhere totally awesome, but your Poppy’s work keeps asking him to stay. But tonight’s the last night your Daddy is going to work. That’s why we’re going to the theater to watch and then your Poppy and Daddy are going to a big party to celebrate.”

Sam had no idea what he said but suddenly Angelica was off the bench and bouncing like Tigger. “I know why they’re goin to the party and I can’t go. It’s a date night! When I was being a detective, Poppy said he and Daddy use to have lots of them but now they do them at home. Tonight they can go out!”

“Nice work.” As Sam watched his Goddaughter continue to bounce an unpleasant memory popped into his head. “When you heard Poppy and Daddy yelling, did they sound mad?”

She stopped bouncing and put on her thinking face. “I don’t member. Sorry, Unc Sammy.”

“That’s ok. It’s just when I saw you bouncing, I remembered a time in high school when your Daddy got so super excited, he not only jumped around like you did, he talked really loud.”

“Like he was yellin?”

“Exactly like he was yelling. I had to keep telling him to tone it down.”

“Why was he excited?”

Oh shit! What was he thinking? If either Blaine or Sebastian found out he (ever so slightly) mentioned Blaine’s over the top proposal to his ex, Sebastian wouldn’t have to kill him. Blaine will have already disposed of his body. “He planned a surprise for someone. Your Daddy likes surprises.”

“If he’s makin a surprise, why didn’t he tell me? I like surprises too.” 

“Maybe the surprise is for you.” He probably shouldn't have said that.

His answer caused the bouncing to return. “Like goin somewhere totally awesome? Or a baby sister?”

That was new. 

“Maybe, but you can’t say anything. Ruining a surprise is a very bad thing. So bad it will put you on Santa’s naughty list. No matter how much you want to ask, you must be strong.”

“I’ll try.”

“Do…or do. There is no try.”

“That’s not what Yoda said. He said do or do not.”

Sam pulled her into a big hug. “You quoted Star Wars. I’m so proud of you.”

“Unc Sammy, you squishin me!”

“Oops, sorry. I was excited.”

“Like Daddy was excited?”

“Yes” Wait a minute. Nooooo...it couldn’t be. “Jellybean, do you remember any words you heard Poppy or Daddy say when they were yelling?”

“Not Poppy but Daddy yelled Poppy’s name. And he yelled Yes. He yelled Yes a lot…a lot, a lot.”

Ooooooooohhhhhhh, this was going to be fun.

Sam lifted his Goddaughter, settling her on his shoulders. “I think you solved our mystery, Detective Jellybean. I’ll see what I can find out. But remember…”

“Don’t say nuthin about my surprise or Santa will put me on the bad list.”

“You got it. Now, we need to get a move on. We’re already behind on your Poppy’s schedule so you’re going straight to your nap when we get home. No arguing. But first we have to stop at the grocery and replace Poppy’s Chunky Monkey. I have a feeling he’s going to need it later.”

1AM

Sam flipped channels as he awaited Blaine and Sebastian return. He was going to tell them everything as soon as they got home. There was no way he could sit on this, especially with Santana, Brittany and Josh coming to dinner since they missed Blaine’s performance and party.

His wait ended moments later when his friends practically fell into the apartment. Neither noticed him sitting on the couch, or that lights and the TV were on. They were too busy ripping each other’s clothes off.

“You know, I like porn as much as the next guy…”

That got their attention.

“Why are you still awake?” Blaine asked while straightening his clothes.

Sebastian wasn’t as polite. “First you eat my ice cream and now you’re cock blocking? I don’t care if you’re my husband’s brother from another mother…”

“Calm down Seb…no, seriously calm down or at least zip your fly. And I replaced the ice cream. There’s six pints of Chunky Monkey in the freezer.”

“I’m still kicking your ass later” Sebastian told him while leaving for the kitchen. With as pissed off as he was, Sam made a quick change in his plans. It was best if he told Blaine first.

Although, Blaine didn’t look much happier. “What the fuck is going on, and it better be good.”

Oh, it was good! “Remember this morning, technically yesterday morning…”

“Sam…”

“Do you remember when I said I gave Jellybean ice cream because of some shit Tommy said?”

“Kind of, something about his parents yelling and his dad moved out. I don’t understand why that’s important.”

“He didn’t randomly offer the information. Tommy told your daughter because your daughter told him she heard you and her other father yelling at each other.”

Blaine took a step back, obviously even more confused by what he was told. “That’s impossible! Bas and I wouldn’t yell so loud Ang would hear. Since we adopted her, we’ve become masters of silent arguing. But we haven’t had an argument in weeks, except about you eating his ice cream. She must have heard a television or something.”

“At first, I was thinking the same thing, but she was insistent. So, I devised an ingenious plan for us to become detectives and go undercover to figure out what she heard, or thought she heard.”

“Please tell me not as superheroes.”

“Detectives like Batman.”

“Ok, that works. Did you find out what she heard?”

“Yeah, the two of you yelling.”

“I told you that’s impossible.”

Sam had no idea how he was holding it together. He was to the point where he was biting the inside of his cheeks not to laugh. “Yes, you were. She couldn’t make out what Seb was yelling. However, you were yelling Bas, Bas…yes, yes, yes!” Blaine froze and went straight to the comically accurate wide-eyed, jaw dropped expression. It was getting harder not to laugh.

Sebastian chose this time to come back, eating his ice cream from the carton. “I’m still…” When he noticed what was going on he rushed over, setting his ice cream on the coffee table to embrace his husband. “B, what’s going on? Did something happen to your parents or some other member of your family?” Blaine was so far down the rabbit hole he couldn’t form words, only guttural noises. This only ramped Sebastian up even more. “What the fuck Evans?”

Seeing Blaine so upset had Sam torn. He felt bad for what he was going through…but DAMN IT! This was funny!

“Evans…”

Over the years, Sebastian had become his best friend not named Blaine. He’d appreciate the humor of the situation if it wasn’t happening to him. Oh well, he’ll appreciate it someday.

“I told him your daughter, your Angel, heard the two of you having sex.”

“That’s not possible!��

“That’s what he said!” THAT was funny…how it was he said, not she said. Ok, not the right time.

Blaine pulled back from his husband but grabbed ahold of Sebastian’s arms. Even in his stupor, he realized he needed to be the calm one. While he loved his daughter, she was Sebastian’s Angel. “He’s telling the truth Bas.”

“How do you know?”

“Because Angelica told Sam she heard me yelling your name and the word yes. Oh my God, I’ve scarred my poor baby for life!”

“No, you didn’t” Sam told him as he sat back on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table (breaking at least ten of Blaine’s rules). “I, the best Godfather and friend in the world, saved you.”

Both fathers moved to the loveseat across from him. “How?” Sebastian asked cautiously. Maybe they didn't want to know.

“I told her a very generic story, with no details whatsoever, about a time in high school when Blaine planned a surprise…”

“What?!” Blaine and Sebastian exclaimed in unison, Sam’s vailed explanation unable to hide he was talking about Blaine’s proposal to Kurt.

“The two of you are going to wake Jellybean up if you can’t keep your voices down. The reason you're in this mess in the first place.”

“Sam” Blaine said as calmly as possible, channeling his true feelings into his continued grasp of Sebastian's arm. “How did you save us?’

“I told her you get excited when you plan a surprise, meaning you bounce like Tigger and your voice goes up until you’re talking very, very loud.”

“Oh, that’s actually believable.” Blaine looked at Sebastian who was nodding agreement.

“Good, because I convinced her you weren’t yelling you were excited…which wasn’t a lie.”

“Sam…”

“You two are killing my fun. Anyway, your daughter no longer believes you were yelling but planning a big surprise. There’s one tiny problem. She thinks the surprise is for her.”

Both fathers sighed and relaxed a bit. Sam really had saved them, but they also knew there was more to the story. Sebastian was the one brave enough to ask " Did Angel give you an idea what she wanted for her surprise?”

“A big, totally awesome trip somewhere. And when I say big, I mean huge! Something to make all her little friends jealous, even though she'll be going to a different school and won't see them again."

This time it was Blaine’s turn to be upset. “How could you tell her we’re going to surprise her with something like that? It will be next to impossible to get into anywhere Ang would consider totally awesome. Parents make those reservations months, sometimes years, in advance. Not only that, Bas’ show still hasn’t found a choreographer…”

“Yes, they have.”

Blaine could've gotten whiplash with how fast he turned his head. “What? Bas?”

“Today, technically yesterday, was my last day. Before you get upset, I didn’t say anything because last night was your night. And since I wouldn't have gone in the next couple days because I didn't work weekends, I was going to wait to surprise you and Angel at breakfast on Monday.”

Blaine rested his head on Sebastian's shoulder. The time, the alcohol from the party and the stress of this conversation had caught up with him. “With as happy as I am to hear you're finally out of there, I think I’m done with surprises for a while.”

Sam cleared his throat to bring attention back to him. “There’s one more thing you should know.”

“Sam, I can't take any more beating around the bush. Please, just tell us.”

“If you don’t want to surprise Jellybean with a totally awesome trip, she did mention something else.”

“What?”

“A baby sister.”

Blaine heard Sebastian gasp before quickly covering his mouth and shaking his head. He then looked back to Sam who was not only nodding but eating the ice cream Sebastian had forgotten. Suddenly, a totally awesome vacation sounded like a fantastic idea.

“Come on, Bas. Let’s get to bed. Tomorrow you can take Ang to MOMA and I’ll call a travel agent I know to see what our vacation options are.”

Sam called out Goodnight as they left the room but they weren’t paying attention. Had he gone too far…maybe. But was there a good way to tell your friends their 4-year old daughter had heard them having sex?

In spite of the time, he turned the television back on and found a show to watch while he finished his ice cream. “You know, I’m a pretty great detective. I should get a PI license when my modeling career is over. Or, I could get a PI license now and keep eating ice cream.”

Notes:

In my mind Machiavelli the Musical is similar to A Very Potter Musical but with more money for production.

[longhornanderson]

he left the bloodstains on the carpet ₪ seblaine

TAGGING: Sebastian Smythe & Blaine Anderson

WHEN: 5 MAR 2020, 1900

WHERE: One of the many UT Gyms

WHAT: One smooth criminal stops to lay down some lines on a sexy fellow student. Both of them fill with tension in a hot moment, however that tension shifts when they realize who exactly they’re flirting with. 

BLAINE ANDERSON

Before every workout, Blaine always washed out the tightly held down curls and put away his bow ties. Then it was a tank top, zip up jacket, and shorts. Just like California, Texas always had that crisp air that made joggers unneeded. There was a bit of cold weather every now and then, but he liked to let his skin breathe for once. 

Even though the university had several gyms, Blaine always choose the same one. He used his student id to check in and abandon his things in a locker. Walking into the gym, he was typing up his hands. He took his usual position next to the punching bags. He noted that somebody was there and did a small head nod. He knew them from days before. He started to move his arms in a bit of a warm up before peddling his feet. Hoping up and down, he started to get his body warmed up while his friend was just finishing up his own work out.

SEBASTIAN SMYTHE

the  thing  about  sebastian  is  that  he's  a  man  of  routines.  or  rather,  the  sort  of  man  who  plans  a  routine,  follows  it  for  a  few  days,  and  then  changes  it  completely  to  better  suit  whatever  he's  got  going  on  that  day.   but  he  makes  the  effort,  which  some  days  feels  like  half  the  battle.    some  of  it  is  petulance,  a  way  of  thumbing  his  nose  at  the  strict  PT  regimens  he  used  to  have  to  follow  after  the  accident;   it  is,  if  he's  honest,  the  only  reason  he  still  bothers  with  the  gym.  (  though  picking  up  hot  guys  is  surely  an  added  bonus.  ) 

he's  fresh  off  the  treadmill,  40  minutes  of  light  cardio  down  and  about  an  hour  of  weights  training  to  go,  when  he  let's  his  ennui  get  the  best  of  him.   his  eyes  dart  around  the  room  as  he  wipes  down  his  equipment,  eyes  locking  onto  fists  connecting  with  a  punching  bag  a  few  stations  over.   he  doesn't  recognize  the  guy  —  not  unusual,  given  he  usually  frequents  the  gym  closer  to  his  dorm  room,   but  decides  there's  no  better  time  than  to  change  that.    so  he  tosses  the  cloth  over  his  shoulder,  approaches  like  a  predator  stalking  his  prey  as  he  comes  up  from  behind.    (  in  reality,  he  simply  dips  his  head  down  to  drink  from  the  water  fountain  ...  affording  him  the  opportunity  to  get  a  good  look  at  that  ass.  )      but  he's  not  a  creep,  so  he  straightens  up  and  makes  his  presence  known.   "  nice  form. "

BLAINE ANDERSON

Eventually, Blaine high fived his friend and waved him off. Afterward, he put up his hood and continued his warm up. Striking lightly, getting use to the sensation. There was nothing he was particularly angry about today, but he had enough energy for short loud burst. With his body warm, he started one of his usual routine. 

Blaine fell in love with Gym culture. Every once and a while, you'd run into that one jackass. Overall, everybody was cool. Blaine found himself talking to some of the regulars after his workouts. Especially if they come talk to him during. So when he felt eyes on him, Blaine didn't stop. He kept hitting, letting the sweet sound of the sand bag vibrate in his ears. 

"Thanks." Blaine growled through clinched teeth. He didn't mean it, he was in the moment. He breathed out his next sentence. "Better be, being doing this for years." He got in three more jabs. Left, right, left. Front curls flopped out the front of his hoodie. The last hit was louder than the rest. He breathed out the tightness in his muscles. He leaned onto the punching bag as he reached down to get his water bottle, keeping his face unintentionally hidden from Sebastian. His dark eyes glanced around to the other punching bags. "I'll be off in about five minutes if you want a round." Blaine offered as he took a drink.

SEBASTIAN SMYTHE

the  guy's  intense,  focused  on  what  he's  doing,  and  sebastian  respects  that.   he  watches  as  fists  hit  the  bag,  interest  in  his  eyes  as  he  comments.   "  it  shows.   impressive.   how  ...  rocky  balboa,  of  you. "   he  turns  away  for  a  moment,  goes  through  the  motions  of  filling  his  water  bottle  even  though  he's  already  decided  to  cut  his  work  out  off  short.

the  smirk  settles  easily  when  the  guy  responds,  his  voice  smooth  like  silk  as  he  responds.   "  depends.   if  you're  asking  if i  want  a  round  with  the  bag  ...  i  think  i'll  pass. "   it's  as  subtle  as  a  giggle  at  a  funeral  but  that's  sort  of  his  M.O.   he  sees  what  he  wants  and  he  goes  for  it.    "  --  but  i  was  just  about  to  hit  the  showers,  maybe  go  for  a  drink. "    brows  lift,   eyes  still  dancing  over  the  muscles  of  the  mystery  man's  back.    selfishly,  he'd  be  just  as  happy  skipping  the  drinks  and  heading  straight  to  dessert  ...   but  he's  patient.   or  can   be.    (  you  have  to  work  for  the  things  you  want  in  life.  )    "  what  do  you  say,  killer  ? "

BLAINE ANDERSON

Blaine almost blushed at the compliment. He had to admit, it was nice to get this sort attention. This wasn't the first time that Blaine picked up numbers at the gym. A smile formed on his lips around the water bottle. He finished his sip. 

Drinks though? This was new. It took all his might not to whip around to get a look at the man who was flirting with him. Oh that voice, it was so smooth, silky, so sexy. But there was something so familiar about that voice. Especially the use of that word, Killer. "Well, if you need a partner--" He finally turned around and his hoodie fell off his head. Loose curls bounced out and adjusted to the frame of Blaine face. The words got caught in his throat as he finally saw Sebastian's face. "Sebastien." Blaine articulated every syllable of his name carefully. "Sebastian." He repeated with wide eyes. 

SEBASTIAN SMYTHE

he'll  kick  himself  later  for  not  waiting  to  see  a  face  before  laying  on  the  charm.   he's  a  sucker  for  tight  muscles  and  loose  curls  and  apparently  they've  finally  gotten  him  into  trouble.   he'd  always  figured  it  would  happen  one  day,  but  he'd  never  expected  to  accidentally  flirt  with  his  archenemy  (  okay,  that's  a  stretch.   blaine  barely  cracks  the  top  five  '  worst  people  he's  ever  met '  list  on  a  good  day  )   like  something  out  of  a  romantic  comedy.    a  meet  cute.   ugh,  he  hates  everything  about  this.

"  you. "   it's  almost  an accusation,  like  somehow  this  is  blaine's  fault.   "  you're  ...  not  who  i  expected. "    no  way,  no  how,  in  a  million  years  would  he  have  imagined  that  this  was  what  lingered  beneath  the  bowties  and  excessive  amounts  of  hairgel.   the  fact  that  blaine  anderson  is  hot  is  borderline  offensive;  it  should  be  a  crime.   he  refrains  from  saying  as  much  though,   he  needs  to  maintain  a  modicum  of  self-respect.   (  he  can  bounce  back  from  this.   he's  a  smythe,  it's  what  he  does  best;   spin.  )    "  so  this  is  what  happens  when  you  strip  away  the  hairgel  and  the  sweater  vests. "   he  observes,  clicking  his  tongue  against  his  teeth.    "   huh. "    despite  his  annoyance,  his  eyes  are  still  reluctantly  glued  to  the  sweat  gathering  at  the  hollow  of  his  throat.   (  he  wonders,  with  his  traitorous  mind,  how  satisfying  it  would  be  to  push  him  up  against  the  wall  and  taste  the  salt  against  his  skin.     so  much  for  self  respect.  )

BLAINE ANDERSON

Two seconds ago, Sebastian's voice made him trip. The way those golden words had captured him and made him eager. Blaine could feel the high he got whenever he was talking to Sam or another cutie. As he took in those beautiful green eyes, Blaine cursed himself for falling for that irresistible charm. Damn it. How did it get to this point. If Sebastian knew, Blaine knew he wouldn't live this down. 

His lips wavered slightly at Sebastian's harsh tone. Now that Blaine was looking at Sebastian clearly, Blaine suddenly became flushed with rage. That way he spoke reminded him of the daunting arguments in class Sebastian's infuriating way of speaking. Surprisingly, that's not what caught him off guard. Sebastian was... hot. Hidden beneath preppy clothes and a smart mouth, there were well defined muscles and lean long legs. Blaine's jaw clinched. His brown eyes danced over Sebastian's body. If it was anybody else, he wouldn't even be wasting his time on drinks. 

"Right back at cha." He stretched out neck, gave slight glare and matched Sebastian's tone. "And it looks like you're a big fan, considering five seconds ago you were just asking me out to drinks." The words poured from his mouth as if somebody else were taking over him. The water bottle in Blaine's hand crumpled under the pressure. "Or did you come over here just to tell me that? Because that's a little bit weird to stalking a gym Bas." Blaine hissed Sebastian's name, as if Sebastian were the dark lord.

SEBASTIAN SMYTHE

the  fact  that  blaine's  right  might  be  what  makes  this  all  the  more  infuriating.   he  has  him  backed  into  a  corner,  unable  to  refute  the  claims  that  —  yes,  he'd  clearly  liked  what  he  saw.   denying  that  now  would  simply  be  an  insult  to  both  of  their  intelligence.   (  blaine  might  get  under  his  skin,  but  he's  no  idiot.   he  can  acknowledge  that.  )     he  huffs,  jaw  clenching  as  he  sucks  in  a  breath.    the  anger  clenches  white  hot,  knuckles  in  a  similar  state  where  they're  gripping  his  water  bottle  in  a  deadly  fashion.    were  it  not  stainless  steel,  he's  sure  it  would  warp  under  his  fingertips.    "  congratulations.   you're  attractive. "   a  pause,  deliberate.   "  when  you're  not  talking.    quick,  someone  get  him  a  medal. "    or  a  muzzle,   he  thinks  dryly.

he  sees  red  at  the  nickname,   something  he  feels  is  too  personal  for  blaine  to  spitting  at  him;   like  its  a  weapon  in  his  arsenal,  twisted  to  inflict  pain.    (  well  two  can  play  at  that  game.  )     "  trust  me,  stalking   you  is  not  on  my  to  do  list. "    he  takes  a  step  closer,   crowding  in  on  blaine's  personal  space  as  his  eyes  narrow.    there's  a  fire  burning  in  his  chest,  whether  it  be  the  rage  or  something  more,   and  rather  than  try  to  extinguish  it   —   he  pours  the  gasoline  and  watches  it  ignite.    "  it's   sebastian. "    words  are  light,   but  there's  an  edge   to  it.    "   unless  we're  in  bed  and  you're  moaning  it. "     right  inflection,  wrong  words;   because  now  that's  where  his  head's  at,    and  he  knows  almost  instantly  that  he's  toeing  a  line  he  should  be  wary  about  crossing.

BLAINE ANDERSON

Blaine felt his body go ridged when he realized he called Sebastian a nickname. What came over him in that moment? The air that came out of his mouth wavered. How did Sebastien have this power over him? To make him stumble. Neck cranked up and a scold on his face, he took in Sebastian’s words. Sebastien though he was attractive? Oh how this made Blaine want to cave to Sebastian. Steal him away into a broom closet to enjoy seven minutes in heaven. A more adult version of that though. Then Sebastian had to ruin it. Send Blaine back to the original reason why Sebastian made him angry. When Sebastien stepped over him, Blaine cranked his neck. He felt every cell in his body. From the tips of his toes, to the fibers in his chest hairs, and to the roots of his hair. Suddenly, Blaine felt his nakedness in front of Sebastian. Instead of cowering away, Blaine leaned his head back more to match those intense eyes. He put on a scold of his own. He let out a brave scoff, knowing the heat of his breathe would reach Sebastian. “Even though you’re hot as hell, never in your wildest dream.” Those words lingered on his lips. At the end, Blaine could feel his heart thumping wildly in his neck. If it weren’t for the height difference, Sebastian could probably felt Blaine heat rising from his skin. “I’ll try to remember that next time.” Blaines brown eyes lingered just a second longer before he ripped his gaze away. He stepped aside and aimed for the door with his chest held high.

SEBASTIAN SMYTHE

he's  almost  grateful  that  blaine  retreats,  leaves  him  feeling  like  he's  won  even  if  it  wasn't  a  competition,  or  a  fight.   has  he  won  though  when  he's  still  thinking  about  him  even  as  he  retreats?   (  he  hates  that,  a  little.   hates  how  he  fixates  on  things,  how  he  can  never  just  let  it  go.  )     the  fact  that  blaine  clearly  finds  him  attractive,  has  said  as much  and  made  it  abundantly  clear,  only  fuels  the  fire.   "  until  next  time. "    he  calls  out  after  him,  the  beginnings  of  a  smirk  warming  his  features.    with  blaine's  back  to  him,  it's  likely  he  won't  see  the  flush  to  his  cheeks.    it's  good;    for  the  best.     on  the  list of  mistakes  he'd  made  this  week,  he  has  no intentions  of  adding  hate  fucking  blaine  anderson  onto  it.   no,  no  thank  you.    "  i'll  see  you  around.    in  your  dreams,  i'd  bet. "   he  turns  and  makes  a  beeline  for  the  treadmills;     weight  training  will  have  to  wait,  he  needs  to  run  —  burn  off  whatever's  pounding  in  his  veins.    (  if  he  won,  why  does  it  still  feel  like  he's  fighting?  )

BLAINE ANDERSON

Stiff back, head held high, quick legs. It took all of Blaine's control to keep his body from collapsing at the exhaustion of that interaction. He kept this up all the way to his locker room and even beyond the doors of the gym. It wasn't until he got to his car did Blaine finally let a breathe out. *What the hell*? He thought to himself. With the thought he breathed out. Suddenly light headed, as if for the last ten minutes he was all on one breathe. One thing was evident, Sebastian had gotten to him. However, not in the way he wanted.

[bripops]

WIP Whenever as tagged by literal earth angel @jtownnn but on mobile so pray 4 my formatting

-

“Was being his boyfriend really that much of my personality that people still don’t know what else to talk to me about? Don’t answer that, I know you don’t care.”

The note of genuine bitterness in Blaine’s voice surprised Sebastian enough that he spoke without thinking. “I care,” he said. “Like don’t get me wrong, yeah, for a hot minute you were definitely Kurt’s Boyfriend more than you were you–” Blaine scoffed “–but not anymore. And for the record, I never didn’t care, it’s why I fucking hate him so much.”

It was true, but he’d never said it to Blaine so directly. Kurt was the kind of self-centered bitch Sebastian saw a lot in small-town gays: so desperate for every drop of validation he could wring out of his first and only boyfriend that he didn’t even realize he was bleeding Blaine dry. Sebastian had known from day one that Blaine would only ever be collateral damage as Kurt clawed his way out, it was what sparked the stupid vendetta in the first place.

[bripops]

stealing the WIP Whenever prompt from @jtownnn but not tagging anyone lmao. RIP to me in advance for trying to do this on mobile

from my upcoming seblaine ‘tis the damn season canon-divergence AU

“Have you talked to Blaine?” “Isn’t your whole thing telling me to stay away from Blaine? The entire first year I knew you it was the only thing you’d say to me, and you basically put a protection detail on him after the breakup with Kurt so I couldn’t talk to him for like a month. I can go back to stalking him in coffee shops if you want, but I thought you were gonna go all ‘Code of Hammurabi’ on me if I bothered him.” Trent made a choked-off noise of distress and Sebastian knew the deflection had worked. Referencing the Code of Hammurabi anywhere they could reasonably shoehorn it in had been an in-joke for a handful of Warblers in the immediate aftermath of the slushee incident, their way of telling Sebastian what they thought he deserved: an eye for an eye. Vague enough to avoid the anti-bullying policy, but it didn't really matter— Sebastian had already proven that "zero tolerance" didn't mean what they'd all thought. “That’s not what I meant,” Trent insisted, sounding a little guilty. If nothing else, Trent was easy to read, exhaustingly incapable of hiding his feelings. “I just wanted to check in. According to Sam he’s been acting like a kicked puppy and he can’t get Blaine to tell him what’s wrong.” “Sam?” “Evans, from McKinley? We text sometimes.” Sebastian had clearly missed a memo somewhere, because he had no idea Trent was friends with the redneck himbo. He needed to put a stop to this now; it was bad enough for Nick to be up his ass about Blaine, Trent and Stripper Ken getting involved would only make everything worse. The problem with talking to Trent was that he was so goddamn transparent that he was harder to lie to than most people, even Nick. Trent was just so infuriatingly honest about everything that he was really good at picking up on when someone else wasn’t, and more likely to push if he thought he wasn’t getting the whole truth. Sebastian sighed, he was going to have to say just enough to shut him up. “I haven’t talked to Blaine,” (true) “so I don’t know what his deal is” (partially true, though Sebastian could probably guess) “and if I did I would have told Nick when he asked me yesterday.” (outright lie) “I don’t know why everyone keeps assuming I did something” (even bigger lie) “but genuinely, I didn’t.” (true, but likely part of the problem) “I never said you did,” Trent said carefully, clearly afraid to start throwing around accusations now that his petty little bullshit from junior year had been brought up. “Just, if you hear anything–” “I will absolutely not tell you,” Sebastian assured him, the first genuine thing he’d said so far. “This gossipy shit has got to stop, do you really not get how it keeps making everything worse?” That was true too, and shutting it down had the added benefit of no one fucking asking Sebastian about it anymore.

[bripops]

last line challenge

so @jtownnn continues to be an angel who tags me in writing posts and I continue to be the person who doesn't tag anyone else. consider this an open invitation!

post the last sentence you wrote: "Fine," he relented, "it's not like Blaine locked the door behind him, but if you didn't get a milkshake too I'm calling the cops and having you escorted off my property."

[bripops]

wip game

tagged by earth angel @jtownnn

rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! Tag as many people as you have WIPs.

tbh I'm really good at titling fic and tend to just use the actual titles because I come up with them pretty early, so I'll put the doc title and then in brackets put the working title, which is often the title of the outline doc or how I refer to it in conversation:

Why Your Video Essay About Glee is Wrong [bitter glee meta post]

We Could Call It Even ['tis the damn seblaine]

hopeless, breathless, burning slow [horny Dirk Gently treatise]

Feel the Earth Move [dirk gently big bang sequel, often referred to as "the proposal fic"]

queliot GBBO AU [this is pretty much the full extent of what I have for this fic lmao, when I finish or even start it, it's over for you hoes]

it's dangerous (I'm falling) [megstiel fuckfest]

it's like a baptism (no it's not) [castiel fucks like an eldritch raw nerve]

uhh I'm bad at tagging people, consider this an open invitation to do the meme and say I tagged you

[bripops]

Writing Patterns

Rules: Share the opening of your last ten published works or as many as you are able to see if there are any patterns!

I was tagged by @redtoblack and this seems fun! I'm including WIPs though because I think that'd be interesting and might spark some motivation to write lol

tbh looking at these I'm seeing a pattern that I start with the setting before anything else, like even if it's not the physical location, it's establishing where the narrator is at mentally. this is neat! tagging @jtownnn because she's so good at tagging me!

Feel the Earth Move (WIP, Dirk Gently/Forces Unseen Sequel)

It wasn’t that Dirk knew Todd was going to propose, not for certain.  There were actually frighteningly few things in life that Dirk knew with total certainty. Gravity was just a theory after all. Time wasn’t linear. Even the universal constant of taxes could be disregarded far more easily than was widely believed; he’d seen as much for himself, and Farah had nearly had a coronary when she’d tried to issue him a W2 and discovered that he didn’t know what his social security number was, if he had one at all.  Just about everything was a matter of guesses, some more educated than others. Sometimes though, when the stream of creation saw fit, Dirk didn’t need to guess, his hunches filling in the blanks for him. He learned to trust them, even when he didn’t quite understand how it all worked.  So when he developed a lingering hunch that Todd was going to propose, Dirk took it at face value and panicked.

we could call it even (WIP, 'tis the damn season seblaine AU)

It was cold when Sebastian stepped off his plane in Columbus, but he hadn’t lived in California long enough yet to forget what winter felt like. He hadn’t been home since August, had purposely stayed in LA for Thanksgiving weekend, but this wasn’t exactly his first white Christmas. He had a hoodie in his backpack for now, and when he got up to the gate he pulled it on. The one from Dalton Academy lacrosse was one of the few he’d brought to school with him and he was comfortable in it; a Dalton boy even now.

hopeless, breathless, burning slow (Dirk Gently)

Dirk is so rarely still that he often forgets what it feels like. Really, he’s always in motion. He runs so much, too much for someone who doesn’t actually like running and whose footwear is almost never appropriate. Too often he finds himself running away from danger, sometimes for his life. The night he’d run away from Blackwing for good, he hadn’t stopped for miles. But it’s not just that.

don't really wanna cool it down (Dirk Gently)

When Tina had asked him and Todd to check out some “weird shit” that had been happening around her friend Jenny’s cabin near the Kaniksu National Forest, Dirk hadn’t necessarily expected to find anything. He’d met some of Tina’s friends, and they all seemed to be on quite a lot of drugs most of the time, so he and Todd agreed that it was more likely than not some kind of hallucinogen making Jenny hear things. Still, they owed Tina after she’d gotten shot on their behalf, and Idaho was halfway to Montana anyway, so they could work in a visit to Bergsberg afterwards.

only one thing left for us to do (Dirk Gently)

The first thing Adrienne said to Dirk the morning after the fight with Rowen was that he looked like a “well-fucked idiot,” which was so far from what Dirk had ever expected to be called that for a split second he forgot he was fluent in French and wondered if he’d mistranslated.

merrier the more (The Magicians, Eliot/Quentin/Fen)

Quentin isn’t sure if he’d forgotten about the masquerade of if no one had told him in the first place. Either is equally possible, but he strongly suspects the latter. Margo and Eliot and even Fen are in their element, fussing over every small detail before they leave for the party. Quentin’s watching Margo adjust the the cascade of curls that’s tumbling down Fen’s back when Eliot’s voice behind him makes him jump. “Aww,” Eliot says, bending so that he can hook his chin over Quentin’s shoulder. “You like her.”

that deviant ingredient (The Magicians, accidental aphrodisiac)

“Hey Q,” Eliot says lightly, leaning against the kitchen counter and enjoying the way Quentin jumps in surprise. “Whatcha eatin’?” He’s not surprised that Quentin is stealing someone else’s food, not really; they all do it and it’s generally accepted that if you don’t ward it against thieves it’s your own fault if it goes missing. What’s surprising is that Quentin is eating Josh’s food. He must be feeling either particularly brave or particularly hungry because even on a good day eating whatever Josh leaves lying around is a risk. “Nothing,” Quentin says, as if he hadn’t just gotten busted with half a cookie still in his mouth. He moves to try to hide the box, but knows he’s been caught and gives up quickly. “Cookies.”

Feels Like Heaven To Me (Dirk Gently, wing!fic)

“You hate them.” “What?” Todd asked, eyes back to Dirk’s face from where they’d been staring at the literal wings that had manifested between his shoulders. “No, I don’t hate them, I’m just… wow.” He and Dirk had been together for about three months when Dirk had said very seriously, “I need to show you something.” When he’d taken off his shirt Todd hadn’t known what to expect; they’d seen each other naked countless times, but he’d never seen Dirk like this. He’d never seen anyone with wings at all, and quite frankly he wasn’t surprised as he probably should have been. It wasn’t even in the top five of weird things he’d seen that month. His life was kind of insane.

cross my heart (and hope to die) (Dirk Gently)

It started as most things in Dirk’s life did: with a crisis. Dirk hadn’t previously been aware that there was such a thing as an orchid crisis, but as he hid on a boat somewhere between Vancouver and Seattle, he knew it was very real. Over $100,000 in rare orchids had gone missing, and for whatever reason, their client was extremely eager to get them back. While following a lead, he and Todd had uncovered a massive botanical smuggling ring, a fact that Todd was not happy about. “I hate boats,” Todd said, looking a little green. “I haven’t stepped on one since the whale watching incident of 1999.” Dirk didn’t ask what the whale watching incident of 1999 was; judging by the look on Todd’s face it likely involved some sort of sea sickness and quite possibly an actual whale. “We’ll be back in Seattle soon,” Dirk said, ignoring the fact that they’d technically crossed the Canadian border illegally twice. “Farah and the police will meet us there, and we’ll be back on land before you know it. All we have to do is stay hidden for the next half hour, and then we’ll be fine.”

Forces Unseen (Dirk Gently)

It was October in Seattle; mild but gray, clouds covering the view of Mt. Rainier, with just enough rain to remind everyone that in a few weeks they’d be getting ready for winter. Todd was bored and Dirk was antsy and Farah was ready to kill them both. Boredom made Todd grumpy, which was made worse by Dirk’s inability to keep still or stay quiet for more than twenty minutes at a time. Farah just wanted them to submit their damn expense reports, but no one seemed willing to do that for a month that hadn’t had any real case-related expenses. Todd was fully prepared to eat the $15 he’d spent on snacks for a stakeout if it meant he wouldn’t have to do any paperwork, but Farah was insistent. Needless to say, things around the office were a bit tense. Todd hit his limit after five minutes of listening to Dirk slowly peel the foil off a chocolate coin. “Unwrap it or don’t,” he snapped, only partially because he was mad that Dirk had chocolate he hadn’t offered to share. “The chocolate will still be there if you rip the foil.” Dirk had the nerve to look offended. “And risk destroying potential clues?” he asked. “I think not.” “It’s a chocolate coin you got at the dollar store,” Todd intoned. “It’s probably not even real chocolate.” “You’re probably not even real chocolate,” Dirk responded, not looking up from his work. It didn’t make any sense as a retort, but Todd threw a pencil at his head anyway.

[oneprotagonistshort]

another WIP whenever

'tis the damn seblaine edition

“Where’s Mrs. Anderson?” he asked, settling across from Blaine on the couch. 

Blaine rolled his eyes. “She and Cooper are camping in Santa Barbara. He got a role as a hiker who gets murdered on CSI or NCIS or whatever, so they took a trip to bond and work on Coop’s backstory.”

“They’re glamping, aren’t they.”

“Yep.”

“It’s basically a hotel, isn’t it.”

“Mhmm.”

“And Cooper is going to get attacked by the first wild animal he sees, isn’t he.”

“Oh yeah.”

Sebastian wasn’t phrasing anything as a question because he already knew the answers. He’d only met Cooper once, and only briefly, but he could picture it: a rabid animal would emerge from the woods, foaming at the mouth, and Cooper would point at it until it mauled him. 

“He’ll be fine as long as the raccoons stay away from his face,” Sebastian said.

Blaine kicked him in the shin, his legs only just long enough to reach Sebastian’s in the middle of the couch. 

“What?” he asked innocently, knowing full well what. He took a sip of his drink as nonchalantly as possible given that it was basically straight vodka. “He’s an actor, I’m only thinking about his career.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Blaine said, “totally shameless. I never should have let you meet him, but I guess it’s my fault for not realizing you’d just flirt with him the whole time.”

“Don’t worry,” Sebastian said, catching Blaine wince a little at his own drink but resolutely push through, “your brother is the most tragically heterosexual man I’ve ever met. I had to shoot my shot because he’s the tenth best-looking man in North America, but not even I could turn him.”

“Tenth?” Blaine asked, looking at Sebastian warily. There was something in his eyes that Sebastian recognized but couldn’t quite name, a sort of disbelief that an offhand comment about Cooper Anderson’s relative attractiveness didn’t really warrant.

Sebastian shrugged. “Cooper isn’t even the best-looking Anderson in North America.”