#“You BIIIIIITCH!!!” = “BASTARDS!!! ALL OF YOU!!!”

[davidtennantgenderenvy]

Just had the most psychotically evil realization right as I was about to fall asleep

[voidsentprinces]

Haurchefant: Here we go.

Aymeric: Ishgard Hellions.

Estinien: Warrior of Light.

Haurchefant: Night starts.

Aymeric: Night starts now, ladies roll with us. Walk into the Forgotten Knight got them necks snapping us.

Estinien: Fellas looking jealous as we throw out the gil.

Haurchefant: Heavens Ward show up waiting to go in for the kill.

Aymeric: Tonight is the night, we rock, your either getting stacks, getting stuffed, or getting fucked.

Estinien: Then the door is kicked open and the Warrior of Light steps in.

Warrior of Light: THIS IS THE TALE! OF CAPTAIN JACKE SWALLOW!

Aymeric: YEAH--wait what?

Warrior of Light: PIRATE SO BRAVE! HE SERVES LIMSA LOMINSA!

Estinien: Wait time ou--

WoL: STOPPING ALL THREATS FROM THREATENING LA NOSCEA! A GULL WITH GREAT SWAY! IN THE SHADOWS OF THE ADMIRAL!

Haurchefant: That was rather nice but we're back in the Forgotten Knight. Buying up spice rum got Tataru singing her heart.

WoL: JACKE SWALLOW!

Aymeric: Serving up ice harder than Coerthas, breaking through the blizzard and cheering through the night!

WoL: USE HIDE NOW!

Estinien: Better keep your lass, cause I'm not Mr. Nice Guy. More like hunt your dragons, take their eyes, then lance you twice guy.

Haurchefant: All dressed up with no where to run and make you feel crazy with my cup of co--

WoL: THE DAY HE WAS BORN! HE WAS A MISFIT KNIFE WIELDER!

Estinien: Oh by HALONE!

WoL: OL' CAP'N JACKE! AND HIS CUNNING POSSE! HE'S THE PAUPER OF COSTA DEL SOL! THE JESTER OF YELLOWJACKETS!

Aymeric: Mhm?

WoL: UNCOVER PLOTS! WHAT LIES IN STOOOOOORREE!?!?

Haurchefant: Sounds wondrous.

Estinien: DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM!

Aymeric: Put your hands in the air and yell, we count stacks. C'mon.

WoL: V'kebbe.

Estinien: Nope!

WoL: Perimu!

Haurchefant: My dear friend, I would ask that you find another means to proceed!

WoL: ROGER THAT LET ME TRY WITH ANOTHER CLASS!

Estinien: WAIT FUCK N--

WoL: LIFE IS A BOX OF LEYLINES! CAUSE I JUST ROLLED A BLACK MAGE!

Aymeric: Oh no...

WoL: THOUGH I AM NOT THE FASTEST CASTER OF THE DoM! I GIVE FIRE IV ALL MY LOVE!

Haurchefant: Not QUITE better.

WoL: Okay then I am a Blue Mage, vomiting sardines with all my might.

Estinien: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

WoL: Then you can call me, Dark Knight. Killing Ishgardians with my blade!

Aymeric: Close enough.

WoL: Alright, Fray, these bastards wanna play rough! LETS GET RELOADED!

Haurchefant: YES!

WoL: THIS IS THE TALE! OF SIDURGU AND RIELLE!

Fray: THIS THE TALE!

WoL: GUARDIAN OF ISHGARD'S TRAGEDIES! SPILLING GALONS OF BLOOOOOOOD!

Myste: TAKE IT HOME!

WoL: GOT FUCKING SPIKES ALL OVER MY ARMOR! FUCKING GUTS IN THIS BIIIIIITCH!

Fray: WOOOOO!

WoL: THIS WHOLE WORLDS CORRUPTED! TIME TO PAY FOR THE INNOCENT! JUSTICE DEMANDS NOOOOO LEEEEEESSS!

Aymeric: Alright maybe we shouldn't of brought the Warrior of Light, who is apparently a job-o-holic.

WoL: Imma try Monk next.

Estinien: Yeaaah okay, you do that. Lets get out of here.

[hellboys]

real random hot(?) take moment. i want a texas chainsaw remake/sequel directed by rob zombie i trust him i know he'd do it right he'd do it exactly how i want to see it me thinks. the firefly trilogy (esp ho1000c) is already so similar to the first chainsaw in plot/characters (bunch of kids go on a trip. stop at sketchy gas station. actual story is kickstarted when they pick up a hitchhiker. end up having dinner w a weird family. tiny's the youngest(??) one even though he's real big but doesn't speak and wears a mask. gas station guy is actually involved w the weird family. the two bastard coppers from the sequels are basically the same characters. they both straight up have bill moseley just sitting there. etc etc) and so similar to the second one in aesthetic (the colors!!! the setting!!!! the firefly house reminds me so much of the sawyers little theme-park-turned-home) (also the tone of the first two chainsaws and the first two fireflies are switched; like the first chainsaw mostly takes place during the day and it just looks dry and hot except the final half happening at night and so does the second firefly, while the first firefly is mostly set in the dark of night but it's so much more colorful, just like the second chainsaw) and what matters the most to me is, rob zombie's (controversial) attempt is always to make the fireflies if not sympathetic at least likeable, somewhat lighthearted funnyguys even if they're terrible people which is something that i feel that a lot of chainsaw sequels lose sight of ya know?? they almost make leatherface specifically all scary and evil when he was just supposed to be. a little guy. poor little meow meow even. most sequels lose the way that bubba was just genuinely endearing but i think rob zombie would get it RIGHT ya know. his hellbilly vibes would fit texas chainsaw soooo well and i'm forever salty he ended up making two halloweens instead of a chainsaw. that's all 💅

biiiiiitch.

BIIIIIIIIITCH. .

i need a fucking moment bc this take is HOT AF. it wasnt until this very moment that i thought of a FUCKING ROB ZOMBIE TEXAS CHAINSAW MOVIE??? everything abt this feels right, its right in my soul and it's right in my heart. you know mfing rob zombie would just get this assignment. he would understand every fiber of leatherface's character. he would truly KNOW what he was doing with that film. god this is gonna haunt me forever

i need it now. i need it baaaad dude.

[alexalblondo]

it's like the closer they are outside the paddock, the less seb wants to talk about it? wait - is lewis in his circle im ;u;

EXCEPT THEY ARE SO FUCKING CLOSE AND SEB TALKS ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME AND YET THIS BITCH STILL HAS THE NERVE ... THE AUDACITY ... THE ABSOLUTE BRAINLESSNESS TO SAY HIM AND LEWIS AREN‘T FRIENDS???

Biiiiiitch, get real (son)!!!!

If anyone needs me, I‘ll be looking for definitions on friendship in any language I can think of so I can mail them to Mr. Sebastian Vettel, brainless Himbo extraordinary!!!

I hate it here

Stanning this man has been the worst decision of my life, no wonder it took him 13 years and 3 kids to get married to Hanna, the bastard probably stood at the altar on his wedding day saying: uhm, I think she likes me? Idk? We get along quite well?

(But also do you mean his covid circle? Cause nah, sadly not :((( )

[harryfeatgaga]

harry watching you dance with your friends at a party and he gets so horny and he texts you and is like “We have to leave.” and you get kinda irritated and tell your friends bye and then when you guys get home he’s like “i’ve been wanting you all night” and you roll your eyes and go “you’re such a horny bastard” and he smirks and goes “well can you help this horny bastard out” and points to his bulge... ok bye

BIIIIIITCH BYE OH MY GOD

[artisalie]

I would not be true to myself if I didn’t make a post talking about the 3J performance from BTS’s Home Party. So here we go.

First, let me say that I desperately need a full fancam/bangtan bomb of this performance since the vlive version has a lot of awkward cuts and framing that makes it difficult to see a lot of the more intricate moves. Don’t get me wrong, this is already a mind blowing performance, but the bomb version will be even better. I saw something about CH+ getting individual fancams? If that happens let me know. I honestly might become a CH+ subscriber just for that because honestly, this performance. My god.

Let’s start with Kookie’s choice, Scott Forsyth’s Coco Pt. 2 choreo. Of course Kookie would choose something as meme-tastic as this choreo. Scott has a great sense of humor - see this amazing Love Connection themed piece by Brotherhood, Scott’s crew - and the big, sharp moves really suit Kookie’s strengths as a dancer. I think this section suffers the most from the bad camera work - Hoseok’s is the runner-up in that category - because there’s a lot of quick transitions between upper and lower body movement that is just totally lost in the vlive version. Anyway, of course Kook would choose a silly, swaggy, meme-filled dance for Home Party and they all kill it.

BIIIIIITCH.

THIS NEEDS SAYING UP FRONT: THAT RUDE ASS DOLPHIN DIVE IS NOWHERE IN THE ORIGINAL CHOREOGRAPHY. AT SOME POINT THESE THREE MOTHERFUCKERS THOUGHT IT WAS A GREAT IDEA TO CHANGE THOSE COUNTS AND JUST TAKE IT DOWN TO THE FLOOR TO MURDER US ALL. HAVE THEY BEEN SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME WITH YUGYEOM?? DID THEY THINK THE THIGH CARESSING THAT IS IN THE ACTUAL CHOREO WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ENOUGH?? DID THEY JUST ALL FALL IN LOVE WITH THAT MOVE FROM THE BS&T CHOREO??

I NEED ANSWERS. 

No. No, I don’t. I’d die. Okay, that just needed clarifying before we could move on. We know Jimin and JK love some Puspos choreography and that Jimin in particular likes some bedroom jams so this choice of choreo isn’t that surprising. Like a lot of Brian’s choreo, it’s both super smooth and rude at the same time, which we know perfectly suits Jimin’s dance style. He’s a very fluid dancer, moving from one move to the next until there’s a sharp hit, which just further emphasizes that sharp stop.

Jimin shines here but like, yo. J-Hope with the hip thrust on his knees after coming out of the dolphin dive is intense. Boy. Also I need to shoutout the body rolls at 2:13 because Jimin and J-Hope are body rolling for the gods. Kook does a good job too, but the way he’s angled his hips versus his shoulders lessens their impact a little whereas with Jimin and J-Hope, you can just watch that roll follow their entire bodyline. Sweet jesus. Hoseok in particular pops his chest out to make that roll as visible as possible. His isolations are fucking everything.

I’m already dead and I’m only just getting to Hoseok.

I need everyone reading this post to understand that this choreography choice is a personal attack on me and everything I love and hold dear!!! Hoseok performing Chris Martin’s choreo is a literal dream come true. Chris is such an emotive dancer and choreographer and I have adored him for years. Look at this fucking solo. It’s like he pulls his heart out of his chest, it’s so good. He just oozes joy when he dances and Hoseok both has the skills and the pure inner light to make that kind of choreo shine. Don’t think I haven’t thought about Hobi performing this Robot Love choreo or dance line performing this All That Matters piece. Could you even imagine if this piece to Kendrick & Rihanna’s Loyalty had come out in time for them to learn it?? FUCK.

Once again, this choreo is pretty intricate and a lot gets lost in the recording. They hit a beat in mid-air and the camera completely cuts it off!! I’M SO MAD.

I’m honestly surprised Hoseok didn’t choose Chris’s Sunday Candy choreo (the second half of the video) because he loves Chance but maybe it just didn’t have enough housing in it. Housing, by the way, is the rhythmic, bouncing footwork they do towards the end of the piece. It’s a sub-genre of hip-hop dance. I guess I should have seen this coming, because Carlo Darang worked on the BS&T choreo with Keone Madrid, so really we were only one step removed from Hoseok performing Chris Martin choreo. Did you know that Keone, Carlo and Chris were all in a crew together - along with Keone’s wife Mari - and that they’re amazing?? Choreo Cookies came to slay and make you cry.

BUT I WASN’T READY. MY ASS WAS NOT R E A D Y.

In conclusion: Dance line can fucking dance, THEY ARE RUDE BASTARDS, I want them to share their list of favorite choreographers and pieces, and you can all play this at my funeral because I’m already dead.

[katiebug445]

Gone...

Royai Week day 3

Prompt: catalyst.

Note:  Okay, so, this one was really hard to find something to work with, and thus far, the one I’m least proud of. I wanted to keep it canon for this one, since I really haven't thus far this week. The basic point is, this is the catalyst for all of Riza and Roy's self-sacrificing behavior and blind rage when it comes to protecting or avenging the other. It doesn't make a lot of sense, but it was the best I had.

Gone…

With the flick of a wrist, the twist of a blade, he was taken from her just like that. Without mercy, without a friend, without her getting to say goodbye. Roy Mustang was dead, and it was her fault. Riza stared ahead of her, her breath shallow and fast, her heart hammering against her chest, with shaking hands holding her pistol, to the woman quickly advancing on them. The colonel was dead at the hands of this creature, this monster, and Riza was willing to bet that was his blood on her dress. She had to die. “It can’t be! You didn’t!” The woman called Lust did nothing but smile gleefully back at her, and Riza had her answer. “YOU BIIIIIITCH!”

 With white hot hatred and nothing holding her back, Riza Hawkeye stood her ground, and began to fire mercilessly, suicidal rage filling every inch of her being. Roy’s eyes, brown and kind, flashed through her mind as another shot fired off. A scream ripped its way out of her throat, reminding her again that there would be no goodbye for them, no more knowing glances, no more private moments. Nothing except a funeral.

 What would she do now that he was gone? She couldn’t return home, she had no one else to look out for, she had nothing left to live for. Roy’s smile, so soft when it was just the two of them, so open and relaxed, filled her thoughts and made her hands shake even more. Another shot, another memory, another scream. His voice, always such a comfort to her when she was in need of a friend. The way he spoke to Elizabeth, how open and flirtatious he was with her… moments they would never have again. Two more shots, and the woman still kept coming. His hands, so quick to act, so sure, even in Ishval, with both a gun and his alchemy...

 The first magazine emptied, and Riza threw the pistol to the ground and pulled out another, shot after shot making itself home in the creature’s body.

 He’d insisted that he didn’t need her help. He assured her things would be fine with himself and Havoc. He promised her things would be okay. I was supposed to protect him. Riza said to herself. I was supposed to make sure nothing happened to him until he became Fuhrer… Her vision blurred as tears filled her eyes, and she fired her last bullet from the magazine, quickly followed by another, and kept going until there was nothing left in her arsenal.

 The colonel - her colonel - was gone, and it was her fault. Riza felt her legs begin to shake as the last gun fell from her hands, and fell to the ground, completely defeated.

 Colonel, I’m so sorry. Riza’s hand curled into a fist on the ground in front of her, sobs racking her body as Lust taunted her, though she couldn’t bring herself to care anymore. Roy was gone, and that was all that mattered. She swore she’d always protect him, to watch his back and keep him safe, and she failed. She failed him.

 “Stand up, Lieutenant.” Alphonse said, standing between herself and Lust. “You need to get out of here.”

 What was the point? She was useless with Roy gone, but if nothing else, she might be able to buy Al some time to escape. If only she could keep Lust busy for a few minutes… “Listen, Alphonse, leave me and save yourself.” She replied.

 “No!”

 “Go!”

 “I won't leave you! I'm sick of watching people die! And I can't just sit back and take it anymore! I won't let anyone else get killed! Not when I can protect them!” The young boy said.

 “Well spoken! I couldn’t agree more!”

 That voice… She’d know that voice anywhere. But how could that be? Before she could react, Alphonse had summoned a wall between them, Lust, and Mustang, blocking them from view. The only thing she could do was listen to the screaming, and wait.

 When the smoke cleared, and everything fell into silence, Riza got to her feet. Roy collapsed to the ground, and the lieutenant made her way to him, dropping down beside him with a smile on her face. He was alive! He was okay, and she wanted nothing more than to kiss the bastard full on the mouth. Roy turned his head towards her, and the heaviness in her soul gave one last squeeze before releasing entirely. “Colonel!” She said, completely breathless.

 “Are you alright?”

 “Never mind about me, we need to get you some help!”

 The Colonel shut his eyes, and a small, pained chuckle escaped his lips. “You’re too damn stubborn for your own good, Lieutenant. You just worry about wiping those tears away. We can’t afford me being useless right now.”

 Hands still shaking, Riza reached up, surprised to discover she was still crying. She quickly wiped her eyes, trying to calm herself down before she went into hysterics again. There would be time for that later, but right now, she had to focus on the colonel.

 It became clear to Roy how far she would go for him, and the risks she would take in the event of his demise. He would have been lying if he said that it didn’t worry him a little. His eyes met Riza’s again, and his heart constricted painfully in his chest. He’d almost lost her today because of a lie, a lie he couldn’t believe she’d bought so easily, and he wondered what she would do if something really would go wrong.

 What was he supposed to do if something happened to her because of him? Was he supposed to sit back and watch her die because of another lie, or because of her recklessness in order to keep him safe? He couldn’t bear the thought of losing his queen to something so stupid. His only hope was that he wouldn’t have to worry about anything like this happening again anytime soon.

I promise you, Lieutenant, Roy thought to himself, no matter what, I will always do my best to keep you safe.