I’m so sorry but I gotta jump in as a guy who’s normal about warrior cats to offer some ideas that are mostly vibe and less similar to their real names:
For Lucy, Frostwish is honestly perfect but something like Echofrost could be nice- also the -heart suffix is often for very noble cats but Frostheart reads a little weird so I’d go with Flurryheart or something in that case
others: Frostflame or Flurryflame, Shiverheart, Brightfrost
For Kipperlilly, I like having Lily somewhere in the name because lilies are horrendously toxic to cats, also she needs four syllables it’s non negotiable. She’s Mad so there’s a fair chance of her getting a -claw name but I don’t really like that for her, I kind of am partial to Flicker as a prefix both for sound and because it’s sort of associated with fire (any name associated with the colour red would also be good for this reason)
various ideas: Flickerpetal, Cinderlily, Ripplewhisker
Ivyshade is also really good and Ivy is just already a great prefix, my only other ideas would be variations on that— Fernshade, Ivythorn, Ivydusk
Berrybee is 10/10, only other ideas is Bumbleberry
For Oisín I’m with you on the storm stuff, naturally— Stormclaw keeps it simple, otherwise Adderstorm to keep a reptilian element. Bonus: Oisín means “little deer”, it’s cute to think he got named something like Fawnkit and then got super buff so the leader was just like “uhh Fawnstorm”
Ruben: existing names that give a similar vibe to “hop” would be like,, Spring, Leap, Flight, Step- flight is funny to me because he’s getting mobbed for autographs he’s gotta go- I’m partial to the idea of him getting named Shellkit and later receiving an emo suffix but I don’t know what that would be jfjjfjdk.
ideas: Shellfang, Shellsong, Hopleap, Whistlespring (wait no that’s gorgug), Whistleflight
Buddy,,, hoo buddy. He’d be given a Sun name more than likely, Dawn or Sun or Ray or something, I kind of like the idea of Sundapple (patchy sunlight, wavering faith) but it sounds like a juice flavour. Risingdawn, Dawncloud, Sunfall, Lightseed
Bonus round: Kristen as Applebee for the meme, Porter rising to power as Shatterstar, Fig as Houndheart because German shepherd mode
bonus bonus: kipperlilly would hate to be average and unremarkable. Imagine she gets a suffix like -fur or -tail or -pelt
you and me discussing warrior cat names.
THESE ARE ALL SO GOOOD. and YES i had thought about the -heart suffix, but i agreed it seemed like. well. it seemed like an insult. cold-hearted. but flurryheart is soo cute.
and all of your alt kipperlilly names... all so good.... this is the one universe where she wont be bullied for her name. WE ALL HAVE NAMES LIKE FLICKERPETAL!!!
and omg. fawnstorm is adorable.
and omg i didnt even think abt tying in his beach era. shell is such a cute prefix for him. it also makes me feel like all of the rat grinders are in riverclan tbh. because the bad kids are sooo thunderclan coded right. and so au where tbk and trg are just fighting over sunningrocks. (btw sunningrocks belongs to riverclan idgaf. THEYRE USING IT TO HUNT!! THOSE THUNDERCLAN FUCKS JUST WANT TO SUNBATHE!!!)
also sundapple does have such a cool meaning but ur right it is soooo juice coded JKNHGH.
and ohg my god waaittt. me when Phoenixstar (aguefort) renames Graystone (porter) into Shatterstone after a brutal injury .... and then Shatterstone and Shimmerdust (jace) kill him.... and Shatterstar rises to power...
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LIVE REACTION TO NIGHTMARE TIME EP 1
Idk if anyone would even be interested in reading this but as I was watching the show last night I kept writing down my reactions on my notes so here we are
*this is all in caps idk why just roll with it*
THE OPENING SONG IS SUCH A BOP OMG
NICK LANG HIMSELF ??????
MONSTER FUCKER RIGHTS ????
HIDGENS ENTRANCE HOW ICONIC
"LUCY IS HAVING NONE OF IT" I LOVE THAT OMG
JOEY PLAYING KONK (?) IS SUCH A POWER MOVE
I LOVE THAT THE BEGGINING IS JUST TARZAN FANFIC SKSKSKSKS
MARIAH IS TEXTING JOHN (?) AND HES LAUGHING SM WE LOVE A COMEDY QUEEN
I LOVE THEM USING THE ZOOM BACKGROUNDS SKSKSKS
KONK IS AWFULLY CLOSE TO COCK AND I THINK ITS ON PURPOSE ?? SPECIALLY WITH THE LAG I HAD TO DO A DOUBLE TAKE SOMETIMES SKSKSKS
SOMEONE JUST SAID "TED'S ORIGIN STORY" ON CHAT AND I LOST IT !!!!! COULD YOU IMAGINE ????
HANDSOME LADY ? I MEAN SURE TIGHT
JOHN IS LOSING IT FUCK MAN, SAME
CURT OMG THAT ACCENT OOOOOOOOHHHH BOY
I KNEW IT WAS HER FIANCEE SHIIIIT
WE CANNOT TRUST HIM I KNOW THIS !!!
"ENTAGLED" SKSKS WHAT
SIR HES GAY CHILL OUT
WHATS THE YEAR, IT FEELS SO OLD TIMEY
"I'D SAY YOU HAD FEELINGS FOR THIS APEMAN" OOOOOOOHHHH DONT U SAY
JONATHAN IS A PUSSY BITCH I CAN TELL
LUCY JUST DROP IT
OH SHE ACTUALLY DID ????? FUCK IT UP BABE
(I JUST ACIDENTALY DELETE HALF OF WHAT I WROTE SHIT, ILL HAVE TO REWRITE IT FROM MEMORY)
WHAT THE FUCK
THEY WERE TRICKING US???
THEY CALLED IT, WHAAAAAAAAT
WDYM "PLAY THE PROFESSOR" IS HE NOT A PROFESSOR
WHAT ALTERNATE REALITY IS THIS I NEED TO KNOW
ARE THEY GONNA FUCKING KILL HIM WHAT???
SINGING LONDON BRIDGE WHILE CHASING SOMEONE IS MY FAV SCARY TROP HAHAHHA YEEEEESSS
"TOOK OFF WDYM" GIRL HE IS HOLDING A GUN WHAT DO YOU THINK "WDYM"
WHY DID HE KEEP THE KONK ACT AFTER LUCY LEFT SKSKSKSKS
TED WTF SKSKSKS
"I DO SOME OF MY BEST THINKING WHEN IM ERECT" HAHAHAHA
TED LIKES TO BE A HIMBO THATS GREAT
IS HE GOING TO KILL TED ?? AAAAAAAHHHHHH
TED HE HAS A GUN PLZ DONT TEST HIM HE HAS ALREADY KILLED A MAN
OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH FUUUUUUUUCK
RECAST????
WHO IS TAKING TED'S ROLE ?????
OH SO ITS NOT OLD TIMEY AFTER ALL
RED SOMETHING????
OH TED'S GONNA PROPOSE
IS SHE GONNA SAY NO? SHES GONNA SAY NO RIGHT ?
FUUUUUUUUCK HAHAHHAHA
WHY IS HE NAKED ??? JAHAHHAHA WHAT
WHAT IS HAPPENING
TED WHAT ?
"PROFESSOR SHOULD GO FUCK HIMSELF"
HAHAHAHA PORNHUB PREMIUM ACCOUNT HAHAHAH
"OOOoooOOoOoOoOoOohhHhhHh BUT IT IS"
FUCK NO
DONT KILL HER
OOOOOOOOOHHHH TED'S DEAD SHIT
OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH ROBERT'S ACTING IS *CHEF'S KISS* DAMN
OH SHIT TED
*NOW* TED IS DEAD
FUCK HIDGENS IS HERE NOOOOOOOOOOO
IS HE GONNA KILL HER ???
OH SHIT OH FUCK LUCY'S CAUGHT IN A BEAR TRAP
WHY ARE PPL SAYING WORKING BOYS IN THE CHAT ???
OH THATS WHY !!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHH
MINE IS A LITTLE BEHIND
IS SHE BROKE ???????
OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHA I KNEW IT
HIDGENS GOT PLAYED
THATS ON YOU BUDDY
OH FUCK HIM UP LUCY !
BECKY BARNES ?????
HATCHFIELD LORE ????
WAS SHE RUNNING AWAY FROM HIS HUSBAND IS THAT WHY SHE CLIMBED A TREE
APE MAN SHOW UP PLZ
WHO IS IT THO ??????
JEFF HELL YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH
FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
JESUS CHRIST APE MAN
YEEEEAAAHHH
WOOLY FOOT ??????
IS IT CHUMBY????
OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH HAHAHA YEEEEAAHHH
HOW DID HIDGENS KNOW ?????
OH IS IT OVER ?????? NOOOOOOOOOOOO I WANTED MORE ;-----;
THIS WAS SO GOOD THO
OOOHHH FUCK
ANOTHER MUSIC NUMBER
JAMIE YOU LOOK AMAZING !!!!!!!!!!
I CANT WAIT FOR THESE SONGS TO BE AVAILABLR FOR US (IN LIKE 3 YEARS CAUSE IM BROKE SKSKSKSK)
HE DANCES THE CAN CAN ??????
OKAY I SKIPPED A BIT TO BE ON TIME WITH EVERYBODY
"ARE YOU FUCKKING HIGH????"
YEEEEEEEEEAH PART 2 BABEY !!!!!
NICK'S HAIR LOOKS AMAZING OMG
OH ????????
BILL AND ALICE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD I MISSED THEM !!!!!!!!!
OH THE TEEN ANGST
I LOVE BILL SM HE'S SUCH A GOOD DAD
DEB ????WHY WOULD U HURT BABY ALICE LIKE THIS ????
"I MIGHT NEVER SEE DEB AGAIN" GOD ALICE CHILL OUT
LET HER BE A PLAY WRITER BILL CMON
"MY BUDDY PAUL" AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
BLINKY ??? I DONT TRUST THAT AT ALL FUCK NO
JOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHNNNN
I DONT TRUST HES CHARACTER THO
OOOOHHH LOVE DISCOUNTS
I DIDNT LIKE THE WORKER CALLING HER PRINCESS THO, SHES BILL'S DAUGHTER NOT YOURS
OOOOOOHHHHHH NO
OH NONONONOONO
BILL IS GOING TO DIE
I JUST KNOW IT
BLINKY IS EVIL I CAN FEEL IT
ALICE NO
NO LITTERING WHORE
JAMES !!!!!!!!!!
ALICE IS ALSO GOING TO DIE
MAYBE RIGHT NOW WHO KNOWS
BLNKY WTF
SHE IS A MINOR WTF AAAAAH
I DONT LIKE IT HERE
JAMES ILY BUT THIS CHARACTER IS CREEPY AS SHIT I DONT LIKE IT
HAHAHAH TIGHT
LOVE THEME PARK STUPID SHIRTS
"I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE FUNNY" HAHAHAHAH
DROWSY TOWN ? THE CHAT PULLED MY ATTENTION TO THAT BUT I DONT GET WHY ? IS THIS BAD
"I'D FOLLOW YOU ANYWHERE" THIS IS SUCH A DAD THING TO SAY
OH ALICE CMON DONT SAY THAT
BILL CUT IT OUT WITH DECIDING YOUR KIDS FUTURE THATS NOT FUN
OH GOD I DONT TRUST THAT
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
NO
NO
NO
NO
"AHOY BOYS AND GIRLS"
NO NONONONONO
UNCLE WILEY FUCK OFF
THE SNIGGLES NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
FUUUUUUUUUCK NOOOOO
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
"WE'RE THE SNIGGLES DONT BE SCARED"
YOU KNOW WHAT SNIGGLES I AM SCARED
BUT HELL YEAH SONG TIME
OOOOOOOHHH FUCK IT UP JAMES
OH ARE THEY GONNA LIKE GIVE THE AUDIENCE A SLEEP INDUCING DRUG OR SOMETHING ???????
"DONT BLINK" AHAHAHA I DONT TRUST THAT
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
"GREAT WE'RE DEAD" HAHAHAH
THE SONG WAS A BOP THO
"WHAT ARE THE SNIGGLES?" GREAT QUESTION ALICE
"NOW U KNOW HOW I FELT WHEN I HAD TO SEAT THROUGH DEH" HAHHAHAHA
"SEE U IN A SNIG" HAHAHA
SNIGGLETTE ???U OKAY BBY???
OOOOOOOOHHH MORE SONGS HELL YEAH
I LOVE ANGELA'S VOICE SM
THE SNIGGLE PUNS ARE KINDA CONFUSING ME NGL
WHY WAS THAT SO SAD OMG
OOOOOOOH SHIT
OH FUCK
THEYRE GONNA KILL HER I JUST KNOW IT
OMG
"PRAISE THE WATCHER" OH MY GOD
PLZ DONT KILL HER
"UNTIL HE'S SEEN EVERYTHING" W H A T
LAUREN'S VOICE SKSKSK SO CUTE
PAPA SNIGGLE I DO NOT TRUST YOU
THOSE ARE ALIVE ARENT THEY ?????
OH FUCK SNIGGLETTE
IS SHE OKAY ?????????
"ANGELA R U ALRIGYT" WHAT
"SHUT UP JEFF" OH MY GOD
I DONT LIKE WHEN THEYRE SELF AWARE SKSKSKSK
" U CAN SHUT THE HELL UP LAUREN" HAHAHAHA
BILL OMG HE'S SUCH A DAD HAHAHAHAH
ALICE IS SO NICE
DO THEY NOT KNOW
"ARON AROOON" HAHHAHA
OH CHURROS I LOVE THOSE
THE GIRL SHE DOESNT LIKE ??????
OH NON BINARY RIGHTS LOVE IT
"IS THIS A FRIEND OF ZIGS" OH LOVE RESPECTFUL DAD
DEB NOT COOL
OH ALICE SHIT
ALICE BBY IF SHES CHEATING ON YOU THATS NOT ON UR DAD STOP SHITTING ON HIM LIKE THIS
"ITS UR MOTHERS FAULT" OH MY GOD HAHAHHAHA
GREG AND ALISON ? AND BETH ??
DOES BETH LIKE HER ????OH NOOOOOO
GREG NO U SHITTY SON OF A BITCH
GOD FUCKING PUNCH HIM
OH NO
HAHAHA FUCK NO
THEYRE ALL POSESSED ARENT THEY
THATS THE TEEN FROM THE MOVIE THEATER HAHAHHA
"it lagged ;-; now we wait"
A MAN IN A HURRY HAHAHAHHA
OH SHIT BILL IS MAD
IS HE POSESSED TOO ???????
OH SHIT WHATS HAPPENING
BLINKY ?????????
OH NO
OH NO SHES GONNA HAVE A PANIC ATTACK
THEYRE GONNA BE FINE RIGTH ??????? RIGHT ????
BREATHING EXERCISES BABY CMON
OH NO
PLZ DONT DO ANYTHING STUPID BILL
NOOOOOOOOOOO
BILL PLZ DONT DIE AGAIN I LOVE YOU SM
PUT UR SEATBELT BACK ON PLZ
NOOOOOOOOO
OH THEYRE BOTH GOING TO FALL ARENT THEY
OH NO OH MY GOD
OH SHIT
PHONE IS BROKEN OOPS
AWN IM GONNA CRY
PLZ LET THEM SURVIVE I BEG YOU NICK LANG
OOOOOOOOH TWILIGHT BUT GAY I AM *HERE* FOR IT
OOOOOH THANK GOD THEYRE SAFE
THANK YOU NICK LANG
BILL YOURE SUCH A GOOD DAD
OH GOD SHIT
ALICE CHILL OUT ITS JUST A PHONE BABE
"SHE KNOWS IM WATCHING HER" I DONT TRUST THAT
IS *SHE* POSESSED OR IS THIS JUST TEEN ANGST
ALICE UR DAD IS TRYING HIS BEST PLZ CUT HIM SOME SLACK
OH MARIAH TURNED HER CAMERA OFF OH DEAR GOD WHAT DOES THAT MEAN
HAHAH I LOVE LIVE BLOOPS
OH MY GOD BLINKY IS TERRIFYING FUCK NO
DO NOT GET THAT WIGGLY JUNIOR BILL DONT
HOW ???????
OH MARIAH IS BACK
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN ??????? WHY CANT BILL GET THE MALLET THING
DONT TAKE IT
YES SMART
LAUREN ? SKSKKSS WHAT
MADAM IRIS I DO NOT TRUST YOU
WHAT ?????? IS THAT ALICE'S PHONE ????
BILL DONT GET SCAMMED
OH ITS AN ALL SEEING IPHONE
ALICE CHILL PLZ
IS HE GONNA DIE ????? PLZ NICK DONT DO THAT
ALICE DONT
DONT KILL UR DAD
49.95 AGAIN
BILL PLZ TRY ANOTHER GAME
JAMES DAMN THATS RUTHLESS
BILL WHAT
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
IS THAT REAL ????????
IT CANT BE ???????
OH ITS NOT REAL
ARE THEY MAKING THEM HATE THEIR FAMILIES AND KILL EACH OTHER ??
A TENDER KISS ON THE CHEEK FROM A DEMON HOW NICE
GUYS PLZ JUST GO TO THERAPY I BEG U
WHAT ARE U GONNA DO BILL? KICK HER HEAD ???????
(SORRY I HAD TO)
BLINKY'S FUNHOUSE THAT SOUNDS WARM AND COMFORTING
THIS IS LIKE THE OPPOSITE OF NOT UR SEED
FIGHTING IN THE MIRROR PART OF A FUN HOUSE IS ALWAYS A GOOD HORROR MOVIE TROPE
OH FUCK ARE THEY GONNA WAKE UP
OH FUCK PLZ WAKE UP
ESCAPE THIS ALIVE
YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH
OH
SHES GONNA SHOOT HIM ISNT SHE ?????
SHES GONNA SHOOT HIM I JUST KNOW IT
HES AWAKE SHES NOT
IS BLINKY GONNA KILL THEM ??
OOOOOOOOHHHHHH FUCK I KNEW IT
OH HELL YEAH ALICE FUCK IT UP
ARE THEY GONNA DROW ?? OH NO OKAY
DID THEY SURVIVE ???? IS SHARED TRAUMA GONNA SAVE THEIR RELATIONSHIP SKSKSKKS
THEY SURVIVED !!!!!!!!! THANK YOU NICK LANG (AGAIN)
WAIT
HOW DID SHE GET HER PHONE BACK ? OH MADAM IRIS DID GIVE HER PHONE BACK
AWWNNNNNNNN ALICE
THIS ONE HAD A HAPPY ENDING YAY
WELL IG THE OTHER DID TOO BUT NOT FOR THE CHARACTERS WE KNEW
THIS WAS SO GOOD I LOVER STAKID !!!!!!!!!!! I JUST WISHED I WASNT BROKE SO I COULD PAY FOR THE NEXT ONES KSKSKSKSK
WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU GUYS TO DO YOUR REACTIONS FOR THE NEXT ONES !!!
I HEARD GREG AND IT WAS CRAIG SKSKKSSK OOPS
*from this part on is reactions from after the show when starkid was answering questions from the chat*
YEEAAH VOTE FOR BIDEN HELL YEAH STARKID
"THE WITCH IN THE WEB"
WEBBY ????????
DO WE GET TO SEE HANNAH AGAIN ?????
A THEORY ON TUMBLR FROM REDDIT ON A INSTAGRAM ACC ON YT OH MY GOD SKSKSKSKKS
THE STORIES ARE CANON !!!!!!!!!
THEORIES LETS GO GANG
STARKID FANS WHO CAN DONATE TO STARKID PLZ DO
I WISH I COULD DONATE TO THESE TALENTED PPL G O D
I WAS CORRECT IT WAS KONK WITH A K
NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE YES!!!!!!
WORKING BOYS !!!!
"NICK LANG IS A BOSS"
MARIAH: SAYS FUCK AS ALICE
ALSO MARIAH: GEEKED THE *FREAKED* OUT
TIP JAR HAS BEEN OUT FOR 11 YEARS HELL YEAH
HOW TF DO YOU SPELL ZIGGS BTW
OOOHHH THEYRE FAKE THAT MAKES SENSE
OK NOT FAKE COMFIRMED BUT PROBABLY FAKE
LETS HOPE DEB DIDNT ACTUALLY CHEAT
"WELL I WAS BORN IN 1989" HAHAHAHA
BECKY CLIMBED WHILE RUNNING FROM HER HUSBAND I FEEL LIKE THATS WHAT THATS ABOUT
OH GOODIE I GET TO WATCH THEM LATER
IDK WHEN BUT AT LEAST IK SOMEDAY
BLINKY VS WIGGLY
OH CMON NICK I WANTED TO KNOW ;-;
THIS WAS SO NICE I MISSED THEM ;-;
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instead of me making a post where i briefly rate btvs characters im gonna do a post im sure ive already made abt how in the first book alone its shown that narnia is an unreasonable twilight zone to deal with and the lore is wild and aslan is sort of a jerk and bad with dealing with children / dealing with the world he created; or: the battle of the reader vs cs lewis
ok first of all. this book completely wrongs edmund. cs lewis is determined to have us believe that he is a Bad Sort but? not so much that when he's "redeemed" we have to doubt for even a moment that he's now Good Forever. and the reasons the reader keeps being given about why we should be disgusted with edmund are incredibly weak and often bemusing
to start with, cs lewis hates boarding schools which is probably because they could be awful and so he throws out the reason that edmund used to be as nice and purehearted as his siblings until boarding school spoilt his immortal soul? were peter and susan taught at home or in public school then? if lewis was making a comment on how terrible boarding school is, why isnt edmund given any sympathy for this by the narrator or his siblings who just seem largely annoyed by him?
and since at the start the kids are being sent off from home in the middle of a world war their dad is off in and have to go to a boring house with an uncle? who for some reason never like, bothers to speak to them or see them ever. tf, dude. and theyre in england in the first place. anyhow, the fact that edmund being in a bad mood over this is supposed to be evidence of his crappiness is a touch unreasonable. he's like what, 8-11? so much of this book hinges on his character needing to be saved from his own badness that its sort of unforgivable that said badness really doesnt exist. hates his terrible school? hates his terrible situation? difficult? fights with siblings? how is this meant to be fit for A Just and Divine Damnation. why is there such a complete lack of sympathy. does lewis understand anything about children.
the answer is that "adults assuming these young as hell children have the same emotional maturity and logical processes and understanding of the world as adults" is a constant theme. these random schoolchildren become the supreme rulers of an entire country in a world theyve never been in after like, a week. the whole series runs on a fair number of other English Brand notions abt classism, racism, divine right to rule, etc. but even if it wasnt "only humans can lead", why would any children be allowed? children who had never been there? for gods sake
moving on to the plot: lucy finds narnia, etc. i guess on account of being Young and A Girl, which here means spiritual purity? and also as a character trope means Innocence. ok. meeting an exposition-providing faun, getting back, nobody believes her because why would they. their great(but not good) uncle bothers showing up upon coincidence. why hasnt he ever even said "hello, im not evil" to the kids staying at his house?for gods sake. he then explains to the kids a version of one of lewis's apologistic things that supposedly logically proves that christianity is valid and here proves that narnia is real, which it actually does neither of. shove it, clive staple lewis. your argument is crap
oh but edmund went to narnia along with lucy before that had happened. this is supposed to be a crucial point where he meets the white witch and is supposed to be like, dont be like edmund kids!! but frankly he behaves perfectly reasonably during that encounter and also when they all get to narnia. coz, ok, he's in an alternate universe alone which is disorienting for anyone. then the witch just happens to stumble across him. was he supposed to have prevented that somehow? lucy just stumbled across mr tumnus and trusted him inherently and it happened to go well. the first person edmund meets is someone else and he talks with her for a minute because she is a grown ass woman, probably gonna kill him otherwise, and also he's in an alternate universe alone with no idea where anyone is or if he can get back? here is a quick tangent:
a moral throughout the series is that you can sense somethings inherent goodness or truthfulness through how much it gives you a nice gut feeling. yet frankly this is not the only way to go about making choices. and not everything bad sets off alarms and not everything that sets off alarms is bad, so i dont know how much of a lesson that is. but for example, here the witch doesnt give edmund the warm fuzzies, and it is supposed to be a mistake or moral weakness on his part to not have.....what? gone running aimlessly through the arctic landscape in his jammies from a self-proclaimed queen with a sledge? he didnt really have any options here. how is he meant to know she's not really the ruler of this crap place that, so far as he knows, he lives in now? and ok, then somehow his big ol mistake is eating some damn candy and having some hot cider or whatever. it is eternal winter, why is this child a sinner for getting up out of the snow and humoring this lady by taking some offered snackaroos. also, everyone says turkish delight isnt even good. ask for some m&m's, ed!!! love yourself!! and even if he is supposed to know never to eat magical food or be bound to the fairy queen, lucy went and had tea with a fuckin faun so again, they basically did the same thing but edmund met the wrong person by sheer luck of it, so he has to die. LEWIS!!!!!!!
another big Edmund Must Die moment is when he and lucy get back from narnia and edmund lies that narnias fake, because he's evil. first of all, the fact that lucy tells him that some stranger she's buddies with says the white witch is evil and a liar. how is her stranger meant to be more reliable than the witch? this is just the word of two randos pitted together. how is edmund meant to understand this as Proof that the queen is evil and an imposter to the throne. frankly, she's functionally the actual queen, so its not even really a lie? narnia is impossible. secondly, it is 10000% understandable that edmund would realize that if he backs up lucy's claims then everyone is going to go looking for narnia, and in the experience he's just had, its a hellhole. and lucy has just told him that he possibly met an evil witch that is interested in also meeting his siblings? wouldnt be too thrilled about going back there then. and thirdly, if as lewis says he just lies because he is evil? does this man again not understand that Impulsive Pettiness is a bit different coming from a 9 yr old than a grown adult. the narrator is just so aghast at edmund constantly when its like dude he's.....not really doing anything, and also theyre all babies. let him be a bit of a little shit without the devil herself coming to claim his spilled blood for it, mayhaps
also, there is a bit of confusion about the fairy food! it is implied to be actually kind of magically binding, like to a degree he has to cooperate with the witch now because he took food he was offered? or at least it is somehow "corrupting." so how is this meant to be a sin if also it is not even his own choices here! how was he meant to have avoided this? dont take candy from strangers, sure. BUT IF YOU DO, YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU GET!!!
all the pevensies are in narnia, lucy lets it for everyone else remarkably fast, but i guess she is like 6 and having a nice time with her family in a magical land. although you'd think she'd be more concerned about all that witch stuff, and the fact that mr tumnus was about to straight up childnap her and deliver her to childmurder. like, good on you for not doing that. but how many people has he been selling out all this time! its literally been his job for however long. he's had to have had something to show for it. is morally greyness just arbitrarily sorted into black and white Good/Evil characters and these kids are supposed to sniff out which way these things fall? for gods sake. see, my point is that this adult faun who was going to turn a kindergartener in to be killed until he decided nah, and previously definitely probably narced on people in the past, is way crapper than a kid who has been grumpy and ran into the wrong person? what is edmunds Betrayal. was it the food eating
anyways, then peter is a total dick, but in like a noble way. in that he's mad at edmund for ages but like...again, ok, he's like 12-14 or whatever, who knows. the point is that if he can hold a grudge against his siblings for being annoying, why is that trait evil in edmund? it is because narrator lewis says so, damn him. but if peter is the Natural Born Leader of A Country here, you'd think he could at least manage not to keep giving a hard time to the one of their group who is going to be any trouble keeping in line at all, since lucy is Pure and susan gets the literature role of the Mini Mom. theyre not going anywhere. you basically had one job, pete.
fun fact: this is where they find out mr tumnus is taken by the queens evil forces, referred to as the police. this is basically the only book i can think of where the evil enforcement agency is called a police force. Interesting Stuff
even though im not sure what any of them think they can accomplish by wandering around, they end up following a random bird and following some random beavers. they know this is ok because of those warm fuzzies, and the fact edmund isnt feeling those good vibes is because he's evil, but honestly its a shit plan following some random bird and assuming some beavers are gonna be good guys. the only people edmund knows of in this country are an imposing queen and her kidnapper who's totally nice. also if tumnus told lucy that the queen has loads of spies, why are they crashing around inherently trusting the first things they see? lucy trusts a faun who was going to sell her to satan, edmund sort of has to trust an ominous lady who turns out to possibly be evil? why would he not find it a questionable idea to wander into this beaver dam
in further supposed evidence of edmund being all devil-corrupted by d&d, he doesnt get the warm fuzzies when these random beavers start talking abt a magic lion who's great and wandering around somewhere, you should totally go to him. but they have like, actually zero knowledge about this world beyond the differing accounts of those theyve happened to bump into? how would they know some lion who isnt even around ever is the rightful ruler of narnia, vs some lady who is actually around? she's got one up on aslan for that. where've you been, buddy. what took you an entire century. aslan SHOULD TOTALLY sound kind of crap because, uh, HE IS?
edmund goes off somehow without anyone noticing and the beavers are like oh yeah saw that one coming, that'll be the magic food. like??? you couldve said. or at least not let him sidle off out the door half an hour ago? for gods sake. and again: if this is magic food rules, why isnt the magical kit-kats the Great Traitor of All Of Narnia! how is the concept of sin fitting into all of this. again, edmund just ran into the wrong person. and lewis is just like no, see, but he deserves this because he is irritable and childish and mean. CHILDREN LEWIS!!! HAVE YOU HEARD OF THAT!!!
apparently edmund meanders all the way to the white witches place b/c all the time the entirety of narnia seems to be a couple of miles across or a few hundred miles, depending on whats convenient to the story. the moral of narnia's weird lore is that its only as consistent as cs lewis feels like making it, which is sometimes Completely Bewildering when he just sort of throws stuff out there but moves the narration right along. presumably he wasnt expecting this to operate on the rules that any of this would be regarded with any level of analysis, since tolkien was a contemporary and not a predecessor. but still, dude, get your story straight? especially within the same book.
and anyways also, again! the magic food rules come up. because that is meant to be edmunds motivation, besides just being petty. he is magically bound to the fig newtons. which is i guess meant to explain away him literally going the extra mile for this witch shit, but also still letting him be blamed for that, since he is being SUCH a jerk, see kids? dont act less than chipper at your terrible life unless you want to take your soul's rightful place as the devils property, moreso than literally anyone else in all of narnia? alright. this books plot points are just a bit like.......ok
the other kids definitely have no option but to trust their choice in "trust the first people we bump into." luckily its uh...its fine. but wtf
who is narnia santa!!!!! how can there be a dude based on a saint? does narnia have the concept of saints? is he a dead guy???? i can slightly accept that narnia has a christmas in that maybe that comes from the dude who was made king at its birth being a random english cabbie, i suppose maybe this guy was like "fuck it, its christmas and you're going to like it." but do narnians know what xmas is about at all??? canonly aslan is actually just also jesus in the england-world, but did the cabbie king know that? did he explain the concept of jesus? does monotheistic narnia also accept the concept of a separate god existing in another universe, or are they all also assuming aslan=jesus? but this isnt as confusing as the santa guy. is he like how there's wizards running around? this is so weird. what magic shit would edmund have got. wouldnt it have been nice or at least useful for santa to have given the other pevensies whatever he was going to have given edmund. does that boy also not get xmas presents because he is on the naughty list. bad month for edmund
speaking of edmund, he honestly sort of disappears from the book as soon as he has the realization that the witch is mean :( despite the plot of rest of the book being essentially centered around him? and him finally being in a position for the narration to stop talking about what a cruel cruel monster he is? ok
aslan is just a dick not only for leaving narnia on its own for ages but also just personality wise. rude to the children. they are all like "aslan our brother" and aslan is like "shut up about your brother already, i'll do something about it if i want to but if i dont want to he deserves whatever's coming to him." like? have a little patience for the reasonable questions and uncertainties of these kids, ffs
how is this massive climate shift not fucking shit up like, ecologically. does anyone own shorts at this point? how are plants alive. its magic
oh yeah, forgot that there was that bit in the white witches statue garden of death where edmund straight up thought this one lion he saw must be aslan. wasnt he also getting figurative cold feet until he saw that, also? again, in these circumstances, how was he meant to know that WASN'T aslan and that the witch wasnt the one who was right. shrug! but now another total coincidence is whats driving edmund to go say hey to the witch again instead of backing out of her creepy house. see you in hell ed
back to aslan........uhhh when a wolf attacks susan, who is like, dangling precariously from a branch in fear of her life, aslan orders the skilled warriors not to save susan asap, but instead to let this 13 yr old holding a sword for the first time mosey on over and have a one on one fight with this talking wolf. sure, aslan knows the situation is under control. but the people who dont know?? are these kids in mortal peril? aslan is such a dick. he shouldnt be putting these children in these positions of Leader Of My Army Now, Go Into Actual Combat. but thats just how he rolls. trial by fire, dweebs
oh yeah and since the chance happens to arrive he sends some people to go get edmund back. thanks for bothering to rescue a child! gods sake
then he has a nice long talk with edmund about never being annoyed with your siblings or theres literal hell to pay, i guess! whatever. at least he's paying attention to him for a moment instead of just handing him a sword and telling him not to complain. thanks? telling his siblings not to be dicks about it all is also very mature of him. and apparently necessary since again, cough, peter? getting mad at edmund for being petty and immature maybe shouldnt have involved sniping at him a ton and ignoring him to the point he just left for an hour before anyone was like, wasnt there more of you. lord. im just saying, maybe everyone needs to mature a bit before they are monarchs
psych!! these kids are ready for anything now
except for the bit where the witch comes and demand edmund's head, since...........................i guess she was trying to play the long con? by hoping aslan would do the ol switcheroo? or maybe she was just mad and wanting a good ritualistic murder. but despite the whole damn book being about this explanation of the crucifixion of jesus, it.........doesnt really make sense within the god damn Lore. she has claim to edmunds life because he is a Traitor? to whom? the witch straight up lied to him abt what she wanted to do with his siblings, so how was he meant to have betrayed them if he hadnt known what she intended to do? how can he betray someone if it was the fault of the Law Of The Magic Almond Joy? sure, he lied and snuck around and was pissy and all, but how is that on a level above any other number of stunts other narnians are sure to have pulled. she has narnian spies? arent they traitors? does she have to formally make the claim for the "i get to kill the traitor or narnia is destroyed b/c The Lore, Fuck You" for it to come into effect? is edmund just called a traitor for the strategy of it all, since the humans have to be alive to defeat her. but on what grounds
also, who agreed to give her that authority of traitor-killer? why does that role exist. what. whomst. lewis, explain this?
again like.....how are the children on their own for this bit, either. there is no sympathy for being children in lewisverse
ok and uhhhh? aslan leaving on the night before a battle w/o like....telling anyone? they wouldnt even have known he'd died if a dryad hadnt have been like "you'll never guess this shit." i guess omniscience or whatever. but for fucks sake, peter outranks everyone else in the army just because he's human? he doesn't know shit! you made him fight a wolf! whatever. why even put the humans in battle if you need them to live. whatever
susan and lucy of course have to witness this aslancide until they also witness this resurrection. cool. but the thing is that like? sure aslan couldve just flat out let edmund die, but besides the fact that theres the whole prophecy thing to mean that the kids need to live, but also, he was sort of backed into a corner re: having to die himself because of some technicality in narnia's rulebook? i get that this wasnt meant to be completely an allegory so much as just "gateway christianity drug" but wasnt the jesus bit supposed to be done just totally as a favor or whatever. aslan was sort of just strategizing as far as we know. like, is edmund representing The Sins Of All Humanity, or is he out here like "if jesus dying wouldve saved just one person it wouldve happened all the same"? either way, it makes it seem like aslan HAS to do this whole dying thing out of "so the world doesnt end" vs choosing to out of being cool abt it. i mean......not that uh jesus was supposed to have been psyched up abt his death. but you know what im getting at here. whatever, the Lore
again, the battle seems to be happening like, five miles from the witches house? coz everyone from the statues just makes the journey with aslan in one go. what are the scales here, lewis!!
aslan shows up in time to just kill the white witch himself, with his god lion teeth? how gross must that have been. also! he couldve done that at any time!!! but prophecy whatever sighhhhhhhh
its funny that lucy gets impatient with aslan for interrupting her moment of "can i make sure my brother isnt dead" and he gets impatient with her about that? shes in like preschool. also, you have healing powers!!!! so says uhhh.....the next book? or the one after. and anyone can use that magic elixer. and can you stop being so damn testy abt these childrens concerns for each other's lives!!!
theyre monarchs now, and aslan just fucks off. he couldve bothered to say goodbye, if people dont happen to see him meander off, how do they even know if he left or is just hanging around somewhere? seeing as he just snuck off overnight and died without letting anyone know. but more importantly he's again left this country entirely on its own save for these kids who know nothing except that they better be nice to each other or some random magical law might come into effect where someone gets to knock on their door and demand their kidneys or the world ends.
for real though! this is like, a country coming out of a crappy period and now in a wild transitional period and the only leaders are these kids who just showed up who have never been here before in their lives. how are they meant to manage a natl economy? its not mentioned here (is it) but theres an entire other racist-caricature-mashup of a country to the south already? how are they at diplomacy between two countries they know nothing abt. how will they form policies! they are 11! what tf is narnias infrastructure, beyond "sparse." where did the line to the throne go? was there always direct descendants to the first king in archenland, which by the way also exists with people in it b/c fuck you. i guess so...i forget where caspian comes from.
fun fact, when my sister and her friend went to disney world some yrs ago, they took a pic with a dude playing caspian a la the films, whom looked a lot like the actual actor, aka a total babe. its a great photo
anyways ummm. see the entire narnian govt just disappears? which i suppose they figure out when the four of them just leave and never come back. i suppose its lucky the narnians assumed it was magic and not regicide. because, if you live in narnia? fuck you. honestly what did they do in the aftermath. nobody nonhuman is even allowed to be a ruler. do they have like, other elevated positions? was there no regulation. coz thats alright but the series implies that narnia is always supposed to have a king around in order for things to go well. ok
so uh its govtless i guess until what, these people accidentally stumble upon a portal to narnia and become the telmarines who take over narnia? but not rightfully i guess, because even though theyre humans, they were probably insufficiently noble about it. or just not aslan-approved. honestly ok where tf did the calormenes come from? another portal? why did they restrict themselves to a certain region? why did narnia not encompass the entire world? why did you need to be white and english to be christian. i know this is a case of just introducing things that dont make sense but moving the story along before anyone asks questions but uh..........louie
Also How Tf Are These Kids Going From Grown Adult Monarchs To 10 Yr Old Schoolchildren In 1940s England Again over the course of like 10 seconds. before they left this clowns didnt even recognize the damn lantern! how do you forget that ever. ridiculous
where the "put in what you want and dont bother explaining it unles you feel like it" strategy is really fun is with that lantern, imo. on account of he just put it in as a Fuck You Buddy to tolkien, which is funny. good job
but really how are you not even going to devote a single sentence to that fucked up transition these kids? adults in kids bodies? kids with the memories of what it is like to have become and been adults until just a second ago? are going through. like...............ok. do they have to larp being normal children for a while. It's Magic, Fuck You
aslan is just.....kind of a jerk!
this book teaches you nothing
The Lore
the end
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