#'or the way ive seen you do it before?' <- has been unwillingly subjected to cadebras magic shows a million times

[itissadbutitsmy-artblog]

of all the things to turn into a ridiculous (cleaned up) long comic (i have PLENTTYY of sketched long comics) i chose: spader skips class

i still dont know how to panel comics but that s what practicing is. for

[shibuemiyuu]

Desires - Hakuoki Fanfiction - Chapter 8

Start from this chapter, someone had helped me for the editing. The credits goes to @impracticaldemon​ (Thank you Oni-chan!). Without her, this story won’t be as enjoyable as it is, with my English is still far from perfect :)

May you enjoy this chapter also :D

Chapter of the stories:

Prequel - Prologue - I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VII

@hijichiweek​ @kirakirachiizuru​

Miyuu

-VIII-

Time had flown so fast. Without anybody realizing it, the season had changed. From winter, to spring, and now summer. Many things had happened. But there were also things that didn't change.

Long story short, half of the members of the Shinsengumi had joined with Itou and departed from the Shinsengumi. And not only the regular members had left; Saitou and Heisuke, the Captains of the Third and Eighth squad respectively, had also joined with Itou.

Harada and Nagakura didn't cope well with the situation. Kondou didn't say a lot about it, neither did Hijikata and Okita. But while there was a gloomy air around the former about things, the other two were rather aloof and cool.

About Hijikata… After that unfortunate incident (Hijikata's sickness) had passed, things inside the Shinsengumi were so hectic that his and Chizuru matter was… how could one put it? It just stayed like that. Nothing happened. It was not solved; it did not improve. As if the problem had never happened. About the tension? After Hijikata healed from his sickness, oddly enough the tension also lessened. If someone didn't start to talk about 'that', the tension was as normal and cool as it should be. At one time, before Saitou and Heisuke left, Kondou had gathered the captains to talk about the matter.

"I have talked to Toshi about you-know-what." He paused to arrange the words he had to say regarding the sensitive subject. "Trust me. It is not an easy thing to deal with. And it's not for me to tell you what the problem is." Kondou had seen Okita open his mouth. He had cut his chance to ask whatever he wanted to. Okita shut his mouth, obeying the chief. "I can't promise all of you that the matter will be solved in the near time. But Toshi has promised me to do something about this suffocating atmosphere. That's all I can tell you. And please, be patient."

Kondou had begged the others to be considerate. And they had tried to do what he had asked, even though most of them didn't feel happy about the wait-and-be-patient thing again. But, yeah, after that the tension and the suffocating atmosphere had dissipated to almost nothing. In fact, it had been replaced with another tension that had been brewing inside the Shinsengumi before that tension happened.

As stated above, it wasn't solved. It didn't improve. It stayed just the same.

And so, the days had passed. Waiting for the hand of fate to strike another blow or whatever it had in store, which would happen that fateful night.

---

While standing under the blazing sun, Chizuru was sweeping the compound's ground. Her mind was occupied with many things. What had happened with Shinsengumi for the past month had taken a half of it.

The Shinsengumi that she had known since she'd joined (unwillingly at first) and had come to get accustomed to and like…. wasn't the same Shinsengumi anymore. Some of them, like Saitou and Heisuke had left. She had tried to talk with them both and they had told her their reasons for why they had made their decision to leave. But still, the sorrow and sadness that she felt later was to be expected.

The other members such as Nagakura and Harada were not coping well with the parting, as stated above, especially Nagakura. The two of them, with Heisuke, were the so call san-baka. The trio was the one that welcomed her first when she came to the force. She always enjoyed the time that they spent together. While the other members, such as Hijikata and Okita, just acted cool with the situation. She could even say that they weren't only cool, but also… cold.

"We were allies yesterday, but if our positions change we could be enemies tomorrow. That's life." She quoted exactly from Hijikata's reply when she asked him about his thoughts on Heisuke and Saitou leaving the Shinsengumi. Okita was the same. She didn't understand what was on their mind. They were friends, comrades… family. Apparently, their bond wasn't as strong as she had thought. If worse came to worst, they could kill each other without hesitation. She hoped that the time for that to happen would not come, ever.

She stopped and wiped her sweat from her forehead. It also had drenched her clothes. The sun was so blazingly hot that day. She felt a little dizzy from standing too long in the hot weather. She walked and stopped under the shade of the temple's building, hiding from the blinding rays of the sun. She leaned on the wall, putting her head against it.

Speaking of Hijikata, another headache was threatening to surface into her head.

She knew that at one time Kondou had gathered the captains and spoken to them about Hijikata's matter. She didn't know what they had talked about, but she could deduce whatever it was had somehow related to the stuffy atmosphere.

No one should know that the cause of the weird tension inside the compound was because of her and Hijikata's situation. Even Hijikata did not know that he had also taken a part of it. But somehow, she had a hunch that maybe he knew and realized about their situation. Because he would not react like he did about 'that' day. When she mentioned about his hair being loose from the cord, and his stiff reaction, that wasn't an act of someone that didn't know about the situation. She had pondered on this thing for a while.

'Was he not asleep as I had thought on that day?'

She had a suspicion that he indeed knew what had transpired on that day. And dread was upon her. If Hijikata knew and realized that it was her that he had slept with, that they had slept together…. She was planning how to run away from the Shinsengumi. But… After he had healed from his sickness, the tension between them that she always felt whenever they were in closed proximity, it had gone.

If she stayed in the same room with Hijikata, even when it was only the two them, nothing happened.

'He was drunk that time. There's no way that he could be sober and know what had happened, much less remembered and known that he had slept with me. You're just imagining things, Chizuru.' In the end, that's what she concluded. Still, there was this nagging feeling that stuck with her and told her that there was something else. But she decided to push aside that feeling for the time being.

As time went by, sometimes, she would wonder if the event that had happened between them was a dream or not. But from the murmurs of the members that she had picked up here and there, and from the talk between her and Inoue, and of course from her body itself, she had found the proof that she needed, that indeed, what had transpired between her and Hijikata was not a dream.

She heaved a sigh. Then she looked to her arm.

'If not because of that night… It's because of my demon blood. They would not become like this… They would still be together.'

The incident that occurred before Itou and half of the Shinsengumi had left from the force she would always blame on herself. The supposed 'dead' Sannan-san was found out by Itou that night. Why the escaped Rasetsu would come to her room was still unknown. But she had a hunch that maybe it had come to her room because the Rasetsu had smelt her demon blood... Or maybe she had just had an unfortunate moment. But if not for the ruckus, Itou would not have found out about Sannan condition and the separation would not have happened. She didn't voice her thoughts on this, but somehow there was someone that saw through her and said these words to her:

"They leave because they have to leave… Think about the future. If they're leaving, they have some problem with the Shinsengumi. Better they leave now, than before that problem gets worse." Again, she quoted the exact words Hijikata had said to her. His logic made sense on the other hand. Perhaps it was for the best it had happened. But the next words were not something she had expected: "So stop blaming yourself that it's your fault that they're leaving. No one knew that the escaped Rasetsu would come to your room and what happened next. It's a coincidence. It's a good thing that nobody was harmed." She remembered he paused and patted her head before saying the next unexpected words. "Your demon blood sure comes in handy at a time like this. At least you won't get any scar from the blade wound." She looked up to meet his gaze. And there was a little spark from their brief gaze, she swore.

That was the closest affection they'd had in the past months after the Shinsengumi had left. He had left her rooted to the spot. Good thing there was no one around; she could feel that her desire to be touched again by him flaring from her body. She hugged her body and sank down to the ground. She squeezed her eyes shut, waited for her raging heartbeat to calm down. It was just a small gesture, but it was enough to make her want him more. She had fallen again, deeper and deeper. Just how could he know that she had been blaming herself this entire time? Had she unconsciously shown it through her body gestures or had she said something without knowing that had told the other what she had thought? She had tried to be discreet in this matter, but once again, her effort was not enough.

…Or was it only Hijikata that realized about this? If Kondou or Inoue had caught what was on her mind, surely they would talk to her about this, would they… not? Just how much she had fallen to the oni-fukuchou that she was hoping that Hijikata would ever think about her that way? She stopped her thoughts about the vice commander because if not she would think about him all day and she could not promise that her chores would be finished on schedule… As if she could prevent that from happening.

From where she stood, she could see the activity around the compound. Then some movement caught her eyes. It was Hijikata and Kondou on their way to some place in the compound. She had gained some control of her heart around his presence. At least it did not threaten to jump out from her chest anymore. But the longing feeling still lingered inside her body, whenever she thought about him. The two men went inside one room and closed the door. She stared at the said room for a while. Then she straightened her leaning form. The lunch time had come and she had to prepare the dishes for the captains. Time to do her routine chores.

She would ponder on her thought again later when the night came.

But she didn't know that she would not have time to do that later, on the same night.

---

For an unknown reason, Chizuru couldn't sleep that night. She had told herself to sleep but the sleepiness did not come. In the end, she sat on her futon and did what she'd always done for quite some time. To ponder what was inside her mind. Maybe because there were many things swirling in her mind, she couldn't get the sleep that she wanted. But that day, there was also this restless feeling. It was not that she hadn't thought about this every day… But this time there was a foreboding feeling. Something might happen. Something bad might happen…

Suddenly Chizuru heard the door of her room was being knocked. She hurried to open the door and met the person that had occupied most of her mind stared back at her.

"Hijikata-san?" Chizuru surprised. He never visited to her room if there was nothing of importance. "Did something happen?"

Hijikata looked to her, clad only in her sleepwear. Then he moved his head and looked straight into her eyes. "Are you preparing to sleep?"

"Y-yes. I mean, no." Chizuru stuttered a bit, still surprised by with his visit. "I tried to sleep but the sleep won't come… What is it?"

"You have a visitor."

A visitor? "Who?"

"You'll see. Get up and," Hijikata gestured to her body, "change your clothes. Come to the common room. Be quick."

"R-Right!"

Hijikata left Chizuru's room without waiting for her. Once he had gone, she changed her clothes fast and shuffled down the hallway. When she stepped into the common room, her eyes locked on to a figure that she hadn't seen for a long time.

"Hello Chizuru-chan!"

"Osen-chan?!"

All the remaining captains were inside the room. Also, there was someone else seated next to her friend that Chizuru didn't recognize. A beautiful woman dressed in a ninja's outfit, like what Yamazaki would wear but it the female version. All eyes were on these visitors, wondering what news they had brought with them.

Sen-hime, or as Chizuru liked to call her Osen-chan, was a demon princess. Her ancestor was Suzuka Gozen, a famous figure that was known because she had run away to be with a human rather than stay with her oni companion. Osen-chan wasn't a pure blood oni, but her title should be more than enough to show that she held an important position in the oni clan. This wasn't the first time that the princess had graced the Shinsengumi with her presence. Long before, about 6 months ago, she had come to the Shinsengumi and had dropped the bomb on the Shinsengumi, especially on Chizuru.

"You're an oni. Same as me. And a pure blood one. Your surname, Yukimura, is the proof that you're indeed an oni. Yukimura was the biggest oni clan in the east. But they were murdered and killed by the humans that had known about them. We thought that there were no survivors of the Yukimura clan because of the incident. But here you are! Alive and pretty, even though you have to wear hakama and dress like a man." That was what Sen-hime had said to the members of Shinsengumi when she had visited them for the first time. More or less. The second time was when the Shinsengumi had wanted to sneak inside Shimabara to catch some rebels, they had asked for her help to dress Chizuru as a geiko and she went under-covered that way. No one (the ones that had seen) would ever forget how pretty and beautiful Chizuru had been as a geiko.

Chizuru sat beside between Kondou and Hijikata. She directed her gaze to Sen and her companion.

Chizuru hadn't seen Sen since the day she asked permission to go to Shimabara months ago. Which was also the same night that the 'incident' had happened. Dismissing the thought, she focused her attention back to the visitors.

"How are you Chizuru-chan?"

"I'm fine. Thank you." Chizuru glanced to the ninja woman and Sen knew what she wanted to ask.

"Oh yeah. I forget to mention my companion. She's… she's my bodyguard, one might say." No other explanation. Since she had entered the room, the captains had not uttered any word. The short explanation prompted more questions; even then they were still in silent mode. But their gazes and stares were speaking another language. A stranger had come to the Shinsengumi; even if she had come with someone they knew. But the short explanation had made it their business to ponder of who this stranger might be. Frankly speaking they were on high alert. She gulped, hoping that the meeting would not turn into a fight.

"So, um, Osen-chan… Why did you come?"

"I came for you. I come to take you with me, Chizuru-chan." Sen said it short and straight forward. In the middle of the night she had dropped another unexpected bomb on the force, again. The captains certainly did not see it coming. Their widening eyes and hanging mouths (Nagakura and Kondou) were the proof.

"…Pardon?" Chizuru was speechless. That's the only word that she could utter on her distraught state of mind.

"And it's about time I take you with me. You're an oni Chizuru and your place is not among the humans."

"So you're saying that she must leave and join with you, the oni clan, because she is an oni and that's why she must not live with us the filthy humans?" Nagakura spat the words, irate with Sen.

"That's not what she has been saying." Sen's companion defended her mistress.

"But it is what you have implied! That is what I have heard from the words you have been saying to us!" Nagakura yelled angrily. He was on his feet because of the anger that he had felt and the ninja woman was also on her feet, readied to attack.

"Kimigiku." Sen called her companion's name and the ninja woman sat back in her seat. Hijikata scoffed when he heard the ninja's name.

"I had wondered why you were being so friendly with us back then. While in fact you were gathering information on the Shinsengumi."

The ninja gave a slight and innocent smile. "I have no idea on what you mean."

"You know her, Hijikata-san?!" Nagakura exclaimed, darting his stare to the vice commander. "Where did you meet her?!"

Harada that sat beside Nagakura nudged him with his elbow, "Move your eyes up about six inches, Shinpachi. You have heard her name. Doesn't it ring any bells inside your brain? It's the geiko in Shimabara that we've met. Well yeah, she's dressed a little different from when we met her at Shimabara, but that's her face all right. Minus the powder and any other face painting."

"What?" Nagakura nearly fell over in shock. He stared at the ninja and received the same smile that the woman had given to Hijikata. Then his legs had given way and he fell with a thud sound. Harada could hear him mutter something, ("Women…") beside him.

"I'm sorry if what I said offended you. What I tried to say is, it's not safe for Chizuru-chan to be around the humans anymore. She would be better with us, the oni clan as you've stated, for the upcoming event. And I would like for that event to not ever happen." Sen tried to give explanation on what her intention was.

"What do you mean? What upcoming event do you want to prevent?" Kondou asked the princess.

"The conditions for Chizuru-chan to stay with you all are not favorable for her anymore. She has to leave with us immediately." said Sen seriously.

"There's no time for this talk. We must make preparation to leave as soon as possible." Kimigiku said in an urgent tone.

"You do trust me, don't you Chizuru-chan?" Sen turned her head to the silent Chizuru.

"I… Why should I go with you?" Chizuru said in her still distraught mind. She didn't understand the situation anymore. She felt confused and for some reason a cold feeling had been crawled inside her body little by little. She glanced to Hijikata. Just the thought of leaving the Shunsengumi, leaving him… She knew from where the cold feeling had come from. Indeed, she had had a thought of leaving Shinsengumi if Hijikata knew what had happened between them. But to leave from Shinsengumi for real…

"That's a damn good question! Don't think you can just barge in here, ask to see her and spring this is on us!" Nagakura that had come back from his shocked state shouted in annoyance.

"Before you tell us in detail and give us a proper explanation, I guess we will never release Chizuru-chan to go from the Shinsengumi. Do you think that this place is somewhere that you can come and go that easy?" Okita gave Sen and Kimigiku his merciless and cold stare, reserved only for the enemy of the Shinsengumi.

"Osen-chan… Please." Chizuru pleaded for Sen to enlighten her of why she had to leave… him.

Sen exchanged glance with Kimigiku, before she returned to her former position and gave a wry smile, "Well, I so suppose you do have a point. Very well. I will explain it to you in detail and properly." Sen looked to Okita when saying the last three words. The first captain looked back with the same gesture.

"You know Kazama Chikage? I hear you have crossed swords with him once or twice."

Hijikata furrowed his brows, "He had called his and his two companions as oni. I guessed that he and the other two are the same as you and Yukimura here. Oni."

"I would prefer not to be associated with his ilk, but yeah, in a sense you are correct. We are oni." Sen said in distasteful tones.

"He showed up at Ikedaya, Hamaguri and Nijo. He's got something to do with Satsuma and Chosu, doesn't he?" asked Harada.

"Well, most of the time it seemed more like he was there for his own reasons, not any kind of domain politics." added Okita.

"Either way, he's an enemy of the Shinsengumi." Hijikata's brows deepened when he realized something. "Is the upcoming event that you mentioned before related to him?"

"Are you aware that Kazama is also pursuing your lady friend here?" Sen gestured Chizuru with her hand.

"We are aware of that," said Kondou.

"They have demonstrated several times that they have strength and skill beyond any human. And if what you have stated before is true, that they are an oni, now we know where they get their power from." said Sannan. Sannan never fought against them, but from what he had heard, Kazama and his companions were a force to be reckoned with.

"Chizuru-chan is a pure blood oni. These days, there are few demons who can claim a pure bloodline. Kazama… is a pure blood oni too. His family is the biggest clan on the western side, and they have the support of the Satsuma Domain. He is the head of the family of the Kazama clan, Kazama Chikage."

"Don't tell me that because Yukimura-kun is the descendant of a pureblood oni and Kazama is also one of them…" Kondou trailed off his thought.

"His reason for chasing after Chizuru-chan is clear. Should two purebloods mate, they will produce an even more powerful demon."

"He wants her to be his bride."

The brows of Hijikata got even deeper if it was possible. He was scowling also.

"In a fashion, yes. You could say that. That's why Kazama will definitely return for her." Sen assessed the captain's reaction and one person caught her attention. "You have met and engaged a sword with him. But I will tell you this. He has been toying with you and was contented with it thus far. I guess it will not last much longer though.

"Should he devote all his formidable abilities to this task, I do not think you will be able to protect her. As a fellow oni I must admit that his power is really…. strong. The true power of a demon is not something you humans can stand against."

"Don't you think what you have said is going a bit far?" Harada gave Sen his glare, unhappy with the princess words. "You aren't giving us enough credit."

"It's up to you if you want to believe my word or not. But I never lied in anything that I have told you so far. You're alive because Kazama never used his full power toward you. This is not a suggestion, but a warning." Sen's stance never wavered against all the hostile glares the captains had thrown to her.

"Let him come then. I, for one, want to see the true power of a demon and have a taste of it myself." said Sannan confidently.

Chizuru whipped her head to the colonel with horror and dread, "Sannan-san!" The Rasetsu just gave a smile to her.

"For the warning, I guess we should say thank you for that. But let me be clear, lady." Hijikata gave the princess his cold and sharp stare. "We're the Shinsengumi. The Wolves of Mibu. We're not going to piss ourselves over a demon or two."

"That's right. Besides, we've got an oni himself in command, don't we, Hijikata-san?" Okita glanced at the oni-fukuchou with a teasing smile.

"You do always have to make the last word, don't you Souji," Hijikata said annoyed.

Even though Sen didn't show it, she was so frustrated with all the men she had met during these last several months. 'The Shinsengumi and that Kazama…. Why are all these men so bull headed and stubborn! Their pride… I really have had enough of all of that testosterone hormone! Can't they see that the important thing right now is Chizuru-chan?!'

Sen heaved a sigh. "I understand how you feel but… You must realize that these men are unlike any other foe you have faced before. That's why," she darted her stare to Chizuru, "I must ask you to leave Chizuru-chan to us. In our care her chances of survival and not being taken by Kazama will be much higher."

Then Nagakura, Harada and Okita said what was inside their mind to Sen for her last comment. They said their protest and told Sen to back off from the Shinsengumi business, frankly. They had made it quite clear that they weren't interested in Sen's offer. It seemed harsh, but Chizuru couldn't deny the warm feeling from their action.

"What about you, Hijikata-san?" Sen asked the person that had caught her attention when she assessed the captains' reaction. "From what I have heard, you have engaged in a sword fight with Kazama the most. Surely you must at least consider the offer. It's Chizuru-chan safety that has been stake in here. So please, give Chizuru-chan to us."

"This and that are different." Hijikata replied, stressing the last word. "I do acknowledge that the enemy strength is different from the others we've been fighting. But," here he spoke with a force and anyone that had known him would know that he meant every word with all that he had, "that doesn't change the fact that we'll protect her. In the name of Shinsengumi."

'I will protect her with everything that I have.'

His tone was final and left no room for argument. If this princess or that ninja dared to raise another argument, that only meant one thing. And he would welcome any fight that would come.

"I see. There is no way I can convince you then I suppose?" It was not a question to be answered.

Kondou that had remained silent for most of the discussion at last spoke, "Yukimura-kun. What do you have to say about this?"

"Me? Well… Um…" The sudden turn of events was too fast for her. She couldn't decide what she should do. If she thought with her logical mind, leaving the Shinsengumi was the right thing to do. She didn't want any of the Shinsengumi members be harmed because of her. That was what her mind told her, but it was opposite of what her feelings wanted her to do. It was… nearly impossible to leave the Shinsengumi, to leave him. She was confused.

"I see. It must be difficult to discuss with an audience. You ought to speak with Sen-hime alone."

"Kondou-san! That's-" Hijikata didn't expected Kondou would say that. He was surprised and his eyes widened to saucers. The other also raised a protest. Kondou cut off whatever protest the others wanted to say. "The person that has to leave is Yukimura-kun. She must decide on her own if she wants to stay or not. She has shown herself to be reasonable. I've no doubt she won't do anything foolish."

"Thank you Kondou-san." Chizuru gave her warmest smile to the chief, touched with his faith in her. The others might not like it, but in the end, they agreed. Kondou was the chief. What he said, went.

"If all of you worry that I will steal her away the moment we are both alone, you don't have to worry. I am indeed an oni. But I'm not like Kazama. I also have my pride and dignity of my own." Sen tried to reassure them, with her cheerful smile, which didn't convince the captains at all.

"I'll be fine. Osen-chan isn't a bad person." Chizuru also gave them reassurance. "Can I use my room to talk to her?" She asked Kondou for permission.

Kondou nodded his head. "Yes. You can talk in your room. We'll wait in here."

Sen and Chizuru excused themselves. Kimigiku followed behind Sen silently. Chizuru gave a last glance inside the common room and she met Hijikata's eyes briefly. She would decide what she would do after she talked to Sen. Whether she should leave or stay, to follow her rational mind or her longing feelings…

"Please excuse us, then."

To be continued

NOTE:  I take the conversation that happened inside the common room from the game. Not words by words, but most of the conversation I have taken it from the game. Also, I have put in my thought into the story. And as you know that in my story timeline, Chizuru and the Shinsengumi had already known that she's an oni. I have made some adjustment so the story will flow in the right way.