#'who wants to stop fatphobia?' *everyone raises arm*

[katyspersonal]

Also the funny idea of Maria and Gehrman being mutually cringe to one another aside, they still did have at least some instance of genuine happiness together!

Doll cries a tear of joy the first time in her life when she holds Maria's hair ornament, that emits emotional warmth because of being cared about by Gehrman. Sentiment of 'he wished this feeling from the Doll, albeit in vain' got used to do Gehrman dirty as someone who abandoned the Doll when she didn't meet his expectations, but if anything the "expectations" was to have Doll feel emotion like Maria. The same joy and consolation Maria once felt thanks to him, and that was triggered in Doll by sensing how much Gehrman cared.

Basically, the simplest assumption is that Gehrman expected the Doll to already awaken into consciousness to be like Maria, and either never figured to show his feelings or worse yet, he tried but she remained distant and subservient. I just don't get the sentiment of "not living up to his fantasy" when "fantasy" in question was simply to have things back how they've been. Like, imagine loving someone as their own entity when they look and sound exactly like someone dear for you but are nothing like them in person. That'd be harrowing and feel like being mocked, even if you don't mean to feel ill towards this other person. Having reasonable emotional limits and boundaries is human!

And, again, if he expected the Doll to come to life like Maria used to be before all the horrors and the hunt, that means Doll's clothes are adequate to that era. Thus, Maria used to wear similar clothes before adopting masculine aesthetic and Gehrman could witness the change, but since that change is associated with the era when everything went to Hell, he'd naturally want to dial back on it. It should be truthful to her by the concept of what Doll is, the question is only at what time frame!

Like. Yeah, him "being sad" does, in fact, matter a lot! Not coping with grief rationally, wanting the better times and happier version of the person back (even if that happier version's presentation is outdated), not being able to shower this different person in love for who they are because of the pain it brings seeing them resemble someone dear and resulting in emotional distance and boundaries.. All of this is reasonable and not any LESS human just because it is the dreaded CiS wHiTe MaN :'( who feels this way.

Everyone already knows that 'mania' and 'even the Doll should it please you' are inventions of localization (so aren't canon), but people can still find a way to be overly judgemental to an alright character. But it does get much worse when his age or gender get dragged into the discussion. Someone being butthurt that it is "cis old male :c" getting essays and thoughtful analysis are just instant 🚩 for me because they thus confessed that they see common human understanding as conditional. As a 'limited resource' to only grant to "correct" demographics and not as just something that'd be nice to feel by default.

[ratonnhhaketon]

If you're uncomfortable with it: maybe a plus size female reader x Arthur Morgan, where she comes from a good family but has never been appreciated and seen as a difficult daughter to marry off. She and Arthur help each other with their own insecurities and he's a sweet gentleman to her. (Totally okay if you don't want to write it though! Have a lovely day! 💛💛)

Read on Ao3

Warnings: Mentions of Micah Bell, Fatphobia, Fluff, Comfort, Mild angst

A/N: Thank you for the request! I apologize that this took so long, I’ve been loaded with school work this past week and haven’t had much time to write. But nevertheless I hope you enjoy reading!

Y/N came from a nice family. Good money, good land, good reputation. Never wanted for really anything, expect one: for her parents to approve of and appreciate her and not just focus on her weight. Growing up there were always girls her parents felt the need to compare her to.

“Why aren’t you as skinny as her? Don’t you think you should try to look like her to get a man? She’s so pretty, I bet she’ll get a husband soon.” These were just some of the words etched into her brain, the stinging phrases every adult would say to her to make her feel worse about herself. Any attempt to marry her to a promising young man was in vain, as something always ended up making them say no. And thus, resulted in more of her parents blaming her “unfavorable” appearance on the failed engagement.

No matter how hard she tried to be more pretty, or more skinny, or just more acceptable in her parents’ eyes, the less she was happy with herself.

That was, until she joined the gang.

The last time her old life had crossed her mind was when everyone was huddled into a tiny hut in Colter, trying to figure out what they would do to stay alive. Davey was freshly dead, his body barely clinging to the last few tendrils of warmth it still had. She missed the warmth and security of her parents’ estate. The soft blankets and fireplaces in almost every room. She missed the atmosphere, but certainly not the people dwelling within.

But the gang was her home now, her new family. If it wasn’t for the gang, she never would have met Arthur.

Arthur.

He was her rock. The one she loved more than anything, the one who would be there for her through any emotion regardless of how intense. And now was one of those times.

Recently Micah had been constantly poking fun at her for absolutely any reason, big or small. She had learned to brush off his comments, but lately some of them had been getting to her. Specifically the ones about her weight.

So now she Y/N sat on a rock by the edge of camp, overlooking the edge of Flat Iron Lake. Micah’s words echoed in her mind as she sat deep in thought, not even paying attention to the setting sun like she did every other night. She had not even realized she started crying until tears had landed on her hands nervously picking at each other in her lap. Soon the tears fell freely and she didn’t care who noticed.

Before long she was sobbing, a hand clasped over her mouth and her cries shaking her body. She felt hopeless, scared, even alone.

That is, until Arthur had approached her form and immediately sat beside her. His strong arms wrapped around her shoulders, to which she jumped in surprise before realizing who it was and relaxing, and he pulled her onto his lap. He rested his chin atop her head and spoke in a low voice, “Darlin’, you alright? D’ya wanna talk about it?”

She buried her face into his chest and breathed deeply in an attempt to try and stop the tears. “Mi-Micah..” was all she could choke out between sobs. Although learning that the bastard of a man mistreated his sweetheart was enough to make his vision run red, he rubbed his hand in comforting circles circles across her back to calm both of them down. He could make Micah pay for his actions later- right now his only priority was making sure his girl was taken care of.

The two sat like that for a few minutes as Y/N calmed down until the only noise between them was quiet sniffles and hiccups.

“Y/N,” Arthur said in a low voice, a hand coming up to cup her cheek lovingly. “Are you alright?”

She nodded slowly. “Yeah,” she said with a hiccup, wiping her running nose on the back of her sleeve. “I know you always tell me to ignore those comments and that he’s only trying to get a rise out of me, but today I just.. couldn’t. I..I just-“ she felt tears well up behind her eyes and she hastily blinked them back before they could fall. “It’s hard sometimes. He just reminds me of how I could never live up to my family’s expectations about my appearance.”

Her eyes drifted down to her hands and she bit her quivering lip out of nervousness, but both of Arthur’s hands had cupped her cheeks. He gently tilted her head up so he could look into her eyes. He ran his thumb over her cheekbone, wiping away a stray tear, before speaking, “Y/F/N Y/L/N, I love you so much. And I know you know that, but you also need to know that the only expectations that matter are your own. I will always be with you no matter what happens, and you can forget about your god-forsaken family and their horrible opinions on you. I love every single inch of you. And I’ll admit I still don’t know why you chose a big dumb oaf like myself, but I wake up every day grateful that you did and that I can call you mine.” His lips upturned into a smile before he spoke up again, "There's just more of you for me to love than the average woman, and I wouldn't change that for the world."

She looked at him for a moment, taking in how sincere his words were, before reaching up to grab his shirt collar and pulling him into a passionate kiss. Their lips moved in sync, their bodies in perfect harmony as if they were one entity.

When they both pulled back for air, Y/N was the first to speak. “Arthur Morgan.. I know you don’t see yourself the same way I do, but you are not some ‘big dumb oaf,’ you’re the man I fell in love with. You do so much for me and everyone in camp and we definitely would not be where we are right now without you.” As she spoke, his hands dropped from her face to her hips, with his thumbs rubbing tiny circles into the soft material of her skirt. Her head slightly tilted to the side with a sad smile on her lips. “It makes me sad that you don’t see how important you are to everyone in the gang, especially me. You’re handsome, and strong, and the kindest soul I’ve ever met.” He opened his mouth to retaliate, to which she immediately raised a finger to his lips and shushed him. “I know, I know- ‘I ain’t a good man’. I’m not saying you have to be. I know you’ve killed and robbed people, but all of us have. You don’t hurt those that haven’t hurt others, and you help those that have been hurt.” She paused for a moment to grab one of his hands and intertwine their fingers. “Especially me.”

He felt his own tears prick at the corners of his eyes at her heartfelt words. Arthur stared at her features, admiring how they glowed from the moonlight slowly creeping into the night sky above them. She looked ethereal, like a goddess, and he was thankful to whatever higher being decided he was lucky enough to have met her. “I love you, Y/N.”

She smiled at him sweetly. “I love you too, Arthur. So much.” She glanced at the sky above them before looking back at him, not even noticing until now that night had fallen around them. “It’s getting late. Could we go to bed?”

Arthur didn't answer, he just simply slid an arm behind her knees and stood in one fluid motion, earning a surprised squeal from the woman in his arms. He walked back into camp, not paying any attention to the sly looks and low whistles from John and Javier by the campfire. He brought Y/N into their shared tent and set her down on the cot before planting a sweet kiss on her lips.

“Getcha ‘self ready for bed. I’ll be back in a minute, darlin’.” She watched as he pushed his sleeves up above his elbows and walked confidently out of the tent before hearing “MICHA BELL, where the fuck are you hidin’!” being roared across camp.

[templedragon]

Eating Disorder Awareness Week

TW CW eating disorder, food 

It's Eating Disorder Awareness Week. 

It can be a primary disability or a co-disability. When I was born the nurses saw how quickly I emptied my bottle and remarked, "You'll have trouble keeping that one full." That's how early commentary starts on your natural eating habits. It carries on with “Didn’t you just eat?” and “You’re having dessert as well?” and “Don’t snack, dinner’s nearly ready”. These sly digs that take you away from listening to your body tell you what it needs.

In my late teens, I developed CFS/ME and fell asleep after eating common sized meals as I didn't have the energy to digest food and stay conscious at the same time. Now I eat like a body builder - smaller portions every two hours - and my CFS/ME is better managed. I eat to suit my health, not what other people expect. I want everyone else to have the same opportunity.

I'm aware that eating disorders can stem from gender dysphoria. Eating becomes healthier once hormone treatment, surgery/binding, legal recognition and social acceptance occur.

I'm aware that autistic people are sensitive to foods, in that it is overwhelming and unpleasant for sights, smells and textures. It may be mislabelled 'picky eaters' and the external expectations come to force people to eat what they find unbearable.

Some of us were raised by parents who assumed that crying meant we were hungry, so they fed us when we wanted reassurance. We've come to think eating will solve all of our problems. It's comfort food.

If you've ever had food scarcity in your life, you'll binge/gorge when you see it as you're still hardwired to think you don't know where your next meal is coming from.

Epigenetics is where your ancestors experienced hardship, so you hold onto every calorie because your ancestors gave you DNA saying food is scarce. You see a family where several generations are obese and no change in food intake or exercise changes that.

For six months I took medication to 'promote wakefulness'. The mechanics prevented me from falling asleep, not to give me more energy. During this time, I gained 21 pounds in weight and couldn't shift it. I stopped taking the medication and my weight returned to manageable levels (I don't have the energy to carry excess weight). People may be on medication that they can't live without.

My best friend is obese but her cardio vascular system is better than mine. She's physically fit and can run for buses, while I'm breathless walking. Fatphobia tells us that fat means unhealthy, but it's wrong. Sumo wrestlers and weight lifters are big and heavy, and super fit. But the medical system is fatphobic and assumes heavy means unhealthy, so will expect you to lose weight before considering any underlying health conditions.

Advertisements convince you that you lack in order to buy their products to fill a need. Adverts convince you that you are only romantically and sexually desirable if you look a particular way. On a gender binary, women are meant to be bone thin to the point they develop osteo and organ conditions, and men are meant to have abdominal definition by dehydrating themselves to the point of organ failure. I'm yet to see a diet plan for weight gain for good health.

We are all meant to be slim hipped, so we take up less space. For capitalism, if you take up less space then they can fit more in to exploit more people. Seating in buses, trains, cinemas, restaurant chairs - they are all smaller than the smallest backside. My hips are 34" and shouldn't be pressured in by seat arms or hanging over moveable chairs. Subconsciously, we are told by the built environment that we don't fit. We have to make ourselves smaller to fit in. The same is true of clothing, which skews to the slender and figure hugging.

Our bodies are a complex mix of our gender identity, our ancestors' experiences, times of scarcity that linger, parents with poor child rearing skills, health conditions and disabilities, medication and medical bias, capitalism, adverts, fashion, and the built environment. There's a lot to unpack about our relationship with food, exercise and body proportions.

[siren1song]

Razzle Dazzle ‘Em

Summary: Virge really, really, loved its boyfriend.

Warnings: None that I can think of.

Pairing: Anxceit, implied future Anaroceit

Word Count: 876

General Taglist: @acanvasofabillionsuns, @emo-disaster, @greenninjagal-blog, @jungle321jungle, @sleepy-sides, @gattonero17, @another-sandersidesblog, @strawberryjellystuff, @remusownsmyuwus, @logic-with-a-pinch-of-deceit, @gr3ml1n-loser, @main-chive, @firey-alex, @orca-iguana, @spooky-scary-virgil, @yalltookmyurlideas, @sanderssidesweirdo, @stormypaint, @just-a-little-bit-gay-oops, @dying-is-a-hobby, @rose-gold-roman, @themultishipperchild

Notes: Thomas sang as Janus on the charity live stream and I had to write this. That combined with the fatphobia i got two days ago and the hate for my it/its pronouns and how little I’ve written anxceit lately? This was bound to happen.

Commissions!! | Buy Me a Kofi!! | Join Casper’s Crew!! | Ao3 Link!!

”How can they hear the truth above the roar?”

Gray really loved its boyfriend. How can it not, when it caught him doing shit like this while he baked in the kitchen?

”Throw ‘em a fake and a finagle-”

With a muffled snicker, Vi leaned against the doorway to the kitchen so it could watch Janus while he sang.

Honestly, you’d think Janus would be more on guard with the way he refused to sing whenever someone (primarily Patton) asked. But now here he was, hat on the dining table and using a bowl that was definitely not clean in place of it.

It was going to have to talk him into a shower while the cookies were baking, wasn’t it? God, its boyfriend was a dork.

“You’re getting batter in your hair,” it said, barking out a laugh when Janus startled and dropped the bowl onto his head, whipping around to look at Virge without taking it off first.

“Gray! I’ve told you before not to sneak up on me!” Janus hissed, lifting the bowl to look at it with a glare he clearly didn’t really mean, judging by the smile he was trying to fight back.

“Jay! You also are a pain in the ass to get singing and I like hearing your voice!” Gray responded, laughter in its voice as it moved away from the door frame so it could press a kiss to Janus’ cheek.

“Shut up,” Janus muttered, flustered by Gray’s compliment and now red faced.

Vi just grinned at him, pecked his nose, then snatched the bowl from his hands so it could put it in the sink.

“I will do no such thing. Me? Be quiet? Do you even really know me?”

Janus huffed, crossing his arms and pouting at Gray’s back.

“You live to tease me. Can I not just enjoy my music?”

Vi paused in putting more dirty dishes in the sink to look at Janus with a raised eyebrow, not saying anything to emphasize the lack of music playing.

Its boyfriend’s blush increased twofold, and Vi let out a snort before turning back to cleaning up what Janus didn’t need anymore.

“You can always razzle dazzle me, Jay,” it teased, turning the water on to rinse off its hands.

It was not expecting Janus to snake his arms around its waist and rest his chin on its shoulder. Even less expecting the gentle squeeze of its belly fat.

“Oh you want me to dazzle you?” he purred into its ear.

“Oh-kay, back up, I am not allo enough for this today,” it said, face red as Janus easily backed away from it with a soft huff of laughter.

“Ace day then, I understand. I’ll at least get to spoil you with the cookies then. I made them double chocolate for you.”

Virge turned off the water and shook out its hands before turning to narrow its eyes at Janus, wiping its hands on its pants.

“You want something,” it said, knowing exactly how its boyfriend worked.

Janus let out a gasp that was so painfully fake Virge was narrowing its eyes at him even further.

“Whatever could I have done to make you believe that? I can’t believe this, my boyfriend, my life partner would think so lowly of me!”

“Okay stop yaking with your bullshit offense, what do you want?” it asked, crossing its arms over its chest.

Huffing, Janus leaned against one of the counters, undoubtedly getting flour all over his ass.

“I was wondering if… you’d be willing to go to the pool party Roman invited me to tomorrow.”

Gray furrowed its brows in confusion, trying to think of who Roman was before realization dawned.

“Isn’t Roman the coworker you’ve been crushing on and trying to see if fae were polyam?” It asked, getting its answer when Janus flushed again and looked away.

“Yes?”

“Why do you want your boyfriend to join you? I thought that was Roman asking you on a date?”

Janus sighed, running his fingers through his hair and wincing at the batter that stuck to his fingers.

“Because I’m not entirely comfortable with my body just yet and having you, big and beautiful and confident in yourself, there with me might help me be more confident with all of my stretch marks and freckles,” he explained, dropping his hand to the counter next to him.

Gray hummed, understanding the dilemma. It used to need Remus with it whenever it wasn’t feeling particularly confident because they radiated confidence at all times.

“Yeah I can go with you. I wanna show off my big and beautiful anyway, I’ll just make you and everyone else gay in the process.”

Janus looked at it, and it could see how grateful he was.

“Don’t wear the black one piece, you’ll steal Roman from me before I even have a chance.”

It laughed, then gave Janus a sly look.

“I won’t. I bought a new swimsuit with Pat and Remus a few days ago.”

Janus blinked, then groaned.

“God damn it, you’ll razzle dazzle everyone before we even get in the pool.”

Gray laughed again, leaving the kitchen with a half-hearted reminder to take a shower tossed over its shoulder.

It really loved its boyfriend.

[ronyxfic]

Educating the Victim - Act VI, Intermission IV

Pairing: Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond

Rating: Mature

Warnings/Tags: emotional abuse, fatphobia

INTERMISSION: The Happiest Place On Earth

 “Okay.” Rose set down her bag after coming back from the toilet on the train. “Can you tell me where we’re going now?”

She could guess, really; they were on the Eurostar, and there were only a few destinations that made sense at this point.

“Are you taking me to Paris, Roxy? This is a weird time for a big romantic gesture, but I still appreciate it.”

 Roxy gave her a cheeky grin, the kind that used to dazzle Rose just a few months back. "Listen, I know it's been a few rough weeks for you recently, and that I haven't been the best girlfriend to you. So I'm doing something nice for once, alright? It's going to be a chill weekend, you're going to feel revived and then maaaybe get back to work?"

 Rose smiled and sat down next to her, leaning into Roxy. “I’ve always wanted to go to Paris, secretly,” she said, “and you’re the first one to take me. It’s sweet.”

  Roxy nuzzled her back. "Yeah, well, don't get too used to it. I have a reputation to uphold. But... I think this will be nice. The accommodation is super and we'll be able to do everything there."

 “So... what’s on the schedule? Sightseeing? Wine tasting? Did you scout out some nice restaurants? It’ll be nice to have some good food for once.” Rose gave Roxy a peck on the cheek. “It’ll also be good to spend some time with you. You’ve not been around as much as I would’ve liked the past few weeks.”

 Roxy tensed up a little, frowning. "Ah, well... it's not quite... that. But no, I've not given you as much attention as I'd like to. I've been busy with... my flatmate and you've just been so reluctant to want anyone for company. But we've got each other now!"

 Rose gave a hesitant smile. “Yeah, it sounds nice. It feels like it’s been ages since we actually spent time together.” She leaned in to Roxy, closing her eyes.

 Roxy watched her, and then ran a hand through her pink locks. They were longer, softer than her own. “Well, everyone’s going to know we’re together, too. Can’t believe I convinced you to match with me. I don’t think I’ve ever managed to get another gir... someone else to do that.”

 Rose gave a chuckle. “I like it,” she said, “and I’ve wanted to dye my hair for ages. You still think it suits me, right?”

 “Um, well, pink doesn’t work on everyone.” Roxy clicked her tongue, and then gave a sly smile. “But it certainly does on you. If you want, we could even make the carpet match the drapes.”

 Rose blushed deeply. “I’m not so sure about that, Rox. But, uh. I’m open to it if it would make you happy, I guess.”

 “Hmm?” Roxy’s touches became more firm, her fingers untangling curls before tugging her, just sharply enough to draw a shocked breath from Rose. “And here I was utterly convinced you liked a little pain down there. But, no, I do suppose you’re quite sensitive to bleach. Oh well. There’s been a new trend of chicks dying their armpits online. Mostly tumblr folk, though, you know I don’t mix with them.”

 “I’ve never been on tumblr so I wouldn’t know.” Rose shrugged. “So when do we get to Paris?”

 "In a couple of hours." Roxy seemed a little tense for a second. "And you're really not missing out. Just crazy teenager bitches thinking they can outdo the feminism we've been building for decades, and somehow only to include men. They're all insane."

 “Yeah, sounds like it’s better not to get mixed up with that,” Rose agreed. “The entire thing is too political for me. I have bigger worries, you know.”

 "You do! Like picking out which Rosé will go with the dinner we're having tonight." Roxy pecked her cheek before pulling out a chunky portable DVD player. "And look at what the cat dragged in, too. I brought some films, just for the trip."

 Rose rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “I mean, that, and my dad dying of cancer,” she said, “but films are important too. What should we watch?”

 "Oh, shit. Sorry." Roxy said, but was preoccupied by looking through her bag. "Hmmm. Inception. Stuart Little... how did that get there? Avatar... That film was so unmemorable for something so big."

 “It was pretty impressive in the cinemas,” Rose said, “well, at least visually. We can start there and see how far we get?”

 "Alright, I can strap myself in for this snoozefest." Roxy seemed visibly disappointed, but didn't say any more.

 Rose read her body language perfectly. She shrunk in on herself. Why even bring it if it’s obviously the wrong choice?

She busied herself with putting on the movie and let out a soft sigh.

  Roxy read into the sigh and put her arm back and Rose, less intimate. "Is there a problem?"

 Rose cast her a glance. “No, it’s fine. Let’s just watch the movie.”

 Roxy gently tossed her arms up into a shrug. "Whatever, babe." And pressed play.

 Most of the train ride passed with them watching the movie in an awkward silence. Rose barely even dared to look at Roxy.

Well fuck me if this is the way this weekend is gonna go.

 Their silence was broken about twenty minutes before the journey ended, as Roxy got herself up. "Gonna take a leak and get some grub. Want anything?"

 “Some tea would be nice, I guess,” Rose said. “Aren’t we eating when we get there?”

 "I suppose, but that's not likely to happen for a couple of hours. We need to catch another couple of trains when we get to Paris, unless you want to eat at the station." There was a sort of scoff in her voice.

Always eating, this one.

 “Oh. Are... we not staying in the city?” Rose didn’t miss Roxy’s tone.

 "Not exactly. It's kind of a surprise."

 Rose raised an eyebrow. “Taking me to Paris isn’t enough of a surprise?”

 "It is in Paris." It was Roxy's turn to look a little sheepish. "Just trust me, yeah? It's going to be nice."

 Rose softened a little. “Okay. I trust you. Do I need to wear a blindfold or something?”

 "That won't be necessary. I'm sure you'll be able to tell soon enough, anyway."

 “Alright then. You just lead the way when we get there. And... I wouldn’t mind getting something to eat.”

 "Of course you wouldn't. Want something sweet? Crisps?"

 “Actually, I was more thinking like a sandwich.” Rose blushed a little. “But... maybe I just won’t have anything. We can eat when we get there.”

 "Probably a good idea anyway!" Roxy was already making her way down the train cart before turning on her heel. "Were you the one who likes milk and no sugar, or black and sugar?"

 “...both milk and sugar. If that’s okay.” Rose looked down, feeling guilty. “Maybe just milk this time.”

 "I mean, dairy is just more calories." Roxy looked her up and down. "Just sayin'.”

 Rose frowned. “Well, I don’t like my tea black. Oh, you know what, never mind. We still have water. I’ll be fine.”

 "Awh," Roxy pouted before turning again. "Well, if you're sure."

 Rose didn’t answer. She rummaged in her bag until she found the water bottle; by the time she’d pulled it out, Roxy was gone.

 Roxy returned just as the train conductor announced that they were nearly in Paris. She carried an armful of snacks, including a cheese crossiant in her mouth. She placed the array on the table. "The queue was a mile long and I ended up going a bit overboard."

 “Well, we’re nearly there. Do you want me to take some of these in my bag?” Rose offered, reaching out for the snacks.

 "Alright, just make sure I see some of them." Roxy teased as she sat down. "Oh! Look, you can already see the city from here." She went through her bag and pulled out some sheets of paper. "Next train is in ten. We'll need to run to wherever this platform is."

 “Oh boy. Okay.” Rose gathered her stuff. “Let’s try not to lose each other. I’m sure this station will be packed.”

 "Okay." Roxy outstretched her hand as the train pulled to stop, the other passengers began to gather themselves up. "Follow me, yeah?"

 Rose held on to Roxy’s hand as they made their way through the busy station. The train Roxy led them to was about to leave, so Rose didn’t have time to check where it was going. They jumped on, and the doors closed behind them.

The announcement was in French, and there was only one word that Rose understood.

Disneyland. Oh god please don’t tell me... it might just be a coincidence. Surely she wouldn’t.

  Meanwhile, Roxy began to grow more and more excited. "I've always wanted to go, but never had the time, you know." She pulled out a disposable camera, "I know it's a bit old school and that we can't take naughty pics, but I also brought this. First trip selfie?"

 Rose let Roxy drag her into the selfie and put on a smile. Please tell me you haven’t.

 They drew closer, the sound of children clamouring was getting louder. A group of what appeared to be excited school children had settled in the seats around them. "Ugh. Forgot there would be kids around." Roxy muttered.

 Rose watched in growing horror.

Finally, she couldn’t keep it in anymore. “We’re not going to Disneyland, are we?”

 "Winner winner, chicken dinner! Surprise!" Roxy clapped her hand as the train stopped. "We're here!"

 Rose froze for a solid few seconds.

This is a dream. This can’t be real. This is wrong.

But she didn’t wake up, and nothing changed. She clenched her teeth.

“Wow,” she said. “Uh. I... I don’t know what to say.”

 "Isn't it great?" Roxy roughly grabbed onto Rose's arm, practically trembling with excitement. "Apparently they serve a lot of booze here, too, so it should be really swell!" The train stopped, the noise outside could be heard through the open train window. "You can start thanking me now."

 Rose looked away. “Thanks,” she muttered. As the noise grew, Rose grew close to tears.

This is going to be horrible.

 Roxy clocked in to her tone. She paused for a few moments, frowning. "Hey, what's the matter? You okay?"

 Rose sighed, the tension going out of her shoulders for a moment. “I... just didn’t expect to have to deal with... crowds and loud noises and children.”

 "Awh, shoot! I mean, honey, you're planning to work at a school. You might as well get used to it."

 Rose shot her an impenetrable look.

“It’s kind of different when I’m supposed to be on holiday,” she said. “Whatever. Let’s go. What’s the plan?”

 Roxy turned still. People started to get out of the train carriage, leaving them alone. She then curled her lip. "You can go home right now if you don't want to spend time with me. I thought we were trying to work on trusting each other."

 Rose’s chest tightened. “Which is why I asked you what the plan was. Look, this isn’t... about me not wanting to spend time with you.”

 Roxy's expression shifted into a dark glare. She took out her wallet and pulled a few notes. "Well, go have yourself a time somewhere else, sweetie. I'm gonna hit up fucking Disneyland because I paid for a cool holiday for both of us and frankly, I can do it alone."

 “Roxy, no!” Rose immediately shrunk back to Roxy’s side, her expression meek. “I’m sorry, okay? I... I’m excited about this. I am. Don’t abandon me here, please.”

 Roxy gave her a little more of her glare and then forced a smile, as if nothing had happened. "Alright, sweetie. I'm glad we could figure this out. I love you so much." She grabbed at Rose's hand. "Let's go!"

 Rose let herself be dragged along by Roxy through the crowd of excited children, feeling nothing but dread.

This is like the exact opposite of what I needed.

 Roxy seemed to be absolutely unaware, chatting eagerly as they approached the entrance. "The food here is super special. It's a bit tacky but I'm sure they've got lots of protein options in case you want to stay away from carbs."

 Rose looked around, uneasy. “Are we staying at a hotel here?”

 "Yep! Disney's Hotel New York. It's a bit further away than the Disney hotel itself, but only about a ten minute walk." She gave a cheeky grin. "Empire state club room."

 “That sounds... great,” Rose said. She felt like she needed a drink. “Are we going there first, then?”

 "Yeah, just need to check in and dump all of our shit." Roxy nodded, walking past some children and shooting them a dangerous glare.

 “Okay. Let’s do that, then.” At least a hotel room promised some respite from the children, and maybe Rose would be able to convince Roxy not to go out today in favour of a nap and some cuddles.

 "I can't wait to check out the park. I've always wanted to laugh at how bad the character suits are, apparently the actors need to stay in character too." Roxy chuckled, pulling her blackberry phone out as it buzzed and biting her lip in a sultry way as she glanced at the message.

 Rose ignored Roxy’s phone. Roxy had a busy social life, was constantly getting messages. “That sounds fun,” she said absent-mindedly. “Can we rest for a bit when we get to the hotel?”

 Roxy was quiet as she texted back, tongue sticking out in concentration, seemingly not even listening to Rose. She then glanced up. "What was that?"

 Rose already regretted asking. “Nothing, never mind. You know where we’re going, right?”

 "Uh, yeah. What do you take me for?" Roxy looked back at her phone. "Unless you wanna get food first?"

 “Food might be nice.” Rose started to relax a tiny little bit.

 "Alright, I'm also sure there's stuff closer to the hotel?" Roxy looked at her phone again. "Hold on, I'll see if I can find the map screenshot I downloaded."

She scrolled through her gallery, past a few of her own nudes. "Oh shit, better turn that brightness down."

 Rose got an eyeful of those pictures and immediately blushed. “Hey, I haven’t seen those. They look nice. Were you saving them for me?”

 "Uh, yeah." Roxy's eyes darted left to right. "I guess I ruined the surprise there. Oh! Found it! We're just a couple of minutes away. Can you manage until then?"

 “Of course, I’m not that desperate for food.” Rose gave Roxy a small smile. Things were okay... weren’t they?

 "Oh good. Then we'll slip bags away and go get food?" Roxy finally put her phone away.

 “Sounds good.” Rose hesitantly reached out for Roxy’s hand.

 After checking in, the two made their way into the hotel suite. All aspects seemed incredibly family oriented in the decor, ranging from garish colours to more adorned spaces. Roxy opened the doors and ran for the bed, "Haha! Check this place out!"

 Rose came in after her, the colours and decor already feeling overwhelming. She set down her bag and looked around. "Yes, it looks really cute," she said. For a five year old.

  "Isn't it just?" Roxy looked starry eyed. "Oh, it's everything I hoped for us! Ooo, look at that view, you can actually see a lot of the park!"

 Rose joined her by the window. "Wow, yeah, you can," she said, trying to sound enthusiastic. Down there she could see rollercoasters, shops, more bright colours... people. Children. Everywhere.

"Fantastic," she said, trying not to let sarcasm bleed into her voice.

 Roxy clocked the tone. "Is something the matter? Are you alright? Hungry?"

 "... yeah. Tired from travelling, I guess. Some food might be nice." Rose sat down on the bed, which at least felt comfortable and soft. She wanted to sink down into it and sleep until it was time to go home.

 "Alright. There's some places around, I can go and scout out some things while you nap, if you want?" Roxy said, starting to take out her luggage. "I've got some friends who live in Paris to meet up with at some point just in case you're not feeling up to going outside."

 "Oh, actually, I would love to see Paris, if you're going into the city... but a nap might be nice as well." Please, I want to see Paris... get me out of Disneyland, please.

 "Ah, well, I'll have to arrange it first and we want to stay mostly at the park, anyway?" Roxy tilted her head up from the closet where she was stacking her clothes. Something in her tone spoke that she didn't want Rose to be involved with going into the capital.

 Rose caught on, her heart twisting. "Please can I come? I've always wanted to see the city. It's so romantic as well, we could get dinner at a nice place there? And if you've got friends here I'd love to meet them. Please can we go together?"

 Roxy suddenly looked suspiciously uncomfortable. She didn't look Rose in the eyes, despite the forced pleasantness of her tone. "I'll see what I can do. How about you catch that nap while I see about food? I'll find a place that does something nice and low carb for you, yeah?"

 "Yeah, sure." Rose's shoulders slumped, and she began taking off her jacket. "Do you know when you'll be back?"

 "Not too long, feel free to rest as long as you need to. If you want, you can even sleep and lemme know when you wake up so we can meet up at the park?" Roxy got her makeup bag and pulled out a few bits.

 "Maybe... but maybe food first." Rose, personally, wanted to avoid going into the park for as long as possible. "We could, uh, chill for today and go in... maybe tomorrow?" she suggested timidly.

 "Oh man, but I paid a lot for all the days." Roxy pouted behind her mascara wand. "How about... I get us some food and you can sleep after while I hit the park? Or you could just sleep and avoid the calories. Might help!" Her tone was barely just joking.

 "Maybe. I don't know." Rose was exhausted. "I'll take a nap and see how I feel."

 "Alright, well! I'll be a phone call away. Kisses!" Roxy's lips were glossy and glittery, leaving a sticky mark on Rose's cheek.

 Rose waited until the door had closed behind Roxy, then gave in to the urge to wipe the lipgloss from her cheek. She sighed and slowly unpacked her bag, changed into her pyjamas, but not without looking at her belly, feeling disgusted. Roxy was right. Maybe she should just skip lunch. And maybe dinner too.

She'd slimmed down a little in the past few months, but not enough. Never enough.

She sighed once again, wrapped herself in blankets and tried to fall asleep.

 --

 It was their last day at the park. Roxy had been sifting through her desired rides, seemingly blind to Rose's increasing contempt and frustration. She fidgeted at her set of bedazzled Mickey Mouse ears as she spied a map. "Just a couple left! How about ‘Small World’? Cl- My old ex and I always chatted about going there to make out, it's a staple of the Disneyland experience."

 Rose avoided Roxy's eyes. "Sure. Last one?" The thought of having to once again live up to Roxy's ex made her feel sick.

 "Yeah, I'm getting pretty tired of all this." Roxy began walking towards the direction of the queue. The timer display noted that the wait would be approximately fifty minutes. "Oh, hey, not too bad!" Roxy exclaimed, pointing at it.

 "Oh. Fantastic." It had gotten increasingly difficult to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. Rose looked around and was put off by how many small children there were. "Are you sure about this?"

 "Uh, yeah?" Roxy narrowed her eyes. Her tone passive aggressive. "Is there a problem?" Her voice was dangerously loud.

 "No, no. Of course not." Rose shrugged it off, as usual. "Let's do it."

 Roxy smiled, but something in her eyes still seemed to be burning. "Excellent! Can't wait, I've heard this one is incredibly catchy."

 "Cool." Rose forced a smile. "Can I get one of those slushies before we join the queue?"

 "Uh... I think we've had enough of that today." Roxy gave Rose's belly a little pat, her tone condescending. Members of the queue turned to look. "We could fill up on food after?"

 "Okay." Rose turned away from Roxy a bit. "Let's go then."

The queue was long, full of children, and looked like it moved very slowly. Rose couldn't think of what to say to fill up the time they had, so she stood in silence.

 Roxy took her phone out to text, and did so for about the wait time. As they approached the entrance, she turned to Rose. "You okay?"

 Rose didn't look. "Yeah, I'm okay." She couldn't help sounding bitter. "Having the best time of my life, in fact."

 Roxy frowned. "I don't appreciate your tone. What is wrong?"

 Rose looked at her, a comical grin on her face. "Nothing is wrong! Everything is great! I just said I'm having the best time!" Her voice rose a bit.

 "Jesus! What is the matter with you?"Roxy hissed, looking around. "Chill! What's the problem, I know you're messing with me."

 "What's the-" Rose snorted, laughed bitterly. "What isn't the problem!! I haven't been enjoying any of this! Not that you would care!"

 "Um? I paid for your fat ass to have a vacation in the happiest place on Earth? Why are you not enjoying yourself?"

 "The happiest place on earth, my ass. Maybe if you're five." Rose was seething. She stopped, though, as it was their turn to go on the ride.

They entered the boat and were engulfed by a tunnel. The boat they were in moved slowly, and in the tunnel, small figurines in picturesque settings started singing and dancing in slow, robotic motions.

"Seriously?! We waited in line for an hour, for this?" Rose hissed.

 A loud 'shhh' emanated from the boat behind them. Roxy swallowed, her cheeks red even in the dim lights. "Stop it! You're being embarrassing! And fucking ungrateful, you brat!"

 "Ungrateful? I never asked for this!" Rose did not pipe down. Actually, she got louder with every word. "Maybe I'd be more grateful if you'd actually asked! Or considered my feelings or wishes, ever! But no! We get fucking Disneyland, with an obligation to go on the side. I hate noise! I hate kids! I hate rollercoasters! I hate all of this!"

 "You haven't said a peep about that until now!" Roxy somehow grew louder than Rose, nearly standing up. "You're so fucking blind if you can't see how ungrateful you're being, and it's appalling! And now you're causing drama and ruining this bloody trip! Do you know how long I've looked forward to this? Over twenty fucking years! Twenty years, I've wanted to go to Disneyland, with my dad, with Claire, and I chose to do it with you because you're the most important person to me!"

 “Am I really? Because wow, that’s big news to me! I’ve really just gotten the impression that the only person you really care about is yourself! I wanted none of this! I didn’t want to go to fucking Disneyland, I didn’t want to go on this ride, and I sure as hell didn’t want to live off food from Disneyland when we’re in Paris. I thought I made myself clear that I wanted to go into the city! But no, you snuck off while I was asleep and didn’t even bring me anything! I don’t want to be here, Roxy!”

 “You never said anything about being unhappy, though! Do you expect me to read your fucking mind?” Roxy hissed, but a deep blush seemed to have formed over her cheeks as her visit to the city was mentioned. She suddenly turned as she heard a child crying from the boat behind her, and realised that all other attendants had been staring at the confrontation, wide eyed. “Listen, you fat twat. Do you want to break up right now? Because I’m happy to leave this ride single if you’re going to be this ungrateful and shitty to me. But good luck finding someone, anyone else that’ll drag you to Paris, all expenses paid.”

 Rose drew back, tears gathering in her eyes. Her lips trembled, and she continued, whispering. “I just... I was hoping for something quiet. And nice. And to spend time with you, and maybe talk about stuff, you know I’m going through a lot right now, with my dad and everything. I just wanted to rest a bit. And that’s not really possible here. Is it?”

 “I mean, I figured it would be a good distraction. We’ve even got the hotel room for privacy, but you’ve been bloody mum about all your feelings since we got here, frankly.” Roxy rolled her eyes. “You’re acting like I don’t care about any of your family shit, and I really, really do. I’m here for you and I love you and I’m, like, listening? Who else has been here for you, huh? Your mom? Friends? Absolutely fucking no one.”

 “Well, you kind of... get upset with me if I mention it or if I talk to anyone else about it. I don’t have anyone else to talk to and if I try to talk to you, you just tell me to stop being such a baby!” Rose found herself crying, unable to control her volume anymore. “And you never listen to me when I tell you what I want! You had a million chances to give me what I want this trip! And you squandered each and every one of them because you wanted to go to Disneyland! And because apparently listening to me is too much of a fucking chore!”

 Roxy shot her a hard glare and sat down, face displaying deep upset. "Have fun finding your way back to England."

 The ride had ended. The child behind them was still crying. Other people were giving them looks ranging from pity to outrage.

Rose just wanted to cease existing in that moment. She didn’t even bother answering Roxy, just turned around and ran for it, making her way back to the hotel room while crying.

If this is what she wants, she can have it. I don’t care. I’m going home.

When she reached the hotel room, she tried to pack, but found herself unable to in the midst of her emotional turmoil, blinded by her tears.

 Roxy was staying behind, still within the park. She glanced into her wallet, considering where Rose had gone off to. The direction of the hotel.

No bother. Rose could do what she wanted, and it was likely going to be self harming in some way. All according to plan. Roxy would just have to avoid the fallout and swoop in at a convenient moment to save her. A few hours would do. Maybe a day of ghosting... Hm...

Roxy smirked for a brief second, already wondering how she'd post up this event as an entry on her account.

Her eyes briefly widened. The account was still open on a tab on her laptop.

"Fuck."

 In the meantime, Rose ended up blindly throwing stuff into her suitcase. Once she was a little distracted by packing, she found that her tears had died down. She could think a little more clearly again.

“Right.” She stood in the chaotic hotel room, looking like a mess, talking to herself. “I need to figure out what train I can take.”

Her eyes fell onto Roxy’s laptop. It looked like it was still on. Rose approached it – knowing that Roxy would flip out if she knew Rose had even thought about touching it.

But then, she didn’t really care about what Roxy thought right now. She opened it up. The internet browser was opened on a LiveJournal.

I shouldn’t.

She skimmed a few sentences, then looked away. She couldn’t help looking at Roxy’s username, though.

Might have a look at that later. I wonder why she’s never told me about this.

She chased the thoughts away and opened a new tab to have a look at trains.

 Roxy was sprinting towards the hotel, earning strange looks as she practically flew past families of park goers. She pressed past the hotel doors, heart beating loudly in her chest.

If Rose had a look through her LiveJournal, it would all be over.

 Rose had been looking for trains on a French website. Her French was only barely good enough to figure out what she was doing, and she had finally found a suitable train when Roxy burst through the door.

Rose immediately jumped away from the laptop.

 Roxy was staring at her, wide eyed. After a pregnant pause, she cleared her throat and straightened her posture, but her voice was still uncharacteristically shaky. "What are you doing?"

 Rose shrunk into herself. "I was just looking up trains to go home," she said.

 "That's all?" Roxy's gaze was unblinking.

 "Y...yeah... I was so upset. I... I want to go home, Roxy."

 Roxy looked at the laptop and let out a deep breath. She approached Rose. "You sure? We can still figure things out. I'll take you to Paris, yeah?"

 "Please don't feel like you have to." Rose looked down. "I don't know, it wouldn't mean as much if you're only doing it because I got mad at you."

 "Nah." Roxy smoothly stepped closer. "It's the least I could do after you had such a shit time. We could hit a restaurant or something on our way back?"

 "Oh... please." Rose found herself caving, her anger dissipating. "That... would be nice."

 "Yeah?" Roxy offered a small smile, rubbing gently on her arm with the light tips of her fingers. "I'm sorry about that fight, I'm such an idiot. I really should just die sometimes."

 "No... no, you don't deserve that." Rose sighed. "I... started packing," she said. "I mean, we're going home tomorrow anyway. We could have a nice evening out in Paris."

 "You've got that website up, pass me the laptop and I'll get us some tickets." Roxy's touches reached Rose's neck. "I'm starting to see your collarbones. Good work."

 "Huh, despite all the Disneyland food?" Rose gave a weak chuckle as she leaned into Roxy's touches. "Well, it wasn't particularly good, so maybe that's why. I haven't eaten that much."

 "Sounds like you're on a good track. You look sexy."

 "Oh, do I, now?" Rose smiled at Roxy and leaned in, pressing a soft kiss onto the corner of Roxy's mouth. "I suppose we could stay here for a little while longer before we go out."

 Roxy returned the smirk as she closed the laptop. "I suppose we could."

[fatphobiabusters]

Thin person: You mother fucking lard ass, you whale sized lazy ass b!tch, you walrus, you useless tub of lard, you walrus looking fat ass disgusting piece of garbage, you ugly ass fattie, you unloveable grotesque freak, you fucking fat sloppy looking fuckhead, literally no one makes fun of fat people, shut up and quit whining lol.

Me:

[Gif Description: Lena Luthor of CW’s Supergirl, sitting behind her desk and glaring before huffing in frustration. In the foreground, Kara Danvers happens to be sitting down. End Description.]

Thin person: Just because literally all businesses, including architecture businesses, the fashion industry, furniture makers, and literally everyone else doesn’t make stuff with you in mind, and just because doctors regularly insult or harass you or misdiagnose you because of your weight, and just because therapists blame your mental health issues on your weight, and just because people are always making assumptions about you because of your weight, and just because people literally make blogs dedicated to talking about how they want you dead or sharing pictures of people who look like you without their permission to laugh at their appearance and make cruel jokes, and just because the media is always trying to inslut you or make you look bad, and just because people would rather die than be your size, doesn’t mean fatphobia is real.

Me:

[Gif Description: Lena Luthor of CW’s Supergirl, biting her nails in concentration as she looks at her computer screen. She then gives a puzzled look by squinting, then turns away as if shocked, upset, or confused. End Description.]

Thin person: Why change the culture so that weight and health are both seen as totally neutral instead of as moral failures, and make is so that your weight or health status have no effect on your worth as a person? If you want to be treated as human, wouldn’t it be easier to just stop being fat?

Me:

[Gif Description: Lena Luthor of CW’s Supergirl, staring in confusion and then thinking hard while looking frustrated. In the foreground, various mathematic symbols and equations appear one after the other to indicate that Lena is trying to understand something confusing or complicated, such as someone’s mental gymnastics. End Description.]

Thin Person: Thin people have it harder than fat people because-

Me:

[Gif Description: Lena Luthor of CW’s Supergirl, raising both eyebrows in surprise. She then gives a confused look, then smiles slightly as if what she was hearing was too ridiculous to be taken seriously. End Description.]

Thin person: Telling people that size has no effect on someone’s morality or worth and shouldn’t get them harassed or bullied is just as bad and as unhealthy as telling someone they should become anorexic and-

Me:

[Gif Description: Lena Luthor of CW’s Supergirl, putting her hand to her face and giving an exasperated expression, before huffing and letting her arm fall as she rolls her eyes and moves her head in annoyance. End Description.]

Thin person: I don’t tell fat people that they are ugly and unintelligent and worthless and unlovable and deserve to die because I hate fat people! I do it because I am concerned about their health! I really care about fat people!

Me:

[Gif Description: Lena Luthor of CW’s Supergirl, giving a confused look, squinting, and then smiling slightly as if what she heard was ridiculous. End Description.]

Thin person: I respect your right to call out thin people who are shitty but not every thin person is like that and you need to specify in your every post that you aren’t talking about thin people like me or else you are insulting me personally and that makes you just as bad as people who harass and attack you and-

Me:

[Gif Description: Lena Luthor of CW’s Supergirl, looking really angry and frustrated and then turning away and storming off in her rage. End Description.]

Thin person: I would support fat acceptance but you’re so mean about it, like, can’t you ask to be treated like a human but like, quietly? You should really think more about my feelings and stop being so selfish-

Me:

[Gif Description: Lena Luthor of CW’s Supergirl, angrily asking Supergirl the question, “Why is it so important to you that we’re friends?” End Description.]

Thin person: You should really include thin people in fat acceptance-

Me:

[Gif Description: Lena Luthor of CW’s Supergirl, spraying the evil Worldkiller from Krypton, Reign, with a gaseous version of Kryptonite. End Description.]

-Mod Bella