#( even tho i built something for myself that i'm very proud of )

[ancestryfound-a]

( me: comes back to this blog also me: wants to infodump about tom and his dad )

[pardonmydelays]

this is probably going to be the weirdest post ever written by me, but i do feel the need to write it, so let's go clowns (i doubt anyone besides prison gang will read it tho. and honestly i don't care, this is very personal anyway and i just need to get it off my chest).

i honestly don't even know how to start, but i'll try my best. i'm sitting right now in front of my laptop in my small apartment & i'm trying to find the right words. it's been a year. it's not easy to be alone, it gets really lonely sometimes, but at least i have my freedom. i have my music. i have my friends. i can do whatever i want. i gave up on a lot of things along the way & i am desperately trying to bring back this part of me i thought i lost long ago. one step at a time.

so it's been a year. maybe a little explanation: on june 1st, 2023, i made a decision to move out from my (now ex)fiance and try to live on my own. it wasn't easy for me, because despite all the things happening at the time, i was still in love. we were together for 3,5 years. i was supposed to marry this guy. i was happy. until i wasn't. i'm writing all of this, because it's been a year, and still to this day every time someone asks me about him i just laugh it off and change the topic. i didn't let myself mourn for even one day, i didn't cry, i just tried to block that memory and moved on immediately, desperately trying to hold onto new things as a form of distraction, i guess. but it's still inside of me and it still makes me fucking angry. so why i left... i was a victim of mental abuse for such a long time & i didn't even realize how bad it was. i don't want to go into details (now that i think about it, it was truly a disaster), maybe one day i will talk about it with a therapist (because i do consider going to therapy, more than ever now), but he crossed the line one night when he told me i should kill myself. unfortunately for him, i'm still alive. moving out wasn't easy, because i was on my own, too proud to ask any of my friends for help, pretending everything was fine for such a long time (until one time i had a mental breakdown at work in front of my manager but i don't wanna talk about it). so i moved out. had to block him everywhere cause he didn't want to let me live. the worst part of it is that i never really got any closure... i just left the apartment with my things one day and i remember he was laughing at me when i was leaving with tears in my eyes (the most fucking embarrassing thing that ever happened to me), he was probably too drunk to remember this tho. all the things he said to me are still living inside my head & i don't think i'll be able to build a normal, healthy relationship in the future without any help because i have massive trust issues now & very low self-esteem. anyway...

one of the things i had to do in order to forget was to find new obsessions & let go of the things that reminded me of him. so i found myself a new passion and built a huge unbreakable wall around myself out of it: musical theatre. on june 1st i watched hamilton and that was the only thing about me he didn't know (we used to watch pretty much everything together). it was mine. i finally found something that was entirely mine. it was something i really needed at the time and i'm not even kidding now, it was my lifeline. hamilton & lin-manuel miranda. you're probably thinking now that i'm not passionate about it anymore, because i changed my personality again, but that's just not true. it will be always a huge part of who i am and i will always be super grateful because it's something that literally saved my life when i needed it the most. taking a little bit of a break from it now is totally ok & i will probably talk about musical theatre again, soon. i missed my old self tho. i'm not even joking, i literally gave up on everything because of him (i couldn't even eat some of my favourite things anymore because they reminded me of him for such a long time, that's how traumatised i was).

i didn't even hold my ukulele for a year. A YEAR. i used to record videos of myself playing & singing and send it to him when he was at work. you don't know this, but this instrument was my biggest happiness for such a long time (ask bel, she got a lot of videos of me being a clown, too). i used to play twenty one pilots songs, no surprise there. we went to their show together (mostly because i wanted to go, he was never a huge fan but liked them a bit because of me). i stopped listening to them when we broke up, just like i stopped playing ukulele. all of those things found their way back to me this year. laugh all you want, i feel like this is a part of my healing journey. i'm writing this while sobbing like a child, because i'm listening to them right now and i am staring at my ukulele lying casually on my bed and i feel like the old me is back and I MISSED HER. SO FUCKING MUCH. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. i don't ever want to let her go again. i cannot lose her this time...

during this one year i found a lot of new things that i absolutely love and can't live without now. my passion for theatre, new friends (prison gang, this is mostly about you, i want you to know that everytime i doubt in myself i think about you & i know there's someone who actually cares & i love you so much you don't even know), i also realized i'm actually stronger than i thought. i'm here alone. in my favourite city in the world, 400km from home & my family, on my own, and i live. i survived. it's hard sometimes, but i am actually ok. and i'm here, just like i always wanted. wow.

i feel like the entire last year was me desperately holding onto new obsessions as my way to cope and block all my feelings. which doesn't mean it wasn't real. i am just letting it all go for now, to go back to it later. i just think it wasn't healthy, so i need a break. because deep down i wasn't really happy. now my twenty one pilots phase is back, stronger than ever, and it's mostly because their songs are so relatable for me & i don't feel so lonely anymore (when i listened to clancy for the first time & realized how much i relate to these songs i was speechless. it made me depressed. but the more i listen to it now, the better i feel. wow. i needed this album so much, it helped me process a lot of things that i've had hidden inside my brain). i feel like i am finally accepting things as they are. i am messed up, i'm not entirely fine but i am finally ready to talk about my feelings and honestly i feel more alive than ever. am i happy? no. but i will get there one day. i am healing and that's what matters.

this is chaotic, i know. i used to write things like that in my journal. maybe i will go back to it one day. but this time i'm using tumblr for that, simply because i want you guys to know this about me. she's back and i'm not letting her go this time. i need to take care of her, she deserves it.

[breakbeatbun]

i did a lot of "boy things" as a kid and I've always felt less "girl" because of it, i never played with stuff that was considered feminine, partly because i was afraid of judgment, but also i found "boy stuff" more appealing. it's tough not relating to one's peers in a binary way. i would love to play cars

tags on this post for context

i was raised by a mechanic and carpenter so a lot of my early free time was spent in a barn full of tools, machines, welding masks, piles of cut-up BMX bikes we'd find in the garbage, stripped-bare sandrails and their engines, couple rifles or compound bows here or there, probably listening to whatever crusty old rock music my dad put on. hell, i was rowing through the gears of my mom's old square body S10 while she drove us to the store before i was barely tall enough to see over the dash. "hanging out with friends" was playing Guitar Hero or Racing & Skateboarding Video Games, or riding our bikes and skinning our knees. "hanging out with dad" was often target shooting in the backyard or building something; I rarely ever held the flashlight, i had the tools in my hands and grease under my fingernails.

that's a lot of exposition but i'm trying to paint the most specific picture i can! TL;DR, a lot of arguably "boy things" in my upbringing, and i fit right into it, lot of fondness in my heart for it still!

around the time i had my big Gender Awakening at the tail-end of high school i had already been Online for a bit - hell i learned what it meant to feel non-binary from this very website circa 2013 - but it wouldn't be until maybe 2019 or so when i moved out that i really started making other queer and trans friends, and it was pretty immediately obvious that i was extremely different from the rest of my community, both online and offline. of course, nobody was rude about it, everybody was VERY respectful of my name and my pronouns and my identity, but it was still really easy for me to feel "othered" because our shared experiences didn't line up at all; At most maybe i got made fun of for having long hair. it made it really easy to feel like i wasn't doing enough work to justify my queerness.

at the other end of that spectrum, i recently tried on she/her pronouns at the front of my bio, just to see if i was missing something, and i was quickly met with an IMMEDIATE outpour of support from friends and community alike. SO many people were loud about being So Proud of me, Knew i Had It In Me, i had multiple friends message me privately to offer information and easy routes to HRT "just in case ;)" i was thinking about it! and, yeah, it's nice to have that kinda support, i'll admit! but it was hard not to feel a little invalidated in not wanting to change. it really felt like a lot of people, close friends even, just kinda saw me as a trans woman waiting to have a bigger realization, as though being non-binary was just a meaningless stepping-stone to something greater. and i mean, i can't blame them, they just wanted to help!!

today i'm pretty firmly Queer/non-binary (with a little bit of Girl on the side when it's either Appropriate or Funny), and my body and voice are very much unaltered from the ones i was born with. virtually indistinguishable from a cishet version of myself, just with the he/him lopped off and they/she sloppily appended in its place; simply because i don't have the energy or don't care to put much effort into change, and that's very much fine for me. I know damn well i don't owe it to anybody but myself anyway, granted none of it tends to matter much when you present as a rabbit girl on the internet LOL. I'm thankful to have built myself a little space where i can engage with others like me, or where other queers feel welcome to express interest in the things that I'M all about! even if it's a little few and far between. still struggle with feeling like i fit in with The Girls tho LMAO.

IDK! this post is my half-baked love letter to my fellow AMAB NB folks who get treated like Cis Men, Trans Women who don't "put the effort in," or Anyone who can Otherwise Relate in the same, or even an opposite sort of way. we are playing cars together

[dark-and-kinky-hetalia-scenarios]

Hello :) Could you write a scenario for a mochi reader x mochi 1p Ancient Rome in which Ancient Rome tries to woo the reader by applying Ovid's dating tips from his Ars Amatoria, the reader thinking Ancient Rome's approaches are silly but he finally wins them over because they're so knowledgeable of the classics?

And can you go nsfw when the mochis get steamy and smush together and fuse into a single mochi, and give a headcanon as to what happens as their consciousnesses merge into one?

Thankss :**

Why must you torture me with this kind of ask?

The politeness in the ask is greatly appreciated tho

This is going to be shit btw because I really don't wanna do it but here you go

If anyone gets horny from this I will die of terror, please don't okay, I'm not trying to make it hot, I'm just trying to survive

Okay so a little background knowledge before we start

Ancient Rome is like 50 years old body wise and has the mind of a 20 year old, so his mochi form is a little bit weird, not like old old looking but mature looking, a very strong mate for any lonely mochi

Also have I mentioned that I hate you for making me look up Ovid outside of university?

Okay I don't, but Ovid is a dick

This takes place in Ancient Rome times because I do not want to deal with Ovids fucked up ideas in the modern world!

I know that it isn't logical but that's what I'm going with

There is going to be a weird sex scene, don't like mochi sex then please don't read it, I already feel weird enough writing it

If you only want the sfw part then scroll down until you find the second pair of ---- line

Have fun

Also I respect that you requested this off anon, but like wow that's wild

POV what POV????? It's everyone's point of view because I hate myself

-----

It was a hot day in the ancient Roman capital, Mochi Rome was doing his best trying to get his owner to help him with a specialised mochi bath. It was one of Ovid's most important teachings, keeping good hygiene.

Rome had read the Ars Amatoria out loud for this dear mochi pet, and Mochi Rome was determined to sway you with his new found dating and literary knowledge, because his normal approach had not worked, which frustrated him beyond measure. You were simply too cute to be without a mate.

Luckily Rome was already ready with a Mochi bath and mochi Rome became very clean

Mochi Rome was anxious for his owner to bring him to the play area where his and your owner had arranged a play date for the two of you

Mochi Rome had a plan though on how to seduce you, it involved a theatre, well a home made one with sticks but that had to be close enough. He just needed to convince his owner to go earlier. A feat in itself since Rome was not good at showing up on time anywhere

So mochi Rome was going to start very early with bugging his owner into actually taking them both to the meeting place

He jumped around, made mochi noises as loud as he could, nibbled on Rome's fingers, overall he went nuts. it took a while but eventually Rome got the hint and brought him to the area with his sticks

Mochi Rome spent an hour preparing the stick theatre and was very proud of the result

In reality it was wobbly and did not even resemble a theatre. It was a pile of sticks.

Mochi Rome also decided to make a circus with sticks, actually everything was made with sticks

He was very proud of himself.

Rome thought his mochi was acting very odd recently, but did not pay much notice to it.

Finally mochi you and your owner arrived, (y/n) put down mochi you and walked over to Rome to let the two mochis have their play time

Mochi (y/n) went over to mochi Rome and greeted him happily. Then your mochi eyes caught sight of the theatre, the Circus and all the other whack things he built out of sticks, and built terribly as well.

Mochi you laughed at him because you thought it was silly and you were jumping away to do something else.

Mochi Rome however did not let this deter him from winning you over

He followed you and started reciting the Ars Amatoria. You looked at him, positively surprised he could remember anything from that very interesting book. Your human had also read it to you. Of course it was a silly book, but it was still cute he thought he could use it to woo you. Okay it was really cute, you looked at him and winked. Thus began the chase around. Mochi Rome ended up catching you.

--------

Nsfw starts here, be warned it's just uh, it's weird okay, I don't like it either

--------

Mochi Rome caught up to you and started nibbling on you, it was very nice and you made happy mochi noises, which soon turned to horny mochi noises.

You rubbed up against mochi Rome to excite him, and yourself.

Mochi Rome started to get very excited and he nibbled more intensely on you to make you show your entrance. Not after long he succeeded and he pushed his mochi appendage into your entrance. He started to hop back and forth to make friction. It felt very nice for you and opened up more for him

Mochi Rome made rather loud happy mochi noises. Surprisingly none of the humans heard it.

As you were both getting close your mochi flesh started to move oddly and you started to absorb each other. You both welcomed this, this meant your were true mochi mates. It was meant to be!

Mochi you and Mochi Rome became one mochi, of bigger size and with a mix of your features.

You were happy and so was he.

--------

Sfw again

--------

Rome and your human self were too busy talking to notice what was going on with the mochis, it wasn't until Rome out of the corner of his eye saw that there was only one mochi that did not look familiar that he snapped out of the conversation he was having with the very attractive human.

Shit

That was not a good outcome for two dotting mochi owners, your mochis had become one, not something that happened at a normal rate.

(y/n) looked over to see what Rome was staring at and when they realised what was going on they looked horrified. Not a good way to get to know you more personally and up close. He should've known his mochi would fall for the mochi of the human who was the target of his affection.

Rome got cockblocked by his own mochi, and now neither of you had your own mochi.

You looked at him for an awkward amount of time before finally speaking

"uhm... Can this be undone or?"

"... Not by anyone but them"

More awkward silence.

Or maybe it didn't have to be bad

"well one of us can't just take the mochi, they'll be sad regardless of who has it, it'll miss the other owner"

"....what are you suggesting?"

"well the house next to mine is empty, you could move in there and we could share a garden and have that as it's home and then it can be close to us both!"

You looked at the cheerful older man who had definitely been trying to seduce you for a while now. You were certain now, he was an idiot.

"... Fine, temporarily"

"Of course!"

This was like going to the theatre and watching a drama that was poorly written, but it seemed you had no other choice, for now at least.

------

The end. I am not continuing this.

------

I hate myself for writing the worst scenario ever, I don't know what's going on, I'm too sick for this, anyways that was your cursed request and now I re-evaluate my life choices

Have a cursed day.

This is definitely my curse

Fucking Tumblr wouldn't let me edit this shit on the app, I hate this fucking place

All I have left to say is this:

fy fy skamme skamme

[vergils-beloved]

What would your perfect date with Vergil look like?

@leedollop

GREAT QUESTION thanks for the ask :3 the one canon location i'm the most attached to is temen-ni-gru, which is a big ancient tower that was built by devil worshippers. i mentioned to my friends a couple of times how much i'd love to hang out there with vergie now in dmc3 (lets assume for the sake of the date the plot doesn't take place immediately or something) it is FULL of demons so if i tried to even get close to it by myself that would be a death sentence bc i'm just a guy. HOWEVER. that's where vergil appears :3

irl i really like looking at buildings, and the architecture of temen-ni-gru i like a lot as well. we'd walk from place to place while i point at random walls and statues and stairs and really anything and talk about how cool everything looks. since as i said the tower is full of demons vergil would have to clear all of the rooms which isn't a problem for him at all. and i'm also very sure vergil would enjoy it a lot because he loves showing off in front of me >_< of course i would tell him that i think he's the coolest and he would feel so proud >_< when resting we'd mostly sit around in comfortable silence and just be in the moment, yknow? no distractions or anything. i think both of us would really enjoy that yeah it would mostly be casual walking and sitting around and just enjoying each other's presence (or at least how casual being in a demon infested tower can be lol) here's some locations i'd like to visit and sit around in (the first two i'm specifically attached to) + vergils in the screenshots lol

dmc5 doesn't have temen-ni-gru so we'd have to find somewhere else. but it would probably be the same overall, hanging out in some place where we can be alone and unbothered. it should be easier to find something like the roof of a tall building bc in dmc5 vergil is able to fly and i can jus hop on his back lol :3 i really like taking walks tho ok

[ragnar0c]

Finished book one of the Good Witch of the West today...! I had about 3 chapters left and I just read it all in one sitting... Go me! 30 pages! Grew on to me, more than the anime actually.

Lengthier in pacing compared to it all which I thought was a flaw. I usually like more episodic works and hate when the plot stays at one point for too long... BUT this makes it work. Such detailed descriptions, even if the characters remain in one spot and the plot drags they make sure the setting reflects the characters, and the kingdom is beautiful. I long to write as descriptively as this.

At times, I was ripped from descriptions to a telling of a character's emotions. Something I do sometimes. This book was reassuring bc I'd tell myself "Well I can't just say that. I have to show it." which is true sometimes, but this book taught me that it is okay to just say things instead of slaving over symbolism just to express something. I really liked the more in depth characters here, it never stayed on one's thoughts. Switched POVS which helped me understand side characters thoughts as well as the mains. How their thoughts contrasted and built up dramatic irony or even more a bond with some.

I loved the art work too... a given.

I have the second book as well. Need to get thru it. I reread the first chapter, then read the second. Currently on chapter 3. The sequel has my favorite arc in the show in it, so very excited... I will try to get thru it faster.

I'm a little proud to say I am reading more and faster. Getting thru 30 pages in a day used to be a chore for me. But I did that today and more. In total I read 64 pages. Partially thanks to the short chapter lengths... If this keeps up I can finally read some longer chaptered fics maybe?

After Good Witch of the West I think I'll try to read the rest of Sabikui Bisco... Then I bought Gideon the 9th... ough... Not sure I'm ready for that... So I'll either try that orrrrrrr try out reading Katanagatari as I really like the artwork for that LN... and Like GWotW, Kukui sings a song for it and I am heavily biased to media Haruka Shimotsuki does music for. Love her <3

Or. Maybe I should finish the HOBBIT OUGHHHHH IDK very much to read. I could read two books in the same time period now tho.

I started Sabikui while reading Good Witch and hadn't felt overwhelmed like before when I read multiple books at the same time ...

Anyway, it's been really long since I posted one of these, but, been reading more I think at least! If you got this far then... Thank you!

[nyuudoupee]

new nmixx album came out so i'm gonna put out me thoughts (aka how much can I stop myself from saying change up for the funnies)

- obviously first off it's excellent, i'd argue better than expérgo, probably because all the songs all fit eachother while also having enough sonic differences to stand out AND also show the girls's vocal and genre chops (expérgo did a similar thing but followed the sonic through-line a little too much, still like that album tho) - i gotta give points 2 soñar since like i didn't expect any of the chord progressions that go on in the song (like where the melody goes) - shoutouts to DASH and BOOM for bringing back the mixxpop stuff full force AND also doing the genre mixing like i wanted them to do (BOOM's genre switches is so fucking clean its incredible) - about both of these songs: I think subgenre switching (ie something like how j-edm does it) is easier than full on genre swapping like mixpop is but DASH integrates it very well (has a little dnb deepcut right after the rock stuff) and BOOM's transitions are even cleaner, probably because its more of a rhythm change rather than a full instrumentation change - run for roses totally sounds like young K had a part in writing it (in a good way) and this is also where I'm gonna say NMIXX's use of stuff like violins (this song) and horns sections (DASH) definitely elevate their music since both of those are kinda underutilized in kpop production. very montero esque - i said it already but that switch-up in BOOM to that dark ass mau5trap/EDDIE/No Mana type synthwave beat hit DIFFERENT. also there being tempo speedups and slowdowns in this album YES YES YES YES that's the idea. mixxpop doesn't just have to be genre changes they gotta go CRAZAYYYY - DWILLY produced passionfruit god damn!!!! he's making a lot of bank doing kpop stuff he was on TXT's name chapter freefall AND key's good & great, i love his sound and nmixx slots very nicely into it - XOXO is like DASH and passionfruit had a baby its a good mellow point in the record. i guess nmixx was also built for rnb/hip hop but considering their concept they're built for basically anything - good to know nmixx has their star lost/concert ender with break the wall, makes me feel like waving a lightstick around with confetti coming down from the venue ceiling (just reminds me of the stray kids show again... i gotta see these girls live) all in all very very VERY good work good strives and improvements. the exponential growth is kicking in and it's only been like... 2 years? im very proud of the girlies. anyway ramble over LOL

[i-luvsang]

hi!! sorry for the late ass response, i've been wanting to reply earlier but life has been pretty hectic :(.

personally i love love loveeeee pet names!! like even the super silly ones like 'skrunkly' and 'pookie' i always forget not everyone uses those and most ppl probably find it cringe. it's very endearing in my opinion? pet names and nicknames just feel more personal for some reason?? like recently i've started using my nickname more and most of my friends have started referring to me using my nickname and idk it just makes me so happy :,)

and thank you so so sooooo much for the writing advice <333 the 'asking yourself questions to guide your own thinking' tip is so helpful!! i think when i do an attempt at writing or try to progress an idea i get overwhelmed at how much i still need to think through if that makes sense?? like my concept or idea is so small and i have to think abt a plot, and the progress and just the logistics behind everything?

i've also spend some time on pinterest making boards with like locations for visualisations? idk i'm a very visual person whenever i do an attempt at writing so i kinda needed that and it's actually been so much fun!! i've also had some fun ideas for a playlist regarding certain small ideas, i have a few songs that kind off give the same vibes i want to go for and it kinda helps me visualise and create some sort of scene in my head where the song would work as bg music yk? it makes me excited just thinking abt developing my ideas and actually writing it!

sadly i haven't had any time to start writing yet :(. i have some exciting ideas and in general i've been feeling more excited to actually write instead of feeling like procrastinating the process but i've been so exhausted lately bcs of school so i haven't rlly been in the right mindset to write, like whenever i have free time i just want to rest.

my assignments this year are bigger and more important so i'm trying to actually study this year and procrastinate less. so far i'm proud of myself bcs i spend this weekend actually doing my work and writing down important future deadlines instead of procrastinating and doing everything last minute so!! big win for me!!

enough abt me tho!! how are you?? how is college going? how are your classes going? and also if you don't mind me asking, what are you majoring in?

ps. i'm very excited for your upcoming fics!!! — 🎧

hELLOOOOO no worries at all darling !! i'm glad to here that you love pet names because i love using them hehe. i agree that silly ones are so much fun to use and super cute. yk i've always wished i could have a nickname that my friends call me but it's just never been a thing LOL but i have my online friends who call me nicknames and i love that <333

even if you haven't had the time to start writing yet, i'm super glad to hear that you think my advice is helpful for you !! i wish you the best of luck when you do find some time !! i totally get feeling motivation but not having the time or energy :,) it's like DUDE THE ONE TIME I ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE WRITING I CANTTTTT i've been behind on writing too tbh. i have a collab fic due at the end of the month and i'm only a few hundred words in akfjaksjdf

babe you should be so so proud of yourself, the fact that you've been able to battle procrastination and stuff like that is honestly super impressive and absolutely something you should be proud of, so i'm glad that you are !!!! but even if there are times where procrastination gets the best of you, remember that that's alright too! we're not built to be perfect at this <33

in terms of me! lollll i'm not fighting the procrastination too well myself, but that's alright lol. it's a very mixed bag if i'm very honest lol the adjustment has been pretty hard and i'm feeling a lot of old anxieties come back since i'm so overwhelmed. but! i've still been having a lot of nice experiences with new friends and experiences and i think that once i'm able to settle down i'll be having blast far more than i am now hehe. classes themselves aren't too bad though!! i took a pretty light course load for this semester which i think was a really nice choice for me. and i'm majoring in studio arts !!

askdhfjs i'm very glad you're excited, i am too !!! i hope you'll enjoy what's in storeeee

[yung-goos]

Rambles 0.2

Been meaning to get my thoughts down, just.. everything seems so overwhelming. Since the last lil ramble post, I was still wallowing in my a long overdue depressive episode for a bit. Still am? I guess. Mindset seems clear...er. And since then things have started to make a little bit more sense. I guess it all started after my mushroom trip, which was so nice btw. A lot of dancing to no music, remembering how good it feels to move. Realizing things all make sense in motion. Kind of went into this whole inner reflection on awareness, and being aware. And that being aware requires being committed to honesty. Since then... jesus. I've noticed how much people aren't honest not only with others but with themselves? Including me, from time to time. The biggest example currently being my dad. He actually made me cry a week ago, tried gas-lighting me into thinking him describing someone as " being built like a house" is just that. "Describing". As if that isn't clearly insulting. Amongst other things, in that moment it made me realize what I've kind of had to endure growing up. People making me doubt my own feelings, the way I think, telling ME how EYE feel, and being all around rude and mean for no reason at all, regardless if it was directed at me or not. It’s exhausting. I can't explain to someone who seems proud to be an asshole how hard it is being around someone so mean. I really I can't appeal to someones sense of empathy when that someone is committed to overcoming and running away from their feelings 24/7... Realizing my dad might be a lost cause like my mom, whom I have cut all contact with years ago, wasn't something I was quite ready for. Spent so much time idealizing him growing up that I never took the time to see how he was also harming me. It was.. a lot, but I'm aware now. Which is nice but... can I live with my dad not being aware? I want to work on this... shit. Even with my mom, deep down. But is it wrong for me to want them to approach me about their bullshit for once? My sister and I have tried. We're grown. And now we're tired... Idk.

Other than that, life has been good. I'm receiving a big raise soon, like 6-8 bucks or so. Realllly happy about that, def excited to invest in myself and the ones around me a little bit this season. Excited to see what I'll be able to do going forward. And In my commitment to being honest, I've also decided its best I be more confrontational. Honesty depends on it. Trying to speak up more, say whats on my mind. Be open to being wrong, uncomfortable, even slighted or hurt. And I'm glad to say its been working!! Still very uncomfy tho but I'm getting there!!...

God my brain feels like goo... can't seem to think anymore so I'll cut it short. Theres more but I seriously can't type anymore. Bleh... Till next time

[rose-in-my-heart]

Hello, amigo. Thank you so so much for agreeing to doing this.

My name is Gabriela, but my friends call me Luna, Raven and Bella. I'm 16 years old girl from Slovakia 🇸🇰, Libra ♎, 5'9 ft tall and my HP faculty is Ravenclaw.

I have brown-green eyes, dirty blond hair to my shoulders, black glasses and cute gap in my teeth. I am tall and slim cause I am very active and I work out daily. I curse and I love to wear headbands, buns T-shirts and pants. I hate skirts.

I am half Spanish, Russian, and Slovak. These languages are my native languages and I have Spanish and Russian accent since childhood. My family members are from these wonderful countries and I am so proud of it.

If you ask me what I am the most I will say : SPANISH. I am spaniard girl 🤓😝

My personality : I am quiet, shy and introvert but mostly I am optimistic and I enjoy every minute of my life. My bro says that I am the real sunshine in this world. I always smile and I can lift somebody's mood if they feel down. But though, I have quite temper and I am fiesty. I'm stubborn and impulsive.

Likes : As every Spaniard I love dancing and singing but also I love paiting and drawing, inventing and repairing things. I love knitting and meditation and I enjoy play video games. I love to play on my electric/acoustic guitars and piano.

Music: mostly I love Russian and Latino music, I love rap, hip-hop, pop and rock too. AC/DC, Ozuna, Rosalia, Anita, Alvaro Soler, TINI, Kiss, Queen, Depeche mode are my favorite artists.

I have the great fear from rats, clowns and spiders.

I am literally a VAMPIRE. I have white skin, little sharper teeth-fangs and I am allergic to sunlight. Yeah, everybody are afraid of me and they call me freak and monster and I am really sorry for that. But that doesn't stop me from being Happy and myself.

I have one adoptive brother Casey. He's 16 but he's younger. We share the same bedroom. We have separate bedrooms tho. We always speak Spanish.

My grandfather died three years ago and it's so painful for me because we had a special relationship.

Okay, that's everything. Thank you so much for doing this ♥️♥️♥️.

No problem. Hopefully result is at least interesting.

I pair you with: RAPHAEL

- First he notices how tall you are. Cool. He doesn't come across many tall girls. More than that, you are slim but have some built in your body. Not just a stick.

- Raph can tell just with looking at you that you work out. He wants to know your routine and is ready to give tips if you are open for them.

- You have beautiful white skin. Like Snow White.... He won't say it out loud but he loves it. When confessing his feelings he will totally say you have Snow White's fair skin....he will say it better than I do now

- Your cute cap between your teeth? How he has not noticed how cute those are?! Raph will make sure to make you smile and show more of that cuteness.

- Vampire teeth-fangs? Now that is being unfair, you look so badass. How the same person can look so cute and badass? Sometimes just stares at you mouth if you eat something just to get to see them teeth. Raph wants you to bite him when dating.

- Half spanish, russian and Slovak. Your native languages, family roots, and your accent makes you super interesting to him. Exotic. All those languages and speaking English too? You get respect from him. Raph knows bits of Spanish but thats about it.

- He wants you to talk in your natives even if he doesn't understand. Sing, tell story, anything in your natives and your accents.

- Raph will ask tons of questions about the languages, your background and about your family. Will be careful when topic goes around your grandfather. Wants to know about him but won't push you to tell.

- Will totally ask you to taught him some cuss words in your native languages.

- First when you met he thought you are only shy and quiet but oh boy he was wrong! He better not pick up another fight with you too soon again....Yet he would love to fight with you soon. That temper and fire you have makes him smile. Also using your native languages along with english in fight is challenge he accepts.

- Your shyness, quietness is well balanced with your temper and fierceness in his opinion. You both can talk and just listen to each other. No need to fill every space with talk.

- He is kind of pessimistic and grumpy but your positive attitude wonders him. It's like you are the sun that shines and just makes people smile. At least him. Raph wants to spend more and more time with the sun ;)

- Wants to call you and get sunshine come thru a phone. It will make him feel better and makes him see things differently, about himself too.

- After hearing you fear of rats and spiders, Raph will make sure you don't see any of them when you come to the lair. Of course there is his own dad but the rat dad's welcoming and gentle character soothes you soon.

- Raph wants to help you beat clown fear but not to push it. Will do anything in his power to protect you from clown content, for example, avoids horror movies that has clowns when he is with you.

- Someone calls you freak for being who you are? They don't know anything! Bring the morons here and Raph will beat sense into them, literally! You are his beautiful vampire queen and no one messes with you! Will very often call you queen to remind you how special you are.

That's about it! This was my own opinion but I hope you found this at least interesting. Have a wonderful time @nightsoulsworld

[sagessoftwings]

Hiii could I please get a mha matchup? Preferably with a male pls. My pronouns are she/her. I am 5’4, an ambivert and a Latina. My enneagram is type 4. I have pale skin, mid-length brown wavy hair with bangs, and hazel eyes. I am described as someone who comes off as cold or aloof when I’m around people I don’t know. After getting to know me, I am the complete opposite. I’m just a bit shy at first lol. My friends have told me that I give good advice but like to joke about my stubbornness. I like to make people laugh and try to make the best of any situation. However I have a hard time expressing my emotions. I’m also described as easy going and fun to be around. I also really love animals.

I am a hip hop dancer and love to perform. Dance to me is very freeing and I'm usually dancing anywhere anytime haha. I choreograph a lot as well. I also enjoy reading could vary from manga to non-fiction. I love music especially hip hop, rap, & reggaeton. I also love to write music/poetry. I never show anybody though since I’m really shy about it. I'd love to one day tho! I can be playful and love to tease my friends. I also really like to eat and travel. I am a bit of a homebody but I enjoy hiking because of the exercise. I really enjoy having deep conversations. I can’t stand people who bully others and people who are fake. I like to be honest and helpful in any way I can. My style is usually anything comfy/casual and I don’t really like wearing skirts or dresses. I speak English and Spanish (learning Japanese & Portuguese). I would love to learn ASL and Hawaiian one day as well. I enjoy watching crime investigations, probably one of my favorite things to watch.

I don’t really any fears, just not being able to accomplish my goals/dreams. I tend to daydream a lot and I’m also a big procrastinator 😭. I'm usually overthinking a lot which tires me a bit. Alone time for me is definitely important. I would say my love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. I’m usually really cold towards the person I like lol. Only because I test the waters to see if I should spend time and energy on them. I mostly look for someone I can eventually open up to and feel comfortable being myself since I never had growing up. I tend to be a bit jealous/possessive, not in an unhealthy way though. Just wouldn’t match with someone who is very flirty with other people lol. I'm also a bit touch starved lol. Thank you so much 💖💗💕

babe. BABE. YOU’RE DROP DEAD GORGEOUS UGH 😩💦 SO SO FINE MY BEAUTIFUL

I ship you with Eijiro Kirishima!!!

HE IS SO SWEET AMD GENTLE WITH YOU

Melts the heart 😪

Kiri finds you so so beautiful and is so loyal

You can literally trust him with anything

When you first started dating he asks about everything

“Is it okay if I hold your hand?” “What’s your favorite color?” “Do you like cats or dogs more? Or both?!”

So FAWKING cute 😌

He wants to know whatever your comfortable with telling him

Never ever feel pressured around him, he’s slow and easy

Always drinks his respect women juice

Loves to take you on little hiking adventures!

You fit in so well with the Bakusquad and it warms his heart

Denki is your brother in arms 😤✊🏽

You’re first on the phone charging list

Kiri can read you quite well and can tell when something is wrong or bothering you

But when your ready to talk, he’s there to listen

You did act cold to the boy in the beginning but he’s so used to Bakugo’s threats he literally didn’t even notice

Kiri always helps you push to do your best but if you need space or are having a burn out, he’ll let you work it out and come to him when you need to

Loves that you’re learning more languages! Thinks it so awesome!!

Is your number one encourager

“You’re doing great babe! I’m so proud of you!”

THIS IS MELTING MY HEART HE LOVES YOU SO SO MUCH

Kiri avoids talking to other girls except for Mina

It just feels so wrong to him to talk to another girl when your not around

Usually asks permission which you find odd but he just wants you to know he only has eyes for you

Please let him lay in your lap

He has a built dad bod so he’s peeerfect for cuddling

Just hop on up!

He’s open for cuddles whenever you want

<33

[souladventure]

What I learned during the Covid19 lockdown after losing my passion business.

Despite all the losses incurred because of this global cluster-fuck known as the COVID19 pandemic/lockdown, I've learned so many invaluable truths and realities that probably wouldn't have ever surfaced otherwise. Here are a few that i'd like to share with everyone so I could just get it out there for my own wellbeing and possibly help others in the process:

1. I learned so much about myself and how weak I am (or was) mentally. My heart and mind didn't fair so well when I lost so much and I'm still coping as I write this. I feel a lot stronger emotionally now after such a debilitating and humbling experience. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger I guess.

2. If you get into a business that’s directly related to a passion that brings you joy and purpose, brace yourself for the turmoil and negativity (that comes with any business) you will be introducing to this passion of yours. i.e. Surfing for me was all positivity until I had to start hiring friends and dealing with different groups who either saw me as a threat or just felt I was competition to them. I honestly just wanted to help an industry grow so every stakeholder involved, including myself, could flourish but I didn't expect a lot of people to hate on me for it. 

The good news is after a decade many of these haters became my friends again when they realized my efforts actually helped them and that I wasn't there to take anything away from them. Surfing is a huge part of my lifestyle and my relationship to the community is something I'd like to maintain as a positive zone instead of a cutthroat business arena. 

I'm happy to say that although I share the same passion for food and I am now committed 100% to this industry ("Tito Paolo's Inasal" est during lockdown May 2020), I'm not emotionally involved with anyone else in it and I would't care less if anyone hated on me.

3. Don't get into a business that relies entirely on the skills of only a very limited amount of individuals that aren't readily available or expendable. For this reason, i chose to close down Skwala Surfboards, a passion project i dreamt about since '99 and materialized in 2010, when the pandemic further burried me in debt. You will pay for this big time if the employees or partners who are the only ones who can perform the main operations of your business suddenly act up. (This was something I actually already knew even before the pandemic but because I was so passionate about it I still decided to continue. Now I’m facing the ramifications of being blinded by a grave emotionally driven decision).

I don't regret this tho because I still built something that was considered the best in it’s time and also established itself as the pioneer of a growing industry. This satisfaction doesn't stem from merely bragging rights but more so on the fact that I know that I can be the best at something I focus all my energy on. (I'm happy to say I have shifted this focus from surfboard manufacturing to food where I feel just as fulfilled and continue to grow and innovate.) 

You yourself have to be the best at providing the product/service of your business so that when the people you hire fuck up you can fire their asses and do it yourself. I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever learn how to shape a surfboard but I’m proud enough to say that I am the best beginner level surfing instructor and I make the best inasal.

4. Don’t expect your employees to make any extra efforts or sacrifices for you in times of crisis and prioritize your business in its entirety. Do not give more than you can afford no matter how desperate they are. They will never sincerely appreciate your gestures of kindness and generosity and you best expect that they will never return the favor! Your business isn't a charity and it's survival as a whole should be paramount. Sorry to say but in my experience the employees will never ever truly understand nor realize the value of their employer's survival. They will still slack with their work and expect the same salary despite the sales amounting to zero. And don’t be surprised when they fucking steal. That’s because they feel like its their right to do so (A common issue in third world settings). To top it off when everything is close to being dead they will still ask for backpay. Make sure you are prepared legally and financially for this. But don't you ever believe you have loyal employees who are willing to join you in the muck when the shit goes down. I wouldn't either so I'm not judging anyone with this statement and I'm eating up the losses. But except for those who stole...fuck them.

5. Learn to let go and do it sooner so as not to lose more than you really have to. If you think going through a breakup is tough, try losing your dream business. Make sure you are on point with calculating your losses and pull the plug as early as you can. Don't allow your passions to overcome your decision making. One of the first things my father taught me in business was "Never fall In love with your ideas" and I'm still kicking myself for not listening. What I can add to this is if you aren’t part of the lucky few whose passions just so happen to be highly lucrative businesses then instead "Do what your are good at over doing what you love! Because when you succeed at what you are good at you can do absolutely anything you want!" Anyone who tells you otherwise is either a rich kid or a Woke AF grass fed hipster.

6. Get work online. Start a vlog, a podcast, teach english or teach anything. Just take the steps to begin a career online because this is easily available and it's work from home safe. I'm only beginning to do this now and yes I'm gonna make a vlog or podcast interview about all of these things I mentioned above but only after I'm done sorting all my shit out.

That's all I have to say for now and I'm happy to also say that I've been moving forward with a more positive attitude lately. I'm stronger now and I only care about things that are valuable to my growth. I still deal with depression and anxiety on a daily basis but this has reduced as I see new goals on the horizon.

I wanna thank all my friends who were there to drop a line and support me in even the slightest of ways when I most needed it.

I want to thank my Dad and family for being there no matter what. I'm crying now as I type this. Man, you don't know how much gratitude I have for you guys.

I also want to thank those who still stayed buddies with people who burned me in business. It allows me to know where to classify you in my internal contact list. (Facebook should have that...Friends list and Frenemies or Fake Friends, lol.)

I also want to thank God...yes I believe in you. Live Jesus in our hearts...Forever. Amen. 

[phandom-advice]

So I never leave the house. I'm homeschooled and I literally have no friends because I'm shy. I only go outside to get stuff from the store and maybe see a movie with the family. There's just no reason for me to go outside. Recently though I've been trying to better myself so I got to know the teens who live next door. All they do is judge others, party and smoke that's so not me they even judge me for it. Any other ways I can get involved and meet people?

Hello! I hope you are well and safe. That’s not a very nice crowd to be around.

I’m proud of you for being able to not be peer-pressured! You stayed true to yourself and if I knew you irl I would give you a smoothie as a reward. Or something.

This is a bit of a tricky question to answer. I will go with the fool-proof answer: the Internet. As a Tumblr user you are aware that there are networks around for people who have the same interests and/or from the same area! I remember being member of a Filipino phandom network (I forgot the name tho :@cornflakeslester irl and hung out with them! Now I’ve kinda lost interest with phan, moving back to K-Pop. Even then I have found a Filipino network of K-Pop stans to find that one of them would be attending my school next year. I’ve built a good friendship with a kid named Ae who I have now adopted as my child.

So that’s all I can give, I guess. Find people in your area who have the same interests, the internet makes it easier to do that. Build relationships and establish friendships, and if you deem it safe (like, maybe after you Skype and see that the person is really the person they say they are), go and meet them! 

Good luck!

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

"40 acres and a mule"

Baby what the Hell you want a mule for?

Alright baby. Let me tell you.

You will never ever ever get reparations.

Y'all this lady instigated him and pissed him off. Called him a dam liar and a begger and all kinds of bad.

I quit watching it. I seen enough. "Hustler"

Bitch I'll hustle my fist in your teeth and get you a new set, don't talk hustle when you don't know a dam thing about it.

Let me tell you about me.

I'm registered 1/16 Muscogee (Musckogee and/or Muskogee as well) Creek Nation out of Oklahoma. Our tribe headquarters is in Oklahoma in a mound of dirt -- under a pile of earth is our headquarters.

We have the original council house of brick in town it's a measeuem were all very proud of. Its on 6th street. On a big ole square.

So. Let me tell you. We used to be in Georgia. That's why i picked Atlanta for a big ole fuck you fire. I picked others but I said "this is a government thing?"

"Not really Sabrina it's more police"

"I'm hearing government in that word. Can I fuck up Atlanta? I'll take some country Georgia but you know my tribe is from Atlanta specifically. I don't want no one to get hurt though"

Tree said "i got something perfect, a Wendy's because you use to live in Ireland, too Miss Red Leg hairs in the sun"

"Alright then. Ill take you on Then. Its a done deal".

This was 2008 and to be clear, we didn't start human trafficking in that parking lot -- they already was. 12 years and they ain't stopped. We did intervene but, they dumb and stubborn and they stayed away from the Wendy's unlike the other night. For the last 12 years. This way they would be more inclined to use it. Like we bust them and they keep on. They don't care. Its greed. An addiction. They can't see. So.

I get punched in the face and I get back up and fight again. Same thing - different American Dreams.

So Spain came now Spain is over by Europe. Look at a map. And we left. From fear, we went to Florida.

We didn't have no label. We were humans. We were love. So we moved down to Tampa area.

Then we got named by the whites. The whites then fought us unlike the Spaniards who just wanted to share and we didn't want to. So we just left.

So some of us was all fuck you. We ain't moving just because Spain said we did for them don't mean we will for you. So. We fought.

Some of us were captured. So then the white people said you will show us America, The New World. Like bitch you think we know it all been all over and shit like we got cars. Fuck.

So the whites raped and tried to kill all that refused to move. So they left them. We left them. They were named Seminoles.

Because semen they were raped and we also left the old that were unable to travel. And the small kids. Two words. Semen in. Olds. Raped. Wounded. Old and children.

The rest of us took the whites and Spaniards (some did and some didn't war) across the new world.

And we followed Creeks. The Spaniards knew the rivers went North and South. They wanted to go West.

So we walked. All the way to the Middle of the United States of America. And stopped.

We said we want our land. We want our trust. We want our lives back. You go do you and leave us here and alone without you.

The Spaniards agreed. And the whites of course so fucking greedy and non cognitive. Fought.

Eventually we got our land. My family. We had a big ole 2 floor 10 room mansion. It felt like.

32 years later the government decided they wanted to build a dam. And once again. Our land was gone.

And our land was stolen.

Now that glorious home we had that my family earned to show the way West is gone. Flooded under a lake built by a dam in Oklahoma.

They moved us to Okmulgee about 45 minutes South of Tulsa.

Its not a reservation. Anyone can live there. In fact our HQ is in the city limits.

And we don't have land. We don't have anything we were promised.

Since i don't live there and i live in New Mexico, I don't get any of the benefits. And because New Mexico Native Americans warred with each other due to the Hispanics from Central America. Other Nations don't like to help me.

Here. Native American tribes in New Mexico. They're prejudice against each other. And whites.

And it's really fucking bad. I used to work at the BIA. Beaururu of Indian Affairs. "What tribe are you?" And if you were Aztec you were cool. If you were Peublo you were fighting with Navajo. And vice versa.

And we were making sure people of ALL Tribes got money for their needs. Like for medicine or transportation. And our office was fighting each other.

Like what the Hell? We all have the same purpose here. We all come from the same place, we all have the same heart and same pain. And we're all are hurt and so why are you all hurting each other?

I got a tattoo of an Indian Head on my left lower arm so no matter what unless it was long sleeves, everyone could see.

And i would hear them physically hitting each other. And they all remembered I got the tattoo and i showed them when i came back from lunch and I wss all bleeding and it was brand new.

Then i went around and showed them all as it healed. Showed them progress and lack off.

So they would fight. The Aztecs didn't put up with shit like me. And so people would try to dominate them

So i could always hear them fight. And it was a big office. An entire floor of the big Compass Bank building in Albuquerque. But I could always hear them except on the complete opposite because door ways. But three certain ladies would go to the hall and call for me to go stop it.

You know. It was the year 2000. I was only born in 1985 although I have always used a different birthday since i was adopted of 1980.

So literally I was 15 years old. "Legally" i was only 19 and not even old enough to buy alcohol and there I was pulling grammas off each other And people old enough to be my mom.

They called me a stupid white. Because I am light skinned. A stupid white nigger. I know what that is. An abusive slave owner

Me!! Me of all people!!!

I already had PTSD coming out the ass and i could barely drag my ass out of bed in the morning because i wss so suicidal depressed. And i get called a slave owner. A lazy and abusive one at that!?!

"Well i don't see you working!! You wanna call people nigger you brown ass bitch?!?! Your ass is always fighting!! Why don't you go earn a paycheck!!" She regretted running her mouth at me more than 2x. I had shoved her and when she got closer, she claimed because she couldn't hear although people from the complete opposite walls came running, i punched her in the face. Cold coked her dead to the floor. She had that evil gleam. The dead Zulululu look. That evil dumb bitch look. And no fucking way was she touching me. So then her back up who was like 7 foot tall grabbed up my hair and vagina and threw me 8 feet across the room.

I just got up and sat at my desk and pretended like nothing happened. Just like the Zulululu do. I had road rash like a mother fucker tho.

I got him later in the parking lot. Shoved him in front of a moving car at 40 mph. This girl that worked with us. A 68 mustang all real metal total steel.

He never came back to work to mess with us. And,the girl got transferred to another floor. And I got called down for her 5th fight and I interviewed the people around the fight area and they said they all worked in peace until she had come. They had whites tho.

And most New Mexico Native Americans HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE whites.

So she got fired, I recommended it. She couldn't get along with anyone. I recommended she get a job on her reservation in Montana for her tribe and so the BIA paid for her to move. Citing emotional difficulties, PTSD due to government intervention in Native American lives.

So this man he's asking for reparation in this video.

And i just want to answer him..

You never will. They were gonna fire her. Leave her dead. I asked special they send her away to a place she could likely find peace.

Nd she did. But if it wasn't for me, she would had nothing.

And she had called me a white nigger and I got thrown 8 feet across the room because of her.

I'm adding her now and him to the list. Idc if they been interviewed, its eye for an eye. They are both Zulululu and still causing fights over nothing.

I had slammed her against the wall by her throat and i wanted to kill her and i should had. But i told her "im going to do something for yoh because i hate myself more than i hate you and you will accept it. And if hou keep acting like this you will receive death more than me slamming your head on this printer until you can't breathe" then i put all the pressure I could without killing her on her throat. Then killed her anyway. Died myself went through the black hole and dragged her ass back in her body pushed the EMT OFF ME, got up and jumped on her stomach and chest full body and killed her again then this bitch tried to go to the sun, so i got her ass back. Threw her ass back in. Woke up in the fucking elevator, trying to get outta the stretcher "oh im fine where is this dam bitch"

"Oh my God! You gotta lay down!"

"Fine i bet she's not back in" got out of my body and found her hiding in the dirt.

This bitch wanted to fight?! She was gonna find me fighting her. Behind death for the rest of her life.

She was old, too. Like 46... I was only 15/19. More than twice my age. 3x my real.

I woke up in the stretcher downstairs laughing and farting. She was crying how scared she was. I thought it was funny. I was so mad I didn't care how she felt. Scared was not what i expected. It surprised me and made me laugh. I didn't know how she would feel. She never stopped fighting. Scared of me? Nah. Im just an innocent sweet babe.

So other than her, i would show people my tattoo when the fought. "You and I. You and her. We all come from the same place. We are all Indians! Look at me! My tattoo! It hurt! For no reason and I didn't want it to! Lets just get over it and heal ourselves in our souls the Indian way!"

They had saw. Some had taken photos. They knew it hurt. It swelled up. It was red. Imflammed but not infected. Like anger of the hearts.

I shouldn't had to prove we suffered

So I ask those asking or demanding reparations, please don't.

We don't all have benefits. And we have pain and suffering. And a lot is jealousy because some tribes have more than others.

If you get reparations, i fear the ramifications.

"Oh them ni**ers got shit and we didn't"

Babes. Sometimes it just time to let go.

Just let it go, baby.

I can't think of my family's land and mansion under water. Flooded. I get punched in the fucking heart. And it hurts. It hurts so bad

I ain't a piece of trash. Following a dam creek so fucking far just to climb what looked like another mountain. Fuck that.

Then they flood it. Fuck you back.

Fuck you back. Fuck you back. They said. FUCK YOU. BECAUSE YOU DIDNT WANT TO BE RAPED AND WOUNDED AND YOU TOOK US TO THE MIDDLE OF THE COUNTRY ON YOUR BARE FEET AND HALF YOU DIED ALONG THE WAY BECAUSE WE BEAT AND RAPED YOU ANYWAY. FUCK YOU BACK FOR NO REASON THAT YOU WERE ALIVE AND IN OUR NEW WORLD FIRST.

OUR NEW WORLD. FUCK YOU. PIECE OF TRASH.

Lost city of Atlantis. People look for it by Greece and shit. Its just in Oklahoma.

We came from Atlanta. "Fine this can be your new Atlas location" said the Spaniards..

But they were too nice. Christopher Columbus was too nice. Spaniards brought food and shelters. But we we're afraid of them. Their odd food, and so on. We did not know what they were. We didn't recognize any one. When we went to Florida they did go with. It was exploration to them. Running away to us. They followed, just curious.

Then we understood. They were like children playing. Innocent. They followed. They kept us safe.

They knew we were afraid once there was a ravine. Their scouts spotted it. They knew we ran our horses too fast and we would all died. They raced ahead in the night while we camped and they all stood to block us off. 100 feet from the edge they formed a line of their own bodies to stop us.

That is when we knew we could trust the Spaniards. So we went scout back to Atlanta to see what happened there. And to tell what had occurred. That our lives had been saved.

Then we took court. We camped near side them for 10 days to decide how much of our lives we should give. Reports came back that 100% trust would be accurate. And so slowly we allowed the "wapuauhaluani" to lean into the Spaniards to truly see what they were all about.

We became friends.

But the whites took over the country. And we all lost.

So I understand what my brothers and sisters and my ma's and pas and little babies in the African American community is going through.

From the eyes of my current life as a registered 1/16 Native American, 23andme says only 3%

As a person to get a tattoo to stop war after I did so many years of community work in the Black Panthers where obviously I am not black any more and I was accepted.

I know what it feels like to be white and hated.

I know what it feels like to be hated for the color of my skin.

As a white person.

But fully accepted into the black community..

So excuse me when I go to a state that has an actual African American population and I just sit and stare looking like a true jack ass.

I just feel like myself. I feel complete. And I feel accepted.

And so not all of you know me. I do work in South America and all over the globe and i treat them all the same.

Reparations, i am afraid. I know and I believe will have repercussions this day and age.

So now Altlanta. Where i am from. My tribe was all brown there. Is now black.

I don't be ignorant and hate them because they took over my town.

That's not why i say. I say because it happens to everyone else.

And so I plan to treat people all the same. We do the DNA4U paid education and quizzes. And i know its not what you ask but it is done by the Tree of Infinite Knowledge.

And right now I'm just a POW and i can't do more than what I can.

But all you beautiful people that is gonna survive. I promise you.

Every single person on this Earth has suffered.

Every single person will get rewards for living. Every thing will be okay..

I know it's not today. Today is the fight for our beautiful children in this world and ourselves.

Its not almost over yet its not just beginning.

This is the orgasm state. Orgasm. So intense and wild and pleasurable and exhausting.

What comes after? Bliss and peace.

Tree keeps telling me two to four years more

My babies, it sounds so long. But every time he says 2 years I say "Well at least it's only 2"

I ask him 3 times a week. "How long is it now?"

We are gonna be okay.

You know those books that you pick the ending? What you do effects it?

Sometimes you can do 5 different things and the ending is the same?

People. I saw call it the "plandemic"

Trust me, it's planned so hard core the black hole feels it. We will win.

I gave up my only child. She was 4 years old. In 2008. I have a clone. And her spirit comes sometimes in it. And sometimes it's other ghosts.

People were wondering why I was crying the other day when I was driving. And I didn't want to say.

My daughter is in prison now. To keep her safe. You cannot imagine the intense fear I have every single day. And I don't even understand myself as for why.

I can see my daughter and she's safe and she's happy and laughing. But... She's a divine clone. My parents made her and the evil aliens took my real daughter.

They call her Sophia. She volunteered. Well. Voluntold. She said "someone needs to fix this! I was born on Martin Luther King's (Jr) birthday of his I have a dream speech and I have a dream too! For someone to fix this!!"

And my mom said from the dead, "I have a proposal"

Like I'm screaming and already bawling but u stop myself because she goes straight out of body and stands in front of my mom.

Its so beautiful. Then it is like a horrible Disney Fairytale curse.

"So i just want you to say yes and don't think about anything and don't think about your mom. She's hurt. Remember her back is broke? Now back to Martin Luther King. Yoh can make all dreams come true. You can be the Hero for the whole entire world because your dad is a mess and you can change this from oh 47 years to about 12 what do you think about that?"

"Yes!! I do! I want that! What do you think mom?"

And i could only stare at how beautiful mu child is. And I felt the horrific horror of how the Queen or fairy God mother puts the whole town to sleep for the curse and you know i began to bawl.

In our past lives. She wasnt the brave one. She was the first born. And she was always with me. Over protective like crazy. Someone was always watching just to make sure she breathed right and had all she needed immediately. Never went out. Always had 7 layers of guards between her and the outside world.

And my mom of all people was telling her to go free and go Just walk in the front door of evil to live.

I was proud. And joyful and in complete agony.

I had to do what was right.

God didn't send his only begotten son to die on the cross. That never haoend.

But a Goddess gave birth to a girl after having sex. And the aliens that attempted to kill her on a cross, named her Jesus and wrote a shameful book about her called the Bible. With nothing but lies. And that Jesus. The real Jesus. The Only Jesus. Sent her only daughter into the pits of Earths most Evil to destroy it with dreams.

So we will all suffer for two to four more years..

For that child to allow us to finish our work.

And no one will say the word reparations again. They will simply say "thank you, I am happy with the changes"

My mom promised me and my daughter.

Due to the True Annabelle parading around as Sophia (now in my prison and went swimming with a historical sibling that was born in a lifetime different than this in their shared hall cell) we are down to two to four years as opposed to 35.

So please quit fucking with Christopher Columbus.

The statues that are being taken down by states will be placed when it's safe to do so in places Christopher Columbus loved, if that is okay with every one else.

Robert E Lee as well. Tree has already publicly listed our blessed that we were so lucky to have that ARE heros for Earth.

Obviously not all white people are bad. But they used to be. Back then. Obviously I am 95% White according to 23 and me.

We had an emergency situation. So we changed the skin of all people not on the Africa continent to white. That os on the non American side. Later after invasions we changed all our good to brown.

This way. Because the invading aliens were so power full. So #1 is protect.

So Northern Europe was changed to white from Negro in order to blend in with the invaders. This way invaders in that,area,didn't know who to kill.

So,obviously invading in Ireland was red heads and white skin.

Sweden, yellow hair and white skin.

So we instantly did that.

Then because of information they would continue to invade that area, we kept them the aliens color.

So all of us except the negros are the color of aliens.

But the Zulululu kills and invades the body with their souls. So now African color folks have alien as well as every other color..

And that is why I'm fed the fuck up.

Im killing every fucking alien i don't agree with.. We did 12 years of intensive studies. In 1994 we jailed ass holes like Trump and more. And this is the end result.

THIS IS THE APOCALYPSE..

Y'all Jesus been here 35 years.. And i want to kill myself. This Earth. I just wanna blow it up and start all over. But I'm stubborn.

And I'm PISSED the fuck off.

And i have a child willing to risk her life until age 16.

Like the damdesr Princess in the world.

So every one will get the land they are owed.

African Americans. Remember VIKINGS.. Our babies, our brothers and sisters our elderly had their land stolen.

People in Africa. The Middle East.

I had to tear down a dam wall in the middle of Germany.

Okay?

I'm here and i hate it.