#((yeah that’s probably my head rn))
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Oooo darling~
I just bought the most lovely pair of shoes for you! And I decided that if you promise to be a Good Girl I’ll release your foot constraints and let you walk around in them!
“MmHHHMMmM”
Awwww, that gag never gets old does it? This will be just lovely~
These shoes match you cute little dress and make up better then I dreamed, now raise your cute little foot for me, doll, lets make you even cuter~
#I love getting my doll some new clothes :3#.#forcefem#i-like-talking#..#I think I’ll make it a habit to do editors notes here x3#since I like doing a second hit of forcefem juice in the first line!!!#but I also wanna talk about how my day was great#and I’m procrastinating going to bed rn#and how i love making drafts since that means I’ve got a peer reviewed post ready for you cuties to enjoy#despite me needing to go to bed!#so yeah I won’t be 100% consistent#but the “..” tag will probably find more use#…I wonder how much universal use the .. tag gets?#I should head to bed x3#good night cuties!!!
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Merry Christmas, @crickets-lovely-place! Hope you're having a lovely holiday. Here's my Secret Santa gift for you!
#i was already in a wintery mood when i got you assigned and when i then read your request this immediately popped into my head#magic practice with viktuuri and the triplets!#i had A LOT of fun with the sky and the trees and a lot of not fun with getting the piece to not look awful XD#but im happy with where i got it to so i hope you like it too!#also i have it open on both my laptop and my cintiq rn and man i hope youre gonna be viewing it on a screen better than my laptops#or at least one with colour and contrast settings more suited for art because uhm#yeah i need to change the settings on my laptop this looks#lets call it below my personal standards#SO PRAYING YOUR SCREEN IS BETTER THAN MINE#just view it on your phone that should be okay probably hopefully#ANYWAY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!#yuri on ice#yuri on ice fanart#fanart#art#arom antix art#arom antix#viktor nikiforov#katsuki yuuri#alex nishigori#lutz nishigori#loop nishigori#viktuuri
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Fine Dining
#shaxx the waiter & cayde the sommelier#(also bartender probably idk)#i didn't plan to render wtf is going on#i drew too much silly shaxx i need to do him some justice#by giving him a suit#how tf do you draw suit#wait is that a head with a face??? in this blog????#blender save me#tbh i forgot about cayde's hoodie until i started drawing cayde's draft#too late lol suit looks good w/o hoodie anyways#btw the next few posts are probably all about dining au#definitely not because i wanna draw shaxx in suits. yeah. sure.#(he exists in every idea i now have about dining au like i'm not even joking rn)#destiny 2#cayde 6#lord shaxx#destiny 2 art#dining au#my art
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I feel like barnabys favorite drink (alcoholic) might be a old fashioned? And non alcoholic mixed drink. Might be a Shirley temple. (Which Is my favorite non alcoholic mixed drink!)
(Of course this is all my opinion! But yea!
he Does feel like a classy guy, huh? but who's to say! Who's. To. Say...
#ohhhh dont say shirley temple thats one of my favs as well....#dont put that thought in my head...#oh what i wouldnt do for one rn. its been so long </3#catch me going to the bar and getting one of those instead of Anything else#rambles from the bog#but yeah. who knows maybe he'd enjoy just plain whiskey#a nice Quality bourbon perhaps...#we're probably way off the mark here!#no wait he seems to have a sweet tooth given his hotdog order... as well as a lack of tastebuds...#idk. you know that guy who makes hellish alcohol concoctions in bathtubs. bathtub jungle juice#maybe barn would enjoy That. absolutely absurd concept....#but as always! what do i know!#lmfao im picturing him swirling whipped cream on whiskey aaslcnjalscnslkd + a cherry.... maybe some sprinkles....#actually that doesnt sound too bad. hm.#we Do have whiskey i think... maybe ill have some fun tomorrow#nah actually im not a big fan of straight whiskey#im more of a rum guy... maybe ill do that to some Rum...
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↳ SIDE HOTD (1 /∞ )
🐺🏹 MYRANDA OF MAIDENS MOUTH ── i don't belong here, i don't belong anywhere. (x) (x) (x)
#t: edits#*hotds#c: myranda#i just wanted to get her outta my head ig.#she's the only kid outta the five of them that uses the stark last name tho#literally just makes it her business tbh she has NO reason to be doing what she does#post dance she'll most likely stay south of the wall to like...experience adventure and stuff but#yeah....literally just here.#she holds no real weight tbh i just wanted to mess around with concepts#literally the random relative you've never me that just shows up randomly like can we hang out???#probably gonna do one of these for elsa and some of the other side hotd hoes just to stay on like a edits#or creativity schedule or something#in a ton of pain rn with back and leg issues (have no idea wtf is going on) so just trying to keep busy and off of webmd
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okay like the thing is that suicide jokes and such are probably not that bad or that big of a deal if you're not really suicidal but if you're For Real suicidal or have been before and are not doing well mentally and you keep making them and start finding comfort in the thought you could kill yourself if you wanted to. be careful
#like i'm being serious rn 😭😭#it genuinely became my only source of comfort and i ended up feeling like that was the only solution#and it wasn't even necessarily bc i wanted to be dead. at least not most of the time#but it felt like the only way for things to change?#i was so stuck and in the extreme act of killing myself i could see change i could see moving forward#which like. yeah but it's obviously DANGEROUS i mean i could've died for real#sometimes i wish i had blabla but mostly i'm glad i didn't but it was still all so awful to go thru?#and idk sometimes i think if i'd not normalized the idea of suicide in my head for so long i wouldn't have gotten to that point#ik that genuinely most ppl who make suicide jokes are gonna be fine it's not gonna affect them much#but some of us are severely mentally ill 😭😭 i've been suicidal on and off since i was 13 or something#and it's just not good for me and i just want to be like. if you're also mentally ill please analyze if it's bad for you too#bc ah brains are fucked up !!!!!!! like i have a personality disorder and my brain has probably never been Not fucked up so i have to accep#that i have to be gentler towards it bc it'll start having fucked up beliefs easily lmao like the amount of things i rationally understand#but emotionally i believe and feel the opposite and it does NOT help to just rationally know !!!!! which sucks#but i'm working on it with a professional bc yeah i can't just get rid of the bad thoughts and negative shit on my own which i guess is ok?#okayyyyy.. back to football
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Assignments Update!
Hey Doodlers! Exciting news- we're nearly finished with assignments!
After a lot of hard work on our end and patience from you, we're finally nearing the end of assignments. Which is so exciting!! We'll 100% be finished by the end of the day today, and will be sending them out tomorrow, January 5th, since it's getting pretty late for us and we want to be alert to make sure sending goes smoothly.
Thank you all for your kindness in dealing with the delays, we deeply appreciate it. We'll post when assignments start sending, and then post again when they're all sent out. We hope you're all as stoked as we are- go Doodlers!
#updates#info#important#i know we keep saying it over and over but we really and truly are excited for this to start. we know it's taking a bit longer#but hope that it turns out to be worth it to you all!!#(sammy here) my exhibit is bleeding a little more into things than i thought it would and it's 100% on me for not making more wiggle room#but at the same time there's not much that could have been done anyway. so yeah!#the current biggest problem is people maybe getting anxious over having less time and this event becoming stressful for them. which#is the last thing we want because this event is ALWAYS meant to be just. fun.#so we'll probably be making a poll soon asking if people would like us to push back our gifting week dates and by how much#so yeah! just to keep you all in the loop. i know not everyone reads tags but i figure a small heads up is probably nice#since i don't have the time to make a big post rn. basically things are coming and i swear we're doing all we can for this event#even if there have been delays. we're still very passionate. thank you and bye bye
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not that i was sooo active before but just a heads up <3
#* out of ‚#death tw#pet death tw#i am going to have to put my 16 yr old dog down and i am evidently bummed about that#way bummed. super bummed. mega bummed.#i am disguising it with jokes but the closest word is probably devestated#i hate the fact time moves forward!1!1!1!! anyway.#the is either a heavy drop in communication not only here but on discord too <3#goes for all my blogs even tho i won’t rb it there bc i’m on mobile so. i’m stuck.#but yeah. maybe i’ll dive head first into writing tho as a cope who knows#i know it’s for the better bc he’s had such a good life and i’m sure he’s in pain rn but i just wish things#were different.#i’ll add some pics as a last minute decision bc he’s my baby boy#they’re all sort of silly bc i was stupid n young and so was he#my sweet sweet little baby!!!!#anyway yes that’s it i just wanted to say i loved him sm and ill miss him and time sux
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haha! bit ill
#bakuspeech#delete later#I definitely don't have a fever my forehead doesn't feel that hot (thermometer shows 38.6 degree c) well#this is a bit of a high fever for a cold I think. so I might be in for the A virus goin around rn#Ive headed it of when my throat started hurting so Im not coughing a lot#and the guideline says stay home until I get worried. and I made my own food today so Im not worried yet lol#but yeah tldr: sick. not a major chance of it getting worse but I'm keepin an eye on it#so uh. wont be talking much for the next week probably! not that I say a lot nowadays lmao#dont worry about me. I do miss drawing tho have to sit out of drawing yet again.... auuuu#cool story I'll tell u guys later. not now tho I gotta lay down probably#okay alright have a good night lads#we strong! we're strong! we chill n we'll get thru this
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It wasn’t even really your fault. I don’t know why I can’t let go of it.
You’re allowed to be mad at me! You know that right?
You’re allowed to be hurt, Fin…
#shep arts#colorzas#blueza#finley blueza#orangeza#flynn orangeza#i dont like this drawing all that much#but i convinced my friends to join a call that was just me going insane about an idea I’ll never post about in full so yeah#woe little snippet from a thing i wrote in my head like an hour go be upon ye#these two lost their wings. something something ones stuck in the past while the other is moving on into the future#i both love and hate writing but I do like writing conversations#idk something about words between people comes easier to me than actual scenes n stuff#idk why im in a lineless art era rn but it probably wont last much longer raughg#my brain is throwing me violently between my mcyt interests rn so idk yeah that's the vibe rn just oof ouch pain and suffering (dramatic)
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yeah this cannot go on i need to take something like my chest is exploding i can't calm down it's 7am i feel insane insane insaneeeee
#though I HAVE successfully testing that ldn gives me an insane amount of (anxious) energy when i'm on a 3-4mg dose but then i get foggy and#empty at 4-5mg i think#i'm not sure if i should go down to like 2 or try to find the window between#i wish i just had like. a year to get meds right and heallllll so badly#but i can't afford going all the way down and having more relapses#i feel like i'm having aheart attack rn it's so bad it's so acutely painful#and it's so weird bc it's so empty#too like last month i was so full of everything and especially uh attachment fear but now it's just like pain empty screaming pain#i think it's the not eating food enough thing#i mean I DID eat MANY crackers today. rolls eyes#not enough hhh#i know theres so much i have to get done but like ic annot do anything i can't even message anyone i can't i need to get sedated#i don't know if i should try having MORE ldn or ritalin (probably not bc it doesn't sedate me like adderall)#or just hydroxyzine or muscle relaxers#hydroxyzine is looking like the most likely option#bc i still associate muscle relaxers too much with trauma i can't take them they scare me#i feel like i'm dying#i don't think you guys get how fast i'm typing rn like i am going fucking insane if i die of a heart attack for real it would suck huh#no i KNOW this is panic i KNOWWWW i'm panicking but i also feel like i'm going to throw up and die forever it's so bad i feel so so bad lik#i don't think people get how bad everything is i need it to all calm down and stop i need it to get better i am not okay holy shit#you know what everything in my life might not feel fixable and i am letting all my professors down but I can probably take incompletes wors#comes to worst i need to take hydroxzyine sleep and then cave and buy some food tomorrow#like what's happening now i#there FEELS like there's a SHAARP HOOOK in my CHEST IMAPLING ME#if i sedate myself enough i might be able to communicate with people for real instead of burrowing my head into the ground forever and ever#yeah okay i'm taking hydroxzyine#i feel like the problem with antihistamines now after last year is [redcated]#trying to convinc emyself this is not a suicide attempt or self harm i just need to calm down hahahahafih;aeifahe;wifahewifae#that's what they're PRESCRIBED for#i think i want benadryl instead though bc it's shorter and it also makes me head clearer i wonder if i have any i think it's not here thoug
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I've been actually talking to my irls a lot more consistently recently and it's been?? Really nice??
I'm horrible at texting irls like absolutely Horrible but I've been really trying hard lately to keep contact even though it terrifies the shit outta me--(idk why, I just. Do not have the same confidence level with irls that I do with online friends. I used to be confident w irls in irl situations but lately even that's been horrribleee like gen I am so awkward/self conscious irl rn 😭😭 it's painful)--and!! It's been getting easier!!
I'm honestly really happy and I think it's really helping with my mental health shdkdks
#foxie rambles#to the one irl who has me on tumbl r uhm i totally forgot u were on here HELPSJFJF i mean i did and didnt i typed one word before rememberin#but fuck it we ball#the chances of u seeing this r probably very low anywats#but yeah . its been uhm. nice#talking more often with u<3#i am way too tired rn i had a way more structured post laid out in my head and then. brain went Blank the minute i tried typing this out#i also tend to type easier in tags than in actual posts HAHAHA#but yeah idk i hope it goes well!! im still nervous about forming super close friendships (✨ abandonment issues ✨)#but im trying to not let the fear rule me#lifes been a lot lately 😭#trying to not get burnt out
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someone took my night owlness from me
#☆— yapping#so sleepy and it's only 1 am#i've been sleepy all day today#more so than usual unfortunately#kept taking naps at like 9 am 10 am 11 am 2 pm#probably some other times too but yeah#i could not stay awake for the life of me#took a 20 minute nap that i just woke up from#and now idk what to do#raging headache all day today tho#worse than normalll#it truly feels like my head being pounded into the wall#i need to think of an answer for zevie too#very interesting question has me thinking hard#but my brain cant work rn#oh well that's what the weekends for anyways#gonna sleep for half the day yippeee#hopefully hopefully#maybe gn idk might pass out rn
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For the song ask game, 21!
Hmmm... this is kind of a tricky one actually? I have a couple of songs that I Really Like and am basically always kinda down to listen to but it all kinda mushes together and I can't think of any that have a person's name in them.
I guess if I had to choose I'd go with Grace and Vonnegut Busy by Sage Francis? I like Sage Francis generally and Vonnegut and Grace are both names people have.
youtube
youtube
#i actually once did an art project based on vonnegut busy!#i can post a picture if anyone is interested i guess#it was for a class at my school#also remember what i said about how my faves all kinda mush together?#yeah thinkin' about it vonnegut busy is actually a definite fave#i wish i could say the same for grace but it's stuck in my head rn so i'm biased#(it probably is tho)#anyway i'm super tired but i don't feel tired?#this isn't related to the music i'm just jetlagged lol#g'night everyone!
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(genderly) chill as hell if i was only ever glimpsed / detected like this
#Shrouded In A Rectangle neither sleeves nor an open front to be besieged with? yes#just doing whatever else like doesn't matter. tee cargo shorts which is my best guess rn of my ideal outfit. + sandals Absolutely#unfortunately my hair could never do that. somehow neither am i yet like forties fifties? have i not been at this for eons?#i Can be like uh let's just nobody talk to me i'm busy pensively perceiving truths that you don't ever actually wanna hear about#just the other day it was like hey....a [way Having To Talk could be a difficulty / problem] was under my nose in this lifelong pattern#certainly noticing the Verbal Exchange Demand heaped upon burnout as like [delay delay delay struggle weariness stress]#but also who knows like spent plenty of time just probably indeed Not having to have such exchanges while burned out. not noting them#anyway like this isn't even [dysphoric Ideal Outfit until i could [whatever supposed even more ideal than that gender euphoria]]#though shoutout to that but like nah get shrouded anyway. the only [how do i look] im motivated to consider is: when it's a costume#when it's just me it's like. i guess whatever pants and a comfortable enough tee. need glasses. hair's w/e so cut quite short ig#might accessorize w/things that are fun to me like hey yeah yknow i might want a calculator watch#[yea as a kid it was like :( im actively appreciating the animals supposedly Gross or Bad] if i had hated little friends Sure yaay#if i had disorienting light effects like a pelagic creature. but you don't even need that. like hey i'm nd in real life. i got it#chat i'm in the walls too bestie lmao. if only my bigfoot pose reference Step was this good#tl;dr long rephrasing of my being like; now the gender slay....#& nodding & Noting when [worksheet exercise: what's your gender euphoria look?] is like shrug idk. but this is serving maximally to me; so#going Chat how can i up my uncanny stats. looking up ''isn't it like Uncanny knowledge e.g. so like why not....canny''#but i think the un canny is the Uncanniness Accuser's perspective. not of My ken. your literal weird one maybe#so again apt to be like jk i'm just autistic & shit; i got it....horror shit challenge impossible: Don't have sm typical mundane#[disability moment] as like Unsettling danger/malice cues. challenge impossible; again#subverted here like as [horror holding hands touching foreheads w/comedy] w/o Rescinding just casual disabled behavior/qualities#just remembered like three witches weird sisters etc macbeth. weird uncanny soothsaying gendering. word#anyway i should be shrouded (made no any connection whenever i put the blanket now over my head & shoulders in place min ago)#perhaps the real Ideal Look insight: i do not have any way i wish to be observed by people. secret passages / removed room anytime
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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