#(E is scared right now)
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find another role, carry on the show
#EDIT IT DIDNT SAVE MY TAGS. hey so this post got a thousand notes huh. interesting. surely nothing will change#i'll leave all the old tags. for my thought process. and its kinda funny#take a bow stupid idiot (throws a tomato at them)#in stars and time#isat#siffrin#siffrin no middle names no last name ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧#... or is it. Smiles#i'd like to draw mira for her birthday but um (hasnt open artfight website in a few days) im scared.#also i have NICE ASKS TO ANSWER.... But im scared. give me a minute#Uawaaaaagh i drew this bc i was trying to animate a little bit but it just . Didnt look good. im not good ag 2d animation#tch. ill keep trying cause there ar e way too many songs that and now about isat because i have brain worms. i need amvs.#IM SCARED TO POST THINGS THAT ARE SPOILERY BECAUSE I WANT MY FRIENDS TO PLAY ISAT. BUT.#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sasasap#sasasa:p#WHAT IS THE PROLOGUES TAG.#tshirt that says 'i <3 killing the image in the mirror and taking its place' on the fromt#and a list of megan thee stallions tour dates on the back. お金稼ぐ俺らはスター#Im kind of tempted to edit this to be the versiom with the eyes. or maybe twt can have that. or. well#all of my friends are on twt (trombone slide sfx) so maybe thats where i should worry about spoilers.#ill see if i want to slap an eyepatch on them in the morning#Im one of those people who was like idgaf about twohats (lets it simmer for a week) Oh my god. Oh my god. Ohmy god#EDIT. i swapped it out for the Eyes version it should be fine as long as its tagged formspoilers right...#ill post eyepatch vers on twt partly bc spoilers but also ppl over there can be .. annoying ..... ....#i fear i would get 800 You Forgot The Eyepatch replies. PLEASE JUST SEE MY VISION.#[BANGING MY HANDS ON THE GLASS] HIS HAND. LIKE IN THE PROLOGUE. WHEN THEYE. HANDS. HELD[EXPLOSION
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#my post#p#saw#saw iii#is that how its tagged..idk#as had been the case in the past now ive stared at thjs long enough n fucked around w it so long that i kinda hate it#but im releasing it anyway. into my blog#saw the quote on pinterest n already had the pic of her kneeling by her bed n went hunting for other ones#this is lowkey nothing but i spent time on it so w/e here goes lol#first pics are her being kinda set off by lynn saying john probs doesnt know amandas there#when shes hugging him post surgery i believe (or some other time hes not doin good i forget)#n that rly set her off n i almost included instead of one of those#one right after when john has to kinda call her off to leave lynn alone (i will make dog motif amanda post. one day)#3rd pic seems self explanatory. when we see her little room at the like jigsaw lair it always makes me go :(#knowing she probs lives there w john or wherever hes at yknow#i see her as v isolated besides her connection to john w makes that bond stronger not in a good way necessarily ofc#cuz its. not a good situation for her but like hes all she has kinda thing i think#last pic just had the vibe i was looking for n feels less right than 3rd one but idc now#after the blackmail letter from hoffman so she feels like she has to kill lynn like it said#n that clearly scared her enough shes willing to yknow murder someone even if john wouldnt approve#in the hopes that he doesnt find out she was sorta part of it w jill's miscarriage n assuming he'd want nothing to do w her then#<- there's so much going on at any given time. soap opera franchise i swear#im p sure u dont even find out til a later movie what the letter was abt or from who skdjdk#saw movies love to be like so this thing might not make sense but stick around for a couple more movies n we'll explain#or add context or a new character u didnt know was involved/alive all along#said affrctionately lol its just funny to me
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don’t eat us
- sincerely, an ant
i am trying so hard don't evenb worry about it...... eveyry time i get the urges i conjure powerful images of desert leaf & roots & friuit fly sandiwhch intomy mind
#to update my loyal followars i am on a strict no ants diet now#i met some annts and now we ar e frends!#(if i'm going to be real with you guys its mostlty because they honestly k ind of scare me. they bite SO HARD!!!!!)#(adn dont even get me started on ant politics theyve got some crazy stuff going on down there!!!! and they say big words like#diplomacy and um architecture.)#(when did ants learn how to write and make contracts???and politics??? and religion i think or something????)#(actualy i think that one guys just crazy none of the rest really do thst)#(if any kf you know about ants really good can you explain to me i am havibg a really hard time with adjusting to antsociety right now....)
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IM GONNA KILL MYSELF LOOK WHAT OOMF GOT ME FOR CHRISTMAS THIS IS SICKENING
#i havent been able to stop laughing im like actually shaking#theyre on my celing like right above ny bed theyre watching over me ❤️#why is this a thing im allowed to own. what the fuck#jello shut up challenge#bill and ted#i was so scared of what it was gonna be and i think this is worse than anything i could imagine#im gonna cry#i think this is my favorite present ever#idk how im gonna explain this to like anyone irl if they see it#praying my parents dont notic e that i switched my normal pride flag with. this thing.#my banners real now. woag
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thinking about growing up on deviantArt in the 2000s-2010s and the sheer amount of fetish mining young artists were subjected to.
#haxxy stop#im sure it's still happening. maybe not on dA but wherever the kid artists congregate now#amino or something probably#like when you're that young and naive and someone comes up and compliments your art and asks for a picture you dont even think about it#it's fucked up#i'm thinking about a lot of my internet trauma right now but i dont want to post about the worst of it#because even over 10 years later the idea of people e-stalking my blog scares me <3
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hm. so looks like my love for making art is just gone forever huh
#wak#vent /#negative /#like..#I've been viewing my own work through a Much more critical lens recently fsr#I mean. I've never had many kind things to say about my own work#but.... literally Nothing looks right anymore and I. don't know why#even when I Do manage to finish something it just never seems good enough#but every time I've been trying to open a canvas to draw something and then my motivation just.. Dissipates#like.. it's almost like I get scared?? idk how to explain#and it's not that I Don't Want to draw anymore. because I do#but it's like my body just.. Won't#and like.. whenever I post something nowadays people are excited to see me again but then I just disappear again#so I'm a massive disappointment as a social media presence#and like.. not to mention I literally only have like 100 something followers on my main even tho I've had it for like 5 years#and I give my insights on world issues all the time but.. at the end of the day no one cares and I'm talking into the wind#but like.. does it all even really matter at this point#nobody irl cares about my art anymore#mom made that perfectly clear#and at the rate I'm going nobody online will care about my art anymore either#and I'm afraid that by the time I recover from w/e this is#everyone will have left and forgotten about me and moved on to much better and more more successful artists#most of them probably have already#and if I don't draw.. What do I have to even offer#I'm not particularly funny or interesting and I'm not good at holding conversations and I'm mentally/emotionally unstable#My art was all I had going for me and now I don't even have that#people enjoying my art is literally the one and only bit of validation I ever get anymore#so No Art? No Praise! No Feeling Of Accomplishment! No Feeling Appreciated! No Feeling Wanted! Sorry You Fucking Loser!!#so yeah. been crying about this quite a bit as of late#and I just. don't know what I'm supposed to do
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柄本 佑 || 「光る君へ」 (2024) · 第三十九回 「とだえぬ絆」
#柄本佑#tasuku emoto#光る君へ#hikaru kimi e#1x39#made by me#fujiwara no michinaga#藤原道長#also tagging#藤原行成#dude really scares the shit outta me the way he said he wanted to see atsuhira-sama become actual mikado#kyoko was so right#that's what michinaga is now#all he thinks about is power and he'll do or say anything to justify it#and he must be very fucking happy that mahiro is there to DEFEND HIS GREED#tasuku-san's acting is really interesting in this two episodes#I mean like. power officially has gone to his head he's the darkest he's ever been#but in the meantime. Tasuku-san tried his best to present michinaga as the charming and sorta romantic guy#as in the murazaki shikibu diary#which is really smart. I think he did such a good job#I was so confused when in the last episode he acted in pettishly charming manner in front of mahiro#but the moment he started talking about how he's afraid that genji monogatari's become a bad influence on atsuyasu-sama#I IMMEDIATELY GOT IT#well Oishi sensei I'm still waiting the knocking on the door at midnight situation to happen#hopefully soon??? and I really want to see them actually write waka like face to face#just forget about if they gonna tell him katako is his daughter. who gives a shit? what's he gonna do if he knew?#doesnt make any sense to make it a big deal. I mean. he knew. he's not stupid#speaking of mahiro's family. farewell nobunori :'(#and farewell korechika. I love the nuances on michinaga's face when he asked takaie about korechika's last moments#that's his nephew after all
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I NEED FORDSY UP FRONT I NEED STANFORD UP FRONT I NEED HAMMER UP FRONT I NEED ETHEL UP FRONT. FLO WON'T LET ME BITE HER BUT ONE OF THEM DEFINITELY WILL PROBABLY.
#pk;m bill∆#I'M SO BOREEEEDDDDDDDDSDDDD#CAN'T FOCUS ON DOING SHIT RN SO WE'RE JUST SITTING HERE#[REDACTED] IS COCON AND I THINK H E ' S SCARED WHICH IS FUNNY. THAT'S HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!#H E DOESN'T KNOW JACK FUCKING SHIT ABOUT UNDERSTIMULATION#H E 'S VERY INTERESTING WHEN HE'S NOT TRYING TO TORMENT US OR GET TO STAN LEMME TELL YOU#REAL CURIOUS ABOUT THE WORLD. I HOPE HE FULLY FORMS AND CAN LIKE. INTERACT WITH THINGS#CUZ RIGHT NOW H E 'S VERY MUCH A FRAGMENT.#ANYWAYS. I'D GO BITE H I M (LORD KNOWS H E DESERVES IT) BUT I DON'T FEEL LIKE CHEWING ON GOOP.
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me when running away from everyone makes me end up all alone:
#i dont have any irl friends anymore theyre all gone with my old discord and its been too long to go back#i lost myself over the summer in ways i can never explain.. i dont know where i am if im being honest#drinking is worsening it all#i feel so insane.. genuinely.. i cant stop getting into my own head and letting it all happen#its just me and teddy#im too scared to leave the house for longer than a few hours anymore#i cant handle people looking at .e#me. i cant handle talking. i cant handle daily tasks of anything. even these days moving feels too hard#i keep finding myself face down floating in the river#and when i turn my body over#my face isnt rotten#it isnt bloated at all.#... its just me and i look young and like i died two minutes ago#then i snap out and im making dinner#and im someone else. somewhere else forever#im so alone but id rather it right now. no one knows how bad it is. intentionally. i never tell anyone#because what would they do?#the only thing i ever learned was to run away and hide. i cant stop thinking i need to keep doing it#i just want everyone to be rid of me so i keep running and running and running
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My goddaughter is 10 today, I again feel old 😭
#i refuse 💔#my sweet little Angel that honestly scares me fjbsjdbs#i love her but she’s the total opposite of me personally wise and I’m awkward af Idk how to deal with her as much as I love her#she’s so intense but she remind me of her father h the e oldest she gets#and I absolutely hate it’s guts please don’t end up like him 🙏#not in a bad way she just LOVES attention and I’m afraid she’s going in her fathers direction but that’s not a worry for a couple of years#I’m not the only one the entire family think that gkdcbkgf#but I will love her no matter what 🫶#she does like anime and manga but none I know and kpop but she’s always in the pool right now which I’m rarely or after her mom to play#so I can’t figure out which group other than BP now I just know my aunt told me she loves to dance to choreography not suited for 10yo 😭#her brother 4 days ago and now her I feel like I’m getting punch HFCBJHV#what is funny is that I have 16 years of difference with her mother and 16 with her I love this coincidence 🥰#i was suppose to the godmother of the previous one / middle child but I was 12 when he was born#so she gave the tittle to our other cousin who was 24#funny cause he’s the one I get along with the most (well not right now he’s always hiding in the house watching anime 😭)#teenagers am i right 🤪#alex.txt
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ik Doing It Scared is a massive part of helping anxiety and just life in general but I'm still mad about it
#doing a conservation thing tomorrow with a new organisation and a new group if people#using my new name and being a dude for the first time with people i don't know and trust#so scared and not looking forward to the gonna puke feeling tomorrow#but i gotta remember that its some kind of miracle that i am just grumbly and vaguely apprehensive about it right now#instead of one giant anxiety spiral for two weeks straight beforehand#and i have some kind of grasp on the concept that anyone would be nervous with new people in a new place#and its fine to feel that and it doesn't say anything about how its gonna go or my ability to cope#and with the trans thing thousands upon thousands of trans people have been through the same thing#and it will get better and easier to be myself and assert myself the more i do it#and the more positive and neutral experiences i have#i have the right to exist!!#i have the right to exist as myself without question#and to be addressed and respected how i choose#n e way wish me luck lmao im just very rusty ín the field of Doing Things#bc of the hermit crab shell i had to retreat into to figured my shit out
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venting abt unimportant things in da tags ignore me
#yall im gonna vent about a boy#and some other things under here#cause i just made myself sad#anyway yeah idk a couple months ago i matched w this dude who messaged me asking abt my love for e and i was like very open abt it#and he wasn't judgemental at all he was very nice and we just like . talked abt whatever#we were talking for like a month or two nonstop like we messaged every day right#and i even told him it's okay if he doesn't message me everyday i don't mind and he's like but i like talking to you i wanna message u!!#and there was like 3 days i couldn't message him and i came back to see he missed me and he was like soooo sweet#and then he took me to get dinner and we went to his place and we literally hit it off so well??? like the chemistry was THERE#like we kissed and he was sooo sweet to me and then the holidays hit and his messages slowed down#and since then it got slower and slower and now he's just completely ghosted me and it's been a few weeks now#and i should get over it i know like im back to swiping on these stupid apps again but it just makes me so sad#because i really did like him and i don't know what i did wrong or if i scared him away#after leaving me on opened 3 times i just gave up like i got the hint i assumed he doesn't like me like that anymore#i saw something that reminded me of him and i got really sad#so now here i am#anyway i went on for tooooo long let me stop there lol
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oh my queue paused again. anyways where is that one tweet thats like "sorry i accidentally ghosted you i was trying to k*ll myself" because i'm mentally posting it 200 times
#dis.txt#why does it keep doing that.... i can't tell if i keep accidentally clicking the pause button or if it's a custom site css thing??? eh...#w/e. anyways i tried a s*briety day n it did NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT (<- hissing the word out) really work out lol#turns out i actually need something to shut my brain up and i keep forgetting this b/c i go ''oh i should try to be healthier!''#while ignoring The Circumstances. and it's like oh yeah i'm not just doing this for fun it legitimately helps me function. and live#very evil of my brain. doesn't stop when i take stuff i can just control/ignore it btw. so i'm not lying down for 2 hrs w/ my brain-#giving me flashbacks going ''do it NOW'' while i fail 2 get any sleep. literally had 2 get up and smoke just so i could pass out#*guy w/ P/TSD voice* i'm sure everything will be fine if i stop taking the stuff that allows me to control my mood/brain chemicals. right#anyways IM GOOD NOW i'm still physically sick and all that but i'm good 👍 fridge is still busted but it should be repaired soonish#mad because i wasted a whole day where i had shit i NEED to do and now i have to fuck up my sleep schedule and stay up.... waugh#(so fucking scared abt surgery still but what can you do abt that lmao)
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┐(´ー`)┌
#hello and welcome back to necalli yapping in the tags again#on the menu for today: second dates and fanfic#two unrelated things but both are things im thinking about a lot lmao#first the date. im ngl i initially didn't even really wanna go on the first date bc last week was Rough™ and i wanted to Rot™#but he was really nice and really cool and i like him and he's planning the second date for this Saturday and I'm nervous LMFAO#like ik the first impression is already out of the way but like a h y'know? and tbh idk if he's even looking for anything long term—#and im like keeping expectations low bc i overreacted last time so im like. rah at myself lmfao#but he has a nice voice and he's very sweet and kinda nerdy and he's really nice and i hope i can maybe make it at least to date 3#n e ways yeah so onto the next thing#fanfic- so basically ive gotten back into a handful of wips n stuff from different things and i really wanna write—#but im always debating writing it bc im like... ik I should write for myself but i also want the validation or writing for ppl? idk#like i have all these concepts but i talk myself out of it bc im convinced no one else will care about it and that makes me feel wack#which is dumb but like. i wanna write fic but im scared of posting it but i don't want to /not/ post it bc. i want ppl to read it#idk its a weird very specific thing that i can't totally describe right now but i simply wish i could do it and not do whatever this is#but yeah that's my life update rn lmfao#necalli yaps
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for some reason i’m registered to vote under both my name and my deadname. ive tried to remove my deadname from the address and i need to give a reason: ‘no longer living at address’, ‘registered to vote elsewhere’, ‘deceased’. i genuinely don’t know what to put, im leaning towards dead😅
#aaaaaaaah.txt#trans#i’m just so scared of doing something wrong and being in trouble :c#like that’s pathetic but w/e#and it’s weird because they know both of those were me? so i don’t know why they left the old name there in the first place#aaaaaaaaaaaah because none of them are right i don’t want to click any#it’s probably the autism#anyway gonna shush now
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My husband and I were discussing how the first felon is defending the FDA and how the quality control of our food is gonna basically disappear and I proceeded to have so much anxiety about it that I didn't sleep last night. How do we prepare for this? Is there a way to make food safe at home? How can we avoid getting poisoned from the grocery store? Sorry for bringing this anxiety to your inbox but I'm exhausted and scared and I'm hoping you've come up with food safety tips what with your general food complications.
I’m afraid I don’t have a solution for something of this scale and am just as equally terrified, but that said:
Check your local state regulations. Some states actually have strict testing that the FDA when it comes to certain things like milk. See if they are listing any recalls.
Stop eating things raw for the foreseeable future. Wash and cook everything thoroughly, even if the bag claims it’s pre-washed, wash it again. Cooking will also help eliminate any remaining pathogens. It means no more salads for a while but that’s okay.
For things like fruit, try to go with things that have an outer skin that can be taken off. If it requires you to cut into it with a knife, give the outer skin a scrub and rinse to reduce the chances of your knife being contaminated by anything like e-coli and then contaminating the insides by cutting it up.
For fruit that can’t be peeled, make sure to inspect and wash them thoroughly. If you are immunocompromised like me, consider cooking it down into a jam or pie filling to reduce further risk. Not as fun as eating it fresh for some people, but it’s a valid way of still getting the flavor and nutrients.
For things like milk, only drink pasteurized and ultra pasteurized. Try to get pasteurized eggs if you can too.
If you don’t have a meat thermometer, now is the time to get one. Make sore everything is cooked to its required internal temperature. For poultry, the recommended temperature is 165°F (74°C), while for beef and pork, the recommended temperature is 145°F (63°C) with a 3-minute rest time. Ground meats should be cooked to 160°F (71°C). Eggs should be cooked until the yolk is set. No more runny egg yolks for a bit until we get a competent source of information back about bird flu.
For things like flour, try to go for reputable brands that have their own independent testing facilities for things like gluten. They also usually test for other things and clean their facilities thoroughly. My go to is King Arthur atm.
Also, stop eating raw cookie dough if you’re not going to toast the flour in the oven first. That’s how a lot of people get sick, not necessarily from the raw egg, though stop eating raw egg right now if you do. Again, bird flu. [Addendum] I learned the flour trick in a job I used to work, but apparently, the pre-defunded FDA didn't think toasting the flour made it safe, so maybe just don't eat raw cookie dough. And I know someone's going to be a cunt in the notes like "I don't care I do what I want" good for you, hope saying that made you feel better.]
This is a dwindling possibility with the tariffs but try to buy food imported from other countries that still have food quality control. I get my masa harina from a small company that imports directly from Colombia. They can’t afford the gluten free label required to be classified as such in the USA, but considering Cheerios in the USA can afford to buy that label and the celiac foundation certification logo and still routinely sells contaminated produce due to not using gluten free oats and a mechanical sorting system that can’t be certified gluten free (1) (2) (3), I’m more inclined to go with other countries labeling right now.
With clean water under threat, use a filter for your drinking water. We currently use the ones by Life Straw. They don’t fit into your faucet but the LS filters are better than most of the ones that can be attached that way and the housing of the jugs and countertop filters are easy to clean. Make sure you do so once a week and change the filters as directed.
Most of this is just basic food hygiene stuff combined with what it’s like to be immunocompromised, but it’s always worth repeating in case someone didn’t know, but especially worth repeating right now with all our rules and regulating bodies going out the window 😞
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