#(Probably should plan your responses so nobody talks over anyone XD)

[askstalks-in-shadows]

New To Eterna Village \ / Thread

Stalks-In-Shadows had only just recently manifested from the tower. She had a million questions, but felt that asking now wasn't the proper time. She had seen a figure before, who had made eye contact with her for a short time before walking away, and when she attempted to follow, she soon lost track of him, and found herself hopelessly lost.

At first she tried to catch his scent in the area, but for whatever reason, her enhanced sense of smell wasn't working...in fact, her hearing seemed a bit off as well, and after taking a few moments to collect herself and test something, she came to the scary realization that her werebeast abilities were somehow being cancelled out.

She was on her own. Taking out the strange key she was given, she read the inscription: Eterna Village 106.

So that was where she needed to go. And she didn't have the faintest idea where to begin looking. Looking around, she locks her eyes on a tree that she could climb, maybe get a bird's eye view.

Climbing the tree, upon getting to a high up branch and standing precariously on the long but decently strong looking branch, and holding onto the trunk of the tree, looking around, before she can see much of anything, she hears someone yell "HEY!"

Unfortunately, that moment was enough to startle her into flinching...which apparently was all the branch beneath her feet needed to justify SNAPPING.

[justsome-di]

Hi! Wanted to let you know that I really love your take on Nano and the evolution of it through time. I also quit the whole thing for the same reasons around 2016 after two years. I was curious: what are your expectations for a healthy writing community? I've seen that a lot of people want different things and conflict happen because nobody really talks about it. The most people are willing to say is the obvious don't be an asshole (although obviously that doesn't stop some), but I rarely see people say things like "I don't want to share my writing but I do want to share the efforts of it" or "I want to talk about every details of my stories and brainstorm with others" and things like that. So what are your thoughts on it? P.S. I started following you and then I found out you're also into MDZS XD Love that!

Hi!!

When I think of a healthy writing community, I think about two 12-year-olds sharing their grand story ideas and their original characters that are master-level wizards at age 19 or famous detectives at 15 and the two 12-year-olds gush over each other's ideas and draw their characters and help each other come up with names and ideas and titles.

I think writing communities really thrive when people are encouraged to share their ideas and can get a positive response. There's times to critique works and times to just hype people up--and I think people really do not know the difference.

I've noticed a few, consistent issues:

Competition: I think some writers get competitive over how fast they write, how much, how often, etc. And I've been in some Discord servers when a person is suddenly getting praise or recognition, and you can tell there's tension. Suddenly people stop talking and log off. There's a lot of battle of the egos.

Different skill levels in one space: this is a big issue, though it's not anyone's fault. I've noticed that some writers in some servers are well-experienced with great writing and then other writers are beginners. It's not a big deal, really, but it does hamper feedback. Beginner writers get discouraged and overwhelmed when well-experienced writers offer more detailed critiques. And likewise, experienced writers probably aren't getting super in-depth critiques they need. Not to say people are unsupportive, but it's just not the most productive set up!

Selfishness: I'm not sure if that's the best way to phrase it, but I've noticed that often people will share their writing in servers but not interact with other's writings.

These are pretty limited to Discord which imo isn't a productive space for large writing groups anyway. But unfortunately when a lot of people move to Discord, it's hard to find a sense of community on tumblr or other sites.

But I can't just bitch and not offer suggestions so:

Keep online communities alive. We can't limit ourselves to Discord servers. Post your writing. Engage with other blogs. Reblog. Reply. Send in asks. If you're reading something someone wrote, let them know. Say something in the tags or send in an ask.

Be a hype man: We should encourage each other to continue writing--not everyone is looking for critiques all the time

Know your place: I've seen way too many people shit on ideas for events or special blogs. If you see something that you don't like, just leave it be. If you're not interested in something, it's not for you. Let the micro-communities do their thing and find their people. You do not need to be involved in every facet of the general writing community.

Post. Your. Writing. Or post stuff about your writing. It's hard to find other writers when they don't share! I can't hype up your story if I don't know about it!

I often see a lot of suggestions get vague. Like you said--"Don't be an asshole." Okay. Great. But what does that mean? And how does it get enforced in moderated communities like servers? What if the mods of the servers are assholes?

Or I see "support each other!" Okay, but we need an actual game plan for getting early-2010s level of community back. We need to bring back ask memes and character memes and ask culture. Because people back then weren't just twiddling their thumbs waiting for an interaction, there was effort put into all of it. People were designing games and events and taking time to engage with each other.

I don't think people understand that healthy communities need to be nurtured and inclusive. And this is definitely glamorizing the internet of 10-15 years ago. There's always been bullying and toxic people. But I think we could definitely build on what used to be and make something that's mature and welcoming to everyone.

I'm hoping with NaNo on their steady decline through the past couple of years really encourages people to rekindle other online communities. I think a lot of people have been nostalgic over the past few days, and a lot of people have taken the initiative to coordinate their own events. It's starting to bring back some of the unconditional support that used to exist.

(I love mdzs so much omggg and I'm reading through tgcf too and I aaaahhhh I'm very normal about it)

[violetwolfraven]

I am laughing because "I didn’t realize I was gay for you until someone else pointed it out and I’m a dumbass but can I be your dumbass?" screams Javid to me xD

It does tho. I haven’t written a ton from Jack’s perspective so I’m gonna write some now. Hope you don’t mind some background ships.

...

Jack didn’t quite know how he’d ended up in this situation.

He’d just been drawing, something he did quite a lot, like normal, and he wasn’t planning on stopping just on account of Crutchie coming up to the Penthouse, but his friend took one look over his shoulder at the drawing and rolled his eyes and said something Jack definitely wasn’t expecting.

“Jack, my friend, my best friend, my brother, are ya ever gonna get your head out of your sketches and into real life so you can ask Davey out?”

Jack almost dropped his pencil off the fire escape.

“...what?”

Crutchie’s sarcastic smirk dropped, “You’re kiddin’ me.”

“I’m kiddin’ you ‘bout what? What the hell, Crutchie?”

“Oh. My. God. You really don’t know.”

“Know what? Davey and I ain’t a thing!”

Crutchie groaned again, “That’s the point! I knew you was oblivious, but I didn’t know you were this... You and Davey ain’t a thing, but you should be!”

“I don’t—“

“Jack. Look at what you was just drawin’.”

Jack looked at his drawing. It was of Davey, a picture he’d been carrying in his head since that afternoon of him laughing at a joke Race told.

“So what?” he asked, “I draw all of our friends!”

Crutchie rolled his eyes, “Yeah, but Davey most of all. Are you just noticin’ now?”

Truth be told, Jack was just noticing now. He just drew whatever he felt like drawing on nights when he wasn’t too tired.

Sometimes that was Buttons dancing with a broom in Jacobi’s and the look on Elmer’s face as he watched. Sometimes it was Katherine and Sarah standing together, smiles soft in a way reserved only for each other. Sometimes Jojo and Mike letting go of the fear someone would notice long enough to let themselves stand together in the line for papes. Sometimes Albert and Smalls smirking as they talked and watched Finch and Sniper having a slingshot contest.

Jack liked drawing his friends at their happiest. He liked immortalizing these little moments of light in a world where they seemed far and few between, compared to the darkness.

And if he happened to draw Davey a lot, that was because Davey’s smile was like light itself, and he wanted to remember that things like that could exist.

“So what?” he asked, “That don’t mean we should be a thing.”

“Are you forgetting how yesterday you spent half an hour ramblin’ to me ‘bout how he helped ya put the littles to bed?”

“Well, nobody else helps me in this damn house.”

“Yes, they do. Or, they would, if you’d let ‘em. Buttons, Race, and me have all volunteered to take shifts watchin’ the younger ones. Ya always say no. You’s been takin’ care of everyone for years and it’s tricked ya into thinkin’ ya can’t accept help. But you said yes to Davey just for a bit longer hangin’ out with him.”

Jack really wished he could deny that.

“Hell, even if ya didn’t say yes, he’d make you let him help, anyway. Davey don’t take your shit. That’s just a fact.”

“Ain’t relationships supposed to be ‘bout... I dunno, not fightin’?”

Crutchie shrugged, “You’s got plenty of people who don’t fight ya, Jack, and you never take a break when we ask nicely. If fightin’s what it takes to make you relax a little, Davey’s exactly what you need.”

Jack shook his head, “What do you know, Crutchie? You’s never been in love.”

“True, but I’s seen enough of our friends fall into it to know what it looks like. Hell, for some reason, a fair amount of ‘em seem to think it’s a good idea to ask me for romantic advice, so I probably know more than you.”

“I was with Kath and you ain’t ever had a girl or a fella!”

“How’d that work out again?”

“She’s queer, Crutch! That wasn’t my fault!”

Crutchie gave him a pointed ask, “If it ain’t love between you and Davey, what is it?”

Jack tried to come up with a word for it. What was between him and Davey was different than his other friendships—he knew that—but that didn’t make it love.

Davey pacified the always-raging instinct Jack had to keep his friends close, to keep them safe and happy, to keep away anything that could possibly threaten them. He quieted the fear that Jack wouldn’t be able to protect them. In fact, Jack trusted him to help protect them.

Davey was so smart he could weaponize it and as stubborn as Jack himself. He refused to let Jack manipulate him to stand behind him, always standing with him, in front of everyone else Jack was protecting.

And yes, Davey needed to lean on him some days, but Jack had found himself leaning on Davey some days, too. He had never let himself do that with anyone before.

This was trust. It was a fight they somehow both always won. It was...

“Holy shit, I’m completely in love with him.”

Crutchie laughed, “I know. I saw how whipped ya were from day one.”

“And ya didn’t tell me?”

“I thought you knew.”

Jack usually prided himself on being able to read his friends accurately. To see relationships coming before they happened, to see who was soft with a crush, who had awkwardness left over from misread signals, even who was hurting over someone and who they were hurting over.

Apparently, his romance radar did not extend to himself.

God, he hadn’t even thought about how he’d never been able to even remotely see Davey with anyone.

“It’s kinda late tonight,” Crutchie reasoned, “But tomorrow, you two should talk. Definitely.”

...

Davey looked kind of confused when Jack asked to talk alone, but they hung back in an alley after grabbing their papes instead of immediately going to their normal selling spot.

“What’s this about, Jackie? What’s up?”

Jack took a deep breath. Now or never.

“Do you have a thing for me, Davey?”

Davey froze, “What?”

“A thing,” Jack said, “Like, you wanna court. That kind of thing.”

Davey’s confused expression vanished into calm. He took a deep breath before he nodded.

“Holy shit,” Jack whispered.

In hindsight, that probably wasn’t the right response.

“Look, I get that this is... complicated. If you want another selling partner, I bet I can get Crutchie to let me—“

“No,” Jack said quickly, “No, I... I like you, too, Davey. I like ya so much. I didn’t realize until Crutchie pointed it out to me last night, but... God, Davey, even if I didn’t see it, there ain’t been a day since we met that I ain’t been chasin’ you.”

“Even when you were with Katherine?” Davey asked incredulously.

“Um... maybe?”

“That ain’t very fair to her.”

“I guess that’s another reason why it’s a good thing we broke up, then.”

Davey laughed, looking at the little bit of sky above the alleyway, “So... what?”

“What?” Jack asked quizzically.

“What are we now? What am I to you?”

“How about... my best guy?”

“Jack.”

“Would you prefer lover? Special person? Significant other?”

“Significant annoyance, maybe,” Davey teased, kissing him on the cheek before picking his papes back up, “Now come on. We need to go sell.”

Jack didn’t know where this was going to go, but it was definitely nice to know where Davey stood.

...

Bonus:

“Crutchie I thought Jack and I were already together and apparently we weren’t but we are now so it’s okay???”

“Congratulations. Good luck with your dumbass. Be good to him or else.”

[skultrashfics]

Heyy!! Could you do something fluffy with gracious o’callahan x reader, maybe a movie night marathon or going to a convention?? Tysm! 🧡🧡

Aaaaah good ol’ Gracious. I’m so NOT funny so please forgive me trying to write that way XD But Imma try! Such a Lil cutie though, enjoy Anon! 

Pairing: Gracious O’Callahan x Reader Word Count: 958 Themes: Nerdiness, Movie Date, Fluff 

The church was gradually starting to brighten as the sun lifted into the sky, it was a cool morning and so silent that you could hear the drips of morning dew echo around the hall. You took a deep breath and smiled, it was always best to tour monuments like this before it opened to the public. Even if that meant breaking in. As you walked around gazing at the beauty of the stone carvings you hummed softly, the acoustics of the hall were perfect and you glanced around quickly to make sure nobody was around. Reassured that you would not be caught, you began to sing May it be from The Lord of the Rings soundtrack. 

You had practised the lyrics so you even knew the elvish parts perfectly. Your voice rang out through the chamber clear as a bell while you sang, it sounded almost hypnotisingly beautiful. Gliding across the floor you sang toward the beautifully ornate stained-glass figures on the windows as well as those that rested in their tombs. The echo of your voice gave it a mystical sound and it made you smile being able to just relax and sing to yourself while the sun rose. The song came to a close and an abrupt noise suddenly disturbed the peace, you turned around dazed to find two men standing there and clapping. You blushed furiously and made to run but you realised they were blocking the only way out of that room, “A-Am I in trouble?”, you mumbled shyly. The shorter one laughed and glanced toward his taller friend, “I’d say we don’t tell anyone. Since she seems so nice”. “Yes and we don’t want anyone to see us either. Otherwise we may get arrested. Again”. They both nodded simultaneously and you raised an eyebrow, “Arrested? So you- you don’t work here?”. They then both shook their heads in unison, “Nope. We broke in because we heard your singing and thought you might look as beautiful as you sounded. And you do. Considering how much I love that song, I must be in love with you too. Let’s get married”. The taller friend spluttered with laughter, elbowing the other in the ribs, “Gracious you can’t just ask a stranger to marry you. She probably wants to run away now”. The man called Gracious seemed upset by this and looked at you once more, “Do you really want to run away? Darn, I must have come on too strong”. As you watched them banter back and forth you couldn’t help bursting out into laughter. Gracious grinned and gestured toward you, “There see that Donegan? She thinks I’m funny. We are hitting it off already”. Donegan sighed, “Or she is just laughing at how ridiculous you are”. You stood up straight after calming down from your laughter, “Maybe we should leave? Since this place is opening soon?”. Gracious approached you relieved that you seemed friendly, “Let’s leave together then… maybe we could catch a movie? Or go out for breakfast?”. Donegan frowned softly, “Are you ditching me for a date?”. Gracious simply shrugged as though it were obvious. You giggled again and started to walk toward the exit, “I think that sounds lovely…”. Gracious gave Donegan a cheeky grin before following you, Donegan only rolled his eyes in response, “I can’t believe that worked”. 

After walking and talking with Gracious and Donegan in the early morning you had come to discover that they had been searching for a strange creature that often dwells around churchyards. Which is how they came to find you singing all alone in the church. So they were the monster hunters that wrote those unusual books, you had thought to yourself. They were both extremely delighted that you had read their work and even more so when you told them that it was on the school curriculum in Roarhaven. Donegan eventually went home claiming he was tired, but it was more out of courtesy for you since technically you were on a date with Gracious. You had decided to get a Wetherspoons breakfast as it was convenient and not too expensive, plus it was the perfect place to get a pint at 10 in the morning without being judged. It turned out you had a lot in common, both of you were raving about how excited you were to watch Marvel’s newest release in the cinema. “That’s what we should do then. After breakfast let’s go and see it”, you beamed excitedly. Gracious seemed just as keen as you and nodded in agreement, “That sounds like a perfect plan!”. As your large full English breakfasts arrived both of your eyes lit up with a delighted hunger. The only thing you left on your plate was the mushroom and Gracious left his tomato. You smiled at him, “Your tomato for my mushroom?”. He laughed swapping your plates.“I thought you would never ask”.

You came out of the cinema sniffling as you recovered from the end of the film, Gracious handed you another tissue and you took it to dry your eyes and blow your nose. “Thank you. You must think I’m so silly for crying at that film. And I’m a mess”, you whined worried that you had not made a good first impression. Gracious smiled at you sweetly, “Hey I still think you look beautiful. And between you and me, I cried in the cinema- but it was dark so nobody saw me”. You laughed again as he took your free hand in his and you walked down the high street together. “So what should we do now?”, you asked curiously. He leaned over and kissed your cheek, “Who knows? Sometime adventure just runs right out in front of you”.

[whats-the-story-tc]

18th-22nd of May

"The One with Attack and Defense"

Remember this post of mine? Yeah. Nice start to the week. I shit you not, when I saw those sentences, all of them about love, dating and heartbreak, all of them with her name, that name I find myself saying time and again, I freaked out. I didn't know how to react. The wounds were still healing from the last time she'd unintentionally hurt me, and I knew we were going to check this homework in online class the next day. But how was I going to utter her name with a straight face?

Straight face was not something that I could use to describe that week's English class. Soon as V turned up, Cynical Twat started playing music, and she waited patiently until she couldn't anymore. Even then, her voice was smiling when she said "[Cynical Twat], you know I can mute you, right?" Music over. V complains about being tired. Class starts.

As we all know here at @/whats-the-story-tc, V isn't afraid to speak about... saucy themes in poetry. Well, that Tuesday she was particularly brave and I was losing my mind over it. Our different energies that day only clashed once, in connection to a poem written on Mr. Poetry Man's honeymoon, where he's already burying himself and discussing his wife's future remarriage. "Interesting timing," I said, "what with it being his honeymoon." It was a short-lived analytical discussion, mostly things that were super evident anyway but we still felt the need to say them. "Nice of him." "...odd." We said at the same time. You can probably guess which one of us was the more outspoken.

Little did I know this would be the last time we speak voice-to-voice.

Two hours later, I had my online German class. Luckily, the teacher didn't have me read any of the sentences with V's name — half of them we didn't even check. Still, it was the hardest role I've ever had to perform as an actress: the role of someone, who that name means nothing to. I checked myself on the camera constantly, glared at myself to keep a straight face so I don't react. And let me tell you, when the sentence "I am in love with [her name]." was said out loud, first in German, then in my native tongue... I managed to control my face so I didn't burst into a smile, but inside, I astral projected to an entirely different plane of existence.

Come Wednesday. Nothing much. Even more [Her name]-Sätze in my German homework, and V being rather very bold. She had us find poems about family, and when she pointed out the easy ones everyone would write off the top of their heads, which we couldn't list this time, she just wrote a ;) after her sentence. Hah. Someone's feeling rather very cocky, isn't she?

Blood froze in my veins on Thursday when I saw I had a private message via Google Classroom waiting from her. Then I got a smaller whiplash when I read it.

She corrected the tests mentioned here. And she knew. She found out we were cheating. All 28 of us received the same, scolding message privately, word-to-word. The only funny thing about the whole thing is that she pointed out how most people wrote something else and completely missed the topic of the essay — the essay I didn't show them how to do.

I knew she knew. V is a smart woman, she had to know I was the culprit behind the answers being spread. I was scared she'd think less of me, though somewhere within, I knew she isn't the kind of person who would. But all my fear turned into anger when I saw these in our group chat for answers, sent by our lovely Blond Boy in the Back, whom I'm sure the regulars have missed:

BBitB: Lazy whore

BBitB: She copies the same thing

I lost my mind. I couldn't very well snap at him without being suspicious, but I knew I had to answer that. Because nobody talks about her like that in my presence.

S: Or maybe it just applies to everyone.

BBitB: Why couldn't we write the same thing then xd

S: Those two things aren't exactly the same.

Allow me to translate you a quote from the best book I've ever read, because I feel like it applies perfectly here:

"but [she] loves [him], that impossible [man] (...), and what she could never be capable of doing for the sake of her own hurt dignity, she did in [his] defense."

(names censored, so my countrymen on here don't recognise it easily)

The above words are the best ones I could use to describe what I did next, something I never thought I'd have the courage or confidence to do. I stood up to my classmates. I didn't mention V much, even though it was because of her, I generalised, and demanded that they be original for the sake of their own futures. I could no longer ask nicely.

That night, and the next day was incredibly melancholy. I was preparing, planning, writing a speech in my head. I felt like V wasn't going to forget this just like that, that she was going to speak about this next Tuesday. And because I feel responsible for my class, at least partly, I felt like I had to talk to V about this privately. That I had to tell her everything that happened. For a brief while, I even thought about taking the blame, but she wouldn't believe that.

We created a new chat, with only half the class, the trustworthy ones, who don't just expect answers but return the favour. When someone asked who else we should add, Comparison Boy, staying on brand, just wrote:

CB: I'm looking at the group chat, don't think we left anyone out, this [V's full name] looks trustwor.... oh wait, sorry, she's already here.

S: Idiot 🤣🤣

Soon after, I told them about my plans of speaking to her, when we got scared that our homeroom teacher might know, that V might've told her, and we discussed how much we should tell her.

S: Only the people I trust will know [the full truth], and that means exactly one adult.

CB: Your mirror image?

This bitch... :D

And how well did it all go? What did I tell her? Well, that's a story for next time. ;)

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

[nymphl]

Lie to Me - Hux x Reader x Ch. 16: Guilty & Innocent

A/N: Hello there xD As promised, here it goes chapter 16 of Lie to Me. I’m working on chapter 25, but it’s getting quite difficult right now because whenever I get some time to write, my mom starts talking about just... about everything. And I feel extremely bad to tell her to stop even when she talks for hours nonstop and it gets on my nerves? haha So bear with me just a little more. This quarantine is being harder on her than on me. 

Story Summary: Falling for the enemy… That’s probably the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. Letting him live… for he should be dead. And you should’ve been the one to kill him. You had him, right there… and you let it escape through yours fingers. He lived. And now only the time could tell if you made the right decision — more likely wrong — by saving the amnesiac General of the First Order and telling him he was your husband. [Hux x Reader - Hux x You]

Warnings for the entire story: Will contain at times; graphic violence, sex, drugs and manipulation, coarse language and OOCness.

AO3 Tags: from enemies to lovers; eventual romance; memory loss; fake marriage; fake marriage becomes real marriage; rebellion; married couple; canon divergence; slow burn romance; politics; rebel alliance; resistance; first order; OOCness; eventual smut; eventual sex; power play; power dynamics; syndicate; lies; you lie; Hux lies; Hux backstory; manipulation; political alliances; political betrayals; secret organizations; tros fix it; anti tros; nobody likes general pryde.

Wordcount: 3420

PREVIOUS CHAPTER 

IT HAD BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE ARMITAGE HUX LAST SAW THAT ARMOR. The only indication he had his words had not gone to waste were the slight and occasional nods he could see through the compromised transmission.

The poor broadcast made it difficult for him to understand the already muffled words because of the gigantic helmet. Yet, he insisted. There was something he needed to know, and it could not be delayed any longer.

Depending on the answers he got, he would have to change his plans drastically. The future — his future, her future and the First Order’s as well and why not the whole galaxy? — depended on what Captain Phasma would say. She was, in no way, a reliable source — he doubted anyone in the First Order could be considered as such —, but the Captain of the Stormtroopers was no Politian.

As a militarist, she was good at following orders, not defying them, and yet…

…they had history together.

And if there was someone he came closer to ever trust, he could say it was the chromium-armored stormtrooper. In truth, she said very little, but more than enough for someone such as himself. Out of the triumvirate — one out of many in the First Order —, Armitage Hux could say he was the best strategist — not blessed with either the Force or physical strength, the slim and awkwardly tall boy had to work on his forte: his brain.

In any case, the possibility of another betrayal — something he quite did not expect the first time around — would not come off as a surprise at this point. He was counting on it. In fact, he planned the probable outcome for each situation. No one could say the General was a man who enjoyed the unexpected — that was why he never had time for people nor relationships; feelings were unpredictable —, and while he adapted quite easily, his distaste for such was immeasurable.

The unforeseen made him feel powerless and everything that did not add for his bright future as Supreme Leader — Emperor, no one could say he dreamed little — was disposable. A controller. Armitage Hux was a control freak and everything — people and feelings included — that could not be controllable was better left behind. Thankfully, Captain Phasma fell in the first category.   

“There’s word out there that you betrayed the Order.”

He narrowed his eyes — something she would not be able to see given the transmission.

“Careful, Phasma.”

His strategy was quite simple, really. After his reveal, Captain Phasma would either keep his secret or she would tell the Supreme Leader — or even Ren himself. Or they would read right through her — he could only hope she learned by now how to conceal her thoughts.

Nevertheless, he was ready for any outcome. If the latter happened, his plans would only be hastened a bit.

“The Resistance attacked us in Rioza. They stole the shipment in its entirety. Some believe you feed them information.”

He thought that a smirk would have looked too suspicious. And yet he smirked. The slight tilt of his lips went unnoticed by the Captain.

Instead of giving her an answer — of soothing her fears and insecurities —, he chose silence. And she knew better than to expect a response for such a stupid statement.

“So… You’re coming back? You’ll prove them wrong.”

It sounded like a question — and it was a question; Captain Phasma lacked the intricacies of a more modulated speech —, but it was also a half-assertion. Once he was alive, it was expected of him to come back. The First Order was his life — after all, he had been molded for the position and role he fit in right now; the fact he was at the sore end of the bargain, with less than he deserved was a mere casualty —; he had pledged his life to it.

Not satisfied in taking his life — or almost taking, it would be a surprise when they saw he was in fact very much alive —, those who plotted against him managed to destroy his reputation in the Order.

He almost snorted.

The irony was too good to miss. The poster-boy, the golden General — a Grand-Marshall if they would so give what he deserved and worked so hard for —, was no more than a traitor.

Shaking such thoughts away, he concentrated in her question.         

I make no idle promises.

The words were on his tongue, dying to be unleashed. He knew better. Even though he said it once, in a vastly different context, true, the meaning applied for the situation at hand. Suffice to say that Armitage Hux was a man whose distaste for the unpredictable rivaled his aversion to small talk and stating the obvious. If Phasma learned to battle with her physical strength, the slim, tall, awkwardly ginger Arkanisian boy was forced to quickly understand the power of the words.  

Instead, he nodded.

Guilt…

You felt guilty before, but it could not compare to how you felt now. It was destroying you to know he had left and was yet to come back. When he said do not wait for me, you thought he meant for the night, not for whole four days.

A monster…

You felt like a monster for not giving him an answer.

But what else could you say? What else could you do? You were caught in your lies once, it was not like you could say you trusted him when you were not sure you did. You were cornered. Afraid and feeling guilty.

You had not realized it before, but you regretted saving him — you thought that was not something that would go away. He was the enemy. He and his precious First Order had invaded your planet — your home. It is true they betrayed him and tried to have him killed — and only the Maker could know why. You wondered if the General knew the truth himself — not the twisted lie you told him. 

Besides, he said himself he probably knew about the new virus wreaking havoc in Dantooine, causing the death of so many aliens right now.

He could have lied. He could have said he had nothing to do with it, but he decided to be honest, and so did you.     

You just did not expect him to leave for good.

It had been four days since he left. Obviously, you paid no heed to his warning. You had to go back. You had to work. Your coworkers — the few of them who did not stop working — were counting on you; lives depended on you. You had to go back to the Hospital. Your own life and safety meant very little face to the gravity of the situation.

The possibility of getting infected by the disease was no longer a threat — it was confirmed it was spread through the water and only alien species were vulnerable to it. Unlike the Krytos Virus, this one — the alien flu as your coworkers called it — could not be reversed by using bacta in the treatment. And if the most powerful healing substance could not kill it, you doubted anything else would. You had discovered — out of sheer luck or utter despair, you were no longer sure — that a small substance, not found in abundance in Dantooine and already out stock, seemed to alleviate the symptoms and delay the impending death.

Yet, even if the risk of getting sick was nil, at least one healer had been eaten by the crazed aliens quarantined.  You would be lying if you said the possibility of being eaten alive did not scare you. However — and you could not help the comparison —, Aquilla would never let it hinder him. You could only hope the General understood it. Saving people was in your DNA, you could not help it.

At least, that was what you prepared yourself for when you returned to the Cave — your own house had been invaded by homeless, sick aliens; something you would not and could not complain about, they needed it more than you ever did —, only to find it empty. D-Five was making dinner for you only. The always so very efficient and proactive protocol droid told you he would not come back that day, but he was ready to be your company and talk about whatever topic you saw fit. The talk did not take place in the next day either, for you were welcomed with the same words. On the third day you gave up on the talk. You would not return to find the Cave empty.  

Today, you felt very inclined to stay at the Hospital again.

A tired sigh left you as you entered the refresher. It was a very hot day in Dantooine and even though you longed to get home — if you could call the cold and dark Cave as such —, and get some rest, you knew you had to stay awake to take care of the children in your care.

You splashed cool water in your face, trying to wash away the sleepiness that began to take over you. The mirror placed on the wall showed you a very different face from not even a week ago. You had dark circles under your eyes and your skin lacked the luster of a healthy person. It did not help you could barely eat for the past few days — worry always compromised your appetite greatly.

Placing your hands over your face, you took a moment to breathe deeply and keep your thoughts at bay. A part of you wondered if he died — it was quickly dismissed; he was too smart to die that easily and you thought you would know, you knew when Aquilla died, it was not something rational, more like empirical, you just knew —, and part cogitated the possibility of him going back to the First Order.

I am loyal only to myself.

…and to you.

Is he though?

You shook your head. He would not go back to them. They betrayed him. They conspired to have him killed — or so he said, and could you trust him? Senator Organa was still to get back to you…   

…And he said himself you should not wait for him.

It was impossible not to wonder if he was back to the First Order. He was a General and someone of his position — in control of such immensurable power — would hardly let go.

Your thoughts were interrupted with the buzz of your comm-relay. You took it with you as soon as you left home in the first day, too worried to stay parted from it — you had to know what happened to General Organa, you needed to. However, you were afraid of sending a message and it falling on the wrong hands — only the Maker could know how many lives such a message could affect.

Not giving it much thought, you opened the comm-relay only to be greeted by the tired and old face of the woman who invaded your mind more than you would like for the past few days.      

“Were the Coordinates right? Did everything go—

You stopped yourself, biting the inside of your cheeks to the point you felt the coppery taste in your tongue. You closed your eyes — well, it was too late to say anything else now.

Kriffs.

If she did not know before that you did not trust your contact, she knew now. In her place — even if everything went smoothly, you would not trust this deserter of the First Order. It was clear that unlike Finn — or FN-2187 and what a dehumanizing way of calling someone —, your contact was not reliable.  

I trust him with my life.

As if.

If she noticed your internal conflict, she chose not to comment on it, “Tell your contact we are grateful for all the information he has provided.”

You were not sure if she noticed it either, but you straightened your back. It felt as if a heavy weight was lifted off your shoulders. It felt as if you could finally breathe again. And you took a deep intake of breath. Your lungs burned with the amount of air you inhaled. And yet, you would not trade this sensation for anything else.

With the relief, came the regret.

You were once again guilt-ridden.

You should have trusted him.

You should have believed him.

You should have…

…let go of your apprehensiveness and listened to him. Listened to your heart that wanted so badly to accept his words and not to your mind, that wanted to paint him as the villain of your story.

He was… innocent all long and you were just… Kriffs. A monster for judging him so harshly. 

“…not only right, but useful as well.”

Shaking your thoughts away, you decided to actually look at her and pay attention to what she said.

“What took you so long?” you asked, not really sure you overstepped your boundaries. The nature of your relationship was not clear as of yet. However, you had to know. If the cause of her delay was not related to an imaginary — you were such a fool — betrayal on Hux’s part, you needed to know the reason. 

General Organa took a moment to answer, as if testing her words. As if testing… you. It was clear she was surprised at your disarray, but once again she chose not to comment on it. If she was preserving your privacy or if she did not trust you to such extent, you did not know.

“A new disease spread in the outer-rim territories kept the Resistance busy.”

Your eyes widened.

“The Alien Flu…” It left your lips in a meek whisper. You knew it was bad, but you had no idea it was spread in planets other than Dantooine. If eradicating a disease in a single planet was almost impossible, you could not say what you expected of part of the galaxy. “Kriffs!”

There was moment of silence.

Senator Organa was most like analyzing your reaction. And you could not say you judged her. In her place, you would do the same — if Aquilla had not spoken about this, you could say the General taught you with his posture, but you knew that silence spoke volumes about a person or a situation.

“Perhaps your contact knows something about the disease and its cure.”

It was your time to keep silent, however brief it was. Soon, the words came to life in your mouth, “No. He doesn’t.”

Her expression was somewhat blank. You had no idea if it meant she believed you or if she thought everything you said was utter bullshit. General Organa did not strike you as someone who trusted others — even if they helped her once — that easily. On your part, you were surprised for defending him so vehemently.

He could be innocent.

He is innocent.

Even if the concept of innocence did not apply to those in an organization that profited by waging War in the galaxy — by those who believed in a project of a fallen Empire, the very embodiment of tyranny and villainy.   

Kriffs.

You did not know what to believe anymore. The fact that he simply vanished did not help the tiniest bit.  

“I thought as much.” She brought a bottle of water to her lips. It concealed most of her face. “Only someone of the highest ranks would know about that.”

You bit your bottom lip.

She knew.

A shiver ran down your spine.

“Listen.” You swallowed. “I have to go.”

As soon as you ended the transmission and shut down your comm-relay, you left the Hospital. This time you did not care about your clothes or your own sanity — which you knew was lacking right now.

The fact that you did not sleep coupled with the discovery of his… — you had no idea what to call it, honesty, perhaps? — coupled with the truthfulness of his words made your heart beat faster and not only because you were running towards the Cave.

You had to get to him. You had to talk to him. You had to… see him. You were not sure you could trust your words right now. Seeing his face would suffice. However, more than the imperious need to see him, you needed to know.

By now, he already knew if he had a hand in what was taking place in Dantooine and other territories in the outer rim.

Only someone of the highest ranks would know about that.

If he still had most of his accesses to the First Order database, then he knew why they did it — and it was getting increasingly difficult not to understand their reasons; aliens ate humans and humans hated aliens. Only a racist organization, product of that dictatorship called Empire, could unleash such a hateful disease upon the distant and forgotten planets — and how to possibly end it.

Because there must be an antidote.

There has to be.

If you were to find him, D-Five would give you his coordinates. The protocol droid would know where he was. You just had to make him talk.

You ran as fast as your tired limbs would carry you. As fast as your own heartrate would allow you to. Part of you was grateful for his harsh training, without it, you doubted you would be able to stand on your legs right now. Getting almost no sleep for the last few days helped very little.

It was with some relief — great relief, actually — that as your feet brought you to a stop in front of the Cave, and you spotted not only the General, but his partner — was she really a partner or they were only analyzing each other and waiting for the best moment to end not only their partnership but the other’s life? — as well. Behind them, there was a Personal Petite Yacht you have not seen in years.

“You look like shit, hon.”

Pursing your lips into a thin line, you breathed deeply through your nose. You almost — you knew the General would scowl if you did that — placed your hands on your knees to support yourself. Even if it was a short distance between the Hospital and the Cave, you felt like you had run a marathon.

“Aurra.”

The General straightened his shoulders and shut off his electronic cigarette. You shifted your attention to him. You were not the only one who looked absolutely terrible. If you slept little, the General got close to no sleep whatsoever.

His cheekbones seemed even sharper now. Besides not resting properly, you could say he was not eating as well.

If the situation was any different, you could say you were worried about him. Right now, all you could feel was a crushing guilty and extreme relief — he was alive, and he had not gone back to the First Order. And it sufficed.

He had no time to say anything — and you doubted he would —, for she hit her walking stick on the rocky ground, attracting your attention.

“You arrived just in time, dear.”

In time for what?

“Go ahead.” She pointed at the ship behind her. “You two shall leave for Canto Bight.”

The General outstretched his hand for you to take. Even if you hesitated ­­­— to depart for Cantonica right now made no sense whatsoever, not with the medical crisis in the outer rim territories ­—, you placed your fingers upon his. He immediately pulled you into his embrace.

You bit your bottom lip —­ not risking a glance at Aurra; you had no idea if she still believed you were his weakness and honestly you did not want to let her know there were problems in paradise ­— and moved one of your hands over his shoulder.   

“Do you trust me?” he asked. His voice was no more than a whisper in your ear.

Do I?

Part of you wanted to say you did. If you learned something today, it was that he was far from the lying monster you believed him to be ­— and you had lied to him as well! You were sure of one thing only — if you wanted to survive, it you wanted to find the cure for that damned disease, you had to trust him.       

“Do I have any other choice?”

You expected silence. Instead, you felt the tip of his nose running over the sensible skin of your neck as he breathed in your scent.

“No.”

A/N - See you on Friday. Guys, I’m also posting Lie to Me now on Wattpad. I update every Wednesday xD

[anatraart]

When You’re Gone Part 2

Read it on AO3 HERE

Alexander awoke the next morning to a knock on the door. Groaning, he rolled out of bed, slipping on his sweater before opening the door. Nobody needed to see his scars yet. He didn’t want anyone to know that much.

When he opened the door, he was greeted by an equally tired-looking John. “I was chosen to come let you know to get ready. George figured we could all go out to breakfast, then go shopping after.”

Alexander nodded. “Alright. I’ll be down in 15.” John nodded in response and wandered off. Alexander went over to his bag and grabbed his only other set if clothing, walking in the bathroom to take a quick shower and wash his face. Alexander ended up throwing his hair into a messy bun, letting a few stands free so they framed his face.

He did one last onceover, deciding to keep the sweater on in hopes to keep the little respect he had from these people. When he decided it was okay, he left the room, shitting the lights off. Alexander made his way downstairs, recalling the few times he had been through these halls. It was so odd to think that this was his home.

That’s when it hit him. This was his life now. He’s probably be kicked out sooner or later, either from his sexuality or all the medication he takes. He’d be with another family soon enough. Everyone said it always happened.

Alexander took a breath to calm himself before heading down the stairs and making his way to the voices he heard, which happened to be coming from the living room. When he entered, all eyes turned on him, so he decided to look down.

The first person to speak was Martha. “Dear you know it’s warm outside right now, right?”

Alexander nodded. “Mhm.” he didn’t want to deal with it. They couldn’t know. He had to be careful if he wanted to stay.

Alexander watched nervously as John and Lafayette gave each other a look, almost as if they knew something. Lafayette whispered something to John, who nods and stands up, walking to Alexander. Without warning, John grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him out of the room, earning curious looked from George and Martha.

As soon as they were out of earshot, John let go of his wrist, arms crossed. “Would you like to spill the truth?”

Alexander stopped and stared at him. John’s face and posture held no real anger or aggression. “Not exactly.”

“Look, I know I shouldn’t have snooped, but I saw you were on antidepressants. Now sure, it said nowhere it was an antidepressant, but unlike everyone else here I know one when I see one.” Alexander’s eyes widened, and he admitted defeat.

“I just… You shouldn’t have…” John shook his head.

“I won’t say anything if you tell me. Please.” John looked at him with pleading eyes.

“F-fine…” Alexander shakily pulled up one of the sleeves. He closed his eyes, waiting to be yelled at, but without a moment’s notice he felt someone pull him into a hug. Warily, he opened his eyes, noticing it was John, who had hugged him.

“Hey, It’s okay alright?” Alexander nodded, and John pulled away from him. “Please though, come talk to me if you feel like doing this again? I know how it feels more than you’d know.”

Before he could ask what he meant, John walked off, back into the living room. Pulling the sleeve down and wiping his face to make sure he hadn’t spilt any tears, Alexander followed him back inside, plastering a smile to his face.

“Alright, well if everyone’s ready let’s get going.” George said when Alexander walked in the room. Alexander nodded and quietly followed everyone out.

Alexander ended up being next to John in the far back seat of the car, choosing on sitting there and enjoying the quiet over conversing, only speaking when someone would ask him a question directly.

When they arrived at the mall, Alexander let himself be dragged out by an overly excited Lafayette, followed by a smiling John. Alexander wanted to complain and ask where they were going, but seeing how excited Lafayette was, he let it slide.

The first place Alexander was dragged into was a Macy’s. It started out okay, but once Alexander looked at one of the price tags he begun to freak out a little, constantly asking if they were sure they were fine with spending so much on him.

Considering he had grown up with barely enough money to eat, he was appalled at the prices. 40 dollars for a pair of jeans seemed excessive to him. The entire time, John and Lafayette kept telling him not to worry about it. At one point, John even felt the need to pull him aside to remind him that it wasn’t an issue for the Washingtons. Alexander decided to just let it go, figuring it couldn’t be that bad. When they were done, Alexander, Lafayette, and John were able to get away, deciding to go get lunch.

They went to a place called Panda Express, which confused Alexander as he had never heard of the place. It turned out, it was Chinese food, which Alexander also discovered was delicious.

“So, I’m kinda curious. Someone mentioned you had an older brother. Where is he?” Lafayette asked while they are, looking genuinely curious. Alexander wanted to yell at him for asking about James, but ultimately decided against it. Lafayette probably doesn't know what happened.

“He… he died in the hurricane.” Good. It wasn’t rude, and it hopefully will shut off all questions.

“What was he like?” John gave him a small smile. Shit.

“Oh… He was amazing. When our cousin committed suicide, he was the only person I had left. He actually convinced someone to keep it a secret as to keep us out of the system.”

“The… system?” Lafayette looked at wim with a mix of confusion and curiosity.

“Foster system.” John answered for him. Alexander shot a smile at John, who returned it with a nod.

»»————- ————-««

John wanted to scream. He was trying so hard not to flirt with Lafayette’s new foster brother, and it was so hard. He didn’t even know if Alexander liked guys.

He has mentioned his little dilemma to Lafayette, who had thought he was joking. But holy shit the little immigrant was adorable. He was trying, and had hoped Alexander hadn’t noticed the looks Lafayette would give him whenever he would say anything that could remotely be seen as flirting.

He felt bad when Alexander’s brother was brought up during lunch. He had noticed the brief flash of sadness overtake him, assuming Lafayette didn’t as he continued the conversation.

John was grateful when George and Martha came up to them, quickly extinguishing the conversation. Turned out they had added Alexander to their phone plan, telling him they needed to be able to contact him. Alexander kept telling them they didn’t need to, despite George being insistent.

Alexander ended up giving in, and John added his number into Alexander’s phone.

“I’m so adding you into the group chat.” Lafayette said, smiling deviously.

“Oh my god Laf, no. Not the big one. Let’s not kill him with everyone’s bullshit yet.”

“It’s fine, John. I’m kinda curious anyways.” a few minutes later his phone dinged, and opening up the notification he wanted to scream.

Baguette has added Hammy to The Squad™

TurtleBoi: Oh god Laf. you're going to kill him. Pegs Play nice

PegLeg: I haven’t said anything yet!

BurningThings: Wait, Laf is this the new foster brother you mentioned?

Baguette: Yep!

MyPantsAreHot: Ahh. So you’re the one John mentioned.

Hammy: Wait, what?

TurtleBoi: Nothing. Don’t worry about it

NeverSatisfied: Guys stop it. John was right. You’re all gonna kill him.

BurningThings: Aww.

PegLeg: I think we should all introduce ourselves.

MyPantsAreHot: Ang, Liza is Peggy alright? She just said something smart.

NeverSatisfied: Idk might be sick

PegLeg: Hey!

Baguette: I agree with Peggy though. Alexander has no clue who anyone is.

TurtleBoi: Alright. I’m sure you’ve figured out Laf and I.

Hammy: Yeah.

NeverSatisfied: Angelica Schuyler

BurningThings: Eliza Schuyler

PegLeg: AND PEGGY

MyPantsAreHot: xD omg Peggy.

Hammy: I’m kind of confused what ‘omg’ means

TurtleBoi: Wait, have you ever had a phone before?

Hammy: Never had the money. Plus there were only like, 3 phones in my village.

PegLeg: Wait, ‘village’?

NeverSatisfied: Peggy be nice or I’m going to come and steal your phone.

Hammy: It’s fine.

MyPantsAreHot: So like where are you from?

Hammy: Nevis. Small island in the Caribbean.

BurningThings: damn.

Baguette: Je suis curieux de savoir s'il parle un français Angie.

NeverSatisfied: Ce serait bien. Je crois que l'espagnol est parlé dans les Caraïbes.

Hammy: Le français, l'espagnol et l'anglais sont parlés d'où je viens.

TurtleBoi: English. Nobody else speaks French.

Baguette: John parle aussi l'espagnol

PegLeg: English!

Hammy: Aunque ahora no tengo ganas de hablar en inglés.

NeverSatisfied: Shit. How many languages DO you speak?

Hammy: Three.

TurtleBoi: Finalmente alguien que habla español aquí. Laf y Angie tienen su francés.

Pegleg: Herc, Eliza, I guess it’s just us speaking English here now.

Baguette: Oui! Get Thomas in here and we have 4 French speakers!

NeverSatisfied: Laf, no.

Pegleg: Don’t kill him with Jeffershit yet.

BurningThings: Please, leave Thomas out of this group chat.

Baguette: Mes amies, come on. He’s not that bad.

MyPantsAreHot: Laf, this is the one time I have to disagree with you. Please don’t add Jefferson.

Hammy: What did Thomas do to make everyone hate him?

TurtleBoi: He’s a pretentious fuck who thinks he owns everything.

Baguette: Better he meets him here before dinner.

TurtleBoi: Fuck. I forgot Martha and George wanted him to meet everyone.

PegLeg: Oh, that’s tonight?

BurningThings: Yes, Peggy. I told you this an hour ago.

NeverSatisfied: These are not my sisters. I am not related to them.

Baguette: Fine. He’ll meet Thomas tonight.

TurtleBoi: Pegs you’re on glue duty.

PegLeg: Alright. It’s going to be amazing tonight.

Baguette: Now, as much as I’d like to continue talking, we’re pulling up to the house. Ttyl!

TurtleBoi: Bye

John turned off his phone and decided it safer to ignore the continued dings. He looked over to Alexander, who had started ignoring it long ago. As soon as the car stopped, John was out of the car, dragging Alexander along with him.

Alexander seemed to not mind being dragged around, and John was grateful for that. He felt bad enough as it is, even more so at the thought he was going to have to meet Thomas fucking Jefferson and most likely his even more pretentious parents.

“Well tonight is going to be interesting.” John said once they got to Alexander’s room.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, if Jefershit is going to be here, at least one of his even more pretentious parents will be as well. I mean, the Schuylers will be fine. They’ll adore you. But the Jeffersons? They’ll tear you apart.”

Alexander sighed. “I guess, but I mean how bad can they be?”

John wanted to smack some sense into him. If he didn’t know Alexander wasn’t used to these kinds of things, he would have done so long ago. “Look, they already talk shit about me because unlike their perfect son, I don’t like going to all the events and shit. Nothing against you, but they’re going to be talking so much shit about you.”

“What do you mean though?”

“They only talk to ‘their kind’ such as families who come from old money, and who have their perfectly behaved kids.”

“Oh…” Alexander looked like he felt bad, which made John feel like shit.

“Look, I’m sorry come here.” John pulled Alexander into a hug. “Plus, they’re like, super homophobic. Literally, 80 percent of our little group is gay, bi, pan, or something similar. I think Angie is the only straight person, to be honest.”

When John spoke, he wasn’t thinking. He still had no idea about Alexander’s views on that kind of thing but feeling Alexander relax into the hug, he hoped he had said the right thing. Before either of them got a chance to speak again, there was a knock on the door. John pulled away, noticing how much more genuine Alexander’s smile seemed and went to the door.

Opening it, he saw Lafayette, standing there with a smile on his face. “I was told to tell you guys to get ready. The Schuylers are going to be here in an hour, since Peggy and Eliza wanted to meet Alexander before Thomas comes.”

“Alright. Thanks for the heads up.” John smiled and closed the door when Lafayette walked off, presumably to get ready. He turned around to Alexander, smile spreading. “Time to get you ready to meet the Schuyler sisters.”

[survivorinternational]

Episode 3 - "I wish you were BORN in 1920 so you wouldn't be in this org" - Emily

I was close to getting an idol without searching more than twice. Michael told me he had been gathering info and narrowed down to three locations, I had already searched one so thats two. Tyler was going to search one, micheal the other. So i thought: if i beat one of them to an idol search i will have it without then knowing. But idol was gone, rip. At least I have an alliance now, i like tyler idk about michael though. Anyone who can gather that much idol info must be shady to some degree. 

I am pretty good at Semantris but we are not winning this challenge.

----------

Oh yeah I guess maybe I shouldn't try too hard to not be a challenge target at merge. I guess I'll try to get the promised 6k ; my top 5 scores are 6k - 9k for comparison so it might not be the easiest thing. 

----------

So far Vilma, Richmond (Clash) and Ginger have said they will attend the watch-together. Hopefully we have a good time. 

----------

Day 5: God that music video is hilarious... basic... but funny Immunity win! YES! Still undefeated as a tribe. Continue to build social relations. Worked out most places that have been searched... Maybe i should do a spread sheet. Tomorrow Me and Tyler will search the last few places and hopefully find the idol. Day 6: GG Ruthie. Reward challenge, Word association, ok. Idol search has produced nothing... This is concerning... Someone must have it by now but no-one is saying. My guess is that its Stephen. Dean is more distant, this is also concerning. Dean is sitting out this challenge. Approached Tyler and Stephen about an alliance, Its going ahead, invited Jacob to be a 4th. If all goes to plan, I should know where all votes are going atm, It seems that most players trust me the most and are willing to work with me, but this is a double edge sword. Talk of a swap is happening... god i hope not yet.

So Laelaps comes up and tells me that there's an alliance of 4 forming with me not inside - Tyler, Stephen, Jacob and himself. Yes it does give me some comfort that he's told me and that we're still sticking together, but I don't like being possibly on the outside 4 to 2. I'm just trusting in my alliance of Jacob and Laelaps that even if they're playing both sides they'd rather take me, and I'm trying to appear less threatening to save myself here.

I hate to sound like that brawn comp beast girl but my tribe is full of inbreds and incapable of doing anything well. first of all, our music video was SHIT because only me and patrick actually tried and contributed something worth anything. second, this flash game is literally so easy..... and they're all like uWu I can't do it :/ like are y'all dumb dumb STUPID dumb? like what's up man? I've been doing this for like an hour at most and I've been getting 4400+ consistently and Patrick goes "my high score is 1920" bitch WHAT I wish you were BORN in 1920 so you wouldn't be in this org that was mean I'm kidding lol but im not I hate this tribe they're all so BORING I need some different timezones in my life. someone put vilma on my tribe. I don't know her and post season I really hope she doesn't think these confessionals are creepy. vilma I want to be your best friend everyone on my tribe sucks ): also last vote (sorry I didn't make a confession about it early) was okay - Ruthie wanted to go so we voted her out. ): rip her I love her so much. I was really looking forward to playing with her. but the good thing was it was easy and simple. if we go to tribal again idk if it'd be as simple lol. also im so bad at talking to these people???? they're so bland!!! maybe others are talking but im certainly not getting anywhere socially except with randy occasionally. I'd want to work with randy or Patrick. im not the biggest fan of liana or Daniel so if we went to tribal again that's who id want to go. I think I could make it happen too. maybe? who knows maybe they have it out for me fjdlkasjflas uhhhh okay bye bye

if the 24 hour challenge is word race i will flip 

I love European Michael, he is the best European. 

During the word making immunity challenge the Europeans were up at 4am kicking our butts and Tyler who isnt participating starts talking about a European girl on their tribe that seems to be good at everything so I go to check and I think it's Vilma and want to confirm with him. Then the next word we had to make was coincidentally V5, so guess what I wrote xD 

I think I'm coming off bossy in my tribe. Which I don't want to seem. But everything has got to be perfect and in order so there are no mistakes. We must win. 

You know what? im going to bed. If we lose the challenge so be it, itll be healthy to vote someone out. I am not slugging away through a 24hr challenge against a beast. I’m just not. And if Veni whats to make himself known as a challenge beast, he can do that, I’ll just be gunning for him come merge/swap. I know other people might do the same. But, you know, good for him.

So the w9 game is going on and my tribe has 3 and the others have 20 so it’s like for sure that we’re going to tribal tomorrow. And I have professed my love for randy and he returned it and I like Emily and we’re talking about our idol searches, so that’s 3 of 5 already. My tribe is just like a very quiet tribe nobody talks besides Emily. When I saw how good the other tribes music videos were I got very concerned about their amount of communication compared to ours. Idk who I want to vote out I think I like David a little more but I’ll see what the other two think. 

I am literally so happy I've got such devoted comp beasts like Vilma and Veni in my tribe ! And we're also close allies ;) It's cool, I don't need to slay comps to win this... I just need my social skills with me and they can continue to write words :) 

Patrick keeps calling Daniel David and if that doesn't tell you enough about my tribe idk what does. but who does it say more about? Patrick or Daniel? honestly who cares. Patrick, Randy, and I kind of banded together like "we're the only active ones lol let's vote together" so I think it's gonna be Daniel! sorry but the dude does NOT speak. and I know this is his first org over here and we're super boring... I feel bad. but yeah he's also boring! and he's sort of good at comps but not really dude. so I think it's gonna be him. after this tribal, im pretty sure that we are tribe swapping. yay final 14! I don't mind going to tribal honestly. I feel safe because I'm slightly more active than some of the other people. like it's sad to say im the most active member of my tribe but im constantly out with my friends or at work or neglecting my responsibilities. oopsie! yeah so im gonna hope and pray no one is planning a blindside on me but like if they were they'd be fucking stupid also there's no god damn way they're pulling something they don't care enough? like genuinely this tribe is so quiet. it's not that they're not talking to me. it's that they are not here. that makes the pre-merge easy for me because I can control what happens on my tribe for the time being... because it's easy? and everyone kind of thinks of me as a leader I think? because I TRY. that's IT. anyway lol yeah my plan is to vote out Daniel. and then swap onto a tribe with Vilma pls 

Our tribe results: *posted early in the afternoon that we lost* Tribe: *doesnt talk to me* Me, a few hours later: *messages everyone trying to start a conversation and no one responds for a while* Emily: *responds once and goes offline * Pat: *responds once* Emily: *gets back online and I see both her and Pat's green circles but neither has responded to me* Me: "are you bitches conspiring against me?" Whatever I will probably have to play my idol and I am thinking about playing it against pat or Emily.  Daniel is just new so that's a good excuse for him. 

If it wasn't a double tribal we'd all still be here but unfortunately we have to go to tribal tonight. Tonight for me could go very simply, keep my alliance of Michael and Jacob happy by voting out Dean who no one seems to have connections with, but I am getting a bit paranoid because besides Tyler, knowing seems to be talking to me or continuing my conversations which to me is a telltale sign that you're not included. The good thing is that I do have an idol and if I need to play it I will because better safe than sorry. 

All right, so we’ve got alliances out the wazoo rn. Along with a heavy handed dash of loose lips. So tyler tells me that sluggy made an alliance with everyone but me and dean, then sluggy tells me he had a super early alliance with michael and jacob. All this tells me that Micheal especially is playing the middle, being in two alliances with him already myself. It also tells me that sluggy cannot be trusted with info. But sureeee ill be in a 2man alliance with you sluggy -_- Right now I dont trust anyone, even tyler, but ill keep this info to myself, if sluggys playing me this might be a test to see if i tell tyler or anyone else. I just need to make sure I lay low and keep the target off my back. Fingers crossed I don’t get blindsided, but at least I know I am in no way in control of this tribe, keeps me on my toes. 

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So i think ive settled things enough to feel safe, i think everyones voting dean, deans voting jacob. The only wildcard is jacob who wants to split, but doesnt know who. Tbh if he does i dont want him to tell me who it is, ill only feel guilty if he does. As long as it aint me right? 

I guess to summarise the word race because I doubt I did confessionals during that. - Michael the helper was really cool and I really enjoyed our banter in tribe chat hopefully we cross paths again. We did add eachother on Snachat. - Me and Vilma once again were the most dedicated scoring 34/35 for our tribe together. She is absolutely my ride or die partner in this and I will do anything to get one of us to win the thing. - Survivor Africa watch was good, we watched the first 3 episodes though it was just me and Vilma (see the trend?). Sadly apparently that will become illegal if we swap and are not on the same tribe which is pretty sad. - Swap is incoming, everyone knows that. Question is, will it be entirely random? If so, I flipped a coin to test my luck and it failed me. My predictions have been on point this season so moral of the story: this swap won't work well for me. - ALSO I CALLED THAT IT'S WORD RACE I HATE YOU ALL BECAUSE I AM TOO DEDICATED FOR MY OWN GOOD GODDAMNIT peace out homedogs 

After that intense tribal council I am shaking so much, I did get to talk to Stephen and Tyler a bit alone afterwards in the call so it was nice to be able to get a feel for their true feelings without the disguise of text. At this point if Dean didn't have that idol, either Michael/Stephen have it, or it hasn't been found yet. The good news is that with it being final 14 i can expect a tribe swap into 2 tribes of 7, and that gives a lot of room for bonding, I'll continue to do what I've been doing with the friendliness and hopefully I'm not just swapped alone. I can always try to weasel my way into the cracks of a team if I am, but I'm not quite ready to play the victim card, I still have a long stretch of game left in me before I do that. 

Well what's cooking is that I really really think it's gonna be me this vote lol, no one has talked to me and well, yeha 

2 immunity wins in a row hell yeah! Ngl, I wasn't SUPER worried about this one because if we lost, I think it was almost certain that Ginger would go. Ginger didn't submit in the last immunity and barely helped in this one and has barely spoken to any of us. Clash and I had a call the other day which was good and gave us an opportunity to discuss a bit of game which was good. We talked about who we liked/disliked and I found out that he knows Ginger but doesn't like him. It's almost certain that next round is a tribe swap and I'm praying I get put with Clash. Right now, my ranking of who I'd want to go forward with is probably : Clash>Vilma>Veni>Ginger 

Oh bless at us winning but at the same time I don’t trust ginger so idk if that’s the best but let’s hope for the best and hope I am in a tribe with Vilma and randy next tribe swap hehe 

Where is this idol?? No one claims to have found it and I sure haven't either. Could use a clue right now. Too bad my tribe mates didn't agree, since THREE of them STRIKED at the reward challenge. I literally burst into laughter when I saw that. My I C O N I C fail of a tribe. Veni and I are the only ones who truly care about challenges. Well Allan cares a bit as well, but he also seems to have a life, so, I'm happy for him, although jealous! But I bet we would've lost every single pre merge challenge if Veni and I weren't overly enthusiastic about them. I just hate tribal, okay? Plus I guess I admit I'm somewhat competitive, because I don't think I could handle just throwing a challenge without trying at all. That would feel simply wrong. Veni and I went all out in the immunity challenge too, we napped in shifts and made sure one of us was around throughout the entire challenge so we had the possibility to score a point at all times. Plus we made a huge ass google sheet so we could just copy and paste answers whenever a new letter got posted. The first 15-17 hours or so I thought the Aussie tribe was for sure going to beat us (they were soooooo fast, but so was Veni thank god), but I guess they got sleepy by the end and we won!!!! YAYYYYY NO TRIBAL Veni almost posted a gif of himself as a chicken to the challenge chat I would've died if we got a warning for that He meant to post it on tribe chat https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/410716559632367616/599331778934603786/mmm_veni_2.gif I don't know who I'd vote if we went to tribal that's why I really would like to avoid it Plus I'm scared Veni and I's activity is pissing people off Don't wanna go home yet I'm having fun Ugh fuck I'm losing focus LOOK AT THAT FOUR AUSSIES GOING AGAINST ONE LITTLE ME HELP Ugh Veni will be busy in about 30 mins and then I'm gonna be in big trouble At least he let me shower I feel like a human again But it'll be tough If I was normal I'd just chill but I don't have it in me I don't know how to chill I love winning too much I gotta get that bag It's a thug life It's a thug life WE WON CHALLENGE WE GOT A BIG LEAD THEY CANT CATCH UP FUCK YEEE I CAN SLEEP EARLIER I am just glad we don't have to vote anyone out Would've sucked I feel like these past 24 hours brought closer together So I would've hated it if someone had to leave (Especially if it was me) But F14!! WOOP We're surely going to swap after the double tribal and I'm excited but scared!!! Excited because I'm ready to meet some new faces even though I've grown a liking to my flop tribe, and scared because I feel after the last challenge it's pretty apparent Veni and I were the more active members of our tribe and we could get targeted for that. My plan is to try to lay a bit low at swap, but still make sure I get to know everyone one on one to make solid new connections. I really hope I don't get swapfucked, hope to remain in the same tribe with as many og Faatasi as possible. Let's go!

Damn work keeping me to busy to do confessionals. Reward Challenge: This appears easier as we go on. Quite enjoy this. Aim for over 5000. Got 7200 in one of my first tries... Aim is 10,000 Settled for 8200, sick of looking at my screen. Some of these word associations don't make sense. Who doesn't associate Video games with words like Play or fun... REWARD CHALLENGE WIN! AWWW YER!!! Comfort Items get! And in comfort items... A Vote Blocker!!! BOO YAH!!! Immunity Challenge: I called this 12 hours before the challenge began. I am a legend. Seems that most people are busy this weekend. I will do what I can but i will be busy for a good 6 hours of it as well Veni and Vilma are thorns in my side with this, they just type so quick VENI DOESNT SLEEP WTF!!! I cant keep up, I tried my hardest but cant keep going at 3am. We lost :( Tribe life: Current Alliances: The UHC Alliance, The Idol Hunters Alliance. Sluggy has suggested an Alliance between Tyler, Jacob, himself and me which I agree to. Vote is very straight forward, We are all voting Dean as he isn't very active unfortunately. I wanted to try and keep him around but I think I was the only one chatting to him. If Dean has an Idol then it will be Jacob going, which is also fine with me as I think Jacob will be a hindrance later in the game Dean is voted out 5-1 The idea of a swap is brought up, which we all agree is likely to happen. In the UHC chat, Sluggy brings up the point that Veni could spill the beans about knowing each other out of this survivor. Its a good point and I really didnt want to but I told my Idol Hunter Alliance about the fact I knew Jacob, Sluggy and Veni outside of the game but I play each survivor without using my relationships from outside the game effect it.

RIGHT so here we go again u crack heads. Hate u all, this is for round 3 btw so dont get it TWISTED, sorry I made a VIDEO confessional and forgot to post it OOPSIES. Anywho, like the who’s from whovillie here we are partying minding our own business, well me at least because while I went out clubbing everyone else had to do the challenge. Sorry about it. They all love me anyway so ALL good in the HOOD. Here we are thriving Michael is absolutely carrying the team. So while the challenge was popping off Sluggy approached me asking if I was in any alliance, I high key avoided the question and just said who im trying to trust, and HIGH KEY dropped hints that dean wasn’t one of those people. He start saying if we should make an alliance chat, I was elated by the idea and smiles were HAD. The alliance included Myself, Sluggy, Michael and Jacob which is everyone expect Dean and Stephan. This is the exact same as the other alliance chat but without Stephan and Sluggy in his place! I like Stephan tho, so I went and dibba dobbed on sludgy real quick, like a speed demon u could say. Sluggy was out here trying to make ME make the alliance chat, like no thank u that can be UR job I need to tell people I was DRAGGED into it so I CANT make it SORRY. Anywho he made it. So we accidentally LOST the challenge, and much to my SURPRISE due to my lovely CONNECTIONS with these lovely people! I wasn’t targeted at all even tho I sat out and went clubbing. Yee haw, I exclaimed out of excitement. My target is Dean going into this tribal. A.) he seemed really arrogant and annoying during the music video round. b.) his video submission gave me NIGHTMARES now I can’t even hug my pillow without feeling UNSAFE and C.) we dont talk. So ooop here come the kiddies lining up in formation asking what we should do for the vote. Ooo I want to vote Dean but I simply never say it because im not a GOOSE well I try not to be a GOOSE. I say how I feel good with … but never include dean, I then wait for them to say anything negative about dean and oops I agree real quick and keep the convo focused on dean. People were talking in a alliance chats but I was highkey ignoring them because I COULDNT BE BOTHERED I talked to everyone in pm’s tho, love that for me. So Michael is over here being everyones friend so I threw him just a BIT under the bus for a later date. Like I built the ramp and the final destination is under the bus but we aint gonna push him yet. ANYWAY Dean went home yay he will be missed just not by me. 

[fractalabomination]

I send you all of them >:3c

gdi jay XD

1.Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?Not particularly? Especially since I’m aro/ace

2.When did your last hug take place?Roughly 4-5 weeks ago I think

3.Are you a jealous person?I’d say no, probably

4.Are you tired right now?Yes

5.Do you chew on your straws?Eenope

6.Have you ever been called a tease?Nope

7.Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?Yes, and I am never going to do that again, that was hell XD

8.Do you cry easily?Yeah, but most of the time I just get annoyed, like “why are these tears coming out. stop. there is no reason for you to be here go away.”

9.What should you be doing right now?Anything but this tbh, like actually watching the lectures I need to watch, revising, writing, being productive lol

10.Are you a heavy sleeper?¯\_(ツ)_/¯   

11.Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?Considering that I’m aroace, or at least close enough to that, probably not, no

12.Are you mad at someone right now?The one burnt orange that’s all over the news

13.Do you believe in love?theoretically

14.What makes you laugh no matter what?That one post which was a recipe autogenerated that I can’t find but god that cracks me up every time15.Who was the last person you talked to?As a group, The Shame Circle.Individually, I guess, would be yoshifawful64 in that reblog chain or atalana on discord.16.Do you get butterflies around the person you like?Eenope. I haven’t had a crush (or a squish?) ever.17.Will you get married?At this rate, nope18.When was the last time you smiled?Right now as I laugh at my life choices.19.Does anyone like you?Romantically? Probably not.20.Do you secretly like someone?See #16.21.Who was the first person you talked to today?Does talking to yourself count? No? Darn, uh, probably the bus driver this morning, and after that, the stranger I met outside the terms test hall (aka the chamber of doom).Man I need a social life.22.Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?Nobody tbh i have trust issues but probably my mum, followed by atalana.23.What are you NOT looking forward to?Becoming an adult.24.What ARE you looking forward to?death the end of the world um. Getting into neuroscience? Either that or interstellar travel. There is no inbetween.25.Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?Romantically? Never. Platonically? Repeatedly. (also does SA count as a person of the opposite sex if they have none, or…?)

26.Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do?What ex?27.Do you plan on moving out within the next year?Technically did, a month ago.28.Are you a forgiving person?Depends how nice I’m feeling on a particular day, but generally yeah.29.How many TRUE friends do you have?Well, you have the shame circle, and I trust them with my life (even though most of us are lowkey suicidal but thaT’S BESIDES THE POINT)

Then you have my mutuals on here, even though our interactions are pretty much just giving enthusiastic thumbs up at each other without talking, which is pretty much the same thing right?30.Do you fall for people easily?See #16.31.Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend?See #2632.What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?Pasta, and also water.33.Who was the last person you drove with?….My bus driver? XD34.How late did you stay up last night and why?5am reading fanfic, bc I am not a responsible person.35.If you could move somewhere else, would you?Dunno, really. 36.Who was the last person you took a picture of?Apparently, me. And considering I take nearly no selfies that tells you all you need to know about my camera usage.37.Can you live a day without TV?Yeap38.When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?When I read something really cool, then suddenly, romance without any basis for the sake of romance.39.Three names you go by.Kyiv, Kye, fractalAbomination (and on most things, k1krystal, but i’ve felt a bit disconnected with that name for a while, so)40.Are you currently in a relationship?See #1641.What is your all-time favorite romance movie?Goddamnit.Um. I don’t actually recall the last romance movie I’ve watched. Huh.42.Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?Statistically speaking, yes. Practically speaking, no.43.What’s your current problem?Being 16, aro, ace, sex-repulsed, alcohol-repulsed, and introverted in a town with 50% being students who care mostly about partying and all associated activities. Sigh.44.Have you ever had your heart broken?See #1645.Your thoughts of long distance relationships?I think it’s definitely realistic since romance isn’t necessarily about physical contact and such (in fact romances based around the character of a person rather than actual physical attractiveness of a person are probably going to last longer) but apparently most people that experience sexual attraction are willing to go for anybody that they deem attractive even if they’re already in a relationship, so, there’s that.46.How many kids do you want to have?Theoretically 0, but I would be willing to adopt if I had the means to do so? If that makes sense?47.Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them? Romantically? ==> #16Platonically? Yeah, because I get anxious that people would see it as flirting especially when it’s not (even if i know that the person in question wouldn’t see it that way), and that just kinda stops me, which is, annoying to say the least :/