#(Very 'why are the leopards eating MY face' coded)

[vampirecatprince]

I've been slowly working my way through MOTHER 3 for the first time in about a decade, specifically with the intent of studying it for my own project, and it's definitely a different experience in my 30s?

Different parts hit different and I see a lot more nuances that I didn't pick up on when I was younger?

Also- Porky is SIGNIFICANTLY creepier to me as an antagonist now that I've actually matured a bit myself? And I don't mean that in a bad way at all, but he's characterized with a very fascinating blend of adult and childish traits that makes him... really unsettling ngl-

[andro-dino]

furries have been on my brain so here are some shogun steel characters and what i think their species would be and why 1. Zyro is a black jaguar!! you are right axel he is pretty kitty but i feel like his backstory and personality fit a wildcat more. i like to imagine he dyes his fur orange to help him stand out cause he blends in with the dark so well haha

2. Maru is a hamster!! this one is mostly based on vibes teehee. she's just a little guy. pick her up and hold her in your palm 💞💞💞 i could also see her being a bear cub tbh, but i just like the image of her stuffing her face and her cheeks get all large as a hamster hehe.

3. Shinobu is an axolotl!! it's literally cause of his antenna hair i gotta be honest with you lol. but besides that i just feel like the colors of axolotls suit him and it's fuel for your mexican hcs cause axolotls are native to mexico 👀 (ive also imagined in this universe where instead of breaking his bones in canon he loses limbs and has to be in the hospital so he can safely regenerate them akdsjfasdfk)

4. the Unabara brothers are sea otters!! i mentioned before that kite's hair being urchin shaped reminds me of how sea otters eat urchins so i found it fitting. plus it fits with the aquatic theme they have going on. in japanese mythology otters were tricksters like kitsune and tanuki and that fits eight to a T. otters also hold hands to stay together in the water and that's soooo unabara-coded <333

5. Ren is a hunting dog, most likely a spaniel. not too certain on the specific breed yet but i like the brittany spaniel!! she just has that dog energy and i feel like her being a hunting dog can represent her rivalries with other bladers, like taka and genjuro (ik she barely has any in canon but let me dream okay 😔)

6. Taka is a leopard or spiny gecko!! dont really have a proper explanation for this one it's mostly just vibes as well, but i feel like you could compare him being a small lizard that easily "sticks" to people and is very loyal to sakyo, who in a way is like a direct opposite to him.

7. speaking of, Sakyo is a maned wolf/dragon hybrid!!! you mentioning sakyo as a maned wolf lit a lightbulb in my head how does it feel to be so right. i feel like you can really dive into his identity as a descendant of the dragon clan with him visibly being half-dragon too yk. just in general it fits his supposedly menacing aura yet when you get to know him he's just silly and kind of a loser lmao. him and zyro's rivalry is so perfect too cause jaguars are the maned wolf's biggest predator! (plus imagining victoria as a really tall maned wolf 😳 like heeeey girl /j)

8. Kira is a wolfdog!! specifically a high content wolfdog (he has more wolf dna than dog). i chose wolfdog specifically because him being part dog really emphasizes his upbringing in dna to me, and how he still genuinely yearns for connection and a home. i like to think he just calls himself a wolf and ignores his dog heritage cause he doesnt want to seem weak or subservient, and eventually he learns to be proud of his dog attributes

i have more specifically for the rest of the dna bladers but i think ive written enough. hope you enjoy axel!!!!

AWAAAAAUUUUUUUU CHRIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSS IM CRYING REAL TEARS OVER THESE 😭💞💞💞💞💞

I’m too tired to be able to put all my thoughts abt these into full sentences but

AWAAUGGG. HAMPSTER. MARU. SO TRUE‼️‼️‼️

axolotl Shinobu losing full limbs and needing time to regenerate is so big brained you don’t understand (also fun fact I was briefly nicknamed axelotl so I have a connection with them that makes me particularly happy abt this one :] )

SEA OTTER UNABARASSSSSS 😭😭😭😭💞💞‼️‼️‼️ the little guys ever

DOGGIRL REN SO TRUE‼️‼️‼️ also her rivalries with taka and genjuro are very real and true TO ME I think about them soooo much

gecko taka forever 🫶 AND SAKYO OURGH!!!! lowkey kinda wanna draw his dragon maned wolf hybrid fursona (and also you are so right about maned wolf Victoria 😳)

ALSO. KIRA SAYING HES JUST A WOLF FIRST BUT ACCEPTING HIS DOG SIDE TOO LATER ON OURGH ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME /POS

[popculturebuffet]

Goof Week: Sports Goofy in SoccerMania: GoofTales Woo-oo! (Paid For for WeirdKev27)

Gorsh all you happy people and welcome back to Goof Week, my Weeklong Celebration of everyone’s favorite goofus. 

And today we have a special treat, something nice and obscure but something that still has a vital place in Disney History. Welcome folks to Sports Goof in Soccermania!  

So yesterday in my Goof Troop review I wished there had been another DuckTales episode with Goofy, you know maybe find out what happened to Peg, see Max and Roxanne again that sort of thing.  Whelp SOMEONE must’ve hid a Monkey’s Paw around here somewhere because I got this special instead on comision. This is a VERY intresting little artifact as it came out only 4 months before DuckTales, was produced around the same time, and was written by Tad Stones, who would both go on to work on DuckTales and even more importantly create Darkwing Duck. 

Not only that but it has some odd things attached to it: it’s the first major production starting Scrooge, as he had an educational short about him, the first animated appearance of the Beagle Boys and most important the FIRST time Russi Taylor would voice Huey, Dewey and Louie, something she’d do till her passing a few years ago. At the time of this article she has not been recast, though I personally vote for Cristina Valenzuela, who took over the role of Young Donald and frankly does such a good job with that voice I didn’t know if Russi had already recorded lines for Season 3 before her passing. 

So what IS Sports Goofy in Soccermania you ask? It was a TV Special from 1987, again four months before DuckTales, that was later sold on VHS. My guess is Disney intended for this to become a regular thing like the Charlie Brown or Garfield specials, but my honest guess is with DuckTales MASSIVE success they wanted to put all the TV Animation resources into making more shows to go with it. The fact the special is essentailly a Scrooge story with Goofy in it and Scrooge and the Boys were now tied up in DuckTales probably helped the decision. So we only got one of these and i’m proud to share it for Goof Week. So join me under the cut to see what a Sports Goof is, what Scrooge sounds like without Alan Young or David Tennant andto see me refrence the film UHF because I likes it. 

 So we open with the titles which are neat and then open at the Money bin, we even get a great sign gag that looks like something Carl Barks would write.

So Scrooge greets his nephews the way he greets everybody.. with a canon to the face... though he backs of firing once he realizes it’s them. The boys ALL wear red this special so .. I guess Huey won and now rules all three bodies with an iron fist? So the Huey Hive Mind asks Scrooge for a donation, a standard Scrooge setup, ask the rich asshole for money, as their trying to help the local soccer program and they need a buck fiddy for a trophy. 

Scrooge’s voice here.. is terrible. I do not like to bash voice actors, they are hard working talented people who do a lot of great stuff, often for less pay than they deserve, and this blog ALWAYS makes that painfully clear. And Will Ryan is not without talent: While he hasn’t done much i’m familiar with he did play Petrie in Land Before Time and was great in it. So while I don’t dislike him as a person.. he did an utterly DREADFUL Scrooge. He dosen’t really attempt to do a scottish accent despite the character still saying cannae at one point, and as for what accent he is going for...

His Scrooge just sounds like someone trying to do a “foreign” accent and failing. It just sounds weird and makes every bit of his dialouge aside from one a chore to sit through. And the dialouge isn’t bad dialouge, it’s a well written and animated Scrooge even with the lower budget than Ducktales, but the voice just ruins it for me. Even without Young and Tennant to compare it to this just blows and the fact it’s paired up with the iconic Russi Taylor voice for the triplets.

This being Scrooge he instead fishes a Trophy out of the bin that’s all banged up and dinky and shoos them out. So in natural Barksian fashion the trophy turns out to be worth a million dollars. So we get some reaction shots.. INCLUDING GRANDMA DUCK!

For DuckTales fans joining us who have ZERO idea who that is, since she sadly did not make it into the reboot and Frank did have ideas, Grandma Duck is Donald, Della and Gladstone’s grandma. She’s a sweet old country woman who lives on a farm and is in fact the one who sold him Kilmotor HIll, with her husband renaming it from Killmule hill. I like her a lot since she reminds me of my own grandma and like her she still works when she can. Donald’s cousin Gus loafs around and eats as her farmhand. As you can tell I like her a lot, agani because she reminds me of one of my grandmas so this was nice even if she was only around for 20 seconds of screentime. 

This ends up in the paper and sends Scrooge through the roof, literally when he finds out. 

Two notes  before we move on: The bin has a unique really cool design , though I get why other productions haven’t used it: besides this one’s obscurity while cool it just looks a bit TOO nice for Scrooge. Even in 2017 while still damn cool looking it still looks practicle. This .. is not that.

This looks like MC Hammer built this. It still looks awesome bu tit’s just not Scrooge sadly. 

The other is that his Butler is named Jeeves here, but looks almost exactly like Duckworth. Just feels weird is all. 

Naturally the Beagle Boys happen upon the paper too and their leader, no name given has a plan: Enter legitmately and win the cup all legal like, which dosen’t sound like it lives up to the beagle code of no hones twork.... until he brings up theri going ot cheat their asses off. 

Meanwhile Scrooge tries bribing the boys with a giant trophy at their house... with Donald oddly absent despite Anselmo having taken over for Nash by this point. I know he was still a bit rough at the roll, but come on. It’s just.. weird especailly for reasons i’ll get into soon. 

So Scrooge agrees to sponsor the boys teams so he can get the trophy back square, and is forced to buy a knew ball and here we FINALLY get Goofy. I say finally because this special is 20 mintues long and it takes almost a fourth of it for him to arrive. It’s just weird for him to not be in it for so long. I mean I don’t want THIS

Flashbeagle didn’t take a fourth of the special to get to Flashbeagle. It did take longer than that to get to the title track but when your sitting on THIS

You gotta use it JUST right. Goofy here is not played by Bill Farmer, which IS odd as he did start playing him that year, but my guess is they weren’t sure if they were going with Farmer or the actor who played him in this special, Tony Pope, so they were trying out both as whoever DID get the role would have it for life. Disney takes the casting of the sensational 7 VERY seriously, as evidenced by the fact most cast changes are caused by death and unlike with Tony and Donald it’s clear Colvig hadn’t picked a succesor. I can also see why it’s a hard choice: while farmer IS excellent and was the right man for the job, Pope is still excellent in the role, bringing the warmth and energy you’d expect from Goofy and having excellent comedic timing that’s vital to getting the dog man right. I can see why this was such a hard choice, even if I also see they went with Farmer: Farmer just has slightly more energy to the roll. It’s a small diffrence and something that dosen’t effect the special, but it is a KEY diffrence and the reason Bill’s THE goofy to me even over his original voice actor Pinto Colvig. 

Also I may of mispoke there... see it’s not Goofy in this special it’s SPORTS Goofy. No really every bit of dialogue refers to him as Sports Goofy. It’d be like if they refered to then CEO Micheal Eisner as Won’t Think Through Eurodisneyland Micheal Eisner. 

So Sports Goofy helps them get a ball in an honestly awesome way and shows despite his clumsy manner, he’s damn cordinated, easily putting everything up and showing some real skill with the ball. So Moneygrubbing Scrooge decides Sports Goofy is his ticket to get the trophy back and recuits goofy as coach and star player for the boys team. 

So Asshole Scrooge meets his team the Greenbacks.. which are a bunch of random animal characters with no real personality. They are a hippo, a goat, expresso the ostrich, a navy (blue) seal,  an elephant in a beanie, a killaroo and a cheetah or leopard. But I have one question, really simple really easy one...

You need 11 players for a soccer team, thank you google. So they DID get that accurate. With Goofy and the Triplets you only need 7 more. THIS is why Donald’s absence is glaring: he’s just oddly not there when they needed 7 other characters but Elephant in a Beanie gets in there. And it’s not hard ot fill either: Donald , Daisy (Because duh), Gyro and Grandma Duck (Because both cameoed but I only mentioned Grandma Duck, though this is ALSO Gyro’s first apperance), Gladstone (who as it turns out had a cameo storyboarded that didn’t make it into the final product), Gus (Since grandma duck) and Scrooge’s butler since he was in an earlier scene anyway so why waste the character model. They could still play the same roll as easily steamrolled underdogs and it’d make more sense.  It just baffles me that with such a deep bench to play from, they don’t use ANY OF IT in favor of the cast of Animal Soccer World.

The Greenbacks can’t play for greenjack, which worries Scrooge.. but Goofy is able to carry them to the finals, while the Beagle Boys make their way there too. We find this out.. via newspaper transition. We get a bunch of headlines telling us what happened instead of you know a montage because that costs money and they already spent 1.50 making this special.. they only have 50 cents left. 

So the Beagles recognizing Sport Goofy is the only thing in their way plots a kidnappin. We get a gut busting scene of the beagles all hiding in Sports Goofy’s house with him being oblvious only to spring on him. 

The next day with Sports Goofy a no show the team is bummed, even mor ewhen they find a kidnapping note from Don’tGetNotToLeaveEvidence Beagle Boys. Seriously give that to the officals. 

So Asshole Scrooge tries to give a rousing speech... and it is a sight to behold and the one highlight of pope as scrooge... it’s why I picked it as the article image. That glitching isn’t me by the way: it REALLY does that. Coupled with the yellow eyes i’ts just fantastic. So the team decides to morosely play the game and Hivemind Huey boos scrooge for not having faith in him. Instead of again you know telling the officials. Maybe assimilating the other made Huey dumber. I

So the game begins and the Cheating Beagles cream the Give Up To Easily Green Backs, while Sports Goofy watches from the other Crime Beagles hideout. It honestly reminds me of UHF: a dumb well meaning guy whose vital to something succeding is kidnapped.. it dosen’t involve Weird Al dressing up as rambo but still. It also makes me want UHF but with the disney cast. Fethry as weird al, Donald as his best friend, Fethry’s girlfriend for the comcis as weird al’s girlfriend, Gyro as philo, Goofy as Stanley, and Pete of course is Stacey Keach. I could go on but you get the point. Someone draw this.  Sport Goofy is a clever bastard and escapes by working one of his shoes off, taking a nearbye knife and cutting himself free.. and almost stabbing a beagle boy in the face but that would just make two. Sport Goofy escapes and the lunkheaded beagle boys chase after him IN THEIR CAR WHILE GOOFY RUNS AHEAD OF IT.  Goofy, he can really move! Goofy, he’s got attitude! Goofy HE’S THE FASTEST THING ALLIIIIVEEEEEE. Sport Goofy makes it in time fo rhalf time, rallies the troops and it goes how you’d expect: They overcome the beagles blatant cheating, win the cup, the beagles attempt to cheat with a rigged ball backfires and they all get arrested. It’s by the numbers stuff. We end with Scrooge deciding to dontate the trophy instead (though in a great bit asking if it was tax deductible), and posing for a team shot> We get some awesome credits music and we’re out

Final Thoughts:

This special is mediocre: There are only a handful of great jokes, it’s your standard “teamwork makes the dreamwork plot” that dosen’t work because our underdogs really CAN’T play without their star, and Scrooge’s voice hurts to listen to. Pope and Taylor are great and while Will Ryan is an awful Scrooge, he is a good Beagle Boy or five. 

It IS worth a watch though. It’s riffable enough with the sometimes sloppy unfinished animatoin in the last part and Scrooge’s terrible voice, and it is still is a neat oddity for 90′s kids like myself to not only see Russi’s first thing as Huey Dewey and Louie, but to also see Scrooge and Goofy with vastly diffrent voice actors, as well as Gyro and the Beagle Boys first animated apperances. The fact this came just months before Ducktales makes it all the more intresting. So if your looking for a legit good Disney product.. this is shoddy at best if well meaning. But as a bit of disney history, especially only clocking in at 20 minutes so it’ sa brisk watch, it’s worth a look if your into that. 

Next On Goof Week: We come on in To The House of Mouse where goofy becomes faster than a speeding punchline,  more powerful than pete when his family has to wrestle him to the ground to take him to the doctor and able to make tall leaps of logic in a single bound. it’s SUPER GOOF!

So thank you for reading and if you liked this review give it a like and consider joining my patreon at patreon.com/popculturebuffet. As a patron you’d get access to exclusive reviews, the patreon’s discord and to pick a short each time I do one of these shortstaculars. Donald’s comnig next month and the deadline is in only a few days to join up for said month so the clock is ticking. Even a dollar a month helps me reach my stretch goals so please i fyou can sign up today and if not, I understand and i’ll see you at the next rainbow

[ssvgawara]

Haikyuu boys and some oddly specific crime they’d commit

a/n: I come back and the first thing I write is a shitpost!! enjoy </3 tw for drugs, murder, alcohol and general crime committing xoxo

Karasuno

Daichi- he’s a cop sorry that’s all there is to it man

Suga- Suga has multiple charges of 1st-degree murder against him but they can’t seem to find his identity so he continues committing murder and will continue until he gets caught or ends up murdering enough people to be put in a position of power

Asahi- everyone is probably like “Oh Asahi is innocent” NO. He has learned that his slightly scary face will let him get away with a lot, he is buying alcohol illegally because he looks old enough to, and he’s buying so much other shit and just getting away with it

Nishinoya- This man gives fucking pimp vibes I can just see him in the big leopard print fur coat with a pretty girl in his lap and he calls himself big poppa but no one else will

Tanaka- Drug dealer vibes, probably runs an entire fucking drug ring with his sister and not just a Lil weed these mfkas have the hard shit too like you could probably buy meth from them, he’s not using it but it’s good business

Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita- They literally rob a bank they have an entire scheme and get away with multiple bank robberies and this goes on for MONTHS

Kageyama- We know he’s volleyball smart but otherwise he’s so mfing stupid and I love him for it but he is a chronic shoplifter. Just picks something up and takes it, has walked out of a store without paying for an entire bed set once and got away with it somehow so idk props to him

Hinata- He is the little guy in any heist situation, he fits anywhere so he can sneak in and out the best, he gave himself the stupid ass code name tiny giant but everyone goes with it because somehow he is the best

Tsukishima- armed robbery, but he doesn’t have a gun just a knife like he’s tall and as an attitude, a knife will get him whatever he needs he doesn’t need the gun

Yamaguchi- He runs a catfishing scheme where he pretends to be a naive girl, scams old men out of their money, and then ghosts them and I think it’s what he deserves let him carry on especially because no one would believe it’s him. Also not really like a crime crime but still a crime in a way

Kiyoko- She kills men and I know it, Queen Kiyoko ending the patriarchy one shitty man at a time like she only kills men who deserve it bc some have rights.

Yachi- She’s too anxious to commit an in-person crime so she does a lot of cybercrime, hacking government databases and releasing info to the people, truly the anonymous we deserve

Saeko- She’s running that drug ring with Tanaka, and she loves it because there’s a thrill to it even though yknow she’s dealing literal meth but like its fine plus she loves rocking people’s shit when they get too handsy, which bring me to my next point underground MMA Saeko, like the illegal one with no rules yeah <3

Ukai- this man probably sells all kinda shit to minors that he shouldn’t he is so unbothered a 7-year-old could probably walk in ask for a pack of camels and get them and leave before he noticed what was going on.

Takeda- Did y’all see how scared Hinata was when Takeda gave him that lecture? This dude could kidnap someone and scare them into giving all the information he needed, a legend truly

Aoba Johsai

Oikawa- took steroids one time. And of course in sports, that’s not allowed. But he only did it once and regretted it for months afterward. Never told anyone and was just relieved he didn’t have to piss in a cup and have someone find out.

Matsukawa- Without hesitation, I know this man takes dead people’s bones and sells them on the internet. Has dubbed himself the bone man and he feels so much power when someone buys a femur or sumn. It’s kinda funny honestly he has a hoard of bones to sell, his fave is the pelvis.

Hanamaki- He’s in between jobs because he stole money from his last job, like he said he was sorry he just needed a little extra for gas but was sad to find out that’s a literal crime and he was laundering money.

Iwaizumi- he’s a street racer, like the fast and furious style and it’s so sexy of him like late-night races ugh to be in an expensive fast car with him where he has one hand on my thigh okay that’s enough of that.

Kunimi- Look me in the eye and tell me he does not do drugs. He does and if you don’t believe me you are wrong and I will fight you on this one. 

Kyotani- If there is a crime he will commit it for fun. Like he will do it with no hesitation. He has a record longer than twilight and I’m not sure how he is not in prison actually nvm he escaped and is  a wanted criminal lol

Shiritorizawa

Ushijima- Assault, he just reeks of getting into bar fights when he’s absolutely wasted. Like he most likely didn’t start it but he will be finishing it

Tendou- grave robbing, he just goes into the cemetery picked the oldest plots, and gets to digging. Has made thousands on dead people jewelry and probably won’t get caught, like besides the groundskeeper there’s no security he will never stop.

Semi- he breaks copyright laws on the daily. He’s sampling music in his all the time but he’s doing it so sneakily it’s fine its what deserves stream his band on Spotify right now,

Shirabu- His bangs are criminal enough. No, but he has stolen drugs from the hospital before he just wanted to try the Xanax, and yeah he could just write himself a prescription for it nut like it’s so easy to just go get some and no report it so that’s what he did.

Goshiki- y’all want me to say arson don’t you?? Fine. He commits arson multiple times and kills 7 people with fire before getting arrested and he doesn’t even feel bad so in prison he probably fucking runs a gang he is crazy.

Nekoma

Kuroo- he is a capitalist and class traitor and that’s crime enough I don’t care is he’s attractive or rich, He commits crimes daily by just existing but I still love him anyway.

Kai- Could not commit a crime he just wants to garden and live his life. Jk there’s at minimum one body in that garden let him kill a man he deserves it just let him have one dead body

Yaku- he keyed someone’s car once just because they pissed him off. Was it kuroo? Yes. But that’s fine because he also keyed Lev’s car but blamed lev for keying kuroo’s and Kuroo for keying Lev’s. He just wants to watch the world burn.

Kenma- cyberbullying but man he is mean. Like no bars held we will dig into every insecurity he can and that shit hurts and he doesn’t even feel bad about it he will just be as mean as he can if you’re not careful

Lev- his crime is being tall and dumb also doesn’t understand the economy and prints counterfeit money because why can’t we print more money? The government should get on that.

Inuoka- He released all the animals from a zoo, like snuck in one night and just let them all free, I’m surprised the tiger didn’t eat him but hey the animals are free, there’s still some missing uh oh he’s very proud of himself for it. After the rush, he starts sneaking into shelters and freeing all the dogs and cats

Yamamoto and Fukunaga- Have egged a house before, it was Kuroo’s he deserves all this bullying and you can’t stop me.

Date Tech

Aone- Criminal Conspiracy, sure he had an entire foolproof plan to get away with the perfect crime but someone found out, and now his plans are ruined, damn </3 and no one ever suspects the quiet guy either.

Futakuchi- Having a prostitute, he just wanted some company like mans is lonely so he paid a girl to just spend a Lil time with him it’s all good.

Fukurodani

Bokuto- I know we all haha funny laugh at tax evader bokuto and sure maybe he evades his taxes but he’s also committed vehicular manslaughter, he cannot drive and has killed someone with his car maybe even multiple someones but he always drives off in a panic because he doesn’t know what else to do.

Akaashi- Hasn’t actively committed a crime but has been an accomplice in every vehicular manslaughter Bokuto has committed why the fuck does he keep letting bokuto drive? He really needs to stop that.

Konoha- A master scammer he is so convincing everyone gives him money even if they’re a little sus because he’s just that good each scheme is so convincing.

Inarizaki

Kita- He grows weed, you can’t tell me those rice fields are just for rice he’s got all this space he is growing marijuana and selling it, let him do it I want him to be my plug.

Atsumu- "What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier."

Osamu- resisting arrest. He just said no and ran. Granted he shouldn’t have punched the cop in the first place to have to be arrested but like that’s not the point here.

Aran- accidental child abandonment, like he just forgot he was babysitting and left the kid alone for like a day. He felt terrible but he still forgot the kid and now is fearful of parenthood

Suna- owns an illegal weapon, like he just never registered it and keeps it around and would use it if needed Suna please just point the weapon at me maybe

Others

Terushima- Graffiti, he loves painting on the walls of buildings and tagging them, has so much spraypaint and his day isn’t complete if he doesn’t tag at least one building or train car.

Daishou- Public intoxication- he got a little too fucked up and stripped on the street he will forever have to live with everyone knowing he has an ass tattoo like damn bruh

Sakusa- Perjury he simply wanted to get out of court so he said some shit so he could leave granted he lied under oath but whatever, did they ever find out? No, so he’s fine and he’d do it again if it meant he could leave faster. Like sure he was a witness to a murder but bruh he pretends he does not see.

Hoshihumi- driving without a license he simply thought you didn’t need one because why do you need a piece of plastic to say you can drive a car like??? Just know how to drive it.

[haltandcatchfiretothemax]

FEMSLASH FEBRUARY 2021 #10: In which Cameron tries to spoil Donna

[CN: food and eating mentions]

.

.

In January of 2021, Donna realized and voiced the obvious while watching television one day: “We’re really not gonna be able to have people over for Galentine’s Day, are we?”

Cameron didn’t always entirely enjoy the spectacle or debauchery that sometimes happened at Donna’s Galentine parties, but she was still sorry that it wouldn’t be safe or advisable to celebrate that year. Gently, she replied, “Not considering a Galentine’s video conference, then?”

“I guess I could do that,” Donna sighed heavily. “It won’t be the same though. And we won’t be able to give out gift bags!” she wailed. 

Donna looked forward to organizing a party for February 13 every year, but her favorite part of Galentine’s Day had always been making and giving gift bags filled with expensive indulgences to their friends, and Cameron had never really understood it. It was, in fact, one of the very few things that Cameron didn’t love about Donna, and she wasn’t sure why it bothered her. Donna certainly had the money for it, and what better way to spend your money than on giving nice things to your friends? But no matter how hard she tried, Cameron just couldn’t shake her discomfort with the gross materialism of it. 

Still, Cameron tried to be encouraging. “You could send care packages, couldn’t you?”

Donna thought about it for a moment, and then said, “Putting all that strain on the postal service just so I can send my friends expensive scented candles and handmade journals?” Her face collapsed into a look of utter despair at the very thought. “That just feels so ‘let them eat cake,’ doesn’t it?”

“You are not a naive and undereducated young queen who was bamboozled into inheriting a bankrupt and rapidly disintegrating monarchy,” Cameron said, patting Donna’s hand comfortingly. “And you’re also not a nameless, possibly non-existent princess in a non-fiction work by Jean-Jacques Rousseau, or Maria-Teresa, the Spanish princess who might have actually said that.”

With a bemused smile, Donna said, “I love that you just know that.”

“Yeah, well.” Cameron said, putting an arm around Donna. “Just because I have a reputation for being a princess-hater doesn’t mean that I actually hate them. I mean, look at who I married.”

“Cameron Howe, Defender of Princesses,” Donna said. “That has a ring to it? I’ll have to make you head of my queensguard when I inherit the throne.”

Cameron arched an eye brow at Donna. “Are you trying to tell me that you wanna play exiled gay princess and devoted butch lady knight?”

Finally and fully distracted from her galentine’s day disappointment, Donna laughed. And then she kissed Cameron.

***

Cameron got out of bed late that night and went downstairs for two hours. When she returned, Donna woke up briefly, and she said, “Hey? You okay? Where’d you go?”

“Never you mind,” Cameron said, getting under the covers. “I was making you some brioche to throw at the peasants.” 

“What?” Donna cried. Then she realized that Cameron was kidding and giggled. “Okay, okay. Keep your secrets.”

Curling up next to Donna, Cameron kissed her shoulder. Resting her head on her pillow, she said, “Good night, sleep tight, your royal highness.”

“Likewise, good Sir Cameron!” Donna said, falling back to sleep.

***

In early February, while Cameron worked on the requested Valentine’s Day decorations, Donna tried to come up with an alternate Galentine plan. She filled out cards and sent them early, and then she sent messages to everyone on her guest list to see if they might have time for individual video chats. She wound up scheduling early morning coffee with Tanya, an afternoon check in with Dr. Katie Herman, and cocktail hour with Risa and her partner, and also Cameron. She spent the next few days trying to come up with ‘something else.’ When she finally resorted to mopily looking through all of their saved and archived photos of past Galentine’s Day parties, she figured it out. 

Cameron woke up on the 13th to an email from Donna. While Donna fried eggs and bacon and poured mixed berry waffles, Cameron, sitting at the kitchen island, looked at her phone, and asked, “Did you email me this morning?”

“You, and many of our friends!” Donna chirped. 

Flatly, Cameron said, “If it’s a severed head, I’m gonna be very upset.” She clicked on the email with her thumb to read it.

The email said, “To my favorite galentine: while we can’t celebrate with our friends this year, we can give to others, and we also absolutely need to give as much as we can spare during this on-going crisis. So while I do love giving ridiculously priced candles and pens to our friends, this year, my gift is a donation in your name to Girls Who Code.” The closing of the email said, “With any luck we’ll be able to celebrate with our friends next year, but in the meantime: Happy Galentine’s Day! -xo DC.” 

And then at the very end of the email, there was an attachment, a photo of Cameron and Donna in the kitchen, preparing snacks, that Haley had taken at their first Galentine’s Day gathering. 

Cameron stared at the photo for a minute, and then asked, “Wait, did you make donations for everyone?”

“Yes, yes I did,” Donna said, as she opened the waffle iron. “To different places though, food banks, abortion funds and domestic violence support groups, bail funds, and Black and indigenous justice orgs.”

Overwhelmed by a rush of affection toward her wife, Cameron said, “I think that that was a great way to celebrate. Nice work, Boss.”

Donna’s blushed as she made their plates. “Thank you! I just hope it helps, somehow. Sometimes it all feels futile, you know? It feels less futile when you bring all your friend into it and then email them about it, though!”

They ate breakfast, and then before Donna could say anything else, Cameron said, “Okay, so, I’ve done something. Something that was meant to help cheer you up.”

“Oh?” Donna asked, intrigued.

Cameron got up from her seat, went around the island, and took Donna’s hand. Donna got up, and Cameron escorted her their living room couch, where Cameron had placed two large red gift bags. “You always said that everyone opening their gift bags together was your favorite part of all of this, so. I made two bags for us. It’s not the same as all of our friends opening our git bags together, but, it’s something?”

“Oh, Cam,” Donna frowned. “I love the pseudo but not-quite Gift of the Magi vibes, but, you didn’t have to do this.”

“I know I didn’t, but everything sucks so I figured why not,” Cameron said, picking up her bag and sitting down on the couch. Come on! Sit!” She picked up Donna’s bag, and handed it to her. 

Donna accepted the bag from her. She looked at it, and then said, “If this is a severed head, I’m also gonna be very upset.” 

“It’s not, it’s a gun rack,” Cameron deadpanned. “For the last time, sit, already!”

Donna sat down next to her, and with the bag in her lap, she started to pull out the pink tissue paper Cameron had crumped and stuffed into the top. “Okay, so what have we got first?” Donna reached into the bag, and pulled out a small plastic bottle. “Scented moisturizing hand sanitizer!”

“The white vetiver scent,” Cameron said, holding hers up. “I didn’t like it at first, but you were right, as always. Now it’s my favorite.”

“A luxurious yet practical item, and a fine choice!” Donna enthused. “What’s next?” She reached into the bag, and pulled out a large tube of aloe-infused hand cream. “Ah, an old standby, and another Emerson-Howe household staple.”

Looking at the tube that been in her bag, Cameron said, “I wanted to go with something fancy, but this stuff just works so well! I feel like we can never have enough of it.”

Reaching into her bag again, Donna felt some plastic wrap, and then pulled out a black and blush pink leopard print 100% silk face mask, packaged with its own silk case.

Cameron looked at her own navy blue and star patterned mask, and admitted, “This is the biggest splurge in here. But as long as we’re double masking….”

With a small sigh, Donna reached into her bag again, and found a set of silk scrunchies, with the same leopard print as her mask. “Oh, I was thinking about trying these! Thank you for remembering me talking about it.”

“What kind of partner would I be if I didn’t buy you the one thing you single thing you put off buying for yourself?” Cameron said. “You can try mine, too, I don’t think I’ll end up using them.”

Donna reached into the bottom of the bag, and found the next to last item, a small cardboard box. When she looked at it, it was a fresh tube of her favorite nude pink lipstick, which she’d been wearing since the late ‘90s, and had been meaning to repurchase. 

“I just got a drugstore lip balm for myself, nude rose is your color, not mine,” Cameron said.

Donna snorted. “That was probably the best way to handle it. Thank you for knowing my color.”

“That’s the end of what’s in my bag!” Cameron said. “There’s one more thing in your bag though, because we only need one.”

Donna found the last item. A copy of the Criterion release of Portrait of a Lady on Fire, Donna held it up and said, “Oh…as I recall, you liked this movie better than I did!”

“Yes,” Cameron agreed, “but, you said that you liked it, and that you wanted to try watching it again at home. Which I thought we could maybe do sometime this month.”

Donna smiled at her. “Honestly, I would love that. It’s a date.”

Donna was about to lean in and kiss Cameron to properly thank her, when her phone, forgotten in the kitchen, rang.

“Ack, that’s probably Tanya!” Donna jumped up. “We’re supposed to ‘have coffee’ together!” 

“Go answer, then!” Cameron said. “I can clean this up and I can take care of the dishes, too.” 

“This was perfect and I love you!” Donna hurriedly kissed her, before rushing off. Already half way to the kitchen, she called out, “Happy Galentine’s Day!” behind her.

“Hard same, have fun, tell Tanya I say hi!” Cameron shouted after her.

[mayve-hems]

New Perspective | Dad!Calum

Type: IMAGINE | ONE SHOT | MULTI CHAPTER

Summary: After leaving for four years, Calum returns back to his friends and he has a big surprise: he has a three-year-old daughter, but he refuses to admit it. Until, he falls in love with his little girl, and learns he can’t live without her and her sassy mom either.

Word Count: 15.0k

Note: If you would like to request a one-shot / imagine / story prompt / blurb / HC then I am accepting requests currently and I would love to take them! 

Warnings: Calum is honestly kind of a dick in the beginning and Eve just doesn’t wear a shirt sometimes

Moodboard

-

“As’in” Melody slurred, stomping her left, light-up Sketcher on top of the eye-level stool in front of Ashton. Ashton flinched from the loud noise, scooting back on the kitchen floor just a smidge. “Cooler ‘an you.”

“Of course you are, Mel,” smiled Ashton. He dug his ring-clad fingers gently into Melody’s sides. The brown-haired girl, with one foot on a step stool and the other, bare, foot holding her balance upon the floor burst into a fit of giggles. Laughing with her shoulders digging into her ears and arms struggling to get Ashton to release his grip. “Who said you could wear my dinosaur pajamas?”

“Mine, you - you jerk!” Melody stuttered. Her Uncle Luke stuck his hands underneath her arms and pulled her body from the ground. “Hey!”

“I was saving you from the tickles,” said Luke. “I could put-”

“No!” screamed Melody. She stuck the foot with a shoe on into Ashton’s face. “Off.” She commanded. Ashton rolled his eyes and unstrapped the velcro.

“Was dance practice fun?” Luke asked, pulling his niece’s whole body away from the shoe. With Ashton’s hand holding onto the rubbery bottom, it slid off easily. Melody nodded her head and struggled up the too large countertop. “Did you learn anything?”

Melody gained her stability and stood up straight. With high countertops, she seems to be an inch taller than Luke. “I can do a roll!” Melody stuck her hands straight in the air, preparing for a somersault.

Luke, Ashton, Calum, and Michael had been planning to build a house together since they were in grade school. A custom-built one with five bedrooms, three bathrooms, a Gameroom, an upstairs and a downstairs living room, a large kitchen, and a workout room built into a large shed just outside of the house, and a fully furnished, soundproof basement. Evita “Eve” Sanchez, a girl with luscious long black curls and dark freckles became their best friend and included on their house plans too. Only, Calum didn’t officially go through with the agreed plans and left the state after paying his part of the house, before it was finished.

“No!” Luke yelled, catching Melody before she started a somersault off the counter. “Let’s not do that. I don’t want Mommy to get mad at me.”

Calum’s bedroom was finished, and several arguments ensued between Michael and Eve over whether or not Melody’s nursery should’ve taken over her fathers’ room. Michael got his way, and Eve didn’t turn the barely-furnished room into a nursery. She bit her tongue every time she passed the empty room.

“Did you feed all of your animals, Mel?” Ashton asked, standing up from the floor. Melody gave him a single, hard nod. “Both dogs and your cat?” Melody nodded again. “Your ferrets and your lizard?”

“Mommy fed Norber’!”

“So Norbert was the only animal Mommy fed? If I go ask-”

“-Well . . . Phin and Ferb too.”

“That’s it? Norbert, Phineas, and Ferb?”

Melody bowed her head in shame. “Well . . .”

“If you don’t start feeding your mass abundance of pets, Mel, you know Mommy will get rid of them!” lied Luke. Melody, just like her father, has taken a liking for pets of all kinds. Melody isn’t allowed at the pet store very often because she’ll convince somebody into getting a new animal - lately, she’s been adding to the downstairs aquarium. “How about you give your ferrets some treats, and make sure Norbert has water?”

“Yes, Uncle, Lu’,” Melody sighed. Luke put her on her feet and pushed her towards the living room. She walked from the counter, towards Norbert The Leopard Gecko. Her favorite pets have to be Phineas and Ferb, twin ferrets. Their large cage sits in the downstairs living room for everyone to play with. Originally, Melody wanted their cage in her shared bedroom. Eve quickly said no.

“You aren’t supposed to tell a kid things like that, Hemmings,” a familiar voice said. Luke turned around from watching Melody. The blond didn’t want to believe who was standing in his kitchen, with arms crossed over his chest and a smirk like he’s the fucking leader. “Especially an animal lover like her. She’s got a heart like her daddy’s right? Dog lover and names on Petunia?”

“You think-” Luke started, flabbergasted at Calum’s accusations.

“-Don’t,” Ashton groaned. He faced the intruder that ran away only four years before. “What are you doing here?”

Calum let out a loud breath. “It’s my house too, right? Unless my bedroom was turned into a playground for - what’s her name? Melody?” His black combat boots his loudly, approaching Ashton and Luke quickly. His finger drug itself along the countertop then led a journey to his eyes. At least the house was clean. “So, who’s the mom?”

“Excuse me?” asked Luke.

“The kid - who’s her mom? Is it Evita? I bet you ten bucks y’all fucked and-”

“-Obviously she’s Eve, dumbass,” Luke bit down on his lip. He didn’t know if it was his right to inform Calum that - Guess what! - he had a kid after escaping the state.

“Never thought you’d get with her,” Calum flashed a look of betrayal on his gorgeous face. “What about the Bro Code?”

“I didn’t get with Eve-”

A loud cry cut off Luke’s explanation. He flipped around to see a chair collapsed on the ground, and Melody clutching her right arm close to her body. Luke and Ashton quickly bolted to their niece to see what happened.

“Help!” Melody screamed through tears. Michael and Eve joined Luke and Ashton within moments. Eve, just barely out of the shower, sat her daughter on top of her fluffy robe and asked what was wrong. “Hurts,” Melody cried and pointed toward her dominant hand.

“What happened?” asked Eve. Calum peered through the doorway at the cluster of adults servicing a three-year-old alien activist and Disney lover. Surprise overtook Calum when he watched how Eve messed with Melody’s arm. Within four years, Eve’s hair seemed to have darkened from chocolate brown to jet black and pink still wasn’t her color. Calum made out dark ink all along exposed skin.

“Norber’ want water,” Melody started before letting out a loud wail when Eve attempted to straighten Melody’s arm. “I want to give him ‘dat bottle, an’ I fell!”

“Luke, can you get her shoes on? I’ll put some clothes on and take her to the hospital.” Eve sighed. Calum was surprised at how sure she sounded, not hesitating to be stern in a time of need. Eve’s older sister broke her hand, and Eve completely freaked out and fainted on Calum. That wasn’t an enjoyable experience for him. “I’ll be back in a moment.”

Michael swept the small girl off the floor, giving affirmations that she’d be okay. He set her down on the counter and handed her mother his own jacket after she’d ran down the stairs in just a hoodie and a bra. “We have a visitor.” Michael griped, clenching his jaw hard. “What do we do?”

Eve looked at Calum watching Luke put Eve’s shoes back on. He seemed uncomfortable. “Fuck it, my kid just broke her arm and I couldn’t care less about him.” Eve wrapped Melody’s favorite blanket around her shoulders and picked her back up. “Calum, your daughter just broke her arm, want to come to the hospital with us?”

“Wh-what?” Calum sputtered. He shook his head, trying to hide his bulging, scared eyes.

-

“Where’s Michael?” Calum asked as he took a journey through the kitchen. He stopped behind the girl with a bright blue cast, chewing something that looked like a lazy attempt at pizza. He grimaced.

“Guitar!” Melody said before taking another bite. Tortilla, pizza sauce, and cheese piled together and microwaved on high for a single minute- that’s Melody and Michael’s favorite meals. Besides chicken strips, of course.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“That means he’s in the basement practicing with the guys,” explained Eve. She barely looked up from her load of dishes at her confused face. “What? Can’t she explain where they are?”

Calum looked disgusted. “Why can’t she just say they’re in the basement? Is she delayed?”

“She’s three, give her a fucking break before I break you,” Eve shoved a plate into the dishwasher and finally looked up at Calum. She couldn’t help that he still looked hot; messy curls, tan skin, and bright brown eyes. It was destined that Melody is the cutest kid in the world.

“What is she even eating?”

“Lunch.”

“That is not a meal,” said Calum. “That’s something you feed a child that won’t eat anything besides chicken strips and pizza.”

Eve locked eyes with Calum. Staring straight into his ripped soul. “Exactly.”

Calum scratched the side of his head with the tip of his middle finger. “Can you lead me to the basement?”

Eve smirked. “You should know the house, Cal,” she laughed. “You helped design it. Oh, wait, you-”

“-Yes!” Calum screamed. “I get it! I left! Just . . . fucking lead me to the basement please.”

“Fine,” Eve picked Melody up from the enjoyment of cheap pizza. Melody protested a little bit, but the pain in her arm came ‘round and she stopped. “Wanna’ give Uncle Mike some pizza?” Melody nodded her head and grabbed the plate with her good hand. “Let’s go/”

Melody, Eve, and Calum rounded the corner toward the back door and walked through the laundry room to find basement steps. With Melody on her his, and Calum sadly right behind her, Eve descended down the steps. Michael looked up from his controller and took the plate from Melody and shoved it into Luke’s chest, then took Melody in his arms.

“How’s the hand, Mel?” asked Michael. He kissed the big ‘CLIFFORD’ signature underneath her wrist.

“Hurts.”

“Well, of course, it’s going to hurt, you fell off a chair,” Melody scowled at her uncle. “What’re you guys doing down here?” he asked, dismissing Melody’s continuous sass. He placed her back on the floor.

“Just seeing what the house looks like,” Calum said, looking around the furnished basement. It’s large; larger than he’d remembered. There’s a bathroom behind the wooden staircase, a man cave to the left and a room with tons of band equipment to the right inside of a soundproof studio. Just in front of the stairs was Melody’s playroom. Calum had never seen so much pink. “Pretty nice. How do you guys pay for all of this?”

“Jobs, Cal,” Luke snapped. The youngest of the adults rolled his eyes. “Are you going to get one?” 

“Wait, you guys have jobs? Why aren’t you working right now?”

“I’m a YouTuber,” Michael pointed to a section of the playroom with a backdrop and a nice camera, along with a gaming computer. “I can do whatever the fuck I want to.”

“Bet the rest of you don’t have jobs like that,” Calum shrugged, pointing to the rest of them. Melody already escaped to her dolls and barbies. “Probably mooch off all his money like the lowlifes you are.”

“Actually,” Luke snapped again. “I’m a teacher, and Eve is a tattoo artist.” Calum’s eyes went wide. Eve began to show off her ink to Calum. One really intrigued him; a feather on her left arm that dissolved into tiny fragments that formed ‘MELODY ANN’ on Eve’s wrist. There seems to be enough space for more children too. “Ashton works at KFC.”

“Please tell me you’re joking,” Calum pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Nah, dude, I’m a museum tour guide,” replied Ashton.

Calum snorted. “Nice one.”

“I’m serious.”

 “Bone library, huh?” Calum laughed at his joke. His fingers reached for little toes right underneath Eve’s eat, tattooed in a seemingly-painful way. “What’s what one?” Eve pulled her shirt up just a little bit to reveal the tattoo she sat hours for. The design was as if Melody walked from the front of Eve’s left hip bone, to her back, up to Eve’s right shoulder blade and ended with Melody’s footprint right behind Eve’s ear. Though, she only had the right foot, as if she were waiting for another child to come along and step on her. “Are those actual feet? Like prints from when Melody was born?”

“Taken right from her birth certificate,”

Calum wanted to undress Eve and analyze all the ink beneath her skin. He wanted to know the story behind the entire canvas she’d printed on her back, sternum, legs, and arms. It would take a couple of hours to learn about three years' worth of tattoos. When Calum left, she had a single tattoo of five tally marks on her finger. Each mark was dedicated to her friend group.

“You think I could get a job? Who’s the owner of the shop?” Calum asked. Eve pulled her shirt back down and laughed loudly. “What?”

“I’m the owner, asshole,” said Eve. “You can’t even draw a stick figure. Unless you’re buying, don’t come to my shop.”

“You’re a bitch,”

“I know,”

“Cut the shit, what are you doing here?” Michael asked when Eve and Ashton walked away to play with Melody. Calum ruffles the front of Michael’s blue hair. “Seriously. Why did you just randomly show up?”

“Did some stupid things,” Calum laughed. “Turns out sometimes you have to pay to perform. Dropped out of high school, so music is all I got.”

“Then what are you going to do for a job?” Luke asked, stepping up close to Calum. Michael and Luke were trying to intimidate him, make him see how stupid he is for leaving everything behind one day, leave without a warning, and show up randomly. He’ll never get off scot-free while living with them. “We’ve got people to support. A house to live in. You’re going to have to pay bills.” 

 “You’re joking,” Calum chuckled. Luke and Michael didn’t break their stares off the man. “I don’t have a way to get a job. I’m not good at anything. Can’t I just watch Eve’s kid and be okay?”

“You don’t get paid for watching your own child,” Michael replied in a low voice. “I don’t care if you helped design the place. It’s time to pay bills.”

Calum locked eyes with Michael. “She’s not my kid.” He pulled the curls falling into his eyes back and combed through the dark locks with his fingers. Their intimidation wasn’t working on him. “Guess I’ll have to get a job. Ain’t got nowhere else to go.”

-

Calum shivered underneath the orange tip of a washable marker. Its cold sensation ent socks through his arms, resulting in goosebumps and for Melody to color outside of the tattoo lines. He looked down where Melody sighed and takes in the sight; Melody, with eyebrows scrunched up and her little tongue poking through her teeth, and a marker sitting between her fingers. She was very focused.

Calum notices that their hair curls the same way, and their hair color is the same shade. He catches a curl, twirling it around his digits. A knot sticks around Calum’s finger, catching skinny strands along one of his rings.

Melody yipped. “Hey!” she whined, pulling her head far away from Calum. She rubbed the spot Calum assaulted and acted as if she were to cry. Melody’s dark lip begins to quiver and she burst into a fit of sobs. “Mommy!”

Eve ran into the kitchen, halfway through braiding her hair back for work. “What’s going on?” Eve asked, staring straight at Calum. Quickly, Eve wraps her arms around Melody. Melody laid her head against Eve’s chest. “What’s wrong baby?”

Calum looked down at his hands. “I was messing with her, and I accidentally pulled her hair a little bit,” he answered. Melody continued to cry. “I . . . I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay,” Eve answered for Melody. Melody calmed her loud fries and looked back at her father. “It was just an accident. Can you tell him that you’re alright?”

Melody shook her head. “Not ‘right-”

“-Melody Ann, you are perfectly fine. Can you tell him that?”

Melody shook her head again. “Go to work with no?” Eve shook her head as a reply. One occasion, just a few months before Calum showed up, Melody walked into Eve’s tattooing shop for her birthday and got her very own Crayola tattoo of a sunflower on her right thigh. Since that day, she’d used all efforts to get another. “Pwease?”

As they say, you get addicted to the feeling of tattoos.

“I thought you wanted Calum to watch you?”

Melody had requested that ‘Uncle Calum’ put her to bed while Eve was working. Calum disagreed, argued with Eve about how Melody isn’t his kid and Eve needs to find her own babysitter. Calum continued to argue with Eve until Melody’s big brown eyes looked up at his, and she held a handful of markers underneath his nose. She sat next to him on the counter and asked if they could play tattoos. Calum was confused until she began to color in Mali Koa’s bird.

“No!” Melody screamed. “Hurt me!”

“Mel,” Calum whispered. He felt terrible. “It was just an accident.” He’d never had such a feeling of guilt, even the day he ran from New Jersey to New York on the small promise of a successful music career. He’d been promised by an agency that if he left New Jersey, he’d have a good life filled with wealth and fame, as long as he left home quick. His parents told him if he left, to never come back. “I’ll never do it again. I promise.”

“Promise?” Melody stuck her pinky out for Calum to wrap with his own. Calum gave her a stern nod and hooked their fingers together. “Good Uncle Cal.”

Eve’s face dropped. Uncle? Eve wants to break all habits Melody developed around Calum. Telling people he’s her uncle, even calling him Uncle Calum. Eve wants to tell Melody to call him an asshole, a fucking jerk, a liar, and most importantly, Dad. Calum was only comfortable with Uncle Calum. Eve turned around when he’d said that the day after Melody broke her arm, told Calum to ‘choke on her dick’ and stomped away.

“Face masks?” Melody asked, forgetting she’d just been crying. She drug her pointer finger along her face in areas you’d put on a face mask. “Yes?”

“I’m not doing a face mask,” stated Calum. “Never.”

“Liar,” Eve snorted. “You did them with me all the time when we were teenagers.”

“We did a lot of stupid things when we were teenagers, Eve. I’m not doing face masks.”

“Did I just hear Calum reference how bad he is at sex and facemasks?” Luke called, walking through the laundry room. He offered up his arms for Melody to enter and had a pouncing three-year-old in his arms. She thwacked the side of his face with her cast. “Ouch. Jeez.”

Melody got close to Luke’s ear to whisper. “What’s sex?” she asked. Luke looked towards Calum and Eve for an answer but Calum hid his face. Tiny fingers pointed at the pair. “Sex.”

“Well, tech-”

“-Hemmings!” Eve interrupted. Luke’s face flashed terror of the five-foot-nothing girl. “You want to do a face mask with Uncle Lu?”

“Blue one!”

Luke stared down at the floor. The last time Melody, Luke, Michael, and Ashton had done the blue face masks - Melody’s favorite color - they all ended up with blue splotches spread on their faces for a few days afterward. Luke refused to show his bare face in public and stole a whole bottle of Eve’s dark foundation just be able to go to work. Michael slathered his face in blue paint for a YouTube video and played Fortnite. Their lives are very different.

However much Luke wanted to please Melody, he doesn’t want to wear foundation several shades too dark for his complexion. He took his phone out and texted Michael to grab Eve’s golden mask out of his bedroom. He may have stolen it from her. She’ll never know.

“I’m not putting that shit on my face, Eve,” whined Calum.

“You don’t have to,” Luke smiled. “You can leave, or go to your room, or do something that’s not bothering us.”

“You’re seriously just doing face masks?”

Luke smiled a little bit wider. “We let Mel pick out a movie she’d like to see,”

“I can do that, just not face masks,”

“It’s an all or nothing package, bro,”

Calum offered Luke a very disgusted look. “Fuck that.” He hauled himself off the countertop to stand. “Have fun being a girl, Luke. Let me know how the gender reassignment surgery goes.” Luke bit his tongue to not have a witty comeback filled with several choice words.

“Lil’ Sanchez!” Michael called from the staircase. Melody almost fell from Luke’s arms to see Michael. “Heard you wanted the good kush!”

“Michael!” Eve drew out, ready to fight everyone. Luke and Calum constantly arguing, Calum being an asshole, and Michael teaching Melody words he shouldn’t be. Ashton is the only one she can stand.

“Sup dude!” Melody held out her fist and Michael bumped it softly. “Good stuff.”

“Which one do you want, kid?” Michael held up a grey tube he’d also stolen from Eve. The front of it read Clay Mask, but Michael couldn’t stand the scent of the paste. It was too late to give it back to Eve without her noticing. In his opposite hand, he showed off a round tube of golden gel. “Good smelling stuff or Luke’s knockoffs?”

“Blue.” Melody stated.

“Good stuff or knockoffs?”

“Blue.”

They were in for a long argument against a three-year-old.

-

Calum was surprised he didn’t see Eve quickly, inside of her tattoo parlor. He thought the name of a shop would have something to do with Melody, but he’d about had a heart attack when the large neon sign read ‘FIVE SECONDS OF SUMMER TATTOOING’. He walked in immediately and requested the first appointment they had open.

“Man, our artists are busy for the night. You’ll have to find somewhere else,” Jason, Eve’s apprentice, said looking over the schedules for each artist. Except for Eve. All four basic artists were booked with large projects for the night drunks and fucked up stoners. Eve had space next to her name, though, twenty minutes into the future.

“Why can’t Eve do it?” Calum questioned, pointing over the counter at Eve’s full first name written in fancy cursive. He wasn’t used to seeing it written so perfectly. Usually, she writes ‘Eve’ with a light hand and lowercase letters.

“Evita? Man, she’s real good and doesn’t do most people.” Jason shook his head. He looked tired, tripping balls, or just done with Calum. “You have to get special approval from her. She doesn’t put up with anyone’s shit.”

“Ask her then,”

“What? Man, no. She won’t listen to me. How would I even ask?”

“Well, first you walk up to her and say ‘Eve, you’ve got a customer that’ll take your shitty tattoos and will pay fucking cash and a tip. Now tattoo him.’ It’s easy.”

“I think if I say that to her, I’ll be fired,”

Calum sighed and ran a hand through his dark curls. One caught on his ring and pulled like he’d done to Melody just hours early. He thought to himself how weird it was they had the same curls, hair color, and facial features. “Just get Eve.”

“I don’t-”

“-Do it and I’ll tip you.”

Jason turned around in the uncomfortable spinning chair and stood up. 5 Seconds Of Summer tattooing took over an old tattoo shop and a bar, erasing of all the alcohol and vomit stains on the floor and disposing of all barstools and tables. Eve put in a couple of couches in the front of the shop for people that waited, had a bathroom on both sides of the shop, and turned the bar portion into a piercing area. Calum looked around the teal walls at anatomic sketches and cartoon characters drawings. He was very impressed.

“Evita!” Jason screamed. Calum dropped a twenty on the desk.

“I get it,” Eve stammered loudly. “I’m Mexican! But you don’t have to constantly call me Evita like an asshole Jason!” Red burned her cheeks and ears at such anger. To Calum, Evita was triggering to Eve after four years of him calling her it. He was fully convinced she’d explode when her eyes landed on him. “You have blue on your face, dumbass.”

Calum wiped his face and noticed no residue on his finger. “Your daughter got Michael to put on blue shit,” Calum sighed. “Roped me into it too.” Michael, Ashton, Luke, and Melody watched two minutes of The Nightmare Before Christmas, disregarding February creeping upon them before Melody ran to Calum’s room and rasped on the wood. He asked her what she wanted, with his attitude faltering. Melody pointed to the blue cream on her face, and Calum reluctantly agreed with a groan and learned that he’s becoming wrapped around her finger.

“She’s your daughter too,” Eve said. “What do you want?”

“A tattoo,” Calum crossed his arms over his chest and smirked. “Feel like I’m due for one that’s not Crayola.”

“I’m busy,”

“No, you’re not,” Eve looked a little defeated. “We can go for drinks instead. Get drunk, fuck, and you’ll get pregnant and claim Luke’s kid is mine again.” Calum smirked harder than before. Eve resisted punching that smirk off his face.

“Come on!” Eve stammered again, dragging Calum to her office with walls of perfect drawings. “You need to fucking stop!” Eve said the moment she locked the door. Their relationship seemed loveless and dangling off the edge of a crumbling cliff. They’re covering anger at themselves with arguments. Eve’s angry Calum left four years before; Calum’s angry he left too. Their feelings are repressed, but unlike Calum, Eve wanted those feelings back and to know what it’s like to be loved.

“Stop what, Evita?”

“Don’t fucking call me that,” Eve hit her hand on the wooden door and a stinging pain shot down her arm. She didn’t stop. The brunette took all of her anger out on a hard door, tempting the bones in her hand. “You lost the right to call me that the day you left! You lost the right to call me that the day you came up with the thought that Melody is Luke’s daughter!” Eve turned to face Calum. Hot tears full of rage were beginning to gather. “If she was Luke’s daughter, why does she have dark hair? Curls? Why isn’t she pale?”

“You’re dark,” Calum snapped back. “You have curly hair.”

“Melody barely took after me! She took after you, you fucking asshole!” Eve wanted to hit Calum, take the rest of her burning rage out on him. She kept her hands to herself. “She’s supposed to be Melody Hood, not Sanchez. She’s supposed to be calling you Dad, not Uncle Calum! She looks just like your fucking sister, Calum! Stop denying her!”

“I’ll stop denying her the day you admit you fucked Luke.”

“I’ve never fucked Luke!”

“Everybody knows you did, Eve! Why else would you have kept your daughter a secret from me?”

“Because you fucking left,” Eve’s voice dropped low, scarily. She’s shorter than Calum by a foot, but he was scared he would get his ass beat. She could tear him to shreds; rip his confidence up one leg and down the other. “You left without a fucking word! Changed your phone number, abandoned any way we had to contact you!”

“I was doing what I needed to do!”

“Then why are you back? Why didn’t your dream go perfectly? Why aren’t you living happily in New York? Do you just want to torment me?”

“Everything failed, Eve! It’s not like I wanted to come back! I had nothing!”

“Then leave.”

“What?”

“If you didn’t want to be here, then leave. I’ll give you some fucking money. Get out, stay away from your daughter and this ‘Uncle Calum’ bullshit. Tell her that you’re her dad and I’m not the reason she’s never met him!”

“Eve-” Calum tried to say.

“Do you want to be here?”

“I . . . I don’t-”

“Yes or no. Decide right now. Do you want to be here?”

Calum swallowed his thick pride. “Yes.”

“Then man up and quit being everything you vowed you wouldn’t.”

“Get a DNA test.”

“What?” Eve looked down at her bruising hands, suddenly feeling the worst ache from them she’d felt in a long time.

“Get a DNA test. If it comes back that she’s mine, then I’ll be her dad. If I’m right, and she’s Luke’s, then shut your fucking mouth and quit being a bitch about everything. Deal?”

Eve squinted. “Go fuck yourself.”

-

Calum didn’t get a tattoo from Eve that night and took the first opening from a different artist in the same shop. Shay Ramsey, a regular that Eve tattoed a lot, walked into the parlor right after Eve finished cleaning her hands up and showed Eve a sketch she wanted. Eve studied the design and quickly fell in love with the way it had been originally sketched. She stayed up until dawn, tattooing a Medusa staring at a loaded bow pointing towards Shay’s neck. Underneath the bow were Medusa’s snakes with cracks and flowers sprouting from them.

Eve rang Ashton for a coffee and food run after the sun was fully up, explaining that she was working. Ashton pulled on joggers and a hoodie, put Melody in her car seat, and made the drive into town just for her.

“How’s it looking?” Shay asked, looking at the wall right in front of her. Medusa was split in half, which was the hardest part for Eve. Medusa didn’t have a nose bridge or a cupid's bow, to make room for a quote of Shay’s spine. ‘Daughters of the witches you couldn’t burn’ was tattooed in cursive, leading into the arrow.

“I think I’m going crazy, but a relaxed crazy. You know?”

“Makes sense,” Shay laughed a little bit, trying to not move her back from Eve’s needle. Eve only does large and time-consuming projects she knows will tip and sit well. “Miss your baby girl yet?”

“Man,” Eve laughed, turning to dip the needle in ink. “I do. She was with her uncles last night and they did the blue facemasks again.”

Shay laughed again. “You ‘gotta tell them not to do that again. How’s her arm?”

Eve rubbed the sleep from her eyes for a brief moment with the side of her arm. She just had to finish up shading Medusa, and she’d be finished. It would take forever, though. “Good. She’s getting out of the cast in a few weeks. She no longer feels comfortable feeding Norberty by herself.”

“How many animals does that child have now?”

Eve thought for a moment. “Two ferrets, a cat, a lizard, several fish, and she’s claiming Petunia, Michael’s dog, Ashton’s hedgehog, and Calum Hood.” Melody claims all of the animals, but she doesn’t take care of any of them. Though she’s three, so everyone lets her get away with it most of the time.

“Woah, wait. Calum Hood? He’s back?”

“Been here about a month. Spent all of his money, came back to live in the house and is a giant pain in my ass.” Eve shook her head. How dare he just leave her? She’s still not over four years of mourning and fear over raising their child by themselves.

“You two were perfect in high school. What happened?”

“I’m not even sure we liked each other in high school,” Eve wiped the sketch from Shay’s skin. The tattoo was progressing like a snail, but amazingly. “That’s a lie. He was the best thing in my life. Then, he gave me another Best Thing In My LIfe and he’s still sitting a close second.”

“You have to tell him that.”

“No thank you,” Eve watched the shop door open after Ashton unlocked it. “How about a break?” Shay nodded her head. Eve made her way towards Ashton and snatched the brown bag from his hands. “Did you get me food?” She slipped him some money for compensation. Eve grabbed a doughnut out of the bag. “Thank you so much.”

Just like Calum’s face, Ashton and Melody had faces stained with blue. Eve had to laugh a little bit. “Tell Uncle Luke to throw that stuff out, yeah?”

“No!” Melody shook her head. Ashton had thrown it away after he looked at the blue marks for a second time, depositing it in the location it was born from. Trash. “I had strawberries and ‘nanas.”

“You have strawberries and bananas?” Eve repeated back. She began feasting on her donut and sipping on frozen coffee. It tasted like perfection. “Did you save me any?”

Melody shook her head again, rustling her bed head. Ashton only slid a pair of jeans and a jacket on the little girl. Eve didn’t blame him for not dressing her up that much, that’s her job. “Uncle Cal made ‘em.”

“Calum made you strawberry banana pancakes? He hates those,”

“Yeah, but they were fucking good,” Ashton laughed. “Somehow, he knew they’re Melody’s favorite.”

Eve was very surprised.

-

Staring at the seemingly bored man standing in her bedroom doorway, Eve wondered if she should just kick him out. The thought of welcoming him inside of her bedroom made her feel warm and comfortable, she just wasn’t sure if it was the best idea. Calum hadn’t been in her bedroom at all, even when he showed back up and started taking care of Melody. He’d hold her until she slept, then Luke, the seemingly quietest person ever, would carry her up to her room.

It was personal, a barrier from the lives they used to love to the ones they’re entertaining now. Before escaping New Jersey, Calum snuck into Eve’s room, kissed her, and they laid together until she was well asleep. What eve doesn’t know about that night is that it took everything in Calum to leave her. He didn’t want to move hours away, but he had to. Calum remembers preparing to sneak back out and just watching her chest go up and down with shallow breaths. Everything in his body hurt.

After a few seconds of staring, Calum brushed his hair from his face. “We should go drinking tonight.”

“No,”

“Why?”

“I haven’t been drinking since before Melody was born,”

That didn’t stop Calum from convincing her into taking shots of tequila at a bar with their friends. Melody was staying at her grandparents for a few days. Eve could do whatever she wanted.

“Woah, slow down there Sparky!” Calum called, grabbing Eves shot out of her hands. “I think we should go home.”

“You’re just a party pooper,” Eve slurred, barely able to keep herself up. She slumped over a little bit, causing Calum to catch her. “See. I’m fine.”

While Eve isn’t the tallest person, she still manages to have long legs. On the few occasions, she’d get drunk at parties during teenage adolescence, and also go home to have sex all night with Calum, she’d learned how to not trip over her own feet and break her legs. After spraining her ankle walking from a party to Calum's house, she drilled herself to no longer trip over her feet like a newborn foal.

Calum was impressed she managed to keep that ability after several years of not drinking. Calum wrapped his arm around her for support and they stumbled towards the door, Calum getting in the way of where Eve was stepping.

“We should get tacos, Cally!”

A sharp pain overtook Calums' left side. Eve called Calum ‘Cally’ when they were teenagers. It was her favorite nickname for him because only she could call him that. On one occasion that Luke tried to call Calum ‘Cally’, Luke almost ended up with a shiner. Calum and Eve had nicknames for each other that only they could say.

“Yeah,” Calum whispered through a scratchy throat. “I don’t think there’s a place to get them.”

“Then let’s go home and make tacos!”

Calum rolled his eyes. “Fine,” he unlocked the car door and helped Eve inside. She smiled at him and blew him a kiss before he ran to the other side of the car. “Ready to go home?”

“Yes,” Eve smiled wider.

The ride was short for the pair. The bar was a while away from the house, but with a flirty Eve in the car with him, Calum drove over the speed limit before he did something he’d regret soon. Eve sobered up a little bit on the ride and began to remember some of her anger towards Calum. In all honesty, she wanted a kiss from him too.

“How was drinking?” Ashton asked. Eve gave him two thumbs up. “Sounds like you had fun.”

“I don’t even remember why I went drinking,” Eve laughed. Calum pulled her toward the kitchen. “Tacos!” Eve screamed, gathering the ingredients. She pulled meat from the fridge they’d cooked earlier in the night, along with tortillas, and everything you can imagine going on a taco.

“Wanna watch a movie downstairs while we eat?” Calum asked. Oddly, he didn’t want to separate from Eve. He wanted to stay with her, protect her, lay with her, and watch bad TV shows together. Calum misses how he and Eve used to be.

“We can watch it in my room.” Eve shrugged. She grabbed her plate of a soft taco packed inside of a splitting shell and lead Calum to her room.

Melody had left some toys behind, leaving them scattered on the floor. Eve shoved them toward Melody’s messy bed and set her plate on the side table. Calum felt uncomfortable walking into the room as if it were his own, sitting down on the bed like he used to. Eve always sat toward the end so she could see the TV better, but Calum always sat behind her. He laughed when she chose The Jonas Brothers.

“You still watch that?” Calum asked. He took a bite of his cold taco.

“Who doesn’t?”

“Me,”

“Well you’re stupid,” Eve said. She watched the show intently, taking bites of her food every so often. Calum didn’t watch TV, instead he watched Eve break down a wall he wished was never there and let him inside of her. She wasn’t mad at him, she wasn’t trying to pick a fight or argue with Calum. She just sat there, eating and watched a Disney show like her life depended on it. Until she fell back into teenage habits and scooted back to sit in Calum’s lap.

“Comfy?” Calum asked, offering up a small laugh. Eve rested her head on Calum’s shoulder, burying her face in the crook of his neck. He smelled like Old Spice and memories. “Are you going to lay like this for a while?”

“Obviously,”

“But I’m cold!”

“We are laying on a blanket, Calum, learn to use your head,” Eve sighed and tore away from her comfortable position to pull the blankets tucked corners out. First, she got underneath the blue duvet, then sat on Calum so he could be warm too. “Better?” Eve asked, returning to her position.

“Much.”

Calum wasn’t cold. He just wanted to get Eve off of him, but he didn’t know how to say it. He wants Eve off his body so he didn’t feel the fire of her skin touching his, the sight of her small body laid on top of him, or the smell of orchid shampoo filling his nostrils. Calum wanted to forget everything; Melody, coming back to New Jersey, Eve, how he still loves Eve with all of his heart.

“Calum?” Eve broke Calum’s concentration on the window behind the TV. Calum looked down at her and wanted to keep her body in that position forever. “You okay?”

Calum cleared his throat. No. He’s not okay. He’s falling even further for someone he never got over. “Yeah. You?”

Eve looked up. Calum couldn’t help but gape at Eve. “Kiss?” Eve tilted her head back for a kiss. Just like when they were teenagers. Calum hesitated for just a moment. “W-wait. I’m sorry. Just-” Eve hid her face in her hands. Embarrassment flooded her body.

She’d forgotten about everything. Calum seemed to do that to her. She forgot about how she’s supposed to be mad at him, about how he left without saying anything. Calum giggled and reached for her hands.

“Evita,” Calum smiled. It was funny to him - her red cheeks and ears were magnificent.

Eve declined his laughter. “Don’t call me that.”

“Why? It’s your name. Evita Ma-”

“No!” Eve cries. “Stop it!”

“Why do you hate it so much? You used to love being called Evita,”

Eve looked at Calum. Calum thought she was going to fall over and cry. “You used to call me Evita. Only you!”

“And?”

“You call me Eve now,” Eve brushed her hair away from her face. The messy bun she’d tried to do during the car ride was falling in small strands. She felt like she couldn’t see. “Just Eve. I only let you call me Evita, and then-”

“-And then I left and you felt that it was tied to me.”

Eve nodded her head. “Michael tried to joke around and call me Evita one day and I started to cry. Could've been pregnancy hormones or something, but you came back and now it’s like it’s all in the past and-”

“Eve, shh, calm down,” Calum grabbed Eve’s hands before she had a chance to hurt something. Her fists clenched hard and he was forced to undo them. “Listen. I’m here right now, and I’m not going to leave. No matter how much I say I just want to leave, I’m not going to leave. I’m here for you, for Melody, for . . . for everyone.”

“Everyone?”

“Of course.” Calum didn’t realize how tense Eve was until he said that. Her body relaxed as if she’d finished working out or something. She just fell into him and he felt well. “How are you feeling?”

Eve looked up at Calum. “Kiss?”

Calum barely pressed his lips to Eve’s, giving her what both of them wanted. His lips began to feel numb, ripped apart by electricity he only felt with Eve. Neither of them let go. Eve snaked her hand around to the back of Calum’s neck, deepening their kiss. Calum slid his cold hand up the back of Eve’s hoodie. She shivered.

“Your hands are very cold,” Eve whispered, crumbling away from Calum’s lips. Calum nodded his head. January has made their entire lives freezing. “So are mine.” Eve clapped her hands on an area of skin Calum’s collar revealed.

“Yes they are, Eve,” said Calum. They both giggled a little bit. Eve watched Calum, but Calum watched her lips. She bit down on her bottom, kiss-ridden lip. Calum couldn’t stop watching. Eve kissed him again.

Calum loved the feeling of Eve’s lips on his, Eve sitting on top of him in a non-sexual manner - but let’s be real he’d love it either way. They weren’t angry at each other, just happy and acting like teenagers they used to be. Calum’s heart broke a little bit, though, realizing that Eve wouldn’t remember a single thing when she’d wake up the next morning.

She’d just remember drinking.

-

“I’m going to pick up Melody, anybody need anything?” Eve questioned, walking through the kitchen to grab her car keys. She plucks them off the hook and wraps her lanyard around her finger.

“It’s snowing, Eve,” said Ashton. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“You’re so overprotective,” Eve groaned. “I have to pick my daughter up from her grandmothers’ house. Does anybody need anything?”

“You’re not going,”

“Yes I am, Ashton. Would you like anything while I am out?”

“I’ll go with her,” Calum sighed, reaching for a jacket. He pulled it over his head and let the hood settle on top of his curls. “Might as well have somebody else with you. Right?”

“I guess,” Eve snapped. “Let’s go or we’ll be late.”

The cold wind hit them like a ton of bricks. Eve was suddenly well aware of how underdressed she was, and how she should buy a snowsuit. She got into her silver SUV and turned the heat on immediately. It also blasted cold air.

“Cold?” Calum asked with a small chuckle. He pulled his jacket back off, leaving him in just a long-sleeved shirt. “Here,” He said. Eve took his hoodie and slipped it on. It smelled like heaven and even while he only wore it for just a small period, it was warm.

Eve took it off before entering her moms' house, though. She gave it back to Calum so her mother didn’t question why the Hood emblem is on her breast. The short girl became cold and wanted it back.

“Mel!” Eve called before hearing the sound of Melody stumbling down the stairs. “Don’t break another bone!” Melody ran right up to Eve and hugged her legs tightly. “Ready?”

Melody shook her head. “No.”

“Why?”

“It’s cold.”

“Want my jacket, kid?” Calum asked. Melody nodded her head, and for a second time, Calum peeled it off his body. “Arms up.” Melody put her arms to the sky and Calum helped her put it on. It pooled at her feet.

“I swear if she breaks another bone-” Eve started.

“-She’s not going to break another bone, Eve,” Calum laughed. “I can just carry her- see.” He lifted Melody off the floor and onto his hip. “Comfy, kid?” Melody nodded her head. Calum laughed again.

Catalina Sanchez, Eve’s mom, walked into the kitchen and started to swoon. She looked different from the last time Calum had seen her; black hair turned grey, wrinkles embedded themselves in her forehead and underneath her eyes, and she seemed to have lost a lot of weight. “Calum!” She called, opening her arms up bringing him into a hug. “I heard you were back from this little munchkin,” Catalina poked Melody’s belly.

“Sure am, Mom,” Calum replied.

Catalina is the mom of every person she comes in contact with. All of Eve’s friends, all of her sister Emerson’s friends. Ashton, Calum, Michael, and Luke were always allowed around her house to relax, live, eat, or for emotional support. Everyone calls her Mom, besides her grandchild.

“How long? Are you leaving again? Please tell me you aren’t leaving again Mister Calum H-”

“I’m not planning on leaving again, don’t worry,”

“Good. This little girl is happy to have you. She talked about you for about two days straight,”

Calum felt a pang of happiness in his heart. Did Melody talk about him? Bragged about Calum? Calum had never had anything like that before. He smiled wider than he could imagine.

Catalina turned to her daughter. “Now, Eve, I swear you need to get Melody’s speech impediment figured out-”

Eve groaned. “She doesn’t have a speech impediment, mom, she’s just being a kid.”

“Are you sure? She can’t say, Ashton. Melody say-”

“Mom!” said Eve. “Would you stop? Please? My daughter is perfectly fine and is just barely three!”

Catalina pointed her finger sternly at Eve. “Don’t talk to me that way, young lady. If she still can’t say Ashton when she turns four, then she has a speech impediment.” Eve rolled her eyes. “Calum, how about you go warm up the car? I need to talk to my daughter.”

Calum took the cue to go away and headed out the back door. “How was your stay at grandmas?”

“Good!” Melody squealed. “We had chicken!”

“Chicken? No way!”

Calum opened the door of the SUV but stopped when he noticed all the snow accumulating. There was no way they’d get home safely with all the snow. He cursed, but quietly so Melody wouldn’t hear him.

“‘s wrong?” Melody asked. She looked around, trying to figure out the problem Calum was having. If Calum set her down on the ground, snow would reach above her ankles, almost to her knees. The snow wasn’t the only thing falling from the sky, but also hail the size of golf balls and painful sleet.

Calum’s head was turning into the clouds above him. There’s no way that this is happening to him. No way! “We’re going to have to stay here, Kid.”

“Sleepover!” Melody squealed.

-

Calum almost had a heart attack. Eve’s bed seemed to be more comfortable than he could remember, but when she walked from the hallway, into her old bedroom, he couldn’t believe the outfit she’d worn. A large shirt - that used to be his - and he wasn’t sure if there was anything underneath. He glanced away, staring at the floor instead of the beautiful princess closing the bedroom door.

“Are you sure you’re comfortable with this? I can go to sleep on the couch if you’re not.” Calum said with a bit of pitch in his voice. He looked at the window he’d crawled out of the night he left New Jersey. He felt like shit.

“It’s fine,” Eve shrugged. After she moved in with Luke, Ashton, and Michael, she changed almost nothing about her old room. The dresser still sat crooked near the closet door, a small TV was still sitting on top of it, but Calum wasn’t sure if it’d work. Eve sat down on the bed next to Calum. “Are you okay with it?”

“Yeah,” Calum said. He cleared his throat. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because . . . okay, that’s it, I’m going to sleep on the couch.”

Calum grabbed Eve’s arm before she could stand up from the bed and pulled her close to him. “I’m fine, okay? I promise. It’s like when we were younger and-”

“-We fucked practically every night.”

“Well, not exactly,” Calum chuckled. He offered a small smile to Eve, which she took with an eye roll. “When all of us would sleepover. Luke would always sleep on the floor with Michael and Ashton, and after they were asleep I’d crawl up to bed with you.”

“They had no clue about us for like . . .”

“Four months,” Calum said. Eve smiled. She couldn’t remember that small detail, but Calum could. She wondered how much more he could remember about their relationship. “Remember Ashton screaming after the basketball game?”

Eve hid her blushing face with her hands. Giggles slipped through her fingers. “I remember that. You busted open your lip or something and whined every time I put the cleaner on it. I had to kiss you like every five seconds and-”

“And Ashton walked in and screamed at the top of his lungs,”

Eve laughed even harder. “You threatened to tie him down and fill his lungs with orange soda.”

“I had to make sure he wouldn’t tell anybody!”

Eve brushed her long hair from her face and looked at him. Her ears and cheeks were red, but not like a few days before. “He still told Michael two minutes later.”

“How was I to know that he had his phone on him, Eve!”

“Remember when Luke found out? He walked straight here and told my mom-”

“-And she said ‘You’re late’!”

They both tumbled backward from laughter. Luke had walked straight from his house a few blocks away just to tell Catalina, but Catalina already knew. She felt bad for saying that, so she made him his favorite meal. Luke ate it quickly, thanked her, and went to Calum’s mom to spoil the news for her.

“Man, I miss being a teenager,” Eve sighed. She was nineteen when Melody was born. Her life went from studying modern art to being a badass mom with tattoos and ignoring everyone's opinions about her life. “No responsibilities. Get to live life. Don’t have to worry about which Disney movie to watch next.”

“Since when is it movies? We watched The Jonas Brothers, Eve,”

“We did what?!” Eve yelled. “The other day we watched The Jonas Brothers? Are you sure you just didn’t see the TV that well and we were-”

“Eve, the TV is right in front of your bed. I know which show we were watching,”

Eve looked down and began playing with her fingers. Calum was in her room? They watched her guilty pleasure together, and Calum didn’t complain until some stupid show was played? “What else happened?”

Calum didn’t want to reply. He didn’t want Eve to know about them kissing, or how she confessed why she hates Evita, or how he said he wasn’t going anywhere. He wanted to leave her hanging just a little while he came to terms with Melody. It was taking longer than it should’ve and he was even mad at himself. “Nothing important.”

“You sure?”

Calum pretended to think. “100-percent.”

“Really?” Eve asked. “I may have forgotten most of the night but I remember one thing.”

Calum’s heart began beating fast. He didn’t know what she remembered, and he was suddenly worried. He didn’t want Eve’s hopes up, and all of a sudden he had to dip because he can’t take the idea of having a child. “What do you remember?”

Eve scooted closer to Calum. “Your hands were really cold.”

Calum laughed. “They were.” Eve and Calum locked eyes. “Do you remember anything else?”

Eve shook her head. “That’s what alcohol does to me.”

“Are you sure you don’t remember anything else?” Suddenly, Calum was desperate to kiss Eve again. He missed the electricity flowing through his body. But eve shook her head. She didn’t remember the kiss a single bit. Calum wanted to remind her. “Nothing else?”

“Why? What happened?”

Calum’s eyes flicked to Eve’s lips. Just a peck, a small brush, or even a kiss on the cheek. He needed some sort of contact. “Can’t tell you.” Calum locked eyes with Eve for just a moment, then looked away at something else. The closet door seemed like the perfect place to look, but it also messed with his head.

A few times that Calum would stay the night with Eve, Luke or Ashton would show up unannounced and Calum would have to hide, half-dressed, in Eve’s tiny closet. Even worse were times that they tried to stay for a while and Eve had to drag them upstairs to play video games just so Calum could pretend he just showed up.

 Eve followed Calum’s eyes to the closet door. “Want something else to wear?”

“Huh?” Calum looked down at his jeans. “Oh, uh, no?”

“I still have your clothes, Cal, I’m not offering you a frilly dress. I’m offering you something comfortable to sleep in.”

“Sure,” Calum sighed. Eve stood up to dig through her dresser drawers. Most of the clothes Calum had left without, she kept at the new house, rather than the one she lived in once before. A lot of times, they made great maternity clothes.

“Here,” Eve said, continuing to dig through her drawers. She’d expected she left more clothes, but in reality, she left almost none of Calum’s. Calum took the grey joggers out of her hands. They were tied for her tiny waist. He pulled the knot apart. “I don’t think I have any shirts except-” Eve looked down at the shirt she’d been wearing. “Let me look in my closet.”

But the closet was almost bare. Just a few shirts that Eve bought while pregnant, that fit so large they were oversized with an eight-pound baby in her stomach. She’d never choose to sleep in those, however. They had been itchy and uncomfortable. Imagine sleeping in something like that.

“I don’t have a shirt,” Eve shrugged. “Sucks to be you.”

Calum rolled his eyes. “I have my shirt, and my jacket, brat. I think I can suffice.”

Eve shrugged again, but dramatically. “No, I don’t think you will. You should take it off.”

“Is Evita Sanchez telling me to take off my shirt?” Calum laughed. Maybe she did remember the kiss and wanted it to happen again as much as he did.

“You’ll never know,” Eve laughed and stuck her tongue out just a little bit. She looked just like her eighteen-year-old self when she did that. Calum was swooning again. She scrunched her nose up a bit and Calum had to laugh.

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth,”

“What’s underneath that shirt?”

“Dare,”

“Take off that shirt.”

“What makes you think you get to see what’s underneath my shirt, Calum Hood?” Eve crossed her arms. Normally, she’d just tell him, as she’d do with the guys. But normally, she’s wearing actual clothes instead of just panties.

Calum bit his lip and drug his eyes from the floor to her long, tan legs, up to her hips, which happened to be covered by the shirt. His eyes continued trailing up her body, noticing an inconsistency with what she normally wears. “You’re a tease.”

Eve rolled her eyes dramatically. “I am not a tease.”

“You’re not a tease?” Calum stood up from Eve’s bed. “Not a single bit?” He pressed his body to hers, his hands dragging up the back of her bare legs. Eve shivered. “Are my hands cold?”

The drunken night started coming back; they made out on her bed, and she enjoyed it. She was happy to be kissing her high school boyfriend again and feeling his hands on her body. “Maybe.” Eve sputtered out.

Calum seductively smirked. “Are you okay, Evita?”

“I’m fine,” Eve lied. “Your hands are just cold.”

Calum let go on Eve, setting backward to grab the joggers off the bed. “Maybe we should just go to sleep, then. I can warm up, then.” He walked out of the room to change in the bathroom. Eve’s body slumped against the closet door, and she slid until she was sitting on the floor.

She’s fucking up her life anymore, but she doesn’t care.

-

Only a few days after the encounter with Calum at Catalina’s house, Eve woke up to an empty bed, and an empty room. Normally, Melody crawls into bed with Eve or at least wakes Eve up in the morning, but Eve was surprised and concerned when the room was empty. She shot up, looking at the time when it hit her that Melody wasn’t with her. Just barely dawn, and her baby isn’t with her.

Quickly, she ran out of her room, to Luke’s right next door, then to Michael’s on the opposite side. She wasn’t with either of them or Ashton. Melody and Ashton have a bond for the love of sleep and making loud noises. But all three of her roommates were asleep. There was one place she hadn’t checked yet; Calum’s room.

She knew in her heart that the possibility that Melody was in Calum's room was low, especially since Calum sleeps late, and Melody wakes up early. Calum probably went to sleep just not long ago, passing out after a video game binge. Reluctantly, she pushed his door open just an inch.

The room was a disaster with clothes strewn everywhere, and blankets scattered in odd directions. However, Melody was there. Asleep on Calum’s bare chest, snoring just a bit. Eve wanted to capture the moment and relish in the captivating sight she was looking at. Like father like daughter, asleep with The Little Mermaid playing in the background, surrounded by thousands of blankets and pillows.

Eve smiled and walked back to her bedroom.

-

Melody jabbed her finger into Eve’s throat. “What’s that say?”

“It says angel,” Eve replied for the thousandth time.

“What’s that one?” Melody pointed to both of Eve’s shoulders.

“That one is the sun, and that one is the moon,” Eve said.

“Why?”

“Because I liked it,”

“Why?”

“Because you are the sun and the moon?”

“Why?”

“Why don’t you go bug Uncle Calum about his tattoos?”

“Yours is cooler.” Melody traced the crescent moon and the clouds it covered. “Pretty,” Melody switched to the sun on Eve’s right shoulder. “I get one?”

“You’re too young, Mel,” Eve reached for markers Melody left on the coffee table. “You want a washable one?” Melody nodded her head quickly and tore off her shirt. “What do you want?”

“That,” Melody pointed to snakehead just peaking above Eve’s sports bra, in between her boobs. “Pwease?” Eve reluctantly nodded her head and pulled the cap off the black marker.

Her snake is intricate, with geometric patterns along its back and realistic shading. Eve sketched out a simple cartoon snake on Melody’s sternum. Melody didn’t stop smiling until Eve pulled the marker off her skin.

“More? Pwease?”

“No,” Eve laughed, grabbing Melody’s arms to sit her up fully. “You don’t need to be covered in ink yet.” Melody giggled her normal giggle and stared down at her body. “Do you like it?”

“Just like yours!” She waved her cast toward her mom’s chest. “Show them?”

“You want to show your Uncles?” Eve could barely ask the question before Melody bolted toward the kitchen, almost falling on her face. She has her fathers’ athletic abilities, even just at three. Eve followed behind, but slower. “Melody has something to show you,” Eve said, entering the kitchen of men.

They looked up from their odd positions, eating different types of breakfast, not surprised that Melody is running around barely clothed again. In the 5 Seconds Of Summer household, wearing shirts is more uncommon than being practically naked. It’s an unwritten rule in being confident with your body.

Calum set down his cereal bowl on top of a notebook. Eve wanted to know what he was writing, and why it had so many scribbles. “What is it, Kid?” He looked past the snake drawn on her chest.

“Look!” Melody pointed at the snake, and the group of grown men called ‘Wow’ and ‘No way is that real?’

Calum pushed away his notebook and crouched to Melody’s level to look at the snake closer. “Is this real? I’ll kick your butt if you got a tattoo!” Melody giggled at him. “I’m serious! Is it real?”

“No!” Melody giggled. “Mommy’s ta’too!”

“It’s mommy's tattoo!?” Ashton exclaimed, joining Calum. “Are you sure? I’ve never seen this on her.”

“Yeah, Eve, why don’t you show us your tattoo,” Calum chuckled. His brown eyes meet with her silvers and she had to break away. “Don’t be a party pooper, Evita.” Calum stood up and walked to Eve so he could press his finger to the snakes head. “I wanna’ see it.”

“Yeah, man, I’ve never seen it,” Luke laughed. He shoved a piece of bacon in his mouth, ignoring painful glares Eve sends him. “Eve,” Luke drags out loudly. “We wanna see!”

“I will fight every single one of you, don’t test me,” Eve answered. She looked around Calum and pointed at his notebook. “I’ll show you the tattoo if you tell me what you’re writing.”

Calum looked down, then up, toward his notebook, back at Eve, at Melody, then at his hands. It was a hard decision. “Suck my dick, Sanchez,” Eve winked at Calum. Calum winked back. “Boys, I guess we won't get to see the tattoo.”

“I seen it!” Melody yells. She reaches up the drag down the top of Eve’s sports bra. Eve barely caught the fabric before she flashed a room full of guys. “Show ‘em!”

“No, Mel,” Eve giggled. “They don’t get to see it.”

“Fine,” Melody huffed and stomped her little butt back to the TV. Eve looked around the corner to make sure she safely made it to the couch.

“So what is in your notebook?” Eve asked Calum, passing him. Luke tore the bowl away from the paper and hid the notebook underneath his shirt. “All of you are going to hide it from me, aren’t you?”

They all collectively nodded their heads. “It’s personal, Eve,” Calum said, grabbing for his notebook. “You can know when it’s finished. Otherwise-”

“At least tell me what it’s about. Please?” Eve covered her chest with both of her arms. “I’ll show you the tattoos. All of them.”

“Really?”

“No,” Eve reached for the rough notebook again. “Please just let me see it!”

Calum held it above his head, where she couldn’t reach. “No way. You can know when it’s finished!”

“Fine,” Eve snapped. “Next time you let my kid lay with you, tell me first, please.”

Calum nodded his head. “Now show the tattoo or leave, Evita.”

Eve turned on her heel and headed toward her daughter.

-

Calum recognized the sound of Eve’s knock. He waltzed to the door, opened it, and stared eye to eye with Eve. He moved his eyebrows up and down. Eve wasn’t amused.

“Yes, Evita?” Calum asked. Eve barely got a peek into his room, looking around at the torn up sheets of paper littering his bed and floor. The notebook he’d carried like a baby the past few days were seemingly getting smaller and smaller. Eve just wanted to know what he was doing with it - but he won’t tell her.

“It’s time to cuddle,” Eve ducked underneath Calum’s arm and walked into his room like any other day. She brushed the ripped paper off the bed and pulled the most recently-tucked-in blanket off his mattress and settled underneath it.

“Well hello to you too,” Calum let the door latch before pouncing onto the mattress. He straddled Eve’s body with his legs. “Guess whos’ on top?”

“Get off of me playboy,” Eve laughed. The small girl had to use all of her might to push Calum’s body off of hers.

Calum landed flat on his back next to her. “Look who’s sneaking into whos room now, huh?”

Eve poked Calum’s side. He flinched a little bit. “If there wasn’t a sleeping three-year-old in my room, you’d probably sneak into mine too.”

“Never. Absolutely never.” Calum smiles at Eve, and Eve smiles right back at him. “If I show you what’s in my notebook will you show me the snake tattoo?” Eve let out a loud bellow.

“Good try, Hood,” Eve pulled the hair tie from her long, dark braid and her mane fell in loose curls on Calum’s bed. To Calum, she looked beautiful whether or not she was showing the tattoo. “You’ll never ever get to see it.”

“Damn,” Calum swears with a snap of his fingers. “How many tattoos do you have?”

“As I said, too many,” Eve smiles wide, remembering the days she got most of her tattoos. After Calum left, Eve couldn’t get a tattoo until after Melody was born, and that’s when she elected Melody’s footprint to be right behind her ear. After a couple of months, though, she continued the trail down her back in the tattoo Melody is most fascinated with.

Eve got a snake tattooed between her boobs on a dare. Her, Ashton, and Michael were out being stupid late one night, so they started playing the dumb game. It took a couple of rounds to get Eve convinced into a tattoo, but she showed up to Addictions Tattoo Shop. She ended up buying that shop, renamed it, and painted it to her desire. Catalina almost killed her.

“Explain some of them to me,” whispered Calum. He glanced at her. “Honestly. Explain some of them to me.”

“Well I obviously have Mel’s feet, and-”

“-No,” Calum shook his head a little bit. “I express myself through music, you express yourself through art. Explain to me some of them people can’t see.”

“On my rib, I have ‘still breathing’ tattooed with a semicolon. Does that count?”

“Kind of,” Calum turned fully to tug up Eve’s shirt. He forgot her habit of wearing only underwear underneath. He just wanted to see the ink embedded in her skin and it’s a whimsical dance around her body. Just above her hip bone, Calum traced a large lotus flower with paint splatters curling toward the inside of her thigh and around to her back. Eve giggled a little bit. “What does this one mean?”

“I got bored and wanted to try a new technique. Turned out pretty good, right?”

Calum continued to trace, along to tattoos scattered around her stomach. “It did.” Eve was right, she has ‘still breathing;’ tattooed on her left rib in cursive, but a dinosaur on a skateboard smoking a cigarette on the opposite rib. He traced that tattoo and Eve shivered. His hands always seemed to be cold. “What’s this one?” Eve was about to answer when he tore her shirt up a little bit more, revealing moon phases and tiny stars underneath her breasts, curving with the way her body was built. “How’d you come up with this one?”

“My mom was always told me to look at the moon every night, and I’d find comfort in everything,”

“Deep,” Calum tug her shirt up a little more, expecting that Eve would try to fight him about being a pervert. She didn’t, though, thus Calum pushed it up to her armpits and admired Eve’s body. “Nice tattoos.”

“Right?”

Her torso curved perfectly for her liking, and she still had some meat on her bones. Eve was seemingly skinny, but healthy, and like she wouldn’t eat a salad to impress a guy. She didn’t have an overly large chest, the perfect size for Calum to like. During their teenage years, Eve was uncomfortable with Calum seeing her body all the time. She’d hide from him and wear overly large clothes because she was uncomfortable.

Calum pressed a kiss to the bottom of her sternum, right underneath her rips, on the warm, ticklish skin. He pressed the area right above it, then until the shirt was bunched up. He kissed the front of Eve’s neck and on the tattoo that said ‘angel’ in a fancy font. Behind her ear, Calum smirked when she let out a breathy capture of his name.

“You should get more tattoos like that,” Calum stated, tracing his finger around the snakes coiled tail. He didn’t let his finger stop on the tip, but drug it down her body to the waistband of her panties and over to the lotus flower on her hip. “I like them.” He rubbed his finger into her hip bones, digging down just a little bit. “Do you like them?”

“They’re cool,” Eve replied. She grabbed his shoulders to pull his body into hers. She felt his shirt press into her bare torso, and more. Feeling overly nervous, Eve pressed her lips to Calum’s. Something she’s wanted for so long, to remember it for days to come. Calum rubbed Eve’s jaw with his thumb, sneaking his fingers into her curls right behind her ear. “Wait - wait, we can’t.” Eve pulled away from Calum, wiggled to remove her body from underneath his and to pull down her shirt again.

“Wh-” Calum tried to ask.

“We can’t, Calum,” Eve covered her eyes with her fingers and dug her nails into her hair. She wanted Calum back more than she ever had. Calum was the love of her life, her first real boyfriend, the father of her child. If anything were to happen, they’d complicate everything, in Eve’s head. They’d hurt Melody, and she’d get mad about being deceived for over a month about ‘Uncle Calum’. “We’ll fuck everything up, and-”

“Eve-”

Eve stumbled to his door. She turned back to look at him. She loves Calum. Her heart hurt when he left, and when he came back. She wasn’t angry that he was back, but he was angry that he left without saying anything. Eve wants to hate him, to forget about Calum all together, leave behind a life she always wanted.

“Eve!” Calum called when Eve reached for the doorknob. She wasn’t thinking with her head, just what she thought everyone was wanting.

“I . . . I think I need to move somewhere with just Melody . . . no one else.” Then she left his room and locked herself inside her own.

-

“Where’s Eve?” Calum pushed, running into the soundproof room in the basement. He didn’t see her at all, not even when he walked into her bedroom. He could find Melody in the room with Ashton, Michael, and Luke, holding a tiny tambourine, but he couldn’t find her mother. “Have you guys seen Eve? At all?”

“No, what’s up?” asked Luke. He pulled his guitar off his body and placed it on the rack.

“I need to find Eve. Something stupid happened last night and-”

“Oh God, please tell me she’s not pregnant again,” Michael jokes, pointing at Calum’s dick. “Learn to keep that in your pants, please. We need exactly one Melody.” Calum let his arms fall to his sides. He couldn’t even joke around with his friends. He needed to find Eve! “Cal, are you okay?”

“I have to find Eve!” Calum screamed. Desperation filled his tone and strangled everyone around him. Quickly, they all figured out how badly Calum needed to find Eve. “Have you seen her?”

“I . . . I think she’d in the workout room. Have you checked there?”

Calum takes a deep breath. That’s the only area around their property he hasn’t checked. His long legs took him up the stairs, out the back door, and down the stone pathway to a large shed full of equipment. Loud music filled his ears. The music he wouldn’t have expected - Drag Me Down by One Direction. It was obvious that Eve was there.

He knocked once, but to no avail, he didn’t get a reply. She’s distracted. She’s working out, not waiting for knocks on the door and men professing their love to her. Calum opens the door and spots her in the far corner doing yoga.

One Direction and yoga. That’s Eve for you.

Her eyes look in the mirror, reflecting the open door. She dropped to the mat beneath her and stood up. “Get out.” Calum was surprised she wasn’t stern, but rather trying to convince herself that she wanted Calum away. “Get out!”

“You have to stay, Eve,”

“Good to know,” Eve picked a jacket off the floor and pulled it over her sports bra. She looked up at him through her eyelashes. “Your opinion doesn’t matter. I’ll do what’s best for me and my daughter.”

“But it’s not what’s best for Melody!” Calum bit down on his tongue. It was coming. He knew what was coming; a broken voice and shaky hands. A bolt of electricity shot through him. “She needs to be here- with her mom, her dad, and all three of her uncles.”

Eve was surprised, taken aback, concerned at what Calum had said. Her voice went low. “What?” 

“Please, Eve,” Calum wanted to get on his knees and beg. After Eve left his room, he sat up for hours, thinking about Melody and Eve, how much he wanted them around. He came to terms with Melody - a very scary thing - and finally stopped denying it. Calum Thomas Hood has a beautiful daughter with brown eyes and curly dark hair, named Melody. “Please don’t take my daughter from me. Melody means everything to me, and I can’t . . . I can’t let either of you leave.” 

“This isn’t going to work, Calum.” Eve crossed her arms. She didn’t want to believe what he was saying. “You can’t just use her as an excuse when you want me to do something! You can’t use my daughter as a pawn!”

“I’m . . . I’m not, Eve,” hot tears began to fall down Calum’s cheeks. He was so passionate, wanting Melody and Eve to stay, keeping his daughter close, and coming to terms with everything he didn’t want to. “Melody means more than everything combined. I want my daughter! You can’t just move out because of me! If anything, I’ll move out - find somewhere else to live and leave both of you alone. I’ll visit Melody, I’ll make a complete effort to be the dad I should have been for so many years!”

“I think that’s passed, Calum,” Eve knocked her shoulder against Calum when she walked into the cold February air. Calum watched her walk away, down the stone path with all of their handprints stuck into rocks and colored with spray paint. She ignored his pleads for her to listen. Calum wants to change her mind, for her to stay. But Eve has to decide what she needs.

Calum walked slowly back to the soundproof room. He broke the seal of sound, ripping open the door. He didn’t close it behind him. His best friends were playing a song for his daughter - one that they called Airplanes, that Calum had written. To him, it didn’t sound weird without his bass or singing, but to everyone else, they were uncomfortable. Calum flicked off the amps Michael and Luke were connected to, cutting off all the sound except Ashton.

“What the fuck?” Michael screamed, throwing his hands in the air. “Do you have a death wish or something?”

“Shove off,” Calum muttered, searching for his guitar. He picked it by the neck and carried it to Melody. He sat with his legs crisscrossed, right in front of her. “Mel,”

“Ya?” Melody replied with a large smile on her face.

“I wrote you a song. Do you want to hear it?”

Melody nodded her head quickly. “Duh!”

Calum wrote the song for all of them. For Luke’s carefree voice, Michael’s perfect guitar strums, Ashton’s drumming, and Calum’s bass. Yeah, they did alternative parts where Michael or Calum sang, and Luke just played guitar and so on, but those were Calum’s favorite parts. He couldn’t take it; Calum planned on singing for Melody as a present when the song was furnished, cleaned up, and memorized properly. He knew all of the singing parts, all of the guitar's parts. He could do it by himself.

He started strumming. Without Ashton’s drumming, it was bizarre. He kept strumming. “I don’t even like you, why’d you want to go and make me feel this way?” He scrunched his nose up and leaned close to Melody so she knew he was joking. Melody giggled in reply. “I don’t understand what’s happened, I keep saying things I never say.”

Luke, Michael, and Ashton were surprised. When they were puny highschoolers, playing talent shows and basement concerts, Calum never wanted to perform by himself. Even with just their family surrounding them, he wouldn’t sing by himself. On one occasion, Eve got him to sing a little bit of a song she liked, but he quit after stumbling over the lyrics. Singing by himself isn’t his thing, but he can’t express everything with everyone else.

“I can feel you watching even when you’re nowhere to be seen, I can feel you touching even when you’re far away from me,” Calum had to smile wide when Melody poked the tip of his nose in response. “Tell me where you’re hiding your voodoo doll, ‘cause I can’t control myself. I don’t want to stay, I wanna’ run away, but I’m trapped under your spell.”

Calum slowed down his strumming and pointed to the areas he described. “And it hurts in my head and my heart and my chest, and I’m having trouble catching my breath.” Melody replicated Calum’s movements until he picked up strumming again. “Won’t you please stop loving me to death?”

“No!” Melody squeaked.

Calum felt more love for his daughter. “I don’t even see my friends no more, ‘cause I keep hanging out with you. I don’t know how you kept me up all night, or how I got this tattoo,” Calum held out his right wrist, with a pocket watch sitting in a bed of flowers tattooed from the night he argued with Eve. He told the artist to choose a random time for the clock hands, and he ended up with the exact time Melody was born forever on his body. “I can feel you watching, even when you’re nowhere to be seen. I can feel you touching even when you’re far away from me. Tell me where you’re hiding your voodoo doll, ‘cause I can’t control myself,” Melody stared in awe at Calum. “I don’t wanna stay, I wanna’ run away, but I’m trapped under your spell, and it hurts in my head and my heart and my chest,”

Melody did the same moves as Calum; pointing at her right temple, right above her left breast, and on her sternum. She didn’t dare take her eyes off of Calum, though.

“And I’m having trouble catching my breath, won’t you please stop loving me to death?” Again, Melody told him no. “Every time I see you, suddenly my heart begins to race, every time I leave, I don’t know why my heart begins to break.” Melody poked Calum’s nose again, so he’d smile. “Tell me where you’re hiding your voodoo doll, ‘cause I can’t control myself, I don’t wanna stay, I wanna’ run away, but I’m trapped under your spell. And it hurts in my head and my heart and my chest, and I’m having trouble catching my breath. Won’t you please stop loving me to death?”

“Never,” Melody smiled. Calum finished the last cords and placed the guitar on the floor next to him. Melody crawled into his lap so she could wrap her arms around his neck in a hug. His large hands patted her small back. “T’ank you!”

“Of course,” Calum patted her back again. All of his friends were amazed at what he’d done. What he didn’t know was Eve had walked down to the music room to tell everyone to close the door, and videoed the entire song. Especially capturing a photo of the two hugging at the end. “Melody, what if I told you I was your daddy?”

Luke’s eyes became wider than saucers; Michael’s mouth dropped to the floor; Ashton dropped his drumsticks from their constant twirls. Eve, standing just outside of the room, covered her mouth with her sleeve. She was beginning to cry.

“Daddy?” Melody asked, letting go and cocking her head. “You’re my daddy?”

Calum nodded his head. His eyes were beginning to become glossy. “I’m your daddy. And those weirdos staring at us - they’re still you’re uncles.”

“I call you daddy?”

“You can call me whatever you want, baby girl,”

Melody hugged Calum tight again. “Daddy!”

-

“Calum! Calum! Calum!” Eve screamed, running out of her room with messy, static hair all over the place, and wearing only a shirt. She bangs on his door, letting him relish in privacy and a surprise wake up call. “Calum!” She screamed again. By that point, Michael, Luke, and Ashton were all awake, running out of their rooms to see what all the commotion was about. Ashton scooped Melody off the floor. “Calum Hood!” Eve screamed once more, ready to bang on his door even more, but she can’t because he pulls the door open with wide eyes and a petrified face. “Calum!”

“What do you want?” Calum asks angrily. Eve shoved her phone into his bare chest. He grabs it and stares at the screen. A video with his name, and a few comments, and . . . Calum’s eyes go wide. “Is this legit?”

“What’s going on?” Luke asked, reaching for the phone. Calum hands it to him, staring at the floor with saucer-sized eyes. Ashton reaches for the phone, but Luke pulls it further towards him to study the screen. “Eve posted the video of Calum singing to Melody on Instagram and-”

“-One-point-five million views,” Calum says with a blank voice. Absolutely stunned. “Overnight.”

-

Ashton checked the time on his watch. “We have five minutes,” Calum took in a shaky deep breath. “Now, we just have to find Melody.” She moved her little legs underneath Calum’s hoodie, that he was also wearing. Her head popped up, hitting Calum in the jaw. “There she is!”

“Don’t you think you should leave daddy alone?” Eve asked with a large smile on his face. “He’s going on stage soon, and I don’t think you want to be on stage while it’s really loud, right?”

Melody began to pout. “But I want daddy!”

“I know you want daddy, but he has to go on stage and sing your song,”

Melody turned her head to look at her father. Calum smiled at her, but she just rolled her eyes. “Make it good, Daddy,”

“I always do, don’t I?”

“Sometimes,” Melody sighed.

Successfully, everyone convinced Melody away from Daddy Calum’s hoodie, as long as she got to wear it. Calum took it off, put it over her head of curls and helped her fit her arms into the holes. He tucked long locks behind her ear and pressed his lips to her forehead.

“You’re the reason I’m here, baby girl,” Calum smiled. He got famous over the video of him singing to Melody, and after posting a few videos of his new band, 5 Seconds Of Summer, singing, they were asked to go on tour. Calum had only his daughter to thank for his song inspiration and joy. She sparked his failed career, with just a simple smile. “Are you ready to go on stage?”

“More than ever!” Melody pounded fists above her head. Calum tickled her armpits and sides, causing his daughter to erupt in giggles. “Remember,” She said through laughter. “It’s Melody, not Mel. I’m famous.”

“Whatever you say, Mel,”

He tickled her again.

A song started their journey on stage- the classic What I Like About You played with an extra-long guitar riff at the beginning, with lights and fire when Luke said the first lyric. The group danced on stage with their guitars, and Ashton hit the drums with such passion, Eve was afraid he’d break them. They quickly turned to their newest song, Valentine, that Calum wrote for Eve. Eve and Melody stood in the wings of the stage, waiting for the end of the song.

Then the time came.

“And we also have some special people to thank for this awesome career!” Calum said into the microphone, pointing in the direction of Eve and Melody. “First up, my oldest daughter, Miss Melody Hood! Can we get a round of applause for her?” Melody swaggered on stage with a little smirk. She’s Calum’s twin. Melody waved her hand and made the motion to be held, but Calum shook his head. “I got a guitar on me, dear, I’m sorry.”

“You aren’t supposed to tell a kid things like that, Hood,” Luke replied. He reached for Calum’s bass, to hold for the time Melody wanted to be in his arms. “Especially when she loves her daddy so very much.”

Calum shook his head and took off his bass. Melody immediately jumped into his arms, wrapping hers around his sweaty body. “Okay and now we have some other people to introduce.” Calum gestured towards Eve. “My other muse, my wife Eve Hood, and our unborn daughter Liberty Hood.”

Eve smiled when Calum hugged her too. This was everything she ever wanted. Calum, Melody, Liberty, and the feeling of being needed. 

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

About your YouTuber! Percy hc, do you think he would actually know everyone subscribed to him because of the weird background shenanigans or do you think that he’s think they all just find him funny?

okay, I actually have made some more Executive Decisions since I posted that, so let’s just make it clear that:

Percy spent maybe half a day thinking ‘wow I knew I was valid in thinking my girlfriend and sister deserve to be famous’ just because he genuinely hadn’t registered the monster-sized dog or nico crawling out from the shadows behind him as ‘weird’ at first, but then he started reading the comments and was like…..ah,

Annabeth wanted him to immediately delete the videos but he was just like ‘nah it’s too late now we might as well commit’ and started planning his next video lmao. he still didn’t think it was gonna get like, Big tho

demigods and technology don’t mix this is true but by this time the Hephaestus and Athena AND Vulcan kids were all very disgruntled by this and collabed on making a line of products that are monster proof, halfblood suitable, and Hephaestus approved. Percy is using a camera in this line, and that’s why mortals watching his videos aren’t getting blocked by the mist, because….shut up, I said so lol

so again, his videos are mostly tame except for just a few small ‘wtf’ things happening in the background, but it’s enough to get people circulating his videos like ‘hey what the fuck is going on with this guy’ and he gets more and more followers impatiently waiting for updates

after about five months, and article gets posted on buzzfeed about the videos, listing a few theories like, a) it’s photoshopped and cgi-d, although they claim they sent a few clips to video analysists that can’t find any thing fake, and b) this boy is being terrorized by ghosts and demons and he just hasn’t noticed them on camera for some fucking reason, and c) Maybe Us, The Viewers Are The Crazy Ones and d) He’s In Danger And Sending Coded Messages And We Need To Rally Together To Help Him

it trends and his followers SPIKE so Percy decides he should probably do a Q&A and everyone gets hype

except

it’s Percy

He’s sitting on his bed in an orange shirt, but the writing on it is mostly obscured by a blanket. You can JUST see the tip of a spear on the wall above him.  There’s a large cut on the side of his head. He’s got a clear glass of some golden liquid he’s sipping from every now and then. There’s an aquarium on the table next to him, but all the fish in the tank are huddled in the same side, staring at him??? Annabeth is sitting next to him, but she’s not looking into the camera, she’s reading a book, and you can see the cover clearly on screen but no one is able to figure out what language it’s in??? at one point during the video, you hear a horse neighing even though he’s in his fourth floor city apartment and his stepfather comes in to tell him ‘blackjack’s in the kitchen make him leave’

but other than that, everyone tuned into this video excited to get answers….but all the answers Percy gives are like ‘Oh, Estelle is 10 months old! she’s getting so big!’ and ‘Annabeth and I met when we were 12′ and ‘I’m looking at colleges in California but I haven’t committed anywhere yet’ and ‘my favorite subject in school is math’

In the middle of the video he read a question ‘please what is up with that dude that keeps crawling out of your fucking walls p l e ase’ and he responds ‘Oh! That’s my cousin Nico! :)’ and then moves back to the tame boring questions sdkjnckdvm

The very last minute of the video, he reads a question asking if he’s possessed and he’s like ‘No, not anymore’ and Annabeth fucking snorts, the first acknowledgement she’s given the whole q&a. the video immediately just ends there, he doesn’t do a sign off or anything

people FLIP

and the next day he’s just back to posting his usual content. this time features a shot of him walking in a rainstorm, to hood no umbrella, completely fucking dry

youtube drama channels are covering every single video he posts. conspiracy theorists are going fucking wild.

one of these youtube conspiracy channels is 100% run by Leo Valdez. He’s having the time of his goddamn life throwing bullshit out there

Piper McLean 100% has her own channel dedicated to debunking everything Leo says on his channel. They’ve been doing this dance since 9th grade and all of their viewers think they fucking hate each other it’s hilarious to them

so SHE points out that not only are Leo’s theories stupid, but he’s been spotted in Percy’s videos! And he was on fire in one of them! Hello???

Someone then tweets her that SHE’S been spotted in Percy’s videos, a few of them the same ones Leo was in, and she responds to the callout with a Mariah Carey gif and goes silent on twitter for three months

Leo starts insisting that’s Definitely Not Him In Percy’s Videos, Thank You, How Dare You Accuse Me Associating With Not Only The Demonic Forces That Follow Him But Also Piper McLean

Percy tweets out a picture of the 7, featuring Leo and Piper hugging and looking like best friends. Leo responds with a Joanne the Scammer gif and also goes quiet on twitter but keeps making ridiculous conspiracy videos lmao

On screen: ‘Hey, Paul, the internet thinks I’m in league with supernatural forces. What do you think about that?’ *camera slowly zooms in on Paul’s tired face as he looks up from reading a book on the Greek god Poseidon*

everyone realizes one of Percy’s mortal friends from school is also a youtuber so they BOMBARD him and he’s just like ‘Listen Percy just….fucking lives like this. he’s not planning anything. He disappears all the time and comes back covered in burns. one time I went in his apartment without calling first and he met me in the living room with a shield and a sword. Sometimes carriage horses in the city get loose and just follow him around and he holds conversations with them. I think his dad is in the mob. He just lives like this. We just got used to it’ sjkdgkjldsklsd

Percy posts a video called ‘skateboarding down my camps climbing wall!!’ and every comment is ‘WHY IS THERE L A V A?!?!?!?!?’

A video where he sees just How Much he can annoy Chiron and Mr. D before he gets threatened with dolphin-ism. It doesn’t take long, but everyone ignores the guy with glowing eyes yelling about how he’s going to change him into a sea creature in favor of focusing in on the fucking leopard head mounted on the wall that’s moving, roaring and being fed snacks??? 

Rachel goes into Oracle mode and gives out a prophecy in the middle of a live stream and Percy just sighs in annoyance while all the viewers are flipping out like hello isn’t she one of the richest people in the world???

the viewers start trying to decipher the prophecy like they think it’s all planned and Percy’s just slowly dropping some lemony snickett bullshit on them

his videos are ALWAYS trending and he’s one of the most popular vloggers and it’s so funny because 90% of the videos are literally just ‘taking my sister to the park!’ ‘date night with my girlfriend!’ ‘swim team awards ceremony!’ ‘I forgot to study for my history exam!’ like just. the most fucking generic but people are sucked in lmao

He does monthly q&a’s but they mostly go the same way the original one did 

‘what’s with the fucking guy who’s half donkey???’ ‘Grover identifies as a goat, actually, please be respectful of that in the future’

‘who’s that fucking kid that crying on your couch that you ignored the whole video’ ‘that’s actually the Greek god Apollo, he was upset because I wanted back the Led Zeppelin shirt he stole from me’ 

‘am I crazy or was there a 7 foot tall guy with one eye walking around the kitchen eating peanut butter out of the jar’ ‘that’s my baby brother Tyson :)’

‘your friend said your dad’s in the mob but we’ve never seen your father on this channel where is he???’ ‘he, uh…….lives with the fishes?’ (Annabeth groaned at that one lmao)

‘you really vlogged getting struck by lightning and not going to the fucking hospital, huh’ ‘don’t worry, that was just my cousin, she was mad because I stole her nail polish earlier but she wouldn’t kill me over it’

COULD YOU IMAGINE HIM POSTING A VIDEO WITH THE PARTY PONIES AND TITLING IT ‘I ACCIDENTALLY GOT DRAGGED TO FURRY CON’

but overall: Youtuber Percy™ is, in fact, the only valid thing that exists thanks for coming to my TED Talk

[floggingink]

Riverdale, “Chapter Nineteen: Death Proof”

Death Proof is a great movie. there’s one man in it and he gets Pussycatted at the end. Vanessa Ferlito gives a lap dance. Zoё Bell’s abs have a starring role

Jughead is a Serpent now, so it must follow that he’s taking care of Hotdog voluntarily

did he take the couch? Jug took the couch. he’s writing again, so he’s got his groove back via an emotional plateau/Toni

Betty hung up and was like, Shit. SHIT!

Nick has a knife for...protection? cocktail garnishes?

Mrs. St. Clair seems thrilled to meet Betty and then not at all surprised that Nick has charges brought against him, the ennui of the ruling class

Betty gets a free pass for her suspicious appearance at the apartment for just having been that much of a pain to Sheriff Keller by now

I liked Betty’s tone of disappointed confusion when she says “You didn’t kill him.”

I don’t like BH talking about “nakedness” in any context, no matter who he turns out to be

I want to say those are Veronica’s shimmery blue pajamas?

Penelope’s icy disregard reverts Cheryl back to calling her “mommy,” which I think is like Cheryl’s PR thing? Cheryl continues to be fascinating. she’s called Penelope “mother,” hasn’t she? it’s all about context. it’s all about context with Cheryl

Jughead eats: at breakfast with Jug, Toni daintily eats fruit out of a parfait cup, like Veronica

Toni’s uncle locks her out of his house, so there’s that. the Serpents don’t have somewhere for her to sleep?

Jughead was honestly about to be like “Last night was…[fun/amazing, similar],” because that’s what people do in Bridget Jones and he’s flying without a net here

Every triangle has three corners, every triangle has three sides: in a remarkable turn, Toni puts an end to the whole affair, because she has better things to do (girls), which is a stress off everyone’s shoulders

Jughead’s “not over Betty” because it was like six hours ago?

also props for the classic bad girl-bisexuality revelation. it doesn’t get badder (it’s GOOD). this is PRECISELY what I want but now I want optical proof

Betty is done with the BH’s “Simon Says”

The Blossom spawn: “the people” at “the Farm” (CAPITALIZED in the closed captioning!) will help Polly “disappear” for while? I’m gonna need a Farm episode pronto. what the HELL is THE FARM

Archie checks up on Betty in the morning and takes care of her of best he can, because this is a Good Archie episode. Good Archie wants to know why Betty hasn’t fixed it with Veronica yet. Good Archie never lets you walk alone. Good Archie stops you from walking into your ex’s brunch

Certified pedigree: the sheer SPREAD of personalities at Alice’s living room shaming. the mayor and the sheriff and their felon children. BOTH Lodges showed up. can Fred handle any more disappointment? Reggie has a parent?? what’s next!!!

Nick’s party was “bacchanalian,” so it’s probably best Alice only saw Jughead’s birthday party from across the yard

Mädchen Amick, MÄDCHEN AMICK: “Except for my Betty”

I’VE HAD SOME WINE LET’S GET THIS BITCH DONE

SUCCUBUS VERONICA IS GREAT VERONICA. ARCHIE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT A SUCCUBUS IS

I relate to Kevin because “HASHTAG BUGHEAD IS NO MORE?” is coincidentally what I woke up screaming two Thursdays ago

Hiram says “ACID QUEEN ALICE” because there’s something in Riverdale’s water that just gives you that kind of inspiration!!!! apparently he knows some shit about her too!!! everybody’s parents seem to “know” about Alice. she’s got a lot of attitude for someone whose secrets EVERYONE KNOWS

—just like Betty!

“The Southside is the source of all our problems.” HOW’S THAT, HIRAM? because your northside succubus children were the ones who tossed it back like green apple sugar powder in a Baby Bottle Pop

Archie’s 180 with “Not all Serpents are dealers” is the kind of whiplash Archie is capable of. he knows he fucking broke up with his boy. fucking fix it with Jughead you twit before he gets a bigger tattoo

The 2001 Josie and the Pussycats movie was a masterpiece: Josie was SO HOPING she would get out of there with plausible deniability!

Jughead is like NODDING ALONG with every word Mr. Phillips reads, waiting to be abandoned

I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: JUG LEAVES THE INSTANT HE GETS A CAPSLOCK TEXT FROM THE BOY HE LOVES

he interrupts a totally warranted scolding from his beloved English teacher to PROBABLY get reamed again by Archie, but he CAN’T RESIST WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN

Archie coming to get Jughead is probably Archie’s “WHAT’S UP IS I SAW YOU, ARCHIE” moment. it’s not equivalent but rather proportional in that you know this is the best I could hope for from Archie, but also—I don’t want to shortchange him! he went to the scary school where everyone hates him, through the metal detectors (OR NOT!!!!!!), and stood dithering in the hallway until he saw his Jughead!!!!!!! HE CAME TO RESCUE JUGHEAD

this is a great example of Archie’s hands-on “justice,” which is sometimes more in quotes than other times, but he didn’t CALL Jughead, you know, he ran over there! fuck! FUCK! WHEN ARCHIE IS GOOD HE IS VERY VERY GOOD

Archie is like hauling him out by the fleece collar too, like Jug wants to get Toni, and Archie, his arms locked around Jughead’s waist, teenage boys scrambling

What damn high school in America: Sweet Pea punches the locker when he gets arrested, because of injustice

I think Veronica would have listened to Betty if Kevin had not interrupted!

“She’s not worth it” is way harsh, Tai, but Betty did seemingly attack her out of nowhere

anyway of course Betty answers the phone, because she’s stressed, down two friends, and doesn’t want to have done all that for no reason

the “Sugar Man”? the “Sugar Man”? SUGAR MAN

if one more person tells Jughead that the Serpents deal jingle-jangle, he’s going to absolutely blow a gasket

“Tall Boy wants to parley” is going to be a code sentence of mine for something. if we’re on the phone and it suddenly sounds like I’ve dropped it and you just hear “TALL BOY WANTS TO PARLEY!!!!,” the Winter Solider is there

Fifth period is AP English: Cheryl is sunbathing, in the shade, outside Thistle House reading Baudelaire because...it helps her feel calm…

Cheryl’s sheaths: I want to say those sick black sunglasses are Miu Mius

“Is there no memory, however traumatic, you won’t defile?” is an Alice-level read

oh, Fred would like to know how Jughead’s doing? ISN’T THAT NICE, YOU PRAWN

I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: Malachi’s House of the Dead is exactly what I wish I’d had the guts to make my dorm room look like, like all the cool lesbians’ rooms in the art majors’ dorm building, like the cellars of the Opéra Populaire but in the Strand

Gay?!: quick question: if Tall Boy weren’t here, would Malachi be fucking Jughead?

Cheryl had so seamlessly incorporated the Sugar Man into her emotional life as a first grader that she drew a family picture with him in it, like in Children of the Corn (her parents are two TINY stick figures in the background, it’s incredible)

is Sheriff Keller letting Betty have “one question” a red herring? asking for Jughead

the zoom in on Betty looking at Veronica and the cut to her audibly sipping on a milkshake is classic art

Veronica is right that Betty needs to “break up” with BH, but Betty’s Bettiness instead makes her want to “turn the tables on him”

HOW EASY WAS THIS CONVERSATION, BETTY. YOU COULD HAVE JUST TALKED TO THEM TWENTY-FOUR HOURS AGO

OH MY GOD! Jughead and Archie, together again, it’s been like THIRTY YEARS!!!!!

Archie knows why Jughead joined the Serpents, has learned some lessons maybe? (no)

the second god-blessed cut to Archie (in his letterman jacket) and Jughead (fleeced, his man-about-town look) with the prison phones to their ears

“SP-24601”: FP Jones played by Hugh Jackman would be a sight to behold

poor FP has lost everything except his honor and now he’s lost his SON. his hair is such a mess. he’s gotta SLAM THE PHONE

“Ghoulies dress like fops” is great

they drive hearses, like Claire Fisher

“RIVERDALE DRIFT”? Jughead did NOT watch that franchise? (Archie’s expression is fantastic)

FP’s like, I hate that you joined my gang, but now you’re going to break some laws for me

Penelope eats hard boiled eggs with toast soldiers

the Caravaggio reproduction I liked from the wake escaped the fire!

did Penelope know about the drugs? I thought she didn’t know but I guess just knew the Sugar Man was sketchy and avoided him for Legal Reasons

“I wouldn’t even go cruising here.”

Reggie DOES look good in the county’s blue vest

I hope the reason Betty’s avoiding talking to Jughead, LIKE ARCHIE KEEPS TELLING HER TO DO, is because it’s too important and she’s scared to see him

Veronica’s purple pumps

God bless jingle-jangle: Verne the JJ dealer is a cutie!

you know he’s a Ghoulie because he hand-stitched a leopard-print patch onto his studded sleeveless vest

Veronica was rich: $150 for two stix of the JJ??? this is how you know it’s the northside kids with the drug problems!

“Drugstore Cowboy”

Sexy, aesthetic Southside:  these angels hot glue the ends of the stripey jingle-jangle sticks, because it’s a family-owned business. I kind of love the Ghoulies? like I’d rather hang out at Malachi’s than the Whyte Wyrm from what I’ve seen so far, as long as I get my next tetanus shot first

Jughead calls Archie his “boy” to impress Malachi, Archie is wearing his Riverdale jacket probably without thinking about the political symbolism

I couldn’t believe Maggie Kiley had the audacity to stage the “Veronica/Betty?” “Archie/Jughead?” face-to-face, but she’s this season’s Lee Toland Krieger, she is an artist

Y’ALL REALLY GONNA TAKE JUGHEAD’S FIFTH HOME AWAY FROM HIM?

“SHARON”?????????

Cheryl’s red crop top and paisley trousers

“an unrepentant spore”

Penelope is Cheryl’s “cobra-like mother”

I swear Graham Phillips was darling on The Good Wife

Archie approached Reggie for the car and Betty approached Jughead about fixing it, and that’s that

Jughead consented to sulk next to her while she tuned it up, because he loves her but he’s mad

and it’s okay that he’s mad, for the record, because he’s been broken up with three times in two days

his voice cracks, preciously, when he’s like YEAH AND YOU BROKE UP WITH ME

I love how pissy and curt Jughead gets when he’s peeved. “You just called it a date.”

I’m curious about “You did the one thing that could hurt me.” EVERYTHING hurts Jughead

Betty’s in denim overalls and Jughead’s in a mechanic shirt for no reason except they’re next to cars

Cheryl is getting some grade-A maple syrup this episode! leveraging the St. Clairs’ check for dirt on the Sugar Man? GIRL

The female gaze: Veronica slept with Archie one last time because he literally might die today

aw, he’s proud of Veronica for her Ghoulie stunt

Hiram and Hermione are LITERALLY playing chess

OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY WHEN VERONICA SAID “HE TRIED TO DO IT TO ME,” EVERYONE IN THE ROOM WATCHING WITH ME WHEN HIRAM LOOKED UP WAS LIKE OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!! I’M TELLING YOU!!!!!

Hiram is about to rip someone’s face off with his teeth and Hermione steps into frame and it rack focuses on her, GENIUS

These students are legally children: I want to say Tall Boy is the only adult at the race. the FP at Jughead’s party, if you will

Best costume bit: everyone of course looks fucking incredible at the race. the Ghoulies? slick and absurd dandies. Kevin’s powder blue bomber jacket? he’s not at Needle Park, and he’s cruising. Betty’s high-waisted post-WWII skinny Express trousers? she knows Jughead’s looking. Cheryl’s $1,000 leather jacket and Quentin Tarantino foot-fetish slingback? she knows I’m looking. and Jughead in all black? Jughead looks GREAT in leather. Betty, write this down

Fwoopy hair is the best hair: Betty’s bandana and ponytail

Please protect Betty: Veronica and Archie get to make out, while Betty and Jughead have to make do with Betty telling him she can never stop loving him and to drive good

Jughead doubts it: Jughead’s “You’re an enigma, Cooper” is the second-greatest thing he has ever said to her, after “That was haunting, Betty.”

so Jughead can drive? Jughead can drive STICK?

Toni and Sweet Pea got out on 1) lack of evidence or 2) Penny Peabody threatening someone

Gay.: Toni got a face full of Cheryl and she’ll be back. Toni, save Cheryl from the evils of this world

Cheryl’s a chaos angel from hell: Cheryl was ABSOLUTELY “born for this moment”

Sixth period is Intro to Film: I know this is Grease, and I can appreciate Jughead being the Danny Zuko of this moment, but I don’t want to forget the chicken run from Rebel Without a Cause, where Natalie Wood starts the race with only her elated sky-high jump and tiny 50’s waist

Jughead gives Cheryl a thumbs-up and Malachi makes the rock-and-roll index-and-pinky signal

Cheryl’s hair: God, the see-through scarf? her immaculate cutout shirt? her Jesus Christ Superstar heavenward arms? CHERYL WAS BORN FOR THIS MOMENT

I don’t think Jughead is shifting gears

BUT HE IS HAVING A GREAT TIME!

oh NOW you say “abort”

Archie > Dawson: TURNS OUT ARCHIE HAD A GREAT PLAN! WOWZERS

Jughead can drive very well, has very strong arms, and can run very fast. these things I didn’t know!

okay but the race is forfeit, right? buys them some time, maybe

Betty and Veronica watching Jughead go lite-ballistic from stress and Archie being like, Dude, dude, calm down, like something was not right with the world (Archie did a great job)

although Jughead is right that the power politics are complicated and everyone is in danger, although it was frankly that way before

I liked Archie using a chessboard analogue. Veronica is rubbing off on him

is Betty getting a ride home with Reggie? classic

“Careful you don’t get burned again.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Penelope’s left hand makes her so uncomfortable that she wears ONE leather glove

when one Sugar Man retires, another seamlessly takes his place, like the Dread Pirate Roberts

“Damn good coffee”: fucking correct me if I’m fucking wrong, but is that the nightmare painting hanging over the fucking fireplace?

Cheryl hands the check back over, because as you will remember Cheryl honors business deals, but Penelope decides to be “a mother”

Pop’s trademark blue purgatorial lighting bathes the girls in their plotting booth

The Blue & Gold is basically just Betty’s awesome blog at this point

her “Care to comment?” is WICKED though

Betty has resolved to find BH, which means he has about three episodes left. the Serpents should really start involving Betty in their maneuverings, as she is just as much a hereditary Serpent as Jughead and much more effectual 

50 Shades of Betty: SHE’S BREATHING DOWN HIS NECK AND SHE LOVES IT. this is her driving fast! they love danger!!!!!!

was Mr. Phillips protecting Jughead by telling him to stay away from the drug world??? (I mean obviously he was, but because Phillips was an insider and liked Jughead and didn’t want to have to kill him) or did he just not want Mini Woodward and Bernstein on the case?

he and Jughead make the exact same sort of grimly resolved/horrified eye contact, respectively, as FP and Jughead when FP got arrested last season

Toni TOTALLY knows this shattered something of Jughead’s Southside foundation. look at her little smile

Archie thinks his plan with the race backfired and he’s worried he’s losing Jughead, PUNKIN

Fred’s popping Chekhov’s Valiums, so he’s about to be addicted to drugs

I can’t even do it out here with the fucking Lodges sitting around their cream salon with Andre being like, the St. Clairs are dead or whatever, ma’am, and Hermione’s like, Thank you Andre, go get yourself something nice

Summer + Blair = Veronica: Veronica’s like, I HAVE HAD A STRESSFUL DAY AND IT MAKES ME FEEL POWERFUL

“CHECKMATE,” HIRAM? HIRAM, HAVE YOU MURDERED? DID YOU JUST MURDER?

Betty and Jughead I want to say are back together, but they did not kiss this episode, which means I have to start over with the tally marks on my wall

Betty’s reading The Silence of the Lambs, to better figure out what her game is going to be (Jughead had a copy)

Jughead looks over at her like, Damn. My girlfriend is fucking scary. I fucking love my girlfriend

SUGAR GETS GOT!!!!!!!! BODY COUNT OFFICIALLY TWO! he’s almost caught up to Hiram Lodge

NEXT WEEK: Sheriff Keller does me a solid and takes his shirt off

[daily-apocalypse]

Excuse me, I’ve been drinking.

Personal growth-wise, this week kind of sucked.  I was weak.  I was distracted.  I let things come between me and my learnin’ stuffs, like socialization and shopping for necessities.  I’m losing sight of the end game, and I know it.  I need that, though, the idea of being something greater than I am now, if I’m going to get through this.

I did finally get a hair cut and no one noticed, so that’s upsetting in its own right, but I also got different colored pens and post its and notebooks and, despite no sleep going from Wednesday into Thursday, leaving me, at 9am, telling my dependents to do what they like in regard to working out so I could sleep since someone decided ‘sweltering’ was a good temperature for the thermostat, I ended this week on a strong note.

Come Friday afternoon, after diligently working out and dedicating more time than usual to understanding wtf code was being thrown at me, I wasn’t a floppy Spock come 4pm.

Due to this, I’ve come to learn that exhaustion isn’t the sole reason I don’t log into game anymore.  Perfectly energized, there’s this restlessness inside of me once I stop working out or coding that just can’t be filled by throwing myself at useless pixel challenges.

In matters of my heart, however, I was settled.  That may not seem like a big thing to some people, but it’s a pretty big thing, I promise.  I don’t tend to have heart issues, so when they happen, it may as well be declared some kind of miracle.  The TLDR is that I’m better off and happier without them.

In fact, the moment my life faced upheaval and my bestie suggested alternatives to despair, he also sent me pics of this guy... this guy I was pleasantly surprised I remembered from 2 halloweens ago.

And I panicked at the prospect of being set up on a date with a stranger.

I’m in no state to devote myself to a relationship where heartbits are involved.  Not that I ever am, but most especially right now.  I lack funds, I lack energy (for the most part), I lack courage, and relationships take time and attention and courage and energy, above all else.

I’d be a wreck.  I’d barely have those qualities, at the best of times, but now...?

And I’m obviously saving myself for Antoni from Queer Eye, so I’m clearly not into relationships that can possibly happen or work.  Please, remove all sensible nonsense and prospects from my sight asap.

And my heart is still broke.  Settled, but broke.

It was a break I learned from.  A break where I had to face the guy daily afterwards.  How to cope?  My MO has been to run, in the past, but not this time.  So, instead, I cut him out of everything.  I simply stopped acknowledging his existence for my own survival.

Outside of tonight.

Long before I began drinking for the evening, I made out a list of all the things I aspire to be, for future reference and general guidance when I forget myself:

1.) Fit 2.) Generous 3.) Compassionate 4.) Kind 5.) Courageous 6.) To look for what I have in common with another person, rather than how I’m different from that person.

And the night ended with this person talking to me and messaging me, leaving me feeling like I’ve legitimately been missed, asking for a second chance.

It seemed unreal, them asking for another chance.  They hadn’t really done anything wrong, and yet, here they were.  And I felt missed.  It’s been a couple of months since we’ve spoken.  He believed I hated him.  I didn’t hate him.  I just couldn’t cope with him.

It only seemed right to say that, yeah, being friends again would be nice... given what I’d only a few hours ago carved into a post-it note and adhered to my desk as a reminder of just what sort of person I wanted to be.  Acquiescing to this request for friendship seemed to fit with 2-5, and maybe 6.

To be clear, I don’t want anything from him.  But I enjoyed him so much, and life is just easier without him in it because I don’t have to daily lament what I can’t have.  It was a rare joy to feel like myself with someone.  There’s been a few times since we stopped talking to each other, even tonight, where we either say or laugh at the same thing, because we’re saying or feeling or enjoying something the same way, and it’s like, “get out of my head.  You’re not welcome here.”  But that was the beauty of our friendship... the absolute nonsense that we could revel in together.

And sharing stupid parts of our lives.

Him getting the wrong couscous in a vain attempt to prove a point and failing miserably in unforeseen ways.  Sharing his blizzard.  Him having avocado toast for breakfast while I try out some pancakes in some completely unplanned and undiscussed freaky friday exchanging of lifestyles.

I made banana pancakes the other day and couldn’t get his voice out of my head, taunting me about it.  I wanted so badly to tell him, to take pics and show him... this after he admitted some sort of netherlands waffle cookie was good to our group.  I’d never made pancakes of any sort before, and these were beauties to the eye and to the tastebuds.

We were very very anti each other’s preferred breakfast pastry, you see.  I was team waffles, he was team pancakes.  We argued for at least two weeks straight over which was superior.  I’m not even exaggerating.

It’s insane and a little unfair how people can follow you around without even being there; how the stupidest things can remind you of them, or what they might think, feel, or say... so that, in these few months we haven’t been speaking, he’s been gone, but still somewhere in my head, there’s occasionally this little voice giving its unwanted opinion.

In a way, it’s a relief -- of course it is -- that he said anything, that the alcohol left him brave or sleepy or *whatever* enough to address our silence and how it came to be.  I wonder if he’s heard some version of me in his head, too, commenting on food or the weather or some other random thing.  Surely, he must have. If so, this must be why he said something.  If not, he missed it and this must be why he said something.  Right?  Maybe?  Maybe, though I’ve been alone, I haven’t been alone.  Or maybe it was him extending an olive branch, making amends and reparations for some completely unrelated resolution, some list to be a better person, like I have posted to my desk now.

In another way, it’s utterly the worst ever.  It’s dangerous finding someone like him, because then I want someone like him, so I can be me in every way I am with him, and the abject sadness of that not existing is too much for me to deal with.  Because of the proximity.  Because it’s right there.  It’s so easy to want.  Even when it’s not something I should want.  And then I fear it can’t be found anywhere else.

It’s also a bit of a relief that I’m drawn to the food and wine guy on Queer Eye. We were passionate about food, this guy and I.  Don’t get me wrong, it sucks that neither are available, but at least I’m pointed in a direction and kind of know it’s not just him.  It’s me.  I’m DTF: down to food.

And I appreciate ridiculous shit.

I used to own that shower cap.  Not even lying.  Pack of 3: leopard print, green, and white.  The print flaked off the leopard and the elastic bands went gummy on all three.  Sad. Face.  Regardless, I was always that kid at lunch who’d eat whatever exotically awful combination of foods and condiments others could come up with.

I’ve never owned a sweat band, car shirt, or questionable doll person, but I’d be so about that life if it were suddenly presented to me.

1.) I don’t know how to upload my own gifs to tumblr.  2.) I actually have a photo of myself from a few years ago, in Target, wearing that same unicorn bike helmet while holding up my soon-to-be Ninja Turtle panties.

I originally enjoyed Queer Eye for its message and the feels and didn’t think too much of Antoni until I noticed he was usually the one exploring the unknown while others were helping out the hero, and then the show was elevated to a whole new level and worth watching again just to see wtf was going on in the background.

How hard can it possibly be to find a person with these qualities who can also worship me as hard as I’d worship them?  That’s my night.  That’s my life.  That’s why it’s so hard to cope with this guy, because he’s so close to my vision of perfect.

[sentrava]

Fa La La: The Ultimate Christmas Gift Guide

It’s my favorite time of the year, you guys: It’s officially socially acceptable to listen to Christmas tunes around the clock, plus I have a valid excuse to spend hours scouring the Internet in search of great gift ideas for you to give your loved ones! (I may also have shopped a little lot in the process. Oops.)

Note: Some of these featured products are from our sponsors, while others are affiliate links that will earn me a small commission. 

So without further ado, here’s what I’m digging this year:

FOR THE NOMADIC SOUL

Have a friend or family member in your life who is only satisfied when doing something new, exciting and/or unique? (I know a little something about that!) Well, Tinggly has the cure that ails them. I’ve always been a fan of giving experiences instead of mere stuff, and this is the perfect solution: You can gift your loved one a personalized box that contains a voucher to a bucket list kind of item that most people only dream of. Dinner with a NASA astronaut? James Bond sightseeing tour in Thailand? VIP helicopter over the Vegas Strip? Yoga retreat in India? Tango lesson in Buenos Aires? Tinggly has something for every taste. I also love that you can choose your box by theme: birthday, Christmas, wedding, couples and more.

FOR THE SUN BUM

True story: I allot more space in my luggage to sunglasses than I do to anything else, as heaven forbid I be photographed in the same shades over and over again! But I can’t help it: I’m always outside doing something fun, and if there’s one thing fashion-wise that I care about the most it’s what’s on my face. And I love the selection of women’s sunglasses available at Sunglass Warehouse. I’m a huge fan of Aviators—bonus points if they’re mirrored—and Sunglass Warehouse has so many different kinds of Aviators in stock, many available for under $20. (With as much as I change out my shades, I like keeping my cost per item as low as possible.) For those shopping for the holidays, Sunglass Warehouse is offering 40% off one pair of shades from now through Nov. 30 with the code SPENDLESS40.

FOR THE TECH-HEAVY TRAVELER

We’ve all been there before: You’re traveling all day and your iPhone quickly depletes of all power. It’s near impossible to locate an outlet at an airport, and even my backup battery usually dies well before my travel day has ended (a nightmare scenario as I rely on it for ride-sharing when I finally reach my destination). Which is why Lynktec’s Reeljuice 5X Power Bank + 10 Watt Rapid Wall Charger is my new favorite thing; it’s got four feet of retractable charging cord, and it gives me FIVE full charges before it needs to be re-powered. No more fighting my fellow fliers for coveted outlet space at the airport; in fact, I can even charge my phone while I fly. I’m giving one of these bad boys away down at the bottom of the post, but you can also get 25 percent off (site-wide!) with the code LUNATICATLARGE25.

FOR THE SCIENCE GEEK (OR THE TWEEN)

This Lock Pick Beginners Box is at the very top of my DIY-loving husband’s own list, and for good reason: It gives you the tools (literally and figuratively) that you need to learn how to pick locks, with two different sets of practice locks that have clear sides so that the trainee can see what’s going on behind the scenes with the mechanisms. This is the perfect present for a dude—what husband/boyfriend doesn’t love tinkering?—but also would be a fantastic and affordable option for your fidgety, problem-solving tween.

FOR THE PHILANTHROPIST

You guys know my love for St. Jude runs deep. It’s just so cool what they do there: On top of being one of the top research facilities in the world, St. Jude also ensure that its patients don’t have to worry about a thing (like, for example, cost or lodging for the family) other than getting better. I donate to St. Jude periodically throughout the year, but I’m loving their new initiative, This Shirt. All you have to do is sign up to donate $20 to St. Jude monthly, and you get this exclusive Tee that all your favorite country artists (and your favorite blogger!) are wearing. Because helping others is really the reason for the season.

FOR THE ETERNAL STUDENT

Alert, alert, self plug coming! Kristin Sweeting and I are headed to Portugal next July to teach the ultimate writing, photography, marketing and business workshop—and we’d love for you to join us! We’ve extended registrations through Dec. 31 and have a handful of spots left (and a really amazing group attending so far!). Come learn the ropes of the biz with us while surfing, roaming, doing yoga and exploring Lisbon’s charming surrounds with us in your downtime. Bring your significant other or business partner or come solo. Just think of it as continuing education, a tax write-off and a vacation all rolled into one! As a Christmas special, I’m including two one-hour coaching sessions for anyone who signs up by Dec. 15, one by Skype prior to the trip and one in Portugal.

FOR THE AT-HOME COOK

We’re always experimenting in the kitchen, and try to eat as clean (i.e. no processed food) as possible, meaning that adding herbs and spices is clutch for our style of dining. I’ve had a subscription to Raw Spice Bar for the past year, and I love that every three months, a collection of six individually packaged, freshly-ground, seasonal spices arrives in my mailbox and that I don’t have to commit to buying the entire spice jar before I know I like it. You can even customize your diet to Paleo, vegan, vegetarian, healthy or “eat anything” and, of course, buy more from the Raw Spice Bar shop if you like what you tried.

FOR THE HEALTHY DINER

I’m all about collecting cookbooks, even if SVV is technically the chef in our household. My current favorite is A Beautiful Mess Weekday Weekend, which just came out this month and compiles even more healthy, vegetarian recipes than Elsie and Emma post on their blog. If you already own ABM, may I suggest the following: Laura Lea Balanced, Body Love and Cravings (maybe technically not healthy, but who doesn’t want to look like Chrissy Teigen?!).

FOR THE NEW HOMEOWNER

Earlier this year, my interior designer friend Kendall Simmons and her husband Kane launched Salut Home, a thoughtfully curated collection of home goods and accents, and I drool over all their colorful offerings every time the email hits my inbox. My current obsession? Their new collection of Leah Singh pillows (all things Leah Singh, really)—they have 96 styles in stock! And bonus, they’re on sale for Black Friday (use the code LEAH20), or you can sign up for their newsletter and receive a promo code for 10 percent off.

FOR THE SHUTTERBUG

While I’ll never fully replace my DSLR, ever since my mom gave me the Canon G7X Mark II for Christmas last year, it’s replaced my Canon 6D in my purse as my daily camera. It’s still got the manual settings so I can play around with the exposure, but is small and compact and great for videos. (Check out the travel videos I’ve been making for evidence.)

FOR THE BIG KID IN YOUR LIFE

For SVV’s last birthday, I got him a Phantom 4 Pro+ drone, and he loves it. He was a former aviation tech in the Navy and daydreams about flying all the time. Coupled with his penchant for photography, it was the perfect gift (and has come in handy on many a work project for us, too!). I think the P4 Pro is great for someone who does photography professionally; however, if your loved one isn’t that well-versed in drones yet, I recommend a cheaper, lighter model like the DJI Spark as a starter drone.

FOR THE ADVENTURER

I’ve had five different GoPros since I got my first one seven years ago, and the quality has improved significantly. After watching some of my YouTubers film exclusively with the GoPro Hero 6, I’m adding the newest model to my wishlist for our upcoming ski adventures (and it finally comes equipped with an LCD screen, too—you used to have to buy those a la carte).

FOR THE DOG OWNER

I bought a pair of travel pillows from the entrepreneurs behind Doggie Duffel, and I’m intrigued by their latest (fully-funded) project that’s essentially an all-in-one travel kit for your pup. Ella doesn’t have one of these yet, but I think I know what she’ll be finding under the Christmas tree…

FOR THE ART LOVER

I’ve been a long-time fan (turned friend) of Leslee Mitchell’s, and every time her gorgeous photography pops into my feed, I mentally bookmark it for the next time I’m doing a room makeover. I recently snagged several of her toy car prints, and I’m absolutely in love! Any giftee would be lucky to own a series of prints from this talented artist.

FOR THE SPORTY GIRL

Pretty much all my travel apparel comes from Gap Fit or Athleta—after all, I’m a girl who places comfort above style, but with most athleisure, luckily you can have both!—and a few pieces I’m loving this winter are: this metallic sweatshirt, this jersey keyhole top, this pullover hoodie and these black, leopard-print leggings.

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  FOR THE VINTAGE LOVER

Wish you’d grown up in the 70s? (Me, too.) You can embrace a bygone era with this sleek record player in a portable brief case that doubles as a CD player and has USB ports. Bonus: It comes in five different colors!

FOR YOUR FRIEND WHO WORKS FROM HOME

You know that girl who works in her coziest pajamas and barely leaves her computer desk all day long, except to refill her coffee/water/bourbon glass? (AHEM.) Welllll, how much would she love to upgrade from her ratty old PJs to this amazing unicorn onesie? (Really bad, I’ll tell ya!) For one that’s a bit more subtle, Nordstrom currently has this beauty on sale.

Stocking Stuffers Under $50

Savannah Bee Co. body products. I was stoked when I recently spotted Savannah Bee’s entire line, like this body butter, for sale at Target!

Geometric rings. Psst, SVV, looking for something small to get me? Start here.

Paddywax candle. My favorite candles are those that you can reuse the container as tabletop decor after it’s burned out.

Herb mill and grinder. As someone who’s very lazy in the kitchen, I love any tool that does the hard work for me.

S’well bottle. My cousins gave me one of these nifty canteens two years ago, and it’s been a game changer in my travels as I no longer have to abuse the planet by buying bottled water.

Stocking Stuffers Under $20

Taylor Swift’s reputation album. The Old Taylor can’t come to the phone because she’s out there SLAYING it with her new album. Man, this one is going to rack up the awards, and it should be in any music lover’s repertoire of tunes.

Flamingo ornament. I’m a sucker for all things flamingos and also ornaments, and Nordstrom at Home has a whole lot of cute, travel-themed ones, many of which are on sale.

Vintage maps. SVV and I are map lovers to the core. We own more than 30 globes and a number of vintage maps, but those are tough to find, which is why I like this Etsy store, which has both domestic and international city prints.

Monogrammed copper wine stopper. Because who doesn’t want their initial atop their vino?!

Twist Magazine’s winter issue. Launched by my good friend Keryn, this new travel publication is a gorgeous glossy that’s the perfect stuffer for the family traveler.

A taco holder. What taco lover doesn’t need this in their life?!

Stocking Stuffers Under $10

Sheet masks. I’ve been addicted to sheet masking for a year now, and while the TonyMoly variety pack is my go-to order, I’m equally as obsessed with these reindeer and penguin masks from Target.

eos holiday lip balm. I keep an eos in every bag I own, and I just popped this trio of holiday flavors (peppermint mocha, vanilla bean, ginger) into my shopping cart!

A manatee tea infuser. Or if manatees aren’t your thing (you crazy), there’s also a sloth, shark or loch ness monster.

iPhone charging cords in myriad colors. Show of hands if you, like me, are always on the hunt for that missing iPhone/USB/mini-USB cord?

The Oregon Trail Card Came. Because kids these days don’t even know what it’s like to ford a river and then die of dysentery when you’re almost there.

Pop socket. This little doodad changed my life—and made me stop dropping my iPhone altogether. I didn’t know how I’d feel about it, but I love it.

Rare earth magnets. We bought these to tack things to our wall on our four-month RTW cruise, and they’ve been a game-changer on actually keeping all of our cards and photos up on the fridge. They never fall, like, ever.

Since it doesn’t feel like the holidays until I start giving away gifts, I’m giving away one big C&C stocking stuffer grab bag, full of some of my favorite things, including the Lynktec charging station, a selection of Raw Spice Bar spices, and plenty of other stocking stuffers for you to give your family and friends (or keep for yourself—I won’t judge!). The value of this box o’ fun is currently over $300—also brimming with music, beauty items, and other odds and ends I’ve purchased and wanted to share with you—though I’ll likely continue to add to that as I finish my Black Friday shopping.

All you have to do to enter is tell me your favorite holiday tradition. Don’t have one? Tell me what’s the top of your Christmas wishlist! It’s that simple. Leave a comment below, and I’ll randomly choose a winner of this bag o’ fun on Dec. 1.

PIN IT HERE

Fa La La: The Ultimate Christmas Gift Guide published first on http://ift.tt/2gOZF1v