#(YUUKO KNOWS WATANUKI SHOULD NOT LISTEN)

[koushirouizumi]

Fei Wong, to a "young" Watanuki: You are a being that cannot exist!!! YUUKO, COVERING Watanukis ears: Do Not Listen. m E, BANGING FISTS DOWN: (MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY)

[seishirosakurazuka]

#I think I want atmospheric tragedy and all I can think of is mokonas in a trenchcoat  (@bamboocounting)

seishirosakurazuka presents

MOKONA MODOKI AND THE PORK BUN AFFAIR: PART ONE

a clover city production

PRIVATE EYE’S OFFICE - INT. - NIGHT

It’s NIGHT in CLOVER CITY. We can hear the pitter-patter of RAIN on the dirty windowpanes, with faint THUNDER in the distance. Everything sounds like a high-definition version of OLD RADIO BROADCASTS, so make sure the scratchy static is clear as day. If CLOVER CITY even knew what day even was.

MOKONA: It was a dark and stormy night in Clover City, just like it was every night. The weather hadn’t been right for years since the incident, and you either got used to the atmosphere or you complained loudly about wet feet every time you went out. When you’re as tall as I am, getting your feet wet sometimes really means getting it up to where your neck should be if you had one, literally, but also metaphorically, because Clover City is full of nothing but trouble.

I go by a few names, but most people know me as Mokona. In a town like this it’s good to keep a little mystery about yourself, keep the audience guessing. My secretary might disagree loudly and often but watching old re-runs is valuable intel when not being genre-savvy can cost you everything.

Speak of the devil. I heard a shout from just outside my office.

WATANUKI: [shrieking] Visitor!

MOKONA: At this point I paid for his work like I paid rent; I wasn’t really sure what he did for me professionally as he added nothing to the atmosphere, but he could carry a lot more liquor than me, which was a plus. He had arms and legs for miles. Not like he showed a lot of skin so much as he just had so much length to him that it was best to keep four or five feet away at all times minimum for when he started waving them all in a frenzy.

“Send them away!” I hollered back, but before I could even finish and return to my drink trouble had already entered. So much for hoping Watanuki’s excessive limbs could go to work as a capable defense mechanism for once.

[We hear LIGHTNING STRIKE ominously in the background through the retro RADIO STATIC SOUND DESIGN.]

YUUKO: Hello, Mokona.

MOKONA: Yuuko Ichihara. Another tall glass of water, but only if you saw a glass of water at a distance and then you got up close and realized the clear liquid was vodka instead. She looked like fun and ended up leaving you with nothing but trouble and a hangover for your efforts, which was why we got along like a magical backlash and a veterinary office.

MOKONA: [yelling, singsong] Watanuki, Watanuki! Alcohol!

WATANUKI: [Half-incoherent grumbling through the door as the scene goes on] Yeah yeah you son....... making me do all........ [bottles being opened] like I’m some kind of slave..... for the money I make! And not to mention.......... [glasses clinking together] that jerk Doumeki showing up....... [Etc. etc.]

MOKONA: Turned out she wasn’t just dropping by my office for the usual fun and games, even if we did go through three bottles of the good stuff when Watanuki brought it out. Yuuko had a special kind of shop, and when she needed a little help, she always came to me. I liked to think it was her opinion of my good work more than how she paid me in alcohol every time.

YUUKO: You ever heard of a place called the Cat’s Eye?

MOKONA: [chewing on a candy cigarette] Can’t say I have.

YUUKO: Most haven’t. I have a client who’s... interested in the kind of business they might be running behind the counter there. That’s where you come in.

MOKONA: Five bottles.

YUUKO: Two.

MOKONA (VOICEOVER): Yuuko always drives a hard bargian. Lucky I know her weakness.

MOKONA: Ten, but you get Watanuki for a week.

YUUKO: Deal. It should be worth your while - just go in, ask around, see if you can sniff out anything suspicious and then get back to me with what you found. No need to go getting yourself in trouble this time.

MOKONA: [snapping the candy cigarette loudly in half] Lady, if there’s one thing I can promise it’s that there won’t be any trouble when I’m around.

(They both LAUGH.)

MOKONA (VOICEOVER): At the time I didn’t think much of the lack of concrete info or my secretary’s mutinous grumbling or the weather or how nothing was ever that simple, not with Yuuko. Trouble was gonna catch up with me real quick, and when it did, there wouldn’t be a soul at the Cat’s Eye who would be expecting it. Me least of all.

But that’s how it goes for P.I.s like me in Clover City. Trouble always follows on the heels of rainy, stormy nights, and given how that’s every night in this town I shouldn’t have been surprised. But in the moment, when the lightning’s flashing and you only see the gloss of water on the pavement, you don’t expect to fall all the way to your little bitty chin into a deep puddle. 

Just another day in the life of...

MOKONA MODOKI, PRIVATE EYE.

(FADE TO AUDIO BLACK.)

This episode of MOKONA MODOKI, PRIVATE EYE starred MOKONA as P.I. MOKONA MODOKI. What’s going on at the Cat’s Eye? Who is Yuuko’s client? Why doesn’t Mokona have a neck even though that seems to be a pretty important body part for noir detective metaphors? Tune in next week for answers to none of these questions and more.

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