#(and im gonna rb this in the mornin; dw slkdfs)

[artnerd1123]

it’s about that time again, ain’t it? 

i started seeing these pop up on my dash, so i figured i’d do another one for this year. lots of fun stuff happenin, eh? i definitely had fun playing with lighting X3 also, may had wayyy too many good ones to pick from. might wanna go check out my art blog, if ur curious abt what that month looked like lskdfjsl this year was super super good for my art!!! im v v happy to see how far i’ve come ;w;

gonna stick some end-of-year rambling undercut, bc i wanna talk n don’t wanna clog up dashes. hope y’all have a happy new year! im so proud of y’all for sticking it through!!!

so... i’m not gonna lie, this year has been a ride. there’s been really high highs, and crushingly low lows. my mental health was on the fritz pretty much the entire year. a lot’s happened. and i’ve definitely seen plenty of growth. 

my year at a glance was full of activity. I went into my last semester of high school, which was both stressful (see: ap exams, college setup, and my own mental health/personal issues) and a load of fun (see: senior prom, choir events, and having a blast with my friends). in the summer, i started my first job at an amusement park. it was going well, and even though the end of the year was crazy, i was feeling good. and then i ended up losing someone close to me while i was on a vacation. while the scenery was beautiful, my mental state was... not so great. and it continued to rock and roll like waves on the ocean in the months following. grief isn’t easy to handle. but i was trying. though it was physically painful some days, college was right around the corner. gotta keep your head in the game. even if your head is also full of horrible depression and anxiety. fun stuff, ammirite?  speaking of college, i started and finished my first semester! it was a whirlwind of getting used to college life, figuring out how campus worked, and settling in. classes got me to focus on other things, and building in a routine kept me from slipping too far on my bad days. i also made some new friends. and even found someone who’s more than a friend. i’m eternally grateful for her and all that we’ve been through. even if it hasn’t been super super long, in the grand scheme of things. taking the bad times at college into account, it’s still been absolutely wonderful.  and winter break? eh. it’s been super super chill. i’ve done nothing for like, 2 weeks, and it’s been absolutely wonderful. 

all this aside... college gave me a ton of time to reflect and work on myself. it might’ve only been 3-4 months of time, but it was vital. i grew a lot. learned about myself. figured out that sometimes, people do things you’re not gonna understand. and that’s okay. you just gotta focus on yourself, what you can do, and how you can grow. you gotta figure out how to become a better person with what life gives you. be gentle. be kind. and don’t get bitter at everything. just cultivate what makes you happy. try and trust the ones you hold dear. most importantly, reach out when you need help. please. it does so much more than you think. 

just... take a breath, guys. you’re gonna be ok. you just gotta be present as much as you can, so you don’t miss the nice things that are coming. 

gotta say, 2019... there are parts of you i’m really gonna miss. and there are parts of you that i’m glad are buried in the past. but all in all? i’m glad to have made it through. 

i’m gonna try and make the next year a good one 🖤