#(and. well. the apocalypse ultimately leads to a world w/o entities)

[yaboyspodcastpalace]

📓 📓 ::)

[send me a 📓 and I’ll explain the plot of a fic i daydream about!!]

to you ill talk about the martelias :::D

long story short: martin x evil single father elias, co-parenting, enemies to lovers, a dash of web!martin

long story long:

after martin puts him on jail elias reveals his secret weapon card thats that he has a 9 year old daughter that HAS to stay w/ martin bc taking care of her its the least he can do, cue the tug and pull of childhood trauma and seeing this kid who has a TERRIBLE person of a father (although, surprisingly, does seem to care about her) and wanting to take care of her yknow? he's not great with kids and the kid is kinda difficult sometimes but he can listen to little amelia infodump about whatever she's been reading, and he takes a lot of pride whenever she says he's better than elias at something lmfao

eventually though elias is released and amelia goes back to living with him but she misses martin :(((( and elias father of the year goes sure i'll buy you a pony and basically tells martin to go live w/ them, to which hes obviously like what the actual fuck, but! he does care about her, he doesnt trust elias to not turn her into a monster, and, well, keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right?

now here's where the story becomes three different things:

1. martin and elias living together, martin being ascended (again) to head of the institute's assistant after jon manages to free himself from the archives (smth smth eyes smth smth tim being alive and them running away together at the end of s4, w/e, details) and just... trying (to varying degrees) to balance living under the same roof for his (w/ an increasing their) daughter while tormenting each other, that results sometimes in giving her contradicting advice for life and for people n stuff or martin being at his throat whenever she's not around, that gets... manageable with time... elias might have babytrapped him for his own amusement for a bit but the reality is that martin is much better dealing w/ the kid than him, and the prospect of kicking him off would make amelia much less malleable to him.

Anyway these kinda powerplays between the two, the weird sexual (and maybe... romantic?) tension that i always write martin and elias with, plus their mostly genuine mutual care for the kid and the fact that they both see different sides of the other slowly puts them on the weirdest middle ground u_u

2. martin and amelia!!! as i mentioned before, the trauma of having a terrible childhood and wishing this kid to have a better one than him, the grapples, fears, (and joys!) of parenthood, being able to take care of someone not because you have to but because you want to :) i think martin deserves something nice!! but also:

3. the scene of lil amelia asking martin to look under her bed bc she's scared of monsters and martin realizing that, well, there ARE monsters, not under her bed but in general, her father is a monster and the world they both live in is full of people and entities that wish to harm. And so he tells her that nothing will happen to her and that he'll keep her safe :) which kicks martin's descent into the web bc he WILL do anything for love, let him become a monster so his daughter doesnt have to, let him try really hard so she becomes a good person instead...

STAN AMELIA BOUCHARD-BLACKWOOD / BLACKWOOD-BOUCHARD, she's besties with a weird girl marked by the hunt, but thats part of the tma ocs extended universe jdkfghjdfg

real talk the last point is heavily hinted at many places but never outright stated, until at the very end where something happens in the Institute and elias gets blinded (shoot-fucking-out to there will come soft rains the best martelias fic) and the very last scene is martin checking on elias whos laying on their bed and he says to him that he might be blind but he feels the strings in the house and running up his skin and martin smiles bc yeah, yeah, he meant it when he said he'll keep amelia safe from the likes of elias, him very much included, and then they have a convo reminiscent to an earlier conversation bc i love ironic echoes lmfao (and also kiss, probably, bc at this point they're both fucked up, and elias is arrogant enough to believe he can get back to him)

[dzeikobb]

20.01.2021

Leo Bersani - Homos

Monique Witting

Judith Butler

Michael Warner

Andre Gide, Jean Genet, Proust

desire for the same and desire for the lack

anticommunitarian impulses they discover in homosexual desire

The Immoralist, Sodome et Gomorrhe, Funeral Rites

how desire for the same can free us from oppresive psychology of desire as lack (a psychology that grounds sociality in trauma and castration)

a salutary devalorizing of difference

difference not as a trauma to overcome (it nourishes antagonistic relations between the sexes), but rather as a nonthreatening supplement to sameness

"Once we agreed to be seen, we also agreed to be policed"

a traditional sanctification of state authority

The Archaeology of Late Antique 'Paganism' edited by Luke Lavan, Michael Mulryan

Constructing Postmodernism By Brian McHale

reading modernistically - paranoiacally

New Criticism, New Critical institutionalization of modernism

paranoid reading is assumed to be the appropriate norm of reading

then postmodernist texts appear which assume and anticipate paranoid reading-habits

they incorporate representations of (fictional) paranoid interpretations (conspiracy theories) or paranoid reading practices, or they thematise paranoia itself, reflecting, anticipating, perhaps pre-empting actual readers' paranoid readings.

La Jalousie, Pale Fire, The Crying of Lot 49, De Lillo Running Dog/The Names/Libra, The Name of the Rose and Foucault's Pendulum

"the idea is not to discover the secret, but to construct it"

no longer an epistemological quest, but an enterprise unconstrained by criteria of truth and evidence (world-building?)

an experiment in self-conscious world-making, a cosmological matter (novel-writing enterprise is one as well)

one projects (calls into being) an entity, anticipating a response

Masons, Illuminati, Rosicrucians, Gender-LGBT

"he declares that the league exists so that people will then create it"

St Anselm ontological proof of God's existence

confusing existence in thought with existence in reality

but: they project into reality the non-existent entities

inventing nonsenses, but the public will want to pursue them if they hear of them

"we've shown the necessity of the impossible"

"we invented a non-existent Plan, and they not only believed it was real but convicted themselves that they had been part of it for ages, or rather they identified fragments of their muddled mythology as moments of our Plan"

ontological side effects of world-making: the projected world has begun to contaminate the real world

there might come a time when the projected world will supplant the real world

Frederick Jameson: Postmodernism, or The Cultural Logic of Late Capitalism

symptomatic works and diagnostic works

reflections or expressions of late-capitalist social and economic relations

diagnostic works aspire to produce some image/figure/representation of the unrepresentably complex multinational world-system in which we live

Kevin Andrew Lynch was an American urban planner and author. He is known for his work on the perceptual form of urban environments and was an early proponent of mental mapping.

cognitive mapping

Conspiracy paranoia is a recurrent cultural phenomenon especially in American political life, with successive waves of anti-Masonism, anti-Catholicism, anti-Communism etc

Hypothesis: Whenever the complexity of the social-economic system outstrips our capacity to represent it to ourselves, conspiracy theory arises to fill the gap as the "poor person's cognitive mapping"

The recurrence of crises of cognitive mapping

responses to successive crises of society's self-imagining

"fossilized" attempts at the cognitive mapping (reminds me of Deleuze and geology - paranoic geology of the psyche?)

late-capitalist high-tech versions of conspiracy and the postmodernist resurgence of traditional conspiracy theories

Constructivism's basic epistemological principle is that all our cognitive operations, including (or especially) perception itself, are theory-dependent. This means, first of all, that data do not exist independently of a theory that constitutes them as data.

Granted the theory-dependency of "facts", it follows that faithfulness to objective "truth" cannot be a criterion for evaluating versions of reality (since the truth will have been produced by the version that is being evaluated by its faithfulness to the truth, and so on, circularly). The appropriate criteria for evaluation now are, for instance, the explicitness of the version, its intersubjective accessibility, its "empirical-mindedness", i.e. its aspiration to be as empirical as possible, where empiricism is not a method but a horizon to be approached only asymptotically; and above all, the adequacy of the version to its intended purpose. In other words, constructions, or what I have been calling versions of reality, are strategic in nature, that is, designed with particular purposes in view.

cities constructed, not given or found

or are they?

Parisian structuralist narratology - Barthes, Bremond, Genette, Greimas, Todorov

21.20.2020

I have been watching protest of the Women's Strike. On my phone, at my desk, at home, later from bed. I have been unable to attend due to my deteriorating mental health condition. How to describe the feeling and the atmosphere of this protest? I will juxtapose the following:

Hierarchy - Presence - Genital - Narrative - Metaphysics - Determinacy - Construction of a world-model - Ontological certainty [modernism]

Anarchy - Absence - Polymorphous - Anti-narrative - Irony - Indeterminacy - Deconstruction of a world-model - Ontological uncertainty [postmodernism]

What I saw leads me to believe that I should associate my perception of protests with the latter column.

A plot: events arranged in temporal sequence, a causal motivation for the sequence

modernism and postmodernism not as period styles, one of them current and the other outdated, more like alternative stylistic options between which contemporary writers are free to choose without that choice necessarily identifying them as either avant-garde or arriere-garde.

The dissolution of the library and the world

And then collecting the fragments (relics) of the burned library

What if the library does not burn, but is flooded?

What if it dissolves into a flood of meaningless text

An overflow of meanings leading to the ultimate loss of all meaning

An overabundance of points and places in the map causing the map to become illegible

Alain Robbe-Grillet: Instead of having to deal with a series of scenes which are connected by causal links, one has the impression that the same scene is constantly repeating itself, but with variations"

"narrative as a systematic application of the logical fallacy denounced by scholasticism under the formula post hoc, ergo propter hoc"

"a complex web of responses to and repetitions of earlier works, visual and textual, creative and critical" (isn't any text/work such a web?)

Gradiva - Novel by Wilhelm Jensen

Topologie d'un cite phantome Robber-Grillet

"a narrative which has abandoned any sense of progress and explores the past as a set of variations on a split and dispersed present"

Vigo-Atlantis on the connecting point of three continents-islands

it is inundated in never-stopping rain

Ruins of Warsaw after World War 2 turned into a closed-off monument and after the fall of communism, into a "tragedy-amusement park", somewhat like Westerplatte

a participant of the Warsaw Uprising and a young Jew-Robinson (a descendant of other Robinsons) who survived hiding in ruins until present time both emerge and react differently: the insurgent tries to kill tourists thinking they are Germans and is killed by security himself and the Robinson goes back to hiding, understanding that the world has experienced an apocalypse and a new world has emerged, in which there is no place for him.

22.01.2020

Właśnie przechodzę przez kolejny nawrót depresji, nie stać mnie na terapię, nie jestem w stanie z kimkolwiek rozmawiać, nienawidzę stanu, w którym jest moja skóra i ciało, za bardzo się wstydzę, by naprzykrzać się komukolwiek opowiadaniem o moich problemach, mam za mało pieniędzy, prawie nie mam pracy, nie mam dokąd uciec, nie mogę nawet wyjechać za granicę, rzuciłem studia po raz piąty w życiu i ignoruję te kilka osób, którym jeszcze choć trochę na mnie zależy.