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not-the-cleavers · 4 years

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Target II - Chapter 6

HOLY SHIT sorry for the delay but I seriously got into a rut of ‘I don’t wanna” then Queen happened but now Chapter 6 is here!!! Now I’m not going to lie I did channel Penelope Garcia from Criminal Minds for a small section of this. Now Four comes across as a fuck boy in this chapter cause ya girl was dealing with some shit while writing this. Also I never thought that I would ever google “how to clean a gun” and “how to care for throwing knives” BUT HERE WE ARE!!!

Tags; @adrenaline-roulette and @amy-brooklyn99 - if you would like to be tagged just let me know

Pairing; Four x Eight (female reader) Fandom; 6 Underground Warnings; Swearing, angst, mentions of trafficking again (sorry), violence against fellow ghosts and smoking Word count; 1.9k (total so far 9.8k)

Summary; The team has moved onto their next target after dealing with Rovach Alimov, a war criminal named John Dough. Eight has just joined the team and is dying to show how much she deserves to be there

Catch up: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

A week has passed since my last interaction with Billy, was he avoiding me? I was able to keep my mind off the blonde for a while by concentrating on the hard drive and working out who John Dough interacted with most so we could hopefully take down his whole operation. Unfortunately, I made quick work of that task as Dough was meticulously organised. He had folders for business associates, shell companies, calendars and meetings with audio logs, he even had a folder for completed deals, and all were named as such. Normally organised hard drives were sought after, but all I wanted was a massive mess to have to dive into, search for what I need and take my mind off that stupidly beautiful blonde. So I started to make notes, prolonging my work and making the next brief easier, or at least that’s what I was telling myself. I decided a timeline was the best way to figure this guy out, so that’s exactly what I did. I hit play on a random playlist on my iPod to have play in the background while I focused. According to every system I had access to; John Dough did not exist before 2001 when he was 29. There are no birth or death certificates, no school, prison or medical records, no properties or loans under his name. He was effectively like us, a ghost. No real name or family, nothing tying him to anything before his crimes. Which began when he made a name for himself as a hitman. Starting slow, killing random strangers for other random strangers to make money, but without a conscious, it appeared he had no rules when it came to his murder for hire business. Three had previously mentioned almost all hitmen refuse to kill children, a few less refuse to kill women, but this guy had no cut off point. His youngest victim was just 6 months old when the car he was in with his mother exploded, as per the deal with the scumbag husband and father who paid him $500,000 for the hit. In 2008 he left the hitman business and became a human trafficker, more money and more risk involved with that particular lifestyle. And in that position he was able to create all sorts of partnerships with all types of psychopaths and lowlifes, so in 2011 when he decided that he wanted more money and more power, he became an arms dealer. His biggest earning clients were the terrorist cells he supplied with guns and chemical weapons. And that’s what he’s been doing for the past nine years, and that’s what caught One’s eye. One had a sneaking suspicion that Dough has supplied Rovach with the Sarin gas for the attack that he bore witness to all those years ago. Granted One had no idea I knew he was there during that attack, but I gather intelligence, of course I knew he was there.

Eight: Call a brief. One: You sure you’re ready, or do you still need your beauty sleep? Eight: Fuck off cunt. One: This better be fucking good. Hanger, 1 hour.

I busied myself, making seven copies of my notes and timeline and filed one copy into one folder for everyone, shoved another cigarette into my mouth and lit it, pocketed the pack and made my way over to the hanger with the files and my laptop. I had to set up to make this brief go smoothly, because unlike the rest of the ghosts, I have been legally dead for the past 3 years, well before One had recruited me. If One decided that he no longer needed me, I wasn’t stuck for options, he didn’t have to actually kill me and I could make do on my own, and he knew that.

I wirelessly connected my laptop to the multiple screens around the room, giving everyone a decent view of what I’ve found, and just as I was placing the folders around our table, One entered the room, making a scene and complaining that I was making the room smell worse with my cigarettes. “I prefer cigarette smoke over the smell of dried blood that normally floods this room” I sneered in his direction. He just rolled his eyes in response. Slowly everyone filtered in and took their seats, Billy was last in and refused to make eye contact with you. Fuck him; he doesn’t know what he’s missing! With a slight shake of my head I steadied my breath and started going over everything I know. “Alrighty squirrel friends, I have delved deep into this monsters hard drive and this is what I’ve learnt…” I started my monologue, going over the time line I created with all his victims in the early days, moving onto his trafficking days with the photos found a week ago inside their own manila folder for only the brave to look at. Four pushed that folder as far away from him as possible as soon as I mention what was inside. Finishing with his latest weapons deals that were leading to innocent deaths in the hundreds of thousands to possible millions. “Prior to 2001, there is nothing on him. I have no idea what this man was doing before he turned 29 so just in case it wasn’t obvious; John Dough is not his birth name.” this caused a small chuckle from the ghosts. “But what I do know, he travels to meet this man” I flashed a picture of a fat, white and balding man up on the screens for the team to see “twice a month, to eat expensive meals, drink ridiculously old and pricey scotch, smoke Cuban cigars and fuck high end prostitutes. Not to mention secure guns and chemical weapons for the people Dough sells to. His name is Stanislav Zakirov, a high level member of the Russian Mob. Now we could go after this piece of shit as well, but that would be more of a shit show than Hong Kong was. I would recommend hitting Dough after one of these meetings, after Zakirov leaves. This minimises the risk to us, keeps us away from the Russians, and means we can take this fucker down.” The room fell quiet as soon as I finished my speech; I was done talking so I just waited for someone to say something, a glance up at One revealed he was avoiding looking at me after his last words to me in person. After a few minutes with not a single word I decided I was done sitting around, I picked up my laptop once more, I walked past One and said loudly “Was that fucking good enough for you? Prick” lit another cigarette and walked out the hanger.

Now with nothing to do to take my mind off everything that had happened over the past weeks I felt lost and unable to get rid of my anger, so a ritualistic activity was needed. Cleaning my guns and sharpening my knives. I walked to a rusted airplane fuselage across the lot that was upcycled into the armoury for the team, and over to my gear and started to lay out the items needed. I started with my knives, unsheathing the blades and placing them on the metal bench, and one by one sharpening them with my trusty bastard file, quickly washing away any shavings that might be left on the knife-edge and rubbing them down with lubricant, thankfully gun lubricant works for this as that’s all I had left. As I was sharpening the last blade I noticed it was slightly bent, possibly from the last mission, so I made quick work of straightening it out, placing it slightly offset from a piece of the fuselage and using my body weight. Not the best way to do it but after years I found it was the quickest. After all my knives were sharpened I started the formulaic process of cleaning my guns. Rolling out a towel and placing the brushes, lubricant, cleaning solvent and cotton swabs down and disassembling my guns one at a time. I found myself falling into rhythm, the clicks and smells of the cleaning solution taking my mind off the joke that was this teams current state of being. As I was working on my last gun my heightened instincts told me that someone was coming towards the armoury. I grabbed one of my knives and used my shirt to wipe away any remaining lubricant, and with one swift move I turned on the stool I was on and threw the blade. The knife pierced the plastic on the side of the planes body right by the door, a warning throw, not intended to harm but to scare away whoever was coming. “Fuck me dead Eight! You have to stop doing that to me” One’s voice, dripping with frustration and anger broke the silence of the room. “Maybe you should’ve learnt your lesson from last time and avoid sneaking up on me when I’m pissed off” I sneered, my attention was back to my gun, with one final click the barrel was back in place. “The fuck do you want, can’t you see I’m busy?” “Well we all wanted to know if you were coming back to the briefing or if you were gonna wallow here in self-pity” One snorted. That does it. I let loose another blade, this time aiming for his thigh, but he saw it coming and quickly dodged it. “See I did learn from last time” “Leave me alone One, I’m not in the mood for your bullshit right now. Last I checked, we were the ones working our asses off on your vendetta missions while you hang around out of danger and piss us all off.” I was yelling at this point. I was never one to hide my anger and One had hit just the right buttons, that and Four who was being the exact definition of a fuck boy right now, was enough to make me explode. “Now unless you’re here to apologise I suggest you get lost” my voice was almost a snarl at this point.

That’s when I noticed that the rest of the ghosts were also in the room with us, all but Two seemed surprised by my outburst, and even more so at my complete disregard to if I hit One or not. She had what almost looked like a smile on her lips. One pushed past them all in a huff, a string of profanities leaving his lips, all focused towards me. After a few awkward moments Two broke the silence. “Well I’m no pussy so I’ll speak. We agree with your plan, it’s smart and the easiest way to take him out. Also One is a dick. He wants to apologise but his ego is getting in the way” her French accent bringing an air of class to her words. The rest of the ghosts nodded along with her words.

“Right well he knows where to find me if he decides to pull his head out of his ass and apologise” I told her, standing from my position and making my way out of the room “excuse me, I need to be alone right now” I made my way past my team mates and out into the thick humidity of the Californian desert, unsure where I was going, but knowing I didn’t want to be around anyone.

#ben hardy fic #ben hardy #ben jones #6 underground #6 underground fic #four x eight #four x reader #billy/four #FOUR FIC

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dontjudgemepeepswrites · 5 years

Text

An Eventful Day - Jake Peralta

y/n - your name

y//f/n - your full name

y/s/n - your surname

y/f/tv/s - your favourite tv show

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Requested on Wattpad.

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Trigger warnings: cheating, name calling, rape mentions and just a character being an overall asshat.

"Hey, babe. How was your day?" Darren asks as I arrive home from work.

"Stressful. I almost let the prime suspect in my case get away. But what about you? How was work?"

"It was fine. A little boring though. But I have a new co-worker now, so it adds a little fun," Darren shrugs.

"Oh. Well at least there's that positive," I point out.

"Plus, I get to come home and see your pretty face, and it makes it all worth it."

"Aw, so cute yet so cheesy. Speaking of, you want pizza?" I ask.

"Please, yes."

"Do you mind ordering and waiting for the delivery? I want to go take a shower. I'll leave the money on the counter for you."

"No, it's fine, (nickname you hate). I'll pay."

Ugh, I hate when he calls me that. Mainly because he knows I don't like it but isn't doing it as a joke. It happens a lot, surprisingly. Also, I think he may be lying to me about something, but I don't know yet. Call it detective's paranoia though. We've experienced so much that we always jump to conclusions.

*After the shower*

"Babe, the pizza's here!" Darren shouts from the other room.

"Thanks, I'll be right there," I reply. I put my pyjamas on quickly, ready to have a FRIENDS marathon like we do whenever we get pizza and walk into the main room, excited for cuddles and food. "You ready for our FRIENDS marathon?"

"Can we watch something else? We watch it every time and I want something different."

"Sure," I say, putting on a fake grin. Something's up. He's never complained about it before. "What were you thinking?"

"A DC movie marathon." At this, my jaw drops.

"DC? Marvel movies are much better."

"What are you talking about? Suicide Squad is amazing!"

"Are you sick? Or do you need to go to the opticians?" I ask, only half joking. Darren rolls his eyes playfully. I then get a text from the 99 group chat.

C. Holt I need everyone at the precinct ASAP.

You Why? What happened?

C. Holt I'll explain when you all arrive.

"I'm so sorry, love, but they need me at the precinct. Just put the leftovers in the fridge," I apologise profusely.

"It's fine. Go stop crime."

"Thanks for being so understanding." And with that, I kiss him on the cheek and leave.

*On the journey to the precinct*

y/f/s starts playing. I must be getting a call. It's Captain Holt.

"Hello, this is Detective y/f/n, how may I help?"

"y/s/n, you can return home now. The emergency has been dealt with."

"Well that was fast. What exactly was the emergency though?"

"The night shift detectives were rioting but Santiago sorted it."

"Of course. You can always count on Amy to get someone to be quiet."

"Yes, she is extremely good at it. Now have a good night."

"You too, sir." Then he hangs up. Oh well, while I'm out I could do some last minute grocery shopping."

*Back at y/n and Darren's apartment*

"Hey babe, I'm ho--" I open the door and am immediately faced by a sight that I hoped to avoid forever. My boyfriend was eating this dude's face off. As soon as he hears me, he pulls away and snaps his head to look at me.

"Hey, babe. I thought you were at the precinct," he nervously says.

"Don't 'babe' me. I was out for 30 minutes and I come home to find you on MY couch that I payed for, snogging some guy's face off! Get your stuff and get out! Now! And don't ever come near me or anyone I know, ever again!"

"I can ex--"

"Get. Out. NOW! I won't say it a third time. And take him with you," I spit. "All cheaters are filthy liars. There is NEVER an explanation for such a vile thing." He scrambles into (what was) our shared bedroom and grabs everything that he can see that belongs to him and then leaves rapidly with his new boyfriend.

As soon as they're out the door, I slam it, pick up the closest thing to me (which happens to be my key) and lob it at the wall. I'm pissed. Extremely pissed. But I'm also upset. After all, he was my boyfriend and I loved him, still do, considering that we broke up 30 seconds ago. Yeah, he'd been acting strange but I just thought that he was nervous and was kinda hoping he'd propose. I mean, we'd been together for 4 years. And now I know that I wasted 4 fucking years. 4. The anger takes over and I grab a chair and throw it, hitting the coffee table. I already know that nothing will cheer me up. Nothing. Not even y/f/tv/p. Not even chatting on the work group chat, which I do every night. I'll just try and distract myself by reading that new book that I bought.

*The next morning*

Reading that book was not a good idea. Neither was staying up all night, but I do it all the time so I can cope for today. Oh, crap. I have work today. Ugh. But maybe it'll take my mind off of him.

*At work*

*Jake's pov*

How am I early today? I left at the exact same time that I normally do and traffic was exactly the same... It was Charles, wasn't it. He came to my place last night and must've changed all of the clocks and moved them back by 15 minutes.

"Charles, did you change my clocks last night?"

"Yes. Amy told me to because she wants you to be at work on time and she gave a pretty compelling reason."

"And that was?"

"We get to spend more time together this way." I sigh.

"But that meant you gave me 15 minutes less of my beauty sleep." Charles gasps.

"Oh no. What have I done?" Just then, y/n walks into the precinct. Except today they look dead inside.

"Hey y/n. What's got you down?" However, they completely ignore me. "y/n?" They walk right past and out onto the roof. Charles and I look at each other, and then the window. They've taken the barrel and put a book on it. Then they take out a matchbox, light a match and set fire to the book. "What are they doing? They love reading!" I power-walk onto the roof. "Um, y/n, what are you doing?"

"Burning the lies."

"What? Context please?"

"It ended too happy. They got engaged."

"More?"

"Love is a lie."

"Are you alright?"

"What do you think, Peralta? I'm burning a book because love triumphed."

"You and Darren broke up?"

"Don't say his name. He's a dirty, stinky, cheating bucket of dicks."

"Damn, you really hate him. Wait, did you say cheating? He cheated on you?"

"No, he bought me a puppy and a mansion for us to move into together. Of course he cheated on me, that's exactly what I said! Do you need a hearing test?"

"Ouch, that hurt my ego, but I'm not gonna take that personally because I know that you're upset and mad right now. Y'know what, we have to work now, but after that, come to my place and we can talk, you can rant, we can eat takeout, and we can watch movies. What d'you say?"

"It actually sound quite good. Thanks Jake. And, could you tell everyone else for me. Oh, and tell them that if they show even the slightest bit of sympathy, I'll have Rosa blow their head off? Also that if I say anything mean to them, it's nothing personal, I just don't have much of a filter and I'm still pissed."

"Will do. Now let's get back inside." I start heading inside.

"Jake."

"Yeah?"

"Are you forgetting that there's a fire?"

"Oh yeah. We should probably put that out."

"Before we do, can we just take this in for a moment? This is the closest to a campfire I've ever had," y/n requests.

"Sure." We stand next to each other, taking in the fire's heat. I then feel something on my shoulder. It's y/n's head. "How much sleep did you get last night?"

"None. I was up all night because of this stupid book. Besides, you really think I'd have been able to sleep?"

"Good point." I wrap my arm around their waist. Wait, why though? Do I like them? No, I can't like them; I just got out of a long-term relationship. It's just a friendly gesture, right?

*Your pov*

That's just a friendly gesture, right? Well it doesn't matter, because, surprise surprise, I have butterflies in my stomach. You see, I had a crush on Jake, then he got with Sophia, and that's when it really hit me that I had to move on and I met Darren. I thought I'd moved on completely, but I guess at least a part of those feelings stayed with me. Suddenly, I hear a camera behind us and turn around to see Gina.

"Gina, what are you doing?" I sigh.

"Taking a picture for Twitter and your wedding. What else would I be doing?"

"A picture of Jake comforting me from a breakup, in front of a barrel with an a-lit book on it?"

"Yup."

"Ok. I'll just put this fire out and then head back inside. See ya, Gina," I say, acting as if that conversation was completely normal which, let's be real, it was for the 99. No one found out about my crush before and that's how I plan on keeping it. I grab a fire extinguisher and put out the fire, before walking inside.

*After briefing*

"Why do we have two Rosa's today?" Scully asks.

"Shut it, maggot-face," Rosa and I simultaneously spit and I walk to my desk.

"y/s/n, in here please," Holt beckons me into his office. I walk into his office, not saying a word. "What is going on with you today?"

"Did Peralta not tell you?"

"No."

"Peralta, get in here," I beckon.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Tell the Captain why I'm like this. I don't want to be here when he finds out."

"Why?" he asks.

"You'll see. Also, it's a sensitive topic." I walk out of the office and to my desk.

"What's going on in there?" Amy asks me.

"Wait. 3, 2, 1..." I point at the office, signalling that something's about to go down.

"WHAT?" A Holt scream is heard from the office. Everyone looks at me and then the office, as the door slams open, an enraged Holt power-walking out.

"Really, y/n? Why me? I'm pretty sure I've gone deaf now," Jake exaggerates, walking out of the office, his hands over his ears.

"Because you know why and you said you'd do it for me."

"Touché, y/s/n. Touché."

"What are you two on about?" Terry asks.

"You haven't told anyone?"

"No, but you only told me 30 minutes go."

"You could've just asked me to leave during briefing and told everyone or while I was in the bathroom!"

"Touché, y/s/n. Touché."

"You already said that."

"Did I?"

"Yes, you goldfish. Now tell everyone. I'm just gonna into the break room." I go into the break room and sit n the couch. I immediately lean forward and put my head in my hands. Ugh, I hate this. I know Jake's telling everyone, but I've still gotta tell my family. My entire family. They all met Darren. Oh, for fuck's sake. Deep breaths. Then I hear a knock at the door. "It's the break room, you don't have to knock," I say, not looking up.

"Told you, Amy," says a voice of which I'm assuming belongs to Charles. I look up and see Amy, Charles and Terry.

"What d'you three want?"

"Look, we're sorry about what happened," Terry says.

"Why should you be sorry? You didn't do anything wrong. Just remember, don't give me empathy or patronise me or I will end you."

"We know, and we won't. We just wanted to see if you wanted to go out for drinks tonight," Amy voices.

"I would, but I'm going to Jake's." As soon as I say this, a smirk appears on all of their faces. "Alright, do that again and I will end you. It was hella creepy."

"You and Jake, huh?" Charles asks smugly.

"Seriously? I just got out of a 4 year relationship in the worst way possible. Now let me get back to work." I brush past them, rolling my eyes.

"Well Jake definitely has a thing for them though. I caught him staring at them earlier," Charles (loudly) whispers (shouts) to Amy.

"Shut up, Charles," Jake and I say in sync.

"y/s/n, Peralta, I have a case for you. Come into my office." Jake and I saunter into Holt's office. "It involves your now-ex, y/s/n. I thought you might want to take it."

"You thought right, Sir," I smirk.

"Great. We have a woman here who claims that Darren raped her last night."

"Rape?! I'm gonna kick Darren's ass. Where is she?"

"She's in the interrogation room. Peralta, you're going to watch from behind the glass to make sure that y/n's fine and doesn't go leave to go and kill Darren."

"Sure. But I can't guarantee that I won't kill him," Jake jokes but Holt holds his deadpan face.

We walk out of the office after being dismissed and head over to the interrogation room.

"Try and remain as calm as you can in there. If you don't throw anything, I'll let you choose what stuff we watch tonight. If not, it's a Die Hard marathon," Jake announces, only half-joking.

"I mean, I was gonna suggest we watch Die Hard anyway. Except for Die Hard 5. Awful movie."

"We don't even speak of it. Anyway, good luck in there." Then he kisses my cheek. He. Kissed. My. Cheek. HE KISSED MY CHEEK! I'm internally dying right now.

"Thanks, Jakey. I'll see you on the outside." Then I kiss his cheek and walk in. Why did I do that? Well, I mean, he kissed mine first, so, I guess it was a formality, right?

"Hello, my name is Detective y/f/n. You must be Leah Summers, correct?" The woman opposite me nods her head. She's gonna be very quiet, isn't she? "Do you want a whiteboard?" She shakes her head. "Ok then. I'm going to ask some questions, just nod or shake your head for me, ok?" She nods her head. "Were you raped?" Yes. "Was it last night?" Yes. "Was it a man?" Yes. "Do you know his name?" No. "Did he look like this?" I hold up a picture of Darren. I'm so tempted to rip it. She nods her head. I take a deep breath. "I'm going to need some form of communication for the next questions. Do you think you can do it?" She nods her head. "Do you want the whiteboard?" Yes. I give her a whiteboard, pen and cloth to clean it with. "Where did this happen?" 'In a toilet stall.' "Do you know where the stall was?" 'In a park. I don't know which one though.' Ugh, that's vile. Makes me want to kill him even more. "Where did he find you?" 'On 5th Avenue.' "How was it forced, e.g. threat or blackmail?" 'He threatened to kill me.' "Well I'm about to kill him," I mutter. "What time do you think it happened?" 'I'm not sure but he picked me up at 9:30.' "Do you think there could be anything used as evidence other than CCTV? Were there any eyewitnesses?" 'I don't think so.' "Final question, is there anymore information you could tell us that may help us?" 'He was drunk.' "Oh for-- I'm sorry, he's my ex. I caught him cheating on me. It was last night, in fact. Guys suck."

"Hey!" Peralta says from the other side of the glass.

I sigh, "there are exceptions though. Now, let me go kill my son-of-a-bitch ex-boyfriend."

"y/n."

"Yeah, yeah. I was joking, Peralta,"

"Were you though?"

"No."

"Exactly." The girl lets out a little giggle at our banter.

"I'll be back soon, it shouldn't take long to get him. I'm sure we could find an eye witness somewhere."

*Later*

"3, 2, 1, NYPD put your hands where I can see them! "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you." Jake smiles at me as I read my pathetic excuse for an ex the Miranda Rights.

"y/n?!" Darren asks in shock.

"You're the worst ex ever! You cheat on me and then get drunk and rape a girl! You're a disgrace to humanity."

"I cheated on you because you're a disgrace to humanity, not me! We never spent time together and you brushed off everyone that was close to you!"

"Everything you just said is bullshit! You would've just broken up with them if that were true, but it isn't and ya didn't. I mean, you even lived together and had those pizza nights! y/n said they were legendary and talked about you loads at work! You're a pathetic excuse of a human! Plus you raped that nice girl, Leah was her name, right? Oh, that reminds me, something amazing's waiting for you at my apartment."

"Really, y/n?! This guy?! I knew you were a slut but wow, this is a low, even for you."

"The fuck did you just call me?!"

"I called you what you are: a slut. A whore." And with that, I just hold him in a very discomforting position. A very discomforting position.

"Tell me what you really think of me. Or I'll do worse."

"Ow, ow, fine! I love you, always have. I was just an idiot tough. I don't know why I did it. Why I did any of it. I'm just jealous, I guess. You have such good relationships with your co-workers and I've been lying about mine. It's been awful. I just wanted more than you in one way."

"That is the most bullshit I've ever heard, but I know you're actually telling the truth. Now let's get you to the precinct."

*After he's been locked up*

"Well, today's been... eventful, to say the least. I burned a book because I broke up with Darren and I just arrested him for rape. Talk about an aggravating yet somewhat satisfying day."

"Yup. Does that count as catharting?" Jake asks. "Because if so, I'm so glad I helped you cathart."

"I guess so, I mean, you psychologically helped me through a lot today. But anyway, it's not over. Our shift ends in... 15 minutes, then, we're gonna have takeout and I'm going to rant about everything else that I hated about Darren before we have a Die Hard marathon, discounting the 5th one."

"Sounds like a plan. But first we need to write the reports," Jake points out.

"Right, let's go do that." We sit at my desk, ready to write the reports.

*About 30 minutes later*

"I hate reports," I sigh. "I'm so glad we're done for today."

"Me too. Let's get going then."

"Bye guys, we'll see you tomorrow."

"Have fun, but not too much fun!" Charles says as we leave.

"Charles!" Jake and I simultaneously scream, just as the elevator door starts to close.

After an awkward ride down, we exit the building and get into Jake's car.

"You can put on what you want, I don't mind," Jake says, to break the awkward silence.

"Thanks. I look through his phone's music library and know what I'm going to play as soon as I see it. Almost immediately, Funky Cold Medina comes on through the speakers.

"Alright, dig itCold coolin at a bar, and I'm lookin for some action But like Mike Jagger said, I can't get no satisfaction The girls are all around, but none of them want to get with me My threads are fresh and I'm lookin def, yo, what's up with L-o-see? The girls is all jockin at the other end of the bar Havin drinks with some no-name chump, when they know that I'm the star So I got up and strolled over to the other side of the cantina I asked the guy, 'Why you so fly?' he said, 'Funky Cold Medina'." we sing together.

I knew this would break the tension. I'll just play some Taylor next, I know he's a big fan. I hit shuffle and you belong with me comes on. And the awkwardness returns, but I can't skip the song because he'll probably ask why and I'll have to make up some reason. We sit in the car for an agonising 3 minutes and 50 seconds, Taylor's voice echoing around the car, no one joining in. Then trouble comes on and I feel my fist clenching up.

"y/n, calm down. Maybe we should change the song," Jake states, motioning to the phone I'm holding.

"No. I will listen to this song."

"But why? You're just putting yourself through more pain."

"I have my reasons." I want to connect with this song. I want to feel exactly this way. I don't want to have moved on already. I want to feel how any normal person would in this situation.

"Alright then." Back to silence. As soon as that song's over, I change to Sing To Me Instead. Ben Platt will relax me, surely. I play the album, Bad Habit coming on. Is the entire music industry against me right now?

*At Jake's apartment*

"So what takeout do you want?" Jake asks me, phone in hand and ready to order.

"I don't mind. You choose. It's your apartment."

"Chinese it is then." I quickly give him my order and he orders. "Alright, while we're waiting, vent to me."

"Gladly. Honestly, this has made me realise that I actually kinda hated Darren before, without even knowing. I mean, sometimes he was very narcissistic. I mean, he never let me pick what music we played, and I allowed that because we had similar music tastes and I just realised. And I made so many sacrifices for our relationship. I moved in with him and he promised he'd do his part around the apartment but he never did! I payed for all of the furniture in there and most of the rent! And he complained all. The. Time. About the most stupid things! Like, I don't want to hear you rant about how Google changed it's font."

"Wait, seriously? He complained about that?!"

"I know, right?! And, I honestly gag at the thought of anyone saying this, but he said that DC movies are better than Marvel movies. What kind of twisted mind would think that?! (Guys, I'm joking. Please don't get offended by my joke.)"

"That has to be the second most absurd thing I've ever heard, the first being that the Die Hard movies are crap, because they're obviously not."

"Ooh, another thing, he has a tongue piercing. It made make out sessions horrendous."

"Anything else?"

"Honestly, no. To be honest, all of my sadness and anger have kinda drifted away. Also, it made me realise that there's someone that I want to be with. He's cute, yet dorky and smart but also kinda dumb at the same time. He's also really sweet and has been with me all of today. We even took Darren down together." I can't believe I'm actually confessing.

"Was there some other guy on this case that I don't know of?" Jake asks, looking confused and upset at the same time.

"No, you dummy. It's you!"

"Me?"

"Nooo, it's the guy behind you. Of course it's you!"

"Oh, thank goodness. I realised today that I like you and did not wanna be heartbroken on my first day of being woke."

"That's not what that means, Peralta. Do you even Urban Dictionary?" I joke. "But seriously, what now? I mean, we could try this and see how it goes. We could count this right now as a date and see how we feel after?"

"Yeah, I'd love that."

*After the movies and food*

"Thanks for tonight, Jake. This has been one of the best dates I've ever been on."

"Me too. But, uh, before you go, I think I may've bruised my lip earlier and I need someone to ki--"

"Really, Peralta? You could just ask to kiss me, you dork."

"... Can I kiss you?"

"I don't see why not."

Our lips collide in a sweet kiss. It's one of the best kisses I've ever experienced, possibly even the best. We pull away shortly.

"So I'm guessing this is gonna be official. Or are we going light and breezy?" Jake asks.

"Screw light and breezy. We'll just do anything when it feels like it, including becoming official. That's how I live, by just living in the moment with stuff like this. After all, it'll only happen once so why not concentrate on the moment?"

"I agree entirely. Now, let's tell the others."

"This is gonna be fun."

--------------------------------

Jake: hey guys, guess what

Amy: You got stuck in a real life Die Hard again?

Jake: nope, even better

Charles: You're adopting a kid Nikolaj's age so that they can grow old together?

Jake: what? no

You: Jake and I may or may not be in a relationship. Or are at least starting one.

Charles: Finally!

Rosa: Finally

Amy: Finally.

Terry: Finally

You: What do you mean?

Rosa: Jake clearly liked y/n and we all knew that y/n and that dickwad Darren would eventually break up

Charles: ^

Amy: ^

Terry: ^

Gina: ^

Holt: They are not wrong. I thought it was painfully obvious.

Jake: ...

You:

...Ok, bye then.

--------------------------------

"Well then, I have no words. But at least they're all happy that we're together now," I say.

"And so am I." He presses a kiss to my cheek and I snuggle into him.

"Want to watch another movie?"

"No, let's just cuddle and talk."

"I like the sound of that."

--------------------------------

#jake peralta #jakeperalta #jake peralta imagine #jake peralta one shot #jakeperaltaimagine #imagine #xreader #x reader #oneshot #jakeperaltaoneshot #request #jake peralta x reader #jakeperaltaxreader

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345: How to Use Circadian Fasting to Improve Health & Slow Aging With Dr. Amy Shah

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/news/345-how-to-use-circadian-fasting-to-improve-health-slow-aging-with-dr-amy-shah/

345: How to Use Circadian Fasting to Improve Health & Slow Aging With Dr. Amy Shah

Child: Welcome to my Mommy’s podcast.

This podcast is sponsored by Jigsaw Health, my source for magnesium. You probably know, if you’ve read my blog, that magnesium is responsible for over 300 biochemical reactions in the body. It impacts blood pressure, metabolism, immune function, and many other aspects of health, including hormones. It’s known as the master mineral and it’s one of the few supplements I take regularly. And I have found a specific way to take it that works best for me in very specific forms because if magnesium is taken in the wrong way it can lead to digestive upset or if it’s taken too quickly it can cause all kinds of problems. So, I take two supplements. One called MagSRT which is a slow release form of the dimagnesium malate. The slow release technology makes it easier on the digestive system. So I don’t get any of the digestive disturbance that comes with some forms of magnesium. I take this form in the morning and at lunch. So, two capsules with breakfast, two capsules with lunch. And at night, I take a different product MagSoothe, which is magnesium glycinate which is magnesium bound with the amino acid glycine to help sleep. And in combination, I noticed the biggest effect from those two particular products. You can check them both out and save by going to jigsawhealth.com/wellnessmama. And the code wellness10 will give you $10 off any order.

This podcast is sponsored by BLUblox. That’s B-L-U-B-L-O-X, which is an advanced light-filtering eyewear company. You’ve probably seen pictures of me on social media wearing orange glasses of various types at night. And here’s why. In nature, we aren’t exposed to certain types of light after dark, specifically, blue light, because that type of light signals the body that it’s daytime. That in turn suppresses melatonin and can interfere with sleep. This is the reason that a really dramatic study found that camping for seven days straight with no artificial light at all could actually completely reset and heal circadian rhythm and help a lot of light-related problems, like seasonal affective disorder. This is also the reason that I wear orange glasses after dark to block these types of light and protect my sleep, which I am adamant about protecting. I also wear certain types of yellow glasses and anti-fatigue glasses during the day if I want a computer to reduce eye fatigue. BLUblox has orange glasses and yellow glasses. Their orange glasses for nighttime wear are designed to block 100% of the wavelengths between 400 nanometers and 550 nanometers, which are the ones that are studied to interfere with sleep and melatonin production, and circadian rhythm. My kids also wear these kinds of glasses at night. And I noticed a difference in their sleep as well, which is a huge win for a mom. This is especially important when we’re watching a family movie at night or looking at any kind of screen as the artificial light, there is a source of blue light and can interfere with sleep. You can learn more, they have a ton of educational content and check out all of their innovative protective glasses by going to blublox.com/wellnessmama and using the code wellnessmama to save 15%.

Katie: Hello, and welcome to “The Wellness Mama Podcast.” I’m Katie from wellnessmama.com and wellnesse.com, that’s Wellnesse with an E on the end, which is my new line of personal care products like hair care and toothpaste that are completely safe and as effective as conventional alternatives. And this episode, I am so excited to have today’s repeat guest Dr. Amy Shah, who is a double board-certified doctor and nutrition expert, with training from Cornell, Columbia, and Harvard University. She’s also one of my favorite people to follow on Instagram @fastingmd. And drawing from her background in internal medicine and allergy and Immunology, as well as her own wellness journey, she has dedicated her practice to helping her patients feel better and live healthier, using integrative and holistic approaches to wellness. She has a list as long as my arm of accolades and awards but she’s also just a great voice for moms and women in health in very practical ways. And in this episode, we go deep on the idea of something called circadian fasting, which even if you’re not into fasting at all, it’s a very easy intro way to get into fasting with a lot of really profound benefits. So she explains how you can use this simple method as a method of anti-aging for a lot of aspects of health. She really goes deep on the research and how you can implement it. Really fascinating episode and I can’t wait to jump in. Here we go. Dr. Amy, welcome. Thanks for being here.

Dr. Shah: Thank you so much for having me again, Katie.

Katie: Well, your first episode was so popular and I loved our conversation that I knew I wanted to have you back on. And I have seen you posting so much right on Instagram and about one of my favorite topics that I knew we had to have an in-depth conversation about it and that is fasting in all of its forms, but specifically, circadian fasting which you are a big proponent of. So to start broad, can you explain what that means? What circadian fasting is?

Dr. Shah: Yes. So, I know Katie, you’re a busy mom. I’m a busy mom. And I know a lot of your listeners are busy in so many different ways. And I was trying to think of a way to incorporate intermittent fasting in my life that made sense into a busy life with a family. And when I found the science behind circadian rhythms, which is basically that every single cell in our body has a clock and if you can tune your body to this clock, everything works better: your gut, your brain, your immune system, your hormones specifically. So I’m combining the science of circadian rhythms with the science of intermittent fasting. And that’s what circadian fasting is. And so it sounds really complicated, but really, it’s super simple.

It’s basically not eating three hours before bed, and then going to bed, and then waking up and having breakfast and so there’ll be a break of between 12 to 16 or 18 hours between the last time you ate food the night before, and the first time you eat food the next day. And so it’s something that’s maybe a little stretch if you’re someone who’s a typical American who eats, you know, 15, 16 hours a day, but it’s not so much of a stressful stretch that you can’t incorporate it into your busy life.

Katie: Yeah, and I think there’s an important distinction here that we can talk about because this kind of lines up with the idea of time-restricted eating or time-restricted feeding. And I know, there have been a lot of studies on this by people like Dr. Satchin Panda, and others. And the data really is compelling when they look at time-restricted eating and different windows from eating in even just like a 12-hour window or an 8-hour window.

I know they’ve done research on cancer patients and all kinds of different scenarios and found that eating and even just a little bit shorter of a window is important, but I feel like circadian fasting is supportive in another degree as well, which is that you’re kind of timing this with the body’s natural rhythm, with sleep and with light in a lot of cases, because typically we’re sleeping when it’s dark. And so avoiding eating after dark and avoiding eating during that time. But what does the data say that you’re seeing about the benefits of time-restricted eating and especially in circadian fasting when you’re timing it with your sleep?

Dr. Shah: Yes, so great questions, and absolutely in the science, scientific literature, this type of intermittent fasting is really considered time-restricted eating or time-restricted feeding when it comes to animal studies. And so the animal studies have been quite robust. Dr. Panda is one of the lead researchers at the Salk Institute and they talk about it’s not, you know, just what you eat, it’s when you eat. You could feed animals, the same exact diet, but you restrict the time that they eat it in. And they have less disease than the animals who are eating all day and all night long. And it makes sense, Katie, because think about it, our bodies are set to have a metabolism time and a repair and renew time and because we can’t be doing everything all the time.

So there has to be a timing a time where we actually repair and renew. And the trigger for that for us is nighttime, and the trigger is no food. So for example, when your body senses that there’s no food coming, it switches on the repair renewal pathways, which we so badly need. But if you think about it, it’s like having guests all the time.

So if in a typical Western diet, we are having guests all the time, all day, all night until the very late into the night, sometimes 11, 12 midnight. So it’s like, how could you ever clean your kitchen, deep clean your house if you’re constantly entertaining guests. And so you think about it the same way, like if you’re constantly eating when are you ever gonna get to deep clean and repair your cell and that’s why they think that timing your food, as well as restricting your food and making good food choices are all equivalently important in long-term health.

Katie: Got it and I know it’s… I’ve done a lot of research kind of a deep dive into this as well in the past few years. And the research in general about fasting really is incredible and there’s so many different types, obviously. And everything from water fasting, which they’ve done studies with chemo patients on, all the way to just eating in a time-restricted window. And then, of course, everything in between. Are there any other benefits that we know from the literature on fasting in general? And can you get these same benefits from shorter-term circadian fasting versus a water fast? Or are there a time and a place for a water fast as well?

Dr. Shah: So you mean like an extended water fast versus kind of the shorter windows?

Katie: Yes.

Dr. Shah: So definitely there’s so many benefits of fasting for 24 hours or even I know you do even extended fasting like 3 and 5 days. And I think that the benefits of those are enormous, you know, because you really get into the autophagy zone, which is basically happening at all levels. It’s happening right now to you even if you’re not fasted, but it really ramps up at the 24, at the 48-hour, so there are life-lengthening benefits, anti-aging benefits, metabolism benefits that happen with longer fasts, but you can get so many of those benefits even with this shorter windows of fasting.

And so I think that what I was really shocked at was Ruth Patterson’s study which looked at breast cancer survivors, and they looked at women who had a history of breast cancer and had them do either like, you know, 13 hours of fasting or no fasting at all, just regular advice because they said, “You know, we wanna give these women who are breast cancer survivors, the least stressful activity, don’t want to bombard them with long fasts because they’re already possibly, you know, suffering in other ways.”

And so they did this short fasting intervals, kind of like what we’re talking about with the circadian fasting and they only fasted about 13 hours a night. And they saw over the long term a 34% decrease in breast cancer recurrence. And for me, that is enough to say, “Hey, you know, even in people who have not had breast cancer that has big implications for us as a society, because it’s one of the first big human trials, looking at shorter fasting intervals.”

Katie: Gotcha. And I feel like my listeners probably do have a pretty good idea, but for anyone who hasn’t heard the term autophagy before, can you explain that to us?

Dr. Shah: Yes, sure. So, you know, there is a process that happens in our cell. It’s basically self-cleaning of the cell. So when autophagy is happening and this happens in certain states. It happens with, you know, intermittent fasting can definitely stimulate it, exercise can stimulate it, heat stress can often simulate. So basically, what happens is, your body turns on this process or turns up, I guess I should say because it’s always happening at some low levels, turns up the process of cleaning up our cells. They take out the garbage, they clean out the cell. It’s actually like a self-cleaning method. And the reason why that’s so important, Katie, is that we know that when you’re looking at aging cells, they’re really not doing as much. Their autophagy levels are just lower and slower.

And as the cell gets older, it’s almost a way you can age the cell. If you look at a cell under the microscope, when it isn’t undergoing that self-cleaning process, it just looks older, not functioning as well as a younger cell that has a robust autophagy process. So if you can boost the levels of how much autophagy you’re doing on a regular basis by intermittent fasting or exercise, like why wouldn’t you do that? It’s like a free anti-aging tool that you can use because that cell, under the microscope looks as young as a younger cell. And you can imagine that there is actually no medication, no cream, no other thing that we have in this world that actually does that. So that’s kind of the very exciting part of autophagy. It’s not just for disease, but also for anti-aging.

Katie: Awesome, I think that’s a good segue too. So let’s talk about the aging component, because hopefully most people listening don’t have something like breast cancer or worrying about that recurring or a serious health problem. But fasting has a lot of implications in the aging process as well, from what I understand. So if someone is just looking to kind of age more gracefully, what can fasting do there?

Dr. Shah: Yeah, so just like I told you every skin cell, every cell in our body has a clock, even our skin cells. So the example of skin seems to hit home for women really well because if you think about it, our skin has cells that have clocks as well. And so what they found in a study was that, hey, if you eat late into the night, your skin actually ages faster, you have more UV damage because your cells never get a chance to do that cleanup process, that sweep kind of repair process.

And so you end up having less UV damage when you are doing time-restricted feeding or time-restricted eating, so circadian fasting, in other words. And so for women, less UV damage means less age spots, less wrinkles, and basically, you know, having younger-looking skin that comes from no cream, but comes from actually activity that you can do for free.

Katie: I love that. And so when you talked about fasting and especially longer fast, I wanted to have a note here specific to women because I know there’s conflicting advice about if women should do long fasts in general, and if so, if there’s any special considerations, and I’ll be the first to say that even though this is something I do relatively regularly, it’s not something I recommend across the board or to anyone.

It’s just I know, what works for me after a lot of years of experimentation. And importantly, making sure my hormones and my gut were both in a really good place before I started doing long fasting. But you mentioned there are some benefits to longer fasting, do you have any special considerations that you would give to women, especially if they’re considering that, and is this something you do as well?

Dr. Shah: Great question. So I am that person who tried, you know, longer fasting and failed and learned the hard way that it wasn’t for me, but that’s not to say that I won’t do longer fasting but what I tell women especially and not every woman, like you said, everybody’s very different, depending on your genetics, depending on your baseline health status, your gut and your hormones.

But for many, many women in childbearing age, they have a hard time with longer fasts because we think that our bodies, hormonally, are designed to protect against long-term starvation because we, you know, in the case of if we were going to carry a fetus, potentially, our body is protecting us, and turning off ovulation or turning off the ability to carry a baby, if it senses that you’re in starvation, or long term starvation. So what happens to many people and what happened to me and what could happen potentially we still don’t understand exactly is that you start fasting too aggressively for your own body, and maybe too fast and what you end up having is hormonal disarray.

Your body starts to turn off the signals for ovulation and then you get, say, a missed period or you get a longer cycle or you get an irregular cycle. And those to me are danger signs when someone is fasting that, hey, this is an alarm that your body is setting off that, hey, we don’t feel like your body is capable of carrying a child. And even if you’re not interested in getting pregnant, that’s a sign that you are going a little too hard on the fasting or a lot too hard. And for me, that actually did happen. I first, you know, started fasting really aggressively. First, I started, you know, 16 hours of fasting every day. And then like day three, I start to get really, really hungry and really tired.

So I tell people that that’s another sign, your hunger, your cravings, your mood, and your energy are great markers, non-invasive markers of how a health plan is going for you. If by day three, four, five, you are feeling exhausted, you’re having cravings, you’re feeling moody, your sleep is disturbed. That’s a sign you need to back off. But say you don’t listen to those signs, like I didn’t listen to those signs. And this happens to a lot of other women. And you just keep going and you’ve tried to even do more aggressive ones like 24, maybe 30, 48, and you notice that now, “Oh, I missed my period, I’m always usually at 28 days. And now, I didn’t have one for, say, 35 or I didn’t have one at all.” That, to me, is a sign that there is something off. The health of your cycles is the health of a woman’s hormones. It’s a sign. So that’s when I back off.

Now, there’s very few studies on this. There’s a couple of animal studies that looked at very aggressive, prolonged fasting in rat studies, and they did see a halt in ovulation. But I tell women, “Listen, this is not something that you cannot do just because, you know, at the extremes, it could be too aggressive for you. Just work yourself up.” So the long answer to your short question is work yourself up to that position, just like you mentioned, you really worked on it and you worked on working your body up to that point.

And so if you have been doing intermittent fasting or circadian fasting or anything, and for, you know, months and maybe years, and you want to try a extended fast, that is something that you could do in a crescendo fashion. So now I’ve worked myself up, so I do a 24-hour kind of a dinner to dinner fast, once a month. According to the research studies that were done on the Mormon population, they do a Sunday fast, and they have found enormous differences in cardiac outcomes in people who do that Sunday fast versus people who do not even when they try to control for all the other health practices that, you know, Mormon population may do differently than the general population. They still found that the Sunday fast was an independent item or independent activity that improved cardiac outcomes in that population.

Katie: Yeah, that’s a great point. And like you said, working up to it, I think is key. And like with any study, we can use studies for good kind of general information. But I’m a big proponent of at the end of the day, we’re all responsible for our own health and we find our best health when we figure out specifically what works best for us based on experimentation and genes and testing. And so if I’m doing a long fast, I’m definitely testing first. I’m letting my doctor know. I know my level is going in. I’m testing coming out to make sure I haven’t messed, interfered with hormones or hurt my thyroid. I’m very cautious of that.

And I know a lot of people like that seems like a lot and something I feel like I need to do if I’m going to do extended fasts and something not everybody necessarily is willing to do and that’s why I’m like, I don’t think long fasting necessarily is for everyone. But that’s why things like circadian fasting are amazing because you can get, like you said, not all but most of the benefits with much shorter fast like that. And I feel like it’s been a common theme in research and even just a lot of experts will say, you know, don’t eat late at night or don’t eat right before bed.

That’s recurring advice. But the research really supports that. Even if that’s the only change you make. Like you said, I feel like you get such a boost by not eating late at night. Are there specific guidelines that are helpful? For instance, like I feel great when I stop eating at like 5 or 6, like pretty early in the evening, even though I’m not going to bed at 8:00. Are there guidelines for helping figure out that kind of sweet spot ratio of how far in advance of either sunset or bedtime?

Dr. Shah: Yes, so I love how you’re phrasing it. There’s so many benefits of, you know, people will criticize me and say, “Oh, my God, you’re promoting this very unhealthy practice that’s restrictive.” And what I come back with them is, you know, actually what we’re doing as a status quo is the unhealthy practice, which is eating late into the night, telling people to eat every couple of hours. Like, that is actually the unhealthy recommendation. So not eating three hours before bed should be a standard recommendation for better gut health, for better sleep, you know, for better mental health.

And what I usually tell people is, when I work with people, I say, “You know, start with that, and do, say, 12 hours in the beginning, if you’ve never, ever, ever tried this before.” That would be a good spot to start. And, you know, of course, check with your doctor because not everybody fits into that category. But many, many people can start at the 12-hour point. So maybe it’s like from 7 to 7. And then, just like you’re mentioning, Katie, I am the same way, like, say you get used to the 12-hour thing and that’s still a big improvement off of what you were doing before. And then three days a week, you push that, so you may push that, meaning eat your dinner even earlier.

So maybe you decide with your family that, hey, we’re gonna eat a very early dinner tonight and, you know, this seems so crazy to some people and so doable to others. So it really just depends on your lifestyle, to maybe eat dinner at 5, or maybe end your dinner at 6, a couple of days a week, maybe non-consecutive days. And see how you feel in the morning. That’s when I think the magic really starts to happen is when you stop eating at 5 and then maybe you don’t eat again till 8 or 9 in the morning after a fasted workout. And that’s when you actually gonna get into that autophagy and into that metabolic switching zone. That’s when you’re gonna see even additional benefits from doing this kind of fasting.

Katie: And another area that I think I’m curious your take on so I’ve noticed I feel better when I eat lunch as my biggest meal because it tends to be higher in protein and just higher in food volume, which then gives me more time to digest all of that before bedtime, even though I’m still eating a smaller dinner. Do you know if there’s any research that backs that up, I know, in some countries lunch is the bigger meal and dinner is lower?

Dr. Shah: Yeah, I think that, you know, the research really does look at 12 to 5 being a good digestion zone. And, actually, very interesting because this is where Ayurveda, like, Eastern medicine and Western medicine kind of agree is to eat the bulk of your meals between that. Exactly what you just said, between the hours of 12 and 5, where you’re, kind of, you know, maybe eating a smaller dinner, and you’re eating a no or smaller breakfast. And that seems to be the kind of strongest digestion and that is something, like, I love when Eastern and Western medicine agree on something.

And that’s one of the places that seems to be really powerful and agree, so exactly when I described the circadian rhythm because people will say, “Give me some guidelines like some bumpers.” And I say, “Okay, well if you ate the bulk of your meals between 12 and 5 and then maybe stopped eating around 5 or 6, a couple of days a week, and then you’re stopping your blue light and I know you’re a proponent of this, too, say, you stop all the blue light 90 minutes before bed because this is all kind of circadian sinking. And as you know, one bout of blue light delays your melatonin by 90 minutes.

So say you stop everything, the blue lights, 90 minutes before bed and you just use, you know, either blue light blocking glasses or you just use no blue light, just a very soft yellow light or no light. And then you read a book, or do your skincare routine, or play with your kids, or whatever it may be to wind down, maybe there’s some meditation in that, and then you go to sleep ideally, say, 10:00, okay? And then 11:00 you get usually one hour after you go to bed, you get this huge burst of human growth hormone HGH, which is the hormone that repairs your injuries. That’s the one that everybody loves for skin and muscle repair and making you feel younger and more energetic, so you get that big burst.

So they call it beauty sleep for a reason because there’s actually is a burst. You get a second smaller burst right before you wake up as well or early in the morning as well. And so say, then you know about all these sleep studies that show that you have, there’s so much benefit in sleeping about eight hours. So you wake up, say, at 6 a.m. and what I recommend people do is get some sunlight. Get some sunlight, if you live in a place that even has some daylight between 6 a.m. and 10 a.m. go outside barefoot, if you can, get some daylight and really start your day in a very positive fashion. You will see your energy levels skyrocket.

If you can fast, do a fasted workout before you break your fast even better. So that’s kind of like rough goalposts throughout the day. And I tell people listen, I understand people have different schedules, you know, you may work a night shift, I get it like this is not supposed to be, you know, right for 100% of the population. But if you’re someone who’s like, “Hey, I want some goalpost to figure out how to do this, and try it for my own body,” that would be something I would suggest.

Katie: Yeah, I love everything you brought up. And I think just two important things to echo and to go a little deeper on, the first being, like eating in that shorter window and not snacking. I feel like a lot of adults will sometimes consider that advice. But then they’re hesitant to not give their kids lots of snacks or to not just feed kids whenever they’re hungry, even if it’s late at night.

And so I’m really curious your take on that as a parent because I know, from the research I’ve read at least, even any break that we give ourselves from digestion is really beneficial like you said to the liver, and in so many other ways, including during the day. So while we think we only eat 3 meals a day, when researchers actually look at it, most people in the U.S. eat up to 17 meals a day, because every time we ingest even just like a mouthful of food, our digestive process starts. And we don’t really give our bodies a break from that. So I’m curious, how do you navigate this with your kids and are there any other considerations?

Dr. Shah: Okay, so let’s be honest, Katie. During quarantine, it’s been like a total snack/eating fest in our house. And we had to really curb that exact problem is that, you know, when you’re home and you have access to food, you have access to the kitchen all the time, there’s a tendency to really snack a lot more. And you’re right, in the American culture for children, especially there is almost not more than two hours that go by without someone eating something. And so what I have roughly done with my own kids, and I think it really depends on the age of your children. But what I’ve done is…my kids are 10 and 12. And they do really well with kind of a 12-hour fast, which basically is not like a stepping stone.

But basically, what we say is after dinner, they have a dessert. And we allow dessert after dinner as their dessert-of-the-day kind of thing. And then they don’t eat anything after that, until the next day. And that way that kinda gives bookends to the day like I always say, we’ll save it for dessert or…you know, because they’ll be asking me for a snack or sweet snack and they’re like, so innocent, these children, of course, for them, their taste buds are going to be lit up. Their brain is going to light up when they eat a processed sugary snack. And so they’re going to want that much more than a piece of fruit, for example.

So the way I kind of navigate around that instead of saying, no all the time, I say, you know what, if there’s something, like, a homemade chocolate dessert that you wanna have, you save it for once you finish your meals for the day, and then we’re gonna basically stop for the rest of the night. So they eat their one snack or whatever dessert after dinner, and then they’re done for the night. And the reason why I say 12 hours is a good benchmark is that it’s basically three hours before bed, and then they wake up and they can eat breakfast again. And that’s, you know, with growing children, you always want to weigh the risks and the benefits of a lot of this stuff.

Katie: I definitely agree. And I also love that you brought up light. Because I think this is an area that we’re just starting to understand the research on and people are kind of finally coming around to, but it can be really, really dramatic. And I think it’s easy to discount because unlike food, we don’t feel an immediate energy boost, or we don’t necessarily feel the immediate change from changing our light habits. But over time, I’ve seen the results of this in my lab work and certainly in my sleep quality and in my kids’ sleep quality.

So I think this is a big one for parents that you touched on. And I’d love to go a little deeper on it because, like you, we’re big fans of the morning sunlight as a family, and I’ll drink tea or coffee outside, often, non-caloric, so I’m still in that fasting window. But that makes a huge, huge difference in sleep both for adults, and especially in kids. And I know for parents, like anything you can do that makes your kids sleep better, you wanna know. So talk a little bit more about how we can use light to our advantage, especially hand in hand with this type of circadian fasting.

Dr. Shah: So exactly what you said, you know, sleep is at, you know, every time I read the research on sleep, and I know that your audience and my audience is so in-tune with this. And we’ve heard all the benefits of sleep ranging from the brain benefits, the gut benefits to the hormone benefits to the, you know, there’s just benefits on benefits. But there’s, children especially, are sensitive to this light, dark cycle. And I think that what we do wrong as a culture is, you know, we don’t do morning sunlight outdoors and get nature time. And then we don’t have an evening wind-down routine. And then the children, just like us, are wound up at bed. And just like I said, you know, one bout of blue light.

So one show in the evening is delaying their melatonin release by 90 minutes, and you need that melatonin release to actually feel sleepy. And so what I usually recommend to people and what I do myself is that about, you know, calculate 90 minutes before their bedtime, and then that’s when the devices and everything turns off. If you do, you know, allow them to have that depending on their age. And then maybe you do an evening routine, just like the adults do an evening routine. My children have an evening routine that they do, and maybe that includes a little bit of reading. Maybe that’s a little meditation practice, maybe that’s just, you know, talking softly, going over your day in the darkness.

And it’s so crazy, Katie, that this is like weird to people. Because, you know, if you think about it for hundreds and thousands of years, that’s how life was. I mean, until, what, smartphones didn’t even come out till, you know, I was in college. I think I started using… No, actually way later than that. It was computers and email that we started using in college. And then so you can imagine that it wasn’t too long ago, that turning up blue lights was standard because there wasn’t, you know, it was really just the TV that you could be using. So we really need to reset the way we, you know, set up our kids for the night so that they can get a restful sleep as well.

Katie: Absolutely, yeah, I think that’s so so important. These little things can make a huge, huge difference. And also when it comes to light is the issue of vitamin D and sunlight. And I would love to hear your take on this because I know that the research shows that vitamin D levels are really important for a whole lot of aspects of health and that it’s not just a vitamin, it’s actually a pre-hormone.

And right now, of course, we’re seeing data about vitamin D being important for good outcomes with upper respiratory infections. We know it’s tied to the immune system. We know for kids and hormones, it’s vitally important and that you definitely don’t want to have very low vitamin D levels. And I’m a big fan of getting moderate sunlight for this reason and also testing vitamin D and supplementing, if necessary. But it seems like you are also a fan of getting sunlight in appropriate amounts and vitamin D through the sun, but I’d love to hear your take on that in detail.

Dr. Shah: Katie, you summarize it amazingly well. Honestly, because I think that what you have to understand is vitamin D is an immune modulator. And that’s a fancy way of saying that it works with the immune system. It works like a hormone. It works in a way that we have not seen any other vitamin work. In fact, when I was in immunology fellowship, it was hormone of the year, because of its effects on the immune system that we’re finding out now are huge. And I do believe that much of the population has a vitamin D deficiency.

In fact, the correlative studies on COVID and vitamin D are very, very interesting. So what they found is that when you looked at vitamin D levels, the people who were deficient, just had very, very much different course of COVID than people who had adequate D levels. And so not only did we know that it stops you from getting respiratory viruses, but it’s sure that it can improve your outcomes once you are infected. And so that has been really interesting in the situation, but we know that it works like a hormone.

So if you’re trying to balance your hormones, vitamin D is imperative, testing your levels is imperative. I do believe, again, like you in getting moderate sunlight and so what people may say is like, “Okay, well, like how do you weigh this against the dermatologist recommendations of sunscreen all the time?” And so what I do for myself and, you know, it’s not perfect, but this is what I like, is if I can get a chance to do sunlight in the morning, which I do most days like you do, I go out without any kind of sunscreen or anything, basically first thing in the morning and get that morning sunlight.

So it’s really good for my circadian rhythms, get a little bit of vitamin D, and then start my day. And then, you know, later in the…if you live in a very hot place like I do, like, you know, the afternoon sun is quite strong in summer. So that’s when I’m wearing sunscreen and not spending more than, you know, 10 minutes bathing in the sun. So that’s basically how I couch both sides of the story here.

Katie: Got it.

Okay, so if you don’t mind, can you take us through… I know you’ve kind of mentioned parts of your daily routine. But for you as a busy mom and a doctor and someone who is up on the research and understands circadian fasting and implements all of this, can you kind of walk us through what a day might look like? I know there’s no like average day, especially right now. But just kind of some of the things that you do daily in what order?

Dr. Shah: Yeah, great. So let’s start with waking up. So I wake up about 6:00 and I did that because I trained my body to start to sync with circadian rhythm. So naturally, I wake up around then. I will go barefoot outside. And I know not everybody has the opportunity to do this. If you live in a high rise, you’re not gonna walk out in your pajamas like in barefoot so just keep in mind that obviously you can change all of this or some of this. So I walk outside if I can, get a couple of stretches in the sunlight, sometimes I will do my gratitude right there. So it’s done for the day. Gratitude statements changes everything even if you just name two or three things you’re grateful for, especially around this time where mental health can really suffer.

And so but you can say, “You know, I know this is happening to me, but I’m so happy to have my health and the health of my family. And I’m so lucky that I have a home to sleep in, and a home to be, you know, quarantined in.” So then I go inside and I get ready for the day. And usually what that means is a workout first. So then I’ll get ready in my workout clothes and my sneakers and I’ll go, if I can do a nature-based workout, I will do that. So there’s studies, Katie, that show that rhythmic exercise is really, really calming for the brain. So rhythmic exercise is like walking or skating or swimming. Something that, you know, you develop a breathing rhythm and a movement rhythm.

It’s almost like moving meditation and so I love to incorporate some of that into my day if I can and I try to do it fasted. And first thing in the morning in nature because, you know, as moms we love to multitask, and this is like getting all of those things in one. And so then after that, I will usually shower and then break my fast and usually when I break my fast I break it first with water throughout but with a tea and nuts. And the reason why I do that is that whenever you’re breaking your fast you don’t wanna like immediately eat a huge meal. And this is more important when you’re doing longer fasts, but I also think that in general I just made it a habit of kinda starting with a smaller meal or smaller snack, I guess I would call it and start with the tea and nuts and I just kind of kinda go slow with that.

And then I will have my full meal. And my full meal in the morning is really not that big. It’s usually a deconstructed smoothie because right now I got sick of having smoothies. So it’s really just berries and veggies and nuts. And what I do is I take it with me to work and basically, you know, I’ll have it. I’ll have the berries probably on the way to work and I’ll have some of the other stuff throughout a little bit in the morning. And then I won’t have anything until about 12 depending on when I break the fast. You know, sometimes I’ll break the fast. Say, so if I’m giving you a typical example and I woke up at 6:00, and I started working out from 7:00 to 8:00, then I’ll break my fast at 8:30 or 9:00.

And I do that because there is some evidence that if you’re trying to maintain muscle mass or trying to build muscle mass, you can time your protein kind of one hour after you break that fasted workout to retain some of the benefits of weight training. And so I do that. And my protein will be something like usually a plant-based protein either black bean sprout, or tofu hummus, or it could be a…sometimes if I’m in a rush it will be like a vegan protein shake or a chia pudding, something like that.

And then I’ll have, I always, always plan to have two big vegetable-based meals a day. So usually it’s at 12:00 and 5:00. And the reason why I do that is because there’s so much benefit in feeding your gut bacteria, prebiotic fiber, so fibrous foods, especially from vegetables can be transformative to your gut health. And, you know, gut health is immune health. And gut health is hormone health. So that’s what I do for those meals. So it could be a stir-fry, it could be a soup, it could be a salad, but something plant-based, vegetable-based, I mean, and very, very heavy on the vegetables. And then I will come home from work and spend time with the kids. And I usually, what I do is about 8:00, I will really, 7:30, 8;00, we really turn off all the blue lights.

So all their computers, iPhones, everything around 7:30, 8:00 go off. And so everybody knows they can’t text me after 8:00 because I probably won’t answer till the next morning. And so I know that if it’s an emergency, they have the home line or whatever. So then basically, that’s when I do my wind-down routine. So the kids have a wind-down routine, I have a wind-down, my husband has a wind-down routine. And then we basically wind-down, I do my skincare, I do my prep for the next day, do a little more gratitude or a little meditation if I can, and then it’s lights out at 10. And that way I know I’m getting about eight hours of sleep every day. So that’s kind of a rough outline of the day.

Katie: I love that. And I love that you mentioned gratitude and just kind of bullet journaling a couple few things a day, I think that also makes a much bigger difference than we ever can anticipate just to shift our mindset like that. And I know you’ve also posted something on Instagram that I loved recently, “That which you don’t change, you choose.”

And I feel like, you have so many great quotes about focusing on the positive and focusing on the things we have the ability to choose and to impact which, especially right now seems ever-important of, you know, because we can feel so uncertain and so helpless at times, but yet, we still all have the power over things like this. Like when we eat and what we eat and who we spend time with. With our family, you know, whether we go outside in the morning. There’s so many small positive changes that we can make that make such a big difference. And I love that that’s your focus in so many of your posts.

Dr. Shah: Yeah, and I think, Katie, and right back at you because I honestly really, really can relate to so many of your posts. They are so thoughtful. And I think that what I’m trying to tell people is what works for me. Like, I was in that dark place once and here’s how I got out. And, like, right now with this whole, you know, COVID thing and quarantine, I also struggled a lot in the very beginning because what we don’t know makes us anxious, like the future and the past are what our anxieties come from, right?

And so what I had to do for myself is I had to say, “I need to focus on what I can control.” And so that’s what I was sharing with people. I said, “Hey, you can control only you and your own practices and your own habits. And if you would do that, that will take your anxiety level way down and bring your happiness level way up.” Because as soon as you finish the task of, say, going outside in the morning and getting some sunlight, as soon as you finish the task of like, hey, I finished my meals at 6 p.m. you feel accomplished, you feel like you are controlling your environment and you feel good about that. And so anxiety goes way down and that’s what I found was so helpful for me and that’s why I share with a lot of people online, too.

Katie: I love that. I’m curious, just on a personal level, any supplements or like beauty routines or things that you’d give advice to women especially?

Dr. Shah: That’s a good question, Katie. I am so anti-supplements only because I just hate having to think about a million things in the morning to take, and so I’m very big on minimizing how much you take every day because these are all things that are modulating your body that can be best done by food. But if for targeted practices like for example, you know, melatonin has been really helpful for me to shift my sleep schedule. So if you’re someone who is thinking about trying the circadian rhythm and trying to get back on track and you’re just so off, you don’t even know where to start, I would say, “Hey, maybe you try taking melatonin about 90 minutes before you want to go to sleep and maybe you just take one milligram,” because most, you know, store-bought melatonin is at very, very high dose and so or you use another kind of natural sleep remedy, chamomile or something like that.

You try that before bed to kind of reset your rhythm and I do that every time I travel or if I’m off schedule because of, you know, other things going on. And I do love vitamin D as we discussed. That’s one of the only supplements that I take on a regular basis. And then I like adaptogens like ashwagandha, I like amla, I like Rhodiola. Because I feel that when you are in the situation, there are certain points in your life and you may be in that point right now where your life feels like you’re doing everything right, but you really need support on the stress-control hormone balancing aspect, that’s when these adaptogens can really be helpful. And I do use them from time to time when I’m in those states.

And that’s really what I’d actually use when I was in my own kind of dark place and I had to take my health back to a different level. I am a fan of omega-3s, but I’ll be honest, I’m not so great about taking them all the time. I really try to eat a very, very good diet and hope that I’m getting, you know, at least some of that from there. And then other than that, sometimes I take magnesium, which is a nice way also to calm the body down in the evenings. Something like a natural calm or whatever. And then, during this time, there are lots of people who’ve been asking me like, “What about vitamin C?” And I am a huge fan of vitamin C.

And I think that if you’re someone who wants to boost up or support your immune processes, and you’re doing everything else, right, and you wanna add some vitamin C, I think it’s a very safe supplement because vitamin C is one of the vitamins that you can pee or poop out if you have too much. Like, there are some vitamins A, D, E, and K where you can overdose because your body is not capable of… It basically stores in the fat instead of being excreted. But vitamin C is quite safe and can be taken at very high levels. And once your body doesn’t need it, you’ll just pee or poop it out and that’s it. So during this time, a lot of people have chosen to do that and I think that is definitely something that’s valid.

Katie: I love that. Any advice just kind of, you know, and when this airs hopefully we’ll be in a little bit different of a scenario right now. But just from like mom to mom, any advice in navigating this kind of constant changing dynamic with families and with all of that brink of health and for just how we interact?

Dr. Shah: Yeah, you mean social aspects or just in general?

Katie: Both. I feel like people are kind of in a definitely increased stress right now, just because of, and when you said uncertainty is one of the biggest factors in stress. So is loneliness. And so a lot of us are having to navigate like isolation plus extra time with kids plus extra chaos. Anything that you’re finding that’s helpful?

Dr. Shah: That’s a great question. And I think from mom to mom, I think my children are in the same situation. I think that being outdoors and, you know, the calming effects of nature has really transformed us and every time someone asks me what to do is get outside, go for a walk, move your body, be in nature, you will feel so much better. And the other technique is that gratitude is like practices with your children like, hey, isn’t it so great, you know, aren’t you so grateful that you’re able to go for a walk right now? Or aren’t you so grateful that you can still learn from home and you don’t have to attend school? And really flip the script so that you’re not always talking about anxiety-producing things.

And now, in the beginning, this is so bad. But, Katie, we would watch like the news every evening, because we were, you know, all of us were in the state of like, constant change. And there was so much going on that we would just like, watch the news. And then, of course, after like, a week of that it got really old and really anxiety-producing and I couldn’t sleep well even if I’ve turned off the TV way before bedtime. And so what I realized is, hey, I need to compartmentalize and only consume the news when my mind is mentally ready for that. And so I only do it like twice a day now. And because for me as a physician, I need to keep up on the science and the literature. So twice a day I check in on what’s going on in the world. And then I don’t look at it after that.

Katie: That’s a great point. I think I’ve had to limit. I actually have done that for probably a decade now. I just like limit exposure to the news and to most aspects of the media. And I realized I am not any less informed about the world or like, the world hasn’t ended, because I’m not aware of all the things going on at all times. And my stress level is dramatically less. And I think right now you’re right, that such an important point is in whatever way it works best for us individually, like limit the sources of that because all of them are stressful right now. There’s always so much uncertainty and we do have control over what we let in and I think that’s a really, really important point.

Dr. Shah: Yeah, I think it makes your mental health better. And, you know, honestly, I think that, for me, I get so much more from discussions with really educated people. And so what I’ve been trying to do is having some real-life phone, or FaceTime, or online discussions with people who are very, very well-versed, so you get the benefits of relationship and get the benefits of conversation without having that scary kind of anxiety-provoking headline of the news. And that’s what I’m trying also when I do my Instagram updates. I try to be really like as if a friend is talking to a friend instead of being like attention-grabbing and anxiety-producing with my headlines.

Katie: I love that. And then lastly, as we wrap up, I know I need to respect your time, you’re a busy doctor, but are there any books, podcast sources of inspiration for you right now that are helping you keep things positive or that you’ve just read and loved lately?

Dr. Shah: Oh, that’s a great question. So I have really, really loved a new book. Have you ever heard of David Goggins?

Katie: I don’t think so.

Dr. Shah: His book is “Can’t Hurt Me” by David Goggins. And it is so, so inspirational because it’s talking about someone who really went through a lot of struggles in his life. It’s kind of a biography. And it’s been so inspirational to me because I just look at his life story, and it really gives us perspective on how to be strong. It’s almost like a combination of biography and self-help. But I really, really have loved it. And I know you love reading, so that’s a great one. It’s right up your alley as well. I love your podcast and I think it’s a really great source of information. And that David Goggins’ book is really life-changing, you should check it out.

Katie: Awesome. I’ll make sure that is linked in the show notes as well as your website and your Instagram, which I’m a big fan of like I said, I follow it. But I really appreciate you being on. I hope this encouraged a lot of people to consider circadian fasting, which I think is the perfect, gentle intro into fasting. And if even if that’s all you ever try, like, Dr. Amy, explained, there are so many benefits. I would love for you guys to give it a try to let us know how it goes on Instagram or in the comments. But, Dr. Amy, thank you so much. I know how busy you are. And it’s truly an honor that you’ve spent time with us today.

Dr. Shah: Oh, Katie, thank you so much for having me on. It was an honor and pleasure.

Katie: And thanks as always to all of you for listening and sharing your most valuable asset, your time with both of us today. We’re so grateful that you did. And I hope that you will join me again on the next episode of “The Wellness Mama Podcast.”

If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/podcast/circadian-fasting/

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arsenicolada · 7 years

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I have seen that 'story' go around a lot and I still don't know what it is. WHAT is My Immortal??

Ok buddy get yourself comfortable cause this is gonna be a long one:

Let’s go all the way back to 2006, when the internet was just becoming a thing to young people. Back when a majority of the websites we know today were either just starting out or just starting to pick up in popularity, including fanfiction.net. A lot of fanfictions had already filled the archives, both bad and good, but one fanfiction in particular caught people’s attention almost immediately. And it was ‘My Immortal’ by “Tara Gilesbie”, or ‘XXXbloodyrists666XXX’ as was her username on the website. Supposedly taking place in the world of Harry Potter, this particular fanfic gets to a point where, had it not been for the actual characters’ names being present, you can’t really tell what it’s supposed to be referencing as it has very little acknowledgement of the source material’s canon. The story’s main focus is “Tara’s” self-insert OC, Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way. Also known as Enoby, Egogy, Evony, Ibony, or just Tara. To anyone who has only heard of ‘My Immortal’, it just sounds like your typical run of the mill “mary sue” fanfiction. But what made ‘My Immortal’ stand above the rest were three things: the butchered grammar, the author’s seemingly obsession with the gothic subculture, and the mary sue herself.

The grammar is terrible, there is just no other way to put it. “Tara” had a very distinct way of writing, which was better exemplified in her ‘author’s notes’, her little thoughts that she always puts at the very beginning of each chapter or sometimes at the end. And other times in the middle of her story, to either talk back to the ‘flamerz’, go on about how much she loves a band she mentioned, or point out a pun she made. And it all greatly resembles someone sending a text message:

“AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!”

That kind of style is present throughout the whole story. Granted the actual chapters have better spelling, but the way it’s put together is all the same. And it actually worsens the further it goes to the near point of illegibility. In fact, legend has it that the story’s grammar was apparently so bad that fanfiction.net deleted it due to the sudden drop of intelligence on the site. No one knows if that’s true, most likely not as that seems like quite a stretch. However, it was actually deleted, perhaps by Tara herself, though she later reposted it.

But the real kicker is exactly how the fanfic interprets the source material. Hogwarts is no longer a school of wizardry divided by bestowed houses, but is now a more high school-based setting where everyone is divided by cliques, though only three are present. Goths, preps, and posers:

•Goths are the good kids. They’re the only ones who understand this dark and depressing world better than anyone else, and shows their individuality by shopping at Hot Topic together and listening to the same exact bands. They’re also half vampires for some reason. And they’re all part of Slytherin even if they’re originally from another house in the actual story.

•Preps are the mean kids. They just like, totally don’t understand goths so they’re like so mean to them and call them scary and stuff. They’re all just bitchy and are like totally jealous of the goths and only shop at stores like American Eagle and only listen to crappy music like Hilary Duff. And all those stupid preps are in Gryffindor.

•Posers are just goth wannabes who listen to Avril Lavigne and probably don’t even know who Good Charlotte is. What houses are they even in, no one knows and no one gives a shit. They’re mostly there just to show the reader what being goth is really all about.

And above them all is the only true goth, the queen of Mary Sues herself, Ebony. Now the definition of what makes a “mary sue” has been drastically skewed over the years, and probably shouldn’t even be relevant anymore, but if you at the very least want a true-to-heart example, Ebony is the way to go. Tara’s obsession with being goth is greatly reflected in this character. She loves bands like My Chemical Romance, Good Charlotte, Simple Plan, and Evanescence (who wrote the song ‘My Immortal’ which this fanfic is named after). She shops at Hot Topic and wears the type of clothing that any 13 year old goth wishes they could. In fact, Ebony’s outfits are always described in great detail and takes up to almost paragraphs in every chapter:

“For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.”

And trust me when I say they only get longer. It isn’t just the outfit descriptions though, the whole entire story is written in Ebony’s favor. Like a Hot Topic being in Hogsmede despite it being a nonmagical store (not to mention being an american chain) and a club where Ebony’s favorite bands just happen to be playing concerts in despite being muggle bands. And how cutting, underage drinking, and smoking is glamorized as being “dark” and “beautiful” and has no repercussions whatsoever. And how there’s no uniforms so Ebony can show off her over the top wardrobe.

Since Ebony is the main character and this is a fanfiction, all of Tara’s favorite characters from the Harry Potter world are Ebony’s gothic friends and accompany her in Slytherin, even if they’re canonly in other houses as I’ve mentioned previously. And all of Tara’s hated characters are Ebony’s enemies, and are depicted as either nasty preps or a bunch of posers that belong in Gryffindor. It doesn’t stop there though, as all the male characters have a thing for Ebony because she is just so sexy and looks exactly like Amy Lee. But Ebony only focuses on her two main love interests, Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter, who now goes by Vampire Potter because he likes the taste of human blood.

This is all just the very basics of the fanfiction, there are plenty of more absurdities you’ll stumble upon the further you read. Like Voldemort and the Death Eaters disguising themselves as My Chemical Romance, Snape video taping Ebony taking a bath, characters from different sources making cameos like Marty Mcfly, the list goes on.

But what truly, TRULY made ‘My Immortal’ such a phenomenon is that no one knew if it was legit. There were two sides to how people felt about it, those who thought it was a real story and Tara at the time was another young angsty teen who had just been introduced to the internet (which would explain the terrible grammar and botched sex scenes), and those who thought the story was one big joke written by a genius troll who made Tara up as a persona, which was extremely plausible since everything about the story was so wrong and completely blown out of proportion that there was no possible way someone could’ve come up with it and been completely serious. But people on the other side have argued that they’d have a very, VERY dedicated troll.

One of the biggest factors to their argument was Tara’s friend Raven, who not only had her own OC named Willow that was featured in the story, but also had a helping hand in writing it. She even had her own fanfiction.net account called ‘bloodytearz666’. Raven was Tara’s creative filter, as she was in charge of spelling and grammar and came up with some plot points in the story. At least until chapter 16 when the two apparently had a falling out and Tara killed off Willow, but later brought Willow back as an apology. So this troll would’ve had to not only make Tara, but also make Raven as a means to support their persona, unless Raven was created by a second troll. But both of those trolls would’ve had to write other stories pre and post ‘My Immortal’, as well as manage several social media accounts, which is a whole lot of effort just for the sake of making a joke.

Since the story was made, many people have come forward claiming they are the mysterious Tara, with promises of more material and continuations of the infamous story. So no one knew for sure who Tara is or her whereabouts. Until now.

After years and years of shrouded mystery, “Tara” has finally logged back into her more than decade old account and revealed herself to be Rose Christo. As it turns out, she co-wrote ‘My Immortal’ with Raven, who was actually a real person and her friend, during a very hard time in her life. And it wasn’t for a reason most might have thought. She revealed that she purposely made it as bad as possible so she could gain enough publicity to find her younger brother that she had been separated from.

She even wrote a memoir about it that is set to be published in 2018, which you can read about here.

You can also read the fanfiction itself if you’re interested here. Even if it did turn out to be a fake, it’s still a very humorous read, and very interesting since we now know its backstory.

EDIT: So as it turns out the whole thing with Rose was a hoax and the real Tara is still out there. Waiting, longing, in a dark alley with her hand stretched out so that I may one day shake it.

#bunny-carrothunter #pirate fabbles #my immortal

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chasingthecosmos · 4 years

Text

By Any Other Name

Fandom: Doctor Who Rating: T Pairing: The Doctor/Rose Tyler, Eleventh Doctor/Rose Tyler (The Doctor/Clara Oswald, Eleventh Doctor/Clara Oswald) Chapters: 25/32 Read on AO3 here.

“Rose Tyler was dying - or, at least, she was relatively certain that that’s what was happening …” A Season 7 AU where Rose returns to her home universe only to find that 100 years have passed and nothing is quite the way that she remembers it. She wakes up with a new body, a new life, and a new Doctor. What has the Bad Wolf gotten her into this time? The 50th Anniversary will be included in this story.

Unfortunately, the Under Gallery proved to be filled with only more questions and not very many answers as Kate led them into a room littered with shards of broken glass that seemed to have shattered off of the empty oil landscapes lining the wall before them.

"But ... how is that possible?" Rose asked as she gazed at the tablet that Kate had put in the Doctor's hands that showed the pictures as they once were - complete with still, miniature figures that were now nowhere to be seen. "Something's got out of the paintings."

"Lots of somethings," the Doctor agreed ominously. "Dangerous."

Suddenly, a loud hissing noise filled the room and a bright light began to strobe from somewhere behind them. The Doctor and Rose turned in unison to gaze at the swirling lines of golden light that seemed to form a sort of tunnel in the air above their heads.

"Oh, no, not now!" the Doctor groaned in frustration.

"Doctor, what is it?" Rose demanded, eyeing the disturbance nervously.

"No, not now, I'm busy!" he continued as though she hadn't spoken, glaring at the wispy golden tunnel as though it had personally offended him. "I remember this," he added as an aside to Rose, his eyes still trained on the anomaly before them. "Almost remember," he amended with a small shrug.

"Doctor, what are you talking about?" Rose asked in frustration, not at all liking the way that he was slowly approaching the thing as though he intended to jump headlong down the rabbit hole.

"Oh," the Doctor murmured, reaching for the fez that he had nicked from one of the Under Gallery's displays and then promptly donned earlier during their trip, "of course. This is where I come in." He stepped back without any further explanation and tossed the obnoxious accessory into the swirling light, where it immediately disappeared. Though Rose couldn't say that she mourned the loss of the dreaded fez, she did feel a sharp stab of fear as the Doctor immediately jumped in after it, shouting excitedly the entire time.

"Geronimo!"

"Doctor!" Rose cried as she desperately attempted to jump in after him, but Kate's grip was firm on her elbow, keeping her locked in place as she felt her mental connection with the Doctor thin and grow taught, like a rubber band being pulled almost to the point of snapping.

"Wait!" Kate hissed under her breath, her eyes narrowing as she attempted to make sense of the muttered voices emanating from the wormhole before them. "Listen."

The murmured words echoing through the room around them were indistinct and difficult to make out, but the familiarity of the voices made Rose's heart skip a beat as she leaned in closer towards the swirling light of the time fissure. "Doctor, is that you?" she called out curiously.

"Ah, hello, Clara," the Doctor called back breezily, his use of her fake name immediately alerting her to the fact that he was not alone. "Can you hear me?"

"Yeah, it's me. We can hear you," she replied quickly. "Where are you?"

"England, 1562."

Rose stopped breathing altogether as this second voice met her ears. She reached out to her mental bond on instinct, but was met only with the quiet regret and sympathy of her current Doctor on the other end of it. I'm sorry, Rose, he murmured sadly, filling her thoughts with as much loving reassurance as he could manage through the distance that separated them.

"Doctor ...?" she finally breathed in quiet disbelief, both longing and dreading to hear the familiar voice of her dead husband once more.

"Yep," two separate voices answered in tandem.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me ..." Rose sighed exasperatedly, rolling her eyes as a third Doctor suddenly seemed to join the first two. She found that she was bitterly disappointed to find that the third gravelly voice was one that she didn't recognize. She didn't realize until that exact moment that she had been hoping to hear a familiar Northern accent, but it seemed that the universe had supplied her with a different, even earlier version of the Doctor instead.

Whoever this new man was - he filled her current Doctor with absolute dread, which Rose could sense even over the great distance that separated them. She listened with rapt attention as the three Time Lords bickered amongst themselves and then were promptly taken prisoner by the woman who may or may not have been an alien from outer space posing as the Queen of England.

"Oh, but that man is clever," Kate murmured in awe from where she still stood next to Rose in the secluded room of the Under Gallery. "Come on," she commanded easily, motioning for Rose to follow her as she quickly turned on her heel to leave.

"Where are we going?" Rose asked nervously, hating the idea of leaving the wormhole behind and still desperately fighting back the urge to jump through it herself.

"My office," Kate replied matter-of-factly, "otherwise known as the Tower of London."

Luckily for them all, UNIT seemed to be an organization that moved very quickly, and it didn't take them long at all before Kate was ushering Rose into the top-secret area that she called the "Black Archives". The whole place had an eerie, uncomfortable atmosphere to it, and Rose couldn't shake the odd, itching sense of déjà vu that seemed to follow her every footstep as she and Kate hurried down the long, dark corridors.

"The Black Archive," Kate announced grandly as they went, "highest security rating on the planet. The entire staff have their memories wiped at the end of every shift. Automated memory filters in the ceiling."

"'Memory filters'?" Rose repeated dubiously. "Then ... how do you even know what's really down here? Wouldn't you just forget every time that you left?"

"Certain memories can be preserved, depending on your security rating," Kate replied evenly as she flashed her credentials and a man standing nearby instantly granted them access. "You have a top level security rating from your last visit. You'll be able to retain your knowledge of all that you see down here."

"Well, I obviously didn't remember the last time," Rose grumbled as they entered the secure facility and she immediately laid eyes on a wall full of photos - some of them showing black-and-white security images of her and Kate walking through the Black Archive on a day that she had absolutely no memory of.

Rose also caught glimpses of other faces on the wall as well - some known, and some unfamiliar to her, with brightly colored strings that seemed to connect them all together in some sort of infinite, intricate web. It looked as though UNIT had been attempting to lay them all out in some sort of basic, chronological order. Rose held her breath as she slowly moved down the length of the wall, tracking back through the Doctor's history without her (she recognized the photos of River, Jenny, Vastra, and Strax as she went, as well as the couple who she had met in the dalek asylum - she had forgotten their names at first, but UNIT had helpfully labeled their images as Amy and Rory), until she got to a large gap that stood between one group of photos and the next. The area there was filled with varying pictures of a nineteen-year-old blonde with wide, brown eyes and a sunny, bright smile.

Rose swallowed thickly around the lump in her throat as she blinked away the sudden tears in her eyes and forced herself to focus back on Kate once more. It wouldn't do to waste time taking a walk down memory lane while the Doctor was trapped in a prison cell in the sixteenth-century with two other versions of himself. She told herself that she would have time enough to peruse the old pictures later.

She found Kate on the other side of the room, staring pointedly at an oddly familiar leather cuff that was propped up like a piece in a museum on a silver stand behind a wall of glass.

"What is that?" Rose asked warily, stepping forward to get a better look.

"Time travel," Kate replied ominously. "A vortex manipulator bequeathed to the UNIT archive by Captain Jack Harkness on the occasion of his death. Well, one of them, anyway."

Rose felt her heart drop into her stomach as she stared wide-eyed at the old vortex manipulator and tried very hard to get control over her erratic breath. All of the old secrets hidden down here in the Black Archive were quickly becoming too much for her, and she longed desperately for the Doctor - if only so that he could explain a little bit of what was going on.

"What do you mean 'one of them'?" Rose asked breathlessly, her voice little more than a whisper as tears began to sting the back of her eyes once more and threatened to spill over onto her cheeks.

Kate ignored Rose's question, however, as she moved around the glass panel and opened the door that would allow them to reach the old vortex manipulator. "This is how we're going to find the Doctor," she explained simply. "I don't have the activation code - the Doctor has always kept it hidden from us. Let's hope he changes his mind."

As if on cue, Kate's phone began to ring, but Rose couldn't bring herself to focus on the other woman's muttered conversation as she peered closely at the old leather cuff before her. It was exactly as she remembered it, though it looked lost and lonely without a certain rogue American time agent attached to it. She ran her fingers gently across the worn buttons and felt her heart ache for all that she had loved and lost in her long, long life.

Rose was so distracted by the old memories, that she didn't realize until it was almost too late that Kate and her companions were actually zygons in disguise. She watched in horror as the blonde woman before her morphed and changed into a giant red alien covered in suckers.

"Prepare to dispose of one more human," the creature hissed as it glared down at Rose. "We have acquired the device."

Kate's phone suddenly began to buzz from where the alien had abandoned it next to the vortex manipulator, shocking Rose into action as she quickly snatched it, memorized the short line of letters and digits, and hastily inputted them into the time traveling device. She slid the leather cuff around her hand, flashed the zygons her best imitation of Jack's old, cheeky grin, and pressed the final button that immediately zapped her out of existence.

--------------------

When Rose opened her eyes again, she was standing alone in a long, dark hallway that looked distinctly medieval. She groaned as she pressed her hands to her head and swayed slightly on the spot, fighting to get her bearings back after the jarring experience of using a vortex manipulator for the first time. It all reminded her of her days of using the dimension cannon with Torchwood - which, in turn, just brought up more memories that she wasn't exactly eager to relive.

Suddenly, there was a gentle tug at the back of her mind that instantly grounded Rose's thoughts and reminded her of her current objective. She glanced up and set her eyes in the direction where she could feel the Doctor's presence emanating from and moved quickly towards him. Now that they were in the same time and place once more, their mental bond had come fully back online and she could clearly sense him just down the hallway, tucked away behind an old wooden door.

She could also sense that he wasn't alone, and Rose could feel the strange way that time was bending around the area as she stepped closer towards the prison cell that was currently holding three versions of the same man within it. There were voices murmuring quietly to one another on the other side of the door, and Rose could feel her Doctor's heartache like a stab in her own chest as she crept slowly forward and strained her ears to listen.

"Did you ever count?" the Doctor with the unfamiliar voice asked quietly.

"Count what?" Rose's Doctor replied gruffly.

"How many children there were on Gallifrey that day," the other man elaborated tersely.

Another shockwave of pain rolled over Rose and she squeezed her eyes shut tight as she silently reached out to her bondmate and attempted to console his troubled thoughts.

"I have absolutely no idea," the Doctor lied succinctly.

"How old are you now?" the other man insisted curiously.

"Ah, I don't know. I lose track," the Doctor replied irritatedly. "Twelve-hundred-and-something, I think - unless I'm lying. I can't remember if I'm lying about my age, that's how old I am."

Rose wondered if he was lying - she had a direct link to the man's thoughts, and even she couldn't quite figure it out. The first time that she and the Doctor had reconnected in this universe, he had told her that he was a thousand-years-old. She knew for a fact that two hundred years hadn't passed for him since then, so it was clear that there was a disconnect somewhere in his story. However, it wasn't as though it mattered much - time and age never really did, when it came to the man who could change his face and keep on going into eternity.

"Four hundred years older than me," the gruff, unfamiliar voice replied, "and in all that time you've never even wondered how many there were? You never once counted?"

The Doctor's anger flared, then, and Rose's hands fisted in frustration at her sides as she fought the urge to barrel into the room and throw her arms around him in a desperate attempt to shield him from his own pain.

"Tell me," he muttered coldly," what would be the point?"

"Two-point-four-seven-billion." The old, familiar voice stopped Rose's breath, just as it had done earlier in the day when she had heard it through the time fissure in the Under Gallery.

"You did count!" the younger Doctor shot back angrily.

"You forgot?" Rose's previous Doctor spat in contempt. "Four hundred years, is that all it takes?"

"I moved on," the Doctor lied again, his tone low and dangerous as a sensation of crushing guilt swept over him.

"Where?" the other Doctor snapped angrily. "Where can you be now that you can forget something like that?"

"Spoilers," the Doctor muttered quietly.

"No," the other Doctor growled dangerously. "No, no, no - for once, I'd like to know where I'm going."

"No," Rose's current Doctor snapped in reply, "you really wouldn't."

And suddenly, Rose couldn't take it anymore. It was bad enough having one Doctor's self-hatred filling her thoughts without having to deal with all three of them arguing with each other over the weight of their shared regret. She needed to do something - she needed to save her daft, precious alien from himself.

Rose pressed her hand to the old wooden door and tried not to be too surprised when it swung easily open, instantly granting her access to the large prison cell beyond. However, she did gasp in surprise when she realized that there weren't just three pairs of eyes staring back at her in dumbfounded shock, but four.

"Oh," Rose breathed as she went quickly down the line form her Doctor, to the face of her dead husband, to the old, weary-looking man sitting against the wall, and then to the young blonde woman leaning casually against his side.

"It's you ..." she muttered in disbelief.

#doctor who #dw #fanfiction #fanfic #dw fanfic #dw fanficiton #doctor who fanfic #doctor who fanfiction #eleventh doctor #eleven/rose #elevenxrose #the doctor/rose #the doctorxrose #the doctor #rose tyler

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