#(but i decided to take this chance to use that plot idea that when mokuba got sick really bad and kisara's gonna come in later on.

[universestreasures]

@shacchou Sent: Actions Speak Louder Than Words (Accepting)

care, sender takes care of receiver when they're sick. (for Mokuba)

Everything happened so suddenly that he honestly couldn't realize it before it was too late. Mokuba had woken up that morning not feeling too well, his forehead feeling a bit warm and his throat slightly dry, but it wasn't enough for him to really register he was 'sick'. It was only after he got to school that the symptoms started to get worse, the fourteen-year-old overheating and couching rapidly before eventually passing out on the floor beside his desk.

He was then brought to the nurse's office with help from his schoolmate Akatsuki and his buddy monster Byakuya. The human happened to be walking in the hallway towards the restroom at the time of the incident and quickly rushed in to help his friend upon hearing the commotion, the ninja monster manifesting in a flash from his card to help carry the youngest Kaiba brother as well. Such good friends both of them were. Mokuba would owe them one later.

It was after the nurse began her examination that the son of the Cho-Tokyo police commissioner managed to snag Mokuba's cell phone from his locker. How did he unlock it? Well, that was a ninja secret for Akatsuki to know and for his big brother to never find out he used.

Regardless, he knew he was in the right by using it in a situation like this. The ninja was well aware that those associated with his friend were hard to contact through means other than directly through a secure line like that phone, and they certainly should be informed of what was going on in a timely manner. So, he took it upon himself to do the school's job of contacting both Seto Kaiba and Isano about the situation, his voice laced with urgency as he retold what had happened to the best of his ability.

Not too long after making his call, the suited bodyguard arrived inside the nurse's office. He had been temporarily reassigned as Mokuba's chaperone by the Kaiba Corp CEO after pulling a reckless act (as Seto would call it) one day following a Buddyfight at Castle. So, naturally, he had stationed himself outside the school grounds since they did not permit him entry during most times of the day. His presence there wasn't surprising. What was surprising was who came barging in not too long after the suited man's arrival.

For Seto Kaiba, the most powerful man in the entire city, appeared in the flesh before them all, the sight almost causing the poor nurse, and probably the rest of the school's staff, a heart attack of panic. Isano, knowing his boss's preferences well when it came to matters pertaining to the younger Kaiba in situations like this, prompted everyone else, including the nurse, to leave the room. That left the two brothers alone, with one of them unconscious and having a fever that was astronomically high.

What ended up awakening Mokuba not too long after his brother's arrival wasn't the commotion that said arrival had caused. It was instead the fact that his body felt suddenly a bit cooler because of a wet rag that Seto had placed on his forehead, a technique Mokuba can faintly remember their father using when he was little. Purple hues slowly begin to open as his consciousness returns, with this blurry vision slowly focusing on the sight of his brother who was looking over him.

"Big...Big brother...? Is that...you...?" Mokuba's voice was weak and strained, as if scissors had been applied to his throat. A few coughs escape him next, his body warming up and his heart rate starting to increase as a result. "Wha...What happened...? Last thing I remember was...being in math class..."

His head tilts up to examine his surroundings, not quite recognizing the room. This was the first time he's had to visit here, which was a good thing. He, along with pretty much everyone else around the boy like the staff, Mochi, or his brother, were usually better at catching when he was starting to get sick like this. Though, considering how busy things had been as of late for everyone, it made sense his subtle symptoms earlier had managed to sneak under everyone's noses. What was important was he was getting help now before things got even worse.

"Wait...Am I...still at school? And...how did you...how did you know I was-" He is stopped by his own coughing again, his voice echoing throughout the small room with an intensity unlike any other sickness he's ever had.

[kaibacorpintern]

Have you ever thought of an AU where the Kaiba bro’s never became the Kaiba’s? Like, they were never adopted by Gozaburo (how spell) and Seto aged out of the orphanage, picking Mokuba up when he aged out as well or was old enough to take him out of there. Just, Seto working 2 jobs to support them both until Mokuba can work and never sleeping (maybe no school either? I think Domino schools had a no work policy). Getting his 3 BEWDs through bets in tournaments, and meeting the gang at DK?

sounds like… maybe…. YOU have thought of this AU? 

anyway i haven’t thought about this variation of the AU specifically, i guess; i’ve thought about if they get adopted by someone else, if they grew up with their birth parents, if seto’s takeover attempt failed, if he decided to say ‘fuck it’ and bankrupt kaibacorp, etc. but not “orphanage until adulthood.” honestly i love this kind of AU, like ‘what if THIS thing didn’t happen/happened instead’ it’s so…. for want of a nail, the whole plot changes !

but because it’s 9 PM and i’m still working, here are some thoughts:

whatever is missing from their orphanage education (the DM flashbacks showed classrooms) seto and mokuba probably make up for on their own with some religious and fervent autodidactism

seto is a smart boy; he has the ingenuity and imagination to get his hands on some photoshop, pass himself off as a fresh college graduate, instead of 18, and get hired at… who else around here owns a gaming company… industrial illusions, domino branch. like pegasus probably doesn’t give a fuck about this teenager in game design who just wants to work, and who, on top of that, does exceptional work. scratch that; he doesn’t even need to be 18 to fake some paperwork. he can do it at 16, once he drops out of high school bc it’s an enormous waste of time

that puts industrial illusions (and pegasus) in an excellent position to help seto rent an apartment, because after some light research, it looks like you can’t do that under the age of 20 in japan without parental consent or some sort of guarantor… so, with pegasus vouching that he is an excellent employee and yes, very responsible, seto swiftly pulls mokuba out of the orphanage, puts him in a good school, zips through college night courses on his own while holding down a pretty good job at II.

lol the way this plays out in my head, he doesn’t even end up going to domino high. i feel like at one point seto would’ve probably been like ‘mm, no, fuck this’ and simply stopped following whatever orphanage rules might exist about curfews or part-time jobs and such

so, with respect to duelist kingdom, here’s where a key nail is missing: duelist kingdom is, partially, a plot to take over kaibacorp. and not just kaibacorp, but specifically, a plot to acquire seto kaiba’s solidvision technology which he invented as the ceo of kaibacorp. so, if seto isn’t seto kaiba, there’s significantly less chance of him inventing solidvision (a slim one - he could still invent it outside of kaibacorp, but let’s also consider that as a kaiba he has considerably more resources and technology at his disposal to invent such a sophisticated technology than he does as seto lastname living in an orphanage). and if seto doesn’t invent solidvision, pegasus has no interest in kaibacorp, and therefore no interest in a takeover. he might still want the puzzle, so DK could still happen from that angle, but in DK, pegasus’ plan to bring back cecilia depends on both the millennium items AND solidvision. so a duelist kingdom where pegasus just wants the millennium puzzle is a dramatically different duelist kingdom already. seto would have no reason to be there except as, i dunno, dueling hobbyist? at pegasus’ invite?

however there is absolutely no reason why he can’t make his grand entrance into the gang’s life the same way he does in DM: bursting through the door of the game shop to fucking talk about some duel monsters. and this seto, who did not grow up under gozaburo, doesn’t have gozaburo’s teachings firmly and almost inextricably entrenched in his heart, and is likely waaaaaay more amenable to the idea of Friendship. not completely - his relatives did abandon him, and that does leave a mark - but we see in virtual world flashbacks that, for a while, seto was a hopeful and respectful child who called gozaburo ‘father.’ he had not yet stopped attempting to connect.

anyway isis sets up battle city with pegasus, instead of seto, using schroedercorp technology….. and that’s where seto gets his first BEWD!

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S3 Ep 12: Seto Discovers Hostile Takeover Tactics

For April Fools, I’m actually going to update this blog. I know, right? It’s been a little while.

I’ll have you know that, if I had more time, you were *this close* to getting a recap of this hot mess movie.

Buuuut it turns out that movie is a lot longer than I thought. Soooo many bad wigs. Maybe another April Fools.

Anyway, back to Yugioh, are you ready for MORE BUSINESS?

Cuz if you wanted to watch a kid’s show with stocks in it well, I had no idea it would be the one about the playing cards. Really didn’t see that one coming. Stocks are going to be traded in a little bit, but currently, all we have to worry about is that Tristan is a monkey and Kaiba’s about to die.

He seems cool with it, both with being “dead” (still unsure if Tristan can be human ever again) and watching Kaiba become dead.

This is some high level freaky sci fi thing just stuffed into a side plot? Like...what purpose is the weird monkey robot?

(read more under the cut)

Joey has completely run out of his thimble full of patience, and he’s taken over the part of Den Mother in lieu of Tristan being too horny/monkey to manage it himself. Watching Joey slowly become more and more too frustrated to Even Deal With This Right Now has been his character growth this entire arc.

And the team’s somewhat amusement and concern that one of their best friends--who they saw...pretty much die--and is now a very horny monkey is like how you would notice that your engine light is on. Like they just have so many other problems right now. They’ve decided they will get around to deciding what to do about this...later.

They’re definitely going to deal with the monkey later. Eventually. So they just tied him to the truck and continue driving.

Like that’s what they actually did, they actually just tied him to the truck and kept driving.

Eventually, they do make it to the scene of the Kaiba card crime in their 3 wheel pickup truck, but unfortunately, so does the weird satellite laser, so once again our team does not make it in time to really make any difference. The Yugi team is consistently like...3 minutes too late. Should be their team motto.

So Noah’s big plan is to make Mokuba watch Leichter--the hard to spell Big 5 with the very Dixie accent--explain in great detail all the ways Seto screwed Mokuba. And it was...something that I don’t think most kids would get. Last week it was a .com analogy, this week we’re straight up jumping into hostile takeovers. Seto decided to use the Big 5 to buy up a majority of the stock and fire his Father, but realized that Gozaburo would absolutely not let that happen.

So, Seto set up a whole plan to make it appear like he was losing the stock race, by leaking the whole plan that they were secretly buying allll the stock straight to Gozaburo but while pretending to be Mokuba (I assume by pinching his nose while shouting through a telephone) and then driving Mokuba to Gozaburo by attacking him point blank.

Did any children watching this show understand this? Did any of you?

Anyway, for some reason Mokuba is shocked that this happened.

And then we get a flashback to remind us that yes, Mokuba was here when this happened. Maybe didn’t understand it at the time, but overall, should know by now that like...this happened. Noah revealing this to him really shouldn’t have been such a shocker, right?

Mokuba describes it as “the worst day in his life” which is kind of a lot since two seasons ago Mokuba was chained in a castle cell for several days (possibly weeks), turned into a playing card while his body was a zombie that did dishes for Pegasus, died in a VR game because his brother couldn’t play nice, then last season, got abducted and then was suspended from the bottom of a flying helicopter by one single rope tied around his waist, was imprisoned in a box warehouse where he barely escaped, found out one of his good friends is pretty sure he’s an Egyptian Pharaoh dont-think-about-it, only to find all of his other friends were now attached to torture devices and about to be drowned in the bottom of the sea or squashed by a couple tons of cargo container. And then the next day, 3 people got sent to the hospital during the tourney he’s the manager of and only one of those people isn’t still in a coma, and now there’s at least one serial murderer on board his blimp and there’s nothing he can do about it.

But sure Moki, this is your worst day.

Convinced that Gozaburo (I will never spell his name right, PS, my apologies) thinks Moki is on his side, Kaiba decides to do the deed. In his school clothes. Not entirely positive that baby Kaiba has any other outfit than his school clothes and that purple coat.

Like did Seto get off school early to go and do this, or did he honestly clock in at 8 AM, harass Joey and Yugi for a bit, maybe take a test, turn in his diorama of mitochondria that he made out of twizzlers or whatever, eat lunch while making fun of the skater kids who botch it on the stairs, scribble some art in art class until 3 PM, and then take the bus back home to do THIS?

And so although the Big 5 were still majority shareholders, they couldn’t really control Seto Kaiba--which leads me to think that at some point he managed to get their stocks away from them...somehlow...probably more insider trading, he seems really into that.

Anyways, long story short the Big 5 really screwed it on this one. I mean the company has to be run by a Kaiba per the Kaiba rule that we learned in S1 (kind of a weird rule this family enforces, when all of the Kaibas are SO BAD at romantic relationships that they can only date trading cards, or can’t stop getting abducted long enough to even go on a date with a real human ((Reminder that Mokuba and Serenity are the same age, but he’s 1/millionth as horny as any of these High School Juniors that are into Serenity)))

Leichter (who is the light purple font here, I uh...forgot to cap Leichter’s face so it’s somewhat confusing) decided to just continue explaining, mostly for Mokuba, I assume, because...everyone here already knows what’s happening.

And at this point he reveals that he does have a Blue Eyes.

Again, very surprised Noah gave him that card but youknow...the power of...whatever the hell is going on there between Kaiba and that paper card.

Anyways, the Blue Eyes gives him a win, so I guess he’s figured out somewhat how to use this card? Like it’s significantly less bad than it was in the previous seasons. Maybe that separation between him and the paper card in S2 was good for him. Got his relationship back on track.

So like, something that is kind of vogue right now in more adult TV is this tendency to try and make all your characters relatable by making them realize and obsess over how they messed up to the point that they can no longer make any moral choices.

And that was the thing I was worried about in this arc, I was worried that the one guy on the writing staff who SUPER stans Seto Kaiba would make Seto into some sort of Bojack Horseman, who becomes so obsessed with his guilt that he kind of becomes a victim of what society did to him rather than a guy who ever made a choice. And Bojack’s not a bad show or anything, I did watch all of it, and it’s supposed to be more about society than the characters. But, as his problems from his youth compounded, he loses all of his agency as a character. If you are forced to be an ass then...well you can’t be one, by nature of what it means to be an ass.

Does that make sense? I see that more and more in shows these days, just a constantly apology fest whenever writers do a villain background episode.

But yes, Seto was trained to be a shark, but he was already a shark from day 1. He was always like this from the moment he was put in that orphanage. No apologies on behalf of the writing staff are needed and I’m glad they didn’t make any. It was somewhat refreshing that Seto never once apologized during this entire episode. He is awful, and he is completely fine with that.

And like, Bro hates it when you do this type of parallel comparisons between characters, but I freakin love it because he might be an English major but he majored in technical writing, and I was minoring in film for a hot minute so I love analyzing stuff and he can just deal. So lets dive in. We just came off of a whole arc talking about Marik’s tragic backstory and it’s really interesting that Seto’s tragic backstory mirrors Marik’s a great deal (especially since Kaiba was the one who was supposed to inherit the magic rod) but the two of them have a very different response to it.

Marik’s background gave him absolutely no agency. Even when he did lash out against his father--that was the rod rather than Marik himself. He lost his nut because he got tortured by his Father and lived a very shelted life underground, there was no choice there. He even has a brother that he threw into the coals (well, stroke of lightning) for his own ambitions.

Seto, on the other hand, was also tortured by his Father, but lived a shelted life so far above everyone else, that he never really left that lifestyle. But, unlike Marik, when he got the chance to make a choice, instead of getting out of the Kaiba house to save his Brother, he decided to freakin destroy it, even if it involved torturing Mokuba (momentarily) in the process.

Both are destroying their Father’s legacy while also trying to rule the world at the same time, two different villains, two different ways, one isn’t necessarily better written than the other, but it does feel like Seto has a lot more control of his own life than Marik, who is currently bumming around in Tea’s brain.

But I dunno, maybe Seto will have a big moment where he will feel an ounce of guilt and we’ll find out that everything he did was secretly a good thing or The Only Way something. I might eat my words later and be somewhat disappointed. We’ll see.

If you just got here, this is a link to read these recaps from S1 Ep1, in case you felt like reading a novel’s worth of Yugioh, since we are on S3.

[pharaohsparklefists]

Episode 105, part 1: we should all get an AWARD for sitting through this duel tbh

At the beginning of the episode, Jounouchi helpfully recaps in two sentences what it took me three whole posts to do, that is, he started to duel ~Judge Man~...

Love the way “bit too” is emphasised. It makes me hear it in like a dorky British comedian way, like Richard Ayoade or something.

Anyway, Jounouchi presses on, cleaving tight to his ultimate strategy:

[voice=advertisement] Dueling and it’s not going your way? Lacking a coherent strategy? Unsure how to win? From an experienced finalist of both the kidnapping extravaganza, Duelist Kingdom, and the massive corporate overreach, Battle City, comes the ultimate strategic Duel Advice(tm): Don’t bother thinking about it!! [/voice]

Jounouchi’s not doing great but he’s sure he can turn it around by using Devil Dice to reduce Judge Man’s monster’s attack points. The dice initially lands on a six, comes to a complete stop, then suspiciously RISES UP OFF THE GROUND, SPINS WILDLY, AND LANDS ON A ONE

Yes, Jounouchi, A ONE.

No one points this out as being OBVIOUSLY WILDLY SUSPICIOUS. Against the nature of dice, and physics, and games, and everything. Easily explained by the fact that Jou’s opponent can change his own appearance, make entire courtrooms appear, etc etc, because THEY’RE IN A VIRTUAL REALITY.

But no. No one comments. Except this fucko. In his head. Like a loser who wants to be an ~~eeevil mastermind~~. 

Once again. Why. Did he change into Judge Man. When he could use. An equally virtual simulacrum of his real body?????????

Anyway! Jounouchi’s not worried. He got quote-unquote unlucky with Devil Dice, but Angel Dice will sort him out! If he can raise the attack of his OWN monster, that’s just as good!

... It’s a one-in-thirty-six chance, Jounouchi. Exactly the same chance as both dice landing on six, which they both did, before Judge Man intervened.

I wonder if -- going with the idea that the Virtual World is sort of pliable, and Judge Man is just exerting his will on the digital reality, as perhaps Yami did when he walked on the water -- Jounouchi did it too, unconsciously, willing the dice to land on six? And Judge Man took it a step further then, moving the dice after they already landed, which Jou “can’t” do because he doesn’t realise it would actually work if he only tried?

Anyway, the cheer squad is appalled -- APPALLED -- by this statistically unlikely but not impossible event:

Judge Man continues the duel, drawing Pot of Greed, to which Jounouchi, with the swiftness and inevitability of a lethal superheated cloud of gas and tephra obliterating everything in its path as it flows at up to 700km/hr down the side of an explosive andesitic volcano #pyroclasticflowjokes, replies:

“Whatever does it DO????”

Faced with TWO WHOLE NEW CARDS FROM JUDGE MAN’S DECK, Jounouchi decides to do the only thing he can do, really really lean in hard on the gambling deck:

This fuckin card is literally just called Gamble. (Or rather, gyanburu.) You gamble on it.

It’s the gamble card.

Look, where the hell are they getting these silver coins with the Eye on one side??? No one comments on them, they’re not a VR thing, they must already have them. It made almost no sense that Yugi had one, it makes even less sense that Jounouchi has one.

Also I want one.

Jounouchi places his faith in one last draw gamble

Is there? Do we think there is? Is this a real thing? I thought it was a metaphor but now he seems genuinely worried that “she” has abandoned him. Like demi-gods are canonically real, in their universe. I wonder if Pegasus trapped her in a fucking card for their fucking card game...

And Judge Man gets all judgey... #quellesurprise

Look, fucko, like, broadly speaking, I agree with you. The gambling gimmick is kind of crap, and is clearly powered by the engine of Plot, and is a super weird choice for Jounouchi specifically (”raised” by an abusive, alcoholic gambler in the manga, leaving him with maladaptive coping mechanisms). But you didn’t LURE HIM INTO IT. He had literally one card left in his hand, OF COURSE he used the Gamble card. He’s running a fucking gambling deck. What was he supposed to do? Summon new cards from the ether? I mean, MAYBE. That’s the kind of shit you might be able to do in VR, but Jou doesn’t know that. Whatever.

Speaking of “maladaptive coping mechanisms”, where are the Kaiba bros?

Taking a break from shouting at the sky, Seto listens to Mokuba shout at the sea.

Really, Mokuba? Why? Why did this identical door make you think that it wouldn’t be like all the other identical doors, which have so far just led to startlingly beautiful landscapes or terrifyingly accurate recreations of your own memories?

After calling Noah a jerk who pisses him off #hardsame, Mokuba goes in for the killing blow

Seto: Ah, so you DO admire him?

Mokuba: ???

Anyway then, I swear to god, Seto just goes RIGHT back to shouting at the sky, and Noah...

... gets some kind of creepy-ass kick out of it, idk.

Let’s check back in on the duel:

Ah, a fine contender for Out Of Context Yu-Gi-Oh! Bullshit

Oh, by the way, were you wondering if Judge Man kept up the ridiculous judge roleplay shit throughout the duel?

HE SURE DID (actually only intermittently, which is funny, because he would switch pronouns: he uses kimi (you, informal) for Jounouchi mostly but switches to anata (you, formal) when he’s Judging)

Jounouchi busts out the last line of defense, the stalward veterans of dicey situations, the tried-and-true self-sacrificing heroes...

ADORABLE FUZZY GOAT-BABIES

Judge Man slices through them in two consecutive turns using his two active monsters and I didn’t bother screencapping it because (a) it was boring and (b) it was even boringer the second time, which was reused animation with the goats re-coloured #smh

Jounouchi’s friends are chinnily worried and Yugi is specifically suspicious...

Yami is also suspicious...

“He didn’t lose, Yugi. He failed.”

The writing on this show is truly scintillating.

Just as Yugi and Yami blotchily agree that something Suspicious is up, an Angel from On High shines the Divine Light of Heaven unto the duel arena with the most glorious of news...

Halle-fuckin-lujah!

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S3 Ep5: Happy Valentines Season the Writing Team Remembered YugixTea Exists

Alrighty, I’m mostly back together from nearly a week of the plague and now my buffer is basically demolished. Man. Youknow, every time I make a buffer this happens. Maybe I was just asking to get sick? That every time I finish a healthyish buffer my immune system just tanks in response?

Anyway, that’s fine because it’s been like a week now that I’ve been sort of wanting to talk about the massive amount of birds in this episode. Yeah, birds. I mean there’s no reason for me to try and hide the spoilers, I’m assuming 99% of y’all have seen this show. There were a LOT of birds.

Last we left off, Yugi decided to run headfirst into a trap door.

And then on the other side he was somehow amazed this was a trap?

Because there wasn’t either a mace or an ax handy to go through the wall like Tristan And Duke, instead Yugi has to end up in a Photoshop Filter.

Shoutouts to the overlay aurora borealis on top of this whole mess. This whole aesthetic here is just so nostalgic and I didn't even watch this show as a kid.

Man the 00′s were a great time. Speaking of great time.

We’ve had like 0 Joey for like 4 episodes and it’s been kind of incredible since this show leans pretty heavily on Joey. Like I have barely touched that mustard color in Photoshop, instead it’s been a lot of Tea, and I’ll be honest, about time. I have been saying for like 3 seasons now that this girl never has anything to do but be a ghost bus and a sort-of-not-really-gf to I guess Mokuba and sometimes Yugi but now she’s...still not doing a whole lot. I’ll be honest her new big thing is mostly running away from things, but at least now she now does Olympian feats while still doing nothing.

But all that’s gotta change because, much like Joey in S1, Tea’s gonna throw some cards with only like 2 games under her belt. 

So like, I was experiencing Witcher 1 the other day, and I don’t recommend it since Witcher 1 is not nearly as good as it’s sequels, but there’s this hilarious line where Witcher is gonna learn a dice minigame, and he asks his friend “how can I become a dice expert?” and his friend goes “Well that takes experience! Play 4 games.” and it’s like lol what? 4? That was all it need for ANYONE to be an expert, huh?

This is like that. Yugioh is a weird universe where Yugi is King of Games but he’s only been in one tourney and he’s only played this game professionally in a professional no-one-is-setting-anyone-on-fire setting like maybe 4 times.

Like everyone plays this game but the bar for entry is surprisingly low? All Yugi had to do was beat one guy by playing him once, really--just beat Pegasus and boom, King of Games. No wonder Seto was so freakin pissed.

Anyways, so the fact that Tea hasn’t really played is just like everyone else on this show.

(read more)

Anyways, after she ran 4 miles and climbed a bridge and all that, she decides, youknow what? Right here in this barren orc-filled desert is probably a safe place for a dream sequence.

And she dreams of the very last person I expected her to dream about.

So...I have questions about this dream sequence, ones that I will touch on later, but clearly Tea is getting some inception quality prophetic card knowledge from Yugi through a dream...however...Yugi isn’t actually doing anything right now. Right now Yugi is running through Tron so like...how is this happening?

Like is this just Tea actually knowing how cards work under layers and layer of subconscious? Because under layers and layers of Tea’s subconscious is actually SlightlyMoreOrLessEvil!Marik, who, as we discovered through last season’s plot twist is actually very, very bad at cards. Bakura might be still under there too, but he’s sort of everywhere just minding his own business so I doubt he’d bother coming out for Tea. Bakura’s still canonically dead/hanging out in Yugi’s Brain Labyrinth Game Room playing Gameboy Advance until Season 5.

I mean, it would be neat if Yugi actually could do this but like...he’s not actually here or at all aware that this is happening. Yes he has Ishizu’s necklace right now but will not use it this episode. This is just happening for no reason.

Which leads right into the second thing which is our most vague couple is finally going to get it’s own episode since like the beginning of season 2 and it’s literally all a dream.

Flashbacks to Yugi and Tea actually hanging out and talking one on one were all we really needed to stop calling this ship vague but eh this BARELY counts as it’s all one sided. This is just Tea doing all of this relationship herself. Which is pretty true to form as Yugi is a mess and can barely do relationships with himself at this point, let alone add a girl into the mix.

I feel like at this point a Broadway play about one single Yugioh card is waaaaaaay more likely than YugixTea ever like ever getting together (cuz like FOR REALS most Broadway is bad. Like legit not great). In fact, this make believe date they went on together is so far from reality--as it is not only a dream, but a dream in VR, and that even in the dream itself Yugi reminds her “PS, WE NEVER WENT ON THIS DATE, PS” and Tea’s like “that seemed open ended” and Yugi was like “NOPE.”

So this play is so terrible that it asks for audience participation and it turned her into a cosplayer.

So little aside, when I got my Netflix account the first thing I rented was Ironman, and then the second thing I rented, mostly out of morbid curiosity, was Cats.

Regrets. I like watching some pretty bad movies and plays but Cats is sort of like...if everyone dressed like personified leg warmers and made us pretend the leg warmers turned them into cats for some reason, and that the legwarmers were all in a polyamorous relationship with everyone else and got way too horny when they danced. And then they all died at the end/went to space/got reincarnated. But, I guess we have to give Cats some credit for basically launching furry technology forward like 50 years.

I am SUPER looking forward to the Cats movie. Probably will skip it in theaters but Netflix? Yes, please!

Anyway, Pharaoh was also here chaperoning these two like he always does although Tea has no idea what he looks like.

I just realized that, so far, every date we’ve seen with YugixTea, Yugi wasn’t even there. Like how does he keep managing to do this? The kid is managing this relationship like a champ being the supportive boyfriend or whatever and he’s not even there. Like damn.

A penguin.

so many penguins

Anyways, the animation team drew I want to say like 600 penguins for this episode. I just want to acknowledge their sacrifice for our behalf, so we could have this filler episode and watch an actual relationship blossom between Yugi and Tea but only in a dream sequence.

Because I notice art stuff like this, they did copy paste these penguins in a clever way so it wasn’t drawing 60000 penguins, but damn that’s still a lot of penguins.

My bro, the namesake of this blog, freakin loves penguins. So this entire episode he kept looking over at me and being like “right?! RIGHT!?” and it was like “wow, Bro they really made this show just for you huh?” and he was like “RIGHT?!?!”

So the thing about Crump is that he likes collecting numbers about people, which the show makes out to be strange but I have a bunch of accountant friends, and I once had one tell me that God was an accountant, and then he gave me some complicated explanation that I absolutely muted out of my memory. I once had a friend who had a fascinating spreadsheet on everywhere she lived and the friends she had, just to see if she could accurately display the percentage chance of who was dating, who was getting married, and the exact percentage of which of those broke up and the length of all of their relationships. And she was an art major.

I never saw those spreadsheets of love numbers, I only know they exist, and I have no idea where I stood on them. Sometimes I think about it. Is she still tracking me? I sure hope so.

Dude that one penguin on the right just

This show throws out the number 219 pieces of pizza like that was a bad thing?

I guarantee you, that eating 14 slices of pizza a year is a depressingly low statistic (assuming you don’t eat pizza when you’re 1 yo) That is only about 1.5 large pizzas a YEAR. That is nothing.

Course bear in mind I’m a Californian and I eat like...about 2-3 slices every time fast food pizza is offered me. And if I’m alone, well dammit I’ll eat.......more than that, we’ll just say. In fact, I just Marie Kondo’d my closet and found my college cookbook which was mostly me trying to replicate the CPK Thai chicken pizza as well as the CPK Pear Gorgonzola pizza (and may the CPK Pear Gorgonzola Pizza Rest in Peace, you perfect pizza. I have not returned to CPK once it left the menu. Bro hates this pizza but he is wrong.)

Like it sounds way nasty but I’m Californian so we don’t believe in food purity here. Put whatever the hell you freakin want on your dumb ass pizza. No food is sacred, no food will be left untouched, we’re all human beings, and everything you like is all going to be turned into pizza and tacos anyway. That is the way.

I’m pretty sure that I’ve only had 219 pieces of just Pear Gorgonzola Pizza (since it was a pricier pizza). Maybe Crump was just referring to the one type of zah?

Anyway, I got very distracted by pizza just now.

Tea heard Crumps offer to duel her in exchange for her body and she was like “I don’t really actually want to do that.” and just bounced.

I mean at least she tried to bounce. As it is, I’m glad Tea is like the only one here who at least has figured out that Cards are Dangerous.

And then an iceberg formed under her feet.

Meanwhile, Yugi has been sent to this room with four doors. Each door has a number of stars between one and four. Please remember he has Ishizu’s future necklace somewhere on his person and it could probably help him out but nah.

and then out of no where Yugi pulls this out of his pocket.

Another place where, because they localized the show to a ton of different countries, they decided to make a fake currency so people wouldn’t be thrown off by a Japanese coin and it only made the lore more confusing. He could have just used a Yen and I’m pretty sure us American kids would have been fine but localization problems amiright?

But yeah, there’s just this super random Millennium Penny that Yugi just has. To have. The redheaded stepchild 8th Millennium item no one remembers. Just like how no one remembers Bakura.

Now that I think of it, he did pull some pennies out of his pocket back in S1 with the labyrinth riddle. So maybe that’s just a skill the millennium puzzle can do--making weird ass pennies?

This is my brother’s aesthetic, this right here. This Big Penguin in a 3 piece suit and it’s got some anime for some reason strapped in the most goofy way on it stubby little wing.

This is Steve-o’s Mood down to a T.

Anyways, funnily enough, Tea and Yugi do actually get to communicate with each other this episode, but she isn’t aware that she’s doing it, much like how he wasn’t aware that he was in a dream she just had.

And so, Yugi feels newly inspired and very desperate and just throws himself directly at the door.

Yugi never did this back when Tea was abducted last season. Which...was yesterday. All that happened literally yesterday in the timeline of this show. Literally yesterday in the timeline of the show Seto Kaiba had to save Tea because Yugi got himself tied to an anchor and was too busy trying to kill himself to save Joey Wheeler (which didn’t even work and Serenity had to save Joey Wheeler instead it was a whole very confusing thing.) Like Yugi has got to stop needlessly sacrificing himself it only works a fraction of the time.

Anyway, Crump (Crumb? I don’t remember his name anymore) gives us a little backstory on why he chose to be a bird. We never got a backstory with like...Gansley. I think Yugi didn’t really waaaant to know why he was a sexy fish. And Gansley honestly didn’t want to tell him. And personally, I’m OK with not knowing.

What is it with TV shows and saying that every freakin weird tick their characters have is down to childhood trauma? Usually from parents? Like it’s such a tired trope nowadays. And honestly, from a psychological standpoint, TV shows constantly blaming parents for any character being an asshole is sort of unfair because sometimes you just have a kid who’s an asshole and it’s no one’s fault (except for the kid himself). But mostly, Yugioh tends to get creative with their backstories and this one is just “I dunno, I was lonely” which is a whole lot like the Mai backstory, but she didn’t turn into an evil bastard who wants to be a penguin, did she?

Hell, she got engaged.

Anyways, Seto’s S1 outfit makes a rare appearance. I miss that green jumpsuit with the pop collar. We got it twice this season. Heh, and bro told me this arc was bad.

And so because Crump was just straight up real bad at business and didn’t know how to find more angel investors, he’s just gonna do a murder.

Can we talk a little bit about this? So Gozoboro Kaiba was an asshole who made a ton of weapons--and that whole time, Crump was working with him so that one day he could go up to Kaiba Sr and be like “lets put that nuclear deal on hold--what if instead we just sold...penguins?”

Like that was Crump’s whole life plan. He blames Seto for it not working out but this guy worked for a supervillain for I’m assuming was like 30 years to build this theme park that I’m pretty sure would have never been made anyway?

And then Seto turned right around and made a theme park with a bunch of dragons in it?

Like why didn’t Crump just go to a freakin Zoo and be like “Lets make a penguin only zoo?” Like why didn’t he start with people who actually worked with animals?

Why did Crump go straight to working with the evil guns n stuff company to build a children’s theme park?

Anyway, he’s a penguin now, so it’s not like Crump is really all there and altogether. Like I’m assuming that maybe Kaiba Sr got a penguin theme park commission in his inbox once a month and just threw it in the trash being all “there goes that Crump again” and just ignored it or something. Like every Halloween work party Crump would have been a penguin, right? Like EVERY Halloween for 30 years? And like when Kaiba Sr got his boys did Crump come up to him and give him a Penguin lecture about how to be a perfect parent? Like how much of a nightmare was Crump to work with and how many times did the Kaibas try to kill him before Seto finally did is what I’m asking.

Also, still taking Dayquil, thanks for asking, I apparently still have some rants.

But that’s all for now.

PS I’ll have you know I almost made the title of this episode “fowl play” and decided that was too much of a low hanging pun. But I’m still like...I’m still feeling like putting it up there. That be the mix of meds and congestion.