#(hint: Look at my other tarot card edits and see if you notice any similarities.)

[morrigan-sims]

Nine of Swords

anxiety, hopelessness, trauma, sleeplessness, despair

Inspired by this piece by @sarakipin (Please check out her work. They're an amazing artist, and their suit of swords is some of my favorite work of hers.)

[sugar-petals]

BTS Tarot Reading ➝ What Kind Of Porn Do They Watch? (18+)

↳ NOTE - due to several requests, a steamy and detailed one. ☕️ we’re asking the cards about the erotica they fancy in a wider sense. 

warning ⚠️ 18+ // bdsm mentions, worship, kinks left and right. we’re going graphic in all types o’ ways, lads.

♡ DISCLAIMER // tarot is speculative, there is no guarantee for accuracy. believing in the cards is a choice. all portrayals are fictive and for entertainment purposes only.

SPREAD #1:

yoongi

⌈ THE WORLD ⇁ Jesus... Someone’s obsessed with girls in the nude. That card has a stark naked woman wrapped in very little satin on it so you know what our funky little guy is up to. Luscious aesthetic fotos might be just around his corner. Big duh, he’s a photography major. These folks are all about body appreciation. He’s also on a personal vendetta against lingerie 😂 Yoongi won’t get hard looking at even the most HD panty and bra ads. Only the skin in its full splendor will do, no editing. He loves pictures of nipples peaking through shirt fabric, it’s all over his phone. Yoongi likes his gals without underwear 24/7 just like he dislikes underwear himself. If we’re talking porn, the woman on the card is holding two very long rods so may I connect the dots: Threesomes, handjobs, blowbangs, spitroasting. Friction, friction, and more friction. To Yoongi’s brain, handjobs are a great um new version of holding hands. Sex standing up also, keeping it vertical. Yoongi doesn’t care about girth, inches count. Nice and elongated with a perfect plunge, something to hold onto. Yep, he’s pretty deliberate when searching that up. Yes, he loves the look of it. However, and you’ll be surprised: Even if he likes poly porn, it’s still nothing too extreme. This card is more about pleasure than pain. If a guy likes rough and degrading sex, you get swords and wands in his spread. THE WORLD is more about perfected skills and success. So, he likes the more accomplished porn stars. With a preference for curly blondes and redheads, that’s sort of the hair color on the card. Natural B or C cup. Medium height, not too curvy. Oversized booty not needed. In terms of nationality: We have three representative animals on the card. Eagle, lion and bull, plus a light blonde man’s head. So, anything that America/Germany/Albania/Mexico/Namibia (and so on, lot of countries with eagles as their national bird my dude), England, Spain and Scandinavia have to offer. Honey sugar is going international, baby.

hoseok

⌈ QUEEN OF WANDS ⇁ Did I just mention that guys who like rough sex in porn get wand cards in their readings in Yoongi’s segment? Well, there we have our candidate, with a very obvious card since it’s a court figure. Now, the thing is, this is not the guy being rough. The QUEEN OF WANDS is as notoriously femdom as can be. The very fiery and raw and fun version. So, with a degree of lightheartedness, but still being very fit — even buff — and hands-on with the sub. If you get the QUEEN OF SWORDS, that’s the more cool and calculated domme who signs you up for torture and humiliation, and she really looks like a domme. She’s all over the internet because she has the grit. Now wands combined with a tarot queen... it’s more about the stamina and she is approachable. Hobi does not like watching cruel girls, he likes challenging ones. Upbeat porn stars who can take a lot but most importantly dole it out assertively like pros are Hobi’s schtick. He’s unapologetic about that. With him it’s like, please not the local newcomers that turned legal a month ago. The queen cards are all about mature women. Mommy kink, hint hint. The kind of mommy who’s gonna whip out the spreader bar or cane (= wands again) and give a playful type of punishment. See how desert-like that imagery is, Hobi wants to sweat big time when he gets off to this. Now since wands also make for a damn good pole to dance on, go figure. This whole card has me wondering if, well alright, he is a Cardi B hard stan 😅 If Hobi blasts Money to get in the mood, I’d not be surprised. Anyway. Back to pole stuff: If you go through his youtube search history, you will find astounding things. I think he watches the more professional and athletic performers in competition though. High production value is key. Finally, an interesting card detail: There’s a sunflower on it. This is definitely his kind of tarot imagery.

jimin

⌈ KING OF COINS  ⇁ This card always looks like a scene from a medieval movie so you might have an erotic film enthusiast here. The more chaste type of genre, pentacles are very grounded and not hypersexualized. The intimacy is slow and more about security and pleasure. It’s graphic and detailed, but gives you a sense of relaxation. With a bit of romance in the plot, that might absolutely be Jimin’s thing. Castles and wine and nobility. Interesting type of erotica. Historical and classy. As expected of a prince, mind you. He might enjoy books of that genre also. And we know Jimin is an avid reader, right up there with Namjoon. Now, even with more risque and contemporary stuff that he googles up, we have similar dynamics going down on screen. With Hobi we had femdom because it’s a queen card, now with Jimin we get the classic male dom type of porn because that’s how the King usually rolls, unless it’s the KING OF CUPS who’s touchy-feely and subby. Meanwhile, the KING OF COINS is your local sugar daddy. Leaning towards being a soft dom, he’s not aggressive. And Jimin surely has a little crush on that concept. Ye know, if all the other members have female cards and Jimin gets the sugar daddy, we might be dealing with mxm action. Because if this card was a porn star, he’d be a really, really rich producer and a bear who’s done this since the frickin’ 90s. He’s treating his subs very gently and lets them sit on their lap, the imagery is sort of like that because the King is balancing a pentacle on his left thigh. Sex and comfort all in one are life for Jimin. A sexy detail I only noticed at a second glance, the King also has a shortened golden staff with him, which has a rounded tip. If that’s not a butt plug… whenever I see props like that in tarot, I interpret it as a sex toy. So, good vibes in here. And a bunch of aphrodisiacs, the KING OF COINS is a foodie. Which you know, might just be a food porn type of reference. Jimin’s taste in sexy things is quite something else.

jungkook

⌈ THE EMPRESS ⇁ If there’s one thing I like, it’s the Tarot giving me the important archetypes during readings of that kind. The Queens, the Kings, the Major arcana (see Yoongi’s and Jin’s segment). You can really draw a lot of hints out of it. Now with the EMPRESS you have a similar case to Hobi’s, just a lot more softcore. Jungkook has a refined and pretty vast taste in erotica, if not the most refined in Bangtan next to Jimin who likes that kind of dignified touch to it as well as we saw. Jungkook knows his stuff when it comes to searching things up, he is a first class netizen in that regard. In terms of genre: The EMPRESS is your highkey feminist and wholesomeness legend, so — you won’t find any super creepy things in some hidden file on his PC, and things by female producers instead. No slut-shaming or name-calling here, everyone gets their pleasure in their own right. Thanks to online sex ed, Jungkook has a map to the clit and he’s not afraid to use it. He’s the type to watch solo videos ad nauseam. He’s fascinated. Masturbation until it gets all messy with the juices flowing, and you bet he wants to see the girls buzzing themselves off lying on their back. Maybe even outdoors in a field. Cum play is a must, cunnilingus is a must, he loves unprotected sex and creampies, he loves breast massages. And yes. Anything that involves sex with pregnant and chubby women. Similar to Taehyung, it’s all about the focus on the girl, he doesn’t bother much with the guy performers. And given Yoongi’s reading on top of that, we have three members in BTS who are all about worshipping the female body right here, breasts over ass, and he likes blondes, too. The EMPRESS card is like… the entire porn industry who does the MILF and BBW genre is financed by Jeon Jungkook’s website subscriptions. Cue GOT7, with Jungkook it’s girls, girls, girls. The thirst is going strong, and he’s unashamed times ten, sex is sex. 

➝ we also have members who don’t really bother with erotica or have a complicated relationship with it.

SPREAD #2

taehyung

⌈  ACE OF WANDS reversed ⇁ He’s not about beating off until the world ends. Taehyung gets bored by porn or heated literature and doesn’t feel very motivated to search it up. He would rather come up with his own ideas to write but doesn’t have the energy. Sex drive: On hold, even if he tries to look something up it doesn’t feel very fulfilling to him. Most of it fails to turn him on, it’s not his kind of taste. He gets frustrated when he masturbates and would rather rest, dream, and doze. The only thing I can see him watch somewhat frequently — hold your horses — is lesbian porn. I’ll explain. The ACE OF WANDS is pretty much your most glaring handjob symbolism card. A hand gripping a stick. Yoongi’s THE WORLD card has very similar imagery, I mean even two wands and a girl, bisexual explosion much. He would be a big fan of the upright ACE OF WANDS card lmao! But the reversal is like, um no silly guys jerking off in here, pls. Keep your cum to yourself. That means: Zero dicks in Taehyung’s zone, girl-on-girl stuff is his very last resort for quality that he is desperate for but cannot find. And not the stuff where the producers just replace the guys with heavy arsenal sex toys, double-ended dildos, fucking machines, endless strap-on action without any clit stimulation on either side and whatnot. Taehyung is like ugh, cherie, why, give me the juicy stuff, give me the basics. What he wants is just pure scissoring, fingering, oral, little gentle bites, a lot of caresses and kisses. And slow, slow sex. Probably the amateur kind. He hates how brutal and exaggerated most things online are. Tae is looking for softness, a lot of lesbian action is what delivers in that regard so he takes all he gets. And it goes further than that, Taehyung knows the finest yuri recommendations, I’m telling you.

seokjin

⌈  THE STAR reverse ⇁ The opposite of Yoongi: not keeping it very naked in here. The upright card shows a nude woman pouring water from two cups. Hence a strong connection to the card of sexuality, TWO OF CUPS. Everything is very gentle and positive in that scenery. But then, the reversed card rather shows us that Jin doesn’t feel too thrilled watching other people film or write or photograph sex. Like in Tae’s case, he becomes bored, it’s all the same to him. Nothing’s ever new to him in porn. He feels negative and guilty rather than refreshed or entertained. He also doesn’t like a lot of kinks that very literally connect to, well, the pouring water. Squirting, cum play, watersports, sex in the pool or showers, lube overuse, creampies, bukkake, fake cum — Jin is rolling his eyes at that, he thinks it’s a circus. He’s surely given it a try, but ended up feeling worse and even more pent-up or dissatisfied. At best, you will find him on unknown websites looking for the most amateur videos there are. Because: THE STAR quite unequivocally hints at porn stars. If you reverse the card, it becomes someone not very well-known. He roots for the underdog. Accordingly, Jin’s reaction to mainstream videos goes this way: ‚Pipe down, you non-artists!’ 😆 Cause maybe, he does do it better aye, without the awkward angles anyway. He doesn’t want the body cult, like, put that airbrush and silicone out of my face bro. Not because he’s against surgery, but the idea behind sexual extremes and the shady high standards. It’s too polished for him to get turned on. And robotic/staged. Likely because he’s had an IRL sexual experience (gasp!) that set a different ideal to him, so the more glossy porn feels off. Home video has all he needs instead. I think it’s especially because you get so see more body hair there. The woman on the THE STAR card is all sleek, so the reversed card is the opposite, Jin wants that unshaved goodness.

namjoon

⌈ EIGHT OF CUPS ⇁ Now you’d think — and I thought, kinda — we’d get the master of erotica right here. And he’s had one hell of a reputation for that. Think of the ever-infamous Yaman TV interview where BTS were super upfront and revealing about their taste and what they watch privately. With especially Namjoon having the lion’s share. But this card says otherwise if his current state is concerned. The EIGHT OF CUPS shows a man wandering off into the night, leaving eight cups behind him. I think what that means is, he’s moved on. Namjoon’s cravings aren’t as strong as they used to be, nor does he have the time. He knows it won’t fix his loneliness or answer the questions of life. He might be on the search for different things to fulfill him, or ignore much of his hormones in favor for his career. Not that he didn’t dabble in it, he sure did, but that chapter is slowly closing and what’s next he doesn’t really know yet. He thinks about family and being a father, so the smaller and more risque pleasures become less significant. Desire, too. Ye olde soul syndrome is kicking in. The card is also centered around introspection, a quest for self, all these higher topics that aren’t the most grounded and don’t leave much space for being horny. Joon is simply to preoccupied and on the move. He sees porn as a distraction from his real self at this point, and he’s not the type to feel satiated after masturbating to something, similar to Jin and Taehyung. Instead, I think he carries that energy elsewhere, hence the wanderer going from A to B onto a mountain. In short, Namjoon naturally grew out of it by becoming more, well: Namjoon. He’s left a lot behind, he’s choosing self-development over temporary fun, and he will ponder a lot on the topic, the hows and whys and whats more often than not. So, he’s passed the baton to Yoongi and Jungkook if you will, and keeps a low profile as of now. 

tarot mlist | ko-fi

----

for anon:

[man-creates-dinosaurs]

SPOOKY PALEONTOLOGY: THE (OC)CULT OF NESSIE One reason I haven’t been blogging as much here is that I’ve been busy with various academic projects including two book chapters, submissions for conference presentations, serving as a member of the steering committee for this year’s Religion and Monsters panel at the AAR, getting the long awaited second installment of Scholars Talking Toku up, and preparing to start applying for PhD programs at the end of the year.

One of the books I recently contributed to is tentatively titled “Paranormal and Popular-Culture” and should be coming out from Routledge early next year. The volume was conceived and edited by Darryl Caterine and John W. Morehead. My contribution was a chapter on the intersection of cryptozoology and science-fiction in which I endeavored to show that the central aims and obsessions of cryptozoology (i.e. the discovery of monstrous creatures alive in the world today) can be found to have originated in the realm of fantastic fiction.

My original draft for this chapter was over 11,000-words and had to be drastically reduced at the behest of the publisher (actually the entire book had to be shortened apparently). So I decided I could make use of some of that research here on my blog and just in time for Halloween. In this case I want to talk about lake monsters. Spooky lake monsters. Specifically the Loch Ness Monster.  

Though reports of a monster living in Loch Ness don’t begin until 1933 the idea of such a creature dwelling somewhere within the British Isles can be found in The Lair of the White Worm; a horror novel by Dracula author Bram Stoker originally published in 1911 by Rider and Son of London with interior color illustrations by Tarot Card artist Pamela Colman Smith. In 1925 an abridged version of the novel was issued, losing more than 100 pages and 12 chapters.

Set in Derbyshire, England The Lair of the White Worm concerns Australian transplant Adam Salton who has traveled to meet his great-uncle, Richard Salton, as Adam is destined to become the heir of the family estate. As Adam quickly learns, however, high strangeness of various kinds is at work in the surrounding countryside including the death of livestock, mysterious black snakes slithering about, a child with vampire-like bite marks on her neck, hostile pigeons, and the mysterious Arabella March who lives nearby in a house located in Diana’s Grove; an area known to have once been the center of pagan religious rites.

Eager to get to the bottom of these various mysteries, Richard introduces Adam to his friend Sir Nathaniel de Salis; who fulfills the Van Helsing role in this novel of occult scholar. In Chapter 5, “The White Worm,” Sir Nathaniel fills Adam in on the various legends concerning Diana’s Grove including that it is the lair of a monstrous albino serpent or dragon; what the Anglo-Saxon’s called a ‘wyrm,’ hence the novel’s title. When Adam displays some skepticism about such tales Sir Nathaniel informs him that…

“A glance at a geological map will show that whatever truth there may have been of the actuality of such monsters in the early geologic periods, at least there was plenty of possibility.  In England there were originally vast plains where the plentiful supply of water could gather.  The streams were deep and slow, and there were holes of abysmal depth, where any kind and size of antediluvian monster could find a habitat.  In places, which now we can see from our windows, were mud-holes a hundred or more feet deep.  Who can tell us when the age of the monsters which flourished in slime came to an end? There must have been places and conditions which made for greater longevity, greater size, greater strength than was usual.  Such over-lappings may have come down even to our earlier centuries.” (p. 187 in Penguin Classic’s Dracula’s Guest and Other Weird Tales, 2007)

Here we see that Sir Nathaniel is something of a proto-cryptozoologist and like his 20th-Century contemporaries advances the idea that the menacing white worm, like Nessie, is a prehistoric holdover who has somehow managed to survive for millions of years in the supposedly “abysmal depths” of the United Kingdom’s many lakes and lochs. Of course, the novel ends with the revelation that the worm is real and dwells in a pit beneath Arabella March’s home in Diana’s Grove where March worships and feeds the beast who in turn appears to endow her with evil supernatural powers. Ultimately, Adam is able to dispatch the monster via the handy combination of dynamite and a well-placed lightning bolt.

In 1988, English filmmaker Ken Russell (1927-2011) filmed a theatrical adaptation of The Lair of the White Worm. Russell’s version actually puts more emphasis on the story’s latent paleontological elements. Rather than being set in the early 20th-Centrury the story is moved up to the present day (i.e. 1980s) and Adam Salton is recast as Angus Flint (Peter Capaldi; the Twelfth Doctor); a Scottish archaeologist excavating the site of a Roman era Christian convent in Derbyshire. Among the ruins Flint discovers what appears to be the skull of a dinosaur! The locals connect the skull to the legend of the d'Ampton wyrm, said to have been slain in Stonerich Cavern by John d'Ampton, the ancestor of current Lord of the Manor, James d'Ampton (Hugh Grant of Four Weddings and a Funeral [94] and Bridget Jones’s Diary [2001]). Flint attends a party at d’Ampton Manor where he meets James and the audience is treated to a rocking rendition of the legend of the d’Ampton wyrm (based on the real-life legend of the Lambton Worm).

Stonerich Cavern is connected to the home of the enigmatic Lady Sylvia Marsh (Amanda Donohoe) who steals the skull from Flint and also abducts his girlfriend Eve. While a symbiotic relationship between Marsh and the White Worm is only hinted at in Stoker’s novel, it is explicit in Russell’s film with Marsh assuming the form of a silver-skinned serpentine vampire who’s appearance I would have to guess was inspired by the look of a similar monster seen in Hammer’s The Reptile (1966, dir. John Gilling). It is soon revealed that Marsh is the immortal priestess of an ancient pre-Christian snake god named Dionin whose next sacrifice is going to be Eve. In order to rescue his girlfriend and expunge the evil from the countryside Flint enlists the aid of James and the two mount an assault on Marsh and Dionin.  

For most cryptozoology enthusiasts, Nessie is believed to be an extant plesiosaur which somehow survived the K–Pg extinction event some 66-million-years ago. As a result the idea of Nessie being related to anything like the subject of Stoker’s The Lair of the White Worm – with its occult evil, secret cults, human sacrifice and vampires – may seem strange indeed. However at least one noted Nessie research drew just such a circle of connections around the Loch Ness Monster. That man was Fredrick William Holiday (1921–1979).

Like most Nessie researchers, Holiday started out proposing that Nessie was a prehistoric survivor. Not a plesiosaur but rather a Tully Monster (Tullimonstrum gregarium); a genus of soft-bodied bilaterian that lived during Late Carboniferous period some 323.2 million-years-ago to 298.9 million-years-ago and whose fossil remains were discovered in Illinois in the late 1960s. The exact nature of the Tully Monster is actually a source of great paleontological controversy which you can learn about here. Like all cryptozoologists expounding prehistoric survivor paradigm theories Holiday was at a loss to explain how the warm water Tully Monster had survived hundreds of millions of years in a cold lake on the other side of the world. He also had the not insignificant problem that the fossils of Tully Monster indicated that its maximum size was about 14-inches, pretty puny for the Loch Ness Monster. Nevertheless, Holiday put forth his Tully Monster theory in his 1968 book The Great Orm of Loch Ness; “orm” being another variation on “wyrm.”

However, as Holiday continued to research the Loch Ness Monster he began noticing strange things happening to him. This included his camera always malfunctioning whenever he tried to take a shot of Nessie, glimpses of mysterious orbs of light, apparent UFO sightings and experiences of missing time. As a result by the early 1970s Holiday ceased promoting the idea that Nessie was a Tully Monster and started claiming that it was a supernatural entity that was both the basis of ancient dragon legends and somehow connected to UFOs; hence the title of his second book: The Dragon and the Disc (1973). This trend in Holiday’s research continued and by the late 70s Holiday was apparently wrapped up in all kinds of occult phenomena and evidently claiming that Nessie was the object of reverence of a secret dragon cult practicing human sacrifice hidden in the surrounding Inverness environs. All this prompted Holiday’s final book The Goblin Universe (published in 1986, after his death) which was co-authored with sci-fi writer Colin Wilson; author of The Space Vampires (1976), which was later turned into the film Lifeforce (1986) directed by Tobe Hooper (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Poltergeist) and scripted by Dan O’Bannon (Alien). You want a crazy Halloween double-feature? Watch Russell’s The Lair of the White Worm and Hooper’s Lifeforce back-to-back.