#(i absolutely don't think missy's actually dead)

[lanawinterscigarettes]

The Masters dating someone who's clumsy

Characters included: Simm, Missy/Gomez, and Dhawan

Warnings: mentions of injuries/death (not graphic), all three of The Masters are teasing and/or inconsiderate assholes, plus they might be ooc since this is my first time writing for them

A/N: this is purely self indulgent, but I hope y'all get a kick out of it nonetheless

Simm! Master

Makes fun of you for it, 100%

"Aw, is the poor little human incapable of not falling over every two seconds? How adorable"

Absolutely will not help you up if you fall unless you beg or if you're very obviously hurt

Playfully scolds you for any bruises or scrapes you get from falling or bumping into things, though don't be mistaken, that doesn't mean he'll help you put on a band aid if you need it

If he thinks for even a second that someone else caused you to get hurt by bumping into you or pushing you over, they're dead, end of discussion

Missy/Gomez! Master

Not as annoying about it as Simm's Master, but she will playfully taunt you for being so clumsy

"Hm, this is the second time today you've bumped into something, isn't it? Poor thing"

Her helping you up all depends on her mood. If she's in a good one she may laugh briefly before giving you a hand, but if she's feeling more grouchy she'll refuse, pretending that she doesn't even see you laying on the ground

Actually patches up any scrapes or injuries you may get, whether it was an accident or not

Oh and anyone who pushed you over intentionally will be given agonizing torture from her as a punishment

Dhawan! Master

He's, like, the least bothered by your clumsiness, and even actively complains about it to you

"This is ridiculous, we can't even go to a simple marketplace without you getting hurt. Honestly"

Secretly though, he's probably the most worried, but he covers it up with disinterest and snark

Won't help you up if you trip and fall over unless you beg, to which he'll respond with a loud sigh or an eye roll

Doesn't shy away from scolding you if he has to help clean/wrap up any injuries you may have acquired

I don't think I even need to say this, but if anyone is the reason you got hurt they'll be killed immediately, accident or not

Likes < reblogs | comments are greatly appreciated <3

Main masterlist | Doctor Who masterlist | wanna be added to my taglist?

🏷 taglist: none yet to tag

[wordsinhaled]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @landwriter <3 thank you, gloam!

How many works do you have on Ao3?

14! (yes, only 14)

What's your total Ao3 word count?

14,842

What fandoms do you write for?

so far, it's been the sandman, good omens, and merlin - though i don't have any published (or finished...) merlin fics. i also just finished dead boy detectives, which may result in a bit of fic - we'll see!

Top five fics by kudos:

just pull on your hair, just pull on your pout - shameless excuse to make dream & hob make out in the cold like teenagers, inspired by the cure & a beautiful fanart of professor hob by @pomegranateruin!

eternity is in us now - dreamling proposal fic <3

if the walls were too thin, you would break right in - this was the first dreamling fic i wrote! :D

while the little moments dream - the one where dream offers hob godhood at the end of the world. soft <3

we are the cosmos fleeing the night - i think this was my second dreamling ficlet? dreamling FWB but make it still romantic

Do you respond to comments?

i'll be honest, i'm pretty bad about responding to comments - NOT because i don't appreciate them! i love each comment i receive dearly and they all mean the world to me. but being less generally flustered and knowing what to say in response to comments is something i'm working on. <3

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

maybe this one? all night or a hundred years is my take on the wine-sharing scene from season of mists. so you know, angst comes with the territory but that one hurts me particularly badly, so it probably fits the bill.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

it's DEFINITELY this one, which has no name and which i should probably crosspost to Ao3 at some point, but it's basically dreamling being sappy and getting married. that's it, that's the plot

Do you get hate on fics?

thankfully i never have!

Do you write smut?

i write... smut-adjacent? i don't think i've ever written like, a pure PWP before or anything i would say rates as explicit. it's just something i've never tried and feel kind of intimidated by tbh, though i'm sure it would be fine if i ever do get around to it! if anyone wants to cheerlead me through my first smut fic i am game, lmao (is there ghost detective smut on my horizon???? IS THERE??? listen. it's not an impossibility is all i'm saying)

Craziest crossover:

i am not sure i've actually written a crossover, but i just finished dead boy detectives and i have many crossover thoughts! oh, also sandman/the old guard, of course. though that's not so much crazy as reasonable, i think

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

i don't believe so, but i would be honored!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

never, but it sounds fun!

All time favourite ship?

well, i'm a multishipper, so this one's hard - i can list my OTPs per fandom... the sandman - dreamling, gaulcienne, hob/destruction (honestly hob/all the endless thanks to @softest-punk but i particularly love how you write hob/desire) doctor who - tenrose / doctor/rose & thoschei my beloveds (particular shoutout to twelve/missy, no one's doing it like them) bbc merlin - merthur, merwaine, mergwenthur dbda - obviously edwin/charles [and edwin&charles of course\ (whatever their ship name is I REFUSE TO CALL IT CHEDWIN... PLEASE... SAVE ME...). but i was absolutely also rooting for crystal/niko in addition to that...

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oh my god i have so many. SO MANY. TOO MANY. i really want to finish the dreamling fealty fic one day because i literally have 2k+ words for it already sitting in my drafts, but i have no idea if i will. also it would be nice to finish ANY merlin WIP sometime this century. i am also debating if i want to start any dbda WIPs but they are... percolating still

What are your writing strengths?

i would say conveying atmosphere in a small number of words, if i had to say something!

What are your writing weaknesses?

FINISHING THINGS! god, and i'm terrible at turning fic ideas into actual writing. the ideas form faster than i can even write them down, but writing the ideas instead of having them play out cool music video-style in my head is SO HARD! also longfic is my kryptonite, i have no idea how authors do it!!!

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i think it can work, but if it's in a language i understand i find myself focused on if the grammar is correct and such. russian usually... has not been (stevebucky fandom i'm looking at u)...

First fandom you wrote in?

harry potter ages and ages ago was my first fandom, but i don't recall if i ever had any actual proper finished fics that i posted anywhere, until sandman fandom. i wouldn't say i considered myself a "proper" fic writer until dreamling actually

Favourite fic you've written?

hard to say - i like them all for different reasons but i'm proud of the opposite of blindness !

tagging whoever wants to do it as i'm sure most of my mutuals have already done this! <3

[scorpio-marionette]

31 Nights of Head Canons - Night 3

Night 2

~

A/N: So this is a fun one, though I don't personally recommend playing with these things. If you've ever played with one, did anything actually happen?

~

Night 3

Have you ever played with a Oujia Board?

~

Dio

A Ouija Board is how he summoned the demon he sold his soul to.

~

Omar

Omar is too busy playing boxer to do anything like mess with a Ouija board. His friends have though. They did seem a little jumpy for a while afterwards.

~

Zach

He never had an interest in it before, and definitely doesn't have an interest in it now that he's getting his life back together.

~

Oberyn

He has never heard of a Oujia board, but he is familiar with which the Red Priestesses obtain visions from the Lord of Light. He would be interested in a magical board though, if it means contacting his sister and her children.

~

Marcus Pike

Marcus has never felt the need to use one of those. And if it's true they can let demons in, then there's a reason not to. He has enough problems dealing with the living.

~

Max Phillips

While he may not have used one, Max can tell you that they do indeed contact the dead. They just don't contact who you want. He'd describe it as a payphone. You can call the public phone anytime. It doesn't mean that who answers the phone is who you want to talk to.

~

Pero Tovar

The Oujia board did not exist in Pero's time. However, I would imagine that even if it did, he wouldn't believe it worked.

~

Javier Peña

Javi isn't going anywhere near one of those. Between the people he's killed and watched get killed, he'd be haunted to the point of madness. No, his leaving the DEA is enough. He doesn't need to bring the dead back to torment himself.

~

Jack

Jack tried once after he tried contacting his late wife through a psychic. Both attempts were fruitless and left the cowboy to sink even deeper into his depression. He now actively denounces both as real means of contacting lost loved ones.

~

Ezra

Ezra has heard of a fabled piece of wood capable of conversing with the dead, but he has not come across one of that nature. He is interested to know if it truly does as it has been claimed to do.

~

Dave

He doesn't care for this kind of stuff. Once he dispatches someone, no magical board is going to connect them to the living again.

~

Frankie

Frankie once dated a girl with a Ouija board. She tried to get him to use it with her. He refused and when she kept pushing, he got up and walked out of her house. A few months later Frankie joined the military... and she was found dead in her home.

~

Max Lord

After what happened with the dream stone, Max won't go near anything even remotely spiritual, supernatural, or magical.

~

Marcus Moreno

Missy asked if they could use a Ouija board to contact her late mother. Marcus tried to tell her that it more than likely wouldn't work. When Missy insisted it was worth a try, Marcus had to explain that it wouldn't be healthy for her grieving process. Yes, she may miss her to the point of wanting to speak to her again, but putting her hopes into a piece of wood was a gamble. She could get more than she bargained for or be left with an even bigger wound.

~

Din

I don't think Ouija boards exist in Star Wars canon, but if it did, I don't think Din would mess with it. Believer or not. Paid to use it or not. I think he's more than content with leaving the ghosts to his past.

~

Nico

Nico hasn't personally, but he was told that the previous tenants to his home had one. The why was never inquired. All he knows is that after a few months they all abruptly left.

~

Dieter

He absolutely has, and if it worked he would never be able to tell you. For Dieter, this was one of those "I'd have to be drunk before I'd do that" and that is what happened. How much of it he remembers is yet to be determined. Was any of it real? Who knows.

~

Javi Gutierrez

Javi almost did, but backed out at the last minute. He doesn't know what stopped him. All he knows is that he had an overwhelming need to run away from the building the board was being used in.

~

Joel

I wouldn't say there's a lot of time in Joel's life for messing around with a Ouija board. Besides, I think if it worked, that would just be opening up healing wounds in our beloved survivor.

[healerelowen]

I have more poppy playtime worms squiggling around in my brain

so imma talk about it some more

I'm a massive Chapter 2 apologist. I just like the chapter and especially the antagonist. My only problem isn't really with the chapter itself but it's with people being way too trigger happy to say 'Mascot horror! Horror for kids! It sucks it always does!' to the point where you're only in a safe haven if you say you like Chapter 3 (which I agree on, it is very good). But also let people enjoy things, quit being a hater.

Speaking of Chapter 2, Mommy Long Legs is probably my favorite character in the franchise. She has a lot of depth as a character both before and after she became a bigger body. Because before Project: Playtime and Chapter 3 were even heard of, her character was basically giant spider monster hell-bent on revenge that absolutely hated those working at Playtime co.

Then we had the ARG with Project: Playtime and she got the lore she deserved. It's really fascinating actually, and I think that really adds a whole lot of context for why she acts the way she does. Also, according to her wiki, she will drink tea depending on how thirsty she is, which is a cool fun fact. But I also just really like her personality and her voice, she's just a really cool character overall :)

I hate Poppy. Hate her. Absolutely hate her. I didn't really like her since she appeared in Chapter 2 and she certainly didn't deserve a debut in Chapter 3 either. I swear to god once the Prototype is dead, I'm launching that bitch back in her case. She can sit there and rot for all eternity.

It really feels like she's babying the player while at the same time expecting them to follow through with her plan as if they don't have a reasonable bone in their body. She doesn't have a lot of character consistency either, less anything good. Poppy does NOT deserve her friendship with Kissy Missy, Kissy is too good for her.

I actually really like the theory that the player is Rich. I mean, it makes sense considering that Rich gets a suspicious amount of VHS tapes. I don't think it's some scientist coming back years later to cover our tracks, I like the idea of Rich going back for his coworkers out of goodness of his heart much better. He does seem the kind of guy to do that, especially after the tape with his conversation with Stu in Chapter 3.

Now with how Project: Playtime falls in the timeline, I have my own theory. I think that the characters, ideas and lore of Project: Playtime are canon, but the actual pitch of the game is not. To explain that, I think that characters like Boxy Boo and all the lore like the Prototype being able to control the other bigger bodies is canon. But the actual events of the game itself are not canon and is just a spin off. So in short, Project: Playtime is a spin off game with lore sprinkled in it like side quests.

Please talk to me about this game I love it so much and I love talking about it

[isqueedmyself]

The Cat from Gallifrey 1/1

Dr. Who

Twelfth Doctor / Missy / Kate Stewart yes I am serious, thank you

PG13 for mention of violence, murder… you know who Missy is, right?

trigger warning for allusions to getting shoved out the back of a plane

800 word one-shot

Oh, and I don't have a beta reader. Sorry.

From a prompt by @memedreeams: "You didn’t deserve for any of this to happen to you," slightly tweaked

I claim no ownership of this mileiu, its characters and settings, and I am certainly making no profit writing fanfiction for free.

____________________________________________________________ It wasn't that the Doctor thought Missy was crazy enough….

Check that. Missy was crazy enough to do anything.

But he didn't think she'd actually try anything in the actual Vault. Certainly he could stop her. She had to know that. And she knew that she had no expectation of privacy.

So it wouldn't be eavesdropping if he listened in when Missy looked up at Kate Stewart and asked to speak to her.

And then she turned to the Doctor from her seat at the piano and said "Alone." And her voice cracked.

Kate could take care of herself. Kate had more reason than most to distrust Missy. And Kate… was the doctor's best fried's daughter.

He brought up the Vault surveillance cameras on the monitor and watched. Missy was still on the piano bench, facing away from the instrument, shoulders hunched, looked at the floor. Kate was over by the wall between the windows, arms folded in front of her, watching. Not pushing, just waiting.

"I was talking to the Doctor the other day," Missy began, and then paused. When Kate didn't respond, she swallowed and continued. "I was talking about all the people… people I killed. How I remembered every face. Every name."

Apparently Kate knew what was coming now. She didn't look happy, but she wasn't running for the door yet, so the Doctor let things continue.

"And I was thinking," Missy said, "that I couldn't… that I could never tell any of them how… how sorry I am, because they're dead, and it's my fault, and…."

Kate's eyes closed, and the doctor bit his lip. This must be horrid for her.

"But then I thought, there's one. There's you. And it took me this long to get up the courage, but…."

She stood up and walked across the room and took one of Kate's hands in each of hers.

"I… I'm sorry… that I pushed you out of the plane. You didn't deserve for that to happen to you, and I don't even know why I did it. I don't…."

"I do," said Kate, so softly that at first the Doctor didn't realize that she'd spoken."or I think I do. Do they have cats on Gallifrey, Missy?"

Missy nodded. Of course there were cats on Gallifrey. Cats were the most widespread species that had originated on earth. Well, after mice, which seemed to stow away on any ship that got within six light years of this place. That might explain about the cats.

The Doctor caught himself deflecting, and forced his attention back to the women on the monitor.

"Sometimes," Kate said, "if you pet a cat, it really likes it."

Missy was nodding. Missy liked cats. The Doctor should find… the Doctor should absolutely stop it with the deflection. Yes, Missy was nodding, and Kate was speaking again.

"But sometimes, all that ecstasy, the sensation of being petted and the emotion of being loved, it all become too much, and the cat will snap around and scratch you silly. Sometimes even bite you."

"What about it?" Missy asked.

"The Doctor loves you," Kate said.

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I don't think I'm the one who's being ridiculous," Kate said with a bit of a laugh in her voice. "Not about that. No, he loves you, and you love him. You have done, for a very long time, haven't you?"

If Missy answered her, the microphones didn't pick it up. Kate continued: "And somehow you were apart, for, again, a very long time, and then there you were, together, standing shoulder to shoulder, figuratively speaking, against enormous odds, and you… you were happy, weren't you?" Her hand came up and touched Missy's face. The Doctor couldn't see Missy's reaction; they were really going to have to install cameras that… and he was deflecting again.

"You were so happy to be with him, even in the face of death, of disaster, that you just couldn't stand it, and you had to do something, and… and you did what you did." Kate's lips quirked into an unexpected smile. "I've always thought that when I died I wanted it to be a thrill, and that… I must say that was thrilling."

She had Missy laughing now. Both of them seemed to have relaxed a little, but the Doctor had not.

"You're going to be fine, you know," Kate told Missy. "In fact, you're going to be bloody brilliant. And do you know what else?"

Missy shook her head.

"On behalf of all those people who can't say it, let me tell you that you're going to be forgiven. In fact, you already are." And she leaned forward and kissed Missy on the forehead.

A while later, the Doctor turned off the monitor just as Kate stepped out of the Vault and closed the doors behind her.

"Good evening, Doctor," she said, and walked away, probably only pretending not to notice his crimson face and the tears shining on his cheeks.

[versionofgood-a-blog]

honestly missy’s character development in s10 was everything i’ve ever wanted. the master is a fantastic villain but god i just love them a lot and i adore their relationship with the doctor, so naturally i want the two of them to come together. i never truly believed it would happen because the master has just always been too proud and too set in their ways to change, and “turning good” would be like admitting defeat. but deep down, they never stopped caring for the doctor.

missy’s whole stint on the show has been about her trying to reconcile those two parts of herself: the part that is chaotic and evil, and the part that wants to be the doctor’s friend. in s8 and s9, we see that doesn’t really work. they both still care deeply for each other, but she cannot do the killing and the scheming and have a relationship with the doctor like she wants. in s10, the scale begins to level itself out. 

at her execution, she turned on the waterworks to appeal to the doctor’s sensibilities. those tears were not genuine. yes, she considers herself the doctor’s friend, but she didn’t actually want to be good. she didn’t want the doctor to teach her how to be a better person. she just didn’t want to die. the master likes to pretend they’re too big to beg, but their track record says otherwise lmao.

but then she was put in the vault and spent like what, seventy years in there? in the grand scheme of a time lord’s life, seventy years may not be much, but that isolation still got to her. the tears at her execution were forced, but the rest of them weren’t. (trust me, i didn’t know if they could be trusted at first either. goddamn i hoped she was actually being honest but i figured she was playing him.) like she said in the lie of the land, ‘being bad drowned that out.’ she’s not pure evil; she still has feelings. but she’s never actually marinated in them. it apparently takes about seventy years of imprisonment for the master to feel regret.

then the other master popped up. the one who burns like a whole screaming world on fire. his fire and his intensity must be so easy to get caught up in, especially for someone who knows exactly how it feels to be him. she says she remembers it and she will always miss it. but the pull of the doctor, her love for him and her desire to be his friend has finally become stronger than the pull of power and chaos and destruction. finally, the master stands with the doctor and the doctor has no idea.

but where she stands is where she falls. without hope. without witness. without reward. 

one part of her (chaotic and evil) shooting the other part of her (the doctor’s friend) is just fucking poetic, isn’t it? that’s what’s been going on for so long. those two parts just never mesh and the bad part always comes out triumphant.

[veinsandknuckles]

It's a bad life if you don't weaken, pt 5 (Tallahassee/Reader)

You had found a house. You’d found plenty of houses along the way, but this one looked especially promising with its two stories, a tall foundation that left the front door as the only entrance you’d need to guard, wide fields spreading out in every direction to lay bare anyone, dead or alive, who might try to sneak up on you. There were old tire marks in the soil running towards and away from the building, the latest set belonging to a car parked awkwardly against a wall with leaves and debris scattered on the roof - no one living was staying here.

Tallahassee tried to kick in the door and made a wonderful scene when it swung open without any effort, leaving him to land face first on the hallway carpet.

He looked so baffled and crestfallen when he got back to his feet that the three of you laughed at him even harder and he turned tail and ran on into the house until he found a door that hadn’t already been kicked in by some other survivor. You heard a crash, boots running across wooden floors, then another crash. Columbus and Little Rock entered after him and fanned out like a well practiced SWAT team to make sure Tallahassee’s display hadn’t awakened anything.

You carried in the bags, pushed the door back into its frame and secured it with the hallway cabinet and, gun at the ready, went to explore the next floor up. Those fools were making a lot of noise down there but you were sure by now that the house was empty. Thanks to their eager bad-ass antics, you had first choice of bedrooms.

Tallahassee came up the stairs once he’d gotten some of the smashing out of his system and he froze in the doorway to the master bedroom, his grin twisting into a mask of utter grief.

“No,” he breathed.

You were sprawled on the king-size bed, arms crossed behind your head, legs stretched out and luxuriating on the soft sheets. With a smile, you made the bed bounce and there wasn’t so much as a squeak of complaint from the springs. Three of you could have fit on the bed without brushing up against each other. “Oh yeah,” you purred. “This house was a great pick, Tallahassee - I can really see us making ourselves at home here.”

The other two finally caught on to what was happening and followed close behind. Little Rock elbowed Tallahassee aside and cursed at you. “Come on! I’m not sleeping on the floor again - Tallahassee, tell her.”

“Oh, wow,” came Columbus’ voice from somewhere down the hall, “this room is so nice! Hm, doilies.”

Little Rock bolted immediately and through the walls you could hear her flinging herself onto the bed in there and shouting “dibs!”

Tallahassee’s face was dark, and he glanced towards where your hand rested on your gun. “I could have you over my shoulder and out of here quicker’n you could get the safety off of that thing, missy.” He drew himself up with injured dignity and pressed a hand to his chest. “But I... am a gentleman. A gentleman with a sore neck and aching muscles and very long limbs.”

You raised your eyebrows and wondered if you could bring him back to the idea of lifting you up bodily. “Yes, that’s what we all call you behind your back. Gentleman.”

He shook his head. “You know, I give you kids everything I have and I get nothin’ but lip in return. I despair of your generation.”

Tallahassee did that a lot, drew attention to his own age and the gap between his and yours. He was welcome to fish for reassurance about his own all he wanted and you usually obliged, but lumping you in with the other two?  “Watch who you call a kid. Columbus makes me feel ancient by comparison.”

He looked at you oddly before he smiled. “Figure of speech, sweetheart.” Something made him pause, as if he was weighing up his options. Then he sighed with exaggerated melancholy. “Well... if you won’t take pity on me, I’d better find somewhere else to bunk up.” Tallahassee touched the brim of his hat to you and walked off with his duffel bag slung over his shoulder before you could gather up the nerve to point out the bed was wide enough to fit both of you. ----

In the end, there were enough bedrooms to go around and then some - this house had obviously belonged to a real old fashioned country family. No one wanted to speculate further than this in any real way, but Little Rock made fun of all the framed photographs she found and amused herself by throwing them out the window, trying to hit the roof of the old abandoned car. Maybe she was working through something.

The other survivor(s) hadn’t stayed here long enough to ruin much. Their footprints had stained some carpets and there were broken egg shells and empty packets of food clogging the kitchen sink, but all of that would have expired by now in any case and in the cabinets there were cans, spices and nonperishables galore. There was also a corpse in the sitting room, but it was the still sort, so you pulled on some long rubber gloves, grabbed the edges of the rug it was lying on and dragged it, half wrapped up like a perversely over-stuffed burrito, slowly out and down the front stairs.

There were a few offers of help, but you wanted to stay busy so you declined, found a bucket and some soap, opened all the windows wide and eventually with a lot of elbow grease and retching, got the worst of the stink and the goo out. Tallahassee kept himself busy and alone in the rest of the house doing something mysterious, Columbus and Little Rock split up to rest a while and came together in the kitchen to cook and after a good few hours of quiet, hard work you felt your stomach rumble as the smell of death was replaced by the (honestly speaking, only barely) preferable smell of food.

It was amazing how quickly the unacceptable became commonplace - if you couldn’t learn to build an appetite with maggots crawling on your hands, you would have starved a long time ago.

When it was all done, the four of you sat down exhausted on the porch to the first hot meal you’d had in ages. The table was covered by an old sheet, there were wild flowers in a jug of water, there were beers to drink and the already empty bottles held flickering candles that picked up some of the slack from the setting sun. Someone, perhaps all three of them, had obviously had a hankering for the domestic and right now it didn’t seem like the sort of thing that any of you wanted to mock.

Tallahassee had gone to work with hammer, nails and whatever wood he could find and had already boarded up most of the windows that could be reached on the first floor. Everything that could and should be done today had been done and there was as much stillness and safety now that there would ever be again. In short, this was exactly the time when at least one person would be gearing up for a breakdown. The silence around the table could be excused while everyone was still ravenous and busy shoving the weird combinations of pickles, spam, noodles and preserves into their mouths but it worried you when things slowed down and there was still no talking. Something had to be done.

“Anyone feel like they’re going nuts?”

Well, that made them sit up. Columbus coughed and Tallahassee froze, fork half way to his open mouth.

Little Rock sighed. “I mean, yeah. Obviously.”

“You ever gone proper camping, like strapped into a heavy rucksack?” You addressed the question to her since she’d made the mistake of replying first.

“Ew, no. I had better things to do than subject myself to ‘nature’.”

Tallahassee kicked her chair under the table and she jolted and gave him the finger.

“Well,” you pressed on. “My point is, when you take the pack off and sit down, that’s when you feel how tired you are. And it’s almost impossible to lift the thing back up again after.”

Silence descended again. No one looked like they disagreed with you or were in doubt of what you were getting at. After a moment, Tallahassee opened another bottle with his teeth, took a drink, belched and said, “that’s a fair point, princess, a good analogy.” There was no knowing whether he meant it or if he was being sarcastic.

“You’re saying we shouldn’t get comfortable here,” said Columbus. He hadn’t looked away from you since you started talking, which was rare for him.

“No... we’ve got plenty of supplies, this place looks safe enough and the propane tank is almost full. I think we need to rest. I’m just worried, if we’re not focusing on moving and surviving...”

“Well, my plan,” Tallahassee said and leaned back in his chair, “and you’re more’n welcome to join me, is to get absolutely, incoherently, pants-shittingly hammered. Ain’t nothing in this world can’t be solved by drinking.”

“Drinking what? Did you find liquor and just... hide it from the rest of us?”

He smiled and trailed his fingers lazily up and down the neck of his beer bottle, and you’d gotten completely off the subject but everyone was talking and ready to strangle Tallahassee, so for the moment at least the crisis was averted.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” he drawled. “Bet you wish you’d given me the master bedroom now...”

“That’s such a great plan, Tallahassee,” said Little Rock, each word dripping with insincerity and with only lemonade in her glass. “And are you finally going to let me have some? I mean, I can find other ways to let off steam, if you think that’s better. I still say your hat could use some glitter... who knows what I’ll get up to while you’re passed out in a pool of your own vomit.”

Tallahassee drew himself up, puffed out his chest and held on tight to his hat. “I swear to God, you so much as touch this hat and I’ll show you what your own kidneys look like.”

“I’m practically 13! Give me a goddamn beer!”

“Actually, you’ve got almost another three months.” Columbus looked thoughtful. “Wow, I’d better start looking out for some toy stores...”

“Toy stores? Are you deaf? I’m a teenager.”

“Hah!” Tallahassee cackled. “Give me a break - you’re barely out of your diapers. Oughta get you some velcro shoes, I’m sick to death of watching you struggle with your laces.”

Little Rock turned her indignation back on Tallahassee and he welcomed it with open arms.

You’d never articulated this thought to yourself before, but he really did rile people up on purpose and you were beginning to see why. It might very well have started as a way to keep them at arm’s length, but he had another reason now - better they were angry at him than sad. Or numb. As the saying went: don’t mourn, organise against the idiot who hogs the booze and farts on your pillow ‘to remind you of home’. It wasn’t a very nice favour he was doing them but you couldn’t help feeling cheated that he never needled you the same way. It’d at least meant he was giving you some attention.

...Christ, you must be getting desperate indeed if that’s was the sort of attention you were willing to settle for.

“Tallahassee.” Columbus’ voice was soft but firm, and he glanced over at you. “Bring us your stash and pour Little Rock a very small drink.”

“Make me.”

“I don’t have to make you. You’re outnumbered. I favor a nice merlot, myself, but I will settle for whatever you’ve got.”

[thedyingmoon]

💚 See Me Now 💚

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Berg Newspaper Headlines

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( Dated 25 April, 850 and 26 April, 850, Respectively )

"Mysterious Hooded Figures Spotted In The Outskirts Of Trost District"

By: @levi4mikasa

April 25, year 850, Tuesday

Locals of Trost report sightings of numerous hooded figures roaming the District since Sunday of the month of April, year 850. Some even say that these so called "Ghouls" were in pursuit of some people from the local military branch. The reason of these strange occurrences remain unknown up to this day.

"Aye!Aye! The hooded bastards be like,... seven - foot tall! They be wanderin' 'round these streets for days on end, a - waitin' for somethin'. What's that? I dunno. Just thinkin' of them, I shiver in me boots!" a local fishmonger claimed upon interview.

"I remember Captain Levi walking the streets that day." the lady who owns a fruit stand in the Trost Marketplace claimed. "There were gunshots, and, oh my God! I had to run for it. I have children to feed. I don't want to die. But a hooded figure stopped me from running and pointed a gun at me! Oh, my God! After the noise, the man said to me, you're one lucky bitch, and left, just like that! Oh, my God! Where's the Military Policemen when you need them? I don't want to die! I'd move back to Shiganshina if I have to! But, I can't because of the Titans! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!"

"Yeah, I remember that." a young lady who lived right next to the Marketplace claimed. "I saw Captain Levi, yes! I saw him! I saw him! I want him to notice me, and,... oh, I should only state what happened? Oh, sorry,... So, I saw Captain Levi and I remember hearing shouting, I'm not so sure but, I think I heard a man and a woman scream. Then I saw these black - cloaked figures coming out of the alleys and going after the location of the screams. There was a gunshot, and I saw men in horseback. Then, after that, I don't really remember. Because one of the cloaked - things pointed a gun at me, preventing me from running. I was so scared."

The strange hooded figures, screams, gunshots, the threats on the innocent locals, and Captain Levi.

Could the locals be referring to the Captain Levi Ackerman of the most renowned Scouting Legion, Humanity's Strongest Soldier? If so, what is his connection to these hooded figures who still roam the outskirts of Trost District, wreaking havoc and panic among the citizens? Are these some unknown enemies threatening the elimination of humankind's ace towards the victory from the Titans we so longed for? Or did the Captain, himself, gain enemies for a reason so scandalous, it was enough to put innocent lives in danger? What is his true connection to them?

I firmly advise everyone who reads this to spread the word, to always keep safe and to stay away from the places where these horrifying creatures could possibly be. Until we find out the reason behind these strange occurrences, nobody,... is safe.

***

"Local Citizens Dress Up As Hooded Figures To Drive Away Evil Spirits"

By: @clovemcpandas

April 26, year 850, Wednesday

The strange hooded figures who reportedly roam the streets of Trost terrorizing locals turn out to be nothing more but fellow locals, teenagers in particular, who dress in such attires to drive evil away from the country.

It's that day of the year again, folks, the day in which we, as fellow citizens of Wall Rose, dress up as sinister figures and roam the streets to drive away, you guessed it - the evil spirits that wander the realm of the living. Yes, it's Saturn's Month again! The one event in this month wherein we get an excuse to scare off our family and friends by dressing up as one of the undead. It is one of our country's most cherished traditions, alongside All Hallow's Eve of the month of November, wherein we honor our dead loved ones and drive off the alleged evil spirits that roam our world in search of new victims to drag back to their world. Our rich culture even states that April is the month wherein lots of tragedies and deaths occur, including the very recent assault of the Colossus Titan, which left many scarred for life. To avoid occurrences such as this, the ancient ones started a tradition wherein the locals dress up like evil spirits to frighten away these malicious creatures and to drive them back to their own realm, for they are the ones who cause Humanity's many tragedies. Hence the name of the month's event, Saturn ( or Satan, the lord of the Underworld, as the ancient ones put it ).

I can almost here the collective sighs of relief from the citizens out there, eh?

"Yeah, thank the Heavens, I forgot it's Saturn's Month, already! Time passes quickly, eh?" claimed the Trost District Marketplace's new fishmonger. "I'm thinking of dressing up as a ghost and scare the crap ( the real term used by the gentleman purposefully edited due to crudity, for the sake of younger readers ) out of these youngsters. I still have it in me, ya know?"

You said it, Mr. Fishmonger!

"Saturn's Month?" a young lady who sells fruits says. "I remember last year when I dressed up as a witch, I nearly gave my mom a heart attack!"

For the love of God, don't scare the poor old woman again, alright, Miss?

"I thought for a second there that our lives were in danger!" says another Trost District citizen, a young miss. "I looked at my calendar and I realized it's just Saturn's Month! There's no need for the Military Police after all, eh?"

No need for the Military Police at all, missy!

"The citizens have nothing to worry about." the chief of the Military Police, Nile Dawk, himself, stated. "Although, these youngsters do take Saturn's Month very seriously. My men are doing their best to keep the atmosphere safe and sound, should the evil spirits come and do claim their victims."

"Yes, we're counting on you, Chief! By the way, if I may ask, what are you going to dress up for Saturn's Month, sir?"

"I will dress up as the Head of the four Military factions, Sir Darius Zackly! I believe that the sight of him is enough to drive even the Colossus Titan away! Wait, are you writing all of these down?"

I'm sorry, Chief!

"Yes, I do enjoy Saturn's Month." and guess what? Even Captain Levi of the Scouting Legion, Humanity's Strongest Soldier, himself, offers a statement for us lucky citizens! "I get to dress up like the grim reaper and scare the crap ( once again for the edit, we do apologize, dear youngster readers ) out of my subordinates."

What a refreshing sight to see the renowned Captain smiling and laughing!

"So, Captain Levi, what is your message to the citizens out there who are still afraid of these hooded figures who roam the streets in search for victims?"

"I would like to tell all the lovely citizens to not be afraid of these Saturn's Month cosplayers. They are simply there to adhere to our country's rich culture, which is to help drive away the evil spirits in the only way they know. I assure you of that. I also pledge myself to protect all people should the Titans once again purge our peaceful world with chaos! For they are the only things evil I believe in that could actually harm us."

With that statement, he saluted and dedicated his heart for the safety of us, innocent and helpless citizens.

What a hero! What a hero, indeed!

And so, with those statements from our fellow citizens and protectors, we can finally rest our tired eyes from staying up late at night, guarding our little ones from any possible assault from the enemies. We could finally open our shops in peace without thinking of several hooded men who could point their guns at us. We could finally roam our own streets freely and without fear of these monstrosities. Captain Levi, and the rest of the brave Soldiers who pledged to keep us safe from any harm, are all here within reach, guarding us from any and all sorts of evil, living or undead. We're counting on you, brave Soldiers of the Walls!

And so, with that, I hope you all have a nice day free from stress and worry. Keep those costumes neat and dust free, and finally,...

...Happy Saturn's Month!

***

The Berg Newspaper publications distributed the news made by their very own journalist, Ms. @clovemcpandas that day of 26 April, year 850, with reassurances that the citizens have absolutely nothing to worry and fear about. All the remaining copies of Ms. @levi4mikasa 's news, dated 25 April, year 850, were all burned last evening, with a ruse saying that it was the traditional bonfire for Saturn's Month, the ultimate weapon for driving away the evil spirits. The citizens went back to their normal lives, forgetting about everything that occurred that day involving Captain Levi and his alleged pursuers.

Ms. @levi4mikasa , along with those three people she interviewed regarding the mysterious hooded figures and the few ones who supported the validity of her report, were never seen again.

***

~ @yepps , @shewolfofficial , @unhappysap , and @shortbty14 . 💚

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