#(idk how to tw things so umm idk this ig)

[its-a-human-person]

a rambley ramble-rant

okay but like why are people following me on tumblr??? my heart keeps skipping a beat bc JESUS CHRIST THERE ARE COOL PEOPLE. INTERESTED IN WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. INTO THE VOID OF TUMBLR

but also JESUS CHRIST THERE ARE COOL PEOPLE. LISTENING AND WATCHING WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. INTO THE VOID OF TUMBLR

dont get me wrong, follow me if u want, i appreciate it very very much just like wOw cOoL iNtErNeT pEoPLe LiKe mE, oR aT LeAsT mY cOnTeNt, tHiS dOeSn'T uSuALlY hApPeN oH bOy

[bitterblackberry]

so i’ve mentioned that i recently watched magical girl site/mahou shoujo site as research for an essay i’m working on and honestly i went into it expecting to just wholeheartedly hate it but like... it was honestly worse than that, i saw potential and it just... didn’t pan out.

this isn’t edited or properly formatted so i’m going to just be running through things as they show up in my brain so there isn’t really any real “order” here. just things i found disappointing.

major tw for rape, suicide, abuse, self harm, a transphobic slur and bullying

i found nijimi’s character to be one of the most disappointing since it hit kind of personally. i have anger issues related to my anxiety and autism and when i was younger i didn’t know what was wrong and would lash out for no reason, i was never offered solutions or anything, i was just treated like a bad kid and it sucked. that’s why i honestly liked nijimi a lot, yeah she gets insanely angry very quickly but she isn’t treated as evil or fake, she is a really cheerful girl who genuinely wants to make people happy as an idol, she just also has anger issues, which she recognizes and even if it’s too little too late she does understand she needs to work on. most of the time when a bubbly character has anger issues they’re depicted as being super fake and misleading but nijimi isn’t depicted like that and that had me really excited, i felt like how i did when i saw entrapta who was the first positive autistic rep i had ever seen on screen, but it’s just really weighed down by everything surrounding her. sure i felt bad about mikado’s death and i wanted to see nijimi come to peace with it but we saw so little of mikado and nijimi’s relationship that i didn’t care much. her stick being her underwear was gross and so was her implying that she bleeds down there when she uses it. like ew? was that really necessary? idk wouldn’t a hair clip or a bow or a pin have worked just as well? her crush on kaname was whatever, like ew ig. the whole scene where kaname got that guy to stab himself was disgusting though like i already hated him you didn’t need to make him put on a middle school girls underwear thanks!

next character i want to talk about is kosame who... is an offensive caricature! as i mentioned earlier i struggle with anxiety but i also struggle with some other stuff (yay) and i mean it didn’t bother me too much (if anything i laughed a bit when she took pills and then was immediately fine like lmao i wish) but i have concerns about the stereotypes she falls into regarding mentally ill girls in japan. i’m not going to go super into this here but the view on mental illness, especially of mentally ill girls, in japan is different in japan than it is in the west. she just... doesn’t sit right with me. also didn’t like the use of self harm for shock value and cheap jokes. now on to the missed potential :sparkles: i just think it’d be pretty hype to have a magical girl with an actual recognized anxiety disorder, like as someone with two whole anxiety disorders (like jeez calm down bro) it would be really cool to have a character who has anxiety and isn’t treated like a coward for it!! but alas that’s not what happened with kosame she just has a stick that is literally a pink box cutter and she has anxiety except for when it’s inconvenient!

next up is aya our lovely protagonist. umm there were a lot of things that bugged me about her but i did find her overall likeable. the stuff i didn’t like about her was more about the things that happened to her rather than actually about her. i think they should’ve either not included the attempted r*pe scene or they should’ve actually acknowledged it afterwards. like one of the things that made the show watchable at all for me was that they really tone down the edginess after the first few episodes but it still felt weird that they just... never bring up the fact that this guy tried to rape aya and then aya just? becomes friends with the girl who tried to get her raped? like that is a horribly traumatic experience, same with all the other abuse she went through at the hands of sarina and her friends and it’s just not super well acknowledged imo? i think it would’ve been for the best if the attempted rape scene just didn’t happen at all because it wasn’t executed well at all and was really insensitive. i don’t think having a suicidal or extremely unfortunate protagonist necessarily has to be a bad thing in magical girl animes but i feel like it was just played out with aya? like it felt like the writers were like “how can we make this girls life the absolute worst it could possibly be just for funsies” and she tries to commit suicide once at the very beginning and then she suddenly isn’t suicidal because she made one friend. 

i want to briefly talk about kaname. it seemed weird to me that they never went into the fact that the father was abusive to kaname? like i know a lot of kaname’s hatred was fueled by his fathers expectations of him but idk his entire character just felt odd. also that beach scene? gross.

i liked yatsumura, i thought she was cool and i liked her sticks power. i really liked her relationship with aya and honestly that was what kept this anime bearable for me to watch. i don’t have much to say about her but i do like her. it made me laugh a bit how she had this torture dungeon in her house all this time and aya’s just like “yeah. makes sense! sorry you didn’t get a chance to slowly and brutally murder that guy :(” my one complaint is that the guy would’ve died way sooner because something would’ve gotten infected since it didn’t seem like she was keeping things sterile but that’s just kind of me nit picking.

i’m going to talk about kiyoharu, mikari, asahi and sayuki all in one go because uh! they weren’t that notable. i actually forgot asahi existed while writing this section. whoops. so uh kiyoharu, the wiki says she’s trans but the anime treats her like a crossdresser so idk if that’s a manga thing or just a fan interpretation thing but since i didn’t read the manga i’m going to talk about just what i know as an anime watcher. i am sick of the ambiguously trans crossdresser character, especially after watching zombie land saga recently which had a super awesome undeniably trans girl, i’m just sick of it, i’m sick of people calling characters “traps” i’m sick of the “oh my god? she’s actually a HE?” moments. it’s just exhausting. i personally chose to watch the anime reading kiyoharu as a trans girl for the sake of my sanity but that isn’t something the anime confirms so sucks ig. out of the four characters i’m talking about here kiyoharu is the one i liked the most, probably because she’s just the one with the most to do out of all of them? then moving on to mikari. um what the hell was going on here actually? like what was with the old man i’m so confused what the frick that was so uncomfortable to watch. her designs cute though! and i like the flying broom stick :D asahi, as i said forgot she existed, i like characters with lolipops tho! literally nothing else to say. sayuki... same goes for her, she’s just slightly more memorable for slicing up all those hachi clones. i think these could all be fun characters, just with more screen time, as it is though i felt like they drowned each other out.

now i’m going to move on to what i think of the premise yay. while i’m not a fan of the miserable magical girl boom post pmmm (i did like pmmm tho) i don’t think mature magical girl anime has to be bad (as i said i like pmmm) and i don’t think the idea of girls in really unfortunate situations becoming magical girls is a bad one (just without the overplayed exploitation of really serious topics pls!). i was sooooo excited when i first found out about the magic system! one of my very few gripes with the magical girl genre as a whole is that a lot of them have a battle format of “magic beam!... it didn’t work!... well uh... BEAM HARDER!” and i was excited to see how these clearly defined rules would inform battles... you’ll be unsurprised to hear that... that didn’t happen! 99% of battles is the characters shooting at each other once, pausing to talk and then something happens. which was SO BORING! like jeez. anyways the battles sucked no surprise there. i liked most of the stick designs though, especially aya’s gun. i also don’t think the idea of a limited use magic power that feeds on your lifespan has to be a bad thing (look at death note) but it just felt really plot devicey in execution. the amount you could use your stick was really undefined, nijimi is implied to have used hers basically every day since she got her stick to control her fans into cleaning her house and there was never a concern of her dying wheras yatsumura is implied to have been very careful with her stick and she’s constantly on the verge of keeling over and dying. like i think the “we won’t live to adulthood” thing worked for the same reason the shinigami eyes work, we as an audience know that and it’s consistant, wheras with the characters who randomly go comatose it feels like the writers were just like “uh crap, what do we do now?!” finally, tempest was boring. it didn’t feel threatening and i wasn’t interested in learning about it.

okay thats all <3 thanks 4 reading me talk about bad anime! that was four hours i’ll never get back :D

[asrai-azurrcat]

tumblr lets you vent without anyone seeing so ig ill try?? but i dont rly have anything to vent just writing down.. things umm tw sh?? depression?? but not mine.

why is mental health in kids so bad- like as someone whos thirteen and has never had any issues other than the common insecurities, why are so many people my age suicidal for years?? like. i know a lot get bullied and then there's family problems, but then some people just have happy lives until the internet; and then place expectations on themselves and sh and then they start to have thoughts about dying- and they're only, what, ten? eleven? twelve? like, they're practically still children. not even teen. and as terrible as it sounds, i just cant understand, especially how theres a lot of other kids who think being depressed makes you cool and edgy and gets you attention so they start to pretend to be unhappy and then draw attention away from people who need it, and at this age you really can't tell those kind of people from the genuinely hurt ones. i made this mistake with my year 6 bsf, ill call her blossom. but like. she's basically perfect in every way: beautiful and one of the only people who don't pretend to be kind, they really are just. actually. so kind at heart. and especially now that she's moved away and then got her phone taken away, took a massive break from tiktok and her stupid fucking boyfriend and studied and now, shes even better. doing better. in year 6 especially id always find sh scars on her arm and she'd never stop, and she talked abt being depressed before but i never even believed her. i was such an asshole friend abt that. like trying to will her to 'stop pretending to be fucked up'- how can she even consider me a close friend to her now, still? i have a vivid memory of one of my friends puppy, looking at blossom closing the school scissors around her fingers and puppy saying, 'oh my god blossom, stop acting depressed', and then blossom just smiled and stopped and i as a really horrible friend internally agreed with puppy. like. im supposed to be there for her. im just so self-centred and pigheaded, and i was prancing abt the world with rose-tinted glasses, thinking. like. there's no way anyone my age can be depressed, thats bullshit! anyone doing it is doing it for attention. and i hate myself for failing blossom like that. and then when i found out her fresh scars and knew she was being real abt this, and i just tried to press her for answers, she wouldn't tell other than a vague answer that her parents always argued. and then id only find out a year later in high school after she moved away, from a fucking spotify playlist, that she didn't get along w her mom. meeting up w blossom again in this new year, and seeing her talk about a new boyfriend who isnt obese and chronically online like her ex, and studying and omitting swear words and reading classic books instead of manga. idk what i was feeling, but i just feel a bunch of regret that i didn't even help her at all when i was friends with her, closest with her, just focusing on myself and my social life and feeling sorry for myself. god i hate myself for not caring more about her.

and now in high school i meet a bunch of new people with puppy and eventually join a friend group i can stabilise on, have fun, make new friends, find shil. and shil is a mirror of blossom, like throughout the entire y7 i was just constantly thinking: oh wow, they both care a lot abt other people. they're both into genshin. they both need a therapist. they both have parents that are on the verge of divorcing. they both aren't straight (actually im not sure abt blossom's sexuality after coming out of her y6, is she still pan?) and i don't deserve either of them. shil is just. so, so friendly and nice, staying friends with me despite my terrible personality, but she has her own friends that she prefers more- two groups of them- and i dont have anyone now that cappu has left, so i always feel like im the one clinging onto her. and shil is also dealing with her stuff, like the shit that happened in her home country and then her parents aren't getting along, she's been bullied and manipulated as a child. i mean, at least she's confiding in me this time unlike blossom, so at least i know what she's going through. and she doesn't have sh scars on her arms but who knows?!! who fucking knows because arms arent the only place you can cut yourself and shil could just be hiding them. and the difference here is that blossom liked me as much as i liked her to the point we could say ily to each other (platonically, near the end of the year very few times but still it was there) and shil is.. more distant, because as much as she's opened up more to me than blossom has it's not even the tip of the mountain of things she's carrying around. and going to a top girl's school filled with smart people and asians, we're surrounded by people under pressure and as much as the teachers stress that the school counsellors are there barely anyone really goes there. but shil is, im glad she applied. she needs it. i don't want to be an asshole to her like a did to blossom. and i thought just occurred to me that, if i lose her, ill be alone in the school, so basically my thinking is just centred around me. self-pity. feeling sorry for myself. if i don't stop being this self-centred, it probably will happen.

and then again, im always judging everyone, which shouldn't be a problem until i go acting on my judgements, and then i make myself fall closer to the social rock bottom because those judgements are mistaken, and i just like to judge people by their outward appearance and personality. like what happened with blossom. i didn't even know bats was this depressed and sh'ed until i found her vent. i just assumed she liked s3x jokes, and they never bothered her. and J too. im confused about J, but J really is suicidal too, because i remember her sending a massive vent to cappu and cappu telling me abt it. and i sort of gave her a blind eye during the period last year when her social life was evidently down and mine was blooming, being an absolute fucking idiot stupid selfish asshole not talking to her enough until the end of the year when we went to the mall with patty everyday like a ritual, and she befriended lin, hitch and tee, and vali, and hy, but she still has no energy, and she looks really tired everyday and looks like she's not taking care of herself.

why are children getting depressed? why are twelve year olds and eleven year olds getting depressed? why are they unhappy with their lives, why are they getting anxiety and cutting themselves, why is the internet doing this to them? what's going to happen to our children's generation, will fucking toddlers commit suicide- i want to understand these people. i want to help them, i want to avoid being a bystander to their unhapiness when i could help and i want to never make the same mistake i did with blossom. i want to stay friends with shil. i want to make new friends, join a new friend group, other than the inner circle with puppy that talk about things i don't even know like taylor swift or boys they meet on snapchat. i want to stop being self-centred and selfish, because these days whenever i try to think about other people like this it always circles back to me

i hope no ones reading this lmao

[lollily]

Tw: strong language, suggestive, insensitive jokes ftw.

It was supposed to be a boys being stupid and gay disaster but it also somehow ended up with a comfort Kazutora arc. Kinda very long.

Toman founding members gc :

'We bussin bussin'

Mikey: If they made a cartoon show on kangaroos what would the kid kangaroos's names be?

Takashi: *Kangaroos'

Mikey: Like Joey 1, Joey 2, Joey 3? Or is everyone just 'joey'?

Mikey: or normal individual names like Candice, Edward, Stacy?

Kazutora: okay first of all, whoever names their child 'Edward' sure hates that child. That's such an irksome name.

Kazutora: EdWarD. Wow, pretentious.

Edward: are you doing this on purpose? Am I not your friend?

Kazutora: :)

Kazutora: some friend you are not even knowing how to spell my name

Edward: But IK IT NOW!!

Edward: Chifuyu taught me a lot other things too. I'm not as dumb as I was.

Kazutora: "a lot other things" 🤨

Kazutora: why are you gay?

Edward: who says I'm gay?

ken: you are gay.

Takashi: you are gay.

Haruki: you are gay.

Kazutora: you are gay.

Mikey: you are gay.

Edward: wow

Haruki: go on. Say, "et tu brute?"

Takashi: like you didn't stab yourself before.

Edward: did I do something to you guys?? Why are all of you coming at me today????

Edward: I'm very uncomfortable with the energy we've created in the studio today.

Kazutora: oh I love this energy

Mikey: anywhos, back to my question

Takashi: it depends ig.

Takashi: What would you like to name them?

Mikey: didn't think this far

Ken: if Shaun the sheep can have names for every sheep this little Kangaroo show of yours can too

Mikey: why Joey tho?

Mikey: why did scientists decide to name baby kangaroos Joey??

Haruki:

Mikey: interesting....

Kazutora: dude you're acting very strange

Kazutora: in light of that, I want whatever you're on

ken: Stop saying he's on drugs. He's not on drugs.

ken: you're not on drugs, right Mikey?

Mikey: nah

Mikey: but I did get a good idea

*Mikey changed 6 names*

Joey: this is so not gonna be good

Joey: wha-

Joey: lmaoooo

Joey: MIKEY??????

Joey: what have you done pah

Joey: so it's my fault?!?

Joey: jfc make it stop I'm getting a fucking seizure

Joey: :D

Joey: so no explanation?

Joey: we're little animals

Joey: great.

Joey: he's definitely on something

Joey: yeah I am and it's called carbon dioxide

Joey: WHAT???????

Joey: idk Google said it was a stress hormone or something

Joey: listen. Don't go looking up shit even we don't have the slightest fucking clue about.

Joey: it just proves we're bunch of dumbasses

Joey: nah Baji leads us in that

Joey: again?!?!

Joey: that's it I'm done with you guys

Joey: whatever

Joey: knife kink

Joey: idk why it started but I think we should have weekly Baji slander day

*Joey has gone offline*

Joey: umm so anyways,

Joey: Mikey, I see what you did with our names but my character colour is wrong.

Joey: character colour?

*Joey is online*

Joey: oh yeah now that you mention it mine's dark blue. Light blue is Chifuyu's.

Joey: sorry guys Tumblr has only these colours :/

Joey: WHAT?!??

Joey: oh aren't you happy first division captain?

Joey: getting your little cheerleader's colour?

Joey: oh are you jealous that I have our dear vice-captain all to myself?

Joey: 😐

Joey: he's not denying it-

Joey: shhhhh

Joey: grab the popcorn pah

Joey: you guys shouldn't be doing this to your own friends

Joey: shhhhh ken-chin

Joey: they can just go to dms yk

Joey: it's Baji and Tora. Do you think they know common courtesy when it comes to this?

Joey: we're right here yk

Joey: and as I was saying,, ahem,,

Joey: dw tora he admires me the most and thinks I'm the coolest but he thinks good of you too ig

Joey: oh please I don't want to get in between your gay asses.

Joey: ok now I'm actually concerned

Joey: do you feel like you're getting "in between" us?

Joey: ewww I'm not discussing "feelings" with you or in fact with anyone.

Joey: no. I think we should. Chifuyu and me are good friends and I'll admit we've grown closer after the bloody halloween incident but you're still my best friend okay. I've noticed you tensing around him, both of you are still uncomfortable around eo but he doesn't hate you... I think.

Joey: he hates me. He does. You don't know that do you? Did you ask him if he hates me or not? I deserve it actually. You call me your bestfriend but who was the one who rushed to your aid when you were hurt? He's a nice person. He cares for you and is loved by all. I on the other hand have only caused my friends and Toman problem. I have been Impulsive, selfish, stupid. Ik Toman has still not accepted me. Mikey says he forgives me but he must hate me too right? You all have been nice to me, it's been 2 years since bloody halloween, Shinichiro-kun is out of the hospital now, I've come back from jail, but.. it still hurts yk. I can't forgive myself. For everything.

Joey: now that I've said all that

Joey: don't contact me for the next thousand years bye.

Joey: can I?

Joey: yeah

Joey: it'll take time Tora. Healing takes time. We don't blame you nor hate you. But just words are probably not enough, and maybe you are right about Toman not having completely accepted you, but we're all here and as we spend time together new memories will overwrite old scars.

Joey: omg the last part was cool mikey!!

Joey: ifkr!! Takemitchy said that to me and I was like oMG I just wanted to envelope him in a bone crushing hug yk.

Joey: I didn't say you could simp :|

Joey: but yeah Tora, that's the point. Chifuyu is trying, really. Ik everything will work out eventually so I'm not gonna be pushy about it!

Joey: I definitely won't lock you two up in my room together with video games and Peyoung yakisoba expecting you to get all buddy buddy when I open the door 24hrs later.

Joey: that's very specific... should I be concerned?

Joey: also, Tora, you shouldn't worry. I'm here! We're all here! We have a lot of trouble to create in the future so we should forget about the old troubles we caused.

Joey: Say! We should totally go shopping rn! LIKE RN!!

Joey: just the two of you?

Joey: yeah it's our thing yk

Joey: exactly why I worry

Joey: I say we should all hang out

Joey: does that mean it's your treat?

Joey: I never said that-

Joey: ofc it is!

Joey: HEY!

Joey: ....fine ig.

Joey: lol Draken is soft for Mikey

Joey: AM NOT!

Joey: he's my babysitter so that's a given

Joey: butttt he's softer when it comes to Mitsuya yk

Joey: when have you ever seen that??😐🤨

Joey: I keep a list. Do you want the chronological order or the alphabetical?

Joey: I-

Joey: Gay.

Joey: every single one of you.

Joey: as much as I would like to elaborate on all my toman ships all that talk about hanging out got me hungry. WHEN ARE WE MEETING UPPPPP??????

Joey: wait 'ships' ?

Joey: I'm hungry we can do that laterrr

Joey: ken-chin you'll come to pick me up right?

Joey: wait I need to know if you ship me with fuyu or tora???

Joey: excuseme?

Joey: why not both? ;)

Joey: POLYMORPHISM?????

Joey: Baji istfg stop SAYING THE WRONG WORDS IT'S TWICE IN A ROW NOW!

Joey: It was Mikey back then tho????

Joey: oh- right

Joey: Sorry, force of habit.

Joey: what are 'ships'? Why do I have a bad feeling about it?

Joey: ohh ken-chin~

Joey: I will tell you all about it at our hang out ~

Joey: Don't. Ever. Do. That. "~" Thing. With. Me.

Joey: 😬🥺

Joey: so we're meeting up rn?

Joey: YUPPPP

Joey: EVERYONE HURRY UP!!!

*everyone has gone offline*

*Joey is online*

*Joey changed the gc name from 'We bussin bussin' to 'little kangaroo show'*

The stress hormone is 'chromogranin A' btw. Don't ask me anymore than that, "Rikei ga koi ni ochita no de shoumei shitemita" taught it to me.

Don't ask me how *wildly gestures at this mess of a work* happened either