#(my past blog i mean which is kinda sorta abandoned now)

[kenobster]

Same anon with the rec list. Also wanted to say that I love five peggats each. Very enjoyable read, very painful.

T_T Thank you so much. <3 IIRC, I think that you're the first person who reblogged it when I made my very first post about it on tumblr, and I really appreciate it <3 <3 <3

[twstoric]

notice

nothing too serious but hello hello!! i’m sorry for dying these past few months as my time management skills needs some serious brushing up and i’ve been... under a lot and still sorta am lmao

i’d like to say a couple of things regarding the blog, requests, and future updates and such! nothing too heavy hehe

1. the blog is safe!

i won’t be deleting this or abandoning it or anything! of course i’m taking breaks and all that but this blog will (hopefully) stay even though i’m not always active! 

2. i’m planning to do heavy revamps to the blog + posts

i’m not sure how you all think about my current format but i feel like it’s kinda (very?) messy so i’m planning to edit a lot of things in and out starting from my mobile theme as you’ve probably seen! my tags will probably change and a lot of other things i’ll hopefully work on later

3. about requests

i’m still planning to do them! though i think i might have to speed run through them to get things done faster and open up a new batch of requests. i’m really sorry for that but i find it to be much more effective (hopefully)! as a reference, i normally do a scenario for one character about +1k words and three charas is at leasts 400-500ish words which would mean on average a single scenario request would be +1.5k-ish words? you get the idea! i’m thinking of writing them a bit shorter same with headcanons and such! 

4. will i be more active then?

unfortunately not :( i’m still super duper busy until... may? ish but i find myself needing an outlet to vent and cool down hehe so i’m gonna treat this as a stress relief! although to be honest my interest in twst is all over the place so my characterization could be ait troublesome :((( i’m sorry for that

5. about asks

i have a lot of thirsts in my inbox rn hehe thank you for that! i’ll be answering them at really random times but i’m sorry it’s taking me up till now to pull it together lmao but i hope we’ll continue to have more fun together!

✨bottom line✨

i’m gonna slowly ease into my revamping so twstoric can be reborn tsk tsk and i’ll be closing my inbox for awhile so i can just empty it out! i’m not sure if any of you tried to contact me since i did close it at some point for one reason or another but yeah! heads up i’ll still be closing the inbox for a little while but if you wanna say hi for bit please do!! i am deprived lmao ♡︎

also also!!! this happened while i was one with the undead but 🥺 i reached more than 1k followers!! thank you for that!!! i was really shocked but i’m glad that many people found my writings entertaining enough to follow and continue following this blog despite my lack of presence ahah thank you so much!!! 😭

which really makes me wanna 💔 make something or an event for you but boo i suck at that and it’ll probably make me guilty if i just.. delete all the previous requests in favour of an event blegh but we’ll see! again, thank you very very veryy much for your interest and i’ll try to do better! ♡︎

[art-by-jas]

Thanks @kbetacygni for the tag!! :)

1. why did you choose your url?

Oh gosh haha... It all started when my friend and I were watching the second season of the Punisher and we noticed how much he grunts and the fact that someone made a compilation of him grunting on youtube and it's like 2 to 3 minutes long hahaha. So yeah long story short.

2. any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

I used to have an art one but sorta abandoned it. @jasmine-draws

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

2012 baybeeeeee and my first post was about the band Avenged Sevenfold... wow seeing how much I changed to now being obsessed with Karate Kid is a big change haha

4. do you have a queue tag?

Nope, me being the old person I feel like I am, I didn't know what a queue was until like last year.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

I don't really know what made me get it... It just looked cool at the time I suppose but Im happy that I have it now.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Because I love my bois so much! Little baby Ralph and Billy

7. why did you choose your header?

Because that picture of Billy speaks to me loool

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

I googled how to see what's my most popular post... no wonder it's Johnny in his gi haha

9. how many mutuals do you have?

Probably like 7? I don't really know but IM GLAD I have you guys if you reading this... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

10. how many followers do you have?

354 BB! Thanks for following meeee

11. how many people do you follow?

1,750 oh jeez I really have to clean up though because half of them haven't been updated in like 6 years or more.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

I mean does simping very hard over each new obsession count as shitposting?

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

EVERYDAY ALL THE TIME pretty much... I'll just leave it open when I'm on my computer doing work.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

Nope, I try to stay friendly on all sides or hear them out... either that or my little peanut brain will forget it in a few hours.

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

I don't really pay attention to them tbh kinda just scroll past unless its one of my buddies.

16. do you like tag games?

I never really had anyone tag me in stuff till this year and I LOVE IT IT'S A LOT OF FUN

17. do you like ask games?

yep any game, I'm happy!

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I mean we just sorta be there, none of us are really 'famous' we just lurk around tumblr waiting for more new content to consume

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

I have a few... ahem... but just know I LOVE EACH OF THEM AND WANT TO HUG

20. tags?

idk who’s done this and who hasn’t so i’ll tag: @blinkasaurus @silveristic @chaotictommy @larussosbluebomberjacket

[gfpt-comic]

Hi, I just wanted to hear about if you are still working on this comic? From finding out that you have made it two years ago. I just wanted to make sure, because I like this comic a lot with doing this body swap. But yeah, I am only asking you here of course if you want to answer ok. It's also very nice to meet you. ^^

(ok so I made an EXTREMELY LONG POST and Tumblr ate it so I am now very upset because I talked about a LOT of stuff and now I must find in me the energy to write it all over again ;-; )

I originally answered with a grateful-sorta-bittersweet tone and talked about a lot of stuff, but since everything I said during the past hour or so is now lost forever to the void I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep the same tone... Please bear with me for being too concise this time, that’s really not how the original answer was written :’)

First off, thanks for your message, and despite the fact that the comic is indeed pretty much abandoned, I’m still happy you could at least have a good time for a while during your read. It’s more my problem really for being the type of artist who can’t stay focused on one thing and whose imagination is so wild, I’ll end up creating tons of stories so long and complex that I can rarely ever finish them -- most often I force myself not to look into new stuff just because I’m too scared of getting involved in yet another fandom and getting inspired for yet another story I will never have the time or energy to finish (the will to finish it is always there, although it’s usually more for the sake of my readers rather than because I’m really 100% invested in the story itself by then).

I have multiple still ongoing projects, and Pythagorean Thoughts is the oldest of them... as well as the one for which my notes are the most vague and lacking. Take my Undertale fanfic, Learn When to Quit-- even if I won’t be able to finish it either (it’s just WAY too hard to write, so even if I were to write the rest in fanfic form it wouldn’t have the same quality as the first 13 chapters, so to me it wouldn’t count anyway), the notes I have for it are so detailed, everything from chapter 1 up until chapter ~80 is set in stone, give or take a few details that may show up at the last minute upon writing; there’s, like, only 3-5 chapters that are still “time passes before chapter 74 so just make up some filler-y stuff here.”

Pythagorean Thoughts on the other hand... Well, thing is, the script is very detailed for everything that happens before the comic starts. But for the stuff that happens after...? Well, I do have plot points, important scenes that I want to draw, random jokes and punchlines that I want to include here and there, but when you compare with LWtQ, it’s more like “the important stuff happens on July 12, July 13, July 14, July 16, perhaps July 18, then it jumps to July 31, and then it jumps to the end of the summer. Make as many filler episodes as you can because making ellipses over more than a week’s worth of time doesn’t look good when the purpose of the story is to show the characters’ development over time, step by step.” So... yeah, it’s a bit of a problem when you run out of inspiration and the many, many ideas you do have already are just so all over the place, you can’t use them to create a list of precise plots before the end of the day arrives and you feel terrible for having wasted your precious almost-PhD-student time (technically my PhD starts tomorrow, but it just means that I’ll have even less free time than I used to).

Admittedly, my current Hollow Knight comic (posted on my main blog, @lutiaskokopelli​) is just as all over the place as Pythagorean Thoughts is... except 1) it’s inspired by a walkthrough for which I have a list of notes with set-in-stone events, in which every noteworthy detail is already written (not to mention that I also have many plot-relevant ideas for future scenes as well); and 2) it also counts as an ask blog, which means that the constant flood of asks I get is a constant source of inputs for me to use -- I basically just have to write the characters’ answers to the asks while the story progresses, which is much easier than just making up everything on the spot from start to finish. In a way, the readers/askers make 50% of the plot in my stead.

Not gonna lie... In the previous answer that got eaten up by Tumblr (yes, I’m still salty), I had started a list of what the major plot points for the comic were supposed to be, up until it started becoming a huge wall of text. I’ve been wanting to write a real summary of the script for a very long time, but I could never find a way to write it in the way I wanted it to, so... I guess it’ll just have to be a messy list of plot points, trivia, and random ideas I wanted to include in the comic. It’s not gonna be nearly as good as reading a finished product, but... That’s kinda all I have, I’m afraid-- and, well, I don’t even have it yet, since it has yet to be written. I’ll try to brute-force my way through it in another post, given how I was already doing it before Tumblr trolled me.

All that being said... I’m really sorry for not being able to finish my stuff. I have made a point of finishing my Hollow Knight comic no matter what (just to prove to myself that I can finish a story for real), but that doesn’t mean much regarding my other projects, sadly. Once again, I thank you for your kind comment, and I hope the next post will be compensation enough... despite its likely messiness. Please bear with me, it’s either posting something complete but messy or never posting anything at all because of my crippling perfectionism.

[lwtq-undertale]

I swear you will get to know how the story ends but I can't promise it'll be the way you expected it :x

So... Hey guys. I bet I surprised at least a few of you by updating this fanfic, huh? I hope you won't be too disappointed... I mean, I'm sure at least some of you saw this coming, since the fanfic has been waiting for chapter 14 for practically a year and, well, I kinda "moved on" with other stories since. Sorta.

First off: I'm not giving up. I won't orphan the fanfic on AO3, delete it along with this blog, or give up updating it at all. In fact, I will be definitely giving a few more updates, hopefully sooner rather than later. It's just that these updates... won't technically be true chapters, sadly.

I've gotten more comments as of recently, here and there, on tumblr, deviantart, AO3, asking me to continue despite the fact that, well... I tried, but I can't. Not now, at least. I think said once that I wouldn't release LWtQ's plot and leave it at that, in order not to disappoint. But... Yeah, let's say I changed my mind. LWtQ is just too hard to write, too time-consuming, too nerve-wracking. Given my current situation and the fact that I'm about to start a PhD in molecular dynamics, I'm gonna be straightforward: what I need my free time to be is anything but years-long projects that take up all of my brain cells, after said brain cells already spent the entirety of the past few days/weeks/months/years working at full power. I'm not saying working on LWtQ or Pythagorean Thoughts or The Fifth Save isn't fun anymore, far from it-- I'm just saying that it's just extremely tiring, and that my physical and mental health just can't keep up with two full-time "jobs" that require my brain to work constantly.

So... I'll try to find a middle ground here. I'll reveal my notes, but in a form that lets only those who truly seek them out will get to read them -- because, y'know. Spoilers. I'll give a link to a Google Drive folder, and this folder will contain a large bunch of documents -- and those documents will be dedicated to giving either random notes I had for the fanfic, or, more importantly, a detailed summary of what I had planned for the story, chapter by chapter. I'll try to make these summaries as enjoyable to read as possible, still! Don't expect a mere checklist of things that were supposed to happen. The thing I'd ideally like those summaries to feel like is some sort of mix between one of those plot summaries you find on wikias, and a sort-of minimalistic fanfic. So, I'll try to make the text sound at least a bit engaging, but yeah the quality of the narration obviously won't be nearly as advanced as that of LWtQ.

Anyway. Those who want to seek out the story's secrets will have little trouble reading through everything I have, while those who would rather wait just have to, y'know, not click the link. (And also, very probably, not read the comments either, because I'm 99% certain that at least some of those who read the spoilers will want to talk about what happens. So be careful around the comment section from now on, just in case.)

Once again, the fact that I'm releasing those notes doesn't mean that the fanfic is abandoned for good. However... Hopefully it means I can relax a bit and feel less guilty upon extending the hiatus and ignoring the comments, until finally I can afford to continue this story for real. By the way, I am SO sorry for ignoring you if you were one of those readers who commented during the last few weeks/months. I just... I have a hard time handling the situation right now-- not just the fanfic, just pretty much everything that happens in my life to be entirely honest. With that, the guilt of disappointing, and the fact that I hate repeating myself, that's pretty much why I just... kinda didn't have the courage to answer you, I guess. Even though I make a point of never copy-pasting my messages when I'm talking to one person individually, just saying "hiatus" over and over feels like I'd be doing it anyway.

So with all that said... I'm sorry. For now, you may or may not know that I'm "rather" productive with that Hollow Knight comic/ask blog I've been running since June... It's kinda the only thing that keeps me sane right now because it's much easier to make, it's funny, it's a story that directly interacts with its readers, and it doesn't take ages to update, for once (at least until those darn readers started sending me encrypted messages in Morse code for whatever reason. Typical u_u). I guess that's why I have much less trouble working on it while working on LWtQ is so hard, despite the fact that I love both plots equally -- or even, I guess I kinda prefer LWtQ's plot, to be honest... It's more refined and complex and dives deeper into stuff. And the threat/stakes are much higher, too.

Anyway. If you've waited for long enough... Here's the link to this hellish pandora box that is my brain notes regarding this story.

>> Open the Spoilers Box <<

And now that this is out of the way... Here's how things will go from now on. So far, the only docs available in this folder are the beginning of chapter 14, as I was able to write it so far; the "first part" of the LWtQ script, which contains a summary of chapters 14 to 17; and, an extra doc that lists Dawn's online friends and is just really a list of random facts about them. In the future, I will update this fanfic regularly in order to let you know when other parts of the script are done, and a new doc that contains the summary for the next few chapters will be added to the folder. I initially planned to release the entire thing all at once, but... Hopefully you'll soon understand why I couldn't really do that, and why it probably wouldn't have been a good idea either way. Even a summarized version of LWtQ is gonna be one hell of a mess to write, and it'd be even more painful to read if I just released everything at once.

So... Just giving you a heads up for what's coming. I also have in the works, but haven't revealed yet : - The summary for the next chapters up until the end of the fanfic - An overly detailed doc dedicated to just LWtQ's backstory, which will only be revealed once I'm done with the summaries - A graph which summarizes LWtQ's timeline, because obviously time travel shenanigans tend to make things confusing. It includes the backstory mentioned above and therefore will only be revealed alongside it.

Oh, and... I know chapter 14 isn't finished, but just in case you wanted to read some fanfic stuff today, then I hope I can at least entertain you a bit with what I've already written of it.

[fishoutofcamelot]

(for the ask thing) any book/tv show/movie/song recommendations?

BRO! I heckin got you man! Now, I’m gonna skip the song and book recommendation bit because that sorta thing isn’t really my scene. BUT! In terms of TV? My rec list is like a mile long. I’m gonna include a read-more line, actually. 

BBC Merlin: You know I had to put this on the list. But the fact that you’re on my blog means you’ve probably watched this one, so I won’t go into detail about it. Available on Netflix

Mob Psycho 100: Just a cute, sweet story about a bunch of psychic kids trying to kill each other. A story with this much fighting has no right to be so wholesome. Mob is just a good boy, he doesn’t deserve all this! Fair warning, its messages about identity, self love, and growth WILL make you feel Emotions. Available on various anime pirating websites

Red vs Blue: The found family game is SO strong in this one. By far the best found family plot/dynamic I have ever and will ever experience. The characters are all so solid, yknow? Like it took me three rewatches to understand the plot, but I didn’t even care because I loved the characters SO MUCH. It’s also really, really funny (although some of the jokes have aged a bit poorly tbh). Basically about a bunch of space marines who goof off and accidentally dismantle corrupt governments along the way. Available on Youtube

Supernatural: Is it cringey? Yeah. Does the fandom suck? Also yeah. Is Destiel overrated? BIG yeah. But it’s got monsters, magic, family, and a plot that doesn’t revolve around romance - and really, what more could you ask for? And sure, a lot of people don’t really like the later seasons, but idk I actually prefer them. Season 15 has me THRIVING. I mean come on - character vs author?! Fighting the guy who literally wrote you into existence because he doesn’t want to give your story a happy ending?! Say what you will about Supernatural, but it’s one of the most imaginative shows I’ve ever seen. Available on Netflix

Avatar the Last Airbender: You like stellar animation, intricate worldbuilding/magicbuilding, and a perspective on war that is surprisingly mature for a kids show? Check it out. This show is without a doubt one of the best animated series of all time. Go on. Watch it. It’ll change your life. Available on Netflix

The Umbrella Academy: Time-travelling assassins. Superheroes. Ghosts. Talking monkeys. Murder mysteries. Baller soundtracks. This show will never give you what you expect. I don’t even think I could properly describe it to you. Available on Netflix

Detective Conan: An anime. It’s about a teen detective - think Nancy Drew but bloodier - who witnesses a crime and is fed an experimental poison in order to keep him from telling anyone. But instead of killing him, the poison turns him into a 6-year-old. So now he’s got to solve crimes and take down a criminal organization while in the body of a child. Naturally, shenanigans ensue. Fair warning, the main character becomes a bit of a Mary Sue in later episodes, but the first 300 or so are pretty fun. A few episodes are available on Netflix, but not any of the good ones. You’ll need an anime pirating website for that

Knives Out: My favourite movie ever, of all time. It’s a murder mystery that both subverts and pays homage to its parent genre in all the right places. It’s funny, it’s intelligent, and has a spectacular ending! Although I do wish the fandom would stop being so horny for Ransom, I mean he’s literally racist...No clue where you can find this tbh, I saw it in theatres

Derry Girls: Now I’m not normally a big fan of realistic fiction/sitcom stuff. Despite how funny they are, I’ve not even watched The Office or Parks and Rec because that normal daily life stuff just doesn’t peak my interest. And yet, somehow this story about a group of Irish high schoolers just has me enthralled. Very funny, very well-written, give it a watch. Available on Netflix

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood: Another anime. Phenomenal animation? Check. Fascinating plot and characters? Check. Detailed magic system that gets my lore-obsessed heart fluttering? Big heckin check. So basically two kids try to use Fantasy Science to bring their mom back to life, only the experiment fails and has some pretty nasty consequences - one boy loses his arm and leg, while the other loses his entire body and has his soul bound to a suit of armour. Now they gotta go through government conspiracies, ethical dilemmas, and Daddy Issues to try and get their bodies back. Available on Netflix

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K: Yet another anime. I know, I know, I’m a nerd, get over it. This show doesn’t have a complex plot or even complex characters, tbh, but what it does have is some amazing humour. It’s extremely funny, and it’s also just a nice show to kick back and relax to. Basically this guy who’s so op that he could rewrite the laws of reality on a whim is stuck dealing with relationship drama in high school despite being very, very asexual and very, very tired. Mostly he just uses his powers to avoid people and eat junk food, which is honestly a mood. Available on Netflix

Scooby Doo! Mystery Incorporated: Honestly I’d recommend almost anything that’s Scooby Doo-related because that was my childhood obsession. I used to have like 20 of the movies on DVD before my mom gave them all away. To this day I still love Scooby Doo, and watch it whenever I get the chance. But if you ask any SD fan, they’ll probably tell you that Mystery Incorporated is the best, most intelligent, most creative installment in the franchise. And they’re right (although I do wish there was less relationship drama...) Available on Netflix

Evil Genius: This is a documentary series about the Collar Bomb Robbery. Now, despite what the above list might indicate, I actually watch a LOT of documentaries, and if I were here to recommend all of them then we would be here all day. Not really ‘funny’ like the other entries on this list, it’s actually rather tragic, but definitely a cerebral viewing experience. Available on Netflix

Screwball: Now this is a documentary that IS funny. It’s about drug scandals in baseball. But the dramatic scene re-enactments are done with child actors that are all wearing fake beards and pretending to be drug dealers. It’s not only a fascinating subject, but it’s got amazing editing and visuals that have me in awe. Available on Netflix

Behind the Curve: Yet another documentary. This one’s about the rise of the Flat Earth movement. You’ll spend most of the time on the verge of having a stroke because of how stupid it all is. Available on Netflix

The Movies That Made Us: Okay okay okay last documentary on the list I swear. This one’s exactly what it says on the tin. It’s a series talking about the behind-the-scenes production of iconic movies like Home Alone and Ghostbusters. I eagerly await the second season. Available on Netflix

Monster Factory: If you’re familiar with the McElroy brothers and their brand of humour, you’ll love this. Griffin and Justin team up to make the most disturbing avatars they can create using video game character creators. The origins of the Final Pam meme. If I had a shirt with a quote from Monster Factory on it, I’d die a happy man. Available on Youtube

Baman Piderman: The dumbest show I have ever watched, but it’s so adorable and stupid and I love it so much. It doesn’t really have a plot, but later episodes allude to the presence of one and I’m upset because there are so many mysteries/questions hinted at and we’ll never get answers because it’s been abandoned. PLEASE watch it. Available on Youtube

Stranger Things: Okay, season 2 was a bit of a let-down imo, but season 1 was ICONIC and the Scoops Troop subplot in season 3 deserved its own freakin spinoff. I’m not joking. I didn’t even like s3 all that much, but the only reason it’s my favourite is because the Scoops Troop plot was so great. People call this show ‘horror’ but I don’t think it’s scary enough for that, although it is admittedly kinda spooky. If you like 80s nostalgia and the horror aesthetic, then I’d give it a watch (Do it for Scoops Troop. Do it for Robin). Available on Netflix

Jack and the Cuckoo-Clock Heart: Despite my overwhelming love for this film, I’ll be the first to admit it’s kinda mediocre. The plot is weird and the romance feels forced, but despite its flaws it manages to be one of my favourite movies. Mostly I just like it for the unique concept and beautiful ending. Also the music is off the par man. Probably because the writer/producer of the movie was the lead singer for a French band called Dionysus (what? I do my research). Available on Netflix

Wakfu: I haven’t seen past season 3, but so far it’s pretty good. You go in thinking it’s just a wholesome action/adventure show about a kid who can create portals - but then it just. Sucks you in. From its bopping theme song to its fantastic found family to the unique worldbuilding, you very quickly fall in love with it. It’s got a cool plot and also talking dragons, and it doesn’t get better than that. Available on Netflix

Mystery Skulls Animated: Technically not a TV show so much as it is a series of animated music videos with a plot, but I’ll be damned if this isn’t one of the greatest things of all time. It’s basically Scooby Doo but if Shaggy got possessed by a demon and killed Fred, causing Fred to become a ghost hellbent on revenge-killing Shaggy in return. And if Scooby was an ancient Japanese spirit that bit off Shaggy’s arm, forcing him to wear a metal prosthetic. Yeah, MSA is wild. It’s only got three videos out so far, with a fourth one coming out this October, but there’s already so much lore! Available on Youtube

Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared: Ah yes, yet another cringey entry on this list. But you know what? Cringe culture is dead!!! And despite its fandom being...like that...DHMIS really is a cool show. Think if Sesame Street was like haunted or something. The episodes about creativity and telling time remain the most unsettling, imo. Definitely worth a watch. Available on Youtube

Inanimate Insanity: Oh boy. Am I seriously recommending you dip your little fingies into the object fandom? Yes. Yes I am. This show is so obscure it makes freakin Detective Conan look popular. At its core it’s a parody of Total Drama Island and Survivor but with anthropomorphized inanimate objects as characters (hence the name). Season 2 is actually really, really good and surprisingly competent. You just gotta get through season 1 first. Available on Youtube

The X-Files: Wow, a live action series on this list? Who woulda thought??? But seriously, this show is really fun. Memes and jokes aside, I love it. Scully and Mulder are fun characters with great chemistry (both platonic and romantic), the Lone Horsemen are hilarious, and every episode is a unique adventure into the most creative acid trips the human mind could conceive of. Phenomenal from start to finish (if you ignore the last season). I have no clue where you would watch this. Pirate it, probably

Buzzfeed Unsolved: Two idiots investigate cold cases and haunted locales while being utter dumbasses about it. You know the “hey demons it’s be ya boi” meme? That came from these guys. Available on Youtube

Kingdom: Ngl, I didn’t go into this expecting zombies. Or for it to take place during Korean feudalism, for that matter. But mediocre dubbing aside, this show has such a clever concept. It takes the zombie apocalypse genre and gives refreshing, unique twists to old tropes that they feel like something new. Seo-bi is my wife and she deserves all the love and appreciation in the world, and those are just Facts. Available on Netflix

My Hero Academia: Superhero high school anime. I personally am not a fan of later episodes/arcs, but the first three seasons are pretty dang good. Diverse, colourful ensemble cast that you easily grow to adore, interesting commentary on disability (although I’m not qualified to give any actual takes on that), and a school curriculum that makes me very, very concerned for the wellbeing of these children. Plus all the superpowers - aka ‘quirks’ - are super imaginative and, well, quirky! I just wish people would stop shipping the main character with his childhood bully...You’ll need to pirate this one too lmao

Danny Phantom: The highlight of this show is its ‘phandom’, because unlike someone (*cough* Butch Hartman), we’re not a bunch of cowards. It’s about a guy who messes around with his parents’ lab stuff and accidentally acquires the ability to die! Well, half-die. He can turn into a ghost and fight other ghosts. Although the show never explores the existential, traumatic fallout of being kinda-sorta-dead, the potential for something deep and emotional is there. Plus there is a LOT of accidental subtext for a Big LGBT+ Metaphor. So much so that the Trans Danny theory is basically canon. Uhhh not available on Netflix anymore so it’s time to whip out your pirate hat, matey

And there you have it! Like I said, I have a lot of TV recommendations. And I just KNOW I’m forgetting a ton, but this is already really long so we’ll have to cut off here. 

Thanks for the ask! <3

[calamariimpossible]

Magicians on the internet, crypto, and the email that broke me.

This is a continuation of a twitter thread that Muz (@mzkrx) started to write out in his car but then when he plotted out his thoughts, it made more sense to him to put it down in a blog format rather than a thread. You'll find out why as you read through.

Stuck in the car for half an hour so I'm gonna do a thread (Editor's note: Now a whole-ass blog post) about a strange email I got recently.

So I was casually watching magic tricks on YouTube. the funnest part of which to me is reading the comments. YouTube commenters love explaining how they think the trick is done and it's fun to read through their theories and connect dots between similar tricks, etc.

And then one time as I was scrolling I noticed a comment that didn't make sense. It was a string of an almost sentence. Intelligible enough to not be random words but odd enough to read like a trigger phrase for something.

The closest I can describe it as is like the string Zemo used to wake up the Winter Soldier, but with some syntax to it. Like "many thermos wiggle throughout exotic harbinger of circle ascending fuchsia entrapment".

Initially I thought nothing of it, but then I kept seeing them in these magic trick video comment sections. They're never the same string, and it's always under magic trick videos. from different channels even.

Hmmm.

The profiles that posted these comments are also always blank accounts with zero videos and no profile pic. Just their name. I felt like it was too much of a coincidence for these comments to only be under magic trick videos.

I also knew that the world of performance magic is thick with secrets. That is to say, there is deliberate obfuscation of information whenever you try to go online to find out how a trick works.

Magicians get together online and share information with each other just like performers of every other sort as well but the amount of code and doublespeak they use is an order of magnitude more annoying to decipher compared to say, an engineering message board or a gamedev forum.

Knowing that, I thought maybe this almost parsable gibberish I keep seeing everywhere was also some kind of code these people were using to talk to each other.

So I started investigating.

First things first, let's just Google one of the phrases. Maybe that's enough?

And it sorta was.

Pasting them onto the search bar lent me to only 1 result (wild!) and it was a website that looked really dank. Like geocities dank. Annoying neon colours and badly margined jpegs of tarot card images everywhere and a big bold header text that said something to the effect of:

"Congratulations, you've found our hidden message. This portal is only for those seeking knowledge beyond what is on the surface. Continue below."

* * *

I haven't been doing well. I feel like I say that too much. I say it on Patreon, on my personal podcast, whenever any of my friends ask me how I'm doing, pretty much everywhere. I feel very heavy. I understand I'm not the only one feeling like this during a pandemic.

Duh.

But I have this other version of worry that I can't quite articulate until right now: I'm scared I won't be funny anymore. Anwar and Farid can attest that even during our recordings I don't feel up to being funny. I question my jokes a lot. I barely enjoy telling them. I'm worried I'm letting everyone down.

To me, silliness and absurdism as virtues only make sense when the world has trace amounts of injustice and wrongness that training ourselves to see it in our everyday helps us remind ourselves of what is just and fair. The more we consume silliness, the more we are able to recognize silly and point it out. So we don't ignore it when things go wrong, so we talk about it, manage it. So we can take care of each other.

Maybe I can't be sure if we're all up for taking care of each other right now.

* * *

"Continue below" seems instructive, but it wasn't. Like I mentioned, the margins were haphazard and the CSS was all over the place. Some jpegs were straight up cropped off.

Meaning I can't be sure what "below" meant. But there were clickable images and text so I was readily intrigued.

It was tantalizing. Did I stumble into some secret order of Extremely Online Magicians? Maybe I'll finally find out why there aren't many female magicians out there. Maybe it's some sort of secret initiation to a secret message board full of secrety secrets. Secretly.

Y'all.

I didn't click on any of the linked images or anything. I closed the tab. That was the end of that.

An earlier version of myself would gladly run headlong into this rabbit hole to find out more and sink hours into some goddessforsaken labyrinth of links. But the current version of me recognizes this for what it almost certainly is: an abandoned roleplaying game.

Back in the early 00s when the internet was the realm of nerds and nerds only, it was full of people who loved sharing things for sharing's sake. It used to be punk rock to maintain a blog that only talked about snails or have a lo-fi YouTube channel that uploads biweekly 3-minute news about your house, or manage a little message board where people roleplay as wizards who rummage around the net looking for clues.

That last part was a thing I remember being actively involved in. In '03, a group of online friends and I wrote up a scavenger hunt of sorts where we sent people through various blog pages that we have where the goal is to just dick around and have fun. We wasted each other's time for sure. Hundreds of hours of it for literally no gain at all but for some laughs and fun memories.

The internet isn't like that anymore. People don't share something online for sharing anymore. Not really. There's this idea that if you put stuff out there, you want people's attention because numbers are good. You get a lotta reblogs and RTs and Likes which means people Like you.

If you don't have a lotta numbers, you don't matter. If you do, everyone has to talk about what you said or did because it's 'News' now.

Isn't that kinda gross, you think? That we need people to interact through an app to be sure that we're Liked? I say "we" but I mean me. I've successfully poisoned my brain to believe this to a certain extent too and it's not good.

I felt myself physically react when I closed that geocities magician website tab. I shuddered because my brain went from "this is cool" to "I gotta let people know I found this" to "this'll get me hella RTs" to "ew Muz why did you think that" within 3 seconds and I was disgusted with myself.

As a dude who started my online presence on YouTube and parlayed it into my real life comedy/writing career, I've believed for a long time that doing good work and putting it out there is what it takes for a working creative to make it because that's what I did. So there's this idea that making stuff and having it be seen is some kind of virtuous.

But it's not anymore. People pick fights with children for clout. Newspapers post about people's tweets as if its important. People are investing in crypto, a thing that literally only exists as electrical waste on a grand scale. We're boiling the oceans to yell at each other over nothing and exchange bits of code everyone agrees has ever-rising value but doesn't. Everyone is making and eating junk, it feels like.

So am I making junk? Have I just been making useless junk for literally over a decade now? Is that what I've been good for this entire time?

* * *

So the email.

It was a response from a company I applied to for a job. I applied as a creative writer and they're an advertising agency.

Receiving emails from a prospective employer when you're in need of a job is exciting! So soon after I applied, too. Wonderful. Here's what it said:

We just received your application today but would love to extend the opportunity for you to participate in the Case Competition as a prerequisite of your job application for Creative Writer position with [REDACTED] and stand a chance to be a winner for cash awards up to a total worth of RM1,800.

Yea.

They want me to enter a competition where I compete with other candidates to get a chance of being hired.

This company saw how many people applied for a job with them, and decided to dangle some cash and throw it over the fence to see which candidate will fight for it the most.

I didn't expect to feel vomitous after reading an email but that did it. I almost dry heaved. That's where we are now.

Recruiters see a glut of applicants and decided to play Fall Guys. These people watch Istana Takeshi and think Takeshi is the good guy. It hurts. It hurt me. That email caused me pain.

I can't at all empathise with recruiters who think this was okay to do. They really believed that creative writers will do a little dance for them just for money.

Look, I know we all need to eat. But I can also hate that people undervalue the work of creatives to this painful extent.

I don't give a shit about earning a lot of dough. I just wanna make things that tickle people. I want you to smile more.

That's the whole point of that weird little YouTube comment that led to the quirky website. That's the whole idea of making silly videos and dumb tweets and memes. We just want you to laugh.

But it seems people think so little of joy that they'll do whatever they can to avoid legitimately supporting and paying for stuff that gets them through the day. So much so that they want free work from us for the potential of maybe being able to get paid for more work. It breaks me, man.

I hate that I cannot make a living just trying my best to make people happy.

That's the best way I know to take care of you.

I know I don't just 'make junk' for a living. People have messaged me personally that my work has helped them get through tough times in school, in their relationships, at the office and I am eternally grateful that they took the time to tell me that.

I just also wish my feelings about my work aren't easily brought down by the majority of people who insist its worthless. Even if sometimes those people is me.

So forgive me if I won't be funny for a while. I'm gonna need some time to process this. Thank you for reading. I love you.

[cchilyoja]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

tagged by:   tagged by the always wonderful @foxcharmed tagging:    anyone that follows me, sees this on their dash & wants to do it :)

MY MUSE IS:   canon / oc / au / slightly canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated.

IS YOUR CHARACTER POPULAR IN THE FANDOM?   YES / NO. Well, he is the main character of the show, but seeing as there’s only me & @legcndreportr that write character from the show, I’d say, the RP fandom for it is tiny, but I think a lot of people that watch dramas like the show & the characters.

IS YOUR CHARACTER CONSIDERED HOT™ IN THE FANDOM?   YES / NO / IDK. [ I mean, he’s played by Ji Chang Wook, I mean, obviously yes. Have you seen just how many fan JCW blogs there are on this site? Understandable. Honestly, and truly.  ]

IS YOUR CHARACTER CONSIDERED STRONG IN THE FANDOM?   YES / NO / IDK. [ I’d say he’s very skilled & flawed. There are many things that he can do, many things that he is good at, but the slew of both traumatic and just plain shitty things that had happened to him over the early years of his childhood, combined with HUGE abandonment issues that he has never really dealt with. All of that can make certain mundane things a lot harder than any 007 stuff that he sometimes does. ]

ARE THEY UNDERRATED?   YES / NO / IDK. [ I think, even though I love the character, obv been RPing him for years. I hate that people don’t STAN the other characters as much, especially the other main female characters that are just as interesting, complex and worth loving. But alas that is the world we live in. ]

WERE THEY RELEVANT FOR THE MAIN STORY?   YES / NO,he is the main story, if you know what I mean. But no, seriously, he is the main character. 

WERE THEY RELEVANT FOR THE MAIN CHARACTER?   YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. [ Yeah, but tbh, I find it that in the show, the two main characters are equally sorted in the first place, Jung-hoo is nothing without Young-shin. There would be no development, no revelation about his life, childhood and interesting complex storytelling and showing without her.  ]

ARE THEY WIDELY KNOWN IN THEIR WORLD?   YES / NO. [ One would assume that I should put YES for this, buuuut, while HEALER is known to the criminal underbelly, police and those that would want or need to hire someone like him, the general public has no idea. Which is exactly what he wants, because attention isn’t really a useful thing in his line of work, or just the way he lives his life.  ]

HOW’S THEIR REPUTATION?   GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. [ Good when it comes to how skilful he is, but bad as a person. His character arc really goes a looong way from where he is in episode 1. Like the first thing we see is him playing a tennis VR game, complaining that he can’t pick the character he is playing against to have less clothes (that being a computer-generated character but still), which isn’t really all that interesting and for sure not someone I’d be all into writing. And also his lack of care when it comes to what he does, like the guy he was protecting also in ep 1. Ends up dead, and he’s annoyed bc the police think he killed him, the fact that he’s dead, he couldn’t care less. ]

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON?   —   I’ve been writing him for over two years, and it’s just no fun to just follow the canon. He has developed overtime on his own, and besides that, I just never really like any CANON fully. When it comes to the show, bc there are only 16 eps, and as with most dramas there is only one season. So I’ve taken the liberty to expand on the canon and to create Jung-hoo as I think he’d be, away from the scenes we can see him in.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.   —   For me personally, I really found it interesting that the mother that abandoned him, married someone else and had a whole new family, after his father died. Jung-hoo cares for her, meets with her, gives her money etc. He doesn’t hate or resent her, I think that shows a lot of compassion but also emotional intelligence. He has this me vs the world outlook, way of life, mentally, however you want to call it, but is in desperate need for someone to SEE him. Like acknowledge his existence, to stay, to love him. He is incredibly skilled & capable, everything you’ve seen 007 do, he does it better. Also I’ve made sure to include diverse verses so there is a way to explore pretty much anything under the sun that you could think of.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).   —  I think he can’t really move past the whole I hate everyone & I need someone. So he goes back and forth, it is difficult to create a meaningful connection. I’ve been lucky to do that but that’s also bc I’ve written with some people here for years. 

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE?   —   I had taken a few years break from RP, which used to be like one of my main interests, writing in general. And then I was getting into just watching Kdramas, watched HEALER, and I was instantly like I HAVE TO WRITE HIM, and never looked back really. 

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING?   —   Auditory stimuli, be it music or just sounds. For example, when I write I tend to use programs or websites where you can put different sounds in the background like thunder, rain, wind, chatter etc. Watching yt clips, seeing people on my dash tbh, like people that I follow also inspire me bc they make me go I WANNA WRITE WITH ALL OF THEM.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

DO YOU THINK YOU GIVE YOUR CHARACTER JUSTICE?   YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO? [ I think I tend to have all of these feelings, sometimes I’m like, yeah, this is Jung-hoo, this is exactly what I wanted, sometimes I’m like who am I writing? But I just focus more on me enjoying writing him, than thinking if people think I write him as they think I should.]

DO YOU FREQUENTLY WRITE HEADCANONS?   YES / NO / SORT OF? [I have a bunch of headcanons about like the smallest of things, like the fact that I don’t think he likes wearing socks is one of them, but,  I don’t write them or post them on here. I’m not sure why, I guess I prefer to sort of just sprinkle them in the threads??? ]

DO YOU SOMETIMES WRITE DRABBLES?   YES / NO [ Kinda. I also write fanfiction & I had started this original one with sort of Jung-hoo in mind but not really him. I realized I really like writing starters, I think that’s probably like an unpopular opinion or way of thinking but I really enjoy starting the thread, and I kinda sometimes think starters are like drabbles, I’m not making sense. ]

DO YOU THINK A LOT ABOUT YOUR MUSE DURING THE DAY?   YES / NO

ARE YOU CONFIDENT IN YOUR PORTRAYAL?   YES / NO / SORT OF? [ Depends on my mental state. Like sometimes 100% and then other times it’s like what am I even doing?? ]

ARE YOU CONFIDENT IN YOUR WRITING?   YES / NO / A LITTLE BIT. [ I enjoy how I write, if that makes sense. I’d like to think that I can switch it up now and again, keep it fresh, I def know that I’ve evolved over the course of the years I’ve been RPing ]

ARE YOU A SENSITIVE PERSON?   YES / NO. / SORTA.

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?   —   Sure. I’m fine with that. I just think that the INTERNET does not know how to compute that, or people on the internet. It’s either, you can do no wrong or you should die a horrible death. It’s like either STAN or HATE. And it’s also somehow part of the rp community here on Tumblr. Where there’s just either fake praise or just unnecessary hate. And then there is a bit in the middle where like you can talk and exchange ideas and thoughts. But it is not the main focus by any means. If anyone wants to tell me to change something, or to do something diff, sure, let me hear you out, you might inspire me to improve. But that rarely happens. 

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU TO EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER?   — Of course, I think a lot of people are like this. Talking about my character gives me muse for the character. Like we could be talking how he’d eat a salad and I’d be like, okay now I have to write a novella about this other thing I’m inspired about. 

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?  —  That’s weird to me just bc I feel like when I read someones headcanon, this is how they, and them uniquely see the character, so I can’t really disagree with that, I can have an opinion for sure. But that’s like someone being I like this band, and you say, no you don’t, it just doesn’t make sense to me.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT?   —  Same with the previous one. Like I often find blogs where they are writing a character that I either love from a show, move, book whatever, or it’s a canon type character that I find really interesting, like the idea behind it, but then I read their writing and then I go, aaaah okay nooo, no NO. And it’s never personal, it’s like, we ain’t gonna mesh, which is fine. And if someone is like that with my writing, fully understandable, just don’t be a dick about it, and we’ll be cool.

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?  —  Couldn’t really give less of a shit really. RP to me is this little bubble where I am this fictional person that can do and try everything. It is in no way connected to any other aspect of actual reality or my life. The only connection is if I have to take a hiatus or smth, but like even if I write OOC things, it’s about IC stuff. I have other social medial for real life, this is just my RP bubble. So if someone is wasting their time hating a fictional character, they have bigger fish to fry. 

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS?   —   Sure, English isn't my first language so mistakes happen. If I see someone make a mistake and the write with me, I just change it when I reply to them, but I don’t point it out bc you never know, someone people could be okay cool thanks, and someone else could really feel down on themselves, which would be bad, and I wouldn’t want that to happen.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN?  —  I’d like to think so, especially that I’m easy to approach and talk to. I don’t take many things seriously, not just on here but like in life. So I’m always open to any idea anyone might have. I’ve been lucky with the people that I’ve been following & those that have followed me, a huge percentage is just really dope people, nice to read their writing, nice to talk to, great to write with. And I hope that it stays that way, so we can also have this as some kind of mental break from life :) 

[callmetatenda]

thank u, next

I know I abandoned my blog, a little… I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry. But I’m back & I’m better [in my best Bryson Tiller voice]. See here’s the thing, life just started happening, things were moving and shifting I got caught up in a lot. So I needed some time to recuperate, think and come back as the best version of myself. I’m trying out some new stuff on this blog, on my music channels and my social media presence in general. I just feel like I have a lot to say and plenty ways to release them so bear with me & stay tuned to my other socials for some fun things. I’ve been thinking of what I’d say when I came back to this platform and I wanted it to be right, I wanted to articulate it in a correct manner. I’m the kind of person who has a lot going on in my head but I won’t voice it unless I truly think it will hold some kind of impact… so, here it goes.

I know you’ve heard that Ariana Grande song by now & I’m not gonna lie, when I read about it before hearing it, I was like… eh another pop song about her past relationships that’s cute or whatever. BUT when I tell you I finally listened to it, and it pieced together what I’d been going through in so many ways I’m THRU. Ariana DID THAT.

So, as the year is coming to a close I’ve been thinking and reflecting a lot about where I am, where I’m going and how far I’ve come (won’t He do it?!). A couple months ago I packed up my bags and moved countries from everything I know and am familiar with and embarked on this journey with my studies. Now, combine that with adulting-- you know handling my finances, working, and making my own doctors appointments-- coping with probably the biggest change in my life, and  harbouring certain relationships and friendships that weren’t the healthiest. I was really going through it. But I’m a gangsta so I shed a lil thug tear and kept it pushing. The way I’m used to handling or dealing with things is if you’re not good for me, or good for my well being I will cut you off. Which in essence, is the healthy thing to do right? However, I learned that cutting someone off and being bitter or holding anger or hurt over the situation won’t do anything for you.

I know that the right thing to do is forgive & forget but if I’m being completely real and transparent. I’m only human. Sometimes-- most times I can’t do that. I can’t easily forgive and I had to come to terms with the fact that’s okay the good Lord is still working on me. What I can do though, is change my perspective.

If God didn’t want me here, He wouldn’t have brought me here. That sometimes means it’s literally time to say THANK U & NEXT to a lot of things. thank u, next.. to that unhealthy relationship. thank u, next… to the friendships that are holding deadweight. thank u, next… to the situation that you got so comfortable in. thank u, next… to allowing people to talk to you anyhow. thank u, next… to staying stagnant and not evolving or growing. Staying in the same place won’t allow you to grow. Granted, the people who you came up with and the situations you’ve become comfortable in is a lot of what has shaped you. But know that God will use certain people for certain eras of your life for a particular job.

I had to come to a place where I asked Him to pull me away from anything and any relationship that He wasn’t in. That’s a hard prayer to pray. Because you’re asking Him to rid you of the people and the things you have grown to love. I kept praying about certain situations and people in my life, saying, God if you’re not in it.. if you’re not in that friendship, I don’t want to be there. I want to be where you are. As much as it might hurt me, take me away from it so I can have what YOU have for me.

In my perfect world it would work like magic and I’d be a new creation, there would be fairy and pixie dust and *poof* it’s done and everything would be cool and we move on. Obviously, it doesn’t ever really work like that. Over the years, I learned that one of things that triggered my anxiety is being lonely. So I would cling onto people and friendships and tell myself “well at least I’m not alone,”. I’m mentioning this to highlight the importance of that prayer. I literally asked God to take away everything I’m comfortable with knowing it could very well take me to my dark place. I mentally prepared myself like “wow, if I can’t text this person at 2AM or whenever I feel low I’ll actually be a wreck,” and I’m not going to lie and say it was easy, but I’ve handled it like a champ if I do say so myself.

I had to realize that sometimes when God wants to work on you, He has to isolate you from some of the things you love and the people you love. He will put you in a place where you are able to hear him and totally be committed and focused to His plan. The thought of this used to scare me a little bit, [like, can we keep it 100 and be all the way transparent?] because honestly, I’m comfortable with these toxic relationships because it might not be alllll the way healthy, but at the end of the day I’ll still get that affirmation that makes me feel good and happy so like why would I walk away from that. At this point I’m looking at God like, “Come on my dude… I know you probably don’t want me here right now… but like I’m kinda sorta happy, sooo I’ma stay in this until the wheels fall off this thing,” and the tendency is then to run from God because you’re lowkey ashamed. And that’s the funny thing about God, He’s not this huge scary character that’s gonna punish you if you don’t do things His way. God is literally love. He’ll let you do things your way. He will watch you act like boo boo the fool, watch you walk right into the fire and at the end of it He’s there and ready to catch you He is your Father.

I started looking at things without the element of resentment or anger to a point where I could be grateful for certain situations and still say peace out & God bless ya. In everything I was moving on from, one taught me love, one taught me patience and one taught me pain fOR SURE. But here’s the thing, let’s go back to this Ariana song because I don’t think y’all understand the timing it all just fell right in place I’m excited okay. The first verse she’s talking about her ex boyfriends and that one taught her love, patience and pain okay but then she gets into the second verse where she says she’s moved on to some on else [at this point I’m like oh noo baby what is you doin??] then SIS SAYS HER NAME IS ARI. She has moved on to herself! SOMEONE SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK COME ON THAT’S A WORD. Then minister Ariana continues to say, “she taught me love, she taught me patience, she handles pain that []’s amazing”. HELLO?

Once I became committed to actually not letting certain things and people have a hold on me and my life anymore, that’s when God started working. God started pouring out things into me. I started to be with and by myself all the time and was okay with it. I’ve grown to love my own company; I’ve learned that in my own company I do some of my best writing, I sing some of my best songs, yo not to toot my own horn but ya girl is fly. I’m literally living my best life [peep my ig for real life proof] and that doesn’t go to say that there won’t be bad days; it doesn’t mean that I don’t miss certain people or don’t feel empty some days. What I’ve learned in this season of self-love, self-awareness and growth is to stay at His feet. I’ll never lack anything if I keep that relationship with Him.

So for now, I’ll leave you with these gems until we meet again,

BOP OF THE WEEK: thank u, next x Ariana Grande

VERSE OF THE WEEK: Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

[memor1n0]

Hello, this sideblog still exists! ^^; Surprised?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past few months, and I’ve realized something: basically, there’s a lot of art-related hobbies that I can treat like a business. But comics ain’t one of ‘em.

I just don’t think there’s enough demand...not enough to get me to do a professional-level volume of work on a regular basis, anyway. Maybe someday I’ll gain an audience that will actually look forward to reading my serious comics and the stories I have to tell with them, but right now I don’t have that, and it’s about time I just admitted it.

...Of course, Memor1n0 didn’t teach me that. ^^; The “more popular” comics I kinda-sorta abandoned it for did. Long story short, I did a whole lot of work for a whole lot of nothing, and if even those projects (which I actually worked on consistently) earned me radio silence in the end, then that’s basically the best I can expect for any comic. :/ Which means something has to change.

I need to learn to do comics for myself again...somehow. I’m really not sure how...it’s been almost a decade since I started doing them with the intention to gain fans and get famous. And I still want to do that. ^^ But like I said, comics clearly aren’t the way at this point. No one on the internet pays enough attention to them for it to be worth all the stress they cause me, not even close. So I’m going to try to start treating them like a hobby again...with fewer expectations, both from others and from myself.

I feel like this might actually lead to me posting on this blog more often...I find myself with a lot of ‘free time’ these days, since I’ve decided to stop worrying about my comics. ^^ I often feel more inspired to just doodle and make pretty drawings, like the one above. Speaking of which: at the moment, I’d like to explore my Memor1n0 designs for a bit; rediscover the love I had for them that compelled me to drag them with me from childhood to adulthood. And do some experimenting with color as I go. Hopefully you’ll see some more sketches soon~

[gstfkr]

so I stepped away from tumblr for a bit because the whole mindless content browsing thing was really sucking up my time, but this whole venting/reflection setup works pretty good for me so I’m back. Maybe I can have another go at networking my social shit here too, I dunno. S O , status update time I guess

I fucking!! have a job and have had a job for a while now. The novelty has worn off so it feels p routine now but objectively I am more productive now than I was before, and way more productive w/ this than I was at school. Or like, ever. Huh. I guess at work is the most productive I’ve ever been. Hm. And also I have money now, so I’ve mostly been saving that and spending a good amount on the fam and occasionally getting myself something nice (like a $90 dragon dick that has yet to ship out). And I’m hoping that as I’m getting used to the working life that I’ll start valuing my free time more and be more productive then too. And just, getting more organized and starting projects n shit. And in other bureaucratic adult shit news, I swear to god I am so close to taking my driver’s test, I’ve been practicing and I need to get my hands on an insurance form thing and after that I can get my fuckingngfmgn license and figure out the whole driving thing. my dad said he’s help pay for / buy(???) me a cheapo car, so that would be nice. And since I don’t really have living expenses rn I’ve been saving the grand majority of my money.

Social-wise I’m doing. okay. I guess good. I still feel kinda pathetic in comparison to literally everyone else but I’m getting kinda friendly w/ people at work and conversations are getting easier. I’m not super confident and I still don’t have *friends* but I am getting better I guess. I’m still tryna decide where to go from here. I started a reddit account a bit ago and I did a very small amount of social-ish sorta things, but it has mostly ended up as a content browsing replacement for tumblr. I’m also getting worried that my fixation on comics is actually that same thing, so I’ve been paring that down a bit. Like I am legit interested in literary analysis but I don’t externalise that and find myself just checking back and forth for new things to point my eyes at. I could like. Blog about that I guess??? I mean one of the reasons I’m doing this is because I kinda like writing. 

On that note, I’ve been having trouble with, an indecision thing. I kinda doubt this is a thing many other people experience, especially people that had typical adolescences, but I feel like I kinda have to pick my interests? Like there are so many subjects that I’ve had a very casual interest in throughout the past couple years and I couldn’t really make anything of them. I guess there’s drafting (I should download blender or something and start doing that because I actually fucking love that weird simulation shit) but I abandoned drawing and fandom horseshit which took up. Pretty much all of the precious little time I didn’t spend dissociating and having panic attacks. In addition (and I’ve touched on this a lot, at least in my head) I’ve just been so conditioned against getting engaged in things and repeatedly punished whenever I actually got passionate and I’m just, afraid that I’ll need to find a way to manually fix that too. Maybe it’s just indecision still but I’m worried that it’s a whole different problem that’s deeper than I know. I dunno. I’ve tried writing out lists of what I think is worth getting “into” but it hasn’t worked yet. I’m fucking scared of making the ‘wrong choice’ and yeah, I am also scared of. Being passionate in general. Shit. I think that is a problem with me. But maybe it’s one I’m already working on fixing? Okay. I think I’ll uh, instead of compiling a list of /potential/ interests I should try and make a list of things that get me going. Like, webcomics, and there’s this whole inscrutable category of ‘weird internet shit’ like SCP’s and shitty 3d simulations and amateur casual pc games that I’m really fucking into. And I guess I do get into little engineering things.

That also ties into (goddamn this is getting long) my whole career choice dilemma. Because I’ve definitely been Super Into 1) mechanical engineering 2) genetic engineering and 3) architecture, and somewhat developed that interest in a productive way, but am currently not Super Into any of those things. Maybe that’s a sort of special interest issue? Maybe I should see a therapist again???? Also I should make sure I’m not neglecting the whole fucking college thing???????????? 

I guess I’m into getting so fucking existential that I need to take a break from thinking to stop myself from Not Having A Day. 

I just need to dip my toes into shit I guess. I’ll make a list of Core interests that I am definitely into, a list of shit I should get into some of and a list of ???? shit. I can bifurcate it by shit I actually like to practical shit, which should take up some time but not necessarily passion. Yeah. That should fix this, and then I can get back to, things I need to be doing now.

So this whole time I’ve been thinking of a Plan. Outline time. So I’ll make them lists just to get shit organized, then I’ll start/repurpose a blog for shit I just need to get out there. Like comic shit and, whatever captures my attention I guess. Which I GuEsS is mAyBe the whole point of a blog or something. God. This is why I need friends. Need to put up an ad for people to stop me from embarking on these frigging existential ignoramus quests. So I’ll do all that good shit and then I’ll sleep because I just worked my ass off for like 9 hours why did I think I should try and stay up for 38 hours? Goddamn.

Oh an speaking of I work as a baker which is actually a thing I like and the pay isn’t terrible and the people are Real Cool So Far, and it has been kicking my fucking ass so I’m always Capital S Sleepy™; BUT that is largely because I am A) now getting a shit ton of exercise and B) on testosterone and therefore building those good Boy Muscles at an ungodly rate. I gots motherfucking triceps n shit now. Goddamn I’m tired. List time than speepy time. Night babes