#(oh and. off topic/slightly upsetting but if anyone has tips for getting over a friendship. i am open to suggestions.

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

im so grateful for all you of btw

[defkooka]

take me away | minghao

pairing: minghao x reader

genre: badboyau, angst to the fullest

word count: 3.4k

summary: it could be so easy falling in love with the simple things that make someone who they are; hard part? getting them to love you back.

a/n: maybe a part 2? anyway minghao has been on my mind for like a week now so i had to write something about my baby hao uwu

after sitting in your morning lecture for 1 hour; you could already feel yourself slowly dozing off into space. you counted down the minutes until you can finally walk out and go on with your extremely boring day to finally get home and take a fat nap. talking about physics for 1 and 30 minutes can be exhausting, especially when you’re running on 4 hours of sleep. The half empty cup of coffee on your desk is doing a good job on keeping you awake; but not so much on making you pay attention at the professor in front of the class who seemed to keep dragging out his words for what felt like eternity.

you felt your phone in your pocket vibrate against the material of your skinny jeans. You fished out your phone and discreetly looked at it under your table to not bring any unwanted attention to yourself.

hao: hey

hao: are you in class?

You smiled at the text from minghao and quickly typed out a response.

me: yeah, why?

hao: i can pick you up and we can go somewhere

me: hmmmm, idkkkk

me: what do you have in mind :)

hao: anywhere you’d like

hao: i just really wanna see you :)

your heart skipped a beat at the words displayed on your phone screen and you smiled at the text replying back a simple okay. you and minghao have known each other since 3 summer agos, being introduced by one of your friends; jun.

everyone has always told you that you and minghao were complete opposites; you being so friendly and outgoing, always holding a big smile and get along with people very easily, minghao on the other hand doesn’t like having many friends.

it’s not like he’s incapable of making friendships, it’s just he doesn’t like having many friends. he’s someone who prefers keeping to himself even though if standing in a room; all eyes are always on him due to his incredibly good looks.

minghao was the first person you were actually intimidated to speak too. he has this dark aura around him that would intimidate anyone and give off that ��bad boy’ imagine. but minghao was far from being a ‘bad boy’.

he’s the type of person who likes walking along side of the beach and watch the sunset, as cheesy as that sounds. he’s the type to speak for other people if they ever feel uncomfortable. hes the type to go to museums and think about the amount of time and hard work painters have spent on each individual piece, making it stand out from the rest. he’s the type to wish the best for everyone and anyone out of the kindness of his heart and that’s what attracted you so much to him. how he takes his time to appreciate the beauty in everything.

minghao was one of the kindest people even though it may not look like it to others. but he prefers it this way, people stay away and don’t approach unless approached to. but with you; it was different.

minghao was desperate to get out of that party that one hot summer night, he only went because his friend, jun, begged him to finally get out of the house and stop messing around with that motorcycle he oh so loved. minghao was just thinking of going for an hour or two, and leaving to let everyone else have fun in their own little world. it’s not like he knew many people there anyway, only jun, soonyoung, chan, vernon, and seokmin.

but when jun introduced him to you, he was amused by the way your eyes widen and your smile slightly fell, but not even a second later your eyes soften and gave him the biggest smile he’s ever seen on someone. most people would just shyly say a hello and never speak to him again but he was captivated at the way you just kept making conversation with him and laughed at silly and random things that came out of you mouth; not because you were drunk, but simply because you just found it funny.

but what he was most surprised at was how he kept making conversation right back with you.

ever since, minghao just couldn’t stay away from you and your bubbly personality. you were one of the few things that brought him joy and fun and he cherished you for that.

it also didn’t take much for him to capture your heart. the simplest of things made him smile and those were things that didn’t slip past you. if he was happy, you were even happier. he was like a drug that once you tried; there was no going back. and that’s what scared you.

the first time you kissed minghao was sweet and cliche. he had dropped you off at your dorm your freshman year of college and kissed you. a soft, gently kiss. but that was the kiss that had you sold forever, but you weren’t so sure about him.

you and minghao never clarified what you were. you spent almost everyday together. you went out together. you would kiss. you would hug. and you would have sex.

but the words never left his mouth, and you were too scared to bring it up yourself to not upset him. because if minghao was upset, you were upset. so you never brought up the topic and neither did he. and he probably liked it like that, you thought.

he had the freedom to sleep with other girls and also have you, right? he can do whatever he wants and you would still be there for him because you knew you couldn’t leave his side, right? those were the moments were anxiety and self doubt infested your system, making your head race with a million thoughts as to why minghao has never ever said that he loved you directly to your face.

sometimes he would do things that made you think he did like, waking you up with kisses all over your face, or kiss all his favorite spots on your body and whispering loving words as his lips traveled down your body. or also how he would know if you were having a bad day and would go out of his way to make it better.

but other times he would do things that left you thinking if he even thought of you in ways you thought about him. like never answering your messages days at a time, or shutting you out every time he was upset, or refusing to introduce you to other people as nothing else as his ‘friend’.

your friends knew you guys were a thing, but not even you knew exactly what that ‘thing’ was.

your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of people shuffling around you. class had probably ended without you even knowing. everyone quickly filed out of the room while you patiently packed your stuff; thoughts on minghao still lingering in your head.

you slowly walked out of the room holding strong eye contact with the floor, instead of saying hi to the people around you like you usually do.

once you stepped foot outside you finally looked up at the busy people around you. people were rushing in front of you to get to their destinations while others took their time and talked freely with their friends about the new gossip on campus. as a happy and friendly person you were, you never partook in silly conversations about gossip and secrets with other, never really finding a point in it other than just to talk about others without them knowing.

you looked around the sidewalk trying to find him in the sea of heads, until your eyes finally landed on the tall, handsome; minghao.

he leaned back on the black bike behind him; his pride and joy. his long slender fingers supported him against the black leader under his finger tips. his long legs covered by a pair of black jeans were crossed in front of him and a black bottom up shirt hung loosely against his skinny frame. his chest that you loved leaving your love bites on, was exposed to the sun as a couple of silver chains hung on his neck making him look like a total dream. your dream.

once his eyes locked on yours, a small caring smile overtook his features; making the sides of his mouth wrinkle.

you took small steps towards him, instead of the eager ones you usually take when your eyes land on him after a long day.

“hi” he said extending his hand from behind him, in front of you for you to take. you placed your small hand on the palm on his rather large one. feeling the cold of his rings against your skin as his fingers wrapped around your hand. the same fingers that always work magic against your skin.

“hey” you couldn’t suppress the smile that overcame your face as he pulled you towards him after a few seconds of slowly shaking your hand up and down with his. he wrapped his arms around your waist and held you tightly against him, placing a gentle kiss on the side of your neck. you hummed in appreciation, missing his scent from not seeing him for almost 2 days.

you pulled away from his embrace parted the hair that covered his eyes, giving you a clear view of the man you adored.

“what’s wrong? you have a long face.” he worriedly looked at you and his brows furrowed in concern. these were the types of things he did that made you think that maybe, maybe he cared about you the same way you cared about him.

“it’s nothing. just a longer lecture than usual” you shrugged your shoulders and looked down at his converse; avoiding his worried gaze. you could feel his eyes burning on the top of your head and you started to get worried that he could see right through you; which he could.

“don’t lie to me. you’re not good at it.” he chuckled making you look back up at him. “now tell me what’s wrong” his eyes went back to the soft concerning look they had. you could feel the anxiety start to bubble up again and you hugged your arms around yourself looking at everything around him instead of him.

you were just about to answer another bullshit lie when you heard your name being called out from behind you. both you and minghao turned to the voice and you smiled once you saw who it was.

“hey y/n, i overslept yesterday and missed class. i was wondering if you could send me the notes.” the handsome jeonghan smiled at you. but you weren’t even thinking about that as you felt minghaos hands drop from your sides and his gaze drifted to dig daggers onto jeonghan.

“of course, ill text you the notes once i get home.” you brightly smiled at the boy and he smiled back. you were just about to turn around and face minghao when the boy spoke up again

“i was also kinda wondering if you’d like to get a coffee tomorrow after class with a few friends, you know, joshua, jihoon, mingyu and...me?” you could hear the nervousness behind his voice as his eyes drifted from your face to minghaos cold eyes staring at him.

“sure, i would love to jeonghan” you smiled at him and didn’t think much about it when you saw the giant smile on his face and his ears turn a slight pink. “cool, uh, see you then.” he politely nodded his head and you and went back to his group of friends. you turned around and were immediately met with minghaos eyes staring deeply at jeonghans back.

“you okay hao?” you shifted your face so you were right in front of his eyes but that mad look still didn’t leave his face.

“he just asked you out.” he bluntly said. “and you just said yes.” you saw something which seemed like hurt flash across his eyes but it was gone as fast as it came which only confused you even more.

“asked me out? he was just being nice and invited me out with a few friends minghao.” his eyes darted to the floor and back up to you to see the genuine confusion on your face, but he still looked pissed off.

even if jeonghan was asking you out on a date, why would he care? its not like he’s ever said that you weren't allowed to go out with other people and have fun, so why would he be getting upset about a guy simple asking you to hang out?

“whatever. lets just go.” he avoided your eyes as he got back on the motorcycle and held it steady for you to climb on the back behind him; like the gentleman he always is. you wrapped your arms around him and burried your cheek to his back, feeling his muscles flex from holding onto the the handles. soon after you were firmly pressed to his back, he started the bike and you guys were off.

you thought that minghao was probably over the whole jeonghan situation by the time you both got to his apartment, but 2 hours later, he still had that mad expression on his gorgeous face. you were scared to say anything to him to not piss him off anymore because if you did, he would probably shut you out even more.

he was sitting on his chair with his canvas in front of him, painting whatever ran threw his mind. the sunset hit the side of his face perfectly making him look like the angel you always thought him to be. he wore no shirt and shoes, but still had the same black jeans from before, he always said he preferred not having a shirt when he was at home. you’ve been watching the side of his face for a good hour now, not speaking a word no matter how much you wanted too. you could feel yourself becoming more nervous every time the seconds ticked by.

minghao sometimes would do this, he would invite you over and you would sit in silence watching him paint but not because he was mad at you. just simply because he enjoyed your presence around him and didn’t feel the necessity to speak every two seconds.

but today was different. the tension in the room only rose and you could feel yourself getting tired of the silence.

“am i just going to sit here and watch you the whole night?” you finally said and surprised yourself at the hostility in your own voice. his hand stopped moving and he looked at you with shock in his eyes probably from the tone of you voice too. he never once has heard you talk like that and it genuinely shocked him, but he quickly covered it up with the same expressionless look from before.

“you can go if you want.” his eyes drifted back to the painting in front of him but his hand didn’t move as smoothly as before, now drifting stiffly across the canvas.

“you were the one that brought me here minghao” you said with annoyance in your voice as you crossed your arms over your chest and looked at the side of his head as he still refused to look at you.

“you should’ve told me to take you home then” his brows furrowed and he kept absentmindedly mixing random colors. you could feel your blood boiling inside of your veins each second that he didn’t even spare to look at you. how can he be mad over a thing so harmless as to being asked to hang out by a friend?

“you were the one who wanted to hang out in the first place minghao!” you stood up and went to stand up next to the canvas, in front of him. his eyes didn’t even quaver to take a glance at you. the same mad look hiding behind his long black bangs. he stayed quiet and continued to ignore your existence like you were just a piece of dust in the air.

you were tired. tired of trying to get his attention and squeeze at least a few words out of him. so you did the best thing you could’ve possibly done in that moment; you walked away. you weren’t going to continue to push someone to talk if they didn’t want to.

you turned around and headed for the door with a loud scoff; making sure he would hear. you picked your bag up and made your way to the door to put on your shoes.

“where are you going?” minghao finally broke his silent treatment and stood from his chair. “home. just like you said” you replied bitterly and he could hear the exhaustion and venom in your voice.

“i didn’t mean it. stop.” he placed his hand on your arm to try and pull you back from putting on your shoes. at this point you were trying to force the tears back in from spilling all over your face, even though he tried to pull you back from getting your stuff, you could still hear the emptiness in his voice.

“then what do you mean hao? you do one thing and then do a different thing. you say one thing and then say the opposite of it. just for once tell me what you mean! i can’t read your mind minghao! if you’re mad say it!” you could feel your body temperature rise and your ears become hotter the instant those words left your mouth. you’ve never raised your voice at minghao or anyone in that matter. but it felt good to finally let something out of you chest in a different way that wasn’t just sweet words. and that’s how you found the courage in yourself to finally say whats next after it was pure silence from him.

“i’m not something that you can just have when you’re lonely minghao. i have feelings y’know? it hurts me having to feel like i’m just a background character in your life instead of a main one like you are in mine. you can’t keep me in the dark hao.” you could feel yourself giving up. hot tears started to build up in the corners of your eyes but you didn’t care enough anymore to wipe them away.

by now his mouth was hanging open trying to find the words that just couldn’t come to his head. sadness was layered in his eyes as he listened to every confession leaving your mouth, were you really feeling like this the whole time?

“if you like me, say so. if you don’t, just tell me so i don’t have to sit around and wait for you to come around..” you finally let the tears that you were holding back for months escape. it felt good to finally let every worry out even though it was not the way you planned.

“i-“ that’s all he managed to say before his hand dropped from around your arm. “i’m... i’m just confused. i didn’t mean to make you feel this way.” the soft voice of the minghao you deeply cared about finally came to light, you could see the trouble in his face and body language; like he wanted to reach out for you but physically couldn’t. he wanted to reach out and wipe the tears that rolled down your eyes, he wanted to hold you and tell you every little thing he loved about you and yell out to the world how much he cared and wanted you; but he couldn’t.

you finally wiped the tears from your eyes and looked at the ground trying to figure out your next move as to what to do in this situation.

“well minghao, that’s something you have to figure out.” the words finally left your lips as you looked at him with the bravest face you could possibly master right now. you finished putting on your shoes and made a move towards the door; hoping that maybe, there was a chace that he would try and stop you. but that moment never came, you opened the door and close it behind you leaving a pained minghao starring at the spot you once stood in.

a/n: i ended up accidentally deleting this but thank GOD i had it saved somewhere so i was able to repost it oof

[sorenvaxana]

FHS Headcanons

have fun reading

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-Freddy wants to grow his hair out, for absolutely no reason at all. He just wants to have rlly long hair and occasionally wears it in other styles other than a simple ponytail. He's probably asked Chica to put his hair in a braid before and it ended up being a rlly stiff and small braid cause his hair isn't that long for one yet

-Since Puppet kissed Mai on the cheek in Canción Marionette, I hc that in Puppet and Mai's family, they share a lot of various kisses w/ meanings of their own(platonically ofc) A kiss on the cheek means comfort, a kiss on the forehead means forgiveness/sorry, and a kiss on the temple means goodnight. (I like to think that Freddy would be feeling upset one day so Puppet kisses him on the cheek and Freddy is like WHAHHNDSNK,MGGATGAYGAY I'M GSY)

-So I wasn't planning on putting my design hcs here, but pleas let's all appreciate Joy w/ a split tooth for at least 5 seconds it's literally my aesthetic

-Felix has probably only watched 1 or 2 animes when he was younger, yet he's still somehow Spiritually seen every anime in existence. Abby will go to him crying over how her favorite died, by dramatically saying, at first; "FELIX!! FELIX IT'S HORRIBLE. FELIX OH MY GOD" and Felix will just be like "Oh you're at that part where [name] died aren't you" and it confuses the everloving fuck out of Abby

-Speaking of anime and Abby, imagine Bonnie and Abby being friends and bonding over anime!! And then Fox joins them later on. At first he kept saying anime was stupid or something until Bonnie let it slip that the new season of an anime was coming out in a few weeks and Fox immediately goes WHAT so he gets invited to watch anime w/ Abby and Bonnie and now they're. all friends who bond over anime. They probably cosplay occasionally too and make shitty joke tik toks

-Speaking of Bonnie being friends w/ Abby, I like to think that Bonnie can easily befriend literally any girl. The only ones he's not that close w/ are Meg, Toddy and Maggie but he still somehow manages to be on good terms w/ them. He also likes to have!! Sleepovers w/ the girls and he owns like 20 friendship bracelets and has his nails painted 24/7 

-Okay so I'm basically just projecting but: What if Bonnie had autism. Whereas he has some social anxiety, and generally just sticks to his current friends. Takes a lot of jokes too seriously sometimes(still has a sense of humor he just starts getting worried cause he can't tell if someone was being for real abt a particularly harsh joke they made) 

Rocks back and forth 24/7 and swings his arms back and forth when standing, occasionally clapping his hands in front of him and behind him when he does that.(if you don't know what I mean I'll try and draw what it looks like) Generally rlly silent w/ a group of people all having a conversation. Used to have a lot of trouble holding eye contact but when he realized he did that he started making a lot more eye contact than he needed to. Sticks to a specific schedule and starts getting worried if something prevents him from following this schedule. Starts brushing his fingers through his hair rapidly as an attempt to ease anxiety/stress 

-srry I projected like. A Lot There. anyways what if Loon had social anxiety. he's seen as a rlly shy character but like. idk man he comes off as more socially anxious to me instead of just simple Shy

-Also Freddy being sensitive to loud noises, he hates using public restrooms cause when you flush the toilet they always go HHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHGHGH and whenever an object looks like it's abt to fall but he can't like. get to it to put it somewhere else he'll immediately start sweating and mildly hyperventilate as he tries to mentally prepare himself if it falls and causes a loud noise. he can do better w busy restaurants and concerts but he still prefers quiet places 

-I found this hc somewhere else but like. Onnie w/ abandonment issues. that is all 

-I also found this hc somewhere else but like.    Bonnie just steals all the coats from his band members when he's bored. Their coats are Not Safe From Him. They Will Be Stolen. 

-Back to Bonnie, Abby and Fox, they all like to play mc together but they can never fucking find Bonnie when he's playing w/ them and they always see him saying the weirdest fucking shit in the chat. one time they saw "BonnieTheDestructer fell out of the world" while they're all in survival w/ no commands and Fox n Abby are just like what the FUCK 

-Fox and Bon never considered eachother friends at first, but since Fox was the only other person who knew of Bon's feelings for Bonnie, Bon always seeked help from him since Fox was close friends w/ Bonnie. Fox was slightly annoyed by this but him and Bon started getting closer and closer and Fox unintentionally became a wingman for Bon so like. no getting out of this now

-One day Bon decides to seek advice from Felix and Fede, as Fox and Joy's advice isn't helping and he's afraid of asking for help from anyone else. What he didn't know was that Bonnie was also seeking advice from Felix and Fede for the same thing, so Felix and Fede are trying their very best to get Bon and Bonnie together but also doing it at a slow pace bc it's funny seeing Bon and Bonnie gush over eachother while still oblivious to the others' feelings 

-On the same topic of that, I like to think Felix is the one giving Bon advice. Whereas he gives flirting tips and pickup lines to use on Bonnie while a very flushed Bon denies that he will use ANY of those 

-can't forget Fede giving advice to Bonnie, where he gives tips and hints on how to remain cool around Bon, and even giving advice on subtly flirting w/ Bon just to see how Bon would react. Also explaining the signs on someone liking you so Bonnie can look out for these signs w/ Bon 

-Felix giving advice to Bonnie and Fede giving advice to Bon is cool too tho

-Joy likes to make flower crowns!! She always makes flower crowns for Meg and Bon, and when she becomes friends w/ Fox and Bonnie, she makes flower crowns for them too!! 

-On the topic of that, Joy used to be rlly into arts and crafts when she was younger, so that's how she learned to make flower crowns. 

-Deuz considers himself a 100% straight man but he has. had gay thoughts before. he had gay thoughts like One time and it never happened again and he is still very confused abt it 

-Fox owning a gaming channel that he Occasionally does covers on, Bonnie having a channel that he posts shitposts on and guitar covers, and Abby having a channel where she posts reviews on anime, reaction videos and occasional covers too. Fox invites them to play a game w/ them one day that isn't minecraft. chaos ensues 

-When Freddy and Fox accidently kissed on Freddy's first day of school, everyone at the school definitely did Not let them live that down. They targeted Freddy mostly, calling him gay and the f slur, which slowly started to get to him and started making him question. "Wait, do I like guys?" cause he noticed that he's shown signs of liking guys before other than his accidental kiss w/ Fox. 

 So, w/ the help of his friends and Fred, Freddy managed to realize he was bi. All bc of his accidental kiss w/ Fox 

 -on the topic of Freddy being bi, he has chaotic bi thoughts 24/7 every time he meets someone attractive 

-ON THE TOPIC OF FREDDY BEING BI AGAIN, since he gains a crush on like every person he sees, Fred tries to be a wingman for him and it literally never works out. If Freddy ever decided to be a wingman for Fred tho, then he'd actually manage to get Fred a date somehow which would leave Fred flustered and Utterly confused. 

 also when they're both attracted to the same person? all hell goes down. 

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aight hope y’all had fun reading all that

[bornasghosts7165]

All I Want: Part 7

Previous Part

You and Harry get back to the rehearsal venue in the nick of time, but that didn’t stop Maddie from lecturing you on the importance of being on time. You probably would have felt worse about it, but you were just too happy to care. Harry had made you the happiest person on the planet, and there wasn’t anything that could ruin this mood. Not Maddie and her ‘I am the tour manager, fear me’ mode, and certainly not Liam’s presence. Though apparently, he was willing to test you, because he took it upon himself to stand right next to you as you watched Harry’s interviews. 

 It was the closest you’d been to him in a couple days, and while you were still curious, you were trying not to engage. At the end of your relationship, Liam hadn’t made you as happy as Harry just had in months. He hadn’t really taken an interest at all really, yet somehow you were still so blindsided when the end came. By then you had been traveling a lot for about a year and Liam had never even tried to make the distance less of a problem the way Harry had. It spoke volumes to you that a guy you had been dating for just over a year was making more of an effort than someone you’d been with for your entire adolescent life ever had. It made you care just a little bit less about how things turned out with Liam, but apparently he still had it on his mind.

“So.” Liam said after standing next to you for a little while. 

You look at him, but say nothing. After he doesn’t continue you look away. 

“How are you?” He asks. 

“Fine.” You answer shortly. 

“That’s good.”

“Yep.”

“So…”

“Liam.” You stop him. “Do you need something? Are you standing next to me for any specific reason?”

  Once again, now that you were in his presence the curiosity was gone and replaced with anger. 

“I just don’t want this to be weird.” Liam finally says. 

“Well, then maybe you shouldn’t have come.” You reply. 

“Look, I know you hate me, and you have every right to hate me. But can we just talk?” Liam asks. “I just want to talk to you.”

You didn’t want the entire tour to be weird either, and Liam made it clear by his consistent, and unfortunate presence that he wasn’t going anywhere. You couldn’t keep turning into a ball of anger every time he was within a couple yards radius of you, and you couldn’t keep wondering about the past whenever he wasn’t around. Maybe the best thing to do was to just rip off the band aid. What’s the worst that could happen?

“Fine. Talk.” You say. “But first some ground rules.”

“Okay.” Liam agrees. 

“You don’t tell anyone about us. They know we were together but the information stops there. And ‘talking’ that’s going to happen is going to be on my terms.” You say firmly. “Got it?” 

You saw your opening and you were going to take it. You were fine with being quasi-friendly with Liam as long as you were getting something out of it. A fake smile here, some useless small talk there. As long as that’s all it was then everything would work out. You just had to make sure you didn’t get any closer than that to keep things safe. It was going to make the tour bearable, and that would go a long away. After that you would go your separate ways again and everything would go back to normal.

“Got it.” Liam agreed. “I wanted to talk to you at the bar before the tour was getting off the ground, but then you saw me and kinda freaked.”

“Well, yeah, wouldn’t you be slightly put off after seeing the person who broke your heart for the first time in over a year?” You say, not pulling any punches. 

Liam looked hurt by your bluntness. Your skin had grown thicker since he had last seen you. There was a lot about you that Liam didn’t know anymore. But as you were looking at him you could tell that he was different too. It would explain his look of uncertainty when you saw him in the bar parking lot that night. You weren’t the same people and he didn’t know how to approach you anymore. But even still, you could see that he was desperate to talk to you. The Liam you knew was always sure he was doing the right thing, but this Liam seemed like he was constantly thinking. Like he wasn’t sure what to say or do or even how to talk to the former love of his life. Was he even the same boy you used to know?

“Does that happen often?” Liam asked cautiously. 

“What?”

“It kind of seemed like a panic attack.”

He was right; it was a panic attack. You hadn’t had one in about a year but there was no mistaking it for anything else. It was still just as terrifying and just as stressful. The first one you had what right after you’d been jilted by Liam. You thought you were so pathetic to be freaking out over a boy, but here you were two years later, and still having the same problem. To say that your attacks and Liam were linked would be an understatement. Clearly, he still had some sort of affect on you whether you wanted to admit it or not. 

“Uh yeah. I guess it was. Um, no not really.” You say. “It hasn’t happened in a couple years.”

You hadn’t really stopped to think about that panic attack. That night was so crazy that you almost forgot that it had happened. Before it made sense. Something huge in your life was no longer there and that was scary. You were suddenly alone, and the one person you thought you would be with forever wasn’t there anymore. Panic attacks, no matter how embarrassing, made sense at that point in your life. But why now? You weren’t still sad about the break up. Mad, yes. Sad, no. You were happy. Perhaps you were worried Liam would ruin that happiness? Or you were afraid he would hurt you again? Or seeing him reminded you of how things were before he ruined them and it made you panic all over again. There were a million reasons, and you didn’t want to think about any of them. 

“Two years ago?” Liam asked, seeming to understand he was the reason for your freak outs. 

“Yeah.” You say and look away, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

“I know this doesn’t mean much, but I’m sorry.” Liam tells you.

Despite your determination to not let Liam ruin the good mood Harry had put you in, you could feel yourself getting more and more upset. You didn’t want to talk about how Liam hurt you, and you certainly didn’t want to talk about it with Liam. You didn’t want him to know how bad he had hurt you. You didn’t want him to take an interest in your life or feel sorry for you. This was all getting just a bit too deep, and way past the point of quasi-friendship. This, you weren’t ready for. 

“I, uh, I can’t talk to you about this.” You say.

You turn on your heels and start walking away from the interviews. You didn’t want to disturb anything or distract Harry. The conversation you were having with Liam was not one that should be had in public let alone in front of your current boyfriend. 

“(Y/N), come on. I just want to talk. We can’t just keep tip toeing around each other.” Liam says as he follows you back stage. “I know I fucked everything up, and I know I have no right to even be standing here talking to you right now-“

“Yeah, that’s right.” You interrupt without stopping. “So why should I give you the time of day?”  

“Because it’s been two years, and I can’t keep living like this.” Liam says.

“Living like what?” You ask as you stop walking. “Like you broke my heart? Can you not live with the guilt that you’re the reason I used to have panic attacks almost everyday? Or that I honestly thought I would never be happy again? Is that reality too much for you?”

“(Y/N)-“

“Because let me tell you what my reality was.” You say interrupting again. “I was in love with you, Liam. I would have loved you forever, but that wasn’t enough for you.”

“It was!” Liam exclaims. “You were enough! More than enough!”

“If I was enough than why did you do it? Why did you cheat on me?!” You yell back. “How could you do that to me if you loved me at all?”

“I don’t know!” He shouts. “All I know is that I have never regretted anything more. I never meant to hurt you. I know that since I lost you my life has been nothing. I have nothing!”

“Oh please, don’t be dramatic.” You tell him, not willing to hear his sob story. “Or at least don’t expect me to sit here and feel bad for you. Anything you lost was your own faults, you chose that.”

It felt weird being this cut throat to Liam. You weren’t the kind of person that didn’t care about other feels and the truth was you did feel bad that Liam seemed to be so lost even after two years. The words alone meant nothing, but you could see on Liam’s face that he truly was a mess. You could see that he was hurting. You wouldn’t want anyone to feel that way you did when you and Liam ended it, and you could see that what he was feeling was something similar to what you felt, but you couldn’t show him that side of you. You couldn’t let your guard down with him. 

“I know that.”

“So why are you here?” You ask. 

This was the third time you asked him this question since he’d reappeared, and you weren’t so sure you had gotten the real answer just yet. All this trouble just to apologize? Doubtful. Just because he missed you? Liam wasn’t dumb enough to think he could just come visit you like an old friend, not the way things ended. He would have to have a really good reason for showing his face around here again. You had intended to stay away from Liam for the sake of your relationship with Harry and your sanity, but that was seeming less and less possible. If he wasn’t going away you were eager to know what it was. 

You could feel the conversation was starting to weight on you. It was the first time you and Liam had had any real discussion about the topic. And why you were no where near a truce, it felt cathartic. Once you found out he was cheating on you, you were out. It was too much to forgive. You’d given him everything and in return you got this. You didn’t want to hear the story, or the reasons, all you knew was that the boy you loved had been with other people and that was all you needed. But now, two years away from it all, closure was looking pretty good, even if it did mean having a few arguments along the way. It seemed like it was something you both needed

“Why did you come here?” You ask again, trying to hide your shaky voice. “Are you here just to mess with me?”

Liam stepped forward, sensing the shakiness in your voice. He looks into your eyes, and places his hand on your shoulder. The hair on your arms stands up at his touch, and your heart beats faster. This was the closest you’d been in two years, and you weren’t sure how to feel about it. Liam gently ran the back of his hand down your arm and to your hand. You exhale slowly, and grip his hand slightly. He takes hold of it for just a second before you pull it away from him, not liking where it was going.

“I just want you to know that, from the bottom of my heart, that I’m so sorry. For everything. You didn’t deserve all the pain I caused you.” Liam says.  

You shrug, and take a step away from him. You cross your arms in front of your body and say, “What am I supposed to do with that, Liam? Do you want me to just forgive you? Am I supposed to just pretend that none of it happened?”

“No.” Liam answered. “I just thought you should know. Forgive me or don’t. You should know I’m not the same guy that hurt you.”

“Okay.” You nod. “Prove it.”