#*me like I somehow intentionally forgot or was being selfish like I have a fucking terrible memory I’m so sorry even when I write things

[crashingwavesinmyworld]

I fucking hate my mom and if I can’t move out soon I will kill myself

[euphoria-vmin7]

tiger flower | jjk

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader 

genre/warnings: angst, hanahaki! au, non-idol! au, heartbreak, unrequited love, swearing, a n g s t

word count: 1,830

summary: tiger flower. it’s his birth flower. it’s the flower that you can’t have. 

rating: pg-15 (swearing) 

-- a/n: so this is my first submission for the BGW BINGO BASH! i was listening to crystal snow and then i got really inspired and so this was born at 2 am :) it’s for the “hanahaki!au” square. i hope you all like this! 

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ஓ๑♡๑ஓ 

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“Dammit (Name)!” Jungkook groaned, throwing his hands up in the air with utter disbelief. “Why the fuck did you kill me?!” 

You winced and shot him a glare. “I’ve never played this before!” 

“Well I wouldn’t have let you play if I’d known you’d suck this bad,” Jungkook tossed his controller to the side as you struggled to keep fighting on your own. Sadly, your character died pretty quickly without the help of the expert gamer next to you. You turned fully to grin at his angry scowl and punched his shoulder, which of course didn’t faze him at all. Stupid muscles. 

“Oh quit being such a baby, Kook,”  you teased, leaning back to lounge against his worn out couch. “It’s just a game,” 

“A game you suck at,” he muttered, standing up and heading into his kitchen. You chuckled at his salty tone. You had probably just broken his spotless winning streak or lost him his spot on the leaderboard or something trivial like that. Well, it was trivial to you, but obviously not to him. Jungkook lumbered back into the living room, shooting you a pointed glare before plopping down next to you. He tossed you a bag of chips and grabbed the remote to fiddle with the channels on his television. You raised your legs and draped them over Jungkook’s lap, an excessive show of making yourself comfortable that earned you another glare. 

“I don’t need your sweaty feet in my face while I’m eating my precious chips, (Name),” he snapped irritably. 

“Well there are a lot of things you don't need but you get them anyway,” 

“Fuck you,”  

Despite all his complaining, Jungkook didn’t make any move to get your feet off his lap, an action that made you grin when you realized it. You watched with a sweet concealed smile as he lazily shoved chips into his mouth, not minding how much he was spilling on his old grey hoodie. You chuckled quietly. What a slob. 

Technically speaking, it had only been about three weeks since you had last seen Jungkook. You both had headed to your hometowns for break to spend the winter holidays with your families, which was basically the only time you were apart. It had only been three weeks, and yet somehow it felt like lifetimes. Maybe it was because he was so deeply ingrained into your daily life. Maybe it was the play fights that normally ended with you holding an ice pack to your shoulder. Or maybe it was the spontaneous knocks on his apartment door at two in the morning with nothing but the pajamas on your back. Or maybe it was the hushed whispers of childish secrets under fortresses made of blankets and pillows. 

Or maybe, it was just him. 

Maybe it was because you just missed seeing that annoying yet frustratingly pretty face that told you he was up to no good. Maybe it was the disarmingly handsome and boyish smile that fueled the competitive rage within you. Maybe it was how despite all his tricky smirks and winks, he still looked like he was hand carved by angels when he slept, like they had put utmost care in crafting the most perfect human in the universe. 

Maybe. 

You should’ve known better than to let these thoughts fill your head once again. You could daydream about how much you hated and loved Jeon Jungkook for hours. If only he’d actually let you do it in peace. 

His fingers twisted mercilessly into the skin of your thigh and you yelped at the sting. It was partly your fault seeing as you had made it easy for him by putting your feet right in front of him. But still how dare he?

“Are you even listening to me?” he asked, letting his fingers rest after the sharp pinch. It was your turn to glare at him and you reeled your foot back to kick his knee, not too hard but not gently either. 

“No. I don’t listen to stupid things,” 

You knew what he was thinking: That’s such an eight year old thing to say.

Well joke’s on him. If you were eight years old then so was he. 

“I was asking you...” he rolled his eyes, leaning back to stare at the TV again. “...how your break was?” 

“It was good,” you smiled a bit. “Spent time with my family. Had my dad’s food after dealing with your horrible cooking for so long,” 

Instead of the same glare you had been on the receiving end of for the better portion of the night, Jungkook rewarded your statement with a good-natured chuckle. At least he knew his cooking was subpar. You grinned. 

“How about you?” 

“Ah y’know? Same thing as you. Spent time with the family blah blah. We went on a road trip,” 

“Nice,” you sighed, still smiling as you leaned back into the couch and closed your eyes. “You came back a week earlier than I did though,” 

“Yeah that’s because you and your family took that fancy trip to Europe,” he mocked and you smirked. 

“You could at least try to pretend you aren’t jealous,” 

Jungkook scoffed out a chuckle and began surfing his channels again, letting a comfortable silence overtake the both of you. Well, of course it was comfortable. Awkwardness was not a thing when it came to you and your best friend. Keeping your eyes closed for too long almost always led you to falling asleep, and you would have gotten there this time too, if it wasn’t for the sudden yell from the boy next to you. 

“Oh fuck, wait! I forgot to tell you!” he screeched, his eyes going wide. You jumped, eyes peeling open before scowling at him and punching his bicep. 

“What the fuck, Jeon? What is it!?” 

“So while you were gone...I did it,” he grinned, sitting up straight. Immediately, you knew what it meant. As much as you wanted to pretend like you didn’t get it, you knew. The way his cheeks began to slowly bloom with color was another huge giveaway. That only happened for one thing. 

“Shut up,” your jaw dropped, lips twitching upward. “You didn’t!” 

“I did,” he said proudly. His smile was so genuine, so real, and it made you so indescribably happy. And yet it didn’t. 

“And?” you pressed, moving to sit on your knees and grabbing his arm. 

“And…” he drew out with a concealed smile. “And she said yes!” 

You cheered loudly and he laughed, his arms naturally coming to wrap around you and give you a squeeze. You giggled at the feeling, the feeling of comfort that came from being next to him, with him. 

“Aw I’m so happy for you, Kookie,” you mumbled, smiling so hard your cheeks hurt. His laugh shook his whole body as you buried your face into his sweatshirt. 

“Thanks Peanut,” he chuckled. “I was so fucking nervous you should’ve seen me,” 

The thought of your normally confident and suave best friend being all flustered brought a smile to your face. Oh, how you wished you could’ve been the one to see it. 

“Yeah that’s because you’re scared of girls,” you teased. It was a running joke amongst Jungkook’s closest friends. A joke that obviously wasn’t very true. 

“And what about you?” he laughed. “Are you not a girl?” 

“I’m not that type of girl to you,” you smiled ruefully. 

“Nah,” he grinned, his eyes shining in blissful ignorance. “You’re my special girl,” 

But not that type of special. 

Other than the smile you gave him, you didn’t respond to that. You don’t know what to say to it anymore. You stayed there for a few more minutes, shamefully enjoying Jungkook’s arms around you. You hid your weak smile from him because he’d immediately be able to catch how upset it was. How selfish could you be to take advantage of his love for you? He loves you. You’re his special girl. He said it himself. He’s not lying. 

But you’re lying to yourself when you say that it means something. It means something. But not what you want it to.

How many times had you shakily typed into the search bar: How to confess to your best friend?

How many more times would you need to type before you realized what you already knew?

Jungkook gently pushed you off of him, not in a way that was intentionally cruel and yet somehow it felt that way. He stood up and stretched, a tired groan leaving his lips as he popped a few joints. 

“I’m going to bed. Are you coming?” 

“In a few,” you smiled, the facade taking over you easily. Of course, after all this time, the practice had made you a master at hiding. He grinned at you, the boyish grin that masked the tiredness in his eyes. Tired eyes that lit up when they looked at you. But sparkled and softened when they looked at her. 

You sat there on the couch for a while, a few measly minutes that felt as though they were stretched into long hours. Thinking like this, alone, was dangerous for you. No matter how many times you’d tried to clear it, Jungkook remained, his hold on you becoming stronger as every second passed. It wouldn’t get any easier in the future. You knew this and you knew it well. 

The pain in your chest came fast and familiar. You brought your hand up to your lips to muffle the sound of your harsh cough. Pulling it away, you looked down at the petals in your palm. 

Tiger Flower. 

Poetic isn’t it? His birth flower. You smiled at your palm. With your other hand, you reached into the small bag at your feet, the bag reserved for overnight stays at Jungkook’s house. The pamphlet you pulled out was curled at the edges and crumpled in certain areas due to how much time you had spent looking through it. 

Your mom had told you about the surgery as soon as the petals started coming. Everyone was worried, because they knew what would happen if you let it go. Everyone except him of course. Poor thing, he didn’t even know. 

You stood up and walked into the bathroom to dust the petals into the trash. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to let Jungkook go. There was no pain that would be greater to you. Jungkook was real and he was the only real thing that mattered to you. You were his special girl. How could you even think of letting him go? 

Chuckling to yourself, you made the decision and felt your heart tear. 

You grasped the pamphlet in both hands and tore it in half, then quarters, then eighths, until it was nothing more than uneven shreds in your palms. With a bittersweet smile, you dusted the shreds into Jungkook’s trash can, before following him into his room, ready to build another fortress of blankets.

.

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[backtobackbakubabe]

Baby its Cold Outside (PART 2)

Bakugo x Reader

Bakugo has feelings

*Angst *Fluff *Smutish *All the feelings

Words: 1894

PART 1 HERE, PART 2 HERE, PART 3 HERE PART 4 HERE PART 5 HERE , PART 6 HERE PART 7 HERE PART 8 HERE PART 9 HERE PART 10 HERE PART 11 HERE PART 12 HERE PART 13 HERE PART 14 HERE

*****************************************************************************************************

Ever since that fateful day a month ago that you forgot your jacket, you and Bakugo had been all over each other. You basically lived at his place. Waking up every morning to a fresh cup of coffee just the way you like it and if you were lucky, maybe even some shower sex before you went off to work.

He loved having you over all the time, and if he didn't think it was too soon he'd probably ask you to move in. Hell you had known each other for over five years now. Just because you only now started dating doesn't mean he hadn’t thought about this for a while. He loved making you dinner and taking care of you. He found it adorable how you could never reach anything in his kitchen. You begged him to move some stuff down to a lower shelf but he refused. Saying it was more fun to watch you climb on the counters. In reality he just liked that you always needed him to reach things.

You were always popping back and forth between your apartment and his. He had learned that if he listened really hard he could hear the telling sound of whooshing air that signaled your coming and going. It was subtle but he grew accustomed to it and could now pick it out anywhere. Subconsciously smiling every time he heard it. He still acted surprised whenever you tired to sneak up on him. You were always so cute when you thought you had actually scared him.

You were nervous work would be weird now that you two were together. But it was the opposite. Your chemistry was through the roof, and you were kicking ass. I mean there was the one incident were you chased down a thief and totally kicked his ass before Bakugo could get there. First he was yelling about how you were reckless and should have waited for back-up and then the next thing you knew you were being pushed into a side closet and being fucked senseless.

Today had been a long day. Bakugo had the day off and spent the whole day with Kirishima doing whatever it is those two do. You had to be paired up with some random hero you had never heard of for patrol today and he bored you to death. You wanted your spicy nugget back.

You could hear Bakugo banging around upstairs so you knew he was home. Excitedly you teleported into his apartment which was something that had become quite the habit the last few weeks. You quietly snuck over to him as he cooked in the kitchen. You didn't know what it was, but it smelled really fucking good.

You slipped your hands around his waist as you hugged him from behind, “mmm smells good baby.”

“Keep making noises like that and I just might have to bend you over the kitchen table and take you right here.”

You playfully swatted at his stomach, “Such a caveman”

He continued to stir whatever it was he was cooking, “But I’m your caveman.”

You slowly pushed past the waistband of his pants and palmed him through his boxers, “And I’m all yours...”

And that's how Bakugo, for the first time ever....burnt dinner.

*****

You were walking around the apartment wearing one of his t-shirts looking for take out menus. You two had worked up quite the appetite. You returned to his bed, phone in one hand and a ramen menu in the other.

Bakugo put his hand on your thigh and rubbed soothing circles, “Hey I think we need to talk.”

You froze as panic started to seize you. No good conversation ever started that way.

He gently took the things from your hands and pulled you into his lap. Brushing his thumbs over your cheeks, “I think we need to tell our boss we’re dating. It's kind of unprofessional for us to be partnered on patrol if we’re romantically involved.”

You let our a huge sigh of relief, “I thought you were about to break up with me. I was seriously about to start crying.”

He brushed a stray lock of hair away from your face, “Oh no! Dont be fucking dramatic. Of course not you idiot. You think I’d wait five years to make a move just to toss you to the curb. No you’re unfortunately stuck with me.”

You gave him a soft smile and leaned forward snuggling into his neck, “Is that why you want a new patrol partner? Because you’re stuck with me.”

You were just teasing him and he knew that but he still rolled his eyes. “No I love working with you. Honestly, I know I complained at first, but I love getting to see you in action. If anything it turns me on.”

You thumped him on the forehead, “We’re having a serious conversation here reel it in horn dog.”

He frowned, “I went to get some drinks with Kirishima and we got to talking about how scary it is to have significant others also in the hero business. Y/n if something were to happen to you I don't know what I’d do.” His grip on you tightened. “If it were to come down between saving you or catching a villain or hell even saving you or saving a civilian... I would choose you every time. Hero’s aren’t supposed to selfish, but how can I not be when my first priority is always going to be standing right next to me.”

He started to run his hands through his hair out of frustration, “And honestly I don't think changing partners would even help at all. Because I don't know if I could trust anyone on this earth to watch your back while your out there the way I do. I would be worried sick every day. And I know I can’t ask you to quit, that’s not even an option... I’m just freaking out!”

You cradled his head against your chest and you ran your fingers through his hair. You felt a single tear run down your cheek. You knew he cared, but you didn't know he cared this much. That was practically a declaration of love, especially coming from Bakugo. You two had known each other since UA, and you have never seen him show so much emotion that wasn’t rage.

“Oh honey nothing’s going to happen to me. When push comes to shove I can always teleport away. It may only be 50 yards right now but that's farther than I could at the begging of UA! Remember you used to make fun of me because I could only go about 20 feet. You pushed me every day to be better and look where I am now. That’s because of you! Who knows, maybe soon I’ll be able to go miles!”

He got very serious as he took your head in his hands, “Promise me y/n. Promise me that if it’s ever you or me you will always pick yourself. I need to know that if we ever get in a sticky situation you’ll teleport away.”

You could see the desperation in his eyes. He really needed to hear you say it. But you couldn't. It would be a lie. There’s no way you could ever leave him behind. Even before you two were together you still would have fought till the end with him.

“Katsu... you have to understand how impossible that is to ask of me. Could you do it? Leave me behind and run off to safety?” His eyes watered up but no tears spilled out. “I know you couldn't. We’re heroes... it’s in our job description to put others before oursleves.”

His hands left your face and settled in his lap holding on to yours. His eyes couldn't meet yours. You had never seen him so vulnerable. “Please y/n. For my sanity. Just promise me.” His eyes snapped up to yours and they looked so sad but so serious. “I tried so hard to not have feelings for you. For years I teased you and pushed you away because I had convinced myself being a hero would be easier if I did it alone. No matter what I did though I could never get rid of those nagging feelings. You don’t even know how many times I’ve lost my shit over you.”

He took a deep breath, “Once at UA, Mineta somehow had acquired a picture of you while you were changing and I beat the little shit to a pulp.” Oh Shit he really was opening the flood gates now. “All those times I pushed you harder in training was because I knew I wasn’t going to be there with you out in the real world and I wanted to know you could take care of yourself.”

He ran a hand over his reddening face“Shit just last month when we were on patrol! When that villain had you pinned I saw red. I fucking blew his face off. All those times I bitched about you holding me back when really I was just a nervous wreck on high alert all the time!”

He was really on a rant now. His face was flushed as he just continued to get himself worked up. It would have been cute if it wasn’t such a serious topic.

“Babe, I cant even begin to tell you how much I appreciate how much you care about my well being. I really and truly do. But like you said you pushed me so hard in training to make sure I was ready. And thanks to you I am...” You gave his shoulder a playful punch, “Besides you’re Ground Zero! Soon to be the number one hero. There isn’t a villain alive who compares to your power.”

You were just stroking his ego now but he did seem to calm down a bit. “I may not be able to promise I’ll always pick my myself over you. But I can promise that starting now I’ll try and be more careful with the risks I take. I promise I won’t intentionally put myself in danger, how does that sound?”

He groaned and started playing with your hair, “You fucking stuburn women! You never do what I ask and I mean never! If you were anyone else I’d pound some sense into you!”

You wagged your eyebrows, “I mean I’m always down for you to ah... pound... some sense into me.”

“Nope! NO! I will NOT be tempted by pelvic sorcery! You will not distract me...” You could feel his hands sliding up and down your thighs, “Like the biggest brat in the world once said, ‘reel it in horn dog.’”

You moved your hips to grind against him, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m just casually sitting in my incredibly hot boyfriends lap minding my own business...”

“Damnit women!... okay FINE! BUT THIS CONVERSATION ISNT OVER!”

He grabbed your ass with a hard squeeze as he pushed you harder into his growing erection. “Shit what are you doing to me. All you have to do it bat those fucking eyes and I lose my fucking train of thought.” You yelped as he flipped you over and pined you to the mattress. “Now for once just be a good girl and let me take care of you...”

[brent-sunborn]

Shadow Savior

(( Follows The Attempt / Co-written with @kidcatgemini​ ))

“This how y’ thought y’d be fucked t’night, lass?”

Syrielle had no time to react. Hardly any time to blink! She moved to bring her hands up to try and block the blow, but one of them was held down. The other came up much to slow, as Alteris brought the jagged piece of glass down. She screamed!

But rather than the sharp pain she anticipated, she felt Alteris pull away from her entirely! She sat up quickly, and saw why. Another elf had come up behind Alteris and pulled him back off of her! The two grappled a moment, before Alteris was thrown - behind the counter, into a large cabinet of fine porcelain dinnerware. Plates, bowls, teacups and shelves all shattered, coming crashing down atop the would-be assassin! 

Syrielle gasped, and looked to the other elf. Gattius? No. Another Void Elf. Dark leathers, long hair… familiar blacksteel daggers and a plated face mask…

Alteris brought his legs back up beneath him quickly, seeming stunned! He narrowed his gaze at the other ren’dorei, seeming just as shocked as Syrielle to see him here! It didn’t last long. The elf lunged for Alteris, slamming him back into the shattered cabinet with one hand, and stabbing him without a moment’s hesitation with the other. Alteris let out half a gasp, unable to breathe for the moment… before his body disappeared in a plume of shadow. The other elf grunted, gripping his side with his free hand as Alteris vacated it. He braced, tensing as if he had expected the random jolt of pain to shoot through him as Alteris’ body vanished from sight. It was over… Alteris was gone. And the other elf turned his narrowed gaze to Syrielle. 

The Cryomancer was frozen with fear, recognizing Brent Sunborn as he turned his deadly gaze towards her. This was the first she’d seen him in his ren’dorei form, much more threatening than his Sin’dorei one had been. Last time she’d seen him, he’d abducted and delivered her into Tharinel’s hands; an event that left her well traumatized. 

Panic set in and her mind went blank. Pupils dilated and her pulse increased as adrenaline flooded her system. She wasn’t even thinking about Alteris or what had happened to him. All she could concentrate on was getting away. She scrambled off the counter, but let out a pained cry. Her bare feet landed in the mess of whiskey and shards of glass now covering the floor thanks to Alteris’ improvised murder weapon. Pain shot up her legs as the shards implanted deeply. Worse yet, she slipped as she tried to move forward, landing hard on her hip.

Tear filled eyes looked up as the threatening figure brought a knee down in front of her. She couldn’t find her voice to scream or cast a spell, so frozen by fear she was at the sight of him. 

“Relax.” he said, tone curt - irritated. “I’m not here for you.”

His ebon-steel dagger slipped silently back into its sheath at his hip, reinforcing his claim. With a bit of a light scoff, Brent took hold of Syrielle’s foot and began to pluck shards of glass from it. His gaze parted from hers, instead intent on the task at hand. He would’ve preferred not having to deal with her at all; collateral was always so messy. But at the same time, he couldn’t let Alteris kill her. Despite having delivered her into such dangers before… things had changed. 

Nepen’thea had still cared for this one, after all.

So instead of silencing another witness, the Ghostblade set to helping her out. At least, enough so she wouldn’t bleed out all over the floor in her pathetic panicked state. The larger chunks were removed easily enough, and the smaller ones hadn’t set in too deep. He ripped at the hem of her nightie to retrieve a length suitable enough for a bandage - so paralyzed in fear, she did little to oppose him. Fear… or perhaps confusion, at this point. He didn’t seem concerned either way.

“He’s not dead yet.” he informed her - because revealing that the elf who had just tried to kill her was still out there seemed like a smart thing to say to the fear-struck cryromancer. “But he’s far from here. Trapped. He’ll be dead soon enough.”

The makeshift bandaged tied tight and snug at her foot, before Brent stood. Halfway. He still hovered over Syrielle, offering her a hand up from the floor. Brow still knit in agitation, he waved a few fingers quickly at her, beckoning her to make haste.

“Get up.”

By now, Syrielle seemed to have regained some basic functions. She blinked up at him in confusion. What was he doing here? Why had he saved her? Why would he care to help her at all? Was this a trick?

Still, her hand took his and allowed him to pull her to her feet. She winced as she put pressure on her damaged feet, but the makeshift bandages made it at least possible for her to stand upright.

“Wh-what’s going on?” She finally managed to find her voice, small as it was, “Why are you helping me?”

“--I’m not helping you.” he snapped back, almost defensively.

He eyed the Cryromancer, gaze lingering as he turned. She seemed okay… now, at least she wasn’t sniveling and flopping about. He sighed slowly as he stepped away from her; it was the least threatening thing he could think to do, at this point. Instead, Brent looked over the shattered porcelain and shelves that broke during the brief altercation. He gotten Alteris out of hiding, now he only had to get back and finish the job.

“... Not intentionally, anyway.” he elaborated. “Came to kill Alteris. He just… happened to try to kill you, too. Almost let him, honestly.”

He shrugged, glancing back to Syrielle.

“But Thea liked you for some reason.”

Alteris had mentioned pissing some people off when he’d requested to lay low. Obviously, he’d lied about not being traced back to the Starfrost manor. He’d also conveniently forgot to mention that Brent Sunborn was one of the people hunting him. Syrielle’s hands balled into fists as she realized the dangers Alteris had purposely put them in. Gattius has trusted him, so Syrielle had trusted him as well.

And once again, trust nearly got her killed.

Her ears flicked, and perked up as a Brent made mention of Nepen’thea. The Cryomancer had wondered for some time if she’d survived the Void explosion as well. Now she knew that she had.

—but then, why was Sunborn speaking of her in past tense? Her ears lowered at the implications.

“...liked?” She repeated, hoping she was reading that wrong.

Brent was quiet for a moment - but the silence spoke volumes to confirm it. He looked once more to the cabinet, where his quarry was last seen. Subtly, he tilted his chin up in that direction, as if to motion to it. To point it out.

"Her killer." he practically whispered, though pain and anger both rang through loudly in his words. "She'll be avenged."

Syrielle’s ears wilted and she leaned back against the counter. She closed her eyes and lowered her head. Nepen’thea had been an enemy of the Phoenix Guard… a cultist playing with ancient dark forces. Surely, her death was a good thing for Azeroth, but Syrielle only felt sorrow at her passing. She remembered the beautiful, friendly elf that helped her get her bearings when she’d first arrived in Dalaran. Her best friend and lover. What had happened for her to turn onto such a dark path? Could Syrielle have somehow done something to stop it had she noticed her friend slipping away? Had she been too wrapped up in her studies to notice the signs?

And Alteris… anger flared. She’d allowed him into her relationship, into her home. And he repaid her by attempting to end her life. The selfish fool clearly didn’t care for anyone except himself.

She took in a deep breath, swallowing down the lump in her throat as she looked up at Brent. She gave him a nod. She had no doubt that he could get the job done.

“Thank you.”

“Hmph. I’m not doing this for you.” Brent replied, coldly. “I’m just running down Thea’s killer. Don’t get it twisted.”

The Ghostblade exhaled sharply out of his nose, a scoff stifled by his metallic mask. He really would’ve preferred not to have to interact with anyone at all during all this. But if it had to be someone… someone Nepen’thea valued was probably the best he’d get. He shook his head, before looking to Syrielle once again.

“Don’t forget about her. I know what you meant to her. Even after Suncrown Village…” he trailed off, letting the pause linger for a moment. “She never bore you ill intent. Your friends, sure, but not you. And… she had nothing to do with when I…”

Another pause - he knew she remembered that well enough. It was true, though; Nepen’thea had nothing to do with the deal Brent had made with Tharinel. He wanted to make sure Syrielle knew that. It was a sobering realization that, of any other living being on Azeroth, this weepy, dorky, Cryromancer was probably the only other person Nepen’thea truly loved.

“... Just don’t forget her. Because once we start forgetting her… that’s when she’s gone for good.”

He fidgeted, uncomfortable with the vulnerability that hung over him. But it had to be said.

“I know I, of all people, don’t have a right to ask anything of you. But if you really wanna thank me for this…”

He nodded once. More than enough words had been spoken. Far more than he’d planned to say to anyone at all tonight. 

“I could never forget her,” Syrielle shook her head, “Never.”

She brought a hand up to wipe at the tears. She couldn’t quite hold them back. Knowing Nepen’thea was truly gone now. Knowing she had nothing to do with Syrielle’s capture and torture. Answers to questions that had kept her awake over the past year and a half. There was closure now. Relief.

Now, she could truly mourn the loss.

“Stab him a few extra times for me, yeah?”

It seemed like a good place to end the conversation. With a final nod, Brent stepped into the shadows… and out of sight.

(( @nepenthea​ for mention ))

~*~

[thewhumpstuff]

You and I, Me and You [37]

[CW: Vague references to human trafficking]

[Teaser and Master List] [Archives of our Own] (Lost and Found: Chapter 12)

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Akira spoke loudly enough for the walls and the doors between them, and the others to not matter. “Look, I get Nova… I get where she is coming from. But she can’t actually make promises like that.” 

“Shira.” Jared spoke very quietly, but by no means was his tone demure. “What?” Her voice dropped to a whisper too. He had made his point, they had to maintain some discretion. “Zizi doesn’t need that right now. She doesn’t need to imagine being in situations-” “How the hell do you know what she does and doesn’t need? I’m the one stuck-” Jared’s look betrayed a sort of judgement. The exact kind that Akira feared. Like he would think she was some sort of an insensitive, shrewd… Bitch. “I mean stuck here, in the suite. Not stuck with her.” She tried to justify herself. He wanted his expression to soften. But it did not soften enough.

Silence. His silence always rang louder than words. And it was always the kind that she felt compelled to break. “Look, I get that you guys think I’m somehow not good enough…” “I never said that.” This time Jared did speak because he did not want Akira entertaining that thought. It simply was not true. 

“Yeah, but you act like it, like I’m some kind of a failure.” Because you are… She tried to push the intrusive thought away again. Since the card game, the thoughts were omnipresent and pushing them away was a habit now. Jared’s sigh struggled to fight with the voice in her head. She needed more. “You’re not a failure, Shira.” He offered more and sat down on the bed.

She forgot to keep her voice down. And he forgot to ask her to. “Yet you keep meddling and acting like I’ll somehow break Zizi. I’m the one with the broken nose damnit. Either trust me with her, or don’t.”

“I do! I trust you. It’s just that Nova and I think Zizi needs some time...” Jared’s voice rose too. “And how exactly do you and Nova always know more than me about what Zizi needs somehow?” “Because... Because we have gone through things, Shira!” Her first instinct was to snap at Jared. “Things you won’t talk to me about.”

He folded his hands, his jaw tightened in a manner that let her know that today too was not the night for that conversation.

Akira clammed up for a second as she recognized that same lilting sense of selfishness. Like she deserved that judgement that she saw flash in Jared’s eyes before. She went on trying her best to be more accommodating, “I know… I mean, at least Nova told me, and I get her. But it is not… not like I have not… gone through things.” Somewhere, she sought acknowledgement that she didn’t know how to ask for. And Jared could not, in this moment, see what she needed. He had a lot on his plate, it certainly was wearing him down.  “Shira, this is about Zizi.” He sighed the words and looked at the floor, with his hands on his knees. He stretched his aching neck. Correct. This is not about me- (Don’t think it. Don’t think… it.)-Nothing ever is. She swallowed and folded her hands. She looked at the floor too. “Right. Why don’t you just give me a rulebook…?” He rubbed the back of his shoulders. Maybe I should have, maybe she was not ready after all. He answered her rhetoric with some sincerity, consciously softer again. “Just… avoid going into her past. If not for me, or her… at least for Nova’s sake… okay?” “Not into yours. Not into hers…” Akira whispered; she did not really confirm that she would follow through on his request though.  She did notice how tired Jared looked. The way he winced slightly as his fingers worked the knots in his tense muscles. She clicked her tongue softly. Her hands closed over his. He let his slip out from underneath hers when her grip tightened and then slackened reassuringly. He gave the access she needed to knead his flesh, with tender attention. As he loosened under her administrations, for the briefest of moments she felt wanted. Truly wanted. And he felt a safety he did not know he needed. 

“Please… Just let me in Jared…” He instantly tensed again and held her shoulders. There was a certain desperation in his grip. His head rested against her almost pleadingly. “I… I am okay now Shira… Who I was… and everything else… It really doesn’t matter any more. Trust me.” He wanted to believe what he was saying and he could not, how could he expect her to? She pulled away. His hands hung in the wake of her movement, briefly, like she had torn a part of him with herself and he was trying to hold on. “No… You don’t trust me...” She sounded sharper than she meant to and threw up her hands in a surrender. And then threw open the door behind her as she muttered, “Whatever…” - Tariq had never really witnessed this side of Akira. In fact, this was the second glimpse he had of Jared and Akira in a normal setting. By normal, he meant one that did not test them to the point of breaking, one where neither of them were on the verge of succumbing to injuries. Their attachment and love flourished better in the latter than the former thought. Better with guns and whips, than wine and dine? That’s a little fucked up. Everybody could still see that the two cared about each other deeply though. He was not too surprised either, Akira was always very headstrong and today had not been a good day for her. Jared seemed quieter but he certainly was not one to budge either, when it came down to it.

From the way that Nova reacted with a certain resignation, it seemed like this was not a rare occurrence between them. He lingered with Nova, having witnessed yet another side that he had not seen before. Hers. Tariq tried to offer some comfort. She leaned into his touch but seemed inconsolable. Still reeling from the way she had acted... Nova had enough practice actively trying to not eavesdrop on Akira’s and Jared’s arguments. Today, she did the opposite for a chance, especially when she heard her name. She lurked, leaning into to the door. Till it opened. Nova peeled herself away from the door that flung open, just in time. She flattened herself against the wall opposite to it. She looked sheepish and guilt. Akira fiddled with the zip of her jacket, intentionally avoiding the medic as she returned to the living room. She decided to see Tariq out. They lingered in the corridor outside the room, just out of earshot. “We all want what is best for Zizi? It makes sense to indulge her wishes I guess…” Even though sparring with Zizi irked Akira in some inexplicable way and left her with a broken nose, she was defensive of their choice by compulsion. “If it makes her happy right? I mean, you don’t have to, if you don’t want to…”  Tariq added. “A broken nose hasn’t stopped me before… I’ll keep myself reigned though.” They nodded in a silent promise. It felt agreed upon that they were going to continue training with Zizi if she was still up for it. An awkward apology flashed in his amber eyes. Sorry, I guess that comes between you and Jared? She could practically hear his thoughts. She was acutely aware that things had gotten slightly weird.  But it was something a quick conversation in the future would have to diffuse. After all, she too, still needed answers regarding his pointed chirpiness the other day after his alleged date with Osi… But now was just not the time.

Akira went back in and ran into Jared as he bid goodnight to Nova. Jared threw his arm around her like it was second nature. “Do… do you want to come spend the night with me? Nova was just saying that she a-” “No… I am fine here. Good night.” After days and days of wanting to sneak a sleep-in with Jared, Akira pointedly denied the offer and retired to her bedroom. - Nova apologized to Akira for the outburst before leaving the next morning. Akira returned a hollow one. They rarely disagreed and apologies could not bandage those moments. A consensus felt impossible. Akira considered offering an apology to Jared. And didn’t for the same reason. On some level, she was keenly expecting one from him instead, though she couldn’t place a finger on what for exactly. Somewhere in the BioHacker trainee section, Jared echoed the sentiments of his lover. And no apologies were exchanged between them. Or anything else.

Akira took a long shower before ambling into the living room. This apology was one well directed and deserved. The night should not have become what it did.  “I… kinda put a damper on dinner last night huh? I’m sorry…” She noticed Zizi scrawling something meticulously with pen and paper. That was a rare sight, everybody just used the CommCubes for everything. She slowly sidled closer to Zizi. “I did that when I broke your nose, I think.” Zizi spoke, but did not look up from her work. “We both know it was an accident…” A part of Akira was fuelled by the desire to be better, to meet some arbitrary expectations. Some standards that the others had unknowingly set with regards to her role in Zizi’s recovery. But she... Also wanted to be right. Zizi is a person. She is not a survivor and she is not a victim. She is a person! Akira did not wish to see that, while Zizi was indeed a person, being a victim and a survivor were certainly a part of her too. Parts she should not be undermining, any more than the others who were unintentionally undermining the person under the breakable exterior. “I feel like eating left-overs for breakfast… What about you?”  “Sounds good…” Zizi had expected Akira to grow even more distant after last night, so she was a little dismissive of her. Her eyes remained slightly glassy as she continued transcribe from her SmartEye feed to the paper, something with a fixated focus.

Akira reheated the dinner. “Collating information again?” She asked as she took the plate Zizi, they sat on the rug by the fireplace. “Something like that…” With a small smile, Zizi put away the CommCube and her notepad and picked up the cutlery. “You said you worked as a journalist…” Akira was actively breaking the rules Jared and Novara asked her to follow. She felt liberated in her rebellion but fought the guilty instinct that compelled her to pull the plug on this while she still could. “T.S.T” “So you used to work for The Supremacy then?” Akira tried not to sound judgemental. After all, she too had enrolled with them for her BioHacker license. “Not exactly… I did what they asked of me, but I… ran my own little edition of the paper. Anonymously, of course. Circulated among most rebels. Information, intel… gossip. Local… mostly, so if you weren’t from Sector 0, you probably won’t know” Akira’s eyes widened with a child-like admiration. “That’s so cool…” She said, with a sincerity that surprised Zizi. She settled down onto the carpet more comfortably.

Zizi had been pining to share her story and ask Akira for hers. Her old journalistic instincts floated to the surface. Something about their co-habitation so far, had felt too tenuous for her to risk it. It was surprising to Zizi that Akira chose this morning to take down that wall. She did not read too much into it and assumed that the conflict yesterday gave the younger girl some kind of catharsis… which allowed her to open out more. “Technically, one could say it gets cooler. But I doubt you will believe me even if I told you.” There was an eager glint in Zizi’s eyes as she deliberately created anticipation. It was reflected in Akira’s. She had not walked into this conversation with the noblest of intentions. She wanted to prove Jared and Nova wrong… she wanted to be right, she wanted to know. But, whatever her reasons, Akira was already hooked. “Try me!” “Only if I get to ask questions too.” Zizi challenged after taking a sip of water. “Done. And… You- we don’t really have to share something we don’t want to.” Akira did not want this venture to fail. She did not want to become the reason that something went wrong and that Zizi truly ended up suffering on account of her nosey curiosity. “Oh honey! First rule of journalism… Make sure they always want to answer your question.” Zizi teased, confidently.

Akira grinned. This suddenly felt so easy. “So, what is it I won’t believe?” “I started this spoken word section, basically a vent for how shitty everything was-” Akira already looked at Zizi like she was a fan. “-And upon request, I performed it on record. I changed my hairdo and wore a mask, undisclosed location, encrypted software and secure platform… the whole shebang. All cloaks-and-daggers. I am not going to lie, I didn’t want to lose my day job. It provided the money I needed to run this stuff…”  Akira raised her eyebrows and held up her hands. “Wait… did you dye your hair teal?” Zizi nodded, glad that Akira had already caught on... “And was your mas- Oh damn! You wer-are Ritonix! The original… Like really? You aren’t making this up?” Akira wasn’t somebody who fawned over people for their stardom or popularity, which is what allowed her to get close to Jared, all those years ago. But Ritonix was more than just another artist, she was a symbol… a movement and a concept. And Akira was rather fond of her work. Everybody knew that Ritonix was eventually more than one person and for a few years… Everybody wanted to be Ritonix. “Told you, you won’t believe me! But yeah, in the flesh…”

Her work had permeated Akira’s Sector after it had already taken The Mainland and Sector 0 by storm. But she and Tariq were hooked, especially because it was around the time that The Supremacy had taken over. They had to breach some serious security protocols on The Network to gain access, but they had. Just humming along to those words in the oppressive hallways of The System, had given Akira the strength to make it through. “I guess that’s why I caught Nova muttering those lyrics sometimes…”

Zizi’s smile vanished and she fiddled with the metallic fingers of her prosthetics. Her dark skin accentuated the brightness of the metal. “I… yes. I relied on Ritonix as anyone else through… dark moments I guess.” Zizi sounded ashamed. Akira could not help but picture the woman in Ezekiel’s room, rapping her way through the torments of the Serum. She too had used words of songs to anchor herself, several times… Through the stint when Jared tried interrogating her, on the metallic table in the east-facing cells after the whipping.  “I, I get it. I’ve done something like that too…” She trailed off.

Zizi and Akira both sat in silence. Neither of them pushed for sombre details now, but they shared a moment. An unspoken acknowledgement of suffering. Akira smiled weakly.

“Tariq and I were such big fans…” “Were? I heard Ritonix is still alive and kicking…” Zizi pestered playfully, trying to help Akira in drawing the conversation away from something that felt too uncomfortable to approach yet. “So-” “Uh-huh, my turn. On the topic of Tariq… You two seem pretty close, more than just colleagues for sure...” Akira’s smile grew brighter as Zizi cut her off to ask about Tariq. “Oh! We grew up together, same neighbourhood and school. Both Football captains… Both wingers too… Till my knee injury any ways. T and I kinda spent more time competing than being friends, but we spent a lot of time together.” Her story was not as flamboyant as Journalist-turned-rebel-rapper. But Zizi listened with such keenness, that Akira felt like it was. “We truly got close surviving The System after The Supremacy took over my Sector and we were in there together for a couple of years, I think I was fifteen... He...” Akira wasn’t sure if this was her tale to tell any more, so she paused. Zizi tried to prompt her.  “And then…?” Akira decided to avoid the topic of Tariq’s loss. “Life took us our separate ways. And… After the Supremacy fell, I ended up aligned with SpecSyn briefly and he’s always been here with Q.B. So strangely enough we ended up on opposite side of things…”

Akira took her time to explain how she and Tariq reconnected and just as she finished, he arrived for their standard training session.

Tariq did not ask how or why Akira and Zizi were on better terms. He was simply glad that they were. They did not spar against one another today. Each of them worked on perfecting some techniques individually. Zizi could never let go of a bone once she got a whiff.  "Akira told me how you too got close... Sweet..." "Well... In some ways she was all I had left, I'd lost my mom already, The Supremacy took care of my brother and father." Akira heard the clarity and the usual feigned nonchalance in Tariq's voice as he spoke of his family and how they were killed. She continued to shadow box in silence. Zizi responded to Tariq in kind and on instinct, which surprised Akira. "My parents never made it past The Screening... And The Supremacy took a lot from me too. First my arm, then my siblings... I never even found out what exactly happened. The bar Kojo and Daya owned, was razed to the ground, with them in it..."  Akira turned to look at the two of them exchange a look of empathy. It chilled her and warmed her at the same time. She had been there for Tariq, but Zizi understood him in a way Akira never could. Zizi went on, now assuming a note of poignant nostalgia. "Daya used to work in pharmaceuticals and Kojo was a head chef, they both saved up to get that dingy shack of theirs... It’s my fault. I think they did some demonstration after I was forced to seek refuge outside of Sector 0. If I had never created Ritonix, none of this would have happened..." "Do you regret it, then?" Akira asked, softly, her curiosity getting the better of her. "I... I don't know."

Akira still wanted to know so much more, but some truths were a lot easier to like than others, as Akira would come to realise over the next few days.

[Tags: @lettuceknighted, @quirkykayleetam]

[docholligay]

Comments on A Little Love Story! (Tumblr is being an ass so they’re formatted weird) 

@sailorsunspot:    At work so I don’t have too much time to reply- but!!! I needed to let you know how much I loved this! Particular Michiru’s and Rei’s relationship and their interactions in this - the quiet “Even now” moment, it’s soooo GOOD I’ve always liked Rei and Michiru’s friendships, but I feel like in the past few years, they’ve become possibly my favorite senshi friendship, just neck in neck with the BroTP and it’s definitely due in large part to your work!!! 

Oh that makes me so glad to hear! I think Michiru and Rei are totally DIFFERENT from Mina and Haruka’s dynamic, in the same way that I love Reinako, but it has to be utterly different from Harumichi in the way they interact with each other or else it feels untrue, to me. I AM SO GLAD I’VE MADE IT FOR YOU. 

cakeandpi said: i love this so very much

Thank you for saying so!!

michiruspet said: This was awesome the first time and it’s even better now. So many feelings, so many thoughts and hopes….I Bloody mobile tumblr…. I wouldn’t want to be in Mina‘s shoes if she really killed Haruka and Michiru comes after her. She’ll cut Mina‘s heart out with a spoon because it’s the slowest and most painful way to do. I can easily see why Haruka needs to try to get Mina back, it’s not often that you have friends that line you and expect nothing back. I loved it and I really want to see part two. 😍

Thank you!! I have always liked the IDEA of this piece, but it was written in a hurry and when I was just getting back to writing a lot, and it shows. I’ve often wished I could rewrite it. So when Jetty floated it as an idea, I was DELIGHTED. And yeah, Mina would be Toast. 

everybodyknows-everybodydies said: firstly: I see the scraps of Mako/Ami and I am revitalized because those little interactions here really highlight how you do this kind of casual unspoken intimacy so well *chef’s kiss*, bless you good doctor, I HAD TO SAY SOMETHING BECAUSE WHO WOULD I BE IF I DID NOT.

IT IS HONESTLY ONLY EVER FOR YOU SO I AM GLAD TO GIVE IT

everybodyknows-everybodydies said: SECONDLY: SWEET BRAVE HARUKA HOW GOOD AND NOBLE SHE IS I love, love, LOVE the idea of her going to try to love Minako back into herself instead of Rei - romantic love would be the expected route, but THE LOVE OF A BEST FRIEND IS SO RARELY SHOWN AS FULFILLING THIS KIND OF MAGICAL REQUIREMENT I’M EMOTIONAL ALREADY

That’s why Nikki liked this story so much! It was a whole “love breaks the spell  thing that completely subverted the idea that it would have to be romantic love, because all kinds of love are important and lbr at this stage in the game Rei isn’t together enough to fulfill that requirement even if I wanted to go that route. 

everybodyknows-everybodydies said: thirdly: Michiru weighing the options and being aware of her own growth as she does so and then letting!!! Haruka!!! go!!!!!! SO great. SO GREAT

Michiru gets, I think, slightly better at realizing that not everything can happen because she wants it. To my mind, Usagi and Michiru are both spoiled children, but it manifests in totally different ways, and I think it’s a big part of growth for her when she realizes things like she can’t BUY Haruka out of feeling guilty. 

everybodyknows-everybodydies said: and LASTLY this is sUCH a small thing but Hotaru’s disinterested “whatever” made me SO delighted, she is NOT here to be a pawn in an argument and you conveyed in one (1) word the exact amount of Teen Who Is Unimpressed By The Adults I would expect from your interpretation of her, 10/10

ahahah thank you BITTER HOTARU FOREVER

eyofjetwolf said: This is so perfectly what I was hoping for when you revisited this. All of what it was, BUT MORE SO. The sense of characters, the incredible depth of it all. It’s so much, so good, and wrapped around an idea that was already incredible solid to begin. I’m only that much more excited for all the parts to come.

THANK YOU I AM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT

keyofjetwolf said: And Haruka clutched her ring tightly as she walked, believing in old, old magics, hoping they believed in her. –AH FUCK ME THAT LAST LINE IS SO FUCKING GOOD I’M HOWLING

I LIVE TO PLEASE

keyofjetwolf said: ““If she kills Haruka, hell itself will not be able to hide her from me, and so there is that consolation.” Michiru punctuated the thought with a deep drink of wine.” –DON’T WORRY YOU STILL HAVE MICHIRU

Michiru also thinks Haruka has no chance of succeeding, and her only consolation is SUPER KILLING MINA

keyofjetwolf said: I feel there’s a part of Rei, deeeeeep deep deep down that would “rather”, you could say, that they take Mina out, rather than have to reconcile this loss of certainty and stability, have to somehow come to peace with the complication of this betrayal. And for Michiru, there’s the ugly deep idea that she ISN’T enough, and having to watch that be true every single day that Haruka slips a little further.

Yeah I think Rei isn’t wrong here, but I also think that she would love for the solution to be so simple. She won’t have to forgive Mina, she won’t have to live with the idea that something like this could happen to HER, it’s only a blip on the radar she’ll have to deal with like an enemy. 

keyofjetwolf said: OH MICHIRU. That she “lets” Haruka try always delights me. It’s such a wonderful growth for Michiru, that she knows the best and kindest thing would be Haruka’s swift death, rather than a slow crawl to the inevitable. But also, you have to wonder. You do a magnificent job in showing Michiru’s train of thought (really, I loved that moment, with the interplay of possibilities, so fucking good), BUT.

Yeah I think that’s it’s kinder for Haruka, and I think that Michiru is smart enough now to know that she can’t stop what would happen if Mina was killed because Haruka didn’t try, but I also think your point above is right: Not only would she have to live with what happened, but also seeing every day that she isn’t enough to pull Haruka out of the spiral it would find her in. It’s kinder for them both. 

keyofjetwolf said: “Rei was not wrong in this, either. They were likely to win the day, if they acted at once. Mina had been wise to name her as successor.” –I don’t know if you tossed this in there to help cushion against what could otherwise read as Rei being stubborn or incompetent, or even making a power grab. I appreciated it, intended or otherwise.

I didn’t because I don’t really see Rei as being either ahaha. I mean, she IS stubborn, but I also think her points are correct. I don’t think she’s wrong here, and I don’t thing she’d oppose Usagi’s general hatred of bloodshed if she wasn’t sure. But yeah, for anyone who thinks Rei’s just being a nasty bitch, naw, she’s being commander. 

keyofjetwolf said: the Sight complied, the Sight believed, the Sight thought the odds were good. –Maybe it’s just me, but this is twice now in the past couple stories I’ve commented on, where I’ve come away with this vague niggle that Rei’s sight shows her what she wants as much as it does what is true. And I know how you feel about “truth”, and how it’s often anything but, and can’t help wondering if it’s something you’re intentionally doing, or something bleeding in? OR, AGAIN, JUST ME

I mean I think that both Rei and Michiru see visions, and visions being what they are, I think there’s an element of them as the “reader” in whatever they See, and that effects the vision. It’s like a dream, how much is organic and how much is leading, really? . But also my intention here was that the Sight agreed with what she already wanted to be true. I don’t think it always does. But this puts an interesting thought to mind about the idea of Rei wondering herself, if it’s only her “making things up” when she and the Sight are in concordance. 

keyofjetwolf said: Hotaru said nothing, simply shrugged and placed a hand on her cheek, leaning onto the table disinterestedly. “Whatever.” –I understand why you don’t write her more, but man, sometimes, I so wish you did.

I love bitter hotaru so much ahah

keyofjetwolf said: “We have to find a prince, maybe!” Usagi brightened at her own suggestion, “I wonder if Mamoru could–” –COULD YOU EVEN IMAGINE. For Minako’s sake, but even Mamoru’s, having to pretend he holds Minako in anything more than general contempt hahhaha

USAGI HAS NOTHING BUT FLUFF IN HER HEAD SOMETIMES

keyofjetwolf said: Rei had come to appreciate / Rei had come to despise –YESSSSS

I KNEW YOU WOULD YESSSSSS

keyofjetwolf said: “Even now?” Michiru murmured, the soft wash of her voice lapping over the hot coals of Rei’s betrayal, the steam of it pricking at Rei’s eyes. –I LAUGHED SO HARD AT THIS AND YOU KNOW WHY

I LAUGHED AT MYSELF IT’S FINE

keyofjetwolf said: “Love.” Usagi looked up at Pluto. “Love can break the spell, I’ve read that so many times!“ OH USAGI

OH USAGI

keyofjetwolf said: “She’s selfish.” Rei crossed her arms and glanced out the window, staring at whatever nothing Michiru’s eyes had moved to. “She just wants it for herself.” And Rei’s SO ANGRY that Mina was taken like this. LET herself be taken like this. Rei wouldn’t, of course, not ever. But Mina was weak, Mina failed, and that she failed in this ugly way that revealed something so antithetical to Rei as well. This couldn’t really be less about her, but she feels betrayed  and betrayed in ways she shouldn’t, which just makes her even angrier and HRRRN IT’S ALL SO COMPLICATED AND I LOVE

YES REI VERY MUCH FEELS THIS IS ABOUT REI. Mina did this to HER, on some level, even if she would never admit that this were true, she feels like MINA put her in this position. 

keyofjetwolf said: I know you know how hard I “OH DAMN!!!"ed when I read this. “I forgot that we only gleefully kill someone when they’re eight.” Please know i JUST DID IT AGAIN JUST AS HARD

DELIGHT

keyofjetwolf said: Rei, already trying to hard herself, to make the call and give the order nobody would ever WANT to give. Harder, because someone has to do it and now that someone has to be her. And beautiful, faithful Haruka, refusing just as hard as Rei’s forcing herself to be. They don’t interact much in your stories, these too, and it’s always so interesting when we get them together.

Rei and Haruka are both stubborn blowhards and so sometimes it’s really great to see them ping off each other, in the same way that Mina and Michiru are manipulative nightmares. They both as SO SURE that they are right ALL THE TIME, IMMEDIATELY. 

keyofjetwolf said: “Michiru looked out the window, gazing into an unimportant street, a note of sympathy filling her voice that was more frightening than any of Rei’s anger could have hoped to be.” Oh yeah, shit. Michiru feeling sympathetic toward Mina? At this point in their relationship? MINAKO’S TOAST

SHE DEAD

keyofjetwolf said: Please tell me this table is where they’ll ultimately have their strategy sessions, She-Ra style.

AHAHAHAH I need to write that still

keyofjetwolf said: First, I know I told you this already, but I was so delighted when you were not only on-board with this idea, but enthusiastic about it. And then to already have SO MANY WORDS. It’s silly, in a way, as I couldn’t have less to do with this, really. The idea was yours, the original was yours, this rewrite is yours. Still, there’s this weird little knot of pride, however undeserved.

NO REALLY THOUGH YOU GAVE ME A CHANCE TO REWRITE SOMETHING I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO TOUCH UP AND I THANK YOU

[followthru4]

Emery: “I swear something is different, why are you glowing like this bitch?”

Janae: “Mhm, go ahead and spit it out. Ya’ll fucked, didn’t you?”

Sage blushed and covered her face before answering: “Nothing gets pass you two, does it?”

Emery: “Girl, details?!” She yelled in excitement, taking Sage’s answer as a solid ‘yes’.

Janae: “Was it good? Was it wack? Was it short? Was he short?” She giggled.

Sage: “Ya’ll are so damn nosy, I will not share that part. Besides Janae, you should know as much as you visit the Red Room.” Emery and Sage both laughed before she continued. “It was good, that’s all you need to know.”

Emery: “Have you been thinking about when it’ll go down again?”

Sage smirked and covered her face again. Emery and Janae let out laughs that sounded more like squeals. The girls continued to discuss all of Sage’s new found womanhood as well as other events that had occurred in their lives. Emery was now an intern at Coach, learning the ins-and-outs of their dress department. Janae was a less frequent visitor of the Red Room, now that Rhys was an employee. She couldn’t enjoy her nights the same watching her best friend’s man grinding on poles. Instead, she began spending time with his best friend, Orlando. This came as a shock to her girls, as they thought for sure no man on Earth would ever give Janae the time of day.

Sage: “How did you two even meet?” She asked very surprised they knew one another. “I was at the student store returning some loaner books from last semester and he just happened to be in front of me in line. He saw that I was carrying more books than him and offered to help.”

Emery: “Cheesy!” She rolled her eyes. “Rude! Anyway, I thought it was sweet. We talked for a bit in line, and after he walked me back to my dorm. I told him to call me and gave him my number. Dude was looking fine, so why not?” Janae laughed.

Sage: “Wow Janae, can’t say I’m surprised.” As she spoke, her phone began to ring. “It’s Rhys.” Emery whispered, loudly, to Janae. Sage gave her friends the middle finger and answered. “Hey baby, what’s up?” Her smile showing from ear to ear. “Yeah that sound’s perfect. How much time do I have? Okay, I’ll be ready. I love you too. Bye.”

Janae: “Love?!!” She stood from her chair. Emery began crack up laughing, almost falling out of her seat. “Bitch, when did love come into play?” Sage shook her head before responding, “You two are way too dramatic sometimes, I swear. Look, I have to go. Rhys’ mother is coming to town and wants to hang out. I will text you hoes later, cool?” She asked giving each friend a hug, and proceeded out of the coffee shop.

                          Oasis Mexican Cantina, 3:35pm

Rhys and Sage arrived together and were greeted by Hope outside. She gave Rhys a hug, and turned her gaze to Sage.

Hope: “Hello Sage, nice to finally meet you.” Arm stretched forward as to shake hands. “Yes Ms.-” Sage paused, not sure of how to refer to Hope. Rhys never went over this with her. “Just call me Hope.” She smiled, as Sage shook her hand.

Rhys: “Oh… kay… cool!” He awkwardly let out. Happy to see that their initial greeting was over. “Let’s get a table, it’s looking kind of busy in there.”

The trio walked inside and waited twenty minutes before they were seated. It was a newer eating spot in Oasis Springs as the town had zero restaurants previously. Ultimately that was the reason Hope chose this location. The service was quick too, as the waiter was ready to take their order request before they were completely done analyzing their menus. Hope insured she would pay for everything, so Rhys ran with the inch he was given and ordered a tray of Enchiladas y dos Cervezas. Sage stayed modest, only ordering a taco salad along with a lemonade. Hope elected to have the chef’s special, Shrimp Menudo, with a glass of white wine. As their waiter collected their menu’s and promised to return with their beverages, Hope began conversation.

“So, how are you two? Everything alright in Newcrest?” It had been four weeks since their first year of college ended and neither had visited home during their Summer break. “Yeah mother, everything is cool. Just relaxing, taking it easy without stressing over studying.” Hope nodded and looked over at Sage, willing her to speak. “Yeah…break has been good.” Sage stated, somewhat nervous and unsure of what Hope wanted to hear. Rhys placed his hand on her thigh and gave her an assuring look, hoping she would relax and just be herself.

Hope: “I can see that you two really care about one another and I want to make sure you are both being safe in everything that you do. Yes?” She asked, knowing they understood exactly what she was referring to. Rhys thought back to their first time in his dorm room two nights ago. He for sure forgot to strap it up, even though he had a brand new box of condoms right next to his bed. Layne, his step-father, gifted him with the box before he moved to Newcrest.

Sage: “Yes ma’am. I’m on the pill, there was no way my father was going to let me leave his house without it.” She laughed as Hope giggled a little too. Rhys thought to himself, thank Simgod.

Hope: “I know your father, and that definitely sounds like him. Well good, I am much more comfortable with all of this now. So do you two really love each other?” She asked as their waiter placed down drinks on the table. Rhys looked at Sage and smiled. “I do really love Sage. I’m not afraid to admit that. I can’t speak for her though, I know I’m not the easiest boyfriend to date.”

Sage (laughing): “Not by a long shot, Rhys. But no, I have never been in love before to be honest. I’m not sure what that really looks like or what that is. I do know that Rhys means the world to me and that I wouldn’t want things to be any different than what they are now. You really do make me happy baby.” She said, forgetting that they were sitting in front of his mother. Sage instantly got thoughts of his hands between her thighs, lips on her nipples, and had the feels of wanting to dart off to the restroom with him immediately. Rhys, somehow, caught her vibe and licked his lips in response. The two sat, eyes locked on one another, until Hope interrupted.

Hope: “Okay love birds, look our food is here.” She stated, happy something was there to divert Rhys and Sage back to reality. She definitely knew what they had was going to last. Hope had never seen her son look at anyone, or anything the way he did Sage.

Rhys: “I know this is random, mother. But the last time I saw you, was back at home and you shared something with me that we never talked about before. Not because I didn’t want to, but you just chose not to.”

Hope: “I know son, no need to continue. It’s time. You’re a young man now, and you’re starting your life away from home with Sage. I can not hide this any longer.”

Rhys: “I went to Sage’s house two weekends ago, for her dad’s get together. He was there. That piece of shit was there. I wanted to kill him, but she stopped me. I can’t even explain to you how hurt and upset I was mother. I need answers.”

Hope’s eyes began to water. She hated hearing that her son was face to face with Raylon, and how angry that made him. She kept the stories of his biological father inside so that she didn’t have to see her son hurt. “I’m sorry son, this is why I never shared anything with you. You’ve seemed to have figured it out for yourself though.” She went on to tell Rhys, and Sage about Raylon. She shared how they were originally friend’s with benefits, both seeing other people. How they got married but decided to have threesome’s as long as they were both present, but Raylon did not follow their agreement and began seeing women in the house that they shared when Hope was not around. She told her son and Sage how Raylon would physically, emotionally, and verbally abuse her. When she found out she was pregnant, she had already signed the divorce papers and didn’t want to have anything tying her back to Raylon. This is why she chose to tell Raylon that Rhys was not his child, and started a new family with Layne. The entire time Layne believed Rhys was his, and raised Rhys as such until Hope finally told the truth.

Rhys: “Mother, this is too much.” He stated wanting to leave the table before Sage stopped him.

Sage: “Sit down.” She stated firmly, like the time she told him to remain in his dorm the night he got too drunk with Dakota. Rhys listened, as Hope continued.

Hope: “I’m so sorry son. All I wanted to do was protect you from the selfishness of your father, and the bad mistakes by me that gave your father the power to cause so much hectic in my, our lives.”

Rhys: “At least you tried mother. He still never tried, not until it was too late. Fuck that piece of shit!” He grunted angrily as he rushed off to the restroom. Sage’s eyes followed Rhys until he was out of sight, tears slowly building. Hope noticed the emotion on Sage’s face. “I’m sorry Sage, I didn’t want my visit to be a negative experience for either of you.” Sage directed her view back to the table, to Hope. “It’s fine. I don’t think you did this intentionally. I do know that Rhys will never be okay, he wont heal from this until he is able to release this to his father in a healthy way. Do you have any suggestions? I refuse to see him continue to hurt like this.” Hope was impressed with Sage. It was only her first time officially meeting the girl, but she carried herself like a woman. “Yes, I do. Would you like to take this on and help me?” Sage placed her hand on Hope’s, “Absolutely.”

Previous | Beginning | Next

[runearcana]

Because there are so many parallels between my life and Terezis life, when I recall Homestuck, look at fan creations, ect, I find myself there. Somehow that chapter of my life makes sense. but its also frustrating. Sometimes I feel like Andrew Hussie scried on me and it scares the shit out of me. Also, it adds to the difficulty of moving forward by dwelling on that chapter of my life and I cant see a future for myself.

It definitely helps me sort out my emotions, though. It also helps me see from other perspectives.

Terezi is a troll that many people seem to like. It boggles my mind because I dont think I am likable. I feel happy and flattered people like that version of me, but my real life self is ignored/neglected/unseen by others.. pretty typical.. but.. just strange to me.

How do I describe the differences between us, though?

Terezi embraces her insanity and feels at home speaking her mind and her friends like her for it. Shes probably seen as smart, I guess? People typed her as ENTP afterall.. [Karkat is the ENTP, not me. >.>] She stands up to and insults/mocks Karkat when hes an asshat. I dont know that I could do that, although I really wish I could.

I embrace my insanity, but I rarely if ever speak my mind and even though Im mischievious and fun-loving.. Im quiet and have seen myself more as a background character in their lives. I dont think Im smart. I dont know how to let loose around them. [by them, I mean Karkat, Kanaya, Rose, and some of the others.] I could be myself around Dave and Gamzee though. The thing is, too, Dave and Gamzee [and Kanaya] are my age, but the others are older. I went to the same schools with Dave, Gamzee, and Kanaya. [Aradia too, but she wasnt part of the core group.]

Despite my membership in the group never being vocally disputed, I never really felt like a real member of the group.

I keep wondering why things turned out this way. Why did they show mercy to me, when they didnt to some of the others they kicked out..? 

I ultimately walked away. Dave was passive-aggressively gate-keeping all my old pals from me [or maybe they requested he did this], and it was heartache to be around Karkat anyway so I just left.

Theyre all terrible communicators if you ask me, if Dave always had to speak for them. -.-

Theyre happier without me in their lives, though, so thats something. I still care about all of them, although Dave is seriously on my shit-list right now. I dont know how to think about him without feeling angry and indignant. Im trying to sympathize with him so hard, but heres the thing.. Dave feels so much self-pity for himself already that its ridiculous. Hes the biggest fucking buzzkill alive. Hes like my mom and thinks because bad stuff happened to him that the world should revolve around him and he doesnt have to change his obnoxious, unlikable behaviors. Every one else is the problem, it couldnt possibly be him, hes an innocent angel who doesnt have a selfish bone in his body, apparently. LOL.

Although.. maybe people in the group saw me as more of a buzzkill than him because I was *emo*.. I didnt throw temper tantrums though and demand that I get my way and make my problem their problem. The one time I disrespected Dave was after he had let his crush on me become imprinted into my mind, that his feelings were MY responsibility. He was so out of control that KARKAT, someone I really thought was smart and admirable accused me of leading him on.

How am I supposed to deal with that? How are Daves unrequited feelings for me MY FAULT?!

And Karkat said I was manipulative to everyone too. [lol.. another parallel I forgot to add to the other post.]

I dont see myself as manipulative, or at least not more manipulative than anyone else. v.v its pretty upsetting to know thats what he thinks of me.

the thing is, I know how to read most people really well.. there are definite advantages to that.. but everyone is manipulative and selfish in some way. Dave throws temper tantrums, I focus on win-wins.

You know, honestly.. I think if I were to let myself pity or sympathize with Dave, Id be back in that boat of being miserable. I associate him with a friend with unrequited feelings for me, and by itself itd be fine, but even Karkat was blaming me, saying his heartache was my fault.

so i got into the habit of pretty much ruthlessly reminding him im not interested. because i tried telling him plenty of times.

i can be flirtatious. i can send mixed messages. i dont mean to. but its not like im intentionally leading him on and sending mixed messages. the thing is.. i want him to stay my friend. [it was ultimately clinginess, but in a way Dave didnt prefer.] i guess thats why im flirtatious with him. maybe its unnecessary. I wish karkat could have seen that in me, and encouraged me and given me the benefit of the doubt. he could have reassured me that Dave would remain friends with me and I would have 100% listened to him.

the whole situation would have been immediately resolved right then and there. i would have seen how my crush on karkat parallels Daves crush on me, and wed all be best buds forever. 

but i wasnt valuable to them ultimately.

i guess i sent the wrong message and destroyed my own reputation in their eyes forever.

it is what it is, as karkat likes to say.

[allegoryofdream]

Red feelings

I miss you so much my heart feels like I am ripping it apart. I feel like I’ll never stop loving you. You were so beautiful when you wanted to be, at times when you held me i felt like I was a rescued princess. I felt safe and beautiful at the beginning. I felt caressed and and not alone. You were my best friend, I could laugh with you about anything and everything. My heart breaks everyday knowing that we are done and that this is the reality. You are sick and I have to accept that. I tried so hard to help you and I fell in love with all of your flaws, meanwhile mine were growing. So many mornings I wake up feeling incomplete without you, when in fact when I was with you I felt so utterly alone

This feeling lingers and I miss you more everyday I wish we could throw the past away and start again, but I know it would end up in the same place I lie to myself, I make things with you seem better than they ever were I fell in love with the idea I had of you I never knew you, you hid yourself so well from me, too scared to open up I poured my soul out to you expecting you to do the same Silly me This solitude speaks volumes to my soul which now understands you never wanted to move forward You only wanted to place blame for everything on me Training me to take the fault for everything I called you out every time something huge was bugging me And you would stand there and tell me I am worrying too much, I’m being a freak, I’m over analyzing I made myself think I was being so toxic when I wasn’t, I just wanted the truth. I cared and wanted to fix the problems we had. Years of this toxic cycle imprinted in my brain, I made mistakes I would never have never done before I met you I looked in the mirror and I saw a stranger I looked at you and saw the same My heart aches for us to heal and work But I know it will never be, you see, people like you don’t change unless their willing You think there’s nothing wrong, so how could you change My heart aches when I think back to all our beautiful memories I miss the way you slipped inside of me when we were both craving each other’s touch Sometimes my sexual thoughts get the best of me I miss the passion I miss your lips on my body, I miss feeling like a princess with you and a bad girl at the same time I was fully committed to you in our early days, ah, all I wanted for the rest of my life was you I became codependent I lost my self esteem I lost myself When I discovered you I fell in love with self destruction when I fell in love with you I should have known The lies were just the beginning That later you would judge, ridicule, gaslight and lie to me And pretend like nothing ever happened, deeming me insane to react to something that wasn’t a big deal or even real Even if I caught you in a lie, it would somehow end up being my fault Something I never did to you I never shamed you I praised you I was upset because you gave me so many reasons not to trust you I still wanted to take care of you forever I forgot about myself I slowly started to realize That I can’t change someone who doesn’t want to You just said you did, told me everything I ever wanted and needed to hear I believed you You ruined me As my depression and anxiety grew you pushed me further into the ground Mocking my pain and aggressively telling me that I was just doing it all for attention You cornered me and my pain I reacted with incredible force I screamed. I hit. I cried. I felt horrible.

You never showed respect for my opinion like I did for yours

You made me feel like I intentionally wanted to hurt you when I was reacting to you. You confused my mind to the point of manipulating my soul into becoming a horrible person I believed I was horrible So I became horrible Unknowingly and knowingly horrible to myself and you when I got upset or sad I wasn’t strong enough to turn back, I had nothing left I trusted you and let you destroy me I had given you kindness and understanding in so many fucked up situations which you created, every human has their breaking points. I had most of mine with you

I never wanted things to be this way, what happened to us? Where are we going? We destroyed ourselves I let you destroy me The lies The judgment The misunderstandings The confusion The manipulation It ruined me.

I want you to know that I never lied to you, I told you everything you ever needed to know. I wanted us to work. I faced myself, my faults, I wanted to move forward It’s a shame you couldn’t do the same for yourself and me It’s a shame I wasn’t worth enough to you to better yourself for our love It’s a horrible feeling, the feeling of feeling like you were the only one who ever cared about what happened with our love All this time and energy, seemingly going into nothing

In the future you say Darling, I will be long gone by then My spirit will be free and open And I will have fully realized that someone like you is toxic to my being.

I let you steal my light Never again

Perhaps, if you came to me and tried to see how I felt when you packed my things without me knowing. I thought there was going to be a discussion But no, you decided for yourself. How selfish of you to treat me like someone who never loved you I am disgusted that you didn’t think about how much that would rip me apart I told you I needed time, I needed my friend. My friend being “the other man”, I sought him out for comfort, understanding, love, gentleness, understanding conversations, everything I never had with you. He saw how sad I was with you and wanted to love me, I let him aid in ending our love. I needed someone to talk to, I should have stopped talking to you before I consoled him about my feelings I made a mistake in the midst of being blinded by so much pain I apologized and proved I was sorry, he left the picture, until I discovered hateful messages about me on your phone - Talking to someone I thought I could call my friend, and the girl you slept with for comfort while I was gone, who promised me she would never. But she did, 3 times. She wanted nothing more from you but sex and to cause pain in my life Little did I know I was being judged for every move I made Everyone looking at me like I am intentionally deceitful, an attention whore, little girl, over dramatic, I should grow up, when they barely knew half of the story because you only chose to tell them the parts that make you look like you’re the only one who’s trying But instead you call me a cheater When I consoled a man who truly loved me I was with him when we were apart I made a mistake to talk to him while I was with you, yes, it was selfish and hurtful of me to do that to you. After years of being thrown under the bus, after years of pain, after years of misunderstandings, I let myself go. I let our love go, and I didn’t even realize it. You turn everyone against me for the one mistake that later ended up saving my life He’s here You aren’t You had so many chances to fix it and open up, but I would always later be destroyed by hidden secrets and gaslighting

I wanted to die I felt too fat Too ugly I felt like I was always overreacting I felt insane I felt like I was the devil himself Not good enough for you Makeup and reading was the only thing that made me feel good about myself I lost touch with Mother Nature I lost touch with friends After years of your ego running all over my gullible soul I left I left I left I left

The saddest realization about all of this, is that I will never love you again like I did. We will never be together again I could never let that happen I could never disrespect myself like that again. I was consciously blinded by my self conscious mind. I let you manipulate my own duality. Never again

You think that I am just overreacting to everything, how horrible of you to say that to someone who is reacting to a horribly toxic situation That I don’t publicize for sympathy from others I keep it safe inside myself, nothing gets muffled and confused that way I protected our love and hardships Out of respect for you Out of respect for us And for the sheer fact that I had no one else to talk to except the other man and you I could no longer do that because of feeling so insane, that I thought I needed psychiatric help. You worsened my pain and I let you How could I betray myself like that How could I

The only reason I kept coming back was out of sheer disrespect for myself My soul, destroyed and manipulated over and over, time and time again, eventually something inside of me died Most of the good parts of me We’re sucked out From all of the confusion and pain you caused I felt stupid with you I never felt good enough I never felt pretty I felt lazy Like I was choosing a life of demise when I was battling my depression and anxiety so hard everyday You worsened everything I struggled with

But my god, when you would touch me it felt cosmic I felt your eyes on me whenever I looked away from you I miss your touch I miss your sweet passionate kisses I miss watching movies with you I miss going for walks with you I miss sleeping beside you I miss watching you paint and print shirts I miss waking up next to you with your hair all messy, looking so peaceful I miss you snuggling up to me even though I would always push you away because of all the pain Why do I miss you so much If you cause me so much fucking pain

We cut ourselves open the first week of meeting each other and shared our blood A part of me will always live within you And a part of you will always live within me

But oh god, it kills my heart knowing we can never be together again unless you face yourself. A part of me secretly knowing that will never happen, because that means releasing the ego and admitting how many times you were wrong

It’s all about winning to you If you truly cared, your heart would be pouring out to me If you truly cared, I wouldn’t be here crying in the rain my myself