#navigating relationships

[xxdreamscapes]

diary-x 050125 | 11:00 pm

on friendships & inconvenience;

Now and then, I think about all the times I convinced myself all the wrong people were the right ones just because I didn’t wanna be alone.

I consider history in my relationships, but it seems a lot of people don't. It's always been a tough pill for me to swallow. I know that history isn't an excuse to keep someone around who mistreats you. I also know that life isn't so black and white. Though there might be things unspoken, resentments, or miscommunication, I know that most people stay past an expiration date because they care enough to want things to work. You can love people who aren't healthy for you, but it doesn't mean you should.

I've been thrown away like garbage. I've thrown others away in the same regard. I'm not blameless. Who is? We're all responsible for the parts we play in our relationships. Me, now? I don't think people are disposable. Or interchangeable. If that's the way you view people I feel sorry for you. When I need to remove myself from a situation, I have longstanding and good reason. However, I have a hard time allowing others the same courtesy.

Sometimes, I think that I'm bitter, because if we were to quantify it, the way I've been mistreated by certain people was much worse than my worst moments. I've often felt an imbalance in past friendships, and for the longest time, I blamed myself. I always wound up feeling like I gave too much and became resentful by the end. This isn't applicable to current friends, thankfully, because my current friendships either began on a solid foundation (where I never felt like they had anything to gain besides being my pal) or were made in adulthood as I began implementing healthier interpersonal skills. Or both. But over the years, concern from outside perspectives shared with me as well as years of building self trust, signaled to me that a lot of people in my life wanted a best friend, but refused the inconvenience of being one.

Most people have some form of trauma, whether it's linked to family, friendship, or intimate partners. I'm not discrediting anyone's lived experience or agency to remove themselves from unsafe situations. But when you get to know people. And I mean, really, get to know them and see how nonchalant they are with their relationships and habits, it's a painful experience. When the laziness, or defensiveness rear their ugly heads, it's hard not to notice. Are they leaving because it's what's best for both of us? Or are they leaving because it's the easy way out, because maybe you're too needy or asking for far too much (you're probably not)

It makes you wonder about how they've always felt about you. It makes you question off-hand comments, birthday cards, or every message they ever sent about how they were so *grateful* for you. Does gratitude entail abandoning people you care about in difficult moments? Knowing I’ve sat with you through your familial troubles, anxiety about college, fear of being perceived, body image issues... any of it? I've since learned: don't cross oceans for people who wouldn't cross a puddle for you — let alone give you room on the sidewalk, when walking in a group. I'm saying all of this as someone who's taken a flight and driven miles for someone who couldn't bother to drive a couple to see me while we were living in the same god damn town. But lo and behold, a shiny new bombshell enters their life and suddenly they're Lightning McQueen! The forgiveness comes and goes. The introspection helps. I'll get there.

And yea, maybe I should have spoken up or asked for reciprocity from the person I, and many others, chauffeured around. But when you love someone, I don't think that fucking matters. I've driven many people, countless times, to the airport who wouldn't even uber me there. Spent years lending an ear to their miseries over breakups, family, etc. only for them to not change a damn thing or intentionally seek out cycles of self-harm. I've been patient, and selfless beyond human capacity, but yet somehow I was still met with accusations of selfishness and entitlement. The narratives people run with...

I get why people become bitter and jaded because of how they’ve been treated. Luckily that ain’t me..

It's hard to raise issues with people you love and have known for so long. It's anxiety inducing to think about their reaction or our shifting dynamics. Especially when the reality of their reaction ends up being much worse than you ever anticipated. It shouldn't be difficult to bring things up with people you love, which is why I always try my best to listen and not react. When someone deflects and makes it about the way I reacted instead of the impact their actions, I know there's no conversation that can salvage the fractures

So thank you to the people who've clued me into their true feelings. So much is said in patronization. So much is said in the unsaid. For a lot of people, the cruelty is the point. Maybe it's a getback for all of their resentments and the things they've held back. I've had so much bullshit projected onto me by people who think I'm just going to take it. I've given the benefit of the doubt. I've bent over backwards. Contorted myself in ways no human being should ever have to. But still, I don't regret it. Because I've still grown and I'm somehow still me. The little, misunderstood chubby queer kid who just wanted friends and for people to share and be honest with each other.

⋆⁺₊⋆ + ⋆⁺₊ ⋆ ☁︎

Set firm boundaries, set them early, but make sure they aren't walls. Choose your friends, and where your energy goes, wisely ♥︎

[askanautistic]

I am self diagnosed on the spectrum, I struggle heavily with social cues and communicating with other people. It’s hard for me to ask other people questions about their day without being promoted, I expect them to tell me those things without me having to ask. This has become a huge issue in my relationship and recently escalated pretty severely. I have been open with them that I believe I’m on the spectrum, but I don’t want to use it as an excuse. How can I start a conversation with them about how my neurodivergent tendencies are the cause of what they feel is me being inattentive or self-absorbed?

Personally, I prefer addressing issues in writing. I find it easier to express myself, and it means that they have to read what I write and consider it in its entirety before responding (whereas attempting to have a face-to-face discussion means people can interrupt and people get sidetracked by perceived tone or attitude).

So I would send them a message, explaining things from my perspective.

But, as you are now aware that this is an issue, and something that is important to your partner, in this case I would also then say that I'd like to find ways around this issue that works for both of us. To make it clear that the issue is with both of us having different ways of thinking and different expectations, and we need to respect each other's differences and find a compromise.

This might be trying to find prompts/set times when you'll ask them. Maybe they could ask you first and you could use that as a prompt to reciprocate once you've answered. Or you could decide that you'll ask them first thing as soon as you are both together (whether that's one of you arriving home to the other, or both of you meeting up elsewhere).

Or, if there are other barriers to this (like needing to decompress when you get home, or being in the middle of something you're focused on) scripts or expectations for discussing your days. Scripts could be along the lines of: 'Hi! I need some time to decompress, but then I'll come find you so we can tell each other about our days.' OR you could both just expect that you decompress up until dinner time, then you'll both eat a meal together and discuss your days then.

(If you don't live together or have those natural or regular times when you'd be together to catch up, then you could arrange to catch up or eat together via video call, or set an alarm to send a text checking in at a certain time.)

Also, if they are being a bit unreasonable, and wanting you to show excessive interest and to ask multiple questions, then they need to also compromise in this, and understand that you might be able to ask more routine questions, like asking how their day was, but that they can't expect you to know everything that needs to be asked, or to take specific interest in aspects of their day that might be of little consequence (you don't need to care about what they had for lunch every day, or how the traffic was, so why would you ask for those details?). It might be fair that they want you to ask about their day, or take some interest in how they are and what they've been up to, but it's also fair for us to assume that the people we're close to might WANT to share things with us and so might volunteer things instead of always needing for us to prise that information from them.

Tip jar.

[setokaibapetty]

Fic Friday 5 + 1 Roundup: Poly

In the interests of representation during Pride, have some more non-heteronormative couples, have some fics with poly relationships.

Where the Wanderer Goes (AO3) - "A whirlwind romance during the Red Raids between Nil and Fashav is brought to a tragic end at Cinnabar Sands. Both men think the other is dead. Fashav finds happiness with the Tenakth, and with Kotallo. And Aloy burns away the mangled shadows of Nil's past. When they meet in the Forbidden West, four worlds will be shaken. Thrown together by circumstance and necessity, old flames will rekindle as well as new. Fashav and Aloy are soulmates, but, they discover, so are Nil and Kotallo.

On Freedom and Other Formalities (AO3) - "When push comes to shove, Hiwa Inuzuka doesn't go down easy. Reborn into a new, dangerous world? She puts her past life as a spy to work. Thrown into a war? Hiwa does her duty, for Konoha. And when she's forced into an arranged marriage? All there is to do is beat them to the punch and get married first. Thankfully, Genma Shiranui is willing to lend a hand. Literally. SI/OC"

Suddenly, Qunari (AO3) - "Life surprises a Dragon Age fan, who wakes up in the body of Kaaras Adaar. When push comes to shove, what else can you do but help to save the world?" Set to Private

denizens of the sands of time (AO3) - "Happy accidents were less rare than they used to be, even if they still had a trend of making things worse before they got better. Gaara would take what he could get."

i am out with lanterns, looking for myself (AO3) - "When Dark Woman orders him to fall in the name of finding the Sith Lord and ending the war, Jon obeys the way he always does. If it's in the name of saving more lives, he can believe it's worth it, no matter what he has to do. Rex and Cody getting dragged down with him was never something he intended.

Bonus: We Don't Do Normal (AO3) - "Peter Parker hits the dating scene at the same time Deadpool makes a move on Spider-man. Peter never intended for his and Spider-man's life to be so separated that he ended up dating two different people in each world. Yet, here he was... Now all he had to do was figure out how to fix it without everything exploding. (Perhaps literally with Deadpool involved.)"

[themindfulfemale]

The Key Signs of Emotional Intelligence

Active Listening: One of the most obvious signs of emotional intelligence is the ability to listen attentively and actively. An emotionally intelligent person will give you their full attention when you’re speaking, making eye contact, nodding, and asking thoughtful follow-up questions. They don’t interrupt or jump to conclusions. For example, if you’re telling a colleague about a problem you’re facing, they might say, ‘I hear you. That sounds tough. What do you think is the best next step?’ This shows empathy and validation of your feelings.

Self-Awareness: Emotionally intelligent people tend to have a high level of self-awareness. They know their strengths and weaknesses and aren’t afraid to admit when they’re wrong or need help. You’ll notice that they’re comfortable talking about their own feelings and can express emotions without shame or defensiveness. For instance, in a disagreement, a self-aware person might say, ‘I realize I got really defensive just now. I’m sorry.’ This takes courage and emotional maturity. It’s a sign of someone who is aware of their emotions and can regulate them.

Empathy: Emotionally intelligent people are able to put themselves in others' shoes and truly understand what others are feeling. You’ll notice that they’re not just sympathetic, they’re deeply empathetic, which means they take the time to understand others' perspectives. Imagine you’re going through a tough time and a friend says, ‘I’m here for whatever you need.’ That kind of response shows empathy and it acknowledges your pain and offers support without trying to fix or judge.

Emotional Regulation: Emotional intelligent people know how to manage their emotions, especially in stressful or challenging situations. They don’t lash out in anger, become passive-aggressive, or shut down. Instead, they remain calm, composed, and respond thoughtfully to situations. For example, in a stressful meeting, an emotionally intelligent person might say, ‘I’m feeling frustrated right now, but I think it’s important we focus on the solution. Let’s take a moment.’ This shows they can regulate their reactions and keep the bigger picture in mind.

Conflict Resolution: Emotionally intelligent individuals are great at resolving conflicts in a calm, constructive manner. They don’t escalate tension or play blame games. Instead, they work collaboratively toward solutions and focus on mutual understanding. So, let’s say a friend is upset with you, and instead of blaming them back, an emotionally intelligent response could be, ‘I understand that my actions hurt you. Let’s talk about what happened and find a way to move forward.’ This shows maturity and the ability to navigate tough conversations without damaging the relationship.

Adaptability and Flexibility: Emotionally intelligent people are adaptable and able to cope with change. They don’t get stuck in rigid thinking and are open to new ideas and perspectives. In a workplace or social situation, they can shift gears easily when things don’t go as planned, showing that they can remain positive and constructive in the face of uncertainty. If a work project changes unexpectedly, they might say, ‘This is a big shift, but I think we can adapt to the new plan. Let’s figure out the best.’ Their flexibility in moments of change helps ease tension and uncertainty.

Positive and Supportive: Finally, emotionally intelligent people tend to be positive and supportive without being overly pushy or fake. They uplift others and offer encouragement, whether it’s in personal or professional settings. They celebrate others’ successes and show genuine happiness for their achievements. For example, if a friend gets a promotion, an emotionally intelligent person might say, ‘That’s amazing! You worked really hard, and I’m proud of you.’ They celebrate others' wins with and don’t feel threatened by it.

[toni-onone]

Navigating Relationships: Losing Some When Living for Christ and Its Impact on Marriage

Title: Navigating Relationships: Losing Some When Living for Christ and Its Impact on Marriage Introduction:Embarking on a journey of faith and living a life devoted to Christ can be a transformative and deeply fulfilling experience. However, this spiritual growth and renewed commitment can sometimes lead to shifts in relationships, causing distance or even rifts with certain individuals. One of…

[shreeisspecial]

Navigating relationships in the modern world can be both exhilarating and challenging. With evolving societal norms, increased access to technology, and shifting gender roles, modern women face unique dynamics in their personal and romantic lives. This blog will provide practical advice for modern women on how to build and maintain healthy, fulfilling relationships.

[artofthechristianninja]

Crowdsourcing a Complicated Emotional Situation - Stream Stories

Listen to the “Stream Story” Podcast Episode here: It came out of nowhere, completely unplanned. We were in the middle of playing NieR:Automata—a game full of philosophical questions and complex moral choices—when a viewer named “Kit the Dragon” started pouring out a complicated and emotional situation: “My housemate admitted they have feelings for me, and it’s definitely interesting.” Her best…

[everythingsdestiel]

There’s something so tragic about Cersei hating Robert (rightfully so) but becoming him all the same.

She hates ruling but loves the power it gives her over others. She drinks heavily. Abuses those around her. She fantasizes about a life with Rhaegar a man she never knew and never loved in the same way that Robert obsessed over Lyanna. She becomes someone that even Tommen (her son whom she loves dearly) fears. It mirrors the ways in which Robert abused Joffrey, but she hurts Tommen emotionally as opposed to physically.

All her life she wanted to be Jaime but instead she becomes the man she despised.

[xxdreamscapes]

diary 051725 | 11:00 pm

feeling your feelings (you actually have to feel them)

I’m not like these bitches, I cannot pretend that I’m above loss, heartbreak, and grief. You won’t catch me hopping from partner to partner, friend to friend, friend group to friend group. It’s easy to fool yourself into believing you’ve moved on when you’re constantly distracted by people and dating apps. I’m not about that. I’m not nonchalant. And I wouldn’t change a thing about it. 

I give myself the room to feel everything, from the discomfort of change to all the good memories and places I miss. I’m aware there’s never such thing as a perfect relationship. Caring about stuff isn’t cringe. Caring about your impact on people or the ways you’ve been treated isn’t cringe, or sensitive. And even if it is, what’s wrong with that? Are you so devoid of human emotion? Of compassion?

I'll allow myself the room to accept the things I cannot change and expand beyond that. I won’t limit myself. I will do whatever I need to in the moment so that one day, I wake up and no longer feel the burdens so heavily. I’ll look back fondly, and cherish with love. Or be completely apathetic. Time is a funny thing. It will tell, time will always tell.

I accept the contradictory nature of human beings. I can be upset about the people who should’ve been there for me and weren’t. I can love the moments we shared and appreciate the moment in which they did show up. I can hate how unkindly I was treated as a child. But also recognize that it taught me to be better to myself and to my friends. There's duality and nuance to most things.

I can be cool, but I can also be a corny as hell. I can cut like a knife, but also be light and carefree as a feather. Give yourself the space to be all of the things. I swear you’ll be better because of it.

⋆⁺₊⋆ + ⋆⁺₊ ⋆ ☁︎

currently spinning: "Change" by Lana, "No One Mourns the Wicked", and "No Good Deed" from Wicked

[crawlingdrawing]

The Cage - Epilogue, Kurt and Rogue, part one

master post

Since the whole ordeal is over, everyone's now fine, all good, no complaints, doing superbly 👍

[ginpotts]

DOCTOR WHO: THE NINTH DOCTOR ADVENTURES Big Finish Presents ✧ STAR-CROSSED ✧ 2024

[point-two-two]

Letting your business partner pretend you're abusing him so you can con the living daylights out of foreign diplomats that you kept waiting for nearly three hours is crazy. And to rub it in by planning a skit where you bring him iced coffee and he complains about it? Iconic showstopping never seen before this is EVEN BETTER than the little show they put on for Taewon which was one of my favorite jinjae moments truly I feel like I just received a surprise custom-made cake after ordering a custom-made cupcake

[solarmorrigan]

oooh. fic requests! how about 6 - fight or 19 - allergies for steddie?

Hello! I'm sorry it took so long to get to this one, but I hope it's alright! I went with:

6. Fight - Steddie

cw: implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced domestic violence, unhealthy relationship dynamics (not between Eddie and Steve)

-

The most frustrating thing about fighting with Steve is that he doesn’t fight. Not really.

Sure, he’ll poke and he’ll prod and he’ll snip and he’ll snap; he’ll dole out bitchy, passive aggressive comments and roll his eyes and sigh pointedly, but the moment things get heated, the moment an argument gets real, it’s just–

“Fine. Fine,” Steve snaps, tossing his hands up with an exasperated huff. “You’re right, okay? I’m– I’m sorry.”

And at first, Eddie had always felt so vindicated, so flush with the triumph of winning an argument, that it had taken him a while to realize that it felt– wrong. That Steve—so confident, so sure in his opinions, so willing to stand up to people when he has something to defend—would just give in without a fight– it feels wrong.

So Eddie had tried to pay attention – really pay attention. They don’t fight often, but when an argument inevitably does crop up, Eddie always wins. Rather, Steve always lets him. He never raises his voice, never gets in Eddie’s face, never really even makes counterarguments. He cedes to Eddie’s points and then subsides and it’s– it’s infuriating, because Eddie doesn’t understand.

“Don’t do that,” Eddie growls, tugging a frustrated hand through his hair.

“Don’t– what? Don’t apologize?” Steve asks incredulously.

“No!” Eddie bursts out. “Not if you don’t mean it!”

“Excuse me?” Steve draws back, offended. “What the hell do you want me to do to prove I’m sincere? Get on my knees and fucking grovel?”

“That’s not–” Eddie leaves off with a frustrated noise, trying hard to keep his tone level. “I don’t want to win an argument just because you let me. I don’t want you to apologize just because you think it’s what I want to hear.”

“I’m not letting you win,” Steve says quickly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You are, though. You do. Every time. You won’t actually engage, you just say I’m right and then clam up and that’s it,” Eddie says.

Steve levels him with a look of disbelief. “So– what, you want me to yell at you? You want me to tell you that you’re wrong?”

“I want–” Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose, taking a second to gather his thoughts. “I want you to feel like you’re allowed to argue with me. I don’t want you to just give in and then resent me or something.”

“I don’t resent you, Eddie,” Steve says with a roll of his eyes.

“No?” Eddie pushes. “How many times have we gone to bed after an argument with me perfectly satisfied, thinking I’ve won, while you’re actually still mad at me?”

“That’s– I don’t…” Steve shifts uncomfortably. “If I’m still mad, that’s my problem. I can just get over it.”

“But that’s exactly what I mean!” Eddie insists. “That shit builds up! And besides, what if you’re the one who’s really right? I might actually be wrong, and you should tell me. Or maybe there’s some kind of, like, compromise we can reach, I don’t know! I don’t want you to be afraid to push back – I don’t want you to be afraid of me.”

“I’m not afraid of you,” Steve says, jaw jutting out stubbornly when Eddie fixes him with a considering look. “I’m not. I’m just– how long before yelling turns into a screaming match? How long before it turns into throwing shit around, or– or shoving each other, or worse?”

“Steve…” Eddie murmurs, the last of his heated frustration draining away, leaving a clammy kind of dismay in its place. “Steve, I would never do any of those things to you.”

“I know,” Steve says, and it sounds like he means it. “I know that. But what if I–”

“No,” Eddie says firmly, because he thinks he understands now – Steve isn’t afraid of him, he’s afraid of himself. Afraid of turning into everything he’d been raised around: the blowout arguments between his parents, his mom’s petty destruction of his dad’s things, his dad’s frustration turned back on Steve, a cycle of violent familial bullshit that Steve is determined to break free from, even if it means saying that he’s wrong every time. Eddie comes forward, grabbing Steve’s hands; he can’t even remember what they’d been arguing about moments before, but he knows he doesn’t care anymore. “You would never do that. I know you, Steve, you are nothing like that.”

Steve looks down at their joined hands, blinking rapidly. “This– you… You’re more important than winning. Than any stupid argument,” he says.

“That’s exactly why we should have stupid arguments,” Eddie says, grinning a little when that gets a choked laugh out of Steve. “I’m serious. Let’s have stupid, petty arguments so they don’t turn into big ones. I swear I’m not going to stay mad if you get on my ass about not doing the dishes.”

Slowly, Steve nods. He doesn’t entirely look like he believes Eddie, but that’s fine. It’s always been like this – Steve unwilling (or unable) to believe that someone will love him if he doesn’t make it easy for them. Eddie’s been breaking that down, bit by bit, and this is no different. This is no chore.

“I’ll still love you even when I’m angry. Even when you’re angry,” Eddie promises. “I just love you, full stop.”

Steve nods again, more certain this time as he looks up to meet Eddie’s eyes. “I love you, too,” he says, because he always, always says it back, which suits Eddie just fine.

He figures if they can agree on that much, every other disagreement will be a breeze.

[theliving-radio]

Big Brother Malleus Series

Hello! This is where I will be keeping all of the Big Brother Malleus Content!

Notice: ALL CONTENT FOR BIG BROTHER MALLEUS ARE PLATONIC ONLY! NO ROMANCE INVOLVED BETWEEN BIG BROTHER MALLEUS AND BABY SIBLING READER!

Ideas and asks~

Introduction on Big Brother Malleus

Leona discovers Baby Sibling is a Draconia

The Meaning of Big Brother: Part 1, Part 2

Baby Sibling has a Nightmare

Baby Sibling wants to be like Big Brother

Baby Sibling turns into a Baby/ Baby Sibling gets Kidnapped

How Big Brother Malleus got Baby Sibling: short answer

Clingy (and Manipulative) Baby Sibling

Baby Sibling turned into a Dragon: Part 1, Part 2

Baby Sibling Getting into a fight

Big Brother is Big Dragon

Big Brother finds a love letter for Baby Sibling

Baby Sibling Supports a different team

Malleus discovers Baby Sibling has an older brother back home.

Silly Promps-

Sick Baby Sibling

[yinyuedijun]

anyway I joke a lot about mydei getting cucked in okhema and also being paranoid abt losing you but like the undercurrent to all of this is actually quite sad.

(cw slavery, war, discrimination etc)

mydei has only ever known you within a framework of violence. he led the kremnoan army to war with your city-state, he abducted you from your temple and took you to kremnos, he put you in chains as his people's laws demanded. yes, he was an unwilling participant, and yes, he tried his best to protect you, and yes, he wishes to usher in an era of peace for kremnos where such crimes will never happen again - but the fact of the matter is that mydeimos is the heir to a millennium of violence, and you are the ultimate reminder of that violence.

then you get to okhema, and mydei sees you for the first time in a framework of peace. living outside a reality that is hostile to you, in an environment where you laugh and smile and walk freely without chains. and mydei adores seeing you like this, thinks that there is no sight more beautiful. but the novelty of all this is also painful to him: the only reason you ever cry in okhema is out of joy, whereas in kremnos you only ever cried out of grief.

the people in okhema know, too. your former townspeople, the okheman natives, the refugees from the rest of amphoreus that warred with nikador over the years - all of them know this about you. yes, they are wrong about much of kremnos, vilify him and his people unfairly - but there is still an ugly truth to what they assume about your relationship.

you try your best to deny it. you always defend mydei steadfastly, make it clear that you are by his side willingly, always say that he has been nothing but good to you - but they disbelieve you. they pity you, grieve for you, want more for their innocent priestess that was taken by a kremnoan prince as his war prize. they have no doubt that he defiled you, that you were coerced into laying with him. you insist that this is wrong, that you are his lover - but they will always see you as a bed-slave so long as you are with him.

and they aren't wrong for that, are they? mydei has only ever known you in a framework of violence. the two of you fell in love, yes, but you did it while you were still in chains. no matter how gentle he is with you, his loving you has always been an inherently violent act.

so when mydei sees you in okhema, no longer existing under violence, he sees a life that he stole away from you. a life where you are free, where you can fall in love with a normal man rather than her captor, where you can get married as a legal wife rather than a concubine, where you can have children who are freedmen rather than nothoi who are in chains. mydei is trying so, so hard to create an era where this is no longer the case - but a great part of him fears that your relationship will always stay in this old era of strife.

when your aunties giggle and tell you to retire from your post and get married, to find someone from your town or maybe even a nice okheman boy, he knows what they mean to imply. you're free now, they're saying. you don't need to be the slave of the kremnoan prince anymore. you don't need to spread your legs for the monster who abducted you. you don't need to be his whore.

you can be happy now.

and they aren't wrong for that, are they? you are free now. you can finally escape the chains that castrum kremnos forced upon you - the chains that mydei put you in.