WELCOME TO PHIO'S EXTREMELY SELF INDULGENT AU HOUR!!!
"Oh, FINALLY, another visitor! It's so quiet in here, it's unnerving..."
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This AU was meant to be posted on halloween but eh.... Happy Thanksgiving? HAHAHHA
still dont have a name for it, but basically, back in october i was suddenly hit with the need to have a halloween au, so now we have ghost-ified prismo and vampire/witch-ified scarab :D ( although didnt finish the scarab reference spread in time because uh, school and i lost motivation unfortunately )
au synopsis and rambling below the cut!!
the premise of this au is simple : scarab is a real estate agent whos known for his manners ( never barges in, always waits to be invited! though it is a little weird how he keeps asking to be let inside even if they already agreed that he was going to come over... ) and efficiency at his job - that is, convincing people to buy high-end housing for a good price. although his social skills need some... work, his ability to persuade people isnt something to be laughed at.
unfortunately for him, persuading the higher-ups is a completely different story - which he learned the hard way after flunking something big for the company. they dont choose to fire him, no. instead, they put him through a trial, assigning him to sell their most unprofitable property : the mansion in a small town locally known for being haunted by an "evil spirit". if scarab manages to sell it (for good profit) within six months, he is excused and is able to go on with his job. if not... well, best not to think about it, yes? after all, he'll succeed with ease - all he has to do is dispel any worries about some fake "ghost" that only exists as a result of filthy rumors. maybe clean up the place. not too hard, right?
meanwhile, stuck inside said mansion is an extremely bored prismo. hes been hangin around this place for like... how many years now? forty? a hundred? meh, all the same, lately the place has been quieter than usual. i mean- of course people dont just walk into a creepy mansion every day, but there would usually be at least a few bold kids or vloggers coming in now and then for him to entertain but even then they wouldn't stay long ( for obvious reasons ). and now, just some unbound spirits or dumb animals would pass by and thats about it. a guy can only entertain himself for so long, yknow?
that is, until today. when some posh-looking business man entered the premises and started snooping around ( whats the deal with that, by the way?? ). must be prismo's lucky day!! this is the perfect chance to pull out all the stops and play the FUNNIEST prank ever! hah!
... oh. looks like things've gotten a little out of hand.
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WOOT WOOT WOOTTTTTTTTTTT!!! im so so happy to finish this because ohhhhh my god this has taken ages for no reason other than the fact that ive been really dragging myself to make presentable art JSNDJSJXNSJX.... i realize that i have never worked in real estate ( or at all ) which means i have probably fucked something up but uhh um ill deal with the backlash later :"D im also realizing how many odd unanswered bits and bobs this au is going to have in the future, which... i am ignoring for the most part for now, but there are SOME things that i DO have figured out like ghost lore... but thats for another time, for now i leave you with this >:)
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LOTUS OMG DOES YOUR SCHOOL MAKE YOU DO COLLEGE PREP DISCUSSION THINGS. BC I JUST HAD MINE. AND HOLY FUCK I DONT THINK IM GETTING INTO COLLEGE WHAT HAPPENED TO SAFETIES 😭
they don't make us do college discussions but my school updated our gpas and i think i'm going to community college bc what the actual fuck i might as well just live under a bridge in a cardboard box atp💔
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Niche history ramble(also boy king mention at the end ofc) //
I was reading abt Maximillian I today, the second Habsburg emperor, bcs ive prev read about his father who I think is very interesting. But omg somehow this guy is even more interesting, but in a completely different way(I like his father Frederick III bcs I think his life is very funny ooc, but Maximilian I is genuinely really cool!) Also it's surprising to me that it took me this long to read about him, considering I very vividly remember seeing his portrait in a museum in Vienna. It's weird looking at it being used as the display pic for his wiki page bcs im like ...I've seen that in real life omg....
He's referred to as "The Last Knight"(as well as being nicknamed "Heart of Steel") And god I love now having random knowledge, cause I'm reading this like "ha, how very Don Quixote of him" and then the very next line in the biography was like, historians question whether he genuinely was like a knight or if he was a Don Quixotic figure 😭😭 glad to see I was on mark. Anyways, I wonder if Cervantes knew abt this, like I wonder if him being popularized as the last knight was a widely known thing back then. It's funny how Don Quixote was written at the end of the 16th century, but even back in the beginning of the century, being a knight was still kinda an outdated thing. I like how the two views on Maximillian I are either that he was the Last Knight or the first Rennaisance prince who had Machiavellian ideals. It fits into my weird obsession w those two works(The Prince and Don Quixote)
Anyways that being said. Boy King au Fernando is def like this, except he has literally nothing to back it up djfkkglg. Like at least Maximilian I was actually out there being insane. Fernando just sits in his cozy reading room, fantasizing while reading The Prince, and commissioning suits of armor as decoration(thats what he says. The real purpose is to dress up in them so he can feel cool.) I think this is honestly a reason he goes along with the marriage. He begrudgingly finds Seb's family history to be very cool and interesting, and he isn't opposed to being around it 🤭 Well, begrudgingly isn't the right word. He's very earnestly obsessed with it, but he can never tell Seb that bcs Seb will literally never let it go.
Seb just finds him staring up at paintings of Seb's ancestors, and Fernando, tears in eyes, hand on his heart, proclaims "I'll continue your legacy!!!" Seb is both mocking him like "he's not even your relative" but also has tears in his eyes like omg he's my family 🥺 he's accepted being my family 🥹
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orange
how many times will i cry
orange was a bold colour & now it feels like the ragged edge of a microfiber towel pressed to my face
(is it called self harm when you choose to choke on your tears but not wipe them?)
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