#- he tries to return a library book that wasnt even his and gets attacked by protesters as if he can control the damn library

[dialphone-archived]

oh my god.... redux ending.....

[backtobackbakubabe]

Stuck in the Middle with You (Part 2)

Bakugo x Reader 

Reader is a closet couponer and when word started spreading that there was going to be a mandatory quarantine to fend off a virus you weren't worried. You had enough supplies to last for months. However it wasn't until now that you realized you had no idea how to cook and you relied on take out and fast food for most of your meals. The only person who knew about your crazy couponing habit was Bakugo, so when he called and asked if he could raid your stash you got an idea.

Words: 2054

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You tried not to moan as you took your first bite of Bakugo’s pancakes. They were so delicious, but you didn’t want to add to his already huge ego. For the most part you both are in silence, locking eyes every so often before immediately looking anywhere else but at each other. There was still some awkward tension between the two of you. He had kissed you, like actually kissed you but neither of you wanted to be the one to bring it up. 

You knew he only did it to try and help you through your panic attack. There was no way he would have done it for any other reason. He was Bakugo after all and you weren't even convinced that he even liked you as a friend. Sure he always attended movie nights, and yeah he brought you coupons. But that was it. The two of you never hung out one on one and you rarely spoke to each other over the phone. You had known the man for years and you didn’t know a damm thing about him. 

It wasnt until he cleared his thought that you realized you had been staring at him, “Do I need to teach you manners as well as cooking? Lesson number one, don’t stare at people.”

You snorted, “Oh that’s rich. A lesson on manners from the same person who manages to find a way to insult anyone who dares try and speak to him.”

He slammed his fork down, “Well at least I wasn't the one staring at another person practically drooling while they ate!”

You stood up and tossed your plate into the sink, “I was not drooling! I was just thinking...”

Bakugo came up behind you and rinsed your dish as well as his before putting them in the dish washer, “You really shouldn't leave dishes in the sink. Its a bad habbit...”

When you didnt answer he took a deep breath, “If we’re going to be stuck here then we should probably at least try and get along.”

Again you were struck by how little you knew about him. How had you been friends with him for this long and not know anything about him.

He groaned, “Are you even fucking listening to me?”

You nodded and pinched the bridge of you nose, “Yeah sorry, just was thinking again... I can be kind of spacey.” 

He softened a bit before leaning on the counter next to you, “So I’ve noticed... What are you thinking about?”

You blushed slightly before regaining your composure, “Honestly you... Not anything weird... It’s just. Well I feel like I actually don’t know much about you. Like are you a morning person? Whats your favorite color? What kind of movies do you like? I know none of that seems important but for some reason it just weirds me out that I dont know.”

Bakugo scratched the back of his neck, “Well I mean you never asked...” 

You hopped up on the kitchen counter and swung your legs that were now dangling, “Okay well to be fair that can go both ways. I’m sure you don’t know anything about me either.”

He seemed to think for a minute before nodding, “Well I guess it’s a good thing we have some time to catch up. Just promise me that what you learn stays between us. I dont need any fucking extras thinking they know me.” 

You rolled your eyes at his abrasiveness. “How about you pick something to watch and I’ll go raid my closet for things you could wear. I doubt you want to wear the same clothes every day for the foreseeable future.” 

“Tsk as if I’d wear girls clothes. The director from my hero agency said he’d send someone over with some clothes. It’ll probably just be a bunch of training gear with the agencies logo on it but I guess beggars cant be choosers.” 

Bakugo was right because halfway through “Gladiator” a man showed up with a duffle bag full of grey and black shirts, shorts, and sweats with his agencies logo on it. They were all still wrapped in plastic just to be safe. 

He threw the bag full of clothes behind the couch and reclaimed his spot next to you. You were bundled up in a blanket, trying not to fall asleep but you were drained after your episode earlier. It was only a little after 8 and you could feel your eye lids growing heavier. 

At some point you woke up and to your horror you were leaning on Bakugo. You would have panicked except you could feel his arm draped around your shoulders holding you to him. This was odd. You slowly sat up and stretched. “Sorry. You could have pushed me off. I wouldn't have blamed you. Especially with social distancing or whatever.”

He chuckled, “Oh believe me I thought about it. But you were cold and if we stuck together I cant have you getting sick.”

You saw a slight blush creep up his neck. You knew there was no way you would have gotten sick from being chilly in your own living room. But you also knew he was probably more comfortable doing something nice if he had an excuse. So you game him a genuine smile. “Thanks. I’ll be honest that's the best nap I’ve ever had. Well best I’ve slept in months actually. I’m always tossing and turning.” You turned off the tv that was now playing the credits. You had seriously slept through the entire second half of the movie. 

You walked over and started pulling out pillows and blankets from the hall closet. “You can sleep on the couch. It pulls out into a bed but honestly its more comfortable if you just sleep on it normally. We can take turns sleeping in the bed if you’re here long enough.”

He accepted the blankets but held tight to your hand. “Hey you know I meant it earlier when I said you could talk to me. I’m the last person to voluntarily open up about my feelings, but you know... I worry about you sometimes.” 

You plopped down on the couch with a huge sigh. “I appreciate your concern. But I wouldn't even know where to begin... I’m just... I don’t know. I’m fine.”

Bakugo took a seat next to you, “You’re what? Smart? Strong? Badass? Because those are the first words that come to mind when I think of you...”

You could feel your eyes prick with unshed tears. “Well those are definitely not high on the list of adjectives I would consider for myself. More like small, scared, and incompetent.” You leaned your head back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. 

Bakugo crossed his arms over his chest in mild frustration. “Why? That couldn’t be further from the truth! Well except the small thing. You are kinda little. But last I checked that wasn’t a bad thing. If anything... its kinda.... cute.” 

You looked up expecting to see him blushing. But instead you saw him giving you a nervous smile. You wiped a tear from the corner of your eyes and returned his smile, “Well you know how my quirk can be really vague? I only get fragments of the truth and even then it’s up to me to decide what they mean... That’s a lot of pressure. I cant be wrong. Ever. And there was this one time when I was a child... I was living with my mom.. I interpreted something wrong and someone died because of it. That kind of thing sticks with you.”

Bakugo reached out and took your hand, “Is that why you decided not to be a hero?”

You nodded as you wiped away another tear, “Yeah. Now I work behind a desk, looking at files, and no body gets hurt.” 

Bakugo surprised you by pulling you to him and giving you a tight hug. “I’m going to say something and you better not ever repeat it.... But I was always nervous to spar against you. You always seemed to be able to read me like a book. You worked harder than the rest of us including me. You were always in the gym or the library. I’m not saying I don’t understand your decision. I just want you to know that I think you would have been great.” 

You leaned into his hug, “Thank you... for everything today. For helping through my panic attack, for making me dinner, for hanging out with me. I know you say you didnt have a choice. But you really are a great friend.” 

You both laid there on the couch. Bakugo holding onto you taking deep breaths, “You want to talk about earlier? You dont have to but it might help me out to know what might trigger you if we’re going to be stuck here.”

You buried your face into his chest. “I dont really want to talk about it. But I will say I dont do very well when I feel trapped, especially if I have to be alone.”

He gave you a quick squeeze, “You going to be okay alone tonight?”

You sat up and swatted as his chest, “Bakugo Katsuki! Did you just ask if you could spend the night with me?”

He rolled his eyed before he pushed you off the couch. “Sorry for being concerned. I promise it’ll never happen again. Next time I’ll just let you suffer.”

You giggled, “There’s the Bakugo I know.” You started your trek up the stairs to your room calling a goodnight over your shoulder to the man who was getting cozy on your couch. When you had woken up this morning there was no way you could have predicted your day would end up like this. You didn’t know what was harder to believe, the lockdown, or the fact that Bakugo was a secret softy.

You were already so exhausted that it was hard for you to fall asleep. The hard part was staying asleep. You woke up several times, tossing and turning. Your anxiety was truly kicking your ass tonight. At one point you felt compelled to go and check that Bakugo was still there. Not that it would make any difference. There’s no way your insomnia would magically be cured by knowing that Bakugo was still there. 

But logic wasnt on your side tonight.

You wrapped yourself in a towel and tip toes across the cold hardwood floor. You tried really hard to be silent, slowly making your way down the stairs. It was so dark, but you could just make out the silhouette of his rising and falling chest. At least he could sleep. 

After you had satisfied your irrational need to make sure he was still there you stood and turned to go back up the stairs. You were almost to the top when the board groaned under your foot. You froze. 

“Y/n?” Bakugo slowly sat up. “Y/n what are you doing up?” He picked up his phone and groaned. “Y/n it’s four in the morning!” You remained frozen to your spot on the stairs. “Y/n I can see you... Are you okay?”

You sighed, “I’m fine, I was just having a hard time sleeping again. Its nothing new. Go back to sleep.”

He stood up and wrapped the blanket around his half asleep form. He slowly made his way up the stairs. When he got to you he didnt stop but kept walking towards your room. He only paused when he got to the door. “Are you coming or not?” 

You silently nodded and joined him in your room. He laid down on  the floor next to your bed, which looked extremely uncomfortable. “You sure you’re going to be okay down there?”

He scoffed, “Of course I’ll be okay. I’m no cry baby.”

You rolled your eyed and threw a pillow at him, “At lest take a pillow!”

He muttered something under his breath but excepted the pillow none the less. 

You rolled over and pulled the covers up to your chin, “Thank you Bakugo.”

“You’re welcome smalls.” 

Smalls.... It was a nickname he had used during your time at UA. You used to hate it but after tonights confession, you found it endearing. 

[threenorth]

7 years - one of the best day's of my life.

(I always thought it was July *insert dates* but since the occasion of the anniversary I had to look back at the photo in where the girl holds a weapon of a doctor and it read it said June...

- I've decided to make this now because the actual day will cripple me..)

(Edit: on June 1st ill send this... But not the actual date because i will be not online or responding.)

.

..

...

....

.....

......

Dear ,loml,Girl,Freind, Lauren,Rose

I had a mental break down on our third day in the cinema in where because I wanted to make you happy for the rest of your life, but i knew i wouldn't be able to so i left to the best of my ability to get out of your life because i knew that i would probably be the reason you never are as happy as I've always wanted you to be....

In the movie(tfios) tjis was reinforced i relaized within all disillusions of reality in my terrible mental state of mind that the only way hazel grace gor her happyness Augusts had to not be in her picture anymore.

i will have to let you go completely and it's gonna be extremely difficult for me to do that as you were and still are the girl i thought id marry and spend the rest of my life with... But the times they are changin' *blows a humonaca * Remember me to one who lives there... She once was a true love of mine.

So i decided it was for the best to cutt the ropes to the reinforced bridge and let it collapse under it's own weight and oh man it was an ugly and it hurt to watch it implode but it had to, i wasn't doing any better within my fight but i was about to be knocked down more than I could ever realise.

Maybe i can work on myself and try this therapy thing but they only told me i was depressed and there wasn't enough criteria to help with my other issues that i know was wrecking my life...

I was hoping you would stick around but i forced you away, i didn't want to hurt you as my demons were eating my mind that's the last thing i would want is to hurt you ever in anyway shape or form...

I wished everyday to hold you in my arms like the days previously so i hugged my pillow and cried till there wasnt any tears...

i don't like touch expect handshakes

I never even liked kissing my girlfriend's in person but you made me want to feel every inch bump and scar every little last part of you because you made me fit back together with one hug...and I've never felt so alive...

We never got to look under the stars by a camp fire with smores all cuddled up in a sleeping bag watching stars on your roof but you would of told me stories of the universe...

I would of told you how when i look to the stars i see the same beauty as you... those stars still do that.

I would of hoped you would of told me your life story that i never wanted to know because i knew it was rough, maybe you might of seen why i never spoke about mine in fear of traumatising you...

One day when dying your hair You asked me if i liked i blonde hair or black hair i didn't care as long as you were happy but I remember saying something like but your gonna have to dye your hair as i thought it was naturally black and you corrected me to say you were a natural blonde.. I could see you in your long blonde hair down to the knees and smile loaded to kill and that it does now, you would of had some books in hand on the way to your writers den log cabin the back woods of Washington or Oregon woods with a fireplace to make tea and write the book you wanted to make and i hope you write still... I stopped because it hurt to much.

Your smile even in black hair made me feel like this life was worth living and with a it cutt deeper -*sentence reacted*- then *redacted*

I waited years for my next trip to America and the day i would break news to you that i was coming and more so to co and i hoped it would be one day but i got three and i am forever grateful.

I remember hiding behide the door because I wanted to surprise you, and man you jumped through the roof then suffocated me with arms and played with my hair no one has ever done anything remotely close to that ever since as i want to keep my distance with everyone... Three days later i had to go to ohio ugh midwest family trump voters, the door was open and i didn't have time to knock i just had to go we had an hour before the flight and i was granted 5 minutes i had and would of hoped you would of known my voice i called out, i hadn't relaized with my undiagnosed autsim i caused you a panic attack and I'm truly sorry i caused you pain in anyway as you told me a year later and i was truly shocked my fear of hurting you had happened and even when i thought it was safe to rebuild a bridge it wasn't because i knew i couldn't control my actions... I was unstable and i had to leave again.

Back to the 5 mins on day 4 I told you i had to go but i never said goodbye Because to me it wasn't goodbye it was till we meet again... I was hoping shortly in the sense but i knew it might be awhile longer but not 7 fucking- *reacted*

I gave you the gifts i wanted on the first day but it was better to wait...

I gave you chocolate to remember the sweet taste of life.

I gave my favourite t-shirt to snuggle even with a dot of blood from my shaved face for those conservtives in the Midwest.

I gave you the weapon of the doctor to keep you safe when i couldn't be there.

I gave you an anchor necklaces to remind you that you calm the seas that are rough, and you wore it to your home coming with your blue prom dress oh man you were the girl id take to my ball/prom/home coming dance that's why i never attended mine.

I gave you a hallowed book to well at the time ultimately keep secrets in the library of old books and i was hoping it was big enough for the sonic screw driver but ultimately it would hold whatever secrets the girl wished to hide.

I gave you tea to help keep you warm and calm on those lonely bitter cold winter days, the lemon grass and ginger warms the soul and cleans.

I remember in my last turn away the hazel eye's of a girl and i saw the universe, i saw her long blonde hair and i want to make into French braids I don't know how to braid but I'd learn anything if you asked me to within reason... Because i have a few disabilities but I would try to do what ever i had to... In 2013 with my time to heal i was told to make some goals for my life...and here is some of them...

* go to college and get a degree (I spent 3 years working and trying to figure out what to do and 3 years doing it achieving this in 2018*)

* get a good job (*i got this this year because in 2019 i was diagnosed with high functioning autism and it made me spiral into doom where everything that happened to me made sense like why the kids use to call me Sheldon Cooper)

I just wanted a girl not any other girl but the girl who I found through a mutual tumblr and my word... 2012 what a year...

I have very few things left on this list and I have to make peace with that and i don't like looking up at the stars anymore but i know your on the other side of the world looking at the *more or less/slightly different* same stars.

I have a tattoo planned for you but I don't want you to know what one is you but I'm sure you're know.

You always had a way to see right through me so my re-creation my look of style was born from your vision for me with the twist of capt was my favourite avengure hes super human nothing more then enhancing his ability. I just tried to be a good man and ultimately I don't want you to feel bad for anything because your already as cute as i wanted you to become and now it's my turn to evolve and since working

I've been able to I must work out at the gym i must go to uncomfortable places,deal to my own problems one at a time little by little and i would hope by the time you read this I'm on new meds for my issues and funny how money can't buy happiness but it can buy me temporary relief but when I return whenever that is... if you are still out there wherever you are i want you to know i that.... live your life and you told me you don't want nothing to do with me so i will go my separate way, but i will always be here for you...

I thought id reach a few weeks ago because I had my first time went manic in 3 years but I couldn't control it i was stuck in mania for two weeks i tried tell you but I said things i never I asked the answers to things racing through my head... Amd now i have to live with the answers i feared and I alreday knew to be true i didn't want to know it i wanted to keep my dreams of being with you one last time this time the right time and you could of seen the man i wish i was, I'm just stuck in the middle of all these things...

Ultimately i want you to know that no matter what comes my way I've keep breathing I've never self harmed since promising you and my biggest trial is yet to start and your words haunt me but they must be the only words in my brain that aren't mine that i know aren't mine and I tried to keep my tabs on you to make sure that you were okay i didn't know if you would ever want to hear from me as the last thing i herd was i give you panic attacks and axiterty and now you give me panic attacks and axiterty.... I don't worry about them because you mean so much to me and don't worry about me I'll be okay eventually I'm in my final stages of evolution and I'm just a tad slow to catchup...

I've recently found out i have extremely flat feet that's why i gave up sports and couldn't run very far without pain and now i glasses to see clearly with an eye stigisim in where the over bearing load of one eye being more powerful has thrown my body... It is only the beginning finally and ultimately not the end but a beginning.

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to try get back to reality... It just so happens all my medical conditions from birth really fucked up my mental health.

I'm glad you are free and happy... I ju-*redacted*

If you ev-*redacted*

I'm *redacted*

I've been stuck in space for to long and now I'm grounded I'm trying to repair our friendship...

Edit 3: I've been referred to the hospital, it would appear that i was depressing myself to cope to turn my brain off from reailty and with my truma of bullying for years at schooling that ultimately fucked me over as when trying to revist reality causes me to be manic and psychosis with visual hulusnate....i had asthma and so i could never get deep enough breaths to recenter myself during axiterty attacks and i stopped taking them because i didn't need them for fitness but i needed them for my panjc attacks that then led to my depression that i didn't take my medications for just breathing fucking air.

It's funny how everything has intertwined it's self into my life of old...and my new live...

A girl that isn't the same person i once knew said You have to be brave enough to get your diagnosis, I'm scared but i know that i must.

I'll be o -

I'll be okay...

*tears*

I wish i knew all my issues sooner before they come back haunt me but i never had all the answers and now i do...

7 years on from... (because i know the date... *the day we...)

I'm burning a sun to say goodbye.

I finally can say goodbye to you. If not in person but the only way I can.

This isn't a suicide letter.

I'm sorry

I *redacted*

I don't *redacted*

Don't *redacted*

..

Yours

Always Charlie,the Beautiful Mind,

RlF

Personal Sidenote;

I would of mailed a letter but I have no address.

I would of called but i never got a phone number.

Burn after reading...

i might write you a letter sometime again but I haven't decided when to as this is something I've wanted to do for years but didn't know what I'd say to you without hurting either of us.